#just. allowing yourself to exist in your current state of being

[asiantuntija]

something something starting anew....

[ihaveverything]

Limitless manifesting for beginners

part I - the basic concepts

part II - states, techniques, change

part III - mental diet, sats

part IV - daily life, time

ʚ part V - resistance, faith, the ''real'' world

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

Changing your life can happen faster than you ever possibly imagined, but you first have to understand the basics of who you are. This goes beyond the common saying of “you don’t manifest what you want, you manifest who you are” into a deeper spiritual truth about our existence as souls and a reality far greater than what we see now. Each of us has many probable lives, access to infinite probable realities, and is truly the sole creator for our individual reality.

“First of all, a soul is not something that you have. It is what you are.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

Resistance

To enter a state is not the most difficult thing. In fact, it should be rather effortless, until the factor of resistance and strain comes in. There is no benefit in affirming or visualizing against how you feel, because the latter will always be the victor. In fact, it only reinforces lack because of avoidance.

“There is a great difference between resisting evil and renouncing it. When you resist evil, you give it your attention; you continue to make it real. When you renounce evil, you take your attention from it and give your attention to what you want.” – Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness

Since we live in a physical reality, we often identify with the part of us that is responsible for daily activities, and we barely give any thought to the unconscious portion of ourselves that is the basis for creating the experience around us. We rely on our senses to survive and allow the outside world to determine how we feel. However, the concept of us being more than a physical form has been discussed in both scientific and spiritual fields. As you have likely learned from Neville and / or Seth, our consciousness is far more than a production of the neurons in our brain. Our own physical form, which we have so strongly identified with, is just like a custom fitting glove that we are constantly creating to suit our needs. We are in the physical as Gods in training, learning how to use our thoughts to create our human experience. This gift is something we were born with, and although the Law is not common knowledge to most people in this world, the truth about reality and our identity is not hidden. It is displayed in each of our lives on a daily basis, with a perfect correlation between the states we’ve been entertaining and the events that occur.

“However, the understanding of the causes of your experience, and the knowledge that you are the sole creator of the contents of your life, both good and bad, not only make you a much keener observer of all phenomena, but through the awareness of the power of your consciousness, intensify your appreciation of the richness and grandeur of life.” – Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness

Knowing this perspective of being a fragment of God, it is completely up to us to create anything we desire with our imagination. There are 3D circumstances that seem to hold us back, but if you really think about it, what’s more limitless? The 3D world or your imagination? And which comes first? The imagination. Sometimes we wish things were different, we hope this will change, we wonder if that can happen, but notice how none of these are a solid confidence in your experience now. You are the only one limiting yourself to your 3D circumstances. Breaking free of this mindset can be as simple as remembering who we truly are and what our purpose on Earth is. No one knows what your individual purpose for coming here is, but just as an example, let’s say it’s to learn how to create a long lasting relationship with someone you love because that was something you failed to do in the previous life. You chose this life and consented to your current circumstances as a second try, but when you surrender your mind to what you created in the first place, it’s really just disappointing yourself for a second time when you could’ve taken this opportunity to learn. Now that was just a probable situation, and it doesn’t apply to everyone, but if you accept a new view of life and allow yourself to feel connected to infinite possibilities, doesn’t that sound much easier and more powerful than feeling stranded in a 3D world?

“How many of you would want to limit your reality, your entire reality, to the experience you now know? You do this when you imagine that your present self is your entire personality, or insist that your identity be maintained unchanged through an endless eternity.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

“It is not that physical reality is false. It is that the physical picture is simply one of an infinite number of ways of perceiving the various guises through which consciousness expresses itself.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of Soul

Manifesting is effortless because it’s a decision, not a chore. If you were asked to get from Paris to Tokyo without a plane, that’s gonna take a lot of effort. You were not asked to do so. The key points to making that mental decision effortless is understanding life from a creator’s eyes + playfully using your imagination beneficially + gentle reminders that creation is finished + repeatedly making the same choice for which reality you will experience without trying to change anything in the 3D. As the Seth quote above says, your physical reality is not fake, and it’s actually a misconception to believe so. The people you meet everyday are real human beings with the same feelings and consciousness you have. However, there are many different versions of what you can experience, so your goal is to select something new. Telling yourself that 4D is the only real world and 3D is fake can lead to delusion or inner conflict when everything around you seems so real (which it is), because it could cause a spiral. If your SP left you in this reality, it does not mean that they are a fake puppet who doesn’t have a mind of their own. All it means is that your circumstances are aligned with whatever states you were dominantly entertaining, but you can change that at any moment. People often get confused with how to view the 3D because it gives them the most resistance, which brings them closer to trying rather than effortless manifesting. Your experience is made of internal selections, choices, and decisions. Choosing something better for yourself should be as easy as second nature, because who doesn’t want a better life?

“You must begin to trust yourself sometime. I suggest you do it now. If you do not then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied. You will always be asking others what to do, and at the same time resenting those from whom you seek such aid.” – Seth, The Nature of Personal Reality

Everyone who reads Neville and Seth should have come to the realization that we are connected to God / source. There is absolutely no power outside of you that determines your reality, so there’s really no reason for us to trust anyone but ourselves. Seeking outside help for more knowledge is a good start, but ultimately experience and application is the breakthrough moment for most people’s understanding in the Law. Nothing beats the feeling of your first major manifestation coming into fruition and you start thinking what more you can do next. Sometimes the only thing that stops you from seeing manifestation as effortless is having one foot in and one foot out. If you take a step forward but keep looking back at where you were before, then you haven’t really bought the Pearl of Great Price like Neville says. No teacher, book, guide, or video can do the mental work for you. At the end of the day your biggest motivator will and should always be yourself, because you need the drive to change your life.

Faith

When considering the best way to manifest your desires, it’s important to recognize that if you were bound to the 3d limitations of this world, many fundamental concepts such as creation is finished, infinite versions of yourself and others, different probable realities, imagination is not fiction, etc wouldn’t exist. Having an intellectual understanding of these things is not the same as feeling an emotional connection. Since the Law of Assumption places faith in breaking free of limitations and opening our minds to endless possibilities, it would also be helpful to view ourselves from a different perspective.

When people spiral over circumstances or are feeling resistance when doing techniques or returning to the state of the wish fulfilled, it is often because they lack a sense of control. They may view the current situation as solid, or their beliefs are too deeply rooted so they can’t see how the things they put attention on aren’t actually objective facts about reality. They could also feel like they are at a disadvantage, or are unsure of what to do when met with undesirable events because they aren’t finding comfort or confidence in accepting that they are actually the sole creator of their reality.

“Do not judge after the appearances of a thing. In judging after appearances you forget that all things are possible. Hypnotized as they were to the reality of appearances they could not feel the naturalness of sanity. The only way for you to avoid such failures is to constantly bear in mind that your awareness is the Almighty, all-wise presence, who without help, effortlessly out-pictures that which you are aware of being. Be perfectly indifferent to the evidence of the senses, so that you may feel the naturalness of your desire–and your desire will be realized. Turn from appearances and feel the naturalness of perfect sanity and sanity will embody itself. Your desire is the solution of your problem. As the desire is realized, the problem is dissolved.” – Neville Goddard, I Know My Father

Essentially what Neville explains in his teachings is that it is beneficial to live life from “God mode”, or in other words, a perspective where you truly are the only cause for every external materialization in the 3d world. I understand that there are many religious people who also follow manifestation content, and their beliefs may not resonate with saying “I am God”, which is perfectly fine. Ultimately the goal of this perspective is not to claim power for vanity, but to gain confidence and understanding in knowing just because you are a human, it does not mean manifestation is a powerless being trying to do magic tricks to make a miracle happen. When we view the Law as an unbelievable or difficult promise, mental dieting becomes much harder because there is a belief that prevents us from seeing things as attainable, or even effortless and naturally promised to us. The “God mode” perspective is helpful because it allows us to feel more connected with infinite possibilities that easily dissolves doubts and fears surrounding circumstances. Think about it this way, would God worry about being blocked by their person? Would God worry about not passing a job interview or not having enough money? No of course not, so you shouldn’t worry either. What you can gain from the Law of Assumption is fulfillment of your dreams and desires, so aligning your perception of yourself with someone that is easily capable of getting such things will lift a weight off your shoulders.

When you are going about life attending to your daily commitments, it can be easy to forget this perspective, because certainly anyone would look at you weirdly if you claimed “I am God and you are too”, but if you treat this as a playful reminder and an internal understanding that benefits your manifestation, it won’t feel like you’re usurping power. If you are waiting in line at the store or cooking at home and your mind wanders to the unlovely things, observe how you’re viewing yourself. Are you surrendering to physical human senses, or are you taking control by confidently returning to this new perspective?

Resistance is often defined by the emotions and thoughts we have, but if you think about where they come from, the root is always a belief. All circumstances, no matter big or small, are no trouble if you start believing in things that allow you to feel more powerful. You cannot possibly feel upset over something when you know you are connected to God and things will change because you say so. View life from the eyes of God, and your circumstances will reflect that back to you eventually.

Additionally, faith is believing in the unseen. How do you know what is unseen and what is improbable? You need to test it out. People always want to rely on others for motivation and success, but your life is your life. You have full responsibility and control over it, and there’s no excuse for anyone to stop themselves from reaching success because they always want to hear about someone else’s story first. It does not do well to compare or to worry. All the answers you need are within you. Ask yourself before you ask someone else, and learn to give yourself the willpower you need. A leap of faith is not as complicated or scary as it seems. You will gain faith after you realize this works for me, I’ve done it and now I will do it again. Joy from seeing other people’s stories will never be the same as the feeling of winning on your own. It’s understandable to question the Law after a significant period of no results, but ask yourself this question, “Have I truly changed my beliefs?” If the answer is no, then there’s no reason to doubt the Law, because you haven’t met the condition under which your 3D will reflect your desire. If the answer is yes, then that means you believe with full conviction that you already have what you want. With that being the case, then you are someone new. Why would that new version of you question where your results are? The logic of the Law is that you won’t get hurt or disappointed from applying it. Success is inevitable, and if you’re applying it properly, then there’s no reason for you to feel negative anymore.

The ''real'' world

I’m sure many people have wondered at least once in their lifetime what the meaning of life is, why are humans here, and what happens after death. There are curious minds that think about this existential question frequently, and people who don’t care about spirituality and manifestation beyond achieving their own desires. And that’s perfectly fine. People hold different beliefs all around the world. From religious ones to scientific theories, there’s always been a central question of what is the true purpose of our existence. The Law of Assumption is closely tied to metaphysical concepts such as the multiverse theory, cognitive scientific conclusions that studies how the brain / mind alters and shapes our realities, psychological perspectives on emotions and their subjectivity, etc. Manifesting is not a baseless optimistic lifestyle, nor is it confirmation bias. The Seth Material has introduced an extensive and detailed collection of works that explain how we have come to this world to experience life as humans. We are learning and evolving, shaping our realities with our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations. Seth even dives into the afterlife to explain death, afterlife choices, and other planetary existences and communities. He explains our existence:

“I am telling you that you are not a cosmic bag of bones and flesh, thrown together through some mixture of chemicals and elements. I am telling you that your consciousness is not some fiery product, formed merely accidentally through the interworkings of chemical components.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

For the people who found this material intriguing, some may have come to the realization that the world is quite more complex than what we can perceive right now. It is not to say that spiritual findings and beliefs should take over our daily life and affect our ways of living by completely branching off into a secluded mindset that differs from any other normal social interactions we may have. From my perspective, it’s a proposal that may be beneficial to those who are feeling lost or powerless. To recognize and embrace life as an experiential game of choices rather than an unknown path of challenges is a way to understand effortless manifesting. The most limitless we can be is always within our imagination, because it’s truly a place of possibilities, freedom, and creativity, so enjoy it.

“Suffering is not good for the soul, unless it teaches you how to stop suffering. That is its purpose.” ― Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

[solanasreality]

- the key to shifting is just manifestation.

Ⅰ ⦂ the law of assumption.

the law of assumption by definition is simply coming up with an assumption and persisting no matter what the 3D tells you. it’s a state of being. despite what the 3D shows you, you are confident in yourself and your beliefs because that’s law and that is what will show up at the end of the day.

when you close your eyes at night, it’s the 4D that you fall back into, is it not?

how to apply this to shifting, you may ask?

your assumptions create your reality, so, why not assume that you’re in your desired reality?

“oh! solana! i’m clearly not there! i’m going to do my 5000000th method and hope for the best-”

the law of assumption ensures the most success, why assume that a certain method works over and over, or assume that you’re in the void (some of you guys really forget that there’s so much more than the void), than assume that you’re already there?

there is nothing to be done, just let it materialize right in front of your eyes.

Ⅱ ⦂ how the state of being helps rather than desire.

when you assume that you‘ve already shifted, it will seep into your subconscious and harden as fact. that’s the law. i understand that for some, it may just be easier to assume yourself into the void, and that’s fine, but to shift, all you need to do is shift your perspective and awareness.

you do not wait for the 3D to change just because you did a method, you wait for the 3D to catch up to the fact that you had a successful attempt.

and this means that no matter what, you will saturate your brain into believing that you’ve shifted regardless of circumstances. don’t chase anything else, don’t look for another method, just change self.

you are your DR self, your DR is your current reality and that’s final, but the change can only come to fruition if you find the courage to change your beliefs.

how do to do that?

robotic affirming : robotic affirming is simply affirming over and over again, similar to how a robotic repeats coded phrases. you don’t have to believe in them (although i do suggest fixing your self concept so you have lesser doubts), all you have to do is affirm constantly until your subcon picks up on it. it’s very easy to convince, i promise.

affirmation tapes : affirmation tapes are similar to robotic affirming, they’re affirmations that are repeated. the more specific, the better, in my opinion. they can help tackle fears, doubts and “blockages” in shifting that you wouldn’t have noticed otherwise because they send affirmations directly to the subconscious.

daydreaming : now, if you’re like me, you rely on daydreaming a ton. you know about the imagination (4D) and you use it to your advantage. all you do is imagine yourself having your desires, apply emotion to it and live by it.

law of assumption : assume that any doubt, any worry or anxiety concerning shifting just. doesn’t exist. don’t ignore it, but let the emotions come and allow them to past before returning to the state of fulfillment. that’s law and that’s final. walk around like you are a master shifter because you are. gaslight your subconscious into believing that you are whoever you want to be, because you are.

p.s. don’t believe that intrusive thoughts can hinder your journey, as long as you remember to reverse them and to return to that state of fulfillment, everything is still going according to plan.

all love, solana <3

(i’m actually sticking to this theme promise)

[etherealkissed88]

learn indifference ⋆˙✧⋆

indifference = “lack of interest, lack of concern”

since we already know the 3d is always neutral and has no original meaning, we know that as the operant power we are the ones that assign ‘circumstances’ and ‘negative’ thoughts meaning.

we should continue being indifferent to the 3d meaning we dont care how it looks because it never means anything. being indifferent means no giving the 3d power, energy, no entertaining thoughts that dont serve us, no holding our desires above the pedestal, no accepting and creating stories based on our current 3d and dwelling in them.

remember that we are not our thoughts, we are not our circumstances, we are not our emotions, doubts, states, or anxieties. our past experiences have no power over us until we decide it does.

how to be indifferent:

be internally fulfilled (satisfy your inner self w the desire which is now reality) so that you feel the knowing of already having your desire which means it will be easier to not give a fuck about the 3d

accept the end and only the end: know that the 3d could be changing in your favor for example, a lady was manifesting a better high paying job and she got fired from her current job for whatever reason. because she got fired, someone recommended her to a new job which was higher paying and she got that job (which was what she wanted). imagine if she accepted the 3d when she lost her job instead of only accepting the end goal. this is why nothing in the 3d matters and why the 3d cant be trusted. whatever you see, dont identify with “this isnt working” blah blah blah because you should be practicing indifference like that lady. she didnt gaf about the 3d and continued accepting she was already her desired self

trust the law: the law is always working and failure does not exist. you identify as a desired version of you and fulfill? ok now its done. theres nothing else to do but continue being that person. dont let anything in the 3d crash you down. dont even entertain the option of “failure”

know the 3d is a reflection of imagination: it has no mind of its own. the only thing it knows how to do is reflect self/imagination so know that at every moment, you always call the shots. this is all you so why care or validate the 3d when its only a reflection of you?

hold yourself higher on the pedestal: when you put yourself (inner self/imagination) first, you become attached to anything else. finding validation in yourself only instead of the 3d. when you want something, immediately fulfill yourself with in imagination instead of searching for fulfillment in the 3d

stop giving the 3d attention: have you ever heard of “whatever you focus on grows”? when you find yourself being aware of the 3d, just shift you attention elsewhere

“As the end is accepted, you become totally indifferent as to possible failure, for acceptance of the end wills the means to that end. When you emerge from the moment of prayer, it is as though you were shown the happy and successful end of a play although you were not shown how that end was achieved.” - ng

“The best denial is total indifference. Things wither and die through indifference. They are kept alive through attention. You do not deny a thing by saying it does not exist. Rather you put feeling into it by recognizing it, and what you recognize as true, is true to you, be it good, bad or indifferent.” - nd

before indifference: *allowing negative thoughts to consume you, accepting the 3d ‘negative circumstances’ as true, when you imagine something and look at the 3d you feel easily discouraged and start to be a victim to it, feeling like you have to ignore the 3d because youre scared of it, you feel the need to search for answers in the 3d all day because you see it as more important than it actually is, you are attached to the 3d and your mood changes when a single little thing looks “bad”*

after indifference: *nothing in the 3d shakes who you are being in imagination because you know who you are internally being is the only truth, you dont care about experiencing things in the 3d that are the opposite of your desire because you know you always call the shots, if you get discouraged you get your ass back up and know yourself to be the operant power, you arent attached to the 3d and searching for its validation*

so when you are indifferent to the 3d, you dont care about it, you arent afraid of it, you know it holds no importance or original meaning therefore you dont let it influence who you are being in imagination. think about when people pass by a homeless person on the street: they might think about it in the moment but most of them would go thro the rest of their day forgetting about it because they just didnt care. think about that one person who always knows they look good and their jealous friend tells them they look bad: that person would not care about outside voices because they know that they look good and they only accept internal validation

your only job is accepting the desire that the inner self experiences, as true while being indifferent to the experiences of the human self

kisses, jani ☆

[eamour]

creation is finished.

the phrase "creation is finished" is a principle that most of us are already familiar with. it‘s the unchangeable fact that creation, in other words, what you can imagine — and what you desire — already exists. but how can this piece of information be so significant?

infinite realities exist.

"infinite realities exist" means that infinite versions of you exist. now, with creation being finished you have a large variety, an infinite amount of realities to choose from. anything that you can think of exists already. you don’t need to "create" it, it’s just there. whatever reality you are currently experiencing, there is a version of you right now that‘s doing something completely different. but there is also a version of you right now that’s experiencing things nearly identical to you, but they are wearing a different coat. or they have blinked a couple of times more. or they didn’t pronounce the same word you did in this reality the same way. whatever it is, any reality you can imagine — no matter how identical it is to another — it exists.

all versions are yours.

it’s important to note that these infinite realities all belong to you. you don’t need to ask anyone to give them to you, you don’t need to ask for allowance or permission and you don’t need to seek for something outside of you. they are all equally available and equally accessible to you. whatever you want, whatever you desire and whatever you wish to experience — you can give it to yourself. you can have it. you can own it. because you are the only person who is allowed to grant yourself your desires, for you are the only operant power and it’s your reality.

if you can desire it, you can have it.

did you ever think about why creation is finished? why does imagination create reality? why is your 3D mirroring your 4D? it’s because something exists once you desire it. see, if you desire something, you imagine it. imagining as in becoming aware of it. and if you can be aware of it, you can manifest it. you can shift to the reality where you have what you are wishing for — because there has to be a reality where your wish has been fulfilled.

imagination is your confirmation.

knowing that you can have anything, that you can become conscious of having, implies that imagination (you can also say consciousness or awareness) is the only evidence you need in order to manifest something. if you ever wonder about whether a desire of yours seems too impossible to manifest, keep in mind that you are the only validation you need. you are your own confirmation. you wouldn’t be able to manifest it if you couldn’t desire it. that’s proof enough. so, never ever question your desires!

everything lies within you.

if creation is finished, if everything you could ever possibly desire and imagine and feel already exists within your imagination. that means that all the answers you are searching for, all the responses are also already within you. any conception of self, any state of mind, any reality is already inside you. you don’t need to seek anything in the outside world. you don’t need to look for answers outside of you — because YOU are your own answer.

select your desired reality.

what are you waiting for!? your desired reality exists RIGHT NOW as you are reading this and is waiting for you to experience it! think of your imagination as a library. whatever you want, whatever book (here: reality) you want to read, you can get it. it’s ALL in there, don’t worry. your only job is to DECIDE and TAKE (here: assume) your desired story and make it yours!

with love, ella.

[genshin-side-piece]

The Collector

A/N: An expansion on this post. I've been struggling to be inspired, but this one has been sitting for awhile.

Warnings: Minors DNI, 18+, Yandere themes, Yandere Behavior, Power Imbalance, Dark themes, mentions of physical abuse, implied kidnapping, sexual themes, no actual smut (sorry), My bad writing

It wasn’t a horrible existence. After feeling like you had been here for an aeon, that’s what you had convinced yourself of. Your needs, at least in a basic sense, were met. The world in which you lived provided you ample food, clothing, and shelter. The weather was tolerable, despite the fact that it never changed, & you weren’t entirely alone. The odd little servant you had been given offered you some interesting conversation. Never anything stimulating or god forbid current, but interesting. You had taken many a nap to the dulcet tones of the bird like creature as it told you stories of battles won and successes enjoyed. Not of its own of course. It, like its brethren, were servants. They held no victories or successes, unless you counted the stain they had shifted from your clothes last week. No, the battles, the victories, the successes, all belonged to one individual. The only individual whose name you were allowed to hear about. Your supposed lord and savior, the reason for your present existence, the cause of your eternal misery; Rex Lapis.

Though, as you laid staring up at the false sky, it was hard to know if he was still your lord. The idea of him being overthrown was one you frequently entertained in your boredom. The potential fall of the Lord of Geo had provided you with many hours of amusement, but you had no way of knowing if it had actually happened or if it would happen. Rex would never allow your companion to tell you if it had. One thing was certain though; he was still alive. Your continued presence in the realm of his own making was proof of that. His visits to your little realm however, had dropped off. It felt like it had been a hundred years since you had last seen him. Maybe it had been that long, it was hard to know. Your realm, like you, was an eternal thing. It existed in a perpetual state of twilight, never giving away how long you had actually been here. Time, like the stars or the true sky or even current events, was not allowed. 

“Basking in the gilded light are we?” The deep, rich tone of his voice cut across you, shattering what was your peace. You shot up off the grass, your eyes boring holes into his golden ones the second you found them. He only answered with a soft smile. The same smile you had stupidly fallen for all those years ago. “Hello dearest.”  He was in a good mood or so you thought. Rex practically purred the word at you. “How wonderful it is to see you. I understand you’ve been quite well.” By that you knew he meant calm. Your last encounter with him, the one where you had verbally banished him from your life, had been a different affair. The circumstances of which you had since come to accept were still somewhat fresh then. You had felt betrayed, furious at his actions. You had demanded your release to the point of screaming it at him, only to be denied. Your rage had been met head on by his will. An unwinnable battle to be sure. On one side was the impenetrable wall of cold stone that shattered all who would refuse to yield and on the other was you. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what the result of your confrontation would be. Like everything else that came to blows with Rex Lapis, you too would lose. He would pick up whatever fragments were left and mold you to his will, just as he had the rest of Liyue. All he needed was time, a thing that thanks to him, neither of you had any shortage of. “I thought we might take a stroll together. The air here is quite pleasant.” He actually dared to seem bashful in front of you. After forbidding you any kind of real happiness he had the audacity to act like you were his first brush with love. “I have missed our chats. It would be nice to talk as we did before.” You swallowed. As you had before.

“You mean-“ A bitter laugh slipped past your lips. How many evenings had you spent arm in arm with him, parading through the empty plains, admiring how the setting sun cast them in a gilded light? The same field, and the same light you were now expected to endure for all eternity. “Before you tricked me.” Before he had trapped you. 

It had been so easy for him or rather, you had made yourself easy prey. Rex had played his cards regarding you well. He had expertly guided you down a primrose path, bringing you to its intended end when he had presented you with your very own teapot. A bespoke one, much like the hundreds of others that lined the walls of his home. You had always admired them. Always asked after the different designs on them. Each one was unique, a work of true art, much like the person he kept secretly locked inside. At the time of its presentation, yours had been plain and unexceptional. The simplicity of it was stunning, a thing to behold on its own, but a bit dull. After he had triggered his trap by bidding you to look down inside of it, you had to wonder how it had changed. Was it still simple or like the others, did it reflect your own preferences and personality? You would never know. Despite your many attempts to learn the truth, Rex wouldn’t tell you. The closest you had ever gotten was that it, like you, was a lovely thing. A wonderful addition to his ever growing collection.

“Now now-“ The gentle smile gave way to a frown. His features became harder, reflecting the disappointment he obviously felt by the harsh reminder of your feelings regarding your situation. When he was with you, he preferred not to be reminded that only one of you was a willing participant in this arrangement. He preferred the fantasy that despite his actions, you and he were still lovers. “Of all the paths we can choose to walk on this fine evening, let’s not select that one.” Not when there were prettier ones available to him.“The glaze lily’s have come into bloom. I thought we might discuss that.”

“Why? I thought you only enjoyed discussing the past.” Or was it the present? Maybe that’s why he refused to discuss anything of value with you. Your permanent stasis left you suspended somewhere between the past that he adored, the present he chose to ignore, and the future that in his mind didn’t exist. 

“Please don’t force me to be unkind. I should prefer this to be a pleasant visit.” As opposed to the others, which generally ended with you screaming at him or your own tears bleeding into the soft fabric of the bed after he’d had his fill. Sometimes it was both. This visit would be no different 

You knew why he had come. His attempt at small talk and a stroll were little more than foreplay for him seeding his desires. When his visits had been more regular, Rex would often attempt to pull the wool over your eyes with whatever served his motives best. So long as the encounter ended with him ridding himself of the carnal desires that plagued him without too much of a fuss from you, any effort he exerted was worth it. According to him, only you could quench his unyielding thirst. A night or day or however long it actually was would generally buy you a little peace. Sometimes you got longer or you believed you did. He had an eye for the exquisite, so when a new prize would present themselves to him. He would seize it.  He only returned to you when he had tired of the new favorite or they had disappointed him. He was fickle like that. Apparently not every gem was worthy of pleasing their lord. If they failed, they would be placed on a shelf, forgotten and abandoned for all time. You only knew that because he had threatened to do it to you. According to him, Rex would be remiss in removing you from your honored place near his bed should you continue to displease him. He would hate not to have you near, but that hatred wouldn’t stop him from setting you aside. Your current confinement was proof of that. “Will you walk with me dearest?” He held out his hand to you, his tone becoming less agitated with each word. He was trying to redirect the conversation and the mood to something more pliable, more pleasant. He could work with those. Force, while reliable, was always his last resort when it came to you. He had long learned that the rougher he got with you, the rougher it would be should he decide to call again. 

“Will you tell me about my family if I do?” He wouldn’t, his instant hesitation at the question was proof he wouldn’t. “Then perhaps how long you’ve held me captive? How many years have I rested next to your bed Rex?” If you were even still there. Like time, the teapot being moved didn’t affect you. The only concern you would have is if it were to be broken. 

“Dearest-“ He lowered his hand slightly, his gilded fingers curling in on themselves. “Please do not worry over such things…” You turned away from him not wanting to hear anymore. The idea that he was going to dismiss your plea for what you felt was the millionth time, annoyed you. 

Don’t worry. Don’t trouble yourself. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Stay as you are, as you were. Never change. Never grow old. Never move on. Never die. Just be. It was infuriating. It was maddening. How could you not think about it? How could you not worry over it when your surroundings were perpetual. Nothing ever changed in this place. Nothing would change in this place, not unless Rex willed it to be so. Since he hadn’t, nor was he likely to, your mind could only ever seem to dwell on what you weren’t allowed to know versus the lies he expected you to believe. 

“If you do not wish to walk, then I will join you in your rest. I am happy to converse with you here.” His outstretched hand fell back to his side in defeat. “The glaze lilies-” Gods above, to the abyss with him and his precious glaze lilies. You found yourself hating them more than you hated him. So much so, that you abruptly rose from your spot on the grass in a swirl of gold and silk, easily ignoring his hopeful look. “Have you changed your mind? Will you walk with me after all?” You turned, giving him a glare that you hoped would sour his aspirations once and for all. “If your goal is a leisurely stroll to the house so that you might engage in a conjugal visit, then save your breath. I have neither the will nor the inclination to listen to anything you wish to speak about. Just take what you want and leave.”  He didn’t respond, at least not right away. It allowed you a moment to try to get a head start on him. Regrettably, the opportunity for escape evaporated faster than steam dissolving into the air. Rex reached out to you, firmly taking hold of your wrist before you had the chance to get away. His grip was far from punishing, but the sudden contact startled you all the same. You made a slight effort to free yourself from him. It was a foolish attempt to be sure, but you still tried. Rex, for his part, didn’t entertain it. He silently responded by pulling you towards him, only ceasing when you were next to him. 

A quick glance into his eyes told you that you were in for a world of trouble. The amiable nature of which Rex had approached you had vanished. What replaced it was the version of Rex that you had become all too familiar with since coming here; the conqueror, the emperor, the archon. A version that unlike the former commanded both your submission and your obedience with a single glance. This version did not rely on simple benevolence or honeyed words to get his way. This version would, should he need to, level the world if it meant achieving his desired goal.

“When the time is right I will, as always, be happy to join you in the comfort of our bed dearest.” You flinched at the sharpness of his tone. It cut through you, causing you to temporarily regret the callousness of your invitation. While you hated him, the only thing you loathed more was awakening the temper that laid just below Rex’s cool surface. Beneath his upright facade laid a molten core, one that could easily explode with the right trigger. Your behavior, specifically your refusal of his initial request being that trigger. One glance into his eyes told you exactly how imminent that eruption truly was. He wasn’t interested in your antics, nor would he be especially tolerant of them. While he had come to you with a smile and warm intentions, both were little more than an illusion. A clever mask to hide his true reason for coming here. His already short temper coupled with his quick escalation of the situation spoke to a deeper problem. One that extended past the confines of your little world and into the real one. One that he had come to you to forget. That knowledge pinned you in place, a cold chill running the length of your spine. The last time you had seen this side of him crept back into your mind. It was an experience you weren’t keen to relive. 

While he had never harmed you to a severe degree, Rex had learned how to make things uncomfortable for you. He could twist your world how he liked, providing as little or as much as he wanted. When you displeased him, the general plenty you enjoyed could morph into austerity before he had even left. He would only return what he had taken when you decided acquiesce to whatever demand he had made of you. Then and only then would he physically reinforce his dominance over you, making sure you understood your place in his world before he restored what he had taken. The iron grip on your wrist was one such reminder. It was a warning of the discomfort to come, should you continue to be difficult. 

“That time though, is not now. My purpose in visiting you was not simply to sow my carnal desires and leave.” You tried to look away from him, but he tightened his grip on you, forcing you to look back. “I wish to enjoy your company.” His tone left no room for argument, despite your expressed need to do so.

You had wishes too. Ones that you had voiced over and over, only to have them fall on deaf ears. The idea that you wanted to be free to live your life, that you wanted to go home, that you wanted even the smallest chance to die were all preposterous notions in Rex’s eyes. He dismissed them as quickly as they came. Blocking each request with a practiced ease that only came from a millennia of ruling. The need to voice them again rose. The desire to pull your wrist away from his iron grip so that might walk away began to fill you. Still, for your own well being, you held both your tongue and your actions in check. Like him, you had enough experience to know that now was not the time to argue with him. His insistence had not reached the point of him dragging you behind him or hoisting you over his shoulder so that he might get his way. He merely had hold of you and for now, it wouldn’t go any further than that. The encounter wouldn’t end with you covered in bruises and unable to walk due to the force of which he took you. It could still end in an entirely civil, yet degrading manner. All you had to do was subject yourself to his desires. The question was, could you?

[feelinmatcha]

❛ 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍 ❜

SYNOPSIS: sanji x reader, more than friends, less than lovers. WARNINGS: none 🎵: about you by the 1975

As you stood on the opposite side of the kitchen counter from The Cook, the subtle tension in the air seemed to thicken, wrapping around you like a shroud. Though the space was familiar, doubling as both a kitchen and dining area aboard the Thousand Sunny, today it felt unfamiliar, as if you were tiptoeing into uncharted territory, mindful of respecting his privacy and boundaries.

For Sanji, this kitchen was more than just a place to cook; it was his sanctuary, a refuge from the chaos of the world beyond the ship's hull. His keen eyes swept over your disheveled appearance with a mix of concern and curiosity, taking in the damp strands of hair plastered to your forehead and the faint traces of saltwater clinging to your skin. A single strand of seaweed entangled amidst your locks spoke volumes of the recent maritime misadventure you had endured. Your once-breezy sundress now clung to you uncomfortably, betraying the discomfort you surely felt.

"What happened, darling?" Sanji's voice, tinged with genuine concern, sliced through the heavy silence like a sizzling knife through butter. His eyes, sharp and searching, scanned the room for answers, seeking to understand the circumstances that led to your current state.

"I lost a bet," you murmured softly, arms instinctively wrapping around yourself in a defensive gesture. "Usopp and Luffy thought it'd be fun to toss me overboard."

Sanji's heart clenched at the defeated look in your eyes, his protective instincts bubbling to life. Stepping closer, he extinguished his cigarette with a flick of his wrist, his hands hovering over your slumped form, a silent offering of comfort and support. Despite the worry etched into his features, he managed a tight-lipped smile, a small beacon of reassurance in the middle of your uncertainty.

"You shouldn't be here," he fretted. "You need to take a hot bath and change into dry clothes. You'll catch a cold if you remain in this state." His words, though gentle, carried the weight of just how concerned he was for your well-being. It was a testament to the bond that existed between you two aboard the Straw Hat Pirates' ship.

With a nod of understanding, you allowed yourself to be guided by Sanji's gentle insistence. Together, you made your way to the bathroom, the sound of running water mingling with the soft hum of the ship's engines. In the warmth of the bath, surrounded by the comforting scent of lavender soap and steam, you felt a sense of relief wash over you. As you emerged from the bathroom, clad in fresh clothes provided by Sanji, you couldn't help but feel a different kind of gratitude towards him. His whole personality had been a lifeline, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there was always someone there willing to pull you out of the tumultuous sea-- figuratively and literally.

NOTES: had this little one in my drafts for way too long and i've only now decided to finish it. opla fanfics is getting dry wayyy too fast for my liking.

[nakedbibi333]

Assumptions Harden Into Fact - Neville Goddard

In this lecture, Neville discusses how assumptions or beliefs are the basis of the law of assumption. He uses stories from the Bible that talk about manifestation “between you, the sleeping one, the deeper you, and the conscious waking you” otherwise known as the subconscious and the conscious minds. 

“Concentrate your attention upon the idea of identifying yourself with your ideal. Assume you are already that which you seek and your assumption, though false, if sustained, will harden into fact.”

Creation is finished

“There is nothing to be that is not now. There is nothing to be created for all things are already yours, they are all finished.”

What you desire already exists within consciousness. You cannot imagine something if it is impossible, because the brain cannot create something that does not exist. Anything you can imagine already exists and therefore can manifest in the physical world.

“Your dimensionally greater Self has ways that the lesser, or three-dimensional you, know not of.”

Your inner man knows exactly how to bring your desires to fruition, you do not need to take any action or try to figure out how it will manifest physically.

You only need to assume that it is yours in order to manifest it, nothing else.

“Although man may not be able to stand physically upon a state, he can always stand mentally upon any desired state.” 

Even if you are not currently experiencing your ideal physical world, you can always access your ideal life through imagination.

“Remain in the mental state defined as your objective until it has the feeling of reality, and all the forces of heaven and earth will rush to aid its embodiment." 

As long as you persist in your fulfilled desires, it will manifest.

“In my Father’s house are unnumbered concepts of self”

You will never deplete the world of your desires, because they are infinite. 

There are an infinite amount of states you can occupy, so mentally prepare that state you desire to dwell in and then occupy it.

SATS

Neville calls SATS a “controlled waking dream”

The wish fulfilled should be achieved with minimal effort.

Experience the imaginal act that implies the fulfillment of your desire and the feeling of the wish fulfilled will come as long as you fully immerse yourself within this act.

Do not force the feeling, allow it to envelop you naturally.

“Know what you want. Then construct a single event, an event which implies fulfillment of your wish. Restrict the event to a single act.” or you can use the lullaby method, by reducing the fulfillment of your desire to a short and simple phrase. 

“Just relax and enter into the feeling of actually being what you want to be.” 

Don't overcomplicate or stress yourself out by wondering if you're doing it "right." It does not need to be super detailed. 

As long as what you are doing is implying to you that your wish is fulfilled, then you are doing it right.

“Refuse to enter into conversations that are unlovely, refuse to listen attentively to anything that tears down.” 

Do not pay attention to the 3D when it tries to show you things that do not align with your wish fulfilled. Ignore it and remember that the true reality is consciousness and what you experienced in imagination is the only truth there is

Neville in most of his lectures uses stories from the bible that he believes explain, in an allegorical way, how to manifest. In this lecture, he discusses 4 different stories. I've broken down the most important points from those stories for clarity purposes. It may be easier to understand if you read the stories side by side with these notes.

The story of Pilate and the crucifixion of Jesus and Passover

“For desire is to confess that you do not now possess what you desire, and because all things are yours, you rob yourself by living in that state of desire”

“I cannot have and still continue to desire what I have. I may enjoy it, but I cannot continue wanting it”

This is another example of double-mindedness, or serving two masters (see previous lecture post). You cannot desire something you already have.

“Man is incapable of passing over from one state of consciousness into another unless he releases from consciousness that which he now entertains, for it anchors him where he is”

You must die to the old state in order to pass over to the new state. 

You cannot stay the same (with the same beliefs and thoughts) and also enter a new state. You must completely leave the old you behind and become your desired self.

Let go of previous beliefs that hinder you from fully entering your new beliefs.

“If at this very moment you have an unfulfilled ambition, then you are entertaining that which denies the fulfillment of the ambition, and that which denies it is Barabbas.” 

If you have a desire that you have not fulfilled within yourself, the only person denying the fulfillment of that desire is you. 

“You must now become identified with the ideal that you would serve, and you must remain faithful to the ideal.”

“You walk in the consciousness of being that which you want to be, no one sees it as yet, but you do not need a man to roll away the problems and the obstacles of life in order to express that which you are conscious of being.”

Release your old state (your old self) and replace that with your new state (your desired or ideal self)

Neville says that you will know that you changed your state when you look mentally at the people you know and notice a change in relationship. 

“We must imagine that others see us as they would see us were we what we desire to be”

If you successfully changed self, others will see you differently, they will see you as you desire to be seen.

Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane

The purpose of Neville explaining this story is to talk about the meditative state that you prepare in your mind before engaging in SATS or the lullaby method.

The garden is your “prepared mind” a calm, still state of mind in which you are drowsy and near sleep (basically SATS)

“All creation [...] takes place in the state of sleep, or that state which is akin to sleep”

In this garden, you die to your old conception of self and resurrect as your new ideal state.

Let go of your previous self-concept and create a new one and completely embody that.

Book of Joshua

Your consciousness has created everything you have. 

You do not stop manifesting, and you never “began” manifesting. You have always created the life around you. 

You can have all you desire, as long as you experience it in consciousness and believe that it is yours. 

“You are functioning three-dimensionally and you cannot seem to reach the fourth-dimensional world where your present desire is already a concrete objective reality. You cannot seem to reach it because your senses bar you from it. Reason tells you it is impossible, all things round about you tell you it is not true.”

Your inability to grant reality upon imagination and placing too much emphasis on conditions, reason, and the physical world is keeping you from experiencing the true fulfillment of all your desires. Since you believe it is impossible, you have made it so.

Rahab

No one can see your internal world, no one can see your imagination. 

“You have within you the capacity to appropriate a state without knowing the means that will be employed to realize that end and you assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled without having any of the talents that ment claim you must possess in order to do so.”

“Satisfy self by appropriating the feeling that you are what you want to be”

However, you seem to notice that the physical you is not satisfied until it comes to be, until it’s physically manifested.

The Sabbath: “the state when man is completely unmoved in his conviction that the thing is. When I can assume the feeling of my wish fulfilled and go to sleep, unconcerned, undisturbed, I am at rest mentally, and am keeping the Sabbath” (persisting)

Circumstances will work themselves out, barriers will be moved, and countless events will happen in order to make your desire real in the physical world.

You will never lose your ability to manifest, it will always be yours.

The Book of Numbers

Man is the temple of god and man’s imagination is the well from which all things grow.

“Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled and go to sleep in this mood”

“The sensation which dominates the mind of man as he falls asleep, though false, will harden into fact.”

Neville believes that this sensation before sleep (the state akin to sleep or SATS) is the way that the conscious man can access the subconscious mind easiest. Falling asleep to an imaginal act (or lullaby - affirmations such as “isn’t it wonderful”) that implies the fulfillment of your desire is how you manifest.

“But we have a living tabernacle wherein God dwells [man is the temple of God], and it is covered with a cloud which can and does ascend when we go to sleep or are in a state akin to sleep [man can use imagination to access consciousness and become that which he desires]. Not necessarily in two days, it can ascend in two minutes. Why did they give you two days? If I now become the man I want to be, I may become dissatisfied tomorrow. I should at least give it a day before I decide to move on.”

Persistence is important because the outer world (conditions, reason, etc) can influence us to falter sometimes. We must return to the wish fulfilled when this happens and continue to be faithful to that.

[problemnyatic]

Unfriendly, very sharp reminder that your identity does not actually preclude you from subscribing to oppressive, conservative worldviews. I see a staggering number of people who argue very conservative points, but they use progressive language, and have carved out a niche in their beliefs that allow them (and people exactly like them) to exist, so theyre totally progressive bro trust me.

If your beliefs about what rights people should have, who is allowed to exist in public, and what is "valid" to be are rooted in ANY way in your sense of disgust, propriety, politeness, or any other thing like that, instead of in carefully thought-out logic that is aware of the actual real world history and current state of human rights and how they are in jeapordy? You're not being progressive, you're being conservative, but this time the road is paved with extra double good intentions.

If real human diversity is to exist, if human rights are to become truly universal and inaliable, you are going to need to envision a world where you are made uncomfortable, and you will need to learn to be *glad* for that, because that discomfort will be a sign that your worldview is being expanded.

Using the language of consent, of civility, of fairness, of "common sense," to make points that boil down to "I just don't think people should x/y/z, I am uncomfortable with the idea of people being x where I can see it, I just think the bad ones should let the good ones set themselves apart," is violence. It is the very same tactics white liberals have been using for decades to argue down civil rights and human rights as disruptive, and thus bad.

Human beings fuck. We have kinky sex together. We eat food that you can't imagine enjoying. We talk in ways that sound like home to one of us and like nonsense to another. We look different than you. Act different than you. Believe things you find reprehensible. This is a good thing and should be celebrated.

if you think it is reasonable to ask any minority, even and especially another of your community, to be more presentable for our oppressors, or hide ourselves for the sake of the image of the "good ones," to be careful about "confirming the biases" of people who have always thought that x y z minorities are subhuman, then you have not actually done the work of unlearning the conservative rhetoric you were raised on, and you are poisoning the human rights movement as a whole.

Fight for a world that doesn't conform to you. It's the only way you'll know for sure that other people are allowed to exist as freely as yourself, and the only way to ensure you'll be allowed to be you, too.

[girlboybug]

You Can Be the Boss

"he has a white corvette like i want it, a fire in his eyes no i saw it, he's bleeding from his brain and his wallet, he's sick and he's taken but honest."

or the one where you're javier's current favorite informant but steve doesn't quite trust you.

what’s playing 🎧 : you can be the boss by lana del rey

pairing : javier pena x reader x steve murphy

word count : 8k

CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUT, threesome, soft!dom javi, brat tamer! steve, rough sex, face fucking, blowjobs, oral f!receiving, unprotected sex, creampie, manhandling, good cop bad cop type beat, sir kink, dash of officer kink, use of cuffs, light slapping, degrading, denied orgasms, sprinkle of edging, unspecified age gap, references to anal but no actual anal, (sorry to my anal enjoyers), bisexual coded javi and steve ;3

a visual, for your viewing pleasure ;)

TRIGGER WARNINGS : dubcon (power imbalance), steve is a big ol meanie ;((, implied of infidelity, (?) if there's anything i missed pls lmk!!

a/n : once again need to state i am not caught up on narcos, my spanish is non-existent, timelines might b wonky, and idk if connie and steve get back together, but in this they're separated lolz, anyways pls enjoy!! <3

his hand feels warm when he rests it over your thigh, curling his fingers over your skin, rubbing his large palm back and forth. “can i get you something to drink?” he asks softly, keeping his words hushed and gentle. 

you stare blankly ahead, nodding. he pats your thigh, rising from the couch before he disappears into his kitchen. 

when he returns, he bends down in front of you, squatting just beneath your eye level, taking your hand in his. your eyes slowly drag down to him, watching as he molds your hand around the glass for you, running his fingers across your knuckles before his touch migrates to your chin, holding it with care. 

“you’re okay.” he promises, and he looks like he means it, but you don’t believe it despite wishing with your entire being that his words were the truth. “javi, if they find out i’ve been telling you all this–” he unclenches your grip around the glass, setting it down on his coffee table and replacing it with his hand. his fingers lace with yours, allowing you to squeeze him instead. 

“they’re not gonna find out. you’re staying with me for now, and i’ll work something out at the embassy, we’ll get you out of here, for good.” he murmurs, his words smooth and calm, caressing around the shell of your ears, trying his best to coax you out of the numb, scared state you’ve dwindled down into. 

“what’s the use of leaving colombia if they’ll just find me in america?” your words tremble from your unsteady lips, and he sighs, leaning in to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone. 

he kisses your forehead, trailing down to press his lips down the slope of your nose, stopping just before his lips meet your own. “they won’t find you, you have my word.” he forms his oath to you in a quiet breath, his words falling to your lips. you take them in, trying your best to let them resonate, in hopes that you’ll believe it. 

you tilt your head upwards, just enough to reach the curve of his lips. you press them to yours, leaning in closer towards him, wishing you could just fall into him. 

he’s quick to reciprocate, quick to catch you. he holds your cheeks in his hands, cradling you into him. your lips click and connect, the sound of your lips together, his warmth, the way he feels a part of you in this moment settles your swirling nerves back into a complacent, dormant state. 

you hum a content sigh in his mouth, your shoulders dropping relaxedly when he kisses you deeply, letting you pour yourself into him. he’ll drink your worries, your fears, your anything into him, he’ll take it all from you if you allow him to. 

if javi is anything, he’s consistent. consistent in always being the place you can go to forget about the whirlwind of shit you’re in. granted it’s temporary, but most good things tend to be. 

the door pushes open and you gasp, jerking back from javier, instinctively moving behind him. he rushes to guard you, angling his body in front of yours. his shoulders droop with a sudden irritated deflation, huffing in annoyance while he watches his partner walk in, eyes following his casual movements as if he didn’t just give you an actual heart attack. 

the tall blonde man drops his coat on the table, shutting the door with a push of his heel against the white wood.

he drags a tired hand down his cheek before he turns to eye you two suspiciously, well you suspiciously. “yeah sure why not,” javier shrugs, holding your knees towards him, keeping you still with his hand under your lap. “make yourself at home.” he mutters while steve paces over to your sitting figures. 

you look up at him silently, his glare is fast to land on you. “oh yeah because i’m interrupting something super important here right?” he flicks a brow, scoffing when he loosens his tie. 

“yeah actually,” javier nods, and steve rolls his eyes, his hands falling to his hips, looking down at you like an unbelieving teacher ready to scold his most troublesome students. “alright, what’s she doin’ here then, y’know, besides the shit you usually do with your ‘informants’?” you glare back at him, not understanding why he always seems to have a general distaste for your presence. 

“she just gave me information we couldn’t beat out of someone,” and steve nods, his fingers rubbing at his stubble, tongue in his cheek, nodding with faux assurance. “uh huh. and what would that be?” 

“she knows the route escobar’s gonna be using to his next hide out. she knows who’s accompanying him, she knows the times–steve,” his warmth leaves you when he stands to match his partner’s stature. “she’s got a shit ton of valuable info here, so why don’t you ease up on her?” 

steve purses his lips, turning his gaze on you, and suddenly it feels like a spotlight is burning through your skin. “and how in the hell does pablo escobar’s maid know all this?” 

“walls are thin. i hear them downstairs while i clean the upstairs, sound travels up the pipes in the bathrooms, it’s not impossible to listen in.” your explanations fall on uncaring ears, he’s already shaking his head. 

“i don’t believe her. too convenient, and i doubt his men are that stupid to talk that loudly about their plans in front of the help,” he tilts his head at you, emphasizing when he says the help, and now it’s your turn to stand. 

“fuck you,” you spit, surprising yourself when the words come out. javier moves in between you two when steve stalks towards you with a hard glare and a mouth fired and ready to remind you of your place. 

“hey,” javier calls his attention back, steve’s eyes begrudgingly leaves your’s before he turns them back to his partner. 

“if you trust me, you trust her.” he reminds and steve sighs longly, carding a hand through his hair. “also,” javier eyes over steve’s disheveled figure before looking back at him. “why’re you here?” 

he drops down onto the chair beside the couch, legs spread, head rolled back against the cushion, his hand rubbing over his forehead. “connie. she wants an official separation.” your eyes widen in fake shock, shaking your head and looking away while he talks. “makes sense,” you mutter under your breath, somewhat satiating the hatefulness you want to spew at him. 

“i’m sorry,” javier sighs, juxtaposing your unsympathetic reaction with a concerned one, coming over to press a hand to his shoulder. “we can talk about the routes tomorrow, we still have time. did you wanna…talk about it?” steve shakes his head, and you want to roll your eyes, praying javier sends him back home soon. 

“no, it’s alright jav, just came by to see if you wanted to grab a drink but,” he’s looking at you again. “i see you’re busy.” javier smooths over his mustache, sighing quietly when he glances at you. 

he wouldn’t mind going out with steve to some bar for a few hours, he can see the visible pain on his friend’s face, but your life is higher on his list of priorities, and he can’t get himself to leave you alone. 

“i’m sorry murphy,” javier starts but steve shakes his head, holding a hand up to pause his apologies. “nah don’t be, i’ll get uh, outta your hair.” he gets up to leave and you feel like leaping into the air at your sweet success. 

but javier cuts your joy short, immediately ejecting you from off of cloud nine when he stops steve from leaving. 

he swipes the dust off his watch, checking the time before he looks over to steve. “look, it’s getting kinda late, why don’t you crash on my couch tonight? you can help yourself to the fridge, but i’m sure you’d raid it with or without my permission.” javi’s lip curls in tune with his joke and steve chuckles, easing away from his stress for the moment. 

“yeah,” steve exhales, rubbing his knuckles under his eyebags. “alright,” he agrees. 

javier nods, rustling steve’s shoulders with a grin. “i’ll grab you somethin’ you can sleep in, and y’know where the bathrooms at for when you wanna change.” 

“thanks jav,” he calls out after him when he walks away, and you expel a breath of quiet annoyance, plopping down into the seat in front of steve. 

he eyes you up and down, and you pull your legs together, resting your elbows on your knees, avoiding eye contact with him at all costs. 

you hate him, you’ve never been more sure. 

__ 

there’s multiple reasons why steve isn’t particularly fond of you. most reasons are arguably just his own projections. none of them are all that valid or have anything to do with the things you actually are responsible for. 

for one, he doesn’t trust you. but someone else seems to. and to be fair, javi is a smart man who trusts those deserving of it, no disputing that. 

however. 

women are his weak spot, and if he were to get taken advantage of, it’d probably be by one. and he can’t shake the feeling that you’re doing just that. 

maybe the information you give them is real, but then you could also be going off and warning escobar and his sicarios as soon as you get back to them, forever sending him and javier down an endless wild goose chase. 

but then again, you do seem to be honest and genuine — at least your fear is when you stress how they cannot find out that you’re the rat amongst them. 

that seems real. 

and steve knows he shouldn't let that be why he treats you as rudely as he does. he additionally acknowledges the fact that you always smelling so annoyingly good that he can smell you before you even enter the room, is also not a valid reason to dislike you. 

except, this? 

this is a new, more realistic reason to not like you, he thinks. 

you’re fucking loud. 

he can hear your goddamn moaning through the thin wall separating javier’s bedroom and the couch he’s currently laying on. he’s starting to think there’s a chance you weren’t lying about hearing escobar’s plans through the walls while you cleaned. 

he tosses and turns on the couch, trying to use the pillow javier gave him to muffle the sounds but god, it’s like you’re determined to make steve hear you. 

all he can hear is your moans, your whiny mewls for javi, jaaavi, and he can hear his godforsaken partner, who he might request to be changed after this, groan your name, telling you how good you are, how perfect you are, calling you his hermosa — and it’s driving him crazy. in his descent into a sleepless delirium he begins to genuinely wish his hearing would go out, just for the night. 

__

“what do you want?” javier breathed above you, your thighs on either side of his leg. his knee pushing right up against you there, teasing your clit. 

you swallowed hard through heavy breaths, hands coming up to run down his jaw, your fingers brushing along his stubble. “i just wanna forget about what’s going on,” you responded, a sense of pleading under your breath while you spoke. 

he kissed you, trickling his lips down your neck and chest. “puedo distraerte,” he murmured, his hands pulling your sweater over your tummy, replacing the wool with his lips. 

his mouth was hot, and eager to latch over your clothed cunt, his tongue swirling around your clit, pulling a drawn out cry from amidst your bitten lips. 

it’s been 30 minutes? an hour? an eternity? and you two are still at it from when that all started, and steve thinks he’ll die, in fact, he hopes he does. he’s lost connie, his kid, and now his sanity from hearing his partner fuck his 100th ‘informant’ just a wall away from him. 

“oh my god!” you squeal, and nope, that’s it, he can’t do this. 

he rips the blanket off his body, his sock covered feet landing on the carpet, carrying his haggard, exhausted, irritated, body to the bedroom. 

he pushes open the door, cringing when you yell, avoiding looking at you while you grab the sheets to cover yourself. “steve what the fuck?” you shout, and javier huffs, lifting the sheets from off his head, moving away from the place between your thighs. 

“do you fucking need something?” javier grits, and steve folds his arms over his chest, clenching his jaw when he sees your bodies shine with a sheen coat of sweat from the moonlight peeking in. he clears his throat, forcing himself to maintain eye contact with javier. 

“i need you guys to shut the fuck up, that’s what i need. ‘been hearin’ you two all night, i can’t sleep.” he sneers, and javier scoffs, his eyes landing on the bulge steve is sporting behind the borrowed pair of sweats, feeling smug in place of embarrassment. 

“yeah, i’m sure that’s why you can’t sleep.” he tilts his head downward toward his crotch, and steve grows hot, standing up straight when he grinds down on his bottom teeth. 

javier sighs to himself, eyes glancing over steve, then panning to you beside him before he speaks again. “i don’t usually share but, i can make an exception tonight. only ‘cause you’ve got shit goin’ on.” javier shrugs, and both you and steve gape at him 

“what?” you smack javier’s arm, feeling your face get hot at the mere idea of such a suggestion. 

“stop playing around and just kick him out,” you whisper yell, but steve’s way ahead of you, already turning on his heel, wondering if he’ll be able to hail a cab this late at night. 

“m’not kidding. steve, i’m serious,” he calls out, halting steve mid step. he turns back around slowly, facing you both now. 

javier leans down, resting his chin on your neck, holding your arms in his hands. “steve’s handsome baby, don’t you think?” he whispers, his fingers trailing up and down your arms. your breath picks up when you really look over at steve. 

he’s good looking, in fact, that was the first thought you had when you met him, but it all quickly went away when he began being rude to you. 

and despite that, you find yourself giving in, nodding meekly. steve’s chest gets tight when you agree, his cock betraying him and twitching behind his shallow confinements. “steve, she’s pretty isn’t she?” he says temptingly, his voice a deep, rich siren song that pulls both you and steve right into his grasp. 

steve’s jaw wants to lock on itself before he can say something he can’t take back, but it's too late, his logic and reason is slowly depleting from him just like the air in his lungs the more his eyes flicker between you and javier. 

“yeah,” he croaks, and a ghost of a smile graces over your lips when he admits to your attractiveness. “you wanna show him how pretty you are quierda?” he whispers in your ear, and you nod a hypnotized yes, allowing him to hook his fingers under the sheets, slowly pulling it down to reveal your bare chest. 

steve gets weak, his cock throbbing painfully in his boxers, he’s sure you can see it now, but he’d rather you feel it instead. 

he wants to let his hand drift down to his cock, to ease the strain he feels but no, he won’t give in, he won’t seem weak, not in front of you, and definitely not in front of javier. he’d never hear the end of it. 

he closes the door behind him and your heart picks up, clenching the bedspread beneath you when he starts to move in towards you both, eyes pointed at you like a hawk. 

he forces your gaze on him, his finger under your chin, craning your neck upwards. his eyes bounce into yours and you feel small under his hold and stare, struggling to maintain the downward look he’s shooting your way. it lays over you heavily. 

he pushes his thumb between your lips, watching you suck on it, teeth grazing the tip, a semblance of a smirk curling at the corners of your mouth when you stare back up at him. 

steve already feels debilitated and he hasn’t even touched you yet. he doesn’t like that. he refuses to let you have this much control over him. 

he’s going to make sure you stay in your place. 

“alright.” he breathes out, pulling his thumb from you, turning to look at javier. “she listen well?” and you roll your eyes, scoffing quietly when you lean back into your preferred agent of the two. 

“‘course she does,” he says proudly, rubbing your arm affectionately, sending a fluttery feeling to your lower stomach at the praise. 

“think you can listen to me?” he murmurs to you when he leans down to your level, knees dipping into the mattress. you test the waters, eyeing him while he inches in closer, slowly erasing the space between you two breath by breath. 

“what if i don’t feel like it?” you ask, words quiet amidst the air betwixt both your parted mouths. he chuckles something dark under his breath, eyes flickering from your lips back to your eyes. “if you wanna cum tonight i think you’ll listen to me.” 

your breathing pauses in your throat at his statement, and you have no witty response to shoot back. you’re quiet. 

finally, steve thinks, lightly snickering when you respond with nothing. 

javier shifts around, sitting upwards and leaning into steve’s ear. “she likes it when you touch her like this, f’you wanna give her a reason to listen, do this.” he whispers, before moving back down to where you rest in his bed. 

steve watches as javier moves the sheets, exposing your bare lower half. steve exhales sharply when his eyes focus on you, scanning the sight laid out for him. 

you feel shy, your body being feasted on hungrily by the wandering eyes of two men who want nothing more than to devour you. 

javier’s hand makes its way to your thigh, running the palm up and down slowly. “part your legs for me, quierda,” he says softly, and you do as he says, spreading yourself for both of them to see. 

his fingers trace over your clit, running circles over it, keeping the pressure tight, focused, right where you need it to be. your breath picks up, your hand tightens around his wrist, your eyes falling shut at his touch. 

steve stares at the way javier unravels you, taking his time to make you feel good. he knows what he’s doing, and he’s impressed by what he sees. 

he wonders if you’d react the same way if it were his fingers. he wants to find out. 

steve gets closer, he brings his middle finger to your lips, and you take him in with no need for verbal instructions, your tongue swirling around the digit while you push your hips onto javier’s fingers. 

he slips it from out your lips, bringing it down to your cunt. 

he breaches your entrance, dipping into you, and you gasp, eyes opening wide when you feel his finger, long, and thick, traveling into you, joining javier in the ministrations on your cunt. 

you feel spoiled, with javier kissing your neck, whispering about how wet you are, and steve, his face just a single pull of air away from your’s while he curls his finger right where you crave to be touched. 

his lips just barely brush your skin, occasionally gracing over your parted mouth when your head turns side to side from the steadily increasing pleasure that burns your skin. 

you feel too proud to ask for a kiss, instead you try leaning into him, but he moves back just a little when you do. if you want something, you ask for it. 

“steve,” you whisper breathlessly, chest heaving, pebbled nipples poking him through his white t shirt. “what?” he asks, and javier peers over at you two, feeling his cock twitch when he glances down, sight joining the sound of your soaked cunt taking their fingers. 

you swallow away your pride piece by piece, it’s a painful feat but the rising need inside you is starting to override it. 

“kiss me? please?” you hushedly plead with him, praying he obliges. javier sponges kisses across your shoulder while steve eyes you for a moment, visually tracing the curve of your lips, feeling a pair of hands restrain him away from taking your lips into his own. he wants to, but fuck, connie. 

“gonna keep her waiting?” rings through his ears  from javier, and he breaks from his trance, realizing that he’s already in too deep, connie’s gone, and kissing you won’t change that. 

he lurches forward, kissing you hard, almost angrily. you nearly topple backward, but javier’s right there, he’s got you. 

you whimper into his mouth, struggling to keep up with the way he moves against you. your hand strokes the strong arm belonging to javier, the other coming up to cup steve’s jaw. 

his hand, big and strong, comes to your throat, keeping you in your place when he kisses you.  

his teeth ghosts a bite on your bottom lip, his tongue running across it to smooth the tinge of pain away before it travels into your mouth, tasting the hint of something sweet on your tongue. 

he groans in your mouth, the sound pulling a shiver from the depths of your spine. “make him feel good, quierda,” javier whispers, his lips grazing the shell of your ear, his mustache tickling your sensitive skin. 

you nod mindlessly, silencing the whine that begs to come out when they shift away from you, withdrawing their hands from between your thighs. 

you lean forward towards steve, fingers hooking under his sweatpants nervously while javier moves behind you, his warm hands panning over the curve of your ass, one of his favorite sights. 

steve stares you down while you tug down the sweats along with the plaid boxers that rest on his hips, his lips curling up at the way your mouth falls when his cock springs up, hard, his flushed pink tip glistening with precum. 

he’s just slightly longer than javier, cock not having as much girth as him but in no way, shape, or form, are either men small. 

this is going to be quite the exploit. 

“gonna stare at it or are you gonna suck it?” he half scoffs, hand traveling behind your neck, and you glare up at him from under your eyelashes, lowering yourself down to him. “just remembered why i don’t like you,” you grumble, your complaining cut short when you feel javier’s tongue back on your clit. 

you whine, pushing back on his face when you sink your mouth down onto steve’s cock. 

he hisses upon immediate contact, your mouth is hot, wet, perfect. 

your moans vibrate around his cock from the way javier’s tasting you, his fingers pushing deep into your fluttering hole. he palms himself, running his thumb over his leaking tip when he peers over and watches the way you take his partner’s dick into your mouth. 

you bob your head, rising up only to sink downward, eyes squeezing shut, trying your best to take as much of him in your mouth as you can but his length is not making it easy on you. 

your tongue runs along the base of him, coming around to swirl over his tip when your lips encase it. he groans, head falling forward, eyes lowering beneath the bush of his brows at you. 

javier can’t take it anymore, your little whimpers eliciting from the flick of his tongue, the way your hole squeezes around nothing, just begging to be filled, and the slick sound coming from your mouth when you suck over steve’s tip is too much, he needs you. 

he rests back on his knees, aligning himself with your entrance before he pushes in, feeling a heavy sense of pride settle into his chest when you let out a drawn out moan of his name. 

you slide your lips off of steve’s cock, replacing it with your hand when you turn over your shoulder to watch him put it in. “javi,” you croon through a tearful moan, eyebrows strung in an earnest curl. 

he runs his thumb across your bottom lip when he’s fully inside you, a look of adoration screwed with pleasure casting over his face. 

but steve’s hand is guiding your attention back to him, javi has enough of it anyways, and he’s pulling your jaw back onto him. 

it’s hard to focus on trying to keep your pace and rhythm on steve’s cock when javier’s fucking you with everything he’s got, his cock nudging deep inside you, filling you out so good it makes your eyes roll back. 

steve almost feels a little jealous, feeling like he deserves the same amount of acknowledgement you give javier. he holds you by the back of your head, making you give him more attention. 

you gag, sliding off his cock, resting on your palms, jerking forward into his hips from javier’s thrusts, struggling to catch your breath. “uh uh,” he shakes his head, pushing you back down. “not gonna let you stop ‘til you suck it right sweetheart,” he mutters, and your face gets hot, ashamed at how his orders make you clamp down around javier’s cock. 

javier groans at the way you’re gripping him, and he leans forward, pushing in even deeper, feeling pride fill him once more when you whine around steve’s cock. 

“don’t be too rough with her,” he grunts, semi opposing his own words, rolling his hips in unbearably deeper, abusing the sensitive spongy spot inside you with the fat head of his cock. 

steve dryly laughs, tilting his head at his partner before glancing down at you working him down your throat, eager to please him, eager to finally earn some praise from him. 

“looks like can handle it. in fact, i think she likes it,” steve proves his point, pushing his hips in deeper, and you gag, but you tighten around javier at the force of action and he exhales humorously, pursing his lips. 

he bends down, kissing your shoulder blade. “quierda, quierda, taking us both so well,” his voice careens around you like the drag of his palm over your skin. 

“s’right, take it,” steve murmurs, his hand just behind your jaw, thumb running across the tears that stream down your cheek. 

your eyes shutter closed, body content with being filled front to back so wholly, the men who occupy you grunting with primal approval. 

javier’s fingers inch over your clit, rubbing the little soaked button as a reward, and you cry around steve’s cock, hands gripping tighter onto the sheets at the stimulation. the way his cock prods into you, paired with the swirl of the pads of his fingers over your clit feels earth shattering. 

steve’s eyes drift over to javier, his broad shoulders adorned in scratches from presumably you, the downward pull of your nails across his skin was probably created moments before he came into the bedroom. his cock twitches inside your mouth at the thought.

javier’s eyebrows are pulled together, eyes narrowed down at your body, hips pulling back only to ram back into you at full force with a certain precision that has you crying around steve’s cock. 

he’s fucking you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do and steve can’t help but watch. 

his thrusts pick up speed inside your mouth, the itch you’re satiating just grows and grows and he can’t stop chasing the relief you provide him. 

javier’s gaze that follows the way you bounce from each thrust he pounds into you shifts into an upward stare back to steve’s intent eyes, and he exhales heavily, jaw clenching tightly. 

the men watch each other, the sound of your moans and gagging mixed with their low and thick grunts and groans is something that will float back into your minds when you all separate, forever haunting you in the wake of silent moments. 

steve finds his eyes landing over javier’s lips, watching the way his tongue darts out and drags across his bottom lip and he swallows back the thick groan that wants to leave. 

he falls forward, his cock pushing in deeper between your lips, his head resting on javier’s shoulder while he grinds into your mouth. 

he inches his hips back, keeping his cock down your throat but still allowing you some leeway to pull off for air while he finds refuge on the broad expanse of javier’s shoulder. 

their shared groans of your name fall into each other’s mouths and you whimper, pushing your ass onto javier, mouth sucking around steve fervently, desperate to please both men. 

steve’s mouth drops open when you suction your lips around the head of his cock, teasing him with the fat stripe of your tongue and he shivers, his teeth baring down against javier’s flesh. 

he winces at the pain, but he likes it, he accepts it, welcomes it. 

“she feel good?” steve drones in a low groan, and javier holds your hips, pulling you all the way down on his cock, making eye contact with steve when your sobs rack around his cock, watching the way his eyes screw shut. “feels amazing, squeezin’ me so good,” he grunts, his hand coming down to lay a hard smack over the fat of your ass. 

you yelp at the rough affection, the little squeaking sound coming out muffled from the activity currently preoccupying your mouth, prompting a cocky breathless chuckle from steve when he leans back, eyes falling over your pretty face. 

“if i knew she could put this mouth to use other than runnin’ it i would’ve had her on her knees sooner,” he relents airlessly, heavy pants leaving past his lips. javier laughs hazily, leaning in, his cock shoving itself deeper inside you while his hips mold over your’s like broken pieces reconnecting.  

his hand wraps around your throat, lips sponged gently to your ear. “i think steve just paid you a compliment, hermosa,” 

you look up at steve, doe eyed with long wet lashes, blinking appreciatively, feeling warm all over when he taps your cheek with his palm, not hard, but not gentle either. you take whatever you can from him. 

steve rolls his head back up to javier, twirling his finger to the side, motioning for the pair to switch. he wants a turn inside you. 

“why don’t you ask me nicely?” he says through a soft gruff breath, leaning in closer to his face, his hips clasping tightly over yours, his cock burying itself so far in your cunt it burrows in your tummy. 

you whine around steve’s cock, his hand coming to the back of your head to pacify you while he scoffs at javier. 

“‘scuse me?” 

“i said, why don’t you ask me. nicely?” javier repeats, his head tilting to the side. 

asshole. 

steve’s jaw hinges forward with irritation, his eyes falling down to where your ass and javier’s hips meet, his chest settling into a deep pit of desire, slowly plucking away his inhibitions of trying to seem like he’s in control. 

“please,” his voice shakes a little, the desperate plea beneath his hushed words. 

javier’s brow flicks up, lips pursing with satisfaction and he pauses inside you, prompting your swollen lips to roll from off steve’s cock, turning into a disappointed pout when you look at him from behind your shoulder. 

“what’s wrong?” you rasp, and steve takes in his bottom lip, his top lip perking in smugness at your voice. 

“are you okay with us…switching?” javier asks, running his hand along your hip softly. the nerves in your tummy tighten like the strings on a corset, sucking you in and stealing your breath at the thought of him fucking you. 

you turn back to look at steve, before you’re swallowing away your pride, nodding in agreement. 

a grin spreads across his face, and he pats your cheek, whistling when he twists his finger in the air once more. “get over here an’ turn around for me,” 

your eyes start to roll at his orders, the action cut short when the loss from javier makes you wince. “yessir officer sir,” you joke dryly through a breath, a part of you not wanting to let on how excited you really were for this. 

steve’s cock twitches at your joking, unaware of how much he really liked that. 

javier lays further into the bed, arm behind his head while he watches you crawl towards him. an excited glint shines for a passing second in his eyes when he watches the way steve stares down your every movement, eyes following each and every little sway your ass makes before him. 

your hands rest on javier’s thighs before they’re slipping off him, panickedly grasping for the mattress when steve’s pushing you into the bed, shoving your face beside javier’s knee and hoisting your ass up for him. 

he breathes out a heavy, content sigh when his palms encase your ass, your glistening cunt just weeping for him. 

it’s steve’s turn to be greeted by your face craned behind your shoulder, cute little features contorted in a curious pleasure, eyebrows pulled together, bitten lips pouted while he cocks his head at you. 

he grabs your wrists, letting your cheek shift and fall to javier’s thigh. 

javier graces his hand behind your neck soothingly, silently making up for his partner’s rough actions. 

steve’s cock grazes against your cunt and you shiver, feeling him press up onto you, his hips flush to your ass while he wrangles your wrists together. “hands behind your back, hermosa.” his mustache tickles at your ear, your lips trembling against the hot skin of javier’s thigh. he taunts you with the pet name, reminding you he’s heard your pathetic mewls and moans you so graciously gave to javi. 

it was his turn to earn some of that graciousness. 

“s’bout time you show me some goddamn respect,” he mutters in your ear, flicking his head up towards javier who’s watching intently, his cock aching at the sight. 

“you got your cuffs?” he asks and your back stiffens. 

uh oh. 

javier’s lips curl evilly and he chuckles below a breath, shaking his head in disbelief. “yeah. need ‘em?” he responds knowingly and you crane your neck up at him, eyes peering at him pitifully. 

javier purses his lips at you with faux sympathy, running his thumb across your lips before he’s looking back at steve for confirmation. 

steve nods and javier doesn’t argue. 

he opens the first drawer on the nightstand beside his bed, his hand returning with a pair of silver handcuffs. 

he tosses them to steve and he catches it dutifully, unlatching them before he puts them around your wrists, seconds away from locking the cold metallic constraints tight and in place. 

you’re turning back to look at steve, imploring with him desperately to not use the cuffs on you. “no no please, sir i don’t want the cuffs,” you whimper against the flesh of javier’s thigh, your sounds traveling straight to his cock. 

steve didn’t even have to tell you to keep calling him sir, you barely even realize what you’re saying at this point, it all just feels like babble coming mindlessly from out your bitten lips. 

steve’s throat gets tight at your pleas, the title of respect you’ve given him without even realizing what you’ve said makes his cock throb against your soaked cunt, itching to just push inside you. 

“too bad. you can earn your way outta them.” he offers, running his hand across the curve of your ass before he speaks again. 

“you’re gonna be fuckin’ good for me like you were for him, you hear me?” he orders, the air in his words thick with authority. you nod feebly and he smacks your ass, the sheer force from his hand pushing you further onto javier’s lap. you cry out, the pain vibrating through your flesh. 

before you have time to speak or think or breathe, he shoves himself inside you, no resistance from your needy, drenched hole. he groans when he forces himself in all the way, your cries from his cock floats around in the thick air like music to his ears. 

you lower your mouth down onto javier’s cock, trying to busy your mind away from the intense feeling of being rocked forward endlessly by the fluid motions of steve shoving his cock into you. 

he’s fucking the length of his cock in your little hole, molding your cunt to the extent of it. his cockhead kisses your cervix with each rough thrust he impales you with. 

javier’s head rolls back when your tongue curls around his shaft the way he likes, the tip of it running along a vein of his, his breathing starting to falter all over again. 

it’s harder sucking javier like this, you can’t rely on your hands to please what you can’t reach, your drool dribbles down the base of his cock, the place where your hands would normally be, but javier doesn’t mind, he could almost kiss steve for giving him the gift of watching you struggle and gag around his cock like this, drooling like a fucked out slut. 

steve’s lost in his own physical realm of pleasure where nothing exists except for his cock burrowed in the wet tunnel of your cunt, his cock head ramming into your sweet cervix uncaringly, cruelly. 

he relishes with his head fallen forward at the way your sobs come out muffledly from the sound of his partner’s cock down your throat, because of him. it’s because of his cock you’re crying out like this. 

his blonde hair falls limp with sweat in his eyes, but he doesn’t mind it, his lids fall heavy with blinding pleasure, his hand pressing you down by your lower back, forcing you to arch further on his cock. 

the two men find endless pleasure with you, you’re the gift that keeps on giving, and they will happily keep on taking. 

javier’s head rolls towards you, chin resting low while he stares down your bobbing head that struggles to fully lower down onto him. 

but it’s just so cute the way you struggle, he loves watching you try to be so good for him and take him as far as you can into your mouth. 

you’re definitely his sweetest informant to date. 

“fuck,” he breathes out, the crown of his head falling back to his headboard, your suctioning lips sucking the head of his cock too well, that it makes him feel lightheaded. 

his hands, on the edge of callousing, come over the curve of your ass, gripping the fat of it, pulling you apart to sneakily look at your little hole, feeling his cock throb inside you when he imagines the other things he’d like to do to you. 

the things connie would never allow, which is okay, he respected that. 

but you? 

he’s sure you’d do just about anything he or javier asked of you. and he’s willing to bet with enough sweet words from javier and sternness from himself, they could get you right where he wanted you. 

he tilts his head, rolling his hips into you deep and hard, enjoying every little jolt forward you make onto javier’s cock while he thumbs over your hole, wondering if maybe you’d let him have you that way next time. 

fuck. 

will there be a next time? 

he really, really hopes so. 

you shiver when you feel his thumb swipe over that part of yourself, mouth sliding off javier’s cock to catch your breath and shut your eyes at the feeling. 

javier’s cupping your face, a sharp exhale from his nose replacing whatever jumble he was about to say when your tongue flicks over his tip, enveloping him down your throat once more. 

steve’s leaning over your body, his cock traveling in too far inside you, naturally pulling a drawn out cry from around javier’s cock. javier pants, head falling back at the vibrations between his thighs. 

“fuckin’ tight,” steve groans, his forehead resting on your shoulder, forcing himself to keep his eyes open to peer up at javier. 

his brown hair has fallen damp just under his eyebrows, tickling his lashes, his mouth is drawn open, wispy murmurs of your name pouring out like a chant amidst a ritual, holy and sacred. 

“for a whore,” steve adds, and javier chuckles through a breathy moan, the way you clamp down around his cock at his comments is not lost on him. his fingers find your clit, and you tense, your back immediately falling into a deeper arch, desperate to feel more of him. 

you come up for air, needing a break from the soreness trickling along your jaw, your gaze now ascending towards javier, looking up at him with big watery eyes. you instinctively leaning into his warm palm that comes to cradle your face while your stare lingers over him.. “i’m so close,” you whimper and just like that, steve’s fingers withdraw from your clit and instead go back into digging into the plump flesh around your hips. 

javier looks up at steve, joining you in your confused stare. “steve please,” you plead, struggling to look at him through the rough jolts from his hard thrusts. “c’mon,” javier’s honeyed tone calls his attention and steve looks over at him, tilting his head. “i don’t think she’s earned it,” he looks back down at you, brings his lips to your ear and grows smug when you cry out from the way his cock intrudes into you even deeper. “if you wanna cum you better work for it. girl.” 

javier’s cock twitches in your grasp at the way steve talks to you, and you’re just about pulsing around him, eager to prove you deserve to cum, you’re hungry for it. 

your mouth is back on javier, watching the way his eyes screw shut and his brows furrow once more when your tongue drags all around him, trying to also greedily take in as much of steve as you can, pushing onto him, wanting nothing more than to be fully enveloped by him. 

his fingers tease your clit, gracing you with fleeting touches that make your skin prickle over into a fiery heat only for it to be immediately extinguished when he pulls them away. you’re trying your hardest to continue to make javier feel good, and your efforts are definitely not for nothing. his breathing grows more staggered, his thrusts into your mouth lose their pattern, he’s holding you by the back of your neck, forcing himself to lean forward and watch you take his cock down your throat. 

“fuck, fuck, take it, take it yeah, shit,” he pants, fucking your jaw through his orgasm, his hips hitting your chin with every rough piston he makes. you’re squeezing your teary eyes shut, trying to take both him and steve abusing your holes the best way you can. 

he slides his cock out from your lips, gently wiping away your sweaty forehead while you fight to catch your breath. each gasp of air is pulled away from you by the rough impaling by steve’s cock that hits you deep over and over. 

“did so good for me querida,” he whispers to you softly, juxtaposing the way you’re getting fucked by his partner. you just whimper at his praises, wriggling your hands around in your cuffs. javier doesn’t ask steve before he acts, he just grabs the keys and unlocks you, feeling slight guilt when you wince and sigh in relief when you’re finally free from your constraints. 

steve glares at javier and he ignores it, rubbing your wrists soothingly while steve slows his thrusts. 

you almost panic, worried he won’t let you cum at all now, you bring wrists behind your back once more for him, and the purest and most intense form of pride blooms in the depths of his chest at your little actions. he grips your wrists together in one hand, making eye contact with javier while he speeds up his thrusts inside your soaked cunt. 

javier’s spent cock throbs and he swallows hard, his chest rising and falling heavily. “sweet isn’t she?” javier utters, watching the way steve’s hips pull and push into your’s. with a side perk of his lips he shrugs, running his free hand over the curve of your ass. “yeah. when she feels like it.” 

javier chuckles, bringing his fingers to your clit, keeping the pads of his digits still. you look at him, wordlessly pleading with him to override steve’s rules and let you cum. “you make him feel good quierda, an’ i’ll make sure you get what you want.” and with a kiss to your forehead, that’s all you’re left with. 

he drinks in your moans, his lips falling to yours, keeping your face tucked into his palms while steve chases his orgasm inside you. he’s lost in you, you’re all encompassing, the way you’re gripping onto him, your cries for him getting drowned out in javier’s mouth – fuck, you’re too much. 

you break apart from javier’s lips, unable to keep going like this without cumming. after all, you were never the patient type to begin with. “please steve, feel’s so good, i need to cum, please let me, promise m’gonna be so good,” you’re near tears, ready to beg and plead with steve for however long it takes. javier looks at him along with you, his cheek resting on your forehead. “let her,” javier orders instead of suggesting, and steve doesn’t have it in him to argue or deny you any longer. 

his fingers inch over your clit, rubbing the sticky little button in the way you need, and you sob in relief, your cheek falling onto the mattress, letting your body be overtaken by the older man, your fingers intertwining with his while he pounds your orgasm into you. “thank you thank you thank you,” you cry through a series of shaky drawn out moans. you gush around him, panting loudly, losing all the air in the room while you cum. your body feels like it’s going to explode and honestly, it just might. 

steve assaults every single sensitive spot inside your body, his fingers on your clit staying put, your legs in return turning into jello, trembling hard with erratic shakes. 

“bet y’don’t think i’m that bad now huh?” he whispers in your ear, and you shake your head dumbly, resting your head on javier’s lap while steve continues to fuck you through your orgasm. 

he’s getting sloppy, he’s close, he can feel it. “i wanna cum in you, jus’ like this, gonna let me? as a lil’ thanks baby?” he grunts and javier runs his finger across your cheek, lowering his voice towards you. “gonna let him querida?” 

your words barely find you, all you can feel is steve’s cock buried deep in your tummy, words don’t even seem real in this moment. “cum in me,” you manage to murmur, your sore clit tingling at the thought of his cum pouring out of you. 

steve didn’t need to hear anything else, your meek words of permission played on a loop inside his head while he holds on tighter onto your hips, pulling you down on his cock, his hot cum spurting deep inside you. he groans, his head falling back, mindless utterances of how good your fuckin’ pussy feels, dissipates into the thick air. 

he pushes in a few more thrusts until his cock softens, and he tucks himself away into his boxers. he eyes your spent, sweat coated body before he lays down beside you. javier pulls the sheets over your bodies, letting you bury your face into his chest. steve gets stiff, is he overstaying his welcome?

you seem to read his mind, because you’re pulling his arm around your side, keeping him close to you. he smiles to himself, and clasps his front around your back, glancing up at a pleased looking javier. 

javier winks at steve before his attention returns back to you. “you okay querida? feel alright?” he asks gently, and you nod sleepily in his arms, yawning tiredly. “mhm, just really sleepy,” you mumble, and javier shushes you, kissing your hairline. “s’okay, you can rest now.” 

steve kisses your shoulder, surprising himself by the gentleness in his actions. he’s too tired to analyze anything right now, he just lets himself rest beside you. “night murphy.” javier hums and steve chuckles breathlessly. “yeah, night javi.” 

[hms-no-fun]

in your view of things right now, with the political climate so hot coming into the election, and companies doing worse than ever in terms of amassing greed and power and fucking us all over... what do you think has to change to find a way out?

oh boy, what a question. i've got a BA in film studies. i pay my bills by making youtube videos and writing homestuck fanfiction. i am not an authority, i only kind of vaguely know what i'm talking about in any given conversation. but i do think about this question a lot, and i've been wanting an excuse to arrange some of my thoughts on the matter. so, you know, don't take my words here as gospel, or as a coherent platform, or whatever. i'm just a goat with some opinions who hasn't read enough theory but means well.

alright. as a communist my answer is always gonna be "proletarian revolution," but that's an endgoal we're currently nowhere near achieving. the path to getting there is impossible to truly know, because of course revolutions are historically contingent on an organized vanguard being prepared to take control in a moment of national crisis. we don't have a leftist vanguard in this country, haven't done since the FBI and state governments went to war with the Black Panthers. my ideal vision of an effective communist party is one unlike any that currently exists on a large scale in the USA, built by organizing communities to coordinate neighborhood needs, as part of city/county organizations coordinating local needs, as part of state organizations that etc. right now political parties are exclusively focused on electoralism. i want a party that can organize eviction blockades, free community daycare, reading groups, high-capacity cafeterias, and all manner of mutual aid. i want a party that can operate with solidarity, as the Panthers did by supporting the 28 day 504 sit-in that resulted in the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act. an effective vanguard party interfaces directly with the working class and builds its policy platforms based on their needs with no apology, rather than the acceptable liberal half-measures we've grown so accustomed to.

but it's a loooooooong road to get even that far. and you might say such an organization would be offputting, but like. the Panthers won over a lot of moderates over time because they weren't just out on the streets posturing. they took care of people. we only have free school lunch programs at all because of them. this is the thing that drives me nuts about so many leftists today-- you don't win over a moderate or conservative by debating the merit of their ideas. you help improve the material conditions of their day to day life, thanklessly, as you'd do with everyone in that community, because you cannot adopt means testing by another name without selling off an essential part of yourself. slowly, over time, some of those people will be won over. it'll never be everyone, but it doesn't have to be everyone. it doesn't even have to be a majority. you can get a hell of a lot done with even just 30% of people, especially if those people are even mildly-disciplined members of a well-organized party apparatus.

so, okay, that's my sense of the broad strokes. i want a proletarian revolution by way of a militant vanguard party. not saying this is the ONLY way forward, just the one i think would be most likely to succeed under the right circumstances. but again, we're a million miles away from having a communist vanguard in this country. quite frankly, such a thing feels an impossible pipe dream at this exact historic moment. so the question for me then becomes, how do we create the conditions that would allow for such an organization to emerge, claim power, hold it long enough to build a substantial base, then act on it towards a revolutionary goal?

first you've gotta ask why it's so hard to imagine this fanciful 20th century ass operation today. obvious answers: it's fucking impossible for a third party to gain a foothold in the system as it stands, so let's fix that. ranked choice voting would be a good place to start. i'm no electoralist, but if we're presuming that the revolution isn't happening tomorrow then some element of its foundation must be in making our democracy an actual democracy that can reflect people's needs. repeal citizens united. put HUGE limits on campaign donations and make it harder to conceal donations through super PACs. redistricting is another essential piece of the puzzle-- there is precisely one map of every major usamerican city and it's the map of redlined districts where people of color were not allowed to buy property. look at wealth distribution in communities and it'll map 1 to 1 to historic redlining, guaranteed. we gotta fix gerrymandering, loosen restrictions on poll access (such as the ad hoc poll tax that is government ID requirements), and if we're really feeling frisky push for a mandatory federal voting holiday so that no one has to work on election day (which elections count for "election day" is a whole other quagmire of course). less obvious answers: the cops and the FBI are still imprisoning and murdering black, poc, native, and queer activists in broad daylight. the national prison population is an IMMENSE locus of potential revolutionary energy. some goals on that front: abolish prisons, massively defund the cops, and curtail the surveillance state. restore the convicted felon's right to vote, and otherwise remove the many bureaucratic roadblocks that artificially create the cycle of recidivism. put money into nationwide job training programs (NO PUBLIC-PRIVATE PARTNERSHIPS) not just for ex convicts but for everyone, for reasons we'll get to momentarily.

i focus on electoral reform at the start here because i think it's an illustrative example of just how sprawling the task before us is. my goal isn't to overwhelm you or make you feel doomed because "holy shit that's already a lot of stuff that feels totally impossible and you haven't even mentioned healthcare yet," but to hammer home that the class war is being fought on a million fronts. you will go completely numb if you expect any one person or organization to address all of these issues simultaneously and as soon as possible. in an ideal world, there are many many affinity groups working towards these ends all over the place, either as part of or in solidarity with our imagined vanguard. i'm trying to look at ways to materially improve the lives of people in our political economy as it currently exists, rather than just saying "we need revolution" and leaving it there.

alright then, so what about capitalism? another major factor in the systematic disenfranchisement of the working class is the role corporate employers play in maintaining the class war. nobody has time to participate in local political actions because everyone has to work crushing hours, and when they do have days to themselves they still have to personally drive to wherever things are happening and find parking, instead of grocery shopping, taking care of kids, just fucking relaxing, whatever. obvious answers: medicare for all. right now, healthcare access is tied to employment status unless you are COMICALLY poor (i just got kicked off of medicaid a couple months ago because i now make marginally more than the cutoff, which now means i'm paying $200+ more a month on healthcare and am now way more worried about money than when i was on welfare. what a great and functional system!). if you're afraid of losing your health insurance for any reason, then you are disincentivized from expressing any opinions you might have about the conduct of your employer by, say, quitting. just passing universal healthcare alone would cause some major turmoil in the US economy. invest in mass public transit with rigorous local neighborhood access, and now a hell of a lot more people are empowered to participate in civic duty. less obvious answers: get rid of at-will employment! make it much much harder for employers to fire people, and regulate the ability of corporations to do mass layoffs. this would go a long way towards throwing some wrenches into the methods corps use to invent economic prosperity through the creative application of spreadsheets. on top of that, let's nuke the absolute fuck out of means-testing for programs like food stamps, medicaid, social housing, or literally any other form of "charity" that made Reagan shit his pants.

speaking of means testing, let's talk about bullshit jobs. there are a TON of pointless, degrading, wasteful jobs in this country. corps playing middlemen to middlemen. endless state and business bureaucracy using hundreds of systems that rarely if ever communicate with one another, putting a huge administrative burden on working people while the rich beneficiaries of this exploitation get to launder their guilt through the public-facing punching bags of customer service representatives. too many people work at the office factory. there are a lot of industries that need to be massively curtailed if not outright destroyed, a fact that intersects with the threat of climate change when you include coal and oil jobs. it's not enough to get rid of these positions, you also have to have a plan for those displaced workers-- hence the job training program i mentioned before. if we actually want to see a transition into a more egalitarian society that doesn't run exclusively on fossil fuels, then there needs to be a pipeline that gives purpose to the people whose lives will inevitably be radically altered by the kinds of changes we're talking about. there's an important thing, actually-- we all need to be prepared for this line of questioning and have a good answer in the back pocket. there is no shift from pure capitalism to even lite democratic socialism that won't hurt some cohort of people that doesn't deserve it. unless you want them to fall in with the fascists, you're gonna want to have a plan for how to integrate them into the world you're trying to build.

here's a wildcard for you. a lot of folks are on that "break up the monopolies" grind these days, and i appreciate the sentiment. i also think we would be vastly better served in the long run by simply nationalizing the monopolies. obviously there are plenty of worthwhile concerns to be had about any usamerican government gaining that kind of control over anything at this precise moment, but we cannot let that impede the horizons of our imaginary. i don't want market reform, i want the abolition of markets. the internet should be a public utility and ISPs should be government institutions. tech needs UNENDING regulation as we are all aware. social media should be public and interoperable. there needs to be a rolling back of internet surveillance. i've been toying with the idea of a Federal Department of Digital Moderation as an intervention on the current fascist radicalization pipeline that is social media, but that raises so many other concerns that i don't have an answer for. mostly i just think that the profit motive needs to be excised from as many sectors of public life as possible, and nationalization is a pretty good way to get there.

affordable housing! lower rents means fewer hours at work to make ends meet means more time to spend with family & community means more chances for more people to participate in civic action. abolish student debt and make college free! and make it illegal for colleges to invest in shit like fucking israel! a more accessible system of higher education means a more educated proletariat. this wouldn't by any stretch automatically lead to a more leftist proletariat, but conservatives have worked very hard to curtail access to higher education and that alone is more than enough reason to push for it. i've really buried the lede here, honestly. to my mind, medicare for all, mass public transit, free education, and national rent control are THE milestones we ought to be aiming for in terms of domestic policy. it is simply impossible to estimate how seismically and immediately these four policies (if applied equitably and without means-testing) could transform civic life in the USA. any systemic social ill you can name has some connection to one of these four ideas. i personally hold prison abolition & police defunding as equally essential, but these are unfortunately a MUCH harder sell for a lot of folks and will require some solidaristic frog-boiling from the likeable progressives/socialists of the world to naturalize the idea. but then, on that front i'm speaking very much outside my lane, and would defer to the wisdom of actual abolition activists in a scenario where we were talking concrete policy.

then there's foreign policy. this post has gone on a long time and i'm not the person to talk about this at length, but: the united states military needs to be defunded, and its outposts across the world removed. to curtail global climate change, the american imperial project must end. our meddling in foreign affairs is directly responsible for the domination of capital, and so long as this and other western states exist as they do, no communist outpost is safe. then there comes the question of reparations. all those billionaires didn't invent their money, they stole it. in quite a lot of cases they stole it from US citizens, but they've stolen far more from the rest of the world. tax the rich at 99% and distribute billions no-strings-attached to african and pacific island nations? other countries deserve a right to self determination without the threat of foreign interference. our nation's wealth doesn't just need to be taxed and redistributed to working class usamericans (particularly black communities), it ought to be redistributed internationally to all the countries we've fucked with over the last century and a half. but that's a pretty late stage pipe dream.

i guess the last thing that i've been thinking a lot about is more esoteric, and certainly difficult to implement. i believe we need to seriously interrogate "progress" as a concept. right now our society is defined by technological advancements as encouraged by a capitalist economy. if you fuck around with old analog tech at all, you've probably said to yourself more than once "they really don't make em like this anymore." i think about that fucking Hot Ones interview with matt damon about how streaming has stabbed the established profit model in the heart, where he says something like "we had a pretty good thing going before they showed up." i think about small museums closing down in the pandemic because they couldn't turn a profit, small local shops closing down for the same reason. constant newness paired with engineered obsolescence. disruption of the equilibrium in order to steal profit. it's easy to argue that socialized healthcare is good because it's actually more cost efficient than private healthcare. but those are the terms set by capitalists. i believe that healthcare and profit-seeking should be mutually exclusive. i believe that some things are a public good, however small --museums, quirky shops, parks, art spaces, open lots, movies, music, theater, whatever-- and that these things should be protected from the market at all costs. the alternative is corporate consolidation of everything, as every piece of local color cannot compete with economies of scale and asphyxiates to death. i refuse to accept the idea that "progress" means throwing away anyone who specialized in the thing being progressed beyond. i refuse to accept the idea that "progress" is linear and exists beyond the purview of morals, values, and ideology, nor indeed that it is inevitable and in any event an unalloyed good.

i believe that it doesn't matter if making higher-quality clothes at greater cost in unionized factories is "less efficient" than fast fashion. all "efficiency" means is spread everything as thin as possible, just enough just on time regardless of context. it's a mask for robber baron bullshit. it's an attempt by the bourgeoisie to naturalize the laws of economics as if they were on the same level as the laws of gravity, and we just can't accept that anymore. there's that meme, "i want shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less and i’m not kidding." i think we ought to apply that sentiment far more broadly. if we truly believe in the dignity of a self-determined life, then we must agree that some things are above profit, above efficiency, and are worth doing right. i haven't quite nailed down yet how exactly to verbalize this idea in a way that can be easily & quickly understood. but i feel it intensely, and only moreso as time goes on. as we push for these seemingly-impossible policy changes, it's of equal importance that we not lose ourselves to the limitations of the system as it exists under capitalism. to transform the world we must transform ourselves. to save the world we must save ourselves. if we hold a value to be true, then it must be constant and uncompromising. we must agree that our lives are better off when certain things exist even if they aren't efficient or fail to turn a profit, and thus decimate whatever part of us has been raised to believe that efficiency and profit ought ever to enter the equation. of course, in any revolution costs quickly become a huge going concern. there will always be painful compromises in policy along the path, always disappointments and mistakes. no revolution can be perfect. but through all these material challenges, the world that must be needs a place at the table with us. impractical, impossible, unfeasible... necessary.

you will probably not live to see that world, anon, and neither will i. we are all in the long game now, and it can never stop with one good policy, one good politician, one needed win. it's everything or it's nothing. socialism or barbarism. it is this belief which guides me, that no one ought to suffer the indignities i've suffered in my years working for shit wages, struggling to find housing, watching family die from economic abandonment. that there is simply no reason for society to be the way that it is, and that "the world isn't fair" is no excuse when we are the engineers of that "world" in every way that matters.

anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the subject. i hope i haven't made a complete fool of myself here.

[undiscovered-horizon]

Hello all well ? I couldn't help but want more of your beautiful story.😍😍

could give us more Morpheus and reader (Imagine being the one who frees Morpheus), where the people adore their new queen but morpheu thinks that I don't fulfill all the duties with his love, he didn't even ask her to marry him or had a coronation, but reader is calm about it.pleases thanks

[Check out the series HERE] || Sandman-inspired playlist

For the record, you weren't an actual queen as in the bride of a king. Despite that, the inhabitants of Dreaming collectively decided to treat you like one and soon you had found yourself to be part of the court hierarchy. Not that you could ever complain about such honour - you received a lot of love and respect for simply giving advice or asking someone to consider their grudge from a different perspective. To the inhabitants of Dreaming, who were used to Morpheus's just but strict reign, a droplet of sweetness and tenderness seemed to be like water is to a cotton-mouthed man.

Morpheus might have appeared oblivious to your social 'promotion' but he was perfectly aware of it. To his dismay, no one ever outright informed him that you have allowed or done something without his council, even if those were small, fairly insignificant matters in the grand scheme of an entire realmn. Morpheus had to rely on his own observations and whispers that seemed to completely disappear whenever he was around. In any case, he had realized that there existed an entire world he was not privy to when he heard someone excitedly whisper 'Our queen' for the very first time. Dreaming did not, in fact, have a queen. Not officially, at least.

Your selflessness captured his heart, which was obvious, but it had also, quite literally, killed you for a moment. Maybe it was his fear of losing you for good or his sympathy towards the struggles you had suffered on his accord, that made Morpheus adamant about having you think solely of yourself for the first time in your life, to finally be at peace after everything you had been through. As one might expect, his desire surely did not include having you fulfil part of his royal duties. The guilt gnawed at him until one day Morpheus found himself unable to ignore the current state of affairs.

He was marching through the crystal halls of his palace prepared to dress you in silk and diamonds or do anything else that would somehow compensate for the bland weight of ruling you had on your shoulders. If he could, if you allowed him to, he'd tear it right off and break his own spine accommodating it.

Morpheus's rushed footsteps suddenly stopped when he noticed you standing on the balcony, leaning against the marble ledge. Your back was turned to him and for a moment he indulged in his selfish desires; watching your dress gently dance on the warm breeze, he wondered whether there truly was something divine about you. Maybe, if he asked nicely, you could tell him what heaven is like as you sure know it like the back of your hand. Or perhaps spring, the mother of hope and rebirth, had recognized its own face in yours, telling the wind and the sun to warm you on cold days. But if you were spring, like Persephone, was he not akin to Hades?

Such thought made him shudder. The quicker he solves his plight, the faster this feeling of dread and shame will dissolve. In fact, it seemed like blasphemy to experience something so bitter and bleak while you were within his arm's reach.

Hearing footsteps against the marble floor, you slightly turned around to see who had decided to visit you. Although the sight of Morpheus did excite your heart, the grim expression on his face, a shadow that towered over his regal beauty, quickly calmed the thrill inside you.

"You should not be fulfilling my duties for me," he stated. Strangely enough, he sounded angry.

Unable to tell what could sour his mood like that, you furrowed your eyebrows. "I'm sorry for upsetting you, Morpheus, although I have to be honest that I do not know what duties you're speaking of. I never meant to cross you, dear."

Morpheus didn't answer. He made his way towards you and did not stop walking until the tips of his shoes were brushing against yours. So far, you couldn't quite tell whether he was oblivious to a certain social etiquette or simply liked being so close to you.

His ocean-like eyes bore into you as if he was trying to enter your own mind and make himself at home there. If you were asleep, perhaps he could but you were awake and that forced him to actually speak his thoughts, although reluctantly: "Are you happy here?"

"What makes you ask that?"

Morpheus pursed his lips at your answer. Perhaps he was expecting a slightly different reaction from you - one that did not include voicing his introspection and making friends with vulnerability. "You tend to my subjects, bring order and prosperity into Dreaming, and yet I have failed to give a wedding worthy of a queen. You are bearing the weight of the crown without its splendour. It is unfair towards you."

"Have you considered that I simply want to spend time with your subjects?" you asked him with a gentle smile. Ever since he sought you out on the cold beach, you've learned that Morpheus cared a lot. Probably more than he himself was capable of understanding. His problem, however, was adequately expressing it. "Treat them as my peers, help them in their plights. You can't be everywhere all the time, Morpheus. Let me help you, just a little."

But he remained unconvinced. "A queen should wear a crown, have the king at her beck and call. The people of the realm shall praise their gods for being allowed in her vicinity." As he spoke, Morpheus reached to gently grab your hand and put it against his chest and though he was a child swearing by their own honesty. His thumb absentmindedly brushed against your skin. "It surely did not escape your attention that I have failed at granting you the honour and glory you deserve."

"The crowns, the dresses, the jewels - they're all very nice but what real difference do they make?" you asked. The question must have elicited some kind of reflection from him as his thumb stopped its soothing movement. "Strip all of that away and there remains only you and I. Believe me when I say, that I need nothing more and wish for nothing less."

His once bleak expression turned into something more gentle as though the yearning of his heart refused to remain hidden any longer. "My heart tells me to drown you in indescribable wealth and yet my mind tells me to let you be as you wish." As it appeared, such dissonance and lack of clarity were exceptionally rare for Morpheus. Gently and somewhat fearfully, he rested his forehead against yours. "How can you, a human, hold so much power over me?" he whispered.

A quiet giggle escaped your mouth. "I believe people refer to it as 'being in love'."

He felt his breath hitch as your lips softly kissed his forehead.

[auraworkshop]

Aura ukw, it's been YEARS since I'm trying to enter void which is literally within me. Now after trying every conceivable method, I'm feeling completely lost, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I lost myself fighting somewhere </3

I CAN NEVER EVER ENTER THE VOID, IT'S JUST SO HARD FOR ME

WHENEVER I MEDITATE TO ENTER THE VOID, MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DISTRACTS ME

IT'S BEEN YEARS, I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT MAKING ANY PROGRESS, I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT DOING ENOUGH

THESE DAYS THERE THINGS THAT ARE TOO “OFFICIAL” TOO “SERIOUS” TOO “TIME SENSITIVE”. YOU KNOW THESE TYPES OF SITUATIONS WHEN IT IS TOO “PHYSICAL” TO IGNORE

I am hella tired of EVERYTHING, sometimes I feel, I should just go and die somewhere !

I CAN NEVER ENTER THE VOID, IT'S JUST SO HARD FOR ME

~ Void state, although it seems a bit intimidating, is actually a very simple state. Your mind might believe that its difficult, but it's as simple as embodying the consciousness of I am. Let go of 'trying' to enter it and instead assume that you are in fact in void state now. You might ask yourself, how do I even know that this is void state? Just feel into your consciousness, focus on being and embody being. Let go of doubts and be at peace with whatever is in your body or around you. You only have to be. Stop worrying about whether you will enter the void state, you are already in it, it's your default natural state.

You are the space in which everything occurs, therefore, it is not something you can get into, but something that is already you. Simply remember that you are the void. Stop seeking it as an object and remember that it is your nature. Be it. You are that I Am. You are not in a body, a body is in you. The world is not outside of you, but completely within you.

WHENEVER U MEDITATE TO ENTER THE VOID, MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DISTRACTS ME

~ When you meditate for the sake of entering the void, you are operating from the state of lack and need. This mindset automatically pushes you away from your goal. Instead, you need to operate from the state of already being in the void. You need to be already there. So when you meditate, focus on being in that void state, not on making it happen or making it happen today. Focus on being in that state now. The void is yours right now if you simply allow it to be.

IT'S BEEN YEARS, I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT MAKING ANY PROGRESS. I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT DOING ENOUGH

~ The moment you are dissatisfied with the progress, you are already not accepting yourself/current situation as it is. Every moment that brings dissatisfaction to you is an attempt to be something other than you are. You're trying to be something other than the 'I AM' with the expectation that this 'something' will finally feel 'right' when you become 'that'. And because you do not know what it will feel like you can never get to the future. You only exist now. There is no 'when' you get there. The process and 'progress'.

Just relax and enjoy the journey. Entering the void state is not about trying hard but rather about being. The more you resist what is, by trying and trying, the more you only prolong the process of reaching that desired state. Let go of all resistance, of the need to force and try, and focus on just chilling and enjoying. It is your birthright to create and manifest.

THESE DAYS THERE THINGS THAT ARE TOO "OFFICIAL" TOO "SERIOUS" TO0 "TIME SENSITIVE". YOU KNOW THESE TYPES OF SITUATIONS WHEN IT IS TOO "PHYSICAL" TO IGNORE

~ You see, even the things you are calling "too official" are only "too official" in your mind. To you. But what you need to remember is that you are not your physical body and everything you see around you is a reflection of what you are actually in your awareness. You are awareness. You are the awareness that is reading this message. Not your physical body.

When you will understand this deeply, that this whole life is a dream, nothing is real, nothing matters you will stop believing in those "too official" things.

I understand you :)

You have been conditioned to believe that it doesn't happen instantly. That you have to "work for it" because that is what's considered "real". You have been conditioned to believe that instant and easy is always a fantasy.

But the truth is this, you are that instant and it always is that easy because you are the creator. You don't have to wait if you don't want to. What you want, is yours already. Do not believe anyone telling you otherwise.

You are so powerful, that you feel lost or discouraged in this moment is just an illusion It is a test, or a lesson. But I know you've got this, because you have made it so far. You just need to trust yourself and know yourself and your own power. You can do it, and it's going to be great. I am so proud of you for how far you have come, and how much you learn more and more about yourself. This is going to be an amazing journey, you're doing so good, keep going !

We have so much power, power that goes beyond "logic" and "physics". We just haven't allowed ourselves to understand this yet. We are still identifying with this body or character.

You're infinite, beautiful, powerful, glorious, eternal.

What's better than this?

It's all you, remember that. All. Of. It.

The whole thing, even the "bad" parts. That's your power and your creation.

You know what you want, you know who you are. You are on this path for a reason and you are so deserving of what you are manifesting. Don't rush things, don't doubt yourself. Just trust the process. You are doing great. I believe in you and you can do this, the world is yours and it's waiting for you to live your best life You are loved, always ! 🤍

[cinefairy]

who is stopping me?

as i am writing this it is currently 5:23pm. my bedroom window is open and i feel the cold breeze travel in gently, i did my daily routine of peering outside and taking in all the beauty that my street has to offer. the sun sets around 4pm now so it’s coal-black with hues of a pinkish-red tone peering in.

i look up at the sky and i realise that i am just a being, a limitless being. no matter what i’ve done, no matter who i am. i will always be a limitless being in an infinite universe. “in this endless universe of stars and mountains, it's all in my mind.”

as i gazed through my window all i could think about was how endless my opportunities are. i really don’t have to be who i am now. i can truly be anything, the only reason i may feel like i can’t be anything is because i make up reasons.

“what if i make a fool out of myself?”

but who cares? should you be imprisoned by people’s opinions for the rest of your life? should you live accordingly to people’s perception of yourself? - my higher self states.

"One day a long time from now you'll cease to care anymore whom you please or what anybody has to say about you. That's when you'll finally produce the work you're capable of." — J.D salinger

“i’ve failed before and i’ll fail again like i always do”

the only reason you’ve failed was because you accepted failure. - my higher self says

“i don’t deserve this”

but yes you do, you’ve suffered long enough. you’ve settled more than enough. you deserve everything great, why don’t you allow yourself to feel good? everyone around you feels good. so can you. - my higher self exclaims

I don’t have to live up to society’s rules. i can create my own standards and decide to live up to them.

it really all comes down to that one question- “who is stopping me?” it’s not my parents. its not my siblings. its not my friends. its not my teachers. its not society. it may feel like it’s all of those things but who gets to make the ultimate decision? well it’s me. it’ll always be me.

"The world only exists in your eyes. You can make it as big or as small as you want." — F. Scott Fitzgerald.

[aaaaafro]

Girl In The Rain 2 - TWICE - Sana x M! Reader (+18)

Tw: face-sitting, facial, not proofread, other sexual stuff lol...

Deafening. As the downpour didn't show any sign of stopping soon, you should've bought an umbrella, but that'll be stupid.

You stood there drenched like a stray dog in the sidewalk of a busy street. You recognize the gradient in her hair. You'd bet your life that she's the one sitting in the corner of the only dry spot in the area.

It's been half a year since you two met. You could say it's magical and a once in a lifetime opportunity. After all finding out that Sana is actually an up and coming artist. You two stayed friends but that was all.

She's been busy ever since, while you've landed yourself a job but the two of you still find time to hang out every now and then.

Do you wish to maybe have your advances? Of course, it's Sana after all. It was affection at first sight and she totally gets to you, despite your previous heartbreak. If you're being honest with yourself you wouldn't mind if she breaks your heart.

In simple words you've fallen for her, hard! Maybe as hard as these raindrops.

But Sana made it clear that under her current contract that she's not allowed to have relationships, which didn't make sense back when you first met but she's still giving you some hints that this friendship of you two are going somewhere.

"What are you doing here?" You asked her.

"Could say the same to you." Her smug reply always gets you.

"Now isn't this familiar?" You hummed before sitting down right beside her.

She didn't react causing you to think there's something wrong. After all she's back to a spot you saw her in before the two of you met.

"Did another asshole break your heart?" You asked, expecting a scoff, or even a playful slap was all wrong when she instead laid her head on your shoulder.

Now you're not a big fan of PDA's and if you'd ever have a relationship again, you want it to be as lowkey as you can but this is different, shyness isn't even a factor as passers-by gives the two of you looks.

"You know if a fansite is nearby this can cost you your career." You joked and that just earned you a sigh from Sana.

"It's already ruined anyways." Hear her shaky voice.

"My handler got caught up in a money laundering scandal, he took most of my earnings and I'm currently a free agent with no money." She explained as tears started falling from her eyes.

"That's messed up." Was all you could ever say.

"I know right, back to square one I guess." She weakly replied.

"How about I be your handler then?" A gutsy proposal from a guy that knows nothing about being a handler, that caused Sana to rose up from your shoulder.

"Shut the front door! Don't joke like that!" She was surprised to say the least.

"Do you even know what to do? Plus you just landed yourself a better job." That was a genuine question but it did hurt hearing it from her.

"I have some connections, you know. I can easily quit..." You replied with a semi convincing voice.

"...And also I saved enough money from my previous job."

Sana sat there with a straight face but you can clearly see in her eyes as she tries to process everything you've said.

"It's fine if you don't want to but I'd like to help you with your current situation as much as I can." You added and that helped Sana to wake up from her daze state.

A soft smile forms across her face before she engulfs you in a hug, quickly removing any trace of the coldness from your drenched jacket.

"Thank you so much." She whispered.

"So, that's a ye-." You're about to confirm it but you got stopped by Sana's finger.

"You'll make it sound like a proposal."

"What if I want it to sound like that?" The two of you laughed at each other.

"What did I do to deserve you?" A pout from Sana melts your heart like butter in a scorching hot pan.

"You just existed." You replied before pinching her cheeks.

"We should get going before you catch a cold." You extend your hand to her as she just looked at it confused.

"What?" You asked.

"C-carry me."

"Sana, I ride a motorcycle. I can't baby you all the way." Her pout just deepens then and there you realized that you can't win.

"Ugh!” A sound of frustration just came out of you and Sana just giggles in her victory.

You brace yourself to carry her to your back but Sana sat there motionless with a disappointed face.

"What?!" You questioned.

"That's not how you carry a princess." Said Sana who's still motionless from her seat.

With no hesitation you swept her up from her position carrying her like a princess the way she wanted it. Again, no trace of shyness as you try your best not to blush. Meanwhile, Sana's biting her finger avoiding any eye contact with you.

"Uh... S-sana." She was jumpy all of a sudden, perhaps lost in her thoughts.

"H-hai?" It took you a couple of seconds to remember that she's actually Japanese.

"W-we're at my motorcycle and I can't drive with you like this." You waited a couple of seconds for her response.

"Hmmm." A whine... A freaking whine.

"Sana." She finally gets off of you and immediately took the extra helmet.

The two of you got on the motorcycle as she wrapped her arms around you, you couldn't help but smile under the helmet as she tightens it surprisingly good.

"You better be a good handler or else my career will be ruined." She said with a mocking tone.

"Didn't you told me earlier it already is?" You jokingly replied.

"Pft!"

Once comfortable you drive away trying to think about what to do with Sana's career. All the while she's just right behind you clinging of as if her life depended on it though you're not going that fast.

"You good?" You asked.

"Mhmm!" Her voice was muffled by the air but you can still hear her.

You've finally reached your house, the two of you went inside to take cover from the rain.

"I think we should go through the..." You're about to discuss the details about your new partnership when you realize that Sana isn't with you anymore.

Seeing how the door is left open you immediately made your way out to see Sana in the middle of your front lawn.

"What are you doing?" Your curiosity hits as you just observe Sana who's just standing in the rain.

"Sana..." Approaching her slowly, you saw her glow under the night light.

With her eyes closed and her head up as if she's feeling every drop of rain that hits her. You've finally reached her, and god she's more gorgeous up close.

"You must've love the rain so much." You commented as as a smile reflects on her face.

"Why would I not? I've met my favourite person in the rain." She replied.

You hate how assuming you are, that the person she's talking about is the same person you're thinking of right now. You just act all natural.

"And who'll that be?" You asked with all the hope that Sana will give you the answer you want.

"Dummy." She smiled before turning to you with her smile not fading.

In a fraction, suddenly you're in her arms. You have no idea how it happened but there you are so, why not enjoy it?

You captured her waist with your arms as you pulled her in close.

"Oh, is this how you'll handle me?" Sana's tone was far from normal, it was... Teasing.

"Uh... S-sana?" Your nerves are getting into you. This isn't a side of Sana you're familiar with.

"I-it's... Raining, y-you m-might get sick."

"Wouldn't you like that?" Again that fear of the unknown renders you immovable.

"Didn't I told you already, that I love rain." A smirk from Sana might as well be a signal to run but it's too late.

She's already got you, in every sense of it. By her arms and by her lips... Her lips. It took you a second to realized that you're kissing Sana.

"Hmm." A moan, you couldn't help it.

"Hehe... I guess the cat's out of the bag." Said Sana who's seems happy of what she's done.

"I've always like you... No... That didn't sit right... I've always love you. Yup, that's it." Again Sana captured your lips with hers and what else can you even do at this point.

You two enjoyed the moment completely losing yourselves at the feel of each others lips. Exhilarating. It maybe the rain that's adding this another layer of feel but there is something.

Tongue? Before you can even comprehend it, you found yourself addicted to its feel. Throwing all of your reasoning behind, you tried to retaliate by giving her the taste of her own medicine.

That was a valiant effort but ultimately brushed off as Sana stepped it up a notch by pushing you towards your house.

With a kick you two are shut in, shielding yourselves from the heavy rain outside. Your lips hasn't left each other however your top clothings are little by little being torn off.

"I thought you love the rain." You finally spoke after the need to detach yourself from her to make way for your shirts.

"It will rain, don't worry." A mischievous smile from Sana's face alerts your senses but she wasn't about to give you any breather as she quickly took the liberty and guide you to your bedroom.

"It's kinda hot in here." Laughable statement from the girl who's wearing only her underwear and drenched from the rain outside.

Sana straddled you, then reached to her back perhaps to release the clip of her bra but "Sana..." You regretfully interrupted her.

"Ssshhh." A finger on your lips was enough to silence everything that you were about to say.

You heard a click that took you by surprise, when your eyes panned down from Sana's face you are greeted by her beautiful perfectly sized mounds.

With seemingly minds of their own your hands cupped both mounds, taking a handful of her supple orbs, massaging them like a baker would to its dough.

Minutes into it, Sana's lower body starts gyrating, creating friction between your cores. If it wasn't for your remaining clothes this would've felt heavenly, as if it wasn't already.

You're still busy with Sana's breast as you suddenly felt her hands went up to help yours.

"Taste 'em." It was a command that you're more than happy to follow.

You took her hardened bud in your mouth, circling your tongue as if you're drawing something abstract. Sana was your canvas. She pushes your head in even more thinking that it'll elevate the pleasure but that would still be insufficient.

It felt like hours switching between two magnificent orbs as you finally called it quits and took your time to catch your breath.

"Ha~! They're so delicious!" That compliment earns you a smile as Sana rose up from your lap, turning around before giving you a suggestive look with a matching lip bite before bending over.

Accentuating her damped behind, she reached for the straps of her almost see through underwear before slowly wiggling her way out of the clothing.

There it is, right in front of you. Glueing your eyes, scared that if you took a second to look away it will be gone.

You've finally woken up from your trance realizing that this is really happening, what you didn't realize is that Sana's core was inching closer and closer to your face.

Before you could say anything her soft behind is already pressed to your face pushing you down to your bed. You can't imagine that even in your wildest dreams you're gonna have Sana sit on your face stark naked to say the least but here you are.

You dart your tongue out and a moan reaches your ear causing you to keep doing wonders with your tongue. Your hands gripped Sana's thighs not wanting her to get away as if she would do something that stupid but she won't, evidently from her endless strings of moans and her hips dancing along with your tongue.

"Oh my! You're so good with that." Sana hummed as she continued riding your face.

It's suicide, it's suffocating but to hell with dying if it means that it'll be the last taste to linger in your taste buds.

Perhaps you were too busy with your tongue that your other senses weren't functioning but it's too late. You're currently drowning, Sana regretfully detached herself from you lifting her lower half away from your face.

She was right it still rained even when you're under a roof. Huffs and pants echoes in your room as Sana rides her orgasms while you try and catch your breath after trying to drink her juice up.

"Told you." Sana said with a hint of pride in her tone.

"Yeah right. I almost died you know." You replied as she approached you laying down on your chest.

"But you love it." She's drawing circles on your chest using her finger.

"I guess, I love rain as well." A smile from the two of you sealed it and silence follows.

"I love you." You thought it was the perfect time, as Sana suddenly stood up.

It scared you. The fact that you can't see her eyes as the darkness hides it perfectly, the fact that you cant hear anything from her due to the fact that its still pouring outside and the sound of the rain floods your ears or the fact you may just have screwed your whole friendship up.

Until, the light from the moon, sparkles from a drop of tear coming from Sana's eyes.

"I thought you'd never say it." You can hear the shakiness from her voice.

"It's because of your contract. I thought you're not allowed to date which didn't make sense back when we first met." You reasoned

"Dummy. I was being reserved since we both just got our hearts broken, that's why I wasn't being forward with you but after today... I can finally... We can finally-... I'm sorry. " She says before breaking down.

"It's okay, I'm sorry as well. Now we can finally be together."

You quickly came to your senses capturing Sana in your arms. A warm embrace in contrast to the freezing breeze of the rain outside. The two of you melt in each other's warmth.

"I'm your handler now, so nobody will suspect a thing." You joked earning a slap from Sana.

"We should shower before we get sick." You suggested.

"This won't do." You heard Sana whisper.

"Why?"

"I want to return the favor." Sana in a swift motion re-straddle you.

"Sana." You called

"I love you." She replied before capturing your lips for the nth time of the night.

Seconds passed before you realize that your boxers are gone. Your mind isn't prepared for this yet your mind is more than welcome to the situation.

"Looks like you're ready." Sana smirks taking your hardened member in her hand.

"I a-aaahhh!" You're about to reply but Sana took the initiative and slowly lowers herself on you.

"You're so hugeeee~!" Her moans never fail to tickle your ears.

"T-tight." You're not struggling but in a state of overwhelming pleasure as you completely penetrated Sana.

"G-give me a minute." She pleaded.

You let her get adjusted even though it was you who needed a minute because it felt like you're about to burst out if she started moving due to how tight she is.

"Uuuggghh~!" A shaky moan fills your room as Sana slowly lifts her hips up.

Erotic, cute all the while she's beautiful paired with the feel of her walls as she just dance to her own beat penetrating her with your hard member.

You sat there admiring all of it. It's still pouring outside, yet the sound of the rain never felt so muted. With only her moans entering your sense of hearing.

Confident that you wont last that long you want to make it worthwhile for Sana. You switched your positions without breaking your connection, she was no less than shocked.

"Rain it on me." It's a dare and you're not about to leave her disappointed.

No more words left to say, you start pounding in her, moist slaps from your skins floods the room as Sana takes a hold of your sheet and bite it.

Written in her face are waves of pleasure rendering her incapable of thinking straight, though you're not gonna blame her because you, yourself is overwhelmed by the sensation.

Your mind is focused on one goal and that is hopefully to last as long as Sana does. Luck you that's sooner than you think as Sana's grip left your sheets and lands on your cheeks.

"You're so fucking~ good! I'm so close! Nngghhh~!' Her back arched.

"Fuuuucckk!" Her long moan was more of a warning bell as you feel yourself clenched.

"Face. Rain it on me." Said Sana who seemed to have regained herself for a second as she's consumed by her orgasms.

You pulled out and stood up as Sana kneels before you with her mouth open and god was it a sight to see.

Couldn't hold it in anymore you sprayed her with your seed as she skilfully catches it with her face, some landed on her forehead and some in her mouth.

"Aaahhh! You're so hot." You said.

Sana smiled before taking your rod in her mouth cleaning it up.

"Let's shower?" Said Sana after the two of you regained your stamina.

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Weak huffs woke you up. A familiar gradient greets your eyes. Taking a good look at the outside. It's still raining but you didn't mind. You once more wrapped your arms around Sana's frame.

[theresstillgrowinghere]

Oh I am fucking angry.

Dr. Edwin Leap (yes, I will call you out by name because you published your bullshit online for the whole world to see), thank you for almost comedically illustrating why so many patients are afraid of doctors.

You do not ever get to think of your patients as other. They are your same flesh and blood; I don’t care how much you want to think of yourself as separate from those of us unwell. (I can tell how much disdain you hold for us just from this short article. We are failures, not good enough, not strong and morally pure like you are, hm?)

Healthcare can never, never, allow itself to other its patients. And yet, you publish an entire article calling sick people Homo infirmus and Homo fragilis? Your tone doesn’t come across very humorous, but even if it’s just supposed to be a silly little joke, explain to me why the fuck you think that would be okay.

Why the fuck would it be okay to say another person is not only not your same species but instead defined as other primarily by their illness?

And designated as such by you, a medical professional with direct influence on the lives and wellbeings of the very people you are dehumanizing?

Do you not see how terrifying that is? Do you not see why people would be afraid of you after just having read this piece?

And then you go on, boiling my blood:

“Homo fragilis, at least as a diagnostic category, begins earlier and earlier in life and often results not only in a tribe of people dependent on medications but also, ‘relying on the kindness of strangers.’ No, maybe better put, ‘demanding the kindness of strangers.’ These individuals require food, shelter, medication, affirmation, and often money from others because they cannot function in the wild. I’m not being mean; the causes are legion, from poor family structure to mental health challenges to social media.”

I cannot believe how many infuriating things you’ve said just in this paragraph alone, but I want to focus on the part that immediately washed me with deep shame. Unrightfully so. You have no right to make me feel ashamed, and yet, when you said “demanding” better captures my state of existence, it turned my stomach inside out.

Yes, I am disabled. I absolutely rely very heavily on other people. Yes, I require food, shelter, medication, affirmation, money. And so do you, christ. You aren’t better than us just because we need support from our communities. Getting support from those around us isn’t a crime, isn’t a wrongdoing, isn’t a moral failure.

You know what it is? Human.

Whether or not Margaret Mead actually said that a healed femur in recovered ancient remains was the earliest sign of civilization (we’re going to save the charged nature of this term for another time and for now just use it as a placeholder for consistent, steady, lasting community), there is a reason why people latch onto this story. There is a reason why it warms people’s hearts:

So many of us want to care* for people. So many of us want to have people care for us. So many people feel closer to others, to ourselves, to our own humanity when offering others care.

(*I am including all the vastly different ways we can show others care, love, support, respect, protection, encouragement, etc.)

And perhaps the most upsetting part is how close you are to understanding the problem while getting the most key pieces so, so wrong. You’re right, our current healthcare system cannot handle the amount of support patients need right now. But please, I beg you, could you consider for just one second that it is not the fault of the patients? Could you please not strip me of my humanity just because I need help to survive?

Fix the system. You’re right, there is a massive problem. But it’s not us. Next time you’re considering your “long-dormant zoology degree,” think twice and reflect a bit before publishing bullshit like this. Think about what it means to take care of those around you. Think about your own humanity.