#just. allowing yourself to exist in your current state of being

[asiantuntija]

something something starting anew....

[sheeezu]

Return: everything I know about shifting.

(A century in tartarus, what did you learn?)

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

The consciousness never tires, never retires, never resists.

An easy to understand analogy would be... consider your consciousness being the sky, or it being the ground. Just like how weather brings change to the sky, clouds glide across. Just like how wildlife populates the ground, that's how realities leave their mark on your consciousness. It is temporary. It can be wiped out in an instant.

You have control over consciousness and the consciousness has control over you.

Your consciousness is a wide ocean which parts into rivers, each river symbolises a new reality. You as a 3D component floats down the river you choose in your 4D.

When you question reality (the one you're in) it casts a fog making the path to your consciousness hazy.

This fog is in the form of doubts, intrusive thoughts, emotions (especially stress and fears, the ones that speak to you in a way "I don't have enough time to shift", "I can still feel my current reality" , "I can never shift.")

Of course. The fog is useless. Considering you don't succumb to the fog.

Sure, your body will speak, bark, bluff, tease you. The solution is to acknowledge what it's saying. Not in a way you accept that these complaints and worries are your own, but that they're just part of a vessel in a reality you have left and nothing to do with. It doesn't matter if the fog takes some time to dissipate.

Your consciousness settled in your dr once you had accepted it. There were no roundabouts, there were no mind tricks, there was no numbing your senses or counting your symptoms, you are there, because you trust your consciousness and don't listen to a chunk of flesh specific to one reality.

"Too good to be true", belief. The one that lingers but never comes to your attention.

Aka the cause of all of your "failed" attempts. You don't fail because you don't try. You don't fail because you don't affirm properly, you don't fail because you messed up somewhere in your routine or fell asleep too quickly, you failed because.... you didn't allow yourself to shift.

Even if you're confident. You're confident that you will "shift." I'm not one to pick on mere words, but there is a huge looming feeling associated with a shifting attempt. You are trying to shift.

If we imagine shifting to be a bridge between us and our drs, than it is the first thing you should burn down.

There is no mid stage. There isn't a speech you have to give to receive a medal.

It is an action. You being in your dr, is embracing the normalcy of it all. Its not a supernatural experience of "when will the stars align" and you'll cry in the arms of your s/o.

A new reality is a new state of mind, in simple words.

The delay.

Question: is there a delay to you manifesting your dr, whilst shifting?

NO. the only reason it exists is because you have a second of pure plato level pondering (isn't that quite the alliteration) if you are experiencing a delay. Realities are like toys you play around with. And to bring attention to any delay is like pulling the threads of a reality you have left, you're giving it more attention under your spotlight, the last lingering bit of your energy gives it the spark to reiterate itself in the form of a "delay".

Of course, this doesn't mean anything and won't ruin your shift. But for the love of me almost deactivating this blog yesterday, do not waste too much time wondering why "you don't have it", you have it, look at it instead of a sparkly loophole that's blocking the lens of your consciousness.

The extend of romatisization.

We all love our drs. We yearn it while we are here. Nothing is wrong with it and keep doing so. But don't bring tragic separation along while you are laying down to shift. You wrote a lovely story of reunion here, which I do not blame you for, fiction is enchanting, but that doesn't make it real. You are in your dr right now. Don't contradict yourself and your consciousness.

Become or meet God.

You connect with absolute power while you shift. It's up to your beliefs to decide who possesses it. When you shift, shed the skin of a human, and watch everything fall into place when you realise how much you had truly limited yourself. In order to do this, you stop telling yourself how you felt your bedsheets change, how you saw flashing lights in excitement. God created the universe with a phrase, "Kun faya kun", which means "be, and it is." It is up to you, what you take away from this.

Consciousness > God > (desired) Reality

Melt, Mold, Rise -> a method.

Melting is the point of derealization of the previous reality, molding is aligning with your dr self, rising is continuing from the mind space of your dr.

How can you apply this?

Melt - stop your current reality's stream of thoughts, tell yourself you've left it, intent/decide to be in your dr.

Mold - slight imagery or knowing of dr surroundings, slightly take ahold of your dr body (imagining the position of your body) and lastly and most importantly thinking thoughts of your dr self.

Rise - know you're in your dr. Be there. (Continue the previous step, but do not force it)

Waking up from a dream.

Getting to your dr, without a structured method or a plan, just pure belief in yourself is much like waking from a dream.

You feel, hear and sense many stimulus in your dream which have no bases in reality. Similarly, while your assumptions are strong, you might sense the reality you have boldly stated you have left.

The distinction is, you don't expect to get stuck in a dream or never wake up. It is decided that no matter what the dream might tell, the final destination and fixed spawn is back in reality, it is always decided you'll wake up from a dream.

Exactly like that (and to conclude our analogy #2) it is decided firmly that you will wake up in your dr, no matter how potent the call of your previous reality is, we can confidently say it doesn't exist and it is illusive like a dream.

"Why can't I do it?"

You can't. Your human self literally cannot. But your consciousness can and will so sit down and be there.

(You have been fooled on multiple occasions by your darned human brain, so let's all promise we won't listen to it any longer after this post.)

Entertaining illusion, the trap of it

The biggest goddamm lie we have all been told is life. You're not part of a system and the matrix does not need escaping. Its like you think you're driving on a road but in fact the road doesn't exist, you don't exist, the car doesn't exist and in actuality you're floating in an empty void. That's too existential for this post but how does it relate to shifting?

You got fooled by reality again. You put on it's harness and do it's work like a mule. Circumstances are not your problem and you're a separate entity from the troubled college student you left behind.

So don't be a mule and don't put a million alarms on to do WBTB in a surrender to your "what ifs" which is a pollutant you keep breathing into. You have wings, fly above the smoke.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

My beliefs have changed, ...for the better.

Jesus is back.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

[shoujosoulsite]

⊹ ࣪ ˖ 🌸 SHIFTING/LOA TERMS FOR NEWBIES TO KNOW : shifting for dummies 101

❀ . . . Hello guys! First “informative” post here on this blog! This is nothing to grand but this is like an easy explanation of everything in the shifting circle! This is specifically made for newbie shifters who just started their shifting/manifestation journey or people who coming back to it after a long break! Also this is my specific view on these terms so I suggest going out to research if you are genuinely new here and don’t just use this post— also if there ever happens to be errors in the explainations LET ME KNOW! So I can quickly edit it or make a way better post in the future 🪽 (*cough some grammar mistake incoming 🫣)

Reality shifting ✩ the act of becoming aware of / moving your awareness to different realities. It’s something that we all natural do because we shift every second (A popular concept like this is something is Buddhism called “Annica” which means that all living things..Hell even creation itself is not set in stone and is always changing). With the concept of the mutliverse or just overall limitless possibilities when it comes to shifting, you can shift to any reality because any type of reality can exist. You can shift to where you are some millionaire’s partner or a isekai protagonist from a “fictional” media in this

Law of assumption ✩ a term coined by the famous Neville Goddard who was a very popular and successful mystic, writer, teacher, and philosopher. The law of assumption to put it in simple terms is the law that what ever you assume to be as fact and persist in will in fact be true and real in this reality…heck the moment you decide it to be true it will become the truth!

a perfect quote to describe it is this “Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live…”

3d / outer world ✩ the physical reality that we interact with right now. The stuff that you see, taste, feel, smell, and hear.

4d / inner man ✩ the inner world of man— you can say the person’s imagination, thoughts, feelings, subconscious, and many stuff relating to it! It’s the mental and non physical realm/state/reality To describe the relationship with the 4d and 3D reality we will use the famous man and the mirror example. Now if you are a newbie you may assume that the mirror is 4d and the 3D is the man but it’s actually the opposite, the 4d is the man while 3D is the mirror. The 3D is a mirror of the 4d and your overall current perception of reality. when the man doesn’t like the way he looks, he’ll be a fool to try change the mirror when he should be changing himself.

Imagination ✩ the imagination and the 4d are basically two sides of the same coin. They are basically in a way the same thing with a tad bit of different perspectives. To put it simple, the imagination is the real reality— consciousness, awareness, the 4d and even the 3D, the fictional stuff that we always think when we are kids to the reality that we are living in now. Imagination is basically the real reality

Conciousness ✩ the foundation of reality! The thing (+ awareness and the 4d/subconscious ) that is the reason why we can shift in the first place. A limitless force that exists in all things and one of the basis of awareness. I highly suggest seeing this video and @omniverseexplorer to really understand as they got amazing information

Awareness ✩ awareness is something very complex in the shifting community. It’s not just the state of being aware and perception but one of the main foundations of reality. It’s the thing that allows us to observe and perceive reality! When we say that we are awareness in this community, we mean that we are the observers of not only this reality but all realities! It’s not just our personal conciousness and personality but a formless and detached being that’s just experiencing creation and nothingness at the same time.

Permashifting ✩ Where you shift to you desired reality for long period of time or permently staying there with the option of coming back.

Respawning ✩ Respawning is very similar to permashifting but there is a twist! Though yes you are leaving this reality with no intentions of coming back… the thing is you can’t come back to this specific reality. While permashifting is leaving for long periods of time or permanently with the option of coming back, respawning is when you are cutting ALL ties with this reality meaning that what you are doing is genuinely permanent. The closest thing you can do to shifting back here is going back to an alternate reality! This is why I will advise people to do this when you are 16+ and 100% sure what you are getting into because the moment you successfully respawn, that’s it!

- deathless : respawning is usually tied to stuff like death and forced reincarnation (hell people sometimes refer respawning as forced reincarnation) which is why it’s very controversial in the shifting and manifestation communities. Though as I respawner myself, especially deathless respawner I want to say that respawning doesn’t always mean that you die (+ death is very subjective when in comes to stuff like spirituality, consciousness, and quantum physics)! Deathless respawning to put it simple is basically you respawning with no intention and desire of the void vessel that you leave behind to die! Many deathless respawners use clones ( i will go into that later) to take their places and continue their lives here while they are in home realities

- sca : sca or sudden cardiac arrest is something that a lot of death induced respawners use if they don’t want their void vessel to continue on. I want to say that this is NOT 100% suicide and suicide is heavily discouraged in the respawning community! Sca/death respawners after successfully shifting intend for their bodies to die AFTER they are safe and grounded in their drs.

DR / desired reality ✩ your desired reality is quite literally the reality you desire to experience and become aware of. This can be any reality like you being rich to you being in some anime like one piece!

CR / current reality ✩ the reality that you are currently in and experiencing (basically like this reality that we are all in now)

WR / waiting room ✩ a waiting room is specific reality where you can just relax in and don’t have to worry about. It can be anything like a cozy cabin in a magical forest or space ship floating in the outer space. Usually people shift here if they can’t decide which dr they want to focus on or a place where they can just detach and not worry about anything! (This is also a great place to respawn/permashift to)

Home reality ✩ the reality that you like to consider your “original” reality , your home! This can be any reality, including this one that we are in. A lot of permashifters and respawners like to use this term to refer to the place they’re permashifting/respawning to.

Void reality ✩ this is a term respawners mainly use to talk about the current reality they desire to get out of. The reason why they call it that is because this reality is you can say “dead to them”, it’s meaningless after they respawn!

Void vessel ✩ similar to void reality, void vessel is another respawning term that basically mean the version of you that you are leaving behind and is meaningless to you.

Subliminals ✩ Very special audios with affirmations where the conscious and aware mind cannot pick up and interfere with that goes straight to your subconscious mind! The subconscious is not logical as the conscious mind and anything you tell it, it manifests to reality. If you use a subliminal to improve your intelligence and grades, your subconscious then programs you and reality to fit those affirmations in the subliminal. It’s a very useful tool in the terms of manifestation and shifting

Channeling ✩ the process of receiving and sending messages or information from/to non-physical entities, such as spirits, universal forces, guides, higher-dimensional beings or/and people from your drs(their higher selves). (This goes hand in hand into divination)

Scripting ✩ it’s in the name, you write and describe what’s your desired reality and overall which specific reality you want to shift to. NO as you script, you are NOT creating a new reality (you are not the special god of your desired reality unless you script it and even if so, that reality/concept always existed before you even became aware of it). Scripting is like putting a detailed description on your “quantum gps” that will help you know where you want to shift to. Scripting can be complex and different for everyone! It can be digital, traditional on paper, a simple Pinterest board, or a Shakespeare like novel.

Void state / pure consciousness ✩ your purest state of form! It’s where you are just awareness and not attached to any reality and the 3D in general. Since you are fully in the 4d in this state, manifestation is insanely instant and I mean INSTANT! Which is why an insane majority of the shifting and manifestation community focuses on it a lot because once you enter this state, your manifestations/your shift you dr is guaranteed! Don’t overhype too much, it’s just another state of conciousness that everyone entered at some point (just not aware or knew what it was)

Self concept ✩ it’s in the name : it’s how you view yourself and the world around you. It’s you current mindset and main state of mind. Even though you can have poor self concept and still shift/manifest, it’s really great to work on it because you can say it’s a main basis on your 4d reality ( 4d = 3D reality )

lucid dreaming ✩ when you are aware that you are dreaming! This usually happens during your REM ( rapid eye movement) time when you are asleep where you brain is the most active.

Affirming ✩ the act of stating a fact / confirming it’s true.

Persisting ✩ the act of consistently maintaining a belief/affirming to the current/desired story, even in the face of challenges or doubt

SATS (state-akin-to-sleep) ✩ term coined by Neville Goddard— is a very effective technique for manifestation and shifting. It’s basically the transition period from being awake to being asleep (a lot refer to this as hypnagogia which is the state between awareness and sleep, often described to have dream-like experiences or hallucinations)! It’s great a method became many describe as the moment you fall asleep and wake up perfect to decode your subconscious mind. Now how do you use this state? Well, you basically fall asleep imagining and/or affirming a scene/affirmation which implies that your desire has been fulfilled.

s/o / sp ✩ abbreviation for significant other/person — basically your partner

Safe word ✩ a word/phrase that you say or an action that you do that shifts you back mainly to your current reality (or any reality that you intend to shift to)

Method ✩ a specify way you shift/manifest. There are two categories in the shifting community to which are awake methods and asleep methods. Awake methods are methods you do awake and without the need to fall asleep and asleep methods are ones that involve you use sleeping(+ intention) you don’t need methods to shift, they are just tools to help

CC / yume (yumeship) ✩

cc = comfort character

yumejoshi/yumeship = people, particularly fems who ship themselves with “fictional characters” of this reality

Brain waves ✩The rhythmic patterns of electrical activity generated by the brain and also states of the brains/consciousness. The main ones are beta = wide awake, alpha = very relaxed(the subconscious becomes open to suggestions), theta = half aware / half asleep (the subconscious is very open to suggestions), delta = unconsciousness/subconscious

Subconscious ✩ The part of the mind where we are not aware of but controls 95% of not only the mind and body but our perceptions of reality. The subconscious controls a lot of stuff like emotions, habits, dreaming, bodily habits like breathing, the 4d reality, and much more

Manifesting ✩ the act of deciding a desired thing or outcome by focusing thoughts, beliefs, affirmations, or simply knowing that you already have it by deciding it in the 4d

Face claim ✩ a specific look, especially of the face that you want to look like in your desired reality. A face claim can be anything, it’s just overall what you want to look like! Face claims can be from a drawing, vibes you want to give off, an edited version of you current reality’s face, or actual people’s faces.

Lifa app ✩ an app that many shifters use just for the shifting related activities. It doesn’t really exist (unles you manifest it into existence ) as it’s mainly for your drs. The possible is and functions of the lifa app can be endless! Its very personal, and all up to your own design

Clone ✩ this is tricky to explain, especially in a non-dehumanizing way as your clone is still you in a way. I would say that it’s like the remaining conciousness that’s left behind as you normally shift/permashift/respawn to your desired reality. As you shift, your cr body won’t just lay there unconscious (unless you intend it too) and this apply to ever other reality. Your drselves, or any version of you is not just unconscious waiting for you to shift there (unless you script it), they are continuing to live their lives just like the version that you are leaving behind will do. No it’s not some copy of you or any entity, it’s literally you in just the same way that all your drselves living their lives are you, you are just not aware of them. To put it simple, it’s just you (that’s “left behind”) living your life as you/your awareness isn’t aware of them and in another reality

Time difference ✩ the comparison between the time that you spend in your dr compared to the time that passed in your current reality.

Reincarnation ✩ a term mainly originated from Hinduism and Buddhism! It’s the belief/concept of the overall cycle of death and rebirth! After death, the person’s soul/consciousness/essence will be reborn into a new lifetime and form. I’ve seen a lot of respawners (especially sca respawners) use this term when it comes to shifting and starting afresh in their drs.

astral projection ✩ a phenomenon where the person’s conciousness/soul separates from the physical body without the need of dying and travels around without it, specifically to the astral plane. It’s in a lot of esoteric and spiritual beliefs and I highly suggest you research it from experienced people before you start doing it yourself.

irl magical girls/heroes ✩ (y’all don’t know how much I have to go into depth with this so I don’t fuck up the genuine meaning- any irl magical heroes that see this and think it’s a bit inaccurate, again please tell me 😭🙏🏻) Now I won’t say this is really 100% in the shifting community but as I go into into the whole rabbit hole of magical heroes (mainly on tumblr), I’ve noticed how a lot of the them use manifestation and chaos magic!

We all know magical girls! Well imagine them in real life! Using the power that we all have from birth to become magical heroes to protect others. They mainly use astral projection, reality shifting, manifestation, and witchcraft like chaos magic to due their duties! Here is great post explaining it all! (+ another one)

pick a card / tarot ✩ a card system (doesn’t always have to be cards but mainly used by cards) as a tool for divination to figure out and get revelations about the persons subconscious and spiritual experience (+ overall daily lives)

Sigils ✩a inscribed or painted symbol considered/intended to have magical power for a specific thing/concept

Quantum jumping ✩ basically the more scientific form of reality shifting “an abrupt transition of a quantum system from one energy state to another”

Shifter ✩ someone who practices reality shifting and the overall practices of changing their reality (me PERSONALLY like to use shifter as an umbrella term of someone who knows and experience the power of shaping their reality )

🍵 honorable mentions — in my opinion , the best people to go to for advice and knowledge

for overall shifting : @hrrtshape @interstellarrisa @mywitchyblog

pure conciousness : @b4ddprincess

law of assumption : @itsrlymine @eamour

🎀 well I hope you find this helpful, again if I get anything wrong tell me!! This took me the entire morning 💀

[etherealkissed88]

learn indifference ⋆˙✧⋆

indifference = “lack of interest, lack of concern”

since we already know the 3d is always neutral and has no original meaning, we know that as the operant power we are the ones that assign ‘circumstances’ and ‘negative’ thoughts meaning.

we should continue being indifferent to the 3d meaning we dont care how it looks because it never means anything. being indifferent means no giving the 3d power, energy, no entertaining thoughts that dont serve us, no holding our desires above the pedestal, no accepting and creating stories based on our current 3d and dwelling in them.

remember that we are not our thoughts, we are not our circumstances, we are not our emotions, doubts, states, or anxieties. our past experiences have no power over us until we decide it does.

how to be indifferent:

be internally fulfilled (satisfy your inner self w the desire which is now reality) so that you feel the knowing of already having your desire which means it will be easier to not give a fuck about the 3d

accept the end and only the end: know that the 3d could be changing in your favor for example, a lady was manifesting a better high paying job and she got fired from her current job for whatever reason. because she got fired, someone recommended her to a new job which was higher paying and she got that job (which was what she wanted). imagine if she accepted the 3d when she lost her job instead of only accepting the end goal. this is why nothing in the 3d matters and why the 3d cant be trusted. whatever you see, dont identify with “this isnt working” blah blah blah because you should be practicing indifference like that lady. she didnt gaf about the 3d and continued accepting she was already her desired self

trust the law: the law is always working and failure does not exist. you identify as a desired version of you and fulfill? ok now its done. theres nothing else to do but continue being that person. dont let anything in the 3d crash you down. dont even entertain the option of “failure”

know the 3d is a reflection of imagination: it has no mind of its own. the only thing it knows how to do is reflect self/imagination so know that at every moment, you always call the shots. this is all you so why care or validate the 3d when its only a reflection of you?

hold yourself higher on the pedestal: when you put yourself (inner self/imagination) first, you become attached to anything else. finding validation in yourself only instead of the 3d. when you want something, immediately fulfill yourself with in imagination instead of searching for fulfillment in the 3d

stop giving the 3d attention: have you ever heard of “whatever you focus on grows”? when you find yourself being aware of the 3d, just shift you attention elsewhere

“As the end is accepted, you become totally indifferent as to possible failure, for acceptance of the end wills the means to that end. When you emerge from the moment of prayer, it is as though you were shown the happy and successful end of a play although you were not shown how that end was achieved.” - ng

“The best denial is total indifference. Things wither and die through indifference. They are kept alive through attention. You do not deny a thing by saying it does not exist. Rather you put feeling into it by recognizing it, and what you recognize as true, is true to you, be it good, bad or indifferent.” - nd

before indifference: *allowing negative thoughts to consume you, accepting the 3d ‘negative circumstances’ as true, when you imagine something and look at the 3d you feel easily discouraged and start to be a victim to it, feeling like you have to ignore the 3d because youre scared of it, you feel the need to search for answers in the 3d all day because you see it as more important than it actually is, you are attached to the 3d and your mood changes when a single little thing looks “bad”*

after indifference: *nothing in the 3d shakes who you are being in imagination because you know who you are internally being is the only truth, you dont care about experiencing things in the 3d that are the opposite of your desire because you know you always call the shots, if you get discouraged you get your ass back up and know yourself to be the operant power, you arent attached to the 3d and searching for its validation*

so when you are indifferent to the 3d, you dont care about it, you arent afraid of it, you know it holds no importance or original meaning therefore you dont let it influence who you are being in imagination. think about when people pass by a homeless person on the street: they might think about it in the moment but most of them would go thro the rest of their day forgetting about it because they just didnt care. think about that one person who always knows they look good and their jealous friend tells them they look bad: that person would not care about outside voices because they know that they look good and they only accept internal validation

your only job is accepting the desire that the inner self experiences, as true while being indifferent to the experiences of the human self

kisses, jani ☆

[naneun-no]

1. You get what you seek. And it shows that you have made it so that on your side that is all you see because you purposely seek it out. You do realize that on SM when you see post and go into comments sections, it’s different for everyone. You know this right?! You built your algorithm to be what you wanted it to be. I never see these things you guys speak of. On my side none of these things pop up. I didn’t build my algorithm with purposeful hate. That was all your own doing. Maybe it’s time to start over and build it with actual positivity because you and the rest sound like you’ve gone off the deep end.

2. Let me preface this with I am 🏳️‍🌈 and what you and the lot are doing is literally one of the most disrespectful and scary things you could do to someone who may be 🏳️‍🌈. “But we do it to show love and support!” Nope! You are doing damage and it’s scary. You literally scare us! Never actually taking the time to think of what this could do to them. You just want your “Ha Ha I was right!” point made. You can see it in all of your guys posts. They are just token to you and you have definitely proven that. You guys are the ones giving ammo to the people who hate us (and risking our lives, how do you not get that!?!! Especially the two grown men you are speaking about!

3. I say this sincerely but you (and the rest of you) need help. I highly recommend therapy because you have gone waaay past parasocial…… Others people opinions (which they are allowed to have, just like you have, and you’re stating they aren’t) should never matter to you this much. You are spending too much time in a world where you don’t even exist to them instead of living in the real world. You put more time and effort into their lives and those who hate them, than on your life. Do you deep dive your life this much? Do you deep dive current events this much? People are literally being slaughtered and dying all over the world right now. I understand the need to escape because of how bad the world is right now (trust me I get it) but you guys aren’t even diving into a good thing. If their lives make you happy then sure enjoy it and be happy but you and the lot seem to focus more on the hate and fighting than just staying in the happy bubble that has been created. Stay within the content and leave out all the rest. You are doing yourself and those guys a disservice doing all that. If you truly care about them, love them (like you claim), and care you wouldn’t be behaving this way. Report and block buttons exist for a reason!

4. This was probably a waste of time because you will all remain the same, but I tried. I wish people thought more of the consequences of their actions and especially what that does to those you are “fighting” for.

Hi, so, I’m gonna attempt to answer this in good faith, even though I don’t necessarily think it was asked in good faith (especially since you did it anonymously, but that’s cool. I turned on anons for the first time in years because I felt open to being challenged and discussing, and that’s what you brought). I am a fan of self-reflection, even though you (without knowing me at all) suggested that I’m not — so let’s give it a go.

1. Sorry… gotta ask. How did you come across this post exactly? You know, given the positivity and purity of your own algorithm?

Ah, I had to, sorry. But you see how it works?

I don’t “build my algorithm with purposeful hate” either. That was, in my opinion, an unnecessarily spiteful and self-congratulatory thing to say. I also wasn’t referring in my last post to hate — I was referring to the way that a lot of this fandom refuses to acknowledge Jimin and Jungkook’s particular closeness. Idk what kind of algorithm you want me to have, but given that I am responding to what “normal” army — presumably people like you — are saying, I don’t really get your point.

2. Okay, you’re 🏳️‍🌈. I’m going to give you a spoiler alert and let you know that a lot of “this lot” is 🏳️‍🌈. You might be aware that gay people are not a monolith.

For some people, the bond that they’ve seen between Jungkook and Jimin and the people that celebrate it has helped them find solace and encouragement and empowered them in their sexuality. I have had discussions about that with gay people on this very site. So while you evidently find this kind of shipping discourse a wholly bad thing, not every gay person does.

I think for a lot of gay people, when they witness and react to Jungkook and Jimin’s content, they have raised eyebrows and wonder if they are closeted. I’m bisexual myself, and I wondered about Jimin a long time ago, but idk. I could be wrong. I don’t think he’s particularly scared of being seen as bisexual, but maybe I am projecting.

I’m genuinely sorry that you felt scared or threatened by my post or my words. I did not intend what I said to be a scary thing, but if it felt that way to you regardless, I apologize. I have no desire to use any gay people (or any people period) as a token or a chess piece. To be honest, sometimes it can get kind of competitive on here when talking about different fandom takes, and you’re right about that. I don’t really see my most recent post as a “ha ha I win” post, I more just was sort of frustrated by the way people tend to refuse to talk about jikook in a normal way, in the way they would talk about any other celebrity duo — but in doing so, I suppose I end up not talking about them in a normal way myself. And that’s fair to call out!

When you say “what I’m doing is dangerous for them” I think I need to better understand what you mean. Genuinely. I’m not sure how saying “hm, I see something here but maybe I’m wrong” is dangerous. I have not spread or reposted any photos people took without their consent. I have not followed them (ever) or gone to where they are to take photos or share their location without their consent. I have not called for anyone to do them harm. In fact, maybe it will cheer you to hear that almost my entire algorithm is people shaming and discouraging others from sharing the intrusive photos and videos. And I agree.

If you’re suggesting that more people seeing content that points out that they may be gay will make more people think they’re gay, which would then make them more visible to people who may wish to harm them — okay. Maybe. I doubt that hateful, homophobic people are trolling the ship tags on tumblr, of all places, but maybe. I removed their names from the tags of the post so that only the ship names are tagged (so that people who are okay with encountering that kind of content will be the ones to see it. Hopefully. And the good people with good algorithms won’t).

Listen. I do not want to put them in danger. I am reacting to their public behavior and the language I see surrounding it. I posted this on a blog site that is generally a pretty safe space for the 🏳️‍🌈 intentionally. I do not post very much about them on X and I do not post at all about them elsewhere.

Still, I’m sorry to hear that you find my post exploitative or scary. If I may make an intrusive suggestion similar to the ones you made — maybe you should avoid this kind of discourse if it causes you distress. Then again, you wouldn’t get the ego boost of telling me all the ways I’m a yucky, bad, not as good as you person. So maybe keep it in the rotation.

3. Point number 3. It’s a big one. Most of it is absolutely none of your business, but I’m going to address it anyways. I’m also choosing to believe you meant this with the best of intentions and that the preachy, holier-than-thou tone was unintentional and just a product of how much better than me you think you are.

Which is fine, and I mean this genuinely: maybe you are healthier than me! Maybe whatever impulse drove you into a stranger’s inbox to anonymously recommend that they seek therapy is healthier than the impulse I had to rant on my own blog about a trend I’ve noticed in a fandom I’m a part of. If you are mentally healthier than me, please accept my congratulations. I wish you many warm cups of herbal tea while your feet touch grass and the sun shines on your cheeks. I wish that for everyone, really.

But anonymous hall monitor, hear me when I say this: You don’t know me at all.

I don’t know the two grown men I wrote about either — you’re right! I yap, and I rant, and I tap up silly essays with very little editing, but it actually is a lot less deep to me than it probably seems like it is. Know why? Because you happened to come to a place where this is the only thing I do. The title of the blog is “ranting & writing & shipping” or something to that effect. I have reserved this space specifically for silly fandom thoughts about two celebrities. In the same way that some people have blogs for Tom and Zendaya, and some have blogs about certain reality shows. I have never written about them in a way that suggests I know them in any way other than a fan “knows” an idol. I only ever make comments on the content they have shared with us through official channels. I may seem as though all I am is a brain dead, zombified shipper, but I am other things too. I just am not those things here, because I have reserved this little space for that.

Is it the healthiest of my hobbies? Probably not. You’re right about that. But rest assured, random stranger who does not know or care about me in any way, other than the moral high ground you awarded yourself at my expense — I do have other hobbies.

I actually do, believe it or not, “dive this deep” in my personal life. I do in fact stay informed on current events and I do in fact have hot takes on things other than this one topic. It’s just that this blog, which you somehow came across and then trolled for evidence to back up your anonymous takedown of me, is pretty much only about this one topic.

I get that you think you know me because you’ve read a few of my posts, but they are typically typed up in a whirlwind of random half-baked thoughts formed during an hour or so spent online and then never really thought of again. I’m a good writer, so maybe that makes you think I spend more time on these posts than I actually do. In actuality, I have spent far longer trying to fairly and without too much defensiveness respond to this ask. Believe me, if anything has inspired me to log off for the day, it’s you. So. Well done.

You so magnanimously suggested that “my lot” should choose to only see the positive and not engage with the negative. Setting aside the fact that PLENTY of my posts are positive, and about the music, and fashion, and hyping them up, you just haven’t seen those ones (darn it! Why didn’t your perfect algorithm show you my nice, happy posts? I promise they exist): If you’re taking issue with the overall tone of my last post — which was a bit sarcastic, a bit argumentative, I’ll give you that — then maybe my style just isn’t for you? I promise I am not having a bad day because people don’t see Jungkook and Jimin the exact same way I do. I promise I’m allowing people to have their opinions, even if my phrasing made you think I’m not. In fact, I’d argue that I might be more tolerant of different opinions than you are. Sure, I made a rant post on my own blog space about how I’m annoyed with a certain trend. But you’re the one who sought out my inbox and told me to seek help. So which one of us is less tolerant of an online stranger’s opinion?

4. I suspect this might have been a waste of my time, too. It’s why I closed anonymous asks years ago; because I got tired of hearing vitriol from strangers. But I like to imagine that we’re all real people, behind the screens, so here’s my good faith summary:

You’re right, I probably am too invested in a relationship that doesn’t involve me. I should have learned my lesson from Channing and Jenna (and Tia and Cory 😭) to stop getting invested in celeb relationships 😅. I actually have a long, unpublished draft about the obsessive culture of shipping in fandom, of which I am guilty! and how and why we become so hooked on this particular stimulus, and all the healthy and unhealthy results it can have, and blah blah blah.

But I don’t think you care about that. Because you don’t care about me. You don’t know me. You’re not a friend. You’re not someone who can provide tough love and tell me what I need to hear, because there is no love to begin with. Your ask reeked of judgement, and shaming, and accusatory finger-pointing, not of genuine concern. Your ask was to make you feel better, it was an outlet for the emotions my post brought up for you — nothing more.

You could have posted about the concerning trend of shipping in fandom on your own blog (and maybe you have, I don’t know). But instead you chose to come to the space I have for myself where I talk about BTS fandom and how it relates to two of the members and tell me I need to seek help. All because I pointed out that people don’t call Jimin and Jungkook best friends, when they clearly are.

You’re too invested too, babe. And that’s the beautiful hypocrisy of it all. “Don’t engage with the negative!!” While sending me a hateful ask. “Other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter to you this much!” How much? Enough to write a silly rant post, or enough to crawl into someone’s asks and accuse them of “not living in the real world”?

Maybe I am an embarrassing person for poring over shit that doesn’t concern me, for finding joy in a relationship I observe from afar. Maybe I’m a loser and I need to step back (I’ve stepped back before, I do it often. You wouldn’t know that, because you don’t know me). But I made a non-direct, untargeted rant post that you could have scrolled past. I was primarily just preaching to the choir. But you took it a step further by sending me a targeted, personal, insulting message designed to make me feel bad. Do you see the difference, in our two posts?

I think while I’m self-reflecting, maybe you should too.

[eamour]

creation is finished.

the phrase "creation is finished" is a principle that most of us are already familiar with. it‘s the unchangeable fact that creation, in other words, what you can imagine — and what you desire — already exists. but how can this piece of information be so significant?

infinite realities exist.

"infinite realities exist" means that infinite versions of you exist. now, with creation being finished you have a large variety, an infinite amount of realities to choose from. anything that you can think of exists already. you don’t need to "create" it, it’s just there. whatever reality you are currently experiencing, there is a version of you right now that‘s doing something completely different. but there is also a version of you right now that’s experiencing things nearly identical to you, but they are wearing a different coat. or they have blinked a couple of times more. or they didn’t pronounce the same word you did in this reality the same way. whatever it is, any reality you can imagine — no matter how identical it is to another — it exists.

all versions are yours.

it’s important to note that these infinite realities all belong to you. you don’t need to ask anyone to give them to you, you don’t need to ask for allowance or permission and you don’t need to seek for something outside of you. they are all equally available and equally accessible to you. whatever you want, whatever you desire and whatever you wish to experience — you can give it to yourself. you can have it. you can own it. because you are the only person who is allowed to grant yourself your desires, for you are the only operant power and it’s your reality.

if you can desire it, you can have it.

did you ever think about why creation is finished? why does imagination create reality? why is your 3D mirroring your 4D? it’s because something exists once you desire it. see, if you desire something, you imagine it. imagining as in becoming aware of it. and if you can be aware of it, you can manifest it. you can shift to the reality where you have what you are wishing for — because there has to be a reality where your wish has been fulfilled.

imagination is your confirmation.

knowing that you can have anything, that you can become conscious of having, implies that imagination (you can also say consciousness or awareness) is the only evidence you need in order to manifest something. if you ever wonder about whether a desire of yours seems too impossible to manifest, keep in mind that you are the only validation you need. you are your own confirmation. you wouldn’t be able to manifest it if you couldn’t desire it. that’s proof enough. so, never ever question your desires!

everything lies within you.

if creation is finished, if everything you could ever possibly desire and imagine and feel already exists within your imagination. that means that all the answers you are searching for, all the responses are also already within you. any conception of self, any state of mind, any reality is already inside you. you don’t need to seek anything in the outside world. you don’t need to look for answers outside of you — because YOU are your own answer.

select your desired reality.

what are you waiting for!? your desired reality exists RIGHT NOW as you are reading this and is waiting for you to experience it! think of your imagination as a library. whatever you want, whatever book (here: reality) you want to read, you can get it. it’s ALL in there, don’t worry. your only job is to DECIDE and TAKE (here: assume) your desired story and make it yours!

with love, ella.

[undercvrfan444]

Overstimulated. All day long you’d been working tirelessly against stupid low grade curses. Sure Gojo, Itadori, Megumi and Nobara had been by your side to alleviate the stress of fighting alone, but you were so sensitive to loud noises after being exposed all day.

Once you’d finally gotten back to your dorm it was impossible to stop you from locking yourself away.

A nice hot shower eased some of the tension between your shoulder blades, however even the running water was enough to keep you on edge. The loud tapping noise from droplets crashing into the tile below you sounded like nails on a chalk board.

Your curtains were drawn tight to close off any lingering sunlight as the ball of light settled below the skyline. Dusk turned to night while you lay limply on your bed; tucked into the soft and cool fabric.

A knock at the door startled you a bit due to not expecting anyone to come by. “Y/n?” The muffled voice mumble through the door.

Groggily rising from your sheets your socked feet padded over to the door. Cracking it ever so slightly to shield your eyes from the hall light. “Gojo-Sensai?” Rubbing your eyes softly you yawn. “Is something wrong?”

The tone in your voice betrayed your respectful intentions. A whine trickled through your words and it wasn’t difficult to understand your hesitant reaction.

“No nothing’s wrong. You look like hell though,” Gojo grinned while teasing. You shot him a weak glare and began to close your door when his hand reached out to hold it open.

“Oh come on kid. You wouldn’t really close the door on your sensei, would you?” A fake pout overtook the older man’s face while looking down at you.

“I would and definitely could right now! Is there a reason you’re here this late?” The soft gentle voice you normally spoke with was fleeting quickly. Gojo was taken aback by your tone and the way you bit at him. His hand flew to his heart mockingly.

“Oh come on! You don’t have to be so mean! I was just coming to check on you after today. You seemed tense, unusually so.” The intentions behind Gojo coming to check on you were pure in their entirety.

A small pang of guilt erupted in the back of your head but you pushed it aside for now. A sigh pulled from your lips and you let go of your door to allow the gap to widen.

Before speaking you step further into your room and motion for Gojo to come in. “I’m sorry sir, please forgive me. It’s just…” Your teeth grazed the soft skin of your bottom lip.

Unsure of how to tell Gojo of your current state without sounding silly. “There was a lot going on and I needed some alone time.” Gojo steps into your room and closes the door with a quiet click, enveloping you and him in the dark. The only light illuminating Gojo’s body was a small lamp on your bedside table. He looked softer here. The signature mischievous smile wiped from his face and instead replaced with a concerned expression. The crystal white color of his hair popped in the low light, highlighting how silky smooth it seemed. Every bone in your body screamed for you to reach out and sink your hands into it, but you knew it would be inappropriate.

“No apologies needed. We all worked hard today. I never thought Itadori would shut up about his arms hurting and wanting someone to massage them. Thankfully he passed out as soon as we got back!” A small snicker left Gojo and it warmed your heart to hear it.

He’d always been kind to you. More so than he was to the others so it was hard to ignore the silly feeling in your heart when he was near. How you’d look for him in crowds of people, laugh at his jokes no matter how dumb they were, or even just stand closer to him when he was beside you.

It would be ignorant to say he didn’t do the same! Sure Gojo loved to tease his students, but when he teased you he was relentless. His words seemed to exist just to bring the pretty red tint to your cheeks and make you shy. On the other hand, the man would practically bite someone’s head off if they so much as threw a stupid joke your direction. Being angered that another man tried to make her shy or flustered. It was wrong of him to favor you! After all you are his student and someone who’s quite a bit younger than him. While the age gap is legal he couldn’t help but feel a little silly when he thought about how much older he was. He quickly dismissed that thought though.

You moved to sit on your bed, slinging the blanket over your legs while listening to the man speak. He eyed you the entire time you moved. Thank God you were turned around or else you would have caught him shamelessly raking his eyes across your exposed legs.

“Are you the only one still up?” You ask innocently while he looked down at you.

“Yeah, the others were so tired I knew they’d all go their separate ways when we arrived.” His hands slid into his slacks nonchalantly while he pushed his blindfold off of his face. A low groan erupted from within his chest at the feeling of his skin being exposed to cool air finally. Your heart stuttered and skipped a beat when you heard the noises he made.

“Did I wake you up?”

The softness in Gojo’s voice rang loud in your ears. There was a sly undertone you couldn’t ignore but chose not to point out.

“Well…no, not exactly. I wasn’t quite asleep but I was definitely close to passing out.” A smile graced your lips to offer a sign of contempt and show you were upset for his visit.

A tense silence lulled over the two of you. Gojo blankly stared at you, not conveying anything. It was difficult to hold his gaze while the sky blue color of his irises sent chills down your spine. His feet barely made any noise before you felt his hand reach under your chin, his thumb stroking absently at the side of your jaw.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” He said gently.

“Y-you didn’t, I promise.” Skin tingled and felt hot in the places he touched. Without thinking you leaned into his hand and closed your eyes, small puffs of breaths exiting you.

“Will you stay with me?” You ask suddenly yet as tender as could be. Your voice washed over him like a wave of fresh air and he couldn’t tell you no. He’d be an idiot to ever think about neglecting you when you asked him so sweetly.

He wasted no time in responding. “You know I will.” Was all that came from him before you were moving closer to the wall and he was slipping out of his shoes and sliding his shirt off. You knew he wouldn’t be comfortable in his slacks but it seemed to be the furthest thing from his mind.

His body caused the bed to dip in accommodation of his weight. Your small bed making the two of you impossibly close, even so he still reached for your arm and gently pulled you up to his chest. Your head rested on one of his pecs while your body nestled tightly into his side. All it took was a few strokes of his fingers in your hair for you to be worn down and jelly on him. While your heart thundered in your chest at the proximity of the two of you, a sickeningly sweet smile spread over your lips. A fit of relaxed giggles left your body and you could see Gojo’s confused but intrigued smile.

“What are you laughing about silly girl?” He whispered softly. He placed a small kiss to your hairline as he brushed loose strands from your face.

“Nothing! It’s just strange for me to see you like..this.”

“Like what?”

“So relaxed.”

Gojo stops for a moments before planting one small chaste kiss to your lips.

“What do you mean by that?” He asked curiously, brows furrowed ever so slightly.

A flush crept up to your ears when you thought about exposing yourself for how much you paid attention to him. “Uhm, I just mean…anytime I see you it’s like there’s a weight placed on your back that you can’t seem to shake off. I know you are the adult in the situation, but I wish there was something more I could do to help you. As silly as this sounds; you bring me a peace no one else can and I wish to do the same for you admittedly.” Between the new position with your chin pressed into his sternum and all the words that seemed to spill out of your mouth you found your head being tucked into his chest in an attempt to escape the embarrassment.

A loud chuckle emitted from below you and you felt his arms wrap around the small of your waist to hold you steady. “You really seem to have me figured out, don’t you?”

He settled against your pillows once more. “I can assure you sweet girl that you do the same for me.” His fingers kneed into the supple skin on your lower back. “I may look like i’m stressed all the time but the moment i’m close to you that weight seems to vanish. Forgive me if I lay it on a little thick with the teasing, I can’t help how much I enjoy seeing you get red when I’m close. It’s refreshing.”

You swallow thickly as his hands travel all over your skin. Your lower back, hips, the curve of your waist, nothing seemed to be out of reach for him.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you lay on his chest and listen to the steady thrum of his heart. “I like when you tease me.” you admit quietly

The two of you talked quietly for what felt like forever before you eventually drifted off to sleep. The sound of his velvety voice pulling you to a deep sleep as you knew he’d hold you for as long as you let him. The last thing you remember is him tracing circles on your back while you sheepishly talked about the silly things you’d do to be close to him.

In real Gojo fashion, he teased you about how timid you were. What he hoped you hadn’t felt was his heart pick up and the crimson color of his cheeks.

[daretoassume]

consciously manifesting for others

guide + some excerpts from different lectures of neville goddard

aligning your vibration with your desires is no different from consciously manifesting for others. i believe everything and everyone you see in your current reality is malleable and can be transformed—not by persuading or controlling them, but through your mind.

after all, it is your physical reality. you can shift to different realities where what you envision exists, including what you desire others to experience, how you prefer them to be, or the kind of person you wish them to become.

 "if you assume that you are that finer, nobler one you wish to be, you will see others as they are related to your high assumption. all enlightened men wish for the good of others. if it is the good of another you seek, you must use the same controlled contemplation. in meditation, you must represent the other to yourself as already being or having the greatness you desire for him."  ♱ the law of assumption, neville goddard

it's no use of complaining about the other person and not use the law for them. i mean, our physical reality is not always perfect but don't you want to see them thrive and grow as a person? even if it's nothing got to do with you. it's not having other people agree with everything you say but seeing them expand their perception and see them actually changing.

how to actually manifest for others

it doesn't matter how they feel about themselves or what you think about them. the only thing that matters is how you want them to represent in your reality. what do you want them to experience in your reality? how do you want them to live in your reality?

stop acknowledging the things that don’t serve them, no matter what you’ve heard.

create mental conversations where you hear them telling you they got what they wanted.

assume their state. imagine you’re them, already living their desired reality.

see them in your mind happy, satisfied, and grateful. imagine them telling you the good news.

feel joy for them, knowing it’s already done. go to sleep holding on to that feeling.

"i tell you that if you imagine, that someone stands before you in bodily form, although they cannot be seen with your mortal eye, but actually you imagine they are standing before you and you carried on a conversation with them from the premise of your fulfilled desire for them, and then you feel them as you would feel them were they now solidly present, and you believe in the reality of that imaginal act, it’s done!" ♱ the pearl of great price, neville goddard

consider what qualities, circumstances, or growth you desire them to embody in your reality and allow that vision to guide your perspective. and like always, know that it is done. you don't have to do anything but have the inner knowing that you don't have to do different techniques. this is how you detached.

how would you represent them in your reality?

whenever i’m upset or angry at someone, instead of focusing on their flaws or being stuck in the conflict, i just transform how i see them. let’s say i’m mad at someone or they’ve hurt me—i don’t want to stay in that state. so instead, i imagine them apologizing, changing for the better, or becoming kinder and more compassionate. instead of dwelling on the negative trait they have, i’m moving into a state where they’re acting in alignment with the best version of themselves.

as an empath, it's kind of challenging to brush off what i feel in my current reality and transform it in my mind, but over the years, i realized that reality is malleable, it's like clay but i have to actually acknowledge my emotions so that i'm not letting my current reality or anyone in my current reality to tell me what to feel. so that i can then proceed to disciplining my mind and detach on the situation of what just happened.

"when you see someone in despair can you represent him to yourself as he would like to be seen? and can you persuade yourself that what you see is real? To the degree that you are self-persuaded he will become that man. then you will have conquered by forgiveness! You will have taken him out of one state and placed him in another." ♱ infinite states, neville goddard

what you give out (your perception of them) is what you get back. persist on the idea you created for them with no expectation and feel that they are already what you want them to be but never let your physical reality (how they behave) tell you what to feel about it. when you change your beliefs about them, how you react to them physically or emotionally will eventually change.

again, you can do SATS, visualization, scripting, whatever permission slip that is, do it once or until it feels natural for you then drop it. don't check your physical reality if it's already happening or not. the real shift is inside of you. when you have aligned your mind, there's no need for you to check what's outside of you.

[genshin-side-piece]

The Collector

A/N: An expansion on this post. I've been struggling to be inspired, but this one has been sitting for awhile.

Warnings: Minors DNI, 18+, Yandere themes, Yandere Behavior, Power Imbalance, Dark themes, mentions of physical abuse, implied kidnapping, sexual themes, no actual smut (sorry), My bad writing

It wasn’t a horrible existence. After feeling like you had been here for an aeon, that’s what you had convinced yourself of. Your needs, at least in a basic sense, were met. The world in which you lived provided you ample food, clothing, and shelter. The weather was tolerable, despite the fact that it never changed, & you weren’t entirely alone. The odd little servant you had been given offered you some interesting conversation. Never anything stimulating or god forbid current, but interesting. You had taken many a nap to the dulcet tones of the bird like creature as it told you stories of battles won and successes enjoyed. Not of its own of course. It, like its brethren, were servants. They held no victories or successes, unless you counted the stain they had shifted from your clothes last week. No, the battles, the victories, the successes, all belonged to one individual. The only individual whose name you were allowed to hear about. Your supposed lord and savior, the reason for your present existence, the cause of your eternal misery; Rex Lapis.

Though, as you laid staring up at the false sky, it was hard to know if he was still your lord. The idea of him being overthrown was one you frequently entertained in your boredom. The potential fall of the Lord of Geo had provided you with many hours of amusement, but you had no way of knowing if it had actually happened or if it would happen. Rex would never allow your companion to tell you if it had. One thing was certain though; he was still alive. Your continued presence in the realm of his own making was proof of that. His visits to your little realm however, had dropped off. It felt like it had been a hundred years since you had last seen him. Maybe it had been that long, it was hard to know. Your realm, like you, was an eternal thing. It existed in a perpetual state of twilight, never giving away how long you had actually been here. Time, like the stars or the true sky or even current events, was not allowed. 

“Basking in the gilded light are we?” The deep, rich tone of his voice cut across you, shattering what was your peace. You shot up off the grass, your eyes boring holes into his golden ones the second you found them. He only answered with a soft smile. The same smile you had stupidly fallen for all those years ago. “Hello dearest.”  He was in a good mood or so you thought. Rex practically purred the word at you. “How wonderful it is to see you. I understand you’ve been quite well.” By that you knew he meant calm. Your last encounter with him, the one where you had verbally banished him from your life, had been a different affair. The circumstances of which you had since come to accept were still somewhat fresh then. You had felt betrayed, furious at his actions. You had demanded your release to the point of screaming it at him, only to be denied. Your rage had been met head on by his will. An unwinnable battle to be sure. On one side was the impenetrable wall of cold stone that shattered all who would refuse to yield and on the other was you. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what the result of your confrontation would be. Like everything else that came to blows with Rex Lapis, you too would lose. He would pick up whatever fragments were left and mold you to his will, just as he had the rest of Liyue. All he needed was time, a thing that thanks to him, neither of you had any shortage of. “I thought we might take a stroll together. The air here is quite pleasant.” He actually dared to seem bashful in front of you. After forbidding you any kind of real happiness he had the audacity to act like you were his first brush with love. “I have missed our chats. It would be nice to talk as we did before.” You swallowed. As you had before.

“You mean-“ A bitter laugh slipped past your lips. How many evenings had you spent arm in arm with him, parading through the empty plains, admiring how the setting sun cast them in a gilded light? The same field, and the same light you were now expected to endure for all eternity. “Before you tricked me.” Before he had trapped you. 

It had been so easy for him or rather, you had made yourself easy prey. Rex had played his cards regarding you well. He had expertly guided you down a primrose path, bringing you to its intended end when he had presented you with your very own teapot. A bespoke one, much like the hundreds of others that lined the walls of his home. You had always admired them. Always asked after the different designs on them. Each one was unique, a work of true art, much like the person he kept secretly locked inside. At the time of its presentation, yours had been plain and unexceptional. The simplicity of it was stunning, a thing to behold on its own, but a bit dull. After he had triggered his trap by bidding you to look down inside of it, you had to wonder how it had changed. Was it still simple or like the others, did it reflect your own preferences and personality? You would never know. Despite your many attempts to learn the truth, Rex wouldn’t tell you. The closest you had ever gotten was that it, like you, was a lovely thing. A wonderful addition to his ever growing collection.

“Now now-“ The gentle smile gave way to a frown. His features became harder, reflecting the disappointment he obviously felt by the harsh reminder of your feelings regarding your situation. When he was with you, he preferred not to be reminded that only one of you was a willing participant in this arrangement. He preferred the fantasy that despite his actions, you and he were still lovers. “Of all the paths we can choose to walk on this fine evening, let’s not select that one.” Not when there were prettier ones available to him.“The glaze lily’s have come into bloom. I thought we might discuss that.”

“Why? I thought you only enjoyed discussing the past.” Or was it the present? Maybe that’s why he refused to discuss anything of value with you. Your permanent stasis left you suspended somewhere between the past that he adored, the present he chose to ignore, and the future that in his mind didn’t exist. 

“Please don’t force me to be unkind. I should prefer this to be a pleasant visit.” As opposed to the others, which generally ended with you screaming at him or your own tears bleeding into the soft fabric of the bed after he’d had his fill. Sometimes it was both. This visit would be no different 

You knew why he had come. His attempt at small talk and a stroll were little more than foreplay for him seeding his desires. When his visits had been more regular, Rex would often attempt to pull the wool over your eyes with whatever served his motives best. So long as the encounter ended with him ridding himself of the carnal desires that plagued him without too much of a fuss from you, any effort he exerted was worth it. According to him, only you could quench his unyielding thirst. A night or day or however long it actually was would generally buy you a little peace. Sometimes you got longer or you believed you did. He had an eye for the exquisite, so when a new prize would present themselves to him. He would seize it.  He only returned to you when he had tired of the new favorite or they had disappointed him. He was fickle like that. Apparently not every gem was worthy of pleasing their lord. If they failed, they would be placed on a shelf, forgotten and abandoned for all time. You only knew that because he had threatened to do it to you. According to him, Rex would be remiss in removing you from your honored place near his bed should you continue to displease him. He would hate not to have you near, but that hatred wouldn’t stop him from setting you aside. Your current confinement was proof of that. “Will you walk with me dearest?” He held out his hand to you, his tone becoming less agitated with each word. He was trying to redirect the conversation and the mood to something more pliable, more pleasant. He could work with those. Force, while reliable, was always his last resort when it came to you. He had long learned that the rougher he got with you, the rougher it would be should he decide to call again. 

“Will you tell me about my family if I do?” He wouldn’t, his instant hesitation at the question was proof he wouldn’t. “Then perhaps how long you’ve held me captive? How many years have I rested next to your bed Rex?” If you were even still there. Like time, the teapot being moved didn’t affect you. The only concern you would have is if it were to be broken. 

“Dearest-“ He lowered his hand slightly, his gilded fingers curling in on themselves. “Please do not worry over such things…” You turned away from him not wanting to hear anymore. The idea that he was going to dismiss your plea for what you felt was the millionth time, annoyed you. 

Don’t worry. Don’t trouble yourself. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Stay as you are, as you were. Never change. Never grow old. Never move on. Never die. Just be. It was infuriating. It was maddening. How could you not think about it? How could you not worry over it when your surroundings were perpetual. Nothing ever changed in this place. Nothing would change in this place, not unless Rex willed it to be so. Since he hadn’t, nor was he likely to, your mind could only ever seem to dwell on what you weren’t allowed to know versus the lies he expected you to believe. 

“If you do not wish to walk, then I will join you in your rest. I am happy to converse with you here.” His outstretched hand fell back to his side in defeat. “The glaze lilies-” Gods above, to the abyss with him and his precious glaze lilies. You found yourself hating them more than you hated him. So much so, that you abruptly rose from your spot on the grass in a swirl of gold and silk, easily ignoring his hopeful look. “Have you changed your mind? Will you walk with me after all?” You turned, giving him a glare that you hoped would sour his aspirations once and for all. “If your goal is a leisurely stroll to the house so that you might engage in a conjugal visit, then save your breath. I have neither the will nor the inclination to listen to anything you wish to speak about. Just take what you want and leave.”  He didn’t respond, at least not right away. It allowed you a moment to try to get a head start on him. Regrettably, the opportunity for escape evaporated faster than steam dissolving into the air. Rex reached out to you, firmly taking hold of your wrist before you had the chance to get away. His grip was far from punishing, but the sudden contact startled you all the same. You made a slight effort to free yourself from him. It was a foolish attempt to be sure, but you still tried. Rex, for his part, didn’t entertain it. He silently responded by pulling you towards him, only ceasing when you were next to him. 

A quick glance into his eyes told you that you were in for a world of trouble. The amiable nature of which Rex had approached you had vanished. What replaced it was the version of Rex that you had become all too familiar with since coming here; the conqueror, the emperor, the archon. A version that unlike the former commanded both your submission and your obedience with a single glance. This version did not rely on simple benevolence or honeyed words to get his way. This version would, should he need to, level the world if it meant achieving his desired goal.

“When the time is right I will, as always, be happy to join you in the comfort of our bed dearest.” You flinched at the sharpness of his tone. It cut through you, causing you to temporarily regret the callousness of your invitation. While you hated him, the only thing you loathed more was awakening the temper that laid just below Rex’s cool surface. Beneath his upright facade laid a molten core, one that could easily explode with the right trigger. Your behavior, specifically your refusal of his initial request being that trigger. One glance into his eyes told you exactly how imminent that eruption truly was. He wasn’t interested in your antics, nor would he be especially tolerant of them. While he had come to you with a smile and warm intentions, both were little more than an illusion. A clever mask to hide his true reason for coming here. His already short temper coupled with his quick escalation of the situation spoke to a deeper problem. One that extended past the confines of your little world and into the real one. One that he had come to you to forget. That knowledge pinned you in place, a cold chill running the length of your spine. The last time you had seen this side of him crept back into your mind. It was an experience you weren’t keen to relive. 

While he had never harmed you to a severe degree, Rex had learned how to make things uncomfortable for you. He could twist your world how he liked, providing as little or as much as he wanted. When you displeased him, the general plenty you enjoyed could morph into austerity before he had even left. He would only return what he had taken when you decided acquiesce to whatever demand he had made of you. Then and only then would he physically reinforce his dominance over you, making sure you understood your place in his world before he restored what he had taken. The iron grip on your wrist was one such reminder. It was a warning of the discomfort to come, should you continue to be difficult. 

“That time though, is not now. My purpose in visiting you was not simply to sow my carnal desires and leave.” You tried to look away from him, but he tightened his grip on you, forcing you to look back. “I wish to enjoy your company.” His tone left no room for argument, despite your expressed need to do so.

You had wishes too. Ones that you had voiced over and over, only to have them fall on deaf ears. The idea that you wanted to be free to live your life, that you wanted to go home, that you wanted even the smallest chance to die were all preposterous notions in Rex’s eyes. He dismissed them as quickly as they came. Blocking each request with a practiced ease that only came from a millennia of ruling. The need to voice them again rose. The desire to pull your wrist away from his iron grip so that might walk away began to fill you. Still, for your own well being, you held both your tongue and your actions in check. Like him, you had enough experience to know that now was not the time to argue with him. His insistence had not reached the point of him dragging you behind him or hoisting you over his shoulder so that he might get his way. He merely had hold of you and for now, it wouldn’t go any further than that. The encounter wouldn’t end with you covered in bruises and unable to walk due to the force of which he took you. It could still end in an entirely civil, yet degrading manner. All you had to do was subject yourself to his desires. The question was, could you?

[nakedbibi333]

Assumptions Harden Into Fact - Neville Goddard

In this lecture, Neville discusses how assumptions or beliefs are the basis of the law of assumption. He uses stories from the Bible that talk about manifestation “between you, the sleeping one, the deeper you, and the conscious waking you” otherwise known as the subconscious and the conscious minds. 

“Concentrate your attention upon the idea of identifying yourself with your ideal. Assume you are already that which you seek and your assumption, though false, if sustained, will harden into fact.”

Creation is finished

“There is nothing to be that is not now. There is nothing to be created for all things are already yours, they are all finished.”

What you desire already exists within consciousness. You cannot imagine something if it is impossible, because the brain cannot create something that does not exist. Anything you can imagine already exists and therefore can manifest in the physical world.

“Your dimensionally greater Self has ways that the lesser, or three-dimensional you, know not of.”

Your inner man knows exactly how to bring your desires to fruition, you do not need to take any action or try to figure out how it will manifest physically.

You only need to assume that it is yours in order to manifest it, nothing else.

“Although man may not be able to stand physically upon a state, he can always stand mentally upon any desired state.” 

Even if you are not currently experiencing your ideal physical world, you can always access your ideal life through imagination.

“Remain in the mental state defined as your objective until it has the feeling of reality, and all the forces of heaven and earth will rush to aid its embodiment." 

As long as you persist in your fulfilled desires, it will manifest.

“In my Father’s house are unnumbered concepts of self”

You will never deplete the world of your desires, because they are infinite. 

There are an infinite amount of states you can occupy, so mentally prepare that state you desire to dwell in and then occupy it.

SATS

Neville calls SATS a “controlled waking dream”

The wish fulfilled should be achieved with minimal effort.

Experience the imaginal act that implies the fulfillment of your desire and the feeling of the wish fulfilled will come as long as you fully immerse yourself within this act.

Do not force the feeling, allow it to envelop you naturally.

“Know what you want. Then construct a single event, an event which implies fulfillment of your wish. Restrict the event to a single act.” or you can use the lullaby method, by reducing the fulfillment of your desire to a short and simple phrase. 

“Just relax and enter into the feeling of actually being what you want to be.” 

Don't overcomplicate or stress yourself out by wondering if you're doing it "right." It does not need to be super detailed. 

As long as what you are doing is implying to you that your wish is fulfilled, then you are doing it right.

“Refuse to enter into conversations that are unlovely, refuse to listen attentively to anything that tears down.” 

Do not pay attention to the 3D when it tries to show you things that do not align with your wish fulfilled. Ignore it and remember that the true reality is consciousness and what you experienced in imagination is the only truth there is

Neville in most of his lectures uses stories from the bible that he believes explain, in an allegorical way, how to manifest. In this lecture, he discusses 4 different stories. I've broken down the most important points from those stories for clarity purposes. It may be easier to understand if you read the stories side by side with these notes.

The story of Pilate and the crucifixion of Jesus and Passover

“For desire is to confess that you do not now possess what you desire, and because all things are yours, you rob yourself by living in that state of desire”

“I cannot have and still continue to desire what I have. I may enjoy it, but I cannot continue wanting it”

This is another example of double-mindedness, or serving two masters (see previous lecture post). You cannot desire something you already have.

“Man is incapable of passing over from one state of consciousness into another unless he releases from consciousness that which he now entertains, for it anchors him where he is”

You must die to the old state in order to pass over to the new state. 

You cannot stay the same (with the same beliefs and thoughts) and also enter a new state. You must completely leave the old you behind and become your desired self.

Let go of previous beliefs that hinder you from fully entering your new beliefs.

“If at this very moment you have an unfulfilled ambition, then you are entertaining that which denies the fulfillment of the ambition, and that which denies it is Barabbas.” 

If you have a desire that you have not fulfilled within yourself, the only person denying the fulfillment of that desire is you. 

“You must now become identified with the ideal that you would serve, and you must remain faithful to the ideal.”

“You walk in the consciousness of being that which you want to be, no one sees it as yet, but you do not need a man to roll away the problems and the obstacles of life in order to express that which you are conscious of being.”

Release your old state (your old self) and replace that with your new state (your desired or ideal self)

Neville says that you will know that you changed your state when you look mentally at the people you know and notice a change in relationship. 

“We must imagine that others see us as they would see us were we what we desire to be”

If you successfully changed self, others will see you differently, they will see you as you desire to be seen.

Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane

The purpose of Neville explaining this story is to talk about the meditative state that you prepare in your mind before engaging in SATS or the lullaby method.

The garden is your “prepared mind” a calm, still state of mind in which you are drowsy and near sleep (basically SATS)

“All creation [...] takes place in the state of sleep, or that state which is akin to sleep”

In this garden, you die to your old conception of self and resurrect as your new ideal state.

Let go of your previous self-concept and create a new one and completely embody that.

Book of Joshua

Your consciousness has created everything you have. 

You do not stop manifesting, and you never “began” manifesting. You have always created the life around you. 

You can have all you desire, as long as you experience it in consciousness and believe that it is yours. 

“You are functioning three-dimensionally and you cannot seem to reach the fourth-dimensional world where your present desire is already a concrete objective reality. You cannot seem to reach it because your senses bar you from it. Reason tells you it is impossible, all things round about you tell you it is not true.”

Your inability to grant reality upon imagination and placing too much emphasis on conditions, reason, and the physical world is keeping you from experiencing the true fulfillment of all your desires. Since you believe it is impossible, you have made it so.

Rahab

No one can see your internal world, no one can see your imagination. 

“You have within you the capacity to appropriate a state without knowing the means that will be employed to realize that end and you assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled without having any of the talents that ment claim you must possess in order to do so.”

“Satisfy self by appropriating the feeling that you are what you want to be”

However, you seem to notice that the physical you is not satisfied until it comes to be, until it’s physically manifested.

The Sabbath: “the state when man is completely unmoved in his conviction that the thing is. When I can assume the feeling of my wish fulfilled and go to sleep, unconcerned, undisturbed, I am at rest mentally, and am keeping the Sabbath” (persisting)

Circumstances will work themselves out, barriers will be moved, and countless events will happen in order to make your desire real in the physical world.

You will never lose your ability to manifest, it will always be yours.

The Book of Numbers

Man is the temple of god and man’s imagination is the well from which all things grow.

“Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled and go to sleep in this mood”

“The sensation which dominates the mind of man as he falls asleep, though false, will harden into fact.”

Neville believes that this sensation before sleep (the state akin to sleep or SATS) is the way that the conscious man can access the subconscious mind easiest. Falling asleep to an imaginal act (or lullaby - affirmations such as “isn’t it wonderful”) that implies the fulfillment of your desire is how you manifest.

“But we have a living tabernacle wherein God dwells [man is the temple of God], and it is covered with a cloud which can and does ascend when we go to sleep or are in a state akin to sleep [man can use imagination to access consciousness and become that which he desires]. Not necessarily in two days, it can ascend in two minutes. Why did they give you two days? If I now become the man I want to be, I may become dissatisfied tomorrow. I should at least give it a day before I decide to move on.”

Persistence is important because the outer world (conditions, reason, etc) can influence us to falter sometimes. We must return to the wish fulfilled when this happens and continue to be faithful to that.

[mirrorologist]

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO BUILDING YOUR SELF-CONCEPT

As a manifestation and life coach, one of the most powerful transformations I witness in clients is the shift that happens when they begin to rebuild their self-concept. This process isn't about trying to become someone else. It's about uncovering who you've always been beneath the layers of old programming, fear, and limitation.

Let's get something clear at the start. You do not need to perfect your self-concept in order to manifest. Manifestation is based on assumption and identity, not on flawlessness. However, when you take the time to cultivate a self-concept that feels true and secure, everything changes. You begin to relax into your chosen state. You stop trying to force outcomes and start aligning with them. You become open to new ways of being, and that changes the quality of your life completely.

This is the inner work that brings the outer world into harmony.

I. What Is Self-Concept, Really?

Your self-concept is the internal framework through which you interpret life. It is the story you tell yourself about who you are, not just in general, but in specific areas such as love, success, health, purpose, and relationships.

It answers questions like:

Who am I when I am in love?

What kind of person am I when I walk into a room?

What do I expect others to reflect back to me?

These assumptions often operate beneath your awareness. You may never say them out loud, but they influence everything from how you carry yourself to what you accept and expect.

If manifestation is about planting seeds, then your self-concept is the soil. It determines the quality and speed of your growth. If you find that your manifestations are inconsistent, delayed, or missing entirely, this is often a sign that your underlying self-concept is not aligned with your desired reality.

II. The 3D Reality Is a Mirror

The external world does not determine your identity. It reflects it. Reality is not outside of you in the way we are taught to believe. The 3D is your feedback system. It reflects your beliefs, assumptions, and state of being. It shows you where you are living from rather than where you are trying to get to.

You are not being punished. You are being revealed.

Trying to change the 3D without changing your internal state is like yelling at a mirror because you don’t like your reflection. It doesn’t work. The mirror can only reflect what you present to it. When you shift your self-concept, the reflection must shift to match it.

You are not a victim of your circumstances. You are the author of them, consciously or unconsciously.

III. Why Strengthening Self-Concept Helps You Relax

When your self-concept is aligned with the version of you who already has what you desire, you stop trying to manipulate or micromanage reality. You stop forcing belief into every affirmation and instead begin to live from a state of quiet knowing.

It becomes less about convincing yourself and more about allowing what is natural for you.

When you say "I am chosen" or "I am successful" from this place, it does not feel like wishful thinking. It feels like truth. You are not reaching for the state. You are resting in it.

This ease is the real gift of building a strong self-concept. You no longer need constant reassurance from the outside world. You become your own confirmation. And that inner steadiness reflects itself outward.

IV. How to Build Your Self-Concept (A Practical Process)

This is not about creating a new persona. It is about choosing to live in alignment with the version of you who already exists at a higher level of consciousness.

1. Identify the Assumptions You Are Currently Living From Ask yourself:

What do I expect from people?

What do I believe always happens to me?

How do I usually feel in the roles I find myself in?

Be honest. You are not trying to criticize yourself. You are becoming aware of the story you've unconsciously accepted as reality.

2. Choose a New Identity to Embody This is not about picking a fantasy. It is about recognizing a version of you that already feels like home, even if you haven't let yourself live from it yet.

For example:

Old story: I'm always overlooked.

New story: I am someone who is naturally seen, remembered, and appreciated.

This doesn't mean repeating empty phrases. It means choosing a new foundation and committing to it.

3. Practice Living in the State of That Version Affirmations are useful, but embodiment is where transformation lives. Imagine being the version of you who already believes the new story. How would they carry themselves? What would they expect from a conversation, a job offer, or a relationship?

Move from thought into state. This is where your energy begins to change.

4. Be Patient With Yourself The 3D may still reflect the old self-concept for a while. That is normal. It's not a sign that nothing is working. It's just delayed feedback. Keep being who you have chosen to be, regardless of what is being reflected at the moment. The outer world must respond in time.

5. Track the Shifts Without Clinging to Them Celebrate the evidence as it comes, but don’t become addicted to it. The goal is not to chase signs but to become the source. You are not manifesting from desperation. You are returning to your center.

V. Living in Alignment Changes Everything

When you build a self-concept that reflects your chosen identity, you feel less anxious, less triggered, and less reactive. You are no longer waiting for the world to validate you. You already know who you are, and that knowing becomes magnetic.

You begin to feel a deep sense of trust. Not in external conditions, but in your ability to shift, choose, and create. This is what allows your manifestations to land and stay. They are not fleeting wins. They are natural outpourings of your inner state.

The world will always show you what you believe to be true about yourself. Not what you say is true. What you accept as true. When you make the decision to choose your identity with intention, you stop waiting for reality to catch up. You begin leading it.

You are not chasing results. You are becoming the version of you who already has them.

[mins-fins]

i killed you — [ lee jeno — 엔시티. ]

and you're possibly on the verge of death, humbling, painstakingly slow death (well not really, you're simply overdramatic) | now playing ౨ৎ

"hello? cadet seventy four? do you read?"

fuck the control panel for being built high up, you have to lug yourself upward to even attempt a hand on top of the buttons. fortunately, you memorized the placements of specific buttons, levers, and sensors just in case you or other members of the crew suddenly went blind, had an accident or..

whatever the fuck just happened to you just now.

your palm smashes against the communication button, and your intake of breath is in tandem with an increase of pain in your chest. "yes yes, my apologies i'm simply—"

"are you alright?"

lord you wish you were. only one very person on this spacecraft requires adequate medical training and they are currently not having the best time, possibly rendered unconscious by the prior events which had unfolded. you cough, hopelessness foreshadowed. "i'm having some trouble! huang is unconscious!"

"huang is wha— how did that even happen!?"

"it was a critical situation that i took care of okay!? jesus i think i broke something.."

help is useless when communication is all on earth, you switch off communication and slump forward as your limbs give in, possibly fracturing something else in the process.

"ow.." you mumble, tears pooling at the corners of your eyes.

if you were to die, you could at least have died in a much more delicate manner. you should have passed in your sleep, peacefully, on the cusp of a beautiful dream about the stars, not on the floor of a spacecraft which you worked several years towards just to be thwarted by some otherworldly thing that attempted to take out your teammate.

well, not everybody gets what they desire.

"hey, get up".

"ow ow ow, hey! you're going to get fined if you break my bones!" you whine, despite a guardian angel being bestowed upon you, arms wrapping around you as your lifted in a typical bridal fashion. you curse silently, still on the peak of sobbing.

"you'll be fine.." your saving grace, lee jeno mutters, as if you can do anything but cry at your circumstances.

"jeno i'm gonna die" you allow yourself the pleasure of complete sadness, tears streaming down your cheeks as you whine endlessly about your mother and how you won't be seen for proceeding months because you're in space meaning it'll be so uncomfortable having to exist around a corpse.

"no you aren't".

"yes i am!" your hands are thrown up into the air, sobs clinging to your throat, hiccuping incessantly. "they're gonna tell my mom late and my funeral's gonna be terrible cause we'll get back home late!"

jeno sighs, swiping a tear with his thumb. "shh, it's alright, i'm here".

you let your tears stain his shirt, emotions encapsulating you over dramatically. when he finally does lay you down, you reach out for him, fingers slipping from his yet continuing to cling. jeno is only aware of the basics when it comes to medical care. "what about injunie?"

"hyuck has got that taken care of".

"is he not—"

"he's okay y/n" jeno reassures, his tranquility offering you a glimpse of solace in such a situation where it feels each bone is protruding from its kept place. "you need to relax" he rubs at your wrist, and you reach out to hold his hand, aware the gesture will bring you the consolation you need in this situation.

you take a deep breath, utterly useless currently. "i totally derailed us didn't i?"

and you aren't the captain, your authority naught, but the.. mess that just so happened to end in this situation came with consequences, even if you did defeat a certain undiscovered foe. "not by much, the journey won't change much".

"i did the right thing, right? i didn't just alter the mission?"

"fuck the mission" jeno states, a batch of words you'd never expect from such a stoic captain who prioritized the craft and earning his spot as an actual astronaut more than anything. there appeared to be a gleam of something different in his eyes this time, a strange sense of devotion. "god just— it's a miracle you two lived you shouldn't have done that by yourself".

"but i succeeded, wasn't it great?"

he scrunches his nose. "sure".

you pout, clutching to his hand as if he'll slip away at any moment, carried away by the wind the minute you allow for your intertwined fingers separate. "stay?"

you've never been one to beg, you suppose he could give you credence for now, the situation calls for it.

his hold on your hand tightens, and he nods as he presses your foreheads together. "of course".

[sukunatoes]

Sanguine

Chapter 7: What Lies Beneath The Surface

True Form Sukuna x Fem Reader

18+ ONLY, MDNI

Chapter Index

It was quite the somber sight — your once bustling neighborhood was now nothing more than a ghost town. As the evening drew close to midnight, its sky was nothing more than a black abyss. Thunderclouds blocked off the light of the moon, with the only source of illumination coming from your headlights and the seldom street lamp.

You applied pressure on the brakes, allowing yourself to slow down enough to effectively weave through the debris that littered the barren streets. As you drew closer to your apartment, the scene in front of you only grew more bothersome. Your neighborhood had been in bad shape since the Culling Games first started, so this was nothing new that you were bearing witness to. Regardless, it still struck a nerve to see your colorful, lively neighborhood be reduced to such a state.

Many of the surrounding buildings and homes were in ruins, with only an occasional one still intact. The area was completely evacuated. However, it seemed to remain a hotbed for cursed spirits. You could sense hundreds, if not thousands, within just a couple of kilometers. Albeit most of them seemed to be incredibly weak.

You cut your eyes over to Sukuna, who was crammed into the passenger’s side of your car. His seat was reclined partially. Otherwise, he’d have to duck to avoid hitting his head on the roof. Two upper arms were folded across his chest as his two lower ones rested in his lap.

Both of his legs were ramming into the dash despite the seat being fully pushed back, and he was shoving the left side of his body into the door to avoid intruding across the center console into your space. It was likely not out of consideration for your comfort, but more so he truly did not want to interact with you if it was avoidable.

Sukuna’s head was angled toward the window, with all four eyes gazing out of it. Every time he had been in your car so far, his discomfort was obvious, though you knew he’d never voice it. This current world was not built for someone like him.

Then again, was it ever?

As far as sorcery goes, Sukuna was the ideal being. He possessed both exceptionally large amounts of cursed energy and the capability to wield it with razor-sharp precision. However, even if he did not have that, he still would be a force to be reckoned with.

His sorcery abilities were unfettered largely in part to his remarkable physical form. A second set of eyes gave him enhanced perception, while two extra arms allowed him to weave hand signs more efficiently. Plus, an extra mouth afforded him more opportunities to chant incantations. It was as if he was specially evolved to be an unsurpassable sorcerer.

Without a doubt, his body gave him advantages in fighting that no other human would ever be able to achieve. In the world of jujutsu, Sukuna was perfect.

But what of the world outside it? The parts of one’s world where sorcery did not matter — the parts where one just existed. How had Sukuna fit into that world in his previous life?

You snapped your head back to the road in front of you before giving it a soft shake to rid your mind of such a ridiculous question. He was your enemy and, upon finding the divine weapons, would soon become your opponent as well. There was no room to offer a being such as him any empathy, no matter how fleeting the thought may be.

Ryomen Sukuna was considered to be the most vile, evil human to ever walk this planet. He was cruel and sadistic. Bound by no code of honor and lacking absolutely any morals, he lived solely only for himself. Upon returning home, you would plot out a new course in your hunt for the weapons, and once acquired, you would rid this world of him once and for all. You’d allow yourself just one month to do so.

A familiar building began to come into your sight. Just five stories tall and made from concrete, it was simple. No frills or amenities, just basic and reasonably priced apartments. Regardless, it was your home, and considering everything you had been through the past few days, you had never been happier at the sight.

You pulled into your usual spot on the side of the street and shifted into park. Reaching behind you, you grabbed your bag before swinging the door open and jumping out. The lights at the bottom of the stairwell were lit, which meant your building still had electricity.

Excellent.

Wasting no time, you quickly ascended the stairs all the way to the fifth floor, where your apartment was. The wind was beginning to pick up as you fumbled with your keys in the breezeway. Slipping the key into the lock, you turned it counterclockwise and pushed the door open. Holding the door open with one hand, you ran the other across the wall until it settled on the light switch.

You kicked your boots off to the left of the door and immediately entered the kitchen. As much as you wanted to shower and change into clean clothes, cooking came first. You had been five days without a decent meal, and it was at the forefront of your mind.

With a soft thud, you let your backpack fall from your hand onto the tile floor. You pushed it aside with your foot before sliding your keys across the granite countertop.

Making your way to the refrigerator, you bent down, reaching for the handle on the bottom drawer. You pulled the freezer door open and began examining the contents, seeing what your options were. It was limited, as you knew you’d be on the road and hadn’t been shopping since you had been assigned your mission.

An unopened bag of frozen tuna steaks, a singular salmon fillet, and four packages of steak were all that awaited you. The tuna would likely take the least amount of time to prepare a meal out of, so you grabbed onto the plastic bag and lifted it up.

The front door could be heard slamming shut, and within an instant, you could feel two sets of eyes on you. Glancing up, you saw Sukuna standing opposite you, with his arms crossed.

Right.

You still had him to deal with.

You glanced down at the frozen tuna in your hands. Usually it would be non-negotiable to prepare a meal for a guest staying in your house, but he was no ordinary guest. If he could even be considered a guest at all. Something like basic hospitality should be completely off the table. He absolutely didn’t deserve it.

However, there was one issue that could arise. Even if Sukuna did not have to eat for survival, he ate for pleasure. He was bound to desire something to eat at some point during his stay here, which meant he’d seek it out on his own. You knew what kind of vile appetite he had, and although there wasn’t a human within multiple kilometers, he might still make the trek to find one.

Perhaps if you could sate his hunger before it fully develops, you could avoid something like that happening. But what could you offer him that he’d be willing to eat?

You scrunched your nose in annoyance.

What a pain in the ass.

“Woman,” he grumbled. “What the hell are you doing?”

You finally looked back up at Sukuna, and it was the first time you had actually looked at him in hours. Every time had been nothing more than a fleeting glance, but studying his face now underneath the fluorescent kitchen lights, his exhaustion was apparent. His stare was blank and almost unfocused while his shoulders slightly drooped into a lazy posture.

Strange.

You knew his behavior had been off throughout your short time together, but you didn’t realize the extent of it. Something was off with him, you knew that much. Even though you hadn’t personally met Sukuna before your unfortunate encounter just a few days prior, you knew enough about him to know he’s been acting uncharacteristically the entire time.

While he’s been aggressive and cruel towards you, he’s also been a lot easier to deal with than you could’ve ever imagined. You had mainly chalked it up to him being stuck in a vow that ensures he cannot harm you and possibly a change in his personality due to his brush with death. But what if there’s something else you’re missing entirely?

“I’m making something to eat, and I plan to make enough for the both of us. If you want to partake, then you’re welcome to do so.”

“What makes you think I want to eat your shitty fucking food?” His empty expression quickly twisted into a scowl.

A sigh escaped your lips as you dropped the bag of tuna back into the freezer. He was really going to make such a simple task impossible. “Well, don’t. That just means there’ll be more for me, so I won’t complain.”

He scoffed before you could even finish getting the words out of your mouth. “And what was it you thought was even worthy of offering to me?”

“I don’t know,” you replied truthfully, throwing both your hands up in exasperation. “I do not know what I’m making yet. Think about it if you want, or not. I really do not care.”

A second scoff.

You looked back down into the freezer at what you had to offer him. There was a large chance he wouldn’t eat no matter what you served him. However, if there was a way you could possibly prevent him from harming any humans, you’d try anyways.

He seemed to like the beef jerky he stole from you earlier, and you knew Uraume had served him roasted boar a couple of nights prior. The steaks were probably your best bet. If he did decide to eat what you made, he’d probably eat a vast amount of it. You imagined he had an appetite as large as his terrible fucking attitude.

You reached for the packages of steak. Each one contained three individual steaks, so if you cooked two packages, you could feed him five and eat one yourself. Hopefully that would be enough.

You stood up and walked over to the sink, setting both packages to the side. Sukuna’s eyes burned into you as you sliced into the packages and pulled out the frozen meat before setting them in a large bowl of water to help them thaw.

“It’ll likely be an hour or so before it’s ready,” you informed him as you turned back around, pulling a rice cooker out from one of the bottom cabinets. “If you’d like, you can go clean yourself up. I have a tub large enough to comfortably fit you, and I know it’s been a while since either of us bathed.”

You set the rice cooker on the counter and plugged it in. Glancing over your shoulder, your eyes met his as he just stood there glowering at you.

“Or not. Do whatever you want. It’s just an offer while we have access to running water.” You reached up into one of the top cabinets and pulled down a bag of rice and an unopened bottle of mirin. “But if you do decide to bathe and want me to wash your clothes, leave them outside the bathroom door, and I’ll stick them in the washer while you soak.”

Nothing but silence.

You continued your task of prepping dinner as you finished rinsing and putting the rice in the cooker. You opened the fridge to pull out a few more ingredients.

Steak donburi is what you had settled on to make. It was a fairly quick meal and loaded with protein, so maybe, just maybe, it would be up to his standards. You weren’t even sure if he’d eat the rice, but you assumed he’d at least try the steak and the egg.

After a few minutes of glaring at you in silence, you could finally hear Sukuna stomp away in retreat, and soon after, the sounds of a slamming door and running water followed.

“Thank god,” you muttered under your breath. He acted more like a petulant pest than the King of Curses.

You made your way over to the bathroom, and right outside the door was a black haori and a matching pair of pants. Scooping them up, you walked back towards the front of the apartment. In the front entryway, a small washing machine and dryer were tucked away behind a pair of folding wooden doors.

Shoving them in the washing machine, you poured in some soap and pressed start on the cycle. As soon as they finish, you’ll just use your cursed technique to dry them rather than use the dryer so Sukuna wouldn’t have to wait.

You shouldn’t even be doing his laundry at all, but they were the only clothes he had, and frankly, you didn’t want him sleeping on your furniture in them. It had been five days since you had last bathed, and it had likely been even longer for him. He didn’t appear to be someone with bad personal hygiene, but he more so just hasn’t had the proper facilities to do so.

You could hear the sound of water cease as you headed back towards the kitchen to get started on the steak, and you could hopefully pull something together that would be enough to satisfy Sukuna.

—————————

The water had long gone cold since Sukuna stepped into the bath, but regardless, it still felt good on his body. His head was leaned against the wall behind the tub, with all four of his arms resting along the sides. You were right — he did comfortably fit into the tub. It had been a long time since he was able to relax like this.

A pair of footsteps could be heard just outside the door, followed by a soft plop. It was likely his now-cleaned clothes being brought back to him. The footsteps softly retreated, and the second he was sure that you were gone, Sukuna sat up and reached down towards the drain to lift up the plug.

As much as his muscles longed to continue soaking, an aroma wafted throughout the apartment and smelled of freshly roasted meat. He originally had no desire to even try whatever pitiful excuse of a meal you would attempt to serve him. However, he supposed it wouldn’t kill him to give it a try. Even if it was nothing more than an excuse for him to further berate you.

As soon as the water began draining, Sukuna pushed himself up to his feet and stepped over the edge of the tub onto the tile floor. A single gray towel laid across the counter next to the sink, although it was unfolded and likely used. He brought it up to his face and took a large whiff. The right side of his upper lip immediately curled into a sneer. It reeked of you.

Disgusting.

Sukuna tossed it over his shoulder, and a soft sound could be heard as it collided with something behind him. The fact you even possessed the nerve to imply he needed to bathe was astounding. Whether it was true or not was irrelevant. Usually he would never tolerate such impertinence, and if it had been anyone else who had said such a thing, it would’ve been the last words they ever spoke.

That goddamn vow.

Although he supposed it really didn’t matter. Soon, you’ll be suffering a fate far worse than your minuscule brain could ever comprehend. The thought alone was enough to bring a brief smile to his lips.

He reached down to the cabinet underneath your sink and yanked open one of the doors to reveal a stack of neatly folded and presumably clean towels. Pulling one out, he started atop his head and began vigorously rubbing the fabric against his wet hair. He then slowly moved onto his face and his torso, allowing the cotton to absorb the dampness from his skin before finishing off the lower half of his body.

Now fully dry, he made his way over to the door to see his freshly washed clothes lying in a folded pile right outside. He slipped on his pants and haori before following the tempting scent back to its source.

Sukuna had been correct, and it was the scent of roasted meat. He leaned against the wall and observed as you were slightly bent over the kitchen counter, a knife in one of your hands diligently slicing through a chunk of meat, while the other hand held it in place. As soon as you finished the first piece, you moved on to a second.

The outside appeared to be charred, giving it a deep brown crust on its edges, while the inside was a reddish hue. A bright, scarlet liquid seeped from the center. At least a moron like you had enough common sense to prepare him some sort of red meat.

“Have you decided whether you want some or not?” You inquired, never once looking up as you pushed the second now-sliced hunk of meat to the side and reached for a third.

“I suppose I’ll indulge. I do look forward to seeing what else you can pathetically fail at.”

With a click of your tongue, you briefly cut your eyes over to him before returning them to your task at hand.

You thought you were difficult to read, and to most people you probably were. However, Sukuna was not like others, and even being as idiotic as you were, you should’ve realized that by now. You could play aloof all you desired. He was still able to peer through the cracks of the feelings you regularly tried to repress.

Emotions often act as a catalyst for exposing one’s weaknesses. Unfortunately, you seemed to possess the ability to quickly regain control of yours. Even after your draining fight with that cursed spirit, you had gotten ahold of your anger before it began to spiral. It was a sign of a decent mental fortitude.

No matter, he’d still find a way to wear you down bit by bit. If he could not physically control you, he needed to find a way to do so mentally. He would patiently chip away at your exterior as he awaited Uraume to return with Tatsumaki, and in time, whatever lies beneath the surface will be laid bare for him to see. All he desires will finally be his for the taking.

Sukuna sauntered over to the wooden table in the center of your living room and lowered himself down as he awaited you to serve him. He dragged his fingers across the table in front of him. The surface was completely empty. In fact, besides furniture, your apartment was almost completely bare.

It was strange — most humans decorated their personal spaces according to their tastes or hobbies, but yours was completely void of anything of the sort. No pictures of family or friends graced the walls, and no forms of entertainment were to be spotted. It was like a blank slate.

Whenever you had first mentioned coming back here, he hoped he’d be able to gather more information on you just by observing where you lived. However, it wasn’t likely, judging by his current surroundings. He’d have to acquire what he wanted through different methods.

“It’s steak donburi,” you informed him as you made your way over with a bowl in each hand. You stretched out your left arm to place the bowl directly in front of him, and a pair of metal chopsticks clattered onto the table immediately after. “It’s nothing but rice, steak, a few seasonings, scallions, and eggs.”

Sukuna leaned over to inspect the meal in front of him. Short grains of fluffy, white rice were almost completely covered by thin strips of the meat you had sliced up. Two large amber yolks were perched atop, with the occasional green speck littering them.

You placed your bowl opposite Sukuna’s and lowered yourself down to the floor as well. Your portion was a similar size to his, except with only half the amount of meat and much more greenery.

He observed as you pushed your chopsticks into the yolks on top, allowing them to break and spread their gooey interiors throughout the dish. You carefully picked up a slice of the meat and some rice before bringing it to your mouth. Gentle, deliberate chews followed before you reached to pick up another piece.

Sukuna knew you were starving. You were unlike him, which meant your mortal body actually required sustenance to survive. For the past five days, you had lived off of small amounts of food, never once having a full meal. Despite the hunger you must feel, you still ate mindfully and leisurely. It was a show of self-restraint in a situation where one did not need to exhibit such behavior.

Interesting.

He looked down at his own food and finally reached towards his pair of chopsticks. It looked and smelled decent enough, he’d give you that much. Most modern food did not appeal to him in the slightest, but this he may just be able to stomach.

He lifted the bowl up with one hand and used another to pick up two slices of meat before bringing the chopsticks to his lips. Upon tasting it, he immediately clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes.

He loudly chewed and swallowed before hurriedly grabbing two more pieces of the meat, this time dipping them into one of the egg yolks and picking up a small amount of rice along with them.

“Is it tolerable enough for you?” Sukuna glanced up to be met with your inquisitive eyes. You seemed genuinely curious.

“Hardly,” he growled through gritted teeth. “I find myself barely able to choke it down.”

It was actually an adequate meal. No, it was more than adequate. But he’d sooner fucking die than ever tell you that.

The two of you briefly ate in silence, but it wasn’t long until Sukuna’s meal was devoured and he once again found himself feeling unsatisfied. He dropped the empty bowl, allowing it to clatter against the table and break the quiet atmosphere.

“More, now.”

With a gentle sigh, you reached outwards and lifted up his bowl. “Thankfully I anticipated you having a large appetite.”

You soon returned with his bowl replenished. However, this time your opposite hand carried two books in it, one of which he recognized as something you had discovered the night of your fateful meeting.

Setting his meal in front of him, you made your way back to your seat before opening the book he wasn’t aware of. You pulled out a singular folded piece of paper and opened it up, allowing it to spread across the table.

A map of Japan.

“This is where we are.” Your finger hovered over the star that was labeled as Tokyo.

You insolent brat.

“I know where Tokyo is on a fucking map,” Sukuna spat.

You completely disregarded his statement, allowing your finger to slowly trace further down. Another thing you often did that pissed him off.

One of his lower hands that rested by his side began tightly clenching into a fist, his knuckles turning a shade of white. This was not the first time you had ignored him, although if he could have his way, it would certainly be the last.

“Originally I had planned to start my journey at the northern part of the country and work my way down.” Your finger glided further down the map, beginning to near the southern coast before it came to a halt. “However, due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be a change of plans, and instead we’ll start in this area.”

Sukuna did not give a shit what the two of you did nor where you went on your pathetic little search. He just needed to keep you occupied and in one piece until he could get ahold of the wind weapon. He just grunted in acknowledgment and continued to eat the meal in front of him.

“There’s a bunch of abandoned towns in this area, so I’m sure we’ll be quick to find shelter and supplies. Plus there’s a bunch of locations to be searched just within a few hours of one another.” Your finger began to tap on a few different locations on the map, although he really paid no mind to exactly where they were. “We’ll be able to hit multiple within the same day and get through them faster.”

Sukuna knew you were impatient to cover more ground and finish your mission as fast as possible. You wanted to be free of this laborious task, and more importantly, him. However, slowing your search down was beneficial to him at the moment. While you were busily entwined in your hopeless quest, it allowed him more time to lay the groundwork for his scheme. But more so than anything else, stalling you gave him time to rest.

Forming this new body of his from cursed energy alone was utterly exhausting and had taken everything out of him. He had been hoping to be back to normal by now. However, his body was still desperately trying to recover from the strain he put on it. You somehow hadn’t realized it yet, but he was weakened in this state, and had you been able to pick up on it, there was a chance you could have finished him off during your first encounter.

How unfortunate it was for you to have already missed your only opportunity to complete your mission. Sukuna grew less fatigued by the day, and it won’t be much longer until his regeneration is fully completed.

You babbled on about your plans for the search, but he wasn’t paying attention. Rather, he finished the second portion of the meal and pushed the empty bowl to the side as he awaited your obnoxious rambling to cease.

After you finally shut your damned mouth, you carefully lifted up the map and refolded it neatly before setting the open book in front of him. Sukuna glanced down with one of his eyes and immediately straightened his posture, leaning forward at the sight that was now before him.

“Where did you get this?” He carefully reached down, his fingers caressing the worn pages.

Each page held a drawing of two weapons. On the left were two tantō blades, and on the right were two katanas. It looked like something had been written underneath each individual weapon, but the bottom parts of both pages had been ripped out. In the center, stretching across both pages, was a singular kanji, sanguine in color.

Divine.

That’s how you knew of the weapons.

“I stole this from the Gojo clan’s personal library years ago along with a few other books that contained information on the weapons.” Sukuna’s eyes immediately snapped up to you. “I was forced to return the others but managed to keep this one concealed.”

You claimed you were after the weapons as a way to successfully end Sukuna’s life, so why did you steal this book years prior to his incarnation?

You sat up on your knees and leaned across the table, pointing with your index finger at the pages. “Apparently the weapons each have individual names, but someone tore them out years ago.”

Sukuna ran his finger along the jagged edge where the fragile paper had been torn. That’s why you only referred to them as the divine weapons.

Kazan, the fire weapon. It was a katana and the largest of the four. The hilt was a vibrant red hue and adorned by delicate gold ornaments in the shape of flames that could be seen protruding from underneath the wraps. Its tsuba and blade were golden as well.

Tsuchi was the earth weapon and was also a katana. It was the plainest of the four weapons. The hilt was an emerald green, with the tsuba and blade both being silver. No intricate carvings or adorations could be found anywhere on it.

Suiryu was the formal name of the water weapon. The tantō’s blade itself was golden, while the hilt was wrapped with various hues of blue. Suiryu’s tsuba was not circular but instead shaped like a wave. It was the smallest of the four weapons.

And finally, Tatsumaki, the second tantō. The prize Sukuna was eager to get his hands on. It’s said to be the strongest of the four weapons. The blade along with the tsuba were both silver in color and carved with intricate designs, while the hilt was wrapped in lilac with silver adorations peeking through.

All four weapons possessed a unique ability, although Sukuna only knew what Tatsumaki and Suiryu were capable of. He knew significantly less about the katanas.

“How is it these weapons that allegedly have the power of a god exist, yet I’ve never heard of them despite living in an era close to their existence?” He cut his eyes up to you.

“They’re not talked about outside of the three major clans. Only members of the Gojo, Kamo, and Zenin families are allowed to know of their existence.”

Good. You really were clueless. He figured as much, but it never hurt to check.

“And you claim to be from a non-sorcerer family,” Sukuna drawled as he pushed the book back towards you. “Yet you know plenty about them.”

For a brief second he saw it. A fleeting look in your eyes that if one were to so much as blink, they’d miss it entirely. A look Sukuna couldn’t quite put a name on. Was it anger or sadness he saw? Perhaps even disgust. Maybe a mix of all three.

“It’s complicated,” you shrugged, pushing yourself to your feet. “And not really worth discussing.”

It may not have lasted long, but that momentary expression gave him what he was so restlessly searching for, a possible weakness he could exploit. Whether it was the mention of your family or the three big clans, he did not yet know. However, he’d find out soon enough who you were and what all you hid.

He couldn’t resist the grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Nothing you’ve said since I met you has been worth discussing, yet I’m still charitable enough to listen. What’s one more useless story?”

You snatched the book up and gave him a polite smile, one that he knew killed you inside to force upon your face. “It’s late, and I believe we’re both tired. I need to go clean up and get some rest. Goodnight, Sukuna.”

Sukuna soon found himself alone after you made a quick exit, not even bothering to clear the dirty dinnerware from your table. He glanced over at the now-closed bedroom door you had escaped through, and a soft chuckle erupted from his throat.

It appeared you were already being pulled apart at the seams. He’d just be the one to fully unravel you.

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[problemnyatic]

Unfriendly, very sharp reminder that your identity does not actually preclude you from subscribing to oppressive, conservative worldviews. I see a staggering number of people who argue very conservative points, but they use progressive language, and have carved out a niche in their beliefs that allow them (and people exactly like them) to exist, so theyre totally progressive bro trust me.

If your beliefs about what rights people should have, who is allowed to exist in public, and what is "valid" to be are rooted in ANY way in your sense of disgust, propriety, politeness, or any other thing like that, instead of in carefully thought-out logic that is aware of the actual real world history and current state of human rights and how they are in jeapordy? You're not being progressive, you're being conservative, but this time the road is paved with extra double good intentions.

If real human diversity is to exist, if human rights are to become truly universal and inaliable, you are going to need to envision a world where you are made uncomfortable, and you will need to learn to be *glad* for that, because that discomfort will be a sign that your worldview is being expanded.

Using the language of consent, of civility, of fairness, of "common sense," to make points that boil down to "I just don't think people should x/y/z, I am uncomfortable with the idea of people being x where I can see it, I just think the bad ones should let the good ones set themselves apart," is violence. It is the very same tactics white liberals have been using for decades to argue down civil rights and human rights as disruptive, and thus bad.

Human beings fuck. We have kinky sex together. We eat food that you can't imagine enjoying. We talk in ways that sound like home to one of us and like nonsense to another. We look different than you. Act different than you. Believe things you find reprehensible. This is a good thing and should be celebrated.

if you think it is reasonable to ask any minority, even and especially another of your community, to be more presentable for our oppressors, or hide ourselves for the sake of the image of the "good ones," to be careful about "confirming the biases" of people who have always thought that x y z minorities are subhuman, then you have not actually done the work of unlearning the conservative rhetoric you were raised on, and you are poisoning the human rights movement as a whole.

Fight for a world that doesn't conform to you. It's the only way you'll know for sure that other people are allowed to exist as freely as yourself, and the only way to ensure you'll be allowed to be you, too.

[kidicaruslover911]

Chapter 3: Trail of Shadows

Mizu x Fem!Reader

a/n: the amount of historical research I had to go through for this one was crazyyyy but interesting nonetheless. so i kind of decided to write mizu as a she from her own perspective and a he from the readers perspective. also sorry if this chapter is a bit messy 😭 so yeah idk but to me this feels like word vomit. i promise you it gets better tho

story on AO3

est. wc 8.9k

You were friends once, yes.

Or rather, you wanted to believe that you still were, but Mizu’s stoic attitude towards you just wasn’t making it easy.

Though, you could understand his precaution to a certain degree, since the last time you had seen each other, both of you were basically babies.

He didn’t know you anymore. Nor did you really know him.

He wasn’t faced with the nice little girl that used to try and make his existence a bit less miserable, but with a fierce warrior who had decided what she wanted for herself.

You were the living proof that some things just never changed, especially when it came to certain personality traits.

And now, fast forward in the present, the two of you were left to rediscover the only friend each of you had found in each other and left behind in a distant past.

But as far as he didn’t show any signs of interest towards the current state of your relationship, you decided that reflecting that same indifferent behavior would be the best for now.

Or at least you would attempt in doing so.

”Y/N?”

It took you a few seconds to realize that your name was actually being called, multiple times at that, making you snap your head only to be met with a frustrated Mizu, lazily sat up against the only tree the large cliff area had to offer.

“Yeah?” You raised your brows at him.

A audible sigh could be heard from the male who took the chance to readjust his glasses, glancing back at you.

“Took you long enough. I just wanted to know if…” He paused. “Are you feeling alright? Your stare just looked sort of…gone?” He questioned, faint traces of concern and hesitation in his voice.

Shit, was I that obvious that you had spaced out?

Not losing a second, you nod, a beaming yet somewhat tired smile resting on your face as Mizu only stared at you, unimpressed.

“Yeah, I’m ok, just thinking about what I’ll be eating tonight…still not sure though.” You looked to the side, dismissing his ‘worried’ tone.

Not that Mizu believed it, but he didn’t want to press you if you weren’t comfortable talking about whatever.

As far as your futile, almost childish concerns weren’t something you wished to discuss with him at the moment, you decided it’d be best to just play it safe and not tell him anything about your troubles.

Unbeknownst to you, on his side, this guy was pissed.

Or more like, conflicted.

Because no matter how much he tried to shake it off, he could already tell that keeping up his ‘I couldn’t care less’ attitude was definitely not going to be as easy as he thought it would be…around you.

And that bothered him. A lot, actually.

Mizu had a clear goal in mind: killing the four white men that had made him the creature of shame he had been his entire life, and for that, he needed to avoid all distractions and weaknesses. No friendships and no love.

That was what he had settled for, and he planned on keeping it that way.

Allowing Ringo to travel by his side was already generous enough but now, out of all people you too? Perish the thought.

Though, thanks to your impromptu duel earlier, he had enough proof that you were in fact an excellent fighter and that in case of any danger, you’d be able to defend and protect yourself (and others).

And that, that definitely was not something nobody could take away from you.

Well…

At least he had the guarantee that you wouldn’t be a complete nuisance to him and make his quest any harder than it already was.

Gosh.

Swimming in his contradictory thoughts, Mizu pressed his head firmly against the tree, shaking it as he let out a heavy breath.

More headaches.

Just great.

To you, his fed up expression was something you decided to get used to rather quickly, since you didn’t feel like making a fuss out of the fact that if he kept on scowling like this all the time, his face would eventually get stuck.

Or maybe it already was. You couldn’t really tell.

The man then suddenly looked up at you, a heavy frown on his face.

‘And there he goes again, scowling’ you rolled your eyes.

“Anyway…I was saying that you should go sit over there and try not to move too much. You’ve got a wound on your side…” he instructed, pointing towards the other side of his camping fire.

You gazed at him, catching his stare on your injured side which was covered in a bit of dried blood and still burned your flesh as a result of your imprudence a few moments prior.

Yet it wasn’t anything that would threaten your life.

It still made you regret that you hadn’t taken your armamentarium with you otherwise, you would’ve taken care of that flesh wound a long time ago.

In the end, you still felt like Mizu’s worries were unnecessary. You weren’t dying so, it was fine.

“The cut isn’t even that deep, Mizu. Matter fact, I think I’ll go and stitch it up later myself-“ you argued, downplaying his remark, making his brows furrow in exasperation.

“Just sit down.” Mizu practically growled at you, eyes shot open as they dangerously glared daggers at you.

You could tell that your mere presence already triggered him and how he was clearly starting to regret his not so really self imposed ‘acceptance’ of your company.

However, you would have expected anything from him but that kind of reaction.

Who the hell does he think he is? Whatever.

“No, thank you.” You smiled tauntingly. Of course, you did plan on sitting down but you just wanted be a dick and deny his considerate request, test his patience some more.

Not that you expected anything to happen anyway.

To your surprise, your answer only made Mizu roll his eyes to the side (of course), a ‘tsk’ leaving his lips. He did not have the energy for this right now.

Why even bother arguing with you? You weren’t a toddler anymore.

“You know what? Fine. I was just trying to be nice and offer you some time to rest.” He sneered, closing his eyes while dismissing your childish behavior.

“But if you absolutely want to keep standing and hold onto a side that is still pissing blood on top of that, go on. Who am I to stop you?” He harshly spat at you.

‘Alright, hold your fucking horses dude…’

You thought that the passive aggressiveness Mizu just displayed in one sentence alone was almost praiseworthy. It almost made you question if he had a stick up his ass with how easily you could irritate him at the moment.

God, he was so uptight.

Eying him with unease, you spoke, your tone dropping to a serious one to which Mizu did not respond. ”Relax, I was just joking…”

Silence.

Sensing that he did not want to make a bigger deal out of it, you finally sat down in silence.

“And my side isn’t even pissing that much blood.” You muttered, faking a pout, which made the man tighten skeptically tighten his jaw at you.

“Sure. Just don’t count on me to drag your body around once you pass out.” He scoffed mindlessly.

You were starting to wonder if you were actually having a conversation with a human or a literal a wall?

”Mizu, I am fine. And nobody’s asking you to take me with you now? Remember, you said it yourself…’No time for weaknesses’” You mimicked his raspy voice and scowl, unabashedly picking up on his words, which the samurai did not find funny at all.

But it made you laugh.

Your bubbly laughter kept resonating in his ears, making him shake his head at your antics, as he couldn’t believe how childish you were acting right now.

”Alright, alright…I’ll stop” You chuckled, giving his shoulder a little nudge.

Unconsciously, Mizu indirectly hinted towards the fact that he would not simply ‘part ways’ with you like he said he would.

Meaningless to say that for a reason he could not explain, he would, if it came down to it, drag your body around with him.

He knew it. And obviously, you did too.

Snickering at him, you could tell that you had guessed right and with a frustrated sigh, Mizu only dismissed your point with slight annoyance, muttering something under his breath.

You giggled to yourself like a teenage girl as you realized that you had found a new fun way to entertain yourself.

Annoying Mizu.

Even if he said that he’d be gone by tomorrow, you could totally tell that he wasn’t even being truthful to himself.

The thought just didn’t make any sense to you. And if he did leave, it would be with you by his side, he didn’t have a choice on that.

It’s not like he was explicitly against it, and your fighting skills were just a bonus.

You were now silently observing Mizu’s motionless form, a hand supporting your head as you tilted it to catch a glimpse of his pretty ocean eyes, hidden behind those horrid spectacles.

Those glasses…

You wondered how the hell he managed to keep these horrid spectacles on all the time.

After all, they were tinted, so he must have gotten used to seeing the world in orange or something close to that.

The thought made you stifle another snicker unsuccessfully, even though you were actually curious.

”What’s so funny now?” Mizu rasped at you again, eyes resting behind his pair of glasses.

”Nothing…I was just thinking, you keep those on most of the time, don’t you?”

Mizu hummed in response even though it was a most obvious answer. It’s not really like he had a choice if he wanted to make his life just a tad easier.

”So, you see the world in orange?” You knew this wasn’t the smartest question to ask, but you really wanted to know and at the same time you felt the air growing a little awkward.

At least you were trying to engage in some form of conversation.

“Hm, kind of…but they aren’t as bad as they look.” He added.

Wow, he actually gave you an answer.

You took it as a positive sign and nodded in acknowledgment.

“I see…Well, you can take them off now, it’s just the two of us, you know?” You smiled at him, another short sigh leaving his lips as he slowly executed himself, inky brows furrowing at your bold request.

”Happy?” He deadpanned at you.

“Eh… not really.” You mused, a sly grin on your lips.

“Well then, any other wishes, princess?” He rasped at you sarcastically, raising a brow.

Your eyes widened at the nickname that had rolled off his tongue, making you bite the inside of your cheek and quickly pull a face.

“Don’t call me that.” You scowled, Mizu’s icy yet somewhat taunting gaze not ever leaving your sight.

“What, ‘princess’?” He raised his brows and you could’ve sworn seeing a smirk build on his lips.

”That.” You grumbled.

You didn’t seriously think that you were the only one that could become exasperating here now, did you?

Whatever, it’s not like you didn’t start this conversation.

”No? Well I think it’s the perfect name for you. It’s only been an hour and you’ve already been acting like some insufferable brat. You’re lucky I’m staying patient with that nasty attitude of yours, Y/N.” He mocked.

At this point, he was just making things up to confuse you. What attitude?

Tsk…So much for your long-awaited reunion.

You didn’t even talk that much.

Right?

Though, you had to admit that when you did talk, you had this habit of using a bit of sarcasm in your tone.

But not all the damn time like Mizu pretended you did.

At the end of the day, that was just the way you spoke.

But you, a brat? Absolutely not. Not him calling you that as if he wasn’t just a year older than you too. Ugh…

”You think you’re so funny, Mizu, but I am NOT a brat.” You snapped, seeing his slightly amused expression grow at the fact that such a simple word could have you this worked up.

And so easily as well.

So it annoyed you when he called you that. Bet.

‘Princess’ or ‘brat’, he thought that both names fit you well…for now.

He let out a low chuckle as he scrunched his nose, making a mental note of those two words.

“Whatever you say, princess.”

This guy…

”Hm.” You side eyed him.

If this was how he was going to be, you’d have to think of a nickname for him soon too.

And eventually, you’d find one as time would go on.

It seemed like this little banter of yours had helped lifting a bit of the awkward and uncomfortable tension that had reigned between the two of you, which was exactly what you had hoped for.

Perfect.

Turning towards him, you cleared your throat lightly.

“Anyway, can I have your glasses for a sec?.” You asked bluntly, holding out your hand for him to give them to you, but to no avail.

Mizu only gave you a blank stare, mixed with surprise and confusion.

“Why?” Now it was your turn to deadpan at him.

Pursing your lips at him, you replied. “Because I want to try seeing with them, get an idea of what your surroundings look like on a daily basis…” You kept your hand out, waiting for the spectacles.

”…Really?”

He surely was surprised.

”…and because I’m bored.” You confessed.

”Huh…I see.”

He shortly glanced at you and you took it as a grumpy ‘go on’. Moving closer next to him, you took a hold of the glasses, grinning to yourself, which obviously, Mizu found very strange.

This was the first time he saw someone getting this excited over something as banal as a pair of tinted glasses.

But that was you.

What appeared meaningless or trivial to others was not always to you, as you tended to pay close attention to and value even the smallest details in life.

A trait that was both most admirable and refreshing, nothing like the young and arrogant warrior you impersonated on the battlefield.

Swiftly placing them on the bridge of your nose, a curtain of sickening orange almost immediately covered your sight as you tried to observe the scenery.

Mizu silently waited for your potential reactions, focusing on your face as he saw your curious eyes turn into a complex frown almost instantly.

It didn’t last long until the glasses made you feel dizzy and gave your eyesight a tingling sensation.

And with that, trying to see the world through the same lenses as Mizu definitely wasn’t that interesting anymore.

You removed the pair, setting them next to the male, whose attention remained fixed on your face as your expression shortly shifted from a playful grin to an uncomfortable grimace.

This abrupt change in attitude caused Mizu to stare at you in dumbfound, silently stifling a chuckle which made you smile.

The moment was short, but it was the first time since your recent encounter that you had seen him show anything besides irritation, indifference or sarcasm.

It was precious and brief, but it made your heart feel content.

His stoic persona melting away for a couple of seconds felt like a fleeting dream.

You didn't have any knowledge about the events that had shaped his present character, but you guessed that they must have been significant to have left this kind of impact on him.

In the end, in the eyes of society he was still a deformed monster…

A monster who, in that particular moment, couldn't resist the temptation to express his genuine amusement with the subtle shaking of his head.

“You’re right. They aren’t as bad as they look…they’re even worse.” You agonized dramatically, to which Mizu only shrugged with a half smile in response.

“I never said that they weren’t.”

After some more time, the two of you sat there in silence.

Mizu had closed his eyes again, but this time, with a faint beam on his lips.

The serene sounds of the ocean waves combined with those of the crackling fire, providing a tranquil melody that was both relaxing and soothing.

The moment was filled with silence, allowing both of you to slip into a quiet state of mind, focused only on the surrounding atmosphere.

Mizu found himself succumbing to the stillness of the moment, lost in his own thoughts, unaware that the time was passing by.

Your adorable reaction to his spectacles making him remember how he even got those in the first place.

Depending on how one looked at it, it was a rather pleasant memory…

It took him back to the first few weeks of his stay at Master Eiji’s forge.

Back to the strange woman he had met there a long time ago…

A distinguished ghost from his past.

Somewhere near Kohama Village, 1640.

”A sword made from this metal could kill a god.” The blind man spoke, the metal’s resonance lingering in the air.

This metal…

He had never heard anything like it before.

A Chinese hāfu male who had introduced himself as a translator that specialized in transcribing Chinese literature into Japanese, turned towards the smith.

‘Asano’ was his name. He was both tall, a bit buff and looked borderline intimidating but was unable to hurt a fly.

Now he was following his soon to be wife as her chaperone during her travels.

After all, it was the law.

Wearing a simple men’s kimono, his hands were placed on his thighs, neatly sat into the seiza.

“Rest assured Master, I do not plan on killing any gods with it. It is a gift for my fiancé.” Asano explained calmly as the master kept on nodding to his words.

“I know this may sound strange but-“

”I understand. The blade is not for yourself but for the person next to you…”

6 year old Mizu, who had sat himself behind the blind elder couldn’t help but stare at the second individual the male had brought with him. A peculiarly elegant one, despite her way of dressing.

A woman?

He tried to narrow his gaze from her as much as possible, trying to avoid her from noticing his eyes and to his relief, she didn’t seem to acknowledge his presence much.

Ever since she stepped in, she had been completely silent yet anyone could tell that the gender of that person was female, and for Mizu, this was the first and last time he’d see a woman enter this forge.

She was short and slender in appearance, but her dominant aura made up for that.

The woman before them had a nearly ghost like complexion, making it feel as if she might disappear at any moment. Her inky black hair was tied into a large bun at the back of her head, with some bangs framing her forehead and high cheekbones to accentuate her heart shaped visage. Her piercingly red lips were the perfect finishing touch to the image that was so reminiscent of a fresh and delicious cherry.

The soft glow of her orange tinted glasses and a casual men’s attire was all that woman intended to reveal about herself. She was quite the sight to behold…in the boys opinion.

“We’ve known each other for 13 years now…The first time we met, she…” The man paused, making the old smith quirk a brow at him.

”She what?”

“…She tried to kill me, breaking her blade in the process.” Asano explained waiting for the elders reaction only to get none, which he took as a sign to continue.

“My short blade is not something I would like her to wield, she deserves better than that.” Asano expressed as he gave his lady a tender look, which made Mizu smile a little.

He thought that it was sort of cute and remarkable how this man insisted on getting a blade done by the Master himself. Not even for him to wield, but for his fiancé.

‘Not for him but his fiancé-‘

“Now we are getting married and…I want her to have the best blade possible, therefore this metal and my choice of this forge. We came very far, you know?”

The idea of a woman wielding a sword was unheard of, or rather, one would only hear such things in ancient tales of the past centuries, like the Onna Mushas for example, warrior women who’d protect their homes with the naginata as their signature weapon.

Unfortunately, those women weren’t really a norm, which didn’t help this woman’s situation.

Considering how Master Eiji seemed more than unfazed at the explanation, the lady decided to finally speak up, moving a tad closer to the Master and Mizu.

She had expected much worse than just a no, which meant that her worst fear was out of the way.

Still sat in the seiza, she bowed her head a bit, letting out a short sigh and taking a short glance at the smith.

“Please forgive my partner’s insistence, Master.” She started.

‘A foreigner…but not from the West.’ was Mizu’s first thought. And to his surprise, she spoke quite well.

Well, after 13 years of staying in this country, it would be weird not to grasp at least the basics of the Japanese language.

The sound of her voice was like a soothing lullaby, the words forming on her lips like soft, delicate flowers. She had a slightly foreign accent that added a touch of elegance to her already mysterious persona.

Mizu could listen to her for hours, perhaps days even. Her way of speaking was so smooth and fluid, almost as if it were a beautiful melody being played just for him. It was hard not to be entranced by the gentle flow of her speech.

“I personally wasn’t too fond of his idea either, but you see, my fiancé can be incredibly stubborn and somewhat pitiable. Going as far as to make this metal on his own, which just like you said, could open a door to greatness.”

That was right.

After all, Asano never mentioned anything about being a qualified smith and if the metal he had just presented a few moments ago was truly his craft, then it was far from being bad for a first time.

And probably a last.

The woman was polite and understanding but she still couldn’t quite read the old man. Master Eiji just sat there, unresponsive.

”And what will you do with it?” The elder suddenly asked.

Straightening her back to face the master once more, she cleared her throat.

”We still have a long journey ahead of us. I am a traveling doctor and pharmacist. I take opportunities to heal sick patients while I still can as we wander through the different provinces of this country.” The woman went on as the old smith kept on listening carefully.

“The truth is that for our wellbeing…my partner’s simple tantō just won’t do.” She admitted in a grave manner, readjusting her pair of tinted glasses.

“And being the gentle soul he is, my fiancé is unable to kill, let alone draw a sword.” The lady clarified as she kept on readjusting her spectacles nervously. It looked like an unconscious habit of hers.

‘ Then why the hell would she marry him?’

Mizu felt bad for her, thinking about marrying a man that does not have the capacity to protect his own woman was unheard of.

‘And she’s so beautiful too…She deserves better than that.’

“This may sound ridiculous and I know that I said that I wasn’t too fond of this but…I am a foreigner and most importantly a woman. A woman who needs a sword to keep herself and her partner alive during their travels, as unrealistic as that may sound.” The lady finished bluntly, only an ounce of desperation detectable in her voice, though she somehow tried to stay rigid.

Mizu could tell that she was being extremely serious about this, as the lady kept on staring at the old man’s closed eyes, waiting for his final judgment.

So this was a matter of self defense.

Her partner must be pathetically weak for both of them to make such a request. But maybe…

“I see.” Master Eiji nodded. “So you know how to fight then?”

“Well..I- I do know my way around a blade.” The lady stuttered, the corners of her lips turning a little.

The blind man only hummed in response. This would be the first time in his life that he’d forge such a sword, made out of such strong steel and for such a peculiar woman too.

But hearing her honorable plea, he thought that maybe, even if it did sound pitiful, he could make an exception just this once.

After all, in the common belief, a woman’s touch upon a sword instantly degraded its worth, ultimately making it unclean.

What a load of horse piss…

“Uhm…If you are worried about our budget, we have more than enough” Asano added as a reassurance, since it was well known that a blade made by Master Eiji’s hand costed more than just a fortune.

The old man only grunted in agreement, seemingly pondering about something. After some time, the old man had made his decision.

“I understand if-“ The woman hesitated, still unsure of his answer.

”What is your name?” The man interrupted her suddenly.

”Tan Yunjing, Master Eiji. But you may call me Yunjing.” Yunjing answered, making the old smith raise his brows at her, picking himself of the ground.

Yunjing…So she must’ve travelled in before the Shogun’s decision to officialize the law of the Sakoku Edict in 1633…

And by the sounds of her name, that woman came a long way…

From the Chinese empire.

But why?

The old smith decided to make a mental note of that as he spoke to the female again.

”Well then, Yunjing. Take a sword, young lady. To make the right sword, I must know what the samurai will do with it.” He pointed towards a wall full of swords that shone in the forges firelight.

”But you seem to forget that I am no samurai.” The woman began.

”A sword is the soul of a samurai, and so, it must match the man. In your case, you may not be a samurai or a man, but you still have a stubborn soul, undeserving of a brittle blade.”

The elder’s remark made Yunjin’s head snap, her voice filled with hope, confusion and gratitude.

”So that means that you are willing to…even though I am-“

”I have no eyes so, so I can accept it.” Was all the smith said.

“But-“

”Quiet! You’ve spoken enough gibberish for today. Now pick a sword and go outside. I will be waiting for you. Here, every secret is revealed and time is precious, we would not want any unwanted guests marching in on you.” Master Eiji interrupted her sternly as he walked out of the forge, waiting for the woman to follow.

Yunjing quietly stood up, waiting for her man to follow which he refused.

“You know this will be some time, Asano. But are you sure you don’t want to stay with us?” Yunjing held his hands in hers as she eyed him softly.

Asano felt like this was something intimate between her and the master, since she’d be the one to wield the sword and therefore expose herself completely to the specialist.

Not everyone would want to have people gawk at oneself while performing all kinds signature tactics and secret moves. And Asano knew his partner well enough to know that she hated just that.

So he shook his head as a ‘no’ reassuring her about his decision, gently cupping her cheeks with his big hands.

”I won’t be too far away, my love. Probably around Kohama Village? I’ll try and find something for us to eat, I wouldn’t want to disturb any of you when you show him your skills.” The man smiled, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead to which the woman only rolled her eyes, a sweet chuckle playing in her man’s ears.

He then stood up, walking outside as he made his way towards his steed, mounting it with haste as he waved at his lady.

Yunjing lifted her tinted glasses just a bit for him to smile back at her, which made her heart feel content. It lasted around a second or two before the spectacles had found their way back onto the bridge of her nose.

Unfortunately, she had her back turned to the sapphire eyed boy, making it impossible for him to catch a glimpse of the entirety of her face.

“Do your worst!” He grinned, slowly galloping away, chuckling a ‘See you later’ to the master outside.

The light cackling of the forge’s fire could be heard in the room as Yunjing let out a content sigh, watching her fiancé become but a tiny point in the distance.

”What a guy…”

It was only her and Mizu in the forge now, the little boy still averting his gaze from her, which the woman didn’t mind, not that she wasn’t paying attention to the child at all, she just pretended not to be interested in the kid for now.

After another deep breath, she finally rose to her feet, quickly making her way the wall that was decorated by the differently stacked blades, which her eyes observed meticulously.

Soon enough, the presumably Chinese woman placed her index onto one of the shining swords as she slowly dragged it across the sharper edge.

As she did so, her back was turned and Mizu once again which he took as a chance to watch her again.

Once she finished dragging her finger across one edge, she’d rub it against her thumb and let out a skeptic “Hm.”

Yunjing went through that process with each blade, and Mizu concluded that she must be a specialist if she could tell what blade would suit her from a simple touch.

”Eh…”

Didn’t seem like she was convinced by that one.

”Hmmm…tsk.” Not that one either.

”Uhm…” Another no go.

This went on for another minute or so, and by the way she kept dismissing all these blades, the little boy thought that she’d never make her mind up at this rate.

That was until she suddenly let out a delightful chuckle. Finally.

At first sight, the sword she chose didn’t look any different from the others, in fact, it looked less sharper than the other ones but for some reason, that was the one she viewed as ‘perfect’.

Grabbing the blade by its hilt, she astutely drew some complex waves with it in the air, holding it upright in front of her before swiftly flipping it around in her hand, making the blade face downwards.

”Tsk…” Yunjing held a dangerous smirk on her face, seemingly aware of Mizu’s discreet gawking, who couldn’t help but keep his eyes on her.

‘That kid…Eh, never mind.’

Not wanting to make the Master wait any longer, the woman hurried to find the old man standing outside, instructing her to come closer by a wave of his hand.

Yunjing didn’t need to be asked twice, as she went to stand next to Master Eiji.

Secretly following the woman outside, Mizu had hidden himself behind a small corner of the forge, not sure of what his eyes were about to witness.

”You asked?” Yunjing spoke in a soft manner.

“Show me everything. Every technique and every blemish.” The smith stated, placing a hand on the back of her shoulder as a replacement for his eyes, now making it possible for him to get an idea of her position and foreign movements.

The woman nodded, a small smile on her lips.

“Every secret is revealed here…”

Little did he know, that calamity would be drawn from her outlandish moves and reveal the true murderous damsel she had so meticulously concealed this entire time.

_______________________________________________

“You shift too much of your weight onto your right feet, your breath is as slow as a snail’s journey to the west and you should seriously think about straightening that neck of yours, unless you actually want to look like a turtle once you grow up.”

Mizu felt a very light yet simultaneously harsh impact on his forehead, caused by the middle joint of her index, which made him groan, raising his gaze at the Chinese woman.

Yunjing had brought a pipe back to her lips, letting some smoke escape her nostrils, her eyes never leaving the boy.

”Ouch?…” Mizu winced, slowly rubbing the spot the woman had struck.

”What was that for?” The kid frowned.

Bam. Another strike.

”And stop frowning like that all the time, you’ll get your face stuck.” She added, taking another drag to fill her lungs.

”If you want to practice sword’s play, you should at least try and do it correctly. Your mind is not at peace.” Yunjing snickered, allowing herself to get a hold of the bamboo sword Mizu had practiced with.

The cool evening air was crisp and clear, with the hint of white fire flickering on the edges of the trees.

The moon was full, casting a silvery light over everything, making the shadows seem extra dark in comparison. The leaves on the trees rustled and whispered in an uneasy dance, as though the trees themselves were trying to ward off the approaching darkness.

It was nighttime already but Mizu had decided to train some more at that time of the night, since he was too occupied helping Master Eiji with his duties during the daytime.

This was his only chance to exercise.

He had seen Yunjing disclose her skills. His eyes had kept on watching but he couldn’t believe what they saw.

The boy had taken her presence as a chance to learn new skills but the movements she demonstrated earlier were so intricate and complex that he was unable to keep track of them effectively, despite his best efforts.

How was it even possible for her to move like this?

One didn’t need to be a great swordsman to understand that her moves weren’t those of an ordinary warrior.

Nor those of a woman that happened to pick up a sword just to be able to defend herself.

The sight of her skill with a sword was akin to watching a murderous crane in a dance of destruction - powerful, graceful, and lethal. Her every move was deliberate and precise, as if she was a natural-born swordsman, even if she had started to ‘simply learn how to defend herself’.

But her skill with a sword was matched only by her past thirst for blood, a liquid she had clearly spilled plenty of, more than she’d like to admit…

”You should be in bed by now, girl.” The woman acknowledged, catching Mizu off guard by her correct assumption, to which she immediately went to deny her.

”I must train in order to become stronger, in order to become the greatest swordsman alive. And I’m not a-“

‘Tsk…’

”Why don’t you be a doll and save us both the trouble and lies? Your posture and footwork says a lot about you, little one. I bet you didn’t know that” The woman smirked at her deduction, making Mizu quiet down.

”But-“

”Oh please, I wasn’t born yesterday. You may fool the whole country with that frail body of yours but I am no moron, I know a girl when I see one.” Yunjing cut sharp, exhaling some more smoke as Mizu only kept silent.

She caught onto her by simply observing her posture and footwork? Just…how?

After a short break, her gaze softened. “You must have your own reasons to hide your identity, so I’ll leave it at that. Your secret is safe with me, after all, I wouldn’t see why I should tell anyone.”

Mizu could tell that Yunjing was being genuine about her promise and thanked her for that.

And then, it hit her.

”What? Duel me? You want to duel me?” The lady raised a brow, quite amused by the little girls decisive attitude.

Mizu knew that this lady be gone soon and she also knew that she was no match for the woman. Yet she still wished to learn. Handing her back the bamboo sword, Yunjing sighed, a dangerous smile adorning her crimson lips as she was still smoking her pipe.

Mizu waited for her to get a bamboo sword as well, only for the woman to stand in place, readjusting her glasses.

”If I were to use anything else than my two fingers, you would die.” She stated coldly, holding up a peace sign, which made Mizu’s blood run cold, holding tightly onto the bamboo blade.

“Two fingers! If I’m being generous, that’s all it’s gonna take for me to get you down. And maybe in ten seconds, fifteen if you’re really good.” Yunjing mused at herself, setting her pipe to the side. She was sure that by the time she’d be done with Mizu, she’d still have something left to smoke.

She was doing this on purpose.

Soon enough concentration and irritation found their way onto the child’s face, unwavering stance as her cerulean eyes glared daggers into woman who wasn’t even trying to take her seriously.

Yunjing was in pure disbelief as she watched the girl attack her with wild, erratic movements.

1…

Even though the Mizu was clearly upset and swinging at her with everything she had, the woman couldn't help but laugh.

2…

The girl's small stature intensified and weakly attempted punches were simply no match for her.

3…

Despite her young appearance, this woman was in her mid thirties, ‘fighting’ a 6 year old as she wielded her two fingers like a dagger.

4…

She dodged Mizu's swings like a ghost, easily avoiding every attack, as she lightly placed her hand onto the child’s head for a mere second, using it as a rotation point to get behind her and strike the back of her right ankle with the joints of her fingers.

5…

Mizu yelled out in pain.

6…

Yunjing used that moment to disarm her and took the bamboo sword, making her lose her only support left, one last agonizing strike on the abdomen, making Mizu fall onto the cold ground, defeated.

7…and that’s it?

”7 seconds. Seems like I overestimated your lingering abilities…” The female held the bamboo blade next to the child’s neck, Mizu keeping her eyes shut.

The worst in all of this was that she didn’t even break a sweat during that short period of time.

Yunjing wasn’t proud, why would she be? Only disappointed but not surprised.

Getting her pipe back onto her lips, she could see the girl, groaning in pain and gasping for air as she held onto her belly.

It was as if that she had struck her with a bullet, the pain coming from inside rather than the other way around, knocking the air out of her lungs and making it impossible for her to move.

‘What was that?’

“diǎnxué.” Huh? Yunjing spat something at her but she couldn’t quite understand it. Why was she speaking to her in her native tongue?

”Touch of Death.” She repeated, in Japanese this time. Was that the name of the technique she just used?

As Mizu had squeezed her eyes shut, Yunjing went to squat next to her, abruptly grabbing the girls face and painfully applying pressure on her cheeks in the process.

Once that was done, her demeanor changed completely. She blew a cloud of smoke onto the side, unconsciously clenching her jaw.

“Let me see those eyes.” She rasped, making a shiver run down Mizu’s spine who opened them a bit too hesitantly for Yunjing’s liking.

They were open now but Mizu kept on avoiding the woman’s gaze, which made her squeeze her cheeks even harder, making the girl squirm underneath her.

”Look at me.” She ordered. And Mizu obeyed, not wanting to piss this woman off even more.

Looking up with the luminous glow of the night's radiant moonlight shining through, her piercing blue eyes sparkled and glowed like two bright jewels, almost too bright for the night itself.

Yunjing’s jaw tightened as she was practically staring into her soul at this point, a low chuckle erupting from her pretty lips.

She knew.

”Born from the same dirt, aren’t we?”

It took her a few moments to realize before the little girl saw how the woman’s tinted spectacles had lowered themselves once more, revealing the contradictorily vibrant colors her eyes held. Mizu couldn’t help but let out a gasp, her pupils dilating at the strange sight.

Yunjing’s right eye glowed like warm fire in the dim light, the swirls of amber and brown swirling in their depths like a sea of cinnamon and honey. The silver-lit danced across the rich tapestry of colors, reflecting the firelight and illuminating her face with a warm, radiant glow.

Yet her left eye sparkled like a vibrant emerald, shining in the moonlight like a precious gem it was. The depth of her eye color was like looking into a lush jungle, with the greens swirling and shifting like a living entity.

As if she had two different planets dominating the center of her eyes. Otherworldly eyes. A white devil’s orb equally sharing her beautiful face with another ghost like one. Distrustful eyes, if one could call them that.

Two impurities, but somehow still in the right place.

Two different eye colors on one face?

Mizu never thought that something like that was even possible, let alone that a person like that could still be alive. A doubled curse to say the least, fate definitely hadn’t gone easy on her.

But just like Mizu, this wasn’t anything she could chose or change.

After some time, Yunjing mouthed a quick ’forgive me’, scanning Mizu’s form one last time before letting go of the child’s face, realizing what she had just said.

Though, she thought that she had buried those resentful feelings a long time ago, the words just slipped out, unable to take them back.

”Too much water…” she muttered, small clouds of smoke spilling out of her mouth.

“What?”

“You have too much water in your eyes…eyes like the color of the rain.” Yunjing trailed off, catching Mizu’s stare.

At first, she wasn’t sure about how she should react to that remark.

”But a little water is good to guard against fire. Your master won’t have to worry about his forge burning down and losing…everything.” She explained, lightly looking into the distance, yet her words seemed to have touched deeper parts in the little girl’s heart.

Seeing Mizu’s hurt expression, Yunjing understood and dismissed the topic. “You said that you needed to become the greatest swordsman alive…Why must you become such a warrior?”

Unbeknownst to the child, Yunjing saw something familiar in her but she knew that trying to prevent her from such a fate would be meaningless.

Something that takes years to master and endless pain to understand wasn’t something she could teach Mizu in just a few days.

‘She’ll have to learn the hard way…’

Mizu didn’t know their names, but she knew their fate. The four white men that made out of her a monster…they’d all die by her hand. She swore it, recounting her pledge of vengeance to the Chinese woman.

Once she was done, Yunjing couldn’t help but ponder about something before slowly taking off her orange tinted glasses once more.

She kneeled down and placed them onto Mizu’s small nose, letting a small giggle escape her lips. Mizu wanted to protest only for Yunjing to cut her off immediately.

“Take them. I have another spare pair so I don’t mind.” She responded, her alternative eyes smiling at the kid.

”Once it is time for you to begin your quest, wear these.”

“…”

“Water is powerful. It can wash away earth and even destroy iron, but right now, you are still too young to try and draw on those strengths.”

“…”

Seeing Mizu’s unresponsive attitude, Yunjing only rolled her eyes. She was trying to be nice and give her some sort of wisely spoken words, but apparently, the kid wasn’t even listening. Or so she thought.

Children…

That’s when she realized. ”I haven’t asked you about your name yet…shuǐ?” (‘shuǐ’ means water in mandarin)

shuǐ? “What?” This woman kept on forgetting that Mizu did not speak or understand Mandarin.

”Eh, I just can’t remember the Japanese word for it.” Yunjing sighed, a hand placed on her forehead.

“…My name is Mizu.” Mizu murmured.

“Mizu…So that is your name” Yunjing tasted her name, snickering in delight. “Of course it is, you are blue after all.”

‘Fighting that woman felt like trying to catch a ghost and yet sparring with Y/N feels like provoking an raging bull…’

Mizu’s sleeve was rolled up all the way up to his elbow, revealing a tattoo, placed in the crook of her forearm. Though it was kind of tiny, you could perceive a small cross with a dot placed between the crossing lines.

Your companion had placed two fingers on the marking, as if to remind him of his oath.

”Tomorrow, he dies.” The male muttered and you figured that he was referring to one of the white men he was looking for.

”I wouldn’t be too sure about that if I were you.” You stated shamelessly.

It’s not like you were wrong and you didn’t want to call Mizu incompetent but at the end of the day, he was looking for a white man.

Men that weren’t supposed to exist in Japan, if everyone was dumb enough to believe the law.

This meant that the shogun knowingly let that man stay in his country against his own laws and therefore the man Mizu was looking for was living quietly enough for him to go ‘unnoticed’.

Not to forget that he must definitely have one the best defensive systems possible for one person to try and get at him.

Mizu only gave you a short glance before dismissing your comment with nothing in response.

“Don’t you have stitches to get done?” He changed the subject.

Right.

“Well about that…I kind of forgot my medical stuff back in the restaurant…” You admitted, tilting you head to the side, a sheepish grin on your lips.

”Huh?”

“What do you mean ‘Huh’?” You questioned.

“You, a doctor?” Mizu raised her brows at you.

Letting out an overdramatic sigh, you frowned. “Of course? I’m a doctor too, you know? Did you seriously think that I was just some crazy girl that just happened to be kind of handy with a sword? You disappoint me, Mizu.” You rolled your eyes.

Though, now that he thought about it, he did see you helping others in order to make a living.

From what she could perceive, you were pretty, smart, and just an overall open person in general, so it wouldn’t surprise her that you to had chosen that kind of path life.

You nodded. “I travel a lot, and so I never stay too long in one place. Just long enough to help people who need it and yeah…” You explained, even if it was only half the truth. He didn’t need to know about that.

“Hm. I see…” Mizu pondered.

“See? Another reason for you to have me by your side!” You winked, which made Mizu scoff at you.

Perhaps…

Turning towards you, Mizu seemed to be thinking about something.

”How many masters have you had?” He asked you.

”Only one? Why?” You answered, confused about the sudden question.

“You’re saying that it was one and the same person that taught you about medicine and swordsmanship?” Mizu pressed.

“Yeah.”

The man only gazed at you, unfazed, but you could practically hear his eyes say ‘Not bad’.

”And you?” Since he was in the mood for small talk all of a sudden, you decided that it would be best to use it.

“Who taught you all your moves?” You smiled.

”Myself. Through a lot of observation and practice.” Mizu revealed in a humble manner.

Clapping your hands, you rounded your eyes at him.

“Wow! Wouldn’t have expected that…I learned a lot through observation and practice as well, since my master used to travel a lot back in the days. Sometimes we’d happen to pass by different dojo’s…Some were acceptable and others were a bit…yucky.”

The Shindo Dojo was one the yucky ones.

Mizu listened intently until she hear the word ‘she’.

She?

She didn’t want to seem weird asking you to rewind and say that again yet she couldn’t help but feel proud about the fact that your master may have been a woman.

”What were they like? Your mentor..” He questioned, his eyes actually showing interest.

Mizu being interested about your master? Somehow you couldn’t help but feel like this conversation wasn’t real.

“Uhhhh…difficult person when it came to training but a very good teacher. Always expected perfection.” You chirped.

”She also-“ You were interrupted by the distant sound of drums playing down town.

‘Right, the cleansing ceremony’ You thought.

Even though you weren’t really interested in participating in it, it would give you the opportunity to get your medical supplies back from the restaurant.

Mizu had already put his glasses back in place, slowly getting up as he spoke to you.

”The drums. Maybe we should go and look at the ‘fun’.”

Next thing you knew was that a Dao sword got thrown into the lonely tree Mizu had rested against this whole time, making you grit your teeth instantly.

The Four Fangs.

‘Not these people again…’

Unsheathing your blade, you immediately got into a defensive stance, Mizu following up as four masked men approached the both of you, making you back away towards the end of the cliff.

Their leader pulled his sword out of the tree, your disturbed expression making him laugh.

Mizu on his side didn’t seem to know them. “I don’t know you, and we have no dispute.” He kept on backing away, his sword dangerously pointed towards them.

Perhaps Mizu didn’t know them, you on the other hand…

“What’s the matter girl? You look like you’ve seen a ghost..” The leader laughed at you, making Mizu look at you, not sure to understand.

“You may not know us, but our little miss here definitely does.” He started, and if looks could kill, he’d be a dead man.

“Well, we weren’t here for her originally but that saves us the trouble. The unnamed samurai that cut through Shindo dojo, alongside the ‘Damsel of Devastation’ served on a silver platter.” The man kept on gloating, making you tighten your grip on your blade.

‘So he was the one…’ The man that had all of Kyoto in a chokehold. You should have known better.

’The Damsel of Devastation?’ Mizu was sure she had heard that name before…

Yet right now was not the best time to try and remember where she knew that name from.

”I have a name.” The sapphire eyed man growled.

”No one will ever know it.”

Pointing his sword into your direction, the Fangs leader kept going with his little speech.

“We’ve been hunting you down for awhile you know?”

Of course you knew.

They had been on your trail for more than a year now, which was one of the actual reasons you never stayed in one city or village for too long.

Well, at some point you would have had to fight them, but today really wasn’t the day.

“The Four Fangs are supposed to be dead. I killed you.” You hissed.

You remembered killing the three others, but for some reason, their leader seemed to have made it out alive.

‘Replacements’ You thought. They’ll be easy to kill again.

“Maybe, but you forget that you have enemies. Rich ones. But you did leave me an ugly souvenir, woman, I’ll give you that. All that I can tell is that you aren’t looking too good today, missy.” He smirked, referring to your small but still fresh flesh wound from earlier.

While you were still on your guard, conversing with this man, Mizu could only understand that for a reason or another, you had a bounty on your head. A heavy one at that, if these were the kind of people tracking you down.

Glaring at the Fangs, he could only make a mental note of that, pissed at the fact that you purposely didn’t tell him anything about it but deciding that he’d confront you about it later.

Now the man had turned to Mizu, urging her to take off her glasses which she slowly did, making the group of men gasp.

You stole a short glance at Mizu, who’s eyes held disdain for you as soon as they crossed yours, making you avoid them rapidly.

This was going to be tough. And you knew that owed your ‘friend’ some explanations but right now you had four men to kill.

The three remaining didn’t loose any more time, drawing their weapons determined to kill the both of you for good this time.

Standing still, you suddenly started to feel just a little dizzy, thinking nothing if it.

“Dojos fight to boast. Warriors fight to kill.”

And that was that.

Or so you thought.

a/n: try not to make the chapter ten times longer than you had originally planned’ challenge level *IMPOSSIBLE* Mentally I’m already on chapter 13 🥰 Yunjing is actually going to be very important quite soon with a backstory and everything so yeah just bear with me🗣️ and yes she has heterochromia. Right eye is hazel colored, left one green. Fun fact back when she met small Mizu, Yunjing was 33 years old. Also do tell me what you think of her so far 🙄

Masterlist | Next Chapter

[stilljuststardust]

Tw: Death

Before you start reading this, star, it is totally okay if you don't reply to this, I understand this is a sensitive topic and it's not something anyone would wanna talk about, and especially on a day like this, where everyone is probably missing their s/o's and loved ones. I am just sending this ask because i don't know where to go rn, and you're one of the only bloggers who have talked about this kind of topic with empathy. But still, again, you really don't have to reply, because i will be alright.

So it's 14th Feb today, i know it's day that is supposed to be all happy and about love etc but it's not for me,and it wasn't last year either. i can't believe im saying this but today is death anniversary of my dog. I have dreaded this day for a year now. Last year when I lost him, I was delusional, thinking I could revise it, or maybe shift to my wr where i scripted his consciousness to shift when he yk...i don't know what to do at this point. I know that I'm going to shift and meet him but rn it's...i am stuck between grieving and not grieving because what am i even grieving for when he's alive in my wr and that was not his end, that i am going to meet him again. If I grieve am I just giving up on the concept of shifting/loa? If I don't, am I not honoring his life?

I know I'm human but aren't I also so much more than that, i am supposed to be the goddamn creator of my reality, why did that even happen in my reality? did i let my intrusive thoughts win when he was dying? or why still I haven't shifted or revised even after so much persistence? All these questions still are here, despite it being exactly a year.

It's been a weird ass year and I want to treat today as just another day but the day, it just seems like a milestone of my failure of a journey... I know I will be alright at the end of the day, but still...

I'm sorry for your loss ❤️

Before I get into this: Grieving people are in a very vulnerable mental state and so I avoid posting about death revision. Yes, people have done it. Yes, anyone can do it. I don't post about it because I think if someone were to misunderstand loa it could end up being re-traumatizing. A lot of people struggle with the misconception that feeling negatively can "ruin" a manifestation, which is false, but during a grieving period this misunderstanding can be extremely detrimental as it seems to have been here.

What I'm seeing here is a lot of self blame and guilt. You aren't allowing yourself to grieve but you aren't allowing yourself to live in the end either. You feel guilty for grieving, and you feel guilty when you don't. If you take anything away from this it should be that there is nothing wrong with whatever you decide to grieve. You have nothing to feel guilty about either way.

I recommend you take a break and have a grieving period. You've spent a full year suppressing your grief and it's clearly weighing on you. You don't have to give up on your goal, I say take a break because you've had non stop pressure on yourself and you need to release it. You need to know that it's OK to feel how you're feeling.

If it's been a year a grieving period can't hurt. I don't see that as "giving up on manifestation". The way I see it right now you're living in the old story AND blaming yourself for it, taking a break isn't actually doing anything you're not doing now it's just removing the self blame from it.

It seems from the way you're talking about it that you are not currently planning on revising his death in this reality and instead you have a DR where he exists, if that's true then I double down on my original advice.

Once you are ready, and only then not a moment before, then you can try again.

As far as "how did this manifest" I can't tell you. I don't know. I'm not you. I know how I've unintentionally manifested similar experiences, I actually had something happen like this last year as well. It doesn't mean it's your fault. Oftentimes you come to a natural conclusion based on what you saw, sometimes it's a slow progression like "he seems tired" turns to "I think something is wrong", that doesn't mean you were at fault for thinking that way. There is nothing you should feel guilty for.

The manifestation advice won't be different than anything I've said before because manifestation is always the same. Think from the state/think as if it has already manifested.

Persistence is not "It didn't work but I'll try again", persistence is continuing to think as if even when the 3D says otherwise. You have not had a "journey of failure" failure does not exist. You cannot fail to manifest. You are always manifesting something based on your assumptions. You have not failed you have just manifested the old story.

Your manifestation can still happen if you're sad, or hurt, or stressed. The "key" is continuing to think as if/affirm regardless. It's really easy to think "oh no i feel terrible that must mean my affirmations aren't working" but that's not true. Don't go back to the old story just because you think it's not working. Just affirm as if/think as if it is working.

I know. It probably feels shit to hear because you don't believe it's that easy and I wish I could just beam the realization into your head but I can't. I can only repeat until it clicks.

I'm sorry I wish I had more to tell you but the law is just the law.

Links

This post is really good

Saturate your mind (Taylor is really good I like her)

Feel like giving up on your manifestation?