#I'm still a bit lost but I'm finding my way

[zosan-secondchances]

The Pirate King of the North: Part 9

Bonus panels for some extra backstory.

Main Themes: Villain Sanji, Alternate Universe, Zosan Ship

Warning: Long post ahead with One Piece spoilers. Contains strong language and explicit content.

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

That night, the swordsman makes a last minute decision to rectify things with the blonde. He figured that there's no point in delaying as this might be the only chance they get to talk one-on-one before they get stuck in Skypiea with Law for however long they need to be up there. Since his cocktail-making skills are apparently subpar at best, he thought he'd turn to doing something else that he hopes Sanji would like before he pops the question–about the name, he reminds himself. Whatever it is, it will need to be something incredible to make up for the shame of not knowing something so simple about the man after all the years they’ve known together.

He thinks about quickly jumping off to collect some flowers in Jaya’s South Grove, but he is met by Jean Bart who drags his sorry feet back inside. The large man assigned himself on “Zoro duty”, not wanting the Warlord to get lost the night before he needed to depart with their captain. Apparently they had pissed him off enough already that day.

Zoro turns to the kitchen to try and find Sanji's favourite snacks, and maybe sneak away with a couple bottles of wine to help set the mood. Unfortunately he bumped into Hakugan and Uni who are guarding the door, ready to strike him down should he set foot inside the room. They give him a powerful performance of their martial arts prowess as a gentle reminder that he's banned from the place, warning him that they’re not afraid to put their lives on the line to enforce Law’s rules. When he tried to ask for their assistance to go and fetch what he needed, they both turned him away, thinking that he's just trying to distract them so he can do whatever evil thing he apparently was set out to do.

His last option was the library. He’s not much of a reader but he figured he would try because he knew of Sanji’s love for knowledge and books. He wants to read a story or two with him to see if that’s something they would enjoy doing together. Sadly, when he arrives, he is met by the Grand Line’s most impatient doctor who is currently studying the Skypiea map with Bepo at the polar bear’s drafting table, trying to come up with a plan of action for when they get there in the morning. Not wanting to be distracted or have the library wrecked the way Zoro did with the kitchen, Law used his Room ability to teleport him out of there before he could even get a chance to grab something off the shelves.

Having no other options left, Zoro resorts to the idea of giving the blonde mind-blowing sex. He would worship him like the king he is and he would do it all night if the other man demanded it so. The swordsman figured it's probably the safest bet anyway while they’re in the early honeymoon phase of their relationship. Sanji is highly skilled in that area for a very good reason.

He makes his way to their bunkroom. Under the door, he sees that the dim light of the desk lamp is still on. Finally, things are looking up. He thinks to himself that now’s the perfect chance to make a move while Sanji is probably still up reading at this hour as usual.

Until he hears a couple of familiar voices on the other side of the door. They were muffled, but their identities were clear.

Sanji

…Are you sure that you're okay? I don't know how effective it is with the front broken like that.

Niji

Dunno. It's like…having mood swings. The sensation goes in and out. It's a bit weird.

Sanji

I need you to get it fixed first then. And while you're at it, drop off the new stones at the lab.

I'm not sending you in until you're all good.

Niji

I can still fight.

Sanji

I'm not letting you take the risk until your helmet’s fixed, Niji. That's my final word. You’re on your own with this next mission and I need you to be able to make good calls.

Another pang of guilt hits the swordsman–for not being careful enough and wrecking the commander’s helmet, and for eavesdropping for as long as he has so far. He starts walking backwards, and was about to turn his heel and move somewhere else to give them privacy when Sanji’s voice pierced through the door.

Sanji

Hey, Mosshead! Don't be a creep and get in here.

Zoro flinches, and silently curses the blonde’s mastery of his observation haki. He doesn't want to make things look worse than it already is so he opens the door awkwardly. He's met by two pairs of eyes.

Sanji is leaning with his palms against the desk while Niji is sitting on the chair, fiddling with the blonde's claw gauntlet on the table. It looks like there's two now. From afar, Zoro could tell that their blades are longer, sharper and more dangerous than the last. The metallic scale armour that covered the glove is a new addition, having only just durable leather holding everything together before.

Niji

Spying on us, are we?

Zoro grits his teeth, throwing the blue-haired man an annoyed look.

Sanji

This is also his room, Commander.

Niji tuts disapprovingly then resumes his work on the claw gauntlet.

Zoro

I didn't want to interrupt. I’ll just head out for some fresh air.

Sanji

You didn't interrupt anything. The commander was just showing me his handiwork. He’ll be done soon! I just needed a couple of fitting adjustments done and we’re all set.

Niji

Hmm… no. Now that I think about it, this will take a bit longer than I thought. 

Sanji

What? But you said–

Niji

Whoops.

As if done on purpose, a buckle disassembles itself in Niji’s hands. Little bits of metal scatter on the desk.

Sanji

You’re such an ass. Fine. Stay here, hog the room. I don’t care. Let’s go, Marimo.

Niji

No, I need you to stay here so we can refit it. Because the buckle’s broken now.

Sanji

You broke it!

Niji

And I need to fix it but I can only do that if you’re here. So, stay.

Sanji

I will actually pluck your eyeballs out one of these days, Commander.

Sanji stomps out the door, grabbing Zoro’s arm along the way.

Niji

Where are you going? We need to get this done tonight before you head off first thing!

Sanji

I’ll be back!

Zoro and Sanji walk arm-in-arm quietly to the deck of the ship. They were met by Jean Bart who was about to tell off Zoro for being outside, but the blonde reassured the large man that he has eyes on him, promising to keep the grumbling swordsman out of trouble. Happy with the response, the Heart Pirate retires inside for the night.

Zoro

Isn’t the whole point of me being here is to keep an eye on you?

Sanji chuckled heartily–music to the swordsman’s ears.

Sanji

I know. What the hell happened to us?

They proceeded to the bow of the ship and settled themselves against the railing. It was quiet and serene. The crescent moon is up, revealing the dark silhouette of Jaya island on the horizon. Above, stars shone brightly across the span of the night sky–its reflections twinkled playfully on the still waters of the ocean below.

Sanji

You’re awfully quiet.

Zoro tears his gaze away from the scene. He looks next to him where the blonde has a hand wrapped around his arm and finishing a cigarette with the other.

Sanji

You usually are, but your silence is…louder somehow.

The swordsman rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Suddenly he’s not so sure what to say and how he’d ask the big question. He wanted to get this far tonight–tried many times to set up the scene better but to no avail. He also didn’t realise how he would feel right in the thick of things.

Zoro

There’s been a lot in my mind. Sorry.

Sanji

Never apologise for that…but whatever it is, I could tell that it’s eating you up.

Zoro sighs and returns his gaze to the island on the horizon.

Sanji

Is this because you had a fight with my brother?

Zoro’s eyebrows shoot up.

Zoro

Did he–?

Sanji

He didn’t have to. His helmet's busted and don’t think I haven’t noticed your little injury on your forehead, damn Mosshead. If you don’t take care of your head, how will you be able to photosynthesize?

Zoro scowls at the mockery.

Sanji laughs lightly, kissing the swordsman on the cheek as a way of reassuring him that it’s just a joke. After noticing that his attempt to release the tension didn’t work, he speaks in a slightly more serious tone.

Sanji

Did he try to scare you away? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all night?

Zoro shakes his head.

Sanji

Don’t freak out or anything but… you’re not the first that he’s done that to. I can tell him to back off if you want.

Zoro

No… it’ll take a lot more than that to get me to leave your side, Curls.

The blonde’s expression softens.

Zoro

Though, I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was trying to avoid you. I spent hours… ages… trying to plan this whole thing for us tonight but I feel like whatever I do…

The swordsman gets flashbacks of all the times he’d slashed and stabbed the man. He remembers cursing his way repeatedly for attempting to propose to him for the umpteenth time. He recalls their first kiss–how the first thing that came out of his mouth was to tell him to not kill the Celestial Dragon, and because of that, it nearly cost him his life. In fact, he might have permanently if not for their skillful doctor. He remembers the way the blonde held onto the liberated family from Sabaody. How, even in his critical condition, he fought from fully succumbing into sleep just to make sure that everyone was okay as they fled from the Pacifistas. 

And now, with a seemingly easy task of organising a romantic night, the swordsman can’t even do such a simple thing for him.

Zoro clenches his fists against the wooden railing.

Zoro

I can’t seem to do anything right by you…. I just feel like everything that I do is not good enough–or just flat out hurts you. And right now, I have nothing but myself to offer. For whatever that's worth.

Sanji

Zoro…

Zoro shifts so he’s looking at Sanji face to face then holds both of his hands in his, making the other man drop his cigarette. The determined fiery look in his eye makes the blonde jump in surprise.

Zoro

Curls, I want to get to know you better.

Sanji

Uh–sure!

Zoro

What’s your favourite food?

Sanji

Uhm… let’s see…

Zoro

If you had all the money in the world, where would you go?

Sanji

Oh Mellorine, I do have all the mon–

Zoro

How long does it take to get there?

Is that where you want to go for our first date?

Is shopping your thing? I'm not good with that stuff but I could ask Nami or Robin for advice.

If we’re going on holiday, can we do it alone first or would you prefer bringing your family along?

How many kids do you want to have?

Sanji

MARIMO!

Sanji thinks that he’s about to go crazy. His face is all red, he feels hot up to his ears and his heart is pounding so much like it's going to burst out of his chest. The swordsman’s sweetness and thoughtfulness overwhelms him with joy. He starts laughing out loud–in a way that he’s never laughed before, ignoring the slight ache from his recent surgery. He thinks that if he breaks stitches this way, so be it, because he’s never felt his chest so light and heart so full. He felt so happy that he could fly. 

The swordsman looked confused and offended from all the unhinged laughter like he was being made fun of.

Sanji cups Zoro’s face into his hands, trying his best to recover from his outburst.

Sanji

I didn’t realise that you needed to know everything now!

Zoro looks down to his lips, watching that attractive smile that he’s always drawn to.

Zoro

I just… I really wanted to… to…

Sanji pulls him in to claim his mouth with his. He pushes Zoro roughly against the railing, determined to show the swordsman how much he appreciates him at that very moment. He slides his hand up and down the man’s body, massaging, caressing and feeling everything that he could lay his hands on. He wants to show his love and admiration to the man by worshipping every part of him. Zoro was more than happy to reciprocate the affection.

They stayed like that for what seemed like a lifetime. Regrettably, Sanji pulls himself away from the most passionate kiss he's ever had in his life so he could breathe. He kept his body close as he panted.

Zoro leans in and continues his assault on his lips–biting and sucking hard then giving them soothing licks to ease the arousing pain–not wanting for everything to stop so soon. Between breaths, the blonde speaks.

Sanji

We have our entire lives to get to know one another…. What’s your rush, Marimo?

Zoro freezes at that, blinking his eye. Then for the first time that night, he smiles his genuine toothy smile.

Zoro

I guess we do, don’t we?

Sanji scoops up one of his rough hands and gives it a tender kiss on the calloused knuckles.

Sanji

I want to savour every moment of this–of us, okay? Right now, it’s just you, me… and this.

Sanji gestures at the scene in front of them, then swings his hand around to point out the environment surrounding them–the bright moon, the calm waters and the clear starry skies.

Sanji

Nothing else matters.

Zoro looks into his wide blue eyes. They're positively glowing a lot more so than usual tonight. He wraps his arms around the man and leans his forehead on his, kissing the bridge of his nose. The blonde was correct–nothing else mattered. It felt right to be there. In his heart, he decides to make it a mission to spend every waking moment to prove that he's worthy of his trust, even if it takes a lifetime for him to open up and tell him his real name. He would not demand it that day. He thinks that if he truly deserved it, the blonde will share it to him in time at his own volition. They do have a lifetime to get to know one another, after all.

The swordsman had lost a gamble with Nami that night. He’ll have to remember to send the navigator a couple hundred Beri through the post somehow for betting on him falling in love that year.

—

At a far distance, hidden in the thick mist of the sea, a particularly tall and lanky Warlord watches the blonde and his green-haired companion through the lens of his spyglass. With a flick of his wrist, he retracts the telescope and tosses it to a dark silhouette of a man.

Stranger

Now's the perfect time. Let’s do it.

Doflamingo

Hmm…no. I want to savour… every… moment of this….

He lets out a deep chuckle. 

Doflamingo

Besides, I have another job for you. But that’s tomorrow’s problem.

You are dismissed.

He waves off the man, and the figure walks off. Doflamingo stands from the comfort of his chair and takes a few long strides to the bow of the ship, never taking his eyes off the small dot on the horizon that is the Polar Tang.

Doflamingo

I’m grateful you showed us the way, Pirate King. You never fail me, do you?

…Sanji.

----------

I had way too much fun with those panel drawings. (Honestly part of it was me trying to find an excuse to draw more dofsan lol)

If it's not obvious yet, I try to line up certain things about this Sanji and canon Sanji. Instead of him being exclusively in love with mermaids, I like to think he loves all merfolk in this story.

Fukaboshi's always been the one on my mind as Sanji's "the one who got away" romance. I was rewatching Fish-man Island arc and I remembered how wise and noble he is, and has a great sense of responsibility to look after his family. I figured this Sanji would be attracted to those qualities.

Plus, you know, have you seen those big hands? Fwah~!

[darknight3904]

All Too Well

Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring means new beginnings for both you and Joel, and a trip to a nearby lake has you feeling things for Joel you haven't felt in years. But, the sudden appearance of a stranger in the night has your bliss interrupted and Joel full of worry.

Warnings: Langauge. The Quadratic Equation (Run!) Joel Miller's Dad Bod (Yum) A little bit of a Gladiator tease since I just saw the second movie hehe.

Word Count: 4.1k

Previous Part / Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

I wrote a little Christmas imagine for Joel. It's not connected to this series but if you're interested, you can check it out right here.

February 2024

Joel can't sleep. He tosses and turns and listens to the way Ellie's snores leak through the thin walls of their new home. Anger seeps out of his body and permeates the peaceful atmosphere of his room..

Anger at himself, at the men who hurt you, at the universe in general. He clenches the hem of his blankets and tries to get a few hours of rest. Tomorrow he's due for an early morning shift at the wall with that guy Luke who never stops talking.

When he finally nods off it's well past two in the morning. His dreams are filled with you and Sarah. Of his failure to protect both of you. At some point he must've called out in his sleep because soon Ellie was shaking him awake, asking if he was okay.

He brushes her off and sends her back to bed. Sitting on the step of his front porch, he watches the sun slowly peak over the snow-covered roofs of Jackson. His eyes roam the front of your home, still dark except for your front porch light. Joel looks at the warped floorboards of your porch, his mind works out how he could fix those for you. Rip the old ones up, place new ones, sand em' down, and then paint a nice finish on them.

He's so lost in his own world of floorboards and wood stains that he misses your front door opening. You shuffle over to him, a bathrobe on over you pajamas and then a winter coat over that.

"Morning, neighbor." You say

Joel looks at your outstretched hands. A steaming mug of coffee is being held out to him.

"Morning." He says, scooting over for you to sit beside him

"Aren't you cold?" You ask as he sips at the coffee, looking at his sweat pants and a simple deep blue long-sleeve shirt.

"M' fine," Joel says

"I'd be freezing my ass off." You shrug, wrapping your fingers around your own mug

Joel sits beside you, sipping his coffee as two rabbits run by and under your front porch.

"Could make a good stew out of those." He notes

"Joel!" You gasp in disgust

"They're pretty fat, bet their pelts would be warm." He shrugs honestly

"Joel, I feed those rabbits." You groan, "You can't kill them for stew or for their fur."

"You're feeding rabbits? What are you, Snow White?" Joel asks

"Excuse me for wanting to have a pet or two." You scoff

Joel shakes his head in disbelief. You never fail to surprise him.

Silence settles around you and him, you shiver a bit and he makes a mental note to find you a warmer coat. Surely someone here had one he could trade for.

"You're really upsetting, y'know that." You say suddenly

"Excuse me?" He asks, confused

Where could this be coming from? He watches as you take a long sip of your coffee and tap your feet against the ground.

"You dumped me, said I was too young for you, and then shipped my stuff back in the damn mail." You huff, "On top of that, the world ended like a month later."

Joel sighs, so you're choosing to confront this now. He should be glad that you're finally mentioning it. Perhaps last night's conversation has made you more comfortable with him.

"I know. I'm sorry about that, I was being a real asshole." Joel says sincerely

"Then why'd you lie?" You ask

"Lie?" Joel asks, confused as to what you're talking about

"When you first got here, you lied to Ellie. Said you didn't know me." You remind him, "Why didn't you just tell her? Why haven't you told her?"

The same guilt and fear he felt when he first saw you months ago in the stables, wells up in his chest.

"I...I don't know." He says softly

Liar.

He knew what it was. Fear had kept him trapped for so many years. For so long, he'd let it strangle him. Even before losing Sarah, he'd felt that fear. That's why he let you go in the first place, Joel was scared of it all but most of all he was afraid, terrified even of falling in love with you.

And yet, here he sat twenty years later, sipping coffee next to you. He knew what he wanted, at least the thought he did.

Joel wanted to press a rewind button, to go back in time and do it all over again. To keep you and Sarah by his side, if he could just go back to August 2003 he swore he'd be able to make it all right again.

But, rewind buttons didn't exist and Sarah was gone, she wasn't coming back, but he still could right things with you, even if you didn't want him anymore. Besides, he knew he didn't deserve you in the first place.

Your soft voice fills his ears again, "You want to know what I think?"

"What?" Joel responds

"I think you're full of shit."

May 2024

You like the spring. Spring means you can stop wearing three different shirts out so you don't freeze. Spring means fresh vegetables in the community garden. Spring means sleeping with the window open at night.

Spring means... allergies? The loud sneeze of one of your patrol partners has you jumping in your saddle.

Apparently, in his old age, Joel Miller now has seasonal allergies.

"You're scaring off every single deer in a two-mile radius." You huff

"Sorry," Joel mumbles, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve

"Y'should just head back, Joel. No good to us if you're sneezing every three minutes." Tommy says

"No, I'm fine. Besides aren't we teaching her how to hunt?" Joel asks, looking at you

"You can't teach me if you scare everything off." You point out

Tommy lets out a hum of laughter, "She's right."

"Let's keep moving," Joel grumbles

The past two months have been dull. After your conversation that night and then the next morning. Joel swore to himself that he'd make it up to you. Hell, he'd worship the ground you walked on if it meant you'd forgive him.

He didn't even want a second chance with you. He'd sworn it was all platonic when Tommy asked him one day.

Now, he was spending time with both you and his brother, trying to teach you to hunt. Key word trying. He'd probably never tell you but you weren't very good at hunting. This was the third trip he'd made with you and Tommy and Joel swore you were getting worse.

"It's hot today," Tommy notes as the horses plod along

"Summer's less than a month away." You point out

"What I wouldn't give to walk into an air-conditioned home. " Tommy grumbles

"Tell me about it." You sigh

Joel stays quiet as he listens to you and his brother recount the things you both missed. You'd been holding him at arm's length, after that morning on his porch. He'd screwed up, he knew that.

Why the hell did he say he didn't know? He did know! Why couldn't he just admit it to you?

He'd tried to show you through actions, how much he cared for you. Hunted down a better coat for you, fixed your kitchen cabinets, and ate whatever food you dropped off at the house for him and Ellie.

Evidently, you didn't want action, you wanted him to man up and admit it out loud. And, Joel wanted to. He wanted to tell you his fears, why he did what he did back in 2003 and then again in the stables back in December. Yet, every time he'd tried to he'd clammed up and backed down.

"Let's take a break. There's a nice lake up there, Needa sit in the shade, n' cool off." Tommy says suddenly

Joel glanced over to look at his younger brother, who had sweat pouring off him, wetting the back of his shirt. The younger Miller hops off his horse and ties it off before slumping down in the shade of a big oak tree.

"Feels like I'm back in Texas or somethin'" Tommy grumbles

"Oh please, back in Texas it was hot enough to cook an egg on the driveway. This is hardly like that." You laugh

"Speak for yourself, I think I'm sunburned." He says

"You poor little thing." You mockingly coo as you sit beside his brother under the tree

Joel jumps off his own horse, listening to the way the two of you blend together so effortlessly.

"Shut up." Tommy scoffs, shoving your shoulder, "Wasn't askin' you."

Joel feels jealousy swirl in his chest. He wants to be the one laughing with you, not Tommy.

"I'm going for a swim. We can hunt once I'm not sweating buckets." Tommy suddenly decides

Joel finds his way under the tree as Tommy straightens up to pull at his clothes.

"Ugh, put it away!" You mock, covering your eyes as Tommy strips down to his boxers, "The horror!"

"I'll have you know, back in the day girls used to line up to get a view of this." Tommy throws over his shoulder as he walks towards the lake

"Does that mean I get to tell Maria she married the town bike of Austin?"

Tommy doesn't respond but instead walks off and wades quickly into the water.

"You don't want to swim?" Joel asks, taking note of how your skin glistens with sweat.

You shake your head, "I'm fine. You're welcome to, though."

You and Joel sit in silent as he thinks of what to say next. Without Ellie, there's a gap in conversation, the kid was always ready to blab about something.

"You think you could come by my place tonight? Ellie's learning Algebra." He asks, "I try to help but I haven't done anything like it in forty-something years."

"I can try. Can't say I'll be much help though." You say

"You're the one with the fancy college education." Joel shrugs

"I'd like to remind you I never got my degree. Not to mention, It's been twenty years, I'm 44, not 24." You shake your head

"Right..."

Joel forgets that sometimes. You're older now. He knows you're different now, that school is no longer the top priority in your mind. Still, he likes to reminisce about the past when you were still a college kid, drowning in books and shitty professors.

A stale breeze blows through the air, and Joel feels like his clothes are suffocating him. How you're in jeans and a long sleeve is mind-boggling.

"I'm gonna go cool off. Feel like I'm about to pass out." Joel says, pulling his boots off

"M'kay." You nod, "Don't let Tommy drown you in there."

"What?"

"Once I came out here with him and Maria, and as a joke he tackled her, and nearly killed her since he caught her off guard." You shrug

"He tried to drown his wife?" Joel asked

"Well this was when he was still trying to win her over to even date him, but yeah."

"Bet she loved that," Joel smirks

"Yup, wouldn't talk to him for three days."

You feel hot, and no, it's not from the sun. Joel Miller is about 10 feet away, stripping down to his underwear to go for a swim. If there was a god, why was he torturing you like this?

Your eyes roam Joel's back which had been exposed to your greedy eyes. It was the first time you'd seen his body since 2003, of course, you were curious.

Muscle strains under the skin and your eyes greedily drink in the splatter of chest hair that litters his skin. Said trail of hair leads down down down to the band of his boxers. Much to your delight, Joel's stomach had seemingly softened even more with age.

God, you loved dad bods.

"Take a picture!" Tommy called from the shallow water at the edge of the lake

You flash your middle finger at the more annoying Miller. God, you hoped a fish would bite his ass while he was in there.

You flop back into the grass and stare up at the oak tree and the way the sun peaks through its branches. You weren't going to check Joel out anymore, nope, you were done with that.

"You sure you don't wanna come? Tommy and I'll cover our eyes, won't peak, I swear." Joel asks from your right

"M'fine. Go swim, Joel" You say softly dismissing him

Once he's gone, you rummage through your bag and pull out a bag of trail mix. You chew slowly, thinking of Joel's words as you do.

"Take some deep breaths as you chew. Think about what you're eatin'."

He'd slowly been coaching you through fixing your eating problems. For the most part, it worked well. It also helped that you ate dinner with him and Ellie most nights.

It'd been Ellie's decision, she kept inviting you over or just showing up at your front porch. So, now the three of you just ate together, apparently you're now Ellie's savior as well since Joel's cooking hasn't improved much over the years.

Guess some things don't change.

Tommy watches as Joel slowly approaches him in the water.

"No tackling. My back won't survive it." Joel sternly says

"I'm not 9 anymore, Joel. Why would I tackle you?" Tommy scoffs

"Heard what you did to Maria. Not takin' any chances here." Joel sternly says, giving Tommy the 'I'm older than you, you better listen' look that Tommy had seen at least a million times since he was a kid.

"That was a one-time thing!" Tommy jumps to defend himself

He couldn't believe you even remembered that let alone told Joel.

"She's burning up over there." Joel starts, "Refusing to get in here as well. I told her we wouldn't look but she's just laying up there sweatin' her ass off."

"She never swims." Tommy explains, "Been here probably twenty-thirty times with her and Maria over the years, not once has she decided to get in with us. Think the closest she got was to dip her feet in."

"Did you tackle her too?" Joel asks, his voice full of accusation.

"No." Tommy scoffs, how could Joel think such a thing.

"Just don't want her passing out from heat stroke." Joel frets, "Maybe I could wet some cloth, get her to put it over her neck."

A bit of water laps up into Tommy's face and he rubs at his eyes. Joel had a right to know, right?

"She's got scars, Joel." He cuts his brothers rambling off, "Haven't seen em' myself but Maria says she's covered in them, head to toe."

Joel's quiet beside Tommy now, the sound of sloshing water is the only noise between the two brothers.

"Oh..." Joel's voice softly comes from Tommy's left

The loud shout of their names has both brothers turning back to the shore. You're waving your arms about, holding the small radio Tommy had tucked into his boot before going for a swim.

"It's the baby!"

Joel has never seen his brother so frantic. Even when Sarah had died, Tommy had been composed, swallowing his feelings and trying to keep Joel together as they drifted around the country.

Now, his little brother is jumping off his horse and sprinting to the clinic, to his wife. It's endearing the way he cares for her, even if she hated Joel, he could tell she loved Tommy.

Joel grasps the reigns of Tommy's horse and follows you back to the stables.

"You think she'll be okay?" You ask breathily

Joel looks at you, he can tell you're nervous for Maria.

"I'm sure she'll be alright. Seems strong, not to mention the clinic doctor is skilled, she's in good hands." Joel says

You nod and lead Pepper into her stall.

"Sorry about the hunting. I don't know where the sneezing is coming from." Joel says, feeling guilty he ruined the day

"It's fine. I've never caught anything bigger than a rabbit." You wave him off

That night Joel watches as you hover over Ellie who's been sweating over a problem that apparently used the Quadratic Equation. What that was, Joel wasn't quite sure.

"This is fucking impossible..." Ellie grumbles

"Don't drop any negatives." You advise, sipping at your mug of coffee.

Joel normally hoarded the stuff but you were so damn easy to say yes to. So of course when you asked him if he could brew you a cup of his precious drink, he'd caved. Hell, you could ask him to steal half the food in Jackson and he'd do it if it meant you'd smile and bat your eyelashes at him.

"Motherfucking piece of shit..." Ellie whispers

You kick her chair, "Langauge. What's that baby going to think when you curse at it?"

"I'm pretty sure it's going to spend most of it's time shitting and sleeping so I think I'm in the clear." Ellie points out

"So just like you then?" Joel asks

Ellie lets out a scoff at his bad joke.

"Just do your math." You roll your eyes, standing up to cross the room where Joel stands over the sink, doing the dishes from dinner.

"How long does labor take?" You ask him.

Joel's brain is a bit fuzzy as he tries to remember how long it took Sarah to be born.

"I think it's different with everyone. Maria could have that kid tonight, or we might be waiting until tomorrow." Joel says

Sarah had taken what 11, 12 hours? All he remembers is that her mother had broken nearly every bone in his hand when she was pushing. At the end of it all though, his daughter had come out perfect.

"Jesus..." You sigh, "That's...insane."

"It'll all be okay," Joel assures you, he can tell you're worried. Not that he can blame you, from what he can tell Maria seems to be your only friend here in Jackson.

"I know." You sigh

Joel looks at the way your nerves and anxiety have settled into your pretty features. They line your face and make you look tired.

"Hey, Ellie,"

The teen looks up from her math, welcoming the distraction.

"Wanna watch a movie with us?" He asks

Joel has to cover his laugh with a cough when you screech out in shock. Only you'd react to a simple statement like this...

"You've never seen Gladiator?!"

"No...Born after the world ended, remember?" Ellie scoffs

"But still! Joel's had this DVD just sitting here in this house and you've never watched it?" You ask

"No..."Ellie trails off as she kicks her feet up on the coffee table from her spot in the recliner

"You've done a terrible job, watching over her." You judge him

"Right, cuz getting her from Boston to Wyoming in one piece without dyin' is so terrible," Joel says

"It is if she hasn't seen Gladiator." You say, popping the disc into the player while Joel shakes his head.

Joel watches from his spot beside you on the couch as you absorb the movie, answering Ellie's questions when she asks. He smiles to himself as you happily explain what's happening on the screen. You always loved movie nights.

"Oh gross! He's totally into his sister!" Ellie points at the screen to Commodus and Lucilla.

"Sick fuck." You declare and nudge Joel who nods in agreement

There is only one couch cushion between you and him but it might as well be the size of the Grand Canyon. Joel's fingers itch to reach out and pull you into his side. He wants to watch this movie the way you used to watch movies with him.

He wants your head resting on his chest as the movie plays so he can play with your hair while you take in the flashing screen. Joel wants to smell the soft scent of your body wash as you lay so close to him that you're both practically mushing into one being.

As the credits begin to roll, You let out a yawn while Ellie rates the movie a 10/10.

"Too bad there won't ever be another." She sighs, "We could totally have a movie on Lucilla's kid."

"Right?" You agree looking at him, "Joel could totally play a part in it too."

"Excuse me?" Joel asks, baffled at the idea. He was no movie star.

"Yeah, you got that Roman nose. You could play some hot general or something." You shrug gesturing to his face.

Joel shakes his head in disagreement yet all he can focus on is that you indirectly just called him hot.

"You're loosin' it. I'm not fit enough to play a gladiator." He says, thinking of Russell Crowe's perfectly toned physique. Joel's body had gone soft with age, muscle hidden under soft flesh, he was no early 2000s heartthrob.

"That's why she said general." Ellie points out

"A hot one." You add for the second time

"Yeah yeah, Hot General Joel. I'll start my workout tomorrow." He sighs looking at You and Ellie you are both smiling at him. Warmth spreads across his chest, When was the last time he felt like this?

"Alright, time for bed. Ellie go brush your teeth." Joel says nodding to the steps

For once in her life, she goes off without objecting. Joel doesn't miss the way she mouths "Kiss her!" to him from behind your back. His face heats up in embarrassment, that damn kid was going to be the death of him one day.

"I should get going. I wanna go down to the clinic early tomorrow to check on Maria." You say, standing up and stretching, "Have a good night, General."

Joel nods, rising to his own feet. He thanks you for helping Ellie with whatever that math was. You give him a warm smile and then go to grab your shoes.

Joel might be half deaf but anyone could've heard the commotion outside. You jump when the loud slam of fists sounds when someone begins knocking on the door like the world is ending.

"Joel!" A loud voice calls

Joel whips the door open to reveal Brett. A young guy who was supposed to be ontop of the wall tonight until 3am.

"What? What happened?" Joel asks worry fills his system, what could be happening? Was there a breach in the wall? Infected? What was the best place he could hide you and Ellie?

"Got a situation. Tommy said a few days ago that you'd be in charge of shit like this if he and Maria were unavailable." Brett says

"What about the council? They're above me." Joel says he doesn't want any part of whatever is happening.

"There's people Joel. Night patrol picked them up and brought em' in." Brett explains, "Could you just come take a look? Tommy said you got a good head for stuff like this."

"A good head for what?" Joel asks, doubtingly

"A good head for people," Brett says

Joel follows Brett towards the gates of Jackson. You trail behind him, Ellie a few paces behind you. He had demanded you stay back but of course your stubborn self followed him and Ellie right after you.

"How many?" Joel asks as Brett leads

"Two. One man, one woman." Brett says

"And they're clean?" Joel asks, thinking of how horrible it might get if they were infected.

"The dog let them right through, even licked the woman a few times." Brett responds

Joel nods and his eyes land on a group of Jackson's people, surrounding the newcomers. Some of them have guns out at least.

"Who was on patrol? I thought we weren't letting people in at night?" Joel asks

Brett lists off a few names. Fuzzy faces come into Joel's mind. Every single person on patrol tonight had to be under 25. Young and dumb. Too trusting for this world.

Joel takes a gun from a man he recognizes as Louis and motions for you and Ellie to hang back behind him and Brett.

The people in front of him look helpless. The woman is alarmingly skinny, perhaps it's the old dress she's wearing but she looks horribly malnourished. Joel honestly can't tell if she's even alive. Unconscious and slumped in the dirt, she looks like a corpse. The man looked a bit better, although it could just be his clothes hiding how skinny he was. He stands up when Joel looks at him, desperation in his eyes.

"Names," Joel says, his voice gruffer than it'd been in months.

"Please, we need food and water. It's been days." The man begs

"Names." Joel says again, "Where are you coming from?"

"Please..." The man begs again, "We don't mean any harm. We're both clean, that dog proved it before we entered!"

Joel hears Brett whispering behind him and before he can stop you, you brush past him, partially blocking the view of this stranger.

"I know his name."

Your voice is shaky, a tone Joel's never heard before takes over your vocal chords. Joel looks at the man whose eyes are on you now. A glint of recognition flashes across his face and even in the dark, illuminated by Jackson's streetlights, Joel can see his skin pale. You speak again, your voice barely a whisper in the dark as you stare at this man.

"Adam."

Next Part- Coming Soon

I wrote a little Christmas imagine for Joel. It's not connected to this series but if you're interested, you can check it out right here.

And so I return with another chapter. I meant to write this sooner, I just got lazy and have been spending more time sleeping since the Fall Semester sucked my soul out of my body.

Comment to be added to the tag list. This tag list is not chapter by chapter, I carry the tags over to each part.

Tags:

@lunaticgurly  @orcasoul  @snowlycanroc  @freythecrazyfae

@person-005 @greenwitchfromthewoods

@elli3williams @yawnzzzzzzzz. @am-3-thyst

[secriden]

This line. God, this line! It has been eating me up inside for 2 days now, because let's not forget, this line isn't about love, it's about trust. And that has implications that make me want to scream.

It's a direct reference to this moment earlier in the episode:

At the start of this discussion, Style and Fadel still have a kind of playful air about their conversation:

Style: Oh? Not even me? Fadel: You're at 80% at best. I feel like you're hiding something from me in the 20%.

In this exchange, though, there's a sense that Fadel is issuing a challenge, like there's something specific which Style can do to gain Fadel's full trust. And while Style knows there are things he cannot (yet) reveal to Fadel, I think a part of him is determined to be as honest as he can be, which is why he issues a challenge of his own by asking for more specificity:

Style: What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?

Part of this question is a simultaneously inquisitive and deflective - What (and why) do you think I'm hiding (something) from you? - but there's also a moment after Style finishes speaking where he stills and goes quiet that feels... genuine, weighty. Or, as @airenyah has pointed out in her meta on Style in episode 4, the "grounded[ness]" in Style's demeanour is a signal that Style means what he's saying in the moment. Maybe about his own desire to be worthy of Fadel's trust, maybe about how he genuinely does want this relationship to be real in whatever way that matters to Fadel.

I think Fadel sensed that too, because the moment looses all the lightheartedness it had before. Fadel pauses, and then gets a look on his face that just... breaks my heart. There's a sombreness there, like he knows he's going to have to say something that makes him sad. Fadel looks away, and then down, before he seems to steel himself and says:

Fadel: It'll never happen. No matter how much you love someone, I just don't believe that you can completely lay yourself bare in front of them.

Fadel says this like it's fact. Like what he's expressing is something foundational and true and irrefutable. It's not even about his doubt in Style's honesty, because this statement has no qualifiers or conditions put on it to connect it to Style. Rather this is what Fadel fundamentally believes about relationships and trust: he finds the very concept of being fully known and still accepted an impossibility.

Sure, maybe this is because of the falling out (or betrayal or disappearance) associated with the former lover; but I also think it might be because Fadel is acutely aware not only that he's hiding a rather big and dark secret (not to mince words, but: actual literal premeditated murder), but also about what it implies about Fadel. Because being able to kill another human, coldly and clinically and without remorse, takes a certain type of person. Because, yes, Fadel has lived through an absolutely harrowing and traumatising event (his parents' murder), but it's also undeniable that it changed him. Because there's something about Fadel that twisted dark and which he never quite got back. There's an anger, a hurt that colours every moment of his life; that enables him to look a man in the eyes, smile politely, and pull a trigger.

And at this point in their relationship, Fadel's understanding of Style is that he's... well, kind of innocent. Especially in comparison to Fadel and Bison, and even Kant.

Style, who easily reveals facts about his life which Fadel already knows (winning a car tuning competition), making Fadel doubt his own instincts about Style hiding secrets. Style, who also reveals the things Fadel doesn't know, like the tender and secret pain of a mother lost to cancer (which, now that I think about it, Fadel may also know) and his worries about a father who "lost his bearings for a bit" (which he probably doesn't). Style, who tries to comfort Fadel in his own loss by offering a safe space and a sympathetic ear.

Style, who doesn't just see Fadel for his tragedy, but is asking to be given the chance to accept all of Fadel as a person. Style, who not only wants but has the capacity, to be the only person Fadel needs to rely on. Style who, despite the sea of differences between them, understands Fadel on a level that is so very foundational.

I'm going to slightly segue and mention something that may not resonate with everyone, but really hit me in the gut this episode: because I lost my father when I was 16 after he battled cancer for 2 painful years. And this revelation about Style has totally shifted and coloured everything Style has done in a new light for me. Because not only does this totally explain Style's sometimes almost stubbornly childish demeanour (it's common in adults who've had to 'grow up' too early), but also why Style shows seemingly random flashes of insight and maturity when they are most crucial. Notably, Style has this almost instinctive sense of when he needs to back off a sore point with Fadel that I couldn't quite put my finger on until this episode.

I've seen a few jokes about Style's awkward subject change, but I've actually got a friend who I hold very dear to my heart who was one of the only people to give me a sense of normalcy and comfort when my dad was on his last few days and then at his funeral. And part of that was the instinctive way she would know when I needed to just. Not be a grieving daughter for a few minutes. To get a small respite from the overwhelming hopelessness and sense of impending loss. To get a moment to breathe and gather my strength, because knowing I was never going to see my dad again, or hear his voice, or hold his hand was tearing me apart back then. Sometimes she'd talk to me about college drama, sometimes she'd introduce a new kpop video to me, sometimes she'd just ask me what I wanted to eat and take me to go have a meal with her. And sometimes there really just isn't anything else to say other than "I'm sorry." Nothing you say - nothing you can say - is going to ever, ever make this grief go away, and in most cases, it was better when people (especially those who couldn't really understand) didn't try.

And I think if you look at Fadel very closely, there's a moment of genuine surprise (Fadel wasn't expecting the subject change at all) and then... something that looks like fondness mixed with exhausted relief. Because I don't think Fadel was ready to talk about his parents yet. This was honesty he wasn't ready to give Style, mostly prompted because Style himself had willingly been so vulnerable that a part of Fadel wanted to reciprocate. But further down that path lies not only his darkest memories, but also the connection to the part of his life he is not willing to share with Style yet. So this subject change is a relief, it's a blessing, but it's also Style knowing when he shouldn't push any further with Fadel's fragile heart.

Which brings me back to how well the episode's theme of trust (both deserved and undeserved) was woven in this episode. This is true on multiple levels and characters but I'm not even going to attempt to touch Kant in this post because... Lord, that is beyond me at the moment. Someone else needs to do that, pretty please, so I can reblog it and scream.

It starts, somewhat unexpectedly, with Fadel asking for entrance into the intimate spaces of Style's life.

So, this episode was not about Fadel's fear of his own feelings, desires, or even affection for Style - that appears to be fully addressed in episode 4. I think that's why we see Fadel be so physically affectionate and indulgent of Style in this episode. He's come to terms with his lust for Style's body (hence his comfort in initiating sex), he's accepted Style as his boyfriend and so can enjoy Style's playful teasing (still reluctantly, but Fadel is still an introvert even if he's mostly enjoying Style's rambunctious nature), and give into Style's (and Bison's and Kant's) cajoling with relatively little fuss.

He's even comfortable toying with the edges of revealing his darker and more sinister side by reminding Style implicitly about how violent Fadel has the potential to be. Recall that Fadel knows Style knows some of his capacity for violence; he just doesn't know how very thoroughly Style is aware of the full scale of this truth. It does help that Style evidences no actual fear and, in fact, looks positively euphoric. Like, buddy, pal, dearest one... please control yourself.

And yet something very, very telling is the way the show makes it a point to depict Fadel very deliberately getting drunk during the double date. Even before the date has started, Fadel looks to be about half a beer in and we see him constantly drinking, drinking, drinking during the whole date. From the conversation about trust he has with Style while Kant and Bison are being off key and adorable about it, to after Kant leaves and Bison gets worried. And we've seen Fadel cope with emotional and mental distress with alcohol before, so we know that Fadel is internally fighting some kind of very intense battle even as he is also very clearly enjoying moments with Style on this date (most notably when they're dancing by the bowling lanes and when Style asks him to go home with him).

So here's my take: rather than being about love, this is about Fadel fighting to hold onto his own philosophy on relationships and trust. Because as much as I do believe Fadel believes he's telling the truth when he tells Style that 100% trust is "impossible", I think it's clear that's not what he wants.

What he wants is to finish this last job so that the only thing he can't be honest about with Style will finally stop being a factor in his life. What he wants is to fully and completely reciprocate the openness Style seems to be giving Fadel. What he wants is to switch off his brain and let his heart lead for once, to stop fighting a battle he has no desire to win anymore, only he can't. Trust (not love) is Fadel's final frontier, and one which he can't quite give up in spite of himself.

Which is why I think Fadel intentionally gets himself drunk here. Because he wants to let his guard down around Style. He wants to open himself fully, he wants to "lay himself bare" for Style, he wants Style to know the full truth and accept him anyway - and he gets so close, but can't quite get there - because he doesn't know that Style already has.

When Style says this, Fadel thinks it's empty words, not knowing that Style has long passed the bar Fadel thinks is insurmountable. And just like Style was able to offer safety and reassurance to the vulnerability Fadel was showing in episode 4, Style instinctively gets to the core of Fadel's darkest fears again:

Style: One day, I'll be your 100%.

This isn't (just) a promise that Style will wear Fadel's stubbornness down, or that Style is will be worthy of Fadel's 100% (which, already, has me in tears, ngl). Beyond that, this is Style promising Fadel isn't ruined for this; that it isn't too late, that whatever hurts and wounds Fadel has can be made whole again. That the kind of honest and all-encompassing and unconditional trust which Fadel says is impossible can, in fact, be his. That Fadel still has the capacity to trust and be trusted the way he so desperately, painfully longs for.

I know a lot of people have said Style in this episode is writing cheques he has no ability to honour, but I think it's more layered than that. Because in a very significant and profound way, Style is wholly deserving of Fadel's trust. Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. Style is a man who would stare into Fadel’s darkness and reach out first. Strip away the complication of Kant being blackmailed and dragging Style into his mission, and Style is literally perfect for Fadel. He is exactly what Fadel wants (and possibly has wanted for a very long time). He is, in fact, exactly what Fadel needs to ever experience anything beyond the shadow of a life he's had so far.

But oh, the cruel narrative means that Style is also, simultaneously, painfully undeserving of Fadel's trust; and this is something Style is very much aware of. I think that's why he's trying so very hard to be worthy in all the other ways he can be. Style's awareness of what Fadel is hiding enables Style to (counterintuitively) be completely honest about his feelings for and about Fadel even as he cannot reveal his motivations. So he gives Fadel as much honesty as he can: offers the vulnerability of his own pain and hurts; the comfort of his true understanding and acceptance.

And just as Fadel's vulnerability in the abandoned factory was met with Style choosing a form of physical connection that prioritised Fadel's pleasure (it's made very clear that Style is jerking Fadel off and that all his focus in that moment was on Fadel, not his own pleasure), so too is this moment met with Style very intentionally choosing to worship Fadel's body with all the tenderness and genuine emotional weight that Style wanted Fadel to have in their first time in the storeroom.

Because, crucially, this was Style giving Fadel the chance to lay himself at least physically bare. This is the closest either of them can get to full honesty with the secrets they both are keeping. It's why Style tries so very hard to show the care and adoration and genuine feelings he has for Fadel. Why he makes sure that the vulnerability of Fadel getting himself as drunk and as relaxed and as trusting as Fadel can allow himself to be is tied only to gentleness and tenderness and pleasure.

Because Style actually knows that Fadel can't (and shouldn't) trust him in the way Fadel truly wishes to.

And as much as I believe that Style genuinely means this from the bottom of his heart, the horrifying full truth is that it is Style that has the metaphorical knife hovering over Fadel's chest. He is the one with the capacity to actually give Fadel a new scar that would truly matter. He is, in fact, the only one Fadel wants to fully trust -- and this, along with Style's compromised heart, makes it so that the circumstances will doom them both.

[glisten-inthedark]

Epic Analysis - Act I

So I made a joke a while back about analyzing the themes of the musical and that'd be ten pages long and it turns out I'm not that far off considering just act I has ~checks mark ~ 8 pages and over 4K words lmao.

I want to preface this by saying I'm pointing out things that I have noticed while listening to it - I'm no way claiming to be right about anything, and there things I may have missed or may have misundertood.I don't have a degree in music nor am I a professional writer/songwriter, so you can interpret the points bellow however you wish.

And to follow along with.

Red - Song titles

Orange - repeated sentences that appear later on.

Blue - motifs

I hope you all enjoy and please do me a favor and like and reblog this with your thoughts because I lost a good amount of brain cells doing this.

Also, please share your thoughts and theories, too <3

And if you kindly could like and reblog so this can reach new people I'd be greatly appreciated.

The Horse And The Infant

We get our first introduction to Odysseus' electric guitar with his motif.

We also learn a bit about Odysseus himself - he can operate well under pressure, he is a good captain who knows the strength of his men and he also says: "Neo, avenge your father (Achilles) kill the brothers of Hector"

We hear a heartbeat when he's thinking about Penelope and Telemachus. (This will be important later on, trust lmao).

Zeus appears and we can hear his synth base.

We hear the music box that will later be heard again.

Odysseus begs Zeus to not make him kill the infant.

"Please, don't make me do this"

"The blood on your hands is something you won't lose, all you can choose is whose".

Just A Man

We get our first introduction to Odysseus' acoustic guitar.

But when does a comet become a meteor?

When does a candlе become a blaze?

When does a man become a monster?

When does a ripple become a tidal wave?

When does the reason become the blame?

When does a man become a monster?

Is important to note that the acoustic guitar disappears completely as soon as Odysseus decides that he has to kill the infant to ensure the lives of all of those he loves. It's also important to note that despite providing Zeus with alternatives, he still does what it takes as he said he would not long ago.

Here we also learn of Odysseus' hunger - And his is vastly different from pretty much any other character - because his hunger is about seeing his wife and his child - is not literal, but rather metaphorical.

And another interesting fact - we hear a choir singing back Odysseus' words back to him and that won't be the first time that it happens.

There's a possibility that's the crew doing so - but if he's in the wall and they're bellow, how exactly do they know what's happening there? And how can they hear what's he's saying?

I point this out because Jay himself has claimed that only gods can summon their own choir, so - what exactly is happening here?

Full Speed Ahead

We are introduced to other character and one foe that arguably poses more threat than the gods - hunger.

And Odysseus has enough hindsight - at that moment - to know that there was something was off because he could see fire but no smoke, which is an interesting thing in and on itself considering that we often say that "where there's fire, there's smoke".

He also stops Eyrulochus from barging in the island and states that he should go ahead with Polites, because they could find a way of no one ending up dead.

But when Eyrulochus states that they don't know what's ahead, Odysseus says that if they don't return six hundred men can make the whole place burn. (This is interesting, and quite telling if I say so myself).

Full Speed Ahead serves to drive the plot forward, but also gives us insight into Odysseus' mindset prior to Polites' death.We close the song with Ody's eletric guitar again.

Open Arms

We are presented with Polites' philosophy about kindness and greeting the word with open arms.

"You can relax my friend"

"Greet the world with open arms"

We can hear a (heart)beat - not to be confused with the heartbeat we hear in the name of Penelope - as soon as the minions ented the sound space with "welcome" and the beat remains there until we hear Polite's say: "See".

I said not to be confused with Penelope's because this beat does sound like a heartbeat - it picks up the pace and slows down but is not present in every song nor is it present in every section of the songs it shows up in - which leads me to believe it might mean something (unless it's a random beat, but I'm being honest I have a hard time believing that).

So our first theoretical introduction to this sound happens when they are near perceived danger - but we all know what the danger motif sounds like at this point (which I won't tackle because is everywhere and it doesn't feel necessary as off now).But the beat disappears as soon as the situation is resolved and it does not appear again.

And again, Odysseus is warning the winions that if they don't make it back safely, his men will burn the island down. And here, Odysseus presents Polites with the idea that Open Arms with no discernment can sometimes lead them down a path they do not wish to go - "that's what you get with open arms".

But when they manage to "succeed" living by what Polites' said, Odysseus begins to ponder which is why Athena shows up.

Warrior of The Mind

We are introduced to Athena as a character and we hear her motif for the first time.

We hear the heart(beat) again as soon as Odysseus asks Athena to show herself. So here it seems to be present again near perceived danger, or at the very leas near the unknown.

And we hear his electric guitar motif right before she asks what his name is.

Polyphemus

Again, we hear the electric guitar and his motif but on a different scale than what we usually get (I'm pretty sure)

And not for the first time, we have Odysseus having enough awareness to notice that something is off, because everything is too perfect.We hear the heart(beat) again once Polyphemus asks "who are you?"

Here is the first time where said beat can be perceived at different metric sections than they'd normally be for a normal beat, here they are present in certain words.

At first, we hear it constantly until Odysseus says they come in peace, and they stop and come back in the word "sheep". It appears between that and favorite, and appears again in "favorite", again in "right" and "deep", and then in "know" and then the beat is gone.

But is important to note that in this first section, we only hear one beat per minute.

It stays gone for a good portion of the song and it shows up again as soon as he stops saying: "A gift for you and a gift from me" and it sounds a little bit more stuttery in this part but is gone again before Odysseus says his name is "nobody".

And we hear the electric guitar again in this section. And then the beat again - this time two beats per minute.

This is the first instance in which we hear the beat associated with actual danger, but not only danger but also presented in a context of someone claiming they come in peace right after they kill a sheep that was there just minding its own business and then in a context where one of the parts is being manipulated but has also made up their mind about things will end.

As for the song itself, there are some things I find interesting in it because I don't think we talk enough about how the themes are connected, or about this particular theme that I'll touch on again.

But Polyphemus asks Odysseus what gives him the right to deal that kind of pain - i.e: the pain of losing his friend sheep, and asks him if he doesn't know that pain he sows is pain that he'll reap and proceeds to warn him that he'll learn that is not so fun to take."A trade you see, take from you like you took from me".

Everyone talks about how this line is foreshadowing to him taking Odysseus favorite person from him - and it is! But it also shows us something else: Consequence (which isn't the first we see off and won't be the last). Odysseus himself will later say he didn't lose any of his men in the war - because up to that point - he was a brilliant commander that thought up an idea to bring a horse into a city so that they could win, but before Astyanax - which is a point I'll make later on -, Odysseus was never presented with the consequences of his own actions.

This isn't an argument about who was right or who was wrong - but objectively, about the principle that every action has an reaction, and that's when Odysseus will learn this the hard way. So the song and the character are telling him (and us by extension) that Odysseus entered the cave, killed the sheep and that actions will have consequences. He obviously didn't know that he was killing something important to someone, especially someone that could kill him - but that's the thing, whether he knew or not doesn't matter to Polyphemus. He still felt the pain of losing the sheep, and because he felt that pain, he had to make Odysseus feel the same.

There was an action, that action caused someone pain, and so because of it, that pain must be felt in the same way to be understood.

And then again we see Ody's mind at work - with him tricking Polyphemus with the lotus wine -. Odysseus is trying to fix the situation with a gift - as a way of saying, I may have taken something from you, but here I am giving you something back -.

"A trade you see, a gift for you and a gift from me"

I also find it interesting that Odysseus talks about the power that's in his hand when referring to the wine. I understand that apparently it was Dionysus' wine, but if we think about another possible meaning, it could also refer to Polyphemus own thirst (and his father's, by extension) which is the thirst for power, not on the traditional sense but rather on the sense that he felt his power over the island and the sheep was taken away, so in order to gain it back, he must kill the people that took it from him.

Survive

We hear Zeus' reprisal of The Horse and The Infant but I'm pretty sure the tempo is a little bit faster than what it is in the previous use of it.It could be because the same way Zeus ordered Odysseus to kill Astyanax, he's ordering his men to kill Polyphemus who also happens to be a child Cyclops - but I think there's more to it than that.

We hear the guitar again.

Odysseus explicitly states he's ready to kill. "Is just one life to take".

"When we kill him then our journey is over"

We don't hear the heart(beat) here at all.

And then Polyphemus takes over the song and the motif as well, and kills Polites.

And then he says "You've hurt me enough".

"Six hundred lives I'll take, six hundred lives I'll break, and when I kill you then my pain is over" (Sidenote, I was looking at Spotify and the lyrics there were "then my deed is over" and it make me question everything because I always heard it as pain and everywhere else has as pain so yeah, Spotify sucks).

Going back to the point, I always found it interesting that Polyphemus would say that when he kills the men his pain will be over. Because it made me wonder - does he mean his literal pain or the psychological one? Is not like he didn't care about the sheep - he did - quite a lot. So is it possible that he's not referring to just the physical pain but a different one too? Because here he sounds more vulnerable than he did in the previous song when he says "enough, you've hurt me enough". He doesn't even sound angry, but rather quite vulnerable.

So if my interpration is correct - this is also the first time that Odysseus sees the emotional pain he caused on one of his foes, but is also the first time we have another character stating that for said pain to be over, the thing that caused it has to be dead.

Remember Them

This is Odysseus "coming to terms with his losses" (I'll touch on why this is on quotes later). But we again get his eletric guitar and Odysseus resilience being brought to the forefront.

He goes back to his military mindsight quite fast considering what just happened, and he delivers his orders very fast at that moment.

And after a whole song without the (heart)beat - it appears again when the other cyclops appear in the soundspace and ask "Who hurt you" and it disappears as soon as Athena appears.

So here the beat appears again in perceived danger - but also when someone is actually hurt.

And this is when Polyphemus is presented with the consequence of his own actions as well. He killed some of Odysseus pain out of retribution because Odysseus killed his sheep - so now Odysseus stabs him in the eye so that they can get out of the cave -.

And now, instead of killing the Cyclops, he decides to let him live, which will have consequences. As I said before, one song ago Odysseus was ready to kill him, but he had no qualms about doing so either; however, as soon as Polites dies Odysseus' whole mindset changes.

He decides to spare him like his friend would have wanted, but he also gives his own name away due to what I can only surmise to be resentment. Is almost like he's saying: "This is the man, that unlike you, has mercy".

Also, this is what Odysseus says:

"Remember me. I'm the reigning king of Ithaca"

"I am neither man nor mythical"

"I am your darkest moment"

"I am the infamous Odysseus"

And again we hear a choir in the background as he says all of this. Could the choir be the crew? Maybe - but if that's the case, why would they enter when this is singularly about Odysseus himself?

My Goodbye

We get Athena's motif again.

This song does a great job of recontextualizing Warrior of The Mind.

We hear Odysseus' guitar again - and I believe we get both of them although I'm not entirely sure if I'm being honest. I touched on this before, but I find it interesting that Athena tells Odysseus that he needs to put his emotions aside while actively being emotional herself. She's the one that's berating him, calling him a waste of effort, she's the one that sings a whole break-up song about it while Odysseus just wants her to be gone.

The lyrics and the musicality show us that Athena does care about him - we can feel that especially after Odysseus tells her that she's alone because of the notes on the piano, is almost like his words have a physical effect on her -.

Storm

The trumpets!

And we have Aeolus' motif.

Luck Runs Out

"How much longer 'till your luck runs out? How much longer 'till the show goes south?"

You rely on wit and people die on it"

Here we have Odysseus blindly deciding to ask a god for help. When we consider the fact that he just lost his best friend because he decided to barge in some place he shouldn't have, his choice to just climb to the top and ask for help makes even less sense, unless, you consider the fact that he took Polites' advice about "just asking for help" to heart.

Then Odysseus states that he still believes in goodness and that people can be kind - and we'll later learn that remains to be true even after everything - but he doesn't seem to grasp, yet, that blind goodness/kindness can have consequences - is no wonder we always say that no good deed goes unpunished.

Now, remember when I said that before Odysseus could both grasp when something was off because of the lack of smoke or because something was too good to be true? Why does that change? And it does, because he should've known how gods are - hell, he just had a huge blowout with one a few songs ago -, so why does he lose this hindsight all of a sudden?

Eurylochus' concerns are very valid - he has a point about Odysseus' relying too much on his wit to get people out of situations. He shouldn't have questioned him in front of the entire crew, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a point.

Here, we also get a glimpse of Odysseus' current state - he says that he took six hundred men to war and that none of them died there -, which is true, but why isn't he addressing those who died after?And get the (heart)beat all over this song too.

Keep Your Friends Close

We have the (heart)beat again.

Is interesting that Aeolus' remark about keeping friends close and enemies closer led Odysseus to be distrustful of his crew, and yet, the god didn't say not to trust the crew, she just said: "Keep your friends close".

But because of what just happened one song ago, Odysseus doesn't feel like he can trust the bag to anyone else, which means he doesn't switch shifts with anyone and ends up falling asleep.

"So much has changed, but I'm the same".

Storm motif.

Full Speed Ahead motif.

Poseidon shows up.

Ruthlessness

Oh, this song!

First of all, the lyrics do a great job of presenting us with Poseidon philosophy and character

"Guess the pack of wolves is swimming with the shark now" This line here, oh is beautiful. Because Poseidon acknowledges that Odysseus and his men are dangerous (the pack of wolves) and that they can be brutal in their own right - he's not taking away their merit like many would in this circumstance -, but he's saying they're swimming with the shark (him). Meaning: They are under his domain now, under his control, and he now has the upper hand because he's not only distant from them but also has more power. (Credit to Mortius for the amazing analysis of this line)

"Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves"

I touched on this before, but I needed to highlight how I have seen far too many people completely miss the point of this song - not only on YouTube but also here, for some reason -. People argue that Poseidon asked for an apology which Odysseus didn't give and that's why he killed most of his fleet.

No.

The entire song is an exposition of Poseidon's philosophy - it's a way of showing us that he doesn't believe in mercy or kindness, that he believes that in order to survive one must be ruthless at all times. He's literally saying: "If you had been ruthless and killed my child, I wouldn't be here right now because I wouldn't know who did it".Or even then - I don't think he'd have sought Odysseus out. The reason he does is precisely because Ody decided to be merciful instead.

So is not like he's looking for a genuine apology - there was nothing Ody could've said that would've made Poseidon spare him -, he's just toying with Odysseus at that point.

Odysseus' apology (which he gave, in the ancient Greek way) wouldn't amount to anything.

We hear the (heart)beat again as soon as Poseidon tells Odysseus is time to say goodbye but it gets faster as soon as Odysseus enters the sound space and it stops completely on the word "scape".

"Captain, captain, captain"

When does a ripple become a tidal wave?

"When does a man become a monster?

"I am your darkest moment"

"The monster that always draws near"

We actually get Odysseus' acoustic guitar here too. Now, I'm still debating why Jay decided to reprise Just A Man here, especially with the ripple and the tidal wave (obviously, because they are at sea and all that, but I believe there's more to it than that).

If we follow the idea of consequence, it could suggest that this is the ripple effect of Odysseus choosing to spare the Cyclops, but it could also imply more about the Vengence Saga.

And as I said before, is interesting that Poseidon states that he's a monster and I wonder - did he mean it literally or figuratively? And I also wonder, how does Jay mean it? Because the whole concept of the man and the monster - besides reminding me of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and how in said book the allegory presents the duality of human nature, and how the balance between darkness and light is what makes one truly human - makes me believe that we might have an allegory at play here.

If - and that's a huge if - Jay is going for a similar allegory with Odysseus' arc it makes sense that he'd choose two disparate symbols of it (the man and the monster).So share your thoughts on this topic because I'd like to know.

Puppeteer

Full Speed Ahead motif.

There's a debate about whether or not Ody knew Eyrulochus was the one who opened the bag but we can talk about this later.

Circe's motif.

Here - we are once again presented with the theme of hunger - for food and for a woman/ for sex (let's be real) - and the "a woman" line always takes me out. We also get some context into Circe's character - a woman turning men into pigs once she feeds them -.

At first, we aren't clued in on the reason why she's doing. All she says is "think of your past, and your mistakes. They'll be the last mistakes you make".

And we again are presented with someone who has power and seeks to maintain it. This is our first introduction to her - she simply states that she has all the power and that she's not playing with people, but rather manipulating them like a puppeteer does.

She has the strings and she controls the outcome because she can twist and bend people to her will. The closest we get to something deeper is with the line "the world does not tend to forgive".

Wouldn't You Like

Hermes! I love him but there's not to say about this song, except that Hermes tells Odysseus that Circe can make him fall in love with her - so the fact that she tries and fails tells us exactly how much he loves Penelope.

Done For

Odysseus' guitar and motif.

The heart(beat) is very present here.

Here we are presented with more information about Circe's motivation. She states that she has people she needs to protect, nymphs she can't neglect. So in order to maintain control and power over the situation, Circe preemptively strikes before any harm can be done to her or the people she cares about.

Odysseus here tries to trick Circe but she doesn't fall for it. And the thing, Circe and Odysseus' reason isn't different at all - both want to protect the people they care for, but they're going at it in different ways.

She does tell him that the last time they allowed people to live, they faced a heavy loss. We don't know exactly what happened, but once can only assume that it wasn't pretty, so Circe learned from it and decided to use of her art of persuasion to get what she wanted.

There Are Other Ways

Here, Odysseus starts to repeat back what Circe said in her own song, almost as if he's slowly following her lead, until he thinks about Penelope and we hear her motif and her viola.

Here Odysseus vulnerability and the proof of his love for his wife is what convinces Circe to help them. She must've come across countless men before and I think is safe to assume none of them denied her before.

And that's the thing about Circe - when presented with a good reason to help, once she realizes that Odysseus just wants to go home, that he loves his wife so much that even after twelve years (lol) he remains faithful to her, and is desperate to see her, and that's a good enough reason to help him.

Circe already knows who she is, already knows what she's capable of and what she's fighting for.

Odysseus is on the way to figuring that out.

The Underworld

Full Speed Ahead motif.

"All I hear are screams"

The bells we hear are ringing the same notes that we hear in The Horse And The Infant as soon as Odysseus finds Astyanax.

"Captain, captain, captain"

"This life is amazing when you greet with open arms, whatever we face we'll be fine if we lead from the heart... Greet the world with open arms".

"Waiting" with Odysseus' motif on a different scale on the piano.This is the first time Odysseus truly addresses what has happened and what he's gone through.

Here he is, looking for the prophet to help him get home, and yet he's being haunted by the voices of those he lost and their last thoughts before they died. Yes - he's hearing their literal screams as they pass the river Styx, but is more than that. For the first time, he can actually see the consequences of his own choices and his actions.

No Longer You

Tiresias' motif.

"There is a world where I help you get home, but that's not a world I know" - This line here is brilliant, because not only addresses the fact that in the original poem Tiresias does tell Odysseus what to do and what to avoid, but it also further solidifies that this is very different from the original epic.

I see a song of past romance (Siren's song)

I see the sacrifice of men (Scylla's throat)

I see portrayals of betrayal (Mutiny)

And a brother's final stand (Lightning bolt)

I see you on the brink of death

I see you draw your final breath

I see a man who gets to make it home alive but it's no longer you

No Longer You is a great way of setting the stage for the next act, by providing Odysseus with a vague warning about a man who is hunting and a man with a trail of bodies behind it, it allows his mind to wonder and the ponder who that man can be. The interesting thing is - Tiresias is telling that the man that makes it back home is no longer him - as in no longer Odysseus, as in no longer the current Odysseus -.

At that moment Odysseus already has a trail of bodies behind him. Whether or not the deaths in the cave were his fault isn't the argument here, but rather that they happened and happened under his command. But here Odysseus is presented with a future and a past he can't change or can't control.

Monster

Odysseus' guitar motif that gets pulled away.As discussed by my amazing mutual @rin-solo in her Monster essay, Odysseus is non-judgmental by nature.

Monster is Odysseus debating if mercy is not the thing that has been killing his men all along, if him caving to guilt is the reason they're not making it home. He's not justifying the actions of his foes, he's not saying they're morally right in doing what they're doing.

Is the Cyclops struck with guilt when he kills? Is he up in the middle of the night? Or does he end my men to avenge his friend And then sleep knowing he has done him right?

When the witch turns men to pigs to protect her nymphs Is she going insane? Or did she learn to be colder when she got older and now she saves them the pain?

He's simply questioning if these people are allowing themselves to be stopped by guilt or by mercy, he acknowledges their perspective, he acknowledges that them doing the things they way they're doing them is what keeps them alive.

"Ruthleness is mercy upon ourselves"

Here Odysseus addresses those he lost again, and is the first moment where it feels like he's really allowing the grief and the hurt to set in.

I said it before and I'll say it again, Monster doesn't seem to about Odysseus choosing to become a monster because he wants to, but rather because he feels is the only thing he can do under the circumstances. With the context we get from songs that will come, Monster seems to become more and more about Odysseus not wanting to feel guilt about the choices he knows he'll have to make to make it back home.

He wants to throw the guilt he feels away:

"Does a soldier use a wooden horse to kill sleeping Trojans cause he's vile? Or those he throw his remorse away and saves more lives with guile?"

Monster also seems to be Odysseus' way of starting to understand his own morals, of coming to terms with them, of accepting things about himself that he didn't seem willing to do up until this point.And once again, we hear a choir in the background singing the words back to Odysseus.

[silviathebard]

Why I hate Jinx's not-death

(part 1: Jinx's unfulfilled redemption arc)

So this has been brewing in my mind for a while now, and I just need to write it down and see if anyone else feels the same way.

But first, ✨️context✨️

From the beginning, Arcane has set up Jinx for a redemption arc. As far as I remember, one of the show writers even stated whether Jinx could be redeemed was the main question of the show. The biggest obstacle to this is Jinx's perception of herself. This is most clear in her name change after Act 1, Season 1. She renames herself "Jinx" and tries to forget her old self, Powder. She does this because after the events of episode 3 and after Vi calls her a "jinx", she begins to internalize that she is an inherently bad person.

In Act 2 she is haunted by Vi's words, to the point she wants to separate herself from the girl who had hope she could "fix things", Powder. Her belief that she was destined to be a bad person and a "jinx" is only helped by the various shots of crows throughout season 1, birds that symbolize bad luck, as well as fate and destiny.

But we see in Act 2 that Jinx never left Powder behind. She can't help but be affected by her last memory of Vi just like Powder was. Jinx's ingenuity and intelligence when it comes to gadgets is a shared personality trait between them, except just as Viktor says in season 2, her talents were used to create instead of destroy. In addition, Jinx keeping the flare that Vi gave her all those years ago is another example. She can't let Vi go, but she also doesn't want to be the little girl who needs her older sister's help anymore. Clearly, Jinx is not separate from Powder no matter how much she tries.

This is important because it shows Jinx's potential for change and growth. Although Jinx wants to believe she is her namesake, the parts of Powder that exist within her show she has the capacity to change like any other human being.

With that in mind, let's talk about Jinx's redemption arc in season 2 through her relationships with Isha, Vi, and Ekko.

In season 2, the writers first set up Jinx's redemption arc through Isha. As Jinx herself says, Isha reminds her of Powder. In a way, she is letting the more mischievous, playful, and even protective part of herself flourish. Remember, the event of Act 1, Season `1 that led to the creation of Jinx was directly a result of Powder wanting to save and protect her family. Isha can also be Jinx's redemption, a way for her to save her family the 2nd time.

Her bringing Vi and Warwick together is an even more literal version of that. She is bringing her family back together, even fixing it. Warwick/Vander's arc is also similar to Jinx's, just like Jinx he (with Viktor's help) finds the lost parts of himself and goes on a path toward redemption.

In my opinion, Vi and Jinx's reunion is a bit rushed. They never actually talk about what happens in A1S1 (I'm tired of typing it out, okay?) But that's besides the point. Jinx and Vi regain their sibling dynamic specifically in the little fight in episode 6? (5?) We also see that Vi has accepted the parts of Powder that have changed. She accepts that her sister is no longer the same, but also realizes she is not completely unrecognizable. This can be seen when Vi asks Jinx about her thoughts and Jinx says, "You actually want my opinion?" As well as when Jinx asks Isha, "got all of your insides?" Vi looks at Jinx in surprise (I couldn't find the shot but yall know what I mean right???) I interpreted that shot as Vi realizing how Powder still lives in Jinx even if she isn't the same.

After Isha's death and Warwick's reversal in redemption, Jinx feels like she has nobody, and worse she believes she doesn't deserve anybody. When Vi comes for Jinx in the jail cell, Jinx says morosely, "You're never going to give up on me, are you?" It's clear she believes that she isn't worth the effort anymore, which leads to her suicide attempt in ep. 8.

Meanwhile, Ekko has been teleported to an alternate dimension, where Hextech was never invented and Powder never became Jinx. In this universe, Ekko has the realization we, the audience, and Vi already had. Jinx is Powder, and Powder is Jinx.

Although alternate universe Powder doesn't go by the name "Jinx", we can still see the remnants of her. When a confused Ekko asks Powder if she killed Vi, she responds first by telling him his tip led to her death, but then she also says, "Don't make me do something I'll regret." Here, we see the potential for Jinx in Powder. Although Jinx has the potential for redemption which is symbolized through the concept of "Powder", Jinx herself holds another kind of fulfilled potential. The potential for genius. As Ekko says later in the episode, Jinx's ideas "change the world". However as Powder says, genius comes with a twin, madness.

Powder decides not to pursue the hextech crystals she finds because she doesn't want to lose "what makes me, me." This is more because of her inherent need to protect people than anything (probably assuming the role Vi had). When Vander makes the analogy about filling others' cups, he is saying that Powder shouldn't dampen her own potential to protect others. It's a bit ironic that Vander has no clue what would have happened if she did this in the original universe.

Clearly, Powder always had the potential to become Jinx as Jinx has the potential to be Powder. Ekko realizes he must also convince Jinx of this, so he leaves the alternate universe to save her.

He comes just in time, however he cannot find the right words to convince Jinx that she is worthy of redemption. That is, until Jinx sees the Z-Drive created with her inventions. That is when she realizes that her inventions can be used for good, and as a metaphor, that she is also capable of good. Off-screen, we can assume they talk more before arriving in ep. 9 at the final battle.

Unfortunately, this is when it all goes wrong. Vi and Jinx fight Warwick together, and Jinx ends up sacrificing herself to save Vi. Later, in a sort-of epilogue we see Ekko mourning her. We also see Caitlyn realizing that Jinx may be alive, as well as a shot of an airship that implies she is on it and has left Piltover.

Coming soon: Why Jinx dying/leaving undermines what was set up throughout the show

[tenebraevesper]

With Light In My Heart, Entry 3: Heart Wave

''A signal flows past today, flowing endlessly forward. A familiar frequency distorts what you want to say. I'm lost while I try to shake off this hesitation... The path over there is the one I will take! Now look in the sky, in my heart; where wishes pile up and lie. That picture from the dream will reflect. Most certainly someday, with these hands, to be strong high up in a place not yet reached. Shine!''

– Heart Wave by Ryuusei no Rockman (MegaMan Star Force)

xXxXxXx

Sonic could feel the warm sun rays on his fur, seeing the sunlight through his still closed eyes. He stretched his arms, not really wanting to get up, but he changed his mind when the scent of fried eggs and bacon wafted from the kitchen. He slowly got up, his stomach growling as a sense of hunger set in. He took a look around, recalling how he crashed for the night at Tails' workshop in Mystic Ruins, having fallen asleep on the couch. He had told Shadow to take the guest room, with the dark hedgehog accepting his offer after some initial protest, responding how he would take the couch since he was the guest and Sonic was the one who sort of ''lived'' here, courtesy of being Tails' older brother. Sonic assured him that he always slept on the couch, so it was no big deal for him.

The cobalt hedgehog walked into the kitchen, finding Shadow, who had made breakfast for both of them, sitting at the table and sipping coffee.

''Good morning,'' Shadow said once Sonic walked inside.

''Good morning! Thanks for the breakfast!'' Sonic quickly sat down at the table, enjoying the meal.

''Since I'm your guest, I had figured that I should take care of the breakfast,'' Shadow said, with Sonic smiling, only for the smile to falter when Shadow added, ''You can wash the dishes.''

''I guess that's fair,'' Sonic muttered, narrowing his eyes, taking note of Shadow's smirk.

''Any plans for today?'' Shadow asked, with Sonic humming in thought.

''Not… really? I could go for a quick run, and Station Square is close. We could go there,'' Sonic said.

''I suppose you want to reminisce a bit longer about how the city got flooded and you got to play hero,'' Shadow replied in a snarky tone. Sonic rolled his eyes.

''I was actually thinking of trying to find something interesting to do. You never know what you'll encounter unless you make the first move,'' Sonic explained. ''The best way to find another adventure is to take action and search for it.''

Shadow gave him an inquisitive look, not too different from the one he had when Sonic talked about his confrontation with Perfect Chaos, but remained silent. Sonic did take note that he seemed as if he wanted to ask something, but the dark hedgehog decided against questioning him. He wondered why Shadow was giving him that look, assuming it was because of something he had said. However, considering how Shadow didn't make any snide remarks, Sonic figured that whatever he said wasn't bad and that made him happy.

Rest assured, he was looking forward to spending more time with Shadow.

xXx

The people who were going on about their day in Station Square had been startled by a blue and an orange flash of light as they dashed through the streets. Those two flashes were a pair of hedgehogs, having turned what was supposed to be a simple journey from Mystic Ruins to Station Square into another race. They were weaving through the streets, easily dodging any obstacle they saw with no real goal in their mind. Admittedly, Shadow was just following Sonic's lead, making sure he kept at the same pace and not let his rival get ahead of him. If they were already racing, he didn't want to lose against Sonic. Speaking of the cobalt hedgehog, he had the time of his life. Truth to be told, he had no destination on mind, simply enjoying the thrill that came with their competition.

However, that sense of thrill was replaced with surprise when Sonic realized that the area he and Shadow were at was quite familiar, eventually coming to a full stop. Shadow was confused when he saw Sonic skidding to a halt.

''What's wrong, Hedgehog? Are you already out of breath?'' he asked.

''Actually, I just found our next destination,'' Sonic replied, pointing at the structure in front of them, a gargantuan theme park.

''Twinkle Park?'' Shadow read the sign on the entrance, raising an eyebrow as he gave Sonic a questioning look.

''I've been here before with Amy, although I don't really remember why she was so insistent on going here…'' Sonic muttered the last bit as he tried to recall her motivation, but when nothing came up, he shrugged and grabbed Shadow's hand, pulling him along. ''Let's go! They have a bunch of attractions that you need to experience!''

Shadow was startled when Sonic pulled him towards the entrance, taking note of his excitement. Instead of scolding him for just pulling him along, he sighed, well aware that Sonic was simply thrilled to show him around and he couldn't hold that against him. He decided to just resign himself to the fact that he'd be spending the day at the amusement park.

Sonic did recall that last time he was here, there was a hovering monitor that dispensed tickets for the park, but instead of the monitor, there was a human woman in an uniform standing in a booth next to the elevator that would lift one up to the corridors that led into the park.

''Huh, I thought Twinkle Park had an automatic ticket dispenser,'' Sonic said as he and Shadow walked up to the booth.

''Unfortunately, we had some technical problems and decided to replace it. I'll be the one to welcome you to Twinkle Park,'' the woman explained, smiling at them and taking a closer look at the hedgehogs. She then reached for the boxes next to her, one containing dark blue and purple wristbands with yellow star patterns and a silver star pendant on top, while the other contained a pink and purple wristbands with red heart patterns and a silver heart pendant on top. She grabbed the one with the heart patterns and held them out. ''Please, take these. Per Twinkle Park's policy, cute couples are allowed in for free.''

Sonic felt a sudden chill flow down his spine when the memory of how he and Amy actually got inside Twinkle Park the first time hit him like a ton of bricks. He could sense Shadow's cold glare from behind him, sweatdropping and smiling nervously at the woman. ''W-Wait, you're mistaken! We're not a couple…''

''Really? Then, why are you holding hands?'' the woman asked, making Sonic realize his mistake. He glanced at Shadow, who was still glaring at him while holding his rival's hand. Sonic let go of Shadow, who just huffed, deciding not to comment on it, and folded his arms across his chest. The woman, on the other hand, giggled, pushing the wristbands into Sonic's hands. ''I assume this is your first date, then. I know most couples get really shy about it, but you don't have to worry. I wish you a lot of fun!''

Sonic really wanted to clear the misunderstanding, but before he could do that, he could hear a sharp exhale behind him, with Shadow grabbing his arm and dragging him into the elevator. The ride was short, but really awkward as Shadow took one of the wristbands to put it on his wrist, just behind his Inhibitor Ring.

''You know, you could've helped me clear up the misunderstanding,'' Sonic pointed out, wondering why Shadow didn't say anything.

''I couldn't care less about that woman's opinion on our relationship. You wanted to go to Twinkle Park, and now we're here,'' Shadow responded in his usual dismissive tone. Sonic rose an eyebrow, placing the wristband on his wrist over his glove as they walked through the corridor towards the inside of the amusement park. He knew that Shadow never cared much about what people thought about him, a sentiment Sonic shared. Nevertheless, that didn't stop him from teasing Shadow.

''I guess the lack of protest means that you agree that we do make a cute couple,'' Sonic said in a casual tone, smiling slyly.

Shadow suddenly stopped in his tracks, his quills bristling as he turned to Sonic with an irked expression. ''We are not a couple.''

''Okay, okay, I get it. You don't want to put the couple-label on our relationship, and I understand that,'' Sonic replied, holding up his hands in defense. Shadow scoffed, turning on his heel and continuing the walk, not noticing the playful smirk on Sonic's lips until the latter stepped in front of him. ''But, you never said anything about us not being cute together.''

Shadow gritted his teeth, looking like he was about to punch him, while Sonic just laughed heartily, leaving the dark hedgehog shaking his head. Despite his irritation, Shadow knew that he brought this on himself the moment he agreed to accompany Sonic on his journey. He knew that he'd have to deal with Sonic's relentless teasing, because his rival clearly fancied riling him up with stupid comments like this. Shadow felt like he shouldn't even care what Sonic said, but somehow, his remarks always managed to get a reaction out of him and he simply couldn't understand why that was happening. It was because of that that the cobalt hedgehog always fascinated and frustrated him.

However, before Shadow could even respond, Sonic grabbed his hand, pulling him along. ''Com'n! The roller-coaster isn't going to wait for us!''

Despite his desire to make a smartass remark, Shadow remained quiet. All he could think about how Sonic was this irritating, impulsive, impatient, impetuous person who he swore would get on his nerves because he knew he could get away with it, leaving Shadow frustrated until he knocked some sense into his rival. Indeed, Sonic was someone who drove Shadow up the metaphorical wall with his antics, but despite everything, Shadow never hated him. He just couldn't – not when that ember of warmth he continuously attempted to ignore would grow stronger and stronger in Sonic's presence.

Sure, he had heard people talking about how their rivalry was supposedly based on mutual hatred between each other, especially on Shadow's part. They would be puzzled over why the two hedgehogs were even working together if they hated each other so much that every encounter they had was an ''on sight'' moment. Shadow never payed much attention to any of those rumors, ignoring them as there was no reason for him to explain to anyone what his and Sonic's relationship was. It was enough that he and Sonic knew that it was based on mutual respect, and even if they did get into some petty fights, that still didn't influence their own opinion on each other. Shadow knew that he could never hate Sonic and Sonic shared that sentiment.

Nevertheless, getting annoyed at his antics was a completely different matter.

xXx

As expected, Sonic's first choice for a ride was the Twinkle Coaster, a roller-coaster attraction that left everyone's hearts racing. It was a rather fun ride, but Shadow noted how it was nothing in comparison to what he and Sonic would experience on almost daily basis. Nevertheless, Sonic enjoyed himself, so Shadow figured that it was fine.

Things got more interesting once they decided to go to the bumper cars attraction next. Shadow noted how the attraction looked more like a race track, with the bumper cars appearing to be hovercrafts. Sonic got into a blue bumper car, while Shadow chose the black one, starting their race. At first, Sonic had a lot of fun colliding with the other racers and outmaneuvering those who attempted to ram into him. However, he felt someone ram into him from behind, causing him to jolt and swerve. When he turned his head to the culprit, he realized that it was Shadow, looking quite determined to knock Sonic off the track.

''Woah!'' Sonic narrowly avoided getting hit, using his racing skills to dodge Shadow's next move and allowing for the dark hedgehog to pass, much to his surprise. He then got right back on track, managing to get head-to-head with Shadow. ''What's the big idea?!''

Shadow simply lifted the hand with the wristband, causing Sonic to snort in amusement, followed by a look of determination. He realized that Shadow was just being petty and paying him back for all the teasing by targeting him during the race. Sure, most people would get annoyed by getting targeted like this, but Sonic wasn't like most people. In fact, he loved to have Shadow's attention focused solely on himself, completely basking in it.

Both weaved between other racers, with Shadow managing to get another hit in, only for Sonic to return the favour. They were relentless in their pursuit, just like during their races, showing off their skill as they tried to outdo each other once again, but the issue was, they weren't the ones who were in control of this race. The bumper cars stopped floating once they reached the end of the track, leaving the hedgehogs more than a little miffed, Sonic especially, as he was having a lot of fun during the ride. However, he didn't let it bother him as he leapt out of the bumper car.

''Are you satisfied now?'' he asked Shadow, who just gave him a smug look.

''Very,'' Shadow replied, quirking a brow when he saw Sonic smiling nonetheless. It was obvious that something like this wouldn't bother his rival and that he'd end up enjoying it. Shadow had to admit that, for his part, he also got some enjoyment from messing with Sonic, briefly forgetting everything around him as he focused on the thrilling sensation that was coursing through his body. However, now that that came to an end, he wondered what would come next. He followed Sonic through the park, the cobalt hedgehog already having an idea what they could do next.

''There! I don't remember those being here when Amy and I visited the park,'' Sonic pointed at several carnival game booths, each with their own games and prizes. He glanced at Shadow. ''Do you want to choose one?''

''I don't have a preference. You are the guide, and therefore, you should choose,'' Shadow replied curtly.

''Yeah, I know, but still, I'd like you to be the one to choose,'' Sonic insisted. The truth was, he wanted to learn more about Shadow, and getting him to decide what game to play would hopefully give him some insight. ''I'm willing to play any game.''

''Tch, any game, you say?'' Shadow rose an eyebrow, watching Sonic as he nodded eagerly. Shadow relented, glancing at the game booths. He wasn't familiar with carnival games, having never indulged into any of them, but if he was already going to play one, he wanted it to be the perfect choice. He could feel Sonic's curious gaze on him as they walked past the game booths, observing the people who'd participate in the games and trying to gauge whether the game would fitting for them or not.

Eventually, he came to a stop in front of a shooting gallery-type of game. Just like everything else in Twinkle Park, it was space-themed, utilizing a toy space gun with pellets that would be fired into paper targets looking like UFOs, each target having a point system ranging from 10 to 50. Next to the booth was a sign that explained the rules of the game – you would get a limited number of pellets and the prize you'd get would depend on your score. Intrigued, Shadow glanced at Sonic, his expression making it clear that this would be his choice, only to notice the knowing look Sonic was giving him, leaving him puzzled.

''You said you'd play any game I'd choose,'' Shadow responded, wondering why Sonic was looking at him like this. ''This is my choice.''

''I know, it's just that I find it interesting that you chose a game you'd have some experience with,'' Sonic replied, only for Shadow to sigh in exasperation when he realized what Sonic was referring to. Sure, he may have had experience with guns, having used them during the Black Arms Invasion, but it was only because he didn't really care what weapons he would use to fight them off. He made use of both G.U.N. and the Black Arms' resources at the time, having been fairly pragmatic in his approach, but despite being skilled in using weapons, he didn't utilize any kind of weapon since then, preferring to rely on his own powers and abilities, like Chaos Control and his super speed. It was something he was more comfortable with, leaving the use of weapons during a battle to Omega.

After talking for a moment to the vendor, who explained to them the rules in details and gave them their space guns, the game started. They had 10 pellets each, with Shadow deciding to waste one on testing out the space gun first. He still hit the target at 40 points, considering it a good start, and then started to aim as close to the 50 points mark as possible. Shot after shot, his score went up quickly 490 out of the 500 total points, as he proved himself once again a perfect marksman. He placed the space gun down, feeling satisfied despite not getting the full score due to wasting his earlier shot.

Shadow then glanced at Sonic, realizing that his rival's score was still at zero despite the fact that he used up nearly all of his ammo. Sonic was quite frustrated as he missed the target again, with Shadow noting just how pathetic his rival looked. He sighed.

''Your stance is wrong.''

Sonic suddenly froze when Shadow stepped behind him, grabbing his hands and placing them around the space gun properly, continuing with the lecture.

''This may be a toy gun, but you can still apply the same theory as with a real handgun. Hold it with your dominant hand and steady with your free hand.''

Sonic could feel Shadow's warm breath tickle his shoulder, his calm baritone voice so close to his ear leaving him breathless for a moment. There was a sense of anxiety and excitement growing within him, his heart pounding strongly in his chest. He could feel the dark hedgehog's fluffy chest fur pressing into his back, carefully avoiding his quills, and making his own heart only race faster.

''Face the target and stand with your shoulder-width apart. Take a step forward with your non-dominant foot to stagger your stance.''

Sonic was a quick learner, following is instructions while at the same trying to ignore the sense of fluttering in his stomach. He knew that Shadow was just trying to help him with his stance, but why did he feel like the dark hedgehog was hugging him from behind? And more importantly, why did Sonic wish that was the case? The cobalt hedgehog took a moment to collect himself as he tried to focus on Shadow's instructions.

''To aim, align the front sight with the rear sight until the target comes into focus. Pull the trigger slowly in one smooth, controlled motion.''

''Y-Yeah, I get it,'' Sonic replied, praying to every god-like being he knew that Shadow didn't notice just how flustered he felt or, more importantly, the reddish hue that spread across his fawn muzzle. Shadow then stepped back, allowing Sonic to take a deep breath and follow Shadow's earlier instructions, aiming the space gun and firing. To his relief, it hit the 20 points mark.

''Not bad for an amateur,'' Shadow said, with Sonic smiling awkwardly at the compliment. He then tried again, managing to hit the 40 points mark. Shadow whistled, looking impressed that Sonic improved so much between shots. In turn, Sonic felt quite proud of himself.

''I still prefer using a sword over a gun, though,'' Sonic said, setting the space gun down. The 60 points he got didn't earn him any prize, but he was fine with it.

Shadow, on the other hand, seemingly forgot that his own score earned him a prize, because he was startled when the vendor gave him a black cat with a red ribbon collar plush toy half his size.

''Congratulations on your prize,'' Sonic said as they walked away from the game booth, with Shadow looking a little lost, clearly not knowing what to do with it.

''Here, you take it.'' Sonic was startled when Shadow suddenly gave him the cat plushie. ''I have no use for it, so you can have it.''

Sonic at first wasn't sure what to make of it, only for a mischievous smile to form on his lips. ''Thanks, Shadow! Now, give me just a moment, I'll be back soon!'' He shoved the cat plushie back into Shadow's arms, leaving the dark hedgehog perplexed as Sonic disappeared in a flash of blue, going towards one of the game booths and returning after a few minutes with a dark blue and grey wolf plush toy that was the same size as the cat plushie. ''This one is for you!''

''But, I told you-'' Shadow attempted to protest, but Sonic quickly swapped their prizes, interrupting him.

''I think it's really cute that we get to gift each other something as a couple,'' Sonic said, holding the cat plushie in a way that showed the wristband while giving Shadow a seemingly innocent smile.

The dark hedgehog was left both flustered and annoyed at his rival's teasing, shooting a glare at Sonic. Even though his fierce gaze could intimidate anyone, it never worked on his rival, who was simply amused by the dark hedgehog's reaction. Shadow felt even more annoyed by this, but he knew that it wasn't so easy to rile Sonic up, the cobalt hedgehog being almost unflappable to any attempts at being antagonized. However, Shadow wasn't above playing Sonic's little game if he could secure a victory for himself. He knew that he could simply walk away from this whole situation, but he refused, allowing his stubborness to prevail this time. If Sonic was going to tease him about being a couple, then Shadow would commit to it.

Sonic was left bewildered when Shadow suddenly grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers and leaving the cobalt hedgehog completely flustered as he processed what had happened.

''If you already want to call us a couple, then follow through with it,'' Shadow told him in a firm tone, leaving Sonic speechless. He had expected that Shadow would just express his frustration in some way, but he never thought that Shadow would treat his teasing with any kind of weight. Shadow stared at him for a moment, his ruby eyes gleaming in the light, while Sonic was silent, still trying to understand what had just happened. Shadow then tilted his head. ''If you have nothing to say, I believe that we should continue… Unless you want to leave.''

''N-No…'' Sonic muttered, with Shadow simply nodding and continuing to walk while his stunned rival followed him, still holding his hand tightly.

It took a bit for Sonic to snap out of his bewilderment, and he wondered if he may have gone too far with his teasing and that Shadow was trying to prove something. He wanted to assure his rival that he would be dropping this and move on, only to get caught off guard when he noticed that Shadow appeared to be rather at ease and content, as if none of this was affecting him at all. It left Sonic a little confused, and even though he'd usually go along with whatever was happening, his mind was overwhelmed with questions he wasn't sure he wanted answer to.

''Were there any other attractions you had visited?'' Shadow suddenly asked him, his kind and polite tone catching Sonic off guard. He was too used to his rival being cold and stand-offish, so this felt quite bizarre.

''There are, but… Now I'm wondering if you've been replaced by some kind of doppelgänger,'' Sonic said in a deadpan tone.

''Tch, you just keep underestimating me, Hedgehog,'' Shadow replied, furrowing a brow, with Sonic snorting as this response was more in the line of the tone he was used to hearing.

''Yeah, I guess I do,'' Sonic agreed, now genuinely curious of how this would turn out, especially that Shadow had taken the initiative, albeit while also taking Sonic's suggestions into consideration.

Having left their prizes at a locker, they ended up entering the Mirror House next, which consisted of a series of dark, tight corridors with mirrors instead of walls. They weren't the only ones inside, with other people walking through it, but the layout appeared to have been changed from what Sonic remembered, turning it more into a maze.

At first, Sonic was having fun making silly faces at his own reflection, but soon, he realized that he was seeing things that weren't there, like people who weren't the same corridor as he and Shadow were, and when he wanted to lean against what he thought was a mirror, he almost fell over as this turned out to be an actual room. Fortunately, Shadow managed to grab him by the arm before he could faceplant into the floor.

''You should be more careful,'' Shadow said. ''The mirrors had been placed in such a way to create optical illusions to confuse you.''

''Yeah, I figured. I just hope we'll find a way out without getting completely lost,'' Sonic said, only to raise an eyebrow when he saw Shadow extending his hand to him. He smirked. ''You really are insistent on holding hands.''

Shadow rolled his eyes, giving Sonic an exasperated look. ''The reason why I'm doing this is because the last thing I need is for you to get lost in this place. You can either accept it, or I'm leaving you behind.''

''You could leave me behind,… but we both know that you wouldn't do that,'' Sonic responded, giving Shadow a mischievous look, but he still grabbed his hand. After all, if they do get lost, Shadow could simply use Chaos Control to get them both out.

Shadow didn't bother to respond, not really wanting to admit that Sonic was correct, at least in this case. Instead, he focused on finding the right path through the mirror maze, having to stop a couple of times as he noticed his own reflection disappear, allowing them to move into another room. Unfortunately, the maze appeared to be much more deceptive than he had anticipated, with Shadow ending up leading them into a dead end. His mood soured, as he felt that he should've known better, with Sonic taking note of that.

''How about we return and find another path?'' he suggested, with Shadow following him back quietly. Sonic, determined to cheer him up, took charge as he led Shadow towards another corridor. ''You know, this place has become a real challenge, but I'm sure we can get out if we work together.''

Shadow hummed in thought, well aware that Sonic was right. The mirror maze could be quite confusing at times, so looking out for each other and working together would be the better option. He nodded, following Sonic's lead until they came to what seemed to be a split that led to two different rooms. Sonic scratched his head at first, unsure which path to take, but fortunately, Shadow stepped up, carefully observing the two paths before picking the one on the left. When Sonic gave him a questioning look, Shadow pointed at the other path.

''That's a two-way mirror,'' he explained.

''Wait, really?'' Sonic blinked in surprise, walking over to what he thought was another path, only for his hand to touch glass.

''I assume that they placed it here to leave visitors confused, but also direct them towards the correct path in case they walk into it,'' Shadow said.

''I guess that makes sense,'' Sonic replied, the two walking down the corridor and ending up facing a row of mirrors. They exchanged glances as there was no clear exit, only for Sonic to pull Shadow along as he gazed at the mirrors, spotting one that had no gleam, revealing it to actually be another path into a room. He glanced at Shadow, feeling quite satisfied that he found it, even more when he got a look of acknowledgement from his rival.

The two had slowly managed to make more progress through the maze, letting one or the other take over whenever they ran into what seemed to be a dead end and making sure neither would wander off too far and get lost. It took a while, but they finally managed to approach the gate leading to the exit, stepping outside.

''Finally, we got out!'' Sonic exclaimed in relief, stretching his arms and feeling the warm sunlight on his fur.

''I suppose it was a little challenging-'' Shadow started, only to get elbowed playfully by Sonic.

''Yeah, but we still got out because we worked together. I'd call this a huge accomplishment,'' he said, with Shadow raising an eyebrow, arms folded across his chest.

''Something is telling me that you're not talking about our experience at the attraction,'' he said. Sonic was about to respond, only for his stomach to growl, leaving him a little embarrassed. Shadow simply tilted his head, adding, ''Hungry?''

''Heh, I guess so,'' Sonic replied, rubbing the back of his head, only to blink in surprise when he saw Shadow extending his hand. ''Huh?''

''We'll go and find you a chili dog stand, considering how that appears to be the only food you eat,'' Shadow said, with Sonic rolling his eyes.

''Dude, I also eat other food besides chili dogs. I ate the breakfast you made,'' Sonic pointed out, his slight irritation amusing Shadow. Sonic then walked past him, hands placed on the back of his hand and leaving the dark hedgehog a little curious and confused. ''If we're going for a lunch break, you should also eat something.''

''I'm not hungry,'' Shadow replied, only for Sonic to grab his hand and giving him a firm look.

''Nope, don't care, you're also getting yourself some food,'' Sonic replied resolutely. ''You have said that you'd be looking out for me, and I'm saying now that I'll be looking out for you.''

''Even if it's over something simple like food?'' Shadow asked, his curiosity piqued.

''Even that,'' Sonic promised with a sincere smile.

xXx

Sonic hummed softly as he took note of the sky, which was slowly growing darker and darker. He and Shadow had spent most of the day exploring Twinkle Park and its other attractions, with Sonic enjoying the experience and even catching Shadow smiling a couple of times, feeling happy that his rival also found some joy in the activities they had participated in. Unfortunately, all good things have to come to an end, with their final stop being the Ferris wheel. This was also when Shadow finally stopped their little couple act, letting go of Sonic hand, with Sonic feeling his heart sink a little.

''Don't even believe for a moment that this means anything. I have simply stepped up to your challenge,'' Shadow replied, back to his usual reserved and serious tone. Sonic faltered, giving Shadow an awkward smile.

''Yeah, yeah, I know… I brought this on myself by crossing the line,'' Sonic replied dryly, sighing as he gazed ahead at the orange and purple sky, the first stars already appearing. He then smiled. ''Still, I really liked seeing that side of you. Maybe you could show it more often.''

''Bring that up again and I'll throw you off this ride,'' Shadow growled, shooting Sonic a glare.

''Aaaand the Shadow I know is back. At least I can say for sure now that you weren't replaced by some kind of imposter,'' Sonic responded in a snarky tone, earning a frown from Shadow, but no threat followed. Both then remained silent as their cart rose high above Twinkle Park, with Sonic leaning back as he stared at the dark sky, now dotted with shining stars. He grinned, turning to Shadow. ''Still, thank you for everything.''

''Why are you thanking me? Nothing significant had happened,'' Shadow replied in a dismissive tone. Sonic shook his head.

''You have stayed with me this whole and even went along with the whole couple thing, even though you could've easily left. I'm impressed that you went so far,'' Sonic replied, giving him a sheepish look, catching a glimpse of a tiny smile that involuntarily formed on Shadow's lips, only to vanish a moment later.

''I know that you are capable of being much more obnoxious than this, so I'm willing to tolerate your presence a little longer,'' Shadow replied. ''Besides, sometimes the things you say are worth listening to.''

''What do you mean?'' Sonic rose an eyebrow, wondering whether this was another backhanded compliment.

''I thought that what you had said about Perfect Chaos was quite intriguing. You had recognized his pain and sought a different solution when everyone else already gave up on him,'' Shadow replied. Sonic smiled.

''Oh, that. I just said what was on my mind at that time. Y'know, stating the obvious,'' he replied in a casual tone. ''Perfect Chaos was only a danger to everyone because of his anger, and I figured if he calmed down, things would be fine.''

''I see. I wonder if there are more stories like this one,'' Shadow said, staring ahead at the dark sky.

''I guess that, if you stay with me long enough, you might hear another one,'' Sonic replied, smiling at Shadow contently. Even if he didn't admit it, he hoped that the dark hedgehog would be able to be in his presence without the cause for it being some sort of challenge or necessity caused by an outside force.

Shadow glanced at him for a moment, then turned his gaze back to the stars in the sky, having to admit that Sonic had a way to convince him to go along with his ideas, no matter how annoying or foolish they were. It was a quite unusual for him to participate in an activity that was clearly out of his comfort zone, but he didn't hate it. As stated before, Sonic offered him a challenge and he accepted it, nothing more and nothing less. He was here because of his own curiosity and stubborness, as well as the desire to escape from his nightmares.

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[beforecreation]

In truth, there was nothing he knew that meant giving his name was innately dangerous, especially when he could not recall what she had consumed in front of his very eyes. His reasoning for withholding his name had been far more minor, it coming back to his point of contention with the one who had brought him here in the first place: Regulus Corneas. Clearly, if she valued him so highly, his name should've rung in the ears of all those who lived in this precious utopia of hers. And yet if it were not for his inhuman appearance, he was certain he would've been mistaken for a servant who had lost his way.

For that reason, a reason that had caused this feline deity to narrowly avoid giving out information that would only damn him further, he would merely give a bow in 'apology' for being unable to return the gesture.

"Why if she hasn't told you, I'm terribly sorry, then I cannot tell you either. I don't wish to defy her any further than I have previously."

It would seem that despite her hunger, she was not to play an ironic game of cat and mouse. Good, the last thing he needed was to distract him from... something. Why had he entered the library? What was his goal? Confusion mixed with the new knowledge he had been given, he could recalls the words of Rui and her actions, but not once could he recall when he wandered the halls in search of the library, and yet his reasoning for doing so escaped him. His gaze would be fixed on Rui before shifting to his surroundings. Was it the girl or the area that occupied that had suddenly left him feeling disoriented?

Whatever the case was, it was clear he had lost progress in what he aimed to do; he would have to leave in order to ensure he didn't lose any more of his memory. It would be most fortunate that Rui herself didn't require much convincing on her end, did she simply seek to scare him? Intimidate weaker willed victims into confessing their desires to be free of Regulus and the part of the world that was carved out for her? Or was she simply contemplating eating a unique "husband" of her leader?

His questions would stay internal for now, his eyes watching as Rui's hair loosens and falls away in mere seconds, now allowing him his freedom once more. As if any part of this could be considered true freedom.

A mischievous kid, that one. Gluttony, was it? Perhaps he would toss a plate her way the next time servants come to serve him. Or perhaps he would toss a couple of rats her way, should he find them. It'd be like sneaking treats to a dog that stared at the food on the dinner table, except he'd likely have to worry about her trying to bite the hand that feeds her.

He exchanges a wave and a small smile as he begins to make his way out of the library. Earnestly, he hoped never to have to go through that experience again... what little details he could recall of it. In any case, sticking around here would most likely prove to not nearly a beneficial to him as he hoped. And as his bindings droop and fall away, he would get out of his chair and stretch, followed by a loud yawn.

A second bow is given, a bit more proper than the first. And, in a demonstration of good will, he'd go as far as to turn his back on her.

Granted, his hearing and reflexes would give him more than enough time to react properly, a flick to the head would've been enough to send most flying, and act as a proper deterrent should he attempt to avoid escalation. But no, she seemed to be content with waiting in her little spot, giving an offer that nearly made his stomach turn.

Still, he lets out a light laugh instead, and a nod, appearing to take her words in stride, rather than as a promise.

"Right, of course. If I ever prefer death, I'll offer my head to you on a silver platter."

With that over with, he felt the need to shower. She had not gotten any of her drool on him but... somehow, he felt as though she had not washed her hair nearly enough. It was time to discover if there was some glorified bathhouse he may take a soak in for a few minutes. It would just be a matter of navigating the halls again, which itself felt like a far more confusing ordeal than it had any right to be. Who knows if his intended destination was where he'd actually end up?

Her head tilted slightly as she scrutinized him, her gaze piercing. It seemed that someone had revealed more than they intended. She had introduced herself, sharing the name of the castle's owner and the ruler of the kingdom, yet he had withheld his own name. This only deepened her curiosity. What secrets did he harbor? What knowledge did he possess that made him wary of sharing his identity? If he were to divulge his name, would it vanish from existence, leaving him a mere shadow, known to no one? 

The thought amused her that he knew he could not give his name to her, and she chuckled softly.

But that didn’t deter her from feasting on the knowledge contained within the book he clutched. It was a mere distraction for him, a tool she could use to unravel all the progress he had made. The content of the book mattered little; with just a single bite, she could siphon the wisdom from its pages, leaving them blank and devoid of memory. He would forget why he had come or what he had done, as she plucked the memories from his mind, savoring their flavor. They were quite delectable, and yet, the hunger gnawed at her, evident in the way her fangs glistened. She was ravenous, craving something truly satisfying, and he was the perfect feast.

Even though the urge to devour him was strong, she restrained herself, standing confidently at the table with her hands on her hips. He was seated, looking up at her, while her hair coiled around his arms and a leg pinned him in place, ensuring he couldn't escape. He was trapped, and she had no intention of letting him go. If he wished to be free, he would have to earn it, but if he dared to break loose and strike her, it would be the gravest error of his life. There was no doubt that he was formidable; one blow from him could very well end her. Yet, she was not to be underestimated. She possessed strength that surpassed his, along with powers beyond his comprehension. 

Many had tried to take her down, and all had failed, their fates sealed in her hunger. Moreover, if he so much as touched her, she would summon her loyal pets to her side in an instant, ready to defend her. 

The last thing he wanted was to face the wrath of the three great beasts of the world, bound to obey her every command.

"Are you not going to introduce yourself? What’s your name?" she might as well have asked the air, knowing he might either remain silent or offer a name that was nothing but a facade. 

It seemed he was a bit more perceptive than the rest. She had a knack for uncovering secrets, devouring the identities of the husbands who wandered in, names that even their wives wouldn’t recognize. They were merely husbands, stripped of their essence, for they were never truly married; they were just numbers, branded and categorized. She relished in consuming their names and memories, rendering them docile and simple-minded. If she indulged too much, they would be reduced to mindless shells or fall into a deep, unending slumber from which they would never awaken.

Her gaze drifted down for a moment, reluctant yet compelled to listen as her golden hair unfurled, wrapping around his legs and arms before retracting, still coiling around her feet like a shimmering serpent. The length of it was astonishing, glistening in the light. As she released him, she observed him intently, wondering if he would rise and walk away. She followed him to the table, her sanctuary, the place where she lingered, preying on the foolish souls who entered. This was her domain, where she thrived, feasting on those who had lost their value in the world. Once she consumed someone, they vanished, fading from memory as if they had never existed at all.

“If you are bored of life come back here, please! I will miss you dearly. If you ever find life dull, would you consider letting me have a piece of you? It would be better than the thought of you trying to escape your fate. Whether I get to consume you alive or in another way, it doesn’t really matter to me, though I’d prefer you to be alive.” She chuckles for a moment, sharing the fate of the people around them—those who seek to flee their pain, who come here only to collapse on the ground, yearning to be consumed. 

For them, escape is merely a fantasy. There’s no way out from the Cult; they would chase him to the ends of the Earth, bringing him back time and again. But in truth, it hardly mattered, as he couldn’t even step beyond the kingdom’s borders without drawing attention from one of them.

[sysig]

Off to make mischief and terrible decisions for everyone (Patreon)

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[thesmokinpossum]

Didn't felt like mentioning it immediately but shoutout to my sick and twisted brain for getting so triggered by an unexpected Christmas parade that I ended up havin the absolute worst panic attack of my entire life (potentially the only real one? I've had a couple other episodes I thought of as panic attacks but they were not even close to that so who knows) to the point where I spent the very last day of my 30th year on this earth in the ER, good times, good times 😊

[estellardreams]

Sometimes MK wondered if the universe pitied him.

After all, it was only recently that a mysterious lion came and rescued him from King Red.

Oh... His new savior. He was so happy, so thankful.

He wanted to know how to repay him. Anything, anything he'd ask, and he'd do it no hesitation.

The lion, Azure, quietly kept walking with MK at his side. MK brushed up on his forehead, feeling the now empty scarred spot where his fillet was torn off, relief washing over him once again.

"Thank you... Truly..." he softly thanked.

"It's no problem, MK. I was simply doing what was necessary. After all, I do need your help with something. Something important."

"Really? Like what?"

"You see... My friends, Yellowtusk the Wise and Golden winged Peng, are trapped in this scroll." Azure pulled out a scroll composed of wooden tiles.

Mk curiously took it, holding it. It felt... Ancient.

"What... Is it?" he asked.

"The scroll of memory. It contains the story of the Journey to the West and many more. All I ask, if possible, is for you to go in there and defeat it's protective curse. I will pull you out and then I can release my friends."

"I'll do it!" MK said without a second thought.

Azure blinked. "Really?"

"Yes! You freed me from that... King, I'll do anything to repay you!"

"Ah. Thank you, MK. So much. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Mk now had so many questions after that fight. After being pulled out.

But he did it. He managed.

After finally finding Master Subodhi and being taken to the Monkey King's stone, he met himself... Or at least, the ink version of himself.

A crumbled, torn up prince with a crown, his clothes ratty and torn, monkey fur fluffed out.

Harbinger of Chaos... Is that who he truly is?

If so... Then he at least knew what he should do now.

Mk stumbled a little, panting a bit as he tried to maintain his form, his monkey form threatening to take over.

Azure... Did it. He had his friends back.

Mk softly laughed, falling back onto the ground, finally taking a breather.

Azure turned his attention to him, gently scooping him up and carrying him to his companions.

"Yellowtusk, Peng, I'd like you two to meet the one who freed you; MK the Monkie Kid."

"A-actually, it's... Qi Xiaotian. I just go by MK for convenience." MK winced.

"Ah. Well then, Xiaotian, I suppose I should explain everything." the lion laid MK down on the throne, letting the boy rest.

"The brotherhood was with me, my companions, Sun Wukong, Six Eared Macaque, and Demon Bull King... We all had a dream of a better life. One without oppression. I'm sure you'd understand that, right?"

"Mhm..."

"So we decided to overthrow the jade Emperor to do so."

Mk froze, his eyes widening. "What...?"

"I know it sounds... Crazy, but I promise you it's for the best. It was the only way. And yet... At the final moment of our seige, Sun Wukong failed... He was imprisoned, later wielding to a celestial monk. When we began our own empire, he and his companions were sent to strike us down."

Mk paused, his gaze hollowed.

If... If the Monkey King couldn't be trusted... Who could he trust?

He was so lost...

Mk buried his head in his hands, trying to wrap his hands around this situation.

"I apologize, MK. But that's the truth. Though... This is your choice, but would you like to come with... And help us? Help the brotherhood bring about our freedom?"

Mk looked up at Azure, shocked. He sat up a bit, feeling a small headache coming about.

He stared down at his hands, noticing them twitching.

"The... The ink said I was this... Harbinger of Chaos... Is that true?"

"Well, do you believe in it?"

Mk paused. He breathed in... Then out.

"I... I guess not."

"Then no. Don't let a curse dictate your life, alright?"

"Alright..."

Mk stood up, tugging at his clothes. He still hated having to wear his prince robes in the scroll, just to blend in.

"I... I got nothing better to do. And I'm okay with... With changing things up a bit. So... Let's do it. I'll help you."

Azure cracked a smile, picking MK up a putting him on his shoulder.

"Though I need something in return."

"Sure, MK. Go on ahead."

Mk winced, a bit anxious over requesting it. "Can I... Have a new outfit? I absolutely hate this one."

"Ah, yes. We'll get one for you, kid."

For the first time in what felt like forever... He had a family.

One not forced on him. Not one of his old life. One where he just... Started over.

Sure he had to help kill the jade Emperor but at least he and Azure were successful. He felt horrible about it, yet he had done it anyway.

But now there was a new problem... The Jade Emperor's power went into him.

So much for his new outfit, it immediately got torn up the second the emperor's power forced out his Monkey form.

The world threatened to tear itself apart for every minute he had. Every minute he was still... Around.

And yet... Something just seemed a bit too off about his new destiny.

Is this what... He wanted?

Or was there something else?

Mk got up from the throne, heading into the celestial scriptures. He searched through the scrolls before pulling out one on the cracks.

The end of the cycle... The pillar of heaven. The time stones.

He... He needed those.

They felt like they were calling to him.

With a heavy heart, MK put the scroll back and teleported out of the celestial realm, knowing full well he'd be sacrificing this new life just to start anew.

Start in a world without Demon King Red.

He just hoped in his heart that the brotherhood would forgive him for this choice.

For his destiny.

He was truly... The Harbinger of Chaos.

Not the Monkie Kid.

Not Qi Xiaotian.

Nothing.

His true fate... Was to be the final stone.

The key to restarting the cycle.

And for everyone else's sake.

He would do so.

And as the world crumbled... On its final breath as he let his control over his powers slip away...

He leapt into the pillar, holding onto the stones.

And finally... He was greeted by the goddess of creation; Nüwa.

"Now the cycle can begin once again."

For the first time... He was truly, purely happy.

Mk collapsed to the ground, letting the world fade out into bliss.

He'd have a second chance... And this time...

He hoped that the world would let him stay happy forever.

Suddenly curious since Prince MK is usually locked up in a tower... How does Season 4 go? Would the scroll somehow end up in the kings Posession and accidentally release the ink?

I’m not sure! The whole scheme by Xiangliu to get MK to wake up early so he can get to the chaos beyond is kind of ruined by Demon King Red locking the poor boy up.. so why would he bother to release Azure in the first place if that’s ruined???

Although, he’s been waiting so long to escape the cycles that I doubt he’d let something trivial like some obsessive demon lord get in his way.

Maybe he releases Azure Lion (as normal) but Xiangliu also lets the lion know he has to rescue MK from the son of DBK because he’s the only one who can help his friends be freed as well… some sort of manipulation or another that gets Azure to bust MK out of the tower.

Honestly MK would be so grateful for the rescue he probably would not question any of it and just would do whatever he asked in return 😂

…of course there’s always the possibility that Azure teams up with DKR instead, which is something I’ve mentioned once or twice before too. That scenario MK gets to stay in the tower and nothing changes for him, but Azure and DKR team up to defeat the Jade Emperor

[keelanrosa]

terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'

terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'

[neverendingford]

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[evecolourshock]

What if an AU from that point tho, featuring Uncle Zuse making sure his nephew (all grown up now) gets home...

Gem bringing someone new into the End Of Line doesn't happen all that often any more, but that's more a lack of new Programs to introduce than anything else. The new guy looks lost and confused and adorably determined, but he's hiding a lot of fear under that expression and Zu- Castor, he's Castor now, keeps forgetting that - Castor tries to extricate himself from the latest attempt at tracking down himself to find out what's going on. No newbie should be that frightened, especially not in his establishment.

"I brought your boy. Flynn." Gem murmurs, half-sultry in the way that means she's done something Castor's probably not going to like. But he can't think about that right now, because-

Your boy Flynn.

Boy Flynn.

Sam.

Why, Castor hasn't seen him since he was a tiny thing, barely knee-high! Sam's bigger now, much more developed, but Castor can still see that small curious mischief-maker he used to look after when bigger Flynn had other things to do.

Sam's probably forgotten him by now - User memories don't function like Program ones, and it's been a long time. But Castor has not, so he pulls Gem aside with a low growl. "What did you do."

"Enforcers will be here shortly." Gem tells him, looking like she thinks she's done a good thing. That look swiftly disappears when Castor snarls and pushes her away. "But, the reward-"

"Not worth his life." Castor hisses. "Bigger Flynn, whatever, he abandoned us and will get what's coming to him. But not the little one. Did nothing wrong."

Gem frowns, puzzled, but Castor sweeps over to Sam quickly. He can't burn time like that, need to go now, they're on the clock-

"I'm looking for Zuse." Sam tells him quietly, even before he says hello. "An ISO named Quorra sent me."

"You found him. Now Quorra, Quorra, Quorra..." Castor muses. "Ah, yes. The one that got my bar burned down the first time." Never mind he was sheltering others at the time - really disillusioned him to the idea of rebellion, if nobody was willing to help those in need of it.

Sam winces.

"Her actions aren't yours." Cas- Zuse shrugs. Sam wanted Zuse, he's getting Zuse. Knew Zuse, too. "Passage out, yes? To the beacon." He chivvies Sam off towards his stash of vehicles. "Come, come, no need to stand around waiting." Sam trails him like a lost Bit, scared and forlorn. Damn Clu for scaring this boy. Damn him all the way.

"No, no, no, these just won't do." Zuse frets to himself. None of the batons he can grab easily are... well. They're not good enough, all aesthetic and no substance. He needs-

"Ah!" He snaps his fingers. Pulls a lever. He's only pulled this lever once before, during an evacuation, trying to give everyone their best chance of survival. The lever glows, falls into his hands - a personal baton with a few extra tricks - and he scoops up an exposed silver-white slim thing. The only one left in the hidden drawer - he didn't see much point in replacing the rest, after their creators disappeared into the wilds. Wouldn't be the same.

"Never thought I'd need this old thing again." Zuse murmurs, passing it to Sam. "But it's better than all of theirs." He smiles kindly, really - it's been too long since his smiles were real, and maybe it shows. "Ever flown a lightjet before?"

Sam shakes his head. Zuse would have been pleasantly surprised and a lot wary about a yes.

"Alright. Now, they handle a lot like a lightcycle here, no fancy User pilot skills needed." Zuse soothes. "Only difference is adjusting height - you use your legs for that. Pull your heels up towards you to go up, push them down to go down. Simple, yes?"

"Heels up to go up, down to go down." Sam repeats. "Got it."

"Good lad." Zuse claps him on the shoulder with one hand, inputting the command to iris open his launchpad with the other. "Now just stick by me, and we'll get you home safe."

i rewatched legacy recently and i cannot believe gem says "i bought your boy flynn" to castor like wtf that's so funny

[fazcinatingblog]

I'm at the cricket and I'm in the shade but after everything today, how long until I'm lying on the concrete face down, only waking up at 5am when a stars official finds me and spoon feeds me sponsored yogurt and tells me I never have to go back to work again and

[spikeisawesome456]

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