#I'm not a monster I am just mentally ill

[butteredpenny-reblogs]

Me: *makes a post applying too much critical thinking to a video game*

Also me: What does proship mean? What does shipping mean?

[mad-hunts]

[giantkillerjack]

Infinity Train isn't the best counterpart to Last of Us on positive representation. Remember the only explicitly Neurodivergent character in Infinity Train became a villain and died brutally on screen?

No, I don't remember. But what I do remember is that the entire core concept of the show is basically "a train that puts people through magical therapy." And so I remember that nearly every lead character is clearly dealing with some form of mental illness or another. I don't need every character to be explicitly diagnosed onscreen to know that the show is chock-full of neurodivergent characters, so I'm quite genuinely not sure what you mean. Have I missed something?

[singing-bones]

i need to be shot with a sedative

[autisticsupervillain]

Autistic Avatars not realizing that they're Avatars because they're just "like that": a thread

The Eye

Special Interest in the supernatural = constant food for The Watcher

You know about Interest? TELL ME EVERYTHING

"Hey man listen to me infodump about this horrifying ghost story I read for twenty minutes, alright?"

I need to Know everything about something before I partake in it.

"How did I Know that? Eh, I probably hyperfixated on it at some point."

I cannot be misunderstood so I'll beam the facts into your brain.

The Web

I must plan everything 200 steps in advance before doing anything.

I have prepared for all possible outcomes, I can now have this one conversation.

If I set up all these variables long in advance, then I can do everything correctly and Win the social interaction.

I cannot do anything before The Plan says to.

"I practice my social skills by talking to my spider friends." -Martin "Autism" Blackwood

The Stranger

I cannot socialize without being Uncanny.

If my socialization seems like an act, that's because it is. I practice it in the mirror every day.

Theater Kid

How do you Normal Human?

The Anatomy Class.

Assuming fellow Stranger Avatars also just have the 'Tism. They're not trying to be creepy, honest.

Can't do faces. Doesn't notice when you get replaced.

Being subtly off is too subtle for me.

The Lonely

"I have failed the social interaction. Let the fog reclaim me."

Talking to people is draining my batteries even faster than ever. I need to be alone for approximately 384,400,000 years.

Nothing can overstimulate me in the cool, blinding fog.

Nothing unpredictable can happen in the fog.

The fog is your friend.

The known connection between autism and depression feeds the fog.

The Dark

Why is the sun so god damn bright? I'm going to blow it up I swear.

Night Owl.

Everything's decently quite at night and people leave you alone.

Same overstimulation preventatives as the Lonely tbh. Dark and fog are good concealers.

The dawn is your enemy.

The dread florescent lights shall never bother me again. They break upon my arrival.

Can and will infodump to the monster under my bed. Even now it feels like it listens.

The Spiral

Autism makes getting other mental illnesses recognized hard.

Autism dissociation from body and mind. When did it become 3 AM and why do I hurt? Why am I grumpy? What vital self care task did I forget?

Literal mind doesn't often match reality. Reality is specifically unspecific.

Spaced out and wandered off. Where the fuck am I?

I'm not a mental baby, please stop treating me like it.

I'm not inherently dangerous, please stop treating me like it.

Memory problems my beloathed. Did that happen? I dunno.

What Is Time?

What Is Me?

The Gender

Why do things only make sense to me? What does no one else make sense?

The Flesh

Autism Genderfuckery = Flesh fueled dysphoria.

Meat is the only texture that's palatable. Especially the Mystery Meat.

Will never try any other foods. Too picky.

Infodumps about the horrors of meat processing at dinner and ruins the meal for everyone. More steak for me.

Hates PETA.

Double the arms means double the stim. You weren't using them, right?

Working out is a great stim.

The Corruption

Practices social interaction with the bugs who live in my walls.

"Insects are disgusting. I love them!"

Will protect endangered insects by any means necessary.

According to all known laws of aviation-

Relationship boundaries struggles.

Difficulty noticing sickness symptoms.

Is that nausea or am I overstimulated? *Accidentally causes supernatural plague outbreak*

Difficulty getting diseases diagnosed because of both Autism and noticing too many symptoms so the doctors assume they're faking.

Forgot vital hygiene needs.

The Bugs Are My Friends! They keep me company when I'm sick!

The Buried

Weighted blankets are insufficient, I need the Earth to reclaim me.

Avoid social interaction by tunneling everywhere like a mole.

101 facts about worms.

Forgor hygiene again. Time to become dirt.

Digging a hole is good stimming.

That guy who had to be buried alive to sleep properly. What do you mean you don't want to be buried?

The End

Aradia Megido from Homestuck.Com

That's it, that's the list.

The Desolation

The Autism Temper.

Losing relationships and friendships to ableism and your own disability constantly.

The Fire is a wonderful stim board. Watch it crinkle.

Just watching candles melt for hours.

The fire and thrill gives my life passion again.

Jude Perry.png

The Vast

Accidentally terrifying people by infodumping about the horrors of nature.

The stimulus of falling.

Nature/Space/Weather Documentary on in background always.

Okay, but from how high did you fall? I want to calculate your velocity as you fell through the void.

Weirdly enough... power scaling?

Power scaling is just the art of determining how easily your favorite characters can destroy mankind so... yeah, I can see it.

Brain empty, only terminal velocity.

The Hunt

Cat Autism

The inherent hyperfocus of the hunt. The chase. Your prey.

Studying the habits of your latest hyperfixation/Hunt assigned prey for days at a time.

I've spent so much time hunting in the woods that I forgot about human society. The Missing Person's Bureau have written you off for dead.

Returning to society to sell your wears and realizing you aren't human anymore.

That's okay. Social interaction is random. The Hunt makes sense.

It's black and white. Predator and prey. Humans hunting monsters. It Makes Sense.

The Slaughter

The incredible human WW1 documentary.

"Did you know?" *Describes horrible historic warcrime*

Takes apart puts back together guns from their collection.

The list of known casualties from this war is incomplete. With my help, they can expand it. :)

The Extinction

The world is spiraling towards its end and only you seem to care.

It hurts to be this passionate about a lost cause.

You Will Make Them Care.

[atlasscrumpit]

Run rabbit

Part 2 - here

Hannibal prepared dinner in the kitchen as Will sat across from him drinking some whiskey.

"When is Y/N coming down?" Will asked as Hannibal continued to cook.

"She'll be down soon... You should know something about her. My daughter has some mental inabilities, she can get quite delusional and paranoid at times and even lose her memory. There's times when she believes I'm not her real father and that I kidnapped her." Hannibal explained rather casually as Will stared at him in shock.

"Oh... I didn't know she had issues like that. It must be tough to raise her." Will responded as Hannibal began to plate up the dinner he had prepared.

"As her father I will raise her no matter what." He replied making Will sigh a little.

"I didn't mean to offend you." Will reassured him, he hated to make Hannibal mad.

"I am not offended, Will. I assure you." He replied before they both heard a noise and saw you making your way downstairs.

"There's my wonderful child, Y/N I would like you to meet a friend or mine. This is Will." Hannibal said as you slowly moved forward and looked at Will.

"I'm Y/N." You muttered as he offered you a smile.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Will. Hannibal has told me a lot about you." He said as you nodded a little, looking quite shy.

"Could you set the table for me, my child?" Hannibal asked as you nodded and began to set the table.

"Is she always this quiet?" Will asked in a low voice making a Hannibal sigh.

"It changes quite a bit, she had a rough night last night, that's why she's quiet." Hannibal explained making Will nod in response.

Hannibal served up dinner and you all sat down together.

"You dad was telling me you're home schooled, do you enjoy it?" Will asked, trying to include you into the conversation.

"Yeah... It's okay." You muttered while you ate.

"Darling, we talked about this. You are being rude to our guest." Hannibal instructed as you rolled your eyes.

"No, I'm not." You grumbled making your father sigh.

"I know you are tired but that isn't an excuse to be rude." He continued as you poked at your food.

"I'm sorry, Will." You muttered as he smiled softly.

"It's alright, I don't mind. When I was in school I never wanted to even acknowledge it, but you're lucky to have a good father like Hannibal to teach you." He said as you looked at him and nodded a little.

"Yeah... I am." You muttered, your face still void of emotion.

--

Will was washing the dishes while Hannibal took out the trash, you stood in the kitchen and watched Will.

"Are you and my dad in love?" You asked making him pause and look at you.

"Um... Well, we care about one another." He muttered in response trying to dodge the direct question.

"So, why have I never met you?" You grumbled, crossing your arms.

"Your father just wanted to make sure you were ready." He responded as you sighed.

"He's not my father... He's a monster." You whispered as Will looked at you in shock.

"Why do you say that?" He asked as you glared at him.

"I'm guessing you know about his hobbies by now." You muttered, Will was shocked you knew about it.

"Well, yes... I do know about it. Your father is quite complicated." He said, wiping up his hands as he turned to look at you.

"He killed me family and kidnapped me." You whispered as he stared at you, Hannibal had warned him about this kind of thing.

"Why don't we go watch TV?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

"Did he tell you I'm mentally ill and make up stories? He tells everyone that." You grumbled before you heard a sigh, you turned around to see Hannibal.

"Y/N, I have spoken to you about telling lies." He said as you looked at him.

"Why don't you tell him the truth then, huh!? That you fucking kidnapped me!" You shouted making him sigh.

"Y/N, you have one chance to apologise, if not I will be forced to medicate you." He threatened as you glared at him.

"Fine..." You grumbled before turning to Will.

"I'm sorry." You muttered as he nodded a little.

"It's okay, Y/N." He reassured with a kind smile.

"If you don't mind Will, I'm going to speak with Y/N." Hannibal said, leading you into his office.

He shut the door and locked it.

"We had a deal, didn't we?" He growled as you looked at him in anger.

"But, you just had to break the rules. I don't take kindly to disobedience, and you know that." He muttered, you looked away feeling fear.

"You will stay here, I will send our guest home and then I will come back and punish you, understood?" He asked, as you nodded a little.

"Yes, father." You whispered before he left you alone.

A few minutes later he returned, locking the door once again and staring at you.

"You seem to think a life without me would be more beneficial then a life with me. So, why don't we try it?" He suggested as you looked up at him.

"Come with me." He demanded, walking out of the office, you followed behind him until you got to the garage and climbed into the passenger seat of the car.

"Where are we going?" You whispered as Hannibal began to drive.

"You want to get away so bad? I'm just helping you along." He explained before continuing to drive in silence.

After about twenty minutes of silence he finally stopped the car and stepped out.

He opened the passenger door and pulled you out of the car.

"We're going to play a little game, it's called rabbit and fox. I'll be the fox, you be the rabbit, I'm going to give you two minutes to run before I start hunting. If you last twenty minutes, you can run away, go wherever you want...but if I catch you, which I will, there's no more escaping. Do you understand?" He asked as you stared at him in shock, the grip on your arm getting tighter.

"Please don't do this, I'm sorry." You begged as he reached up and ran his finger down the side of your face. 

"Start running, little rabbit."

[aurae-rori]

Wanna ask if you have any headcannons for aventio modern au

( cause I am obsessed with modern aus)

hellyeah brother i'm here to serve the masses

hcs about ratio:

still a doctor still has 8 phds

knows about student debt and hates it with a burning passion

has a duck keychain that he puts on his keychain with all of his keys like the keys to his house

once crushed a soda can in his hands during his student years bcs he was that fucking mad about the homework questions not being stated in a clear manner (he just like me fr)

has several duck plushies in his bed and theyre all named after either greek philosophers or roman politicians

can speak latin fluently and mutters curse words and creative expressions in latin during the classes that he teaches because he is that pissed off

used to be a full time doctor, but decided to turn to teaching instead after some time

hyper-empathy due to childhood neglect (he just like me fr)

eyebags that he covers up with makeup, he still has those from his student years and cant fucking get them to leave no matter how many hours he sleeps for

enjoys occasionally a rum & coke

really likes lattes and london fogs

had a british accent once because he travelled to the uk and picked up on it, when he came back he was mortified

fucking loves ducks so much he has a camera roll dedicated to duck photos

he got to pet a duck once he was happy for the rest of the week thats how much he loves them

massive nerd & dork

undiagnosed autism with a side of gifted child trauma

really likes jazz and lofi it calms him down fast and makes him happy

wrings his hands when he's really happy

touch starved

makes really good soup

hopeless romantic

more mentally unstable than you think he is. he is actually suffering from burnout but doesnt want to let people around him down.

doing his best. sometimes on the weekends he just nestles into a cocoon of blankets and refuses to leave. texture....

cannot not wear socks he will die without them

cat magnet for some reason??? all neighbourhood cats are at his doorstep even when he and aven already have three. ig hes just cat dad now

aventurine hcs:

still has those glasses, his eyes are more sensitive to light too

really fucking likes fluffy stuff he loves the fluffy he loves the fluffy he-

big fan of sheep and peacocks

eternally terrified that ratio secretly hates him even when they start dating

bpd & adhd & probably autism (ALL BPD HAVERS FUCKING WIN WITH THIS ONE!!!!! I SEE YALL)

masks so often its insane

used to smoke and drink heavily, but has started to lay off ever since he met ratio

still an adrenaline junkie and still has his stupidly good good luck

really likes coffee too, coffee addict, has horrible eyebags, a shitty sleep schedule, and overworks himself half to death

cant fucking cook what the hell is a kitchen

very fond of stelle/caelus and sees them as his surrogate younger siblings. stelle taught him how to play video games and now he plays with them whenever his thoughts get really bitchy to him

horrible at relying on other people but is slowly unlearning that

can do a backflip (why? idk)

high pain tolerance

has a collection of sheep plushies that his friends bought for him

numby and him get along really well. he and topaz still have that sibling esque relationship.

i think he still works for the ipc in this au but its not as bad as it is in canon

starved of touch and does not really know what a healthy relationship is before ratio comes along

loves blankets he has like ten blankets on his bed at once idk why

once poured monster energy into coffee and then drank it. he suffered the consequences. even good luck can't save you from that

listens to generic pop (lie. he actually loves indie guitar)

MENTAL ILLNESS REP IN THIS MAN

accidentally big brothered some kids. help how does he deal with affection

buys stuff for stelle and caelus too. he buys them sheep plushies. they will defend said sheep plushies with their lives. they buy him racoon plushie in return. he does not cry.

his fingers shake so bad sometimes (PTSD goes hard)

motor skills can and will die on him occasionally

unhealthy coping mechanisms but hes getting better guys

he does relapse occasionally but hes putting in effort. finally got his ass to therapy thanks to ratio :)

second cat dad. he loves his cat children he will die for his cat children.

the cats like laying next to him as he eeps if ratio isnt there. they purr and help him with his nightmares.

(ily people w bpd you deserve this rep!!! enjoy :3)

them together hcs!!!!

ratio already had background information on bpd due to his psych degree beforehand but did more researching into it when he realized that aven had bpd because he wanted to support his partner as much as he could :)

ratio is big on physical touch but aven needed some time to get used to it and he was very big on it

aven really likes spoiling the absolute shit out of ratio and likes getting him gifts because sometimes he doesn't know how to word how much he appreciates ratio

aven likes to wash ratios hair for him and visa versa, non sexual intimacy always fucking wins

ratio still worries about aven and doesn't like him gambling all the time, aven makes an active effort to better himself for him even if it's really hard

at the start it was really fucking shitty between the two of them but eventually aven started to learn how to properly and safely communicate with ratio and ratio learned how to phrase his thoughts in a way that wouldn't trigger something, and although they both make mistakes they are doing their best for one another and generally have a good impact on one another's stages of healing (im not projecting im not projecting i-)

aven will hold ratio in his arms and tell him that he's good enough when the thoughts get really bad

they love cuddling, who's big spoon and small spoon switches regularly because they both like being held and holding the other

aven will stop by ratio after his classes and take him home when hes too tired

ratio shuts down sometimes and aven messes with his hair and just stays with him until he reboots

they kiss <33333333333

they cuddle so much they hold one another going to bed

ratio likes giving aven little headkisses and peppers his face with them

they are gay and in love and healthy actually

they were never toxic yaoi never will they be. they are healthy.

they get married <333

this is so much more than what you asked for probably but here you go.

[maitter-of-creepfell]

Ok, so let's list them, my babies which got cancelled cruelly and often without an explanation, with my random commentary:

The Bastard Son & the Devil Himself (Half Bad) (gif) - witchy, dark, gay, big potential for a natural polycule, excellent chemistry among the main three characters, I am so mad.

Castlevania - need I say anything?

Dead Boy Detectives (gif) - supernatural, horror, funny, gay ARE YOU FKING KIDDING ME YOU CAN'T JUST CANCEL IT WE ONLY JUST GOT IT

Dead End: Paranormal Park - a trans main character? Cute animation? Supernatural stuff? Hello???

Fate: The Winx Saga (gif) - so much fun, great acting, good soundtrack, good plot twists, childhood throwback, I want my Winx back.

First Kill - LESBIAN MAIN CHARACTERS in a classic trope of a monster (vampire) x monster (vampire) hunter forbidden love? The acting, at first, might not have been what I'd call great but I think it was more of the script's fault.

I Am Not Okay with This (gif) - dark, horror, teen, another lesbian main character, cute as hell, cancelled at the worst possible scene.

The Imperfects (gif) - a bit fucked up plot-wise, tbf, but all the more fun for it. Cool twists and abilities. And Rhys Nicholson as Dr. Alex Sarkov is hilarious. Also, a spin on an ace succubus. Lol.

Lockwood & Co. (gif) - the books were the slowest of slow burns and had the least reliable narrator of all time (Luce. I'm looking at you. Anthony Lockwood is also looking at you.) and the TV series chose the protagonists SO WELL 😭 I loved it. I want more. So much more.

Mindhunter - psychology of serial killers, this had SO MUCH potential for a tonne of more content.

Sense8 (gif) - different cultures, action, an evil old white man, explosions, martial arts, gayness, transness, LOVE CONQUERS ALL, BITCHES. Technically, it's finished, but it was rushed.

Shadow & Bone (gif) - wonderful fantasy! Try not to cry, cry a lot.

Spinning Out (gif) - actual believable representation of a mental/neurological illness (bipolar disorder) and stunning figure skating shots?! Cancelling it was a criminal offence

And just because I'm in the wailing part of my evening:

Stargate: Universe (gif) - why yes, cancel it at the biggest cliffhanger ever.

Our Flag Means Death - 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[murfpersonalblog]

"I agree that Lestat had nothing to do with [Paul's death] directly. However, if we remember that episode, Paul was like: 'That man is a devil, he got into my head!' And my whole thing was, I mean Lestat did get into his head.... I don't believe Lestat pushed him to do what he did? But obviously Paul was very mentally ill. That, mixed with him being hyper-religious and hyper-Christian, I feel like that intrusion of Lestat into his mind? Maybe it made him feel like his temple was unclean, or it made him feel like the devil got into my head and now I am soiled now I am bad. And it probably pushed him to do that. So I don't believe Lestat did do that to [Louis'] brother. But I think [Lestat's] intrusion into [Paul's] brain probably played a role in him doing that, so I'm glad they spoke on it here."

WOW | Interview With The Vampire 1x6 | Reaction & Commentary - FrankFreezy (23:23 - 24:37)

I LOVE this so much.

Cuz it goes back to what I was saying here: Louis has ALWAYS loved Lestat--beyond reason, religion, family, himself, Claudia AND Paul combined. I HATE when people act like Louis never loved Lestat, or never showed Lestat how much he loved him. Pay attention, y'all!

IWTV S2 Ep8 Musings - LDPDL: Burning Questions (Pt2)

EVERYONE called Lestat the Devil. Louis KNEW what Lestat did to Paul--both at the family dinner, and what Paul said later on the roof. He knew it was all true, cuz he'd seen it with his own eyes, and he'd FELT the same way--Louis felt unclean & soiled & bad, and RAN out of 1132 after they had sex the first time; and RAN to the confessional screaming "HELP ME, Father, he's in my head!" after Paul died.

But the gothic horror/romance is that despite seeing Les at his absolute worst, killing all those priests like an utter demon, LOU CHOSE LESTAT ANYWAY. And it's been (literally) KILLING him ever since. "I run to bad beds!" His 128+ dead men in SanFran are all Les!

It's why I love Ep5, as it's just more of the same: seeing Lestat at his worst and Lou STILL loving the monster AND the man in Ep6 (my fave episode in the whole series so far). Seeing Les try to kill Claudia in 1x7 and STILL mourning him all the way into 2x7.

There's A LOT of Les' trash Lou settles for & accepts, inc. even the suspicion that Les ad something to do with Paul's death; inc. Les abusing both him & Claudia. It's not until Les SPAT on Lou's love before a whole crowd of lynchers with "Come to Me" that the last straw broke how much Louis could forgive, cuz "Come to Me/Viens a moi" was when Les got into LOUIS' head and drove HIM to death (vampirism) too, literally in 1x1 & figuratively in 1x6.

The fandom doesn't talk about the dubcon/noncon/mind-rape of the Come to Me/church scene as much as we should, and how much of a violation it was for Les to be barging all up in Lou's head the way he was, while Lou was literally suffering an entire grief-triggered drunken suicidal mental breakdown. Lou's POV makes it seem more like lethal assault (I'm being mortally hunted; my life/soul's in danger by the white Devil). But Lestat/the script acknowledged the predatory nature of Come to Me during the Trial, when Les flipped it to make it seem like Lou had (sexually) assaulted HIM instead (my purity/chastity's in danger by the Black pimp).

This violation of their relationship is IT for Louis ("those were HIS words! F**k you!"). Their history is sullied, Lou's name & reputation (personhood) is dragged through the mud & soiled. ("I was dead.") With Claudia dead and Les betraying them by participating in the rigged Trial, Lou was able to believe Armand's weak AF lies for 77 years ("bad beds"); and sacrifice his love/marriage, "kill" Les & get divorced (Lou's most non-Catholic move of all, LOL) for good.

Les had ONE chance to be honest about the Trial (the 2x8 Tower Scene) & totally blew it by letting Armand get away with "Banishment." It all comes home (literally, in NOLA), when Lou finally stops running AWAY from uncomfortable truths, and asks the burning questions about Les that REALLY define their relationship.

Cuz it's not really about the Trial, or even Claudia; it's about Paul, the catalyst for Louis' entire arc--she was just the final/ultimate casualty. Everyone important in Lou's life has just been another replacement for Paul, "I loved him more than anyone on earth." All the people he had sit & TALK to him--Lily, Lestat, Claudia, Daniel, even Armand (to an extent), are all just Lou looking for Paul--understanding, acceptance, and love--i.e.: his companion. Someone he can confide all his secrets in, who won't judge/condemn him, and who'll accept & love him for who he is.

Sam said Les is Lou's "soulmate." Even though his heinous antics constantly proved Paul RIGHT, Lou also loved when Les put in the effort to prove Paul WRONG--he CAN behave & act like a human & charm the absolute pants off of Louis by just sitting on a park bench or sofa & TALKING to Louis; CONNECTING with Louis on a deeper level than even sex (which Lou already said is the best he's EVER had--and ya boi got around in the 70s-2000!).

But Les can also match Louis' freak; show his fangs, and be an utter monster Lou ALSO loves; cuz there's something dark in Louis too, that Jacob said "needs friction."

I said before that actual saints like Jonah & Paul are way too nice for Louis; too good & pure for this world. Lou LIKES Bad Boys; he likes men who're effed up & broken, cuz it makes HIM feel like he's not alone--HE'S not so bad after all. Vamps are just crabs in a bucket, and Lou's own hyper-Catholic brain treats it as a form of punishment, that he "deserves" effed up devils like Les & Armand. Beaten down all his life, and hating himself, full of self-loathing, Lou never knew his own worth--"let's meet vampires WORTHY of your love!" In 1x5 Lou stopped putting in the effort to take care of himself & their family/household ("ignoring all other duties of the role Claudia once mocked me for: the unhappy housewife"), and stopped confronting Lestat about his BS ("He treats us like sh*t and you take it! Why is that?!"). He's about to burn Les alive in 2x8, then just visibly gives up (puts the fire out), to "kill" Les by marrying Armand (who he's not even in love with, and who KNOWS Lou's only with him to spite Les) before the ink on Loustat's divorce papers are even dry.

It's only after Daniel FINALLY helps Louis claw his way out of Armand's clutches that he understands what Claudia meant about him having never known or loved himself ("Who are you, Louis?"). Lou's TRUTH AND RECONCILIATION required that he work on bettering himself, and allowing Lestat the chance to better himself too. That "friction" was toxic AF, and they both needed a real CLEANSING, which only started when Lou opened his mouth to ask Les the truth (the false-start in 1x6 about Paul; and the real-start in 2x8 about Armand).

So yeah, I love what Frank said, cuz IMO people in the fandom miss a lot of the horrible things Les does INDIRECTLY, in order to forgive the horrible things Les does DIRECTLY--just like Louis did. But just like Louis, it's possible (& totally valid) to love the man while acknowledging the ways he IS a monster, who needs to come clean & be honest, and start taking accountability for the ways he (in)directly contributed to both Louis & Claudia (& Paul's) demise.

[hikaaa-bi]

i'm still not over the intense hate that suf got and how unfair it was.

“suf demonizes mental illnesses because steven turned into a monster! that's not realistic and it sends a bad message!”

first off, it's a fantasy show with sentient rocks. it's not supposed to be entirely realistic. i didn't see this type of judgment when the owl house portrayed eda's disability as a magical owl curse (no hate to toh btw i relate to eda on a spiritual level).

secondly, tell me you don't understand nuance without telling me you don't understand nuance. steven didn't turn into a monster because the writers wanted to demonize ptsd or mental illnesses. he turned into a monster because he felt like a monster.

time and time again in su, it was mentioned that steven's powers depended entirely on his feelings. and during suf, he felt like a monster, he felt like he had no control over anything, he felt helpless. all his life, he was blamed for his mother's actions and even for the actions of the other gems. it's obvious that he would internalize all of this and blame himself. he had been doing that in the original series as well.

but no, i feel like the people who were complaining either did not watch su or they just wanted something to complain about. y'all are dumb asf if you think that suf was trying to portray steven in a negative light. he was a victim, he was suffering from the trauma he had endured in the original series.

not to mention, he actually starts seeing a therapist by the end of the series, unlike other children's shows where a character's trauma is either healed by the power of friendship, the power of timeskip that erases everything or it's just never addressed. even in good children's shows, the ones that i really like, i've never seen therapy mentioned. the best we get is a drawn out character arc that allows the character to take time and heal on their own.

suf did something amazing for its younger audience - it told them that it's okay to seek professional help if you're struggling with mental health. you don't have to deal with it alone, it's not wrong to see a therapist or a psychiatrist. it did the opposite of demonizing mental illnesses, it broke the taboo of therapy that still exists. but y'all still want to misread the entire show so you have something to complain about.

(this post is talking about suf and suf alone. i am well aware that su had a lot of problematic elements and i'm not defending it by any means. i'm just talking about suf's portrayal of ptsd.)

[topazadine]

Extremely controversial writing opinions that will make you mad (but I'm going to say them anyway)

I don't know why but I am in the mood to be pilloried. Before I start, I will show you a picture of my dog so you realize I'm not a heartless monster.

Anyway, obviously this is just my opinion and you are perfectly free to disagree.

None of this is some hard-and-fast rule or even a universal truth.

It is just my opinion as someone who has 15 years of experience, has written about 2 million words, has an English degree, tutored dozens of students, etc etc etc.

Even if it seems like I am universalizing, I am not. Take what you like and leave the rest. Ignore it all if you want. That's your right.

Here we go. Please, don't throw your tomatoes until the end of the post. It distracts me.

Your first book probably sucks (with caveats).

Ideas are pointless if you don't do anything with them.

You are not a writer unless you consistently write.

Making moodboards, playlists, etc, before you have started the project is a form of procrastination.

No one cares about your idea as much as you do and never will.

Most people in your life will not care about your book.

A lot of peoples' opinions about writing are useless to you.

You need to develop healthy self-esteem if you want to be a good writer.

You also need to be humble and have a beginner's mindset forever.

Being mentally ill doesn't make you a better writer. It just means you're mentally ill.

Your real actual life matters more than your writing.

You will burn out if you don't have other hobbies.

Okay, okay, let's make you hate me.

Your first book probably sucks (with caveats).

If this is your first ever long project in writing, it is likely not going to be publishable (or, perhaps, even readable). It takes years, sometimes decades, to learn how to write well.

Do not think that because you have one singular idea and have slapped a book together that you can publish it to widespread acclaim. People who do this are deeply overestimating the quality of their work, seeing it through rose-tinted glasses.

One of my first long-form writing projects as sort of an adult was utter garbage. You can read it if you want; it's a BBC Sherlock fanfic. And it's fucking awful. I had written a lot of smaller things before this, but nothing to this scale. That much is quite obvious.

I'm grateful I started my journey writing fanfic, because otherwise I would have thought this was brilliant life-changing stuff.

In fact, I actually put together a copy of all my Sherlock fanfics called 11 Ways of Playing a Stradivarius that is probably floating around somewhere on the internet (though it got smacked down for copyright infringement eventually, because I was stupid). It sold absolutely zero copies, and rightly so. It's bad.

And that is okay. Shitty writing is par for the course when you are learning. It doesn't mean you'll never be good. It just means you're not there yet.

I have, to my great relief, improved immeasurably over the years, to the point where I have felt confident selling my work for real human money. You can purchase the culmination of that hard work right this instant, if you so choose. Should you do so, I am certain you will see exactly how much I've grown as a writer.

Ideas are pointless if you don't do anything with them.

I know I have said this before but I just need to drill it into your heads. Your idea means nothing unless you actually write the damn thing.

Millions of people have story ideas. Most of them will never do anything with those ideas. At best, they'll daydream about it but make up a billion excuses why they can't. At second-worst, they will badger actual writers to do the idea for them.

At worst worst, they will use AI to do it for them and call it a day. And we will all hate them for it.

You do not need to be protective of your idea or hide it, because someone has already thought of it and then made excuses as to why they can't be bothered to execute it. You have to be the one who doesn't fall into the trap and does the damn thing.

Look, I'll give you all the story ideas I have if you want. I don't care. In fact, I share them frequently and encourage others to give it a shot if they want to.

I'm not hiding any ideas because I know you will not do it exactly as I will. My voice is unique and it doesn't matter if there are dozens of people with the same idea: my story will be mine, and no one else's.

You are not a writer unless you consistently write.

This doesn't mean writing for five hours every day, or even doing 100 words every day. When I get to the tail end of the project, I tend to start slowing down because I have to think more critically about how to tie everything together. During the active drafting phase, I might do 2,000 words per day, but things ease up at the end, both because I'm sad that this phase is almost over and because I don't have much left to do.

But you don't get to call yourself a writer if you write like 100 words a month and spend the rest of the time doing moodboards and talking about your ideas. Whatever your rhythm, you need to stick with it and develop discipline, or you just have an idea and nothing else.

Making moodboards, playlists, etc, before you have started the project is a form of procrastination.

Note I said before you have really gotten into the meat of your project. Moodboards are a great way to promo your project and get peoples' attention, because visuals are more interesting than a wall of text. (That's why I start these kinds of posts with a picture.)

Oh, there's another one!

The thing is that a lot of would-be writers get trapped by the "oh this is research, this is plotting, this is giving me ideas, this is inspo." It's not. It's visual daydreaming and nothing more.

Any time that I have done a moodboard before starting a story, I give up on that story, because then I feel like I've done most of the work when I categorically have not. When I do moodboards once I get to the halfway point, I'm already in the home stretch and have no reason to stop. When I do a moodboard after I am already done and in the revision stage, then I'm good to go and building hype for my project.

Do not waste your time doing moodboards and playlists and visuals before you do the real stuff: worldbuilding, plotting, hammering out characterization. Get started before you start playing around with pretty pictures because it's not really getting you anywhere.

No one cares about your idea as much as you do and never will.

This is pretty self-explanatory so I won't expound too much. Your writing is the most important thing to you, but everyone else has their own stuff going on. If you're building hype with other writers, they have their own projects and are not going to be your free promotional team. They want your attention for their stuff, not yours.

Most people in your life will not really care about your book.

Again, everyone's got their own things going on. Also, most non-writers don't really understand how difficult it is to write a whole book. They are consumers and see the finished project; it's content to them. They care about you, to be sure, but your book doesn't really click as a big accomplishment because they're not familiar with the process.

You may notice, and seethe slightly, that relatively mundane things like weddings, graduations, and baby announcements will get WAY more attention than your book. A friend showing their ultrasound pic will get dozens of likes and comments and congratulations, while like 1 person will say "good job!" when you announce your book.

This is because these kinds of announcements are more relatable to the average person. They may have gotten married, or graduated, or had a baby (and of course probably know dozens of people who have) so they are aware of the challenges and joys.

Unless you are friends with exclusively other writers, your achievement is abstract, and your friends can't really sympathize. Your book is just a way to pass some time.

A lot of peoples' opinions about writing are useless to you.

I do not really like getting beta readers from places like r/betareaders because I have no idea how much that person actually knows about writing. Being able to visualize and suggest ways forward requires an understanding of the craft, but many people think that because they like to read, they know how to critique, when they are completely different skills.

Yes, unknowledgeable beta readers can give you a "man on the street" perspective of your book, but they tend to forget that beta readers are meant to help you fix your book as it is. Not turn it into something they personally would enjoy reading if they are not the target audience.

This requires recognizing audience and putting aside one's own preferences to focus on how the book would come across to an imagined ideal reader. Not everyone can do this. Actually, most people can't.

Some of the dumbest comments I've gotten about my work are from people who want to wrest control away from me and make it their preferred genre/plot/etc. These are useless suggestions.

Wonderful beta readers help to enhance your story, and they are golden. Instead of demanding you do something different, they offer their honest reactions of the work as it is and suggest opportunities to enrich the writing, tweak it, deepen the characterization, and so on.

Helpful beta readers are typically other writers regardless of their specific writing level. Newbie writers can be an excellent resource! And you're helping them, too: they will see your mistakes and know what not to do, and they can learn from your strengths. It's a positive experience all around.

Writers must come to understand what is good advice and what is not. Essentially, anyone who suggests things that are completely out of left field and totally unrelated to what you're trying to do is giving bad advice, and you should ignore them.

You need to develop healthy self-esteem if you want to be a good writer.

When you constantly put yourself down, complain about how bad your first draft is, say you have no idea what you're doing, and insist that no one will ever enjoy your work, guess what: you're right.

But you're right because you're essentially telling other people that your work sucks and they should not give it a chance. What you say about your writing will influence how readers interact with your work. You are priming them to dislike your writing and telling them what to think.

Imposter syndrome strikes all of us at times, but you need to push through it. One of the best ways to do so is to just continue writing. Keep going. Soon enough, you will develop experience, and experience will create confidence, and that confidence will shine through in your work.

When you consider saying something self-deprecating about your work, stop. You're going to make it come true.

You also need to be humble and have a beginner's mindset forever.

Doing so means understanding the difference between being self-deprecating and being humble.

Self-deprecation is when someone says your work is great and you immediately go "oh you're saying that to be nice, it's awful, I hate it."

Humility is when someone says your work is great and you go "Thank you!" and leave it at that.

You're not gloating or bragging by saying thank you, but you're also not cutting yourself off at the knees and making people uncomfortable by self-flagellating.

Honestly, the best thing you can ever say when you get a compliment about anything, including your writing, is just "thank you." Nothing else. Maybe an "I appreciate it" or "I'm glad you think so!" You don't need to go into detail.

But humility also means acknowledging that no matter how long you have been writing, there is always something you can do better. You will always be learning and making mistakes. Thinking you've peaked is when your writing gets stale and boring.

I have been learning rock climbing, and one of my favorite things to do is to watch pro climbers critique their own technique. They're not self-deprecating or saying they're horrible, but they're also not claiming they are perfect and can never do anything better.

Magnus Midtbø is incredible because even though he is a truly masterful climber, he posts a lot about his fails or when other climbers make him eat shit. This is an amazing video of him getting wrecked by an Olympic climber and taking it on the chin! He doesn't whine about how bad he is, he's just like "hmm, yeah, I can see where I screwed up, I'm so glad that I got to watch you climb, this is an honor."

That is the perfect blend of confidence and humility. He knows he can improve, but he doesn't deride his own skill. This is the mindset you need as a writer.

Being mentally ill doesn't make you a better writer. It just means you're mentally ill.

Anyone can be a good writer. Mental illness does not give you a super-secret advantage. It actually puts you at a disadvantage because your brain is expending so much energy staying stable that it does not have the same capacity as other people.

Fix your mental health issues instead of using them as a crutch or deluding yourself into believing they make you special. Like half of the population will develop some type of mental illness during their lifetime, and insisting that you need your mental illness to write is trapping you by making you not want to get help.

I have severe bipolar. This does not necessarily make me a great writer. In fact, it can make my writing suck ass if I am not stable. And no, you are not somehow exempt from having consequences for refusing to take care of your mental health. I promise you that you will be a better writer when you have sorted out your mental health issues.

Your real actual life matters more than your writing.

This is related to the above point. Your mental health, your stability, your social circle are all crucial elements of being a good, productive writer, and you can't ignore them in favor of suffering for your art.

The quality of my work has skyrocketed at two significant points in my life: once when I got out of a relationship that was hurting me and once when I ditched a toxic friend. The first one was when I started writing fanfic again, and the second was when I finally began The Eirenic Verses.

I would not have written 2 million words if I still had those nasty influences in my life, and I would not be living my best life. I likely never would have found my favorite hobbies and started going to therapy if I was still trapped in those negative cycles. Attending to my real-life problems both enhanced my writing and made me a better, more likeable, more functional person. I expect you will find the same thing.

You will burn out if you don't have other hobbies.

Hobbies. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have other hobbies that have nothing to do with writing. Yes, it means you have less time to write, but it also means that when you do sit down and write, you have better focus because you've fulfilled your other needs.

I picked up horseback riding again in February of this year and go once a week. I can't stress enough how good this has been for my writing and for my overall well-being. I have pretty bad agoraphobia, but since I started riding again, I have been less scared of leaving the house and less worried about what people think about me. My world has become larger and friendlier.

Now I'm doing rock climbing too. The physical and mental stimulation helps me focus better when I write, and I get way more done in less time. Plus, the quality of that writing is better because I'm getting more bloodflow into my brain and nourishing the tissues. There's also the fact that when I do have time to write, I'm not burned out and frustrated because all I've been doing all day is writing.

I look forward to my writing sessions more because they feel like a treat, and I have gotten a self-esteem boost by doing well in the gym. I am happier, calmer, and sleeping better due to the exercise.

Well-adjusted humans need social outlets, physical movement, a strong support network, good nutrition, and opportunities to relax. Our horrible capitalist system makes it very hard to balance all of these, but you must at least try.

Your hobbies don't need to be expensive. It can be something as simple as drawing, or going for a long nature walk, or learning origami, or buying a used camera and learning photography. Go to your local library and take a free course! Join a cheap gym and go a few times a week. Teach yourself something using YouTube. Buy secondhand equipment on Craigslist. There are so many affordable options.

Again, caring for your overall well-being is a true godsend when it comes to writing. Having something else to fulfill you will help you push through those hard days when nothing is coming to you, and it offers your brain a break from plotting, writing, revising, etc.

So that's it. If you read this to the very end, you're quite the gem; I know this was excruciatingly long. And mean.

Since you're here, maybe you will consider purchasing my debut novel, which was written by applying all these tips. (And not using AI - fuck off, NaNoWriMo.)

9 Years Yearning is a coming-of-age gay romance set in a fantasy world with poetry magic. It follows two young men as they grow from sorta-enemies, to frenemies, to friends, and finally to lovers.

If you do read it, please don't forget to leave a review!

Even if it's mean. Don't worry, I won't be mad. Reviews are essential to getting visibility on Amazon, so every single one is golden to me.

[nctafraid]

SENTENCE STARTERS: but it's just lines from books I'll never publish

trigger warning for anxiety and depression

"All I ever wanted to be was enough."

"Sometimes it feels like there's a million people watching, waiting for me to fail."

"How could I ever compete when I'm surrounded by so many people who are better, more qualified, and more deserving of what I have?"

"A leader looks indestructible but is just as fragile and human as the rest."

"The noise around me is nothing more than background music to a narrative my mental illness is controlling."

"No matter what I do, what I try, it isn't enough."

"Trust means nothing if it is only held by one."

"Insecurity is heavy, self doubt even more so."

"Nothing is worth the price of me finding myself."

"They're waiting for me to give up and to realize that I never truly deserved any of this."

"In the end it wasn't that it didn't matter, it was that I didn't matter."

"Anxiety is a flame that is often mistaken for a flame of passion."

"Sometimes all I can do is watch as everything I touch burns with me."

"I tend to destroy those around me to the point that they have to stop the monster I've become."

"Am I one in a million or one of a million?"

"My greatest enemy was once my best friend."

"Sometimes I feel nothing and on the rare occasion I feel everything."

"I'm sorry for all the times I lied and said I was fine."

"You desperately crave approval, as if acceptance is the only thing that matters."

"I laugh because I don't know how to handle the pain."

"I'm not sure who I am, but I know who I am pretending to be."

[festive-unserious-fellow]

...Can you tell I really like Invader Zim and Hollow Knight?

Anyways uh- REFERENCES FOR ALL OF MY Z-O-M-B-I-E-S MONSTER HEADCANNONS WOOOOOOO FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!! These are all rlly self indulgent tbh, especially all the alien headcannons, but in mY DEFENSE! I can do whatever the fuck I want lmfao. Which means pointless patches of darker skin in very specific places on the zombies, references to raccoon Wyatt and alien lore that you have to do olympic level mental gymnastics to fit into the plot of the movies WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

The ref sheet for the Armistian's true form is kinda old(and I've actually posted it on here before lmao), but I haven't actually changed anything about their designs besides like, a couple minor alterations to the colors, and I genuinely think the art holds up to my current standards, so I decided to just reuse those refs instead of redrawing them entirely. Also for the record I have a LOT more headcannons about the aliens, the werewolves and some rewrites to zombie lore to make zombieism more akin to a chronic illness then a race thing, I just don't feel like putting them in these ref sheets. Because that would take a lot more effort then I am willing to put in rn. Feel free to send me asks abt them tho!!! I love infodumping abt my Z-O-M-B-I-E-S headcannons and rewrites :D

My least favorite parts of drawing refs and stuff are one; I have to draw the characters in their underwear half the time so I fully understand where different markings and shit are supposed to go, which makes me feel weeeeird, and two; I never have the energy to give the characters unique poses and shit cuz I have to draw and write so much shit that they all end up just fuckin. Staring blankly at the camera. It makes me uncomfyyyyyy-

Also the "very strong bones" bit on Addison & Bucky's refs is a TFB reference. Because I am insane.

Ignore the fact that I'm literally posting this in the middle of the night I had a really hard time finishing Bucky's ref okay-

@imjustavenuxwithaboomerang

[stormy-writer]

Rumplestiltskin x Reader - Hot n' Cold

Summary: The rat-bastard needs a hug, but he doesn't wanna open up.

CW: Unbearably smothering fluff, one mention of mental illness, mentions of crying, light mentions of death

WC: 1.6k

Pairing: Rumplestiltskin x reader | Rumplestiltskin x fem!reader

A/N: I started writing, blacked out, and now I have this. Here, I guess. Inspired by a post by omgopalsapphire

I breathed in his scent as his warmth flooded me. He smelled like wine and woodsmoke, like a drink by the fire. But he also smelled like mushrooms. Like a rotted log, nestled in the darkness of the wood. His long, wavy hair shook in the harsh winds, and I could feel the cold creeping up my back. But his touch kept me warm. I didn't dare move, and neither did he.

He quietly sobbed into my shoulder as I rubbed his back, silently soothing his cries. The only audible thing was the wing whistling in our ears and our breaths as we stood, wrapped in each other's arms. I had barely known him, yet he seemed so… broken. He looked like he had seen so much pain, so much heartache. And now, as his body shook with his soundless sobs, I could only feel his pain even more.

I did not care how much he snarled and threatened, how he bared his teeth in a deadly grin. Now he was open, vulnerable. And I wasn't going to let anything happen to him. I felt connected to him, somehow bonded. I felt him relax after a while, his muscles no longer so tense. His body stilled and his tears stopped, but he did not let go. The warmth of the embrace seemed to fill him, as it did me. He sniffled, and I could tell he didn't want to let go. So as his arms loosened from around me, I picked him up.

In his surprise, he grabbed onto me again, holding me tightly. With a gasp, the untrusting tone from before settled back into his voice. “What are you doing? Set me down.” He was demanding, but he couldn't hide the emotion in his tone. I hummed in response, but I just turned around and started walking. Back to his castle, where he always was. He let out a small huff before murmuring, and I could tell he was saying “thank you”

.We walked in a comfortable silence, his breathing becoming light and steady as he fully relaxed into me. ‘He must be asleep,’ I thought. Walking as quietly as I could, I nudged open his doors and stepped into his domain, his large estate. The doors slowly shut behind me, and I paused. I knew nothing of this man, except for his terrible pain. I only knew about his home because I knocked on his door, seeking refuge from the storm. But, thankfully, as I stood there thinking, he leaned back in my arms, forcing me to set him down.

I looked on with concern as he slid out of my grasp, my hands ending up at his waist. “Thank you… for carrying me.” He spoke so quietly, I almost couldn't hear him. It was almost as if he was frustrated that I had helped him. “It's no problem. Are you alright?” We were still so close, my hands holding him in place as our breaths mingled. He paused, taken aback. After all the kindness I'd shown him, he was still shocked when I showed that I cared. Grumbling, he stepped back, getting away from me. “I'm fine. You go along and do whatever it was you were doing before you got here.”

How could he be so hot and cold? How could he pretend like the moment never happened? How silly he is. And frustrating. “I don't think you are fine. A man that-” “I AM NOT A MAN,” he screamed. His heart raced and I could see the anger on his face. But his eyes held only heartbreak. “I am nothing but a monster, and you need to learn that before you get hurt, dearie.” The venom in his words only served to frustrate me more. Who did he think he was?

“I am sorry, but you need to calm down. There's no reas-” Before I can finish, he storms up to me and grabs me by the throat, lifting me up. He was by no means a large man, and yet he had the strength of a giant. I choked, and he grinned evilly. Dropping me, he stepped away. I stood from my knees, rubbing my neck. “There's no reason to get so worked up over nothing.” I dropped my sweet tone, my emotions now shifting. He looked a little hurt, but he covered it with a look of anger.

“And who's to say I'm worked up, hmm? I feel PERFECTLY fine.” His tone raised, and I could tell he was trying to keep his walls up. “So fine, in fact, that I'll make you a deal.” I frowned. “I don't take deals. You know that.” “Yes, yes. But this will be a deal you cannot refuse!” He was hiding again. Hiding beneath that dastardly mask, that sinister smile. Shaking my head, I stepped forward, only for him to take a step back. “What's your offer?” My frustration seeped through my words, as well as my tiredness. Flamboyantly, he bowed and chuckled.

“Well, my dear, the deal is you leave my estate and never find me or it again, and you get something from me. A favour.” He took a pause, and his voice dropped to a whisper. “Anything.” Was he serious? He was pushing me away, shoving me out of his life, and for what? Because I got too close? Too close to the truth? He was really boiling my blood. I sighed. “Anything. Anything at all?” Nodding he straightened his back and stood tall again, or, as tall as he was. I looked away, thinking. But then I got an idea.

“Fine. I'll take the deal.” A look of pain flashed across his features, if only for a moment. Then he returned to his sly, smug grin. “So, what'll it be? Money? Perhaps a family? I can-” “I want you to rescind the deal.” He was shocked. His mouth hung agape as he looked at me like I was crazy. Then he shut it, smiling irritatedly. “That was fast. Don't you want to think it over, maybe? There's a lot I could provide you with.” He stepped closer, gesturing wildly as he tried to convince me.

“And, besides, it's such a simple task. Why not ask for something you truly desire? Hmm? Anything at all, and it will be yours.” Now he was close, almost as close as before. How could he have gone from crying into my shoulder to trying to get rid of me? He was more bipolar than Aunt Vicka. I took a breath, biting the inside of my cheek. “You're right. I have a better idea.” He seemed pleased at the fact I was changing my favour. Leaning down, I whispered as a grin spread across my face.

“Rescind the deal and you have to be nice to me. Or at least tolerant.” His smirk fell, replaced by a look of anger. He did not like being the one without control. He wanted to be the one with the upper hand. Growling, he glared me down as he looked up at me, our faces inches away. “You… And why exactly should I? I could just throw away this little deal, and I could kill you right where you stand.” His voice was low, and I could feel the hate in his breath. And yet his eyes told me of his true feelings. Feelings of hurt, feelings of frustration. Why wouldn't I just leave? I really could, and I could get myself a life of luxury.

But I didn't want to. I didn't want to leave. “No, you couldn't. I already accepted the deal. And now I’ve told you my favour, which you owe me.” I knew that magic binded his word, and I knew that he had to comply. He stood, his expression almost blank, if it weren't for the obvious anger. His lip twitched and he huffed, stepped back. “Technically, if I rescinded the deal, that would make the favour null. It would be useless. Inactive.” “No, it wouldn't. I'm calling on the favour while the deal is still in action, so you will have to follow through, no matter if the deal is terminated or not.”

I knew about tricks. I didn't know of his, but I knew of many. Sighing, he rolled his eyes and grumbled something I didn't hear. “What was that?” I stepped closer, closing the gap between us. He took a small step back, but he didn't move again as I stopped in front of him. “I said fine!” He snapped at me, but quietly. He looked like a little kid that just got told off. I grinned. Taking his hand, I planted a kiss on his green, scaly knuckles. I muttered against his skin, looking up at him expectantly. “Could I possibly ask for a room to stay here?”

I have no idea what the fuck I just wrote but my eyes hurt and I have a migraine. I made this because I saw a post of omgopalsapphire saying “imagine hugging Rumplestiltskin” and I couldn't get it out of my head. Thank you for reading.

[thedepressedjuggalette]

Arcane is a GOTHIC Show.

No, not Goth like Goth music, I mean GOTHIC as in Gothic Literature like Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, Robert Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, or literally anything written by Edgar Allen Poe.

I am dead ass serious. Or maybe I'm just insane.(Spoilers ahead!!!)

Now it is okay if you didn't pick up on this, I am just one of those extremely weird kids that grew up reading Gothic Literature so much that it was almost an unhealthy obsession so I kind of spotted this within the first 6 episodes of the first season.

Now if you don't believe me when I say that Arcane is Gothic in nature I need to ask you this:

Did Arcane ask these simple questions:

What does it mean to be human?

What defines humanity?

When is a person too far gone?

Can grief ruin a person?

Can trying to help others turn to destroying others?

And can obsession turn to madness?

These specific questions are the very questions I've noticed pop up a LOT in OLD SCHOOL Gothic literature.

For instance Viktor is a lot like Viktor Frankenstein and Dr. Jekyll (more so Dr. Jekyll) in the sense that he slowly loses his humanity the further he pushes his research before finally falling to a destructive path. He quite literally loses himself to his own research and by his own research subject.

Singed (Dr. Ravick) is more Viktor Frankenstein than anything else. So obsessed with bringing the dead back to life. But whereas Frankenstein was obsessed with the idea of it that he never thought if he should. Singed found it merely to be nothing more than an illness needing to be cured because he couldn't stand the idea of losing his daughter.

Gothic Literature came out after the Romantic Literature Era, however in the Romantic Literature Era a lot of writers were protesting workplace mistreatment such as forcing children into working in coal mines and cleaning chimneys, along with the obsession of nature, Gothic Literature focused on the morality of Humanity, what it meant to be human and what defines us and how quickly a person can fall into insanity (aka mental health issues).

The first to start this was Mary Shelley over a small bet with her husband and several other authors. Her work was mortifying in comparison to the others because of what it forced the reader to think about.

Her work took place during the Enlightened Era where scientists were obsessed with Progress (Riot I fucking saw this shit coming, fuck you guys), and how if as a species can we become like god and make something from our own deaths and if we even should?

Shelley doesn't directly answer this but we actively see through her writing the death of a god -- Viktor Frankenstein -- because Adam (the monster) views his creator with contempt and disgust and thus demands his Eve despite Frankenstein's reluctance.

Can you imagine what Vander would've thought of Singed?

Can we really say that Vander would not view Singed as both his Savior and Destroyer. Can we even call Vander human? Or is he something else entirely? We can't call him a werewolf in the traditional sense, so what truly is he? He is the Adam of a species not meant to exist. Is he even Vander anymore or is he truly Warwick?

A lot of Poe's writing is very much about madness and grief. Well... To me anyways, it could just be my obsession with his poem The Raven (it reminds me of my great grandmother).

And I've personally in my own life seen how grief can destroy a person physically -- their despair destroying their physical health because that person feels their life died with that person. And I fear every day for my grandma to head down the same path that her sisters are when they pass.

But it's the mentality that the more subtle and at the same time the most extravagant thing to be destroyed through grief.

We see this repeatedly with Jinx and Vi.

They lost their stability the moment that their brothers and Vander died, and when Jinx thought Vi was dead.

They had already lost their bio parents, so this was another nail in their coffins. However Vi had no idea if Jinx was alive or dead and thus had that to hold onto despite being beaten bloody in an unstable environment that is prison.

Jinx however had her grief and trauma constantly lectured into her and had to form her personality around it. She even comments on it in episode 9 of season 1. Silco didn't know how to be a dad, but he was trying his best but he was a grown ass man when he had his personality reformation unlike Jinx who was like 10.

Her grief was haunting her and ruining her mental health.

I had recently learned that psychotic depression is a thing.

With her guilt and grief and PTSD eating her alive she was bound to go the road she went down. But what truly killed Jinx was the death of Isha.

I want to make it clear that I don't view Jinx and Isha's relationship as sisterly. I view it as maternal due to the comparisons between her and Silco and Isha to Powder.

However the point still stands.

She, like Silco, could not stand the mere idea of their child being in any sort of life threatening situation -- especially dealing with enforcers -- and thus would jump to protect them. But they both fail at the end in many ways.

Vi literally stopping Jinx from getting Isha out of there, and Silco being unable to stop Vi from triggering Jinx's PTSD.

And there's one more thing about Jinx we need to address...

If there is one thing I know about bullying and brainwashing is that if you keep telling someone they're worthless etc. one day they're going to believe you, and you cannot be surprised they do and when they act accordingly. Especially when the victim is a child. This is why suicide in children and teens is so devastating and cannot be fixed with religion or weird as hell wrestlers or stupid manosphere podcasts.

We don't know how long Powder had to put up with Mylo's bullying of her, but telling by her reaction to and how the loudest and most negative voice she hears from her hallucinations is his voice... I'd have to say that it started from the moment they met up to his death and it was sealed when Vi hit her and called her a Jinx.

"Who truly made Jinx?" is a question that has been brought up by everyone and their mother by this point. Some agree with the character herself when she said that it was Vi. Others agree with Silco when Jinx stated that Silco thinks he made Jinx.

Some reading this might say "Oh my god was it Mylo???"

I disagree on all fronts.

There is one video essay I keep coming back to because anyone with any sense of media literacy will outright point this same shit out but not as... Artfully as the essay itself.

It is called "Arcane, a Monster Factory" and it starts out with a single statement:

"Piltover breaks people."

And ends with a terrifying statement:

"Sometimes when I can't sleep at night, I start to think that maybe Piltover is more realistic than I'd like to think..."

It wasn't a single person that made Jinx. It was the entire city.

I want to point to Episode 7 to show you what I mean.

Without the death of Grayson but instead the death of Vi and without the creation of Hextech and Silco choosing to forgive Vander, Powder herself changed for the better and never needed to become Jinx. Rather she focused her energy on helping everyone around her -- and not taking time for herself in the process but we've always seen this even in Jinx. She focused on helping Silco then jumped to just trying to destroy for the sake of destroying only to end up helping the under city without meaning to, only to help Isha, and never really helping herself.

No matter what she'd have liked to think, she could've done wonders. Viktor even said so himself. She could do a lot to help his commune with her talents.

Even said it when he was looking at her bomb for the first time, calling her work "inspired".

She is talented but her talents never got the chance to truly shine.

Imagine what she and Ekko could've done if they were able to attend Piltover's academy.

But as stated before, Piltover breaks people.

Piltover made Jinx.

And in a cruel twist of fate it made the two people who cared about her the most hold the blame for the city's actions.

The ending of Arcane was fumbled when it came to Jayce's speech to Viktor and I'll stand by that because it was the fault of Piltover for Viktor having a preventable disease and thus leading to his obsession with avoiding death and avoiding needless suffering.

But in this ending these two science husbands did ask the one question that truly defines Gothic Literature.

What does it mean to be human?

And it's answer is one that I am unsure about because no one can truly define the human experience. The experience of life. The grief. The pain. The love. The joy. All of it.

In my own fanfic for a completely different fandom I had two characters talk about emotions. One couldn't truly feel emotions while another could. It took me a long while to try to figure out how to answer the question of "What is it like to feel emotions?"

It's hard to answer, isn't it?

I did figure it out though, having to take a page out of Kindred's playbook. But it was one I was very satisfied with.

It is questions like these be them asked through subtle writing cues, or blatantly asked by the characters themselves, they define Gothic Literature to me.

Arcane is the beautiful marriage of Greek Tragedy and Gothic Literature.

[ihopeyouhaveanicexmas]

I am having soooo many thoughts on the themes of st and on the characters' arcs and conclusions.

I will make a long post about all of this once I have it all pretty well figured out and connected (bc ofc everything is connected in this show)

But until then, I thought I'd share the first conclusion that I reached (it's a theory, but it could be true) :

So, I think that the UD and everything supernatural in the show represent trauma/mental illness. That makes sense if you consider that the supernatural is intertwined with the characters' arcs and that if they are to defeat the supernatural forces, they first have to battle with their own demons and accept themselves etc etc.

El having powers could also make sense in the way that her powers were inherited from her mom, just like a lot of mental illnesses are partially genetic. Experience also plays its role, so the abuse she endured in the lab could represent how abuse in early childhood (in El's case, it was since literal birth), combined with your genes (her mom obviously has the same/similar mental issues that she has) can cause mental illnesses to appear.

This also aligns with the theory of Will experiencing something traumatic the day that he went missing, if the supernatural stuff didn't happen. This could work just as an analogy for us to understand, or it could actually be revealed that Vecna really did choose Will so that he can simultaneously save him from that traumatic event. But yeah, the point is that it portrays how Will going missing/going through something really traumatic was the catalyst to all of the characters eventually having to face their own issues as well. And how they all have to heal TOGETHER if the monsters are to leave them all (kind of like if not all of them figure their shit out, none of them will end up healing bc they all have an impact on each other so they can't fully heal if some of them haven't figured out how to start doing so).

I'm so excited to chew on this more once my exams are overrrr