#I'm chronically single
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genssidy smooch for valentines day <3
#genssidy#gensidy#spuriken#I hate valentines ngl#I'm chronically single#but what better day to indulge in my fav ships right#this is what ur dps are doing when damage is mia#my art#might remake later#overwatch#genji shimada#cole cassidy
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The fact that the pre-reboot TD seasons were based in the late 2000s and early 2010s and we didn't see a single scene kid or hispter.
#What I'm trying to say is they cut it close with Sierra's chronic onlineness but they didn't COMMIT.#Not a SINGLE TD girl wore converse with her dress 😔#total drama#thoughtless posting
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If you're not Disabled...
please keep the following in mind.
Telling someone who's Disabled that "they're so brave" is a fucking insult.
Saying you would rather kill yourself helps no one.
Many of us have committed suicide because we couldn't or wouldn't accept living with our disability/disabilities.
Many of us failed and required help to no longer feel the need to commit suicide.
Many more question whether or not it's worth living as Disabled because of the fuckery ableds, namely you, say to about and about us.
We are not brave for living.
You are an asshole for telling us you would rather be dead.
When you say you would rather kill yourself, you are telling us our lives aren't worth living.
You're fucking wrong and need to reflect on why you feel it's acceptable to say these things.
You are one bad day from becoming Disabled.
You are one bad illness from becoming Disabled.
Long covid is virtually guaranteed, and the risk of developing it goes up every time you become sick with covid.
It will be years, decades even, before we fully understand the long-term effects of having had covid19.
That includes those who were pregnant while sick.
We don't have names for the fuckery covid19 has on the body.
Covid19 weakens the immune system every time you contract it, aka your immune system is left trashed and not with antibodies illnesses like influenza or chicken pox develops.
When you catch covid19, you are making it much easier to become Disabled.
You are one bad day from becoming Disabled.
You are one bad illness from becoming Disabled.
If you live long enough, you will become Disabled.
#chaosfay talks#disability#disabled#abled#chronic illness#I'm so fucking tired of people telling me life isn't worth living when you're Disabled.#perhaps they should look at history and how we're the first people fascists eliminate first. Nazis killed the Disabled first.#we are always the first to got. every single time. because eugenicists believe it's perfectly acceptable. then they find#reasons to do this to others.#go fuck yourself.#I'm gonna be happy and live my life just to be spiteful and petty. fuck you.
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deep breaths + hugging the little friends. doing what I can for the One Bad Thing so we are celebrating all the good. there is SO much good!!
#Mouse talks!#chronic illness tag#I don't WANT all the good to be overshadowed by the single abnormal number! my inflammation levels are the lowest they've ever been#and how exciting that I keep getting to say that because they've only gotten lower and not higher!!#I'm not even slightly anemic like I usually am my iron is great!!#it's good! I am good!!#now if I could just stop circling the thought.
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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it's just like. you have to wash clothes if they're uncomfortable too. (you don't have the energy/executive function/knowledge to find clothes that feel good on you. you're a 6'2" trans woman and you've gained 20+ lbs in the last 6 months and you don't even know where to start looking.)
you have to wash dishes even if you just had boxed mac 'n' cheese or takeout or scrambled eggs or cereal & milk off of them. (you don't have the energy/executive function to cook or plan meals that are more complicated than this. every time you try you end up in tears or out of breath or sweating or shaking with fatigue. the last time you tried to cook anything more complicated/lengthy than scrambled eggs you had to tag out halfway through and lie down on the couch for half an hour.)
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#matty's mental health#i need a chronic illness tag#i'm. not doing good.#i had therapy yesterday & was talking to my friend max today and both of them (independently) were like#''what's something you're looking forward to'' and. there is nothing. i do not have a single thing i am looking forward to.#the nlrb dropped my charge. i can't make any fucking progress with my job hunt.#i literally only eat cereal+milk and yogurt+granola+frozen fruit and takeout#my doctor thinks i'm making up that i can't do any physical activity anymore#any time i turn off the ac even if it's 70° outside i have the most miserable sweaty day imaginable. or if i'm not directly in a fan.#weight cw
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ooc hand jumper fp spoilers but this what it feels like rn.
#hand jumper#webtoon#sighs#no character tags this time if i tag it it'll be spoilers spoilers#but the children already know#and the children who don't should sell their souls for wealth to purchase to support sleepacross and for their own peace of mind#that the cook is cooking#it's in the pot#it's simmering#it's boiling#it's going and it's going great#and when the sacred day comes i will post that one image people can post and immediately know who i'm talking abt if they were on hj server#another plug for hj server btw please consider if you're old enough it's very silly and awesomesauce#but disregarding that believe it or not my weekly resolution(i say as test season is about to kick my ass)#is to like not be dead#even if you were on hj server i am chronically online#SIGHS#when will my wife come back.......#in 15 million years....#when..........#tho def after testing season and placement tests and after summer classes i'll be like not dead#or try#today gets to be the single built different day bc as there is no hw it is CLEANING TIME!!!!!!#if that even makes sense#idk if bros even read these but if you do i am so sorry to you in advance
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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another compilation of alanjay art
#alanjay#jayalan#alan scott#jay garrick#green lantern#the flash#dc comics#dc fanart#flashlantern#jsa#I'm so chronically ill about them as you can see...#these were drawn over the course of a SINGLE week... insane
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Getting normal-people-sick when you're chronically ill is just wrong. That shouldn't be a thing. It should be mutually exclusive.
#but chronic illness and a weak af body and shitty immune system means that you get every. single. cold and virus you could possibly catch#i hate it here#how is this my life??#why is this my life??#chronic illness#disability#disabled#chronically ill#i'm so goddamn tired and just lying i bed waiting till i can sleep again#it's fucking boring to be this exhausted#cripple punk#tumblr
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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i'm moving states in about a week and a half and am so nervous. I've moved plenty of times but never so far away, and there's so much to do and consider.
I am excited though <3 I'll get to be closer to the rest of my polycule, and i think I want to try to take it as an opportunity to work on my agoraphobia
#currently i leave the house in the single digit amount of times a year#0 times if you don't count doctor visits#most of it is covid fear since i'm immunocompromised and chronically ill#but maybe i can go for walks or something :o#or find safer feelings spots to go#personal
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God being alive is just absurd,
like mechanically speaking.
My ability to feel joy significantly depends on the functionality of the microbes in my intestinal tract, and I'm sorry but this is a
bullshit system
and I demand to speak to the Devs
#chronically ill#chronic illness#spoonie#crohn's disease#spoonie memes#some clarifying details:#95% of our body's serotonin is produced by gut bacteria#Gut-produced serotonin still has a profound effect on the central nervous system#Which is why my Crohn's flare is ruining my fuckin' brain right now#and I'm just calling bullshit on this whole design#I'm over simplifying this for comedic effect#Joy is a multifaceted phenomena#it's not controlled by a single factor#also please don't listen to pyramid scheme pitches that have appropriated the language around gut health#their weird milkshake powder will not repair your inflammatory conditions
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my all xx
this is my little take on the "would we be friends in every life" except they're in love xx (it's a cutesy lil poem I wrote instead of sleeping xx)
“Do you think you'd love me every life?”
The moon asks i, the moon,
spinning around her,
my orbit, my purpose, my life
The stars wonder,
while i connect the dots of her beauty,
creating a vast picture of our future,
glistening, smiling
The rockstar inquires,
while i spend my days fangirling,
devoted, admiring
The song hums,
as i play her repeatedly in a cycle,
listening, dancing, singing, living
The book flutters,
while i re-read, re-imagine, re-love
scenes of our past,
I always dream to re-live,
each soft, rose-gold tinted memory
The flower questions,
while i draw her,
each day finding new angles and lighting to sketch,
to adore,
to try and capture the beauty of
The girl asks me,
“Would you love me in every life?”
I search her face for answers,
Does she really think I could not?
How could I not?
This girl is everything
The moon and stars,
glistening, providing light in darkest times.
My favourite book and song
lifting me up,
creating a smile to play as a knife,
cutting through tears.
A meadow of flowers,
creating colours and joy,
providing life and sanctuary,
to all of whom stops by.
She is my all.
My everything.
How could she ever doubt it?
I could not.
I could not even imagine life without her within it.
He brings rainbows to a world of harsh greys and gloom,
Light to a room of locked and tortured shadows,
Emotion to a face that knows no joy,
nor happiness.
“Yes” i say.
“Yes, i know i would” cause how could i not?
(I'm rly proud of this, don't repost or ss without crediting me xx)
#would you love me in every life?#yessir pookie#poem#lovesick#crying I'm chronically single#realatable#that one trend#I love love
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sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are
#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much#but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt#and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling#i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them#i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me#sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong#even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me#i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want#i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard#there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating#i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me#and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful”#i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness#(tags are just for finding people who relate)#social anxiety#avpd#avoidant personality disorder#actuallyavpd#loneliness#chronic loneliness
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i love cyberware. it's so intimate
#personal#it's so. versatile as a storytelling device and just as like. extension of yourself. there's so many things you can do with it#obviously there's the weaponry cybernetics like the mantis blades gorilla arms etc which already fucks on its own#because you can combine it with your oc's fighting style... like reid has a single mantis blade and a monowire#and he combines the two to land sickass combos in combat and it's FUN#then there's sooooo many options for medical cyberware but at the same time there's the whole cyberpsychosis risk that has to be#taken into account for stuff like that. but also you can think about how that would set in and how it can be prevented and all#cassidy has a lot of cybernetic bones to replace his own because a lot of them got shattered in a very bad accident he was in#mikhail has a spine replacement and protective plating to strengthen it#there's the obvious use of prosthetics but also think of like. implants and more invisible pieces of cyberware that could be#used to like. relieve or even get rid of [chronic] pain [that the user would otherwise have]#there's the whole intimacy of the personal link... being able to connect yourself to others and whatnot#i loooove thinking of like. people going through information on a datashard together by having one of them plug it in#and then the other person connecting through personal link to see the information too#or just the act of slotting in a datashard for someone else. waaahhhh#letting your friends give you decorative cyberware how some people would let their friends give them tattoos...#the process of taking care of newly set cyberware to make sure the part of your body around it doesn't go numb etc etc#and then if it's cyberware with open parts or whatever you can STICK YOUR FINGERS IN IT!#dev has the chest cavity thing with the wires. you can put your fingers in that. he would like it#beckett has the maw. when it's closed there's the one cybernetic line and guess what? you can put your fingers in that#and he would like it#anyway i can probably say more because this is definitely not everything that i'm thinking of but also my brain zoomed out#but like. do you understand me
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