existennialmemes - Tumblr blog

[existennialmemes]

Celebrate Pride Month by seeing through the facade of capitalism's false promises, and demanding a world everyone can thrive in.

[existennialmemes]

priDEMONth June 1st Agenda:

12-1230am: Gates of Hell Open, the Legions of Hell Pour Out

1am-6am: Dance Rave

6:30am: Desecration Begins

7am: Breakfast

8am: Age of Sin Begins

830am-12pm: Gay Frog Seminar

12pm: Lunch

1pm-3pm: Threatening Human Dignity

3:30pm-6pm: Reject the Order of Creation

6pm: Dinner

7pm-10pm: Corruption, Chaos, Confusion

10:30pm-12am: Speed Walking Workshop

[existennialmemes]

"The Frogs are Gay"

Old

Inaccurate

Cliche at this point

"Fungi are the Queerest Organisms on Earth"

Exciting

True

Scientifically Fascinating

[existennialmemes]

I only seem Confident™ from a distance. Like a mirage. Upon closer inspection you'll see that I am actually just a sentient amalgamation of several different kinds of awkwardness.

[existennialmemes]

RIP Jesus, you would've loved Pride Month

I can't take any analysis of the Bible seriously, that doesn't acknowledge Jesus as the trans, polyamorous, disaster bi that he clearly was.

[existennialmemes]

I can't take any analysis of the Bible seriously, that doesn't acknowledge Jesus as the trans, polyamorous, disaster bi that he clearly was.

[existennialmemes]

Modern satire is too hard to parse. What you said was absurd and, I know for sure one of us is being fooled. I just can't tell if it's you or me.

[existennialmemes]

Gay Month Approaches

Anyone caught not being gay in June will be fed to The Frogs. Thanks for your cooperation.

[existennialmemes]

Hey!

[Kicks down your door]

[Grabs you by the shirt collar]

You better be holding space for yourself and giving yourself grace! Living in this world is so hard, and you're doing what you can with the resources at your disposal.

And maybe you don't love or even like yourself, but you're gonna take care of yourself anyway, and give yourself some water and sunlight and nutrients like the despondent, little house plant that you are.

[Kisses you gently on the forehead]

[Puts your door back on its hinges]

[existennialmemes]

Why, I'm just as silly as a goose!

I exclaim, so you know this is serious business

[existennialmemes]

I am a Self Made Horror

I am beyond my own comprehension

Seriously, I have no idea what the hell I'm even doing

[existennialmemes]

Some true things can just go without saying, like how much your pets love you.

But some true things HAVE to go without saying, like "I did not put spiders in this cake."

[existennialmemes]

Caffeine is a roulette for me. Will it make me more powerful than god? Will it lift me to uncharted heights of anxiety? Will it lull me sweetly to sleep? Who knows! Least of all me.

[existennialmemes]

awh, sucks. what about delicious rice?

Rice is a very perplexing segue from coffee. I feel like I'm being propositioned by a Fae who has only read about humans in books (written by other Fae who have never met a human.)

"Humans are wily creatures, but your average human can be lured with tasty offerings like coffee or rice or perhaps a very shiny rock..."

Anyway to answer your question: I love rice and the occasional shiny rock! And am definitely a Normal Human who has not read the book I just quoted about catching humans.

[existennialmemes]

New Superhero*: The Silly Goose

Super Powers:

Hissing (creates feelings of dread in target)

Biting (creates feelings of bitten in target)

Honking (creates feelings of loud in target)

Nemesis*: The Bread Man

Super Powers:

Really Tasty Bread (bad for geese)

* The Silly Goose does not commit acts of heroism, but will bite you if you question their status as a totally legitimate Super Hero. The Bread Man is just a nice, old man who doesn't know a lot about what's safe to feed geese.

[existennialmemes]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm just posturing because I'm intimidated. The ocean is terrifying and you live there on purpose.

Fully aquatic mammals are ridiculous. Look at you, you have lungs. You can't even breathe down there! Absurd. Grow some gills, posers.

[existennialmemes]

Fully aquatic mammals are ridiculous. Look at you, you have lungs. You can't even breathe down there! Absurd. Grow some gills, posers.