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#I'm back down this hole again
suzylind · 10 months
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MP3 player starts playing a certain song
Me: "Oh no! Brain no! We've been over this! No re-watch of Cassh-"
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... Mistakes were made...
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blackthornluce · 14 days
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GAME OF THRONES (2011-2019)
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sysig · 6 months
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Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)
Bonus:
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He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain#I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha#It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling#Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out#Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling#Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment!#Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha#But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha#I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥#And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe#They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol#I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨#''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol#Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute!#Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol#Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done#Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude#Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl#To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™#I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3
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bullshitandtomfuckery · 2 months
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I getting dragged back to the baldi's basics fandom
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LET’S TALK ABOUT THE GENIUS OF THE INTRODUCTION! 
So I don’t think I’ve talked about this yet, and shame on me for not doing it in depth if I have. 
The pure beauty of the story telling when it come to character introduction in this show. 
As has been said many times by the writers/directors/Oscar: They originally planned to start with Marc but then realized that the story needed to be about Steven introducing Marc to us. Introducing this world to us. 
And this is a classic approach to storytelling. You typically have someone that doesn’t know anything so that the audience can learn about the world with them on this adventure/journey. 
So why start with Steven? 
Let’s go back to the comics! 
In the comics, we start with Marc. We get Marc’s story. We see Marc’s life, his regrets and mistakes. We see him die and come back and act drastically to change. 
But when we leave all of that behind, our first look at the new established life in New York is with Steven and then immediately into Jake. We don’t officially come back to Marc for some time. But that’s done at a very fast pace and you get to know Steven and Jake’s life very quickly in an introductory blurb before you even see it.
Not exactly something that can be done in a show. So we have to pick someone that the audience can follow. Someone that the audience can fall in love with and trust.
That certainly isn't Marc Spector. (It's interesting that they chose Steven over Jake, considering the personality from the comics... But that's a meta for a different day, as I have a lot to say on that).
So in the show, we first meet Steven. 
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(Look at this bundle of perfection) 
We follow Steven and we get to know Steven. We love Steven. We would follow Steven anywhere and do anything for him. 
Then we see something/someone throwing a wrench into Steven’s life and causing him problems and stress and ruining everything for Steven. 
And we get our first look at Marc through Steven’s eyes. 
In fact! We don’t even see Marc at first. We just see the result of Marc. The displaced jaw and people shooting at him. The bloody bodies, the car chase, the gun, the violence, the stress. We see the ruined love life, the lonely life, and the dead fish. 
So we know that whatever this thing is that is causing him problems is dangerous and not to be trusted. We feel Steven’s stress and expect the worst. 
Even when we first hear Marc, it’s a stressed out voice demanding that he stop. We just get to see a ghost of a man. Something dark lurking in the shadows and acting menacing. This is Steven’s view of what’s going on and this is Marc’s view of what he is to Steven at this point. 
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(SIDE BONUS META: The first time we hear Marc actually talk to Steven is directly after the phone call with Layla. Marc has been ghosting her and ignoring her and playing dead with her for a while now and suddenly Steven talks to her and in that one brief confusing phone call for Steven and Layla, Marc is triggered out and everything he has been setting up for both of them in what, he views, to be a perfect life without him is going down the grain. He’s stressed, he’s watching everything spiral down the same way he has been spiraling down for months now… In that one moment, of course he lets his frustration out and he yells at Steven to stop. He just wants Steven to cooperate and go back to how things used to be so that Steven can live the normal life and Marc can sit back and watch and pretend that things are okay.) 
NOW we as the audience get our FIRST good look at Marc before Steven does. 
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What do we have here? Marc lingering behind Steven. Marc watching Steven run into danger and looking anxious, worried, and like he wants to do anything to take it all back and protect this man. Marc even looks back to check Steven’s 6. Menacing and in the shadows? Or a man that is about to risk everything just to protect Steven? 
Years… YEARS of work put into making sure Steven doesn’t know about him and is happy and safe and secure… And he knows that he has to risk it all. Perhaps at this moment he is contemplating if he should. If Steven will get out of it on his own or if he really needs to find a way to step in and force Steven to black out. But Steven is scared and on to him. He knows he has to talk to Steven. Something he probably hasn’t done since they were just children. 
(BONUS META: If you zoom in real good, that second reflection? The expression is just a little different than the first. The mouth is pulled just a wee bit tighter. Jake easter egg? Probably not, since the show was so careful about only hinting at a ghost of Jake… But I choose to think that we see Jake there behind Marc, much like Marc is behind Steven, looking back to watch their 6 and making sure they are safe.) 
So in classic Marc fashion, he appears as a disaster and Steven sees a disaster. 
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Okay. That was a bad day. Marc was stressed and they were in danger. The absolute carnage that happened (Marc you really lost your cool there, buddy. You could have easily finished that jackal off and moved on. You were just angry and you lost your temper. That bathroom did not have to be so trashed.) was not Marc’s best work. 
So let’s meet Marc again from Steven’s eyes now that he isn’t scared and about to die. 
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Yeah. Steven does not have a very good view of this man. Funnily enough, he’s seeing him in black and white, which is how he’s being presented to him at this point. He sees a violent man that is stealing his life and ruining it. All he can see is the black and white. He knows nothing else about this man. 
And Marc looks right back from the black and white of himself. A man that wishes he wasn’t there. A man that only knows pain and violence. It’s almost like he’s giving up here. He’s saying “Well, I told you to stop looking and now here we are. Look all you want. You see me. Bet you wish you didn’t. If you keep going, this is what you get.” 
And our previous Steven? He keeps looking. So we get a calmer less dumpster fire Marc. 
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No. I take it back. More of a dumpster fire somehow. He’s tired. He’s stressed out beyond reason. He’s watching everything fall apart and he has no control over any of it for the first time in his life. The one thing he thought he could control is now on fire. 
And Steven sees a disheveled (handsome) man that sits alone in his storage room with his illegal things and weapons. Not a good picture. Not to mention the whole Khonshu troll bit that comes along with Marc. 
Steven is not seeing Marc in good light. And the Audience feels for Steven even more. Who is this man that’s ruining this sweet cinnamon roll’s life? 
So let’s give the audience another perspective. 
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Would you look at that! An upside down shot to show us that we we are seeing is going to be flipped upside down soon. 
(I would do anything for her.) 
And what cleaver writers... We see Layla instantly from Steven’s point of view. This lonely love starved man meets HER and the audience has no choice but to fall head over heels for her. 
But now we are looking at Steven from Layla’s point of view. 
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But she isn’t seeing Steven. She’s seeing Marc being ‘Not Marc’. 
We see her return to the flat and she examines Steven’s life. Before we saw everything from Steven’s point of view, but now we get to see her explore it and not just gloss over things but pick them up and examine them. Question them. Question his life. 
And while she’s looking for Marc in Steven, we see Steven looking at Marc watching Layla. 
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She watches the fish, alone and unaware. Marc watches her, alone and mesmerized by her, desperate to see her, wanting everything in the world to be with her but too afraid to get closer. He’s in the tank for a reason here. This isn’t Steven’s fish. This is Marc’s fish. This is the replacement fish. And now, Steven is aware of what’s going on outside of his tank and Marc is the one that’s trapped. 
And as the audience, we find a flicker of sympathy for this intruder. This man that watches her with the look of longing etched across his face. 
But it’s quickly dashed as Marc tries to get rid of her and Steven finds out about the divorce papers. Marc’s a disgrace to try to toss aside someone as lovely as Layla. Steven has no sympathy for him. 
From here we see the rift between them. We see them argue. We see Steven lash out at the images of Marc with insults. He judges Marc and Marc does nothing to try to dissuade him. Marc thinks he deserves it. He just wants to finish the mission. 
But then something changes for just a moment as Steven enters into Marc’s world. 
Sure, there’s the scene with the suit. The scene with the bus where he compliments Steven and acts like the impressed older brother and reasons with Steven to get control. 
What changed? I’ve talked in depth about it before… But here it is again: 
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Harrow started talking about killing children and then asked to speak to Marc. And Steven expects Marc to demand the body again. He expects Marc to fight him for it and to be loud and complaintive like he was with Layla or like he was in the car. Clearly he can tell Marc is there and he even sees Marc watching them and Marc is talking to him too. 
Yet the second child murder comes up and Harrow starts going after Marc, Steven watches Marc step back. Maybe he can sense there’s something there. Maybe he can sense that Marc needs him. 
Because suddenly Steven goes on the attack. The tables flip and Steven shows his true strength. He starts to reason and show that he is always thinking things through and always picking up the little things. 
In this one motion of protecting Marc, we see Marc calm down a little. This lets Marc take a minute to let Steven have his time. 
And when Steven gives Marc back control, we take another look at Marc from Layla’s eyes. 
She just watched who she thought was her husband having a break down and then become a different Moon Knight, solidifying that this was NOT her husband, but something ‘different’. 
But suddenly Marc is there before her and she can’t pretend that maybe she really did have the wrong guy. That maybe he’s a doppelganger and Marc is out there somewhere else. Because Marc is right there before her and he’s speechless.
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Yeah, that’s the look that lets him know that he fucked up. 
But here we are again, not looking at Marc. We see the man in the suit with powers and control and strength. 
And then he fails his mission. Not only is everything he’s been working on his whole life breaking down, but now the people he cares about are in danger and the whole reason he ran off was to keep this from happening. 
And Steven comes back and the audience gets a full view of not just how Steven sees Marc, but how Marc sees Marc. 
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And from here, we get the hand off. The audience is now taking Steven’s perceptions of Marc and stepping over to Marc’s views of himself.
In fact, in the next episode we see the struggle between Marc and Steven, but this time we only see Marc’s side of it. Before we saw Steven and blacked out with him. Now we see Marc and we black out with him. We know Marc is trying to get things done. We see him trying to do things right and Steven is the one getting in the way. 
We see a glimpse of Marc being vulnerable when he goes before the Ennad. We see that he’s a man barely in control of anything in his life. We find him broken and abused. He’s just an open wound but you don’t have the full picture. You wonder what it is about this man that tells us to trust him? 
We see him fail over and over again in everything he’s been doing since we first met him! 
If this was all we had, we would only see the picture of a frustrated, angry, and disaster of a man. 
So what keeps us from finding Marc as despicable as he sees himself? 
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She’s looking at him there with new eyes. She doesn’t know what’s going on with him, but now she knows that he’s hiding things and after all his running, she’s finally cornered him and she isn’t about to give up on him. 
Her persistence gives us the need to know who he is. Why does she love him so much after everything he did? She only knows part of this world and we are still going on this journey of discovery with her now. 
And through her, we start to see Marc’s pain. 
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And honestly, it’s this scene right here that is the biggest turning point in how we see Marc. 
She loves him and he loves her. You can see how much he loves her. With every fiber of his being he’s radiating such deep pain and longing as he still pushes her away and closes himself off. 
And she doesn’t push back. She’s in pain too. She wants to help him and love him. Perhaps in their relationship they had struggled with this before. Him coming back from a mission with Khonshu and being in pain and pushing her away when she tries to help. She’s fallen into a pattern of letting him pull away because she knows that if she pushes too hard, he shuts down so completely. 
And we go into the next scene with her letting him hold her at a distance. She’s angry at him and confused and hurt. 
We see him walling himself off and she can’t reach him. 
And then Steven starts to fight back again. He wants to help. He wants to prevent the violence he knows Marc can do. He wants to go home. We start to see Steven sticking up for himself, REALLY pushing back, and asserting himself. 
And this next scene is still my most favorite scene there is. The first time she really sees Steven and since we, the audience, are now following Layla, this is our first time seeing Steven from her point of view. And… I would argue that this is the first time that we really see him. 
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(I could fall in love with both of them over and over again with this scene)
And now we are seeing Steven new all over again. We see him standing up to take on the mission instead of trying to just run back home. We see him talking to Layla and showing off his knowledge and skills. We see her falling for him and he struggles to understand what she sees in Marc, but he’s happy to be with her. 
We trade off a bit when Marc and Steven continue to argue over the body. Their views of one another start to suffer again. Steven has found his strength and now he’s pushing Marc around a bit. He’s tired of being kept in the dark and pushed away. 
We even get to witness Layla’s strength and that she can kick ass on her own. 
And in that one scene with her and Harrow, we watch her perception of Marc shift and we follow her with new eyes. We see his guilt and regret but we see him not fight back. He is willing to throw it all away and admit to everything that she thinks of him if it means that he finally gets to keep her safe by pushing her away. 
Welcome to the Duat! Or, as I like to think of it: The place where Marc’s walls are ripped away and we get to see unfiltered and pure Marc Spector. (I’ve talked about this before too). 
And our perception as the audience is now playing tug of war. We follow Steven and we follow Marc on his desperate attempts to make Steven stop. He doesn’t want Steven to see him and he tries to prevent Steven, and us, from knowing him. 
The more we follow Marc, the more we see his absolute terror in letting himself be known. 
And at last… At long last…. Steven sees Marc for who he is for the first time. 
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Now, we are the audience, can see Marc. We know him. We’ve seen the real him and we know his story. 
And it’s Marc’s turn to let us see Steven. 
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Steven the protector. Steven the capable. Steven the mighty. 
And because we now know them, we can see Layla’s love. 
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And through them, we see her in her pain and strength. 
Her determination to carry on and finish the mission for them and get a little revenge too. Because as angry and hurt by Marc as she was, she still loves him so deeply. 
We’ve just watched a whole episode of Marc being hated and loathed and denied love and of Steven being lonely and without love, and now we open on Layla showing that love was always there waiting for them.
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Hey look! A call back! 
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Only this time, she’s right-side up! 
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And he isn’t curled up in a little ball! 
And this time, he runs to her, instead of standing at a distance. 
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The look on his face. Pure relief. Pure love. 
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The absolute desperation on her face. He’s there and the last argument they ever had isn’t the last word. 
And in this moment, we are seeing them all from the same viewpoint. We see Layla the hero, Steven the hero, and Marc the hero. All three of them with their own strengths and their own love. They know the pain of the other and they can see more than what was presented to them and us at the start. 
Oh… And a little bonus. 
The first time Layla saw Jake:
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We’ll just keep that one in mind for…you know… season 2…someday… someday… 
So after all that? After all that, the audience is taken back to the start to look at them all over again. To meet them. To hold these characters in their hands so gently. 
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They wake up together, confirming that they aren’t alone. We see two people here working together now. (though they are very sleepy). 
But They are still trapped. Two fish now, keeping one another company, but still stuck in the little tank. 
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At least they aren’t lonely anymore. And at least now they have love. 
But maybe… Maybe the ending scene wasn’t for them. They are happy in their little tank. They aren’t the man that is lonely in a world without love. 
What about the one that’s stuck outside of the tank? What about the one that is still very much alone….?
And now the audience gets the first time we see Jake: 
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We see him so small, framed in a little rectangular mirror watching and waiting. 
We don’t yet know his story. What we do know? 
His name is Jake Lockley and no one hurts his system. 
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leathermouthproxies · 2 months
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Me when I remember the whole reason I started writing my fic.
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agent-tempest · 4 months
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Art hest, baby! is sad for multiple reasons but one of the things that gets is how much time James and Regulus got to spend together. James was in him 20s(?) when he met Regulus and they got about an year or so together. What breaks my heart about "Time continued to pass. He never did fall in love again" is that James had so less time with Reggie but their love was so strong that it was enought for James to live throught a lifetime and more
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b4kuch1n · 3 months
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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medicinemane · 19 days
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Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain
#not that I have access to ultra hardcore stuff#but even when I had... pretty sure it was vicodine for my wisdom teeth; it didn't do a thing for me#cbd based stuff seems like it maybe helps; certainly does more than nsaids which do nothing for pain (great for inflammation though)#but I just... I'd really like something that actually makes my muscles and joints feel like... good; unpain#I'm sure it would be classified as addictive whatever it was but like... fuck man... I just want to not hurt#I can't tell if I have chronic pain cause... I kinda forget to pay attention when I'm hurting a lot of the time#I'll just... kinda realize I've been hurting bad all day and just not really focusing on it#and I also don't know how often it happens; if it's once a day or once a month or what; not great at noting that stuff down#but man... I don't even like most meds; so many meds either do nothing for me or make me feel like shit#like... benedril? however you spell it; someone gave me some once said it would help me sleep... help me be awake feeling like ass more lik#but like... love to see if muscle relaxants actually like... relaxed my muscles; but you get it; you get why I'll never be able to try it#though honestly I think therapeutic massage might help me a lot#but my doc says that really only gets authorized by physical therapy and... well for me physical therapy is useless#cause I forget to do the exercise; like it's me failing a physical therapy; not a probably with physical therapy#if I ever think I can keep up with it I'd love to try physical therapy for my back again; but I don't want to waste all my chances at it#not when... I descriptively didn't do it when I was in it before; I'd never remember to do any of the exercises#anyway; bonus story from when I was in urgent care when the infection came back (that's still never been solved)#I tell the doc 'last time it tore open a drainage hole it was the worst pain I've ever felt'... cause it was#I said 'I'll need something a bit stronger than an nsaid cause the nsaid did nothing but cut inflammation last time'#she's like 'don't worry; I got you'... wanna guess what she gave me? a newer nsaid#it didn't do shit; I was just lucky and it wasn't as painful... maybe the old drainage hole tore open easier this time#but I didn't even take the nsaid she prescribed; so I'm gonna say it wasn't that med helping#like I get it; you don't want to give opioids... and would it shock you to know that wasn't what I was looking for either#there's gotta be something between nsaid and fentynol man#...well... maybe the cdb has almost got my muscles... hurting less at least; only taken all this time I've been writing#they still hurt for sure... I don't know... get tired; you know?#mm tag so i can find things later
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toasteaa · 6 months
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This draft isn't even actually a draft, it's just me putting down my full thoughts FOR the draft. Why is it already 45 fucking pages long, I'm going to throw myself off a cliff
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hussyknee · 1 year
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If you've sent me an ask and I haven't responded, please know that I have seen it and it haunts my every waking hour. This will do nothing to actually make my hyperfocus-driven ass answer it. But know that you have been avenged.
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warrior-of-sunlight · 6 months
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I just fucking love it when someone has dogs that are too strong for them and one of them is dog aggressive and not wearing a muzzle. Just love it. And don't get angry when I need to physically kick your dog away after it bit both me and my dog, be happy my almost 40 kilo dog listened to me and did not bite back. Fucking hell.
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lucyshypemaster · 10 months
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the day kaiser vanishes after the NEL arc is the day I'll end my life, me thinks
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maryoliverdotcom · 1 year
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ok back to feeling insecure
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jaarijani · 8 months
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do any of you also have hyperfixation sleeper agents that you thought you were over but then something new happens and its full blown obsession again? Or is that just me
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byanyan · 1 month
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I really can't seem to hold it together for more than a couple days at a time, huh
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