#I'd rather not live
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#please just ignore my ranting but i literally want to fucking scream rn#like#my mom literally just told me if my brother got back with his ex she would essentially kick him out and no longer consider him family#like i get it she's a shitty fucking parasite who brings literally no good things to my brother's life#but for fucks sake#HE'S YOUR SON#YOU FUCKING BIRTHED HIM#will you throw out everything for one shitty fucking girl#i want to fucking die#i hate this fucking family#i wonder what it would take for me to do for her to kick me out as well#i cant even live by myself#i can't even leave#i have no money no job#I'd have to quit med school and find a low wage job and find a way to support myself#bc if she kicks out my brother i am not staying here#I refuse to#maybe I'd actually go and do it then#I'd have to throw my entire life away anyway#what's the difference#a life of fear and abuse and emotional manipulation or a life of having to quit on my dreams#I'd rather not live#who knows#i don't think i can ever look at my mom the same way#im scared of being here#how many messups will it take for me to be thrown out like garbage too
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so i'm not sure if i'm the only one who noticed effective immediately or not but
#the amazing digital circus#the amazing digital circus spoilers#tadc spoilers#perhaps. maybe#just in case tag#listen i'd rather be extremely super ultra careful than be super ultra careless#does it count? does it not? who knows? but it's better safe than sorry so. you're welcome citizens /silly#zeisty's vids i guess????#i'd tag more than that but my brain's doing a thing so i guess i won't#i'm only posting this now btw. because i was only thinking of doing that recently#but i did watch this episode premiere live as i've been able to and. well. i noticed right then and there on that day#i think if you look closely through the sea of fast messages on that day in the live chat you can see me going ''RAGGEDY ANDY?''
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It's mostly the fault of poor editorial practices that B&R is so heavily misaligned continuity-wise w/ the main batman book. But walk with me for a minute:
You are Damian Wayne. You are 14 years old and have had one of the worst years of your life last year. Which is saying a lot.
Your brother, one of the people you were closest to, got shot in the head and forgot who you were. Your best friend went to space for a week and came back 3/4 years older than you, taking away your previously established dynamic and leaving you to have to bond all over again w/ a new one. You may or may not have gone wayyy too far with your new superhero team, who now all hate you, because you fucked up big time*
And worst of all, when you do try to do the right thing, you end up forced to watch Alfred, a father figure to you, the only one at your birthday that year, the person who has been so patient, loving and trusting with you, even when you probably didnt deserve it...die. you watch him die, and feel it's all your fault.
And your dad never corrects you on that last point. So you run away.
First to your mom who can tell something's up with you, she knows you don't give up that easy, you decide not to stay with her because you remembered how actually, neither of your parents are good at communicating with you despite their best efforts, so now you're 14 and flying solo.
And you do fly solo. For a while. Make new friends, new enemies. You think you're better off for it. You've got your best friend and your brother back. They're not around as much. It's fine.
And eventually your dad tells you that it's not your fault that Alfred died. Bit late but it's appreciated. Really. There's a bit of a hiccup where you get possessed by a demon and wage war against your father but after that, all in all, you two are...together again.
You start to think maybe you want to give him another chance, for the two of you to be father and son.
And in a change of pace, it works out! It's going good, mostly. He insists you go to highschool, you resist, feel like he wants you to be something that you're not (wants you to be normal), but eventually you acquiesce for your own reasons. He cheers you on at soccer and nosies around at your fundraising events with the other parents and gives you a stern talking to about your choice of girlfriend. Because he cares.
Except all the while this is going on, your dad is currently having his brain slowly taken over by an evil version of himself that he created and every time you look away he's slowly tearing your family apart (your brothers are just barely keeping it together. The ones who didn't get lobotmized that is Jesus Christ). You keep taking his side in these conflicts, for whatever reason. Maybe because he promised it would be different this time, and it isn't** and you're going to stick with him until he keeps his word for once.
But at the end of the day?
It's like your brother says. You're not the one who saves him. Broadly speaking, you've made things worse and needed others to come save you. And what else is Robin really for? You thought it was about redemption and teamwork but guess you're wrong. It's about saving your self destructive, apparently two-faced and erratic father. And you can't even do that right.
* TT (2016) by Adam Glass is a racist ooc mess, but unfortunately it's still canon so I'm referencing here, though like a lot of works authors clearly wish weren't canon but are, it's been subsequently glossed over. Win? Maybe? Or not?
** again Zdarky's characterization of Damian is so outdated as to be ooc, and considering the way he constantly and explicitly uses it to illustrate Tim's strengths as robin, I'd argue there's. Also implications there. But the batshit insanity of the main batbook compared to B&R rn is crucial for this post, so I'm attempting to justify it. This time..
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#batman and robin#i know i already made an animatic of steph to tears over beers by modern baseball (you know the bit)#but this post has made me think of damian in this context. weeps#idk i read batman 138 for myself and the ways Zdarsky structures it to portray damian as inferior is just. AUGHH IT MAKES ME SICK#LEAVE MY BOY ALONE#the fact that josh williamson (not a perfect writer but i generally enjoy his stuff) had to single handedly save damian-#-after didio left the company and make him robin/a hero again#ONLY FOR THIS STILL TO BE HAPPENING THE MOMENT DAMIAN IS IN A NON JOSH WILLIAMSON BOOK#SICKENING#anyways. imagine if these titles connected and created a greater narrative besides building to event books. would be crazy huh?#that's not fair B&R is enjoyable in its own right and I'd rather have the main batman book touching less things to be frank#but still#if they ever do the theoretical tim/damian robins miniseries that lives in my brain maybe this could be discussed in some way#anyway <3
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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!
Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.
You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.
I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...
I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.
#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao#it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that#it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting#and im not doing it again#i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again#but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics#but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me#ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about#it's so hard for me not to complain about them#i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now#well i do the merch packages but like#it's mostly just my discord#just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon#cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous#so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help#anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end#and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that#like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that#its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else#anyways yeah#i havent finished writing the last arc yet#so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want#so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post#sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon#theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...
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Tbh if they're really gonna put off ever adding any of the mobs that lose I'd just rather they never hold a vote bcs it really sucks to keep hearing about all these cool ideas and know that they're just gonna scrap most of them. Knowing that they could have added Copper Golems and Mooblooms and Penguins and apparently aren't ever going to now just like....idk it's just a bummer! If they're never gonna add them then I just don't even want to know they could have been added in the first place :/
#okay this is the last thing I'm saying about this#bcs I really do love minecraft and they seem to be adding cool stuff#but this just...idk it just sucks every single time#and it clearly just exists to generate drama#I'd rather they focus on getting people to talk about the game by releasing cool updates#getting everyone to fight once a year just...idk it sucks and it's lazy and I dont like it#minecraft live#mob vote#stop the mob vote
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Morgana Pendragon the woman that u are......🧎
#when i doubt draw Morgana!!!!!#literally first time i drew anything in months#it's always her#her character does really live in my head rent free#also veilguard made me feel like I'd rather draw#can u believe it#💀💀#morgana pendragon#merlin bbc#morgana bbc#myaart#this one was quick so dont look too long okay!!!!!#click for more pixels 🏄#morgana le fay#bbc merlin#artists on tumblr
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#i stand by erwin having dad joke humour#i'd also argue that levi secretly likes/finds it funny#but would literally rather die than show it#cause he just knows hange would never let him live it down#aot#snk#aot memes#snk memes#aot veterans#hange zoë#levi ackerman#erwin smith
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nexus
#maaaaa jillians using the promare ost for post captions agaaaain#and if we dont survive!! i'd rather die!! than live a lie!!!#these are also unedited except to darken the red a bit. finally got to try out tower lighting#miles rem edgeworth#mypost
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Listening to Conan Gray and crying because burning down Netflix HQ is "frowned upon"
#WELL FIGHT OR FLIGHT I'D RATHER DIE THAN HAVE TO CRY IN FRONT OF YOU#FIGHT OR FLIGHT I'D RATHER LIE THAN TELL YOU I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU#MY EYES ARE WELLING UP AS YOU ADMIT THERE'S SOMEONE NEW#/lyr#ugh this will never not remind me of monty finch#forever robbed of a happy ending#fuck netflix bro#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#charles rowland#payneland#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detective netflix#monty finch#monty the crow#conan gray#renew dead boy detectives#save dead boy detectives#fuck netflix#netflix#not-the-living-ghost
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A very important gifset of Sebastian Stan.
#please don't add to gif hunts/claim as your own/edit without permission. thank you!#sebastian stan#sstanedit#sebstanedit#sebastianstanedit#we have always lived in this castle#whalitc#whalitcedit#charles blackwood#charlesblackwoodedit#yes one of these gifs is only 7frames#yes i still felt it was necessary#this is about me#fic writers i hope this gets to yall and you have fun#remember to cred my gifs thats all i ask besides that DO have fun#i don't know the context of this scene i dont want to know the context of this scene#i'd rather live without knowledge in regards to this#mine.#sad wet men
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Well Critters it's Bells Hells Live Show Day! That snuck up on us quickly didn't it? Felt almost like a few weeks ago that they announced it!
Alas, being across the pond (also tomorrow's Father's Day in the UK) I will have to wait for the VOD, sitting here with my usual Thursday night doses of anticipation, imagination and anxiety, but I hope all that are attending have a great night. So much can happen, so much stuff I want to happen too but ofc some things are long shots - anyone who looks at my feed can tell what I want to happen let's be honest, and there'll be dress up and whatever beyond extra entrance Sam has planned to make his anticipated and grandiose return.
So sing the intro loud, tag your live spoilers just in case, do creepy whispers if Laudna performs a Sending, tell them to stop it if they sneeze, and most of all enjoy the show!
#critical role#cr3#c3 spoilers#bells hells#campaign 3#bells hells live show#matthew mercer#marisha ray#laura bailey#travis willingham#ashley johnson#taliesin jaffe#robbie daymond#liam o'brien#sam riegel#imogen temult#laudna#chetney pock o'pea#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#dorian storm#orym of the air ashari#essek thelyss#there's still chances for guest stars too; old faces or someone trying to beat Oggy's record#wish I could've gone to Echoes of the Solstice but I was at wembley the week before for wrestling so I was short on cash and confidence#but yeah for all we know Sam will be carried to the stage or descend from the ceiling or transform his new PC from an FCG outfit#a lot of me feels like we're dealing with Dominox Pizza rather than Ludinus - even though sealing Dominox will help Ludinus#Ludie may be an ep.100 fight at this rate#betting lots are hoping for Aeor is for Lovers for Liam and Robbie but I'd like it for Tal and Ashley too - why not do both eh?#as an Ashton fan I also hope they get to shine - but all the Hells should get the floor to show off
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couple of mello + near doodles
#death note#mello#mihael keehl#near#nate river#meronia#bright colors#eyestrain#been having fun w colors recently :3#these are the product of me really really really not wanting to do some discussion boards#like i don’t even hate discussion boards but something about them has been filling me with dread i’d rather just do exams tbh#i'm like dragging myself through the rest of this semester but it's different from last semester last semester i was losing my mind#this semester i've been able to sleep more than 4 hours a night and go outside bc it's not freezing but also i'm just so fucking done#with school i've been here too long i'm tired but i'm always tired and will always be tired it's tragic honestly i think i'd be more cool#with school if i weren't living how i am rn w my family but eh i don't have the money to move out so it's whatever and it doesn't really#help that i know i'll have to get at least a master's to really do anything in my field and the though of doing more of this makes#me so tired i think i might take a gap year after i get my bachelors this fall idk#anyways enjoy my doodles or don't if you don't want to i'm not the boss of you
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actually hate thanksgiving so much worst day ever
#old tumblr#thanksgiving#whisper girl#girl blogger#sky ferreira#space girl#manic pixie dream girl#hell is a teenage girl#im just a girl#tumblr girls#girlhood#girl interrupted syndrome#girlblogging#just girly things#this is what makes us girls#this is a girlblog#2014 grunge#american horror story#fyp#spotfiy#coquette#effy stonem#living-dead-girlllll#evan peters#thanks giving#actually sad#sad thoughts#sailor moon#everything’s embarrassing#i'd rather wear flowers in my hair
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Archery Science Professor at the Vulcan Institute of Defensive Arts [Patreon | Commissions]
#someone in the tags of a post [I can't remember which or I'd have put it in the caption]#said Tuvok is like those male english/history teachers that you're convinced are gay until they drop the fact that they have a wife and kid#that's all I was thinking as I drew this HEHEHE#Professor Tuvok/Young Dad can have longer hair as a treat#his hair does not grow downward - he's using products clips and accessories#bea art tag#happy Tuvok Tuesday <3#Tuvok#st voy#st voyager#star trek voyager#apparently (memory beta) the institute is located in Xen'tal which is on the outskirts of Gol#and the institute is really more for ceremonial practice and honing discipline since Vulcans have cast away violence & most of what's taugh#doesn't do much good if your enemy has - say - a phaser#but anyway all this to say it's a very small one-horse type of town with nothing much to do and I think that makes a lot of sense for Tuvok#imagine you're Sek and you grow up in Xen'tal and then one day your dad's like guys we're going to space#It's fun to imagine Tuvok's oldest thinking of him primarily as a professor while his youngest thinks of him primarily as Starfleet#Tuvok's kids bored out of their mind trying to think of something to do while wandering around town <3#Good image!!#It's fun to think of your favorite characters' pre-canon lives!#I like how even though Tuvok decided to raise a family rather than work in the temple he still has monk tendencies#he's so ascetic <3
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If Laura Ingalls Wilder had written The Wizard of Oz.
Kansas would be portrayed as a wondrous, beautiful place at least as good as--or better than--Oz.
Dorothy would come from a very devoted loving household.
Her father would be in the house with her when the tornado hit and would be her guide and protector through all their adventures.
Dorothy would absolutely still have a devoted dog.
Dorothy would not go to the Wizard to ask for help. The "kill the Witch" requirement (or some other quest) would be presented early on as the condition she had to fulfill to earn her way home.
Instead of giving life and backstories to inanimate objects (like the land of the porcelain figurines), the people and creatures Dorothy would meet would provide explanations for things that happen in nature (like, explain where the colors of sunset come from).
#the wonderful wizard of oz#laura ingalls wilder#books#the fun thing about ideas coming to me when i'm busy#is that you get the thoughts filtered through four layers of association#this started out when it hit me that it was super weird#that baum made dorothy's most intrinsic goal to be getting home to kansas#but portrayed kansas as 'it's gray and depressing and they're dirt poor and her aunt and uncle tolerate her at best'#and i compared that to how wilder made kansas seem beautiful#(yes she was writing this from nostalgia in the thirties)#(rather than in the immediate aftermath of the '90s depression)#(but even when she was living through that '90s depression)#(she saw parts of kansas she thought were gorgeous)#and then it hit me that wilder also wrote fantasy#so here's the post#and it's making me realize how much more of a fairy tale tone wilder's work has in some ways compared to baum's#she wrote a much more romantic but still very american fairy tale#never thought i'd place those two authors in the same category but there it is
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Castoff chapter 11 pg 2 fanart
the original ↴
#not tumblr eating the quality....#one of these days I'll learn how to draw clothing folds#that day is not today#zera marcel#castoff#zera castoff#castoff zera#castoff comic#castoff webcomic#panel redraw#castoff fanart#anyways live love Zera#I just noticed his hand is too small but I'd rather live with the mistake than fix it#zera is not having a good time#micromeecropost
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