#I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY WITH THIS
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HEHEHEHE
AAA I MADE THIS FOR MYSELF HEHEHEEEE IT'S SO CUUUUUUTEEEEEEEE
if anyone else wants to print this out then go ahead, I'm perfectly fine with it
hyhjfytsrsryfhghctstsyf look at himb eepy boy hes so CUTE gdgsfshhkvjchxjgzfsr
#art#artwork#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc fanart#digital art#ibispaint art#tadc jax#body pillow#HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO CUTE#I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY WITH THIS
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They're like a packet of fruit snack gummies
#trafficblr#mumbo jumbo#life series#grian#goodtimeswithscar#solidaritygaming#smallishbeans#smajor1995#impulsesv#skizzleman#tangotek#ethoslab#bdoubleo100#zombiecleo#inthelittlewood#rendog#bigbst4tz2#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#yknow i made this for personal use on some later projects but people seem to like my goofy doodle esque style#i apologize to gem and fans of gem because i have done her so dirty here...i didn't know what i wanted with her design...#it's kinda cute? but there's stuff lacking man...#otherwise i'm fairly happy with these#bug eyed freaks /pos#my art#ldshadowlady#<- shameful add on...ty to that one commenter who pointed out that i forgot to tag lizzie 😭
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i was REALLY surprised i hadnt seen anyone animate over anything from the prevenge script reading yet, so i took matters into my own hands. i thought this bit was hilarious
audio from here
#transformers#maccadam#tailgate#ultra magnus#mtmte#lip syncing is actually a lot more fun than i expected#but tailgate's mask probably saved me like eight hours lmao#speaking of him i'm REALLY happy with how expressive he ended up being#i really didn't expect that kind of deformation to mesh well with the... uh... mesh.#so i was pleasantly surprised when it turned out as great as it did#mags' model was hard to figure out because he is SO FREAKING INCONSISTENT IN THE COMICS#but that also meant i got to cherry pick the features i liked best/that were simplest to model so... still a win#tailgate's blissfully consistent tho. his hood thing gave me a lot of trouble but i managed#this is my first time working with a lot of geometric shapes so i ran into a lot of road blocks but i did it!! yay!!
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the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh
#lucanis is being SO cringe with that line right out there in public and I would die for him. it's just such a weird thing to say#tbf if anyone in the world is used to the insane things lucanis says and would go 'yes yes lucanis waxing poetic about coffee#in ways normal people reserve for trying to get in someone's pants (the roast won't fuck you lucanis)#we've all heard it' like it's all normal I suppose it would be illario. and also he's too busy with the 'shit fuck shit he's not dead#he's not dead of the family members 'supposed' to be dead we're at two definite failures out of two and woe me if the twain should meet#if that IS a demon in there it sure talks exactly in the same bizarre way only my cousin does#does that mean anything what the fuck do I do who do I kill about this' internal monologue I guess#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean he does very much say that to a non-romancing rook too which only makes it all the more delightfully odd#is it a very lucaniscore way of testing the waters. is it just how he always talks about coffee. many plausible approaches here#no one forced him to bring up kisses and 'you should try it' out of the blue like that is all I'm saying. he could have acted normal#(theoretically)#i feel there are reasons to read some stuff into it lol#lucanis when rye says he prefers tea: it's so over cautious overture I don't quite understand myself yet gently rebuffed#lucanis when rye takes him up on the 'so what should a first kiss be' theme: oh we're so back!!!! wait. what. what do I do now#what is this#it's kind of really sweet that rook answers with their own playfully florid beverage based barely hidden metaphor at the end too#matching freaks and having fun with it#as far as lucanis is concerned rye's only true flaws are 1) prefers tea to coffee (oh well. no one can be perfect. cross-cultural love#can conquer all even in this) and 2) weird taste in interior design (did we really HAVE to bring your 15 foot tall corpse statues#with us home rook. I can understand a tasteful skull here and there but this seems excessive. well if it makes you happy I guess)
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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ah............ a.......... ha........... who is this... beautiful beloved....... handsome........ wow............ aki
#wowoowowowowow#I FORGOT IT WAS CHAINSAW MAN STAGE#I THOUGHT IT WAS NEXT WEEK FOR SOME REASON??!!!!#the trailer looked so amazing!!!#the new art style is super cute and nice#everything looked so awesome#and..... aki...#I wasn't expecting a trailer to be honest#I'm still freaking out lol#I had such a bad day but now I feel so much better 😭#omg..... missed him very much#I'm so happy the movie is real!!#the little sweat on his face...#SO BEAUTIFUL SO BEAUTIFUL!!! '
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i would like u to know that ur young stan pines art gave me such insane gender envy that it finally cracked my transmasc egg. thx
do it. become him.
#i'm happy to be of service#my goal is to make everyone an androgynous freak#so i see this as a step forward#gravity falls#stan pines#stanley pines#myart
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I'VE ALREADY SEEN THIS MOVIE 3 TIMES AND CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD
#as a musical fan#I'm very happy the whole team managed to nail down the story 🥹🥹#THE SOUNDTRACK HAS BEEN ON NON-STOP#CYNTHIA'S VOICE IS HEAVEN#OH IT'S SO FREAKING GOOD I WAS VIBRATING EVERY TIME I LEFT THE CINEMA#wicked#wicked movie#elphaba thropp#galinda upland#fiyero tigelaar#wicked elphaba#wicked glinda#wicked fiyero
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THEY ARE SO INSUFFERABLE AND HORRIFIC AND AWFUL BUT SO AMAZING AND DORKY AND THIS PART IS SO UNFAIRLY FUNNY AND CUTE AND WHOLESOME-- PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE MORE SCREENTIME IN S2. PLEASE LET THEM TAKE OVER THE SHOW. I KNOW THEY'RE HORRIBLE PEOPLE BUT I NEED MORE OF THE VEES.
And the most important scene of them all (to me):
First of all, how is Vox doing that. Second, you just know that these two douchebags are going to bang so hard with Alastor getting his ass kicked replaying in the background after this. I hate them so much.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin hotel valentino#hazbin hotel velvette#hazbin hotel vees#voxval#staticmoth#all their scenes in this episode were so freaking good holy shit#all their scenes in show are great actually#like-- oh my god#they are so much fun to have around#vox was literally me the entire time (minus the alastor hating)#and their evil little happy celebrating at the end was so cute it's unreal#i wanted the vees to sing together at some point and i'm so happy it was delivered vox and val sound fantastic together#and that sneaky staticmoth kiss at the end YES YES YES YEEESS#i love everyone in this show (except adam) but the vees are just built different#with adam dead can they please appear more? please? i need more of these disgusting assholes committing disgusting crimes and gay wrongs#''the future of hell belongs to the vees'' is a sentiment i can and will get behind please take over#i just finished the season finale and it gave me the dopamine rush i really needed today i'm so happy AAHHHHHH#i can't stop rewatching this scene someone please help me i can't escape their clutches i've been here for hours please#ok i'm clogging these tags so i'm stopping here but AAGHHHBKFGXGGGBB#anyways good night
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A Very Vampiric Dinner Date, Part 3/3
Previous / Next
Featuring Artemisia and Kaspar by @pocketgnome!
With special appearances by Gunther Munch and Judith Ward (thank you to @its-opheliasgarden for that particularly inspired suggestion)!
Lilith: Come along. Oops, wrong room! Apologies!
Helena: Hey, wasn’t that-
Lilith: Multiple Starlight Accolade Award winner Judith Ward? She’s a regular, actually. Poor dear’s convinced weekly plasma infusions are an anti-aging breakthrough. She’ll do anything to get her fix.
-
Lilith: [to Gunther] Now, let's get you out of that hideous sweater vest. [to Helena] Your turn.
Helena: Sorry if this hurts.
Lilith: Trust me. This one likes it when it hurts.
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 story#sims 4 story#story: hzid#lilith vatore#helena zhao#me zooming in on those hands 🔎🧐#the response to this sequence has been so overwhelmingly positive and i can't even put into words how much that means#i hope this is a satisfying conclusion for everyone!#ngl i feel like i started to run out of steam and had to resign myself to not making every pose myself like an absolute freak#but i'm still very happy with how it came out#blood tw
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'So My Darling'
A/n: I haven't finished my other wip's yet, so in the meantime, I decided to write this rq. Enjoy! 🐢
Warnings(?): none!
Hiccup x !fem reader!
-You realize the feelings you have for Hiccup aren't what a normal 'best friend' should have.
The day was coming to a close, the sun delicately edging the clouds in an orange tint, with a faint pink glow making itself visible amongst the remaining bright colors. You loved sunsets, to say the least; the sight brought a small sense of comfort to your mind whenever endless thoughts seemed to pour in, which was partly happening to you already.
There wasn't much of an opportunity for him to go far anymore, but your search for the past twenty minutes could've attested otherwise. Thinking you had used up all of your chances for finding him, your hopes were quickly revived as you finally spotted him a bit of a distance away, sitting comfortably on the edge of a nearby cliff side. You heaved a light sigh of relief, signaling for your dragon to land on the same area.
The very second your feet touched the ground, you spoke loud enough for him to hear: "And what do you think you're up to, Chief?" You suppressed a grin when his head turned to get a better view of your approaching form, a ghost of a smile tugging on his own lips.
"Oh, nothing.." Hiccup shrugged, "Just thought I should try a new...hideout. I'll give it to you, though, you found me in the same day I came here..!" An amused glint sparkled in his eyes, emerald iris's following you as you went to sit down next to him with a dramatic sigh. Toothless was off playing with your dragon as soon as you both arrived, the tree branch they suddenly found being the very thing that kept them entertained as they were engrossed in tug of war.
"Yeah...I think twenty minutes is a bit too long for me to discover your hideout.." You muttered, Hiccup still being able to hear every word you said above the passing breeze.
"Well, it's nice to know I'm on your mind that much." He said, sarcasm practically dripping off his voice. His words would be something he regretted, however, when you abruptly jabbed his side with your finger from where you sat. "Okay, okay, I take it back!" He raised his hands in surrender as you silently threatened to do it again, nodding in satisfaction when he admitted defeat.
"What a shame...you keep talking like that and you might be here all by yourself again.." You examined your nails as they suddenly became of more 'importance', using all the strength you had left in you not to smirk at the dramatic gasp Hiccup did.
"Oh, so it's like that now?" He straightened his posture from where he sat, his gaze not yet removing itself from you.
"Hey, you started it with your sassy attitude the moment I came up here." You shrugged.
Deciding to return the same jab you did, although it was much lighter than yours probably was, the Chief poked your shoulder, "Me? Sassy? You're the one who's been staring at your hands this whole time and not even looking at me once."
No longer hiding the playful smile that traced your lips, you spoke in a nonchalant manner: "Correction; it was my nails. Not my hand...sort of."
Hiccup faintly rolled his eyes, still pointedly keeping his fixed gaze on you, who was still not returning it. "Will you at least look at me, then..?" His voice was slightly softer than before, the action briefly taking you aback. Since you were known to give in easily when it came to him, you sedately started off with a glance in his direction before fully turning towards him.
"It's nice to know you want to look at me that much." You said, ignoring the exiguous warmth that dusted over your face. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to smile when you noticed his own lips pull upward in fulfillment.
"There. That wasn't so hard, now was it?" He spoke gently, although a hint of amusement was clearly heard by you when he noticed his own words were repeated.
You, who were so observant of Hiccup. You, who were one of the closest people he claimed to have by his side. People often assumed that the relationship you both had was one of a sibling dynamic; it was starting to rub off on you in the wrong way. Growing up on Berk, your attention would somehow always land back on the skinny teenager who tried to prove himself - over and over again. Despite that, you took it upon yourself to really know him, to know who Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the third was. You hadn't expected to get this close with him, though.
If anything, he was the first person you had gotten into a genuine friendship with. There were others your age that you would spend time with, but it was different when Stoick's son came to be around you. You witnessed his bravery, his courage, his selflessness, and his determination when he discovered Toothless. It was always there, but it seemed to be stifled out by the whole village with every attempt he gave to show it. You, however, saw all of those traits - especially when you watched him defend his tribe that always looked down on him. He lost part of his leg because of it.
You were the only other person who knew about Toothless in the beginning, mostly because you found him trying to track the Night Fury when he shot him down, and he had no other choice but to practically beg you to keep the dragon a secret. You were reluctant, not knowing what the outcome might be, but you agreed nonetheless. You became more glad with each passing day that you did; it allowed the opportunity for your friendship to grow, to blossom and sprout into what it was now. However, one burning question still remained in your mind concerning that: what was your guy's relationship?
The immediate answer would be close friends, siblings that aren't blood related, two peas in a pod, everything a friendship should be.
Was that what you wanted?
You witnessed his sarcasm, his caring side, his good-natured heart, his tenacity, and certainly his stubbornness. He was complex, more than meets the eye, and yet he was also very simple to read when inspected close enough. He was like his map; there was always something more to look at when it came to him. He expanded on those traits of his as he matured into an adult, carrying the burden of his father as he became the Chief of Berk. He always reminded you that he was thankful to have you with him through it all, and you were as well, but something in you longed to be recognized as more than a best friend.
You didn't understand why, when, or how it started; that feeling which would always pick at the back of your mind. It grew with you as you left your teenage years, leaving you clueless as to what you were going to do for it.
"Actually, it was a bit hard...considering how you were acting." You muttered, sarcasm coating each word.
Hiccup lightly shook his head, briefly rolling his eyes as he shifted more comfortably in his spot next to you. "Okay, okay, enough of both of our attitudes.." He looked out at the sky around him, the mixing colors of orange and pink creating an ethereal sight while he talked lightheartedly. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of having you come here?"
Now it was your turn to roll your eyes as you kept a subtle gaze in his direction. "No need to sound so weird about it.." Your hand almost reached out for his, but you forcefully told yourself not to carry out those actions with a faint sigh. "I only wanted to...see what you were doing is all."
Hiccup's attention flickered over to your hands that had now started fidgeting, a gentle wind greeting the two of you from where you sat. "Hm. I can tell something is on your mind, y'know... Are you sure that's it?"
You took a deep breath in, relishing in the weather that seemed to be just right; it wasn't too cold like it usually was, but there was enough warmth to make it pleasant enough to stay outside for a longer period of time. Similarly, you often reminded yourself to be that way towards him; you wouldn't allow yourself to be too close with him in that manner, as the cold was barely noticeable, leaving a clement touch to those encompassed by it. However, there was also the warmth. The warmth that provided the comforting embrace of amiability, a distant affection that was still noticeable from afar. The heat balanced out the frigid air.
Nonetheless, the main question still stood: would he let you in? Would he let you in the unspoken of area in his heart that would've made you more than a best friend? The thought always came with a certain emotion of fear; fear that your friendship will collapse into mere dust if you barely mentioned what you truly felt.
"...Trust me, it's nothing important." You mumble, trying to sound as if nothing were bothering you. What came next was a little unexpected, though.
Hiccup slowly moved closer to your hand, gently setting his own on top of it as he tenderly gazed at you. "I don't think that's entirely what you mean..but I won't force you to say anything..." He paused, glimpsing at his hand as it soothingly held yours. "...Let me know when you're ready, okay?"
The Chief: so full of compassion and empathy; dynamic and firm when he needs to be, one who leads the people with courage. He was staunch, persevering, and everything else a leader needed to be. Oftentimes, he didn't even see that in himself, the very flaw he couldn't seem to get rid of. You wanted to remind him, despite if you already did, that he is those things. He is brave, he is strong, and he will continue to become a great Chief for Berk. In that moment, you earnestly wanted to be the one to tell him that, to be by his side when he thinks he can't do it, and to be the one he could find solace in.
To be recognized as more than a best friend.
"...Yeah, I will. Don't worry.."
Much to your surprise, Hiccup didn't let go of your hand, only giving you a small smile before he started rambling on of all the duties he was now getting used to. He may not have known, but you silently acknowledged that you really did have feelings for him, ones that probably wouldn't be going away for a while.
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#httyd#how to train your dragon#hiccup haddock#hiccup how to train your dragon#hiccup httyd#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#httyd hiccup#how to train you dragon: the hidden world#hiccup x reader#httyd fanfiction#OH MY GOODNESS I AM FREAKING OUT I AM SO HAPPY I FINALLY FINISHED SOMETHING AGHHHHHHAYYAYAYAAA#This came out a little late but it was still done much quicker than my other works I'm writing rn
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Scenes from The Baby Wars Part One: The First One
[Hibrides never wanted to be a mother (though the concept of childbearing has always occurred to her as 'inevitable and necessary'), underwent very severe post-partum depression, never really bonded with the infant, and was extremely uncomfortable with nursing her (they had a wet nurse who covered most of it).
Brakul ended up being the Designated Housewife throughout Erubi's infancy and was effectively the only member of the household providing parental care, was Extremely bitter with Hibrides for not really wanting anything to do with her daughter (among other things), and was raised in a context where fathers allowing their infants to comfort nurse on them is a standard practice (which is not widely conceptualized as a Thing men can do in the Wardi cultural sphere and comes off as bizarre to the rest of his household).
These combined factors lead to tense standoffs where he looms behind Hibrides trying to guilt her into Feeding The GodDamn Baby while looking, from her perspective, like he's trying his absolute hardest to breastfeed.]
#(Not treating men comfort nursing as a joke here btw I think it's fucking absurd that people get freaked out about it#Completely normal thing to do. Not weird or gross.)#Hibrides bonded with both of her children more when they got older and started walking and talking and being unavoidable but#she's never felt like a mother ''''should'''' and feels a heavy background layer of Gnawing Guilt about it#She was very close with her own mother (who had a pretty good marriage) so a lot of the advice she got was like#that these things take time and patience and a lot of pain but Someday she'll settle in and be happy with her husband and kids and etc#And now she's like 'well I no longer feel like I'm going to fucking hurl with terror when I notice my features in my daughter's faces.#And my husband and I sometimes go on hunting trips alone where we verbally abuse each other in ways that Almost come#full circle into being friendly banter. Is this it. Is this how it's supposed to be. Have I Fucking Made it.'
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Sauron, Galadriel, & Tolkien's Theology of Repentance - Part One
Summary: Character meta analysis on Sauron (and Galadriel, through the lens of Sauron). Based on both Silmarillion & RoP canon. 3.5k words. Discussion of Catholic theology involved. Blanket TW for discussion of violence, manipulation, etc., because Sauron. Spoilers for S1 & S2 and the Silmarillion, of course. The tragedy of Sauron is that he gets offered so many legitimate chances at redemption and forgiveness, and he denies them every single time. But we know he wants absolution, because that’s what he sees Galadriel as: his chance to bind himself back to the light, to be Mairon again, to heal the pain that he caused and that was caused to him under Morgoth. But because he has such a warped view of himself and his actions, he dismisses genuine extensions of compassion, forgiveness, and care as simultaneously beneath him and too good for him. And yet, he still pursues redemption, but through none of the channels offered to him.
In The Rings of Power, he’s given the explicit instruction to change for the good in the village after he’s reborn. He’s given the chance leave his past behind and work meaningfully in Númenor. He’s given the chance to redeem himself by Galadriel's offer of friendship (or love, depending on your interpretation). In the Silmarillion, he's even given the chance by Eönwë himself, and comes close to leaving Morgoth behind completely!
Let's look at this passage from Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age (emphasis mine):
When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not in the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.
This passage is clear that Eönwë is willing to pardon Sauron--he simply did not posses the power to do so. But when Sauron was told he must appeal directly Manwë, he gave up entirely and skulked back to Middle-earth. There are a few ways to read this:
1. He was not wholly repentant
Sauron simply wanted the protection of a new master in the absence of Melkor. i.e., he was rather fickle and simply wanted to be on whatever the "winning" side was. This is supported by the text literally saying that at least some of his obeisance was completely false, and that he only made a point of feeling bad about anything once his master had been chucked into the Void and his armies and strongholds were being destroyed (Thangorodrim). In this reading, perhaps Eönwë saw Sauron's treachery and referred him to Manwë knowing that it would be a test of his true intent. However, while a valid interpretation, I believe this to be the less holistic of the two.
2. He was truly repentant
Sauron did truly feel badly and "abjured all his evil deeds," but he was unwilling/unable to humble himself after being so fundamentally broken by Melkor and developing an insatiable power lust (hey, he isn't defined in the narrative by lust and pride for nothing).
Earlier in this same chapter, Tolkien wrote that Sauron could "...deceive all but the most wary." This is in the specific context of his physical shapeshifting. But, I would argue that this can also be tied to his lies. Tolkien has a specific ethic of beauty, where physical perfection is equated with moral goodness. Sauron completely inverts what is otherwise a hard and fast rule within Tolkien's writings by being the character most frequently described as "fair"--seven times to Lúthien's six, and she was the most beautiful woman to have ever lived!
(Side note: I have another post on Tolkien & beauty in the works where I'll get more into this idea)
Why does this matter? Even though this interaction with Eönwë takes place in the First Age, Sauron could at this point be in the demonic form Mirdania describes in the forge. And, I am inclined to believe that Eönwë, as the head Maiar and herald of Manwë, would be a pretty wary guy, and thus able to sense any of Sauron's trickery. I read this to mean that Eönwë looked at Sauron and saw his potential to be Mairon again, either in absence of his evil form or in spite of it.
Because Sauron is incredibly beautiful. And even if it is a disguise of the true, depreciated form of his spiritual essence, he presented himself to Eönwë at his most beautiful. He wanted, even in his act of repentance, to make himself more favorable in Eönwë's eyes. To show up as Mairon (who was likely close friends with Eönwë before everything went down, since they are considered to be two of the most powerful Maia and would have worked closely together).
But I don't think this was all manipulation on Sauron's end. I agree with the scholars mentioned in the text who believed that Sauron was truly repentant--which is why Eönwë even bothered referring him to Manwë instead of kicking him into the Void with Melkor.
And this is the tragedy: Sauron is told exactly how to repent, and believes fundamentally that it is an impossible path for him. And yet, he still longs so intrinsically for it! He was, under Aulë, a Maia of precision, perfection, and order. Under Morgoth, he feels disordered, dis-regulated. He needs to correct the fundamental imbalance within him, so why does he flee Eönwë?
It comes back to Sauron's pride.
If he follows through with this path of reconciliation, there is no way he can hide or pretend his actions away. If he cannot trick his fellow Maiar, he certainly cannot trick the Valar. And he cannot stand the idea of submitting himself back under their rule, especially now that he has tasted power. This is a pride wound; it is why the idea of confessing to Manwë would be humiliating to him as opposed to just upsetting/uncomfortable.
Again, the pivotal moment: he is told how to make amends for crimes and determines that he cannot do it. So he returns to Middle-earth and stews in his own self-hated and self-pity for a few years. In that time, he consciously or subconsciously latches onto Eönwë's offer--forgiveness from penance. It is the way forward. And if he cannot earn penance at Manwë's hand, he will do it on his own.
The Prodigal Son
This is where we have to talk about the Catholic roots of Tolkien's work for a moment. The scene where Sauron approaches Eönwë mirrors the biblical parable of the prodigal son. In this story, a man abandons his family, spends all his money, and falls into ruin. But when he recognizes his failings and returns to his father to get help, he is welcomed back into the family without question--in other words, he is forgiven and restored to his former position.
17 But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:11-32, NRSV CE (emphasis mine)
The parallel is clear; Mairon, the repentant Maia, returns home with hopes of reconciliation. He is prescribed the same task that the prodigal son offered to his father: he must be bound in servitude to his father/creator in order to pay off his debts. This is a deliberate allusion from Tolkien. The story of the prodigal son models the path of reconciliation that Eönwë describes. Tolkien seems to be drawing a line in the sand with this: Sauron is unwilling to do the work required by the Valar for repentance, so he is unable to receive the grace of a warm welcome back into the fold of the Ainur. Since he did not humble himself, he has to be told to do it. And he does not want to! He wants to be loved, but he also wants his power--evidence, in a way, of how his character was fundamentally altered in his time with Morgoth.
His pride--and his fear--cut him off from the potential of grace. He does not know for certain that Manwë would subject him to servitude (though I would argue that it's textually evident that it is a custom), but this assumption leads him to flee, which allows him to slip back into his old ways.
He wants to be Mairon (admirable) again, not Sauron (abhorrent). He wants to be accepted and loved, but not punished. He wants the benefits of reconciliation without the work he would have to do to earn it or the shame he would feel as he did. It's pride, but it's also deep shame--the flip side of his extreme ego is an implicit self-hatred, one that we can see in the subtext of how he speaks about himself and about his time with Morgoth.
Even the language Tolkien uses is heavily shame-coded, especially in a Catholic context; Mairon did not go willingly, he was "seduced." He admits to Celebrimbor that he was "tortured by a god". It becomes exceedingly clear through both text and on-screen canon that Sauron was routinely broken and abused for centuries. This has fundamentally damaged his self-perception, which is ultimately what leads him to "[fall] back into evil"--whether due to pride or shame, he hides, perhaps because he consciously or subconsciously does not believe that he deserves forgiveness, no matter how much he craves it.
Naked in the Garden
His flight back to Middle-earth after meeting Eönwë is reminiscent of another biblical scene, where Adam and Eve, after committing the first sin, hide from God in shame and fear (emphasis mine):
7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...9 But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” -Genesis 7-10, NRSV CE
The image of nakedness is, here, one of vulnerability, and Tolkien establishes that Sauron fears that which he cannot control. He needs the Rings under his power. He needs his armies and his enemies under his watchful eye. He is petrified of letting his power slip away (possibly due to never wanting to feel powerless in the hands of a Vala, fallen or not, again).
The biblical allusion here hearkens back to the fear Tolkien describes Sauron as feeling regarding his return to the Ainur. In the religious system Tolkien has established, which is likely inspired by his own religious beliefs, Sauron has sinned, and must make penance. But he is afraid of God/Manwë, and does not want to "let go" of his sin. In other words, he is not truly repentant. This reflects the Catholic sacrament of confession, which requires self-reflection and resolve to never commit the sin again.
Instead of shame driving him to contrition, it drives him to isolation.
But he still wants forgiveness. So, in his years of hiding in Middle-earth, he decides to earn it himself. His own way.
Enter the Rings.
Sauron wants to perfect the wrong he wreaked so that he can both earn his way back into the Ainur and keep his power. But what he does not realize is that this does not work. Eönwë is clear that he must forsake his true temptation--absolute power--through penance by submission. Yet Sauron in his pride thinks he can have it all. Sauron is a very carefully controlled villain, and the only times he snaps or makes significant mistakes are when his inflated self-perception is challenged, revealing the self-loathing and/or self-pity underneath. The best example of this is when he kills Celebrimbor prematurely, and cries afterwards. Why? Because Celebrimbor was right about him, and he hates it. He hates knowing that he is nothing more than the Morgoth's shadow, because Morgoth was his master as much as he was his tormentor. As Sauron puts it, his relationship with Morgoth was often defined by pain as a test to see "whose will was the mightier":
This image carries more shame, both in its implicit sexual connotations and in the simple power dynamic of it. Sauron, even though misguided, is rallying against Morgoth. He wants to break what Morgoth has created and build something new, something better, something apart from his old master entirely. But Celebrimbor confronts him with reality: he has not created something new, and perfect, and special, as he so wanted to--he can only act in imitation, not in generation. And when he got close with the Rings, it cost him everything. It's almost like he wants the power of a Vala, and loathes that he cannot attain it.
And this is why he becomes so singularly obsessed with Galadriel.
She’s his foil. They both crave power and adoration, but in the end of things, she does not fold under his temptation. She turns down everything she has ever wanted for the greater good and for the sake of her own soul. Sauron looks at Galadriel and perceives that she would have succeeded at Eönwë's test because she is willing and able to humble herself. This maddens him to the point of both desiring her and desiring to break her.
She learns that she is easily tempted and becomes strong enough to handle it (through a lot of tough love from Elrond & co.). She has to learn how to do it, but she is able to.
She grows from someone who resisted and rejected authority to someone who is trusted as an authority because of her ability to wield it wisely (see: Gil-galad allowing her to answer for him in 2x08).
In other words, she earns the trust, love, and support of her community. Sauron has to force his to comply—it is an illusion of love.
His possessive obsession with her also stems from her fairness. She was the object of her uncle Fëanor's obsessive desire for creation as well. Her hair was the inspiration of the Silmarils (see: The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; The Shibboleth of Fëanor - source with page #s here), which Morgoth desired more than anything to possess.
Sauron, wanting to spite his master, wants one better--to own that which inspired the Silmarils, to own the image of fairness (and thus of moral good) completely. This is why he wants to bind himself to her. This is why he needs her. He sees Galadriel as his mechanism of repentance, and his last triumph over Morgoth. Winning her is his salvation as much as it is proving that his will is the mightier. It is his way of dominating Morgoth. This starts, I think, as a genuine effort at proving himself to the Valar, but quickly consumes him entirely. He is overcome with the desire for revenge, just as Galadriel was at the beginning of the First Age.
And he sees this in her. Sees their similarities. Sees that she, too, is angry and lonely and so afraid of losing her power. And he leverages that to befriend her. This is where it gets ambiguous and you can read RoP as either painting the image of Sauron being earnest but completely misguided in his proposal, or you can see it as him being entirely manipulative.
I think the truth of that scene probably falls somewhere in the middle; just like when he presents himself to Eönwë, he is sincere in his desire, but only knows how to present it in an inherently contriving way. He does want to bind her to him, so he tries to only reveal to her the good aspect of that desire (and also of his desire for power, which he allows her to see because he believes that it is good and also because she understands it), and not the ugly underside of his internal struggle against Morgoth, the Valar, and himself.
And I do think, in his own way, he cared about her. Galadriel consistently shows kindness and compassion to him. In S1, they grow to know each other's minds and souls, and she considers him a close friend. He finds comfort in this, that someone could see the blackness of his heart and care for him anyway. He thought, in his isolation, that he lost that chance when he fled back to Middle-earth. And here is the very picture of the light itself telling him that she supports him, that she sees the good in him, that she wants to help him set the world to rights! Of course he is infatuated by this. Of course he also wants to use it. He is Sauron.
But Galadriel succeeds where he fails, so he stops playing nice and tries to forcibly drag her down with him. First, by baiting her with the image of the man she cared deeply for:
Then, by reminding her of all she is losing by rejecting him:
And she is still strong enough to say no. And not just to say no, but to shut the door completely. To look in the face of everything she has desired for centuries and turn it down, understanding that it will ruin her. Yes, she hesitates. Yes, she still wants it (wants him). But she wins the day by holding fast to the light that Sauron wishes so badly to bind himself to.
Because she has lost everything--her brother, her husband, the station as commander, the trust of her high king and best friend--and earns it back only through her resistance of her greatest temptation. It is a struggle, it is painful, it nearly kills her--but she does it. She wins the test that Sauron could not even bear to face.
In their headlong, self-sacrificial tendencies, they are the same. Both view themselves as fundamentally stronger/better than their peers while also being deeply lonely due to their self-imposed isolation (Galadriel's laser-focused hunt for revenge, Sauron's exile in Middle-earth). But to Galadriel, the light is more important than her pride.
For Sauron, the light is his source of pride. He desires it more than anything, but condemns himself to never being able to touch it due to his rejection of Eönwë's offer. Paradoxically, he tries to grasp at it through Galadriel, the living silmaril, and succeeds only in darkening her. We learn from Gil-galad in 2x08 that his crown piercing her flesh in an act of brutal domination nearly strips her soul from her and pitches it into the unseen world. In this, Sauron is saying: If I cannot have you, I will force you to need me. I will break you into loving me.
He says this to Celebrimbor as well. He no longer knows how to love properly. He only knows how to inflict pain until this object of his obessive desire needs him--just like how his immortal spirit was broken into submission by Morgoth. And isn't this revealing of his own sense of self? He refuses to suffer the path of light, but willingly suffers the maddening path of darkness because it is a comfortable, familiar suffering. One, he tells Celebrimbor, he even grew to enjoy (2x08). As the path of the Rings drive him madder and madder, his desire for the light (Galadriel) and the return of his power (Celebrimbor) become further disordered and corrupted until they culminate in him destroying them--and his chance at earning/owning them--entirely.
And this is Sauron's ultimate point of no return (which we will hopefully see in S3 🤞). The razing of Eregion and slaying of Celebrimbor were acts of petty rage he committed when his pride was injured. This was the final nail in the coffin. Galadriel, in her rejection of him, ruins what he sees as his true chance for redemption.
Galadriel, now stepping into the role of Eönwë, re-opens the invitation: "Heal yourself!" (2x08). But in rage and shame and stubborn pride, he turns it down again. I believe this is where his desire to heal Middle-earth shifts fundamentally into desire to dominate Middle-earth. He always wanted to rule, but now he wants to own.
#fae speaks#I spent hours pouring thru the Silm and RoP for this so if you enjoyed please let me know I'd love love love to talk about it more <33#sauron is my favorite freak in all of tolkien's lore rn I want to study him like a bug#btw this is saurondriel (and even silvergifting? if u squint) positive but with loads of nuance. i see haladriel as love and saurondriel as#possession. both are fun in fiction of course but I want to acknowledge how deeply messed up the dynamic is#but also! it's fiction! do whatever you want with it! if you want saurondriel to get a happy ending then do it <3#and send me the fic so i can read it because i'm team half-maia celebrian hehe#also if there are any glaring gaps in my knowledge of the silm pls lemme know it's been a minute since i've read it all the way through#part two will be on beauty and evil in tolkien's cosmology :)#tolkien#the silmarillion#the rings of power#rings of power#trop#rop#sauron#halbrand#annatar#galadriel#sauron x galadriel#saurondriel#haladriel#trop spoilers#trop season 2#trop meta#rop meta#rop theory#trop theory#celebrimbor#my metas
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say "ahh"
bonus version under the cut bc i couldn't decide if the neon was too much
#martzipan#nagito komaeda#hajime hinata#komahina#ERMMMM we get a little silly....#takes place in chapter 2 old building at night btw. smth smth hajime can't sleep and goes to check on what's bothering him#it goes.... normal#DON'T expect me to do another fully rendered piece for a little bit btw i hate rendering so much lmao#this lighting took FOREVERRRR and i'm still not happy with it tbh. but i'm releasing it into the world anyways bc i'm done staring at it#i found such a good base on pinterest (can link it if anyone wants) and it IMMEDIATELY inspired me#needed to draw them in freak mode. twas important. for my health#ummm.... love wins <3#EDITED BC I FORGOT TO INCLUDE MY LINEART COLOR LAYER THE FIRST TIME.... WOOPS
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"Part-time soulmate, full-time problem, yeah
So hold me like a grudge"
BIG THANK YOU TO @yamuracream FOR THE COMMISSION !!!! 😭 LOOK AT MY BABIES !!!!!
Y'ALL WOULD'VE CRIED IF YOU SAW THE SKETCH I SENT THEM AS INSPO BUT IT TURNED OUT BEAUTIFULLY
I'm constantly brainrotting about them. They are always on my mind. You just KNOW Solomon would do things to fluster Mammon, including picking him up. I was thinking about Mammon getting so flustered he shifts into his demon form
Listen. I finally finished OG not too long ago and tell me why Solomon was the only one to remember Mammon's name. Not his brothers, not the side characters, not the MC. But Solomon
Because they're boyfriends and in lo- *shots fired*
They just mean everything to me 😭 I love them both and they're so cute together. I have so many ideas about them (with and without my MC)
#commission#obey me#obey me mammon#obey me solomon#obey me solomams#mammon x solomon#obey me mammon x solomon#solomams#mon²#because that's so funny to me#god I'm so freaking happy with this#constantly thinking about them#solomon x mammon
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Andrew Garfield on the Graham Norton Show
#it's always weird to color stuff from this show cause the background is so much lol#andrew garfield#my gifs#I love to see him and his fluffy hair and his pretty face#I kind of wish we could say goodbye to the beard so less of his face was covered but maybe there's some reason for it#no matter how he shows up I'm happy about it#he improves my mood so much for real#sir did you know you're freaking stunning??#how will I ever reasonably find someone who drives me this wild who will actually want to be with me? I think it's not gonna be#he might be the only person who has the ability to make me go out of my mind
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