#I’ve felt insecure in general about writing lately

[peachdues]

a rare look at chapter 3 as it undergoes rewrites and edits

“I was selfish, kissin’ you.” Sanemi’s hoarse voice calls you back. “Swore it was only gonna happen once, and couldn���t even keep that promise. And then, what we did that night — that only made it worse. D’you know why?”

He chances a step toward you and the air between you thickens. A hand stretches out toward you, his fingers nearly grazing your hair, but his arm drops back limply to his side. “‘Cuz I shouldn’t have been able to have you. Not like that. But I did, and —“ he swallows, hard. “I knew I wanted more before I slept with you. Knew that if I ever crossed that line, I wasn’t coming back from it. Couldn’t.”

Your lips part. “Sanemi —“

“I can’t be your friend, Y/N.” Sanemi says heavily. “I just can’t. I knew that way back when I first started comin’ around, but I wanted to try. But I sure as hell can’t be your friend, now.”

[thedevildompolybunch]

Irresistible Attraction (Mammon X Body Insecure MC) 18+ Fluffy Smut

Sorry this took so long! I kept rewriting it trying to make it perfect! I’m excited to have finally completed it and I hope you like it! Thank you (Unknown if they want to be tagged) for the writing prompt. This has been a labor of love! I learned so much writing this! 

Summary: When Mammon realizes MC is avoiding his sexual advances, he attempts to figure out what’s going on. 

What to Expect: smut, AFAB, fluff, established relationship, unprotected sex, crying, insecurity, negative self talk, polycoded, Mammon is pushy and greedy but means well, MC is wearing pants and a shirt, shallowing, gender neutral, cum on body. 

I’m currently not accepting writing prompts, and plan to in the future once I get my guidelines situated. I was just super in love with the idea! 

Vulgar Language: cunt, pussy, cock, vagina, general swearing such as fuck, shit etc. 

Other ways to read (usually better formatting due to length)

Privatter.net (This version allows you to input your MC’s name and have it inserted into the story. Password: TheGreatMammon)

Archive of Our Own 

Chapter 1: Alone at Last

The unbearable tension that grew between Mammon and you was no longer ignorable. The two of you sat on his sofa making out while some video neither of you planned to watch continued to play. 

Wrapping a hand behind your thigh, he effortlessly hiked you onto his lap to deepen the kiss. The feel of your tongue against his was waning on his already diminishing inhibitions.

“Ya know, this is all your fault human.” 

He broke the kiss, his lips sensually brushing past yours as he began to speak. 

“If ya didn’t go and tease me.” 

His tone was labored with ecstasy as he blamed you for both of your desires. 

“...This nevuh woulda happened.”

And, he was right, it truly did feel that way. Mammon’s sin gave him the insatiable desire to pursue all things that were valuable, and you were one of the greatest jewels. 

With both hands on your hips, he grinded you against the bulge of his pants. The pressure of his cock tempting your already swollen cunt. 

“Ya like that treasure?”

His question begged for your praise and his body demanded it. Rocking harder, he drew moan after moan out of you. The ownership of your current pleasure further enticing the greed that already resided inside him. 

“Fuck…” 

He bit at his bottom lip in an attempt to maintain his composure.

It didn’t work. 

Desperately he clawed into your thighs; steadying you as he rocked you into his wave-like motion.  The peak of each ripple elevating both of your arousals. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. His urges were becoming unmanageable and he would do anything to have more of you.

Leaning back, he caressed your sides, pulling at your shirt in an attempt to remove it. 

“Oh look, I’ve been wanting to see this.” 

Your words were random and they caught him off guard. Pointing over at the tv, you redirected his attention; using the moment to seamlessly adjust your shirt to cover back up.

Mammon looked over, only to see a video that neither of you would have wanted to watch. In fact, he wasn’t even sure what was playing at this point because it was just some random recommendation from Deviltube. Wait…was that an ad?

“Yo, are you serious!?”

Mammon was offended. The last few weeks everything had been more interesting than him, or at least he felt that way, and now you wanted to watch some random ad over fooling around with him? What the fuck was going on? 

“MC, ya got a problem or somethin’?” 

His callout made you freeze. He hadn’t said anything about the way you’ve been acting lately and you hoped it would have remained that way. 

“Like, I know you ain’t tryin' to watch that.” 

He gestured to the ad as it ended. Ugh, what bad timing. You thought to yourself. In all fairness you would have never pointed to the tv if you had known. 

“Sorry, I thought it was something else.”

You attempted to cover up your failing lie, but Mammon didn’t buy it.

“Seriously, what’s goin on?” 

Couldn’t he just let it go? 

“Mammon, I promise; nothing’s up. I just got a little nervous.”

You tried your luck at a half truth, but it seemed that it wasn’t in your cards to outwit him today. 

“That ain’t true, ya been actin’ weird for a bit.”

Been actin’ weird for a bit? Are you kidding me, he noticed? 

Of course he noticed. Mammon noticed most things about you, he loved to. But just this once, couldn’t he just leave it alone? It had nothing to do with him. 

The thoughts in your mind were racing and soon it was hard to find the right words. 

“We don’t gotta do this if ya don’t wanna.” 

That wasn’t it. You did ‘wanna’, you just couldn’t get out of your head long enough for that to happen. 

It had been weeks that you had been rejecting him, with little to no explanations, and he was beginning to wonder if you even liked him at all. 

“Oi! MC! Ya hear me?”

Mammon broke the silence with his worry, snapping his fingers in front of your face in an attempt to help you regain consciousness.

“We don’t gotta do nothin’ if ya..” 

His attempts at comfort only increased your anxiety. 

“N-no, no, that’s not it…Its…”

You began to stutter, quickly trying to find the words to make the conversation end. 

“What, What is it then?”

His fears cut you off, trying to speed up your answers. What did he do wrong? Why were you having so much trouble talking to him? 

“Did somethin’ happen?”

He was asking questions faster than you could answer, and even faster than you could process. 

Overwhelmed, you rushed for the door, Mammon swiftly following behind. 

“HEY! Wait, would ya?!” 

He reached out for your arm. 

“Leave me alone!”

Avoiding his grasp, you ran off; slamming the door behind you. 

💰💰💰💰💰

“And, you didn’t do anything?”

Asmo inquired after Mammon explained what had just happened. 

“What makes ya always think I did somethin’? I’m askin’ for your help, and this is what I get?”

“So, is that a no...or?”

“Asmo, I ain’t bein’ funny. You got that thing with MC tonight, ya gotta figure out what’s up.” 

“I don’t know, what’s in it for me? ♪”

The nerve. That was Mammon’s job. 

“You kiddin’ me? Nothin’, the satisfaction of helpin’ your older brother out.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that.”

“I don’t want to hear ya askin’ me for nothin’ ever again then.” 

“Hun, you're the last demon I’d ask for something.”

Mammon let out a groan of frustration. Resorting to his next best plan…guilt. 

“I can’t believe you would treat your older brother like this! After all I’ve done for ya…”

His animated hand motions expressed his annoyance. 

“Like that time I returned your bracelet back to ya instead of sellin’ it.” 

“You were the one who stole it, sweetie.”

“Point bein’, I didn’t sell it! I brought it back to ya! That thing was worth major grimm, I coulda made bank!”

He left out the part where he only returned it because he was caught in the middle of the transaction. 

Asmo rolled his eyes, his next words, putting Mammon out of his misery. 

“Alright, I’ll do it.” 

It took Mammon a moment to realize that Asmo had agreed to his plea. 

“Oh, and how abou...Really?”

“Yeah, why not?” 

Asmo shrugged as if the answer had been easy all along. Because it had. The moment he realized it was something involving you, he knew he was going to say yes. It was just an added bonus to be able to get under Mammon’s skin for a bit. 

Pulling out his phone, he reminded you of your date; reassuring Mammon that he was serious. 

Asmo: “Don’t forget 😉”

MC: “Wouldn’t miss it!”

Chapter 2: Spilling the Tea 

Asmo laid next to you on his bed in nothing more than a robe. The floral smell of his body oil was soothing yet overwhelming. 

“So, these were the earlier designs and I thought they were a bit boring, so I came out with these…”

He opened a velvet lined box that revealed the prototypes of a new ring collection he had been designing for his jewelry line.

“Aren't they just perfect? No need to answer that, I designed them, I know they are! ♡”

Winding down with Asmo was pleasant. He’d always have a warm cup of tea waiting for you, a new beauty product to try…usually several, and he led most of the conversation; leaving you to just sit there and relax as he kept you updated on all things him.

“Oh and that’s not even the best part, the finished ones are each going to have their own unique charm that grants the wearer a different magical effect.” 

He continued to fill you in. 

“...I haven’t figured out all the details yet because I need to run it by Diavolo, and all, but I absolutely think everyone will love this line, I mean, how couldn’t you? ♡” 

Asmo sprung up with enthusiasm at his own bragging.  

“Try one on! I’d bet these would look just stunning on you!”

Pulling a ring out of the box, he slid it onto your finger, holding your hand in his palm to get a better view. 

“aaaannnnd…look at that, I was right.”

He moved your hand around to let the ring shine. 

“That looks absolutely gorgeous on you! ♡ ”

Admiring it for a few more moments, he sensually caressed the tips of your fingers with his thumb. 

“But, that’s not a surprise, everything looks gorgeous on you.”

His words were sweet and complemented by a wink and a smile.

“ Speaking of… ♪” 

 He let go of your hand. 

“That outfit I ordered you last week, It came in this morning, right?”

Removing the ring from your finger, he placed it back into the box. 

“Have you tried it on yet? Do you love it? I bet you look absolutely Devilgramable in it!”

Asmo sat up in excitement at the thought, eagerly awaiting your feedback. 

“I haven’t had time to try it on yet.”

“Awww, really?”

He pouted in disappointment.

“...I wanted to see it.”

Silence filled the air for a moment as Asmo sulked. He really wanted to know what it looked like on you because he was positive it would accentuate your best features. 

“...Oooh! You know what!”

He perked up with enthusiasm, eager to express the thought that had popped into his head. 

“I have a fun idea! Why don’t we try on outfits for each other? I have one I’ve been wanting to show you and I wouldn’t mind seeing how you look in the one I bought!”

Your stomach dropped. That sounded like anything but fun. Because the truth was, you had tried on that outfit; you just hated it. 

The concept was cute, you loved how it looked when Asmo and you saw it on the rack; but after actually seeing it on yourself; you felt that it highlighted all your insecurities. How were you going to tell him that? He was so modelesque, it was intimidating.

“I’d rather not, I’m kind of tired.”

Strange. Asmo thought to himself, noticing the subtle shift in your demeanor. This was similar to what Mammon had described to him earlier. 

“You ok, sweetie?”

He was relieved to finally get the chance to inquire about your problem. It had been on his mind since Mammon had brought it to his attention, and he was finding it unusually difficult to think about only himself.

“Y-Yeah, Yeah, I’m fine.”

Noticing your growing discomfort, he took your hand into his. 

“Hun, you’re not fooling anyone. What’s going on?” 

His thumb caressed over the top of your palm to show his support.

“You told me you loved that outfit in the shop and now it’s like you could care less about it, and a little birdy told me you’ve been avoiding their advances lately.” 

Wow, subtle. Wasn’t anything private in this house? 

“So, Mammon talked to you?”

“He might have said something… ♪”

His fingers played with yours in an attempt to soothe you. 

“Plllleeaaase don’t be mad at me. I just want to be here for you.” 

He pleaded for your forgiveness.

“Come on, you know you can talk to me.”

His tone was warm and his smile was inviting, complimenting his already striking features. Fuck he was beautiful…He was always so beautiful. He could pull off anything he wore and even when he thought he didn’t look good, he did. How could you even begin talking to him about what was going on? What would he think? 

The words once again struggled to find their way out of your mouth as you attempted to confide in him. 

“I-I-I don’t like the way I look.” 

Asmo’s face dropped at the meaning of what you said. His hand gripping yours tighter to show his support. 

“I-I don't know, I just don’t think I look good in most things.”

Your voice cracked as you held back tears, battling the thoughts in your head. You weren’t quite sure how to explain your issue to Asmo the Avatar of Lust; and rightly self proclaimed the avatar of beauty. 

“Like, what would Mammon even think if he saw me naked?”

Tears began to roll down your face as you confessed your fears. 

“Oh sweetie…”

He cupped your face into his hands, guiding your gaze to his to show his sincerity. 

“That you’re the hottest being he’d ever seen.” 

His eyes welled up with tears as he expressed his truth. He could relate to your insecurities; he too felt insecure about his body from time to time. It was constantly a losing game, and it broke his heart to think you were feeling the same. 

“I don’t know how to tell you this lovely, but you’re wrong. You're one of the prettiest beings I’ve laid my eyes on.”

The tears he was holding back, slowly began to drip down his face.

“Before you,  I’ve never met anyone who’s come close to matching my beauty.”

His lips grazed against yours as he resisted the impulse to kiss you; fearing it may tarnish his intentions. 

“And, I’ve been to 3 worlds.”

Pulling you into his comforting embrace, he rubbed his hands up and down your back in an attempt to soothe your stress.

“MC, I’m obsessed with the way you look, almost as much as I’m obsessed with the way I do. I wouldn’t want you to change it for the world. We are easily the hottest couple to walk down the streets of the Devildom and our presence together is unmatched.” 

His voice rang softly into your ear, as he snuggled you tighter into his arms.

“You are so attractive. And I think anyone would be lucky to see you naked.” 

Releasing you from his embrace, he settled down next to you. Guiding your head to rest against his shoulder. 

“Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t even want to leave the house.”

Taking in a breath of air to stifle the remaining tears he had left; he attempted to connect with you. 

“I don’t always feel pretty either…”

He gently massaged the top of your head, slowly easing you both to sleep. 

“...As shocking as that may seem.”

Leaning back, you both rested on each other in silence; the sweet aroma of tea and perfume comforting your spiraling thoughts. 

💰💰💰💰💰

It was the middle of the night when Asmo was awoken by the buzz of his phone.

“Yo!” 

“Hey!” 

“I know ya seein this!” 

“Asmo!”

“Ya betta not be doin’ anything funny with MC.”

“Ya suppose to be helpin’ me out dontcha forget!”

“Imma just message ya till ya respond.” 

Tiredly Asmo attempted to respond, only to be interrupted by an incoming call from Mammon.

Hitting the reject button before the sound could disrupt your sleep he followed up with a text. 

“Calm down sweetie, I got your answer.”

Chapter 3: Irresistible Attraction 

Sitting up on your bed, you checked your phone…nothing. Mammon hadn’t talked, texted or seen you since that night and you wondered how long it would be until he did. It was unlike him to stay upset with you for this long, usually by now he would have at the very least come up with an excuse to talk to you. 

But, maybe he didn’t want to talk to you anymore.

Maybe Asmo reported back to Mammon like you suspected he would.

And, Maybe Mammon decided that he was done with you. 

Ugh, the thought of that put a pit in your stomach. Closing the messenger app, you switched to Devilgram; hoping the endless scroll would drown out your unwanted thoughts. 

“Are you blind or just stupid!?”

The sound of Mammon’s voice bursting into the room startled you. 

“I hear ya don’t think ya look good?”

He slammed the door behind himself as he made his way towards the bed. 

“I don’t know where ya got that dumb idea from, cause it ain’t true. I mean look at ya…”

His hand gestured in the air to check out your body as he questioned the information as though he got it wrong. 

“...You’re the fuckin hottest.” 

Plopping down at the foot of the bed, he continued. 

“Like, how can ya even think that?”

Mammon was at a loss. He checked you out for a moment to try to imagine what you saw. But he couldn’t, he could never think of you as unattractive. Was your mirror in your room broken or somethin?  

“What? Do ya gotta hear me say it?”

In all honesty, you did. It was hard to say it to yourself sometimes and how did you know Mammon actually did feel that way? Nodding your head yes, your words came out as a whisper. 

“Yeah…” 

It was embarrassing to answer him. But, it was even more embarrassing for him to answer you. 

“Yo, like, really?”

He shifted in his spot to expel anxiety. 

“I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

But he did want to. He just couldn’t get out of his own thoughts long enough to…oh. 

The correlation between your feelings became clear to him. 

Truth be told, Mammon didn’t want to tell you all that stuff, because what were you going to think of him? He can’t be soft and sensitive; he was a demon after all and that wasn’t cool.

But, you not knowing how attractive he found you, that also wasn’t cool. Looking away, he rubbed the back of his neck to soothe his nerves, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. 

“I think ya look pretty amazin’.”

His confession was unpoetic but genuine. 

“Like, really amazin’…” 

He paused nervously between his words. 

“...I can’t stop looking at ya.”

His hands and eyes gestured towards you in an expressive motion that attempted to get you to see what he saw. 

Leaning beside you on the bed, he rested on his arm; as he continued his monologue. 

“Like, ya know those statues we learned about in human world history? The ones that are usually naked and shit?” 

the Greek ones? Confused about where this was going, you continued to listen to Mammon as he attempted to clarify his motives. 

“Yeah, ya make me think of those. Because like, they're pretty and stuff.”

“I remember hearin’ from Lucifer that they were known for their ‘natural beauty’ or some shit and it made me think about how they’re a lot like you.”

His heart rate began to pick up as he went on, his eyes checking out your body.

“I don’t know what to tell ya MC…”

His cock tightened his pants.

“I think ya fuckin’ hot” 

Blush lit up his face as he swallowed the feelings of his arousal; his gaze returning back to yours. 

“Besides, ya betta stop insultin’ me. The Great Mammon doesn’t just stare at anything, ya know?” 

His hand cupped your face; the flat of his thumb sensually rolling over the softness of your lips.

“So, cut it out with this ‘I don’t look pretty,’ trash.”

His words aimed to disprove you as his face leaned closer to yours. 

“Cause ya are pretty…”

He kissed your lips. Pulling away to berate you once more. 

“...Stupid….” 

With his face just a few inches away from yours, his eyes begged asked for another kiss. To which you responded with your lips against his. The validation of your interest re-igniting the weeks of tension that had built up between the two of you. 

Rolling you into the mattress, he slipped his tongue into your mouth, swallowing your moans of ecstasy as they escaped your lips.

Oh how badly he'd been wanting you. And the feeling of your body writhing underneath his told him just how much you wanted him too. 

Steadying himself onto his knees between your legs, he removed his shirt; following it up by sliding yours up and over your breasts; purposely keeping the fabric on to accommodate your comfort. 

He took a moment to admire your body as it laid before him, his hands caressing up and down your shape. 

“I ain’t got a clue what you see, Treasure.”

His words reassured you of his unconditional attraction.

“Because ya body is bangin’” 

Resting his hands on either side of your head, he leaned in; kissing the skin of your neck. 

Small whimpers of desire escaped your lips as he worked his way down the front of your body. The temperature of his labored breaths, only adding to the already tantalizing sensation. 

Your fingers desperately clutched at his hair as he sucked the top of your breasts, leaving small marks of possession. 

Continuously he made his way down, his lips appreciating every part of your body they came across, until he was stopped by the waistband of your pants. 

Biting the fabric, he pulled at the top with his teeth, using his hands to assist him in sliding them over your ass and off your body.

Damn. He thought, as he checked you out. What was it ya didn’t like? 

He growled as he nipped at the skin of your calves, pecking his way back up to your neck. His body pressing up against yours as he leaned in. The bulge of his pant’s applying pressure to your sensitive clit. 

“Yo, ya gotta stop doin’ this to me…” 

You moaned as you felt him twitch. The wetness from your arousal seeping through his pants.

“Ya know it’s hard for a Demon to resist somethin’ like you.” 

Fully succumbing to his sin; he balanced on one arm to release his cock. You whimpered as it rested against your swollen cunt, slowly being rocked by the movement of his returning kiss.

Thrusting his hips, Mammon’s shaft continued to tease your folds. The repeated friction teetering you on the edge.

Fuck! You thought. The ache between your legs was insufferable. And with each sway of his hips it was only getting worse.

Instinctively you pulled him in, grinding back in an attempt to keep it going. Fuck, he felt so good, you were so close, you could just…

The tip of Mammon’s cock slid inside you by mistake; causing you both to let out moans that could be heard from outside of the room. 

Re-orienting himself, he swayed barely an inch into your entrance; stimulating all the sensitive nerves that resided there. Your body trembled as he teased the most shallowest parts of your vagina.

Mammon was greedy in every way, and that included when it came to your pleasure. In this moment; every moan, movement, and gasp that came from you was his, and only his; and nothing tempted his sin more. 

Stepping off the bed, Mammon pulled you to the edge; positioning your legs on either side of his waist to give himself more control. 

His heart raced as he slid himself back into you, both your bodies shaking with euphoria  as he slowly worked himself in and out, gradually increasing his depth. The adrenaline that was rushing through the both of yous was no longer able to be ignored.

Tilting your hips to reach the correct angle, Mammon filled you with his length, growling as his hips met yours. 

You tightened your thighs together as he thrusted deep into you, grinding his curve up against your g-spot. Your pussy twitching around him as he controlled the rhythm of his hips.

Purposely he maintained a speed that was less than you wanted; indulging in the whimpers of your desires. Leaning his hands on the bed, he lost himself in the image of your body, mesmerized by the beauty of your motions below him. 

He was so in love with you, he couldn’t believe it. He’d pleasure you all day if you’d let him, but he knew he couldn’t because eventually your human body would give up. 

Finally giving you what you wanted, he steadied his motion; rocking hard and consistently against your spot. At this point, being aroused was painful.

Please Please Please. You begged in your mind. You couldn't take it any more. Out of breath and dizzy you clawed into his back to try to release some of  your torturous pleasure. 

“Come on, Treasure.” 

Mammon cheered you on through his labored breaths. You both were reaching sexual exhaustion. You had played this game too long.

“Come on, MC.”

He gritted his teeth, carefully keeping the pace of his motion.

“Oh yes, like that.”

You praised him to make sure he would continue.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You were so fucking close!

Wrapping your legs around him you grinded hard onto your g-spot. The deep pressure stimulating your clit. 

“I-I-m, gonna…”

Your moans rang through the room as you came; the warm sensation of your orgasm pushing him dangerously over the edge. 

Pulling out, Mammon wrapped his hand around his cock and stroked; releasing himself onto your stomach. 

“Fuck, I fucking love you treasure.”

His hands once again resided on either side of your head as he caught his breath. Time felt as if it froze as the two of you attempted to center yourself. Mammon’s hair brushing past your face acting as your anchor. 

Stepping out of his pants, Mammon dropped to his forearms to kiss your lips; rubbing his thumbs caringly over the top of your forehead.

“I love you, MC.”

He kissed your lips again. 

“And there ain’t anythin’ in this world that could get me to stop.”

His eyes gazed into yours to show his sincerity. Kissing your lips a few more times, he began to return back to reality. 

He winced as he noticed the cold stickiness of his cum between the two of you. 

Standing up, he looked around the room for a rag, settling on his shirt by the foot of the bed; he cleaned you up and wiped himself off; tossing it to the side when he was done. 

He assisted you under the sheets, following in after you. Laying down, he pulled you onto his chest, wrapping his arm around your back to keep you close. The feeling of your heart beating against his side relaxed him.  

He could have stayed like this forever. He never wanted to leave you. Not now, not ever. The last couple of weeks without you were lonely like he had never known and he was glad to have you back in his arms. 

Mammon may not have understood exactly what made you feel this way, but he was more than happy to remind you how much he loved you time and time again if it would help.

Kissing your forehead, he snuggled you even tighter, falling asleep to the faint sounds of your tired breaths.

Original Prompt (paraphrased):

Mammon and MC are sitting in his room and he tries to do it with her a lot but they keep stopping him. One day he gets mad and asks Asmo for help so Asmo asks Mc what the reason is. They tell him that she feels insecure about her body, and he comforts her and when Asmo tells Mammon about it, he goes to her and makes love to them. 

[darlingsfandom]

hiya!! would you be willing to write a fic about reader feeling insecure about changing in front of Cilian and he makes sure she never feels insecure around him ever again!!? Thanks x

hi! I sure can!

TW: body image issues, ED hints!

Fluffy !

It’s always been in your head or so everyone said. It had been a problem since you were in middle school and now you’re in your late twenties. Food was a friend and a foe! You watched how your body changed over the years, parts started to sag… other parts gained freckles, your body wasn’t always your friend. You had a love hate relationship with your body. No matter what you did, it never felt right.

“What are yer doin?” Cillian broke your train of thought by poking your shoulder repeatedly until you looked up at him with slight annoyance lurking in your eyes.

“Reading.” You held up the book in your hands but he grabbed it, made sure to bookmark it and set it down on the bedside table before pressing his lips onto the side of your neck. It sent a shiver down your spine but you couldn’t get out of the headspace that you were ugly. That your body is disgusting. How could Cillian even be attracted to you ? His lips moved down to your collar bone and instead of letting out a whimper or a moan, a tear fell down your cheek. Cillian looked up at you and his eyes went from dark to concerned in the blink of an eye. His hands cupped your cheeks gently while he looked into your eyes.

“Yer havin yer doubts aren’t ya?” He ran his hand through your hair slowly while caressing your cheek with your other hand. “I know ya get in dat pretty little head of yers now and then and it’s one of those moments.” He pressed his lips into your forehead before pulling away to look you up and down.

“I just don’t get how you’re attracted to me! There’s so many pretty girls in the world who don’t weigh as much as a whale and you could be with them!” You sighed heavily feeling the tears fall down your heated cheeks.

“I have da prettiest girl in da world! Yer beautiful and no one can change my mind. Come with me.” Cillian helped you onto your feet and walked you over the mirror. He pulled off your shirt to expose your breasts but you quickly covered them only for Cillian to sigh. “Doll ya have to try this wit me.”

You let out a small hiccup of tears as he grabbed your hands and pulled them down. He had you looking at your body in a way you never looked at it before. He stood behind you humming quietly. Every time you tried to look away he’d have you turn your head back to look in the mirror. He wanted you to see the beauty inside of you pour out of you to make the connection to the outer beauty that they were the same thing! You held up your hand and placed it on your chest only for Cillian to place his hand over yours.

The two of you stood silently for awhile soaking in each others warmth. Cillian reached down and helped you undress your bottom half slowly so you had no choice but to look at yourself naked. You turned your head away when he touched your hips but he made you look.

“Every inch of ya, every part of ya�� is beautiful. I know ya’ r heard otherwise but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I have a lot to behold! Yer beautiful inside and out! Yes yer hips are wide, ya got some stretch marks but ya are the most generous, loving, kind, amazin person I’ve ever met.” Cillian laid his head on your shoulder while you cried. He loved that you were comfortable enough to express your emotions to him , he didn’t care if they were good or bad he wanted to know so he could help you if you needed him.

“But if I had a better relationship with food..”

“Hush! Yer workin on it baby, all progress takes time! Progress is not linear ! Yer gonna have bad days and I’ll be there for ya! Ya never credit yerself for all the hard times ya’ ve been through and I wish ya would .” He kissed the top of your head before placing his hands on your shoulders. Cillian squeezed them softly while rubbing down your arms. “I want ya to look in the mirror and tell me one! Just one” he held up his finger . “Positive thing about yerself.”

You stood quietly with wandering eyes to look at your naked body. He watched you in the mirror carefully. Your lips opened then closed before sighing. You wanted to give up and say nothing but you knew Cillian wouldn’t allow that. He was patient with you . He wanted you to feel loved , cared for and beautiful !

“My nipples are a pretty shade of pink!” You spoked almost in a whisper but he still heard you. A small smile crept on his lips before he turned you around to kiss you passionately on the lips.

“Dats my girl! Now every day I want you to say one nice thing about yerself okay! I know ya can do it! Even if it’s somethin’ small.” Cillian walked you back to the bed and laid you against the sheets before he got back into bed as well. His hand rested on your thigh as he handed you back your back he kissed you again. “Even the smallest things hold da most beauty, don’t ya forget dat my beautiful girl.”

[francesderwent]

I’ve been on a real Fearless kick lately and it always makes me feel some kinda way about Olivia Rodrigo’s body of work. and not even primarily about her and her talent and her songwriting, just about how different an experience it seems to be growing up as a young millennial woman versus growing up as a young gen z woman. take the total absence of any jealousy/self-image song on Taylor’s debut album or Fearless—because social media wasn’t this omnipresent perfect image factory and so the insecurity of growing up looked more like “Place In This World” or “The Outside”, fundamental experiences of questioning and longing that are deeply connected to our humanity, as opposed to “jealousy jealousy”, “pretty isn’t pretty”, or “lacy” which are founded on an obsession spiral that is literally only possible on that level because of the invention of the smartphone.

look at “Tell Me Why” or “Other Side of the Door” as opposed to “vampire” or “logical”—Taylor’s approach was a very straightforward “you acted this way and this is how it made me feel." it wasn’t until later that she started to make statements about patterns of behavior, because she simply couldn’t see them except in hindsight! she couldn’t say “this is what kind of man you are” or “this is what sort of relationship we had” until she had fully processed what happened—which is when we get songs like “Fifteen” and “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and “The Manuscript”. but because the younger generation breathes the air of pop psychology buzzwords, Olivia is diagnosing her exes and labeling her relationships right away. and you might say this is a good thing, that young women are armed with terms like “gaslighting” and taught to be suspicious of age gaps because of the power differential. but having the knowledge doesn’t seem to have protected Olivia at all. she still makes all the same mistakes, there’s literally a whole song all about knowing something is a bad idea and doing it anyway. she still dates the older guy, but then she has so many labels readymade to explain why it didn’t feel good that she doesn’t ever actually get down to saying how it felt—because I don’t think she knows. the younger generation acts like processing an experience means figuring out what tiktokified sound bite applies to it and then slapping the label on and moving forward. “my parents were emotionally abusive” “my ex was a narcissist” “my ex best friend gaslit me” etc. but it seems to me that’s skipping some necessary stages of actually processing your shit. “vampire” is Olivia trying to write “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” before she’s ever written (or felt) “Tell Me Why”. it’s the difference between “here’s to you and your temper, yes I remember what you said last night / and I know that you see what you’re doing to me, tell me why” on the one hand and “went for me and not her ‘cause girls your age know better” or “master manipulator, you’re so good at what you do” or “you convinced me it was all in my mind” on the other hand.

and another side effect of this, the big names in this younger generation of artists aren’t really writing love songs, and I don’t think that’s accidental. they literally do not have the vocabulary to do so. the psychology buzzwords that go around are all about toxic relationships and red flags. and so, deprived of a way of thinking about being in love, the love songs either fall flat (“I’ll go anywhere he goes and he says I’m so American”) or they simply don’t exist. the open-hearted sincerity of a “Hey Stephen” or “Jump Then Fall” is nowhere to be found.

[rengokusflame]

The Weight You Carry

Tighnari x reader

Summary: Overwhelmed by the burdens of responsibilities and lost dreams, you confide in Tighnari about your struggles and insecurities.

The forest was unusually quiet, save for the rustle of leaves overhead. You sat by a small stream, watching the water flow aimlessly past. The air smelled of damp earth and moss, but even that couldn’t soothe the heavy ache in your chest. You had come here for a moment of peace, a fleeting escape from the chaos of your home.

You barely noticed the sound of approaching footsteps, but the familiar rustling of leaves gave him away. “You’ve been quiet lately,” Tighnari said as he sat down beside you, his large ears twitching slightly as he observed you. “And now I find you out here, looking like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Care to share?”

You hesitated, fingers fidgeting with a blade of grass. “I don’t even know where to begin,” you murmured. “It’s just… a lot.”

Tighnari waited patiently, his sharp green eyes studying you with quiet understanding. When you finally began to speak, it all came tumbling out—the fights at home, the sacrifices you made, the dreams you felt slipping through your fingers, and the hollow ache of seeing others find happiness while you felt stuck.

When you finished, you couldn’t bear to look at him. “I know it’s selfish to feel this way,” you said, your voice trembling. “I love my family, but sometimes it feels like I’ve lost myself. Like… happiness is something I’ll never get to have.”

Tighnari’s expression softened, and he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “You’re not selfish,” he said firmly. “Caring for your family the way you do is anything but selfish. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel overwhelmed or drained. You’re human, and even the strongest branches can bend under too much weight.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you blinked them away, shaking your head. “It’s not just that. I see people around me—people my age—living their lives, falling in love, chasing dreams. And I’m just… here. Stuck. I can’t even imagine myself in their shoes.”

He shifted closer, his gaze unwavering. “Happiness isn’t something you acquire like a rare artifact. It’s not a destination, nor is it a contest to see who gets there first. It’s something that comes in moments, even amidst struggle.”

You laughed bitterly. “If that’s true, my moments seem to have skipped me entirely.”

“No,” he said softly. “You just don’t see them because you’re too busy carrying everyone else’s burdens.”

His words struck a chord deep within you, and you felt your defenses begin to crumble. Tighnari leaned back slightly, his hand lingering on your arm. “You’re allowed to want more, you know. To dream of something beyond the confines of your current situation. You’re allowed to hope, even if it feels impossible right now.”

“But what if it’s not in the cards for me?” you whispered.

“Then I’ll remind you that you’re stronger than you think,” he replied, his voice steady. “That you deserve kindness, patience, and someone who understands the weight you carry. And even if you can’t imagine a future for yourself right now, I’ll remind you that you’re worthy of one.”

His words made the ache in your chest feel a little lighter, as if he had quietly taken some of it for himself. Without thinking, you leaned into him, letting the warmth of his presence soothe you. He didn’t pull away; instead, he wrapped an arm around you, his touch steady and grounding.

“You’re not alone,” he said quietly. “And even if it’s just for a little while, let me carry some of that weight with you.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, you let yourself cry. And Tighnari stayed right there, his quiet strength holding you together when you felt like falling apart.

....

This was generated by chatgpt

Yes I did use AI to write these one shots. I didn't do it for the likes or to get hate from anyone. I personally read one shots when I feel overwhelmed or empty. They elicit feelings of joy or comfort. I couldn't find one shots that captured my feelings so I asked chatgpt to write me one for comfort. It was so beautifully written and made me feel understood so I wanted to share it on here with others who might need it too. I'm sorry if I offended anyone but I don't deserve the hate, no one deserves hate unless they do something inhumane. Please think before you comment and try to hurt someone's feelings.

[maislovebot]

hiii :3 so im in LOVE with your writing, and I wanted to req smthn if it's not too much!! basically what im thinkin is an atsushi x reader comfort/fluff fic where reader is insecure about themself/their body, and atsushi reassures them that they're beautiful and overall just tries his best to comfort them.

I don’t think there’s anything better than you!

I just realized I forgot to italicize any of the words😭 my apologies, but it’s fixed now!

Hey goat!! I’d love to write this, thank you so much for requesting it!! I’m so glad you like my work:) also the title is from dancing with my demons by eyedress

Contains: gn reader but they are referred to with words like gorgeous and beautiful, fluff, insecurity comfort, because it wasn’t said what the reader was insecure about I kinda danced around it, it’s overall pretty short because it’s hard to write a long fic with such a general prompt, I hope that’s okay!

Atsuhsi certainly wasn’t new to feeling insecure. He always felt as if he didn’t amount to much, but he only ever really thought these bad things about himself. He couldn’t even fathom how you of all people were insecure. You were, quite literally, the most gorgeous person he had ever seen. Everyone seemed to agree with him too! Dazai would constantly flirt with you and ask for a double suicide, and Kyouka always looked at you in awe. Atsushi wouldn’t even be surprised if some of the enemies found you gorgeous. This information used to make him feel jealous and even more insecure than he already was, but he’s grown used to all the constant remarks from everyone who saw you, or the looks of pure admiration from others.

So just how were you insecure?

Atsushi couldn’t understand it. You were breathtaking, and everyone around you seemed to agree. So just how is it that you curled up into his touch one day, after a long day of work, mumbling about how you didn’t feel attractive?

At first, it took a while to get it out of you. Atsushi could tell that something was wrong, but he just couldn’t tell what. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, or seem pushy, but he really wanted to know what was on your mind so he could fix it. Considering the type of person Atsushi is, he automatically assumed it was him you were upset at, although he didn’t really have any evidence to back that up. You obviously didn’t want him to think you were upset at him, as you knew it would eat at him constantly, so you mumbled some sort of reason behind how you were feeling. You didn’t want to lie to him, so you just told him how you were feeling so quietly that Atsushi struggled to tell what you were saying.

It took Atsushi a few moments to piece together what you were saying, and once he finally did, he gave a small gasp, before wordlessly holding your sides close, pulling you into his chest. He wasn’t sure how to word what he wanted to say. How could he possibly describe your beauty to you? You were beyond what words could comprehend. He really didn’t understand how you were feeling this way, but he knew simply telling you not to think those things wouldn’t work, and he struggled to word it anyways, so he decided to take things slow.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

You nodded.

“I do, but..it’s embarrassing to talk about,” you refused to look him in the eye.

“Why would it be?”

“I’m just—insecure in my body, it’s hard to talk about.”

You still weren’t looking at him.

“You don’t have to tell me, but please, just tell me what’s got you feeling this way?”

Atsushi didn’t want to sound pushy, and he was suddenly hit with an internal panic that he’s making you uncomfortable.

“If you want to, of course! You don’t have to tell me anything!” The way Atsushi was waving his arms around was almost comical, and you couldn’t help but let a giggle out.

You shake your head, resting your nose in the crook of his neck.

“No, it’s fine. It’s not really any specific thing, I’ve just been feeling awful lately.”

Atsushi looked down at you in surprise, running his hand through your hair.

“I don’t know how much weight my words have according to you, but I think you’re beautiful. You look perfect.”

Atsushi had hardly ever focused on looks practically his entire life, as he was struggling to even keep his head above water. So things like looks, and friends had to come second. He may not know much about beauty, but he certainly knows that you are beautiful. You’re the embodiment of it. He needed to make sure you knew that.

He wrapped his arms around your shoulders.

“Tell me, what are you insecure about?” he questioned.

“Do I have to say?”

“What? No, not if you don’t want to,” Atsushi paused, “but that just means I’m gonna have to focus on all of you.” Atsushi sat up, turning you into your back. He wasn’t above you by any means, but he did have his arms on either side of your body. You chuckled at his words, and looked him in the eyes for the first time that night and you were met with his eyes completely closed, but he had a big smile on his face. It didn’t have any teeth, but he was still emoting quite a lot. It melted your heart a little.

“You still haven’t changed out of your work clothes,” Atsushi noted.

“You haven’t either.”

“That can’t be comfortable, let’s change then we can come back to this!”

You giggled at how hyped he was, and you took his hand and stood up, walking over to your closet. Atsushi was right next to you, looking at his side of the closet, which in your opinion, was comically small compared to your side. Your “half”of the closet took up 85% of the entire thing, and most of Atsushi’s clothes were just socks and button up pants, along with one white suit the agency forced him to get.

Atsushi noticed how you were paying such close attention to the closet instead of just picking something out, so he just grabbed a pair of shorts and a shirt for you to rest in. Once he grabbed what he needed, he wordlessly walked to the bed to get changed, waiting for you to follow his lead. You left your haze, and hustled over to the bed to get changed next to Atsushi.

Once you were in more comfortable clothes, you laid in bed and Atsushi soon followed, yet again having you lay on your back while Atsushi sat up to look at you. He poked at your stomach, before leaving one small, chaste kiss to it.

“I really don’t know how you’re even insecure, you’re so beautiful.” Atsushi said.

He moved his face up to leave another kiss to your shoulder, and he kept leaving small, innocent kisses along your entire upper figure. He didn’t really go in any particular order, he just kissed wherever he happened to notice. Between every kiss he would give you one more compliment, and by the end you were smiling and giggling because he was acting so loving. This was what made him truly happy. Comforting you. Holding you close. Helping you make all your problems melt away. You deserve the best after all.

Once he was done, he wrapped the blankets around you, laying down next to you. The blankets were flush with your shoulders, and you were curling into Atsushi’s touch again like you were just a few minutes ago. Atsushi always loved when you got clingy. He was typically the clingy one, but after you had a long day, and you returned home, just wanting to hold Atsushi in his arms was one of his favorite parts of life in general. He loved taking care of you on those days because it made him feel like he had purpose, even if this only really happened after you’d had a bad day.

Atsushi could tell you didn’t really want to get into detail as to why you were feeling insecure, so he hoped that after a good night's sleep, and lots of cuddles and comfort, you’d be more open to the idea.

As all he really wanted to do was help you.

Wc - 1.2k

I hope you enjoyed, goat!! When I proofread this I was like giggling and kicking my feet tee hee

[a-crumb-of-whump]

ANB Drabble: Pokemon

A New Beginning Masterlist | Comfortember 2023 Masterlist | @comfortember

~ Comfortember | Day 11: Comfort Show/Movie ~

Content: Blood (for the sake of feeding), recovery, parental whumpee, vampire whumpee, brief mentions of childhood neglect.

-

“What are you watching?”

Ryker blinked, forcing his eyes away from the TV upon hearing someone speaking to him. It was Carlos, holding his breakfast close to his chest as he sleepily smiled down at the human. He’d only just woken up, judging by the tousled hair and the fact that he was still wearing his pajamas. Charlie had bought them for him not long ago, and now he wore them every night. 

“Pokemon,” he mumbled in reply, and as soon as he pulled his feet back so he wasn’t taking up the entire couch, the vampire sat down beside him with his mug still close. “I don’t think you’d enjoy it, but I’ve been deeply invested in the show for years. Since… I think, half a year after I left?” He nodded after a few moments of consideration. “Yeah. Charlie gave me the DVD’s as a late housewarming gift when he followed us down here.” 

Ryker had begun to realise lately that he was having an incredibly hard time introducing Carlos to the things that meant a lot to him out of fear of disappointing him or being mocked for how childish most of them were. He’d been bullied for bringing stress toys into school before, and for having certain keychains related to media he frequently watched. It didn’t happen now, and he thought he was generally over that fear, but the thought of Carlos being the face of those who made fun of him - it just seemed like too big of a risk to take sometimes. 

But Carlos never made fun of him. The only smile he ever had when he listened to Ryker talk about the things he loved was one of fondness. Even if he wasn’t particularly interested, he’d still sit and listen to the human ramble for what felt like hours without complaining or any interruptions, and even encouraged it when he was feeling too insecure to talk about his interests unprompted. 

He rested the side of his face against the back of the couch, his lips pressed into a subtle smile and his arms wrapped around his stomach. Carlos had pulled his own feet up onto the couch, so their socks were just barely touching. It was nice and quiet, apart from the occasional slurp as the vampire finished the rest of his meal. 

It was moments like this where he realised just how lucky he had become. Everything he’d lacked as a child, from attentive parental figures and family to a support system and friends, he had in Carlos. 

And even if he wasn’t always able to see that as a child, he most certainly could as an adult.

-

Comfortember 2023 Taglist: @topsheepstudent

ANB Taglist: @choppedflowermuffinchild @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @some-thrilling-heroics @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpsday @whumpshaped @paniatheweirdone @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @thekittyburger @whumpdreamz

[ariadnes-red-thread]

HELLO!!!!

is me again hehe <3

lately, i've been thinking about how Jesse and how his strong devotion and loyalty translates into a relationship. so i was thinkingggggg, a scenario where Jesse needs to be walked of the edge of a heated situation and needs reassurance that he's it for reader. that he's the man reader wants to be with and will stand be his side.

can be either SFW or NSFW (with agender reader with female parts??? that would make me so happy) what ever is sparking your lovely imagination.

so appreciate and love and am grateful i found your beautiful writing and met such an amazing person <3

Mythos, my dear! Thank you so much for the ask!! I saw your second ask too and I hope I’ve done your beautiful request justice. Jesse is so passionate but that’s exactly what we love about him and the idea of being able to show him that when he was feeling insecure is exactly what he deserves! I completely got carried away with this and ended up writing over 2.5k words (although it’s never enough for Jesse!). I hope you like it! Thank you for celebrating with me, love!

Pairing: Jesse x GN!/Anatomically Female Reader

Warnings: General Creepiness, Threats of Violence, Canon-Typical content, Self-Doubt, Explicit Sexual Content *MINORS DNI*

You finally made it to the bar on a particularly busy night at 79’s. It was way more work than it should have been for a glass of water, but the dance floor that Jesse had kept you glued to all night was hot, and you were parched.

You could still see him through the crowd. His cog tattoo and shaved head helped him stand out among his identical brothers. That and you’d be able to spot his grin anywhere. He was in his civies tonight, a black t-shirt and his lone pair of jeans. Jesse always looked good, but you enjoyed your current vantage point and took a moment to check out the handsome man. You had only been on dating for a few months. Your friend had been hot and heavy with Fives since the moment she met the goateed clone. It had taken her a few tries to convince you to join them on a double date with one of his brothers who Fives insisted you’d like. You hadn’t been expecting much, not because you didn’t like Fives, but simply because you didn’t imagine someone like him could be your type. Jesse had swept you off your feet, though. You hadn’t admitted it to him yet, but you were falling fast. His endearing charm, constant sarcasm, lighthearted take on life, the passion that burned bright through him, and the kindness and understanding he always showed you made it easy to fall. You watched him move under the neon lights, and you felt a wide smile creep across your face. Jesse always seemed to put that smile there.

So it was Jesse and the lights and the music’s fault that you didn’t notice a crowd of people behind you until one of them stumbled into your back. You spun around, ready to apologize for taking up precious bar space before you realized it was a group of nat-borns. Instantly, your defense went up.

It wasn’t often that other civilians wandered into 79’s, and the ones that did were usually there to cause problems. So as you eyed up the stumbling rough and rowdy group, you didn’t have to go looking to know that they were likely trouble. Unfortunately, as Jesse often liked to remind you, with a deep laugh and elbow to your ribs, trouble usually came looking for you.

“Hey,“ The tallest one slurred as he looked you up and down. “Come here often?”

“Yup.” Your reply was curt, and you hoped they would take the hint when you turned back to face the bar.

Instead, a hand came to your shoulder.

“Hey, I was talking to you.” He was suddenly close, his breath rank and hot on your face as he yanked you towards. “You think you’re too good for us.”

“Don’t touch me.” You took a full step away as you warned him.

“Slummin’ it here with all these test tube freaks.” He closed in on you again. “Let me show you what a real man can do.”

You raised your hands, about to shove him backward, when a familiar arm slid over your shoulder. Despite your guard being up, you instantly knew who was next to you.

“Problem here?”

Your eyes didn’t move from the creep, but you could hear the eternal grin on Jesse’s face. You didn’t mistake the grin for carelessness. Instead, you knew it was just Jesse. He was always calm until he wasn’t.

“Ahh, I see. No problem.” The man stumbled back into his friends before muttering under his breath. “Freak fucker.”

“What did you call them?”

Your head snapped up at the sudden change in tone in Jesse’s voice. He wasn’t grinning anymore. His hand left your shoulder as he began to stiffen at your side. The man didn’t realize his mistake as he kept hurling insults your way.

“They’re just another slut for you meat droids. The Republic needs to end the war so they can take you all out with the trash.”

In split seconds, Jesse lept past you. He swung, his fist connecting with the creep’s jaw, sending him reeling backwards. He threw another jab, catching the man with a blow to the nose before he stumbled out of Jesse’s reach.

Your stomach dropped as one of the friends lunged for Jesse, whose gaze was still on the instigator. But never one to be caught off guard, Jesse side-stepped the second man in the same moment he spun, landing a uppercut into the man’s stomach.

You balled your fists, ready to follow Jesse when another hand came to your shoulder. You cocked a fist back but Kix’s voice found you before you could swing.

“You jump in, you just make it worse for him.”

You huffed in response. Kix wasn’t wrong. You knew Jesse could handle a few nat-borns by himself and he would only be distracted if you started to fight. Still, your fist stayed balled by your side.

In the next moment, a flash of red by the door caught your eye. The Courscant Guard was here. They were always close by on busy nights, keeping the peace however they had to. The three clones positioned themselves by the door. You recognized Thorn by his helmet. He posted himself in the corner, a shiny on either on side of him. You knew he wouldn’t intervene unless he had to, but if Jesse kept at it, Thorn wouldn’t have a choice.

Kix saw Thorn too. He set his jaw and dove into the fray. He emerged with an arm wrapped around Jesse’s waist, tugging the scowling man out of the scuffle. Kix turned, tossing his brother away from the seething nat-borns before he spun around to face them again.

“Get out.” Kix pointed to the door. “Or you’re going to have a lot more meat droids to deal with.”

The instigator snarled through a bloody nose and spit at Kix’s feet. Jesse yelled out and charged for the man again. You turned to face him, stepping into his path and putting your hands on his chest. Jesse looked down at you, his face instantly softening just a bit.

“Jesse - we’re leaving now.” The words were an order but your tone was gentle, hoping you could reach the part of him that had just relaxed under your palms.

He frowned, his eyes quickly back on his target. The men were rapidly retreating out the door, with side-glances thrown at the Guards in red. You felt Jesse twitch, like he wanted to chase after them.

“It’s okay, Jess.” Kix’s voice came from behind you now, calm and quiet. “Just let go it.”

“They’re not worth it.” You lifted one palm to Jesse’s face, laying it on his cheek with just enough pressure to coax him into looking at you. “Please, Jesse.”

His hand came up to your forearm, giving you a gentle squeeze.

“Okay,” The words were breathy as they left his mouth. “Okay, okay. You’re right.”

You lifted to meet his lips, capturing him in a quick, grateful kiss.

He exhaled as you pulled away, breaking the brief kiss. You ran your thumb along his cheekbone, tracing the lower rim of his tattoo. Then your hand fell to find his hand at his side.

“Let’s go home.”

You tugged him towards the exit. As you pulled Jesse out of the club, you threw on glance back to search over his shoulder, quickly finding the familiar eyes of Kix. He tilted his head in question, and you nodded in reassurance. He smiled back and raised his glass in a grateful salute before he turned back to the dancefloor. Jesse followed you to the door in a daze. The adrenaline of the fight had worn off, and he hung almost limp as he drifted behind you.

By the time you got back to your apartment, Jesse was almost catatonic. His lids hung heavy over his eyes as he sank onto the edge of your bed. He hadn’t said a word since you left 79’s. You were starting to get worried. Rather than press him to talk, you went to the kitchen and got a wet washcloth. Returning to find him unmoved in the bedroom, you knelt before him. Coaxing him to take off his shoes, you placed them next to yours at the end of the bed. Then you turned your attention to his bruised knuckles. Taking his calloused hand in yours, you started to dab at the scrapped skin.

“You… you don’t have to do that.” Jesse stuttered as he finally spoke.

“I’m happy to, Jesse.” You tried to smile up at him but his sleepy gaze had turned into a wide eyed stare and it caught you off guard.

“No, I mean you shouldn’t have to do that.” He yanked his hand out of yours.

You barely had time to wonder at his sudden movement before he was up on his feet, pacing across your small bedroom.

“Jesse, talk to me.” You kept your voice gentle, not out of fear but out of caring. You wanted him to know you were there for him.

“You deserve better, you know.”

You frowned but before you could protest, Jesse spoke again, never breaking his relentless stride.

“I’m sorry. I’m just a hothead. All I know is how to fight.” Jesse ran his fingers over his broken knuckles. “You deserve more than that.”

He finally stopped his pacing as he caught his form in the full length mirror that hung on your wall. His frown grew as he studied himself.

“Look at me.” His shoulders slumped and his eyes fell to the floor. “I was bred for this. Bred to be a soldier and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

You quickly clambered to your feet. He didn’t move from his position in front of the mirror. You stood behind him, savoring his closeness for a moment. You wrapped your arms around him at his waist and pulled him in tight to you.

“I love your fire, Jesse. I love that you’re a fighter.”

He let out a single dry laugh. It was so soulless, so unlike Jesse. You held him a little closer.

“Look at you, Jesse.” You settled your head on his shoulder, stretching to peer at your combined reflections. “You want to know what I see?”

He finally raised his head, hesitantly meeting your eyes.

“I see how passionately you care, how you love so strongly that you would go to war for those you care about. Your brothers know that. They love and respect you for that. But that fire isn’t all you are.”

“You can make me smile on the hardest of days. You keep calm in far more situations than you give yourself credit for. You like to pretend you don’t care but I can see how deeply you do.” You dug your fingers into his shirt, gripping his ribs, trying to convey how much you wanted him. “Don’t ever say you’re just a soldier. You’re so much more than that, Jesse.”

Jesse’s eyes were shining as his reflection stared back at you. He took your arm from his waist and tugged you in front of him, his eyes never leaving yours in the mirror. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders folding you into his warmth. You reached up and held onto his arms like he was the only liferaft in the sea. He started to grin again. You leaned your head back into him with a sigh and a smile.

“I’m so lucky to have met you.” Jesse murmured as he kissed the top of your head.

“We’re both lucky.”

You turned your head to lay a gentle kiss on his bicep. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the smirk on his face widen just a little. He pressed a kiss to your neck. And then another. You tilted your head, giving him more access to your sensitive flesh. One of hands that laid across your chest searched out your pert nipple and began to tease it gently through the rough fabric of your shirt. You leaned back into him with a soft moan, grinding your hips against him, feeling him harden behind you. Jesse’s lips found your ear.

“Oh, cyare,” Jesse’s words were dark and husky. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

His other hand snaked its way down your front, finding the waistline of your pants. Jesse pushed the fabric aside, sinking one knuckle into your already wet center.

“See what you do to me.” You breathlessly muttered. “Jesse, I need you.”

His hands jumped to your waist to find the hem of your shirt. Gentle fingers traced a line up your side, gathering your shirt as he went. Jesse paused at your mid-waist and looked at you. You nodded, giving him permission to proceed. He whipped the top off of you in the next moment. You spun to face him, needy for the feeling of his skin on yours. You tugged at the ends of his shirt, and he quickly obliged. You ran your hands over his chest, savoring the warmth of his skin and the sturdy build of his muscles.

Jesse bent to meet you and quickly captured your lips in his, kissing you deeply. He still tasted like a hint of whiskey. His tongue swirled with yours in a bruising fury and you felt yourself craving more of him. You broke apart for a moment, both turning your attention to your pants. The last bits of clothing was quickly removed and kicked aside.

Jesse spun you around to face the mirror and then pressed his wide palm on the small of your back, coaxing you into bending over. You gave into his directions, bringing a hand to the wall on either side of the mirror. You felt him run his length along your aching slit. You let out a breathy moan as he brushed along your clitoris, your head falling and eyes closing at the glorious friction.

“Oh no, cyare,” Jesse’s back was suddenly pressed against you, and his hand was on your jaw. He guided your head back up so you were staring into his deep brown eyes.

“That’s it,” he nipped at your neck as he stood again, lining himself up. “Let me see those eyes.”

You stared up at him, meeting his dark look in the mirror. His pupils were blown. Jesse stood again, towering over you. You bit your lip as you studied the breathtaking man for the briefest moment.

Then he entered you. His member filled you, reaching your furthest depths at this angle. The ache of being so full was quickly replaced by a overwhelming pleasure as Jesse’s hand snaked its way around you, deftly finding your already sensitive nub again. He teased small circles as he slowly began to move, dragging his cock from you before swiftly entering you again. Soon, his hips pistoned into you and you pushed back off of the wall, meeting him with every stroke. His other hand held your hip on a strong grip. You cried out his name as a wave of orgasm overtook you. Jesse followed behind, filling you as he finished.

You stood up and swayed on weak legs. Jesse quickly gathered you into his chest, showering your shoulders with kisses.

“Thank you.” He whispered against your skin.

“Always.” You sighed, leaning back into him. The next words left your mouth before you even considered them. “I love you, Jesse.”

Your stomach dropped for a moment. You knew you meant it but maybe it was too soon, too early. Before you could take it back, you looked to him in the mirror. His dark brown eyes found your suddenly wide ones and they were bright, all lust replaced with a vast joy. He quickly spun you to face him. Cupping your face in his hands, he tilted you up towards him.

“I love you too.”

His lips captured yours and his hands fell to wrap around your waist. Your heart soared as he squeezed you tighter to him.

“Now come on,” Jesse smirked before he stepped backwards, tuggiing you towards the bed. “I’m not done with you yet.”

[my-castles-crumbling]

My opinion of you? Hmmmm. Well honestly, my opinion of you… really fucking good.

I dunno how comfortable you are with compliments so i’m putting a little warning here; compliments incoming :)

Firstly, you are an awesome writer. Like genuinely. Plus it’s so impressive that you write/post those microfics everyday, it’s serious (sirius haha) dedication, and most ppl wouldn’t have it in them to keep a routine like that. 

Two, you have legit saved people. People here felt safe enough to ask you for help, and from all i’ve seen, you’re damn good at giving advice. 

Plus I saw that one anon you answered where you told the person not to admit they cheated if it’d get them in more trouble than they deserve, and I salut you for that. (I remember you also told them that cheating is wrong and mostly don’t do it- don’t worry I got the right message). 

Anyway, my point is, there aren’t many places people feel safe enough to talk about their problems or insecurities or even dangers. Especially on the internet. So you’ve made a really good community here. You should be proud. 

But we’re doing full honesty right? So honestly, I think that it seems like sometimes you don’t have enough faith in yourself. 

I mean your fics are amazing, but also, they’re fucking free and a gift to the fandom. So you shouldn’t feel the need to meet anyone’s demands or be good enough for anyone but yourself. 

And here, you have helped so many people, I understand insecurity is a part of living, but maybe you don’t get how helpful your blog is. Whenever I come on here, you’ve posted a microfic or made a marauders joke or truly helped someone (with annoyingly good advice btw, i’m an adult and yet NO WHERE NEAR as mature, so good on u), and it’s soothing. You’re soothing.

Give yourself credit, is what i’m saying. 

You’re allowed to feel proud that you help people, proud that people love your writing, and ignore anyone who’s an asshole cause they’re dumb anyway.

And don’t forget that you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe anyone a fic, or a tumblr post or an anon answer or even (within reason) kindness. You’re being generous with your time and your kindness by helping people. And while obviously that’s a good thing, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. 

Wait let me rephrase that- anyone who pressures you to do so is a bad person and should be strongly ignored. 

You don’t have to apologise for not wanting to post or be on social media. And anyone who cares should value that you’re taking time for yourself. 

Plus, and sorry if it’s weird to bring up your like, real life, but I think you’re probably a really great teacher. I didn’t have many people who believed in me growing up and you seem like someone who believes in people. And that’s what matters most. 

(Plus all teachers are criminally underpaid so like- good for you sticking with a half shitty job- though then again all jobs are half shitty) 

Also, and in this day and age this is a truly high compliment, you don’t seem like you’ve ever sent hate. 

You just have that vibe. You know… nice :)

So yes, that is my opinion of you.

Also, random question, how much gory stuff in films can you take? Usually i’m pretty alright, but I watched a pretty gross film earlier and it reminded I can’t watch everything gory. 

So yeah… that’s all ❤️

Hi, um...I am SO sorry, my my allergies are terrible and I seem to be sweating from my eyes....nothing to see here...😭😭😭😭

Thank you. Genuinely. I have honestly been struggling a fair amount lately, so notes like this make a much bigger difference than you would think <3

As far as films, I'm alright with gore. I actually LOVE horror films, but I prefer psychological horror and horror based on East Asian legends.

Thank you again <3 <3 <3

[married-2-the-music]

Tell Me What To Do; A Letter To Jonghyun

If you’ve ever stumbled across one of my posts before, you’ll probably know me as a (maybe somewhat harsh) reviewer, who will always take the chance to rhapsodize about harmonizing and complain about Dynamite. But that’s not what this is; I did write a review about JH’s work but this is different; I want to start off not with my “credentials” but with a story. I’ve been a casual k-pop fan since early 2019 through BLACKPINK and a deeper fan since March of the year after, when I discovered Red Velvet.

In late November of 2020, during lockdown, I lost one of the people I loved most in the world. I was still a teenager (barely younger than he was when he debuted in SHINee), and I felt alone and isolated in that grief. Just three weeks later, on December 18th, three years ago now, I was scrolling on social media when I came across posts memorializing Jonghyun. I had heard his name mentioned, through Yeri of Red Velvet, but had never taken the time to really listen, and I finally did.

It gives me no joy to say that I discovered that he had made a plan; his last album, Poet | Artist was released just a month after he chose to leave the world, a final gift to the fans who had watched him grow up for both so long and not nearly long enough. When I looked closer, I saw people mourning, people celebrating, and most of all, people remembering. The k-pop world had just lost two more idols to suicide, Sulli (Choi Jinri, of f(x)), and Hara (Goo Hara, of KARA), and the messages surrounding mental health had never been stronger. It was this that finally got through to me, like a lightbulb going off, and I went, “Shit. I think I have depression.”

Now, I’m not going to credit him with saving my life because I have no idea what would’ve happened, but to this day, it’s Jonghyun’s voice that sings “tell me what to do” on the 6:45 alarm reminding me to take my anti-depressants. To this day, it’s his music that I turn to when I need comfort. In his memory, I try to continue what he did for me. I take December 18th as a day to be just a little bit of a better person—a better sister, a better daughter, and a better friend both to others and to myself—as much as I possibly can.

Jonghyun’s discography is only five albums, less than three hours long. The mere fact of this makes me sad. I wish I could tell a story with a happier ending, one that I finish by saying that he’s still here, still on his 27th collection of wonderful stories, still teasing the hell out of the band members who loved him more than anything, still being a dork who brightens everyone’s day with the same humor that made me laugh for the first time in a month the first time I came across it.

But, no matter how good of a writer I think I am, I can’t do that. All I can do is what all of us can do, which is remember who he was, respect the art he created, and continue the great advocacy he started. In this, I’m trying to do all three.

I can’t really put into words the feelings I have about this. Writing it has reminded me how grateful I am, not only that I found Jonghyun and his story, not only that I became a Shawol, but that I became a k-pop fan in general. After finding SHINee, I became a fan of Gfriend, Girls Generation, Seventeen, (G)I-DLE, Stray Kids, Sunmi, and, of course, Dreamcatcher, whose music is now a part of me too.

I know that I’ve probably made this way more about me than it should’ve been, but I’d like to end by saying this: I know that k-pop (and being a fan of it) are seen as something to mock, something only done by insecure, screeching teenage girls with too much free time on their hands who are obsessed with random men they’ve never met. And maybe that is who I was in 2019.

But to me now, and so many other people I know, it is stories like mine that are the real reason why we choose to dedicate so much of our precious free time to something that so many people deem childish. I’m a linguistics major, and I can tell you firsthand that music is one of very few things that can break a language barrier and reach people across the world. Had Jonghyun’s not reached me, I don’t know where I’d be. But I wouldn’t be here, and I definitely wouldn’t be a linguistics major. As he wrote in his book, “Even though we can’t communicate using the same language, we use music instead.”

Jonghyun broke boundaries in k-pop, with his openness, his self-producing, his prolific writing, his advocacy, and, of course, his incredible kindness. Both our community and the world as a whole were very lucky to have him for as long as we did, which still wasn’t nearly long enough. He changed the lives of so many people—he changed mine, without me even knowing the word “K-pop” at the time he passed away—and overall, he made the world just a little easier for everybody else, no matter how hard it was for himself. Whenever I have my bad days, I listen to his music; I ask him to tell me what to do. And I make myself a promise: that whatever I do, I will never make the decision that he did.

Whether he’s out there and whether he’s listening or not, I’d just like to say thank you, Jonghyun, for changing my life. You did so, so, well, and, in an odd way, I’m incredibly proud of you and all you managed to accomplish despite the kind of pain you went through. I hope that, even though we never got the chance to meet, you would be proud of me too.

And thank you, for taking the time to read this. I hope that whoever you are and whatever Jonghyun means to you, you find a little comfort in the fact that you are not alone in it. However you want to grieve (or not grieve) is valid. If you’ve never heard of our wonderful singer before, take this as a sign to take ten minutes to learn something about a truly beautiful human.

And if you have, take this as a reminder to take your medication, get some sleep, and check in with your friends. Though Jonghyun thought that what he did was the only way out, he was wrong, because I’ve been there. I’m still there, sometimes. But take this as reassurance that it’ll get better. It might not be better tomorrow and it might not be better for a while. But it will get better.

Happy holidays, folks. Take care of yourselves out there. Tschüss and Fröhliche Weihnachten!

[andrewisdoing]

The one thing I can say about this year is how I feel like I am healing my inner child.

The older I’m getting, the more I’m settling into my skin and loving the man I’m becoming but also honoring the child inside of me. I feel like I’m finally acknowledging him and finally letting him shine through my eyes.

Recently, I re-bought the first Barbie I ever had growing up. Nichelle, a Generation Girl doll, from 1998. I can still remember the Christmas Santa had brought me her, along with another Barbie, and both Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears’s first albums on CD. I was so happy. I remember how I would play the cds loud in our house in Monroe, Washington and would imagine that those Barbies were singers on stage and I with them in my imagination. I must confess that I wanted to be everything Nichelle was. Beautiful, Black (I was already that 😉), and from the coolest place on earth, New York City. The world of play seemed to open up to me as a kid.

At some point, however, when I got my first bike, which had me equally excited, I can remember my dad wanting to take off the training wheels, much to my dismay. Truth be told, I was never good at accepting change and even at that age, I was not good at hiding my emotion. Dad wanted me to try riding without them so I gave it a shot. Like most kids, I was nervous and shaky. No matter how hard I tried, my balance was off and wobbly. I felt like an idiot and I could feel my dads boiling frustration, embarrassment and disappointment surfacing. Upon reflection, I think my dad really wanted a traditional, pig skin loving, all about wrestling son. Mind you, he already had that in my older brother, Gregory, who was all that and a bag of corn chips. Be that as it may, my dad tried hard to “man me up.” As you can probably guess by now, that didn’t work.

Exasperated and extremely over it, I ended up telling my dad that I had had enough bike riding (if you could call it that), and I can remember him just being so incredibly furious with me. He was so hellbent on me getting this right. The one thing all boys and girls can do. Ride a fucking bike without training wheels. He let me to go to my room and then when he followed me up the stairs, rage ensued. He barged into the room, his anger filling every inch of the room and with this rage, he took my Barbies, my dollhouse and believe it or not, ripped my Christina Aguilera poster off my door. I was left on the floor, crying, uncertain of what I truly did or what drove my dad to near madness.

That memory hasn’t left me and while mine and my dad’s relationship has mellowed over the years (which took more work than I care to write), I still felt like I never made amends with the kid in the picture on the right. I wanted to forget him so much because he was small, played with dolls and had this small voice. I didn’t want to reach him because he was different and didn’t know how to protect himself from the world or his dad. How could he?

As I’ve gotten older, with all of the hurdles I have faced, internal shame and insecurity were the seemingly insurmountable leaps I felt I couldn’t master. In my teens and early 20’s, I didn’t feel like I ever was 100 percent okay with being “me”. Even after finally coming to terms with my sexuality, I still felt ugly, unworthy, unloveable and no matter how hard I tried, I was left feeling I wasn’t good enough. That little boy, who was told he was too black, too girly and fat, grew into someone who believed all of those things. You wouldn’t think of it to look at me but even confidence can be a mask.

I am recognizing how much that kid is in me still. I want to protect him so much. I want to shower him with love. The world can be immensely cruel and all I want to do is hold him in my arms and remind him of how loved he is and will be. I want to make him aware of the energy he holds inside him. How he is going to be alright. It’s okay to be all of the things he wants to be. As of late, I feel these wounds healing through conversations with family, writing and escaping into books; expanding my mind, being constantly reminded I’m not alone.

Recently, when I saw the Barbie movie, all I kept thinking of was my first Barbie, Nichelle and how much I loved her. I wanted to low-key retrieve what was taken from me. So, I scoped Ebay and luckily found her. Actually, I found MANY versions of her, which was cool. When I clicked the order button, I felt myself get excited. She arrived yesterday and coming home from work, I slowly opened the package and saw those curls, I saw the overalls and beautiful black skin shining out at me. I was incredibly happy, just as I was when I was a kid. I placed her right next to a photo of my mom, who, even as a kid loved and protected me, no matter what.

I feel like I’m beginning to love me, genuinely. That kid in the photo; I have grown to hold onto that kid and love him for all he’s worth because he needs that. We all do as kids. We want to be loved for who we are and know that we aren’t wrong for loving the things we love so we can shine unashamedly. Allowing all the stardust inside us to burst out and shine. Just as we were created to do.

So, here’s to little Andy and his Barbie, Nichelle.

Reunited and it feels so good 😊

[clarkgriffon]

OBX Season 3: Jiara

Okay, let’s do it. Let’s talk Jiara. This one might get long.

Jiara fascinates me on a fundamental fandom level and always has. As a long-time Bellarke, one of the things that roped me into the show was ship gifsets (mainly JJPope and Jiara). So, when I first watched Season 1 to see both of those relationships be comparably so small in screentime, I was surprised. I’ve been neutrally positive on Jiara over the seasons (definitely with a boost after S2), but have watched this ship have such a huge fanbase after S1 alone, so much so that writers rerouted their own course to respond to fans. It’s fanservice, but that doesn’t make it bad. In fact, it makes it fascinating to me because I’m just so unused to that concept. (Legitimately, this is something I’ve discussed with my IRL friend because I’m just so intrigued by it.)

So, I’ve paid attention to Jiara, knowing that the writers were pivoting and being extremely interested to see how they’d pull it off.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I think I’d give it like... an 8.5? It was a really good pivot in my opinion (not the concept of Kie/JJ together generally, but how well executed they were in changing their flight path).

Starting with my gripes, Season 2 was used to put closure on Pope & Kie and to slightly build up JJ & Kie, especially in the late season. Retrospectively, I could’ve used something a bit more explicit in late Season 2 about Kiara’s feelings because we jump into Season 3 with the longing glances and heavy focus shots on Kie and JJ’s reactions to each other, which I think could be jarring to people who haven’t really been paying attention to this relationship. (Another mini gripe is that I wish we’d stayed a little longer on the “We never should have left Poguelandia” thing with JJ & Kie. I feel like it gets one mention and then let go even though it felt significant for both of them. Like I thought maybe JJ would get mad/be disappointed in Kie for helping flag down the plane, something like that.)

Additionally, OBX... well, they pulled an OBX. The main ship of the show fell in love in an episode. So was I surprised to JJ/Kie almost kiss by episode 2? No. And I don’t think it’s great writing, we skip the “figuring out their feelings” part and go straight into acceptance/denial. HOWEVER, I think they accidentally made something really unique out of OBX’s tendency to fast track their romantic subplots. A full season surrounding a romantic storyline fully about the aftermath of realizing that you have feelings for someone. It’s less of a “Will they/won’t they” and more of a “They almost did. Now what?” And to have that for a full season feels very unique, which I loved.

I adored the scenes they had. Starting with the JJ going into full panic when Kiara gets kidnapped (the first time) and then progressing from there. I really don’t know that they had a scene that missed? JJ’s freakout once they’re back in Kildare is one of my favorite scenes of the season because of how telling it is of JJ’s character. A great choice, in my opinion, to use the relationship with Kiara as an exploration of JJ’s low self-worth. He trashes her, calls her the worst thing imaginable (*shudders* Kook), and even though she’s mad, she still sees through it. Because she knows he’s just scared and vulnerable about fucking up AND has the added insecurity that he’ll be stepping on Pope’s toes. I think the one falter is maybe the money clip storyline, which I think was actually quite smart in JJ’s intentions (intentional self-sabotage), but was better in theory than execution.

I think the relationship was definitely a better exploration of JJ’s character than it was of Kie’s, but it did display Kiara’s deep levels of compassion, empathy, and understanding.

Overall, I’ve been fascinated to see if the writers could pull something that fans made out of one-off lines and actor chemistry and make it work and I think the answer is very much yes. As for the Bellarke to Jiara pipeline, after three seasons, I am finally jumping on (maybe not as rabid as the rest of you but yes I am finally here).

[sunbeamedskies]

Darth Vader/Friends with Detriments

Writing about all this stuff really helps remind me my life is a continuous flow instead of disjointed parts. There are distinct phases of course, but lately I have felt like I’m in such a new place in my life that I’ve felt disconnected from both the wonderful and awful times I’ve had in the past

A conversation came up recently I got involved in about men and women being friends. I’ve had tons of friendships with men where neither of us had any attraction to each other. I’m very much of the view men and women can easily be friends and will elaborate more about it in a future post. But the conversation did remind me of the messiest friendship with a man I’ve ever had and made me ponder how much it affected me

It’s astounding when you realize something is far enough in the past you can now analyze it with a brand new sense of clarity. It’s also a bit of a mindfuck to know if I actually become a famous writer in the future, the people who knew the guy I’m about to write about, along with the guy himself, will probably one day read this

I met a guy my junior year of college who became my closest guy friend ever for a few years. All my life, I had wanted a close guy friend, my only close friends ever having been girls previously. I felt I would get along well with guys, but just hadn’t had the opportunity yet. In high school I had had some guy friends, but we hadn’t been super close. It’d always bothered me. I felt like I was missing out

We met when he came to my new living-learning community dorm’s hallway and was messing around with something right outside my door. Me and my roommate either came out into the hall or already were there, I don’t quite remember. He was staring at her, and I instantly knew he liked her. I also instantly felt like I already knew him from a past life

Very soon afterwards, I was sitting on the top bunk of our bunk beds when my roommate told me she was going to check out his room, with the guy in question nearby, and she asked if I wanted to tag along. Knowing he probably wanted to hook up with her and thinking maybe she wanted to as well, I declined. It was strange- although I found him very attractive, I didn’t feel any jealousy like I normally would have at the time (I was extremely insecure and all around “off” that year)

The guy looked like Hayden Christensen, who was one of my childhood crushes. Due to it, for the rest of this post, I will refer to him as Hayden. I didn’t blame him for liking my roommate- her hair was thick and long, like I’d always wanted on myself. Actually, I had recently needed to cut my hair because the stress of the last year had made me comb it while it was tangled in a way which was not careful at all, causing me to yank some of it out. But even coupled with the hair jealousy, for whatever reason, I was unbothered when he hooked up with her

He hooked up with a lot of girls. I didn’t really see him as a “player” though because I felt like that term was already outdated, that people were more complex than that. People felt freer to hookup when they were single and have fun in general at the time, as they do today. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t be dedicated when in a monogamous, committed relationship- it was just their single behavior. If I had had more opportunities back then, and if my life had played out a little differently, perhaps I would’ve been a similar way

I barely knew him for that entire first year, but I craved being friends with him. I did have a tiny crush on him, but in my mind there was no way we would ever get together in any way. I thought he would be an interesting friend to have based on what I knew of his personality, but it felt unlikely I’d ever really get to know him even as a friend

We started chatting on Facebook occasionally over the summer. I forget exactly what prompted it, but he said he used to think I was crazy based on what my former roommate- who had been partially sheltered- said about me doing things like tarot, but now thought I was awesome (he had also been somewhat sheltered through being raised religiously Christian.) I couldn’t believe we were actually becoming friends

The next year we lived in the same dorm building in our living learning center (LLC.) I found out pretty quickly he had just started dating a beautiful, stylish girl he had gone to high school with but hadn’t known well there who was also living in our LLC. She seemed really cool, but this time, I felt some jealousy. She was also very slender, something I’ve always had trouble achieving due to my polycystic ovarian syndrome (I’ve finally found a healthy way to lose weight steadily nowadays, but it’ll still take some time to reach my goals.) I hated that I felt jealous of her. It’s not like I even expected to date him, but there was still a small crush lingering, and that combined with my lack of experience at the time got to me 

They broke up pretty quickly, and she and I became good friends for a while. Turns out she had had a crush on Hayden in high school and was a little mind blown she actually dated him for a short while in college. Whenever I’ve been jealous of a girl and then become friends with them, it’s always drilled into me how dumb jealousy is. She was so nice, and there was a part of her which thought it was crazy she really ended up dating her former high school crush. I still get jealous of girls sometimes, but I have more perspective now to know it’s silly and try to remind myself of that

Slowly at first, then rapidly, Hayden and I became best friends. Part of me couldn’t believe we had gotten so close after not knowing each other well for a whole year before, but the part of me which felt like I already knew him when I met him was not as surprised. Underneath those good looks, he was a secret weirdo. I should’ve known- we had both chosen to live in the same artsy/hippie/hipster/nerdy dorm community LLC, after all- our university’s living, breathing embodiment of Tumblr

We became so close that everyone in the dorm community just started associating us with each other. One time when I was looking for him, a girl in one of the lounges- without me asking or saying anything- said “you just missed him!” Another girl who was dating a guy who lived on the same floor as Hayden kept mistakenly calling me his girlfriend. To this day, she still probably incorrectly believes we were ever together

One night he got drunk with a mutual friend in his room. I was there too, but was not drunk because I didn’t drink. While he was staring at his computer, he said to himself after referencing me, “I think I might be falling in love with you.” It was said so casually yet thoughtfully, as if he was talking to himself and had forgotten anyone else was in the room. Our other friend- who was also drunk and did not know Hayden well enough at all to know if he had feelings for me- said something like “uh, I’m here to make sure he doesn’t say anything dumb haha.” This was the first time I’d ever heard anyone utter aloud they might be in love with me, and it was my attractive best friend

I freaked out for a week or two. I knew I was not in love with him, but I wasn’t sure if I should tell him what he said, give him a chance, and try dating him. I asked my friends if the truth really does come out when people are drunk. They had mixed answers, but I knew that based on how he’d said it, in this instance it was probably true. I blasted She Said She Said by The Beatles constantly as I walked across campus. The rough guitars, the melody, and the lyrics all hit just the right spots for someone as confused as me. “Cause you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born” echoed through my head. One of my college best friends who I’m still best friends with says she thinks about me whenever she hears it because she knew I played it all the time

If I had written a story, it would have been such a fun little plot twist to write a guy falling for the roommate of the girl he had hooked up with a couple times, the girl he’d kind of ignored at first but then fell in love with without ever even kissing her. It felt miraculous, but was simultaneously one of the hugest disappointments I’d ever endured. I knew he was somewhat toxic and judgmental, that he didn’t experience the world similarly enough to me and didn’t have the goal to treat people with compassion and openness that I had. I’ve always had a thing for hippies, and he was not one, no matter what dorm he lived in. Sure, we related on a very deep level regarding some strange strains of thought and our senses of humor, but I knew deep down that dating him would have been unhealthy

The funny thing is that I didn’t even have a crush on him throughout a good portion of our friendship as it progressed. It was a very on and off crush, and I felt it was similar for him. I never told him what he said that night, and I don’t think our other friend remembered it either. There came a couple of times when he talked about the possibility of us being together, and I told him the truth- that I didn’t feel like he was able to be in touch with his feelings enough and feel things as intensely as I thought I probably would whenever I got into a relationship with someone someday

College was supposed to be where things finally happened for people dating-wise. Movies, music, and everyone had implied such. There had been absolutely nothing for me in high school, and here I was in college, getting so close but making the mature decision to not enter into a relationship- or even hookup- with someone I knew was trouble, as Goddess Swift sang at the time. It made me feel like whenever I get close to having even one single solitary hookup with anyone I like in the future, something will usually prevent me from getting to it

For instance, last summer I had my first ever Eurotrip. I had wanted to at least kiss someone during the trip, but nothing had happened yet. My very last night, I was in Madrid and arrived at a language exchange a little late. Almost immediately, a hot guy and I struck up a conversation. He and his friend invited me to join them at a pub long before the language event was over. While we were walking there, the one of them I was not into told me they both thought I was beautiful. Very good sign- right? My negative ass started telling myself that something was going to go wrong, that although a normal person would have a 90%+ likelihood of having a good night in that situation, it was probably only 70% for me. Oh, the guy who I’m not attracted to is probably the one who likes me and his friend is just being his wingman, I thought to myself. The guy who I was very attracted to showed interest though, and I mustered up the courage to tell him twice that I was into him and not his friend. Spoiler alert: it was a good night :)

There are more experiences which have compounded the feeling that a lot of things just won’t work out to get to even the most basic level of anything since Hayden. I know it’s largely a result of me being stranded in a city where I didn’t fit in and where I also didn’t have a traditional job for so long. Logically, I know it’s a result of some very unideal circumstances. I have done a good job of regaining some of my old confidence and positivity, but I’m still working on it. There have been times over the years where I’ve been hopeful, confident, unbothered, and others when I didn’t feel quite like myself and felt like anything even hookup-y was just not going to happen. Even over the past week, I have felt more and more confident after feeling a little negative. Being in a city I love is making me realize a lot is possible, though the first month left me feeling a little off due to the difficulties that not drinking brings me when it comes to opportunities with people at clubs/parties/etc

It's kind of silly to expect everything to begin in college, so if you’re reading this and in college- don’t worry about it. A lot of guys liked me in college who I didn’t like- it’s not as though there weren’t technically other opportunities- I just wasn’t into them and was not going to waste my or their time dating guys I wasn’t interested in. That one other friend in the dorm room with Hayden actually sent me a text a while later telling me he thought I was beautiful, and I thanked him. It was very sweet, but I just wanted to be friends. He couldn’t really look me in the eye the next time we caught up like a year later though, and I felt bad. I’m always honored when someone likes me, even if I don’t feel the same. There is no need for embarrassment

As the title of this post suggests, Hayden unfortunately turned more and more into Darth Vader as time went on. He got more judgmental and mean and alienated a lot of his friends over the years. I stood by him for a long time as his other friends dumped him, but then when I had to move back to where I grew up, he abruptly stopped talking to me. I should have expected it by the way he had treated some of his other friends, but it still shocked me for a while. I was so depressed at the time that I really could have used his support

We rarely talked after that. In one text I admitted I used to like him and he was surprised. I didn’t feel that way and hadn’t for a long time, but I felt the need to be honest. The last time he messaged me, I decided I didn’t really want to talk to him at all again unless it was an emergency. His life has changed a lot and so has mine, and I don’t feel like I know who he is anymore. It has nothing to do with feelings, but rather about his continued potential toxicity towards others. I barely even think about him nowadays, so writing this whole post was a teensy bit odd

Our friendship, despite its downs and complications, was still great in a lot of ways. The good times will always be a treasured part of my college memories. I used to jokingly ask people what friends with detriments would consist of, what the opposite of friends with benefits is. I realize now that maybe I was friends with detriments with Hayden throughout some of our friendship. It was never a situationship and there were definitely no “benefits” involved, but there were some strange negatives and on and off liking. It would make sense that the opposite of FWB would be platonic and difficult- right?

Have a happy Thanksgiving I guess by the way- I hope you enjoyed reading this after getting away from any family members with detriments

Love,

J

[jcbbby]

fuck it. this is a very long probably all over the place post about something that's very personal and I'm honestly shitting myself posting it literally on the internet but I just like, need to vent and talk about it. I don't even know why I'm posting this.

I think I've come to terms with the fact that I'm asexual.

and that's really weird to admit. I resent it, honestly. I really dislike this about myself. and it's sort of embarrassing to admit too? especially given the content I create, reblog, and things I say in the tags/on my own posts that would not suggest that about me…

I frequently feel really bad about it in real life and struggle heavily with not feeling adequate enough as a human, or like I’m a bad wife for not having sex as often as my husband probably would like, or that idk I’m defective or something. sometimes I doubt myself and think it’s all in my head or think about if I can do something differently to change it, to “fix” myself. because I DO still find people attractive in general and I do get turned on and feel horny, I like...enjoy thinking about sex and feeling pleasure, but I just…don’t wanna physically have sex with another person about it? like it makes me feel so overwhelmingly guilty if I do pleasure myself, because I'm like "well, my husband is RIGHT THERE though. why don't I want to share this experience with him?"

I’ve always been attracted to people and thought like “wow I want them to ruin me and fuck me senseless immediately” and I can fantasize about having sex and be into it, but then if it comes down to actually acting on it, if I'm with them in the moment and things progress past making out, I’m like “wait, no. actually nevermind, no thank you.”

and it’s shit like that that makes me feel like maybe it’s just anxiety or some other sort of mental thing, or my insecurities with my body that I just need to work through rather than just what it is for me. but I don't think that's the case. like I don't have any trauma or anything like that that would interfere. I think that's just me and who I am.

to me, sex has often felt just awkward. and I mean sure, it can get awkward. but I can’t ever get past that personally. it doesn’t feel natural to me? like with any partners I’ve had. it’s never felt like this primal thing that is intrinsic to me, that makes sense to be doing. I’ve ended up enjoying myself by the end plenty of times (though I have rarely ever finished when having sex aside from maybe a few times...idk sex can still end up being fun for me by the end without finishing. more layers to this fucking dilemma I'm having.) but I just usually overall feel very out of place in a sexual situation and it feels very foreign. the only time I HAVEN'T felt this way, is when on LSD honestly. or like EXTREMELY drunk.

I’ve also been on zoloft for like 5 years now, infamous for decimating libido, and that doesn’t help lmao. but even before I was medicated, I could never really feel interested in the action of sex, I always would say I could go the rest of my life without it.

idk. I just struggle very much with it a lot and feel bad about it literally all the time, especially being married. not that my husband ever makes me feel bad for it, he’s never once been pushy or angry with me about our sex life or lack thereof. I just feel bad for it on my own, because I WANT to want sex like a "normal" partner. but I am what I am. and I think I'm just asexual. and that’s okay. it just doesn't feel okay a lot.

I’m comfortable with the idea of sex I just don’t often want to have it. I can joke about it and talk about it and obviously I can write write/read about it in detail lol but yeah…

idk I just have really been feeling the need to talk about it lately, because I don't feel like I can talk about it with my friends or anything. I've talked about it with my husband of course, but not in depth. he knows that's just how I am and he acknowledges it's not my fault and that he is not upset by it. but he doesn't know how it's been weighing this heavily on me. he made a comment some weeks ago that he didn't mean anything by, it was more just a statement of fact in a joking way about how infrequently we have sex, but it just really inadvertently hurt me and I've just been stuck on it ever since, mentally. because I really don't want things to be this way, but that's just the way they are...unfortunately. it sucks. I shouldn't feel this way, if it's just who I am and lots of other people are similar. but I do.

anyway that’s it. I feel vulnerable and exposed and embarrassed and sad now. but I needed to say it. I should definitely probably see a therapist. bye.

[memes-in-a-half-shell]

Okay one shot idea for Mikey! 🐢🧡💚

Mikey has a crush on reader, but too afraid to say anything. One night rooftop Convo, Mikey confides to reader asking if they think anyone could ever one day find him desirable and sexy, because Donnie has had Vee for so long and most hans they accidentally interact with react mostly to Raph and pay attention to him or Leo. He starts steering the conversation to generalized attraction questions to see what reader thinks and prefers.

Reader really really has it bad for Mikey, but terrified of being too forward to the youngest purehearted innocent brother everyone is protective over and doesn't want to scare him off or make him feel horribly uncomfortable, and tries to keep their answers PG to respect Mikey but fires back with questions of their own trying to feel out Mikey's preferences and stances on things.

Little by little Mikey shows his more risque adult side with his answers and language that takes reader by surprise and attracts them that much harder,

Both of them take forever beating around the bush with their answers cause their both terrified of coming forward to each other but they start bonding more and more until reader finally gets bold and makes the first move - but in a very classy and respectful way - toward Mikey, melting Mikey's heart and having him square up at full height standing over reader and giving the moves back like a gentlemen but in a very Mikey way - being goofy, but still manly.

Reader confesses to what about Mikey they find as a thirst trap, why (to booster his believing them after so much self-insecurity) , and how long they've been thirsting for him.

Sorry it's so long XD. I hope it's not over done. I'm bad at asks. Lolol

You wrote a novel of an ask, but because you're the dear sweet Ravn, I'll gladly write that up for you 🧡🧡🧡 awuwuwuwuwuwuwu

it’s gonna be a bit more sfw than what was asked for, but simply because I let this small fic take the lead and it’s just so wholesome~

Someone Like You (Mikey x F!Reader)

(Mentions of my OC, Vee)

He asked you to meet him on top of an old, vacant apartment building, the flat roof overlooking a somewhat calmer part of the city. Those little escapades were not too uncommon for the terrapin to propose, but were often the promise of discussions that would lead until late into the night. Speaking with him was easy, and Mikey had found that same comfort over time in confiding to you as well. It wasn’t much, but felt needed - considering the life his family and he were living.

You heard a ‘thud’ and a roll, soon enough Mikey’s frame popping right next to you with a bright smile and slightly panting.

“Parkour!” he simply declared with a quick chuckle.

“Show-off,” you teased back with a gentle slap on his shoulder.

In no time you were both seated by the edge of the roof, feet dangling in the open and watching any cars, pedestrians, or anything of the like go by. Whether it was to compliment any aspects of them or creating outlandish stories, that activity often brought the two of you into a laughing fit, and even for you to lock your arm around his, head resting against his shoulder. It was a small gesture, but the sweetness of it would bring that tiny squeeze in Mikey’s heart; one that was more akin to sadness than joy. He paused, gaze lost on the horizon - but most frankly because he didn’t want to look at you while he was speaking next:

“Hey, uh... do you think I’d ever find someone interested in me?”

You looked up to him, arching a brow.

“Where’s that question coming from?”

He lightly shrugged: “I dunno... I’ve just been thinking about some stuff lately. Everything’s just so mixed up and messed up.”

“Aight, what’s up, coconut? Gimme the deets.”

The ghost of a smile crossed his lips, somehow feeling a bit more relaxed and open.

“Meeting people is not really something my brothers and I will get the chance to do often. ... I mean, Donnie got lucky with Vee; two dorks in a pod. And have you seen Raph and Leo? Those two could probably get swarms of people adoring them if we were out in the open.”

“What’s different for you then?”

“I’m the stupid baby brother,” he sighed sharply. “... I know I’m not the tallest, not the handsomest, not the strongest, not the whatever-est! ... I’m just that goofy mutant people will choose last.”

“Woah, woah, woahh,” you stopped him, your frown now formed. “Says who?”

Mikey’s thoughts raced, trying to think of a good answer, broadly gesturing the scenery before them.

“Fuck if I know! The world? Beauty standards? Hollywood? Humanity? Y’know what I mean? We’re not really the most normal choice for any human being.”

“And yet you have Vee with Donatello. Isn’t that proof that you might be wrong?”

The terrapin’s stature slumped a little: “Yeah but Donnie’s smart. That’s already better than me.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” you tsked, somehow feeling powerless against any and all of his excuses.

That brought a silence in the conversation, the tension weighing on you both a little. That pause did bring an idea to Mikey’s mind, looking back at you with a shy smile, trying to ease the mood.

“Hey, you’re a human-” that made you snort a little. “-What’s your preferences in terms of partner? Maybe that’ll help me figure out what I need to aim for so I can woo the ladies.”

Your features were now relaxed, slightly shaking your head: “Mikey, you shouldn’t change for anyone in the world.”

“Ay, whatever, now answer the question.”

You were now sweating bullets internally. For quite some time now your feelings had started to blossom for the turtle and you had been struggling to approach the subject in a natural, non-awkward way. Maybe this was finally the chance?

“I like them strong. And funny. And compassionate. And cute.”

“Now that’s too broad,” commented Michelangelo. “Tell me something more specific.”

“Will you stop complaining!” you replied in an exasperate, yet still amused tone. “Just give me a moment to think, jeez louise.”

Seeing how he seemed amused by your small desperation, you nudged his arm.

“While I’m thinking about it, what about you?” you questionned. “Surely you must have some preferences as well.”

The terrapin’s smile grew in a shy fashion: “That wouldn’t be fair of me to have certain standards,” he started. “I can’t really be picky when it comes to my situation, ya know?”

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, keeping you close as he extended his other arm up to give emphasis to his words: “But I have three words: Funny. Caring. Sexy.”

You looked up to him, unimpressed: “Now that’s too broad,” you quoted him back.

That brought him into a laughing fit, which you joined in no time. In that moment you enjoyed the proximity, finding comfort against his scales and humming in small contentment as the hilarity died down.

“... This is what I like,” you started softly. “Spending moments like this with someone I care about.”

You felt Mikey’s body tense up a bit, although he never moved his arm from around you. Meeting his baby blue eyes seemed to calm him a bit, your tender smile reassuring any concerns he might have had at the moment.

“You... you mean it?” he added tentatively.

“Since quite a while, yeah,” you confessed. “I mean ... how could I even resist that body, hot damn!” adding next with amusement.

“Oh you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, sugar tits.”

That made you laugh again, catching you off-guard. Feeling him nuzzle your hair simply reinforced that sensation of goodness, as if you were floating on a cloud. Bringing your attention back to him again, you moved a hand to his cheek, this sweet, tender motion getting a small churr out of Mikey - especially when your thumb started to slowly stroke his scales.

“You see?” you started once more. “You don’t have to change for anybody. ... You’re perfect the way you are, Mikey. All I need is someone like you.”

He was lost in thoughts for a second, rewinding the conversation you two just had.

“... You think I’m strong, funny, compassionate and cute?”

Your smile was now warm, knowing he was listing back what you said earlier.

“Of course, silly! I just had you in mind when I said that.”

You saw him move his free hand, leaving a finger to the side of his throat, were a pulse would be at. He frowned lightly:

“... Aight, I’m still alive. This ain’t heaven. Coolcoolcoolcool, cooooool.”

“Did I say something wrong?” you added, slightly nervous.

Mikey was quick to react: “Goddamn, no! This is probably the second best day of my life, ever!”

“What’s the first?”

He grinned: “When I discovered pizza, duh.”

“Oh, oh sure, yes. How could I ever forget about the divine food of the gods,” you replied, mokcing a serious tone.

His hold on you squeezed a little more, bringing you both closer.

“Now you’re speaking my language. We’re truly made for one another,” he added, trying to sound flirty.

This amusement felt so natural and comfortable, it was pretty much a no brainer when you closed the remaining small distance and gave a first kiss to his lips. The mutant was surprised at first, but easily complied as his heart threatened to burst out of his chest. As you both paused, keeping close, a whisper left your lips:

“I like you, Mikey.”

To which he replied in a similar tone, before kissing you again: “I like you too.”

[dememetor]

HEY HEY HEY

I love your writing, can I please get jealous hcs for anyone? Please include suna thi he's my latest brainrot hAHA

hi, thanks for the request! and suna brainrot?? bitch me too the fuck. anyways, hope you enjoy~

(also sorry this is kinda late, i've rewritten iwaizumi and bokuto ones a million times)

Haikyuu boys when they're jealous

characters suna rintarou, kuroo tetsurou, iwaizumi hajime, bokuto koutarou, kenma kozume

warnings none but i'm probably gonna say fuck at some point

Suna Rintarou

he tries to be chill about it, he does

it hurts his ego to be this clingy but god

he can't help but to feel that sour sting of jealousy when he sees another guy approaching you

at first will only take a quick glance from afar, just to check if the guy is bothering you, and then promises himself to stay out of your business

well he doesn't

once he decides the guy has lost talking-to-y/n-alone privilege, he will nonchalantly make his way towards you, one hand in his pocket, other sneaking its way to your shoulder, resting his elbow and giving the poor boy a menacing look

he can be pretty intimidating too with that eyeliner and all

(but that look only works on people that don't know him well, he tried it on atsumu once and the latter just laughed in his face)

not the type to be openly jealous but when he sees someone blatantly flirting with you he will start to give you the Glance

blinks slowly (you know, like that one blonde haired guy gif) and looks at you through raised eyebrows as if to say hey babe, i love you and i trust you. what the fuck tho

and when the guy starts being borderline creepy he'll appear between you - and i mean literally will inject himself between you two and strike a conversation with you as if nothing weird happened

they usually get the hint, but this one guy tried to go around him, still rambling about whatever and suna literally turned on his heel and said "come again?" with such unrivaled coldness, his eyes exuding just sheer fucking spite

but like i said, unless the other guy is asking for it, he's not the type to start a direct confrontation

will take you by the hand and leave without much thought because he simply doesn't have the time for that shit

he might seem grumpy afterwards but a couple of soft kisses usually do the trick

soft kisses which are followed by a breathless make out session with you on his kitchen counter because he still wants you to know you're only his

Kuroo Tetsurou

this little bitch

never gets jealous

and i mean never

once pretended he was jealous just to make you feel better (??? his logic? unparalleled) but once you found out you beat his ass

loves it when you get jealous though (he thinks it's cute)

sometimes he does get insecure, but he shows it in an unusual way

like if you've been talking to someone, smiling at your phone for a while he'll just get up and randomly do a couple puhs-ups, start flexing his muscles and shit

all while you're looking at him like,,

"babe, what are you doing"

"oh i didn't think you'd notice me there. since you're on your damn phone all day"

"...are you my mom?"

nah he'll be fine (will steal your phone though)

also it's the funniest thing when he sees someone trying to flirt with you

he will literally walk over there, introduce himself (not mentioning he's your boyfriend) and act really interested in the conversation

he plays this game where he tries to see how long will it take the guy to realise you two are together (longest time: 24 minutes, record holder: yahaba shigeru)

whenever the guy asks you something he will interrupt you and answer for himself as if the guy were flirting with him

"so, like what do you do in your free time?"

"not mu-"

"oh i love taking long walks on the beach, especially during sunsets. i really think it is healthy for the mind and the soul, not to mention quite romantic too. don't you too love sunsets, kevin?"

at one point kevin will have had enough of it

"i was talking to y/n alone here"

"aw don't worry, you're not bothering me"

he is such a pain in the ass

why can't he just be normal

Iwaizumi Hajime

rational, mature, i love him

seriously, he is the bestest boy and he will treat you so well because he trusts you and respects your friendship with other guys as well

but on those rare occasions when he does get jealous,, oh boy

first of all, the PDA skyrockets, he has to have his arm around you at all times - around your shoulder? on your waist? in your backpocket? his hand's been there done that

not in any way possesive but will be really annoying unless you give him your full undivided attention that day

he lets himself be selfish a bit, after all he is your boyfriend he can have you all to himself for a day, right?

jealous sex with him? better prepare a wheelchair cause you want be able to walk straight tomorrow

sees a boy trying to flirt with you? tries not to make a scene but absolutely will throw the first punch if he needs to

one day he was having a particularly rough time at practice and all he wanted to do was lose himself in your arms and fall asleep to the feeling your fingertips tangled in his hair

and then he saw this?? guy? (the audacity!) laughing with you after telling some dumb joke and let me tell you - iwaizumi wasn't having any of it

he came up to you from behind, wrapped his arms around your waist and planted a small kiss on the crook of your neck

"when are we going home, love?"

and he gives him the calmest yet most fear inducing stare from behind you

and suddenly the pattern on poor boy's pants starts to look awful lot like piss stain

it is actually kinda hot how one single look from him can cause such a reaction

"he was just asking about english homework babe"

"yeah that's what they all say"

Bokuto Koutarou

gets jealous so so easily

it is actually fascinating

will get mad at otome games

"what does jumin han have that i don't???"

god forbid you pay attention to your pet more than him (btw you have a golden retriever and his name is bean)

you're sitting on the couch cuddling with your dog, scratching his ears, ruffling his fur and all that, and there he is, your clingy boyfriend, snuggling right next to you, demanding you play with his hair too

so dramatic

"you smiled at him... the way you used to smile at me..."

"bokuto, he's a dog"

the only guy he trusts 100% to be around you is akaashi, even kuroo is on thin ice

but him and akaashi are something else, one time you three had a sleepover and you felt like you were the third wheel

will act like a tough serious boyfriend in front of others, especially your other guy friends but in reality will look for affection immediately after

oh while we're at it - jealous bokuto kisses? are the best kisses

will also force you to wear one of his shirts for the rest of the day

my poor man is so touch starved so when he feels insecure or jealous he will look for comfort in things like holding your hand, nuzzling your neck or giving forehead kisses

but later that day, when you two are sitting on the couch cuddling he will quietly ask you something along the lines of "you still think i'm pretty, right?"

you can feel him all over you - his hands are creeping down your waist, he's pulling you in, deepening the kiss until all you can see, think and feel is him

he wants to show you exactly how much he wants you and what you were missing out on while you weren't paying attention to him

and it shocks you for a moment because you didn't realise just how much that one short moment of jealousy actually stayed with him

you have to reassure him he's the most beautiful boy you have ever met, and not only that, but also the funniest and the most caring person as well, and that you would never leave his side no matter what happened

and as much as he loves getting praised he always gets embarrassed, so he just smiles in return, but he is also happy to know you're there for him and you don't think he is too much

Kenma Kozume

it depends on his mood honestly

sometimes he doesn't mind it even if the other guy is flirting with you and sometimes will get pissy if you smile at the cashier

but when this boy gets really jealous oh my GOD

he is just like bokuto if not worse; he just hides it so well

one time you went grocery shopping with him and spent the entire time texting your friend who had just told you she was visiting your city

and he got so offended

you didn't even notice it until later that day when you came home and he suddenly refused to cuddle with you

silent treatment

lifts his nose and ignores you, only giving you dirty side glances from under the eye

such a massive sense of pride in those 170 cm even oikawa would be impressed

in my country there's a saying "it's in the smallest bottle that the poison lies" and honestly? yeah

at some point you realise why he's acting like that and you start teasing him

"i am not jealous i am just mildly irritated" is the only thing he deems necessary to say before going back to being unnecessarily pissed

he reminds you of an angry cat

it's kind of amusing seeing him like this but you were also getting real tired of his shit

don't even try bribing him (you tried buying him over with a ps5 but he just looked at you unimpressed, disgusted that you think so low of him)

the only thing he will accept is a sincere apology

if it's sincere or not is up to him to decide, obviously

which can lead to quite some bickering

will try to get you to beg but please have dignity, if you do it once he will make you do it every time

yeah generally a lttle shit but his kisses after making up are just as eager as yours so