#and there are some song on guts that are more sincere. for sure.

[francesderwent]

I’ve been on a real Fearless kick lately and it always makes me feel some kinda way about Olivia Rodrigo’s body of work. and not even primarily about her and her talent and her songwriting, just about how different an experience it seems to be growing up as a young millennial woman versus growing up as a young gen z woman. take the total absence of any jealousy/self-image song on Taylor’s debut album or Fearless—because social media wasn’t this omnipresent perfect image factory and so the insecurity of growing up looked more like “Place In This World” or “The Outside”, fundamental experiences of questioning and longing that are deeply connected to our humanity, as opposed to “jealousy jealousy”, “pretty isn’t pretty”, or “lacy” which are founded on an obsession spiral that is literally only possible on that level because of the invention of the smartphone.

look at “Tell Me Why” or “Other Side of the Door” as opposed to “vampire” or “logical”—Taylor’s approach was a very straightforward “you acted this way and this is how it made me feel." it wasn’t until later that she started to make statements about patterns of behavior, because she simply couldn’t see them except in hindsight! she couldn’t say “this is what kind of man you are” or “this is what sort of relationship we had” until she had fully processed what happened—which is when we get songs like “Fifteen” and “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and “The Manuscript”. but because the younger generation breathes the air of pop psychology buzzwords, Olivia is diagnosing her exes and labeling her relationships right away. and you might say this is a good thing, that young women are armed with terms like “gaslighting” and taught to be suspicious of age gaps because of the power differential. but having the knowledge doesn’t seem to have protected Olivia at all. she still makes all the same mistakes, there’s literally a whole song all about knowing something is a bad idea and doing it anyway. she still dates the older guy, but then she has so many labels readymade to explain why it didn’t feel good that she doesn’t ever actually get down to saying how it felt—because I don’t think she knows. the younger generation acts like processing an experience means figuring out what tiktokified sound bite applies to it and then slapping the label on and moving forward. “my parents were emotionally abusive” “my ex was a narcissist” “my ex best friend gaslit me” etc. but it seems to me that’s skipping some necessary stages of actually processing your shit. “vampire” is Olivia trying to write “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” before she’s ever written (or felt) “Tell Me Why”. it’s the difference between “here’s to you and your temper, yes I remember what you said last night / and I know that you see what you’re doing to me, tell me why” on the one hand and “went for me and not her ‘cause girls your age know better” or “master manipulator, you’re so good at what you do” or “you convinced me it was all in my mind” on the other hand.

and another side effect of this, the big names in this younger generation of artists aren’t really writing love songs, and I don’t think that’s accidental. they literally do not have the vocabulary to do so. the psychology buzzwords that go around are all about toxic relationships and red flags. and so, deprived of a way of thinking about being in love, the love songs either fall flat (“I’ll go anywhere he goes and he says I’m so American”) or they simply don’t exist. the open-hearted sincerity of a “Hey Stephen” or “Jump Then Fall” is nowhere to be found.

[maxlarens]

oscar and 31?

31) doing a pinky swear

random but i listened to this and this dj set while writing this

It’s difficult to resist the lure of the music, the dance floor that churns and pulses at your back. The DJ cycles through euro-pop, 2000s anthems and countless club classics that make you itch to get up and dance, something tugging in your gut when you don't.

Max and Lando have already gone into the thick of it, leaving you and Oscar at the booth. And you've decided that you're not leaving Oscar. If he's not getting on the dance floor then you aren't either. Even if your leg is about to fall off from how much you've been tapping it to the beat and you keep tipping your head back to say oh, dude, I love this song.

He'd made some offhand comment the other day, when you and Lando first made these plans, something about how he was boring, of all things. How he wouldn't be any fun at a club. It's been eating at you since. The way he'd said it, not like it was something he came to on his own, but rather, like it was something someone had told him.

The absolute last thing Oscar Piastri is is boring.

You hate that he thinks he is, you hate that he thinks he needs to be a certain way to make you happy. To make anyone happy. And you certainly don't care if he doesn't want to dance at a club— no one's going to die if he doesn't, and you'll survive a few hours in the booth until Max tires of Lando and his boundless energy.

Across from you, Oscar's taking sips of his vodka pineapple. His pale cheeks have been steadily turning more red the more alcohol that he drinks, it's cute. You're turning your drink in circles, watching it leave condensation rings on the linoleum table. The DJ is playing a remix of Murder on the Dancefloor and you're about to tip your head back and groan oh my god I love this song,

but Oscar is laughing before the words can even leave your mouth.

"You love this song too?", he raises his very nice eyebrows at you, smiling that closed mouth polite cat smile everyone likes so much.

You sigh, laugh, then roll your eyes at yourself, "Yeah. Love it."

He smiles into his drink, it turns into something a little bittersweet after a moment of you watching him. You think of the sad way he'd twitched his nose the other day, while he was telling you he was boring. Without thinking, spurred on by the alcohol, you lean across the table and swat his hand with yours. But you don't move after, you just slip your fingers into the grooves of his knuckles.

"What are you thinking?"

He bites the inside of his bottom lip, shrugs, "Nothing important."

You're not convinced.

"Is this about you thinking you're boring, Oscar?" —he raises an eyebrow at you, one that says maybe, one that says go on— "Because you are not fucking boring, Piastri."

He laughs, but its critical, disbelieving. More of a scoff than a laugh, but he doesn't want you to catch on. He's trying to act like it's all fine. That's how he is— it's fine it's fine he says and he doesn't let anyone see that things hurt him. He's so good, so nice, so unwilling to make anyone else feel bad.

Positive, optimistic to a fault.

"You're not," you insist, pressing your fingertips into his knuckles.

He shrugs again, "I'm keeping you here. I know you want to go dance. You should go.”

You’re shaking your head before he can finish, “Oscar. Please, I will live. Anyway, sometimes I want to spend time with you without Lando hanging around, y’know.”

Oscar snorts, sincerely this time, “Yeah, he’s—”

“Annoying,” you supply.

“I was going to say a pain.”

“Same thing.”

“Mm,” Oscar snickers, “S’pose so.”

Then,

“Are you sure you want to stay here with me?”

You slide your fingers down to his wrist, gently turning his arm around so it faces upward. His skin is smooth where you trace the lines in his palm. You're both quiet, looking down at your hands where they're intertwined. If you're honest, you've kind of forgotten why you did that— your thoughts feel loose, a bit disconnected. Oscar is warm and sweet and here. You just wanted to touch his hand you think. You trace a line up his ring finger without thinking.

"I'm sure," you say, a little breathless for no good reason.

"Promise."

"Huh?", you drift your gaze up to his.

Polite cat smile, he repeats, "Promise?", it's more of a question now.

You nod seriously, curling your fingers into a fist and sticking your pinky finger out, "I pinky promise, Oscar."

He does the same, lifting his hand up in offering. Your pinkies lock together, he squeezes tightly and you pull against him, like the tighter the promise is the more that you mean it.

[lxvebun]

I'll wait forever if I have to

synopsis:you're worried Satoru's teasing has gone a bit too far. There's nothing wrong with saving your first kiss for someone special, right?

content: Suguru Geto x gender neutral reader. Fluff! Comes off a lil angsty in the beginning but its fluffy and sickeningly sweet. Around 1k words. Written with hidden inventory arc in mind so you'd be in the same grade together, but read it however you want♡.We are all a little lovesick for Suguru and he's a lil lovesick for you♡ eng is not my first language so i'm sorry for any mistakes♡ enjoy!!

Based on Satoru's version of the fic♡

"Does it bother you that Satoru teases you so much?" The question breaks the comfortable silence you had as he walked you home. Sky fading from pink and orange cotton candy clouds to a clear and deep navy gradient canvas clustered with stars and moonlight.

Suguru is Gojo's bestfriend. You're sure he's used to his antics. Still, Satoru can take it a little far sometimes. Being oblivious to or ignoring the line completely. Crossing over it with a skip in his step and a smirk on his face.

"There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person, you know." You reassure. Perhaps a little to yourself too. You'd wait forever for him, not that he knows.

(You kinda wish he did.)

You keep your voice soft, and soothing even with the unintentional undertone of worry. But Soothing enough to dulcify if Satoru's teasing did leave some cracks in his heart.

He lets out a low amused hum in agreement. Smooth as warm honey. Its drum startling the butterflies between your ribs awake. Not that he has to do much anyway to awaken them. It seems like they are always fluttering around when he's near. A bit smothering at times. Making your head fog over with images of liquid golden eyes and sickeningly sweet smiles.

You reach the traffic light before he speaks again. Filling the silence of waiting until the red light turns green.

"You don't have to worry about that, y/n. It's not hurting my feelings. I'm more than content to wait for my person" he answers sincerely. Not an ounce of impatience dripped from his voice. He means every word.

My person. his words weigh a little heavy on your heart. My person. Does that mean he already has his eyes set on someone? You're pretty sure a few of the butterflies have lost it's wings. Wings Shriveled and shattered at the thought. Broken bodies wriggling uncomfortably in your gut. Anxious and mourning as you think over who it could be. Would it be different if you'd just confessed already? Did you miss your chance or was there never any to begin with?

(The thought of him making someone else's heart race the way he does yours makes you a little sick)

You don't look at him. He's always been good at reading you, so in tune with your well being. You're an open book to him and usually, you're more than happy to let his fingers glide over the pages. Break you open to study you up close. Hoping that one of the words, one of the chapters in there is enough to lure him in, like a sirens song. Enough to steal his heart ...damn, how dare he fall for someone else.

"Sounds like you already have someone in mind, then". It comes out forced as you swallow down what you really want to say. Unable to decide between cursing him out or confessing to him on the spot.

You keep your gaze at the light ahead as if the force of it can will it into turning from this horrible shade of red to green, so this conversation can be over. So you can continue to walk in silence, so he can drop you off at the front door, wait until he hears the lock click from inside as he always does and you can dive into the comfort of your bed, dream of what could have been and try your best to move on

(You don't think you can if you're honest)

But again, you're an open book to him. He almost looks proud as he glances you over. Standing up a little straighter, failing to suppress a smile. A horribly beautiful smile that does not at all fit the turmoil inside your head. As if you're reaction solidified something in him.

God, how long does it take for a light to switch?

Your gaze doesn't falter as he steps closer to you. His warmth, his cologne enveloping your senses, wrapping around you like a spiderweb. Fitting as you feel like your heart is going to be torn out at any moment. Waiting for the words that will fracture your hopes. you think of just booking it through the red right at this point and leave him to choke on his rejection.

"Will you look at me, please"

He's replicating the soothing tone you used on him. Only he's so much better at it. Smooth like warm butter and sweet as syrup. How could you possibly deny him when he sounds this heavenly.

He's a patient man, he is. But he doesn't want to hurt you. Doesn't want you to shatter your own heart even more by thinking he could ever love someone the way that he loves you. As if he could ever want anyone else when it's always going to be you that captured his heart.

His fingers slide under your jaw, grip delicate as can be as he turns your head to meet his eyes. You're a little embarrassed at the lack of resistance on your part.

His face is kind. And despite your hesitance, his eyes are easy to hold. Feeling like sunsets on a warm summer evening.

"I'm just waiting for you to be ready too. However long it takes."

A timer goes off. The light has finally turned green. you both stay unmoving.

You feel like you've been staring into his eyes for hours when really it's only been a few seconds of silence after his words. Then you half-heartedly push him off. A laugh bubbles up your throat, relief evident in the melodic tone.

"you're awful, you know that?" not a sliver of actual malice in your words. He knows that too. continuing to stare at you fondly, eyes soft and a little love-sick. Smiling brightly at your words as if you complimented him.

"And you're beautiful"  the timer of the traffic light is sounding quicker now, similar to the beating of your heart. Indicating that it will soon turn red again.

You have a moment of bravery. confidence, as you intertwine your fingers with his and pull him across the street before the light turns red. His grip is nice and firm, tracing heart shapes on the back of your hand with his thumb. Doodling silent I love you's into your skin.

you continue to walk to your home together. Hands now interlaced. Hearts intertwined. Crisp evening air kissing your skin and calming the heat blooming in your body.

"I don't want to have my first kiss at a traffic light. You deserve something more romantic than that too," you begin. swaying your hands back and forth. Focusing on the street infront of you. You see your front door coming into view.

"But if you feel the urge to kiss me as you drop me off at my doorstep," you see him begin to grin in the corner of your eye. It tugs at the corners of your lips too

"I'll let you"

thank you for reading, angels!! I'm havinf such Suguru brainrot atm😩🩷 he's so cute.

Also I thought his eyes were brownish/ gold because I always just imagine him with that but they are purple....🔪 YOU🫵 ARE GOING TO IGNORE THAT FOR NOW AND IMAGINE THEY ARE GOLD AS WELL. Thank you🩷

[hearts4golbach]

The Night Shift.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

chapter 16.

i woke up the next morning with the pain in my head finally hitting me. I groaned quietly. my back was pressed into johnnie as his arms were wrapped around me. I looked back to see if he was asleep, and he was, but the pain was unbearable. as much as I'd love to stay in bed with him, I couldn't. I slipped out of his arms and ran to the bathroom. I scrounged through the cabinets to find some sort of pain medication. I found ibprofien and quickly took it, desperate for the throbbing in my head to end.

"God damn drug addict." jakes raspy morning voice commented from behind me, making me jump.

"Holy fuck, it's ibprofien." I retorted, placing my hand over my racing heart.

"mhm." he replied sassily before wondering off somewhere else.

it was quiet in their house, almost too quiet. even though I enjoyed it, the silence nearly hurt my ears. I leaned into the mirror, spreading apart my hair so the stitches were visible. they were dark and ugly, making me cringe to see myself like this. I groaned quietly, rubbing my temples as I made my way back to Johnnie's room.

Johnnie was still tangled in the blanket we shared. His arm was rested over his forehead while the other was over his stomach, and his legs spread apart. I smiled softly and crawled back in next to him, not bothering pulling the covers over myself as I went on my phone. I clicked on Johnnie's Instagram and began to scroll through his posts. The majority of them were covers of songs that I knew and loved, which shocked me. I clicked on one and turned up the volume slightly.

"Now, turn away." he sang softly, "if you could get me a drink of water cause my lips are chapped and faded."

he looked off into the distance, his hair covering his eyes ominously. my heart fluttered, hearing his voice. I glanced towards him to make sure he was still sleeping and kept listening.

"Call my aunt Marie, help her gather all my things, and bury me in all my favorite colors. my sisters and my brothers, still." he went an octive down, "I will not kiss you. cause the hardest part of this is leaving you."

he emphasized his words, making his tone sound desperate and needy. It was a gut-wrenching cover of Cancer by My Chemical Romance. he continued to play the guitar, taking a break from singing before starting again.

"now, turn away. cause in awful just to see, cause all my hairs abandoned all my body, all my agony." he sang deeper once more, "know that I will never marry, baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo. were cou-" the recording cut off at that, making me put down my phone. I glanced towards johnnie, assuming he was still sleeping, yet I ended up making eye contact with him.

"shit," I jumped. "Morning."

"Hi." he smirked. "What was that?"

"Uh, your video just- popped up on my feed." I stuttered, trying to mask the clear embarrassment.

"So? did you like the cover?" he joked, propping his head up in his hand. I glanced over him, looking at his shirtless torso before making eye contact with him once more.

"Yeah, it was good." I said nonchalantly. I shrugged and sat up. I looked around his room before my eye landed on his guitar. "You should play something for me."

he smiled, seemingly excited that I want him to play for me. "what song?"

I pondered for a moment. "I can't really think of a song I specifically want you to play. Just play the first thing that comes to mind." i stretched and laid back down as he walked over to his acoustic guitar.

he messed with a couple chords before he began to play, strumming the strings as he skillfully moved his fingers across the fret board. he began to sing softly, "with your feet on the air and your head on the ground,"

my heart ached as his voice making my stomach turn. he had a sincere look on his face as he stared down at his strumming hand. i shut my eyes for a moment, listening to him sing.

"try this trick and spin it," his angelic voice rang throughout the room. "your head will collapse if there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself, 'where is my mind?'" he looked up, making eye contact with me as he finished up the section of the song. "where is my mind?"

i smiled softly, asking him to play more. he agreed and played two more songs for me. he made me feel so special as i was getting my own personal concert. he looked up at me after finishing his last song, moving his guitar off of his lap. silence filled the room as he waited for me to speak up. "you genuinely have one of the best voices i've ver heard." i cringed at myself, the word vomit was embarrassing.

a grin grew on his face as well as a light pink blush. "thank you. uh, what are your plans for today?" he stuttered, scratching his neck.

"i was just going to rest and help you and Jake around the house. my head still really hurts." i set my hands in my lap.

"you don't need to worry about helping around the house." he shook his head.

"well, i'm staying with you for who knows how long. i'm not just going to sit back while you two do all the house work. it's not fair." i explain.

"i mean, if you really want to. i'm just saying me and jake got it." he shrugged. "when are you planning to go back to work?"

"i can't really take time off. you know i work alone, nobody else is on that shift usually. i have to call one of the weekend people to fill in. speaking of, i should probably do that now." i picked up my phone and began typing.

"it doesn't really seem healthy to be the only one working night shift, that's a lot on you. you should find someone to work with you." he said, concerned.

"i guess i could." i shrug him off. i paused to think! "thank you for everything, johnnie."

he furrowed his eyebrows. "what are you thanking me for?"

"helping me with all of this, and making my nights a lot less boring."

he grinned, "don't thank me for that. it's all good." he sat on the bed next to me, our knees grazing eachother. "do you want to watch a movie or something?"

i quickly nodded, "yeah, that sounds good. gives me a chance to rest my head a little more." his eyes fill with worry as he looks at the stitches. "don't look, they look disgusting." i complain, looking away as i cover my head.

johnnie moved my hand down, "you're fine, they look fine. don't worry, y/n."

i nodded, my heart racing as we made eye contact. he kept his hand rested on mine, glancing between my lips and my eyes. i melted under his touch, giving into my strong feelings. his hand cupped my cheek as he began to lean in.

"Johnnie! y/n!!" jake called, knocking before opening the door. johnnies lips were nearly touching mine as we both pulled away, startled by jake. he jangled the keys in his hand, "let's go get your car."

i nodded, "o-okay." i stood up quickly and slipped on my shoes, tension rising between me and johnnie as we made our way out to the car.

[roo-bastmoon]

With 17 versions to buy and 8 versions combined for 160 streams per Spotify account, plus Melon and FLO streams now counting, of course Jungkook’s Seven is charting high and sweeping awards. Firstly because it’s Jungkook of course, and secondly because it’s been given every possible advantage.

My (perhaps controversial) opinions about that are below the cut.

Honestly? I really can’t feel good about any “first” or “most” or “fastest” records achieved by this single—catchy as it is—which wasn’t written or conceived by Jungkook and has nothing much personal or deeply meaningful about it. It’s a fun feel-good summer pop song, for sure, but no more groundbreaking than, say, Bad Decisions (in my opinion… I have no musical expertise.)

But I can’t feel super great about all the records and awards because this many versions immediately restocked and shipped and auto play and promoted to radio and ads and leadership hyping only this while Jungkook says he wants to be the one and only artist to conquer kpop and pop for the next thousand years… it all just doesn’t really sit right with me.

When compared to the 10 months Jimin forewent sleep, food, and showers to have a hand in every aspect of his first (and deeply personal and symbolic) album, which was never sent to radio or restocked, got split tracks and delayed playlisting and shady articles, plus not one kudos or congratulations from leadership even after he made history for South Korea and stocks soared…

Forgive me, but it all leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It is ruining the song for me.

Some things like culled streams and sales are out of the company’s control. But the things I mentioned above were all possible for Jimin’s Hot 100 #1. Even if every Tannie has total say in their projects' sales and marketing, and everyone was on board with only Jungkook getting the Hybe America "red carpet" treatment, I can’t lie and say the stark difference feels fine. It doesn't, and I confess I leave the headphones in every time Seven comes up in the playlists now.

I’m not jealous. If anything, I have a warped sense of pride that Jimin has done so fantastically well despite so many, many obstacles stacked against him. I love to champion an underdog and I’m glad I never need to doubt his success was organic. I actually feel extra admiration for how humble and hardworking he continues to be—no resting on any laurels for the It Boy. I'm so glad he is my ult-bias.

*sigh*

Listen to me.

I know Jungkook and Jimin are both genuinely good people. I know they are sincerely talented and hard working. I know they truly love each other. I know all members are legitimately happy for each others' success.

I know what’s important to me may not be important to them, nor what they want for their careers. And even if I feel their company’s making shitty decisions, I know my place as a fan.

So I trust them. And I simply hang in. I hope lessons were learned for smoother, fairer future releases. Because neglecting assets makes zero business sense, and perceived favoritism can erode the group’s bonds and tear ARMY apart. It is, frankly, just plain stupid.

So I may dislike things about their solo era rollouts and I can't bring myself to sugar-coat it; but I mostly try to keep my negative thoughts to myself and find things I CAN celebrate with other fans on an open timeline.

I never want another Tannie to feel anguished and misunderstood the way Hobi did about JitB’s physicals.

Watching Jungkook’s face here on his London live when he talks about people hating him just haunts me. It guts me. I can't stand it. That kid was going through it and I don't believe he has a malicious bone in his body, so it just really upsets me seeing him like that.

There’s so, so much about this company, this industry, this culture that I just don’t understand. But I trust Park Jimin completely. As long as Park Jimin loves and supports his members, God knows, I will too.

So!! On that note...

We have Jungkook’s birthday to celebrate next week and Taehyung’s album to support the week after that. I’m going to do my best to rest up and gather some good energy for these things!

And of course, we must congratulate our Jimin, who made history again today, and no matter what, will always set the standard. I just know he's cooking up something else for us with all these weeks of silence, and I cannot wait to go BERSERK for it whenever it drops.

I’m not really sure I had a point to this post. It’s just that I have been mulling all this over for a long time, and finally felt well enough to sit up long enough to come online and type up my thoughts.

I guess what I mostly wanted to share with my friends here is that it’s okay to feel really disappointed and even enraged at the way some things play out over the (hopefully life-long) careers of BTS members. Don't let folks gaslight you. Call it like you see it. (Maybe keep sensitive things behind a cut or in the DMs--and of course, please change your mind if you get better insight. In the end, only the Tannies really know what's going on with the Tannies.)

But while I’m still side-eyeing the company so hard right now, I’ve decided to love and support the boys as people and artists. I'm trying to believe the best in everyone. I’m still an OT7 Jikooker.

You don’t have to agree with me, and if you need to unfollow, I understand. But I figured I should just tell you guys (especially the new followers) where I am at with all this.

Love, Roo

[streaminn]

Tongues & Teeth I (wenclair)

lil au where its after season one and semester break, more explanation in my past posts tbh but essentially Enid feels like she’s doesn’t deserve to be standing by Wednesday and does smth about it until some other pack of werewolves come strolling into town.

includes more indepth werewolf lore and mannerism

--

Perhaps it was the fact that Wednesday finally settled down after the whirlwind of events that is her first semester but she could not help but note that something seemed off.

She curses at herself for feeling so unsettled, you would think being away from the institution she so desperately tried to escape from at the start would be relieving but instead it left her with an irritating tingling underneath her skin and she did not know why.

Was it her abode? No, she did not think so.

Everything seemed the same in the Addams manor: Pugsley’s incessant cheap attempts at assault still lingered every moment, Thing scuttled around like the spy he is and her Parents continue to scorch her eyes with their over the top affections.

(She does not mention that emptiness in her arms, the shiver in her skin everytime she brushes near someone.

Something was wrong and she can not figure out why.

Perhaps she is ill?)

It is when she goes to visit the town's mall for a family outing, two weeks away from Nevermore, that she is sharply reminded of what's missing.

It was the background song of a song that strikes her like a sword. It had a familiar nauseating tune, so loud and so Enid that she had to physically stop at the sudden ache in her chest at the remembrance of her friend.

Oh.

Oh.

“No wonder,” Wednesday murmurs, pointedly ignoring her Mother’s look. 

Enid truly left her mark and to think she had slipped Wednesday’s mind is inexcusable. An Addams always honours their words and distance wasn’t supposed to make her forget.

Safe to say, after some scouring through the brick of a phone for the necessary information, she goes and sends a message.

Wednesday knows that her roommate is a phone addict, always having it on her body when she could and she vaguely remembers how fast it would appear whenever a notification would sound.

She was not unsettled when after an hour or so, no reply had come with her message. She also had not reread her words to make sure she came off wrong.

Enid, How has your early break treated you? It has been a while since we have come in contact and the fault lies with me. I may have forgotten to exchange information when Xavier has gifted me this phone. Do tell me about your recent days. Sincerely, Wednesday Addams.

Was it too blunt? Too sharp, too uncaring?

Wednesday didn’t know and so she settled with ending the night early, anything to pass the churning in her gut.

In the morning, she felt the crawling of bugs scuttling along her stomach when she opened the phone. Her heart felt like the repeating banging of the doorbell as she stood up fully.

Enid Sinclair has sent (6) message.

OMG WEDNESDAY?? THE Wednesday Addams!?

You type like a nerd 😮

Pls dont kill me, this isi all slash jay

Joking! All jokin

My days just go so much better now! Bc leik omg, i genuinely didnt expect this

This is amazing weds im telllin u

It brings something to her face, to see such familiar words. Although some of the diction was confusing, Wednesday chalked it up to being an Enid thing. Just with her words, it's almost like Enid was chattering right away next to her.

Wednesday and Enid continue to text all throughout their break like this. Always in the mornings then picking up in the afternoon.  One totally unaware of what is happening to the other.

–

Enid doesn’t frequent the library, simply because it isn’t exactly one of the most well known places in her town. Why was this being brought up? Well her mother kicked her out of the house, murmuring to stay out of trouble because another pack of wolves is coming to town. 

It made Enid slouch, a frown on her lips. She’s a little high strung but she doesn’t cause trouble unless someone starts it.

It's not her fault her brothers got too physical, she was just repaying the favour.

So now here she is, in a library. Why is she in the Library? Well, it's because the smell of old books caught her attention. It was so irritating, being so sensitive to smells because holy moly do people stink but here? In the aisles of dusty shelves and old paper, it's almost like she’s standing next to Wednesday again.

A part of her whines at the loss of lavender and ink, that was what's missing. She was missing Wednesday and she got reminded of it when she got her texts just this morning.

God, she really really missed that girl.

Who knew being in such close proximity made her so clingy?

But it's okay! They were texting and omygod does that make her heart race. She could spend her whole day doing this, except Wednesday has stuff to do and she’s left staring at the block of text.

With a sigh, Enid pulls a random book from the shelf, admiring the simple name pressed on its side. Ravens and Wolves, how curious. She was about to open it until the chime of the library bell alerts her to a newcomer.

Normally she wouldn’t really care, a glance maybe and then back to her own world. Until a smell hits her sensitive nose and she staggers back like a newborn deer.

The scent of overwhelming ash fills the building, one that makes her hiss and attempt to plug her nose with a hand. God, these powers! so infuriating. There's something else in the air, something the other wolf is projecting but it's so hard to focus when her eyes are watering.

It's when she sees someone's shoes on the corner of her vision does Enid finally look up. In the sea of overwhelming fear pouring over her head, a flash of confusion and annoyance strikes her brain. Who does this wolf think he is? To corner a teen like this, it almost makes her wonder what Wednesday would do.

Probably stab him but that isn't allowed here.

So her hand tightens on the spine of the book as her body screams at her to run. She does want to follow but a part of her doesn’t want to move and she agrees.

Because honestly, what's with people and prodding and pushing? 

She’s just here, trying to read and then some asshole comes to stare her down. This wasn’t just over some book either because she has never felt such curiosity and amusement oozing off someone more than now.

With a frown, Enid places the book back and quickly shuts off her phone before pocketing it. Not liking the way his eyes seem to stare at it for a moment.

He certainly didn’t seem that imposing, but he just had this serial killer vibe that made her give a shaky smile in turn, anything to try and keep the peace.  The man just tilts his head in reply, giving a lip closed smile in turn. 

It makes the hairs on her neck rise.

Honestly, she would’ve assumed the guy was harmless if it weren't for the amount of edgy vibes wafting off like smoke, just about threatening to choke her out. It claws at her senses and Enid doesn’t know if he’s even doing it on purpose.

It's like the air around him was naturally dense, making it hard to even stand so close.

“So you’re the blood moon pup,” he starts and the mention of that night has Enid growling, eyes narrowed as she stands straight. When had she slouched?

Blood moon this, blood moon that. She doesn’t know much of the significance other than the fact that it's a special night and that her parents told her to be hush about it. The other werewolf gave her side eyes but it never went more than that.

Almost immediately, the air went from slowly suffocating to thick and absolutely choking and Enid swallows on another instinctive growl. Oh shit-

The wolf is still smiling and in fact, it seems to have gotten bigger - amused - but Enid can see the hint of anticipation, of threat in his lips. Her mind screams at that, clawing at her shoulders and she steps back, trying to push down such bothersome instincts.

“Don’t be like that,” he chides, stepping forward as his lips pulled into a showcase of teeth. “I’m just curious about the late bloomer and it's not everyday a pup shifts in a blood moon.”

He says it's important, like a symbolism from some god. Enid is reminded of a delusional preacher at this moment. Honestly she should care about why so many people seem to care about the moon, but there was no point. She could shift now, she could protect now- 

That's all that matters.

Protecting what hers.

Protecting Wednesday.

“What about it?” she grits out.

He taps at his cheek and Enid remembers the scar on her face. She has it bared to the world to see, even securing a clip to keep her hair. She should be slouched about it, vanity was all she had before she shifted but now?

It was a trophy, a sign that she had taken care of what's her.

“I simply wonder what a pup like you had to go through to shift on that night,” he murmurs, all easy words and shrugging shoulders. “You’re an abnormality, did you know that?”

Those words nearly make her see red. Abnormal, outcast, not like the rest-

Who is this asshole to think he can say what he wants?

“What about it!?” she barks back, voice rising as she steps forward, ignoring the aching pressure rising in her chest. “I had to fight for someone and I would do it again and again if I had to!”

(Wednesday was choking and so small in that fuckers hands and she never felt such rage before, burning and coiling under her skin.

She blacks out after Wednesday calls for her. 

Enid wakes up naked and there's blood under her nails and something sticking onto her throat.)

Her words immediately tempered off as unease began scratching up her spine. Something is screaming at her to shut up, to stay away. Normally she would’ve chalked it out as her instincts being crazy about someone unnecessary but she has never felt like this before and the want to run suddenly comes. 

Other packwolves don’t feel like this, not even the pack leader that takes charge of her family. It's like there's a shroud hanging around the wolf’s shoulders, like a curl of death’s veil so ready to swallow her whole.

He’s terrifying, but if there’s one thing Enid is good at, it’s fake it till you make it.

“It's not everyday I meet such a pup with no manners,” he says. “You can call me Romulus and you’re Enid Sinclair, yes?”

“Just Enid,” she chokes out, trying to force down the churning in her stomach. His name rings a few bells and it suddenly hits her. This was the alpha, the pack leader of the wolves visiting.  What's the leader doing interacting with a kid like her? “What do you want from me?”

It makes her step back and she watches how the older wolf seems to follow her movements easily, trailing after like a creep until she’s caught against a wall. It makes a sound bubble out from her chest as she scowls. 

He laughs, throaty and almost borderline a growl. “Right, sorry Just Enid.” He waves his hand and she watches the tips of sharp nails.

It's not like she can just run, he’s standing at her only exit and despite the pride in her stomach, Enid has no choice but to cower. Her lips pulled back into a snarl and fully unleashed the low growl from her throat.

“So feisty,” he says, giving a lil chuckle.

Romulus laughs, all teeth in display as he leans to meet her eyes. Ice blue, she notes. Similar to hers.

It makes Enid’s face scrunch.

“Is that all you came here to say?” she asks, staring at him with a face completely open to her distaste. She knew other werewolves can be weird as hell, but to think that they were this weird. He looked too calm and if the glimmer in his eyes said anything, entertained as well. Even with her growling, he didn’t seem to take her as a threat.

If he keeps pushing, then she’ll fully fight back. Pack leader or no, no one is going to push her around like this. It's insulting- Wednesday would never stand for this!

It was unnerving. Even the sight of her teeth or claws was enough to make someone pause but not this guy.

“Hmm…” Every bone in Enid's body tensed as the older wolf reached out, and her eyes widened as the hand drew closer to her face. She briefly believed the man was going to destroy her eyes, but instead, he gently plucked at a lock of her coloured hair while twirling his finger over it.  "Every other day, go to the library. You're a very interesting kid. I want to know more."

No, no way.

Romulus didn't react negatively to the blatant disrespect; instead, he just hummed softly, his eyes gleaming brightly in the faint light of the building and his face expressionless. Enid would have been concerned, even terrified, but she is too furious to give a damn.

Enough with the passivity, Wednesday would not stand for this stuff any longer!

“Back away! Don't you see how weird you seem right now?” Smacking the hand away from her head, Enid growled. "You're sounding like a creep!"

"I'm the creep?" he laughs. "weren't you the one staring at that gadget off yours? Addams was it?"

Enid felt all of the air leave her lungs, shoulders rising as she tensed up. What did he say?

"What're you trying to imply you sick fuck!?"

She expected a shout back, instead...

For almost three seconds, everything in their small space was silent - aside from Enid's growls - before a louder, more menacing rumbling literally halted the younger blonde in her tracks.

Romulus didn't growl. He wasn't showing teeth, and neither were his lips pushed back. He no longer has that unsettlingly blank expression; instead, a slight smile is pulling at the corner of his lips and he looks pleasantly amused. He doesn't appear to be a threat at all, but the deep rumbling from his chest startled Enid and caused her to spill out a whine before she could control herself. Even though it sounded like a warning rather than a typical growl, this one  seemed more like a gentle reprimand aimed to get her to stop acting out without actually scaring her.

That only scared Enid even more.

Enid's eyes widened as her whining subsided, completely dumbfounded by her own response. She was used to being growled at by other pack leaders, who have also warned and scolded her but she's never felt a reaction like that, not even when some of the wolves at school snapped at her in the beginning. Sure,  she may have grudgingly stopped, but she never complained and she never caved so quickly. Enid was right. This wolf was a problem; something about him was off; like every part of her knew he wasn't a typical wolf.

“That’s better.” The older blonde cooed, hand reaching forward to comb through the pup’s hair gently and this time Enid was too in shock to slap the hand away. “I assure you, I have no interest in anything like that. Late shifting at a blood moon is particularly odd in my life so I'm curious.” Enid could only weakly glare at the title. “So humour me, you wouldn’t want anything to happen to that…” he seems to humm before giving a smile, all teeth and fangs on display. “Wednesday, right? You should really keep your phone shut, pup.”

“Leave her alone!” She hissed, tone on the verge of sounding desperate and far from the angry, defensive growling from before. She barely got out of a Hyde attack and a part of her fears what will happen if she goes against a whole pack but she isn’t going to turn her back to one person that holds her like she’s precious. “If you think I won't claw your face out simply because you're some bigshot then you're wrong!”

“Then just talk with me, come to the library every other day and i don't need to drag not just your friend but your whole pack." The subtle threat wasn’t even subtle at all and Enid just glared harder. “That’s all I want.” Romulus continues, removing his hand from Enid’s hair and trailing down the side of her face before drawing back.

So she tears her eyes away and nods because fuck, she couldn’t exactly say no, now could she?

She grits her teeth as she searches the other man’s face for a minute, trying to find something, anything, that could show this was a trick. But his expression is frustratingly equal parts soft and terribly amused. There’s no hint of danger nor anger there, even after he growled at Enid, even after the pup had been constantly disrespectful as a way to get the man to just go away.

Enid clenched her hands into fists to stop them from shaking. She was never this violent, never this quick to anger and that made her hesitate, made her think. This is fine, she tries to reassure herself. If she can handle a pompous werewolf, she can handle whatever dumb noble Wednesday’s family could throw at her.

Her scars ache at the touch and it's a reminder of what Enid is willing to do for Wednesday.

“That’s it?” She whispered, the fire burning in her slowing down to ambers.

“That’s it.” The wolf echoed.

[echotunes]

Slimecicle characterization: (sorry this is a bit long)

* Mainly referred to as slime but close friends (Wilbur, Philza, etc.) almost exclusively call him Charlie

* He makes up slime related words a lot and will just make random noises

* Makes up songs a lot/ will replace lyrics of existing songs to whatever he finds situationally appropriate/ funny

* Does both goofy humor where he laughs at himself/ along with others and dry humor where he plays everything totally straight

* “Yarf/ I’m gonna yarf” (throw up)

* “My bones!” (When hurt)

* Doesn’t use emoticons in messages, no caps unless it’s the full word for emphasis, single messages with punctuation if needed (chat example: “we won the war. (qsmp)” vod 35:45 you can see his chat history with Foolish)

* He has a really extensive vocabulary and when making jokes will always switch up the phrasing/ use synonyms so as to not say the same words repeatedly

* He will make jokes to himself/ quietly and if no one heard it then he might repeat it once more but never more than that

* He makes himself the butt of the joke a lot, especially with new people. Only when he’s super close friends with someone will he makes jokes about them

* Literally king of the bit. Will take any opportunity to continue a bit or make a new one (breaking Roier’s windows, calling Phil old, getting “stuck” in the ghost maze)

* Mf is both easily distracted and laser focused, often at the same time and rarely aware of his surroundings

* He almost never responds to being hit when people are trying to get his attention, especially if he’s having a conversation with someone else (in general if he’s having a one on one convo with someone he’s practically blind to anyone else)

* Doesn’t move around when talking to the point that someone may leave his view and it might take a few seconds for him to move to see them again

* Despite being highly social he doesn’t like interacting with large groups that have multiple conversations going on (most likely cause it’s hard for him to pull focus) - he’ll often ask others to step to the side

* *After leaving a group* “I can finally hear myself think”

* He’s isn’t super knowledgeable about minecraft so isn’t aware of a lot of mechanics. He plays almost exclusively to hang out with people and doesn’t enjoy doing things alone

* Will play into his own ignorance for a joke - typically comically over exaggerated

* He’s super grateful for gifts and if it’s something that directly benefits him (amour, food, supplies) he’ll always ask if the giver is sure

* If he’s around quackity there is an extremely high chance of him getting manipulated

* Boy has pipes and while yes this does make him a good singer it also makes him a really loud screamer

* Loves to be silly and goofy and then pulls out the most gut wrenching angst/ trauma you’ve ever had the misfortune of witnessing

* When in serious situations will entirely drop any jokes and talks very sincerely/ more soft voice

Specifically QSMP

* Canonically can shape shift

* Was kept in a cage as a child and had abusive parents and multiple other siblings who are assumedly deceased

* Thinks very lowly of himself and doesn’t think himself deserving of any kindness shown towards him since accidentally killing Tilín

* Is an alcoholic and self harms (uses a taser to electrocute himself when he feels sad… which is often)

* Loves his family more than anything and actively talks about how much he misses them every time he streams

* Fights with Mariana are more humor based - like what’s the most absurd thing that can be said

* Repeats eggs’ names a lot when talking to them

* There’s natural gas in his mine that makes him hallucinate and forget things

(I definitely went a bit overboard with this so feel free to pick and choose what would actually be useful for the cheat sheet. Hopefully there’s some helpful stuff here 💙)

!! ty so much anon! I'm not much of a Charlie viewer so this is a big help I'll make sure to add it to the doc

[dollarbin]

Nickel Bin #13:

Loudon Wainwright's Dead Skunk

It's Wednesday, May 29th 2024, and, if all goes well, tomorrow morning the sun will rise, all warm and smiling, and the little birds will tweet merrily as I rise up from sleep, filled with boldness and joy.

Then, after five days spent creeping around in a mask like it's 2021 all over again, my Covid test will come back negative at the very same moment that a New York jury declares Donald Trump a convicted felon.

There will be world peace by lunch time and my students will welcome me back on campus with cheers, eagerly showing off their completed homework.

It will be so sweet. But, what's more, as icing on my turntable, (I don't like cake) I'll return home at the end of the day to find a big box of money sitting on my doorstep. There will be a mixture of denominations, most of them large, inside and it will be a very big, very heavy box. A handwritten note will accompany the bills, a note that will go something like this:

Dear Author of the Dollar Bin,

Please accept this small token of our joint appreciation. We agree with everything you write.

Sincerely,

Stephen Stills and Neil Young

I can see it all now: a vision of the definite and glorious future. Great things are surely coming my way.

And when they come, I will break into song. Probably this one.

But who am I kidding?

The sun will be hot, the birds will be crows, the Covid will linger, Trump will get away with it yet again, peace will remain a dream some of us, and Joni, had, and my students will cheer when I miss another day because, obviously, none of them will have done their homework.

And that big box of money? It won't be on my doorstep. Rather, I'll have this laid out all over my street:

Don't worry about me though folks. Even as everything goes terribly wrong all over again I'll have this wonderfully silly theme song for our collective moment, which is the only piece of music on the planet which uses olfactory in its rhyme scheme, from Wainwright's easy-to-find-in-The-Dollar-Bin Album III in my head all day long.

And therefore I'll be grinning.

UPDATE 24 HOURS LATER: The birds sang, Trump's now indeed a convicted felon, my test was negative and most of my students actually did their homework. And what was I humming in my head through it all? Yeah, you got it, it's dead:

Yeah you got your dead cat and you got your dead dog On a moonlight night you got your dead toad frog Got your dead rabbit and your dead raccoon The blood and the guts they're gonna make you swoon

I'm not home from school yet, but based on the great state of the day so far, I now actively anticipate encountering that big box of money on my doorstep an hour from now. Thanks in advance Neil and Steve!

[secretly-of-course]

Hey pls don’t feel any obligation to respond to this but I think I might be aro and I’m lowkey freaking out about it major sexuality crisis style and I don’t know how to. Not.

Like I’ve seen it coming for a while and I’m still not 100% sure but it is kind of the only thing that makes sense. And it’s terrifying me a bit bc like. I do want things that have to do with romance sort of, but mechanically I Do Not feel romantic attraction to people (and when I think I do it goes away after like two days). And like I know aro people can be in relationships if they want to but like I would just feel so guilty the whole time if I did that bc I feel like I would just be lying to them even if I’m not.

How did you begin to feel comfortable in your identity and start making peace with it?

- Sincerely, a panicked queer

Hey bud, take a deep breath. No matter what you end up identifying as just know that you're gonna be okay!

I'm gonna put this under a read more because it's kind of long and a bit rambling (sorry it's 1am)

Speaking from my own experience, it took me a long time to feel comfortable identifying as aro. I had my ace crisis 3 years prior and it took me a long time to make peace with that as well, and I'm sad to admit that during that time period I fell for the trappings of the "even if I'm ace I could still fall in love" idea as if that was some sort of consolation prize. But that's just amatonormativity for ya.

Accepting oneself as aro can be really freaking hard, I know it because I've been there. Our society pushes the ideal of a single romantic partner as necessary for happiness so hard that you begin to doubt if you can ever be truly happy. When every show and movie you see growing up has the main guy and girl get together for the happy ever after, how are you supposed to react when you realize that's not really what you want? When you're a child and there are things you don't understand about adults, they tell you "You'll understand when you grow up and get married/have kids," --always when, never if-- as if that's some sort of guarantee because it is the expectation.

This song by Moses Sumney captures the vibes. The lyric "if lovelessness equals godlessness, will you cast me to the wayside?" always punches me in the gut.

For a long time, before I even started questioning if I was aromantic, I used to say and think things like "It's okay if I don't stay in love but I'd like to fall in love at least once to know what it's like." But that's the thing, a technical curiosity about romance isn't the same as actually desiring it. Feeling like you have to fall in love because that's what everyone does and what's expected of you isn't the same as actually wanting to fall in love. When I realized that I was not only aromantic but non-partnering as well, I grieved for a little bit. I grieved the person I thought I was supposed to be and the life I thought I was supposed to have. I think we should be telling queer people more often that it's okay to grieve the vision you once had for yourself, and going through that grief doesn't mean you love or accept yourself any less or make you any less valid.

It sounds rather silly but the thing that made me really embrace being aro was when I started headcanoning some of my favorite characters as aro. Projecting on those characters and thinking about their own journeys of self discovery and acceptance really truly helped me. Another thing I did moreso when I was trying to embrace being ace was repeat to myself over and over again "It's okay to acespec" which evolved into "it's okay to be ace" and then "it's okay if I'm ace." I don't remember how long I did that for but it also helped a bit.

But the thing is, once I did accept and embrace my aro identity? It was liberating. It was like I got to say "F you society and your bs expectations! I do whatever so want!" I honestly love being aro and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And my sweet, sweet anon, I promise you you would not be lying if you were to enter a relationship. There are options you may or may not feel more comfortable with, such as being in a qpr or dating another aro person who understands, but even dating an allo person you would have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are built on more than just romantic attraction and you can still connect with people in different ways. Your relationships may end up being something completely unique, and that's okay! As long as there's honesty, which is vital for any relationship, you don't have to feel guilty for anything.

Most importantly, give yourself time. There's no rush to settle on a label or an identity right now, and you can always change your mind later if you think something else would fit better.

Giving you a hug and wishing you all the luck in the world anon 🖤 Whatever conclusion you come to is the right one and you are valid!

[mobblespsycho100]

Life's Protagonist | a poem on insignificance.

❝ — there are so many small things in this world. We should not be worrying about half of those things, yet here we are. ❞

You were in love with the act of existing. All the world's a stage. Or so you thought.

You've come to a horrid realization, nowadays known as a butchery of identity. A complete reinvention of the self as stubborn as it may be.

That terrible truth is harboured in this crooked chest of yours. Pitiful, shameful, safely tucked away until it can be buried forever.

You are no longer Life's protagonist.

You lived to see them admire you. Yet now you've come to a foregone conclusion.

Sidelined, fridged, left behind, forgotten. There is a pattern or something to make of this, maybe.

Surely. Being alive has never been this easy. Is an unremarkable existence really so terrible?

Your trembling vessel, a subtle sign of refusal.

Your life is not so weightless. Your story will be memorable.

Why does it feel so desperate?

You are not special. A sharp stab in your gut denies it, ought to speak otherwise.

But does it even matter anymore? This world cycles through dozens, hundreds- no, thousands of protagonists. After all, the number currently stands at 8,068,723,158 (or was it less? possibly even more?)

There are too many characters at once. They mean nothing to you, of course.

That's why they're the side characters. The ones that only matter to a few.

Not the narrative. Not your narrative.

You may have been the main character. In another life, perhaps. It seems Fate has given you an out now. They may have other plans in store for you.

Or maybe you've been replaced. Ah, That's quite sad. Hm. Well, you don't seem too upset about it. Have you accepted it, then? Are you relinquishing your declaration of self-importance?

Reflected a little on this sorry reality? Finally done wallowing in misery? Gah. Whatever. Not that it makes a difference. You hurry and scratch out your list of achievements.

This has been a terrible exercise in pointlessness.

You've stepped down from your pedestal.

Was it a worthy fall? Did it feel like you made a martyr of yourself?

Probably not. Forget all of these questions.

You may have gotten off-track.

Savouring loss has never been so much and nothing at the same time.

Truly, what was the point of all this? Life's protagonist, was it as good as a title as everyone thought it was?

The mask has cracked underneath it all. The ceramic tiles and mirrors and red brick walls.

An apology should be offered, right about now. To whom should it be addressed? Should it be for them, or others?

For yourself?

Don't be ridiculous.

Who on earth would offer a sincere apology in this present time? A couple of things to remember:

Breathing is something you don't have to think about doing. Wearing clothes is. Eating food is. Telling lies is (though maybe it isn't?)

And these are some things that most people do and fuss about every single day.

Over and over and over.

Isn't it all so boring by now? This dreadful, monotonous way of living?

But hey, who are you to judge?

The hilt of a blade exists to prevent the sword from slipping from the hand. Not that it's ever stopped doing that.

Compared to before, this has been quite a bore.

Though when has that ever stopped you?

You invited yourself to this awfully winded lecture, after all

Are you wondering when this whole song and dance will bring you a sense comfort?

I'm wondering that too, personally.

This really has been quite a drag. How troublesome.

We're far away from the point now, aren't we?

When birds take flight, they angle their wings slightly... This is done to deflect air downwards, so it flows faster over the wing than underneath.

This also conserves their energy.

Have you ever wondered what humans would do, if they could fly? (On their own, without the need for aircraft)

You might think that would be the most wonderful thing. The feeling of the wind and frigid air on your skin would feel so freeing (perhaps even powerful?)

But it would just be another weight on their shoulders, two heavy loads on their backs.

If it was so freeing and effortless, birds wouldn't need to fly a certain way to conserve energy.

That's why humans are not built to be like winged birds. They were built to be free, in their own way.

(Humans are uncaged)

This has been an aimless journey. That's alright though. Many things in life bear no real meaning.

Sometimes things just exist. On occasion, things that used to happen no longer do.

Such is the way of being Life's protagonist.

You may be wondering if this whole one-sided conversation was supposed to make you feel worthless.

Was this, in its entirety, truly futile?

□ yes⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀⁣□ no⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀⠀ ⁣□ unsure

That is up to you to decide. And I won't take up too much of your time any longer.

You may not even care about a single word of this ridiculous charade. That's fine as well.

So, here's a final message I shall impart before I bid you adieu:

Though a protagonist is a leading character,

there may be multiple in one story.

Each of them is important, in their own way, even if it seems like they aren't.

Keep going. There will be those who don't care, and those who do.

This world is a story with a million pages, so what's the harm in picking up a pen and saying your piece?

It might be remembered, or it might not be.

But you deserve to have a say in how your story is written.

You are the protagonist of your own life, whether you like it or not.

So, scribble in a prompt or two. (With your own words, your own view, your own personal touch.)

There will be meaning in it, be it to others or yourself,

I promise.

[cornytrashlord]

Celebrity🧤x Justasimp🎇(Dating App AU) Pt.1

What brought🎇 to a dating app rife with bots? It wasn't as if he needed help getting a date(or getting laid). He was still an introvert who only left his apartment at three in the morning. Simply put, it had been primarily fueled by curiosity. Or maybe he had had it with stilted flirtations that went nowhere.

Either way, his interest had, at some point, shifted from sincerely chatting people up to messing with bots and pointing out the multiple forms of social faux pas in the profile pictures he comes across as a form of entertainment.

Contrary to the belief, 🎇was NOT terminally online. Sure, he's gotten himself into a few online spats to defend the latest subject of his hyperfixations, but who hasn't at one point or another?

And speaking of said hyperfixation, who else but the actor and up-and-coming musician with a flare for dramatics, Mgn Dzmd?

It would be a stretch to say🧤was his type. The fashion-forward celebrity sported a quirky asymmetrical bob with an even stranger pattern of purple streaks in flaxen hair recognizable from a mile away that🎇thought was too flashy(but he can't look away).

The voice that dripped from his lips was what kept him spellbound. It was as much honey as it were poison. One listen and🎇was a goner.

It's that exact voice🎇had on loop in his carefully curated playlist of sad boy songs.

Okay. Maybe he really liked how dreamy his eyes were too.🎇swears they were an unearthly shade of gold.

A little too much detail? Is this a terrible w4ttp4d 0n3 direction fic?

No, your honor, he is simply a✨𝕊𝕀𝕄ℙ✨.

If anyone cared to ask,🎇thought🧤looked like the legendary nine-tailed fox that preyed on humans from the tales he heard as a snot-faced kid. Oh,🎇had indeed been preyed on. Both his heart and his wallet gutted like fish!

And it's that familiar fox-like face that greets him as he swipes through profiles on the app in the dead of night. The name highlighted on the profile was Mgn Dzmd. . .. … Who the hell would use their real name on a dating app, let alone one belonging to a known celebrity?

There were also two other horribly crunchy photos attached. One of a slender, well-manicured hand strangling a Snic plush and the other, a cropped photo of what one would describe as a bountiful rear.

The profile came off more as a joke than a thirst trap.

In any case, it was still a clear, undisguised attempt at catfishing.

'Hi ;) Not Amy from S0n1c? Stay away from me. Nuff said.'

"…" There's a perceptible twitch in his eye at the crude description. 🎇could've let it go. He absolutely could go on with his life pretending he had never seen it. This wasn't the strangest profile he had come across. But catfishing? As his favorite musician? With that god-awful description that read like a poor attempt at acting like a no thoughts head empty s0n1c-crazed🧤? Oh, hell no.

He vigorously tapped away on his screen with more force than necessary.

Justalilguy🎇: hey Justalilguy🎇: catfishing isn't cool man Justalilguy🎇: u shud rly change ur name

[newmusickarl]

5-9’s Album of the Month Podcast – Episode 5 Out Now!

The latest episode of the 5-9 Album of the Month Podcast is now available! As ever I take a seat alongside 5-9 Editor Andrew Belt and Check This Out’s Kiley Larsen to review five high profile album releases from the past month in music, and ultimately name one as our Album of the Month at the end of the discussion.

For our May review episode, the five albums discussed are:

The Love Invention by Alison Goldfrapp

My Soft Machine by Arlo Parks

The Last Rotation of Earth by BC Camplight (Poll winner, thanks for voting!)

Everything Harmony by The Lemon Twigs

Lullabies From The Lightning Tree by Sad Boys Club

If you want to listen to the latest episode simply click the link below, but also be sure to follow 5-9 Blog on Instagram and Twitter for more news and polls relating to the podcast, along with other great content like film reviews, sports articles and more.

Listen to the May 2023 episode here

Learn more about the Album of the Month podcast in my interview with Left Lion here

Album & EP Recommendations

But Here We Are by Foo Fighters

I’ll be honest, aside from The Colour and the Shape and their underappreciated double album In Your Honor, Foo Fighters have always been more of a singles band for me. However, with this eleventh studio album arriving in the wake of Taylor Hawkins’ tragic passing, as well as that of Dave Grohl’s mother who also sadly passed away in 2022, I must admit I was intrigued to hear the start of this new chapter for the band. I’m glad I checked in too, as But Here We Are is easily the best Foo Fighters record for decades.

With Grohl back behind the drum kit as well alongside his usual roles of singing, writing and playing guitar, it is a record that understandably walks the fine line between rage and sorrow as he channels his grief into this neatly crafted batch of ten songs. Recent single Rescued opens proceedings, with Grohl emptying his raw emotions following Taylor’s death onto the page and into the music. As his anguished vocals growl over the wall of guitars, it’s hard not to be moved. Under You will then have you even more choked up, as Grohl sings “Pictures of us sharing songs and cigarettes, this is how I’ll always picture you.” And even though the gut-punch lyrics are masked within some upbeat melodic punk, it still hits hard.

That emotional punch is ultimately what makes this album much more impactful than the last few by-the-numbers Foo Fighters records, however the songcraft is also to be commended here. Hearing Voices is an instant standout, with hypnotic, swirling guitars eventually fading away into black during the final 30 seconds, leaving just Grohl’s pained vocals singing “Speak to me, my love” atop an acoustic guitar. It’s a goosebump-inducing moment, with Nothing At All then bringing the rock power Foo Fighters are known for back into the mix with its anthemic chorus and amped-up guitars. Some of the best moments on the record are then saved for the final stretch, with Grohl’s heartfelt collaboration with his daughter Violet on Show Me How a definite highlight, as well as the album’s 10-minute long, fury-filled centrepiece, The Teacher.

Having read a few reviews, it’s easy to see now why this album is receiving so much acclaim. Fuelled by tragedy and the pain of loss, it is Grohl at his rawest and most sincere, making for one of the most engaging records Foo Fighters have ever released. But Here We Are comes across as a therapeutic exercise for the grieving rock giant and you can’t help but feel the sharp tug on the heartstrings throughout, what with Taylor having been such a well-known and well-loved figure in music over the last 20 or so years. As an emotional farewell to a friend and the dawning of a new sunrise for the band, Foo Fighters have done themselves justice with this record.

Listen here

The Answer Is Always Yes by Alex Lahey

It’s crazy to think that even now several years later we are still seeing pandemic projects come to light, but that is indeed the case for this fantastic third album from Aussie singer-songwriter, Alex Lahey. Having been in the middle of touring her impressive sophomore effort The Best of Luck Club, lockdown suddenly threw Alex back into the studio where she would write over 100 new songs. Collaborating with Holy Holy’s Oscar Dawson as well as heavyweight producer Jacknife Lee, this mountain of new music was eventually whittled down to the 10 songs found on The Answer Is Always Yes.

The emergence from lockdown is put front and centre on opener Good Time, where Lahey describes the hedonistic scenes witnessed during those first few months of the world opening back up. Buzzy guitars reverberate throughout as she opens the record with “Everyone’s a bit fucked up, but they think they’re okay”, proving that some lockdown sentiments still carry relevance now. Congratulations then takes the record in a grungier direction, with Lahey sarcastically congratulating an ex on getting engaged for what is another darkly enjoyable track.

The next two tracks are then two early favourites, with You’ll Never Get Your Money Back a sharply written anthem about failed relationships, whilst The Sky Is Melting basks in the regretful melancholia of a disappointing trip during a visit to the Joshua Tree National Park. The rest of the tracklist is then littered with other great moments, such as shameless love song Makes Me Sick, the acoustic-tinged tale of returning home found on Permanent and the jaw-dropping climax of the title track, which sees Lahey belting out the refrain “I don’t want it all to be, the way it was before it changed” over some soaring guitars.

For me Alex Lahey just gets better with each record and although this one was never planned, I’m glad she ended up back in the studio to piece this together. Her best collection to date and I already can’t wait to hear the next one.

Listen here

Roach by Miya Folick

Elsewhere, American singer-songwriter Miya Folick recently made the difficult second album look easy with her impressive new album - ROACH. Essentially an extension of her previously released 2007 EP, ROACH further builds out the narrative with a deeper dive into her relationship with God, her mother and her own self-esteem. Featuring some of the best songs of her young career, early highlights include the hedonistic indie-pop of Bad Thing, brutal break-up anthem Get Out of My House and the tussle with adulthood on the falsetto-kissed 2007.

That said, make sure you stick around for the second half of the album as that’s where Miya Folick’s exceptional songwriting really starts to shine for me. Tetherball is a real stop-you-in-your-tracks moment, with some wonderful ambient electronics backing Folick’s soft vocals to create a gorgeous sound reminiscent of Natasha Khan of Bats For Lashes. These synths then shift into the uplifting pop of So Clear, before Shortstop offers an utterly stunning piano-led finale that you’ll just want to hear again and again. A fantastic second album that I can only see myself playing more in the coming months.

Listen here

Take Me Back To Eden by Sleep Token

Arguably no album has proved more divisive over the last couple of weeks than this third album from mysterious British metalcore outfit, Sleep Token. From outstanding praise to frowning disgust and much-memed hate to them selling out Wembley Arena in 10 minutes, it seems you will either love or hate what Sleep Token attempt to do on this record with their music. For me personally, I oddly landed somewhere in the middle.

Whilst not completely blown away, I did find Sleep Token’s blend of metal, rock, pop, R&B, electronica, gospel - and just about everything else - to be a fascinating way to spend an hour of my time. It hits a peak around the midway point, with Ascensionism beginning with gentle pianos and a trap-style beat, before incredibly transforming into punishing guitars and brutal screams in the second half. Are You Really Okay then sees glistening guitars soundtrack this powerful rock ballad, whilst DYWTYLM is an intriguing auto-tune-soaked pop groove.

As I say this won’t be for everyone, but it’s definitely an interesting blend of genres unlike anything else I’ve heard so far this year. So give it a try and see on which side of the coin you land.

Listen here

Life Is Dub by Foals

Summer is officially here and one of the highlights of last year’s hotter months was Life Is Yours, the sun-kissed seventh studio album from Oxford rockers Foals. Having just recently received a Dub makeover from producer extraordinaire Dan Carey as part of Record Store Day 2023, it means an even more summer-ready version of the album is now available, with Life Is Dub amplifying the electronics for a ravier, more radiant take on Foals’ sound.

Listen here

More Truth EP by Daniel Avery

Sticking with electronic releases, DJ and producer Dan Avery also recently released a companion EP to his acclaimed 2022 album, Ultra Truth. Featuring seven excellent new tracks that didn’t quite make the final cut originally, including trippy Georgia collaboration Going So Low and the accurately titled Bliss, it’s another absorbing collection from the Bournemouth musician who seems incapable of putting a foot wrong.

Listen here

My Eyes, Brother! EP By Opus Kink

And finally on the albums and EPs front, you may (or likely may not) remember that Brighton outfit Opus Kink blew me away with their debut release last year, even ending up as my favourite EP of 2022 in my year-end countdown. Now whilst their latest release hasn’t quite knocked me for six like that dazzling first effort, it’s still a wonderfully theatrical collection of ska-punk that boasts fun, erratic standouts like Chains, Children and Malarkey.

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Council Skies by Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds,DARKFIGHTER by Rival Sons,My Mind Wanders and Sometimes Leaves Completely by Lola Young,Gag Order by Kesha, More Photographs (A Continuum) by Kevin Morby

Tracks of the Week

The Narcissist by Blur

Well, this came out of nowhere didn’t it?!

Whilst tickets for Blur’s reunion tour sold like hot cakes as soon as it was announced, I don’t think many fans were expecting news of a new album – their first in eight years no less - to follow as well. Titled The Ballad of Darren, the highly anticipated release arrives on the 21st July and if the rest is anything like this first single The Narcissist, we could be in for something really special. As someone whose admittedly never been overly fussed about Blur’s output, this is a brilliant song that has me instantly hyped to hear more.

Listen here

Walking Backwards by Ben Howard

Another album I also can’t wait to hear, singer-songwriter and experimental guitarist Ben Howard has his new album dropping in mid-June and this second single has been on heavy rotation ever since it dropped the other week. Folky yet psychedelic with a luminous dash of cheerful horns and sunlit electronics, this could well be the surprise summer record of 2023.

Listen here

Sunshine Baby by The Japanese House

Four years after her debut, indie-pop sensation Amber Bain is finally ready to release her sophomore effort at the end of June, titled In The End It Always Does. Of all the tracks released so far Sunshine Baby is the clear standout, offering up a blissful, summery slice of dream-pop, with none other than George and Matty from The 1975 assisting with production and backing vocal duties.

Listen here

Say Yes To Heaven / Lost At Sea by Lana Del Rey

She may have already released one of the best albums of 2023 so far, but Miss Lizzie Grant has still been treating fans with more new music over the last few weeks. First came the gorgeously bluesy Say Yes To Heaven, an acoustic ballad that’s rumoured to be a lost cut from her Ultraviolence era. Then this past week came Lost At Sea, a beautifully orchestrated collaboration with her father Rob Grant, who has his own debut album (also titled Lost At Sea) coming out this Friday. Both songs, well worth your time!

Listen to Say Yes to Heaven here

Listen to Lost At Sea here

Cry To Heaven by Creeper

Dramatic goth-rockers Creeper also marked their return this week, with third studio album Sanguivore slated for an October release. First single Cry To Heaven is as always tremendous fun from the Southampton outfit, boasting a welcome glam-rock shimmer, an earworm chorus, an exhilarating guitar solo and a touch of eerie Stranger Things-inspired vibes.

Listen here

Keep It Rolling by Bloc Party & KennyHoopla

This was a very welcome surprise – two artists I love teaming up for a new collaborative single. On Keep It Rolling, Indie legends Bloc Party enlist pop-punk newcomer KennyHoopla for this belter of a track, which is highlighted by Kenny’s passionate vocals and Russell Lissack’s signature guitar licks.

Listen here

Haunted by Spanish Love Songs

Having only gotten into emo-rockers Spanish Love Songs off the back of their excellent 2020 album Brave Faces Everyone, I’ve been looking forward to the follow-up ever since then. Finally, it is due to arrive over the August Bank Holiday and if lead single Haunted is anything to go by, it could be even better than its predecessor. With flourishes of synths, heartfelt vocals and an instantly gratifying chorus, it’s absolutely fantastic.

Listen here

Sometimes (Orchestral Version) by James

The biggest disappointment of May was having the Nottingham leg of James’ highly acclaimed orchestral tour postponed due to Tim Booth losing his voice, meaning I had to wait a little longer to see the Mancuninan legends once again with this specially arranged set up. However, the blow will be softened when the band’s orchestral album Be Opened By The Wonderful finally drops later this week, featuring beautifully reworked versions of their classics, including this deeply moving new take on Sometimes. Just when you thought this song couldn’t get even better, they release this – utterly stunning.

Listen here

Wicked Game by Tenacious D

Then in a bit of an unexpected twist, Jack Black and Kyle Gass have followed up last month’s playful single Video Games with this quite spectacular - albeit far too short - cover of Chris Isaak’s classic single, Wicked Game. Best experienced alongside the music video, which sees them hilariously slow motion running into the sea.

Watch the video here

The Grind by Bored Marsh

And finally this week, up-and-coming Nottingham outfit Bored Marsh recently released their quite incredible debut single, The Grind. Clocking in at just shy of six minutes, it is a dark, moody guitar-driven track that channels the palpable energy of early-Interpol. If they keep this exceptional standard up, I’ll be expecting big things going forward!

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Stumbling Still by Nation of Language, AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM by Beyoncé & Kendrick Lamar,Venera by George FitzGerald,Last Time Every Time Forever by Grian Chatten, Weirdo by Tom A. Smith, nice 2 me by piri & tommy

REMINDER: If you use Apple Music, you can also keep up-to-date with all my favourite 2023 tracks through my Best of 2023 playlist. Constantly updated throughout the year with songs I enjoy, it is then finalised into a Top 100 Songs of the Year in December.

Add the playlist to your library here

[independentartistbuzz]

Indie-Rock Trio The Vaniers Share Tight New Single, “Charlie”

The Vaniers [van-ee-ays] are a Toronto-based rock trio formed in 2016 by Diego Paz (Bass Guitar/Vocals), Alex Iacobellis (Guitar), and Nick Donato (Drums). Known for delivering scorching live performances and dazzling crowds, The Vaniers have become a staple in the Toronto music scene, celebrated for their high-octane shows and catchy tunes.

The three band members each like a wide variety of music: in-your-face rock tunes, catchy songs, and songs that tell stories. Their new single, “Charlie,” is kind of a mix of that. This is music that they want to hear. It’s not out there, so they decided to make it themselves. 

It’s universal. Everyone knows a Charlie, some have lived as a Charlie – and surely a lot of people want to be a Charlie. In this case, the focus of the song is about a man named Charlie who wants to chase after his dreams despite everyone around him being pessimistic about his star power. This is The Vaniers’ way of saying, “At the end of the day, you just gotta do it.” 

“Believe it or not, ‘Charlie,’ and most of the songs on this record, were stolen from us,” says Paz. “Our hard drives, all of our work up to that point, disappeared overnight. To keep it short, we had to start the entire process again. Of course, we were gutted when it happened, but looking back on it, the songs went through more deliberation as a result. The second time around, we really doubled down on some of the risks we took, and through that we feel we made some of our most sincere music that is truest to ourselves as artists, and as people.”

[z34l0t]

Some internet wormhole led me to rediscover 25 Suaves. They were a two-piece from Michigan, but I discovered them in London in 2003 when they opened for Panthers (I was there making yet another ill-fated attempt to escape the land of malaise).

This was the era of The Strokes and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but 25 Suaves had enough of a Motörhead vibe and the rough edges of early punk to appeal to a dirtbag hesher like me. I vaguely recall them wearing Lemmy-esque military jackets. Most people who saw the band will remember their drummer, who was an Asian woman; I remember their singer/guitarist being a tall goofy guy, and the direct opposite of the fashion-conscious cool kids who made up that scene. As a mop-haired nerd who had been picked on throughout high school, I saw a kindred spirit.

It turns out the tall goofy guy was Peter Larson, who co-owned Bulb Records, and had released the early albums by Andrew WK. Andrew WK had gone on to fame and fortune; Larson was playing a pub for a couple dozen dirtbags like me. But I liked the band's sincerity and rawness enough to buy their CD.

25 Suaves only put out one more album, and Bulb Records seems to have ceased operations soon after that (though their website seems to be active). Garage rock sputtered out, and was replaced by a version of "indie rock" that was more palatable to mainstream tastes. Not sure what happened to Peter Larson.

The garage rock revival didn't produce much beyond a few popular songs and thousands of photo shoots (never trust a musical movement that's co-signed by the fashion industry). But I'm thankful that it enabled this duo of oddball iconoclasts to bring their rough-hewed version of punk rock to a few pubs overseas, where they could cross paths with me.

[devoidwrites]

Love You in My Mind - Kim Seungmin

Summary: You were deeply in love with Kim Seungmin, but you were afraid of rejection, so you did what you thought was best. You loved him from afar.

Genre: angst, college au, unrequited love

Pairing: one sided Kim Seungmin x reader

Warnings: None.

Words: 1K

Based off the song 'Love You in My Mind" by Brynn Cartelli

a/n: this is unedited

-

Love was hard, especially when you knew thats what you felt for someone that could never feel the same way about you. For years now you'd been watching this boy from afar, admiring everything about him.

It started your freshman year of college. You were lost on campus, and Kim Seungmin helped you find your way. He went out of his way to make sure you had everything settled before leaving you.

Of course you didn't fall for him over a simple act of kindness. You weren't that desperate. In fact, that's not even when you fell for him. That was just when you started noticing him more around campus.

You fell in love with him over time. You first felt something when he was assigned as your tutor for you introduction to psychology class. You were having trouble with a certain section, and your professor suggested his star student to help catch you up with the rest of the class.

Seungmin was patient. He didn't push you to study all at once, more at your own pace so you wouldn't overwork yourself. He made sure you were confident in your knowledge before moving onto the next subject.

He was kind. He walked you home after long study sessions, and he even waiting for you outside of your last class some days. He was handsome, caring, an all over gentleman. It was hard not to fall for him.

And even in your junior year, you were still head over heels for him.

Is it cool if I keep it quiet?

He was a year older than you. He was more experienced in different subjects- whether you were talking about school or love. He's had girlfriends before, and you'd never even kissed a boy.

For the sake of my heart, it's better if I hide it.

You kinda liked how things were. You'd admire him from a distance, and he'd acknowledge you every now and then. You didn't like the idea of telling him how you felt. It made you're heart race, and your hands would get sweaty. You got nervous just thinking about it, and you weren't sure if you could ever admit your feelings to anyone other than Felix.

"You have to get over him eventually bub." Felix would tell you while rubbing your back reassuringly.

There were several reasons you couldn't confess to him. You were nervous and didn't want to be rejected. Of course there was the biggest factor; his girlfriend. She was a nice girl. When you had your study sessions she'd bring the two of you food and drinks sometimes. Of course you tried to pay her back but she declined every time.

You didn't like her at first. You envied her. She had everything you wanted. A kind boyfriend, plenty of friends, and an overall good life. How could you not be jealous of her? She was so outgoing and unafraid of the world. She was perfect.

But she pushed through to you eventually, and you felt bad for thinking about her boyfriend in such a way. You knew you'd never act upon your thoughts. You'd never forgive yourself for doing something so wrong to someone. So, you distanced yourself from him and watched from afar.

"I'm trying." You'd whisper, eyes moving to the ground.

Can I just love you in my heart, love you in my mind?

You weren't paying attention, and you managed to run into the boy you both were talking about. Your eyes widened as you prepared to hit the ground, but you never did. Seungmin grabbed your arms, not tight enough to inflict damage, but just tight enough to keep you in place.

Your cheeks reddened as his hands set your bare skin ablaze.

Do I have to find the guts to say it to your eyes?

Your eyes met his, and you managed to sputter out an apology, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." He smiled, and his eyes crinkled up in the same way they always did when he was sincere. It was your favorite tell about him. In your mind, he would wrap his arms around you and pull you close to reassure you it was fine. You'd wrap your arms around him and hug him tightly, because that's what you wanted to happen.

Cause that's where we're stars aligned.

But in reality he let your arms go and took a step back to give you space, as a gentleman would. "You should be careful."

You nodded, your eyes going back to the ground. Felix wrapped his arms around your and pulled you along. "See ya later Seungmin."

To love you in my heart, love you in my mind.

You turned around as Felix pulled you along with him. Seungmin's girlfriend was there, asking him what had happened, and if you were alright. She was just as nice as she's always been.

Your heart sunk as you remembered the truth. He had a girlfriend, and he'd never feel the same way about you.

Cause I can only see you as mine.

Sometimes it hurt, admiring from afar. Knowing there was nothing you could do about your feelings made your heart shatter each time you saw them together. The way he held her in his arms. They way they smiled at each other lovingly.

It's what you wanted, but you could never have. So, you'd continue to do what you've been doing for years. You'd admire from afar and take the pain.

So, is it cool, if I keep it quiet?

[noclue32]

New Auras Ch.3 (Poe Dameron x Jedi!Pilot! Reader) (She/her) Slow burn

Welcome back!!! I'm so sorry for how long this chapter took me !! :O I had people over, told myself I was gonna take a break, wanted to make the chapter longer, and the thing that makes my computer stand up broke?? So hopefully I get a new one soon! I love this chapter so much and I hope you all too :) It's a little bit longer, so buckle up! As usual, since I'm a very small writer I truly appreciate ANY notes I can get, especially feedback on my work! Anyways, a good song for the cantina scene in the chapter, is Just What I Needed, by The Cars. Just imagine it in the background :) Also will be uploading a request master list soon!!! Love you all :DDD

The master list can be found here WC: 3,641

Chapter 3, Recruitment

You both stopped for a moment, while it seemed like he might have taken a deep breath. Grabbing a side of the sheet, the man stopped again before pulling it off with great speed. You could not believe what was in front of you. A T-70 X-Wing. More importantly a T-70 X-Wing with Resistance decals painted on its body. Your breathing hitched and you quickly tried to think of some sort of excuse. Was this who called you yesterday? No, it wasn’t. Was it related? You couldn’t be sure, but getting away from this strange…. stranger, was your biggest concern. Of course, he was able to notice your surprise, “My names Poe, Poe Dameron. I’m a resistance fighter.”

Looking up at him you smiled nervously, thinking of how to respond to an admittance like that. Connecting the dots, you realized he was actually the rugged figure on those Resistance posters you had seen before. All these years you had tried to avoid joining the conflict and now standing in front of you was the kriffing recruitment posterboy. “Good luck,” you gave him a final smile before turning on your heel and starting the walk back to your shop. He instantly panicked at your reaction and jogged a little bit to catch up to you. 

“Wait, wait!” The stranger now identified as Poe kept a steady walking pace, “I was told I could find you here, and that you were a good pilot. I know it’s a hard ask to get you to join this war, but could you at least take a look at my ship? It was already dangerous to fly it all the way out here.”

Shaking your head you kept your own pace, not even taking the time to look back at him. “You know the dangers of asking a civilian to help a rebel, I'm not taking that risk.”  Keeping your voice steady and loud became important to you in showing your dominance over him, ignoring the fact you began shaking a little bit. 

The pilot behind you scanned through his thoughts, trying to find a reason to keep you from walking out of his sights and out of his life. “I’ll make it worth your while, I promise!” He began shouting to try and express your importance to his mission you were yet to know about. 

With a chuckle you retorted, “If you think you can buy my help and risk my life you’re-” “I’ll let you fly it.” Poe Dameron’s voice cut through your own as he interrupted. It worked. You stopped in your tracks and your shaking ceased. Flying a T-70 was your dream, in fact being able to fly anything was one of the only reasons you kept on living. Something about the feeling made you feel free, even though you knew you were not. “I’ll let you fly my plane if you fix it,” he paused trying to think of how to keep you stalled. “I saw you fly through that canyon, only someone who loves flying as much as they love breathing would have the guts to pull that off. Orrrr…. Someone stupid,” He laughed a little bit. After turning back around to look him in the eyes, you noticed the sincerity in them. “If you’re busy today…” Poe sighed, “I’ll stick around tomorrow to make sure you get your chance.” 

The sigh and once over you gave him made his lips purse as you walked past him. When you did this it made him try to think of another way to get you on board. “If she won’t even fix my ship I gotta try something more direct… Maybe kidnapping?” 

His thoughts were interrupted by your voice from behind him, “Give me thirty minutes, tops.” Poe looked behind him to see you already under the X-Wing, a toolbox by your side while you assessed the damage. Another stupid smile spread across his face, one foot in the door. “What the kriff did you do to this thing?!” 

A few minutes passed of silence until Poe finally worked up the courage to say anything. “So… what are you doing here? I mean, on Alzubith. Friends, family?” 

You paused looking up at the wires you were cincing together. The BB-8 droid beeped and handed you tweezers from your box with it's appendage, to which you responded with a thank you, before turning back up to your task. “Work, but it's given me a few good friends.” 

“How’s the pay?”

Small chuckles erupted from yourself, “What do you think? The pay is shit, but it's stable and it gives me enough to eat.” Grunting, you pulled out a stubborn wire before continuing, “The main plus for me is I get to fly once in a while.” With a shrug Poe’s eyes brightened, this was it. 

The Pilot standing above you began his proposition, “Well… If you really like flying, I'm sure I could  get you a spot in the black squadron with the Resistance.” He smiled and used his foot to pull the wood plank you were laying on forward to get your eyes to meet. The sun was blinding from your angle but so was his mischievous smile. 

“No,” Sighing in annoyance you pushed yourself back under the plane to finish it up. “Nice try though, I almost felt the patriotism rushing through my veins, posterboy," You chuckled with a sarcastic tone. As you said this, he reached into the cockpit and pulled something from it. “The First Order already annoys me enough when they go poking around when I’m working, I don’t need to be agitating them.” With another sigh you rolled out from under the fighter, and brushed off your hands standing up. “You should be all good now. Anyways, I’ll be seeing you tomm-” 

Dameron pushed his pilot’s helmet onto your head, it being a little too big and having the call sign, ‘Black Leader,’ written on it. Sarcastically Poe laughed, “See? Doesn’t it look just right,” With a cross of his arms you rolled your eyes with a smile. 

Taking the helmet off you replied, “It doesn’t feel right," You retorted, commenting on the size. After shoving it in his arms, you started to walk away, “Like I was saying, I’ll see you tomorrow when I actually get to try out that thing I just saved.” When referring to the plane you motioned up to it with your head. Poe watched you walk away and sighed. Where the hell would he go until then? Putting the helmet back into the X-Wing he decided that he would have to do a little bit of recon on why there was a heavy presence of soldiers on this lonely planet.

—------------------------------ 

Hours had passed since you last saw the mysterious pilot. As you drenched your hands in oil, reassembled parts and cleaned leather the only thing you could think about was the possibility of flying that majestic fighter. Something about the man and his plane consumed your thoughts, even causing you to almost mess up a simple paint job fix. It made you even think of taking the time to give up your precious morning run to see him bright and early. 

Your planet's sun started to set as you finished up with your final customer of the day. After ringing them up, you put away everything you used during the day and started closing shop. When leaving you gave a quick wave to your colleague, Shar, who you would see later, before settling on your speeder to venture home. 

The house had its usual cold atmosphere, with refresher water that was even colder than the wood floors. Heat from the day cooled at sundown, turning into soft rains that would soon strengthen. A usual casual outfit was in order for yourself, which you slipped on after hanging up your work clothes. 

Entering the bar you scanned the room. The usual crowd had shown up. Mercenaries, First Order defects, bounty hunters, workers. All shoulder to shoulder in the crowded cantina. Finally settling your eyes on your work colleagues you smiled, to which they waved. So began the push through the crowd. When moving through the sea of people, you heard whispers of stormtrooper activity and had to shake the shiver off of yourself. 

Making it to your friends you grabbed a glass off the table and shot the burning feeling down your throat. As the minutes passed, so did the drinks and games. Including that of sabacc, which you had never been very good at. You barely drank, considering the fact you were a lightweight and had work in the morning. The rain outside continued to poor, as lightning began to strike. 

Despite your unwillingness to be drunk, looking behind you sobered every bone in your body. As you saw the pilot from earlier sitting upon a bar stool trying to get the attention of the barkeep, his droid right beside him. Funny enough, he and his droid were drenched from the rain. 

"Hey!" You yelled, trying to catch his attention from across a smaller section of the crowd. He continued trying to get a drink and rubbed his stubbly chin with a sigh. 

Feeling responsible for whatever trouble he could get himself into, you felt yourself moving closer towards him. "HEY!" 

Recognizing the voice calling out to him, Poe made eye contact with you and smiled. In response he shifted on his stool and called out your name. When you pointed to the chair next to him, he nodded his head to give permission. After arriving next to him you called over the bartender he had been struggling to talk to, by name, and ordered light drinks for the both of you before sitting down.

Looking back at him you decided to initiate the small talk. "What are you doing here?" 

"I got bored, wanted to keep dry," The pilot responded with a shrug, followed by his droid beeping. "He got bored, too." He paused before continuing, "It's weird they serve droids here, huh?" It was your turn to shrug. 

"There's a lot more weird things out here than that," you chuckled and both your drinks were set down on the counter. Dameron took the first sip, followed by yourself. 

"I know what you mean.." He trailed off. "I have an idea why there's all these troopers out here, y'know?" It didn't concern you whatever it was, so a simple nod edged him on as you started to drink from your glass again. "Turns out there's some kind of Jedi out here." 

As soon as he finished you stopped yourself from a spit take bound to occur and shook profusely, "I've never heard of a Jedi out here. They’re all dead anyway," Real smooth. Looking at him once over, he only had a single blaster on his person. Not ideal for Jedi hunting in the least. Plus, he was a Resistance fighter. It's not like he would really believe that the Jedi were the solution to this bloody war. You were more worried about the fact that there were stormtroopers out looking for who you assumed was yourself. "I've been out here for quite a while, too. I would know." 

Curiously, he inched forward. "How long have you been out here for?"

"Since my late teens, it's why I'm respected and recommended in my job, and why I wouldn't leave to go play fighter pilot." This caused the person opposite of you to laugh. "I was born in a small mining colony, and I got out as soon as I could," with a sigh you smiled, keeping up this friendly act. This telling  was a half truth, being that the planet you were currently on was not the first you went to. 

The pilot pressed his drink to his lips and slowly put it back down on the table. "Just yourself? No droid, no friends, no family?" 

"Yeah, in a way,"  You shrugged. Looking back at your colleagues you watched them laugh and cheer. You weren't close with them, but they were the closest thing you had to friends. 

He shook his head and laughed, "I'm still trying to find out why you're wasting your talent on this barren planet." BB-8 beeped in agreement before he continued, "And I was sitting here thinking you were smart. You barely have anything to stay here for! The resistance has a planned severance package after the war, but otherwise it's crappy free food and hot water at every station." A shy smile appeared on your face, which seemed to make him happy. "See? When's the last time you had a hot refresher?" 

"Can't remember," you untensed and finished your drink. 

The music of the cantina's speakers blared and gave him another of his amazing ideas. He let himself gaze into your eyes for a second before his proposition. "Let's dance, c'mon it'll be fun." 

Your smirk widened, "I'm not a good dancer but I'll try my best…" Something catching your attention made you trail off. Troopers began to enter your precious cantina, harassing its usual patrons. The patrons were teenagers who liked to sneak in, and were being pushed around by the soldiers for no apparent reason. Tension struck through your body again. Poe was able to notice your staring, and turned to see the problem. One of the soldiers smashed his blaster into one of the teens’ faces and you immediately stood up and put your hand on your blaster, looking back to Poe on what he would do. It didn’t matter if you barely knew the kids, the abuse wasn’t right. "Damn you Skywalker, and your damn bleeding heart teachings," You cursed to yourself. There was never a time in your life you didn’t want to do the right thing, which conflicted with your other ideal of not fighting for it. 

Whilst having your crises, Poe knocked down a table a group was using, and used it as a shield to begin blasting at the reckless soldiers, snapping you out of your trance. You ran to his side as others started peeling out or joining in due to the blaster fire. Panting, you were able to shoot a soldier down just after he called for backup. It felt right. Defending those who needed protection, even if it meant putting your force status at danger. You knew what you had to do, and shook your head at the thought of it. Lasers now threatened your life, anyway. 

Screams and weapons deafened normal volume, forcing you to yell your blurt out, “I’LL JOIN YOU!” 

The man next to you swiftly turned his head while taking cover, "WHAT!?" 

"I SAID I'LL JOIN YOU! I'LL JOIN THE RESISTANCE! I'LL FLY." 

He looked stunned and only found one way to respond, "WHAT!?" 

"YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID!" This prompted him to stare at you a second before smiling, only to be interrupted by the table supporting the both of you starting to crumble. 

Panicked, he looked around, "DO YOU KNOW A BACKDOOR AROUND HERE?" Nodding, you answered him by urging him to follow you, before taking off to the kitchen. Dameron followed closely with BB trailing behind. 

As you ran across the kitchen and through an exit, he chuckled, panting, "I knew my charm would work!" Arriving at your speeder, he watched as you sat at the helm. When you didn't feel his weight at the end, you looked up through the blobs of rain. 

"I need to drive, I hid the X-Wing elsewhere." After furrowing your brows, he took a step back.

"No, no we're going to my place first. I'm not leaving without any credits in case you're swindling me." 

He resorted to furrowing his strong brows, "Wh- Why would I even?! Y'know what? Okay, okay, whatever. Let's just do it quickly." Poe sat behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist for support, with BB-8 pushing himself up into the box attached. 

When driving to your place, the rain and wind whipped around the two of you, making you have to squint. The only part of you that wasn’t dripping wet was your back, because of the almost stranger that was leaning against it. You could feel him clearly, not just physically, you could feel him around you. It was interesting to say the least. He hadn’t tried reaching out to you through the force, or even told you about his abilities, yet you could still feel him. The strange man felt good, he felt comfortable. His hands that hadn't touched you before were not foreign, but homely. 

Arriving at your place, you noticed that stormtroopers were making their way towards the area. This solidified your theory. You would have to be as quickly as possible. "Wait here," You didn't even look at the man behind you before stepping off the bike and walking into the shelter from the rain that was your home.  

Out of the very few clothes you owned, you optioned to bring your work clothes along with some casual outfits. Stuffing a couple pieces of jewelry, a cross body and mechanical parts into your duffel bag after some mental debate. A couple pictures and music tapes you had since you left your home world were thrown into the mix. 

Halfway through zipping the bag up, you stopped yourself, debating whether or not to bring the sword that mocked you with it's power. Without thinking anymore, you yanked it from its hiding place and squeezed it in with the rest of your belongings, right next to your life's savings. 

Standing up, it depressed you how quickly you could pack your life into a travel sized bag. The teachings of not owning many material items per the Jedi code had become engraved in your memory. Interrupting your self pity, was Poe's screaming voice from outside, calling your name. Although muffled by the walls, it was loud enough to jolt yourself up and cause you to run out to him, now sliding in behind him on the bike. "That took you long enough," He sighed in relief before starting the speeder up. 

Through the rain you could see his X-Wing as you speeded forward, the end of your stress seemed to be in sight. This would be the case, if it weren't for the small group of soldiers who approached speedily. 

You looked to Poe, to see if he had noticed. "Troopers, three-o'clock," nudging your head in their direction he simply nodded before speeding up. Before you could get any other word in, the plane you so desperately planned to escape on was exploded by the First Order soldiers, causing Poe to drift the speeder to the side and stop it in its tracks. 

Wordlessly, the two of you watched as parts flew everywhere and a fire had started, slowly being put out by the storm. You decided to break the silence, "I guess they didn't like my repairs." Considering his laughing nature, you expected him to enjoy your comment. 

He only responded by trying to find a solution, "Are there any commercial flights?" 

Nodding, you swiftly responded. "Of course, I'll guide you. Keep heading south for two miles, and then go east." 

A few minutes later the two of you arrived, before he paid for two tickets to D'qar, bypassing the security check by flirting with the attendant. Fortunately, that meant no soldiers could check you or you would have to lock your weapons away. Walking up the ramp, you paused to look at your home behind you. Where you became independent, and escaped the life others had planned out for you. Again, Poe cut you from your trance, "It's almost takeoff." He noticed your deep staring and felt a bit of remorse for taking you away. 

Sighing you turned around and walked past him and onto the ship, looking at two empty seats. BB-8 followed you, instead of his friend for once. You sat down at the window, and pushed your bag under the seat in front of you. The man slunk into the seat next to you, and his droid sat somewhere else. "Y'know, I thought your joke was funny," You turned your head to him, and he continued, "..about your work. I just didn't laugh because we needed to get out of there." Dameron shrugged and smiled, "Maybe they exploded it because the pilot who uses it stinks," You laughed, which seemed to make him feel better. 

"I swear I don't fly that thing! I was just told to get it repaired," It struck him. "Maker, the technicians are gonna be so angry at me." This caused you to chuckle some more, brightening this almost melancholy moment. 

Then to his surprise, you stuck out your hand. "I haven't introduced myself properly," to which you followed with your full name. He took your hand in his and shook it. 

"Poe. Poe Dameron," The pilot stared into your eyes for a second, admiring the feel of the blisters on your hand as well. This told him you were a hard worker, and would fit in nicely. 

"I know," you said with a smile. He nodded with approval before you turned to the window, watching the ground as the plane ascended. Getting one last look at the land, you noticed another first order plane arrive in the far distance, a man in full black exiting it. Though, you could not make out any more in the rain. It made you sick to your stomach, a familiar sick, though. You thanked the stars they were now far from you, whoever you were. 

"-we'll get something and I'll drive us over there." Looking back to the man, you felt more safe, knowing he was talking about how to enter a secured base. This was your life now. You were now a rebel fighter. "I can't wait to get you in a T-70."