#I’m not used to do ‘frame by frame’ stuff
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Neon Secrets: KWON JI-YONG x READER
summary: ji-yong catches you getting in your own head so he decides to shake things up and bring you along for a much needed late-night drive
word count: 5180
tags: fluff, denial, idiots in love - everyone can see it but them type stuff
ao3 link
All was silent in the rooftop practice room, save for the soft scratching of a charcoal pencil against paper. You sat curled up on the couch near the window, your notebook balanced on your knee, fingers gripping the pencil tightly. But the page in front of you remained mostly blank—just a few scratched-out lines and half-finished rhymes that didn’t feel right.
Sleep couldn’t seem to get a hold of you tonight—your mind raced with the same thoughts, replaying them over and over until they became a blur of frustration. You stared at the clock, wishing for a few hours of peace, but the ticking echoed in your ears, only adding to your agitation.
The quiet hum of the building surrounded you, but inside your mind, chaos churned. The notebook’s blank pages mocking your every attempt to find the right words. Your thoughts were too scattered—too many ideas, too many emotions—but none of them seemed to come together. The pressure to create something meaningful weighed heavily on you, and the longer you sat there, the more frustrated you became. Naturally. You hated this feeling of being stuck, of not being able to tap into the creative flow that usually came so naturally. You had written countless lyrics before, but tonight, nothing felt right. Every word you jotted down felt forced, out of place, as if the inspiration you once had was slipping away. The longer you tried, the more you doubted yourself. What if you were losing your touch? What if your career was over before it truly had time to blossom?
"You look miserable."
You jumped slightly at the voice, snapping your head toward the doorway. Ji-yong leaned against the frame, his arms crossed and his dark eyes almost staring into your soul.
Your heart pounded, and not just because he’d startled you. "Keep your voice down," you hissed and motioned for him to come in, glancing toward the hallway. "People are sleeping."
He scoffed but lowered his voice as he stepped inside. "Relax, it’s just us up here. Unless you think someone’s hiding in the storage closet, waiting to snitch on you."
As much as you rolled your eyes, there was nothing you could do to hide the subtle smile forming on your lips. Hoping he didn’t see, you elected to return your gaze to the notebook. "What do you want?"
Ji-yong flopped onto the couch behind you. "To rescue you from whatever creative hell you’re stuck in." He glanced at the page over your shoulder, tilting his head. "Writer’s block?"
A long sigh escaped your throat. "More like ‘everything I write sounds terrible.’ I should just go to bed and try again tomorrow, but I can’t even do that for whatever reason, so I’m just kinda… stuck here, I guess.”
He was quiet for a second before drumming his fingers against the couch. "Or…"
"Or?"
"We sneak out."
You stiffened for a second, before turning around to face him. Only to realise he had leaned closer towards you.
"You’re insane. You know everyone is asleep in the next room, right? And most of the staff? One wrong move and—"
Ji-yong held up his hands in mock surrender. "I get it, I get it. But that’s what makes it fun." A playful smile tugged on his lips. "Come on. You’re stuck, I’m bored, and the walls in this place are suffocating right now. Let’s get some air."
You hesitated, chewing the inside of your cheek. This was stupid. Reckless. If anyone saw you, rumours would spread like wildfire. But at the same time… the idea of slipping away, of leaving all the pressure behind, if only for a little while—
"Fine. But if we get caught, I’m blaming you." You quickly stood up, moving towards the door. You didn’t even bother closing the notebook or tucking the chair back under the desk. A dangerous move.
Ji-yong grinned even wider than before, already on his feet. "Deal."
He reached the door before you could, grabbed the handle and opened it for you to walk through, his typical mischievous grin never leaving his face. “Ladies first.”
“Such a gentleman.” You quipped and walked through, not after checking the hallway first of course.
And just like that, the two of you were sneaking through the hallways, hearts racing with every quiet step.
The tension in the air was palpable as the two of you stood in the hallway, the soft sounds of your footsteps echoing against the polished floor. Ji-yong’s eyes were gleaming with excitement.
"You sure you're up for this?" He whispered, glancing around as if expecting someone to appear out of nowhere.
You hesitated, your gaze flicking nervously to the security cameras overhead. The building was still buzzing with activity, but most of the staff would be asleep by now. Still, the thought of getting caught was enough to make your heart race. "This is risky," you muttered, trying to stay calm. "If we get caught, we're in trouble."
He chuckled softly, his fingers brushing against hers as he took a step closer. "That's what makes it fun," he said with a wink. You’d be lying if you didn’t find it attractive. Unfortunately for you, he was incredibly charming.
"Come on, I know the way."
The two of you moved quickly but quietly, sticking close to the walls to avoid being seen. The dim lighting in the hallways made it harder to spot you both, and every sound seemed amplified as you tiptoed past the security desk. The guard was hunched over, lost in the glow of his phone screen, completely unaware of the two figures sneaking past. Your pulse quickened as you tried to cover up your breathing as much as you could, but Ji-yong kept a steady pace, signalling you to stay low as you made your way toward the exit.
As you neared the door, Ji-yong reached for the handle, his hand steady despite the adrenaline coursing through them. He glanced at you one last time, a playful smile tugging at his lips once more. "Ready?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
You nodded, biting back a grin. "Just don’t get us caught."
“You know I won’t.”
With one final look around, he pushed the door open, and you slipped into the cool night air, your hearts still racing but filled with the thrill of your daring escape. The moment you had stepped through the exit and carefully closed the door behind you, he grabbed your wrist, pulling you into a sprint toward the car parked just down the street. The night air was crisp against the mostly bare skin of your arms and legs, the sound of your hurried footsteps filled the silence. Neither of you spoke—just the occasional glance over your shoulders to truly make sure no one had followed, accidentally making eye contact here and there.
Ji-yong reached the car first, fumbling with his keys as he yanked the door open. “Hurry,” he hissed, motioning for you to get in. You certainly didn’t need to be told twice. You practically dove into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind you just as he did the same on his side. For a moment, you both sat there, frozen, chests rising and falling with quick, uneven breaths. The street outside was quiet, undisturbed. You made it.
And then, as if on cue, you turned to each other, eyes wide with the weight of what you had just pulled off.
Silence.
Then—laughter.
It started as a breathless chuckle from Ji-yong, but the absurdity of the situation caught up with both of you, and soon enough, you were doubled over, shoulders shaking with uncontrollable laughter. You pressed an ice-cold hand to your burning face, gasping for air between giggles. “I can’t believe we just did that.”
He leaned back against the headrest, grinning as he ran a hand through his hair. “I know, right? That was way too close.” He turned to look at you again, amusement dancing in his eyes. “You looked so scared back there.”
“Excuse me?” You began, “I was being cautious. Someone has to be the responsible one here.”
“And yet, here you are, sneaking out in the middle of the night with me.”
You rolled your eyes but, once again, couldn’t stop the small smile tugging at your lips and the blood rushing to your cheeks. The adrenaline still buzzed in your veins, mixing with the warmth of the moment. Ji-yong shifted in his seat, tilting his head slightly as he studied you for a moment. His laughter had faded, but his expression softened, something unreadable flickering across his face before briefly looking away.
The laughter had faded, but the buzz of excitement still lingered in the air. He tapped his fingers absent-mindedly against the steering wheel. “So,” he said, glancing over at you. “Where to? Or was the plan just to run away with nowhere to go?”
You hummed, thinking for a moment, leaning back in your seat as you gazed out the window. “Honestly? I didn’t think we’d make it this far.”
That made him chuckle. “Wow. Such faith in us.”
“I’m just saying, the odds weren’t exactly in our favour. But I guess you do have a way of getting people to do reckless things.”
“People?”
“Me. Specifically me.” You laughed.
His grin never left his face as he started the car, the soft rumble filling the quiet space. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
You sat in comfortable silence for a while, the city lights flickering outside the windows, casting moving shadows across your faces. The world beyond the car felt distant, like a dream you were slipping through unnoticed. It was rare—to have a moment like this, away from expectations, away from the prying eyes of fans, staff, and friends alike.
Ji-yong snuck a glance at you when you weren’t looking. You were tracing patterns on your arm, brows slightly furrowed in thought. He wondered what was on your mind. He wondered if you had any idea how often he caught himself watching you like this—memorizing the way your eyes softened when you were deep in thought, the way you pressed your lips together when you were frustrated.
And if you knew, what would you think about the way Seunghyun, Taeyang, and Daesung teased him for it?
Ji-yong could still hear them now—Taeyang shaking his head with an amused smirk, Daesung’s knowing glances, and Seunghyun’s relentless, dramatic sighs. Just confess already, you’re embarrassing yourself. They never let him live it down, always pointing out the way his attention lingered a little too long, the way his voice softened when he spoke to you, the way he always found an excuse to be around you. And as much as he brushed them off, he knew they weren’t wrong. The thought made his ears burn.
It had started one evening in the studio. Ji-yong had been half-listening to a new beat, scrolling through his phone when Seunghyun leaned over his shoulder with a loud, exaggerated sigh.
“Hyung,” Ji-yong muttered without looking up, already knowing what was coming.
“What is this?” Seunghyun said dramatically, tapping the screen of Ji-yong’s phone. “You’re literally smiling at your messages right now. Are you in high school?”
Ji-yong scoffed and pulled his phone away, locking it. “Mind your business.”
Daesung, sprawled out on the couch, grinned. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
Taeyang let out a knowing chuckle from his spot near the desk, looking up from his own phone. “It’s always her.”
Seunghyun wasn’t letting this go. He leaned in closer, studying Ji-yong’s face. “Look at him. He’s already getting defensive. Next, he’s gonna say she’s just a friend—”
“But she is just a friend,” Ji-yong cut in quickly. Too quickly.
The room went silent for about half a second before all three of them burst out laughing.
“Ohhh, this is bad,” Taeyang teased, shaking his head. “I’ve never seen Ji-yong lie so poorly in my life.”
Daesung grinned, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Bro, you don’t even talk about your crushes, but you think we haven’t noticed how different you act around her?”
“Different how?” Ji-yong challenged, crossing his arms.
“You get all… soft.”
Ji-yong rolled his eyes. “I do not get soft.”
“You do,” Taeyang confirmed. “Like earlier today, when she came by to drop off something for the manager? You barely spoke, but the second she left, you smiled to yourself like some lovesick teenager.”
“I—” Ji-yong stopped, trying to come up with a defence, but all three of them were already grinning at him. Busted.
Seunghyun clapped him on the back with a knowing look. “You’re screwed, bro.”
Ji-yong swallowed, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. No. That was the last thing he needed. If you ever heard them talk like that, would you laugh? Would you tease him too? Or worse—would you start noticing the way he looked at you? The way he felt? And, as a result, would you distance yourself from him?
He had never planned for this—to care this much.
At first, it had been simple: late-night studio sessions, teasing exchanges, fleeting moments that he told himself meant nothing. But then he started noticing the way you made the air feel lighter, the way being around you felt like a break from the noise of everything else. And now, sitting here with you, watching the city pass by in the glow of streetlights, he realized he had been in trouble for a while.
Eventually, he spoke, his voice quieter than before. “So… what were you writing earlier?”
“A whole lot of nothing. Or… trying to write something, but nothing came out right.”
He glanced at her. “Typical writer’s block.”
“Feels more like an identity crisis,” you muttered, half-joking. “I don’t know. I just kept overthinking everything. Like… what if I don’t have anything meaningful to say anymore?”
He frowned at that, his grip tightening slightly on the wheel. “That’s not true. You always have something to say.”
You let out a small laugh, though there wasn’t much humour in it. “You sound so sure.”
“Because I am,” he said, glancing at you again before turning back to the road. “You’re one of the most passionate people I know. Even when you don’t say anything, you’re thinking—feeling. That’s what makes you good.” His voice was steady, sure. “You just don’t see yourself the way I do.”
Your breath hitched slightly at his words.
He must have realized what he said, because his fingers drummed nervously against the wheel, and he cleared his throat. “I mean—uh, the way people who know you do.”
For a moment, you just stared at him, watching as he kept his eyes firmly on the road, as if avoiding your gaze would erase what had just slipped out. A warmth bloomed in your chest.
“Ji-yong.”
He shook his head quickly, a sheepish smile playing on his lips. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you just figured something out.”
You tilted her head slightly, as if considering. “Maybe I did.”
He groaned, quickly running a hand through his hair. “This is why I don’t say things.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at that, but there was no denying the way your heart was now racing for an entirely different reason. Trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, you decided to change the subject when you realised he hadn’t explained why he was awake when he found you.
“Y’know, you never said why you were up so late.”
Ji-yong blinked, as if caught off guard. “Ah… I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Why? Is your reason dumber than mine?”
“No, just…” He hesitated before sighing. “Not that interesting.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“I just couldn’t sleep.”
“Why?”
He hesitated again, longer this time, before answering. “Because my brain is a pain in the ass.”
That made you pause. “What do you mean?”
He let out a short, quiet laugh, but there was no humour in it. “I think too much. About everything. I’ll be exhausted, lying in bed, and suddenly my brain decides it’s time to overanalyse every stupid thing I’ve ever said, every choice I’ve ever made, every possible way I could screw something up.” He exhaled sharply. “It’s like I can never just… be.”
“You mean like anxiety?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s not like I panic, I just—” He sighed, tapping his fingers against the wheel. “I second-guess myself a lot. Get stuck in my own head. It’s frustrating because I know it’s dumb, but I can’t turn it off.”
Something about the way he said it—the exhaustion behind his words—made your chest tighten.
“Why didn’t you just say this earlier?” you asked softly. The car came to a stop as you reached a red light.
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Because I didn’t want to make it about me. You already seemed frustrated.”
“That’s stupid,” you said without thinking.
Ji-yong finally turned to you, caught between amusement and exasperation. “Excuse me?”
“You do it all the time,” you said, shaking your head. “You act like you have to be the one keeping everyone else together, but who’s doing that for you?”
His lips parted slightly, as if he hadn’t expected the question. His fingers drummed idly on the wheel, and for a moment, you thought he wouldn’t answer. But then, in a voice quieter than before, he said:
“You.”
Your breath caught in your throat.
Ji-yong let out a small, almost self-deprecating laugh. “You don’t even realize it, do you?”
You swallowed, suddenly hyper aware of the way the air in the car felt different—thicker, heavier. “Realize what?”
He glanced at you again, something unreadable in his gaze. He looked like he wanted to say something else, something more, but instead, he just shook his head with a small smile. The traffic light finally turned green and he continued driving.
“Nothing,” he muttered. “Forget I said anything.”
But you wouldn’t forget. Not now. Not when the weight of his words settled deep into your chest, shifting something inside you that you weren’t sure you were ready to face yet. And judging by the way Ji-yong gripped the wheel like his life depended on it, staring straight ahead, neither was he.
At some point, the heavy weight of the conversation had lifted, giving way to laughter and much lighter topics. The city stretched out around you, a blur of neon signs and empty streets as Ji-yong drove aimlessly, neither of you wanting to break the spell of the night just yet.
The two of you talked about ridiculous things—the worst stage outfits you’d ever worn, the most embarrassing moments caught on camera, the weirdest fan gifts he had ever received. He nearly swerved when he burst out laughing at your dramatic re-enactment of a failed dance move during rehearsal, and you doubled over when he confessed to once getting trapped in a bathroom before a concert and having to be rescued by the rest of the guys and a few staff members.
The car was filled with easy conversation, the kind that only came when time didn’t seem to matter. But time did matter. And neither of you realized just how much until Ji-yong absently checked the dashboard clock.
“Shit.”
“What?” You turned to him, still grinning from your last joke.
He gestured toward the clock. 4:32 AM.
Your stomach dropped. “No way.”
He groaned, rubbing a hand down his face. “We are so screwed.”
It took a second for the panic to fully settle in, but when it did, it was instant. You sat up straight, suddenly wide awake. “We have to get back now.”
He was already turning the car around, the easy-going vibe of the night replaced with frantic energy. “We better pray no one’s up yet.”
Your heart pounded as you mentally mapped out the best way to sneak back in, every possibility of getting caught flashing through your head. Staff members were early risers, and some of your groupmates tended to wake up for morning workouts. If even one person saw you—
“We can’t go through the front,” you said quickly. “There’s a security camera right at the entrance.”
Ji-yong nodded. “Back door. Less cameras, but we have to be fast.”
You could already imagine the absolute chaos if either of your groups or, worse, the company found out about this. You and Ji-yong locked eyes, truly realizing at the same time just how risky this had been.
Then, for some reason—maybe from sheer exhaustion, maybe from the ridiculousness of the situation—you both started laughing. Quiet at first, then full-on, uncontrollable laughter just like at the very beginning of this little side quest.
“This is so bad,” he shook his head.
You wiped the happy tears that were forming in your eyes. “If we survive this, we’re never doing this again.”
That was a lie. You both knew it.
And as the car sped through the empty streets, the first hints of morning light creeping onto the horizon, you knew this night—this feeling—was one neither of you would forget. By the time you had pulled into the parking lot, the sky had started to shift from deep navy to the softest hints of morning blue. Every second that passed made the risk of getting caught even worse.
You both moved quickly, slipping out of the car and sticking to the shadows as you made your way to the back entrance of the building. He pulled open the door as quietly as possible, wincing at the soft creak of the hinges.
“Go, go, go,” you whispered, pushing him inside.
The hallway was eerily quiet, the kind of silence that made every tiny sound feel deafening. You pressed your back against the wall, Ji-yong right next to you as you both listened for any sign of movement.
Nothing.
You exchanged a glance, and without a word, started moving.
The first challenge was the stairwell—safer than the elevators, but the risk of running into someone was still high. He went first, taking the steps two at a time, while you followed as quickly and quietly as possible. Every creak of the stairs made your pulse spike.
Halfway up, you heard a noise—a distant door closing somewhere above you. You both froze.
Ji-yong grabbed your wrist and pulled you down into a crouch against the railing, barely breathing. You squeezed your eyes shut, silently praying whoever it was wasn’t coming down the stairs. The footsteps paused, then faded away in the opposite direction.
You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.
Ji-yong turned to you, eyes wide. “That was too close,” he mouthed.
You nodded frantically, your heart still hammering.
The two of you moved again, finally reaching your floor. Ji-yong peeked down the hallway before gesturing for you to follow. Your dorms were now just a few doors away, and you could practically feel freedom within reach.
You made it to the door first, pressing a hand against it for stability as you exhaled. Ji-yong stopped next to you, running a hand through his hair, a tired but exhilarated grin tugging at his lips.
“We actually made it,” you whispered.
He smirked. “You doubted me?”
You rolled your eyes, but before you could respond, Ji-yong opened the door. As you stepped inside, you immediately realized you weren’t alone. The familiar voices of Taeyang and Daesung were already drifting through the room, and the instant you both walked in, the entire space fell silent.
The kitchen lights flickered overhead as you and Ji-yong froze. There, sitting casually in the lounge area, were the familiar faces of your group and his—Seunghyun leaning against the counter, a couple girls from your own group scattered around the couches, and Daesung and Taeyang, clearly wide awake.
You couldn’t even hide. You hadn’t even stepped inside before they all turned toward you.
“Well, well, well…” Taeyang’s voice rang through the silence, a grin tugging at his lips. “Look who decided to join us at five in the morning.”
Ji-yong cleared his throat, taking a step back, trying to play it cool, but his eyes flicked toward you, silently pleading for a way out. “We… just went for a walk.”
Seunghyun raised an eyebrow from where he stood, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “A walk?”
You opened your mouth to respond, but you couldn’t find any words. The guilt, the tension, the fact that everyone was wide awake and clearly waiting for you two to walk in made it impossible to lie.
“You two are really bad at hiding,” Daesung chuckled from his seat on the couch. “Did you think no one would notice?”
Ji-yong rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, giving you a small, apologetic smile. “We didn’t exactly plan on getting caught.”
“Oh, but you were planning on sneaking in here, right?” One of the girls from your group smirked from the kitchen counter. “Because it’s not like we’re all waiting in here for you to walk in.”
Taeyang folded his arms, shaking his head with a chuckle. “You really thought you could just walk in and slip by us, huh?”
You let out a long sigh, resigning yourself to the fact that there was no escape now. “I guess we’re busted.”
Ji-yong leaned against the doorframe, shrugging with a small smile. “Guess so.”
Seunghyun leaned forward, narrowing his eyes as he studied you both. “So, what exactly were you two talking about?”
You froze, unsure of how to answer. Ji-yong shifted next to you, glancing down at his shoes nervously.
“Oh, you know,” he said with an awkward chuckle, “just random stuff.”
Seunghyun snorted, clearly not buying it. “Random stuff, huh?” He shot you a look that you could read too easily. “I’m sure it was really random.”
“I bet it was super interesting,” Taeyang added with a raised eyebrow. “Just you two, talking the whole night away. So what was the real topic of conversation?”
You felt your cheeks heat up as you avoided their gazes. “Nothing important,” you muttered, hoping to avoid the topic.
Seunghyun grinned from his spot, clearly enjoying every second. “Oh, we know it wasn’t nothing important.” He exchanged a knowing glance with Daesung, and the teasing only grew stronger. “In fact, I’d say it was pretty obvious.”
Taeyang tilted his head, glancing at Ji-yong with a knowing smirk. “Yeah, because you two are definitely good at hiding it.”
“Hiding what?” You shot back, trying to sound nonchalant, but your voice faltered slightly.
Ji-yong quickly cleared his throat, standing up straighter. “We’re just really good friends,” he insisted, his voice a little sharper than before, as if to convince not just them but himself too. He gave a small, forced smile. “Nothing more than that.”
Seunghyun raised an eyebrow, his grin widening. “Mm-hmm. Just friends? Sure.”
“Not this again,” Daesung laughed mostly to himself. Again? What did he mean by again?
“You guys are ridiculous,” you muttered under your breath, trying to downplay the awkward tension growing between you and Ji-yong.
“Well, we’re not the only ones who think it’s pretty clear,” one of the girls from your group said with a knowing grin. “But if you insist…”
Ji-yong rubbed the back of his neck again, his smile faltering. “I mean it. We’re just friends. It’s not that deep.”
Seunghyun looked at you both for a long moment, still not convinced. “Sure, Ji-yong. You’re just friends,” he said with a heavy dose of sarcasm. “But I’m telling you, it’s pretty obvious to all of us.”
“You’re really good at pretending,” Taeyang said, eyes twinkling with amusement.
You quickly changed the subject, desperate to get away from this conversation. “Well, we didn’t exactly plan on getting caught by everyone in the kitchen.”
“I mean, it’s not like you tried very hard to hide it,” Daesung said, unable to keep his chuckle to himself. “You two always look like you’re in your own little world.”
Ji-yong sighed, a bit of frustration leaking into his voice. “Can we not make this a thing?” He shot a glance at you, but you weren’t sure what he was thinking—was he upset with the teasing, or was he frustrated about something else?
Seunghyun raised his hands in mock surrender, still grinning. “Alright, alright, we’ll drop it for now. But you know we’re not buying the ‘just friends’ act.”
You quickly turned toward your room, eager to escape the conversation. “Guess we’ll work on pretending better next time.”
Ji-yong followed suit, offering a quiet laugh, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure we’ll do better,” he said, his voice lacking his usual confidence.
As you slipped into your room, heart still racing from the teasing, you exhaled slowly, trying to shake the feeling lingering in your chest. It was ridiculous, really. Ji-yong was Ji-yong. One of the most sought-after idols in the industry, effortlessly charismatic, always surrounded by people who adored him. There was no way he’d look at you like that. You were just his friend—one of the few people he could relax around without the weight of expectations. And maybe that was why it stung a little. Because no matter how much your heart stuttered when he looked at you, you were certain he didn’t see you the same way.
Ji-yong barely mumbled, just out of earshot from you, before slipping into his own room, shutting the door behind him a little too quickly. He let out a quiet breath, leaning against it for a moment, rubbing his face with both hands. Why did it bother him so much? The way the others teased, the way they all acted like something between you two was so obvious. Maybe to them, it was. But to Ji-yong, it wasn’t even a possibility. You had never once looked at him like that, not in the way he caught himself looking at you. And why would you?
He sighed, pushing off the door and running a hand through his hair before collapsing onto his bed. You deserve someone better—someone who wasn’t always stuck in his own head, someone who wouldn’t second-guess everything the way he did. Someone who wasn’t him.
And so, just like every other night where his thoughts threatened to betray him, he shut them down before they could get any further. Because if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that whatever he felt for you… it wasn’t something you’d ever return. If only he knew this is exactly what you were thinking about him, just on the other side of the wall. So close yet so far.
But that would be the least of both of your problems when you finally found out that a video of you and Ji-yong, with your hands intertwined, running to the car had gone viral.
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#kwon jiyong x reader#gdragon x reader#kwon jiyong#gdragon#choi seunghyun#daesung#taeyang#fluff#kpop#yg entertainment#late night drives#sneaking out#denial of feelings#bigbang#top bigbang#bigbang x reader#writers on tumblr#ao3 writer#artists on tumblr
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Hi. I’m the person who almost attempted suicide, twice. Been nearly a year now, it’s out there, I do not care who knows.
Didn’t want to jump in this but here we fucking go: First to be fucking clear, and which no one, might I add. came to me directly to ask, all the the Logan/anon drama was NOT the reason I did why I did what I did. It didn’t help the situation, but it wasn’t the sole reason. I had so much IRL issues going on at the time, and I realize the petty stuff with the anon hate made it seem like it was the only reason but I barely thought about it while I was doing the thing. I have half the mind to bill a certain party the rest of my medical debt but hey, we’re gonna move on.
I cut myself off from fan servers and from most people in the community due to being anxious all the time, thus being alone since late 2023. If I was talking to anyone, it would be purely about the game or art stuff. Snowy & Goons, how DARE you use my situation to your benefit, and any of the posts I’ve made. You cannot outright accuse someone else of my suicide attempt without any concrete evidence. That’s a damn serious accusation. All we have are petty Tumblr anon messages. And ooo guess what, not every single Logan fan is gathered at Simprock, there are plenty of other individuals within the community, outside of fan servers. Who’s to say that your goons aren’t the ones posing as the anons for them to be framed? Idk but you can’t keep talking out of your ass. My harassment started roughly around 2020/21, I can’t even remember who said what at the time and who’s to say the same people are even around anymore. Should I have collected evidence? Seeing how it all came to this, yeah I definitely should have. I don’t have evidence, but most importantly NEITHER DO YOU. Which applies to many things for you.
Simprock was the last server I had joined. During the brief time I was there, was treated with nothing but kindness and respect. I admit, I do still have a sort of distrust with them, for other reasons, but with this it’s hard not to be on their side( and with apparent evidence) . Actually in fact, it was when Snowy had also joined Simprock, I bolted out of there shortly. I wasn’t there long enough to get to know anyone but I saw your name and my skin immediately crawled. We never talked directly but I first saw you in the bootleg my time server (late 2022-mide2023) the vibes were immediately off. I’m not of fan of Logan either but you were constantly belittling them, not cool. To think you’ve escalated this far…baffling.
Back to using my posts to your benefit, the zine post. How the fuck did you immediately accuse them again when I said I wasn’t joining either zines. Again I couldn’t even guess who the anons were but hey, could be your goons posing again. Just because a person liked it immediately meant it was an attack against you? Dude. Reaching aren’t we.
Some days I take a step back, and think. There were several different ways to have handled my harassment, and I was thinking one of those ways was the one you’re taking Snowy, and I can’t begin to imagine it, not even a little. Why? Because this is fucking insane behavior. I wouldn’t have begun to do something like this good gracious. If I made anyone uncomfortable last year anytime after my attempt or during all the hate anon messages, I genuinely didn’t mean to and I apologize. I appreciate more than anything that the lot of you gathered to help me during and afterwards. I’ll always be thankful.
I’m going to cut myself off here before I get pissed again, but one more thing.
F YOU SNOWY I FN KNEW ITBWAS YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT QUINLAN. I don’t play about my characters and for you to mischaracterize them like this UGH JUST 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Please Leave me Alone
Hi, I’ve been sort of attempting to avoid making a post about this but due to numerous concerned individuals reaching out to me and the amount of receipts that I’ve been given regarding this I have to make one last attempt to address the person who has been doing this to me for the past few months.
I know what you’re doing, and you know it’s dishonest and wrong. This needs to stop. Targeting others and involving them in your personal drama just for interacting with me is unacceptable, and the misinformation and harassment have to end.
I’m giving you the chance to take accountability and tell the truth. If I continue to hear that this behavior is still happening, I’ll have no choice but to address it directly.
I’m not interested in some self-made competition for attention and the drama - I just want to share my love for this game and community together with my friends. Please leave me alone.
For the record: I have never, and will never, send anonymous hate to anyone - especially not over being queer or creating gay art. As a queer minority myself, I stand for marginalized communities and will always support safe, inclusive spaces for everyone.
It’s incredibly unfair to your friends as well, who you have most likely been feeding false versions of the story. It’s also unfair to pull completely uninvolved individuals trying to enjoy their time in this space into this especially when you know that this is untrue- then hide behind alt accounts and your friends, which will unfairly put them in a position where they have been defending someone who has been dishonest to them.
I wanted to believe that you were going through a rough spot and that it led you to doing this in a bad state of mind, but this is becoming excessive and I want you to please use this opportunity to reflect on this because you know what you have been doing is wrong and hurts everyone.
#my time at sandrock#mtas#serious post#the holier than thou attitude is insufferable#I hope it’s a little more understandable as to why I’m alone#look at this shit#look at this individual rampaging like a child#and hello those messages Snowy has been supposedly getting??#anyone else think it’s sus like??#who on earth is THAT pressed about Miguel bro#literally no one but snowy#HARLOT I SEE YOU FOLLOWING ME GET OUT#what the hell happened to this fandom man#the Knives Out update was 9/11 for most people apparently
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Why does Peri use a cane in ur AU?
I know other fop artists have there Headcanons on why and I was curious what urs was! c:
Ooh, good one! I’m sure Perry receives a diagnosis at some point in his life, but I’ll refrain from choosing a specific irl condition both for lack of knowledge and bc it’s actually magic related! (I imagine human doctors would have no way to properly identify trace amounts of magic in his system lmao)
The FULL reason is a spoiler so I’ll put the doodle under a cut, but the TLDR is- like canon Poof, Perry is a WISH baby, and later in the AU timeline he has ALL the magic drained from his system for plot reasons (surviving ofc but just left very tired for a while) and when his body slowly started building back up his residual magic, his human immune system had already gotten used to the magic being gone, and starts ATTACKING the ‘foreign bodies’ in his system ☠️☠️, resulting in him needing his cane, and later, his wheelchair. The amount of magic in Perry’s system gradually plateaus over time, but never QUITE returns to the power level he had as a child- I think his medical problems started in high school tbh, when the magic has had some time to replenish- and one day Iris has to unexpectedly CATCH his boyfriend in the hallway bc his knees randomly give out and neither of them have any idea why. Perry suffers flareups like this for the rest of his life, seeming random to human doctors, but usually the magic is actually reacting to other magic around it, or particularly magical times of the year-
Sometimes though, in quiet moments when he’s older, Perry will feel his body start to react, but puts the pain aside, because somewhere deep in his heart, he knows it’s just someone he loves dearly paying a visit, even if he can’t remember them 🧡✨
Lmk if this sounds similar to any IRL condition yall know of- like I said I’m sure Perry HAS a professional diagnosis, it’s just not QUITE accurate bc magic ☠️
ALSO Lmk if yall wanna hear about Perry’s mild magic powers! Idk if “powers” is the right word bc he can’t rlly control them and they’re barley noticeable tbh, but being a wish baby means ya boi got some weird stuff going on lol ✨✨
Concept art for post “Ved’s Betrayal”- Perry offers his magic to power Dev’s wand and saves the day, but spends the next week or so feeling very sleepy and sluggish, while doing his best to comfort his friend. Iris does, uh- NOT take the betrayal well… 😭💔😞
Don’t tell nobody but this damn comic is looking like it’s gonna be around 20 pages lmfao-I’m gonna try to fully color it I think bc it would be dope af if it looked like the frames could be stills from an ‘episode’, but that’s gonna be a LOTTA work, so don’t expect the full thing to be done anytime soon lmao ☠️☠️
#au spoilers#fairly normal parents au#fop au#fairly oddparents#fop irep#fop peri#fop Foop#fop poof#Ved’s betrayal
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When you take the expression “empty your mind” too literally
@exhaustedtech99
#Star Wars#clone wars#clone wars oc#Star Wars oc#padawan Dagon#well more like youngling in this case#obryth#cw oc#Jedi oc#padawan oc#I’m not used to do ‘frame by frame’ stuff
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Wip
#wip#I finished the panels and speech bubbles so I’m taking a break to get an ice cream sandwich then coming back to do lineart#Honestly the worst thing about making these comics is that I can’t depict some of the stuff I really want to depict#Bc decent storytelling requires restraint#But I think a lot about everything and so I put an unnecessary amount of thought into this shit that I can’t reasonably add to the comic#Without making it feel out of character or just sorta tonally weird (admittedly I feel like I stretch it too thin as it is)#The reason I do these besides just bc I like making them and it’s fun is bc I am fascinated with Chilchuck as a character#And I have a very specific idea of his life based on the crumbs Ryoko Kui leaves us#Which I wanna. Like. Force other ppl to witness I guess 😭#But character exploration without any proper storytelling to frame it is boring to me#like I might as well just write it all out in an essay at that point#Anyways all that to say that I am annoyed that my comic about what Chilchuck saw when he said he saw his dad on the other side#Doesn’t leave room for me to show that I think his dads death indirectly led to Meijack being born and clarify why and how I think that hap#And that the whole sequence of events there is too long and unrelated to reasonably fit into those little extras I do sometimes
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Fiona and Cake spoilers seriously
(Something I noticed abt Betty and Simons relationship)
I love Betty and Simon’s relationship, I think their back story is so cute and romantic and all that lovely stuff don’t get me wrong.
But there’s this under tone of Betty constantly giving things up for Simon and we don’t really talk about it a lot???
Like, Betty let Simon have his moment with the artifact and the pubic, she also doesn’t go to her trip in favor of going on an expedition with Simon. Then when she goes to leave again she stays for Simon.
Even Fiona is like “you went with her on the bus?” And Simon just looks all confused like “what? No, why would I do that?” Like- hello???
Then after that she gave up her entire life and mind to get Simon back to the point where she literally says “I don’t know who I am without him anymore.” And that just sucks! Since the beginning Betty has been the one giving up the most, her mind, her own possible career, and it’s a story of love of course and it’s very sweet but it’s also a story of sacrifice.
Their love wasn’t a perfect solution, it was already sort of imbalanced when it started and I lowkey love how we see those cracks even before they’re together.
Again, I love their relationship and I think it’s sweet. I just think we should talk about Betty’s side more, especially when she tells a story of what most women do in relationships, sacrifice.
#fiona and cake spoilers#fiona and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#It made itself really apparent in these newest episodes and I couldn’t stop thinking abt it#like Betty idolized Simon before they formally met so of course she was gonna drop everything to go on that expedition with him#but it was more after that too like she was going to leave to study in Australia but Simon stopped her#and Betty’s a grown woman she can make her own decisions#but even Betty’s friend was like ‘don’t make her miss the bus!’ because Betty had a real opportunity to do something else#and maybe It’s that true love trumps all or what ever but the way they frame it in the show feels weird to me#like Why have Fiona ask if Simon got on the bus with Betty if it wasn’t important???#the way Simon responds feels weird too he responds like Fiona doesn’t make sense when asking that question#BUT ITS VALID Like why wouldn’t you encourage Betty to go off and maybe start her own career??#or just go with her?? like she gave up stuff to go on your exhibition why wouldn’t you return the favor???#and obviously Simon doesn’t do this on purpose I’m not saying he did#he didn’t guilt trip or force Betty or even ask her to give up these things to be with him Betty did all that on her own#i think it’s just interesting the way the show frames their relationship#like Betty gives up a lot to be with Simon in Fiona and Cake and in adventure time too#but she idolizes Simon and after Simon becomes IK she’s chasing after the man he used to be#meanwhile everyone learns to live with who IK is now it was just Betty who was clinging to Simon the whole way through#obviously they love each other and respect each other but I think Betty idolizing Simon didn’t just stay when they were kids#or college students or what ever it keto’s going even when the world ended and Simon became Ice King#this is was so much more than I planned on writing-
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Villain of the Week
#the spot#atsv#spiderman spoilers#spider man spoilers#across the spider verse spoilers#spiderverse spoilers#atsv spot#my art#griff art#not Minecraft#tw body horror#let me know what else I need to tag here#not the normal stuff#but I saw spider man and dude….#it was something else entirely#I’m gonna need to analyze every frame of that#the hands were fun to draw!#hope they read well#it’s always interesting doing these#cuz I usually only use one or two layers
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hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.
#really tho it’s like I can barely feel anything anymore. idk if it’s stress?? depression??#the enormous weight of adult life suddenly and unexpectedly crashing down on me with the weight of the entire planet??#I used to feel so *much* all the time and now I feel like I can barely feel anything at all…#and everyone around me is living life so much and I’m just here feeling like I can barely keep up with conversations as they’re happening#I’m tired… I feel like God is a far away idea that I’m struggling to hold onto… I feel like my mind is a bent and jumbled mess#like I grabbed hold of it and tried to crush it into the shape I thought it should be and now all I’ve got is a broken frame#I /know/ who I am and what I believe. I /know/ what my life is. but I don’t feel anything.#the only time I feel anything is sometimes when we’re singing at church I just cry at the sense of glory of something I can’t touch#and sometimes I shake with fear at the thought that I’ve ruined everything that could’ve ever been good about me#I’m oversharing on the internet again but I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I want to see something beautiful and feel#the weight and glory of it again. but I feel like I can’t. all I feel is numbness.#I feel like I could sleep for months but every time I wake up I never feel refreshed. and I’ve been having bad dreams too.#adulthood kinda does suck can I please go back to being 5#gurt says stuff#personal
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This may be a good and normal thing but I have absolutely zero regrets about having purchased the laptop last night. Like all day yesterday and even as I was buying I was going oh god should I should I not but now I’m not even having second thoughts about the huge display lmao
#SO FUCKING GLAD that I actually did some extra research rather than just going meh the one I looked at before is probably better#I think it was a SIGN that I got paid a little early for the month’s work and then like the day after the laptop I bought went on sale#(Didn’t actually pay immediately so I didn’t USE any of that money but that is besides the point)#Only with the reservation of man… it’s big… and heavy… and REALLY huge and that’s bad…#I HAD deep down been going ‘man if only there was a bigger laptop with the same specs as the one I wanna buy’#And then!!! This baby pops up!! With a big display and BETTER specs!!!!!!!!#Cannot begin to express my excitement at playing Real People Games like that hasn’t even been a POSSIBILITY#Stray is at the top of my list right next to ranch of rivershine#And also probably Elden Ring that shit looks NEAT#(Also yes there is a catch and a reason this one is cheaper even though it’s better! The one I was planning on getting had an OLED display#This one’s just a normal good old LCD display. But in all honesty that is ABSOLUTELY a sacrifice I’m willing to make lol)#z talks#not horse game#Also the fact it’s not currently in stock so I’ll be waiting almost 3 weeks for it also very much feels like a good thing#Like. I have a Date on which I can expect to Receive It. And that means I have a very set time frame for the stuff I want to do to prepare#(mainly organise my cloud storage to make sure everything’s where it should be)#(but that’s a bigger problem than it might sound like because I have a LOT of files)
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Yknow I’m generally someone who could be deemed a outsider because I don’t get involved in a lot of things especially when it comes to unnecessary discourse because even if I have a opinion I usually keep it to myself because for me it’s less worth to get involved in certain debates unless I’m really feeling like choosing violence that day but if there’s one debate where it’ll be two sides fighting and I’m just standing aside like “yep this sure is something” it’s fucking sub v dub debated because I’m the anomaly who watches either like it’s no problem and so many anime fans would find me weird for that- if they didn’t already think it was weird I didn’t care for mainstream stuff.
#meg text#this ain’t even a self conscious thing I was just thinking about it#because i literally swap dub/sub so much with the last show I watched for no reason#I don’t like picking a side in this debate even though sub fans are the more uh- vocal ones#but unless it’s hard or impossible to read captions people should be opened to watch things subbed#because some animes legitimately never get dubbed and this limits yourself from trying stuff#I say I’m more dub leaning though but it legitimately depends on my mood if I watch sub or dub#I originally thought sub was easier for me to watch short stuff and I have to test if I can last watching subs of longer shows#but I remember with fucking kikaider I kept swapping dub and sub like crazy#me: kikaider has a good dub also me: seki as jiro though (<saids as I think Dave was good)#that is my only frame of logic because I can’t use “oh if it’s shorter subs help me more”#bc I watched 01 dub but also more importantly new fucking getter dubbed fine#so much so new ryoma is the only ryoma in my brain I don’t attach hideos too it’s only Lex#I do wanna watch new sub in full one day though but no one somehow uploaded the full subs anywhere??#like when they are there’s a glitch where they aren’t in the center screen and this show on BLU-RAY how the fuck#new dub is good tho but I get it’s awkward to watch bc it’s also so engrained with Japanese culture#”people in a ancient Japan wouldn't sound like this”-my friends watching it again with me
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(Sorry about the pouring out my doubts in the tags.)
Well obviously I can’t have chronic fatigue, that’s a real problem for real disabled people that’s diagnosed by doctors probably. Clearly I just have some sort of perpetual exhaustion issue, that is also almost certainly my fault somehow
#me#chronic fatigue#possibly?#like I feel gross even saying I might have it#I feel like I’m cheapening others’ experiences#like no surely my constant exhaustion that greatly improved after my doctor prescribed me some medicine that’s used for chronic fatigue#surely that’s just all in my head#surely I don’t have ptsd#I shouldn’t even mention it to anyone including my psych because he’d have said something by now if I did have real ptsd#despite me seeing him for half an hour every year#and even if I do have it it’s totally my own fault too as well yep absolutely#what am i traumatised because I didn’t die when I wanted to?#stupid#doesn’t count#nullified#and even now when I’m doing better I’m still feeling like#I can’t complain because I’ve survived worse#and who needs help when you’re not actively in pain?#.#I wish there was a quantitative test you could take that tells you#yeah you have 40% severity cfs#20g/kg ptsd#860000ppm ocd#take a blood test#now we know without a doubt that what you’re going through is/isn’t significant#you see the problem is I have no frame of reference#I have lived in my head all my life. I don’t know what it’s like to be anyone else.#I don’t know if I’m just bad at dealing with stuff and everyone feels like this#maybe I’m actually just complaining too much#you know?
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exhausting and weird to have people frame putting your age in your bio as “harm reduction”
some of you have never been substance users and it shows
#so fucking sick of pretending that it does anything at all#like i’m happy to participate in this weird cultural ritual we all have decided on#but you have to know on some levels that people can and will just *lie* on the internet if they’re assholes#just because many of us are operating on#good faith doesn’t mean everyone is#also: harm reduction is about self-harm first and foremost#and i cannot stress enough that it *is* stigmatizing to addicts to frame it as this broader thing#like fully fuck you if you’re making ‘harm reduction’ about trivial shit you do online#there are absolutely things that communities can do that reduce harm#but also it’s fucking bizarre to see a blog that posts stuff *romanticizing substance use/ abuse* say putting age in bio is harm reduction#hey if you’re into harm reduction: don’t fucking post about drugs like that???#at least don’t do it untagged#absolutely WILD behaviour#anyways yeah like intox kink goes brrr or whatever but some of us are trying to stay sober#so just fucking tag your shit
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My boyfriend has really vivid, elaborate dreams. He’ll often wake up and talk about some grand narrative- travel, exploration, politics, performances. I’ve always been a little jealous, he can hold really good plots together for them sometimes.
But anyway, this does have a downside; vivid, elaborate dreams make for vivid, elaborate nightmares. I can usually tell when it’s one of those nights, since he grinds his teeth pretty badly.
I was never quite sure what to do when I knew he was having a bad time of it, though the grinding alone was enough to worry me and push me towards intervening. I used to just shake him gently, hope to rouse him just enough to reset the dream or something, but it wasn’t too effective and anyway waking him up all the time isn’t good for rest.
I’m rather proud of the strategy I eventually settled on: gently, so as not to wake him up, I’d lay one arm across his hands, wrapping his fingers around me so that he was holding on. Nightmares being nightmares, I can usually count on a pretty tight grip when this happens.
It may seem a little odd, but consider that holding on to something with both hands is typically a very agentic frame of mind. We hold on to things that give us power, in one way or another, and possessing objects often makes us feel powerful in some respects. That has consequences, even for a dreaming mind.
I knew it was working when he woke up rather mystified from one such dream, and told me that he’d been running through the caverns of some dungeon or cave system, pursued by monsters, but then all of a sudden he was holding a giant anime sword and fought them off instead. So I got to be a sword for him that night, I was delighted.
I don’t usually get to know exactly what happened, since even for a very vivid dreamer like Ritter, nine tenths of these things get forgotten. But I know I’ve been things like door handles, steering wheels, stuff like that. And even when I don’t know what I am to him, he doesn’t grind his teeth nearly as much- the sleep is deeper and more peaceful, so I get plenty of feedback that it’s working.
It’s such a perfect encapsulation of love in microcosm, isn’t it? No matter how much you mean to them, and how much they mean to you, the gap between two conscious lives is fundamentally separating you. But fundamental does not mean insurmountable. There’s this whole world in him, full of dreams and perspectives that I’ll never truly experience. But I will be a part of those worlds all the same, finding little ways here and there to make sure that the dreams of me make him a better, stronger, and happier person.
Or at least, so one hopes. It’s a difficult challenge, and things often go awry. But usually you get at least a little lucky.
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Hi I just wanted to make another post saying I’m still here!! I still love webkinz and other plushes!! Life has just been tough the last few months, so I’ve had zero energy :( I want to try and post more content soon, though, because this blog and the plush community brings me more joy than I can express :)
In the meantime, here’s of my recent pics (that are all itemlabel lol) showing some of my guys having fun with a lil picnic and a label maker
More stuff to come soon!! Sunny and I swear it
#cheeky barks#I thought I had a good one of Beauty and Huckleberry but Huck’s face isn’t fully in frame :(#I don’t wanna vent post but to make a long story short: I was miserable at my old job. got a new job that was rlly exciting but exhausting.#got fired from said job for what I think was ableism but can’t prove. had no income.#and then I landed a job in what I went to college for! but it’s part time so I’m barely scraping by atm#it makes my future a lot brighter! there’s a lot of growth and learning opportunities#but it doesn’t give me much money to expand my collections or do fun stuff#and right now I gotta save up for new glasses too 😔#don’t worry about me tho! I won’t make any donation posts or post abt this much#I’ll be alright :) I just wanted to explain why I’ve been so silent#thank you to everyone who’s stuck around!! ilu guys :)#also Sunny is fine too don’t worry! he could use another bath but he’s still perfect and my special guy :3#my plush: motor oil#my plush: jubilee#my plush: horrible son michael
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No one has been more convincing about encouraging me to play fallout new Vegas than the queer people in my phone. Literally every straight man I know in real life could not be half as convincing as the autistic queer people on this website
#emma posts#i don’t know what this says about me#but I’m going to be honest with you. it’s now making me think about playing some other games too#you guys are better at selling me on a game than every straight guy I know in real life#and honestly most company advertisements#i would be buying more of these games you speak of if i had more money#and also knew how to make and use a gaming laptop#I can’t even figure out new digital art programs. the last program I used on a computer was in 2011#i feel like an old woman and I’m only 26#at least when I’m trying to figure out new computer stuff#I also have to look at the keys when typing#despite how hard my computer class teachers tried to change that#my brothers will be using their gaming pcs and my brain will get overwhelmed#also those bitches are expensive af#just me and my ps4 doing our best#I guess i also have a ds from my childhood but it’s not like I could play new games on it#it still works though. I was super careful with it#aside from getting my improvised stylus stuck in the storage spot#i found my original stylus eventually#you know what. I think I have an art tool that might be able to remove that now. I’d have to bring the ds from my next visit to my parents#but maybe if I could buy some of those old games everybody talked about but my parents never got me I could play them now!#they can be spendy though 😩#and I don’t see many in the thrift stores#as much as I love thrift stores for things like silverware books and picture frames#also some other stuff. that’s just the most notable things#I’ve been looking for a table there for awhile but they are always too big for my tiny apartment#I’m kinda scared of buying clothes there because I’ve heard of people getting bedbugs 😖#but not from the local one I suppose 🤔#oh! I found nice glass mixing bowls there too! they are clearly well used. but it was nice to find cheap ones#I’m getting distracted though. I hope someone can get use out of the jeans that got too small for me. I donated them
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bartender toji fucking the living daylights out of us after a nasty breakup ? also have a nice day
ON THE H★USE !!
#𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆 ⟢ bartender!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader #𝑺𝒀𝑵𝑶𝑷𝑺𝑰𝑺 ⟢ riding the hot bartender after a break up is the least expected thing you’ll ever think of #𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ⟢ alcohol, pet names, foreplay, fingering, teasing, grinding, pre-cum, no protection, creampie, car sex, nipple play, squirting, size difference, big dick toji papa, alpha toji with xxxxxxxxl dick, multiple orgasm, one-sided drunk sex (?), power play, I’m so lazy to do tags, who even reads content warnings tbh #𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑻 ⟢ 4k #𝑨/𝑵 ⟢ don’t let this flop guys I spent way too much time on this when I should be studying for my exam 😭
“Plus, he literally had to beg me to act like I was cummin’ when he stuck his sorry excuse of a dick in me!” your eyelids hung heavily over your eyes as you exclaimed, brows shooting down in a frown. “Get a load of that guy, am I right?”
“He doesn’t pay for your stuff, and he can’t fuck good?!” Toji teasingly mirrored your tone as he manoeuvre behind the bar, uniform taut from the way he natchly flexed his arms; the bottles clinking as he worked deftly to craft out the beverage you ordered. “What a man.”
It has been 2 hours since you’ve been rambling on about your ex-boyfriend, and the ravenette felt like he’d known this stranger for years—all of his secrets and traits aired into his ears. Albeit, it was getting a bit boring, with the same repeated stories tumbling out of your voluble mouth. But still, he enjoyed chuckling at your adorable insobriety, fuelled by drunken mania.
“Here you go, princess,” a small tug lifted the ends of his scarred lips when your eyes patently glimmered at the newly served alcohol. “It’s the last I can give you, we’re closing…” Toji’s eyes momentarily flickered to his watch, “in 7 minutes.”
“Oh, okay!” you deliriously yawped, downing the beverage into your liqueur-brimmed system before handing him your card, which you aimlessly threw at him, not even lucid of your motions. “Just swipe it.”
Toji simply brushed it off, taking it towards the other side of the counter. He's used to unintentional antics like yours, as long as the tab was paid off he has no problem with them.
15,900 yen.
The digits flashed past his eyes like stars, igniting a luminous glint in his dark emerald orbs. Hell, was it a sum to casually splurge on at some mid-high bar? He’s got a pretty girl with probably an equally pretty amount of personality in her wallet, sprawled on the bar top wailing about her broken heart.
Oh, how he would love to play saviour.
“Here, princess. Time to go home,” he tapped your card onto the counter after the successful transaction. His gruff voice was low as you drifted further from your haywired consciousness and towards a delicious drowse. You didn’t move when he neared your face, attempting to marshal up your scattered coherence by calling into your ear.
Toji sighed as he leaned back onto his feet, and crossed his bulky arms, pondering the ways to get you out of the otherwise empty bar.
It was 12:58 am and the other inebriated customers had gone out by themselves or with their friends dragging them along. Except for you, softly snoring on the sticky counter.
His coworker shrugged at him when the ravennette glanced at the shorter male for help. “Just get her out of here. I’ll clean up the rest, and you owe me this one,” always so kind—how Toji wished he could smooch that man right then.
“Thanks, man,” Toji’s eyes curved in moon crescents, before settling his sight onto your dozed frame. His finger pressed against your temple, and your head lolled to the side in suit of a light push; a trail of drool slipping past your plump lips. You were completely and utterly out of it, huh?
Grasping onto your arm, the male lightly shook you awake, the warmth from his calloused palm stimulating your nerves vivified. “Hey, Mr. Bartender…” you had an uneven smile on your crooked lips, sleepiness bubbling into the air with every laggard blink as you breathily chuckled. “Are you gonna bring me home?”
“I don’t know about that, princess,” his tone was syrupy sweet and it licked the ends of your lips upwards into a velvety grin. “But we gotta go now. Come on,” Toji’s hands came to yours, gently pulling you off of the bar stool. You followed after his guide, slipping your card into your pocket before frisking behind him like a lamb to the door.
The burly male turned to his wrist after the door swung close in the wake of your exit, checking his watch; it read 1:04 am. The train station is closed and it’s going to kill his conscience if he leaves you by the streets like he always does with intoxicated male customers. He has no idea where you stay anyway—best to call a friend of yours to take you home.
“(Y/N)?”
A grating, vexatious voice called. The two of you swivelled your gaze to the source to find your cheating, insipid creature of an ex with an arm thrown over some chick’s shoulders, chortling at the unstable mess you were. Your eyes were puffy and tumid from the hours of crying slash ranting session, and you were anything but lucid from the way you looked.
How fucking lucky.
“What you got going on here? Getting kicked out of a bar?” your ex taunted, nearing his face to yours as you narrowed your eyes at him.
“Y-You…as—”
“Have the lady some of her space, buddy,” Toji’s authoritative voice prevailed over yours as he pushed the male away, rendering him to helplessly stumble backward into a fall. The woman in his arm hid her giggle with a gasp before helping his fuming ass up, his face beet red from his ignominious tumble.
“Who are you?” he barked, eyelids flying open to show the hidden whites and teeth bared in belligerence.
“A man who can make her cum, without begging her to fake it,” the woman burst into a half-concealed snicker when the ravennette broke the air with his unanticipated words. Your face grew to be saturated with ardent red, from both the intoxicant that coursed through your veins and the sentence you thought you had heard.
“I call it bullshit,” your ex spat with his upper lip pulled up in disrelish. There’s a flash of humiliation in his glare—he knew Toji seemed better than him and it killed him to know you’ve got suitors who are way out of his league.
“It’s true,” you tapped Toji’s metallically stiff chest with a twisted, satisfied smirk on your rat-arsed face. “He toootally didn’t just stick his dick in me and call it a day, y’know?”
“Fucking whore.”
“What d’ya say?!” you screeched, ready to pounce on the asshole. “I sent you to the ER once, and I’ll do it again!”
“Alright, that’s enough, princess,” Toji tenaciously held onto your arm, and you’re stuck by him even without him using much strength. “We don’t want you dirtying your hands, do we?”
A nasty shove met the male’s chest, knocking the air out of his lungs when he hit the ground. It was merely a fraction of Toji’s force, and it already had the male choking to breathe on the ground.
“Speak to her like that again, and it’s not going to be just a push,” you could hear the rise of a dour, serrated threat in his tone, and it begot the asshole to cower back in trepidation.
Pussy, Toji grimace. Albeit he was no saint himself but he absolutely despises the ilk of guys your ex filtered into—boisterous and a bully to women, yet nothing but a trifling mutt in front of men.
A tug of his arm, and your limbs wrapped around his wretched him out of his state of visceral contempt. “Take me home!” you ineptly exclaimed, a gruntled grin on your adorable, roguish face.
Briefly riveting his baleful gaze onto the splayed male on the bitumen, Toji steered you uphill towards the parking lot as you clumsily tottered aside him.
The encounter with the small-dick fucker sure rendered him more understanding of your evening of outburst. Plus, for you to be cheated on that piece of work was truly the icing on the cake. “Poor you, huh?”
“Forget ‘bout him! You were so cool I almost cummed right there and then,” you teasingly giggled as you peered at him through your heavy eyelids.
Fuck—it’s no good for you to be saying that with that look on your face.
His eyes rest ahead the road as you soon come to near the bright red C8 Corvette the woman he’s estranged with had previously gifted him, the car standing out amongst the parked vehicles like a sore thumb.
Your eyes scintillated in awe when the car luridly flashed and beeped in the night, “That’s yours?!” you cried aloud, frisking all the way to the car, before stumbling over thin air and nearly jolting forward into a fall. Luckily, Toji was quick enough to catch you by your arm, saving your knee a painful event of bloody excoriation. “Oopsie daisie.”
Cute, Toji chortled.
Jumping into the vehicle, the potent roar of the engine cut through the midnight air after you’ve settled neatly in the passenger seat, the only thing missing was the safety belt that was supposed to secure your form. Reaching to your side, Toji’s hand briefly brushed over your exposed thigh, the hem of your short dress riding up to merely cover your panty.
A soft, almost inaudible noise fled your lips, and his eyes laid on your face, the faint, intimate gold beam from the street lamp illuminating your glowing features. Your orbs were luminous through the dark, and it roused an innate lasciviousness that lay dormant in his core.
The liquor that flowed through your blood vessels had not quelled through the lapse of time, but it did not take away your clarity to feel the tension that electrified the air molecules into sweltering magnetism. And gosh do you want to snatch the constriction in the atmosphere and tear it through your canines.
“Touch me,” you whispered, so soft and vulnerable Toji could seemingly snap you in half with just a touch.
“You’re drunk, princess,” he reminded, yet he remained unshifted over your smaller frame, his hand merely a molecule from your tempting flesh that sang for his warmth.
“No,” you were firm. Something in you purled, bubbling a heavy, demanding need to have him devour you. “I want you,” your breath was hot, scorchingly so; airy and desperate.
“You want me?” his hand fell to your wrist, grasping your soft skin under his heavy hold, and guiding you over to his seat, straddling his lap. His gaze cut through your eyes, daubing pressure against your jumbled nerves, his intensity threatened to slice through the silky jugular of your vulnerability. And you nearly moaned under his eyes.
You gingerly nodded at him, and you thought the knit between your brows was enough to speak for your neediness.
His grip on your wrist tightened a fraction before you missed the heat radiating from his palm. “Careful, princess. You might regret this,” he had paved a way out, it’s a leave it or fuck it situation served beneath your fingertip—and all the atoms in your body leaped into the growling blaze in the abyss residing in his essence.
“Please,” your voice was barely a note above a mumble, yet the weight of your single word mitigated any marshalled resistance in him.
His hands slid up your thighs, inching under your dress, sending tingles to your throbbing core. The intensity that radiated from him ceased to waver as he leaned against your neck, brushing against your skin as you gulped. Dark, ashen clouds drew above the emerald forest of his before he spoke, almost threateningly against your throat, “I want you to remember every single detail of this in the morning.”
With a breathless nod, you had swung the floodgates of your amenability open to his guttural thirst. The heavy, rapacious waves of your desires crash into superposition. You were the fuel and he was the fire, together the air detonated into space.
His wet lips met yours in a whim, sucking onto your flesh until it stung, greedily tasting every crook and cranny of your wet cavern with the bumps of his tongue. You moaned into his mouth as your hands flew to clutch onto his head, deepening the kiss to reach his insides while his rough fingers sank into the plump flesh of your ass.
Your lips burned with his saliva, and his tongue fluttered with yours. The atmosphere felt all-consuming, gripping onto your throat and restricting the air from flushing down your windpipe. Yet, your core pulsed between your thighs, an excited blaze slowly roaring into something bigger than you could handle.
Your chest rose and fell in a quick tempo when you snatched your lips away from his, grasping as much air as you could within a second before you dove right into him. Albeit your sight was hazy, you caught sight of the luminous flush that panned over his cheeks.
Pretty, pretty. You chanted in your head as your hands slid down to his clothes, clumsily popping the buttons off of the garment that kept the warmth of his skin away from your touch. You want him, you want him.
Your fingers nearly melted when they met his hot, sinewy chest, and Toji’s teeth sank a little too hard into your bottom lip when you teased his nipples under your touch, innervating them hard with every flick. The salient bulge in his pants rolled against your folds, merely separated by an annoying piece of your underwear, and your moans jumbled into each other’s mouths
“Fuck, princess. You’re driving me crazy,” Toji breathily groaned when your sloppy lips sundered apart, a hot string of mixed saliva connecting your swollen, red lips together. His large hands lifted your ass up into the air as he palmed them, the warmth from him sending a snuggly sensation through your body. “It’s no fun when only you get to tease.”
Your eyes playfully gleamed, before the light shot out of the crater of your orbs—his finger pressed against your sodden panty, damp with arousal. The tingles shyly reached through your belly as he rubbed your hardening bud, and your body shuddered against his.
“You’re not playing fair,” he murmured against your jaw, leaving trails of bruised kisses down your jugular. His hand left your heat just as the high came close to your clutch, leaving you with nothing but the lingering cold touches of his.
With a defeated sigh, you ground your knee against his growing hardness, your finger shyly rubbing against the clothed tip of the constrained mount, the spot slowly growing dark from amativeness.
Toji sunk deeper into the headrest as you touched him, his exposed chest ceaselessly rising and falling. His breath hitched in his throat when you twirled his sensitive nipple between your fingers; your heated exhales warming the side of his neck as his grip almost painfully firmed onto the fat of your ass.
You didn’t allow his peaking orgasm to come through, forcing yourself off of his sore, throbbing erection, and your teeth bared into a dirty smile. “I am playing fair.”
“You want to test me, princess?” he chuckled, the bassy timbre of his scratching the knot of an itch inside your ears. A gasp leaped out of your throat as your body jolted forward, his seat clicked backward to its maximum taut, “I’ll make you cry for more.”
You found your back nestled in his stead, your thighs spread open with his calloused hand slipping down your supple flesh. His fingers tapped nearer and nearer to your heat, before slipping off your soiled panty.
“So fuckin’ wet,” Toji sucked an inhale through his teeth as he leered at your dripping sex—thick, rough thumb fluttering friction on your clit once again. Your eyelids flitted shut as you softly moaned against the air, the smell of your arousal filled the confinement of the car; the scent nearly making him growl when it panged hard against his nostrils.
You watched as Toji slipped a thick finger into your velvety folds, feeling it trodding past your walls. Your heat snugly enveloped him as he filled your inside with another digit, his two fingers pressing, and running themselves over your slick cunny. “Gotta stretch you good for me, princess.”
Your back inched into the seat with a contented sigh, enjoying the build-up of ticklish pressure stacking up your tummy. Toji was ridiculously dexterous with his fingers—deftly stroking your cunt, and quick to find the spot in you that innervated your pure senses with a ting.
“S-Shit—” your body was subservient to his touches; your spine curved into an arch, your toes curled tight and your fingernails dug into the flesh of his arm. “M’feel so good. Toji—fuck,” it was as if his fingers were gilded in Eros’ heavenly blessing, the godly grace spilling into your pleasure. Tears began prickling at the sides of your eyes from how hard you were squeezing them, your flailing legs kicking against the dashboard of his car.
“So pretty when you cry,” Toji groaned under his breath, his damp restraints painfully throbbing from the way your squelching walls tightened around his fingers—oh, how he fucking wish it was his cock in you right there and then.
His touches were singing your walls into melting squirts of drool, pearls of arousal weeping between your thighs in the wake of his careful strokes. Never were you touched in such a way, and you felt like balling from how good it felt. “M’ close! M’gonna cum! Oh my gosh—!”
“Come on. Cum for me, princess,” you could hear his smirk in his voice as pleasure kissed your senses, fluttering through your electrified nerves and sending a jolt of tingles all over your body. Your mouth was lax open into an ‘o’, nails marking his skin as they sank deeper into his arm, and your walls tightly spasmed with a wave of rough euphoria cracking your bones weak. You fucking came from his mere fingers.
Your eyes bat open with your lips sundered from your pants, your face ardently glowing from your subduing high. “Fuck…” your wet thighs quivered from the sheer force of your orgasm, and you blinked in disbelief.
Over 2 decades of living and it was the first time cumming from a real man, not your fingers nor toys. But the brawny, sex-dripped male slipping your dress off of your spent body.
You almost fell in love.
Pushing him down the driver’s seat, you crawled over Toji’s firm thighs, running your finger from his chest to his muscle-packed abdomen, then down to the wristband. You were flickering to take charge, and he sank down to your guidance, rough palms resting on your hips.
Your dress was off, divulging the bare curves of your body, sweat-glazed skin iridescent under the moonbeam and your sex-flushed features were begging for him. You look so, fucking, perfect that he had to bite down the need to ruin you on the spot.
His hips impatiently thrust upwards into your sticky cunt, grinding his pack against you, urgency in his essence demanding your heat. “Don’t keep me waiting now,” he purred, with a silent warning tagging behind his words.
Your fingers tugged the waistband of his pants along with his briefs, a drive in you matching his pacing hastiness. His shaft sprang out of its painful confinement, and your eyes nearly popped out from the sheer look of his cock.
He was oozing with sticky pre-cum from his angry, red tip, throbbing veins ran from the base of his length to the curved head—the size of him bigger than any you’ve seen. The smell of his masculine essence hit your senses and a new pool of arousal began drawing in your tummy, your pussy walls squeezing in empty neediness.
“There’s no backing out now, princess,” Toji’s fingers firmly gripped onto your ass, lifting you over his cock, hovering.
“Who said I’m backing out?” you gulped, before lowering yourself down, his fat cockhead kissing your pussy lips before your hips greedily sank down his length, oblivious to the crackle of tingles it would send to your nerves.
“Careful there,” he teased with a chuckle as you let out an instinctual gasp from the way his girth stretched past your velvety walls, the slick sound of your arousal-dripped cunt, and his heavy shaft bubbled into the air, and scorched your cheeks red.
“M-My gosh…” you cried as your hazy gaze fell to the bulge jutting from the inside of your tummy, your walls taut with his heavy cock buried inside you. “I’m s’full, Toji.”
“Mhm,” he cooed, brushing his hands over the sides of your smooth thighs. “But you gotta start moving, baby.”
Gingerly, you lift your hips up before slowly inching them down his length. Your walls clenched as your sex rubbed friction, and you could feel every pulsing vein of his just as he could feel your fluttering warmth.
“Feel good, princess?” Toji asked breathily, your head faintly nodded, but there was a hint of a dubious glint in your fallen gaze, your knees lifting and sinking your weight.
“I need your help…” your voice cracked in disappointment as you paused, tears of frustration edging by your eyes. You couldn’t seem to grasp a steady pace no matter how long you painfully rode.
“What d’ya say?”
Your orbs looked as though they were melting off of your sweat-glazed skin, blinks of fervourish plea clawing from your drunken gaze into his. “Please, Toji,” your voice hitched, and you’re humping his pelvis. “Please…I want to feel good.”
Aww. How fucking adorable.
You yelped when you felt yourself being raised and slammed down his cock, your folds burning with every stretch of your walls. And it feels so good. “Y-Yes…” your eyes closed shut, fingers scrambling to grip his locks. “T-Toji—mhaa!”
“You’re so fuckin’ cute screaming my name,” the curve of his tip perfectly kissed your g-spot with each piston of his hips, and every time the twitching head of his meat met your gummy part, it sent a flash of electricity up your spine.
“S-Sho good—” you slurred through your words, weighed head lolling idly to every thrust of his fat cock.
“No one can get you dripping off their cock like this, huh?”
“Mmh—yes!” the space between your brows was crumpled into a tensed frown, your hips bouncing up and down his thick girth with his hands guiding your pace. “I love it! I love your cock!”
Toji let out a low groan when you cried, bucking himself deeper into your sloppy mess of a cunt and kissing the surface of your cervix. “Fuck—I love an honest girl.”
Your muscles nearly melted off of your bones as he continued to fucked himself deeper than you’ve ever felt, reaching the parts you didn’t know could be touched and your features dropped with his touches on your deep intimacy. A fierce sear of heat burned through your tingling womb, and it threatened to consume your body whole. “M’ cummin’! Toji—!”
“I know, I know, let it out f’me. Come on,” he grunted, keeping his grip firm on your arms as he fucked himself hard and deep into you. He could feel your squelching cunny clench, so tight as for the purpose of milking him on the spot. “Keep bouncin’ on my cock, yeah?”
“Nngh—No more!” you squealed. “N-No—” his thumb drew between your shaking thighs and greedily swiped over your blushing clit. Your fingernails sank into your palms as you gripped for dear sanity, his cock continuously violating your fluttering spots until they grew sore.
“I can make you feel better, princess,” he mumbled tinglingly against your neck, sinking his teeth down your flesh to hold back a shaky moan. His pleasure was inching to fly to release, and your tight clutch onto his shaft was nothing but a catalytic lure.
“S’ hurts—please!” your babbles were almost indecipherable as he rammed into your sore cunt, his fingers digging into your soft flesh holding onto you tenaciously; pushing you right to the edge of oblivion as he clung onto his nearing release.
“Cum f’me again, baby?”
“M’can’t! Still sensitive—!” you cried before another orgasm shot through your core. You felt as if you were sent up into the ether, stars teeming through your body as the waves of pleasure sent you on a vertigo ride. Your gasps dragged through your lips, your eyelids hung heavily over your bleary eyes, with tears slipping down your hot cheeks.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck—M’close too, baby,” Toji swore through his bared teeth, his cock painfully twitching as thick semen surged through his tip—his hips rolled as your cunt squeezed his remaining sanity, popping them like fireworks before they burst into nothingness.
Your essence squirted out of your tensed cunny, shooting with his mixed cum that dripped down his belly. Your breaths shaky and hot with heightened senses, your sticky sex pulsing in overstimulation.
Exhausted, you fell prostrated on top of his hard muscle-built body, head undulating with the ups and downs of his heaving chest. And slowly, your cognisance drifted back into your mind, the aftermath of everything—the alcohol and the sex, pummelled into you like a heavy truck. Unforgivingly so.
“Toji…I really feel like pukin—”
© toji-bunny-girl ― all rights reserved. do not modify, translate, plagiarise or repost my work
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