#I’m gonna fucking throw up and cry now
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CUT THE MOTHER FUCKING CAMERAS WHAAAAAAAAAAAT
SHE GAVE UP HER EMBLEM?????? SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPP
“It carried a mother promise” what if I FUCKING DIED WHAT IF I SCATTERED KINDLY STOP IT
I literally don’t know how to handle myself. If this really is Jaune then his death flash are now at a 15/10 but if it’s not then WHERE IS HE I DONT LIKE EITHER OPTION
Please let Jaune be the creature the knight is riding on I’m gonna throw up I’m so anxious
I need to lay down I’m so worried about literally everything
So.
So I feel like “killing” it will have consequences. Not saying they were wrong to do so I mean consequences as a result of an action not necessarily a punishment. I’m just worried it’s gonna pull a hydra and come back in more forms. But why was this one attacking when the other one was afraid of Neo? CC made it seem like there was only One Jabberwalker but surly that can’t be the case?
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT WAS NEO
OH NOOOOOOOOO
Ok so all my questions have just been answered FUCKING RUN AWAY
It’s reminding Weiss of the Atlas evacuations I’m gonna scream
JUNIPER????
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFF
I’m so sorry to anyone reading this next sentence I mean it only emotionally but I’m killing myself im ending it all right now I am actually going to jump into a hole in the ground and be reclaimed FUCK
So he’s gonna die right? He’s gonna die here? Not in this episode but he’s dying or he’s not coming back huh? Cause that’s the implications I’m getting. All you Jaune haters I hope you’re happy meet me in the parking lot I’m fighting each and every one of you I AM SO SERIOUS I CANNOT LOSE HIM HE IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT TO ME??? IF HE DIES I WILL NOT RECOVER IF HE SCARIFIES HIMSELF TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT HAPPENED WITH PENNY I WONT SURVIVE
Nobody talk to me
#rwby 9 spoilers#what do I even say#what the fuck am I meant to say#we got summer#we got Neo#we got Jaune BUT AT TOO MUCH OF A COST IF HE LIVES IT WILL BE A MIRACLE#I’m gonna fucking throw up and cry now
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YOU CAN’T EXPECT ME TO BE COMPLETELY FINE AFTER SEEING THE CONCEPT ART FOR DT17 ADJACENT DARKWING DUCK REBOOT
#darkwing duck reboot#I’m gonna cry#i think#or not#i don’t know#FUCK#adzghgnbdzc#FOURTEEN YEAR OLD ME IS SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP RIGHT NOW
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Was doing so good holding it together today but now that I’m laying down and trying to sleep I’m tearing up and I can feel that I’m about to burst into tears any second now
#my mom called me like ten minutes before I was off work today#and asked if I had talked to my grandpa lately and I was like yeah some why?#I’ve been showing what I’ve been cooking with him and my grandma because I was proud of myself#and she was like oh so you know about his potential surgery?#and I was like. his what???????#apparently his pace maker is dying and malfunctioning and he needs a new one#but this is the third time it’s had to be replaced and as he’s gotten older he’s had a lot more health issues#and they’re not even sure his heart can handle getting it replaced…. he has an appointment tomorrow to find that out#and no one told me. no one fucking told me it was that bad and I’m so#like man my feelings on my grandparents are so insanely complicated but I do love them#I love them so much and they practically raised me and loved me more and treated me better than my mother EVER did#they’re the only family members I’ve ever been legitimately terrified and upset over not accepting me cuz I’m queer#like my mom and siblings? I could not give a flying fuck if they hated me for my gender or sexuality#if my grandparents had a bad reaction I think I would fucking kill myself#and idk the point is I love him and I’ve barely seen him at all the past few years because we live far away now and I never visit because I#hate the rest of my family#but what if he can’t have this surgery?????#or what if he can but something goes wrong??????#what if he’s dying and I’m only able to go down and see him one more time#and he could be fine. it might all work out and he could be fine#but man I’m terrified that won’t happen because WHY WOULD NO ONE TELL ME ANY OF THIS#and yeah no I’m fully crying now I can’t do this#he taught me to draw and he built the house I grew up in and he got me into lord of the rings and would take me book shopping#and and and I’m gonna fucking throw up#kaz rambles
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hahahahahahah im sending this to you when you cant respond :P
anyways. concept. the FIREFLIES DUDE. the abandoned park with the fireflies,,,, that line. idk why but i couldnt stop thinking about the fireflies and. how wxs they are. specifically this sort of wxs. the ones who are thrust into so much darkness but still still find a way to find a light by making it themselves.
also hahaha rui silly bug guy
(i totally 100 percent guessed on the colors lol)
HOLY FUCKING SHIT I OWE YOU MY GODDAMN UFCKING LIFE FOR THIS YES YOU GET IT EXACTLY ANDAJSKGHFAUYIHSGVYFTEIYUHGFYTEGDYIUHJBHVGDFSJKDADFAYGYIUSHFDGHSJKF THROWS UP AND DIES ANJSAHDUIYTWR657ATSGYVFTYDUGDFUTTGUIYSUAGFDSHJOIHFDYHJFAKLSNFVDSHDIAIO
#asks#fave#hollow ☆ wonderland#the world needs to see this so i waited till i was free from post limit#i’m gonna throw up#they’re just. they’ve all been given so much shit but they go on and now with each other they live and they live and they fucking live#ueuueuewuueuwgeiugfydtgshjbdfda im gonna#this is everything to me#you get it exactly i’m so happy#i’m so happy i got my thoughst across well enough#joy#pure fucking joy#i’m gonna cry#OH YEAH do you mind if steal some of your color scheme for when/if i color in hw rui. 10/10 i fucking love it
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the fucking audacity of this dickhead to try and scold me on being out at night like for five months straight he wouldn’t get in two-three hours past the the time he said he would come home. and tryijg to make me feel bad by saying mom fell asleep waiting for me like she didn’t walk out 15 minutes to the bus stop AT FUCKING MIDNIGHT TO WAIT FOR HIM THERE WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD BE HOME AT 9 PM AND THEN HE SAID HE DIDN’T ASK HER TO DO THAT LIKE SHE’S NOT YOUR FUCKING MOTHER. trying to scold me for staying AT A SCHOOL EVENT to help them pack up after and claiming i was giving excuses cuz there would be other students there like HE WASN’T THE REASON I COULDN’T GO TO MY GRADE 10 SEMI-FORMAL CUZ HE WAS LATE TO CLASS AGAIN, AND GAVE THE SAME DAMN OF EXCUSE OF HELPNG TO PACK UP AFTER THE LIBRARY POTLUCK. fuck you
#this day has been terrible#first fucking zionists find my oage and call me racist and assure how confident they that’ll committ suicide#and then i haven’t even fucking eaten anything except fir that damn bottle of crush that was supoosed to cheer me up#and now my own fucking brother is nagging me for having fun#i’m gonna cry this day sucked ass#and he forgets i know all his fucking secrets#i will throw you so fucking hard under that fucking bus you’ll feel like george o malley before he died#get off my dick
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i wanna draw so badddddd. i wanna draw so BADDDDDD. but i CAN’TTTTTT
#marzi speaks#not only do my ankles hurt#but my wrists (which are still bruised from all the bloodwork i’ve had done) are acting up too#i’m so maaaaaaddddd. let me DRAWWWWWWW#temper tantrum. i wanna throw one. not that i have the ENERGY#>:((((((((#can u tell i’m hitting the ‘ok i’m sick of this’ stage of recovery#i had to get my chest x-rayed in a freezing cold room today. i had to get six more vials of blood drawn so they could run tests on fucking.#everything#i had to walk around extra and now my ankles are hurting because this is the first time i’ve left the house since discharge#i have a charm sitting in my mailbox that i wanna go get but i cannot walk the short distance to go get the mail#also i’ll probably get bit up by mosquitos. and the last thing i need rn is more discomfort#uuuuuuuuuugggghhhhh i’m so TIRED of it all. i want to be healthy again#worst part is i can tell i need to have a cry about it but i cannot get myself to cry. hrhrhrhrrhgggrgrrrrrggghh#gonna lose it. gonna lose my whole mind
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Y’all I’m so fucking mad I could cry
#I’m in so much pain#and then and then and then and then and then#and then I’m crying because my clothes dryer tipped over#I just wanted to have a nice fucking evening#and now I’m just sobbing in bed#didn’t draw a damn thing#I hate myself so much#and then I woke up at 3:30am feeling like I’m gonna throw up#god damnit
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it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!
#Seven.txt#my face#i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post#i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this#hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom#anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨#the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good#so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh#and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans#we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good#okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more-#-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee#now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :)#man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually#uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life#its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete#even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it!#if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it#fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good#in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that#i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies#like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out…#anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!!#after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again#but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is#so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go-#Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo!#i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!)#anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part#for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)
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been laying here listening to Lucky by Dermot Kennedy on loop for half an hour while thinking about Everything Stays and crying
#it’s good crying dw i am just. i have so many feelings about this story#Seven’s Celestial Commentary#Everything Stays#writing stuff#i may be stuck in bed struggling to type due to personal reasons but that will Not stop me from cooking up ideas for this fic#there is gonna be so much fucking angst and it’s gonna hurt soooooo good#the more i listen to it the more the possibilities expand#i can easily see Moon and Reader going back and forth between verses vulnerably arguing over Sun#but i can also see it being Sun and Moon getting real and discussingcougharguingover Reader#can’t decide which i like more#god i wish y’all could see this story the way it plays out in my head#next best thing would be to keep writing and sharing the story instead of vagueposting abt future plot points tho wouldn’t it lmao#and GOD don’t even get me fucking STARTED on Two Hearts…#Dermot Kennedy’s music is responsible for yet Another plot point for this story and i can’t even be mad about it. his fucking lyricsss dude#‘and so we jump to the THEATER??? in that SAME OLD TOWN???’ DO WE? FUCK I GUESS WE DO NOW!!!#picture me listening to that song and inspiration hitting me like a truck. diligently taking notes like the lyrics r instructions from God#‘she sees his face?? and HE sees HER as the LIGHTS GO DOWN???’ write that down write that down#‘the life that they should’ve had sat between them that night??’ FUCK Man yeah it sure did!!!#anyways it’s chill i’m chill. i’m very normal about my little stories and their musical inspirations!#and i’ve listened to these songs a very normal amount (translation: they will likely be in my top ten for the 2024 wrapped)#(cut to the scenes playing vividly in my head) ‘Well‚ at least I can always say that I /told/ her!’#‘I can’t relate to having a heart like that‚ Sun! With all of your wonder and your trust intact…’#like no i wouldn’t lift the lyrics directly for the song to use as dialogue but FUCk does it work well.. Lucky is such a good script for-#like- a heated conversation between my Relentlessly Positive Sun and my Apathetic Jaded Moon#‘How could our farewell mean as much as our time? Honey‚ I’ll be gone. It’s better if I’m something that you leave behind.’#‘I used to paint these trees‚ now I just scream at the sky. Honey I was wrong. Guess there’s certain things you never leave behind.’#*sobbing shaking throwing up clawing at the walls* I Am Normal About These Characters#anyways uh. on an unrelated note how many song lyrics do ya think i can cram into ES before it’s Too Many#gonna have to start getting creative with how i can incorporate more songs in a way that feels natural and not forced#even tho i am forcing it. i am forcing it very much bc i have songs with applicable lyrics and y’all Will read them one way or another
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me internally when i’m trying to respect and recognise that my dad has unaddressed autism that impacts the way he handles social interractions while also trying to not just excuse the shitty insensitive behaviour that has absolutely contributed to my mental health issues
#it’s like. haha yeah he handled that situation terribly but remember it wasn’t intentional and he doesn’t understand how that came across!!#i can’t be mad at him i can’t take it personally and get upset haha. hahaha.#and also it’s like. being autistic isn’t an excuse to be a dick. being autistic doesn’t mean you have to like. emotionally damage ur kid ✌🏻#which i AM. growing up with him has fucked me up!!! and i’m allowed to be mad at that i’m allowed to be upset!!!!!!!!#but also oh god is that shitty of ME??? is that insensitive???? do i need to just be more empathetic and understanding#but ALSO also. when ur a kid that shit doesn’t matter. when ur a kid and ur dad is making you cry that doesn’t matter.#and those years of damage stick with you even when ur older and trying to be mature and understanding#literally this evening started with me trying to do something nice for him. trying to give him a gift. actually literally giving him a gift.#and it has ended with me feeling fucking….. shit.#and disrespected. and useless.#i try so fucking hard with this man and with our relationship and every fucking time i try to connect with him he throws it back in my face#like. hey! you’ve been saying how much you want to play gran turismo 7!!! i will loan you my PS5 for a while bcus i’m not playing anything#and i will BUY YOU the fucking car game for you to play it while me and my mum are away on our girlie beach holiday#like i will happily and enthusiastically do those things for you because you have been so vocal about wanting to play this game!!!#so it will make you happy right? it will be something positive for you to enjoy!!! right?!!!????#i will bring my console down to the family tv room for you and i will send you the money so you can buy the game!!!!#oh. oh you’ve clicked around the main playstation menu for 2mins and then turned it off to watch the news. and then just open ur laptop.#not even gonna buy the game huh. just gonna open ur laptop and zone out and act line i’m not even in the room. oh ok. ok ok.#not even a fucking thank you. not even a HINT of recognition. ok ok. ok. ok. now you’re literally ignoring me when i talk to you. ok. ok.#and like!!!! i know this seems so dumb and minor and insignificant but you have to understand. it has been 25 years of this shit.#25 years of me trying to make this man happy and 25 years of him rejecting all of those attempts.#and 25 years of……. a lot of other shit also.
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bro.
#i’ve been in agony all day about arcane s2 getting leaked#trying to avoid spoilers for 3 months is gonna be torture#no matter where i go#even if i do my best to filter mute block hide unfollow#it could be anywhere without warning#the best strategy here is to simply not go on social media#which will be hard for me (addiction <3)#there are some apps i’ll avoid entirely#i’m going to be insanely cautious#idc if i have to go to extreme lengths because if i were to see a spoiler i'd literally cry and throw up#anyway... i might still rb some arcane stuff from accounts i know are safe#and i have a ton of fanart in my drafts i can queue#i’m so furious that i can’t participate in the usual fandom activities now#genuinely the top thing that keeps me going every day :(#man. why did this have to happen. this whole thing fucking sucks
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Is it too much to ask for one night of uninterrupted sleep? I haven’t had one in over 2 weeks now and it’s really starting to get to me.
#I love dogs. I absolutely adore dogs.#but when your brothers dog wakes you up because he just left her in his bedroom when he KNOWS she cries and scratches the door#I’m gonna throw hands with him#she doesn’t know any better she’s just a dog#it frustrates the hell out of me when she cries and howls and is tearing shit up#and he’s just talking to his friend outside#after like an hour on and off of her crying and scratching the door he finally went back to his room#so I’m finally going to try to go back to bed but now I’m like mad and wide awake but tired behind my eyes#im definitely a person who needs 8 hours of sleep to function correctly#I finally had a routine set and my mental health was doing really good considering my situation#but the last like 2 weeks have been taking care of my dogs health problems or someone else’s dog while they’re on vacay#i’m so fucking tired
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I LOVE YOU PAST MILO -current Milo nauseas head in a sparkling clean toilet I cleaned literally a half hour ago and then got too high while celebrating how clean it looked and feel sick now😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#but yipppee sparkly clean. gonna put a little sticky toilet gel thing on the inside while I’m in here#maybe throw up if another nausea wave comes before I can stand up 😭#I had too much cereal and a lot of water at once and like. yuck yuck yuck I feel yucky high on the floor yucky I wish I was normal I need to#back off of weed a little to become a real person but also. I’d rather dig my own grave and bury myself in it alive than work a real job#like. fuckkkkkk I want to cry. fuck retail fuck fuck fuck I’m a failure wahhhhhhh I cant even handle beginner jobs#rattling the bars of my cage screaming crying throwing up why am I alive waahhhhhh okay nvm that’s too far it’s not that bad I’m chilling#the toilet is clean! look at the bright side. my therapist when I talked about like my mom maybe wanting to set a goal for working like a#certain amount of doordash hours and my therapists number she came up with was three hours and I was so happy like. she gets it. I am#exhausted just existing and she was like hmm you should work three hours a week. like. at most.#love her so much. it was probably a mistake but also. keeping it in my brain forever#imagine a three hour work week being backed up by my therapist to my mom like haha my therapist said I only HAVE to do three hours#god three hours still feels like a lot rn#like two weeks ago I dropped a salad in a tight packed restaurant and everyone watched me drop it and then walk back to the kitchen and wait#for them to make a salad so I could leave and fucking deliver the food and it was so embarassing and I haven’t done a single order since#then bc I get so anxious that I just exit the app if I don’t get an order like immediately which I haven’t yet so no orders.#I just get high. too high. and admire my cleaning work. it’s nice. I have to do the bathroom floor still. dog hair. dust. brother beard hair#my hair and bleach specks. I need to clean the bathroom fr. I’m excited I’m redecorating the bathroom in my mind and it’s giving me#motivation to clean it and I want to work more dooordash shifts (when I’m not this high) to save moneys to update my room and the bathroom#a little before the summer. just. replace air matress bc it’s low key a trigger now. so that’s fun. so buy a futon or smthing. and update#the bathroom into a thing that I like in my extra Milo type way. while making room for three ppl to share one bathroom. bc. it’s small#small bathroom for sure. but I’ll get it lookin good. add some cute decorations. maybe a candle or two. an incense thing for when I tak bath#slay. slay. building my dream bathroom in my mind and also. my Amazon wishlist land. and Pinterest land. I love making lists of things.
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when the dealership sells you a car with a bad transmission and now you’re so incredibly fucked and don’t have 4-7k to replace it and selling the car for parts isn’t even close to enough to get a new car 🤩
#I’m not doing well guys#I saved for 10 years to buy this car and the dealership knew it was shit and sold it to me I paid in CASH 18k all my hard earned money#and now it’s dying after owning it for 8 months#im screaming crying throwing up#:))))#this is my first car too and I’ve been lied to by the dealership constantly and this is just such a cruel and evil thing to do#the mechanics have all said there is no way they didn’t know how fucked it was they purposely sold me a dying car#and I didn’t know any better#I grew up too poor to know that they were gonna take advantage of me like this#this is my first car ever I’m 27 I’ve never been able to afford a car before this#what do I even do literally what do I do#I need this car I’m freaking losing my mind#I can’t even work my job without a car like actually
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So the doctor’s appointment… went. I don’t know if I’d say it went well, but it certainly went
#i have been prescribed ssris and beta blockers for my anxiety#funnily enough i mostly went in there to talk about how bad my pms is and see if they can put me back on microgynon yet (surely my blood#pressure is down after 4 months on a low salt diet & two months of jogging and pilates)#but she asked why i haven’t been in for a pap smear yet and i was like ‘chief can i be honest with you? the very idea makes me want to throw#up so i ordered a self administered one from a private clinic at great cost to myself’#she was like ‘fine send us the results when you get them. can you tell me about this anxiety though?’#so i proceed to bawl my eyes out obviously#i didn’t understand much of the resulting conversation but basically i think i have been prescribed setraline and something#and she thinks i should take an otc sleeping pill (i told her about how sometimes i lie in bed for hours and hours unable to sleep#but then when i do sleep i sleep for like 10-11 hours and we were both like ‘that seems weird’)#i’m gonna be completely honest; i’ve never had good luck with otc sleeping pills. i don’t like how they make me feel hungover in the morning#and the herbal ones just do sweet fuck all. i’ve actually taken them during the day before to calm my nerves bc that’s the most they do#my kingdom for a weed gummy. anyway#i don’t want to go to counselling because talking about this stuff and crying in front of people makes me miserable but i don’t think i have#a choice. so. fuck me i guess#i have no idea when my prescription will even be available at the small town pharmacy i go to. maybe never#it took them like a solid week to get my eczema cream in. i was like ‘hello??????’#but. i made the first step to getting help and i forced myself to go in there physically and ask for help even though i have been wanting to#cancel the appointment ever since i made the appointment. and now that i’ve done it i have set in motion a chain of events#that will hopefully culminate in me being a less useless person. which would be nice#personal
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Forced to change my plans that I was excited about but I’m being soooooo brave about it
#FUCKING#AUGH#screaming crying throwing up#okay so here’s the story#I cook on Sunday#every Sunday#it’s what I do#so I had a whole plan set for today#I was gonna make onigiri#but I don’t get time to start making it till around 4:45#but by the time I get out there#someone!!!! is already making fucking spaghetti sauce!!!!!#and I’m like???? excuse me?????#and they’re like oh I didn’t know if you were gonna cook today since you weren’t already out here#and normally we eat at like 6-6:30!!!!!!#and it’s barely past 5 rn!!!!!#so now I just have to finish their fucking spaghetti that I DONT FUCKING WANT#AND COOK THE ONIGIRI TOMORROW#AFTWR IM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED FROM PT#I’m so fuckin upset#and I know it’s kinda stupid but autism brain fr cannot deal with this#I’m just#so angry that they would just ASSUME the worst in the situation instead of just fucking texting me!!!!!!#fuck#neon nyans
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