#this is my first car ever I’m 27 I’ve never been able to afford a car before this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lanaisnotwool · 4 years ago

Video

youtube

416 Achieving impossible goals - Interview with Rod Khleif

http://moneyripples.com/2020/08/18/416-achieving-impossible-goals-interview-with-rod-khleif/

Have you ever noticed a big opportunity before anyone else… and just felt like the slowpokes who miss this are absolutely insane?

Well, that’s Rod Khleif when it comes to multi-family real estate.

His love affair started in 1977 when he was just 17. Mom bought a neighbor’s property that grew in value $20,000 in just three years.

He was blown away that she’d made $20k in her sleep and was sold on the power of real estate. That ROI meant a fortune to a poor immigrant family like ours who could only afford to shop at Goodwill.

2,000 properties later … He's gained a wealth of lessons, strategies, heartbreaks, and little known secrets to help you build endless wealth and cash flow through real estate.

In particular, that multi-family investment IS your safest, most reliable, and most recession-proof ticket to leaving the rat race and retiring rich, passionate and fulfilled.

Listen to our Podcast here:

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/moneyripples/2020/07/10/416--achieving-impossible-goals-interview-with-rod-khleif

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chris Miles (00:00): Hello, my fellow Ripplers! This is Chris Miles. Your Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor. Welcome you out for a wonderful show. A show that’s for you and about you. Those of you that work so hard for your money, but you’re ready for your money to start working harder for you. Now! You want that freedom. That cash flow. That prosperity. Today! Not 30 or 40 years from now, if you’re lucky and the market smiles on you, right? But today, so you have that life of freedom being with those you love doing what you love whenever the heck you feel like it. But guys, it’s so much more than just your own prosperity and financial abundance, right? It’s about becoming a Rippler. By creating a ripple effect in the lives of others. Because as you are blessed, you can turn around and bless the lives of those around you. Now only in your family and generations beyond you, but even across the community and the people that surround you and you come in contact with.

Chris Miles (00:52): And guys, I appreciate you allowing me to create that ripple effect through you because without you guys, that would not be possible. Again, thank you so much for tuning in. For bingeing. For sharing with others. This has been fantastic. Thank you so much! Quick reminder. Check out our website, MoneyRipples.com There’s some great blogs on there, as well as the free ebook, Beyond Rice & Beans, Seven Secrets to Free Up Cash Today. That you can find now. So check it out.

Chris Miles (01:16): Alright, guys! So today I’ve got a special guest. I’ve got Rod Khleif here where I’ve known through reputation for quite some time. Both in the investor space, but also the business owner space as well. So definitely man of no small reputation. In fact, I guarantee that several of you have even heard him before, whether you’ve heard him speak or know of his, the different deals he’s done or whatever it might be.

Chris Miles (01:36): But a little about Rod, he is a multiple business owner and philanthropist who is passionate about entrepreneurship and giving back. So he’s got his own ripple effect. He’s creating himself. As one of the country’s top business, real estate and peak performance luminaries. Rod has owned over 2000 homes and apartment buildings and has built over 22 businesses in his 40 year business career. Several of which have been worth tens of millions of dollars. He started from humble beginnings and we’ll have talking to him about that, but now he’s big on the psychology of success and mindset and whether it’s in business or investing or whatever, it might be. Huge guy, but also a great heart does a lot with benefits and charities and the likes. So rod, welcome to our show!

Rod Khleif (02:16): Thanks, Chris! Let’s have some fun today. I appreciate you having me on brother.

Chris Miles (02:19): You bet! So I definitely want to save some of your story for these listeners. So those that have never been interest in you before, tell us more about you and what led you down this path.

Rod Khleif (02:27): Sure! Sure! Sure! So I’ll go back all the way. I immigrated this country when I was six years old from Holland. I was born in the Netherlands and with my brother Albert in my mother’s mansion. And we ended up in Denver, Colorado, where I lived for 30 years. And I’ll tell you, we didn’t have much growing up. In fact, well, you know, my mom bought expired food cause it was half price and she gave us powdered milk because she thought milk was healthy. And you know, and I grew up wearing clothes from the Goodwill and the salvation army all the way through junior high school till I lied about my age and got a job at Burger King and was able to buy my own clothes. But you know, and I’m sure you’ve got listeners that had it harder than we did, or maybe have been hard now with all this COVID nonsense. But thing is I knew I wanted more. And luckily my mom had an incredible work ethic. And so she bought the house across the street from us when I was 14 for about $30,000. Now, when I was 17, she told me it had gone up $20,000 in her sleep. And I’m like, what? You made 20 grand? You didn’t do anything? And so as a screw college, I’m getting into real estate. So I got into real estate when I turned 18, I got my real estate broker’s license and I was going to be rich selling other people houses. Well, my first year in real estate, I made about eight grand. My second year, maybe 10 grand.

Rod Khleif (03:41): But my third year I made well over a hundred thousand dollars. Which back in 1981 for 21 year old was some decent change. And so what happened between year two and year three, that caused me to 10X my income. Well, what happened was I met a guy that taught me about mindset. Taught me about psychology. How really 80% to 90% of your success in anything is your mindset in your psychology only 10% to 20% is the skill set. The knowledge. You know, if it was just the knowledge, there’d be a bunch of wealthy librarians and college professors out there. It’s the do. It’s the taking action. It’s to getting back up when you get your nose bloody. And so, you know, again, fast forward to today, I’ve owned over 2000 houses that I rented longterm, multiple apartment complexes. That bio you read from is actually dated.

Rod Khleif (04:24): I built 24 businesses. And yes, several have been worth tens of millions of dollars, but all the rest were, I call them, I don’t call them failures. I call them seminars. All the rest were spectacular flaming seminars. And because it’s only a failure, if you don’t get back up, you know, or you don’t get the lesson. But in 2006, my net worth went up $17 million while I slept. Okay. And you know, when that happens, people could tend to get a big head. Well, I got a big head. I thought I was a real estate God. And when that happens, sometimes God or the universe, whatever you believe will give you a nice little SmackDown. Well, that was 2008 for me. I lost that 50 million and a whole lot more. And I’m in the 17 million a whole lot more. I lost $50 million.

Rod Khleif (05:08): And one thing I like to talk about Chris, if we have time, is the mindset it took first of all, to have 50 million to lose in the first place, but then to recover from that and to the success that I’m blessed to enjoy today. So if you’d like, I’m happy to drill down on that a little bit, you know, or we can go talk about the mechanics and multifamily. Whatever you want to go. But I think…

Chris Miles (05:29): Let’s go that direction. Yeah, because I know they’ve heard my story about my comeback after 2008 and everything, but I know they’d love to hear yours and see similarities.

Rod Khleif (05:37): Alright. Well, I hope you didn’t lose 50 million brother. That’s all…

Chris Miles (05:40): Not even close. No.

Rod Khleif (05:41): Alright! Well, so how did I recover? Well, how I recovered was knowing exactly what I wanted and knowing why I wanted it. Now, I used to do sold out live events when there were live events. My last one was supposed to be in Orlando with 700 or 800 people. And of course we know what happened. So I’ve turned them in. They become livestream events now, and I had 900 people in my last one. One of the first things we do is what I’m going to share with you at a high level very quickly, is a goal setting workshop on steroids. Now, if you want to see me guide you through this, I did this on my Rod Khleif official page on January 1st. And I guide you through it with music and I give you a guide you can download and everything. So feel free to do that, but I’m going to give you the highlights right now. So what you’ve got to do is get real clear. So pick an hour when you have a lot of energy and don’t do it right after a meal, make sure you’re well-hydrated and sit down and write down everything you could ever possibly want in life.

Rod Khleif (06:37): All the stuff. The houses, the cars, the boats, the jetskis, the planes, everything. Take the lid off your brain. Imagine if you write it down, you’re going to get it, which is not outside the realm of reality because you know, I’m sure if you’re listening to Chris, that you already do your goals, but this is, this process is going to be deeper. So trust me on this. It’s not just the stuff, but write down all this stuff. Cause we want stuff. We all want it. The, you know, all that stuff and there’s nothing wrong with stuff, but we’re going to go deeper. So, but when you write your goal down, what it does is it trigger something in your brain called your reticular activating system, which is that filter that subconsciously you don’t even know it’s happening. Filters out. It directs you to what your brain thinks you’re interested in. You want to focus on.

Rod Khleif (07:22): And the greatest example is when you first buy a car. You never really noticed them before and you buy one and they’re everywhere. Were they there before? Of course they were. But that’s your reticular activating system. And that’s the power of reassociating with your goals as often as possible. So sit down, write down everything you could possibly want. Big things, little things, how much cash you want in the bank say in three years, how much cash you want 10 years also write down how much income you want from your investments. Say in three years, and in 10 years. Then write down what you want to do in your lifetime. Maybe you want to, you know, climb all the mountains over 14,000 feet in the world. I’ve got a friend doing that. Maybe you want to, you know, write a book. Maybe you want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.

Rod Khleif (08:04): I did that about eight months ago. I’ll never freak and do it again, but it’s off the list. I got it done. So write down everything you want to do, but also write down everything you want to learn this lifetime. Maybe you want to learn a foreign language. You want to learn a skill. If you want to learn multifamily, come see me. I’m at my next bootcamp in July, but whatever it is, write down everything you want to learn. Then lastly, write down who you want to help. Maybe you, you know, family. I bought my parents a house on a canal in Florida, took them, you know, when they were alive and come on cruises, bought them a car. Who do you want to do something for? Write that down. And then, and if you’re analytical, please don’t stop and analyze it. Just keep writing until you can’t think of another thing.

Rod Khleif (08:49): You can always scratch it out later. Once you can’t think of another thing, then it’s not real. What you’ve written down is not real until it’s measurable. So write down how long it’s going to take you to achieve it. How many years? Put a one, a three, a five, even a 10 or a 20. Recognizing that as human beings, we will overestimate what we can do in a year and massively underestimate what we can do in 5, 10, 20 years. You know, I’ll give you an example of this. When I was 18, I always knew I wanted to live on the beach. You know, and there’s no beach in Denver. And so I, you know, I would visualize the Palm trees and the surf and the sand. And of course the bikinis. I’m a guy. And what’s crazy is 20 years later, I built this magnificent mansion on the beach, 8,000 square feet, you know, I’m sorry, 10,000 square feet, $8 million property just magnificent home, which was unthinkable when I was 18. So the point is take the lid off your brain. And just, if you write it down, you’re going to get it. That’s how you want to play this. Then once you’ve got a time limit on each goals, a couple more steps. I want you to pick your number one goal. That goal, when you get like, Oh my God! This is amazing! That goal. Put that on another piece of paper. Then pick your top three, one year goals, put those on a separate sheet of paper and leave some room in between them.

Rod Khleif (10:06): Now the goals are important. You need them. But what we’re going to do next is even more important. You need to write down why those goals are an absolute freaking must to achieve. So you want, and you want to use emotionally charged words in what you want to use emotion to drive this. Words like amazing, incredible, wonderful, beautiful. Use emotionally charged words so that, you know, maybe it’s. So you’re going to put so we can have freedom. My family can have freedom. We can go do whatever we want. Whenever we want, bring whoever we want, you know, whatever it is. Maybe you put so I can show my kids what success looks like, or I can show my spouse what success looks like, you know, and you know, whatever it is for you write it down. Then once you can’t, you know. You’re going to write the positive reasons why it’s an absolute must to achieve the goal.

Rod Khleif (10:52): But I also want you to put some negative reasons or negative things down. If you don’t achieve the goal. And here’s why. As human beings, we will do more to avoid pain and gain pleasure. She want to use this because this is the fuel to get your butt, to stay up late, to get up early, to, you know, to push this side hustle. Like most of us doing this as a side hustle, when we start, you know, to grind now and play later. We’ll live a few years, like most people won’t. So we can live the rest of our lives. Like most people can’t. And so put some pain in there! If you don’t achieve the goal. So I don’t feel like a failure. So I don’t live a life of regret. So I don’t fail my kids. So I don’t fail my life for my husband. Make it freaking painful!

Rod Khleif (11:31): You know, there was a nurse in Australia, Chris, a hospice nurse, her name was Bronnie Ware. And she asked people that were dying a question. And she wrote a book about it. But the question was, do you have any regrets? And the books called the five regrets of dying. You wonder what? The number one regret was. It was not living the life I could have lived. Living someone else’s life, not living up to my own expectations for what I was capable of. Guys, screw that! As well. I got to tell you, and that’s why we’re doing this goal setting workshop. So you’ve written the positive reasons. Why negative reasons, why it’s an absolute must. Last thing is you got to get pictures of your goals because you manifest this stuff in your life. I’ll give you some public examples of it. Jim Carrey. When he was flat broke, if you Google Jim Carrey check, you’ll see this wrote himself a check for 10 million bucks.

Rod Khleif (12:21): And he used to go by the Hollywood sign. He’d sit at it. He put in the little remittance. Those of you that are millennial, a check is something used to write to pay for things, right? But he’d look at it. And that’s how much money he made for Dumb and Dumber. One of his first movies. I’ll give you a more recent example. Demi Lovato. When she was an unknown. I don’t know, it was American idol or how she got known, but 10 years ago said she was going to sing in the super bowl. She sang in this last Superbowl, I’ll give you some personal examples of mine. You know, when I got my real estate broker’s license, I was going to get rich selling people houses. So I got a four door car, cause I got to show people houses, right? So I got this Ford four door, Granada. Bone ugly bench seat in the front ugliest freaking piece of crap you’ve ever saw in your life.

Rod Khleif (13:06): But I worked with a guy that had a Corvette. And he let me drive it. And I’m like, Oh my God! This is incredible! So I, this was before you could spell internet that hadn’t been thought of yet. And so I got a picture out of a magazine of a Corvette put on the visor of my Granada. Every time I sat in the car was right there in front of my face, within a year or two, I had a Corvette. I’ll give you some more examples, but please know this is not me bragging, none of this because this stuff doesn’t even interest me anymore. But I’m hoping to inspire you guys. So this is back when the TV show Magnum PI was around and it was a detective story. Actor’s name was Tom Selleck and he drove this awesome Ferrari 308. And I saw that.

Rod Khleif (13:43): I’m like, Oh my God, that thing’s amazing. So I got a picture of that actual car put on the visor of my Corvette. Then a year or two, I got a Maserati looked just like it. Last example, car example. I’m the guy that always wanted a Lamborghini. I had posters in my bedroom of the Lamborghinis and the bikini’s in the soap and the whole thing. Yeah. All through high school. What’s funny is my son collected models of exotic cars. And he had a model of the exact same color and style Lamborghini that I ended up getting. Like, let me show you something. I don’t know. Do you put this on YouTube as well? Okay. Hang on one sec. I’ve got my planner here. This is my planner. Okay. In the back, Yeah. I’m a dinosaur. I use a paper planner. I also use outlook though, but I’m not completely, you know, Neanderthal, but in the back of this thing are pictures that have been in here for 20 years.

Rod Khleif (14:31): Okay. 20 years they’re in plastic. And first pictures of my gratitude pictures. They’re pictures of my kids when they were very young. Okay guys, because everything starts from a place of gratitude. That’s the foundational emotion. That’s the most important emotion there is. So pictures of my kids. Then I’ve got pictures of the houses that I wanted. This top picture is just like that house on the beach. Look, the travertine floors, the 10 foot high glass, just like that. This bottom picture. It looks just like the compound I live in. Now. I live in a compound at six buildings. I lost the house in all the craziness, but I’ve got six buildings, giant, main house, a beautiful guest house on the water. I’ve got an exercise facility, a media center with a theater room and a video studio. And it’s just magnificent because God’s got a sense of humor.

Rod Khleif (15:14): I can see my old house across the Bay. Every time I go in my backyard, it’s right there. But this is what it looks like. There’s a wall like that behind me. It usually, I’m in an asset right now. 403 unit asset we have in Louisiana. So I’m here. So I don’t have my backdrop, which is my backyard. And that wall, these walls is what I have behind me. It’s just crazy! From 20 years ago. And then I’ve got, you know, stupid shit like watches. I’ve got a few hundred thousand dollars of the watches. Again, Lamborghini before I ever got it. You know, the Rolls-Royce, the Bentley, all this stuff that I got because I had pictures. So, you know, I know I lost some of you analytical ones, but I’m here to tell you a big mistake because this freaking works! Okay. So get pictures, put them around you. Put them on your screensaver, put them on the wall. And at some point you’re going to have this stuff gets into your subconscious. Anyway, I’m off my soul box. Chris, thank you for letting me rant.

Chris Miles (16:04): Hey, no, that’s cool! And even if they’re analytical, man, this is actually the meat and potatoes right here.

Rod Khleif (16:09): This is it! If you want it. I mean, this is how I recovered from losing 50 million bucks. Some people don’t recover from that. I mean, you know, it was refocusing on what I wanted. It was reassociating with what I wanted. You know, so easy to focus on the pain and the hurt. People connect through pain. They don’t connect through positivity. They connect through pain. How you doing? Oh, my back’s killing me! Oh! Come here brother. But if you go, how you doing? Fantastic, man! Life is great! There’ll be like, take 10 steps back that guy’s crazy. Some people connect through pain and, but what you focus on gets bigger, you know? And a great example of this is Mother Teresa. They asked her if she was anti-war. She said, no, I’m pro peace.

Chris Miles (16:46): That’s right. That’s right. No, it’s fascinating you’re bringing this up because just last night, my wife and I were talking about some different cases of people that they’ve been doing personal development for decades, some even decades. Right? Doing it forever. But the crazy thing is that the biggest block they have is they have no clue what they want. And it’s like that Mark Twain quote, right? It’s like, I can get people whatever they want. I just can’t find anybody who knows what that is. And most people know what other people want.

Rod Khleif (17:18): How are you going to ever get it?

Chris Miles (17:19): Yeah.

Rod Khleif (17:21): Before I met my wife, I literally wrote a four page full typed up of high level of detail, exactly what I was looking for in this human being. And the minute I met her, I knew it was her. And the minute I met her, because I had clearly defined what it was. That’s the only way you’re going to get it guys with clarity. Clarity is power. Okay. Do you want as much detail as possible? And these things that you want, you want to go experience them? One of my bucket list items now is to get a yacht, either to rent one or to own one and go around the, we went to the Amalfi coast spectacular! And that the yachts there. And I want to take the, take a yacht around the boot of Italy and go to Croatia, Greece and Spain and everything else. So I went to the Miami boat show back in February when there was no Corona virus. And I BS my way onto these super yachts and sat in the captain’s chair and visualized it because it freaking works. Guys. I visualize myself owning this thing, laid on the bed, walked around. Like I own the place because I know it works. It gets your brain going and honed in. So…

Chris Miles (18:24): That’s a key point. You know, like if you’re trying to figure out a way to image it, cause for me, if it’s imaged in my mind, it will happen. Right? Like if they can go from the page to my brain and I can see myself there and one of the best ways is trying to experience it. So like, I remember a guy said, Hey, his goal was to buy a Mercedes McLaren. He’s like, I want a McLaren. I’m like, well, great. You don’t have to buy it today. Like go rent it for a week. There’s exotic cars that are for rent. Like go rent it. You know, if after a week you’re bored of it and then great. At least you don’t have to buy that thing. You know, at least to say, Hey, for a week, I enjoy this. It was awesome. You know, and I think that’s the right way to do it.

Rod Khleif (18:58): Sure. No, you, you need to experience it. And like I said, I drove that Corvette and that was it. I knew, I knew I had to have it once you experienced something. There’s no going back. Let me say one other thing about goals. So this is really important cause I know we’re low on time. I remember I talked about that house on the beach. You know, I built this house. It was magnificent. Okay. I mean three stories of giant waterfall out of the second floor balcony into the pool. Elevator wine cellar. I mean to give you an idea of the house and this a giant spiral staircase that went up through the middle and on the second floor, there was an aquarium that I had custom built that curved around the staircase that cost me almost 200 grand. So that gives you an idea of the house. So two months after I moved in, and I worked for this thing for 20 years, I just want to mention this because it ties into goals. I worked for this thing for 20 years. Two months after I moved in, I’m floating in the pool at night.

Rod Khleif (19:44): My family is inside asleep and the pool is changing colors. It’s got fiber optic lighting and I got depressed. I don’t mean I just got a little bummed. I mean, I got really bummed. And I’m like, what the hell! I had just achieved success like times a thousand and I’m bummed. And so I went and bought some books and one of them was Tony Robbins book. He’s got several, it was online. It was a Unleash The Power Within. It was the book, the particular book. But, so I went and saw him live and I found out that he fed families for the holidays. I’m like, wow, what a concept? Do something for someone else. Cause I had been totally focused on me. Okay. And you know, I built this house. This Testament to my ego is what I call it because it was just proved to the world that I was good enough.

Rod Khleif (20:22): That’s the truth of it. It’s embarrassing to admit that, but that’s the truth. And it was just to prove myself. And so I’ve been, it was all Rod, Rod, Rod, me, me, me focus on Rod and I. And so I came back from that event and decided to feed five families for the holidays. It was Thanksgiving back then. Now we do it for Christmas, but that gave my life fulfillment. You know, there’s a big difference between achievement and fulfillment. In fact, Tony calls it, the science of achievement versus the art of fulfillment. So there’s one thing to be successful, but it’s much more important to be fulfilled. And so now i fed 75,000 children for the holidays over the last 20 years, we’ve done tens of thousands of backpacks, full of school supplies for local kids. We’ve done tens of thousands of Teddy bears to give to police departments for their officers to keep in cars when they encounter a child.

Rod Khleif (21:08): And again, I’m not trying to brag or tell you, you have to do anything this grandiose, but I know if you’re listening to Chris, you want success. And you may be thinking when I’m successful, I’ll give back. Big mistake! Give now! Because your success is going to come faster and you’ll be happier and more fulfilled on the path. You know, my podcast just hit 8 million downloads and I’ve interviewed huge people in the space, but I can at millionaires billionaires. And I can tell when someone’s like I was back then totally focused on themselves. And I feel sorry for them because I recognize that it was me. And so guys, if you’re listening and you’re thinking, you know, you want to achieve to be happy. I’m going to tell you to give back in some fashion. It doesn’t have to be huge. Just pick a, pick a cause children, the elderly, pets, the environment, whatever it is. And give back now, because if you’re going to get there much faster, if you’re happily achieving versus achieving to be happy.

Chris Miles (22:04): Amen to that! That’s exactly the point I would make too, it’s all about what you can create. You know, we’re only here for so long in this planet, what kind of legacy we’re going to leave behind and that’s gotta be greater fulfillment of our lives.

Rod Khleif (22:16): Anything in this universe that does not contribute. Believe it or not is actually eliminated. Contribution’s a basic human need. We have to contribute in some fashion and we are not whole, if we don’t. So it’s very, very important that we do.

Chris Miles (22:30): I love it! So Rod, if all of our people here, our listeners want to follow you, like, and learn anything from you. How would they do that?

Rod Khleif (22:37): I’m having a two day virtual bootcamp, July 25th and 26th. I’m not selling anything. It’s 16 hours of, if you’re interested in multifamily real estate, it’s kind of a dud it’s $97. Just come. Just trust me. You’ll be glad you did. It’s a no brainer. And it’s me teaching multifamily real estate, you know, and mindset as well. But it’s drinking through a fire hose. I will tell you that if you’re not interested in multifamily, you just, you want the boost. The motivational boost, my podcast, I do a clip every week called Own Your Power. It’s five minutes and it’ll juice you. Okay? I play music and it’s motivational. It’s powerful stuff. I’m really proud of those. I’ve done hundreds of them. And so, you know, just even if you’re not interested in multifamily, come see me there. But the bootcamp is if you text Rod Live to 41411, it will get you the website. The website’s, MultifamilyVirtualBootCamp.com I have a lot of fun with it. Again, I had to shift, I had to pivot. I mean, we’re innovating right now. We’re in COVID. So we had to change things and you know, the website, you’ll see me in the backyard, filming the video about why it’s important to come spend two days with me. Cause we pivoted like in three days I got that website up. But we got rave reviews. We had 900 people in the last one and we never dropped below about 720 people watching the entire two days. So…

Chris Miles (23:54): That’s excellent!

New Speaker (23:55): And then my website as well, my podcast, by the way, if you put Real Estate in your iPhone, I usually come up number one or two with Bigger Pockets, but it’s Lifetime CashFlow, that’s the name of the podcast. Lifetime Cashflow through real estate investing. And then my website, I’ve got tons of free materials, books and articles and videos, just hundreds. And it’s RodKhleif.com My last name. My full name, Rod Khleif. And my last name is spelled K H L E I F. So…

Chris Miles (24:21): Awesome! Well that’s, should definitely put that in the show notes so everybody can tune in whichever resonates with you, whichever you say, Hey, this is where I need to be right now. And we’ll make sure we get that there. So everybody, if you’re listening to this, Hey, the next event’s 25th and 26th. So make sure you’re there. That’s not far from there. So…

Rod Khleif (24:38): No, no, no. You’ll be glad you came. I promise! Promise you. We had hundreds of raving testimonials after this last one. So we have a lot of fun. We have a lot of fun with it. Life’s about having fun, right?

Chris Miles (24:49): Absolutely. That’s it. It’s all about that quality man. All right, well, appreciate your time, Rod. It’s so much great value in such a power pack short amount of time. I appreciate it so much!

Rod Khleif (24:59): Thank you brother!

Chris Miles (25:00): And the rest of you guys. Hey, it’s one thing to be a hearer of the word. It’s another to be a doer of the word. I challenge you to be a doer to actually go and take this and apply it. That’s the difference between successful and those that aren’t. Is those that actually go and do what we talk about here. So guys, I hope you make it a wonderful and prosperous week. And we’ll see you later!

#Anti-financial Advisor #Cash flow #Cash flow Expert #Debts #Entrepreneur #Financial Freedom #Money Ripples

14 notes · View notes

transthaumaturge · 4 years ago

Note

trans asks: 3, 19, 40

and bonus chosen without looking at the question: 27

--- Sorry I was a few days late to answer this, @foxoftheasterisk! I just re-reblogged the ask game as of the middle of the day on 12/24 so that it’s easier to see what I’m responding to. Responses under the cut so that this doesn’t dominate anybody’s dashboard.

Ask 3: Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? I’d say probably more social dysphoria. I have enough bottom dysphoria that I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror while I’m in the bathroom, but the biggest source of trans-related discomfort for me is not knowing whether I look or sound feminine to other people when I’m interacting with them in public. I’ve learned two important things from having a lot of social dysphoria: 1) You probably notice the nuances of your voice and appearance much more than any random person you’ll meet on the street--especially when it comes to cis people. I spend a lot of time thinking that my voice doesn’t sound natural, or that my face isn’t “feminine enough” (whatever that means), but people notice a lot less in general than I think they will. If you’re trying to pass, whatever that entails, you’re already doing a great job ^_^* 2) Passing is a shit metric for trans people to be judged on, and a shit metric for us to judge ourselves on. I’m just as much a lady now as when I had a full beard shadow two years ago, and I’m much happier with my no-makeup appearance nowadays than I was when I tried to dress hyperfeminine every day in my first year as myself. Give yourself a break. I still get anxious over my voice and appearance, but I don’t let it convince myself that I’m “failing at being a woman” anymore. I am a woman. If some rando on the street thinks otherwise, it’s their right to have terrible opinions. Ask 19: Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? I’m fully out in my day-to-day life, and that includes in my job as a high-school science teacher where I have a trans pride flag on my desk and co-advise the school GSA as an “LGBTeacher”. I like being visibly trans, especially to the kids that I work with, because it makes me a “possibility model.” It shows trans kids that they’re safe being themselves around me, and that there’s a real possibility that they’ll grow up happy as their true selves. But would I ever go stealth? I suppose I would if I felt like it was a matter of safety, and I’ve done so in the past for that reason. In the summer that I was interviewing for teaching jobs back in 2018, I had been out to myself as trans for several months but made the choice to pretend to be a cis man for all of those interviews and also for a full year into my teaching career. I knew that if I came to my interviews in a dress, I stood less of a chance of being hired and couldn’t afford to be jobless. And I knew that if I presented as a woman in my first year of teaching, it might introduce an element of danger into my life that I didn’t need while I was still working on coming out to those around me and building a support network. I took a calculated risk to go from being stealth to being out in my daily life because after a while, it was just too painful to not be my authentic self. But that took a lot of work. I spent a lot of time working with the local teacher’s union to make sure that I had someone to protect me when coming out to the district and school administration. And in my personal life, I waited until I had my own health insurance, my own car, and a handful of other things before I came out to the dad who threatened to take all of these things away from me if I wore women’s clothes in public again. If anybody reading this is trying to make that same decision of “when to go full-time”, I would strongly suggest that you do what you can to make sure that you have resources available to you if the worst happens afterward. You may not be as lucky as I was with the timing of my coming-out, but make sure that you have something to steady yourself with. A place to go if things get ugly at home, some money or possessions stashed away where the people who want to control you can’t get to them. At the same time, don’t let family manipulate you into waiting and making yourself miserable for years and years because “it’s just not safe right now”. My dad tried to do that once he realized he had nothing on me anymore, and I saw it for what it was. Nowadays, if I went stealth, it would be to pretend to be a cis woman rather than a cis man. I think that I could do that, but only if I was in an interaction where people knowing I was trans would put me in danger. It would particularly suck because I wear a kippah wherever I go, but I would even take that off if I needed to. I’m not so self-sure that I don’t realize there are places in my own country, some not too far from me, where there are people who want me dead. My goal is to make sure that I never end up in those places if I can help it, and if I do, to fake it until I make it. Ask 40: How did/do you manage waiting to transition? In this respect, I was luckier than most because I slowly came out to myself over the five years that I was in college and away from my parents, and wasn’t fully out to myself until I was 23 and about to get a job that I could use to support myself. I know that it’s not that easy for a lot of people, especially because my relative privilege helped me to get into a stable, independent living situation after school. But even with all of that, I still spent an entire year pretending to be a man while I taught my first year of high school science and waited to complete my full social transition. It was really hard. On the days that I wore a button-down shirt and dress pants to school, I felt trapped; on the days that I wore a school t-shirt and loose jeans, I felt like I was falling apart. Using my “guy voice” made me flinch almost constantly, because it didn’t feel like mine. I had to constantly remind myself that I was a woman, and that I would get through this. It’s difficult, when everyone around you is using your deadname and misgendering you. Here are the three things that helped me the most: 1) I built a support network for myself in my personal life. When I was looking for a house to move into, I made sure that my housemates were okay with me being trans and that they wouldn’t be uncomfortable with me being myself at home. Coming out to strangers like that was difficult, but I couldn’t bear another year of only being myself when I was in a locked bedroom. I was also lucky enough to have a queer community center in my town where I attended weekly trans support group meetings, which gave me a way to dress authentically and be seen and affirmed. I’m not lying when I say that I looked forward to those support meetings every second that I wasn’t in them. If you’re in a pre-coming-out situation and don’t have a physical queer community space right now (or that space is closed because of quarantine), online spaces are also amazing places to seek out affirmation and be seen. Discord, Reddit...just make sure that any Facebook groups you join aren’t marked public or everyone you’re friends with will be able to see your posts and comments from that group on their feeds. I learned that the hard way, thankfully long after I came out. Many queer community centers, if you live relatively close to them, are also doing weekly online support meetings right now to try and keep those affirming spaces alive during covid. 2) I started saying daily self-affirmations. Mine went “My name is Rachel Tikvah [Lastname], and I am a woman. I am a sister, I am a daughter, and I am enough.” I set phone alarms to say it in the morning before work, in the afternoon after work, and I also whispered it under my breath anytime that I felt like I just couldn’t take pretending any longer. Not only did it help me in the moment, it helped me to get used to my new name while my deadname was still being regularly used. If the above affirmation doesn’t feel like it would work for you, I have no doubt that there are plenty of trans self-affirmations that you can look up online and choose from. 3) I focused on the approaching milestones. I got through my first autumn by building my wardrobe and picking out my new first and middle names. By then, I had decided that I would start hormones on my birthday in February and counted down the days until then. Starting hormones brought a bunch of early transition milestones with them that I could focus on, and I worked out a deal with school administration that I would come out over the summer and start my second school year as a woman. That gave me an ultimate goal to work towards. Every step I took, every accomplishment I made, brought me closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Knowing that kept me strong, and it kept me hopeful for the day when I would never have to worry about pretending to be a man ever again. If you’re currently in a dark place and not sure when you’ll be able to transition medically or socially, figure out what those milestones are for you and focus on what steps and amount of time it will take before they’ll come true. If you don’t have any milestones to look forward to, try to create some for yourself. Order some trans gear to start wearing if you have a safe way to do so! Work towards choosing a new name for yourself if you want a new one! Celebrate the anniversary of coming out to yourself with your friends each year! Whatever you can think of, put it on your mental calendar and look forward to it while you wait. Bonus Ask 27: What do you do to validate yourself? The self-affirmations that I mentioned in ask 40 really helped, and I still say them almost daily now that I’m out. They’re especially helpful when I’m feeling particularly dysphoric. As someone who is also very proud of my Jewish identity, I also say the blessing “thank you god for creating me as a woman” when I take my hormones or when looking at my body makes me smile. Those are beautiful moments that I thought for the longest time would never happen, and I want to sanctify every one of them. The Hebrew for this modified blessing can be found on this blog post: https://velveteenrabbi.blogs.com/blog/2012/03/on-bodies-blood-and-blessings.html Apart from that, one of my big refuges is clothing. I have a wardrobe full of cute clothes (there’s something beautiful about coming out of the closet and then filling it with dresses) that I’ll wear if I need to feel extra-feminine or sure of myself. I’ll put on makeup before going outside, and if I need it, I’ll take a picture of myself and post it to one of the queer discord servers I’m part of with a request for positive affirmations about my femininity. Knowing that I’m being seen by people that I care about and that they think I’m beautiful always means a lot and helps me feel better if I’m having trouble chasing the dysphoria away on my own. Between positive self-affirmations and being seen and cheered on by friends, I’m usually able to make myself feel better if I need that extra boost of validation. I should also mention that while it doesn’t come up a lot now that I’m not being regularly deadnamed, I used to ask friends to use my chosen name more in conversation than they would otherwise. Hearing it more chased away the intrusive thoughts, most of which at the time were my brain saying my deadname to me whenever there was a moment of silence. My brain was quieter when my friends were using my real name regularly. Okay, I hope that that gave you a little bit more insight into me and my transition! I am living proof that trans people can come out to themselves in adulthood and turn out alright. Gender is a galaxy, and I’ve remade myself out of the stardust. I hope that any trans people reading this have been/are able to transition safely as well. You’re all amazing, and you deserve happiness.

#trans #trans positivity #trans asks #thaumaturgethoughts #transition

3 notes · View notes

ohblackdiamond · 4 years ago

Text

little t&a (paul/gene, nc-17) (part 18 of 29)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13 part 14 part 15 part 16 part 17 part 18 part 19 part 20 part 21 part 22 part 23 part 24 part 25 part 26 part 27 part 28 part 29

Four weeks before KISS gets back on tour, Gene discovers that Paul’s been cursed by a groupie. For the sake of KISS’ finances, Paul’s comfort levels, and Gene’s libido, this crisis must be resolved. Sexswap fic. In this chapter: Gene takes Paul home.

Gene went through Paul’s closet and drawers, getting him out a shirt, jeans, boxers, and shoes as he waited on the limo, just in case Paul had been able to go through with it and end the curse. The more he thought about it, the more Gene hoped he hadn’t. Paul had barely specified anything—he doubted that Carol had, either—beyond it being over once he had sex. Would he have had any time to leave before he started changing back? Or would whoever he’d slept with end up watching the whole bizarre process? It was a gruesome train of thought, but better, maybe, than picturing what else could have happened to Paul. At least back in his own body, he could fend a guy off.

Gene thought about the altercation on the front porch with Peter and Ace. He hadn’t really given it the consideration he should have. But both the guys had been holding back when Paul had first charged at them. Peter had screamed a lot, but he’d just held Paul off of Ace, for the most part. If Peter had wanted to, he could’ve really hurt him. But he hadn’t, and probably not just because Peter had thought he was Paul’s girlfriend, but because he was a girl. Paul wouldn’t have been afforded that kind of protection on his own at some bar.

Gene realized, sickly, that he hadn’t thought things out much better than Paul had. Letting him leave had been the stupidest of his missteps, sure, but he’d mostly thought about Paul being a girl in terms of how it related to him. Not so much in terms of how it related to the way everyone else would treat him. He swallowed, bagging up the clothes as the limo pulled up.

Gene spent the limo ride staring anxiously at his own watch, stomach churning, a dozen scenarios playing out at once in his head. CBGB had just been a guess, and a dim one at that. Paul had genuinely liked that little dump, a hell of a lot more than he’d liked Studio 54. Been fond of the acts there. But Paul knew his way around plenty of dumps. Gene wouldn’t have put it past him to have driven to the nearest juke joint, just for convenience and anonymity. And if he had, then Gene didn’t know if he would find him, or if Paul would be driving himself back home the next day, terrified, broken-down, or worse. Not even coming home at all. And he’d be responsible. He’d be responsible.

He hadn’t taken care of Paul at all. Peter had known better. Peter would’ve made Paul stay inside even if it had meant barricading the doors to Paul’s own house. Gene rubbed his forehead as though that could ease the aching there. There’d been that killer last year around the Queens area; Gene didn’t know if they’d caught him. That guy that ran around murdering dark-haired girls out West. All sorts of shit. Just all sorts. If Paul had… if he’d…

He ran out of the parking lot almost before the limo had even stopped, not waiting on the chauffeur to even hand him an umbrella for the rain. He’d… if he couldn’t find Paul now, here, he’d phone Bill Aucoin. Tell him everything. Have a manhunt. Bill could figure everything out, spin it any damn way he wanted. Make up another set of lies. Search the whole New York area for Paul in whatever shape he was in. If it destroyed KISS, let it. He didn’t care. He didn’t care as long as Paul was safe.

In his hurry to CBGB, he didn’t even notice Paul’s car parked less than a dozen feet away from the limo.

There might’ve been fifty people left in the club when he walked in, a lone bouncer smoking marijuana just inside. He glanced at Gene, seeming to recognize him from the night prior, then rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

“The Ramones already left, man.”

“I’m not here for the band,” Gene said. “Look, the gu—the girl I was with last night, you remember? Is she here?”

“The tall girl with the tits?” the bouncer said offhand, taking a drag. Gene stiffened, but the bouncer didn’t seem too concerned. “Yeah, she came in awhile ago.”

“Is she still here?”

“Didn’t see her leave. But we’re about to close.”

That didn’t mean Paul hadn’t left. He could’ve taken that back exit he’d brought Gene through the other night. Gene didn’t bother thanking him, striding into the main area of the club. The band was long gone; the only sounds left were the jukebox and occasional guitar riffs from the few drunks left around the bar. No one seemed to be paying enough attention to recognize him; or maybe he was just putting people off from it, stalking through, looking for him. Every time he got near one of the few couples left in the place, he felt sick, searching the girl’s face, never finding Paul there.

He made it to the bar after a few minutes, and caught a glimpse of red hair and a cheap jumpsuit. She was leaning over someone in a black jacket, someone slumped over a corner table.

“Mary-Anne,” he called out, hurrying toward her. She turned. Relief seemed to smash into his guts as he got closer and realized who the girl at the table had to be, even though her face was pressed up against her arms. He’d only seen those same wild, dark curls for the last eight years.

Gene crossed over to the table, reaching for Paul’s shoulder. Mary-Anne smacked at his hand.

“It’s about time you showed up.”

“Paul—”

“You didn’t even do what I said. You just let her go off alone. What kind of asshole are you?”

He didn’t answer her. There really wasn’t an answer to give. She was as right as Peter had been. Told Gene to be good to Paul and he’d done Paul even worse than a groupie.

“Paul.” He leaned over him, Mary-Anne only grudgingly moving to the side to accommodate him. Paul made a couple murmuring sounds, but didn’t raise his head. Gene started rubbing his shoulder through the jacket, half to reassure himself that Paul was there, and solid, and safe, at least now. He turned to Mary-Anne. “What happened?”

“Quaaludes. She keeps going in and out.”

Oh, God. Paul didn’t use Quaaludes on his own. He’d sampled a lot of other shit, sure, but Gene had never seen him take Ace or Peter or the roadies up on that particular pill. Gene swallowed.

“Is h—is she okay?”

Mary-Anne gave him an irritated look.

“You asking if anything happened? I don’t think so. She’d puked it up in the bathroom when I found her.”

“You’ve stayed with her?”

“Somebody had to.” She let out a snort. “You rockstars are all the same. I don’t know where you get off. That poor thing, she’s got no business out here by herself.”

“You don’t even know who she is.”

“Yeah, I do. She’s yours.”

“What?”

“You heard me. She’s been talking about you this whole time.” She reached over, and if she noticed Gene’s stare, she never reacted to it, tapping Paul’s arm. He stirred a little. “Did you ever find her?”

“Find who?”

“Carol Jensen.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we did.”

Mary-Anne shook her head.

“She reminds me of Carol. Just pitiful.” Mary-Anne didn’t elaborate, massaging Paul’s arm until slowly, he raised his head. “Hey, honey, he’s taking you back.”

“Gene?” Paul’s speech was sluggish. He looked like he was on the verge of nodding off, head bobbing a little with each word, but his eyes finally started to focus on Gene’s face. “Gene, I’m… I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize. We’re going home.”

“My car… can’t…”

“Your car’s out here, right? Give me your keys.”

Paul’s arm shifted. Again, he was feeling around for a pocket the dress he didn’t have. Gene reached over, digging in the pocket of Paul’s jacket, coming up with his keys and wallet. He stuck the wallet back.

“But you dunno how to drive…”

“I’ll send someone to take it back for you. My chauffeur’s here for us.” Gene took Paul’s arm. It was limp and warm. He squeezed it, briefly, before letting go. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Paul nodded dully. Mary-Anne shot Gene a disgusted look before Gene headed over to the nearest bouncer, who was more than happy to lead him personally to Hilly Kristal. Hilly looked tired but mildly flattered at the sight of him two nights in a row.

“Is it the scenery you dig, or the music?”

“Neither,” Gene said. “I need to use your phone.”

Hilly waved a hand absentmindedly, ushering him into an office just as ratty as the rest of the club. The phone was the color of day-old French fries, and looked almost as greasy. He dug through his own wallet, finally coming up with one of the KISS corporation’s business cards, and dialed it, the receiver feeling like a deadweight in his hand.

“Hey, this is Gene Simmons. I’m with Paul Stanley right now. Yeah. He’s gotten kind of loaded. His car’s out at CBGB. If you could have someone pick it up—no, no, just the car. Just take his car back, it’s fine. I’ll take care of him. No, that’s fine. I got it. The key’s with the club owner. Thanks.” He hung up the receiver. Hilly turned to him, puzzled.

“Haven’t seen Paul Stanley this whole night.”

“Yeah, you have.”

Hilly’s lip twitched upwards.

“That how it is? All right, all right.”

Gene tugged Paul’s car key from the keyring and handed it to Hilly, who took it with a yawn.

“Did you bring that girl again, or are you looking for someone else?”

“Same girl.”

“Gotcha.” Another bouncer was heading towards him, and he raised his hand. “I’ve got to go. Sorry I didn’t catch you when you came in. We were about to close up, to be honest. But if there’s anything you boys want, it’s yours. We’ll keep the place open as long as you’re around.”

“I’m just leaving, but thanks.” Gene headed back to the corner table. Paul was sitting up a little bit, drooping head propped up by his arm. Mary-Anne was talking to him, but whatever their conversation, she stopped once Gene approached.

“We’re going home now, Paul.”

“’S… s’okay. I just really need to sleep…”

“I know. You can sleep in the limo.” He reached over, taking Paul’s arm, the one he wasn’t steadying his head against. Paul seemed like he was moving in slow motion, other arm half-flopping off the table as he got to his feet, leaning up against Gene heavily. Mary-Anne didn’t help steady him, still sitting at the table with that same look of disgust.

“Thanks for staying, Mary-Anne. I appreciate it.” Gene swallowed thickly. “Do you have an address?”

“Sure. Why?”

“So I can thank you properly.” He dug out his wallet. Of course, he didn’t have a pen, but he did have the business cards he’d thumbed through earlier. He pressed one into her hand. “This number right here is KISS’ management. Call, tell the woman on the line who you are, give her your address, and—” he hesitated. “I’d say you’d get free front-row tickets to whatever show you wanted, but—”

“I don’t go for that anymore.”

“Call and give her your address anyway. I’ll have a check sent.”

“Forget it.” Mary-Anne let out a breath, pushing back her chair and getting up, turning away. She was headed back to the bar. “Just take the poor kid home.”

Gene did, walking Paul out the back exit the way he’d been shown the night before. It was still raining hard. He hadn’t brought a jacket of his own. He tried to yank up Paul’s so at least Paul’s head and hair wouldn’t get too wet, but Paul was stumbling so much that he gave up after only a few attempts. They were both soaked by the time they got to the parking lot. His driver came out as soon as he spotted them, holding out an umbrella, really too late to be of any use. Gene took it anyway, listening to the droplets pound against the plastic for those few steps, before he had to close it to guide Paul into the car.

He had an arm wrapped around Paul the whole way back, as if anyone else could even get hold of him now. Paul would stir off and on in the limo. He’d say things, ramble strangely, but for the most part he’d fall back asleep against Gene’s shoulder within a few minutes. Gene had seen chicks on Quaaludes before; hell, he’d seen Peter and Ace mix them with alcohol plenty for a stronger buzz. They’d end up both horny and flat on their asses. Gene didn’t invite girls to his room that didn’t at least seem sober, not wanting to court the possibility of them passing out or vomiting everywhere, so he didn’t know if Paul’s napping was normal or an indication of an overdose.

“You want a doctor?” he asked once, while he was awake. Paul shook his head.

“Paul, did anything happen? The girl said she didn’t think so, but—”

“Uh-uh. Gene, just… I’m tired, I can’t concentrate.”

Gene let him alone after that. The soft breaths against his shoulder smelled like vomit and alcohol. Paul drooled on him a few times, too, but he didn’t mind. By the time they pulled up to Paul’s place, Gene was able to maneuver him into getting out of the car, half-carrying, half-walking him up the front porch steps and into the house. The Quaaludes had left Paul in a weird state, out of it but frighteningly, basically pliable. It scared him to watch how slowly but how easily he was moved around. It scared him to think of what would have happened to him if Mary-Anne hadn’t found him. He must have had his drink spiked by whatever guy he’d been trying to hit on. Paul must’ve figured it out and tried to puke it up, or else, just thrown up as a side-effect.

Gene took his shoes off for him before helping him into bed, still in the dress. He didn’t really want to take him out of it. There was some dried vomit in his hair. Gene got a towel from the master bathroom, soaked it in water, and used the towel to wipe it out of his hair. After a little more consideration, he soaked another washcloth in water and wiped Paul’s face off with it, getting rid of the last smudges of makeup and the crusted drool on his mouth. Then he tossed both towels in the hamper, stripped to his boxers, and crawled into bed beside him.

Awhile later, he heard the bedsprings creak. Paul had scooted over in his sleep, his face pressed against Gene’s chest. Like a little kid, just worn out, that was all.

She’s yours, that was what Mary-Anne had said. Yours. Gene didn’t think about it before he put an arm around him, pulling him in tighter, falling asleep to the rhythm of Paul’s breaths on his skin.

#kiss the band #kiss fanfiction #paul stanley #gene simmons #gene simmons x paul stanley

17 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

1055

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Surveys aside, do you use Tumblr for any other reason? Not anymore. I used to have a main blog, but it’s been years since I opened it; this is it (excuse the bad word in the URL lol, I thought it made me look like an edgy teen) but as I got older I used it less and less frequently until I no longer remember the password to log back in. These days I stay on Tumblr precisely because no one really uses it anymore, so it’s the perfect spot to hide this blog in.

2 - Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? Depends on what you mean by a lot; I have all the basic ones - Twitter, IG, Facebook, YouTube, hell I still even have my Snapchat alive lol but I haven’t used it in like three years. I use YouTube the most but I don’t update it per se, like I just use it to watch videos. Facebook I’ve used a lot less often since the breakup, but I’ve shared a handful of posts since September. I’m probably on Twitter the most, but even then my usage hasn’t been the same.

3 - Does it bother you when your socks don’t match? What about your underwear? I don’t care for either situation, especially for underwear. Why would I care about something no one is ever going to see and even think about?

4 - How many times a year do you go on vacation? Do you tend to go to the same places each time? My family plans at least two trips, at least in non-Covid circumstances. We will sometimes repeat provinces but we never repeat hotels or sites, and we seldom repeat cities. The only places I remember visiting more than once are Baguio, Tagaytay, Albay, Subic, and Baler.

5 - How many times did it take you to pass your driving test? Just one. I could not afford to fuck it up; I was at the LTO for 8 hours and was not willing to go through that shitty long wait, so I absolutely had to pass that exam and do my best with the shitty car I had to work with.

6 - When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Nah they never used my whole name. My mom’s trademark is to add an -ah sound to my name when I’ve done something wrong though, as in Robina lol. That’s a sign I should know I shouldn’t have done what I did, whatever it is.

7 - Which family member do you look like the most? Which one do you resemble the most in terms of personality? People are always shocked to hear my mom is actually my mom and not my sister, because 1) we look very much alike, and 2) she looks young for her age. As for my personality, I’d say I’m a perfect split of my mom and dad. I exhibit an equal amount of traits they both have and I can’t tell which one I act like more.

8 - Have you ever been arrested? Never.

9 - Do you prefer Apple or Android? Apple. Would rather pay more than be stuck with an interface, camera, and emojis that I personally don’t like.

10 - Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise? I don’t sweat a lot, so I really do hate it when I feel beads of sweat on my temples or when the back of my shirt starts to feel damp. It doesn’t have anything to do with my feelings about exercising; I don’t like working out, period.

11 - Have you ever broken a bone? What were the circumstances that led to this happening? Never happened, hope it never happens.

12 - If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? I wish I didn’t get the hairy gene so that I didn’t have to shave too much; my hair to be a little livelier and bouncier; and my front teeth to be straighter.

13 - When was the last time your computer crashed or froze? is this something that happens often? It must’ve been around a month ago. It just got too busy, so it froze for a few seconds. My laptop’s a trooper and doesn’t crash/freeze a lot.

14 - Do you ever have problems with your sleep? It’s mid-sleep I’ve been having issues with; I get nightmares almost every night. I don’t have a problem falling asleep as I’m able to do so pretty quickly.

15 - What was the last thing you ate for breakfast? Is this a normal breakfast meal for you? Angel sent over a small box of chocolate chip cookies as a Christmas gift so I’ve been enjoying that :) I’m currently having it with warm coffee. My normal breakfast is no breakfast, so this is a treat for me. Before this I also had to eat my leftover Chapaghetti that I couldn’t finish last night.

16 - Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement? That has not come to mind a lot, actually. I think more about death than I do my retirement...but this question tells me I should probably take a few steps back. I’d simply love to live in comfort with the person I end up growing old with. For now, that’s all I see myself wanting.

17 - When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? A little less than 22 years ago; my mom had my ears pierced when I was a few months old. Haven’t gotten any new ones, nor tattoos, since. I’d love to have a couple of tattoos. Some of my ideas are two pawprints for each of my dogs, a plate of nachos, and lyrics that are personally meaningful.

18 - How would you describe your personality? Oof, what a loaded question. Hmm, I guess I’d generally label myself as hardened until I get close with someone? I’ve always kept a wall up and as friendly and extroverted as I can be, I don’t enjoy letting just anyone in. I value my personal and private space, and it’s important that I don’t lose it.

From another angle, I also like to keep doing nice things for other people, even at the expense of my own happiness and comfort. I have to keep making people happy to keep me pleased with myself and the world. Maybe it’s rooted in the fact that I’m the eldest daughter in an Asian family? Idrk, but all I know is that I’ve never had a problem putting other people first.

19 - Have you ever heard of “hygge”? is this something you enjoy or participate in at all? I have no idea what this is and I’ve never come across this word before.

20 - What colour was the last vehicle you travelled in? Does this vehicle belong to you or someone else? White. It’s the car that was given to me for college, but when all is said and done it’s not mine.

21 - Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not? In some senses yes, in other senses no. I don’t exercise or actively watch my diet, and I certainly eat too much junk; so proactively speaking, I’m not super healthy. But generally, my gene pool has been pretty fortunate with health. Other than heart conditions that run in certain branches of the family, we’re relatively a healthy bunch.

22 - Would you describe yourself as messy or organised? Is this something you would like to change? It’s a balance of both. I’m very organized at work so I allow myself to let go in my personal space, like my closet and car. I do clean up from time to time and I still like my space to be neat, but I’m not as neurotic as I normally would be with my workspace.

23 - Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favourite thing about it? The innocence. It was a period of being ideal, being a dreamer, being as romantic about life as I wanted to be. It was also a period where you were allowed to make mistakes, because fucking up when you’re younger lets you off the hook. These are the biggest things I miss, but I don’t really find myself pining for my teenage days. I still like where I am, even if things are realistically a little duller in adulthood.

24 - Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No. It’s hard to be when your country is shit.

25 - Have you ever had to wear a white lab coat before? Was this in school or for a job? Yeah we had lab coats in Lab class in high school, but they were green. We also needed safety goggles, and if I remember correctly if we had neither of these things we had to sit outside and skip out on the session.

26 - Would you ever want to do the same career(s) as your parents? I can see myself going down somewhere in the secretarial path like my mom as I’m good at organizing things and keeping internal affairs in order, but I don’t know if I would find it fulfilling. But in general, I wouldn’t want to be in the hotel and restaurant industry. I don’t have any attachments to it and I’ve always felt like I belonged in media and communications.

27 - Do you believe in aliens? Is there a reason why (or why not)? Yes. For the most part, it’s more comforting to think and believe that we’re not the only beings around.

28 - Which animated film would you most like to live in? Does it have to be a film? I’d love to be in the Fairly OddParents universe and have fairy godparents of my own.

29 - When was the last time you got into an argument? Have you made up with that person yet? Gab. I don’t know. She’s ignoring me.

30 - What are you going to do now this survey is over? Take another one.

1 - Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No but I had bad viruses on all of my Windows laptops before. The worst virus I got involved my laptop typing out some long-ass Vietnamese paragraphs for me at the most random times. It was like a horror movie lmao. Every time I Googled the text I never got any leads from it, so I never knew what it meant or what the virus was.

2 - Do you prefer the company of people or animals? I don’t really have a preference when it comes to these two because their companionships are individually different. I like that animals can be playful and sweet; but I also like cracking jokes and having meaningful conversations with people.

3 - Are you a religious person? Were you raised in that faith or did you discover it a later date in life? I was born and raised Catholic, and still legally am. I never saw the appeal of the idea of being saved or of reading the Bible or anything that has to do with Christianity; and the idea of praying was weird to me even from childhood. A lot of Christians/Catholics I know are hypocrites anyway, and to me that says a lot about their mindset when it comes to religion.

4 - When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? August 2019. My friends and I had a day trip to Nasugbu so we could have some fun before the semester started; we mostly swam and caught up with one another. August is a low season so we literally had the beach, the pool, and the poolside bar to ourselves.

5 - With all the COVID restrictions in place, would you feel happy/comfortable travelling abroad right now? Why/why not? I’d be happy, but not comfortable because of the swab test I would have to take hahaha. The selfish part of me is itching to go to other places already. I know my parents would put a million roadblocks to keep me from getting on a plane though, so me traveling is purely theoretical.

6 - How would you describe your dress sense? I like wearing flattering pieces but nothing too flashy or bright. I get items that are currently in style and make sure they match with the rest of my wardrobe, but at the end of the day I still like to blend in with the crowd and avoid neon colors, flashy labels, or whatever it is that would make me stand out.

7 - Do you wait until the sales start before you buy non-essential items? I never really pay attention to sales. It’s led to some pleasant surprises, like the other day when I was looking for a gift for my aunt. There was an H&M purse that caught my eye and it was so pretty, but way above my budget. I decided to get it anyway because that aunt throws amazing Christmas parties over the years and gives us lots of money, so I thought it could would be my way of giving back (especially since her company got hit hard by Covid). Once I got to the cashier the register showed it was like 60% off, even though there were no stickers on it and there was zero promotion anywhere in the store.

8 - What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? I don’t drink milk, but I’m able to consume it in other dishes. I haven’t tried any types other than whole milk.

9 - Do you prefer blonde hair or brunette hair on your preferred sex? I don’t have preferences when it comes to hair color. We’re not really conditioned to consider this factor, since Filipinos have black hair.

10 - Would you be embarrassed to own the same clothing as one of your parents? No. I borrow stuff from my mom all the time. My sister also borrows some of my dad’s t-shirts, at least the ones that can fit her.

11 - When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? Like...a gown? I’m not too sure. It must’ve been Alena’s debut three years ago since that’s the last fancy party I went to.

12 - Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? I like dressing up and making myself look cute, but dressing up formally not so much.

13 - What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? Personally, underdressed. I’d rather look too prepared than looking as if I didn’t care to look decent for whatever event I’m headed to.

14 - What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Not having any options or activities to do.

15 - Have you ever owned an unusual or exotic pet? Would you want to? Nope. I would not want to have one. Unusual pet is just a euphemism for animals that shouldn’t be pets.

16 - How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? I was 5 and had to learn it for a test in kindergarten.

17 - Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? Sure, it makes me feel festive :)

18 - Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-through? These days it’s more wise to use the drive-thru, but to be frank I’ve missed dining in. I would opt for the restaurant but make sure to follow safety protocols in the area.

19 - Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? I’ve actually always found trips to the dentist soothing, even as a kid. The only time I ever really freaked out was when I went last year to have a tooth removed and I was told that I needed an anaesthesia shot on my gums; even then, I didn’t even feel anything when it finally happened.

20 - Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? Maybe? My cousins and friends and I doodled on each other a lot as kids.

21 - When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I’ve never been to one and idk if I can go to one.

22 - Do you bite your nails? Could you physically bite your toenails if you stretched enough? Sometimes I’ll gnaw at my nails and then scrape them off. I’ve found it more satisfying than biting them all the way off. I could definitely bite my toenails, but I choose not to.

23 - How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? It wasssssss 2010, so I was 11 at the time. Nah, I deactivated that blog only after a year of using it and then I shifted to a wrestling blog.

24 - Are you a fan of practical jokes? If I’m watching celebrities pull it on another celebrities, yeah. Most of the time I get anxious that the recipient would react negatively, so I don’t watch a lot of pranks.

25 - How many years older and younger than you would you consider dating? Is this a concrete thing or would you make an exception for the right person? It will still depend on the latter condition, of course; but theoretically I would like to keep seeing people my exact age. No more and no less than the year 1998. Growing up with relatives in such close age to me makes me feel like I’d be dating an older cousin if it was someone a year older, and my sister if it was someone a year younger.

26 - Who did you vote for in the last US elections? If you’re not in the US, who would you have voted for? I don’t live in the US; I would have voted for Biden.

27 - Are you a fan of reddit? What are some of your favourite subreddits? Sure. I don’t visit it as much as I used to, but I still go on there when I’m bored and in need of entertaining or educational content. r/AskReddit is a classic fave of mine, but I also go on r/interestingasfuck, r/todayilearned, r/mildlyinteresting, r/dataisbeautiful, r/SquaredCircle, and r/goodmythicalmorning. Sometimes I’ll visit the r/AmItheAsshole sub as well to have some fun lol.

28 - Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? Not those, but I’ve looked up earwax extractions and blackhead removals before.

29 - What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Chicken curry is probably my best example because I’m obsessed with all kinds of curry now, whether it’s Indian butter chicken, Thai green curry, or Japanese curry. I didn’t understand the complex flavors as a kid, but I’m got to appreciate more and more as I got older.

30 - Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Idk, I feel like all these choices are useful and convenient in their own different situations? I’m barefoot when I’m at home but put on socks when it’s chilly, and I wear shoes when I’m outdoors.

#survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes

mywalkintofreedom · 4 years ago

Text

Life at West Main Street - part 1

We’ve been doing some work around the house lately. We painted some walls, and hung some new pictures, got a new light fixture... stuff like that. I’ve always found it very important to make our home my sanctuary. I have to change things around every now and then too, just to change the scenery. As a stay at home mom it’s important to me that I feel comfortable in the space I’m in.

I can’t help but think back to the first place we ever moved into together back in 2014. It was a small one bedroom apartment, it smelled like cigarette smoke, it had no central heat or air and was a shared building with 3 other apartments. It was what we could afford at that time, and I say that with a wink, because we moved into this place using our last money to pay for the down payment not knowing where the rent was going to come from, as Micah did not have a permanent job yet. We also couldn’t afford to turn on the water or power yet, but we chose to be grateful that we found a place to live and trusted God to work out the rest. It was nothing like I had pictured in my mind as we were dreaming up our life. BUT, let me tell you this, it was the most life changing season of my life living there. This little apartment became my sanctuary, and the many months that we lived here became some of our most treasured memories as a newly wed couple. It became the foundation of our marriage, the foundation of how we decided to raise our kids and really just the foundation of our journey together. We learned lessons and foundational things there that we will bring with us for the rest of our life.

We had plans to move out as soon as we could, but reality pretty soon showed that this was going to be home for awhile and that this would be the home that we would have our first baby in.

You would think that the environment was the hardest part of living here, but it wasn’t. While it was certainly a struggle the smell, the dysfunctions and interesting neighbors, the greatest struggle presented itself as how I like to recall it “being stripped of every comfort I’d ever known”. This meant, not having internet, not having a tv and not having a phone and not having people to contact or call.

The first day Micah went to work a full day, I remember clear as day, sitting on a desk chair that someone had given us, in an empty apartment, in the dark (it was a cloudy day and the place had very little natural light). I had no idea what time he would come home, because we had no way of contacting each other. All we had was this desk chair and our suitcases with clothes (which half of mine didn’t fit me because I was pregnant) and an air mattress that we slept on. I sat there probably for an hour that first day, with my hand on my belly feeling our baby move, tears dripping down my face, thinking about what I could possibly do with myself for the entire day. This continued to be the biggest struggle I woke up with every day, what am I going to do today? The first months, all I could think about was moving out. But as the weeks went by there was no way we would be able to move on to something else. It felt like being dropped off on a deserted island. In a way it was similar. I had no way of contacting people, and I was in a country that was not my own. Every day I counted down the minutes until Micah would come home, which were a lot of minutes when you start counting in the morning. Any time he came home all was well. We would light candles and play card games all night. This was after he would have made us dinner on our one pit burner, which would take more than an hour usually, because you could only heat one thing at a time. It really didn’t take long until our apartment was furnished. We had different people donate things to us, a lot of items are still part of our home and in a way sentimental to me.

For the first while we didn’t have a fridge. This was challenging, but it was winter so this helped a little. We had a box that we would put our milk in, and maybe two or three other items we had, and we would put this outside between our front door and screen door. I remember some days being out and about and we would be watching the temperature, because what if our meat would get too warm!? (I also had some fear that our neighbors would steal the box😂) We did have some precious meat spoil one time and it was hard, I mean I think I cried. Eventually someone asked us if we could use a mini fridge, which remained our fridge for the entire time we lived there. The only down side to this fridge was that it didn’t fit an ice cream container in the tiny freezer section at the top😭 (the freezer section also didn’t have a way of closing so we closed it with a piece of cardboard😂). But in the end that was okay, because we really couldn’t afford ice cream anyways.

Since I’m talking about food, this is also what I meant with “being stripped of every comfort you’ve ever known”. We had a $20 food budget a week in this season. Going and buying whatever you feel like eating really wasn’t an option. I remember one night sitting on the floor in front of our tiny little pantry, crying, because I just wanted to eat some chocolate so bad. I know that sounds crazy, (do keep it mind I was also pregnant😉) but when you can always buy whatever you feel like buying you don’t know what it’s like when you can’t.

Our biggest arguments we ever had in our early marriage days were about... food... and what to buy. We were total opposites, my brain told me we should be buying the cheapest of the cheapest, well mister Huff wanted to buy organic chicken with our $20 food budget. I honestly could kill him for it and thought he was insane. Then we’d have an argument about me being too loud protesting in the store. His intentions were honest and pure, he wanted the very best for me and our unborn child. We eventually met in the middle, and I’ve learned not to loudly start arguments in the meat aisle. While we had very little to spend, we never felt poor. We calculated everything to a T before we went shopping and eventually knew the prices by heart, and became pretty smart in our shopping. We made the best meals with what we had. We ate meat maybe 2-3 times a week and did beans on the other days. We didn’t really eat snacks, just an apple at some point of the day. We paid everything with cash (which we have done up until just a few months ago! But we still don’t own a credit card). Any change we’d get, we would save up and buy an ice cream cone with at the end of the week at Dairy Queen. If we had a really good week, we’d be able to buy a blizzard, which felt like a celebration.

While going through the literal purification of my life, we also had a lot of unknowns. How were we going to bring a baby into the world? The hospital wasn’t an option because I wasn’t eligible for health insurance, because I didn’t have my green card yet. Speaking of which, I also feared the green card police would knock on my door and deport me, for real, which was probably a little dramatic. We saved every little bit of money we could to pay for a midwife, and pay for the green card application.

Through all of these changes, I was getting used to living in a very different country than my own. They call immigrants, aliens, and that’s often how I felt. I had visited the United States often before I officially moved there, and I loved the country, but living here proved to be more of a culture shock than I knew it would be. There were so many small details I had to learn about the culture, the language and the country. There were times that it caused anxiety.

I remember one particular time our church was doing “family fun Saturdays”. It was just a way of fellowshipping together. I was actually quite excited about this, because I didn’t have any fellowship throughout the week and missed my family a lot. Micah worked Saturday morning and after he was done we left. When we got there and we walked into a room full of people anxiety hit me, but I was okay, because Micah was right next to me. Well next thing I knew, the guys were going to do a sports game outside, Micah left and I was left alone in a room full of people. This really wouldn’t be a big deal, but anxiety overtook and I got immensely afraid and panicked. I left as quick as I could and went to our little car. We were parked in kind of an open spot where other cars were arriving, I was so afraid of seeing people and having to converse that I sat down curled up on the floor of the car in front of the front seat. I couldnt help but cry uncontrollably because I just was so afraid of conversing with people and that someone would see me and I was thinking to myself “what have I become”? Social anxiety was something I had struggled with before, but never ever in my life to the extent I was experiencing that day.

Speaking of cars, I do feel like I should probably tell you about our 1997 Toyota Corolla. How did we ever end up with a car when we had no money? That’s a good question. It was presented to us to buy the car for $600 at the very beginning of our journey, but we denied, because we didn’t have any money. The car was given to us. Before we had this car we were walking everywhere.

When I was 27 weeks pregnant we prayed and reached out to a midwife that was willing to accept us and decided that the only way we were going to be able to receive prenatal care was to have a home birth with a midwife. During our first meeting with her we went over the cost and when we left we discussed it and we really had no idea how we were going to pay her. It was going to be about $3000. After a lot of praying we both came to the conclusion that the only way we’d be able to pay her was if we could take out a loan. We didn’t like having to do this, but we also couldn’t go without the proper care for me and our baby.

We decided to go to the bank, and that’s where we met Frank. We sat down in front of Frank and we explained what we needed the loan for. He asked us if we had any collateral. Micah and I looked at each other, I whispered “what is collateral?” and then we looked at Frank. Micah answered, well, we have a 1997 Toyota Corolla. Frank said, “okay let’s see it”. We had parked it right in front of the bank. The two front fenders and the hood of the car were black, as it had never been painted white after a replacement like the rest of the car. The grill and the Toyota logo in the front were missing. Micah and I joked constantly that it looked like a car with a toothless smile. When we walked out, “corey” as we named him, was right in front of Frank, but Frank was looking right over it looking for our car. Then Micah said “this is him, pointing at our car, this is the toothless wonder”. Frank looked at it and made some notes on a note pad, we went back inside (meanwhile Micah and I really had to hold our laughs because it was hysterical). After Frank got done writing some things down and asking some questions he said “well, I can give you about $1200 for a loan”. It wasn’t the amount that we needed, but it was something so we took it. We left the bank and laughed often about the story of Frank and the “toothless wonder”. We were able to give our midwife $1200 up front, and paid her and the bank off as soon as we could possibly could.

It is around the same time that we realized that we were definitely not going to be able to move anywhere else until we had paid off this loan, the rest of the cost of the midwife, and gotten everything paid to get me a green card. I made a decision to stop thinking about “the next step”. Often we live with the mentality, “if I can just reach this or that, then I will be happy”. Always thinking about the “best best thing”. My mentality had been “if I can just move somewhere else I can start to be happy”. I learned a huge lesson in contentment in this season, and the scripture that Micah and I were often reminded of was “if you can be faithful in the small things, God can entrust you with the bigger things”. (And boy if I had known what God would do later in life I would’ve started this much sooner). I started by praying that God would either take the smoke smell away, or help me not to smell it, because I couldn’t stand it. He did, I stopped smelling it. I declared this small apartment my sanctuary. I decided to make it my home, and asked God to help me make it home. When you always have distractions at your fingertips it’s easy not to deal with feelings, I was faced with my feelings every day and had no way of numbing them with distractions. There were no distractions. None. It was just me and God, every day. There was no way for me to “numb” the time away by watching tv, scrolling on a phone or asking someone to come over.

You would probably think after reading all that that I regretted moving and that I regretted getting married. I truly didn’t. I knew with everything within me that this was where we were supposed to be and that I was with who I was supposed to be with.

There is so much to say about the season that we lived here. What I forgot to mention earlier is that someone came to us when we had just moved into our apartment and gave us, I believe it was $250. However much it was, it was the exact amount we needed to turn on the water and power for the apartment. They said that God had laid it on their heart to give this to us, and we knew it was Him because of the amount they gave us. They had no idea of our situation. There are so many miraculous things that happened while we lived here, and I plan on writing more about it because I’ve always wanted to, it is an extremely important part of my journey, and our journey, and so many valuable things were learned. I am forever grateful for the “stripping down and away”, because it prepared me for motherhood and life as a mom and it made us make important decisions for our family that I believe will truly change the lives of our children and have changed our own lives. God became real, and the Word of God exploded as we read together each day. I have never been the same and I never will be. More stories to come about the many experiences at west Main Street.

1 note · View note

mahou-queen · 4 years ago

Text

♡52 Weeks of Lolita Questionnaire♡

In a recent Lovely Lor video, Lor answered questions from Loliprompts’ questionnaire “52 weeks of lolita”. It seems like a fun list of questions and I thought I would answer them too~ ♡

1. What is your favorite brand, and why? What’s its history? ♡ I guess my favorite brand would have to be Angelic Pretty. I love a lot of other brands, but the majority of dresses in my wish list right now are Angelic Pretty. As for their history? I don’t really know haha, I guess I should research that a bit.

2. How would you describe lolita fashion to a curious person you met in passing? ♡ I always just say I am apart of a fashion club? People don’t generally require more than that but if they did I would probably tell them that it’s an alternative fashion based on Victorian fashion and we have a fashion club and we get dressed up and meet for tea and stuff.

3. What style do you think is the most underrated, and why? ♡ qi and wa lolita. I almost never see them, or see interest in them which is a shame because there are some really beautiful dresses out there that are suited for these styles.

4. What does the phrase “lolita lifestyle” mean to you, and do you, or would you like to, adhere to it? ♡ lolita lifestyle is when you try to bring lolita or lolita-esque aesthetics into every aspect of your life. Maybe wearing lolita every or most days, and having a very “loliable” home/room. I could never be a lifestyler because I have other fashion interests. Also lolita is not appropriate at my workplace.

5. What do you think constitutes lolita etiquette or good manners? ♡ I don’t believe there is any “lolita etiquette” I think you should just be yourself. Good manner are good manners, don’t be rude to your comm members, don’t dance on the tables at a tea party. But that’s just commonsense I don’t think there is a way to behave that is lolita.

6. Does your style change with the seasons, or do you dress the same and try to bear the cold/heat? ♡ I try, but admittedly I am awful at it. I try to keep berets in the cooler months, as well as long sleeves. BUT I’m a sucker for ankle socks and I wear them all year despite the cold and I do freeze my legs off at winter meets.

7. Do you have a fashion role-model? What do you admire most about them? ♡ I actually have several! I will list them and their instagrams here: sleepyriri - Her coords are so dreamy looking, very light floaty aesthetic which I love. She also has her own lolita brand! Le_verger_sucre - Her coords are so pink and princess-y. I find myself sharing her photos a lot. Fannyrosie - the classic lolita queen. Need I say more? Tokimeki.bunny - I love the cuteness of her coords. They always have a lot of extra elements and are so well balanced. She’s also really good at coordinating printed tights which I am awful at. Tsumikko - Lavender QUEEN! I love her use of aprons, layering, and color balancing. Very light, floaty vibes. Milkcircus - Print QUEEN. Her use of prints and patterns absolutely inspires me. Coords are always very multi-dimensional Cursed.Kaiser - They’re coords are honestly so cool, there’s a kind of drama in them that I really like. Darkxdelirium - She almost made me want honey cake with her impeccable coording skills.

8. What are the top 10 things you love most about lolita? Can you also compile a list of things you hate? ♡ I don’t think I can come up with 10 but I’ll do my best. ♡ Loves: The community aspect, the ability to reclaim my femininity through lolita, the creativity that goes into building coords, crafting to make one of a kind pieces, being able to feel beautiful without being “sexy”, having a hobby to focus on when I need something to escape to.

♡ Hates: Second-hand market price fluctuation, brands still releasing dresses with a max 96cm bust, buying petticoats, storing my stuff (especially purses), brands who charge astronomical prices for low quality materials (AP purses, Q-pot jewelry, etc).

9. How strict are you in applying the rules to yourself? To others? ♡ I am pretty strict on myself. For a long time I was terrified to be seen as ita. I was even afraid to wear bodyline for fear of being ”ita” even though my coord was good. These days I am less strict on myself and worry much less about these things, but I still struggle to get out of the strict mindset from time to time. others? I love experimentation even if I am afraid to do so so I am really not too strict on others, if it works, it works, and I am not going to criticize anyone.

10. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever incorporated into a coord, or the weirdest material you’ve ever worn? ♡ The weirdest thing I think I have ever worn in a coord were a pair of korilakkuma bell earrings. As you can imagine, bells on your ears? not great.

11. What’s the story behind your discovery of lolita fashion? ♡ When I was a senior in high school, a new girl started attending my school. She wore fairy kei and sweet lolita to school. We became friends through art class and eventually she ended up teaching me about the fashion. She sold me my first dress, and later my first brand piece. I am really glad to have met her and to have been exposed to lolita. You can follow her on instagram here

12. What is the one item that you’ve owned the longest? ♡ I still own my very first dress I got in 2012. Bodyline Squirrel Party. However, I am planning to sell it since I’ve worn it in everyway I can think of.

13. Do you think lolita is only about clothes, or does it also encompass a certain attitude or mindset? ♡ Lolita is about the fashion. All kinds of people are lolitas and they like it or wear it for different reasons.

14. Have you ever decorated a room or other space (car?) with lolita aesthetics in mind? ♡ My old bedroom used to be very “kawaii”. I love pink so my car stuff, my desk, as much as I can get away with, is pink.

15. Is it possible to be too obsessed with lolita? ♡ If lolita is interfering with your ability to pay your bills, or to be happy, or to focus on school or work or family then you should probably pull back. Some people do get very absorbed by things and in those cases it can become too much.

16. What are you favorite and least favorite trends? Do you think it’s important to follow them, or to do as you like regardless of them? ♡ My favorite trend ever is the chiffon half blouse. So comfortable, affordable, light, cute, and much more size inclusive. Least favorite trend? mis-matched shoes from the 2010 era. I like my shoes to get equal wear. I think these days more than ever, you can really just do whatever you want. Wear the fashion is right now is like anything goes which I think is great,

17. How do you define “lolita cosplay” and how do you feel about it? ♡ Lolita cosplay is stupid. sorry

18. Are there other fashions that you wear regularly, or are you an everyday lolita? ♡ I don't wear other street fashions anymore. I used to wear fairy kei and himekaji but these days I just dress regular outside of lolita.

19. Do you look for bargains to save as much money as possible, or are you willing to make sacrifices for high-quality products? ♡ I try to find the best prices when applicable but if I am in love with something I’ll do what I have to do.

20. When was the last time you wore lolita, and what did you do that day? If you wear it daily, when was the last time you went OTT or extra-fancy? ♡ The last time I wore lolita was in April lmao. For a virtual meet-up with my comm.

21. If you were to combine lolita fashion with an unrelated style or theme, what would your new creation be? ♡uhhhh I honestly have no idea at all.

22. What is your favorite accessory, and why is it your favorite? ♡ I have 2, 2-way bow clips from back when bodyline had a massive “sundries” section. They're no longer available and haven't been for a long time. I am really glad I got them, I wish I had bought more sundries when that section was still there.

23. What’s your favorite online lolita community or forum? Are there any that you avoid? ♡ I don’t have a favorite tbh. I have never been on 4chan and I never will be.

24. What is your favorite theme (e.g. school loli, pirate loli, nurse loli) or motif (e.g. deer, music notes, stars/constellations)? ♡ black and gold stars! Valentines day! fruits! gingham!

25. Is there any music that you associate with lolita? ♡ orange caramel lol

26. Will you ever be too old for lolita? ♡ never

27. Do you enjoy sewing? Why or why not? ♡ I don’t know how to sew :(

28. How does your location affect your involvement in the local lolita community? Would you like to move elsewhere to be closer, or perhaps farther away? ♡ I drive about 1.5 hours for meetups because that’s the closest active comm. I do not mind so much. I’d like to maybe be closer.

29. Does your sleepwear resemble lolita at all? ♡ not at all. I sleep in oversized t-shirts

30. Can you admit to any unpopular opinions regarding lolita? ♡ I hate peeking bloomers. I’m sorry :(

31. How do you feel about Visual kei or Jrock, and do you feel it’s related to lolita, or not? ♡ Love it, and absolutely. Visual Kei is like lolitas relative.

32. Whether or not you wear them (looking at you, Ouji), do you prefer the look of skirts, JSKs, and OPs with or without prints? ♡ I like both, but these days I am appreciating non-printed items more.

33. How has your style evolved over time? ♡ It hasn't really, just gotten more refined.

34. If applicable, what other communities do you belong to? What other identities do you adopt? ♡ I’m queer, so the LGBTQ community is important to me.

35. What are your favorite shoes to wear with your style, or what’s your dream pair? ♡ I love heels. I do not like flat shoes because I like to elongate my legs. I don’t have a dream pair.

36. Would you, or have you ever, dressed your pets in lolita? ♡ lol I’d try but I don't think it would work.

37. How do you feel about people who wear lolita for Halloween? Does it depend on whether that person is already a lolita? ♡ Wearing lolita for Halloween as a lolita is fine, but wearing it as a costume is kind of meh.

38. Excluding fashion shows, what’s the most amount of outfits you’ve ever worn in a day? ♡ just 1 haha

39. What’s your worst lolita horror story? ♡ I don’t really have any. I one time went with some of my college friends to a con and I left my dorm building in full sweet early in the morning. I was afraid my dormmates would see me cause I did not want to explain but luckily no one was awake and I made it to the van unscathed.

40. Do you like sweets? If so, what’s your favorite dessert? ♡ I love angel food cake

41. Do you have any beauty products, health routines, or special diet to keep you at your best? ♡ I take co-q-10 for my eczema, I like laneige lip sleeping mask, especially in the winter.

42. What were the best and worst meetups you’ve hosted? If you haven’t hosted, would you like to someday? ♡ I wanted to host a garden meet this summer but covid ruined that. Maybe next year.

43. Who is your favorite artist? If not famous for lolita art, do you think they have lolita appeal? ♡ I love a lot of artists, some of them I think are lolita-adjacent because their style is kawaii. I’ll list some here: jisaaaa! ubokhee MISOART_ meowwniz gojio_ hanavbara Fancy Surprise Arcade Healer Yurie Sekiya and many many more. Go stalk my following on instagram for lots of kawaii artists.

44. How do you feel about wigs? Do you wear any, or style your natural hair? ♡ I used to wear wigs, but my hair is too long now so I use my natural hair with fake bangs.

45. What’s your favorite animal motif? ♡ bears?

46. Have you ever visited a brand’s shop/boutique? If so, what was your reaction? If not, what shop would you most like to visit? ♡ I want to visit AP San Francisco

47. Do you think posting photos of your coord online is a crucial part of belonging to the community? ♡ YES, it’s how we all stay connected and inspired

48. How has the lolita community changed since you became a part of it? Where do you see lolita heading in the future in terms of community and networking? ♡ I think it’s become way more accepting and accessible. When I got into lolita there were virtually no legit resellers, the community was entirely on livejournal, buying second hand was a nightmare. Buying anything! was a nightmare. There was so much stress around looking “ita”, and the superiority of brand. These days its just not like that. So much amazing taobao brands have really helped even the field for lolita. We have so much more access to the clothes, the community, everything. It’s great. I only see it getting better as years go on.

49. What advice would you give someone who is nervous about starting lolita? Or do you think they should learn their own lessons? ♡ I think too many lolitas today rely on seasoned lolitas to tell them everything. I would say, go watch lovely lor, read @lolita-tips and look at other peoples coordinates. Lolita Tips tumblr taught me basically everything I know back in the day and it a wealth of info and concrit. Part of what makes the lolita journey so great is the research, the learning, the mistakes. You don’t wanna be like someone else, you wanna be you. So you really need to do the work yourself so you can put your personal flair into the fashion. That’s when it’s at its best.

50. What’s your dream dress/garment? Is it a faraway goal or have you obtained it? ♡ My dream dress was AP sweetie violet jsk in lavender. Which I got in 2019. My new dream dress is AP rose tea garden jsk in navy. It’ll probably be a while before I can afford to buy one.

51. How do you feel about the stereotype that lolitas are full of drama? What’s the worst drama you’ve ever witnessed or been involved in? ♡ I think any and all groups of people are bound to have drama. I don’t believe that’s specific to lolita at all. I personally have not been involved in any lolita drama.

52. Are you loyal to any particular makeup brands? ♡ I am very particular about my makeup because I do not like to use certain ingredients. I really like Pacifica. But I also like some Korean brands like The Saem, MISSHA, and TonyMoly.

This was super long but I had fun answering all the questions. Have you done this questionnaire? I’d love to see your answers~

#about me #lolita asks #loliprompts #52 weeks of lolita #lolita fashion #egl community #j fashion

1 note · View note

draconida · 6 years ago

Text

Shance Fic Recs

Well, while I was in my AO3 profile, I realized how many bookmarks I have! So I've decided to make fic recommendation lists. [This list will have other parts, and I include fics with Kuro and Sven]

1- Black to Blue by PuppetMaster55

Lance, the undisputed (no longer, since he finally got the team to stop questioning his position like a month ago) leader of Voltron finds himself in the absolute strangest scenario: being the Blue Paladin.

Lance, still finding his place on team Voltron, wakes up to the weirdest world: one where he's the Black Paladin.

OR, I take a universe where Lance was always the Black Paladin and have him swap bodies with canon Lance, throwing both sets of teams for a trip.

[This fic is the beginning of a series in process, super recommended]

2- Black & Blue by starboyshiro (this author writes a lot of love to Shiro)

“Something wrong, babe? Did you have a bad day or something?” Shiro asks, plopping down on the couch next to Lance.

“Nothing happened, I'm just looking at all of these cute cats thinking about how much I want one, but can't have one.” Lance frowns, resting his head on Shiro's shoulder as he continues to scroll through Instagram.

Shiro can't stand to see his boyfriend upset. That's been a proven fact since Day One of their relationship. It's only natural that when Lance mentions his disappointment at never owning a cat, Shiro goes above and beyond to cheer him up…

3- I Fold by starboyshiro [Explicit]

“Do you even know who I am?”

“Am I supposed to?”

“Most people around here do.”

An intense poker game turns into a rather steamy night. Can this scrawny grad student handle the force of the famous journalist Takashi Shirogane?

4- Is That A Bowl Of Popcorn In Your Lap Or Are You Just Happy To See Me? by munchiesafterdark [Explicit]

“How many bags should I do?” Shiro called, waving the four unopened packs in his hand at Lance questioningly.

“I think two should be fine,” Lance shrugged. “We can always pop more if… we…” He trailed off, train of thought vacating the station as Shiro turned his back to him to put the remaining packs of popcorn into the cabinets. His hips swayed to an unheard rhythm, defined muscles flexing as he reached up and slid the popcorn into place on the top shelf. Lance’s eyes trailed down to the V of his back, the sweats hanging low enough for him to spot the curve of his round ass. Yet another anomaly of those pants was the manner in which they accentuated his bottom while still remaining baggy around his legs.

The obnoxious ding of the microwave nearly startled Lance out of his skin. His shift on the couch must have been audible, Shiro raised a brow at him over his shoulder, a cocky smirk crossing his lips as he leaned over to retrieve the finished bag of popcorn.

Fuck, he was toying with him! Well, two could play that game!

5- Nasty Smoothie by strawberrylovely

Lance works in a smoothie shop. Twice a week, a certain customer comes in and orders a nasty smoothie. Lance is head over heels.

6- A Hit and A Miss (tletoe) by strawberrylovely

Basically, Lance goes to a party with Hunk and blows his friend a kiss. However, he wasn’t expecting the cute stranger standing in front of Hunk to think the kiss was for him.

7- you should let me (love you) by godsensei

There’s something in the bathtub. Suddenly, Lance is pissed at his past self for watching so many horror movies with creepy shower scenes. He’s certainly too young and beautiful to die like this, right?

Right, totally.

He hesitates, but creeps forward, peeking slowly behind the curtain.

Hm. There’s a hot guy in there.

8- just call me daddy by proletaricat [Explicit and omegaverse]

It's the typical a/b/o story - someone's off their suppressants, surprise heats, bam sex! Except this time Lance escapes capture with the help of Hunk and Shiro has to apologize for his behavior later, interrupting Lance in the middle of his Altean telenovela. Then they bang. It's... it's basically just a PWP with daddy kink and knotting.

9- Sometimes Playing Around with the Occult Can Turn Out Well (Like... REALLY well) by gorgawesome [Explicit]

Lance had the best costume prepared for this Halloween Party. He was totally gonna slay and finally get laid for the first time in MONTHS!

Except it's Halloween Night and he's stuck looking after the family bookstore, because local robberies or something. Honestly? He was too busy pouting to be listening.

Can an awful, boring night turn for the better? Yes. Yes, it can.

10- I found religion between your thighs by KillTheDirector [in process]

He had been topside for over four decades, enjoying the freedom he never had down in the pit. Routines were established then broken then reestablished, but Shiro abided by them because that’s what kept him alive.

Then he met a witch that was more suited to being an incubus than him.

11- One Symbol Off by Silas_Writes [Explicit]

anonymous whispered: Incubus/succubus shiro and witch lance use summoning circles and potions inappropriately

12- To Seduce the Seducer by singtolife [Explicit]

At a college party, Shiro meets Lance, and they hit it off immediately. Only to find out after they have sex that this amazingly sexy guy was a little too good to be true.

13- Blue Skies in Stockholm by Shanced [Explicit, non-con and Kuro]

Lance gets captured by Shiro (who was fused with Kuro by Haggar) and the rest is self indulgent kinky sex. Lance gets raped and wrecked by Shiro and develops Stockholm syndrome, or the likes of it, Shiro can apparently unfuse with Kuro and they have a really good time.

14- Treadmill by kitausu

At 2 minutes of torture in, Lance heard the buzz/click noise of someone’s electronic key activating and opening the door to the gym. And of course, because this was Lance’s life, Hunk had pushed him onto a treadmill with a mirror right in front, affording him an absolutely stunning view of the man walking through the door.

Had Lance loved till now? He was pretty sure that he had never even felt an emotion before seeing the beautiful male specimen reflected beside his face in the mirror.

or, Lance waxes poetic about Shiro's everything, and Hunk set it all up in the first place.

15- Black & Blue & Red All Over by thesynapticsnap

When Lance shows up to the gym with a limp and covered in bruises, Shiro assumes the worst (spoiler: It’s nothing bad! Nor anything kinky, surprisingly).

16- Car Door Blues by ShiekahKami

Shiro never would have expected that accidentally knocking that cute guy out could change his life for the better.

17- Give It a Shance by YonaDawn [in process]

The domestic life of Shance. At least until they become Twitter and Youtube famous. Then it's a wild domestic life.

18- Bowling for Balls? by EllaAniMine

They were just supposed to be bowling... It was harmless fun, or it was supposed to be.

Lance thought he was being funny, but a message that was supposed to be a joke was sent, and now Lance isn't laughing.

19- llévame si quieres by kalakauuas

Shiro takes his dogs to the park and meets the world’s cutest uncle and his niece.

"Lance and his little niece, petting Shiro’s dog, looking soft and serene; it’s like nothing could ever be truly wrong in the world if this is able to happen. What Shiro wouldn’t give to have this sight in front of him over and over again. He scratches Sirius behind the ears, and gets a reassuring lick in return as an act of solidarity. You’ve got this. Man’s best friend, for real."

20- (Mg,Fe2+)2(Mg,Fe2+)5Si8O22(OH)2 by starboyshiro

Lance and Shiro decided to expand their little family and adopt a dog. What they name him is rather questionable.

21- You're Worth More by AbandonedLibrary

Lance wanted to prove his pod his worth after that jackass rolo came in with black pearls in hand.

As the pearl expert in the group he needed to keep his name sake.

Though... Lance learned there are things worth more than pretty pearls.

22- Curiosity Caught a Cat by c0cunt

Shiro has been distancing himself from his friends and family for a long time. All he really has now is Matt's cat, Zekrom. At least, until a man crashes into his balcony to pet his cat.

23- Head Over Heels by saecchii [Kemonomimi and Explicit]

Shiro gains a new roommate, who he is absolutely smitten with.

24- Stray Cats by kitausu

Lance is really enamored with the cute guy who keeps coming into his pet store and buying WAY too much cat food.

or, Shiro moves into a new apartment and sees how many strays there are in the parking lot and just HAS to feed them.

25- Kiss the Bees by kitausu

Lance is smitten with the beekeeper next door.

26- BlueVoice by kitausu [Explicit]

Lance runs a relatively popular voice RP blog and one day hears his own voice coming out of the headphones of the really hot guy next to him at the gym.

27- Change of Plans by kitausu

When Shiro is left at the alter, he decides to go on his honeymoon alone. Enter Lance, the man Shiro had hired to take him and his would-be bride on a month long tour of Europe.

28- To The Grooms by AChapterCanBeABook

There is no better way to celebrate the best day of your life than reminiscing with the people who you love the most and who have been with you through nearly every step in your life. Let's not forget a little bit of embarrassment which goes along with best men speeches, especially if your best man is your brother and the other best man is his accomplice in this whole thing. nevertheless, it doesn't fail in livening up a wedding as well as making in just that much more sentimental.

29- Tell the Truth by thesynapticsnap

Lance is bitten by a 'love bug', turning him into a blushing, stammering mess around his crush- Shiro. Shiro helps him deal with the negative side effects, learning more about Lance's crush and considering his own feelings as they talk.

30- Guess Again by thesynapticsnap

Keith confronts Lance about something he witnessed during a team mind-melding exercise…too bad he’s got the wrong culprit.

31- Smooth by thesynapticsnap

Lance’s first meeting with Shiro doesn’t go as planned – it turns out so much better than he expected.

32- Blind Date by kitausu

“What’s the crisis? I thought you had a blind date? Didn’t go well?”

Lance wailed, collapsing into the couch with a dramatic sigh.

“Yesss, Hunk. He’s too handsome. He’s just so hot. You would not believe what he did to me. I still can’t believe it.”

or, Lance goes on a blind date and can't handle how hot Shiro is.

33- SandMan by Might_suck_but_thats_ok

Shiro goes on a blind date with Lance.

34- Lucky by zombiegardener

Shiro accidentally tells Keith that he's dating one of his frenemies from high school over a Saturday morning phone call, because how is this his life?

35- Boundaries by zombiegardener

It's really hard to keep a relationship secret when you're making out in the middle of a hallway.

36- beauty queen on the silver screen (living life like i'm in a dream) by heavenlyrare

What do you give to someone who already holds the world in their palms?

The sweaters Shiro’s mom knits him every Christmas actually serves a greater purpose for once.

37- Text Me by strawberrylovely

Shiro, trying to get away from two girls who won't stop flirting with him, sits down next to a stranger who he pretends is his boyfriend. The stranger, who has pretty blue eyes, goes along with it.

38- Undateable by strawberrylovely

Lance just wishes someone would date him. Shiro offers to do just that.

39- Black Friday by strawberrylovely

Lance is gonna get that stand mixer. Unless of course a handsome stranger gets to it first.

40- Midnight Tradition by strawberrylovely

Lance goes to a New Years party and meets a guy named Shiro. They may be strangers, but they kiss at midnight anyway. After the party, Lance doesn’t think he’ll ever see Shiro again. That is until the next New Years party when the two meet again and a tradition starts.

Parts 1 / 2 / 3

#vld #voltron #shance #fic rec #lance mcclain #takashi shirogane #shiro/lance #vld kuron #vld kuro

580 notes · View notes

stanleyurris · 5 years ago

Text

i woulda followed all the way to the graveyard

“Oh, thank God.” Is the first thing Adrian hears when he wakes up, a hand wrapped tightly around his own. He looks over, the best he can through his hurting eyes, and he sees his boyfriend smiling, and he squeezes his hand, gripping it harder. “I was worried you wouldn’t wake up, and the doctors said that might be a possibility, and I couldn’t stop worrying, and-”

“Hey, I'm fine now, aren’t I?” He says in a raspy voice, coughing as soon as he finishes his sentence. Don nods, standing up suddenly to hug him, hands wrapped tight around his shoulders. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I thought I lost you.” Don speaks, voice shaking, and Adrian wraps his own arms around him, wires be damned. “You weren’t breathing, as soon as they saw you weren’t breathing they ran, and I had to do CPR, and they were almost too late when I called 911, and-and I thought-”

“You don’t have to think of that anymore, Don.” He says, and Don nods against him, shoulders shaking. “I’m okay. I’m fine. I’ll survive, and as soon as we can, we can leave this shithole and move to New York, or Hawkins, or some random ass town no one knows about. Anywhere that isn’t here, alright?”

“Alright.”

Don pulls back and wipes at his eyes, and his mouth opens to speak again, when a nurse walks into the room, smiling warmly at Adrian when she sees he’s awake.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Mellon?” She asks, walking over to check his vitals.

“As good as I can, miss.” He gives a small smile, and she seems to accept that as the best answer, coming over to pull up his cover.

“Do you feel any pain? If you need us to, we can give you more medicine.”

He shakes his head, I can’t afford that, and thanks her. She just smiles at him and moves to leave, but before she reaches the door, she turns back around.

“I almost forgot! You don’t have to worry about your bill anymore, Mr. Mellon. Three kind gentlemen already paid for it.” She smiles, and he frowns, confused.

“Who?”

“Oh, I’m not really supposed to say, but I guess they won’t really care. Richie Tozier, Ben Hanscom, and Bill Denbrough all paid off your bill. They wouldn’t stop harassing us until we finally let them pay it off.” She says, smiling, and she leaves the room, like she didn’t just say something that affects him more than she knows.

“Oh my God, Adrian.” Don says, and Adrian turns to look at his boyfriend, and he’s smiling so hard. “Famous people just paid your bill. Oh my God, they’re in Derry. Derry.”

“Holy fuck.” He mumbles, and he’s confused, so very confused, why did three celebrities decide to pay his bill out of everyone, but he’s smiling so wide and his face hurts so much.

“Adrian, you’re so incredibly lucky.” Don breathes out, and he nods, reaching out to hold his hand. He grips him, tightly, and he closes his eyes, relaxing back. “I love you.”

“I love you too, D.” He replies, and he's never said those words in that order, but it feels so incredibly easy to say, and he decides, in that moment, he won’t mind saying them again.

He gets released Friday, a week and a day after the attack happened. He’s still in shock from everything that happened, and there’s scars from what happened, but it’s fine now. He does, though, wish he had a chance to thank the three for paying off his bill, but he won’t ever have a chance, so it doesn't matter now.

All that matters is what he sees on his phone.

Richie Tozier

@trashmouth

I have two things to announce to everyone, and this isn’t a joke. I need you to know that this isn’t a joke tweet.

None of my jokes have been written by me, all of them are written by other people.

I’m bisexual, and I’ve been in love with a man for 27 years.

He’s surprised, and for the first time, he wonders if the fact he got beat up by being gay is what made Richie Tozier, best stand-up comedian out there, choose to pay his bill. Not the lady that broke her hip. Not the boy who broke his arm. Him.

He feels happy and sad at the same time, and he can't tell which one is right.

So he leaves his house, and he walks down the street, not thinking of anything. He doesn’t think about the homophobes in the town, or the fact that he doesn’t have anybody he can call his own family, and certainly not the fact that he doesn’t have anyone he can call on in this shitty town, other than Don.

Not thinking about any of that stuff.

He doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going, and soon enough, he finds himself at the kissing bridge. It’s empty, and he’s very glad it is, because it means he gets the freedom to go over to do his carving, and no one can bother him over it, but as soon as he gets to the spot, he hears an engine running. He freezes, and he wants to run, but a car pulls up and stops before he can leave, and he’s shocked again, because Richie Tozier climbs out of the car.

“Oh, sorry, did I interrupt something?” The man asks, and he sounds worried, and Adrian shakes his head, because he didn’t, really. All he was going to do was carve him and Don’s initials, anyways.

“No, you didn’t interrupt anything.” He says, softly, and Richie nods, coming over to him.

“Can I still apologize, though? I feel like I interrupted something, still.” Adrian shrugs, and the two stay silent, staring at all the names carved into the bridge.

“I’m Richie.” The man speaks a minute later, and Adrian turns to look at him. “What’s your name?”

“Adrian. Adrian Mellon.” He shoves his hands into his pockets and turns to look back at the wood, and he tries to ignore Richie staring at him.

“Are you okay?” He finally asks a moment later, and Adrian shrugs. “I heard what happened, and I want to know if you’re okay.”

“I will be, eventually. Once I get out of this shitty town.”

“Good. Everything’s better when you get out of this hell-hole.” Richie says, and Adrian nods, finally turning to look at the man when a thought crosses his mind.

“How did you find out what happened to me?�� He asks, and Richie rubs his hand on the back of his neck, looking embarrassed.

“It might’ve been because me and my friends passed by the people that beat you up and beat them up until they told us what they did?” Adrian’s mouth drops, and Richie laughs nervously when he sees the sight. “I know, I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I just fucking hate homophobes, and my friends really hate them too.”

“Thank you, I guess?” He says after a couple seconds, glancing away, nervously twisting the ends of his jacket. “And thank you for paying my bill.”

“You’re welcome. It wasn’t a problem; Bill and Ben didn’t hesitate to help pay it. They wanted to pay for it all on their own, and we all fought for a couple minutes on which one would do it, until Beverly and Eddie finally had a solution.” He laughs, wiping a tear from his eye, and Adrian acts like he doesn’t notice it, knowing he would want someone to do the same.

“Can you thank them for me? You and them, literally changed my life with that decision, and I want them to know how much that means to me.” He asks, and when Richie nods, he feels so relieved. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” He pauses, and he tries to think on how he can say it any other way, but there isn’t, so the best he can say is “Can I hug you?” while watching Richie’s reaction.

Richie looks shocked for a second, but he smiles, stepping forward, and he hugs Adrian, as the answer to the question. Adrian only comes up to his shoulders, and it shouldn’t make Adrian as happy as he is, but also holy fuck he’s hugging his role model right now holy fuck.

“This is amazing.” He says into his chest, and he feels, rather than hears, Richie chuckle at that.

A few moments later, he finally pulls away, and he looks down. “Thank you, again. For everything.”

“It’s not a problem. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Richie smiles down at him, and Adrian feels happy inside. “Do you want my number, so we can talk later?”

“Yeah, but I want to make sure, it’s not for you to try and fuck me, is it?” He asks, and Richie laughs at that, shaking his head already.

“No, no, I’m not trying to fuck you. I just want to be your friend.”

“Okay.” Adrian says at that, and he holds his hand out, Richie’s phone dropping into it a few seconds later. He finds contacts easily, and he’s finished typing his name and handing it back when he sees the name Eddie with a heart beside it. “Who’s Eddie?”

Richie freezes beside him, and when he turns to look at him, a couple of tears are coming down his face, and he slightly panics, thinking he did something wrong.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Adrian says, turning towards him,a nd his eyes are wade and his hands are moving everywhere, trying to think of something to say, something to do, but before he can get another word out, Richie speaks, voice low.

“He was my best friend.” He gets out, and he grips his phone tightly, as if he’ll lose it if he doesn’t. “He was the one the tweet was about.”

“The man you’ve been in love with for 20-something years?” He says, and he doesn’t speak loudly, for all the world can hear. He speaks quietly, this conversation just between the two of them, standing in front of the Kissing Bridge.

“Yeah. God, yeah.” Richie breathes deeply, pressing a hand to his eyes. “He was the man I’ve been in love with for 27 years, longer than that, even, and I never got to even tell him that. I never got to tell him that I loved him, because he got killed by the stupid fucking clown that killed my best friend’s little brother.”

“Did... did the clown have orange hair and white skin?” He asks, the image popping into his head, because that’s what he saw the night he almost died, it was in the bushes, and it would’ve gotten him if the ambulances hadn’t shown up.

Richie’s fallen silent at that, and he shoves his phone in his pocket, looking at Adrian.

“How did you know?” He asks, and Adrian looks down at the ground.

“He was one of the bullies that attacked me, and he transformed on the edge of the bridge, in the bushes, like he wanted to leap out and grab me and eat me whole, and I-I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that face.” His breath hitches, and he pulls out his inhaler, shaking it and holding it to his lips quickly, pressing down. He breathes in, deeply, sighing as soon as he has enough air in his lungs.

“God, I’m so sorry.” Richie says, and Adrian shrugs.

“You couldn’t have stopped it.”

“Oh, trust me, I could’ve. Thank god you weren’t the first victim. Or any victim, for that matter.”

“Wh-what do you mean victim?” He asks, and he’s suddenly cold, even though the sun’s shining and it’s over 80 degrees out.

“Shit, you don’t know.” Richie says, and when he sits on the sidewalk, Adrian follows, sitting in front of him.

“So, you saw the clown, right? He has orange hair, white skin, and a fucking outfit from like the 1800’s. He’s, uh, he’s been terrorizing this town since before your grandparents were even thought of. Before your great-great-grandparents were even thought of. He’s been here for like, thousands of years, terrorizing locals every 27 years, eating some kids and I guess he occasionally wanted to eat adults, unless he mistook them for 16-year-olds, like I did with you. So, he wakes up every 27 years, and he goes up to the surface, and he gets kids he wants to eat, he chooses them, and then he takes them, away from their place, and he eats them. He always tricks them, using things they like, and when they trust him, he just eats them.

“That’s how… that’s how we think he got my best friend’s brother, Georgie. Because Bill didn’t feel like going out, so Georgie went out when it was raining, with his paper boat, and he never returned, and they found his blood at the drain, with torn paper, and we think he just tricked him. Just like he did it with the other kids. He took Betty, and we found her shoe in the drain, and then later, in-in the Neibolt house, me and Bill, uh, saw her. We saw her get dragged backwards, and then It tricked me into a room, using Eddie, where I saw my fear, and he almost got me, reaching out. But Bill got the door open and we were in the room we saw Betty in, and a form of Eddie was in the mattress, and when we turned around, there were three, uh, doors.

“One said Very Scary, one just said Scary, and the last one said Not Scary At All, and since we were dumb, we just choose Not Scary At All. And it’s quiet, right? Then we hear the voice of a girl, saying something about her shoes, and I reach up and turn on the light, and her hands were strapped to the top of the closet, and her body was just hanging, and she didn’t have anything below her wait, and we could see her guts, the blood dripping, and she just screamed at us, and we yelled and slammed the door shut, and I started to freak out, and Bill calmed me down, and told that it wasn’t real.

“I believed him, and we open the door, and we hear Eddie screaming, and we run, and we find the room, and It’s leaning over him, glaring at us, and I guess he heard Bill, because he starts talking, doing a sad voice, saying something like ‘Is this not real enough for you?’ and then he tells him, uh, that it was real enough for Georgie, and he charges at us, and we just cowered, but our badass friend Beverly slammed a pole into his head, and he stops, and we move around him and scramble over to Eddie, and he hurts our friend Ben, and he almost comes at us, but he slinks down to the basement and disappears down a well, and I set, uh, Eddie’s arm, uh, and then we leave as fast as our bikes will fucking taking us, uh, and we take Eddie to his mom, and she calls Beverly a slut and insults us, and then she leaves with Eddie.

“And then we fight. Not really, but me and Bill throw a couple punches and he gets me in the face, and for a couple weeks, I don’t talk to him and I go to my other best friend Stan’s Bar Mitzvah, and he curses and I help him, and then I go to the arcade and Bill comes and tells me Beverly got taken, and we all go to save her, and we almost die in the process and Bill almost lets himself get taken by It, but I pull out a bat and slam it into his face, and then we all jump forward and beat the shit out of him, and he disappears, and we thought he had died. He didn’t, though, but we made a promise that if he ever came back, we would come back too.

“And then we, uh, we mostly did.”

“What do you mean, mostly?” Adrian asks quietly, and the sounds of nature fill the silence as Richie stares at the wood, his hands playing with the knife he pulled out of his pocket.

“You know how I went to my friend Stan’s Bar Mitzvah?” Adrian nods, and Richie sighs, staring down. “He killed himself. He killed himself, because the stupid fucker thought that if all seven of us went, we would all die. So he killed himself so we could all survive, and he knew of my feelings for Eddie, and he thought we would be happy together, but I guess he didn’t even think that Eddie would die too.” He wipes his eyes, and if his voice shakes again when he speaks, then Adrian doesn’t say a word about it.

“It started killing again the day you got attacked, because he went and he killed someone else, and that’s how Mike knew he was back, because he went down and he saw a message written in blood, and he called all of us, and we came. And then we saw a message It sent for us, and we cried and we fought and we got things from our past, we performed this ritual, but it didn’t fucking work, and we had to run and face fears and I had to stare into, these, these fucking deadlights and I saw Eddie die right in front of me and the Eddie threw a rod at It and I dropped, and I stared up at him, because I just saw him dead, and he was so happy, because he was saying he killed him, and a claw just came through his chest, and his blood sprayed all over him, and he fucking took him away.

“I got to him, and the other’s were fighting It, shrinking him, but I wrapped my jacket around him and said I would be back soon, and I helped kill It, but when I came back, Eddie was dead. I d-didn’t even get to take his body back up, because everything was collapsing, and when we got up and out the house, everything collapsed, and they had to hold me back because in those hours, I would’ve died with Eddie. And we went back to our special place, and we all cried, and now the other’s are still at the hotel, waiting for me to return.”

Richie’s turned away, and Adrian’s crying, but he doesn’t wipe them away, and he’s instead looking at Richie, and he feels so sad for him.

“I’m sorry, that all of that happened to you.” Is all he manages, and it isn’t even a lot, but it’s enough for Richie, who turns to him and smiles through the crying.

“Thanks.” Is what he says, and he walks to his car, and he stands by the door for a moment. “If you ever need me, just text me, alright? I just cried out that entire story to you, and you didn’t act like you wanted me to hurry up. You just listened, and if you ever need something like that with me, just text, call, whatever, alright? If someone beats you up, or you need me to pick you up, text me. I don’t care if you think you’ll be interrupting me, just do it.”

“O-okay, I will.” Adrian says, and Richie climbs into his car and drives off, and when he looks back at the blank spot of wood on the bridge, he realizes he feels better than when he first started walking there.

He pulls out the knife, and he kneels in front of the wood, and he brings his knife up.

#adrian mellon #don hagarty #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #stanley uris #stan uris #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #georgie denbrough #adrian didn't die?? what movie did yall see #could have a part two #it chapter two #it 2019 #it 2017

41 notes · View notes

angelcatsiel · 5 years ago

Text

I reblogged an ask game thing the other day but no one sent any asks so I just fuckin answered them all because I was bored and I am learning to not give a fuck what anyone thinks of me and it was fun

1. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself?

This is a hard one. I want to think of a funny one but my childhood wasn’t great. My dad has told me that when I was a toddler, before I can remember, he used to play AC/DC and I used to put clothes pegs in my hair for some unknown reason, stand on the sofa and violently headbang.

2. What is the stupidest way you have ever gotten hurt?

When I was about 11, I was swinging on a swing in the garden, and got curious about what would happen if I put my hands right at the very bottom of the chains while I was swinging. The answer was that I fell off backwards and hit my head. I went in to my dad crying, calmed down, and went back on the swing again. I tried to work out what exactly I had done to cause myself to fall off. I remember thinking, I think I held the chains near the bottom like this... and tested the theory, and fell off again, and hit my head again.

This is one of many stupid injuries. Other considerations were the time I climbed up a slide and hit my head on the bar at the top and knocked myself out, or the time I got kicked by a horse in a field and grabbed onto the electric fence to hold myself up.

3. What was the first PG-13 movie you watched?

Literally no idea.

4. What was the first R rated movie you watched?

I think it may have been the first Deadpool? Haven’t seen that many tbh

5. When was the moment you felt most badass?

When I was about 8, I was at the park with my brother, and this much older kid (maybe about 16 or 17, hardly a kid) with an aggressive dog stole my brother’s ice cream money. I marched up to him and demanded he give it back. He let his dog off the lead and it sniffed around my ankles and growled, and he told me it would bite me if I ran. I stood there and stared him down for a good 20 seconds or so before he called back the dog and walked away. I didn’t get the money back.

6. What is a band you can reliably always love?

Marillion. Favourite band, always.

7. What is your favorite form of self expression?

Probably singing even though I’m very bad at it.

8. What is something from your childhood you wish you still had?

My stuffed rabbit Hoppy. I haven’t been able to find him in several years. Can’t think about it too hard or I’ll cry.

9. Where is your favorite place on earth?

The Isle of Wight. My dad used to take me and my brother there for holidays every few years. It’s beautiful and full of memories, the most precious memories being the time we saved up vouchers in the newspaper to go the year after my dad left his abusive wife and ended up homeless. We were so poor but with the vouchers we could just afford to go, and it was the first time I saw my dad happy in a long time.

10. What is the longest friendship you have ever had?

My best friend @van-helsa124 who I have known since literally nursery and I love her so much.

11. Is there anyone is your life you wish you had met sooner than you did?

Maybe my friend Luce who I only met a couple of years ago, but we’ve grown close pretty quick.

12. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yep definitely. Pretty sure I was visited by my gran after she died and I’ve had a few creepy experiences.

13. What is the coldest water you have ever swam in?

No idea tbh, I don’t swim much

14. How old were you when you learned how to swim?

Maybe 8 or 9? I had lessons in primary school.

15. What song do you listen to when you’re sad?

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift. It’s my cry song.

16. Are you an adrenaline junky?

Yep! Love roller coasters and stuff like that, and would love to do something extreme like jump out of a plane or something.

17. What is a song that takes you back to childhood?

I have a few but the main ones are probably Man on the Moon by REM, and You Were Right by Badly Drawn Boy.

18. What is your favorite word?

Not sure I have one. For some reason the only one coming to mind is a place not too far from where my family live called Biggleswade, and I have to say it every time we drive past because I love saying it. I also love saying tiddies at every opportunity.

19. What is your least favorite word?

Don’t think I have a least favourite either, the usual infamous ones (e.g. moist) don’t really bother me.

20. What scent reminds you of childhood?

Cherryade. I drank some several years ago and the smell before I tasted it transported me immediately back to my childhood and a memory I’d completely forgotten, which was my gran constantly buying me a shit ton of cherryade every time I stayed over her house.

21. Were you sad when you found out clouds weren’t like pillows, or did you never think that?

I don’t think I was sad, I think I was just curious and interested to learn, and I tried to come up with new interesting ways of describing the feeling of clouds in my head, since even as a kid I loved to write.

22. When in life did you laugh the hardest?

A few times come to mind and they all involve @van-helsa124. A lot would make absolutely no sense, no matter how much I tried to explain. They’re now ‘friendship memes’. The only one that might be explainable is the first time we ever got drunk, to celebrate achieving ultimate friendship, after we found out that her mum had believed me and her were in a relationship for a year and a half. We even created our own drink, named the year and a half, which was literally just a mix of vodka, koppaberg, rose wine and cloudy lemonade. Tasted better than it sounds. Got me drunk in about 0.5 seconds. Ended the night hugging her trash can trying not to throw up while she read me a destiel fanfic to take my mind off feeling sick

23. What makes you laugh when you don’t feel like laughing?

Old yogscast videos.

24. Do you come from a big family?

Fairly big, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins.

25. What is your favorite part of yourself?

My positivity and the inner strength that I have, that helps me find happiness and courage even when my mental health is low.

26. What is the worst pain you have ever felt?

Trigeminal neuralgia pain (facial nerve pain). Spent 90% of January this year constantly crying and even screaming in pain. Hospital couldn’t do anything for me. I get occasional flare ups now but nothing that severe, but it’s probably going to come back. Feels like someone trying to rip out my cheekbone and jawbone or like someone is literally drilling into the bones in my face, and that’s the milder part. Every so often that pain is interrupted by stabs of sharper pain like electric shocks which have caused me to collapse to the floor screaming. 0/10 do not recommend

27. Do you swear often?

Not super often out loud but very often in my head.

28. Do you get confused for being older or younger than you are?

People always assume I’m younger than I am. I get asked for ID for everything.

29. What is your favorite way to eat a potato?

Probably roast potatoes, but they’ve gotta be done right. Soft inside, crispy outside, and obviously with herbs and spices.

30. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

Honestly no idea.

31. Describe yourself in 6 words?

Slightly unstable yet somehow happy weirdo

32. What is the worst insult you have ever received?

Can’t think of any major insults either lmao no one talks to me apparently

33. Have you ever taken in any media that changed your life?

The Good Place and Supernatural. With supernatural it wasn’t the actual show so much as the friendships it made me and the confidence and happiness the conventions gave me, at a time when my mental health was at its worst, although the show helped massively too. Idc if it’s cringey, it kept me alive. The Good Place changed my entire worldview and actually made me less afraid of death.

34. Have you ever collected anything?

My model horses! I have at least 10 at this point

35. Strangest thing you have ever broken?

As in bones or objects? Can’t think of any objects and the only time I ever broke a bone was when I broke my toe at like 12:01am on new year’s day when I got up to pour myself another drink and tripped over the table

36. Weirdest food you have ever eaten?

I’m not that adventurous with food so nothing that weird

37. Childhood nickname?

My dad would call me Flo. Not sure why.

38. Most people you have shared a bed with in a non sexual manner?

Two. Shared a bed with my best friend and my other friend Josh, once at a convention, once at Josh’s birthday. Birthday one is a bit blurry as I was drunk but at the convention I got to be in the middle and spooned Josh while my best friend spooned me and it was very cosy

39. What is something that makes you fall asleep?

The Marillion song Angelina, or this one ASMR video that’s supposed to be the sound of being in the Impala with the Winchesters. Laugh all you want, I like it.

40. Did your parents ever accidentally lose or forget you?

No but my teacher did once, can’t remember the context, I think she had to drive me and some other girls somewhere for some club event and when we got back to the school she forgot me in the car because I was so quiet lmao

41. If you were a superhero what would your weakness be?

I would be a terrible superhero and have many weaknesses. Loud noises would immediately put me out of action. Someone makes eye contact with me and I disintegrate immediately

42. What food reminds you of home?

Tuna pasta! With this one specific sauce that my mum used to make it with

43. What is your comfort food?

Probably also that tuna pasta. And chocolate. A shit ton of chocolate.

44. Cold room with lots of blankets or hot room with no blankets?

Cold room with lots of blankets, no question.

45. No shoes without socks or no shoes with socks?

No shoes without socks

46. Do you run hot your cold?

I am presuming this means ‘do you run hot or cold’ and the answer is, usually, both simultaneously. My body has no idea what temperature regulation is. Catch me out for a walk in short sleeves in the snow, sweating profusely while violently shivering bc I’m feeling extremely hot internally but my skin is freezing (and yes, I have actually done this). Do I have some sort of legit medical issue? No one knows, least of all my doctors!

47. Favorite condiment?

Probably ketchup. Though I also love garlic dip. Does that count as a condiment?

48. What utensil do you use the most?

Probably my tongs for turning chicken and stuff

49. When are you most comfortable?

Any time I’m home alone, just doing my own thing

50. If you could be really good at one thing, what would it be?

Singing! I would love to be an amazing singer but sadly I am a terrible singer though I do practice every day in the vain hope that maybe my voice will improve. If the neighbours could hear me they would have killed me by now

#personal

2 notes · View notes

cadeeelewis-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Cade Lewis Opinion Series Fish Burton November 25th, 2019 “Are Electric Vehicles Really Environmentally Friendly?” Energuide, https://www.energuide.be/en/questions-answers/are-electric-vehiclesreally-environmentally-friendly/197/.

I’m here today as a young person about the age of 21, looking to share my opinion with those of the older generation. I want to speak to those who are over 65 years old. I have been searching for a way to convince myself to buy an electric car, but I cannot seem to get past one thing. And that is, that electric cars are not what they say they are. I stand with you today in the old fashion ways. Since I grew up on a farm and drove an old 86 Chevy, I am used to the ways of the past.

Growing up, I have always felt like I need to stick to my traditions simply because my parents taught me that way. In a sense, it is all I know. But, as I went through high school I realized that not only the world but the technology in the world has increased greatly. I feel that everybody now has those crazy iPhones that everyone’s been talking about. I want to give in, I really do, but I can’t seem to bring myself to spend that much money on something so small.

But, eventually my friends convinced me and I caved in. I bought an iPhone, and it changed my life! I was able to get on the “Internet“, And I was able to search for anything that I wanted to. It especially helped with my assignments in school, and it made it so that I could get those assignments done quickly and more effectively. But as I look at the opinion of an electric car, I feel that they are not exactly what they say they are. At first I was very open to the idea because of what my friends had said about them, but it is just not true. They told me that if I bought an electric car, That I would be going green and I would never have to pay any more money on gas.

They said electric cars were so green that they wouldn’t affect the environment at all. They would be able to save the fossil fuel and make the world a better place. But, as I did a little research I realized that the energy from charging the electric car does not come from thin air. I realized, that the energy they used to charge electric cars is coming from power plants. And all you people know that our dang cities power plants run on coal. So my question to you, is how are they going to tell the public with their own mouth that electric cars are 100% environmentally friendly. They just can’t.

And so this is why I’ve come to the conclusion that electric cars are not only similar to gas vehicles, but there is a white lie and what the companies such as Tesla are telling us in the world today.

Biswas, Asit K., and Cecilia Tortajada. “Electric Vehicles Are Changing the World. And They're Only Just Getting Started.” The Conversation, 27 Oct. 2019, http://theconversation.com/electric-vehicles-are-changingthe-world-and-theyre-only-just-getting-started-90402

I stand here today to speak to those who reign in the 1900s. First and foremost, I would like to appreciate and acknowledge everything that you have done and contributed to our society. I have built a time traveling machine that will transport letters back-and-forth between time periods. I am sending you a message to tell you about the future of the world. I speak to you because I feel like this is important for you to understand, and this may help the world to progress a little faster than we are currently.

The topic that I would like to speak on is electric cars. I know that to you this might sound crazy because all you have ever known is horses and wagons, but there is a type of moving object that is made of metal that has wheels that look like circles, and it helps us to get around. These metal moving objects can move as fast as the speed of a train and even faster. They are about the size of a seven foot man. I know this still isn’t making sense, but bear with me.

These metal moving objects have engines just like a coal train or a steam train and these engines are a lot smaller. But, in our world, they have made something called an electric car that runs on a battery. Basically, what a battery does is it holds a charge and you can plug it into something and it will power that something for a little bit of time. If only you could see it in person, your mind would be blown and you wouldn’t even believe it.

And electric car is the future of the world and there is a man named Elon Musk who is the leader of these electric cars. What we do is we plug these cars into a wall with a cord and it charges the car. Then, we unplug the cord and we can drive the electric car around. But unlike a coal train, these electric cars are very, very quiet.

And what electric cars have done for our world is revolutionary. I am going to send more information about these electric cars and I’m going to send blueprints so you can build one for yourself. I wish you the best of luck, and God bless America.

CatClifford. “Elon Musk: Tesla's Work '.Supersedes Political Parties, Race, Creed, Religion'.” CNBC, CNBC, 6 Nov. 2018, https:// www.cnbc.com/2018/11/05/elon-musk-teslas-work-is-important-to-thefuture-of-the-world.html.

Good Morning Mr. musk, You don’t know me and you probably will never know me, but I am sending you this letter in regards to our current situation. You may never even read this letter, but I hope that if you do it will be easy on the ears and you will have a soft heart and figure out someway to help us. I am a middle-aged man and my name is Steven. I come from a poor family and I grew up in Georgia.

We had a peach farm there but we never made very much money. Growing up I never got an allowance, nor did I ever have very much toys or anything to play with. My wife and I got married about a year ago and we have been saving up all our life for a car. Believe it or not, I have been a fan of your work since childhood. I have always loved inventions, especially batteries. I have longed for the day that I could buy an electric car, but that day has not come.

I remember when you released the first Tesla roadster that was $130,000. I thought in my mind that I would never ever in my whole life, be able to afford or buy a Tesla, but I always dreamt of the thought of it. I remember one day in college when you had first released the Tesla model three that went for $35,000.

I couldn’t even believe my eyes. I was so close, yet so far away from owning my very own Tesla. What I’m asking is not gonna be easy, and to be honest it might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But I would like you to invent a Tesla that is under $20,000. I want you to invent something that is simple yet effective.

Something that the average person, even someone in the lower class can afford and love. I know that you can do it because you have done everything that I have dreamed of and more. I know that it is possible, and I look forward to the day that I can buy a Tesla for myself. I hope that you will take this message into consideration. Until next time, Steven.

2 notes · View notes

desdemonafictional · 5 years ago

Text

27 Club

Original fiction

short story (rough draft)

zombies/disturbing imagery

The guard at the gate was wearing sunglasses. It was ten o’clock at night.

“Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all, “it’s at capacity. No more tickets.”

“Lynda’s my ride home,” Althea said. Her nose ring flashed as her nostrils flared. “She can’t just go now! I’ve got work in the morning!”

“Please,” Lynda said. She was wearing one of the four identical Fight Club t-shirts she’d bought from the sales rack at the Wal-Mart and chopped up in a series of miniscule different ways in search of some kind of post-corporate statement. This was the one that Althea had made: the most daring cut and the clumsiest stitches. “I’ll just hang out at the merch table, I promise.”

The venue was out at the edge of town, a long way from either of their homes. They had been over at Craig’s house, talking about the scene lately, when Althea casually unfolded the letter of invitation she had received the night before from a friend of a friend down at the club, resplendent with one small, free ticket. In strange old-fashioned type it listed the times and the location of the venue, and Althea, by name. They passed the paper around and around, but nobody seemed to know who had booked the stadium out at the edge of town. Kent Kinley, who had been drinking Sierra Mist and vodka at the back table, knew almost every single band that passed through, even the dad-rock ones, and he had no idea who or what the performers were.

“It’s probably Reignstorm’s side project,” Althea said. She leaned forward, cleavage flashing under her tank top. “Mcleod’s been awfully cagey the last couple times I’ve talked to him.”

“I don’t think so, Thea,” Kent had said. “He can barely fill a venue downtown, and the stadium is big.”

Lynda watched Althea consider a series of propositions with the careful poise of a judge presiding over a courtroom, egging the argument on each time it threatened to die down again, and she had thought: this is something Althea likes. And then, as if someone else had opened up her mouth and spoken out of it, she had said: “If you want to check it out, I’ll drive you.”

The look on Althea’s face as her attention finally fell on Lynda—delight, calculation, shrewd interest—made Lynda feel ten years old again, holding out the glittering creature she’d snared to the pretty girl on the swing set whose brown curls flashed gold in the sunshine. The Althea of that distant playground and the Althea of this queenly basement court never seemed so much the same as that moment. Her heart fluttered like a butterfly in her child hands.

Just like it always had been, by the time Lynda realized what she’d done, it was too late to back out.

So here they were, just the two of them together again for the first time in almost a decade, as Althea gradually got more and more bent out of shape yelling at the bouncer. Lynda hung back, unconsciously hovering just outside of the splash zone. At the gate there were posters for old country singers and some pop star’s reunion tour, but nothing with tonight’s dates, and nothing that seemed to match the sound coming over the wall. From the moment she’d stepped out of the car it had seemed to clutch at her, a bass thump that rattled the pebbles on the sidewalk, a rhythm like it was running to catch up with itself and tripping forward into terror.

She jumped as Althea grabbed her hand, startled by the sudden touch and unnerved by the darkness. “Fine!” Althea said, “the band sounds shitty anyway!”

Lynda trotted after her, trying to keep up, until they were well out of sight of the bouncer or the gate. The sound of something like a violin gasped over the top of the wall, setting Lynda’s teeth on edge. It seemed to keen, more like a wounded animal than an instrument.

Althea skidded to a stop. “Okay,” she said, “stand next to the wall. Back up to it.”

Lynda slowly scooted towards the wall, until Althea impatiently pushed her flat against it and pushed a finger into the concrete right at the top of her head. She glanced up from it like she was measuring. Her brown curls flashed green and gold in the street lights. “Shit. You’re not tall enough,” she said. “I won’t be able to pull you up after me.”

Lynda looked from the top of the wall to the marker-finger to Althea, who was scanning the sidewalk. She did not want to hop a fence, and she certainly did not want to get any closer to that keening whine on the other side of the wall, but it had been her idea to come out here and she couldn’t afford to back out now. She had no idea how she’d managed to pull off even this much. Althea had hardly said ten words to her in a month of Craig’s Friday night basement parties, despite how much she’d tried to make herself available for conversation. It had seemed like such mystic serendipity when Althea had first seen her shopping for shirts in the Wal-Mart, stepping out of the aisles like a ghost from a childhood dream. Grown up but still somehow the same as ever, in her winged eyeliner and shrewd eyes, she had paused at the sale rack and Lynda had said – “Althea? Is that you?”

That Althea had spoken to her, remembered her, and extended her casual invitation to basement Friday nights? Incredible enough. But that she had come back across town with Lynda, like it was the easiest thing in the world, to supervise the slicing and stitching of shirts? That whole day seemed unreal to her now. In the sunlight that poured through the carport, Althea had threaded a needle with her beautiful but clumsy hands, talking about music, making the air shine with her laughter. She held a shirt up to the light. Scissors flashed in her grip. For months, Lynda had been raking through the glitter and kohl, trying to find that Althea again.

What had she come here for if not to catch Althea’s attention? What was the point of any of this if she gave up what little gain she’d made now?

“What about the trash can?” Lynda said.

Althea peered down the curve of the wall and spotted the trash can, one of the vaguely coffin shaped kind with the ashtray on top. Teeth flashed under her shiny dark lips. “Alright,” she said. “Let’s try that.”

With the can tipped over on its side, Lynda was almost able to stand on it and touch the top of the wall. She boosted up Althea, who huffed and puffed and pulled herself up onto the flat top of the wall, and then pulled Lynda, who was lighter, up off the trash can after her. From the top of the wall the whole stadium was bathed in lavender light, pulsing and flashing. They lay there for a moment, panting into their elbows, as the whine of the music plunged right through them and dripped down onto the street on the other side. The stage was set with what looked like enormous crystals, maybe carved ice, jutting up into the light. Whoever was on stage was howling into a microphone, not without some melody but with—Lynda couldn’t think of a better way to say it—a brutal kind of mourning. Beside her, Althea sucked in a sudden breath.

“Son of a bitch,” Althea said, and the same time that a man’s voice from the other side of the wall called, “Hey, is somebody—”

“Jump,” Althea whispered, and then she vaulted down onto the grass, landing in a crouch.

Lynda broke out in a cold sweat, hesitating for a moment too long between two bad alternatives, thinking of her ankles and her ribs, and then finally rolled off after Althea just as the first beam of a flashlight passed through the darkness beside her. Her wrists screamed as they hit the ground. Her boots broke right through the soft turf.

“How are we going to get back out?” she wheezed.

Althea was already straightening up, brushing off her dirty hands on her jeans. “Same as everyone else,” she said. “Through the door.”

“But the bouncer—”

“We’ll just leave with the crowd. No problem.” She had turned her attention on the stage, to the howling performer, her eyes narrow with interest. “I feel like I recognize him,” she said. “Let’s get a closer look.”

Hadn’t the bouncer said the venue was full? The crowd seemed awfully small to Lynda, who had expected a production big enough to account for ice sculptures and a light show to attract at least a couple hundred. It seemed like it was just the enormous thrashing mosh pit, and whoever was up in that box they’d erected over it. She’d never seen anything like it. Opera houses she’d seen, sure, with viewing boxes. Actual sports stadiums too. But never anything quite like this.

“He kind of looks like Nathan,” Althea said. She was squinting down at the stage, trying to block the strobe lights with her hand. “You wouldn’t know Nathan, he stopped coming around before you got involved. Craig was sure he was about a year away from signing on with somebody, he had this killer EP he’d produced himself. Some of the guys think he just ditched us for the LA scene but I’m sure he didn’t, he wouldn’t have gone without saying anything—”

As they circled the hill above the mosh, Lynda looked down into the heaving crowd and drew her arms up around herself, unnerved and unhappy and unsure why. Something about the figures below felt wrong, like furniture in a familiar house all moved slightly to the left, like the way the legs of a spider move.

“He would have at least told me,” Althea said, “he never would have left without telling me.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be here,” Lynda whispered, dashing to catch up from where she’d lagged behind.

“Did you think we jumped the fence for our health?” Althea said. “Come on, there’s a space in front of that thing. We can get a good look from there.”

The spectator’s box glinted up at them, a pavilion of curtains and shadowy bodies mounted on strata just high enough to put it at the same height as the stage. It hovered over the sea of frothing bodies like a pirogue floating over the bayou.

“Indie artists are so flaky,” Althea muttered, “I don’t know what it is about them, one day they’re vaping into a paper bag in your parent’s basement and the next day they’re just gone! No calls, no texts, not so much as a hey thank you for the mix CD I really liked the folk metal.”

As the hill dipped down into the bottom of the stadium, a hundred upraised, grasping hands lay at Lynda’s feet. She watched them, blue and purple in the relentless alien light, pumping their fists in time to a catastrophic breakdown. Some of their fingers seemed mashed and flattened, boneless against the dark. Digits seemed to flop from their knuckles. Lynda did not want to go down into that mass.

“Must be a private event,” Althea said, still shading her eyes as she peered through the gloom to the pavilion. “Probably some bougie wanna-be rockers with cash to burn. What do you think would happen if I just walked right in there? I could probably jump from the edge of this hill. Do you think they’d notice?”

“Althea,” Lynda said, “I don’t like this. I think we should go.”

“Where are you gonna go?” Althea said. “Bouncer’s still out there.”

“Couldn’t we just,” Lynda said, “wait in the girl’s room until it’s over?”

“Yeah, that’s where I wanna spend my Friday night, in a trashed bathroom ten feet away from the actual show. Christ Lynda, it’s like fifth grade all over again. Well I’m not missing out on the party because you’re afraid of a ten dollar Target ouija board this time, so you can stay or you can make a break for it, but you’re on your own.”

Lynda rapidly blinked away any water her eyes before it could think of becoming tears. It was fine, it was nothing to cry about, it was just—Althea being Althea. She didn’t mean to be hurtful. It was just these new contact lenses irritating her eyes, that’s what she would say…

“That is Nathan!” Althea shouted, grabbing a fist full of Lynda’s shirt all at once and shaking her. “That rat! He got signed and he didn’t tell me!”

Lynda found herself being dragged forward by the collar, the hasty stitches down her sides popping and tearing against the force of it. As she stumbled down the hill, her feet seemed to touch the ground so little that it felt as if she was flying, or falling. They descended, hair whipping out behind them, and Lynda thought for a moment that she met the eye of someone inside the pavilion—for a crystalline moment, a pair of eyes almost glowing with the lights from the stage, narrowed on her. And then they were down in the pit, with the rest of the crowd, looking up at Nathan’s sunken face. It was hard to see what Althea found so interesting in him; his skin was drawn tight around his bones like paper around a frame, his knuckles clutching the microphone seemed like the segments of some sickly worm. Althea shrieked and waved up at him, doing her best to be heard over the deafening noise, but Lynda drew back from the stage.

There was no security in sight. Bodies bumped and thumped into each other, never quite crossing the invisible line between the front row and the bottom of the stage. There was no gate. As Lynda turned back to find someone in the crowd who might stop and explain it to her, she found herself face to face with a man caught in the frothing, wide-eyed throes of an overdose, his eyes fixed on the stage above as he was bounced from shoulder to shoulder in the fray. He never fell. He only continued to surge forward and stagger back, blue in the face and white at the lips, his eyes as glassy as a corpse’s, his hands reaching up, up—

Lynda tore out of Althea’s grip, almost clawing at the grass in her hurry to get up the hill again, like a child so frightened to climb the dark staircase that she went on all fours. She collapsed partway up, remembering Althea too late. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t go forward. She scrambled up onto her back and drew her knees up to her chest, watching the crowd thrash below her in numb dread. Who were they? What were they? In the flashing darkness she could just make out one jawless horror, skin blown back and glittering sticky with what had to be blood. At their head Althea was still shouting at the stage, jumping in time to the music as it coughed and howled. There was no rest for the band between melodies. They plunged forward without a pause for breath, or water, or tuning.

A persistent flash of motion at the edge of Lynda’s vision drew her finally away from the macabre scene before her. Inside the pavilion—now almost level with her again—a figure was beckoning her forward. They gestured to the gap between the hill and the banister, miming something like a leap across the gap. Their beautiful high cheekbones and darkly shadowed eyes could have been male or female or anything in-between, but their expression was like the sharp interest of a child watching an insect, fingers already green with the guts of previous playmates. Lynda looked from the stage, to Althea bobbing furiously in the ghastly crowd, and finally back to the pavilion. What had shaken Lynda down to her gut, Althea hadn’t even noticed. Right now, Lynda knew from dismal experience, she was a buzzing fly at the edge of Althea’s vision. Her eye was always fixed on the next big thing, and tonight that thing was Nathan. Maybe if Lynda knew something, maybe if Lynda could bring her something bigger and juicier than Nathan, she could lure Althea up away from that damn stage. What other option was there? Lynda climbed to her feet and, with a breath so deep her chest ached, took a running leap at the edge of the pavilion.

The edge of the banister punched the wind out of her chest. As she scrabbled to pull herself over, eyes watering, the beautiful stranger only watched with delight. Lynda slid to the floor of the pavilion, panting, and looked for the first time at the inside of the spectator’s box. There were maybe a dozen people lounging across the array of furniture, drinking something pale and bubbly from crystal flutes. The ones nearest her all watched surreptitiously from the corners of their eyes.

“Look at you,” said the one who had beckoned her over the gap, showing a set of pearly shark-tipped teeth. “I don’t believe you were invited to the show.”

Lynda pushed herself up, a hand on the banister. “Sorry,” she said, “it was Althea’s idea. Sorry. We didn’t realize it was a private event. Is this, like, somebody’s sweet sixteen?”

But even as she said it, she knew that couldn’t be right. What kind of birthday party was full of scores of dying metal heads? The stranger wore a jacket that was something like a military dress uniform, glinting with silver buttons, too sharp and clean to be entirely punk. They were all like that up here, sharp and clean and whole and strange, none of them a day over thirty or an hour under eighteen. One, with her long hair pulled back like shining raven’s wings, lifted her hand and took a drink from a passing tray without ever looking away from Lynda.

She swallowed. “I’m Lynda, with a ‘Y’,” she said, as she always did, face hot with embarrassment. She was aware that no amount of stylish ‘Y’s could make her name sound any less like an advertisement for mom-jeans. She knew that, and she still insisted on doing it, the same as she’d done since she’d first introduced herself to Althea a decade ago, lying to feel a little closer, a little cooler. The day they met, Althea had already been a kind of royalty, with her fairy tale name and her endless curls. A fifth grade lie she’d lived ever since. By the time Althea left, everything that had been Linda Dacule was lost in the world of the false “Y” forever.

“Hello, Lynda with a ‘Y’,” the stranger said. “You can call me Robin Goodfellow. What do you think of the show?”

She glanced back down at the pit, but only for a moment. She couldn’t bear to look for any longer. “What’s wrong with them?” she asked. “They should be in so much pain. Some of them look like they’d keel right over if everyone else stopped shoving them around.”

Robin leaned over the banister, flashing eyes fixed on the world below. “I think rock’n roll is immortal, don’t you?” they said. “It’s a religion. It’s got its pantheon of saints, its Kurt Cobains and its Janice Joplins. If you live fast and die young, you can go on forever. Your friend gets it.”

Lynda followed their gaze, trying to spot whatever they were looking at, but all she could make out was the 27CLUB emblazoned across the drum set on stage. She shifted uncomfortably against the banister. “I’m sorry?” she said.

“Your friend,” Robin said. “She’s one of those girls who’s going places. Maybe not everyone likes her, but she’s always welcome. She’s bright, but not too bright. When she walks into the room, everyone makes a little more room for her.”

“Uh,” Lynda said. “She’s always been like that.”

At the front of the crowd, Althea had stopped shouting for Nathan’s attention. Now her hands reached up, as if in supplication, and she surged with the same urgent need as the rest of the crowd. Standing where she was at the head of them all, it was almost as if they were following her, riding her tide against the unforgiving shore. Out of all of them, she was the only one perfectly whole, a queen among the legions.

“Out by twenty-five, dead or alive,” Robin remarked.

Lynda looked down at the crowd. There was something too perfect about their synchronization, something inhuman in the rhythm of their surge. She was certain that if she could see Althea’s eyes now, they would be as black and hollow as Nathan’s.

“Why don’t I feel it?” she said. “What’s so special about me?”

“Special?” Robin repeated, delighted. “There’s nothing special about you! You’re absolutely ordinary. Designated driver Lynda. Boring, supportive, ordinary Lynda. That’s why you can’t feel what she feels. She’s a star, and you’re just a stage hand!”

Lynda went red in the face, fixing her furious stare at her boots. Surely she was more than that. No matter how she shook out her memory, she could find nothing else but dutiful offering after dutiful offering, a pair of clapping hands, a set of keys—a no one, an empty space. Even when they were children, Lynda had had trouble keeping Althea’s attention. The world was so big, and Althea wanted all of it. When they were thirteen, the world had finally won the war for Althea’s love. Lynda had watched the car door close on Althea and the boy with the brand new driver’s permit, and even then she had known that it was ending.

“We should,” Lynda said, “we should go. Sorry for crashing your party.”

“She won’t go with you,” Robin said. “You can try, if you want. She won’t, though.”

“Why not?” Lynda said.

“There’s nowhere to go from here,” Robin said. “This is the cutting edge, Lynda with a ‘Y’. The bleeding edge. Even if you managed to drag her home, she’d only dream of us.”

“She can dream all she wants,” Lynda said, “but we’re going.”

“Pearls before swine,” Robin said, clicking their tongue. “Do you have any idea how many hundreds of thousands of kids are dying to join this party?”

“It doesn’t seem like so many,” Lynda said, looking pointedly down at the pit.

“Well not everybody has what it takes,” Robin said, with a shrug. “You certainly don’t.”

Lynda tightened her fists.

“Oh, no, don’t be angry. Why don’t you stay a while,” Robin said, soothing now, voice softening. “Have a drink with us. Watch the show. You’ll have something interesting to talk about when you go home, won’t you? And with Althea gone, people will be looking for someone interesting to talk to. You know you don’t have to be a stage hand all your life, Lynda with a ‘Y’. Have a drink with us.”

As smoothly as a clockwork scene, a server passed just beyond them. Robin reached out, lifting a single glass of champagne from the silver platter as it went. Not a drop spilled in their hand. They held it out to her, bubbles glowing in its pale depths.

“Besides,” Robin added, “we both know you’re too afraid to go back down there. You can’t even walk home in the dark alone. You slept with the closet light on until you were sixteen. That’s awfully old for such things.”

Lynda paused with her hand half way to the offered glass, shaken. What—what had she been doing? She snatched back her hand and retreated.

“Thank you for having us,” she said, heels sliding across the floor. “Enjoy the rest of your party.”

“She won’t thank you for it!” Robin called after her. “She won’t love you for it! How could anyone ever care for an ordinary thing like you?”

Lynda paused, one foot on the banister. She would have liked to turn and say, no, that was a lie. But the truth was, she didn’t know. She was afraid that Robin was right. She was afraid of everything that lay below her, the clawing pit and the howling singers and Althea’s dead black eyes. With another deep breath, Lynda climbed over the banister and leapt down to the slope of the hill. I am afraid, she thought, but if I just move fast enough—it’s like the stairs, you have to climb them so fast that there’s no time to think about it. You have to run.

Lynda flew down the hill, down past the grasping hands of the pit, past the breakers that surged towards her, down to where Althea was. She battered away scores of reaching arms. “Althea,” she gasped, “we have to go, we have to—”

The moment she put her hand on Althea’s shoulder, the crowd broke over her. Their bloodied and boneless and grasping hands closed around her, dragging her away from Althea, who was deaf to everything but the stage. Stitches pulled and snapped down the sides of Lynda’s butchered Wal-Mart shirt. Hands smeared their gore across her skin, endless fingers slimy with sweat, nails tacky with blood. Hairs all down her arms prickled under the chill ooze. She was afraid to try and pry them all off—if she let go of Althea, she was certain they would drag her back under before she could peel herself free.

“Althea!” she shouted, “listen to me, you know me!”

Althea didn’t so much as flinch. A heavy hand clutched at Lynda’s neck, fingers digging into her windpipe. She coughed.

“Thea!” she said. “Look at me! God damn it, will you look at me for once in your life!”

Althea reached for the stage, her fingers grasping at the limelight, her eyes reflecting back the glittering darkness. She was gone, she was as surely gone as she had been when Chase Conner looked at her first the first time in eighth grade, with his new learner’s permit and his acoustic guitar, and his mysterious high school savvy. Lynda had never been enough to hold her back. There was a gulf of a hundred unanswered texts between them, more than half a decade of silence, and all the little lies that Lynda had built this bridge to her out of, starting with the first paltry “Y”. She didn’t even like folk metal! But she had pretended to, for an excuse to sit next to Althea on Friday nights in Craig’s basement, picking through the glittering queen to find shards of the girl beneath. The girl who couldn’t hold a needle properly, who sat in the evening for hours and laughed at her own stitches, that girl could—that girl might—

“Why is nothing ever enough?” Her fingers slipped over Althea’s shoulder, fear and sweat threatening to tear them free. “Why am I never enough?”

Tears burned her eyes as she dug her nails into Althea’s arm. She’d thought that serendipitous day in the carport meant something, that it was the start of something, but maybe she had only been kidding herself. Maybe there had never been anything to resurrect.

“Just tell me you want to stay!” Lynda shouted. “Thea, if you tell me you want to stay I’ll let go! Just say something to me, anything! I loved you, I loved you and I love you and if you didn’t love me then that’s fine, but at least have the decency to tell me goodbye!”

There was a glint of light on Althea’s cheek. It startled Lynda. Her hand flinched open, just for a moment, but long enough for the clawing of the crowd to drag her back, their ruined but relentless fingers closing over her shoulders, drawing her back into the froth and ooze of bodies frozen as if forever in the moment of their deaths. She reached—her sweating fingers slipped—and Althea caught her, hand tight around wrist. Althea’s face was wet as she pulled, locking her grip and reeling Lynda back out of the crowd, over the invisible line that kept the pit at bay. Lynda fell into her arms as she finally broke free. They stumbled back against the edge of the stage, where the thud of the drums rumbled straight through their bodies. Althea said something, weak and lost in the wash of the music. In front of them, the pit threw themselves against that invisible edge endlessly, maybe reaching for the two of them, maybe just reaching—

Althea took hold of Lynda and ran. They crested the hill, passed the pavilion full of glittering, unblinking eyes, flew past the empty merch stand, and crashed into the ticketing area. Behind the booth, the bouncer turned his blank sunglasses to face them.

Lynda froze on the threshold, with the howl of the stage behind her and the icy silence of the ticketing ahead. The bouncer sat perfectly still. His face was expressionless. Althea pulled her friend close against her side and walked slowly past the booth. He followed them like an owl, his head slowly turning, as if his eyes were pinned in place behind those glasses.

“Goodnight,” Lynda whispered to him, fixing straight ahead until she couldn’t see him anymore. She did not look back.

The street outside was silent and dark. Not even the relentless thump of the drums could be heard through the wall, which had nearly vibrated before. Her ears rang with the deafening quiet. At her heel, a playbill from last week’s show skittered over the concrete, caught in the wind. She shivered, wondering if the bouncer was still watching them but too terrified to check.

“What was that,” Althea said, sounding as dry-mouthed and miserable as if she was caught in a brutal hangover. “What the hell was that.”

Lynda hesitated. “I don’t think it’s a place many people leave,” she said. “They wanted you to stay.”

“Oh,” Althea said, screwing up her face. Even sweaty and miserable and scowling, there was still something about her. “They were singing about diamonds,” she said, rubbing ineffectually at her smeared cheek. “And dry flowers—yellow petals—the sound of drowning—”

“Let’s get you home,” Lynda said, scanning the parking lot for a sign of her car. “You’re in no condition to go anywhere else.”

“It was so goddamn sad,” Althea mumbled. For a moment, her cheek rested against Lynda’s shoulder. “They were singing it for me. I could see Nathan’s eyes…”

Althea reached up clumsily, fingers bumping the skin below Lynda’s eye. Lynda froze.

“You used to wear glasses,” Althea said. “Why’d you stop wearing glasses?”

Lynda felt herself soften, carefully closing her hand around Althea’s. “You said they were lame.”

Althea made a sound half like a snort and slumped against her side. Her flannel jacket flapped in the wind, the only sound on a silent street. “Did I say that?”

“Two weeks ago,” Lynda said. “In the kitchen. You poured me a vodka cranberry.”

Althea pulled back her fingers, gentle as the flutter of an insect’s wings. Her nails glinted as golden as her hair, a halo of mussed curls against the street light. “Damn,” she said. “Why the hell did I say that.”

She shook her head. The playbill skittered away from their tired feet, twisted in the wind, and melted away into the night.

“I heard your voice,” she said, “in the song. Yellow petals—the loneliest thing I ever heard—and then I heard your voice.”

#original fiction

6 notes · View notes

writersshock-deactivated · 6 years ago

Text

Nobody ever sends these asks so imma do ‘em all.

lets get personal.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Um, right now? I really don’t know... Probably Panic! at the Disco’s new Pray for the Wicked album. Eh,,, Dancing’s Not A Crime, Say Amen, High Hopes, Old Fashioned, and then a couple older one’s, maybe Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time and Miss Jackson.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Jeremy. My crush from summer camp. Just to see him again instead of having to wait 10 months (that is if I can afford it when the time comes -- otherwise I may never see him again). So not exactly ‘meeting’, but.... Celebrity-wise, I don’t know. Perhaps Kamala Harris, a California politician.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“DNA is often too small to obtain reliable results.” (my forensic textbook)

4: What do you think about most?

I dunno... stuff.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

[sleepy face emoji]

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Usually underwear... it really depends whether or not I’m wearing a shirt.

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I don’t know... I can rap, which isn’t strange per say but it’s weird to me.

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are freaking amazing; Boys are freaking amazing too.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yes, 2. The negative anon and the positive anon.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Last night, with my 1 year old sister, to Nirvana.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I’m afraid of fire. Like, touching fire or using an oven or working with boiling water.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

No, I have never stuck a foreign object up my nose.

13: What’s your religion?

Atheist, but I have a lot of opinions about philosophy and faith.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Going inside. Or ‘playing’ with my brother.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind! I love photography! Not photogenic at all though.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Well my favorite band song of all time is Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana, but they’re not my favorite band. I’d have to say Twenty One Pilots or Panic! at the Disco.

17: What was the last lie you told?

‘No, I have never stuck a foreign object up my nose.’

18: Do you believe in karma?

Not as a Universal phenomena. But yeah, what goes around comes around.

19: What does your URL mean?

Um, ‘writersblock’ was taken. Shocking, right? My main, ‘almondivory’ is more interesting. It’s for my best friend Amber and me, Ian. And her shade of foundation is almond. And mine is ivory. So it all worked out.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakaness is probably laziness. Greatest strength? Passion.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Olivia Wilde, Jennifer Lawrence, Rihanna, Beyonce, Kristen Stewart, Penelope Cruz, and Michelle Pfeiffer are all contenders. Yeah, Tyler Joseph and Brendon Urie too.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Not since I was little.

23: How do you vent your anger?

Sulk. Listen to soft emo music.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Mental disorders.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Online.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Not yet.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I HATE nails on a chalkboard.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

‘What if I was rich’? Or ‘what if i was hot’? Or, perhaps, ‘what if i was straight?’

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No. And I think there’s a possibility of some form of life from elsewhere in the universe, but not mainstream aliens.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Saydon. My neighbor in class. He’s looking at me strangely now. On the left, a cheap “wall” (room divisor).

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Not much. A hint of coffee.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

I don’t know... most recently, my brother’s bathroom. It’s supposed to be ‘ours’ but I can’t stand it.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

EAST COAST

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Well, my biological sex is female, even though I am nonbinary. So I’ll go with a male singer (also because there are too many hot girls to choose from) ... Shawn Mendes. Or Tyler Joseph or Brendon Urie.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

This is to complicated. It’s not that I don’t have opinions (i have many) but when i talk about this I talk for almost 2 hours and 40 minutes. Yes, I’ve been timed.

36: Define Art.

Creative expression.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Not really? I’m unsure what this means exactly.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

I’m in class, but when I got here it was clear and a little damp.

39: What time is it?

10:41am Tuesday October 30th

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No. Too young (14). But yes. I was in a bad car crash summer 2017.

41: What was the last book you read?

Textbook: for my forensic anthropology class. Otherwise: Summer Reading by Hilma Wolitzer

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes!

43: Do you have any nicknames?

By birth name is Fiona. Only one person in the world is allowed to call me Fifi. Otherwise, Ian, Ean, E.K, and E.L. (@scholarlypidgeot)

44: What was the last film you saw?

Not sure if it was Ocean’s 8 or Dangerous Minds.

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Physical? Not sure.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yeah, probably, but not for long. I raised caterpillars into butterflies onse.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

No, I said, like a liar.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Demi-ace.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Yes. So many.

50: Do you believe in magic?

Not in the way you’re asking.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

No, unfortunately. I forgive too easily and I keep going back to the same abusive friendship.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Virgo, I believe. Sept. 16.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

If it’s my own, save up. Somebody’s else? Spend.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

2 coffees and a brownie. I’m healthy.

55: Love or lust?

Love.

56: In a relationship?

No.

57: How many relationships have you had?

1 (but liked 3 people).

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Yes.

59: Where were you yesterday?

Home.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yes. A couple of the flowers on my bag are pinkish-purple. My Ziploc bags have blue and pink strips. My jacket is galaxy-patterned and has a little pink in it. Otherwise, no.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Yes. Black with white stars, constellations, and cresecent moons. Mid-calf. Warm.

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Dolphin, elephant, owl, cat, or dog.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I ... don’t have one.

64: Where is your best friend?

About an hour away. She moved at the beginning of the month (had lived literally right across the road, like we could whisper to each other from each other’s yards.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@thethew @gottaenjoythelittlethingzz @blacktwittercomedy @badjokesbyjeff @writersupportgroup

66: What is your heritage?

English, Scottish, Polish, German. I am a white boi/girl.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping, oddly.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Never thought about it.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

It ... depends on your definition? Think it’s pretty safe to say no.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

No.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the fucking dog!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) Yes.

b) I honestly have no idea. Probably contact all my friends from summer camp and tell them how much I love them and the camp. And find Jeremy, my summer camp crush, and tell him that I liked him.

c) Yes.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Why?! I’d have to say trust. To not be trusted would drive me insane. And not being able to trust anyone would be awful. But love... I mean, I’d be terribly sad without it. :(

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Donald MacGillavry by Silly Wizard.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

8672 (home)

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust, support, communication, and understanding.

77: How can I win your heart?

Stab me and remove it in a battle. Other than that? Love me.... <3

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

YES

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

No idea at all.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

8 or 9 Women’s (US)

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Age 117 years, 4 months, and 23 days -- she was happy.”

82: What is your favourite word?

Absolutely no idea. Maybe ‘l’eau’?

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Red

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“?”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Homemade Dynamite- REMIX

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Bright yellow - Indigo is where they all are.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I thought about this for a while. Nobody. Because everybody I hate, I’d want them to finally understand why I hate them rather than just exploding. They shouldn’t get to go that easy.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

What’s the worst lie you ever told?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Scream, throw my pillows at them, knock them all over, lock them in my bedroom, and sleep somewhere else.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Well it was okra. Absolutely. No idea what power that gives me? The power to cook delicious food with little effort would be cool.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Dancing with Annie in 2015.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

This thing ... I ... watched. On the internet.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Not into sex. I’m gonna interpret this as ‘making out with’. Hmm... maybe Halsey? Or Brendon Urie (assuming I was instantly a lot older). <3

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Scotland.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not yet. My brother’s been close several times. Best friend’s cousin is in jail and her dad almost was (cousin for drug offenses and sexually harassing us, dad for verbally and physically abusing her).

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes. I remember twice right now. Once when I was 7 or 8 in San Francisco. Once when I was 10 or 11 after eating really greasy Chinese food.

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes. Maybe about 10-15 times?

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

“YEET”.

No, seriously, probably, “Right now everybody in the world knows who I am. And that terrifies me. Also, I’m in a library so I have to be quiet. Climate change is real.”

2 notes · View notes

alycat411 · 6 years ago

Text

Very hard, cold, Mexican, ceramic tile.

17. Perhaps this is the 17th time I’ve watched When Harry Met Sally this fall. Just a guess. It defies the law of diminishing return. In fact, each time I watch it I get even more satisfaction and enjoyment than the last time. In so many ways, it is the perfectly constructed movie. Right now my “must say out loud line” is: “Then you know what happens? Six years later you find yourself singing 'Surrey with a fringe on top' in front of Ira!” The delivery is key.

People love to quote, “You’re right, you’re right. I know you’re right,” by Marie, but I’ve suddenly appreciated her, “you’re missing the point.” right before the infamous, “I don’t think he’s ever going to leave her.”

The actors knock it out of the park. The dialogue is nothing short of pure gold. The scene format is perfection. The balance of drama and comedy hits a bliss point. Sigh. I love this movie.

I’m alone on a Saturday night. It’s strange, and yet I do have plans later. Eight falls ago I met Pawel. This week in particular I’m feeling grateful that I met him. I get to tell people with pride that I bought into a co-op. That my “rent” is $740 a month in Williamsburg. Somehow I’ve been able to afford three rents this month, painters, and floors. If there was ever a day I became an adult, today was that day. I’m 27, it’s time I catch up anyway.

18.

I woke up this morning at 8am, after an exhausting work week, getting home from a date at midnight. I walked in the rain to various stores to find a cart, and a step stool. Walked 20 min to the paint store with my new cart. Walked back in the rain. Its really difficult pushing a cart full of paint while holding an umbrella. I could have ubered, but I’m trying to cut costs where I can. My painter arrives. Offer to get him breakfast and say I gotta get a step stool somehow. The store I was counting on to have one doesn't have one. Bacon Egg and Cheese takes 15 min. Its 10:30am and I’ve already walked 4 miles. Feet aching. Call Pawel. Buzz in to see Irene and Jan, whom I havent see in two years. Borrow a step stool. Deliver to the painter along with breakfast. Wait for floor guys. Floor guy comes an hour and a half into the two hour window they gave. My day off. Fine. Fine. Nice guy so I playfully challenge him to shoot from the hip on the estimate before he takes measurements. He quotes $2500. I’m beaming. That’s precisely what I was comfortable paying. Takes measurements. $4600 for the floor I want, $3900 for my second choice. Ouch. Adult Aly has to make a choice. Signing away for $3900. $1300 check today. Scheduling. Hoping I can get Tuesday before work. Thursday is only day. Okay, I can cancel clients. Thoughts of moving clients and losing money. Floor guy gives me a ride in his blue car to my current apartment where I can get my checkbook. I give him the check. Walk back up four flights of stairs and collapse on my bed. It’s 3pm. I feel relief. I also feel a pang of worry that this is what adulthood is and there’s only more to come.

The thing that I keep dwelling on though is the fact I’m doing this all entirely alone. When I was torn between the variety of floors, the floor guy gave me some input. It was exactly what I needed. Just some support, just a bit of assurance. I was so utterly grateful for his opinion. Back when Pawel and I took on similar tasks, it never felt this daunting. It never felt this stressful. Doing something with another person suddenly transforms the task into quality time. Assembling furniture becomes a bonding activity. Maybe we’d order pizza and drink wine during and after. Doing these sorts of tasks alone just feels stressful. I just feel unsure of myself. I’ve spent so much time torn about stupid paint colors and a god damn couch. If I “make the wrong choice” it’s on me.

Therapist Alyson would say, “Well what are you telling yourself about the apartment?” I’d reply, “That it has to be perfect. That I’m attempting to prove myself to every person in my life who doesn’t live in a city, or isn’t single and has no idea what a freaking success this is, despite the fact it’d be no big deal anywhere else. I’m making this apartment represent the last nine years I’ve survived this city. Not lived in, survived. I’m trying to prove to myself that I’ve somehow leveled up, that all of this back-breaking isn’t in vain.

Do I want the closets painted? Do I wanted the floors in them done? What about the kitchen? All decisions I don’t have answers to. Questions that could easily be answered with more money. I don’t know how much more money I can attract for myself at this point. I’ve attracted approx 20k in two months. Am I hitting a limit? Can I keep sending out the waves to the universe that I somehow need more? I haven’t even purchased my stove and fridge yet or the stupid sectional.

It’s probably best I’m not in a relationship. This stress would spill over onto them. They would be upset at me for being stuck between “Thousand Oceans” and “Bainbridge Blue” for the accent wall. But thankfully, I can have this trivial dialogue in a Tumblr post. Can you hear me doubting myself?

Even still, I think I’m doing pretty well. I took the MCMI last week and I practically have zero pathology right now. If that wasn’t validating...

9 years ago I watched When Harry Met Sally for the first time. I remember watching it on the little LCD tv in my dorm room and just feeling tickled by it. I’m going to be leaving my first New York apartment in two weeks. The elegant lyrics from Hamilton echos in my ears, “Look at where you are, look at where you started...”

I feel strong. I feel independent. I feel smart. I feel resilient.

I feel happy.

2 notes · View notes

lalka-laski · 4 years ago

Text

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? There are so many reasons why that’s an absolute NOPE.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Hell nah

3. Have you taken someone’s virginity? Supposedly

4. Is trust a big issue for you? If anything I am TOO trusting. So it’s an issue for me, just not in the conventional sense.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? We live together & spend almost every waking/non-working moment together. And surprisingly never get sick of each other!

6. What are you excited for? Mexican & margs tonight with my ladies! Also, I’m getting my latest Starbucks addiction when I get out of work: iced oat milk brown sugar shaken espresso. SO GOOD!

7. What happened tonight? Tonight hasn’t happened yet. But see above for my plans^

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I’d be the biggest hypocrite of all hypocrites if I thought that...HA

9. Is confidence cute? Absolutely. But sometimes I find it off-putting just because I’m salty & jealous that *I* can’t feel that way about myself.

10. What is the last beverage you had? Ginger & turmeric tea

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 2-3ish

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? It’s what I’m wearing right now

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? That’s tonight

14. What are you going to spend money on next? Food & drinks tonight 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Sure am

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yeah

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Glenn, my sisters, my best friends

18. The last time you felt broken? I had a really bad depressive episode a month or so ago. It was awful.

19. Have you had sex today? Nope

20. Are you starting to realize anything? Uhh... 21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah, all things considered. I don’t have much to complain about!

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No thank you

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes, although his are more blue and mine are more green.

24. What do you want right this second? My Starbucks drink! And maybe a breakfast sammy while I’m at it.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Oh I would LOSE MY ENTIRE MIND. Good thing that’ll never happen.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Nah, I dye it significantly lighter.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nah

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? A Tiktok that Nat just sent me

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Most of the time, yes.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Considering I live with him & am engaged to him, I’d hope not!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Ha see above

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Nah, I wish though. I love sugary drinks.

34. Listening to? Just my desk fan

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Never

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? He’s home

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really

38. Who did you last call? Kathleen

39. Who was the last person you danced with? Glenn

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? 'Cause I was leaving for the morning & saying goodbye

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? It’s been a minute. I’m not much of a cupcake person.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No, I won’t see them

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? I embarrass myself in front of EVERYONE

44. Do you tan in the nude? I don’t tan, period.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No way

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No, I went in the bedroom hours earlier than Glenn & just passed out cold.

47. Who was the last person to call you? Grubhub, lol

48. Do you sing in the shower? Mhm

49. Do you dance in the car? Totally

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes actually

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? It’s been awhile. But HOPEFULLY we will take our engagement pics soon.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? They can be, but it’s part of the fun.

53. Is Christmas stressful? It is but it’s an acceptable kind of stress. For me, anyways.

54. Ever eat a pierogi? BITCH DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry or dutch apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Author & illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Mhm

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Frequently

59. Take a vitamin daily? Yep

60. Wear slippers? Sometimes, but most of the time I prefer to just be barefoot

61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes. I have a few really cute ones that I should wear more.

62. What do you wear to bed? Usually just an oversized tee shirt or night-gown. No pants

63. First concert? Teddy Geiger

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? I guess I’d choose Target but I’m not gonna lie. I love walking around a Walmart. Everyone makes fun of me but I don’t care! Plus, you can get some really great deals.

65. Nike or Adidas? No preference

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos ALL DAY

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I really like the song Paper Rings from Lover. 69. Ever take dance lessons? Nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? He’s an acupuncturist

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yep

72. Ever won a spelling bee? I’ve never been in one. I feel like I should’ve been though? So that’s kinda bogus!

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Oh OFTEN!

74. What is your favorite book? I couldn’t possibly just choose one.

75. Do you study better with or without music? Without. Or maybe occasionally something instrumental but even that can distract me

76. Regularly burn incense? Nah, I hate the scent & all incense smells the same to me.

77. Ever been in love? Yep, currently

78. Who would you like to see in concert? The Killers (again)

79. What was the last concert you saw? Mat Kearney

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot

81. Tea or coffee? Both!

82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip or oatmeal! (NO raisins, though)

83. Can you swim well? Decently. I kinda wanna take lessons to learn some actual strokes though

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yep

85. Are you patient? Quite the opposite 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? We are leaning towards a DJ just for cost’s sake but I’d LOVE a live band. I’d actually love to have Janine’s band play my reception but she will have too many bridesmaid duties that day- dang it!

87. Ever won a contest? Mhm

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No but I have a list of work I’d like done if I could ever afford it

89. Which are better black or green olives? I don’t like either

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Do you boo!

91. Best room for a fireplace? The living room.

92. Do you want to get married? We intend to :)

0 notes