#anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!!

[gimblegamble]

Wait why did I private this, this shit is hilarious.

OUAW posting don't mind me.

Why did... why did we leave Witchlight Carnival only to drown in the swamp of sorrow-- I already hate Prismere I wanna go home. 🥲

edit 1: nevermind Gideon is peeing everywhere

edit 2: STOP PEEING ON EVERYONE

edit 3: oh my god his fucking legs

edit 4: 3 points of dick damage

edit 5: hell yeah back in the game anyways fetish swamp

edit 6: I love it when ✨something happens✨ and Derek gets to act like he has rabies

edit 7: ah, they've killed him

edit 8: I'm gonna throw up, he gave her the signal whistle

edit 9: I like DM Andy but I just realized how bro him and Mace sounds like IRL. Also like how feral Twig is for Nikkie

edit 10: [Nikkie creating Twig]: these bitches ain't going nowhere without an NPC to drag them along, time to take this in my own hands.

edit 11: [Nikkie]: can I, as a DM, use the word 'hole'? [Everyone]: NO

edit 12: Dang, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to simultaneously DM and be a player character in a DnD session Nikkie is so cool

edit 13: jesus Twig is OP, she killed like 50 rabbits while semi concious

edit 14: I can't wait until OUAW blasts me with sadness while also telling me about piss and nudist cats with fused legs

edit 15: [Mikey]: can I draw on this? [Derek, without an ounce of hesitation]: I'll kill you

edit 16: Derek setting up a future werecat fight

edit 17: Torbek 🥺

edit 18: Nikkie's 'yes, and?' game is fucking phenomenal

edit 19: [Derek not having any enrichment for an hour and a half]: time for curses?

edit 20: its so funny they all just looks so much happier whenever they get cursed

edit 21: despite all the shittalking they all still care about eachother so very much I'm gonna cry

edit 22: Kremmy's eldritch blast hasn't hit an enemy in a while

edit 23: "It didn't ask for this" the funniest fuckin phrase so far (in context)

edit 24: the penis nose curse is always so funny

edit 25: "no he didn't give me a condom, he gave me a folded up piece of paper! probably some resistance code-- oh, no there's the condom" - Kremy

edit 26: Torbek's back! :D

edit 27: proud nudism is contagious.

edit 28: ITS FRIGHTENINGLY CONTAGIOUS

edit 29: JESUS GIDEON IN LOVE IS 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

edit 30: its always ironic 😔

edit 31: It'd funny because, out of all of the party, it's usually Torbek who keeps track of lore things with the fairy dragon and ClapperClaw

edit 32: NEW CURSE TABLE

edit 33: got my hands on the unedited stuff and????? they're pretty ship friendly??????

edit 34: everyone's clown-sonas are turning out pretty nice

edit 35: " YOU CLOWN BACK UP YOU SILLY FUCK, LET'S GO!"

edit 36: "Torbek just wants to go home" "you are home, you're with us" Immediate waterworks, I'm sobbing

edit 37: something about nickles and Kremy finding silicon breast forms that somehow fit perfectly.

edit 38: my favourite part of the whole play was Hootsie.

edit: 39 the Gideon taking damage every time Mace laughs IRL bit damn near killed me

edit 39.5: Kremy's condom collection grows

edit 40: oh my god NIKKIE! The lore drop from what's basically a comedic bit. AAAAAAA

edit 41: nooooo I love Torbek 🥺🥺🥺🥺

edit 42: say what you want, they really know how to break tension in a good way

edit 43: not the carlfish nooooooooo

edit 44: my head hurts from laughing too hard, I think I'm having heart problems (in a funny way)

edit 45: I'm gonna burst a blood vessel laughing too hard.

edit 46: When will Gideon realize that flirting with Frost is like flirting with a brick wall

edit 47: please stop giving Torbek the bananyas, I cannot think about his long fingers pushing bananyas down anyone's throat again.

edit 48: waiting for a confrontation where the other person doesn't silence Gricko

edit 49: wheres Torbek 🥺🥺🥺

edit 50: "I'M NOT GONNA MISS YOU YOU LITTLE BITCH!" - Twig

edit 51: taking a peek in saltmarsh and-- MUMBO JUMBO MENTION LFGGG

edit 52: why does andy sound like a twink

edit 53: me every time I see my name in the patreons list

edit 54: Derek's Monty voice scratches an itch in my brain I never knew I had.

edit 55: back to OUAW, I really can't get over Mace's regular speaking voice, he has such a jock voice and he says shit like 'jujutsu kaisen' like nothing else... like a jock otaku, a jotaku

edit 56: you know it's back when even Nikkie goes "NOOOO 😭😭"

edit 57: the universal fear of accidentally destroying a bag of holding... Frog of holding?

edit 58: I don't like the shadow demon :( I don't like the frog of holding :(

edit 59: oh its not a frog of holding?

edit 60: I'M SCREAMING, CALL THEIR NAMES KREMY CALL THEM RIGHT NOW

edit 61: TORBEK NO

edit 62: yeah no, I wouldn't be able to watch this without the twists, I'm sorry, I don't- I can't with the fails I'm gonna eat concrete

edit 63: TWIGSIE NO

edit 64: TWIGSIE PLEASE

edit 65: I can't do this tonight man

edit 66: TORBEK NO

EDIT 67: THE WIKI LIED TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

edit 68:

edit 69: nice

edit 70: Kremy... Kremy Kremy Kremy... you are such a simp for your husband. Down horrendous. Down appalling even. I once knew someone like you, I put him in ✨situations✨.

edit 71: wait is there some Briggsy/Torbek stuff anywhere? genuinely curious because of their connection in that oneshot 👀

edit 72: can we not let Torbek end a fight ever again? I don't like being lightly misted by blood and gore everytime he shifts

edit 73: alright alright, listen I'm in it deep enough that I will definitely watch prime okay? I'm doing it piss backwards though and will maybe watch it when I'm done catching up with everything else. I'm trying to speedrun OUAW (badly because I watch the unedited shit + avantris and chill stuff) and I thing I plan on watching Uprooted or Edge of Midnight next. A lot of my motivation for all of this is because of EVERYONE at the table's enthusiasm with their lore like Andy theory crafting at the mere mention of prime plot points? Mace's general everything with anything??? I'm just... in it you know? I love them. I'll watch prime Richie I will. dw about it

edit 74: ASS BACKWARDS NOT PISS

edit 75: LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE LORE

edit 76: I need somebody to look at me the way Mace looks at anyone on the table who drops lore unfamiliar to him. Curious, focused, a bit apprehensive, staring you down as if he wants to bore holes on your forehead.

edit 77: whiplash again... my neck will never be the same

edit 78: I... CANNOT do this... not again. I"M NOT FUCKING STRONG ENOOOOUUUUUUUGH

edit 79: what the fuck even. NOT HOOTSIE MOTHERFUCKER

edit 80: jesus fucking christ

edit 81: I have recovered

edit 81: Torbek 😭

[speaking-at-the-theater]

TOH REACTION

so first thing first: i misspell a lot. i also swear a lot, if that bothers you, sorry

i havent watched the last two eps of toh so heres me doing it. i’ll compile it all in one post so i wont have to tag 300+ posts, i also use caps a lot.

anyway, let’s go! QUICK DETAIL I ACCIDENTALLY REFER TO COLLECTOR AS HIM HERE I DIDNT NOTICE HE WAS THEY THEM I'LL CORRECT IT AS SOON AS POSIBLE

FOR THE FUTURE! here we go

collector’s happiness overlaid with everyone else’s suffering is so…funny??? idk also ‘it’s like the whole world is singing’ is a cool phrase if it weren’t for the context XD

–

aunt lily to the rescue!!

–

LILY NO

–

‘now, what part do i get to play’ horrific scene i want more

also: this is why you don’t give children godly powers. it ends badly!

–

oddly beautiful if not for the corpses

-

i want that as my wallpaper

—

EDA’S REQUIEM!!!!!!

–

you know things are bad when the logo/intro changes

—

‘it’s not like he’ll inexplicably appear if you say his name!!’ hunter have you ever read a fairytale? a myth? the bible??? names have power.

—

oh yeah never mess with a latina mama.

–

it’s cute seeing the kids miss their home

–

through the face??? count me in!!

–

luz is smitten

–

noooooo luz :((((( you’re happier sharing both realms everyone can see it

—

—

anyone know what these are??

–

ah. the bastard is here.

–

CALEB???

–

nooo gus youre making me cryy

–

‘i’m fine, really’ said every character who is not fine in the story of ever

–

the soundtrack in eda’s room scene!!!! i need it!!!!

–

amity’s palisman being a cat fits so well bc cats choose where they go. you cant control them the way you might a dog or a bird, which fits well with the idea of choosing your own path.

—

camila is taking everything so well!! my mom wouldnt last two seconds in the boiling isles. neither would i ofc.

–

is this an animation error or….??

–

some graffiti messages i managed to read:

-(do not) celebrate the day of unity! :( 

- boo belos

-hide ur kids

-run

-they’ll find you!!

-hide

-nope, no, go away

-closed forever

-help

-run

and general sun and moon symbols

-beware the collector

-amelia, cat! (general stuff i cant make out) (infinity train???)

-where is the titan now?

-belos lied

-

these are cute

–

wow that’s creepy

-

i know it’s supposed to be creepy about the collector playing pretend while everyone suffers but- i can’t. the secondhand embarrassment is too much for me.

-

light glyph go??????

-

collectors ‘cool aunt vibe who pretends to be coldhearted but actually cares a lot’ vs luz’s ‘bad but sad boy’

parallels? ey?

-

hmmm yeah that was creepy

-

‘little space cherub’ XDD

-

love how we go from funny new hexside to (ughhhh) belos. 

—

hmm  i would love to analyze the composition of this glyph

–

all the bastard adults trying to take advantage of the collector ughhhhhh

also love the space palace

plus: ‘what do mortals eat again? rocks? fire? gravity?’, unfortunately, collector, we are not stars

–

of course the book is made of rocks. of course.

also king seems…practiced, on reading the book. you gotta wonder how much he knows now about collectors

-

cool how collector is both evil and, yk, a child. bc children are not always innocent. they can be some of the cruelest creatures on the universe (i would know)

–

one has got to wonder about the history told in those walls, meaning i will wonder and theorize. bc that’s what i do.

ok it seems like collector was…surrounded by titans. baby titans, and then a group of older collectors took him in, seeing as theyre smiling and reaching out a hand, instead of banishing him away. they dont look friendly, but it might just be the portrait.

although those first two portraits reveal themselves, at the very end there’s something else

 unfortunately i have no idea what it is. i dont think the repetition is an animation error or shortcut. if it were, why only repeat two times and change at the very end, where it is unlikely to be noticed??

 again, portraits repeat, except for a star in the middle.

......i wanna theorize on this. maybe on another post.

collectors doing something to a planet and our collector watching, wanting to join in, but probably rejected (the whole portrait section had a lot of images but it surpassed tumblrs limit so i deleted them, more on another post, maybe

–

—

—-

—

–

poor raine tho. what’s up with them and people trying to mindcontrol them????

—

poor hooty

–

what’s this, rapunzel?? a tear saves the guy???

–

poor willow tho

–

‘’im gonna assume those are clean’ ma’am cleanness is the last thing you need to worry about now

–

that’s two simultaneous mindcontrollings! raine is on a roll!!

—

“trouble with your team, captain half-a-witch? leading isnt easy is it? all your time is spent helping the team, keeping people from fighting, planning your next move, and titan forbid you show any weakness! everyone else falls apart.

-

fucking kikimora

-

cuando no tienes la chancla, un bate sirve

-

boscha is….ugh. i’m conflicted. i get it but also.she annoys me.

–

everything is under control when everything is not undercontrol my favorite trope

–

poor (????) collector. i know he’s not good but….idk, i feel for him

–

ITSHATCHINGITSHATCHINGHATCHIHATCHINGAAAAAAAAA

—

poor willowwwwww poor kids everyone needs therapy here

—

“luz has a staff, why does that make me nervous?” considering the first impression you got of it……

–

SNAKESHIFTER YESSSSSS ALSO SNAKE PALISMAN FOR LUZ WE WINNIN

i could write poems about how it fits her but just- look. it fits.

-

END CREDITS WHERE AWESOME!!!! Love the snapshots of the things that werent fully explained!! kikimora manipulating boscha during the attack, king being sad at losing eda and lilith and the collector…..emphathizing?? of a sort??? anyway yeah

[rayofsunas]

baby daddy | kaeya [2]

A/n: so already, in the first five minutes of me beginning to write tumblr decided to delete stuff again, so that’s pretty swag ;-; but nonetheless, I’m alright lmao, I’ve been super happy this week ever since I pulled xiao AND mona after wanting to give up plsss. also, I can’t exactly remember if I gave Klara a age in the last part, so I would just like to clarify that she’s one lol. anyways, here’s part two and I hope you guys enjoy!! it took me four hours to write this

Summary: kaeya wants to set a good example for his children, naturally. so he’s given up a lot of things, one being his excessive drinking. but being a knight is hard, despite how nonchalant he seems and he finds himself slipping sometimes… when you find out about it, you’re less than happy and decide spending time with the children would be a good idea for him. he’s more than happy to spend time with the three little monsters, but, he never realized what a normal day was for you when taking care of them.

Parings: Kaeya/Fem! Reader

Warnings: children, fluff, reader and kaeya are mid 20s, alcohol, Klara and Katheryne are friends because I said so, stan Katheryne she helps us so much-

Word count: 2.3k

The sun was slowly but surely rising, leaving beautiful orange and yellow hues to paint the usually bright blue sky, and Kaeya couldn’t be happier. Unlike the last couple of days, he’d been able to wake up, eat a quiet breakfast with you before the kids woke up though he tried and successfully tried to flirt his way into your already claimed heart, and then when Klara woke up, he got the chance to contently feed the wailing little girl; something he shockingly missed. 

Even if at that moment, the tears and cries were a lot more than he could handle, he was more than happy to do something too trivial, just because he was spending more time with her. And unlike the other days, he’d been able to take her for her morning walk, before he’d have to report to headquarters.

Most citizens were still asleep, though very few could be seen preparing for the days work, a few stall owners he noted, as he held Klara’s tiny chubby hand and helped her walk through the town, though she greatly seemed to like speed, already worlds ahead with her mobility. 

“Slow down, my little Mist Flower.” She was moving as fast as her little legs could take her, straight towards Katheryne who sometimes gave the little girl trinkets, saying adventurers had brought back things they didn’t wish to keep or had no use for. Even if Klara couldn’t really speak, she knew little things, “Thank you” was one of them, so she was always grateful despite not knowing exactly what they were. And although Katheryne seemed to not be human, some sort of machine with a very robot-like tone, she also made sure to let little Klara know how happy she was to give the youngest Alberich little trinkets. 

“Good morning, Katheryne.” Kaeya called, grinning when his daughter’s eyes widened at the mention of the kind receptionist. As the pair approached the young woman, Klara yanked on her father's white cloak, instructing him to lift her into his arms, so she could get a better look, and Katheryne, usually behind the tall wooden counter.

“Oh- good morning, Captain Kaeya!” The woman exclaimed, eyes lighting up when she saw the little girl she adored very much. “And little Klara, good morning.” She was happy to see the pair well, seeing as though she hadn’t seen Klara in days. 

“Hi, Kat...” Klara whispered with a shy smile, Katheryne smiled even more because of the use of the nickname she’d been given.

She was just the most adorable little girl ever, Katheryne couldn’t help but think. 

All three Alberich children were the sweetest, though obviously, Klara had a sweet place in her heart especially. Adrien was an identical copy of you, sarcastic, very stubborn, but very respectable for such a young age. And Elena was a smart cookie, a young girl who enjoyed questioning and correct everyone and everything that she came across. Lastly, little Klara, who had much growing to do was the pride and joy of the large Alberich family. Everyone adored her and she continuously swayed hearts wherever she went, just her cute curiosity alone was enough to bring a smile to even Wagner’s face, who typically seemed grumpy. 

Katheryne felt very lucky to have met them in this lifetime, they were a gift from the Archons, truly. Everyone knew Katheryne as the Adventurer Guild's Receptionist but to Klara? She was Kat, a generous friend who gave her gifts. 

Though a sad frown graced the young woman's lips, Kaeya ever so observantly caught on, something was wrong.

“I’m very saddened to say this, but I’m afraid there aren’t any new trinkets suitable enough for little Klara today...” Yes indeed was the receptionist saddened, evident by every feature on her face. “There’s been a shortage it seems of adventurers and travelers willing to take the commissions.” The brunette stated.

“Why is this?” The Cavalry Captain questioned, silently huffing when the one-year-old attached to his hip kept chewing on his white fur cloak, closest to his neck. Great, another issue added to the mix. Maybe she had begun teething again? Archons, Kaeya really felt as though he’d missed so much, seeing as though he couldn’t remember the last time his youngest daughter had teethed or even if she'd stopped entirely together. In short, he probably hadn’t been there for that either, courtesy of his position and job. 

“From my understanding, there have been more hoards of monsters, and something about a mutation as well,” Noted Katheryne, watching as the curiosity built upon the man's features. “Would you like to take a few of the commissions? To show Acting Grand Master Jean?”

The part bout there being an abundance of monsters did sound familiar, he’d been hearing about that a lot recently, but mutated forms as well? That was new... He’d have to bring that up today at the briefing, maybe Jean would know more than he currently did. 

“None of that will be necessary. I’m heading there now, after I drop Klara off back home, I’ll just forward the information to her personally.” Katheryne nodded, seemingly getting sidetracked and entranced by the bright violet-eyed toddler staring at her, with her father's white fur cloak still in her mouth. 

Adorable. 

She still couldn’t help but feel bad though. The only trinkets that had been brought back from any scarce, but recent missions were partially damaged swords waiting for Wagner to fix or scrap into new materials.

Such a thing did not belong in the hands of a child, nonetheless the ever so gentle Klara Alberich, she was too sweet for this world to be handed a complimentary sword, even if she had heard Kaeya say the countless amount of times that he wanted to eventually teach each of the children how to use a sword, preferring to start earlier, rather than later. And from Katheryne’s overheard? She now knew it had been somewhat of a topic of discussion between you and Kaeya, causing mini spouts of anger and frustration. 

Archons, how she wishes she had something suitable to give the little girl...

Katheryne nervously fidgeted. “Oh and about the trinkets-”

The usual daily gifts Kaetheryne would give to Klara, were absent today. Due to one big factor; adventurers and travelers weren’t taking commissions, therefore, they weren’t bringing back what Katheryne saw as unique finds, but they claimed to have no use for.

“No worries,” He was more worried about the fact that adventurers weren’t taking commissions instead of the usual trinkets Katheryne would give his daughter, nonetheless he offered reassurance. It really was no big deal.

Kaeya indeed was something else entirely, Katheryne concluded. A mind reader, some sort of witch- just different. How had he known without her even saying anything?

She was stunned for quite some time, though still feeling guilty despite his supposed reassurance. The guilt partially stemmed from the fact that Klara was staring so intently at her, with big blue-purple-hued eyes, unknowingly being one of the main stressors of Katheryne’s guilt... 

“Klara has too many nicknacks anyways,” You and Kaeya were sure she’d be some kind of trinket collector when she was older, seeing as though she had so many already. “Y/n says you spoil her.” Kaeya’s statement almost sounded like he was scolding her, but if not for the grin and chuckle he offered that immediately followed, she wouldn’t have known he was being entirely playful. 

“That is not my intention. She’s just so adorable, I cannot stop myself,” Kaeya laughed, glancing down at the toddler. She was adorable, his little Mist Flower.

“If it bother you or Miss Y/n, I’ll-”

“It’s quite alright, Katheryne, no need to worry,” Kaeya announced smoothly, dramatically waving his hand to show he was dismissing her statements of protest and concern.

“Alright...”

Eventually, Kaeya did take his leave, much to Katheryne’s dismay. She’d probably see Klara tomorrow, if he stayed true to his schedule, so she remained hopeful and excited for tomorrow. 

Before he knew it, Kaeya was bringing Klara home, giving you and Elena - who was now awake - hugs and kisses, telling you both to let Adrien know he loved him and that he’d return soon - he was still asleep. And then just like that Kaeya was out the door again and off to headquarters.

-

No one expected him to be at the Cat’s Tail this late at night, but it wasn’t entirely unexpected nor rare by any means, he was a familiar face after all. 

It was unexpected because Kaeya claimed he had given up the incessant and excessive drinking years ago when his firstborn, Adrien graced Teyvat. Sadly, it was expected, because it seemed he’d been in here more in the last week than in the last few years... Though, patrons who often visited the tavern were all betting on the fact that you were entirely clueless to how much he’d been drinking; they were right. You were too busy taking care of the children and training to hopefully join the Knights again, to even keep up with your husband's drinking habits. So, it went unnoticed. 

Diluc though, who was often at the tavern, noticed it unlike you. Kaeya had been a great pretender, a great spy; good at keeping secrets, but when he had secrets, somehow Diluc always found himself finding out first, if not second, closely behind you. And unfortunately - Diluc thought - he was on the more personal spectrum concerning the certain Knight... He was his brother, your brother in law, an uncle... He disliked what Kaeya was doing, greatly. Especially since it felt as though his idiotic brother was going behind his family's back. No, he hadn’t promised to quit entirely, but he’d made it seem that way to you. Probably a fabrication so you wouldn’t worry... 

Diluc should’ve known he'd find himself back here again, trying to get his once again, idiotic brother, to leave and go home. The pyro user couldn’t understand. His brother had everything he didn’t. A beautifully devoted wife, three amazingly easy children, a status many simple Knights and Guards would kill for; Captain. And he’d rather risk it all for a drink or two, maybe three.

You thought nothing of it. Kaeya was out late a lot, more often than not patrol and paperwork held him from returning home, but on the rare occasions that he had a sliver of free time that wasn’t spent with you and the kids, he was drinking. 

You always knew when he wouldn’t be returning, in the form of a letter from Kaeya, stating he was alright but would be staying to do paperwork, etc. It would be brought by one of his underlings, Knights or Guards in training. But when that letter never came, you panicked. 

Was he alright? He never forgot to write... Maybe he was held up?

Thankfully, Lisa had decided to come over for tea earlier and had still been here trying her best to reassure you, after seeing how worried you’d been after not receiving any letter. 

“You should probably return home, I’ll be alright.” You kept reassuring the librarian, though she wasn’t falling for it. She could practically feel the stress and anxiety oozing off of you, it was concerning. 

You could only be thankful Amber had been busy and couldn’t come over for tea or else she would’ve ripped Kaeya a new one when she got ahold of him. He’d never be able to leave for missions again, without getting a reminder from Amber to reach out or else...

“Darling, I’m not leaving until he returns.” She took your hands in hers, hoping to offer you comfort. Lisa had always been there for you, which you were very thankful

She had no prior experience with children, though she was incredible with your own. You figured because she was one of the older members of the Knights of Favonius, she had taken more of a big sister role and the youngers looked up to her wisdom. Though she wasn’t much older than you, only by five or six years, so she was really like an older sister towards you as well. Lisa was a very kind woman, you appreciated her tons.

“Maybe I should go find him? I could ask around...”

“Please don’t stress, Y/n,” Lisa said. “You’re too beautiful to stress. I trust that he’ll be here soon.”

Lisa was in fact right. Kaeya returned soon after she had said he would. Master Diluc knocked on the door close to midnight, hanging off his arm was your drunk husband. When you saw him slumped on his brother's shoulder, you immediately assumed the worst. Maybe he’d been physically harmed. You were under the impression he had stopped drinking. 

But then, when you allowed Diluc to step further into the house, you got a huge waft of what you quickly recognized as alcohol. Surprisingly enough for Diluc, you didn’t yell, instead, you just stared at Kaeya with disappointment, gravitating towards him to try and take him from his brother's arms. 

“Thank you Diluc, I’m sorry you had to deal with this so late.”

The Ragnivndr wanted to scold his brother, for making a fool of himself and you, leaving you worried and disappointed. But, using better judgment, Diluc just nodded and offered an understanding and apology, on behalf of his out of it brother. 

“It’s quite alright, I-”

“I’m sorry he had to come home this way,” Diluc stated, glaring at the taller man.

You hummed, helping Kaeya stumble into your living room, both Lisa and Diluc watching with worried gazes from the door. “Don’t worry, I’m just glad he’s safe.”

Diluc once again, realized his idiotic brother did not deserve you or your kindness and understanding. He was one lucky man, that was for sure.

[🏷] TAGLIST (if you want to be removed from/added to this specific taglist let me know!)

@gladly-olus , @kyquu , @craptainlou , @mintydump , @chscklvr , @irisxiel , @minh0ree​

2.10.21, rayofsunas

[franeridart]

Anon said: [Spoilers for non-manga readers] opinion on Baku's hero name?

Very Bakugou, honestly don’t mind it at all! Mostly just surprised it’s, like, legal in the bnha universe for heroes to call themselves stuff like explodo-kills (and also that there isn’t a character limit for hero names??) but that Bakugou would stick with it is pretty damn in character for him so I like it xD still, I’ll probably just call him Dynamight if I’ll ever need to use his hero name lmao

Anon said: not to be the most romantic sap but uh just a kiss by lady a is killin me

Nothing sappy about letting romantic songs get to you!!!! I say, as I’m constantly crying over romantic songs so this mindset benefits me as well lol

Anon said: i may or may not have stumbled across some of your older kiribaku art, the stuff with akane, and she's the best child oc tbh. i actually like her and i tend to not be a fan of child ocs but she's just the cutest darn thing 🥰

I’m so glad you like her!!!!! She was a lot of fun, what a good gremlin ;;;

Anon said: uve heard of dragon!kiri w his hair spikes up, now get ready for dragon!kiri w his hair dowm lookin like the softest boy

AW HECK I think I’ve drawn him in the past, actually!!!! Spike-haired Kiri will forever be my fav Kiri, but there’s just something about hair down Kiri isn’t it!! What a cute boy ;;;; all sharp edges and soft curves, what a lovely sight

Anon said: can i just say your itafushi art is so cute? these two already make me feel and then your art just (つω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

THANK YOU SO MUCH I really need to draw them more, don’t I! goge kinda monopolized my attention there, but the way itafushi makes me feel..........boy the way they make me feel ;;;;

Anon said: good day, poké au thought: 12 y/o bakugo somehow catches a dreepy as like his 2nd pokemon and never questions it

WHY NOT WHY NOT I have a whole team in my mind for the boy tbh but dreepy is so cute ;;;; and anyway, I like my poke!bakugou with as many dragon types as he could possibly get his hands on hahaha

Anon said: Please know that, amongst other factors, you were one of the maon reasons I stsrted Jujutsu Kaisen two days ago and there isnothing more to say except thank you and I'm absolutely in debt with you for that, thank you so much 😍

I’m so so SO glad you’re liking it!!!!!! It can get kinda heavy but it’s such a great story.... honestly I’d been wanting to start it since I saw the first pv for the anime all the way back last year but I was like, you know it’s a mappa anime! so I wanted to watch the anime as a new thing, cause I love mappa, but three episodes in I couldn’t hold back and just binged it. It’s kind of story that just makes you wanna drink it all in one go, isn’t it? so good so good

Anon said: makeup artist kirishima and model bakugo or makeup artist bakugo and model kirishima? :0c

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm can’t say I see either of them much into fashion tbh, but if I had to pick probably model Kiri and artist Baku? I just don’t think Baku would be able to stay still enough to get photographed, and he wouldn’t like the photographer bossing him around anyway, and catwalks would be impossible for him to stomach imho, he’s too restless for it! At least it’s the way I see it haha

Anon said: fdgdhdkfhdafs i had a thought, what if bakugo prefers dogs and kirishima prefers cats and when they meet each other and become friends it's like, "oh." because they have some striking similarities to their fave animals

That’s been my headcanon for a while now, actually!! I think for me it came from two characters in a manga I like that are a lot like a dog and a cat but have inverted fav animals and when I read about that I was like “oh, right, makes sense since they like each other” and then my brain turned it krbk because when does it not lmao

Anon said: your art is the soothing balm to my soul recently, thank you for posting so much beautiful content. i hope you have a lovely week. ♡

sob thank you so much, I’m glad my doodling can help you feel better ;; <3

Anon said: Friendly reminder anon from last time: that post I left last time I had only eaten 7 gingersnaps that day and hadn’t drank any water. So that encouraged me to actually self care. Thank you.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well I hope you’re taking care of yourself today too! And as fair trade, I’ll do the same myself! <3

Anon said: Hi! I'm an artist and I'm thinking of making a sideblog for my art. Do you have any tips?

Ah man, I’m sorry but I’m not the best person to ask this to! I started this sideblog cause I had too many followers on my main and I didn’t want my stuff to be seen by that many people at first, so whatever I did probably isn’t what you’re looking for :( but really there isn’t much to it, just post whatever you like to draw, tag it as best as you can (but remember that only the first five tags appear in the search page) and be patient, since whatever you do at first you won’t get much attention anyway - the only real advice I can give is to draw something that makes you happy and that you’d draw anyway even if no one were to see it, it’ll make keep posting despite a possible lack of activity a lot easier!

Anon said: Your goge art🥺🥺

I just love them so much ( TT’’’TT)9

Anon said: how the fuck have i not been following you? I remember seeing your bakushima art in the bnha tag and always thinking it's so cute. Now you're into JJK too??? and the satosugu art??? fuckin, diabetes incarnate. I love it. I love you. Your art 10/10. I'm tired lmao.

WELL thank you for the follow!! And for thinking my stuff is cute!!!!! I do my best with that, I want all the soft things for my favs 😌

Anon said: Are you gonna draw Gojou/Getou comic?? 👉🏻👈🏻 WOULD LOVE TO READ IT

you mean an actual doujin? I don’t think I will, sorry! I’m really no good at long projects orz but thank you so much for wishing to read something like that from me!!! ;A;

Anon said: Hello! YOUR ART IS SO FREAKING GORGEOUSSSS!!! I love them so much!! If I may ask you one question. Between Getou amd Gojou, who do you see as top/bottom? Just curious

THANK YOU!!!!! And I honestly don’t care as long as they’re happy and together!!! please let them be happy and together 🙏🙏🙏

Anon said: i want you to know!!! i followed you for your kiribaku art but!!! i love your art so much that idc what you post because it's all just!!!! incredible and wonderful and stunning!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!! this means a lot to me so seriously thank you so much!!!!

Anon said: d'you think bakugo has like headaches or migraines after training or battles because of how loud his quirk is? like, i listen to music slightly too loud and my head is sending me to hell. (unless you go with the hoh hc which is also 👌)

I like to think Baku’s body is attuned enough to his own quirk that he wouldn’t get drawbacks of the kind tbh, though that wouldn’t be a bad thought for when he just starts to increase the output/width and strength of his explosions............ well, I myself suffer from chronic headaches and migraines so I’m always up for projecting on my favs ngl lmao

Anon said:  so like... dragon kirishima's eyes glow right? like, if we equate his dragon-ness to unbreakable his eyes glow? they also glow when he's half shifted? honestly i just live glowing eyes

Oh hell yeah I’m all for that, definitely definitely, I love glowing eyes with my whole heart and Kiri’s eyes in unbreakable are just so!!!!!! NGH *chef kiss* the more of unbreakable there is in his dragon form the happier I am ( TT^TT)9

Anon said: me, scrolling through your blog: ah shit guess im gonna have to start watching jjk

!!!!! hope it won’t hurt you too much, anon!!

Anon said: dragon!kiri and bakugo having a tug-of-war match over a piece of meat. both have it in their mouths. both are determined to win.

Kiri is turned into his dragon form and Baku still wins, hell yeah

Anon said: your satosugu is top tier!! it's hard to find stuff for them that isn't straight up angst so your art has been super cool and also very very cute!! (tho if you went with angst, it wouldn't be a bad thing obviously)

AH I’m so happy to hear you like them!!!! but also happy you wouldn’t mind angst, as I do like them the best happy and soft but my brain, my brain has been throwing sads my way for a while now 👀 I got some ideas

Anon said: What program/device do you use??

Easy Paint Tool SAI and a wacom intuos!! Though I got myself an ipad+procreate just yesterday and I’ve been messing around with it, let’s see how that one goes!

Anon said: *inahles* i am simping for mohawk man please tell me everything about your ocs immediately or i will detonate

THANK YOU FOR LIKING HIM HE’S CALLED DAVIDE Dav for short, he’s a cat of a man and a music instrument enthusiast (mostly string ones, but he’s very good with the piano as well) - he works in a music instruments store, and he’s a uni student majoring in philosphy! He doesn’t like bothersome things, he isn’t very good at taking anything seriously or putting effort in stuff, but he’s very chill to spend time with and generally a nice chat both if you want mindless thoughts or deep conversations (he’s a philosophy major after all). He can’t sing for shit, he’s got two cats (tago and schelly!), and he just wants a quiet life to laze around but all his friends are hurricanes in human bodies, but then again, he picked them himself so he can’t complain. He’s a good boy!! I’m planning a comic for him and his boy Ross >:]

[lilyvandersteen]

The Christmas Guest Chapter 10

Author’s Note: Here’s Blaine’s point of view of the kiss and what comes after. Fluff galore. Enjoy!

Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 and Chapter 5, the Interlude, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 here on Tumblr, or read the story on AO3 or FF.net.

Chapter 10: Part of the Family

As soon as Blaine’s lips touched Kurt’s, he felt Kurt freeze for a moment, but just when he wanted to draw back and apologize, Kurt let out the softest sigh and melted against him. He also started kissing back, and held Blaine as if he’d never let go again. It made Blaine completely forget where he was and why. All that existed was Kurt, and how he felt, and how he tasted, and how he made Blaine’s head whirl with the simplest touch.

Blaine had no idea how much time had passed when the two of them were jolted apart by another party-goer, but it was not nearly long enough. He blinked hazily at Kurt, who looked as kiss-drunk as Blaine felt, and then at the people around them, who were… counting?

Oh. Right. New Year. Oh, brilliant, then we can kiss some more!

As soon as everybody started yelling Happy New Year, Blaine kissed Kurt again, reveling in the fact that he could, and that Kurt seemed to welcome his attentions. They needed to talk about this, yes, but first… First, he was going to enjoy this!

Again, he had to stop before he was ready to, this time because one of Kurt’s friends took offence to their PDA. They were quickly defended by Kurt’s other friends, but Blaine could tell Kurt felt uncomfortable, so he didn’t protest when Kurt wanted to go home, though he was a bit apprehensive about the conversation they would be having once they were back in Kurt’s room. Had he overstepped Kurt’s boundaries without realizing? Had Kurt only kissed back to keep up appearances? Surely, Blaine couldn’t have misread the situation that badly?

He chanced a quick glance at Kurt, who hadn’t said a word since they left the party, but his face was unreadable. He was shivering, though, and at once, Blaine’s preoccupations flew out of his head and he only thought of warming up Kurt.

In thanks for his efforts, Kurt sent him a glowing smile, which kept Blaine going until they were back in Kurt’s bedroom, putting their pajamas on, still in silence. By the time Blaine slipped into bed, his skin was skittering with all the feelings and words cooped up inside of him. As he cuddled up to Kurt, he couldn’t keep it all in anymore, and he burst out into an apology – right at the same time as Kurt started talking.

Well, not so much talking as asking for an explanation. Which was only fair, of course. Only… What answer did he expect? Could Blaine be honest and tell Kurt he’d tumbled head over heels in love with him? Would he dare?

Blaine hedged a bit, but Kurt pressed on, and his resistance crumbled. He could no more lie to Kurt than he could to himself. And maybe it was crazy to feel this way about someone he’d only known for a few days, but if by some miracle, Kurt felt the same way, maybe they could try dating for real?

He didn’t have to wait long for an answer. Kurt’s lips found his, and his heart leapt happily. Yes!

K&B

When Blaine woke up the next morning, Kurt was still deeply asleep, his head on Blaine’s bicep and his arm thrown over Blaine’s chest.

Blaine smiled up at the ceiling, happier than he could remember ever being, and enjoying this quiet private time holding Kurt in his arms.

This Christmas break had been nothing like he’d expected, but it had been everything he needed. Relaxing. A slice of home and family. Scrumptious food and fun pastimes. And most importantly: Kurt.

My boyfriend.

Oh, it felt good to think those words and know they were finally true. It felt so right. Like it had from the very beginning, when Kurt sat down next to him on the plane, and Blaine had smiled at him as though they’d known each other forever.

Well, maybe in another life they had.

Blaine heard floorboards creak, and a second later, Burt’s head peeped in.

“Good morning!” Blaine whispered. “And Happy New Year!”

“Kurt still asleep?”

“Dead to the world.”

“Glad you got home okay. Did Finn’s girl sleep over too?”

“Yes. We were all exhausted.”

“That late?”

“Just after midnight. That’s late enough for me.”

Burt hummed in assent. “Well, come down to breakfast if you can pry Mr. Koala loose. Carole’s making blueberry pancakes.”

That made Blaine’s mouth water. He looked down at Kurt sleeping peacefully, and then back at Burt, torn.

Burt chuckled. “Or not. You can always whip up a batch yourself later, if you want a bit of a lie-in. But no shenanigans, you hear me?”

Blaine nodded, and the door closed again.

Blaine closed his eyes and softly stroked Kurt’s hair.

“What time izzit?” came a sleepy inquiry.

Blaine smiled and told Kurt, “Way too early for you. Go back to sleep, sweetie.”

Kurt curled into him like a contented cat, rubbing his head against Blaine’s hand. “Feels good when you do that.”

So Blaine kept up his gentle caresses until Kurt’s face went slack, and he nodded off again himself a while later.

By the time they made their way downstairs, it was past ten o’clock, and Blaine’s stomach was rumbling in protest.

“Morning, sleepyheads,” said Carole. “Burt’s off to work already, and Finn finished all the pancakes, I’m afraid. I swear he’s got some sixth sense for food cooking. Always shows up seconds after the pan starts sizzling.”

Kurt yawned. “No worries, Carole, we’ll fend for ourselves. Are there still eggs?”

Twenty minutes later, Finn came into the kitchen, sniffing like a dog. “Is that cinnamon toast I smell?”

Blaine hid a smile. Carole had spoken the absolute truth. Finn had shown up not even a minute after the first toast had hit the pan.

Kurt swatted at Finn with the spatula. “Out! Yes, it’s cinnamon toast, and no, you can’t have any. You’ve already had breakfast, and you finished your own as well as ours, says Carole.”

“I was hungry!”

“Well, now WE are hungry and don’t want to share. Clear out!”

“Aw, come on!”

“Maybe that works on Cathy, but not on me. What did you do, swipe half of her pancake while she was talking to Carole?”

“No! She had a whole one herself. And then she let me finish her second one.”

Kurt fake-swooned. “Aw, true love! Where’s Cathy, anyway?”

Finn pouted. “She went home already. Said she still had tons of work to do. Lessons to prepare. For next week.”

“Well, at least one of you takes their studies seriously. Why don’t you take her good example and get some work done as well? Not much else to do, ‘cause Puck and the other New Directions will be hungover, and Blaine and I will be packing because we’re going back to New York.”

“Hang on, you’re leaving today?”

That was news to Blaine too. His plane ticket back to New York was for two days later, as he didn’t have class until Tuesday afternoon. Still, he could try and get his flight rebooked. He just wished he’d known a bit earlier.

As soon as Finn had left the kitchen, Blaine asked Kurt what flight he was taking, and then spent a good half hour on the phone to sort things out. When he hung up with a triumphant smile, having scored not only the flight but also the exact seat he wanted, Kurt shook his head, smirking.

“When you start pouring on the charm, I don’t think anyone could say no to you if they tried.”

Blaine cocked his head to the side and moved a bit closer. “Hmm… You can’t say no to me? Now that’s interesting…”

Kurt squeaked in apprehension  – actually squeaked, and Blaine grinned.

Kurt’s chin went up. “I’ll learn to say no. So there. I’ll become immune, after a while.”

Blaine’s grin widened. “I wouldn’t be too sure, if I were you.”

“Oh, hush you!”

“Make me.”

And then he lost both his words and his grin when Kurt grabbed his head and kissed him.

They didn’t stop kissing until Finn came stomping into the kitchen looking for a snack, and asked, “Weren’t you going to pack?”

When Burt drove them to the airport that evening, he looked at Blaine in the rear-view mirror – they’d opted to both sit in the back again – and asked, “So are you sad you didn’t get to spend the holidays with your own folks, bud?”

Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hand, looked at him with all his love showing, and answered, “Not a bit. I had a marvelous time. Again, thank you so much for your hospitality.”

“Happy to have you, kid. Feel free to tag along every year from now on. We’ve all accepted you as part of the family.”

Blaine felt ridiculously close to tears, even as the corners of his mouth curved up, and could not manage a response. It made him happy to be so accepted, yet he felt guilty, too, for deceiving Burt.

Kurt kissed his cheek and announced, “Good, ‘cause Blaine is here to stay. Though, Blaine, I do want to meet your family too, someday.”

As soon as Blaine could strings words together again, he promised, “You will. We can go see my parents this summer. And Skype with Cooper one of these days. Though… I apologize in advance for all the ridiculous things Cooper is going to say.”

“Brothers,” Kurt nodded knowingly.

Kurt hugged his father tightly at the airport. When he let go, Blaine held out his hand for Burt to shake, but instead, Burt wrapped him up in a bear hug, too.

“Take care, kiddo. And look after Kurt for me, will you? Make him eat enough and sleep enough and have some fun in between all his work.”

“I will. I promise.”

Burt let him go and clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re a good kid. Wouldn’t mind having you as my son-in-law one day.”

“Daaaaad!” Kurt moaned.

“What, like you haven’t planned the wedding already in your head?”

Kurt looked as if he wanted to sink through the floor. “Dad, please! Do you want Blaine to run for the hills? We’ve only just become boyfriends!”

Well, isn’t that the truth… But I can totally picture myself married to you, so I’m not running anywhere but into your arms.

“I don’t think Blaine’s the kind to be easily scared off. He let us kidnap him when he didn’t know us from Adam, didn’t he?”

Both Kurt and Blaine gaped at Burt.

He chuckled at their gob-smacked expressions. “I heard you, kid. Inviting Blaine ‘as a friend’ because he’d been nice to you on the plane. I saw you making goo-goo eyes at each other. But Blaine didn’t dare say yes. So I made him come with us. And I don’t regret it. Do you?”

Kurt closed his mouth with a snap, and shook his head slowly, his eyes misty and his smile radiant.

Blaine shook his head as well. “Best thing that ever happened to me.”

[pandoraborn]

Coping, Part 3

( previous. )

Characters: c!Tommy, c!Ranboo, c!Techno, c!Wilbur, c!Phil Word count: 1885 Content: dissociation tw, unreality, broken bonds, broken trust, healing, hurt/comfort, sbi family feels, found family, dead!wilbur, revival mention

-----

Tommy already misses the days when he could sit in the back corner of his little dirt shack and dissociate. He misses when he could pretend reality doesn’t exist anymore, and it’s just him and himself in a sea of nothingness. Today though, Ranboo is sticking to him like glue, much to Tommy’s annoyance.

He can’t even bring himself to be too mad though, because the alternative is going back to Techno’s cabin and facing him, and Phil, and Wilbur. Tommy knows they’re inside. Every time they pass by the cabin, their voices carry outside, filled with laughter, and sometimes a concern that Tommy doesn’t miss.

He’s jealous. He wants to be in there with his father and brothers, he wants the feeling of safety, but Tommy doesn’t remember what safety feels like anymore. Sure, Ranboo offers some sort of comfort and stability, but Ranboo isn’t safe either. Tommy is well aware that on a moment’s notice, Ranboo could easily snap and attempt to kill him.

Not that he blames Ranboo; it’s not his fault he’s under Dream’s control.

No, it’s best that Tommy keep his walls up. He doesn’t want to speak to anyone in his stupid family, no matter how left out he feels. They all hurt him personally, and he’s tired of it. He’s happier in Ranboo’s ugly house, with Ranboo’s pet cat. Enderchest is the closest to safety he knows.

He doesn’t know how long he’s spent in Ranboo’s house. By the time Tommy finally lets himself come back, it’s significantly darker, though he wonders if that’s because they’re in a snow biome, and the days are already shorter. Poking his head out the window, Tommy allows himself to get lost in the shades of purples and pinks in the sky before Ranboo is shaking him again.

“Tommy, you’ve been avoiding that place for ages,” Ranboo points out. “Almost the entire day. I gotta kick you out soon.”

The teen grumbles in response, turning back to Enderchest. She lets out a quiet meow as she nuzzles into his hand. “I could just easily go home. I’m not needed here.”

“You and I both know that the second you make for the portal, they’re just going to grab you again.” Ranboo sits next to Tommy, letting out a sympathetic sigh. “I know being here isn’t ideal for you, and they’re trying to give you space, but they do mean well.”

“What would you know?” Tommy snaps. “You weren’t personally betrayed by all three of them, one right after another. In fact, they did the complete opposite with you. They gave you a home. You have a place to go, you have people to rely on.”

“Come on, we had such a nice talk earlier,” Ranboo points out. “You and me talked about this already. They love you. They want you in their lives, they just suck at showing it.”

“Yeah, we did talk about that. But I also seem to remember telling you that I’m not ready to talk to them.” He scoops Enderchest up and holds her close to his chest. Normally, he’d rather have a dog, but right now, Enderchest is doing more wonders for his psyche than anything else is.

“How long do all four of us have to wait for you to be ready? Because this is a really slow pace.”

“Bitch all you want, memory boy. I’m focusing on myself for once.”

“No, you’re relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms to get by, and I’m kind of getting tired of watching you do it. You had a couple of days already, the least you can do is go inside.”

“Why do I have to leave your house? You’re nicer than Techno is.”

“Technically, because they’re the ones who kidnapped you. I think they’d want you around them instead of me, and besides, Wilbur’s in there.”

“Wilbur’s a fucking ghost,” Tommy mutters darkly. “His opinion doesn’t exactly count for much right now. Selfish bastards, the lot of them.”

There’s no verbal response from the enderman hybrid. Tommy continues to pet Enderchest, taking comfort in the way she purrs and squints up at him, completely content in his arms. In this moment, he envies her. That feeling of utter contentment and safety is a foreign feeling to him, and right now, he wishes he were a cat. Someone holding him so carefully and lovingly must be nice.

Well, it’s nice until Ranboo pries her from his arms. Tommy’s initial reaction is to start crying, reaching back for her, but before he can grasp her fur, Ranboo is hauling him to his feet, nearly lifting him up off the ground.

He feels like he’s throwing too many tantrums lately.

It’s hard to combat though, because everything is too much. Reality aches. Physically, emotionally, mentally, everything in between. He can feel himself being walked back towards Techno’s cabin, where he’s urged inside and handed to someone else. Tommy cries harder when he feels a pair of arms wrap around him, holding him close.

“I thought you might want him back for the night.” Ranboo’s voice sounds far too distant for his liking. “I’m going to go back home, and.. yeah. Just call me if you need anything.”

There’s that sound of a door closing, taking all of Tommy’s hopes with him. The arms around him don’t fade away into nothingness, and neither does Tommy’s mind. The utter lack of dissociation this time is more confusing than anything else. There’s an unfamiliar warmth in his chest as he’s picked up again, cradled in someone’s arms.

“Tommy, I am so very sorry for what happened to you.” The voice above him sounds weird. Logically, Tommy knows it’s Phil. It’s Phil’s arms, Phil’s voice, and Phil’s concern, but there’s a crack in the voice that sounds very unfamiliar; he might as well be a stranger.

“No you’re not,” Tommy forces out. “No one ever is.”

“We are.” That’s Wilbur’s voice. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“No.” He closes his eyes. If he can’t see them, they’re not there. Pretending he’s back at home is far nicer, anyway. In his fantasies, Enderchest is there as well.

“You’re in Techno’s cabin,” Wilbur continues. “You’re in Phil’s arms, and Phil is talking to you. So am I, Wilbur.”

“You’re dead,” Tommy counters. “What you have to say means shit.”

“Tommy, please open your eyes and look at us.”

“I don’t want to.” In spite of himself, he’s burying his face in Phil’s chest. That unfamiliar warmth is growing warmer, almost achingly so. Tommy recognizes it as a feeling of safety, but he wants desperately to push it back down. He doesn’t want to feel it with this lot. They hurt him. “I hate all three of you.”

“Do you really hate us?” Techno’s the next to speak up. “Or did you convince yourself of that because of everything that happened? Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re just saying that to be stubborn.”

That’s enough. Tommy’s eyes fly open and he wretches himself away from Phil to strike at Techno. It’s not a hard hit, but it’s hard enough that Techno reels back and rubs at his shoulder, with wide, almost hurt eyes.

“You don’t get to be upset,” Tommy snarls. “You don’t get to look sad, alright? You don’t get to hurt me over and over again, only to be sad when I decide to work on my own terms. Why do all of you suddenly love me again? Where were you when Wilbur went crazy and blew up L’Manburg? Where were you when I was exiled? Where were you when L’Manburg fucking died for the last time? Oh, that’s right, you were doing the blowing up. Save your fucking sadness, Techno.”

There’s another long pause, similar to when he was in Ranboo’s house. This time, Tommy doesn’t have a cat to comfort him or keep him steady. He has his own shaky breathing, trembling hands, raw anger and...

and...

...and Techno wrapping his arms around Tommy, ruffling his hair and whispering in his ear. Techno, saying that their family is too broken, that Tommy is carrying too many burdens and that he finally deserves a break.

Of course he breaks.

Instead of slipping away this time, Tommy crumbles into a boneless, sobbing mess in Techno’s arms, crying harder than he ever remembers crying. He’s desperately clinging to his older brother, grasping weakly at his sleeves and hair, afraid to let go. Letting go this time means Tommy will dissociate, and he’s so, so tired of escaping into a fantasy, when he finally has comfort.

He wails when Phil lifts him again, pulling him away from Techno. Of course Tommy shifts to cling weakly at Phil, feeling smaller and more vulnerable than he did seconds ago.

“We’re going on vacation,” Phil says. “We’re going away from here, just the four of us. We think this place, and the SMP, carry bad memories for all of us, and we think taking you somewhere completely new will do wonders.”

“Don’t leave me again,” Tommy whimpers. “ Please, please just don’t leave me again.”

“Phil knows someone who can help me,” Wilbur interrupts. Tommy can feel Wilbur’s hand on his head now, so he leans into the touch. “You know how Phil is ancient? We can go somewhere far, far away, meet new people and forge new memories.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Tommy’s throat is starting to ache now. He’s spent, wanting nothing more than to sleep. At the same time, he just wants to enjoy the comfort. He feels like Enderchest, safe in someone’s arms with that stupid feeling of safety. He’s not pushing it away this time.

“I can be revived, safely.” Wilbur sounds like he’s beaming. “Phil knows people that can help, we don’t need Dream or anyone around here. We can also learn to heal and become a family again.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah.” Techno chuckles. “We’re all fucked up, but we’re together, right?”

Tommy nods, letting his eyes close again. He’s tired, and dimly, he can feel himself being rocked.

“Sleep, my child,” Phil whispers. “We’ll leave soon, alright?”

“You’d better not leave me behind ever again. I can’t handle it anymore.”

“No,” Wilbur confirms. “None of us are ever getting left behind again. We’re a family again, and I personally promise you’ll heal. Just promise all of us one last thing, alright?”

“What’s that?” Tommy cracks an eye open to peer at Wilbur.

“No more unhealthy coping mechanisms,” Wilbur says. “Ranboo was messaging us all day, saying he had to keep a close eye on you. If you want to heal, we’ll all heal together, but you have to stay with us, alright?”

“Get me a pet and we’ll talk.”

“Tommy, I have dogs. I have so many dogs, I could give you ten dogs and it wouldn’t matter. You can have a dog, just pick one.” Techno starts laughing.

“Not tonight.” Tommy nuzzles more into Phil. “I just want to be with you.”

Phil coos. “That, we can do.”

Okay, so maybe Tommy isn’t a cat, but he’s a sixteen year old boy, and he’s feeling safe for the first time in months. Broken family, broken trust, whatever. He’s starting to feel like he’s home again.

[mirismuffins-ovo]

Plant Palace pt 8🌿

John felt guilty,he hadn’t expected Eddie to accept him back so easily but it still hurt to feel rejected. John had gone back to his car. It was a colder night but he sleeplessly stayed there for the night. Missing his kids and filled with sadness,what would he tell his kids if he came back and said Eddie didn’t want anything to do for John. He’d felt lonely for such a long time and feared losing the one person he wanted to be with most.

He stayed there for the rest of the night,ignoring his hungry stomach begging for food. John normally went hungry for the sake of the kids when they handed out rations for the camps and he’d gotten into the habit of eating less. His clothes hid that fact for the most part,he had examined Eddie's house,it was nice. Eddie had done well for himself,and he didn’t blame Eddie for being mad at John,he’d ran off after promising they’d have a family together and raise the babies together. Sleeplessly lying in the driver's seat with it reclined thinking about everything.

Eddie groaned as he woke up. Leafy and Bitty were pawing at his legs as he realized where he was. He never left the front entry way and didn’t think about the cats.

“Shit.” He groaned.

He got up, going to feed the cats when Bitty looked up at him and meowed before rubbing up against his leg. Then it all dawned on him.

“SHIT, JOHN!”

He fled his apartment, running outside, seeing maybe the man fell asleep at his apartment complex entry way. He didn’t care if it was early in the morning, He fucked up. He had promised himself over the years that it didn’t matter what happened to John. He wasn’t human so he had to do what the man had to do, and Eddie accepted that when they were dating. Just his own jealousy got in the way. He ran in the opposite direction he walked home in the night before, shouting for John’s name. He didn’t even look in any of the parked cars on the side of the street or alleyways. All he wanted to do was find his old lover and hold him in his arms again and apologize for being a complete dick.

John looked over with restless eyes from his small car seeing Eddie running around seeming to look like he was distressed.He wondered would Eddie really be better off,as he listened to him call his name. It seemed like it from what he said last night but he got out of the car,his eyes burned from crying the whole night but also no sleep. He shut the car door loud enough to let Eddie know to look over. John couldn’t bring himself to look at Eddie.

John leaned on his car,watching the man somberly,hearing the rapid steps from Eddie darting around in frantic search. He’d figured Eddie would be better with someone more normal...after all he said maybe it was better that people like them shouldn’t be together. John had spent all night trying to decide whether he should’ve turned the car around and driven back to camp. He hoped he didn’t choose wrong.

As soon as Eddie heard the car door close, he whipped around seeing the smaller distressed frame of the familiar man. Eddie took off full he speed,as fast as his older body could before flung himself at John, embracing him and swinging him around.

“Thank God you didn’t leave!” Eddie exclaimed in pure joy as he set John down from the spin.

John looked up confused but also trying to hide a blush on his cheeks.

“I know we have a lot to work out, but I am so so sorry for being an ass last night. I had a shitty band practice and so I went to get a few drinks and this one girl kept hitting on me at the bar and then I heard your song on the bus home and I…” Eddie paused himself,pulling the red head in for a hug again. “I’ve missed you so so much..I feel like I’m in Heaven right now seeing you again..” he muttered in a loving tone. Placing a gentle hand on the back of Johns head still holding him.

Eddie was crying tears of joy again. John was alive, John was safe, John was here.

John had frozen shocked by the sudden action,he didn’t know what to say. He felt happier than ever and relieved but still filled with confusion, “I’m sorry..I don’t know what I should say” he muttered in a dry voice,batting his eyes a few times while streams of tears ran down his face. Now in the arms of Eddie tightly burying his face into Eddie's upper shoulder. John's stomach said something for him with a loud growl. He blushed embarrassed and pulled away from the hug to look up at Eddie.

“I missed you Eddie...I should've tried to take you with me” John's pale frail hand wiped a tear falling,from his cheek as he let out a soft shaky breath. His stomach letting out another growl craving food once again.

Eddie just ignored the words for the time being and broke them apart for a quick moment before smooshing their lips together in a super long, 2 year delayed, kiss. It felt good to finally connect this intimately with the person he loved dearly. Suffocating one another in affection,but another growl from John’s stomach snapped them out of it,Eddie snickered as John blushed with embarrassment.

“Come back to my place, I’ll cook something. Plus I’m sure there is someone who’d love to see you right now.” Grabbing John’s hand, Eddie started to drag him in the direction of his house.

When they were reaching his apartment, he forgot to close his door and was afraid the cats got out. He quickly approached the door and looked inside, calling to his two kitty companions. He left John at the door to see if he could still find them.

“Spspspsp” He sounded out and waited. The singer walked in looking around to see Bitty pinning Leafy down who was struggling to move as he wanted to go out the door. “Good kitty! Keeping Leafy inside!” He cooed, getting them treats. “Daddy’s sorry he left in a hurry, I’ll give you extra kibble.” Both cats heard food and started to pour more into their dishes.

“You can come in now.” Eddie called, hearing the footsteps enter his home and close his front door.

Bitty lifted her head up in wonder to see who came inside her home when the kitty smelled an old but familiar smell. “Murrrrp? Merrrrp!” She ditched her food dish and ended up rubbing herself on her old cat dad. She meowed and purred vigorously when John picked her up and started laughing.

“Awww my lil Bits” He held her like a baby and gave her head small kisses “I missed you so much my lil one” he laughed softly and set her down purring loudly as she pranced over to the food bowl “I missed her,Thankyou for taking care of her Eds”

John tiredly sat down on a chair relaxing a bit as Eddie started to cook up breakfast,he looked like he was ready to fall asleep then and there. John was exhausted from his worrying, “your house is really nice,I also like the new cat” he smiled at Eddie from across the table. He fidgeted with his red hair “the girls wanna meet you Eddie..and I can’t stop thinking about it” Johns eyes were closed now,smiling at the thought of his sweet kids “my moms taking care of them right now”

Eddie smiled. “I would love to see them too John…” He got out a couple of plates. “But we need to work out what’s between us. We need to make sure it's really safe for Humans and Abbies to live together and be allowed to love each other. Things have been trying to change for the better between our species, but there’s always that loophole that continues to set everyone back.”

He dished up the food and handed one plate to John who carefully begin to take small bites to ease the food into his stomach. Eddie ate like normal, scratching Leafy’s ear when the kitty decided to beg for his food.

“No, Leaf, go eat your kibble.”

Eddie turned his attention back to John. “So… How have you been, like really been?”

John thought about the question pausing his meal,he normally tried to not think about how he was feeling. “I-...I’m tired,it’s been a rough few years raising the kids...and helping my mom with the rebellion,getting captured then breaking out of a facility.I really lucked out they didn’t find I could have kids,...we aren’t seen as humans in facilities” John gave an awkward laugh attempting to hide his grim recount,before he shoved another bite into his mouth chewing slowly. “It’s been...lonely” John had gotten sick during one of the harsher winters after he had the girls. He let out a deep breath rubbing his burning eyes. “It was actually my mom and the girls who said I should try to come back to see you…I mean I was planning to anyways, but I just wasn’t sure if my mom could watch the kids that long. Or if you’d want to even see me.” John ran his fingers through his petal filled hair,it all stressed him out. “Anyways how've you been…” John didn’t wanna tell Eddie that he longed to continue the dream of having a family with him,getting married and actually carrying the children of Eddie. He knew it would be too much to say,it’d been so long after all. He didn’t wanna rush things too fast and lose him again.

“I’ve been better.” Eddie replied. “Just been working on a new EP with the band. After a few concerts, Greenhouse was a success to my surprise. I guess it resonated with a bunch of people. Some people have called it the ‘Barrier Breaker’, saying it’s what's going to bring the people together.” He shrugged. “But who knows.”

He let out another sigh. “So you’ve mentioned you’ve broken out of a facility. But it’s legal for Humans and Abnormals to live together now. Does this mean you’re a fugitive? Does your Mom know you were taken? What about the girls?” He started spilling questions. But then he stopped.

“Sorry. But if you really are on the run, then we have to figure something out so you’re really free.”

“I was a fugitive,this wasn’t the first time I was in a facility. So when we first met I could technically be considered a fugitive,but after this break out and some political negotiations with the governor. My mother and I with a few others were able to make it legal in this state to live in city’s with regular people.” John took a deep breath trying to not overload Eddie with information. “And now a few other progressive states it’s legal,it’s making its way to the presidential office,so hopefully it’ll be countrywide soon” John had an awkward smile for a moment. “we’re working on the details about Abnormals and Regulars getting married and such” He shrugged and sat back in his chair,”Before we were together,a few years back I did some shit as a teenager that got me put in a facility” clearing his throat he continued “it’s why Quinn blew up when I asked about them taking the babies,but now, I’m not a fugitive,I’m ‘legal’ now”

Eddie felt so relieved, like his heart was mending back together.

“We should talk more but you look like you’re about to pass out. Stay for a few days, rest up and eat. I’m still in the middle of the album so I’ll be in my studio most of the day. If you need to leave…” He looked at John with seriousness, giving a warning in his tone of voice. “Tell me. If you run off again, I won’t be as forgiving.”

He got up, went to take a shower real quick then left for the studio. Eddie was elated that John was back, but he couldn’t forgive him just yet. He needed to mend his broken heart and he knew just how to do it. Eddie dried off and got dressed in pajamas,making his way down the hall. John who’d finished eating and seemed to pass out on Eddies couch.

When he walked into his studio, he got set up, texted his band about what’d happened,then began to strum his guitar. He heard only one song ringing through his head now,the song that had been haunting him for years. He closed his eyes, sliding his finger and plucking the first string, beginning to play Eden.

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol. 20

I want to try to break the book into three main chunks. The last time I did that, it was easier to write about. So uh, the first chunk has to do with Tohru and her feelings about Kyo, and Kagura's reaction, the second chunk is Akito and Ren's past being revealed (it's totally a mess but it's to be expected), and the third chunk is about things unraveling.

Ok cool let's do it. (The picture was at the end of one of the chapters, I just liked it a lot idk) (also tumblr needs to increase the character limit for the alt text, it's only 200 characters, which goes by quick. twitter has like,, 420, which is more manageable)

Tohru came to Kazuma's house to visit Izusu, and Kagura came to confront Tohru about something. What possibly could it be (as if I didn't say so in the beginning)? Kagura was talking about it a bit with Kazuma, and he said he just hopes that Tohru's feelings don't come from a place of pity (which is a mild "oof" point for Kagura, because that's mostly why she loved Kyo), because Kyo has had to deal with people either flat out hating him, or being nice to him out of a sense of pity. Even Kazuma admitted (earlier in the series. I don't remember when but I remember reading it) that part of the reason he took in Kyo as a child was because he was making it up for how he treated his grandfather, the previous Cat. Over time, those feelings fell away, in favor of genuinely caring for Kyo's wellbeing, but Kazuma doesn't seem to be the one who would forget about stuff like that. (Also it turns out that the previous Cat's partner basically stayed with him out of a sense of pity, as well)

It turns out that Izusu and Tohru were talking about the same thing, and Tohru worried if her feelings for Kyo were selfish, because she wanted nothing to take Kyo away from her, not the curse, not the Sohma family, nothing. Kagura then bust into the room, smacked Tohru across the fucking room it seems, and said, "Then fucking tell him that!!" (direct quote, 100%) Izusu yelled at Kagura for hitting Tohru, asking what right she had for doing that, but given Kagura's nature, it doesn't seem completely out of nowhere. She just got pretty emotional in that moment.

For Tohru, it seemed to knock the right screw loose for her, and she thought back to when she was talking about her father to Kyo, and if he said really anything against what she was talking about, she apparently would've just zipped her lips and pretended she hadn't said anything, and moved on, but he didn't. Which is pretty nice of him to do, honestly. Anyway, when she came to again (because she got knocked out from Kagura's emotion-packed slap), Kyo was sitting there, because Kazuma had called him, ("Hey dude so there was a smackdown here and Tohru got knocked out lmao" is how I'm imagining the call. kjdhkfgjh can you imagine Kazuma saying "lmao" I can't) but Kyo didn't ask about the fight (which was a Wise Lesson from Shishou™), another nice thing for him to do, though in my opinion it would be a pretty easy thing to explain.

Ok, so now onto the second chunk, which kinda has some of the stuff in the third chunk later on but whatever. Story flow, it's pristine today.

It starts with some of the,, maids? or something that are in the Sohma house (they never get names so far as I can tell, and I don't really know what to call them, but at one point someone referred to one of them as a maid, I think? Idk.) talking about Ren, and wondering why Akito still let Ren wander around freely like she does. Another said that Akito can only do so much, because apparently there is a crowd of people in the house that are "Ren-followers", and if she had Ren be completely contained within an area, there's a chance that those followers might start some shit, which would be a headache to deal with. One of the maids said that Akito has been sick (or holed up in her room) for too long, and the rest of the Juunishi are doing nothing to help, which does not help with Ren, who spouts out stuff about how the Juunishi doesn't really care about Akito at all. The maids seem to have a particular thing against Ren, because they view her as an unsuitable woman who somehow managed to become partners with Akira, the previous God, I think, but also the father of Akito.

Speaking of Akito, she has a box. That same box that Ren tried to use Izusu to get back. Something about that box has to do with Akira, and it seems important to both Akito and Ren, though honestly at this point Akito is probably just holding onto it out of spite for Ren, I wouldn't be surprised (I, too, am a petty bitch. I understand the mindset). She asked Kureno if he has any idea what is in it, and when he says he doesn't, she simply says, "Father."

Now we jump over to Ren and Shigure, who are also talking about about that elusive box. Apparently Shigure was tasked to get the box, but obviously he didn't succeed. He said (thought? He didn't say it aloud, it was one of those thoughts thing--- anyway) that he didn't really care, he didn't even want to touch that box, much less even look at it, it was no loss to him. Out loud, he says that it would be inappropriate for him to hold it, and Ren agrees, saying that only she can have it, just like how only she could have Akira, when he was alive. Are you already sensing where this is heading? Well, I'll say it anyway.

Flash back to Kureno, he's thinking about Akira, from when he was younger and Akira was still alive. He remembers Akira as very beautiful, in a fleeting way. Akira was sickly, all the time, and sad. Everyone knew that he wouldn't live for very long. But since he was the head of the house, of the family, it was imperative that he find a partner and produce an heir. That person was Ren, who was one of his care-takers. The rest of the staff (or something??) didn't like that she was going to be with Akira, it seemed unsuitable, but she was the only candidate. She was the only person who recognized how lonely he was, is what Akira said as a defense when people objected. And so, they were married. The older members of the family despised it, the younger thought it was the beginning of a new change, a new era. Ren said (because this section is flipping between Kureno and Ren) that it was only them two (haha grammar): Akira and Ren, they were all who mattered. She was everything to Akira. So when she had Akito, well, that muddled things. Because now there was another person that Akira loved: his own fuckin child. That's right. Ren got jealous of her own child because Akira loved his very own daughter. That's,, that's something. Shortly after that, Ren decided that Akito would be raised as a boy. Or maybe it was while she was still pregnant. At any rate, she said it was because it would be unsuitable for the head of the family to be a woman, but we all know the real reason: it's so that Akira wouldn't be loving another girl, even though that other girl was his daughter. Jfc Ren is a handful. From Kureno's memory, it seems like even as a kid, Shigure recognized that.

Back to Shigure and Ren, Shigure says that he feels sorry for Ren, probably thanks to all that upset she has. She says the same, that the Juunishi have had to deal with the abuse that Akito has dealt to them simply because of that "bond", and that there's no way that anyone could honestly love Akito. Shigure also comments that sometimes he thinks that if Akito had been raised as a woman, she'd look exactly like Ren, which instantly pisses Ren off. She just starts screaming about "Who do you have to thank for Akito being born! I'm the reason that (insert angry comment about how she's the only reason why x happened)". I'm kinda glad she isn't in the series much, this is exhausting. I know she's in the book later, and maybe a bit more in the next few, but jeez. It's a lot.

Anyway, let's end the chapter with Momiji having his curse be broken. The end is near (for the Juunishi, not this post lmao).

The second that the curse breaks, Akito knows it (that's probably the bond. I doubt it's some kinda "we'll be friends forever uwu" kinda thing, it's just kinda an awareness of each other, or maybe just God's awareness of everyone) and races towards Momiji, begging him to not leave. Now that the curse is broken, Momiji is confused as to how those thoughts he had prior for Akito were even there, now that he sees Akito clinging onto him, whimpering and panicked. Momiji waves her away, saying that he'll keep it a secret, and that Akito should go rest, wasn't she feeling sick earlier?

We pan over to the school, where Haru is asking Yuki if he's noticed anything off about Momiji. Haru can't place it, but something seems off, maybe not. Kyo ends up running into Momiji walking down a hallway, and asks him about it (he overheard the others talking about it), and Momiji just out and says it: his curse broke. He said he imagines that Tohru would be happier about it if it were Kyo's curse that broke, and that he (Momiji) lost. (I guess he lost in some unspoken one-sided competition of "getting" Tohru, because y'know she's not her own person who is capable of deciding these things for herself or anything)

Later, Momiji goes back to the main Sohma estate, to apologize to Akito for how he acted yesterday, but also to say that he won't be staying there any longer. Akito takes it like a champ, slapping Momiji across the face and insulting him, saying that he's a traitor, he has nowhere else to go, his family either doesn't remember him or hates him, he'll never be happy! and Momiji's just like, "Yeah lol I already feel lonely", that he can't be with the person he loves, and he no longer has that One Thing that previously connected him to most of the other people he's close with, and that there's no going back. He does say though, that it's not Akito's decision or place to say whether Momiji will ever be happy or not, because he might not be happy now, that does not mean that he won't ever be happy in the future. He then asks Akito how long she will stay at the house, thinking that eventually, everyone will come back to her, that no one will be happy without her. What if it's actually her that is most afraid-- Akito isn't down for an analysis, she just tells Momiji to leave.

Let's now go down memory lane, down a nice and happy time, especially for Akito and Ren: Akira's death and it's after effects. Happy times. (apparently i was wrong, the thing i said was the third chunk that wove in nicely with the second was just the second chunk, i think this is the actual third chunk)

Akito is thinking back (on a rainy morning, extra points for setting the mood) on her relationship with her parents. With Akira, it was nice, he always was kind and caring, telling Akito that she is what everyone has been waiting for, and that she thought she was the one Akira loved the most. With Ren, however, she was always cruel, from the start. She always glared at Akito, she was always mean. Akito hates her. We're brought back to the day Akira died, where Ren bursts into the room, asking why she wasn't notified sooner, why Akira had to die alone. One of the attendants said his condition worsened too quickly to call Ren close by, but also that Akira hadn't died alone; he died with Akito by his side. The attendant said that Akira's will had been passed onto Akito, she was now the head of the family. Ren was angered at that, there's no reason for Akito to still be around now! She only tolerated her child being around because Akira liked her, but now that Akira is gone, there is no one to love or care about Akito. Akito said that wasn't true, that all of the Juunishi will love her, because of their bond. (Which is basically what Akira said. He put most of that stuff into her head, and she doubled down on it whenever Ren said anything against it, which might as well be every single time they were around each other)

Back to the present, Kureno comes in the room to talk about something, but Akito interrupts him, saying that she was happy when Yuki was born, as the Rat. It was mostly just something she used to prove Ren wrong, and she used it as long as she could (much to the deterioration of Yuki's mental health). She thought back, over the years, to all the bad things that had happened, how she tried so hard to keep everyone close, and how all of them had, one by one, come to "betray" (cough cough, try to live their own lives, cough cough) her. After Shigure and Yuki left to their present residence, Ren said that they had given up on Akito. When Akito again mentioned their bond (which, really, now that I think about it, has basically been the singular thing straining to keep everything under control. Akito's sole sense of identity was being God, she's never had anything else.), Ren waved it away, then challenged that if any of the Juunishi can go out into the world, experience it in all it's freaky magical ways, and not be taken in by it, and instead return to Akito, then she will have been proved wrong, Akito's claims this whole time will have been correct. If they failed to, however, Ren said that Akito would have to give up the Sohma name. But Akito believed it, she truly believed she was right, that nothing big enough would come between her and the rest of the Juunishi (Tohru has entered the chat). She had to believe it, she just had to. But now, it's evident, between how Haru reacted upon learning about Izusu, Momiji's demeanor after the curse broke, the general way that the rest of the Juunishi float away from Akito, that it isn't true, and with that, she has nothing to hope for.

Upon this realization, Ren bursts into the room, knee-length hair floating around her, eyes crazed, knife in hand, demanding for Akira. Demanding for that box, and whatever contents were inside. In response, Akito fuggin yeeted it at Ren, she didn't give a shit. It flashed back to right before Akira died, and he soothed Akito by saying that, despite dying, he will always be with her. He wanted for Ren to be happy. He wasn't upset that he was dying so soon, he knew that he was just a man who was going to die, but he was happy that he was able to have a child, and to have had that child with Ren, and since that child was special, it was proof that their relationship was a special one. Back to the present, Ren scrambles to the box, tears it open hungrily to find,,, nothing. The box was empty. It'd always been empty, said to have held Akira's soul, but it was mostly just something to help Akito with Akira's passing. Suddenly, Akito grabbed the knife that fell from Ren's hand, poised to stab Ren but then--

Hiro's curse broke. Ren can thank that bond she always scoffed at for saving her life. But hey, now Hiro can hold his baby sister, which is nice. Yay for family moments.

Boo for Akito, because it's just really grinding in that the curse is quickly falling apart, and there's absolutely nothing that she can do about it. Ren taunts Akito, asking if she was trying to kill her. The attendants blow up, one yelling at Ren for making such a scene, taking a knife with her, and another scolds the first for giving Akito that box in the first place, it's stupid! The first attendant said that Akito knew from the start that it was empty, common sense would say that much! (idk man it could've held one last letter from Akira to Akito, a letter wouldn't affect the weight of the box significantly, it's not common sense)

Akito leaves the room, and Kureno follows. Akito says that it was both common sense but also not, that there wasn't anything in the box. She wanted to believe there was a chance that something was in that box, some kind of invisible energy that would help her. But even after opening it, seeing that it was empty, she still held onto it, knowing there wasn't anything. And that was her common sense, that's what she thought. She'd never been given any other way of thinking, of living, so why and how should anyone expect differently? Kureno says that she can start learning now, that that was what he wanted to talk about earlier, that she can't stay here, she'll never be able to move on, to which Akito cuts him off with "Fuggin now, bitch?? You're saying that now?? That doesn't help me! It would have helped in the beginning! But not fucking now!" (which btw is true. i doubt akito was even allowed to go to a public school, that she was schooled within the estate. i really believe that she's never really been outside of the the properties that the Sohma family owns) Then she stabs Kureno, with that knife she's been holding all this time. She reasons with it saying that Kureno's "halfway kindness" has been killing her this whole time, that it can't be fixed by Kureno saying that maybe Akito should go touch some grass. As Akito is running from the scene (more like haggardly stumbling), she continues thinking that it's Kureno's fault, it's not on her, until she remembers what Yuki was saying at the New Year's gathering about blame. It doesn't really fix anything, it just momentarily makes you think that you're not in the wrong. *record scratch* What if it's Akito's fault, then? All of this? What if it's her fault? What if it's the fault of the person who made everyone change? What if it's Tohru's fault?? (dun dun dunnnn)

Meanwhile, back at the other Sohma house (Shigure's house?) Tohru has some confessing to do. Before that though, Kyo has some confessing to do, though not about the same thing. He tells Tohru that he knew her mom before she died, and that he was the reason she died. He tells her that they met when he was really young, and how they had kinda become friends (in that way that people become friends by talking often, but Kyo never told Kyoko his name, because he had some weird thing about having a name so similar). That all fell apart the day that Tohru went missing. He promised that he would find her and rescue her, but after finding that Yuki had done it (the evidence was The Hat), he lashed out, and never talked to Kyoko again. Years later, when he was at the crosswalk, who was beside him but Kyoko, who he recognized instantly. He wasn't sure what to do, whether to say something to her or hold back. He was totally able to grab her arm, get her out of harm's way, but he didn't, he was too scared. (plus yaknow the whole cat thing) He beats himself up about, still to this day. He does the same with his own mom's death. It was his fault that his mom killed herself, she couldn't stand having such a monster as a child. It was too much for her, and she couldn't take any longer. (It wasn't. I won't say that his mom wasn't put under strain for having Kyo, for knowing that he wasn't human, that he turned into a weird monster if his bracelet was taken off, but from what we've seen of his dad, it was probably at least 85-90% his dad's fault. He was too caught up in the politics of the Sohma family, ashamed of the fact that Kyo was the Cat, the worst out of them, that he couldn't even salvage having one of the good freaks to have as a child of his, and he took it all out on his wife and later his son.)

And the book ends on that cheery note. (Why do I say stuff like that why I am I like this)

[colonel-insomniac]

Patbob I should’ve been better :3 HOHO

@pawsomelybuggy here ye go :3 I hope you likeeeeee. Also realizing how long its been since i wrote for patbob

Bobby couldn’t move. He was so numb he was frozen to his spot. He wished he had never opened his mouth and said those words to Patrick, because he knew how sensitive his buddy was, and how Bobby was the only one in his life who had been there no matter what. And Bobby had an argument with arguably the one person he loves the most in his life, sending him away to a group of newfound friends as opposed to opening his arms and reassuring Patrick that Bobby would always be there for him.

He couldn’t open his mouth, it was like it was glued shut by the cosmos or something, but he desperately wanted to call Patrick back. Bobby wanted so badly to say “I’m sorry, I should never have said any of that, because I love you so much more than any argument we could ever have.”

But words left unsaid were soon wilted on his tongue, washed away with the wave of crushing sorrow roaring its way through his bloodstream. And so he wordlessly watched his best friend walk away without even a glance back at Bobby, who had fallen to his knees, legs unable to carry him anymore. Into the future, Patrick went, without Bobby. And that thought kept creeping its way around his brain, his awareness of his breathing being the only thing keeping the tears from flowing freely.

Sandy placed her hand on his shoulder, gently helping him stand again, sending him home to rest before their trek up the volcano. His home was dark, shadows from the moon casting their dancing shapes through his living room as the door swung open. Gary padded his way to Bobby, a seemingly chiding “meow” ringing throughout the house. Bobby offered his furry friend the best smile he could before heading up to his room. He couldn’t muster the energy to pretend he was just fine anymore. He was the opposite of fine.

And he didn’t know if it was Patrick’s betrayal of Bobby, or Bobby’s betrayal of Patrick. Was there any way it could be both, because if Bobby couldn’t answer that question, he’d just wind up blaming himself, and only himself. Maybe that was actually the case.

He crawled onto his bed, allowing his mind to roam free, reliving days in the sun with Pat, swimming in the ocean as children, ice cream cones melting and making small hands sticky. And the place he once was so proud to live in was now a projected hologram, stilted in its image as it tried to hold itself together. He saw people he once thought to be accepting now openly discriminate against Sandy for not being native. People interrupted Edward more than they normally did, and tore down any shred of confidence Bobby thought he had. And his boss lost himself to his unending hunger for money, even in a time when it might not even matter anymore. Not that Bobby ever thought it did, because he was always raised to believe that you could struggle to pay bills and put food on the table, but you could still be happier than people who were careless with their own earnings. All it took was surrounding yourself with the right people.

And so he was disappointed, any sparkling image of his town dulled with the reality of the world. Sure, it was sad, but there was ultimately nothing he could actually do about that. He had tried and people will only work on themselves if they want to get better.

Gary leapt onto the bed quietly, and laid himself ontop of Bobby, purring. Bobby thought maybe his furry faced friend was trying to heal him in his own way, and Bobby rubbed the top of Gary’s head, fighting back the strong urge to cry.

But the tears came anyway, sliding down the sides of his face, because he just missed his buddy so bad. And yeah, Patrick was only two houses away, but nothing said he was wanted there, and what if he wasn’t there anyway? Patrick had new friends, new bonds and better light in his life.

And for all his kindness and sociability with his fellow peers, Bobby really only had a few people he would actually consider his friends. And even fewer he’d consider his best friends. Gary gently hopped off Bobby and onto the bed, seemingly sensing that Bobby was thinking of getting up. His cat’s intuition scared him sometimes, but he scratched behind Gary’s ears, before walking to his closet.

Even in the heat of the summer, he was still inexplicably cold, so he dug out a hoodie— unsurprisingly, one of Pat’s— and slid it on. He left the hoodie sitting on his head, because if he didn’t think about it too much, it kinda felt like someone was holding him in an embrace.

Leaving his room, he climbed up the stairs and onto his roof. The wind blew, gently moving the small curls of hair off his forehead. And two houses down, the lights were on. Soft music was carried to Bobby, but it was also possible for that to have come from Edwards house, not Patrick’s.

Bobby turned, knowing if he continued to stare, he might see something that would hurt. He remembered a day he was here with Patrick. The whole town had been avoiding Bobby, and he couldn’t figure out why they were. Patrick had been the only one to not avoid him, and when he came to the conclusion that it was because Bobby was unattractive, he had encouraged the smaller boy to be proud.

Pat had dragged him up to the roof, and instructed him to yell he was ugly and proud for the whole world, so there would never be a person who could use that to demean him. With shaking hands and alone this time, Bobby tilted his head to the sky “I should have been better.” He shouted it for the whole world to hear, but more importantly, hoped that Patrick had heard it too, and that he would know that Bobby meant it for him.

He dropped to his knees again, and lied down on the top of his roof. All the anger and frustration was definitely gone by now, and he was left with the crushing feeling of numbing sorrow. Bobby was just barely able to register the music coming to a stop, crickets chirping their way to break the silence before it could get too quiet.

Unlike earlier, he had no encouragement to sit up anymore, no reason to. And in all honesty, he could very well just sleep here, under the stars. But after a while, he picked himself off the ground anyways, and to the shower, because if the world was to end tomorrow, the least he could do was start off his day right.

And when the sun shone the next morning, Bobby was severely underprepared. If he just closed his eyes, would time stop for him? He supposed it didn’t really matter, Sandy was probably already waiting, or fighting her way through racist people anyways, the least he could do is try to meet her.

Climbing a volcano was harder than he had originally thought. The higher they went, the hotter it got, and the more frequently they had to take a break. The air was thin, and he had to force himself to not look down, because if he did, he’d freak out, and that just was not something they could afford right now. Not with the day going from afternoon to late afternoon. They didn’t have time to waste.

So when his foot caught in between some rocks, Bobby considered telling Sandy to just keep pushing forwards without him. Tumbling rocks separated them, but thankfully they missed him. He could just barely hear Sandy calling his name, and hoped she could hear him shout for her.

Bobby was unfortunately aware of the large boulder running down the volcano, speeding towards him. Heart beating in his chest, he shut his eyes, wishing he could at least have apologized to Pat.

When he opened his eyes, it was only in confusion, because he didn’t feel a thing, so either it was a quick death, or…

He gasped. “Patrick!” Bobby made the mistake of looking down, and clung closer to Pat after realizing he was floating through the air. “And you have Sandy’s jetpack!”

Pat set him down next to Sandy and fidgeted, nervous for some reason unbeknownst to Bobby. “Can we talk, privately for just a minute?” Pat asked, and Sandy waved over in some other direction, quickly asking for this to be a genuinely small talk. “I heard what you said last night.” Bobby’s blood turned to ice, because he thought that maybe Pat was here to tell Bobby he was ready to just put everything behind them because it wasn’t worth it. He just wanted to move on.

“Oh, uhm, about that…” Bobby wasn’t really sure what to say, or how to say it. “I believe it. I should have been better and I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with.” He looked away, taking a small, heartbroken step back.

Patrick moved forward to match Bobby’s step back, and shook his head with a sad smile on his face. “No, you don’t get it,” He began, “I should have been better, too. We both said things that weren’t true just to hurt the other.”

“I never wanted to lose you,” Bobby whispered, tears in his eyes. “And when you started walking off, I guess I panicked. But that doesn’t excuse what I said. And I wish I had never even said any of it because none of it is true.”

“It’s alright. I got caught up in the idea of being a hero in my own right, and I let myself be distracted by false promises.” Patrick shrugged, and pulled Bobby into a hug.

Bobby’s heart pounded in his chest, partially from relief and happiness, and partly due to the overwhelming urge to just say the words rocketing their way through his head. “I love you so much.” It came out muffled against Patrick, but he wasn’t willing to let go of Patrick. His companion held him tighter, whispering the sentiment right back to Bobby.

[banalbones]

The Petite Prince: Chapter 8

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Chapter 8: One (1) Breakdown

Summary: Roman is a child. It is now Patton’s turn to look after him.

Words: 2150

Ships: Familial everything, except roceit. Eventual familial roceit

Genre: Fluff with a side dose of angst

Warnings: A few swears, mention of the words ‘sexual innuendo’ tell me if there’s any more!

Taglist: @pricklyfish777 @sunflowerblondeuwu @itriedandimtired @draw-your-perfect-world @cemmy @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun @nonbinary-lizard-2 @fanforeveruniverse @i-cant-find-a-good-username @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @7-slights-at-virgil @crazydemigod666 @tryingtobts

__________________________

Is everything about to go to shit?

How did you know.

__________________________

I’ve said too much!

Roman would have thought, if he were his usual age. But alas, he is not, and so the small prince just wanted a hug.

Plus, hugs usually made people happy!

And I made Mama sad! He was the only not-sad person! He needs a hug now.

And so the little prince snuggled closer to Logan’s chest.

Then he felt a tug.

Thomathy!

Logan, it seemed, had also felt the tug. He frowned.

“Roman, I may have to leave quite soon. Is there anyone you would like to stay with while I’m gone?”

The prince’s brows furrowed as he thought about the question.

“ReeRee?”

“I’m afraid he is already with Thomas.”

Who else was there?

“I d’kno…”

_______________________

Logan sighed. He would have to choose for the royal.

Virgil had told him of the conversation he and Roman had had the night before. It wasn’t an optimal situation, but it wasn’t as if he could get the prince to choose between going to Patton or Janus.

The two who had hurt him the most.

But Remy wasn’t here, and Orange…

He would go with Patton.

“How about Patton?”

The princely side’s face bore a pained expression, before immediately switching to a relatively happy one.

“Ya!”

Logan stood up, hugging the prince to his chest.

“Off we go.”

_________________

Patton was in his room, attempting to make himself some eggs and bacon for breakfast. As the only thing he could make well were brownies, it came out burnt.

Even the egg, somehow.

The moral side dumped the ‘breakfast’ into a bin, before clapping his hands together and summoning some edible food.

I really don’t know why people think I can cook decently…

I can only bake-on brownies!

___________________

Holy shit.

Get it? Like bacon?

We got it.

Egg-celent!

Oh my…

___________________

Patton had just gotten a text from Logan that he would have to look after Roman while he and Virgil looked after Thomas.

The moral side really couldn’t afford to mess this up.

Especially after seeing Remus’s reaction to how the whole situation went down.

The Duke had stayed silent for a moment, before sprouting tentacles and storming off, destroying almost everything in his path and shoving the other sides out of his room.

You could hear him screeching through the walls.

It was lucky that Roman had left when he did.

I don’t want to think about that. So, how will I decorate my room for Roman?

Ah, repression. A very useful tool, even when it shouldn’t be used.

Patton had been preparing an apology speech for the little prince after being thrown out of Remus’s room, in true princey fashion, and with this new opportunity, it would be the perfect time to put it to use.

Even though Patton wasn’t entirely sure how he would apologize to a fifteen month old child.

He’d figure it out.

________________________

Roman clung tightly to Logan’s neck. Falling off of his shoulders would be bad. Just like sad! But more hurt-y.

Roman didn’t really like hurt-y-ness.

He also didn’t like having to stay with Patton, but Mama said that he had to and the prince really wasn’t bothered to protest. Protesting would have made Mama sad, anyway.

The small royal decided not to think about how sad Da-Patton had made him.

Will he have brownies? He had brownies yesterday. Brownies are good…

“Little one?”

Roman giggled at the nickname.

“We’re here. Would you like a hug before I go?”

“Ya!”

And so the logical side lifted Roman from his shoulders and swung him around through the air. The prince squealed as Logan then raised him above his head.

“Simba!”

And with that the petite prince exploded with giggles, letting out a small roar.

Logan let out a sigh of relief.

Roman then hugged the logical side’s neck.

“Bye Mama!”

It was safe to say that the miniature monarch was feeling a lot happier now.

_____________________

Janus had been dealing with intrusive thoughts since his last ‘interaction’ with Remus.

The one ‘person’ he thought would always be by his side.

It wasn’t annoying at all.

For that’s all they were, annoying. Being forced to live with Remus for over twenty years gets you used to these sort of things.

It was slightly worse though, as usually Remus would scream them at him from the ceiling, instead of sending them through his head. The deceitful side had somehow thought that the Duke couldn’t do that to him.

Janus didn’t even know how Remus had found out about the situation. He was literally the only person who talked to him. Aside from Logan, he supposed.

Only person who willingly talked to him.

And either way, Remus didn’t really like his brother. Why did he care now?

His train of thought was cut off as he heard a ding from his phone. Someone talking to him?

It was Patton.

Frogger: Guess who’s been invited to my room?

Ssssss: Who? And should I care?

Frogger: Ooooohhhhh yeeeeaaaah! You don’t know what happened!

___________________

Patton, while waiting for the princely side to arrive, decided to text Janus. Building up friendship was important!

He explained what happened to Roman, and then sent a few cat videos he found. Janus had seemed confused at those, they were sent kinda out of context.

And then there was a knock at his door.

The moral side leaped to his feet and ran to the door, opening it with little difficulty.

“Hey guys!”

The scene before him was adorable.

The tiny prince cuddled up to Logan’s chest with the logical side smiling softly at him.

Patton wished he had a camera.

“Salutations Patton.”

Roman waved enthusiastically and smiled, the grin not quite reaching his eyes.

The moral side felt a pang of sadness.

“Come on in!”

______________________

Roman was a bit scared.

He knew that Big him said princes shouldn’t be scared, but, the prince reasoned, he was currently not even two.

Patton’s room was cleaner than the last time he had seen it, with a bunch of toys laid out on the couch.

“Hey kiddo! Have you had breakfast yet?”

Roman nodded.

“Okay then! What do you want to do?”

Roman shrugged.

He knew adults hated it when children did that, from Thomas’s past experience, but he couldn’t help it. He really didn’t want to talk to him.

“How about we play with some toys?”

Roman nodded again.

And so for the next twenty minutes, Roman played with some toys, settling into the game and creating a kingdom.

I’m booooored. I wanna play with someone! ReeRee was way more fun!

“Pa- Patton?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Play!”

“Play?”

“Play.”

And so for the next twenty minutes, Roman and Patton built up their empire, defeating the dragons and witchs and saving the citizens.

“Attack!”

Roman ‘charged’ forward into the newly created pillow fort, swinging around his inflatable sword.

Then Patton wailed.

“My liege, I’m being controlled by the evil dragon witch! I’m sorry!”

“NOooooOOoOoooOoo!”

Patton held his hands out.

“I’m sorry!”

And then he struck.

Roman giggled uncontrollably as the fatherly side tickled him silly, falling into the fluffy pillows behind him.

A ball of water was unconsciously summoned in his fist.

And suddenly Patton stood, absolutely soaked, with a shocked look on his face.

Oh no… he’s gonna be mad!

…

As it turned out, Patton wasn’t mad. He instead grinned and fell to the ground dramatically.

“I’ve been freed!”

The grin widened as Roman jumped up and hugged him tightly.

Patton hugged him back.

______________________

“Where were you last episode?

Virgil stood in his usual place on the stairs.

Remus was at the TV, a stormy expression on his face.

Well I know that ain’t good.

“Well?” Thomas questioned.

“Why do you need to know?”

Thomas sighed.

To be honest, Virgil didn’t want to tell him.

Why? Oh, just because it was literally because he and Remus were trying to beat Janus(?!?)’s high score in Just Dance.

It was pretty embarrassing.

Thomas had been discussing the wedding and moral dilemmas, had accepted a side, basically destroyed one and Virgil had been hanging with Remus, Remus of all sides, playing Just Dance.

Definitely embarrassing.

“We were playing Just Dance!”

The Duke had spoken up for the first time in two minutes. He usually would have made a sexual innuendo and five death jokes by now.

Odd.

“Really? I thought you hated the Duke, Virgil.”

“I do, but I hate the snake more. Needed to beat his score. Hence Just Dance.”

“Janus? How do you even have that? Also, did you beat it?”

“Well-”

And so the conversation continued, with Logan eventually showing up as Thomas asked the question all of them were hoping he wouldn’t.

“Hey guys, I’ve tried summoning him a couple of times already, but he didn’t rise up. Where’s Roman?”

__________________

Why didn’t you want me to know? I could have handled it.

No, you couldn’t have.

You didn’t even know we could play Just Dance.

Speaking of that-

Oh god, here we go.

Can we just continue with the story?

___________________

Roman was having so much fun!

He was still a little appre- app-er-eh-hen-sive, but still!

He and Papa Patton had defeated the evil Dragon Witch and were now drawing. Roman had been ready to use his crayons on the table, but the moral side had managed to get him a piece of paper before it came to that.

Just a little bit there, and some more that here…

It needed more glitter, but it was good enough!

Patton was in the middle of creating his own drawing, a puppy with a crown. Very good, if he didn’t say so.

And then he looked over at Roman’s.

The petite prince had created an oil painting of the fatherly side standing princess style at the bottom of a grand staircase, complete with a glam makeup look and a meticulously styled ball gown.

What the… Holy crackers!

It seemed that while Patton had been focused on his own small piece of paper, the small royal had been summoning tools and colours and had made a masterpiece.

“Kiddo… That’s amazing! How did you do that in fifteen minutes? You deserve a sticker! And what a great idea- putting me in a dress- it’s so creative!”

At that Roman frowned.

“You okay?”

The prince nodded.

“Kiddo?”

“Pe-o-ple never like Big me’s- never like Big me’s ideas.”

He blinked.

Oh.

___________________

Ooooh, shits about to go down.

No shit.

Do you mean ‘no shit Sherlock.’?

Please don’t bring that back.

Too late! ____________________

“I’m sure that’s not true…”

“It is.”

Roman didn’t want to ruin the happy mood, but decided to be blunt. Big him never tried to show he needed help, so he would.

Mama Lo had said that it was okay.

“Big me tries! But no one c- but no one cares!”

The prince was standing now.

“He always comes up- always comes up with big lists o’ ida’s, but no no no! Bad bad bad!”

Roman knew Big him always put on a mask, but it was so hard to keep it all the time!

He was only (not even) two!

He couldn’t deal with that level of stress!

“Mama an’ VeeVee hate them! Big me’s always tryin’ change the ida’s for them! No fair!”

His eyes were glowing.

“An’ you! An’ you…”

There were golden tears streaming down the princely side’s face as he collapsed onto the floor. Surprisingly enough, he seemed older than he had been before. The rant had been good for him.

…

Patton sank down on his knees next to the sobbing royal, who, when he felt the moral side’s hand on his back, stopped crying immediately.

But he needs to cry…

Patton didn’t know what to do. Because for the first time, he realised that Roman needed help. And support. And comfort.

But not for the reasons he had thought.

And so Patton hugged the scaled down side, long and hard.

Screw the speech, this would have to come from the heart.

“I’m sorry Roman. We’ll do better. I’ll do better. I might not understand now, and maybe I never will, but I will do whatever I can to help you. I’ll try. I promise.”

Roman nodded.

But still didn’t cry.

______________________

They spent a few minutes like that.

Roman knew he would have broken down eventually, but he didn’t think it would be now. Or to Patton.

But he felt a lot better.

And so the five year old prince clung tightly to the fatherly side.

There was so much more, but Papa Patton had said that even if he didn’t understand, he’d be there. That had been a reassurance he hadn’t known he needed.

And then there was a knock on the door.

“Can I come in?”

Janus.

______________________

Thank you for reading this extremely late chapter of the Petite Prince! My motivation really waned throughout the past few weeks, so thanks for waiting for this.

I also want to say, Patton being the side Roman first breaks down to was a surprise to me, too. It just felt appropriate in the moment.

I am also feeling kind of iffy with the part after ‘no shit, Sherlock’, the mood just changed completely.

(Also, this may sound odd, but Roman’s eyes are still glowing. It will be relevant!)

[reyna0w0]

You’re Here Again 15 (Last Chapter)

✏ todoroki shoto © kohei horikoshi

✏ todoroki shoto x fem!reader

✏✏ Chapter 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 + 9 + 10 + 11 + 12 + 13 + 14 + 15 (Last)

»»—————————————♡ —————————————««

Standing in front of the mirror for the 20th time, (Y/N) debated whether to change her outfit. Her phone’s alarm rang and she freaked out.

‘Agh! How is it already 11:30?! I have to meet Shoto-kun at 12!’

One last look at the mirror before (Y/N) fled to gather her things. 

She was out the door in 10 minutes, her parents chuckled at her rushing out. 

Shoto was standing by the fountain at the park, scrolling through his phone. (Y/N) walked up to him.

“I hope I’m not late!” She said with a breathy smile. 

The weather was getting colder since it was transitioning to winter soon.

“No, I’m just early,” Shoto replied.

“How long? Gosh, your hands are so cold!” (Y/N) said, taking his hands in hers. 

The warmth of her hands seeped into his. His already red from the cold face, burned even redder. 

(Y/N) realized what she was doing, let his hands go, and blushed. “How do I look?” She asked, desperate to change the subject. 

She was wearing a warm grey sweater with intricate patterns, paired with a pair of black skinny jeans and combat boots. On top of the sweater was a light brown coat and a woolen scarf.

“You look...cute,” Shoto said quietly.

‘I know I asked him but hearing it makes me so happy…’

(Y/N) blurted out, “You too!”

Well, he did look amazing. He donned a beige sweater cardigan with a white undershirt and black pants and sneakers. 

“Let’s go,” Shoto said, extending a hand out to (Y/N).

Blushing, she slowly took his hand. Walking hand in hand really made them seem like a real couple. It was still surreal to (Y/N) but it made her giddy. 

Smile hidden under her scarf, she said, “Where are we going?”

“A secret,” Shoto said.

“Aww. Tell me, please!” (Y/N) pleaded.

“It’ll ruin the element of surprise,” Shoto said with a chuckle.

“Aw, fine.”

Shoto smiled leading the way. (Y/N) didn’t recognize the area they were in so she was excited. It was already like a dream to be going on a date with Shoto. 

They stopped in front of a little restaurant called ‘Ambrosia’. Shoto pushed the door open and held it for (Y/N) as she walked inside admiring the interior. The place was absolutely ravishing. Hanging plants covered the ceiling along with beautiful warm-toned light bulbs. It looked stunning. The setting was cozy and romantic yet elegant. The walls were decorated with frames with quotes displayed and more plants hanging though they were gorgeous flowers along with fairy lights. 

“Wow! This place is gorgeous,” (Y/N) said as they took a seat by the window. 

“My mom recommended this place. She said the food was great and the atmosphere too,” Shoto said.

“Rei-san definitely knows the most aesthetic places. It’s so lovely,” (Y/N) replied, still admiring the place. 

“Yeah,” Shoto said while he looked at (Y/N). To him, she was lovelier.

The waitress came over to give them the menu. (Y/N) thanked her with a smile. How he loved that smile. It made his heart full. He wanted her to smile for him. 

After browsing the menu, they called the waitress back.

“I’ll have the carbonara, please,” (Y/N) said as she looked at the menu.

“Schnitzel and späetzle for me,” Shoto said.

“Will that be all?” The waitress asked after repeating their order.

“Yes, thank you,” Shoto replied.

The waitress whisked away and the couple talked as they waited for the food. The restaurant wasn’t very crowded so it was easy to talk without the loud bustle of a busy restaurant. It was quite peaceful along with the soothing classical music playing in the background. Romantic would also be a good way to describe the atmosphere between the two. 

The food came rather fast and soon they were enjoying their own dishes. 

“Mhm...This carbonara is fantastic!” (Y/N) said after taking the first bite.

“I’m glad you like it. My dish is quite enjoyable too,” Shoto said.

“I want to try some!” (Y/N) said, grinning.

Shoto smiled and took a good portion of schnitzel and späetzle on his fork and extended his fork to (Y/N). She blushed but took the bite since it was too appetizing to decline. 

Truly, it was delicious. “Ah! This is so good!”

Smiling at the sight of her in food heaven, Shoto just looked at her. He found her stunning. Especially when she was happy.

Doing the same, (Y/N) let Shoto try her carbonara. Shoto leaned towards her fork and took the bite. Heart beating faster, she never thought even a person eating could make her feel so flustered. 

Heart fluttering, she thought, ‘What have you done to me, Todoroki Shoto?’

After having a lovely lunch, they walked for a bit. (Y/N) didn’t think they had a destination in mind but Shoto did. 

“I hope you like cats,” Shoto said as they approached a cat cafe.

“Oh my God! Are you for real? I adore cats! Hurry, let’s go in!” (Y/N) squealed, storming right in.

Shoto followed her with a smile on his face. How rare of him to be smiling so much. (Y/N)’s charm it seems.

“Aww! These kitties are so cute! I think I’m going to die,” (Y/N) said as she petted four cats at once.

Shoto ordered drinks and dessert for them and watched (Y/N) play with the cats while a lazy cat made himself comfortable in Shoto’s lap. 

“Aww! He’s sleeping on your lap! Don’t move, okay? I need a picture of this!” (Y/N) said, fishing her phone from her pocket. 

Shoto did as he was told, he couldn’t bear waking the cat anyway. He, too, loved cats. Hence why he chose to bring her here. 

(Y/N) squealed at the picture she took. “This is going to be my lock screen wallpaper!”

Shoto smiled and carefully took out his phone, making sure the cat wasn’t disturbed.

(Y/N) was laughing as she petted the number of cats around her and fed them treats. Shoto took a couple of pictures of her with the cats. “Looks like you and the cats are going to be my wallpaper.”

(Y/N) blushed and gave Shoto a toothy grin. She was enjoying herself immensely. A kitty wonderland with her boyfriend. The two spent quite a bit at the cat cafe. (Y/N) was so sad to leave.

“Let’s come back next time. I like these cats already,” Shoto said as (Y/N)’s face lighted up happily. 

“Yes! I’d love to see the kitties again!” (Y/N) replied. 

 While (Y/N) was grinning, Shoto entwined his hand with hers and said, “Let’s go to the place where we first met, yeah?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

Following the usual path to the place only they knew about. To the place where it all began. 

The trees were mostly all orange, yellow and brown. Autumn leaves scattered on the ground and all over the bridge. Some falling on the surface of the river. The wind blew causing the leaves to fly in the sky and fall down. 

(Y/N) let go of Shoto’s hand and tried to grab a leaf. After a few failed attempts, she managed to grab one. 

Smiling, she stretched it towards Shoto who smiled back at her. He shuffled in his pocket, producing a small gift box.

Shoto walked towards her and said, “For you.”

“But I didn’t get you anything.”

“It’s a little something to thank you with. That day in spring when we met, I had no idea that we’d end up like this. My entire life has changed, thanks to you. You supported me throughout my family problems and it’s finally starting to get better. I’ve never been happier. I love you, (Y/N).”

Shoto said that with the heartiest smile (Y/N) had ever seen. Her hands flew to her mouth, trying to stop herself from crying. But a few stray tears escaped as she said, “No, thank you. You’ve given me unimaginable strength. After Miku, I really didn’t want to get personal with anyone again, afraid I’d lose them. That day, when we talked for the first time, changed everything. I didn’t expect us to get this close or that I’d fall in love with you but here we are. I’m happy beyond belief and with you, I think I can slowly heal if it’s with you. I love you too, Shoto.” 

A couple more happy tears fell down her cheeks. Shoto wiped them away for her as she did. Then he handed her the present which she opened carefully. It was a beautiful necklace with a heart entwined with a ring as a pendant. Looking closely, (Y/N) saw that the ring was engraved with the letters ‘Always and Forever’.

Symbolizing their love and his unwavering support. 

“It’s beautiful. Will you help me put it on?”

Shoto nodded, taking the necklace and (Y/N) turned around and moved her hair. The necklace fell lightly on her neck as Shoto fastened it. She turned back, fiddling with the pendant. “Thank you so much. I love it!”

Shoto smiled as he stared into her eyes. She smiled back and closed her eyes as Shoto inched forward. Sharing a short soft kiss, the two pulled back blushing furiously and heart fluttering.

It was another new beginning at the place where they first met. Maybe fate had a role to play in this meeting of two lost souls. Two souls that were meant to thaw the frozen hearts of one another. 

[hollyhomburg]

You make me Happy

(Hybrid! Jungkook x Reader)(Drabble) 

Summary: When Puppy Jungkook finds out you’re depressed, he makes it his mission to make you happy! ...with a little help from the others.  Tags: Depression, references to not eating due to depression, night terrors, allusions to polyamory- specifically Hoseok x Reader x Puppy! Jungkook x Cat! Jimin x Cat! Yoongi W/c: 1.9k A/n: well- I sent this over text to @peeachypop last night at like midnight and then woke up and made it a full little Au! hope you guys enjoy it! happy birthday, Jungkook!

Like okay, imagine puppy! hybrid jungkook who is a little nieve, and Doesn’t exactly understand how the world works cuz he grew up on a farm and never lived in a city until he was adopted by the reader. 

The city is so nice!!! With so many interesting smells and foods that make his mouth water and things that he hasn’t experienced like VR clubs and coffee shops and bars- not that he really ever gets the chance too because his new owner is a little bit of a recluse.

And you don’t really keep a lot of yummy things in their fridge but you let him order anything he wants! “Oh my god, this is the best you mean I can call talk to someone on the phone and then food shows up! That’s magic!” And maybe you don’t really eat a lot of it but like! Jungkooks never spent a lot of time around humans so he doesn’t immediately register it as an issue. 

And on the days that Jungkook manages to convince you to go out of your apartment it never lasts for long because the sick sticky smell of anxiety clings to you, and Jungkook can only tolerate so much distress from his owner before his protective instincts kick in and he takes you home. 

There are other things too, nights when you hold your head in your hands or he hears you crying in your bedroom. or how listless and sad you seem, how you seem to pull away some days and go silent or answer Jungkook’s many questions with one-word answers. 

there are better days too- when you take Jungkook to the hybrid park and seem genuinely okay for a little before you get bad again

he finds a few old photographs pushed in the back of a drawer- you smiling with a man who seems a little reserved. and when he asks you you snatch the photo from him and push it back away where you don’t have to think about him. “my ex” 

Jungkook is confused, “you mean your mate?” Jungkook doesn’t understand because aren’t mates supposed to be forever? he relays as much and you shake your head a small smile playing on your lips. “not usually, though if you’re lucky they are,”  

“Why did he leave? did he-” Jungkook tucks his chin in, suddenly embarrassed because you don’t talk about this- about why you don’t get out of bed some days and why you always look exhausted and worn out and shakey. “Did he leave because you’re sick?” 

and maybe it would have offended you before, but Jungkook is looking up at you with such worried eyes, so Ernest and careful. You hesitantly reach a hand up and rub over his ears scratching around the base of him, and his tail starts wagging up a rhythm against your couch. 

“I’m not sick Kookie I just have depression” and he tilts his head to one side because he Doesn’t know what depression is and you explain it like “it’s just when someone gets really sad sometimes or all the times okay?” he nods quick, because that he can work with, that he understands. 

Jungkook makes it his mission to make you happy. He’s just trying to be a good hybrid and he loves you so much, you deserve to be happy!

So he does everything to try to keep you smiling, doing more house chores and making up elaborate games to play with you. The day he takes a bath and starts blowing bubbles in the water (i mean have you seen those videos of german shepherds blowing bubbles and getting so happy and like yipping at it? that’s Jungkook) and you giggle so loudly that now every time you give him a bath he does it. 

he even starts to sleep in your bedroom too! because one night he hears you crying and can’t leave you alone. He whines and nuzzles into your cheeks, licking away your tears a little and running a hand through your hair, because humans need pets too, and you actually let him comfort you, bury your head in his chest and sob. 

He knows enough that sometimes you just wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, has woken up to the sound of you crying and come to scratch at your door before you started to let him in. 

He starts sleeping in your bed and sometimes you grumble a little and hover, a few inches away not sure if he wants to cuddle, and he always snuggles up to you and grins, kissing your cheek and making you blush and smile shyly before you shut off the light. And on those nights when he can hold you close- safe from sadness in his arms- he feels accomplished, feels like he’s making you better. 

Sometimes he knows he fails. sometimes you wake with shadowed eyes and immediately go back to sleep no matter how Jungkook tries to pull you out of bed. on those days he feels powerless and like he’s not making a difference at all. 

One day you take an afternoon nap because for some reason you’re just too tired today, and Jungkook decides that oh! He can go get you some snacks at the conscience store across the street! He’ll be back before you wake up and then you can wake up to something sweet. And maybe you’ll give him one of those small sleepy smiles and you’ll eat it in his lap while he plays video games in your living room. 

And he doesn’t really understand that hybrids aren’t supposed to be let outside in their own. It’s not exactly against the rules but like, if he was causing trouble he knows that he would be picked up by hybrid control. And though the shop keeper gives him a weird look, he lets Jungkook peruse the small isles of snacks for a few minutes before he comes over- it’s pretty quiet after all. 

Eventually, he asks him if he needs help and Jungkook is like all pouty because as much as he’s wracking his brain there are just so many choices and Jungkook doesn’t want to choose wrong. Jungkook explains to the shopkeeper, he looks like he would know. he’s got a kind smile and auburn hair that curls against his temples and a little enamel pin of snoopy and a little purple horse pinned to his work shirt.

“I don’t really know what my owner likes and I’m just trying to make her happy” and the attendant nods along like it’s the most pressing issue of the day, “I see, well you could always go for something sweet?” he smiles, and it’s so charming, so bright too, it makes Jungkook blush, and suddenly a lightbulb goes off in Jungkooks head. 

“I know what would make her happier!!! You definitely would!!!” Queue Jungkook dragging a confused Hoseok over to your apartment and you being shocked and concerned when you open the door (Jungkook forgot the code again) because you never thought Jungkook would like- bring in an actual stranger to your apartment to make you happy.

But Hoseok is so chill about it and just laughs it off “it’s okay really! I was gonna take my break anyway- and he seemed like really concerned about you too. And I have a hybrid of my own so I know how protective they can be/”

And he lingers in the doorway, before you offer him a cup of coffee- better than the stuff they make in the convenience store, and he accepts (luckily you favor the to-go cups when you have to go to work) and you sit and talk about his hybrid for a moment (a cute kitten hybrid named jimin who according to Hoseok used to pout for hours whenever Hoseok had to leave for work.) before he has to get back to work. 

 but before he leaves he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cookie package or something and he’s like, “oh yeah he said you like things that were sweet and I don’t have time to eat anyway! by the way, if you ever want to stop by and talk about hybrids my schedule is-” And maybe Jungkook sees the way you smile at Hobi and thinks “mission accomplished!” 

And takes you by the store whenever Hoseok works sometimes for ramen 4 times in the same shift. And of course, you meet his hybrid who ends up becoming Jungkook’s best friend! even though you remind him that like- best friends don’t help each other through heats and ruts, or kiss on the couch, to which Jungkook replies, “Then why did you and hobi sleep together after you went out drinking to celebrate his new job? and you help me with my ruts all the time and how are we not friends?” which makes you change the subject verry verry abruptly 

And then a few months into your sort of friendship Hoseok finds injured hybrid Yoongi in the alleyway behind the store and brings him to your place because its closest.

and then maybe months later when Yoongi has moved into your apartment and Hoseok has gotten a better job and actually moved into the apartment across the hall from yours (all so he can coe-own hybrid Yoongi with you- and not because like- he wants to be closer to his friend who he like might have a crush on). 

Maybe you’re just washing dishes or something with Jungkook drying them and putting them away, and both kind of lamenting because its almost been a year since you adopted Jungkook. 

And Jungkook says something about the time you used to be sad because like- thankfully you’ve gotten a lot better, and he’s a little wistful and a little insecure because he feels like it was all of them who made you happy and not Jungkook. 

And he says something like “well the others are what makes you happy so I don’t know why you’d want to go on a date just us too on the night that Yoongi and jimin are going out to a movie with hobi,” 

and you’re like stunned, because you thought Jungkook knew how much he meant, you’re instantaneously like “Jungkook, you make me happy all the time, without even meaning too, everything you do makes me happy, even when you just like, sit next to me on the couch or hold my hand I’m happy” 

and Jungkook just legit bursts into tears and pulls you close, because really- he had absolutely no idea that he did and it makes him so over the moon. And he just like, happy cries into her shoulder and they sit for a while and end up going and getting chicken by the river or something for their date and to celebrate and Jungkook’s a little sniffly all night and holds you close because like yeah- you make him super happy too. 

and you know, no matter what happens with the others, as long as you have Jungkook you’ll be happy too. 

[suckerfordeansfreckles]

Christmas prompt: hospital worker (doctor, nurse, tech, etc.) falls in love with volunteer who comes in to give presents to children and play songs for them, etc. ❤️ Thank you, lovely, and I hope you are well

MERRY CHRISTMAS/(HOLI)DAYS MY LOVES

Just a New Volunteer (read on AO3)

It’s been five weeks since Dean Winchester first sauntered into Kansas Hospital and charmed his way into every kid’s and nurse’s heart. Actually, he stumbled in here with a blush hard to match, introducing himself as Dean, just a new volunteer, and only afterwards went on to charm everyone.

Five Weeks of Cas feeling unable to not peek into the rooms of his little patients whenever Dean is around, sneaking in to watch for a few stolen seconds how gentle Dean is with the kids. How he doesn’t shy away from games like imaginary tea parties, painting the same fairy tales over and over again, playing Uno with kids that can’t even tell the colors apart. How he doesn’t shy away from their illnesses either, from talking to them about life and health and a possible end.

He’s so patient and sweet and gentle with the kids, and it makes Cas ache for something he can’t quite name. 

The fact that he’s gorgeous and entirely unaware of it doesn’t really help Cas’ growing crush either. He runs his fingers through his dirty-blond hair and bites his lovely pink lips like he has no idea what effects it has on everyone — on Cas, mostly. He sends Cas these lovely smiles, brings him coffee sometimes, asks him about his days. Asks about the kids, whether things got better or maybe worse, what he has to keep in mind and be aware of when he spends time playing with them.

He’s thoughtful and nice and generous and he volunteers to play with sick children like it’s the best thing he could do with his free time.

It is the best thing, in Cas’ humble opinion, but from Dean’s stories about balancing a part-time job at a garage and studying mechanical engineering… Cas isn’t sure he could do all that and volunteer with the enthusiasm and care and patience Dean brings into the hospital every Tuesday and Thursday.

It’s the last Thursday before volunteering will take a break for Christmas, and Cas is already wondering how he will make it through the holidays without Dean’s soft, beaming smiles.

He’s not sure how it even happened, how he fell this quickly for a man he barely knows, but it’s been so easy.

It’s easy again today, when Dean comes in and hands Cas a steaming cup of hot cocoa with a gentle smile.

“Hey there, Doc,” Dean says, as he lets go of the cup that now warms Cas’ hands, fingers brushing Cas’ knuckles.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas answers, raising his cup to take the first sip of perfect warm sweetness. “Thank you for this, it saved my afternoon.”

Dean can only linger for a few more seconds, watching as Cas drinks his cocoa behind the counter. Jody comes by to pick him up and take him to little Sophie’s room for an hour of whatever she feels like playing today. 

Sophie has been doing better during the past few weeks, and Dean has been coming back out of her room a little happier every time he saw her, lately.

It’s the same today, as he wanders out with a soft smile and humming We Wish You A Merry Christmas under his breath. Cas is in the middle of filling out a document for a new admission when Dean comes to a stop in front of him, pulling his soft red pullover down over his hands. 

“Hey,” he mumbles, eyes flitting to Cas, then the countertop between them, and back again. 

“Hello again,” Cas answers, as always, sending Dean a smile. “I guess you’re heading out now?”

Dean just nods, biting his lower lip. “I — Well, I just wanna wish you a Merry Christmas and happy holidays, I guess. Just — I hope you’ll get to spend them with the people you love.”

Cas feels strangely hollow at those words, but manages a rather fake smile anyway. “Well, I’ll be working 24th and 25th. I don’t have anyone waiting for me so I figured I could do the work here and let my colleagues go home to their families.”

Dean’s smile drops, brows pulling together. “Oh, I — I’m sorry. But I’m really glad the kids got you keeping them company during the holidays.”

That makes Cas smile again, and this time it’s a genuine one. “The holidays are a tough time for a lot of them, yeah.” 

“Well,” Dean says, swaying a little on his feet. “Well, then, I won’t keep you from your work any longer, then! Happy holidays, Cas. See you.” 

“Merry Christmas to you too, Dean,” Cas responds, feeling fuzzy both at Dean’s smile and the way he called him by his nickname. Cas. He remembers times when Dean would only call him Mr. Novak, Doctor Novak, Sir.

Dean sends him one last grin, then turns around and leaves. And all the fuzzy feelings leave right with him.

 The following days are a little monotonous, and the sadness that comes with having to spend Christmas in a hospital gets to Cas, too, this year.

 It’s December 24th and getting out of bed and into work was hard today. 

It gets easier when Cas meets the first kids, finds them giddy and excited for Christmas and presents and Santa.

The day flies by, and the evening comes, and Cas’ stomach clenches a little when he thinks about going home alone and finding an empty, cold apartment.

He has an hour left and decides to leave the front desk to Jody and spend the rest of his time filing paperwork in one of their small office rooms.

When there’s a knock on the door behind Cas, he startles hard enough to drop a stack of files.

“Oh god, sorry,” Dean speaks up behind him, and Cas’ heart beats faster just at hearing his voice.

Cas whirls around, smile already stretching on his face. “Dean,” he says, and it sounds a little too breathless.

“Cas,” Dean says, a wide smile on his face. “Hey, sorry to bother you today, but I — Well, I spent the day with my brother and his fiancee and we ate a lot but had all these leftovers, anyway, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how you told me you’d be all alone today and —” he breaks off, takes a deep breath, then looks up at Cas again with wide green eyes. “God, sorry for rambling. I thought I’d bring you some food, maybe. If you want it.”

Cas can watch how the flush spreads over Dean’s cheeks in seconds.

“Dean, that’s—” He feels his heart beat overtime, throat closing up a little. “That’s so sweet of you, thank you so much.”

Dean just blushes impossibly more, the tips of his ears coloring red. “I just thought — you know, I just wanted you to be okay and well-fed.”

And then it suddenly hits Cas, that maybe that’s not how Dean treats just everyone, despite his goodness, his generosity and helpfulness. Dean didn’t come to bring leftovers for Jody, Dean doesn’t bring coffee or cocoa for anyone but Cas. He doesn’t stop to chat for a few minutes with anyone but Cas. Maybe Dean feels as fuzzy as Cas does, and maybe this is Cas’ chance. His one chance to do something about it. So he does.

“I’m off in —” He blurts, breaking off briefly to check his clock. “I’m off in 22 minutes. If you don’t have any plans yet, for the rest of your evening, would you maybe want to join me for dinner tonight? I can’t offer much but —” 

Dean interrupts him before he can even stutter about the lack of food in his house, he steps forward, into Cas’ space, and says: “Yes, I’d love that, Cas.”

 Cas makes it through 22 agonizingly slow minutes of work.

He makes it through 22 minutes, and then he grabs his things and rushes out towards where Dean is supposed to be waiting at the entrance. 

And Dean is waiting, turning towards Cas with a giddy smile when he rushes through the hallway and towards him. And then Cas kind of just crashes into Dean’s arms and buries his face in the crook of his neck.

He thought about it for 22 minutes so now he just does what he’s been dreaming about. He pulls back a little to look into Dean’s eyes and asks, thrilled and maybe a little too blunt: “Can I kiss you, finally?”

And Dean doesn’t respond with words, just laughs softly and then leans in to kiss Cas, soft and gentle and sure. 

When they pull away a little, Dean grabs Cas’ hand, intertwines their fingers and whispers against his lips: “Merry Christmas, Cas.”

“Merry Christmas, Dean,” Cas responds, and then they hurry out towards Dean’s car, towards Cas’ apartment. 

They hurry home.

Tag list: @planetahmane  @justyourordinaryfangirl @winchester-cas @castielinparadise @trxye-sxvxn @runtosleepdreamer    @destielhoneybee  @breathingdestiel @wellofwoes @xxgoldensnowflake @dshelley @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @robotsnchicks @jemariel  @reallyelegantsharkfish  @mellomish  @frecklessaver   @jasminrogue  @skittles-rainbow-cat  @Insecureadult  @fpwoper  @imbiowaresbitch  @destielsangel  @elaspn @didnt-survive-twist-and-shout @mercenarydestiel    @a-pastel-pan   @7faerielights  @kathrinerose  @nerd-litteraire  @wingsandimpalas  @casbean  @miasif @petrichoravellichor @trenchcoatsandfreckles @sleephawhoneedsit @vibraniumarm @youreabadliar @inlovewithsaturn @super-powerful-queen-slayyna @brangaene @all-or-nothing-baby @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @error-name-not-in-this-dimension @elizaeverafter@letofarrell @apieceofurmind @notfunnydean @winchester-ofthe-lord @love-neve-dies @korppikasvo @imafluffyjellybean @carry-on-my-wayward-hunter @mishtho 

[sadaboutniall]

something about you;

introduction | masterlist | tag | wattpad

Twenty Two. July, 2016. 

Exactly two months after Isla graduates from law school, Mully asks Emilia to marry him.

Niall had known it was going to happen—Mully asked him for help picking a ring, reasoning that he must be good at picking out jewelry if Isla still wears the necklace he got her when they were teenagers, even though they broke up ages ago—but it still takes him a little bit by surprise when he sees the announcement on Instagram. There’s something about the tiny square image of their faces pressed together, Emilia holding her hand up to the camera, that makes everything feel so scarily real, so very grown up. 

They throw themselves an engagement party at Babington House, a weekend away with Mully and Emilia’s closest friends—which ends up being Niall, Isla, Deo, Laura, and a bunch of other names Niall has heard in passing, but can’t connect to a face. But this is what happens, he tells himself, clicking YES on Emilia’s email invitation, when you spend five years of your life running away. 

Without letting himself overthink it, Niall texts Isla to ask if she’d want to carpool down together, and she says yes so quickly that Niall suspects she’s doing the same, not letting herself think too hard about this thing, whatever is it, blossoming between them. He picks her up at her flat in South Kensington on the Friday, late afternoon sun streaming over the city, and he ignores the way his heart leaps into his throat when he sees her rush down the steps outside her building, sundress fluttering in the wind, overnight bag banging against her side. She shields her eyes with her hand to look across the street until she spots his Range Rover and he ignores his heart again, screaming in his chest, when he sees her familiar smile, the look of excited recognition on her face. 

She slides into his front seat like she belongs there, like he bought the car imagining her next to him. And maybe, he thinks, glancing toward her as he drives westward out of the city, the sun hitting her cheekbones as she sings along to The Lumineers, maybe he did. 

-- 

‘When Emilia first moved to Mullingar, I have to admit, I was really fucking jealous of her. She swooped in out of nowhere—from a place I hardly even knew existed—and pretty much stole the two most important people in my life right out from under my nose,’ Niall’s standing at his spot at the table, champagne glass in hand, cheeks flushed red from the alcohol, the warm evening, the pressure of giving a speech at your best friends’ engagement. He promised himself he wouldn’t drag it out, wouldn’t bore everyone to sleep, so he carries on. 

‘It turns out I was a little eejit, and Emilia ended up being the greatest, most brilliant addition that our group of friends ever could’ve hoped for. Genuinely, Mia, I’ve never seen Mully happier than when he’s with you. And even though I was jealous that Emilia was joining our friend group, I ended up eating my words a few years later, when I fucked off, got a job, and moved to London,’ there’s an eruption of laughter here, maybe at the idea that what Niall does is a job. He keeps going, smiling, ‘I never really talk about this, but it felt like shit, leaving everyone behind. I fucking hated it. I was lonely and in a new place and everyone I cared about was here, carrying on without me. One of my last nights in Mullingar, before I left for good, I called Emilia.’

Mully’s brow furrows, and Niall takes in a deep breath. This is new territory, something he and Emilia have kept between the two of them for nearly ten years now. ‘I was worried,’ Niall explains. ‘Scared about what I was doing, what I was leaving. Emilia was the only person I knew who’d made a big move like that, to a whole new country, all on her own. She stayed up most of the night talking to me about what that’s like, how it feels, the whole thing,’ he quickly glances over to Emilia, whose eyes are welling up, her lips pressed together in a watery smile. She nods at him softly, a go-ahead for a question he hadn’t asked. ‘Before we hung up, I, uh. I asked her for a favor. It feels a bit stupid, looking back on it, but I was so scared, and I trusted her with so much. Before we hung up I asked Emilia to take care of everyone for me, to keep me in the loop, to protect the people I love the most. And she did. I shouldn’t have, like, doubted that everyone would be okay without me—obviously I’m not that important—but it just felt so good, knowing that I had Emilia to reach out to, that she would let me know if something was going wrong at home. No matter where on Earth I was, I knew I could call Emilia to check in at home. And I did. Loads of times. And she always picked up.’ 

‘Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is: Emilia, we are so, madly, unbelievably, ridiculously lucky to know you—all of us are. But I feel extra lucky because having you in my life has meant that the people who I love most are happy. My two best mates in the whole world are your best mates, too. And you’re about to marry one of them. And I couldn’t be any bloody happier for the two of you, I think I’d literally explode from it if I was.’ Laughter, again, but this time a little more watery, sniffly. Niall feels it, too. ‘Mullz, mate, take good care of her. She’s been taking care of you for me all these years. I love you both so much; there’s no better couple in the world. To Mully and Emilia!’ 

Champagne flutes rise as the table repeats after Niall, ‘to Mully and Emilia!’ and erupts into applause, laughter, jovial chatter. In the din of it all Niall sits back down, cheeks redder than before, a little shaky. 

Next to him, Isla’s hand lands on his knee. 

-- 

As the evening settles into night and the alcohol settles into their bellies and the party picks up, Niall finds himself dancing around Isla—a cat and mouse game as she catches up with uni friends and he messes about with Deo. It feels like hours of it: tossing each other furtive looks, flushing and turning away when the other notices. He catches her gaze lingering on his chest a few times and feels a stirring in his belly as he watches her blush, cheeks burning red in the candlelight, eyes glinting under the moon. He tries not to read too much into it, the way she gasps when he brushes past her, hand grazing her waist, or the way she locks eyes with him while she’s dancing, hands above her head, hair whipping around her face, lips parted. 

She’d said it herself, he thinks, when he has a moment alone by the firepit to catch his breath. She wants to be mates. 

‘Did you really tell Emilia to look after me?’ 

Niall nearly jumps a mile, and Isla bursts out laughing, head thrown back, hands coming out to steady him. She’s like something out of his dreams tonight, cashmere sweater thrown over her sundress, hair pulled back in a ponytail to keep the heat off her neck. There’s a sheen of sweat on her skin, the hair that’s escaped her ponytail curling at the base of her neck, and he wants to press his nose into her skin right there, kiss the sweat away, feel her breathing underneath him. Instead, he takes two deep breaths of his own, and says, ‘I did, yeah.’

‘Can’t believe you didn’t think I could take care of myself.’

‘Ah, Isla—’

‘I’m only messing,’ she touches his shoulder, lingers for just a moment as her thumb presses against the sliver bare skin near his collar. It’s like being on fire, her hands on him again. It’s impossible to keep breathing. ‘That was sweet of you. And your speech was brilliant.’

‘Thanks, petal,’ he says, watching the way she looks down to hide her smile, how beautiful she looks in the warm light of the fire. He feels a flicker of something in his chest—hope, maybe. 

‘This is mad,’ she says eventually, dropping her hand and looking back to Niall. ‘A fucking engagement party. Mully and Mia getting married.’

‘I know,’ he runs a hand through his hair, already disheveled from the dancing, the drinking, the heat. ‘Feel old as fuck.’

‘Literally,’ Isla glances up at the night sky, exhaling deeply. It’s thick with stars out here, over two hours away from the city, and it feels a little bit like they can touch them, if they reach at just the right angle. Instead, Isla drops her gaze back to Niall. ‘You know, all this growing up, getting engaged, getting married stuff…’

‘Mmm?’

‘I just,’ Isla smiles softly. ‘I always thought you and me would be the first.’

A thud in his heart, like someone kicking him directly in the arse. A clenching in his chest, like someone trying to choke him. A rush of electricity through his body, like he’s been struck by a thousand bolts of lightning, all at once. 

How could he have been so fucking stupid?

‘Isla,’ he says, closing the gap between them with one small step. ‘I—’

‘Nialler, Boyne! Everyone’s doing shots!’

It’s fucking Deo. Isla exhales a shaky laugh, hand coming to rest on Niall’s bicep. She gives it a squeeze, flashes him a sad smile, a soft nod. 

‘Not the right time, is it?’ she whispers, as Deo keeps shouting their names behind her. 

‘Isla, no—’

‘It’s always like that with us, isn’t it? I feel stupid for even saying anything.’

‘Isla, I’m—’

‘Always one thing or the other: your work, my school, Deo, being an eejit,’ she shakes her head, and it’s like Niall isn’t there, like she’s talking herself out of it, not listening to him. ‘Sorry. I won’t—I won’t bring it up again.’

And she’s turning away before he can get his shit together enough to tell her to stop, to tell her to come back, to tell her that—for all her massive brains and law school knowledge—she’s never been more wrong in her entire life. 

####

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[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[blackcatkita]

264 Days

A Storyscape: Titanic fanfic

Pairing- Charlie x Adele

Word Count- 3994

A/N- I have no business writing this but here we are.

Possible trigger warnings- Emotional trauma, loss, alcoholism and survivor’s guilt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

January 3, 1913

Hileni ignored me when I told her we weren’t exchanging Christmas gifts and bought me this journal. I can’t scold her for it, I did get her a cat and I know she’s only trying to help. I think she thinks if I have somewhere to write my thoughts I’ll be able to move on; stop “avoiding life” as she puts it. But where do I even begin?

It’s been 264 days.

There are times I feel fine, more like myself, or how I used to be. I try to keep busy, working some fill-in hours at the shop and full time at my new job. It’s rewarding work, at an organization developed to aid survivors and immigrants find employment, housing, food…  I’ve only been there for 6 weeks. I hope I’m making a difference, even if it is small.

Some days I can’t believe almost 9 months have passed. The nights are the worst when Hileni has gone to bed and it’s quiet. I will shut my eyes and be back there; watching the stern dive into the water, panicked faces all around me, hear screams or the notes of ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ drifting through the open window. Reminders come during the day as well. For just a few seconds the floor will seem to pitch, the air turns cold against my skin and I can feel the frigid water around my ankles. But the nights… the nights are the worst.

Still, I count myself lucky. I’m alive. Hileni is alive. Zetta, Matteo, Lena, Sabine, heck, even James that bastard, they’re alive. And Charlie… Charlie is alive. By some miracle, everyone I care about survived the tragedy but there were so many that didn’t. So, so, many…

I know I mustn’t dwell on the lost. We have to live our lives. We have to move forward. Though some of us are doing better than others.

Zetta wasn’t kidding when she said if she stopped she would start thinking. She went from the release party straight to filming her next project. I’ve received a few letters from her, asking how I am and gushing about Richard and the wedding. It seems she has some affection for her fiancé after all and not a moment too soon. The wedding is but two weeks away and I’m excited to go, it will be nice to see everyone together again.

Matteo has been wonderful. He took a job as head concierge at a high-end hotel downtown and it suits him. He seems happier than he was working for James. The hotel keeps him busy but he visits when he can and insists on getting me out of the house. We go to dinner, often with Hileni but sometimes not. He helped us find the two-bedroom flat we’re currently living in; made possible by $500 in an anonymous envelope addressed to me that was left at our old place. I’m sure it was from James, who else would have sent it? I asked Matteo if he knew anything about it and he claimed he didn’t but he averted his gaze and shifted his feet like he does when he’s hiding something. I would bet it was him who slipped it under our door.

He wants more from me. He said as much. Told me he would be waiting if I ever decided to give us a chance. I wish he wouldn’t. He needs to find someone who will love him the way he deserves to be loved and that someone isn’t me. It would be easier if it was but my heart belongs to someone else.

My love. My Charlie.

Charlie… my heart aches when I’m near him and it aches when I’m away from him. Many would say I did the wrong thing that night in the boiler room. He decided to stay behind, to sacrifice himself and I took it away from him. I fully admit it was a selfish thing to do but because of what I did his sisters still have a brother, his mother still has a son. I won’t apologize for that. I won’t apologize for saving his life. Is that what he needs to hear?

Almost two weeks passed after we talked at Zetta’s premiere before I saw him again when he came into the shop to tell me the ship to Southampton he meant to steward on left the night before. He was packed and ready but when it came time to embark he couldn’t make himself get on. I asked if he was afraid and he said no, there wasn’t any rush, he was making good money and another ship was leaving in a few weeks. When he didn’t get on the next one, he said there must be something keeping him in America after all.

I allowed the hope I felt at the premiere to grow and since then we’ve been spending more and more time together. Often he’s there to walk me home after work, taking detours through the park or stopping for ice cream. We go to the pictures and he’s over for dinner at least twice a week, staying to talk for hours after Hileni goes to her room. There’s been glimpses of how we used to be, an affectionate look, fleeting touches, his hand in mine or a kiss on my cheek, yet he still holds himself back. Gone is the Charlie I fell in love with. The man with the sparkling eyes and warm smile that could light up the world. He’s broken, and I’m the one responsible.

He’s drinking too much, haunted by those we left behind. Several times he’s come here late at night, so drunk he can barely stand and saying the things I long to hear from him sober. I make up the couch and sit with him until he falls asleep and in the morning he’s gone, leaving behind a thank you note apologizing for the night before. Just once, I wish he’d stay. Then I would know he…

A knock on the flat’s door startles me and my pen falls from my fingers, rolling across the desk and coming to a stop at the base of the lighted lamp. I glance out my bedroom window and am surprised to see how high the moon is in the darkened sky. It’s later than I realized. The knock sounds again, louder this time. Given the hour, it has to be Charlie. The knowledge of it makes my stomach flutter and my heart race. Quickly, I stand and slip into my robe, carefully making my way through the unlit parlor before the noise wakes Hileni.

Another knock sounds as I slide the bolt and open the door. The reprimand I intended to give dies on my lips as I take in the two men standing in front of me; Matteo, face pinched in an annoyed expression, half holding up a grinning Charlie. A sigh escapes me as I step to the side, opening the door wider to let them in. “Help him to the couch please, Matteo.”

“I’m fine. I can walk by myself.” Charlie pulls away from Matteo, stumbling into me as he crosses the threshold. “Whoa there,” he chuckles as I steady him with my hands on his waist. Looking into my eyes, his expression changes into something wistful. “My beautiful girl… My Adal…” He reaches up with both hands, one cupping my cheek and the other playing with a tendril of my long hair. “Your hair is down. I love when your hair is down.”

“Aren’t you on the make tonight.” Gently, I take his hand from my cheek, loop my arm around his waist and begin leading him to the sofa. “Come on, you, sit down before you fall down.”

Charlie scoffs but doesn’t otherwise argue, leaning heavily on me as Matteo shuts the door and follows us in. I stumble, nearly pulled down with Charlie as he collapses onto the sofa with a heavy sigh, as though sitting lifted some of the weight from his shoulders.

Matteo turns on the lamp beside us as I stand, then looks at me, brow furrowed only slightly. “Some tea, perhaps?”

I nod, recognizing from his expression the question is not about tea but wanting to speak to me privately. Walking into the kitchen, I turn the light switch on the wall before hurrying to fill the kettle. Ignoring the heat of Matteo’s gaze on my back from where he stands in the doorway, I set the kettle on the stove and crouch down, lighting a match to ignite the wood inside.

“How long are you going to let this continue?”

“As long as it takes,” I answer, blowing out the match and shutting the firebox door. I don’t look at him as I stand and move to the cupboard, mumbling as I take out a tin of tea and three cups. “It’s my fault he��s like this.”

I hear Matteo sigh before he joins me at the counter. “I’m not staying.” Eyes locked on mine, he takes the teacup from my hand, his fingertips lingering against my skin before he puts it back in the cupboard. Clearing his throat, he scoops tea leaves into the two remaining cups. “You have to stop blaming yourself, Adele. You had your reasons for doing what you did.”

“But does he understand that?”

“He does,” Matteo nods. “Your Charlie’s demons…” he pauses, choosing his words. “they aren’t named Adal.”

I blink up at him, surprised to hear him pronounce my given name, the name Charlie calls me. I open my mouth to speak but the sound of water boiling draws my attention and I take the kettle from the stovetop, turning back to fill the cups. “How did you end up with him anyway?” I ask Matteo while I pour, returning the pot to the stove as he answers.

“He was waiting outside the hotel when I got off my shift, demanding to know what was going on between you and me.”

“He what?” Panic rises in me as I worry over why Charlie would think Matteo was anything more than a dear friend. As far as I am aware, I have never given him cause to think otherwise, but Matteo tends to resort to sass when challenged. “What did you tell him?”

There’s a sadness in his eyes as he answers, “That he is a fool who could have everything if he only saw what was right in front of him.” Closing his eyes, he lets out a slow breath and shakes his head. “I… I have to go. Goodnight, Adele.” With those words he strides out of the kitchen, leaving me speechless as I watch him walk away.

The opening and closing of the front door shakes me from my stupor and I turn off the light before taking our tea into the parlor. Hileni stands before me, looking at the door in confusion. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were up.”

“Is Matteo okay?” she asks, glancing between myself and Charlie where he sits on our sofa, head leaning against the back with his eyes closed. “He didn’t say a word, only nodded at me and left.”

I shrug in response.

“I brought Charlie’s bedding out.” Hileni continues, gesturing at a blanket and pillow on the armchair.

Feeling a pang in my chest, I step forward to place the cups on the coffee table so she can’t see my expression. Charlie has come here in this condition enough times she thinks of our extra bedding as his. My little sister shouldn’t have to deal with it but I can’t turn him away. “Thank you, habibti. I’m sorry for waking you up. For… all of this. I’m sorry.”

She shrugs. “It’s Charlie. It’s fine, really.” Her lips twitch in a sad excuse for a smile before she heads back to her room, turning to look at me with a smirk on her face and her hand on the door. “Try not to keep me up, though.”

Shaking my head, I look up at the ceiling and fight back a smile. One of these days I’m going to remember how grown up and bold she’s become. “Go to bed!” I don’t even finish the sentence before she closes the door, giggling.

Letting out a sigh, I pick up the pillow and give it a fluff before slipping it between Charlie and the arm of the sofa. He doesn’t stir as I sit, facing him with my legs tucked beneath me and for a moment I watch his broad chest rise and fall with slow, steady breaths. My eyes trail up to his face, noting the differences between the man I met and the man before me now. In waking hours he looks tormented, older than his twenty-five years. His cheeks hollowed from weight loss, his eyes, dull and tired and a visible furrow between his brows more often than not. But in his sleep, he looks young again, peaceful and untroubled, more like the man he used to be. His hair has come loose from his usual smart style and I reach out, unable to stop myself from brushing it off his forehead.

A low hum of satisfaction sounds when my fingers caress his skin and with his eyes closed, he takes my hand, bringing it to his lips to press a gentle kiss to the back of it.

“Lie down, Charlie. You’ll get a neck ache if you sleep like that.”

“I’m not sleeping.” He drops our joined hands between us and turns to look at me, his glazed eyes pleading as he looks into mine. “Sit with me. Just for a little while. Please.”

“Alright, just for a little while,” I agree. “I made tea but if you’re hungry I can get you something to eat.”

“Always taking care of me…” His lips slowly curl into a soft smile as he shakes his head. “I’m not hungry but, thank you.” The joy in his eyes is brief and slips away as he studies my face, replaced with something I can’t identify. Is it sadness? Longing? Desire? My breath catches in my lungs as he leans forward, brushing his fingertips across my cheek to stop me from turning away. His gaze drops to where he’s trailing his thumb across my bottom lip and when he speaks, his voice is thick with want. “Can I kiss you?”

I should say no. I should tell him he’s drunk and not thinking clearly. I should protect my heart. But as his warm brown eyes meet mine I know there is no protecting it, for it belongs to him. How I’ve longed to feel his soft lips upon mine again, to feel his heart beating in his chest as he held me in his arms, safe and warm. I should say no… I should say no, but my voice is breathless when I tell him, “Yes.”

His other hand comes up, joining the first to frame my face. He leans in further still, tilting his head as our eyes slide shut. The kiss is soft and hesitant, almost reverent as his lips brush against mine. He draws in a shaky breath, my name a whisper against my lips as he threads his fingers through my hair and cups the back of my neck. Wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me tighter to him, his lips part, groaning into my mouth as our tongues meet.

“Charlie,” I moan, looping my arms around his neck, both of us poring every ounce of heartache we’ve felt into the kiss until it turns desperate. “I love you.” His hands shake as he loosens his grip and breaks the kiss, pulling away only far enough to rest his forehead on mine. “I love you,” I tell him again, pressing another kiss to his trembling lips. His breath turns ragged and as I tell him I love him one more time, I’m not sure if the moisture on my cheeks is his or mine.

“I…” his voice hitches and he doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. I pull back, opening my eyes to find him already watching me with tears running down his face. “Adal, I…” The look he gives me is full of pain, his expression one of sadness and desperation, but also love. Even if he can’t say the words the eyes don’t lie. He may be lost, he may need more time, but he loves me, and he’s never stopped.

“Shh… I know, it’s okay.” Tears of my own fall as I kiss and brush his away but they don’t stop and I gather him into my arms instead. Sliding his arms around my waist, he buries his face in the crook of my neck and begins to sob, clinging to me like I’m the very air he needs to breathe. “It’s okay, Charlie. Everything’s going to be okay.” I reassure him over and over, rubbing his back as the sobs wrack his body.

I don’t know how much time has passed when Charlie finally pulls away and sits forward, sniffling as he drags his forearm across his cheeks. He stares straight ahead, at a window reflecting the room around us then turns to look at me. Our eyes lock and he quickly looks away, picking up his cup of tea and taking three large gulps before setting it back down.

“We should get some sleep,” I tell him, using the cuff of my robe to dry my eyes. He nods silently in response, bending down to take off his shoes as I stand to get the blanket from the chair. Stretching out on his back, he closes his eyes as I cover him. “Charlie… you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Drinking this much… it isn’t you.”

There is no joy in the laugh he huffs out. “I don’t know what ‘me’ means anymore.”

I don’t respond. How can I when I wonder the same thing about myself? I bend down to kiss his cheek and he turns his head at the last second, making my lips press against his. The kiss is chaste, nothing more than a quick peck but my heart flutters none the less. Still not knowing what to say, I place another kiss to his forehead before turning off the lamp and heading to my room, only making it a few feet when I hear him speak.

“We left them behind… all those people.” His voice is quiet in the darkness. I can barely make out his profile from the moonlight shining through the window, laying there with his arm draped across his eyes. “John, the rest of the crew, the families in steerage… men, women, children, people that had families waiting for them… I knew them, Adal, and we left them behind.”

“I know, Charlie.” My throat tightens but my eyes stay dry. I don’t think I have any tears left. “But we lived… we lived.”

His breathing deepens so quickly I wonder if he even heard me, like his confession used the last of his energy and I slip quietly into my room. I take off my robe, sling it over the chair at my desk and turn off the lamp before crawling under the covers. Emotionally and physically exhausted, I begin drifting off to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, the feel of Charlies kiss still tingling on my lips.

I wake as the sun hits my face and slowly open my swollen eyes, turning away from the harsh glare coming through the window. I feel as though I hardly slept at all and goodness, I’m thirsty. And hungry, I realize as the scent of bacon hits my nose. Stretching my arms above my head, I let out a deep, satisfying yawn and swing my feet to the floor. I tie my hair back with a ribbon from the nightstand and get up, dreading what is waiting for me on the other side of the door. The couch will be empty, the blanket and pillow stacked neatly on the chair with a note on top; and Hileni in the kitchen, making me breakfast in an attempt to cheer me up while giving me sympathetic looks and asking questions I don’t have the answers to. It’s always the same but I can’t hide in here forever.

Taking a deep breath I walk into the parlor and my eyes automatically look to the couch, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he’d still be there. He isn’t, and neither is the bedding he used last night. Hileni’s large male cat, Earl Grey, aptly named for his color and his love of the beverage is happily slurping up the remains of our tea. He looks up at me with his big blue eyes, tongue running along his mouth to get every last drop. “Shoo,” I scold, waving my hand. He ignores me, dipping his face back into the cup and I step forward to coax him off the table. “Shoo, you beast!”

Hileni’s laughter floats out of the kitchen and I wonder she’s talking to when I hear her say, “You’re doing it all wrong! You’re going to burn it like that!”

Then I hear him laugh, and my heart stops beating.

“If you’ll remember I was the one who put together a picnic for you and your cabinmates, Hileni, I’ve got this.”

“Oh, please,” Hileni snorts. “You didn’t cook any of that. You stole it from the kitchens.”

“Well, that is true,” he laughs again, untroubled and carefree. “But I do know how to cook bacon so let me work.”

I’m dreaming, I must be. Rooted to the spot, I turn to look into my bedroom, convinced I’ll see myself still sleeping but all I see is the bed I have yet to make. I pinch myself. Nothing happens, though I’m not sure what the act is supposed to accomplish either way. Finally convinced I am awake and Charlie is here, butterflies take flight in my stomach. I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart and blink back the happy tears that have sprung in my eyes as I enter the kitchen. “What’s all this?” I ask, taking in the room. Hileni is by the pantry, reaching for something on her tip-toes and Charlie stands at the stove, transferring bacon from a cast iron skillet to a plate, like this is an everyday occurrence.

He turns at the sound of my voice and the smile he gives me lights up the room. “Damn, it was supposed to be breakfast in bed.”

“I told you bacon would get her up.” Rolling her eyes, Hileni sets a jar of maple syrup on the table. “He doesn’t listen that one.”

“I’ll remember it for next time,” Charlie chuckles, adding the plate of bacon to the table. With a gentle hand on my lower back, he pulls out a chair for me. “Sit, Adal, it’ll be ready in just a minute.”

Through narrowed eyes I watch the picture of domesticity taking place around me; Hileni bringing milk and coffee to the table, Charlie taking pancakes out of the oven where they were being kept warm. I pinch myself again, and when Hileni asks what I’m doing I tell her nothing, which only makes her laugh as she sits down and gives me a knowing look.

As happy as I am he stayed, a sliver of doubt remains this side of him won’t last. Reality will set in and he will hold me at arms-length once again. Then our eyes meet across the table and I see the familiar gleam I haven’t seen since the night of Zetta’s birthday party. The night we kissed under the stars before our world was turned upside down and I know what I said last night is true- Everything’s going to be okay.