#I’m gonna be normal this time i said
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“I love taking Bart (Bay Area Rapid Transit)”
I have feelings for you
#I’m gonna be normal this time i said#I’m getting over it I said#we spent all fuxking class sharing headphones and listening to his bands music#and writing fucking little notes to each other#kill me immediately#do it quickly#blithering on
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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QB ADHD test is crazy for autists bc tell me why you’re gonna strap this super uncomfortable headband to my head and also have the lights bright in the room bright af and then have the laptop flash images at me too
Like????????
#sillyposting#adhd#I asked if they could turn down the lights and it was soooooo haha funny to them#how quirky haha hehe no one’s ever asked for that before!#and then they turn the light off and it’s pitch black and the laptop brightness is still way too bright#I was going to be overstimulated either way probably#but still#I tried to make it a neutral environment for the best results it just didn’t work out#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#can you blame a girl for having a very cutesy very demure meltdown at the psych’s office#but anyway I did absolute shit on the test#I feel like it’s not even fully accurate because I was crying half the time :/#I couldn’t remember anything esp not with the sensory hell#but then again I already know I would have been shit at it without the meltdown too#and the nurse tried to comfort me when I said sorry for crying#and she’s like no it’s okay we’re all special in our own way!#Ma’am I don’t need your autism speaks pep talk I need all the lights in my vicinity to be turned off#at least if they say I don’t have adhd I have even more validation for the autism#because who else has a meltdown over l i g h t s#very neurotypical reaction I’m so normal actually#I’m fine I’m at home and I’m gonna chill in my room don’t worry
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Born to be nonchalant forced to notice every tiny little change in energy until it drives me insane
#mine#text post#I have been hyper aware since I came out of the womb#one time my friend asked if wanted to grab drinks after we hadn’t talked in like a#a month and a half and I immediately was like ‘she’s gonna tell me she doesn’t wanna be friends’#lol I was wrong but this is how my brain works#but I will say even when I’m paranoid I do my best not to like project that if that makes sense??#I also had one friend (different) who basically chewed me out when I ask if me and her were okay because of said energy shift#we’re not friends anymore lol and I also just keep that observation to myself now always#I’m totally normal guys
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yOu'Re gOiNg fOr a LiTeR? | "Habs react to Quebec Maple facts", 10.22.24
#guys this is not becoming a regular thing this is just the mental illinois breaking through but ALSO I SAW THIS AND SCREAMEDDDDD#they did this For Me. those are all my guys. like yes yes we know about xhekovský but that’s my adopted austrian son david reinbacher!!!#that’s my baby goalie carey price time travel cowboy son cayden primeau!!!! and i just LOVE that they were like#‘yeah so one of them is gonna be a bitch in both pairs. & yeah we’re gonna make them lose.’ & i am HERE for it. you know the media day vid#where they asked all of them who was brat on the team and like 75% said slaf which we all KNEW? yes. correct. even more evidence godddd#also empathize so much with him because i hate feeling stupid & he is notably like. a very smart guy w/good awareness of broader society#and sorry to get like this on a silly little post i’m about to fanfiction-ify before i have xhekovský hours but so much of this goes back#to the xenophobia in the nhl and how we treat players (not only that. people in north am/west tbh) whose first language is not english#and degrade/discredit them and their intelligence by virtue of their multilingualism and how we even think about multilingualism as a whole#e.g. the sense that certain languages are perceived as more ‘valuable’ capital/the support that SHOULD be there for language learning simpl#is not from what i can tell in the nhl so even if you wanted to foster an environment of intercultural competency they’re doing nothing to#support it. the stories!! of so many guys! reliant solely upon their teammates for basic necessities! WHERE is your language acquisition#programming. sorry the linguistics language and culture attempted to jump out there & i am not conveying what i want to say at ALL. anyway#juraj's slow descent into madness as u can SEE him visibly getting more & more over it & done is my roman empire. like he's having fun#at first he's laughing 'what is this whiskey?' & i AM thinking that toothy little grin at arber with the jerkoff hand motion about the mapl#syrup only taking a few minutes to come (out) was a dig. lord knows arber deserved it with his shorts pulled all the way up like GOD the me#you put here to wear slutty little 3" shorts live in cold CANADA and have to cover up their thigh tattoos. what a travesty. and the amount#of THIGH in this video i- biting. arber's hairy legs slaf's manspreading more as he gets frustrated & arber teases him i. and DAVID????#on a completely different note cayden with his face covered is giving me INTENSE brainworms i have the most unhinged storylines for him#AND THE BRYNDZOVE HALUSKYYYY everything past 2:00 is gold. david's tired sighs. slaf hating it here. arber having the time of his life#'taste' 'that's not an advantage' DAVID kill him. 'maple syrup specialist... normal guy 🤷' slaf you are the WORST loser and ily for it#arber defending his wife w/his life... juraj's the smartest guy in the room & arber's on his leash about it. it goes both ways (to be cont)#juraj slafkovský#arber xhekaj#david reinbacher#cayden primeau#montreal canadiens#i'm xhekovský posting leave me alone i'm also *****
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I need to be put in a waffle iron or something
#i am. really stressed!!#i hate being online i keep losing friends#Majority of them did shitty stuff to me and it makes me so sad#I already have trust problems so when people come and say theyll always be here for me and then the next thing i know im blocked because i#Expressed my discomfort about something shitty they did it makes those trust issues even worse#We were pretty close and now i regret telling him shit because he could use it against me#And im starting to fall out with my “best friend” irl. Everything is making me sick#I can’t do this anymore I really want to disappear#There has to be something about me so repulsive to people#That i just turn them away#its gonna be like that for the rest of my life isnt it? I probably wont even get a partner in the future#I just don’t know why I fuck up every friendship so bad even if it wasnt. My fault#I shouldve kept my mouth shut even if i was uncomfortable#my last friendships ended like this too#I caused a huge server fight by saying I was uncomfy and I’m pretty sure everyone hates me now because of it#even though some said they werent#I am just really lonely and feel like a piece of shit#Because I am one#I don’t really know if I want to keep being here anymore#I genuinely think nobody likes me#Even when I was in school nobody liked me#I was the “weird girl”#I just wish I was normal and likeable and then maybe I’d have friends irl#I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’ve considered suicide over it multiple times#I ruin everything#My friendships. My life. My parents marriage. My art. Everything.#I doubt anyone will read this or gaf so just. ignore me
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tbh I know we’re all weird girls here and I love it but on average I have at least one interaction with my roommates per day that is weirder than anything I ever post on here
#it’s great btw#the secret to life is finding other funky little freaks to live with#my roommate asked if I would be going to bed soon or if she should turn off the lights#I said I was gonna stay up bc I’m still feeling kinda sick/nauseous and not tired yet#I said I probably just felt nauseous bc my eating scheduled got so screwed up from being sick#and so my stomach was just retaliating#so then she offered to slice me up into pieces so the different parts of my body can’t communicate#I thanked her and said that would fix me#this is extremely common#and honestly one of the more normal times
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Still thinking about the conversation I had with my roommate’s bf like two weeks ago where he said he was scared of furries but also didn’t even know enough about furries to know they were called furries I had to figure out wtf he was talking about. The urge to become a full blown furry now. Despite having all the makings of a furry I for some reason have never ended up enthusiastically becoming one despite my best efforts. Well. With spite as my motivator here we are. Where are the furry artists, I’m commissioning both my tentative ideas for my fursonas. I’m inviting all my friends who are furries over and we’re gonna work on making fursuits. I will also make this a hostile living situation for you AND I will get the added bonus of doing fun furry stuff
#during the same conversation he very heavily insinuated he thought I was a cringey weirdo in the most derogatory sense#by making fun of most of my hobbies and calling ppl who liked them cringey weirdos#but then going ‘oh! oh no! I don’t mean you though you’re fine you’re like Normal 😀’#so. you know.#anyways last night I walked in the door from work#and the entire apartment smelled like weed and there was a dog barking at me and he was watching tv SO loud#🙃🙃🙃 sensory overload immediately in main part of apartment so I hid in bedroom all night#I’m also irritated cuz I’ve had convos with my roommate about weed FOREVER ago#literally my one ask was if he was gonna smoke he do it outside so the apartment doesn’t smell like it#idc if you smoke and you are free to do edibles/dabs/whatever inside just pls don’t smoke joints#I hate the smell and it’s bad for the animals#so why is it 🙃🙃🙃 all of a sudden happening again as this guy moves in 🙃🙃🙃#anyways about to become a revenge furry and also suuuuuper fucking cringey just to bother/embarrass him#esp cuz he said he wants to have friends over all the time which I’m also FUDJDJSJSKSK about#but sure! invite friends over!#I’m gonna sit in the living room with my giant easel and draw furries and listen loudly to vocaloid while they’re here 🥰#I’m gonna have a great time! you won’t tho lmao#kaz rambles
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’why is taylor friends with the mahomes when brittany isn’t nice to her and also they support trump’ she knows that. both of these things. she’s just not letting the bully her out of their group of friends that’s also hers and actually existing around people who see politics differently to you is the most effective way to help them soften towards seeing things another way when they realise you’re just as human too
#of course it doesn’t mean you have to put yourself through spending time with shitty people#but I’m seeing people say she doesn’t know what brittany tweets and I highly doubt that#girlie knows how to play the high school social systems and unfortunately when you’re famous being in your 30s is still Like That#and also for a billionaire to support people who don’t build their policies on protecting your privilege? ik we don’t like billionaires but#just think for a moment what it must look like to see if you’re also a billionaire because some of them are gonna think she’s insane for it#either way hanging out in the same circles with someone doesn’t mean you condone everything they do#and in the event where she’s oblivious and thinks they’re genuinely friends or a number of other scenarios?#she’s still a grown woman who can make her own decisions and does have people around her should a backstabbing event occur#but I want to reiterate my last point again. the only reason people are so right wing is because they don’t ever meet normal people#and consider the needs of like. most of the population#so anyone who can stand to break into their bubble and stay themselves is actually doing more good than we realise#and there’s more to be said about *other causes* but just like her post was targeted at potential swing voters#the reason she knows these people so well to be able ro target rhem is that she does have some overlapping circles with them#and weeding that out does more of a disservice to activism. no comment on the impact on her (or your) mental health#but keep that in mind when you don’t know whether the people you hang out with are good people all the time#taylor swift#brittany mahomes#patrick mahomes#usamerican politics#anti purity culture
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is atwmd updating soon?
hopefully before january ends
#ask#wfrau#tbf it’s only been like a month since the last ch….#ik i kinda shot myself in the foot by updating more regularly when i was first posting etc but. well i will reiterate#there is no longer a posting schedule my goal is just 2 get one ch out per month if possible#(<- guys who’s annoyed at the amt of comments they’ve been getting asking when the fic is gonna update)#(not ur fault anon just. there r a lot of people who seem 2 think it is normal 2 expect a ch every week etc)#(which again. perhaps shot myself in the foot by updating my other fics faster but i do try 2 communicate when i don’t have the time etc)#anyway that being said. i’m actually almost done w the next ch it’s just ~twice as long as normal#gonna try 2 finish the last scene tomorrow then send along 2 my beta reader <3
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this guy hit my car earlier and tried to run off but this lady chased him down before he could
#I’m calmer now but he made me sooo mad#where I parked was right near a corner#the lady told me he didn’t put the car in park just got out and came in and so he hit my car😂😂#he tried to blame it on me he said ‘why’d you park your car there’ you mean in the parking spot?????#and we were trying to get his info and he kept going I gotta go I don’t have time for this#well you hit my poor lil Toyota with your brand new car you’re gonna make time😭😭#and started hollerin at me and my sister like please be serious#and we got my dad in the phone and he started acting real normal and gave us his info#he drove off before the police showed up#I hope he dies!#had it not been for that lady telling me and stoping him he would’ve got away too
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My aces (plus Liko’s Sprigatito) crowd around me, Spriggie falls asleep, Cherry tries to prove no member of the Quaxly line can out-fabulous it (or at the very least an unevolved Quaxly can’t) and Char and Knight have an argument again before seemingly making up and then running through each other
#just a normal day in Violet!Paldea#I can’t help but notice Char was the one that started this argument#in fact thinking about it I think she’s usually the one to start arguments between her and Knight#I’m also not entirely sure whether they actually made up and are gonna move on#or if Knight just said something nice and Char decided to curse it#and judging by Knight’s reaction to Char laughing the first time I think Char said something really mean about Knight#Char can’t you go three seconds without bullying someone#I think Knight (and possibly also Liko’s Sprigatito judging by the last time they had a picnic together) should join Team Star#is it normal for an Adamant Pokémon and a Quirky Pokémon to not get along?#I guess I’d know if I actually bothered to have Medusa in picnics in Scarlet#meowscarada#ceruledge#iron valiant#iron leaves#sprigatito#quaxly#miraidon#pokémon violet#picnic#pokémon
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you know when you don’t eat and you’re like oh i’m fine i’ll just get smth later and then you hit that point where it’s like oh actually im gonna pass out so you have to settle for an old bag of tortilla chips and a flat soda bc those are the only things in reach
#thought i was gonna go get myself some poke for dinner bc i didn’t have any groceries#but alas#my body said no bitch#you didn’t eat all day time to pass out#also still having an allergic reaction to a spider ffs#woke up and my whole face was swollen and all of my piercings were randomly infected and bleeding#all of my healed 6 year old piercings that were literally normal yesterday and normal for the last several years#bleeding#looked in the mirror and scared the shit out of myself#i’m having an off day lmaooo
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(not hornyposting just musing lol) so i’m a singer-songwriter and performer irl and i’m thinking about the fact that i go around on a day to day basis singing serious, professional songs that use dogs and brainwashing and cannibalism as painful heartbroken metaphors. and i’ve been doing this for years but little by little all these things i process my anguish through in songwriting, have also become how i satisfy my sex drive. and i don’t know what to do with that information i just think it’s wild!! fun fact abt me i guess. i go out there in public singing about how service is my fulfillment and calling myself a good boy and i sing about wanting to be violently torn apart and eaten and i’m like. yeah it’s a metaphor. yeah dw i’m really normal. i don’t fantasize about having my humanity stripped from me and being treated like a stupid sweet puppy barking and whining for my lovers sick and twisted pleasure what are you TALKING about. i just like the poetic imagery of it. i SWEAR.
#i just think it’s silly….#like no joke i’ve written five songs this school year and lets see#there’s one about being a ‘‘silly stupid angel’’ who’s degraded and abused and idealized and stripped of all dignity#(yes it’s a commentary on the patriarchy. yes it’s about the toxic relationship i was in at the time. it’s also several of my kinks in one)#there’s one called GOOD BOY about being a dog. whining and kicking up the dirt. growling and whimpering. being taken advantage of#ITS JUST A METAPHOR. obviously. i actually wasn’t into puppy play yet when i wrote that song iirc. guess it got to me….#then there’s the cannibalism one. i gave my soul up you can eat me raw diced up and vulnerable i’m yours to try#it’s a ummmm it’s just a commentary. (also about my toxic relationship. he didn’t want to fuck OR eat me. but somehow still used me)#anyway the other two are just normal one is about filtering myself for him and the other is about being oppressed and poor and angry lol#still though. the fact that over half my songs are literally my kinks turned into poetry. and NOBODY KNOWS#it’s not my fault that those things are on my mind ALL THE TIME. what am i supposed to write songs about if not being a stupid puppy??#i don’t think anyone on my kink blog ACTUALLY wants to hear about this but my kinks are secret so this is the only place i can post about i#hope u can get some sort of psychological insight about me?? or idk stalk me?? show up 2 my shows and kidnap and use me?? who said that#i’m not even like. wet rn i’m just on here as reflex. and i’m THINKING. abt my TWISTED MIND and the weird shit i write about#in an intellectual way. cause i’m not USING my KINK BLOG this week. cause i SAID SO cause i need to KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME#so i’m gonna be so normal. and not touch myself even a little bit cause i need to sleep and i need to move house and i need to be so normal#unrelatedly: tomorrow i’ll be one month on testosterone!! definitely hasn’t awakened anything in me….#anyway. anyway. i’m going to try to go to bed. probably going to end up edging myself stupid instead though#will just have 2 see what happens…. god it would be a shame if someone came in and used my sleeping body. who said that
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HR PERSON ANSWER ME I WASTED A DAY WAITING FOR YOUE CALL
#anything else!!! I could’ve done anything else than hover anxiously around my computer#why was I asked to be available for upwards of 5 hours if I’m not even gonna get a courtesy note#saying the bare minimum ‘reschedule?’ god forbid I ask you to respect my time and have empathy for fellow humans#you’re holding my life in your hands and you can’t be bothered to remember it? cmon dude#I want to either be happy or be miserable and move on but I can’t do either bc of what I hope to be a lapse in time awareness#and what I worry is some sort of test that I’m managing to fail by wanting to know my fate at this company#I sent an email AND a phone message this time. god willing we cram in a call today. hellish to have it move to Monday.#why did I waste the precious hours of my singular life bc you didn’t feel like emailing me back#mad about it. Fuming about it. I will not be normal about this person in the future bc of this incident#I’m gonna go eat something at 4:30 bc that’s the latest I said I could take calls#and if I get a call after that I’m gonna [redacted]
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I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it
#I was in a relatively good mood today#work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow#(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!)#plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend#and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling#hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch#questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message!#this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that#I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me#issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways)#but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like#PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT#GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE#I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis#(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that)#(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t#think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.)#but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated#I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol#and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭#kaz rambles
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