#I have been hyper aware since I came out of the womb

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

Born to be nonchalant forced to notice every tiny little change in energy until it drives me insane

[atsunflower]

Hospital for souls — The Line

Rated: SFW

Author note: I gotta nothing to say. This took me really long and I struggled a lot to write it. Thanks for being patient with me. Also, big shoutout to @neonghxst, who helped me a lot with this one. I love you bby 💕

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of anxiety and this chapter contains gore towards the end.

IV — The line

Previous || Next

"I don't wanna go" Your voice showed distaste at the invitation.

Since the fight with Sakusa, you avoided all human contact like the plague. The only ones that talked to you were the maids and, occasionally, Komori, who had warmed up to you since you saved his ass — to be honest, you weren't very fond of his change of character.

"Listen, you're the new lady of this household." Komori explained in a tired manner."This gala is held every year in some sort of diplomatics, to grant no family crosses the line. All the important members must make a presence."

"Yeah, but I'm sure no one cares if I don't show up." You deadpanned looking at his face.

"It's just a fancy ass party. I'll take you to get a dress myself, but I gotta run some errands and find a suit too. If I'm late, then Izuna will take you." Komori saw you stiffening when you heard the name. Ever since you arrived in Itachiyama, Izuna was the most hostile towards you. "Hey, don't worry about him... He'll be nice."

"I gotta remind you that no one has been nice to me since I came here, Komori-san." You stated the obvious and the male before you grimaced.

"Look, we're not as bad as you think. Neither we are some sort of low life criminals, you know." His voice sent shivers down your spine. The hazel-haired man has been treating you better, yes, but you could tell the words you said to Sakusa that day affected him too.

"Yeah. But you all did nothing to prove me wrong." You stared at his eyes, the sincere tone meaning each world "If anything, all you did was make me miserable even though I'm not a threat. And you know it." You saw when the hazel haired male shook his head, face softening a little.

"I'll be back in a few." And then, Komori left. 

To your relief, it was Komori himself who showed up at your bedroom door. Now, you were at some boutique somewhere in the fancy side of Shibuya, trying a beautiful strappy off-white dress.

You loved how the silky cloth hugged your body and how the pearly color complimented your skin tone. Definitely, it was the propper gown for an event as important as a mafia gala.

Taking in the figure reflected in the mirror, you recalled the last time you wore something so fancy was at your wedding. Suddenly, you felt ugly — after all, you were a woman of surgical scrubs and white coats. Wearing something like this dress was a reminder of what kind of life you were living now.

"[Name]-san, have you decided?" Komori asked with an undecipherable look on his face. 

"Ah, yes, I'm taking this one" You said to the salesperson, already getting back to the changing room.

From the inside, you heard a knock on the door. It was Komori.

"[Name], are you good?" He asked in a soft spoken manner, as if he was concerned.

You know it's not the case, don't let your guard down, you reminded yourself.

"Yes, Komori-san. Are we ready to go?" He hummed in agreement, saying he was going to do the payment.

The two of you had yet to arrive in Itachiyama. The silence was heavy inside the car and you could see the man opening his mouth as if he was trying to say something.

"I never asked, did you see a doctor?" You started, breaking the unnerving atmosphere.

"Ah, yes. I'm all good, no sequels or whatever." He cleared his throat, side-glancing at you "Those guys took us by surprise that night, huh? We were lucky you were there to help us out." You hummed, staring at his elbow, as if you could see through the material of his jacket.

"I shouldn't have opened your arm that way. It was really irresponsible of me to do it and it was a miracle things ended up well."You said in a reflecting manner.

Does she regret saving me?, Komori couldn't help but wonder.

"The doctor I saw said the surgery was perfectly executed, so don't beat yourself over it. Besides, I can see the passion you have. You'd make it right anyways." The male said truthfully and you frowned. You didn't want his trust because he would never have yours.

You also didn't like the appreciative tone he used. A doctor isn't a hero, You reminded yourself everyday, to never let it go to your head.

"I'm passionate, but it's about my personal ethics, you don't need passion to be good at what you do. I think you know it very well." You still frowned, not liking what he implied. You never wanted to be some sort of hero, much less to someone like him. 

"Yeah, I don't need to love the yakuza to be good at it. But I don't think a passionless person would make a good doctor." He argued, trying to prove his point.

"In my line of work, a mistake costs your whole career. Passionless and unethical people exist everywhere, a hospital isn't a sanctuary." You said matter of factly — it wasn't about the romantic lenses people saw the health workers. After all, medicine was a field made majorly of people with the means and the money. You learned it the hard way when you made into med school.

"Why would you say that?" The traffic light signalled to stop. The Kobun used this opportunity to take in your figure, eyes roaming over your crossed arms and unfazed features.

Duty takes a toll in everyone, huh?, He internally stated.

"Because I know someone. And as passionless someone could be, he's still the best at what he does." And Komori didn't miss the feeling displayed in your eyes.

It wasn't merely passion. Something deeper resided in those irises of yours.

An awkward silence overtook the atmosphere as the car resumed its movement. He felt uncomfortable, trying to figure out what you meant.

"Well, what matters is that everything ended up well. Who would have guessed they would attack us that night?" Komori conceded, trying to break the unsettling quietness.

"Yeah, this whole yakuza thing is really scary." You said looking through the tinted window, a pensive look in your face.

"You'll get used to it. And it doesn't happen on a daily basis either" He brushed you off, turning in a curb.

"Yeah, but ignoring the threat isn't an easy task." You retorted, tiredly.

"How do you know it? Besides, since you're our lady, it's not like we'll let  something happen to you." The brunette said, in hopes of comforting you. It had the opposite effect, as a silent rage ran down your body.

"Komori-san, how do I know?" You bitterly laughed "My whole life, I was at the line. My mother didn't want me to be born, Inarizaki wanted my head since I was in the womb and you guys will get rid of me at any given opportunity." You saw him opening his mouth to argue "Your household won't protect me if the order comes from Sakusa." 

As if in a cue, the car approached the gates of Itachiyama. Komori was rendered speechless, knowing you were right.

Personally, you weren't one to offend people and make them feel bad. You couldn't help the pang in your chest every time you exploded at any of them. But by god, were you tired.

I just want my life back, you thought. After all, it was infinite times easier to be a target when you were somehow detached from the life inside the families. The Kobun said something you paid no mind to.

Banging the car door shut, you ignored his calling.

The nagging feeling was a constant in his life.

Roaming through his memories, he could never pinpoint a time he felt comfortable under his skin. He was too anxious and life never treated him kindly to do so.

Maybe he overreacted a lot, too. But it wasn't his fault he had to be hyper aware of his surroundings.

The alert state was essential in an ambience full of people who could stab him in the back.

Fuck the diplomatics, he cursed.

It was one of those nights he hated the most. The suntuous ballroom was full of people going back and forth, bragging about futilities and throwing insincere flattery at each other. All because the ever so generous Karasuno was hosting a dinner at The Crow to assure no one disturbs the deal between the families.

Bullshit, he thought. It's only Karasuno trying to show off their influence over this frail peace.

And, as much as he appreciated said peace, he hated how everyone faked they got along with each other.

Not that he cared about politeness either. And his signature scowl did nothing to keep people away. After all, everyone wanted a piece of Itachiyama.

"Kiyoomi." The ravenette heard the deep voice from his back. A wave of relief washed over him.

At least, Wakatoshi-kun is here. I won't die from boredom, He mused.

"Wakatoshi." He responded, nodding at the other. From outside Itachiyama, Ushijima was the only one Sakusa considered a friend.

"I thought you wouldn't come tonight, I know you don't really like the crowd."

"People would find weird if I didn't, considering Inarizaki and everything."

"Speaking of which, did you bring your wife?" Ushijima asked, looking around. Sakusa nodded before speaking.

"Yeah, she went to the restrooms. Komori is with her." And speaking of the devil, you came into view.

He knew you had a fine taste for things, and he would be a fool to say you didn't look good tonight. But he would never admit it.

A Miya isn't worth you time, he repeated it like a mantra, observing as you made your way onto him.

Komori enthusiastically greeted Ushijima and you merely nodded out of politeness, looking at the bulky male with caution. Given Ushijima's intimidating vibes, Sakusa couldn't really blame you.

"I see you're Sakusa's wife. I'm Ushijima Wakatoshi." He offered his hand at you "It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Likewise, Ushijima-san" You introduced yourself as the Oyabun of Itachiyama watched the scene unfold before him, recalling how his friend was the blunt and introverted type. He couldn't help but admire the way the two of you conversed smoothly; earning Ushijima's sympathy required effort. You did it with ease.

"She's a good woman." Sakusa didn't see when your conversation died down and Ushijima turned to him. He found himself dumbfounded at the other's statement.

"She's a Miya"

"She worked with Shirabu. He spoke highly of her" A waiter passed by offering them whiskey. The rich scent of Yamazaki reached his nostrils as he drank it, throat used to the burning sensation "And you know he's not one to lie."

"Still…" His retort was halted when he felt the weight of a gaze on him. In the far corner of the room, none other than Oikawa Tooru had all his attention turned to the general direction of you all "What is he looking at?" He squinted at the brunette's direction, trying to make out his intentions.

"He seems to be looking at your wife" Ushijima bluntly spoke "But don't worry about him, Oikawa may have his reasons. He is a reliable man, after all."

"You're indeed soft today. What happened?" The other opened his mouth to respond before being interrupted by a startled voice.

Your husband was doing a good job ignoring you while speaking to Ushijima — you wouldn't complain, since you didn't want any of his attention.

Listening to Komori speaking wonders of the whiskey he was drinking, you felt a little at ease. You imagined the gala to be much scarier than this, but all you could see was snotty people too full of themselves. It was almost comical hearring them bragging about things you couldn't even dream of.

"This is a 25 years old Yamazaki. It's a favorite of mine and Kiyoomi—"

"Is this real life?" A surprised voice cutted Komori's middle sentence.

Before you, a handsome man looked appalled, staring at you with an emotion you couldn't identify. You were feeling uncomfortable as everyone around you was paying attention to your interaction.

"I'm sorry, sir. But am I supposed to know you?" You asked, in hopes to remember if you knew him by any chance. He beamed brightly at you.

"Of course you wouldn't remember me!" And he laughed again, earning a frown from your husband.

"Do you have any business to do with my wife?" Sakusa's cold-steel voice asked. The pretty man ignored it. And, at this point, everyone in the area stopped their actions, watching the scene with interest.

"I'm Oikawa Tooru, the Oyabun of Seijoh. Two years ago, you saved my nephew's life in an accident at the Dinosaur Bridge, only using a needle. After it, you held his hand until the ambulance came." The man bowed deeply, and only now you noticed he was accompanied by another spiky-haired male, who was also bowing at you. Observing them, you faintly remembered saving a little boy in a traffic accident a couple of years ago "For that, I'll be forever thankful. In return, I wanted to say you have Seijoh's gratitude whenever you need it." He stood tall again, staring at you dead in the eye to confirm he meant every single word he said.

You were speechless.

"I… sir, I'm thankful, but I did what had to be done. You don't owe me anything." You said uncertainly, glancing at the startled faces of both Komori and Sakusa. Ushijima looked fondly at you, as if he knew something.

"You had a choice that day, and you choosed to help us when we couldn't do anything. And it's enough for us to pay you back." The spiky-haired man said. It was rare for someone to address you with so much respect and sincerity. You appreciated it wholeheartedly.

"I— thank you." And you bowed at them, trying to show your gratitude to both males.

"Well, we won't disturb you anymore. Please have a good night" The Oikawa guy said, handing you a business card which you secluded inside your clutch.

"See?" You heard Ushijima saying, but you were too stunned to register it.

You didn't have time to process the event, as someone announced the dinner was about to be served.

"Seijoh's favour, huh? You sure are skyrocketing this mafia thing." Suna said, sitting on the chair on the opposite side of the table.

You all were addressed to a table with ten seats. It looked like Itachiyama was paired up with Inarizaki and another household you were yet to discover. The atmosphere was already stiff, as Sakusa kept throwing dirty glares at the twins.

"Impressive how you're doing well inside the yakuza. I thought you weren't going to last a month." Atsumu snickered as Osamu and the others ignored everything around them, getting ready for the dinner.

You mimicked their actions before Izuna joined you; you tensed seeing him taking the seat by your left.

Sakusa sat by your right, side-glancing at you. It looked like he had a newfound interest since the interaction with Oikawa earlier.

To your surprise, Seijoh was addressed to your table. Though, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi — Suna let you know his name and the fact he was also a Kobun — said nothing, sensing the tension hanging in the air.

None of the men said anything as the food started to be served. Instead, they busied themselves with the entree, keeping the smalltalk inside their household circle.

You heard Osamu saying something about the wine but you didn't register it. Soon enough, the waiters brought the main course in silver trays.

It smelled fabulous and your mouth watered at the scent.

"A lovely meal for the lady. Please enjoy it, I'm sure you won't forget this occasion." The blond waiter said, as he uncovered your plate. You took in the deep red sauce made of berries and the way the meat was perfectly cooked.

With fork and knife in hand, you went for it.

And indeed, you wouldn't forget the occasion.

Sliding the meat over the plate, you noticed it  hiding something. The scream was caught in your throat as you recognized the obnoxious structure, because years of unveiling the human anatomy would never fail you.

The cutlery clattered in the porcelain surface, spilling the sauce all over you. The white of your dress was now tainted with crimson, as if blood seeped out of your chest.

But you didn't even feel it. All you felt were hands shaking your body, trying to draw some reaction from you. The screams also came in a white noise through your ears, because all you could register was the sight before your eyes.

In the middle of the plate, a finger rested limp and dirty. Dead.

In a similar manner, you did too. 

Among the chaos, you sat there, also limp and dirty. At the end of a promise of death.

❥ tagging: @keekee-732 @chiibichann @captain-shittykawa @fortheloveofiwaizumi @daisyjaebae @jihoonspout @floodinginstars @fl4mepillar @trash4sportsanime @neonghxst @starrystanze @teaanbiss @hqxreader @yskomiii @shadyjinyoung @julimausi1311 @hyoonx23 @keuromi @differentballooncollection @onigiriimiya @wolfiepirate @sekshi-namjas @tomo-uwu @atsumusgf @letmegetthisclear @katokanae @cherryonigiri @ushijima-meixiu @bimboiiying @crownedcupcake17 @tvwhoresblog @thenerdyrebel @idiot-juice-enthusiast @caprolls @keijination   @wakaitoshi @clowninfortodoroki @shiningotak-ku @kemochie @lilacshouko @sehunosh @kiyoojima @shimy-deko @bap-kingdom @raenebalgaire @ricefarmerkita @rintarose @xanaxdeity @reiningsun

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[anakinisvaderisanakin]

Destiny (RotJ AU oneshot)

“Thank the Force, you’re safe!”

Leia didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as she flung herself into Luke’s open arms, his face concealed by the darkness as the soft full moon rose like a halo behind his head. She breathed out a sigh, holding him close as she let the tension that had been bearing down on her go. The gnawing ball of anxiety at the pit of belly faded, as relief flooded her senses.

“We won,” she added in a rushed tone, barely able to believe her own words as she realized the freedom they had fought for was now within their grasp.

“We did,” said Luke, soft spoken as he returned his sister’s embrace; his prosthetic hand coming up to gently envelope the back of her thin neck. “But there is more that needs to be done.”

Leia shook her head, knowing he was right but refusing to let the long road still ahead of them spoil this moment of euphoria in the wake of their victory. With eyes closed, she smiled softly.

“Let’s not think of the future. The Death Star is destroyed. The Emperor is destroyed.”

Luke didn’t need to tell her, for her to know he had fulfilled the task of ridding the Galaxy of its dictator. She could feel the responsibility of the act weighing heavy on his conscience.

“He is,” her brother said either way, but Leia was surprised to find the words didn’t bring her the calm she had expected.

Instead, Luke’s tone seemed flat, solemn. It seemed uncanny, unnatural for him. Leia decided to dismiss it as nonsense. Instead, she focused on Luke’s arms around her, and the tender kiss he placed against her forehead. She had always known they belonged together, that there was a connection between them. 

It had taken some time for her to realize what exactly the bond was, but as soon as she realized she had fallen in love with Han, she knew Luke was the brother she’d always been missing. The brother she’d sometimes see in her dreams, a twin she’d never known. She had assumed her possible lost brother had died in the womb, that the ghost was a figment of her imagination. Now, she knew better.

Still, another question was begging to be answered. She felt the hatred and disgust well up inside her, before she even uttered the name on her mind. She sensed Luke’s reluctance to discuss it, knowing he heard her inquiry before she said it. Its taste bitter on her tongue.

“Is… where is Vader?”

“Our fath--”

“Your father,” Leia interrupted sharply, and she swore she could have heard Luke snort in annoyance if it weren’t so out of character for him to be intemperate. “Your father, my sire.”

“Father has changed. When we first spoke, I was afraid of his words. I was afraid of his intentions, of what he might do to me - and to you. But I’m not afraid anymore,” Luke said after a moment, but this time Leia didn’t imagine the cutting edge to his voice. “He asked me to relay a message. To you.”

“I want no part of his last wishes.”

“I know.”

Leia hated the tension that had formed between them, tainting the air and making it almost oppressive. She had no intentions of forgiving the man who had fathered her, who had stood dumbly by as her home planet and her adoptive - her real - parents were murdered. Her people turned to dust in the blink of an eye. Vader was nothing to her, and much as she knew Luke had been entertaining the idea of forming a bond with Vader as a parent, she had no such notions.

Biting her lip, Leia clung to Luke. For a moment, she feared he would back away. She feared he may be upset, despite the fact that she had never seen Luke be anything but calm and serene since he first became a Jedi Knight. She stroked his back, the rough fabric of his robes a familiar presence. Hiding her face against Luke’s chest, she shut any thoughts of Vader out but she was still hyper aware that Luke hadn’t confirmed whether the Dark Lord was dead or alive. 

In the distance, she could hear the chattering of ewoks mingling with Chewbacca’s cheerful yowls, and if she strained her ears she could make out Han’s gruff tone as he conversed with Lando over a glass of whatever the Ewok equivalent to liquor was called. They would be alright.

But when Luke spoke again, interrupting the pleasant background noises of celebration, the mournful aura he was emanating could not be ignored.

“That’s why I must be the one to do his bidding.”

“What are you talking about?” Leia said, tilting her head slightly upwards to attempt to catch his eyes.

Before she had the chance, the hand at the back of her neck guided her confounded face away as he pressed her tightly to her chest.

“I didn’t understand before, but now I do. The Emperor was seduced by the darkness inside of himself, not by the Force itself. The Force is neither light nor dark, you cannot know it if you do not walk the line between the contradictions.”

“I don’t understand.”

Leia wasn’t lying, Luke’s words made little sense but she couldn’t keep the tension from pouring back into her weary bones ever so slightly. Something was amiss, but she allowed Luke to squeeze her as she returned the embrace with the same fervour. It seemed desperate, as if Luke was stalling something inevitable, something momentous. Perhaps, she already knew where he was going. Perhaps they were both buying themselves more time.

“Father knows. About you,” Luke finally breathed, the admission of guilt filling Leia’s heart with dread and fear. “I tried, but I couldn’t keep it from him.” 

“You let him live.”

It wasn’t a question, and when Luke offered no reply, Leia knew it to be true. She dug her fingers into his back, but forced herself not to lash out. She wanted Vader dead, she wanted to see him suffer as a punishment for all the atrocities he had committed. As she struggled with the battle between her love for her brother and her disdain for her biological father, she could sense Luke’s sorrow growing in magnitude. It became palpable, until it overpowered even her vivacious, volatile emotional turmoil.

“You are too good, Luke,” she finally murmured, relenting for now despite the simmering disappointment and anger beneath the surface.

“Yes. I have been. And I remain to be, but it can be remedied.”

Leia flinched as the durasteel fingertips of her brother’s cybernetic hand dug into the side of her neck - a neck she became ever so aware of, reminded of its frailty. She reached out with that unknown, premonitory, invisible hand to search his feelings. She sensed no malice, only grief. She simply couldn’t grasp what he was mourning, or who, if Vader was still alive.

“There is so much more that I don’t yet understand, but I can learn. But so can you,” he continued, and shivers of unease ran down Leia’s spine at the spiteful way in which he brought her into the equation - so unlike the Luke she knew.

“I don’t want to learn about the Force,” she said, in an effort to reassure herself as much as Luke.

“No. Not now. But you will, eventually. It can’t be helped. Your potential will draw you towards it, as it did me. You can fight it, or embrace it as I have. It won’t matter, it takes you either way. You have no choice.”

“I don’t believe that,” Leia scoffed, the sinking feeling in her belly foreboding.

“It doesn’t matter what you believe, nor does it matter what I believe. It’s the truth.”

The conviction of those words was irrefutable, and for a second Leia feared Luke could actually foresee the future and was speaking with an unearned wisdom regarding what was to pass. She found herself dreading the fact that there may be a predestined path for her.

“You sense it too, don’t you? You have felt its call, you have felt it beckoning to you. The Force.”

Leia wavered, about to reply when she remembered something she had overheard in the past. Luke communicating with an unseen figure, its voice eerily similar to the late Obi-Wan’s - its warning prodding at her subconscious until she had no choice but to reiterate it aloud.

“The Force doesn’t beckon. The Dark Side does.”

“But it has called you, hasn’t it?”

Luke didn’t falter, and Leia didn’t deny him. Her silence was all the compliance he needed, and she felt another chaste kiss pressed to the top of her head. Again, the durasteel prickle of his cold, harsh fingers buried themselves a little farther into the tender flesh of her nape.

“Then it has already been decided. Father was right. You are too much like him.”

Leia jerked back, trying to rear away as hurt, rage and disgust rushed to the surface in a flurry. Instead, she found herself trapped by Luke’s powerful hold. Heart sinking, she realized the dread she had been feeling wasn’t merely caused by Vader’s survival. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sounds came forth. She tried to yank her arms free, but the unseen hands keeping her firmly put were too strong. She wanted to scream, wanted to kick, and writhe, and punch, and claw her way out. Instead, she stood paralyzed as Luke’s fingers grew painfully tight around the back of her nape; tips pressing against her hammering pulse point.

“There can be only two; one master and one apprentice. You have an inherent rage. You would make the perfect Sith, but if you become Father’s apprentice…” Luke trailed off, and the meaning behind the unspoken intent was enough to suck the air out of Leia’s lungs.

Swallowing had, she found it difficult to breathe; and the vice closing around her neck was getting ever tighter. She could feel the sharp sting as unforgiving durasteel pierced her skin, and the rush of warmth that could only be blood spilling down the front of her dress. As her mind grew foggy, Leia realizing the welcoming darkness was likely of Luke’s doing to ease her into the eternal sleep, she picked up on his voice close to her ear. Despite the haze as life faded, her brother’s words were crisp and clear and haunting.

“This is the only way. It is my destiny,” he said, with an evident choked tremor to the delivery. “I’m sorry.”

Head tipping backwards, the last thing Leia noted was the irony in the lone tear that slid down Luke’s pale cheek juxtaposed with the predatory, greedy glow of his now bloodshot golden eyes.

***

Because there aren’t enough Dark!Luke AUs out there, so have my take on an alternate ending to RotJ where Luke falls and Vader lives. Enjoy!

[kaitlynpcallmebeepme]

Baby Making

Baby Making  

Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: SMUT +18, talk of anxiety, swearing, nursing genital facts (this was my last unit in my Anat and Physiology class, so I wanted to write some), swear words, other words for genitals, and fluff

Do not read this and get me in trouble if you're under 18

A/N: This is the second of two works I have for @hollandroos and @neptuneparker for their Whatever It Takes writing challenge. Both of them are separate from one another.

#sophsandcoraswc

Summary: Baby making sex is enjoyable, as long as your anxiety doesn’t get in the way.

AN: I've never had sex, so sorry for my terrible smut writing. I also had no idea how to start this and I kinda got carried away. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Requests are open and Messages are open if you want to chat. The gif is from google, so credit goes to the person who made that. 

P.S. I've now seen Endgame, and cried 3 times. I love you 3000. ♡

Tag list: Send me an ask if you want to be added.

@trashinaglass and @peter-pan-hoe because I want to be friends ♡

Italics = thoughts

Smut prompt:

4. “Let’s make a baby.”

Word count: 2,611 Wow

You didn't know where the tradition to lose your virginity on your wedding night came from, but you definitely weren't following it. You were still a virgin, but you didn't want your first time to involve alcohol. You wanted to remember every second of it. How it felt to be aroused and connected in the most intimate way possible with the love of your life.

The problem is your stupid anxiety. Even as a married adult with a successful career of her own you get shy around others. Yes, you might stare at your shirtless hunk of a husband from a distance, but you get hot and flustered when he comes near you and you can't look him in the eye. Do you do it out of respect? You're not sure, but if you can't look at your husband shirtless, how will you ever be able to see him naked, much less him see you naked.

The honeymoon came and went. After sightseeing and dinner, you both would be exhausted at the end of the day that you would just cuddle and go to sleep.

The topic didn't come up until a double date with Tom's parents a few weeks later. Grandchildren were something they wanted and you wanted too. You just didn't know how to bring up the topic without your anxiety getting in the way.

It was another Thursday movie night when you were cuddled into Tom side with your head resting against his shoulder.  His arm laid on your right shoulder while the pads of his thumb rubbed circles and Jack Reacher kicked ass on the TV.

You could feel his eyes taking glances at you while his fingers drifted lower down your arm. His hand then left your arm and rested on your hip while his fingers played with the waistband of your pajama pants. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

In a fit of confidence, you kissed the point where his neck and sharp-ass jawbone met. He immediately turned his head to where your lips met. You immediately deepened the kiss hoping it would do all the talking for you. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, as Tom pulled away and look at you with those caramel brownie eyes that you fell in love with.

"What's this all about?"

In one swift motion, you turned off the TV and straddled his lap. His hands went from your hip to resting on your upper thighs still caressing circles with his thumbs.

"As much as I wanted to finish watching that, I have to get this out of me before this wave of confidence disappears." Tom's head turned to the side much like Tessa's when she's studying something. "I want kids, you want kids, and I want to carry your kids. That's not a mystery. I'm just nervous to start sex because I'm scared you'll look at me differently because of my inexperience. Also, the fact that my nursing brain just spouts random fact and I might ruin the moment and you'll-."

He cut you off with a sweet kiss that neither of you deepened. It was your turn to look confused when he pulled away this time. "I love when you ramble about what's on your mind." This coaxed a shy smile across your face while not making eye contact. That's when his hand left your thigh and went under your chin so you could meet his gaze. "Darling." You silently loved it when he called you that. "I did not ask you out for sex. I did not make you my girlfriend, fiánce, or Wife because of sex. I fell in love with the nerdy small city girl with a sunny spirit, a caring heart, and the cutest piggy-snort laugh. That's who I married, so you have nothing to be nervous about; I would love to see you pregnant with my child. Whenever you're ready, obviously because you'll be carrying them."

That brought a toothy grin to your face. You gently pressed your lips to his in the sweetest love-filled kiss possible. Until you stuck your tongue out and rubbed it against his lips. He then took the lead in deepening the kiss as his hands went back to your hips. Your hands held his shoulders as you started to grind you core against his.

"If you keep doing that darling *kiss* this is not going to last long. *kiss* and I want to make *kiss* your first time romantic."

"Okay. *kiss* Let’s make a baby. Bedroom then..." That's the moment when he turned you on his lap and swept you up bridal style and carried you to your room.

"Thank goodness Tessa's not awake. Otherwise, she would want to come in with us."

"Haha. Yeah. She always wants to be near us."

Tom then kicked the door closed with his heal and set you on the bed as his lips went back to yours. Your mouths molded together like two puzzle pieces finally fitting together after being separated for so long. "We'll go slow. If you're uncomfortable with anything, please tell me. And don't be afraid to say if you want something." His kisses started moving lower down your neck. Taking his time to suck on your pulse point. This sent ripples of arousal through you like electricity making you hyper-aware of everything your husband was doing.

You pushed your back off the bed to pull your t-shirt over your head. Your bra now on full display with all its lace detailing. Tom went back to kissing your clavicle slowly moving down your chest to the lowest point of your bra. He expertly reached one hand back and undid the clasp. You tossed it to the side as the cold air made your nipped stick up and goosebumps form on your skin. Tom kissed his way down the valley between your busts and massaged one of your nipples with his tongue while his hand went to your right breast.

Your skin was littered with goosebumps by the time he made his way to your rib cage. His hands caressed further down than his lips. He blew bubbles on your belly button, which made you giggle. His hands went to the waistband of your pajamas and his eyes stared at yours as if asking permission. You lifted your hips off the bed to help him as he slowly pulled your pajamas off and your underwear along with them. His hands slowly went back up your legs making goosebumps appear again. Your knees were in the air as his chin sat on your knees. His hands were caressing your thighs as he took in all there was to see.

You pushed your back off the bed and reached to the back of his neck to grab his t-shirt. You pulled it over his head and his arms followed suit. He sat up and you let your eyes rake over his bare chest. His muscles weren't as defined as they had been, but you didn't care. As long as he kept himself healthy, loved you, and worked hard, that was all you could as for.

"You know it's impolite to stare." That cheeky grin was what you lived for.

"Well, I'm staring at a gorgeous specimen with the cutest smile above me. I can't help it." He kissed your knees at that. "Also guys have nipples because they develop in the womb before the sex gene decides if it's a boy or girl."

"I love when you talk nerdy. *kiss* You're beautiful. Let's get you comfortable."

He then sat me up with some pillows so I could still lay back and relax, but see what he was doing. He then pried your legs open and nestled his clothed crotch in between them. His sweatpants not doing much to hide the bulge underneath them. Kisses made their way from your lips back down to your heat and you knew he was just teasing you at this point. Small whimpers escaped you until his face was at your vagina. His lips were wrapped around your clitoris and shock waves were paralyzing your legs. He kept going with his fingers teasing your entrance until you felt a million butterflies in your lower abdomen. This feeling was new and wonderful that if left you breathless and very wet apparently.

"You feel good for your first orgasm?"

"First orgasm with someone else." You corrected him.  "And it felt good." You hoped he couldn't tell you were still slightly nervous about what was to come.

"Well let's continue, because it's going to get a lot better." He sat up so he was sitting on his knees and pulled you up with him. You kissed from his neck down his chest making sure to try not to leave marks, since he had to be shirtless more than you. You wanted to find his weak spot. The place that would get a moan out of him before you got lower than his belly button. You sucked on his nipples as your hands caressed his sides and that did the trick. Outlining his rib cage with your tongue you made your way lower on his chest.

His member making their presence known. You kissed his V-line that was poking out of his sweatpants, which brought another moan out of him. You hooked your fingers into the waistband and gave Tom one last look that hopefully told him how nervous you still were. He kissed you sweetly on the lips giving you the reassurance you needed. He lifted up his hips and you pulled his sweatpants down to his knees.

Of course he wouldn't wear boxers underneath. What guy does?

His member came up slapping him against the chest as it stood at attention. Precum was leaking from the head as Tom kicked his boxers off the rest of the way and tossed them somewhere in the room. He could tell you were still nervous by the way your hands stayed on his thighs and didn't dare to move. You were more nervous about how he was going to fit in you. He was seven inches at least and you knew it would hurt at first, judging by how thick he was getting.

"Why don't you label me?" This confused you greatly.

"What?"

"You said reproduction was part of your Anatomy and Physiology class. So, tell me what you remember."

With your hand still ghosting over his member, you closed your eyes for a second to recall what you knew. "Well, when you're aroused. Sixty times the normal amount rushes to your genitals."

Your hand leaned down and cupped his balls as Tom bit his lip because a moan was threatening to interrupt you. "Sperm kept in your balls has to be two and a half to three degrees Celsius colder than body temperature." You rubbed the skin of his balls up to the base of his cock. "The sperm mature at the base of the Epididymis, and travel through the Vas Deferens until they get to the seminal vesicle." You gripped the base of his member and watched his face contort in pleasure. "From there out it's semen." You pulled your hand toward his head and back, slowly jerking him off. "The prostate gland stops urine from going through since you only have one urethra." Your thumb came back to his head and spread the precum that was leaking. "The precum comes from the bulbourethral or Cowper gland to neutralize the acid from the urine in the urethra, and -." You were cut off by his lips meeting yours again.

"If you keep being smart and sexy like that, I'm going to cum before I even get inside you."

You smiled at his statement seeing how much of an effect you had on him. You laid on your back and pulled Tom down with you while deepening the kiss. You opened your legs for him as he rested on his elbows boxed around your head. One hand reached down to line himself up while his other arm kept his balance.

"It may hurt a bit at first, but it will feel better. Just tell me if you want to stop."

"Okay."

You could feel his head spreading your wetness to your clit, which made your twitch again in pleasure. His head parted your folds and slowly sank into your pussy until it was completely soaked in your wetness. It did hurt, and considering how big Tom looked you were expecting it to hurt more. But you felt this feeling of fullness and connection felling him inside you this way.

You looked down and all you could see was the base of his cock and his balls, but you could feel the rest of him inside you. This made you wetter as an idea came to mind. You clenched your pelvic muscles and that got another moan out of him. "That feel good? Being nothing between you and me."

"Ahh. You are going to be the death of me." That signature grin enchanted you under his spell again and you were all his. He slowly started to thrust in and out of you in shallow motions, hitting pleasure placed that you didn't know your body had.

"Tom. Faster. Please." Tom apparently had a praise kink, because those words sent him into full overdrive. His hand was circling your clit as he pounded into you. You moaned each other's names as the bed creaked under the constant weight shift. Your wet bodies making the only noise in the room as all the other moans were swallowed when Tom returned his lips to yours.

Your orgasm hit you like a train. Hard and unexpected. You clenched around Tom as you felt his cock twitch before stilling deep inside of you, shooting streams of his cum as deep as they would go. You hissed at the slight burning you felt as his cum coated your walls. Definitely stickier than you thought, but this was the fun part of baby making.

Your breathing evened out as the sweat on both of your bodies began to cool.

Tom lifted himself on to his elbows keeping himself inside you. His hand came up and caressed the apples of your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs as you lazily kissed.

"Can you help me clean up? I have to pee."

He pulled out of you and went to the bathroom to help you clean up. All you could feel was sweat sticking to your skin and his cum dripping out of your vagina. He returned with a washcloth and you held it between your legs as you rushed to the bathroom.

You returned to see the bed made and Tom sitting with his back to the headboard. "It kind of ruined the moment. But I've always wondered why women have to pee after sex."

"It's more to prevent Urinary Tract Infections. Women have a shorter urethra than men, so it's more likely for vaginal fluid to get in there. It's not impossible for men to get UTIs, it's just unlikely." You snuggled under the blankets with Tom being the big spoon. Your hands intertwined as his thumps caressed your stomach.

"You're going to be the best Mum someday."

"And you're going to be the best Dad." You turned to face him and plant a sweet loving kiss on his plump lips."But if it ends up being twins, I'm going to blame Sam and Harry." Giggles filled the room as this ended your first night of lovemaking as you waited for a miracle to happen that would change your lives for the better.

[boringsofia]

Sometimes I worry I come off strongly or easy because I'm so very hyper and flirty, but who knows. I collect knives and manga!!!! Uhmm... I think that's a good basis. I'm usually the leader, mom friend, memer/flirt or some mix of all three in friend groups. Thank yo u !!!! You're lovely!!! Joseph and Ceaser love you!!!!! Xoxxoxox

First of all, thank you for the request, honey! Second, no YOU'RE LOVELY! And third, I apologize for the long wait! I hope you enjoy!

For Jojo I ship you with...

Jonathan Joestar!

Jonathan was rather intimidated by you at first but he always found you beautiful. If it weren't for Dio pulling one of his stupid stunts on you, Jonathan wouldn't have asked you out as soon as he did. Simply because you made him nervous.

As mentioned, you made him rather nervous at the start of your relationship because of how hyperactive and flirty you are. You always made him flustered with your smooth words and anxious with your constant energy. He's always worried you might hurt yourself. But he will be there to hold you and try to calm you down. His favourite feature of yours is your curly, soft hair. He always finds himself running his fingers through it, sometimes aware of his actions and other times he does it completely absentmindedly. It helps him calm down if he's upset, as well as your kisses, and it keeps him grounded. It's a reminder to him that you exist and you're his, which he sometimes struggles to believe. You're an angel in his eyes, sometimes he finds it hard to believe that you're dating him.

Jonathan adores how smart and talented you are. He could sit there for hours listening and watching you doing mathematics or talking about psychology. His favorite thing to do is braid your hair while you draw or play the piano. Admiring how happy and at peace you look while doing what you love.

" I will always be here to protect you, my love. Always."

For Monster Prom I ship you with...

Brian Yu!

Brian may or may not have been crushing on you for a few years before he grew the balls to ask you out. You'd been friends basically since you came out of the womb and it was a matter of time before you started dating. Your whole friend group had started doing bets before Brian asked you on a date.

Your first date consisted of you drawing, him staring like a lovesick puppy, horror movies and you panicking because he smoked too much weed and passed out. It's not the first time that happened while you two were hanging out but he just folded like a folding chair and fell to the floor like a ragdoll that day sooo... it's fair that you panicked. Anyways,... Brian really likes how flirty you are. He will flirt right back and smirk, knowing he has a strong effect on you but, don't let him fool you, he gets all flustered when you flirt. Brian may seem like a airhead at times but he will constantly remind you to take your medication and lead you away from loud places and big crowds when he sees you getting uncomfortable or starting ro hyperventilate. He will hold you close and whisper sweet and reassuring words into your ear. Helping you regain your breath and calm down.

You guys often just spend time in one of your rooms, playing videogames and making out. Sometimes you guys just kinda lay there, talking and laughing. It's especially in those moments that he finally realizes 'Wow. I'm really dating my best friend'. And he absolutely loves the feeling of butterflies that erupt in his stomach whenever he just as much sees you in the distance. Also, he once started throwing hands with a tiny bug because it scared you and ended up getting sick from a bug bite. You stayed at his place throughout the whole recovery though, so it was so worth it.

"Let's just lay here. Together. I like to just ... have you with me."

[dovechim]

good boy, chimmy (m)

➾ werewolf jimin x reader

➾ 4.3k 

➾ a series of drabbles for the dark side of the moon 

➾ warnings: pregnancy sex, facefucking, oral sex, cumplay, slight degradation, dom!wolf jimin... slight crack. 

➾ summary: jimin turns himself into his wolf form just as your parents are over to visit. hilarity ensues

➾ a/n: it’s been a year since dark side came out. i wanted to thank you all for giving me so much love and support and continue my tradition of a jimin fic on my birthday. i dont like birthdays much, so i thought i’d spend it writing a gift for all of you whom i love and treasure so much. thank you for making me feel less lonely. 

on this day forth, it shall be a good day! love, addie 

“Oh my god, you are so whipped for her. So. Fucking. Whipped.” Taehyung can’t stop himself from laughing as he plops down on the sofa. “You stopped eating raw meat because it makes her throw up? How do you even live?”

Jimin rushes to put his hands over your belly and shoot him an irritated glare. “Language! They hear everything. If my children start swearing instead of crying the moment they come out, it’ll be on your head. And I’m not sure I can stop myself from tearing into you-“

“Enough, oh my god,” you brush Jimin’s hands away and peel your shirt away from your body. These days it seems as if your body temperature is always sky rocketing; you’re always covered in sweat and wishing you were wearing less clothes. As a result your temper has been shorter than usual, and the thought of having at least 9 months to go makes you want to throw up.

Would your gestation period be longer or shorter since you fucked a werewolf? How many of Jimin’s bastard babies are in your stomach right now? What is the most painful way you can make him suffer for landing you in this state?

It’s safe to say that the tables have turned now. More often than not Jimin finds himself tiptoeing around you, the alpha in him strangely subdued and content just to submit to whatever your heart desires. Running back and forth to get you late night cravings of fries and ice cream, cutting out raw meat from his diet altogether, and even making sure he showers twice before coming back from a hunt so that he doesn’t reek of blood and animal remains.

“Don’t provoke him, you know how he gets when he’s all pissy,” you warn Taehyung as you push yourself to your feet. “And you guys need to leave. I appreciate all the help, but my parents will be here in less than 10 minutes, and…”

“Can I touch?” Jungkook looks up at you with those sparkly doe eyes of his, hands hovering over your still flat belly. Granted, the punk has more manners than most, asking for permission is more than you expected of him. He looks entirely fascinated with your pregnant state, even though it hasn’t progressed enough for there to be any visible changes yet.

“Sure, go ahead,” you sigh, and Jungkook gently places his palm over where he thinks your womb is. You have to put your hand over his and move it from your ribs down to your lower belly, barely biting back a giggle.

“Hmm… doesn’t seem like there are too many in here,” he remarks. “If you’d let me do the job, I’m sure you’d be showing by now. And I’ll make sure to give you at least triplets, at least… I was thinking maybe eight?”

Jimin snarls a warning in his throat, and you glance over at him warily, silently bidding him to stand down. Jungkook is not a threat, he’s just insubordinate and a rude little punk who doesn’t know better.

“Thank God I didn’t pick you,” you roll your eyes, pushing his hand away when you decided you’ve had enough of him. “I’m not sure I could survive that ordeal.”

“Which one? The baby making or the giving birth?” Jungkook grins cheekily, and this time Jimin really lunges across the room for the youngest, bicep tight against his throat and teeth bared.

Children. You’re living with a bunch of children.

Checking your watch, you realise you really don’t have much time left to let them roughhouse with each other like this. Clearing your throat loudly, you manage to slide your body in between the two males, and it works because they are hyper aware of your state. These days they all treat you like you’re as fragile as glass, and you can’t say you appreciate being coddled and drooled all over by three large dogs, but you know when to use it to your advantage. Jimin and Jungkook immediately freeze, eyes immediately on you to make sure that they don’t accidentally hurt you.

“We can continue this another time, okay?” You bury your hand into Jungkook’s collar and push your chin toward the door, glancing at Taehyung for a little help. “Taehyung? Would you like to be of assistance, please?”

The older man immediately jogs over to sling an arm around Jungkook’s neck, and then they wrestle each other out the door. You breathe a sigh of relief and turn back to Jimin, only to realise-

The cute, endearing and sometimes bratty Park Jimin is gone, and in his place is a large silver wolf.

“Oh my god, Jimin, wh-“ You press a hand to your mouth to stifle your alarm, knowing full well that high pitched tones don’t sit well with werewolves. You have no doubt that Jimin would never hurt you, but that doesn’t mean he can’t hurt himself. “Why did you change?”

The silver wolf only shakes his head and grunts in annoyance, pacing around the living room in a manner that conveys his thoughts just as clearly as if he’d spoken. His muscles are rippling with pent up aggression as he moves around the room at a rapid pace, fur rustling in the breeze of his own making.

That stupid bastard Jeon Jungkook. I swear I’ll rip his throat to pieces one of these days…

You sink down onto the sofa with a sigh, massaging your temple. Jimin immediately comes over and presses his nose to your face in concern, his wet nose making you grimace as he sniffs your neck.  Jimin busies himself with checking you all over to make sure that you’re alright, anger from a few moments ago forgotten. He sits quietly at your feet, one large paw resting gently on your knee as his gunmetal eyes focus on you intently.

“This isn’t funny, Jimin. Change back now. My parents will be here anytime soon. So you need to get your anger under control, or else-“

Then, the unimaginable happens. The doorbell rings.

Jimin’s ears perk up immediately, and he beings bounding around the room in great strides. He is clearly panicking, and this is not helping things. He won’t be able to change back into his human form if he’s emotionally distressed, and your parents are right outside the door. He stops in the middle of the room and turns to you, eyes wide and you can see the very real, very human look of panic in his wolfish eyes.

What should I do now?

“J-just stay there. Sit. Sit like a good boy.” You raise a stern finger to him. Normally Jimin would have you over his knee and give you the spanking of your life for daring to treat him like a common household pet, but even this time he recognises that he’s in the wrong. He dips his head guiltily, eyes occasionally darting up to catch a glimpse of you.

You turn your back to him and head over to the door, opening it just a crack.

“Oh our lovely daughter!!!! We missed you so much, let me see your belly!” Your mom squeals immediately, pushing the door open wider so that she can see your entire frame. “You’ve grown so much bigger since the last photo you sent us!”

Your dad stands behind her with a pleased smile, watching as you’re engulfed into a hug.

“Um actually… I haven’t started showing yet,” you mumble into your mom’s hair, but it goes ignored as she fusses over whether you’re wearing warm enough clothing, whether you’re eating enough, things like that. To stop her from going on her tirade, you invite them both to come in with a strained smile.

“Oh of course! I brought some side dishes. And I’ll cook dinner tonight, so you just sit back and relax- OH MY GOD!!!!!!! WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT THING?”

You wince and resist the urge to cover your ears. Following your mom’s line of sight, you see Park Jimin sitting quietly in his wolf form, ears laid back in submission and clear, lurid eyes following your every move. Your eyes linger on the huge wolf for a second, begging him silently to be on his best behaviour, and as if reading your thoughts, Jimin puts his head on his front paws, wagging his tail ever so slightly in what he thinks is a good imitation of a real dog.

“It’s… um… it’s just… my dog!” You laugh nervously, patting your mom’s shoulder. “I didn’t tell you? I adopted a dog! His name is… he’s Chimmy.”

“God, honey no! That’s not a dog, it’s… it’s… it’s MASSIVE!” Your mom backs away from Jimin, her eyes wide as she glances at your dad. “Tell me that isn’t a dog. Tell me I’m seeing things.”

Jimin makes a small whining noise in the back of his throat as he blinks at you. You immediately rush over to cradle his large head in your arms, sinking into his thick fur as you press a kiss to the top of his head. “You hurt his feelings! Isn’t that right, Chim? Good boy, good dog.” You scratch him under the chin and behind the ear, and Jimin closes his eyes in pleasure.

He pushes his nose into your neck, scenting you like he always does. Your smell always helps to keep him calm, and Jimin can’t take any chances of not being on his best behaviour, especially when your parents are around. Jimin extends his tongue to lick all over your face, following his instincts to try and lick the inside of your mouth and cover you in wet dog kisses to show you just how much he loves you.

Unfortunately you don’t care much for the smell of his breath, and you push his head away, making Jimin whine.

Your dad approaches carefully, eyeing Jimin’s massive paws and the muscles that ripple under his thick silver coat. Reaching out a hand, he touches Jimin’s shoulder cautiously, and his hand sinks into the thick luxurious fur. “He’s big, isn’t he? He’s almost the size of this entire sofa!”

“Um, well… he’s kinda of the leader of his pack. That’s why,” you watch your dad stroke Jimin’s back and resist the urge to pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming. What a sight to see your father actually stroking your husband on the back like this. This is a secret you’ll have to take to your grave. “Sometimes he can be a little bit bossy, but he just wants to protect me, that’s all.”

Jimin buries his head in your chest and sniffs in mock hurt.

“They don’t like to be looked at when they’re getting pets,” you explain. “But he’s like a lap dog. He just wants all the pets in the world.”  

“Well, your mother has never been good with dogs,” your dad comments, giving Jimin a few scratches behind his ear before he stands. “Good lord. I think he’s big enough to carry you on his back, isn’t he?”

“He is,” you smile fondly at Jimin, who is lavishing in the abundance of praise, eyes dancing with mirth. “He’s also a stubborn brat when it counts.”

“Where’s Jimin anyway?” Your mother questions, looking around for your husband. “I was looking forward to seeing him. That man. So handsome. Your babies will be absolutely gorgeous!”

At the mention of his name, Jimin perks up and sits straight, ears pricked and tail wagging, obviously over the moon after hearing your mother praise him to the heavens. You have to dig a hand into the scruff of his neck to remind him what form he’s currently in right now.

“He’s um… he just… he’s in his study taking a conference call,” you hastily make up an excuse. “It was last minute, so he told us to go eat without him.”

“Oh. I guess I’ll get started on dinner,” your mother shrugs and turns to head for the kitchen. “You just put your feet up and rest. I don’t want to see you on your feet for longer than necessary, young woman!”

Jimin barks softly as if to agree, nudging you with his nose in order to get you to sit down, lying down at your feet to cushion them with his soft fur.

Your father takes a seat next to you and reaches to turn on the television, but you have a better idea. A sly smirk spreads across your face as you smooch at Jimin to get his attention. Take this as pay back for all those times he’s ever thought he was the boss of this household. This should knock that stupid alpha pride of his down a peg or two.

“Chimmy, you wanna show us some tricks? Hmmm? Good boy, you’re such a smart little dog aren’t you?” You grin, reaching out your hand to Jimin as he sniffs at you in distaste, turning his head away.

“What kind of tricks can he do?” Your father is interested now, turning his attention to watch as Jimin sulks moodily.

“All sorts of things! He can roll over, for one. Chimmy, roll over! Show me your cute little tummy!” You nudge Jimin with your leg, and he glances at you with annoyance that’s plain as day. “Roll over now!”

Reluctantly Jimin flips over onto his belly, sending you a glare and resisting the urge to bare his teeth at you. When his silver russet belly is exposed, you coo in delight and rub his soft fur, and as annoyed as he is right now, Jimin can’t help but close his eyes in pleasure, enjoying your touch on his skin. Before he realises that he’s submitting to you like some commoneplace house dog, and-!

Jimin flips back upright again, huffing to himself.

“Ah, he’s a bit fussy sometimes. But he can do more too!” You grin and stretch out your hand. “Chimmy, shake!”

Your father is looking at him expectantly, and Jimin sighs to himself as he heaves a large paw onto your hand, allowing you to vigorously shake it up and down. You are laughing in delight, clapping your hands and praising him for being a good boy. Jimin may have a praise kink alright, but this is most certainlynotwhat he wants.

Annoyed, Jimin heaves himself to his feet to walk away.

“Chimmy, where are you going? Don’t you want to play fetch?”

A low rumble emits from his chest. Fetch. What an utterly humiliating game. For the life of him, Jimin can’t understand why anyone would want to lower themselves like that. Only dogs, being the happy go lucky fools that they are would think it was fun. Wolves, on the other hand, are far more regal, far too majestic to even contemplate such an activity. Running back and forth like some kind of idiot, falling for that age old trick of pretending to throw the ball only to realise that it hadn’t been thrown at all.

Jimin would much rather die than play fetch. It’s far beneath his dignity.

“He loves it, it’s his favourite game,” you’re saying to your father, picking up a slipper from your foot and tossing it across the room. “Fetch, Chimmy!”

The slipper flies past his head into the corner of the room, and Jimin ignores it entirely, opting instead to rest his head on his paws and close his eyes, praying for the night to pass quickly.

*

The second your parents are out the door, you turn to find Jimin completely naked, human once again, sitting in the dining room chair with his thighs spread apart. He’s not in a hurry to get dressed, rather, he is visibly fuming. His jaw is clenched, eyes are narrowed and cold, and he pushes his hair off his forehead with a careless hand.

Also, his cock is rapidly hardening under your gaze, and you feel a shiver of terror mixed with arousal run through your veins.

When he speaks, his voice is completely ice cold, a harsh tone that you recognise as his alpha’s voice. “You had fun today, didn’t you, princess?”

Swallowing nervously, you take a few steps towards him and reach for his shoulders to appease him, massaging his tense muscles. “Oh come on, it was just harmless fun. Need I remind you that it was you who decided to change in the first place-“

“I really don’t feel like listening to your excuses today,” Jimin sighs as he reaches down to stroke his cock, already leaking a clear fluid. “You know what happens to spoilt brats. Get down on your knees. Where you know you should be.”

His commanding tone immediately sends a jolt of arousal right down to your core, and you scramble to obey, shifting onto your knees in between his thighs.

“Show me your tongue,” Jimin demands, continuing to stroke himself leisurely.

You stick out your tongue for him, wiggling it mischievously, and he raises an unimpressed eyebrow at your semantics. Properly chided and a little ashamed, you fix your eyes on your alpha as your tongue readies itself to be nothing but a bed for his cock. Jimin tugs you forward by your hair so that his tip touches your lips, smearing his precum everywhere across your cheeks.

“Take a deep breath now, that’s the last time you’ll get to breathe properly for a while,” Jimin instructs as he taps his cock on your cheek a few times, each harder than the last.

Closing your eyes, you moan at the feeling of him slapping you with his cock. You take a deep breath and open your eyes again, offering up your mouth to be used by your alpha as Jimin smirks at your obedience. He pushes his cock into your mouth, not even giving you a second to adjust as he seeks the back of your throat immediately.

“Mmmm… good girl. Take it all. Take my cock like the naughty little slut you are. You dare make a fool out of your alpha? I’ll fuck your mouth so good you’ll forget your own name.” Jimin grips your throat tightly so that he can feel his own cock. “If you breathe, it’ll be because I allowed you to. If you cum, it’ll be because I made you. Is that clear, bitch?”

You blink twice and moan an agreement as best as you can, and Jimin strokes your sticky cheek in approval, releasing his grip on your throat. He begins to fuck your mouth with wild abandon, closing his eyes as his hips drive his cock down your throat with no mercy. Spit and precum are dripping down your chin, and tears are spilling out of your eyes, but you are loving every second of being used as a cocksleeve for your alpha. Your master, your one and only for as long as you live.

Jimin sinks his cock into your throat for a good five seconds, ignoring your little whines and pleas, and the way your nails dig into his inner thighs. He knows just how far he can push you. Always knows how much you can take, when to make you go that extra mile and withhold oxygen from you for just a few more seconds.

He pulls you off his cock by gripping your hair, and you gasp and sputter, tears rolling down your cheeks and feeling absolutely filthy with the mess that is coating your chin. Jimin pauses with his hand in your hair to admire how fucked out you already look.

“So beautiful. So beautiful, and all mine,” he whispers with a thumb on your lip. His voice has now softened, your punishment over, and he wipes your tears away gently. “Get on the table. I want to eat your pussy. Eat you out so good because you’re carrying my babies so well.”

He helps you with his hands on your waist, scooping you into his embrace and lifting you onto the table effortlessly, pulling down your shorts and underwear. From your point of view, Jimin looks absolutely breathtaking; chest and abdomen covered in a light sheen of sweat, narrow hips lodged in between your legs, his dripping cock twitching just for you. He places his hands on your inner thighs to spread them for him, fingers stroking your puffy lips as he gets down on his knees to worship you properly.

The first hit of his tongue has you crying out, and Jimin doesn’t waste time in toying with yout clit. Flat, rough licks have your breasts arching toward the ceiling, hips struggling in his grasp as he eats you like a man starved.

“You taste so fucking good baby,” Jimin slurps messily, part of his werewolf tendencies when he delves into his raw meats. “You look so fucking beautiful when you’re pregnant. Couldn’t have picked a better mate to carry my babies so well.” Your juices are all over his chin as he pushes his nose against your clit, tongue dipping into your entrance. “So much sweeter than before. I love eating your pregnant pussy.”

You feel his fingers tease at the edges of your lips, and you whine for him, pushing your hips towards him and demanding for more. Jimin flashes you a devious smirk, kissing your inner thigh before he gives you two fingers right up to the last knuckle, seeking out your sweet spot and making you clench tight around him as stars burst behind your eyes.

“God… you’re… oh god, so good, fuck,” you reach for him and kiss him sloppily on the chin before Jimin readjusts so that you get his lips instead. “Want more, want your cock, now, please.”

“Show me how much,” he demands, pushing your top up to pinch your nipples hard. “Touch yourself.”

You bring your hands up to cup your breasts for him, pinching your own nipples and wincing at the sharp pleasure. Your mouth hangs open sinfully, gasps and moans pouring out as Jimin bends to take one nipple into his own mouth, sucking harshly and occasionally introducing teeth.

“Can’t wait till you’re dripping milk from here,” Jimin pauses with your nipple in between his teeth. “Gonna look so beautiful. Leaking milk from your soft puffy nipples. I’ll lick every sweet drop.”

He detatches his mouth from your breasts, hands sliding down to circle your still slim waist. His fingers dance carefully over the still flat surface, but they still give you goosebumps as Jimin rubs his cock against your lower belly too, covering you with precum. He takes pleasure in leaving your belly all wet and sticky before pushing his cock towards your entrance, parting your lips with his blunt head. Before he can push inside you, Jimin leans down quickly and presses a kiss to your belly button.

“Thank you for carrying my babies,” he whispers against your skin before he thrusts in fully, and you clench around him delightfully, whimpering his name as his cock fucks into you, spreads you wide open.

Jimin doesn’t go as hard now as he did when he was trying to mate you. His thrusts are deep but not as fast, a slow, sensuous pace that tortures your nerves a bright red. The head of him hits your womb gently with every thrust, and Jimin lingers there for a moment, reminding you of how he got you pregnant in the first place, of how this womb now belongs to him, to sire his pups and carry his bloodline.

The aftershocks of your previous orgasm have now grown stronger and stronger, and your walls are quivering around his cock. Mouth wide open and panting his name, you claw at his back, legs wound tight around his hips to keep his cock buried deep in your cunt.

“Jimin, I want to cum again,” you demand with your lips against his neck. “So, so close, please. Want you to cum inside me too.”

Your alpha wraps his hands around your waist to pull you deeper onto his cock, his voice deep and reassuring. “I got you baby, just cum all over me. I can feel you dripping on me, just let go and cum.”

With your eyes closed and his cock still thrusting into your depths, you crash down around him, walls convulsing and trying to milk him dry. Jimin continues to fuck you through your orgasm, every thrust of his hips paired with his thumb on your clit eliciting wails from your throat.

“You like this? I’m gonna cum so deep in your pregnant little pussy. Fill you up like I did when I knocked you up. You like that right?” Jimin coaxes as his thrusts speed up. “Like getting filled with cum, that’s why you’re going to be pregnant all the time. My precious little pregnant bitch.”

“Oh yes, yes,” you are sobbing openly into his shoulder now, clutching him close to your body. “Fill me up, cum inside me!”

Jimin lets out a primal roar as his cock twitches inside you, hips driving him deeper one last time against your already occupied womb as he unleashes a torrent of cum, painting the mouth of your cervix white with semen. You lie there with your cunt sore, letting your alpha empty his balls into you as he rides out the rest of his pleasure, hands caressing your rounded hips as he milks his cock dry into your pussy.

He slowly pulls out of your tender cunt, dropping to his knees to lick up the mess as you twitch in overstimulation. You can only lie there boneless, hands reaching for him with a small whine in your chest for him to come cuddle you and take you to bed.

When Jimin scoops you in his arms, you bury your face into his neck. “Good boy, Chimmy.”

[yukipri]

How does the family deal with Shura’s anxiety? Like, is he prone to panic attacks or is he just hyper aware of everything around? Does he have particular parents he goes too for comfort/protection? How do the siblings react when he can’t hide his anxiety?

Shura’s anxiety is like Yuuri’s in many ways, but also not. He grows up with ridiculously, ridiculously supportive and encouraging parents, but there’s always that delicate balance of how much of “You can do anything!” and “If it’s scary and you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to,” is just the right amount.

There’s also the fact that Shura grows up with different expectations from Yuuri. Yuuri’s a small town boy, his parents the owners of a humble inn, certainly the first person in his family (or possibly entire town) to make national, let alone international headlines. His parents are supportive, but were also like, “Come home whenever you don’t want to do that anymore,” and most of Yuuri’s drive came from himself. So he had the space to be able to recoil back into himself, take his time, come out at his own pace.

Victor and Yurio try to be like that, but internally they also see the twins as inheriting their and Yuuri’s legacy, and are absolutely sure they’ll take the skating world by storm. I mean come on, it’s their kids. And the twins know their dads think this, regardless of whether they say it to their faces.

Yasha flourishes on that encouragement, and eagerly dives forward to prove that yup, he’s exactly that, and more.

Shura’s just as capable…but his anxiety and his dads’ absolute belief in his potential, and the weight of that legacy…is not a good combo. And every time he steps onto the ice, there’s whispers of the Katsuki-Plisetsky-Nikiforov child, and whether his parents wanted that for him or not, Shura is born as a legend and never had the chance to grow into one like his parents.

Luckily, every single one of the dads is used to comforting and helping Yuuri with his anxiety, so they’re pretty well prepared for Shura. Yasha will beeline for mum only, but Shura is very affectionate with all of his parents. When he was little and got scared, he wouldn’t hesitate to climb inside a dad’s jacket and hide under it. He finds hugs and body contact very reassuring. He prefers physical reassurance that they’re there for him and they’re not leaving him alone to any words/speeches. The anxiety’s always worse when it comes to skating, just because of the legacy associated with it, but they all work with him on it, and someone’s always with him. Yuuri empathizes very strongly with him.

All that being said, his greatest anchor (despite also being the greatest trigger for his anxiety) is his twin brother. Yasha is often annoying and mean, but he also understands what Shura needs more than anyone. If Shura needs time alone, or to get away from something, Yasha will immediately cover for him. If Shura needs to say something but can’t find the words, Yasha will say them for him. At interviews and before performances, Yasha will hold Shura’s hand until he pulls it together. They never need to talk about it, because they’re twins and they have that strong mutual understanding from being together since the womb.

And while it’s a temporary fix until he finds his own confidence, Shura finds that he can often fake it till he makes it by pretending he’s Yasha, or wondering what Yasha would do in his place. It’s why in a lot of interviews, rather than giving his own response, he’ll just finish Yasha’s sentences. He claims it’s faking and mimicry only, but that’s what starts his own personal growth into confidence.

(and tbh, it goes both ways. Sure, Yasha always acts like he knows what he’s doing, but it’s partially because he knows Shura looks up to him.)

Iiiis how the twins are LOL

This post has been added to the YOI Future!Verse ABO AU Useful Asks Compilation post ^v^)b

[acuppellarp]

We’re excited to announce that Amy has decided to level up Natalie Ramos from a mumu minor character to a main character! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours. 

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Amy + she/her Age: 29 Timezone: CST Ships: natalie/chemistry Anti-Ships: natalie/no chemistryIC INFO

IC INFO

Full Name: Natalie Lucia Aguilar Ramos Face Claim: Adria Arjona Age/Birthday: 22 / January 17, 1996 Occupation: College student / bike messenger Personality: indecisive, solitary, ambitious, logical, pessimistic Hometown: Watertown, Massachusetts Bio: The youngest of three children by more than a handful of years, Natalie Ramos had a surplus of people in her life to tell her what to do since before she left the womb. There wasn’t a mistake she could make without someone right there to stop her, share a life lesson, and send her back on the way they believed she should go. Having parents and a couple siblings that had lived through it all before, Natalie became their fresh start. Dreams they hadn’t achieved themselves were suddenly thrust her way, and not wanting to disappoint, Natalie tried to live up to it. Dance, gymnastics, tennis, there wasn’t an upper-crust hobby she wasn’t enrolled in lessons for. Always hyper aware the expectations placed on her, the pressure to live up to them was bordering on suffocating. There was never a time when she wasn’t terrified of disappointing them.

It wasn’t until she was a teenager that Natalie began to notice signs of the financial burden their country club lifestyle was putting on her parents. The hushed fights about money were caught more often, but it was never something they wanted to discuss with her. Her parents were more determined than ever to keep Natalie getting the best education they could. When she turned fifteen, they sat her down and told her she’d be attending boarding school. None of it made any sense with the puzzle pieces of her family she’d been putting together, but like usual, her parents insisted on shielding her from the truth. She was only shown the rose tinted picture of their life that was painted for her.

Shipped off to Rhode Island, Natalie was away from her family’s hovering form of pressure for the first time. Used to having someone tell her what to do and map out all her choices for her, the new found freedom was a tough adjustment. Struggling in her new school where for the first time her social standing wasn’t already written for her, Natalie was lost and friendless. It wasn’t until she was given a lifeline in the form of Sugar Motta, that things began to turn around for her. Family friends of Sugar’s family, Natalie had no idea that like most things in her life, her parents were the driving factor in the two connecting. Even finding out who had given Sugar the initial push, Natalie was nothing but grateful to have the girl in her life. Instantly she went from the weird freshman outcast to being invited along most anywhere Sugar went. The girl was like no one she’d ever met before. Confident, outspoken, and completely herself, Sugar was everything Natalie wished that she could be.

The more time they spent together, the more taken with her that Natalie became. By the time the year was over and Sugar was graduating, the admiration she felt for her friend had grown into a massive crush. It was the first time Natalie had ever felt so strongly about anyone, much less about another girl. The day before Sugar was set to leave for college, Natalie threw caution to the wind and kissed her. She’d been dreaming about the moment for so long, and yet she hadn’t imagined how quickly it could destroy their friendship. While Sugar let her down easy and promised they’d talk every day while she was in New York, it didn’t take long for Natalie to see that it had been empty words. Sugar was gone, fully emerged in her new life if her twitter was to be believed, and Natalie was left to get over her first heartbreak without her best friend.

For the rest of her high school career, Natalie found it easier to mold herself into what other people wanted her to be. She got good grades, loaded up on extra-curriculars, had the perfect boyfriend on her arm, and did everything that was expected of her. It made her parents proud, and somewhere along the way, she began to believe that was the only thing that mattered.

When it came time to look at colleges, NYU was one of many Natalie applied to, but it was always where she knew that she would end up. Not only was it the college where her older siblings had gone, but her parents as well. It was a forgone conclusion that Natalie would follow the same path, but luckily for her, New York offered her a little room to breathe. Sure her major (business) and where she’d live (dorm life to “build character”) were chosen for her, but she was finally on her own in a way that boarding school never fully provided. There was no longer anyone there looking over her shoulder for every choice that she made. Terrifying at first, Natalie finally found her footing. She quickly learned that lying to her parents about having the perfect life they dreamed for her was much easier than actually trying to live one. Her hobbies were her own, and so was where she spent her free time.

A coffee shop frequented mostly by lesbians would have never been her usual hangout before moving to New York, but it was one example of Natalie attempting to make her life her own. The place was welcoming, and often full of people confident in their sexuality in a way she still envied. It was at ACup where Natalie met Shawn. A couple years older and with a smile that melted her on the spot, Natalie was taken with her at first sight. Having only kept her interest in girls to meaningless hookups and her relationships to men, Natalie wasn’t planning to fall for Shawn the way that she did. She tried to deny her feelings to herself and anyone who dared mention it to her. She clung to the closet with both hands and a vice like grip, but luckily for her, Shawn didn’t scare off easily.

Having been out already comfortable in her own skin, Shawn was patient as their relationship grew. Soon the months started to add up, but Natalie’s progress in coming out didn’t. The fear of disappointing her family was overwhelming, but it went even beyond that. Despite where she and Shawn had met and the shared friends they had, Natalie refused to acknowledge their relationship to anyone. Dates were at places she was positive no one would know them. Anytime they happened to be at ACup at the same time, they seemed just as friendly as they were with anyone else. The gay panic Natalie felt when her roommate Harper almost caught them together was enough to have Natalie call things off despite how deeply in love she was. It was hardly the first time she’d done it, but it was the beginning of the end for them. Shawn began to try and nudge Natalie out of the closet, and Natalie began to resent her for it. The fights about it became more frequent until finally Shawn walked away for good.

Natalie both blames and hates herself for how things ended. She knows that she has to find a way to open up to people in her life. Her closed off nature goes well beyond her romantic life. Even people Natalie considers her friends are kept at a distance. She knows that if she keeps it up she will end up miserable and alone forever, but she has no idea how to actually change it.

Pets: None

Relationships:

Harper Clarington - Paired randomly to the same dorm room freshman year, Harper and Natalie are still living together four years later. Despite being roommates, their friendship has been slow to bloom. Natalie’s inability to fully open up about herself makes that difficult, but she genuinely enjoys Harper’s company and sense of humor.

Sugar Motta - As an awkward antisocial high school student, Natalie’s friendship with Sugar was unexpected. Despite their families having been friends for years, it wasn’t until Natalie was sent to the same private school as Sugar that their connection began. Sugar was older, confident, and outgoing which was everything Natalie wished she was. The day before Sugar left for New York to attend college, Natalie kissed her. Sugar attempted to let her down easy and assure her that their friendship was going to be just fine, but as the silence between them grew, Natalie knew she’d messed up.

Stevie Evans - As a fellow bike messenger, Stevie is a part of the same odd little brotherhood that comes with it. They’re friends and willing to help each other out when needed, but without all the personal sharing that most close friendships include.

Spencer Porter, Jane Hayward, & Riley Lynn - New roommates for her senior year, Natalie isn’t sure what to expect out of any of them. She hopes Harper was kidding when trying to explain to her what living with Spencer would be like, but she’s willing to keep her distance in case she wasn’t.

EXTRA INFO

natalie / natqueencole / waiting for mambo no. 6

Five latest tweets:

@ group projects are the bane of my existence

@ if i ever disappear, know that my roommate is never not watching murder shows

@ the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket: watch how far i can kick this bucket

@ life is exhausting

@ took a quiz to see what kind of cereal i am and it’s wrong bc i am def cinnamon toast crunch

[shadottie]

End of Eva. --more wordbarf

ngl, I have a hard time talking about the mental things and my associations with them. I often brushed them off when talking to Cory about it. I was tired and processing stuff last night, but did the same, essentially, when it came to writing.

I had it pointed out to me that there was a very influential figure to the story, Sigmund Freud, so I took a look at his history and what he had done with himself. Thanks @culinary-criminal !  

It’s definitely worth a read, and I can see the influence. One thing I had pushed out of my mind in favor of taking in the emotional ride for characters, was the whole thing with Rei and Yui.  I got mad and upset with Gendo for touching Rei that way, because by that point, she was starting to feel like her own person than a copy and a tool to be used. I was seeing her as a teenage girl finding herself. That, and there’s the glaring thing of an adult touching a young girl. ALL THE RED FLAGS. It was hard  not for my mind to go to the nope zone with Rei’s reactions and, well, y’know, where his hand would go. 

There had been reminders every so often that Rei was a Yui clone. I had kept that firm in my mind up to a certain point. I think that point where I could mostly set it aside had been when Rei sacrificed herself to save Shinji with the halo angel. It had been in my mind, but not bled together as much. I did have my moment of ‘ew no, that’s your mom. THAT’S YER MOM’ during the Instrumentality where Shinji and Rei were alone, yet, with what subtle things she went through in making her own choices and doing her own thing, I was able to take Rei as her own person than... Yui. 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s still weird. It’s still something I can’t fully accept, but the narrative for the human psych and everything led me along more strongly than settling on that visual intimacy. I took it as a closeness to the narrative of individuality not mattering any more. Everyone is one.

I had noticed imagery of sexuality too, but again, strung along by the very, very abstract telling of Instrumentality’s beginnings before essentially the Rapture took everyone from the world. I think about it more, and take it as imagery for the female body, and motifs of maternal instincts, than anything sexual.

++Adding in that Cory reminded me of a strong motif I picked up on too, the imagery of fertility and birth throughout the show. Umbilical cables, characters essentially in a womb when piloting EVAs, and curling up in a fetal position when vulnerable-- and more and more and more-- and god this show has so many rabbit holes to fall into for discussions.

But! Back to Freud. Freud had a very interesting life to read about, and some yikes times too. His research led him into discovering a huge resentment he had for his father, and apparently lust for his mother and her touch. Sound familiar? Sort of? It’s interesting to take away from the story of Evangelion.

I still can’t bring myself to take that away from the story, whether it was intended or not-- as interesting as it is, and very obvious that Anno drew from this man’s studies for his show.

 One- jfcno.NO.   

Two-  I think too much about the character Shinji and what he went through. He was so young when he lost his mother; at an age where earliest memories start to stick and feelings and individuality really start to come out. He was five.  His father abandoned him. He had, really, no one to give him proper care and an upbringing.  It’s plain to see for how hyper-sensitive he is and completely dysfunctional when it comes to getting close to anybody.

His mother’s dead.  His father’s suddenly gone. What sort of headspace does that create? All he’s known is a loneliness, and didn’t have a mother-figure in his life to care for him, nor a father. I just... can’t accept that any awareness of gestures or things that reminded him of his mother made him lust after her.  It was an unfamiliar thing, and all he could associate those kind gestures to was the last one to give it to him, and the last he trusted with that sort of care-- his mother. In regards to Rei, I take it to be set up for a reveal that she’s a clone and help prod at her individuality. 

There’s a scene in one of the earlier episodes, before Shinji has his ‘rebirth’. The kid is orangejuice. He’s having repetitive dreams, the three female figures in his life asking the same thing, over and over, and supposedly leaning into him, to be One. Cory pointed out to me that it had to be something more than lust and wants with the three women. I felt that way, given the words they had to say and portrayel, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It ties really close to Instrumentality, fleshed out more in the end of the series. I feel like his mother was stuck in a very contained Instrumentality given the lore/bond of Evas, Humans, and angels; and trying to communicate with her son. He fought to make his own choices, struggled-- but overcame them-- for the time being.... ish.

I can’t accept Shinji craved a mother’s attention and further mirror Freud’s history. I’m hanging on more to stronger receptions Shinji had to figures like Kaji and Kaworu, even if the latter was maybe doing it as an objective as an Angel to mess with Shinji more than actually have compassion. Shinji craved a warmth of caring, and very much clung to it. He didn’t do that with any of the woman figures. He pleaded and wanted from Asuka later on-- which, yeah, that masturbation scene. Yikes.  It became a theme of wanting and dependence, that deteriorated by the end, the very end. 

It was wrong, very wrong, but it’s also a conversation piece. Teenagers go through tumultuous times. In this world, the apocalypse is coming, and this boy has so much pressure and things weighing him down. How easy is it to latch onto simpler, primitive wants and thoughts?

Given what I heard about ‘something between Shinji and Asuka in a hospital room’, I assumed it was going to be something way worse. Even the character realized what he was doing and regretted it. Teenagers?? It wasn’t the first time such things were explored, and it wasn’t exactly consensual either when it came to Asuka kissing Shinji. It really isn’t comparable since one’s way worse than the other, but it’s there.  Teenagers???  I’m not defending it. It was bad. Lol. It’s just something to think about, that I think most explored at some point in their life in their own ways.

This kid is just completely dysfunctional. 

If I ever go back to watch the series, I will keep in mind what’s been learned of Freud, and what themes may be riddled with the overall arcing themes of mental illnesses. It’ll be some time before I pick it up again for another watch.

The series didn’t age well; there were times I wanted to nod off, or simply listen if I didn’t have to stay up to read it; but it is a work of art.  Not only animation topnotch when it mattered-- for its time, It leaves so much for people to interpret and have a discussion over. It opened my eyes to perspectives and a self reflection.  Weird as it is to say, I’m embarrassed for how I am as a person, when I hear negative reception to Shinji’s depression. I wish there was a way to convey how it to outside eyes, than just a frustration-- and without having to experience it themselves. 

It is selfish; it is nonsensical and a battle. It can be frustrating to see, and it’s just as frustrating to be aware but unable to myself out of the head space. There are lots that have that go-getter attitude. I crave praise and attention that I’m doing the right thing too, and unsure if it’s right or wrong. 

It goes to show a compassion and sympathy for others to experience a sympathy for the other characters of the show.  They’re there for that reason of awareness. Their weaknesses were revealed for that.  It’s better to have eyes open and aware that everyone has their problems, to care about what happens to these characters. Of course it’s frustrating to see someone not care, when you do.  Shinji failed on that; he was too far absorbed in his own problems to see it. 

In an extreme, survival instincts would have you care enough to act. Depression can take that away. Depression does make it too easy for the words and feelings of self hatred to come out. The easier it is, the harder it is to grasp onto positivity. But, mentioned before, perspective is such a strong thing.  When one can look for the good in life, they’ll find it. The world isn’t all bad, even with bad in it. 

[teb4humanity]

The Return of the Divine Feminine: Our World, Weather, War, and Women

 We all have our own perceptions of the world- and reality, for that matter. Most of us are familiar with the concept of creating one’s own reality. Have you ever taken the time to stop and think about what you are consciously and unconsciously creating and experiencing as your reality? Do you create your own suffering and your own joy? What role does consciousness play in what we are collectively experiencing now? What is HAARP and does it have anything to do with whatever the hell is going on with the weather? Where do women and the powerful surge of feminism play into today’s political climate? And what of the incredible emergence of the LGBTQIA community and the impact it is having on society?

All of us made a conscious choice to be here right now at this pivotal point in our evolution. This progression seems fueled by our infinite intelligence and our intentions to keep evolving. While it may not always seem like humanity exercises much wisdom in these regards, I trust that there are enough of us out there doing so in action, thought, and an advanced awareness. We all play a part in what we are experiencing, and whether we like it or not, we fully participate in what we perceive as good or bad. At this time, we are seeing our collective ego fighting to survive as we are moving into the Age of Aquarius, or the Age of the Humanitarian. The ego is a patriarchal/masculine energy that tends to function in an ends-justifies-the-means type of way, caring more to “understand” than to actualize. It exercises “power” at the cost of human life, the planet, economic and social injustice, and more.

We have seen and experienced the abuse of this so-called power on a plethora of levels and when you take a look at it all, what do you see? What good has war and genocide done for any of us? It merely perpetuates our hyper-capitalistic system, so that more money can go in the pockets of few, while the many are left to suffer. If one looks hard enough at our great Western society, they will see lies, upon lies, upon lies. Big Pharma making billions off of cancer-causing cancer “treatments.” History (or HIS-story, as I like to say) rewriting the past to uphold white supremacy and continue to subject women and communities of color. The ongoing problem of human trafficking. Illegally harvesting the organs of black people. I could list more atrocities that have been and are still going on, things that we are unconsciously taking part in. The mature and responsible thing for us to do is to acknowledge it and work to dismantle it.  

How do we do own our actions, and lack thereof, and instead work to consciously assist in the inevitable shift that has been in the works since 2012? I strongly feel that the Anima is the answer. I won’t delve into much about how androgyny is the basis for all that is because that is another post for another time. For now, let’s just say if the pendulum swings hard enough in the direction of the feminine, we may be able to wake up from this chaotic stupor.

When I opened myself up to learning more about the concept of Twin Flames, a few years ago, I ended up doing a pilgrimage for Mary Magdalene in France. Since then, I have gone to Egypt and connected with Isis/Auset, going through an intense Priestess Process in Ireland. These journeys caught the attention of the Black Madonna and all that I am learning of this energy/archetype/mother/virgin is that she holds the key.

I find it interesting to contemplate natural disasters as symbols of our energy in motion aka emotion. All of the fires being symbolic of our collective anger and hate; the hurricanes are our turbulent emotions that we have yet to master; the earthquakes are our fear of waking, all the while still trying to shake ourselves into wakefulness to finally understand why we are here and what our purpose for being is.  

Common sense says that if all you focus on is physical in nature, with a mind predominantly centralized on the physical plane, that is the type of reality you’ll attract and experience. This implies that everything you do will ultimately lead you to become overly identify with your human experience, your gender, your job, your physical belongings, completely missing the fact that you are, first and foremost, a soul. Your body is the temple or vessel you came here to learn in-- not get over-identified with your human experience to the point where you forget what you already know on an intrinsic level. However, with the ego in the driver's seat, the true self is essentially unconscious and the soul is asleep. We let our ego define us and, in doing so, let it create that which isn’t serving us spiritually. What the ego “provides” versus what we glean on a soul-level do not translate the same while we are in our bodies and once we leave them.

So how do we reconnect to who and what we truly are? How do we move beyond the ego and step more into the fullness of our highest selves?  The images that stand out to me and continues staying strong, bold, brave and beautiful, are those of the LGBTQIA community. The answer lies in the cosmos. Those of us in North America just witnessed the Hieros Gamos, or Sacred Marriage, during the eclipse on August 17, 2017.  The energy of our sun and the moon had a serious conversation, that I like to imagine went a little something like this: “the kids need to wake up; they need to marry the energies within themselves to create balance and harmony on Earth.”

Well, what happens next? Again, we find our answer in the cosmos. On September 23, Jupiter moved to the center of the constellation Virgo, or the Virgin, symbolizing the largest planet in our solar system in the Virgin’s womb! Perhaps this means that something new is being birthed into our collective consciousness, or a gate opening to assist in our awakening to forgotten knowledge, wisdom and the next steps in our evolutionary process? Interestingly enough, a celestial positioning such as this is suggested in Revelation 12 of the Christian bible. I have been fascinated about this event since I first read about it when I was 7 years old, though I had no idea that it would happen while I was alive. I wasn’t religious then, and I’m not now, but I am very deeply entrenched in spirituality and astrotheology. Religious connotations aside, the astrological implications are certainly something to consider.

I have so much information on consciousness and books galore but felt this article would be some more good food for thought until I write again. To conclude, I am yet on another journey to Europe to glean more information on the Black Madonna and the role she is surely playing as we move into a more balanced way of being. Stay tuned!