#and we got my dad in the phone and he started acting real normal and gave us his info

[muteddaydreams]

this guy hit my car earlier and tried to run off but this lady chased him down before he could

[realititrip]

my Red Error AU for @dpauzine :D You can also check out the full zine here

The story in this AU follows Valerie after getting suit upgrade from Technus. Of course it's more than that and things start getting out of hand pretty quickly.

First it was the little things, barely noticable, but still there like studying becoming easier or her reaction time to attacks being faster. Valerie brushed it off.

This was going on for around 2 weeks without change until Phantom approached her after a fight where they had to team up to take down a more dangerous ghost. "Um Red? Your eyes glowed red for a second there and i wanted to ask if you were okay?" he said but Val just snaped at him to better mind his own business or else he'll be the one in her thermos next time she sees him. Phantom flew away then but the worry she saw in his eyes was stuck in her brain.

Valerie spent the rest of that night staring at the mirror in her bathroom looking for the red glow but never found it. Until a few days later when she woke up with sore eyes. Went to the mirror and saw red around the edges. It's fine it's FINE don't panic you'll figure it out girl.

After some thinking she figured new suit must be the source of the problem. Since it was fused with her body Val couldn't take it off, but it wasn't causing harm to anyone so she probably overused it or something that's why the red showed up.

And oh honey, you couldn't be more wrong.

Her vision changed. Those are definitely NOT the same eyes she had last week. The iris looks more mechanical, like there's something moving and shifting in it, like a robot or cyborgs, she thought. Everything is clearer, in higher quality, she can even zoom in and out if she so desieres. When she puts the suit on there's just /more/ of everything. Around the edges of her vision Valerie can see health statistics, ghosts in the area and other important information she needs. The familiar green eyes are gone, replaced with red.

The next change was her hair. Problem was they didn't look like hair anymore. Thick and think cables, any kind, running down her back. This really started freaking her out. This is where it started becoming too much and the situation she's in started sinking in. She needed help. But who even could do anything about it? Her dad would just worry even more, Phantom isn't an option, the best tech guy in town doesn't know she's Red Huntress and she's not going to change that.

So Valerie made a plan to wait for Technus to show up and catch him before Phantom. It surprised her the ghost was actually useful and explained what he could. Of course there was the threat that she'll destroy Technus if he won't but. Details.

Apparently her "hair" could be used to connect with any sort of device. She needs camera footage to check out ghost fight details? done. Wes talking about his phone freaking out because of ghost pictures? she can get that easily. The cables act like another pair of arms and do exactly what she wants.

Technus has a theory that the reason behind all of this was because he used too much of his powers on her. Since it was more than a normal human body could handle thus the changes.

He warned that there's a possibility she'll develop something similar to a ghosts core, the thing that stores all her power, the source of it. Since she's still human, Valerie thought it wouldn't happen, but fate seems to hate her, so here we are, with a triangle on her forehead that seems to be slowly growing in size every day. Honestly, it's not so bad, pretty easy to hide. The worst part about it is that if the core got damaged she must go to Technus for help.

But other than that, she's fine, for real this time.

[skynight110]

Living Hell

You hated it here. You've hated it for a couple years now, but it was different then. Now that you finally somewhat understood what's been happening, that hate turned into genuine hate. Before you were annoyed that you could never travel far from your "home", now you knew that it was because you were a prisoner. Before you hated that no one gave you real answers, now you knew why; they were all liars. Everyone in this stupid organization were liars, at least the ones you've met, who knew what was going on and yet left you to rot here.

You refused to allow them to tell you what to do anymore. You'd already done so much for them, and the people outside. They forced you to isolate from the outside world, forced you to grow up to fast, forced you to think that you had a massive responsibility on your shoulders when it should've been them. They were the adults, not you. But they didn't care. They were to fascinated, to frightened, to consumed with what was happening to truly pay attention to you. You remember all the nights where you laid in bed, wishing your mom and dad would walk into your room and cuddle you tightly through the night.

But they were dead.

Because of them.

Because of Him.

You shuddered, fighting a whimper in your room at the mere thought.

Here you were, shoving clothes, food, a charger, devices, medicine just in case, anything essential in a backpack. You were leaving this horrible place, you didn't want to feed their twisted "research" that they believed was a miracle anymore. You saw it as a nightmare. After zipping up your bag, you sighed shakily.

Was this a good idea? What if you got caught? What would they do to you?

.......What if He found out?

Squeezing yourself, you firmly shook your head. No. It's been 4 whole years since your last "encounter", surely He's forgotten about you by now. There was no way you were that important to Him, a insignificant little human. Yes, yes, He's definitely forgotten. Opening your eyes, you realized that you'd been standing there for too long, and with a determined huff you grabbed your bag, threw it over your shoulders, and your phone slipped into your pocket.

'I don't care what these people think, I want to live a normal life again before all this started. I'm leaving.'

You thought to yourself bitterly. One perk you had about living here was the fact that you knew the place like the back of your hand. You knew security cycles, what time workers and scientists would leave, pass codes to open doors; everything. You smugly smirked as you looked down at a stolen keycard you snatched from a scientist a few days ago. That was one problem out of the way. Clenching the keycard, you walked out of your room.

You hoped to make it out of here, with the stolen money you had, maybe you could take a train? You'd asked a worker where your uncle lived, and they knew none the wiser to think you'd take the information seriously.

You were going to find your uncle. Hopefully he and Madison would help.

•••

Hello~ First chapter done! I know it ain't much, but I'm working on it. This was more so just a chapter to fill in small brief events before we get into the actual plot, aka movie events, and I believe that the next few chapters will be the same. And for quick clarification, I'm gonna try and make it where big G doesn't appear for another few chapters. At least, in current time events story wise. There will be chapters mentioning the past, or brief moments like flashbacks where he is fully mentioned or appears. And I know it seems like your character acts a little bit older than 12, but that's the point. You've been forced to act older for a long time, it's expected. However I'm gonna try my best later to get y/n to loosen up and start acting 12 again lol.

[butterwasteland]

Sterek request

Prompt:

***

Stiles leaned back in his desk chair. His dark hair falling across his face. What was the point in being a Supernatural Investigator if there was nothing supernatural to investigate? He blew out a sigh and spun around in his swivel chair. Perhaps he could continue with his research. His boring research that never lead to anything supernatural. He let out a frustrated groan and spun back into his desk. Maybe he'd find something this time.

Pulling up a news, Stiles began looking through the headlines. Same old, same old. Politics... wars... nothing new. Stiles hears his dad on a phone call. Some body was found by some joggers in the woods. And get this it was only half the body! Oh, he and Scott were definitely going to look for the other half- His dad calls out that he's leaving, Stiles picks up his phone to call Scott.

His phone starts buzzing in his hand.

It's an unknown caller. He's half tempted to just not answer but his curiosity gets the best of him.

"Hello, this is Stiles speaking."

There's light breathing on the other line.

"Are you the investigator?" A man's gruff voice calls out.

"Eh you make me sound really cool, not that I'm not. But yes," Stiles clears his throat. "I am 'the investigator' if you are looking to investigate something extraordinary, supernatural you could say."

The man grumbles, and there's a pause before he speaks again. "Would you be interested in a case?"

Stiles is ecstatic, he's never gotten a paid case before. Hell he's never even found a proper case before. He legs are bouncing up and down and the man on the line clears his throat clearly expecting an answer.

"I'll need the details first. Don't want to agree to something I normally wouldn't." Stiles says. He would've jumped on the chance to actually act for once but he didn't want to get ahead of himself. This man could be a murderer for all he knew. The man on the other ends sighs.

"My sister was killed, I know it wasn't anyone... human. I need you to find out who did it." The man answered. Stiles nodded frantically then upon realising the man couldn't see him, he agreed.

"Yeah I can work with that. Depending on the scale of things, I'll tell you the price after I figure it out. Say, we can start tomorrow. Any time suits me. Now this doesn't mean I'm fully accepting, I need more details and I'm not very good over the phone." Stiles stops his ramble not wanting to dump too much stuff on the man.

The man grunted. "Fine by me." "Great! Em... how about 3pm at Argent Coffee?" Stiles tried to not sound too excited.

"No." The man said almost immediately. "You can come round to my place at 5. I'll text you the address." The caller seemed to be getting ready to hang up so Stiles stumbled out, "Wait! I never got your name."

A pause.

"Derek. Derek Hale."

"Alrighty Derek, I'll see ya tomorrow at 5." Stiles said, wondering if this guy was gonna murder him tomorrow. He'd tell Scott just in case.

Derek grumbled a goodbye through the other line and hung up.

Whooop! Stiles got his first real case! He's doing a victory dance when he gets a text from the same number, giving him the address. Stiles replies to the text with,

I'll be there. -Stiles xoxo

And he's back to celebrating. He better go tell Scott! Stiles is about to shut his laptop when he pauses. Perhaps he should do a background check first. Sitting back down in his chair, he wheels himself towards the desk. Before typing the name, Derek Hale into the search bar. First thing that comes up, reminds Stiles why the name seemed familiar.

Family house fire.

The Hale fire, god how could he forget. He remembers the devastated look on teenage Derek's face in the Sheriff's office. Stiles stiffens, Laura. Derek's sister. The only other Hale family member who survived with no comatose state. Derek had said his sister was killed. OH holy hell. Derek was the last Hale left, no wonder he sounded... lost. Stiles' stomach bubbled with empathy but he continued digging. Upon finding nothing out of the ordinary, Stiles sighs.

He's not feeling as happy about the case now. Although he picks up the phone anyway and clicks on Scott's familiar number. It goes to voicemail, so Stiles decides to pay Scott a visit.

***

Stiles managed to convince Scott to help him search for the other half of the body. By hanging from Scott's moms porch and scaring the daylights out of both of them. Oh and almost getting hit by a baseball bat and Scott doesn't even play baseball.

"Come on, Scotty! This body ain't gonna find itself." Stiles was answered by the wheezing of the other man, who took another puff of his inhaler before replying. "Stiles I got college tomorrow, plus try outs for the lacrosse team. Can't we just pack it up?"

Stiles grumbled. "What's the point? You were always a bench warmer in high school. What makes you think college would be any different?"

"Don't be so pessimistic, Stiles. This year of college, is gonna be my year." Scott replied scrambling after the other man. Stiles trekked ahead. "Yeah yeah. You said that last year and the year before." Scott sighed. "I'm telling you man. I feel it."

"Just out of curiosity, which half of the body are we looking for?" Scott asked stuffing his hands into the pockets of his red hoodie, trailing behind the other man. Stiles paused his stride, flashlight sending it's beam all around.

"Huh, didn't even think about that." He laughs awkwardly. Scott continued, "And uh, what if whoever killed the body is still out here." Stiles nods. "Also something I didn't think about."

"Comforting, to know you've planned this out with your usual attention to detail." Scott said sarcastically as they began to climb a steep small hill. "I know." Stiles said exasperated. Who can blame him? He was excited about his case and well the thought of finding a dead body.

"Maybe the severe asthmatic should be the one to hold the flashlight?" Scott asked, taking in a ragged breath and shaking his inhaler. Stopping for a second to lean against a tree.

Lights flickered through the woods and the two boys ducked down. There was distant barking and many flickers of different flashlights. Clearly the boys weren't the only ones to look for the body.

Stiles smiled and switched off his flashlight. "Okay come on," He exclaimed and scrambled up. "Stiles!" Huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf but asthmatic. Scott took a puff of his medicine, following Stiles. "Wait up!"

The pale boy continued running, "Stiles!" Scott hissed, calling out. But Stiles continued running, hopping over tree roots and mud. The boys keep on running and Scott calls out again for Stiles. The moled investigator slows and looks back.

A dog barks, and a flashlight shines in Stile's face. He flinched and exclaimed in surprise, tripping over in fright and falling to the ground. The dog barks more at Stiles, he flings around as if trying to fight off the noise.

"Hang on. Hang on." A voice said. "This delinquent belongs to me."

Stiles scrambled up, breathing deeply. "Dad, how you doing."

"So you uh listen to all my phone calls?" The sheriff asked. "No... Not the boring ones."

The older Stilinski looks around. "So where's your usual partner in crime?"

Stiles shrugs slightly. "Who? Scott? Scott's home." The younger Stilinski lied. "Said he wanted to get a good nights sleep for his first day back at college tomorrow." Stiles breathed out, "S' just me in the woods...Alone."

The sheriff turns away from his son. "Scott? You out there?" The man calls for Scott a few times. The other boy was no where in sight.

"Well, young man." Sheriff Stilinski steps over to his son, grabbing him by the back of the neck. "I'm gonna walk you back to you're car. And you and I, are gonna have a conversation about something called invasion of privacy."

***

Stiles stands outside the address. He's bouncing on his heels outside the door, laptop and things he thought he'd need placed in his bag. "Okay Stiles... Just knock. You can do this." He mutters to himself and knocks three times at the door. He's early by 20 minutes but better early than late right? After about a minute, the door opens.

And standing there is a very sweating very sexy Derek Hale. Stiles swallows the lump in his throat as his eyes graze over Derek's topless form. "Sorry I'm early." Stiles said trying not to stare at Derek's abs.

The other man grumbles, his toned skin glistening with sweat. "Come in. Get yourself settled in the living room, I'm gonna take a quick shower." Derek steps back from the door and invites Stiles in. He quickly takes in the place, maybe a spare house Derek's family had. It was clean and any signs of living there was scarce.

Derek noted that this Stiles, was one of the guys from earlier whose friend needed his inhaler. Who he had told off for being on private property. 

Stiles finds himself standing awkwardly in the living room. For once in his life his brain was blank, utterly blank. Well except for the permanent image of shirtless Derek Hale ingrained into his mind forever. Perhaps an image he'd later reflect on once he was out of the man's house. 

Derek gestures wordlessly to the stiff looking grey couch. Then stalks away, Stiles immediately misses the look of those sleek abs. But with his main distraction gone, he managed to get settled. 

 Stiles was bouncing his leg up and down, waiting in anticipation. When Derek came back, fully clothed but black hair still wet. Stiles had his stuff, which consisted of his laptop and a few notebooks and pens, scattered on the coffee table. 

Derek approached the hyperactive man. 

"Ah geez!" Stiles exclaimed, "How are you so silent?" The Stilinski was clutching his chest, grumbling under his breath about people scaring him.     "Okay so. Where do we begin?" Stiles asked. 

Derek stood beside the couch with a slight twinkle in his eye at being able to scare Stiles.  "I'll give you a run down." Derek said. 

"I know a werewolf killed her to become alpha. But I've scouted the area and there's no other scents-" 

"Woah woah woah. You're a werewolf??" Stiles asked, completely shocked. 

Derek tilted his head at Stiles. "I thought you investigated supernatural stuff." 

"Yeah, yeah I do." Stiles reassured. "You're just the first werewolf I've met. Well first one I met that I knew was a werewolf who knows maybe Ms. Kelly really was a werewolf, sure seemed the type. Like you do. I mean- Uh..." Stiles cheeks heated as he blabbed. 

Derek scowled, he was beginning to question his choice at involving this man. And what even was he doing in the woods earlier. How had his friend managed to lose his inhaler? 

"Right. Well my sister was killed by a werewolf, she was slashed apart by claws. Severing her body in half." 

Stiles eyes widened, so the body he was looking for, that Scott found last night was Laura. Guilt began forming in his gut. He was so fascinated over the body, he forgot that the body was once human (or should he say werewolf) too. 

"Okay. So werewolves. Some guy killed her for her alpha status. You got anything visual I can work with?" 

Stiles cringed slightly, avoiding asking directly if Derek had any pictures of his sister's dead body.

It's no surprise that Derek shakes his head. 

"Alright. So we visit the morgue or more I visit the morgue. Get a look, try and determine the size of this werewolf. Maybe it left a claw or something, which we can use to DNA test it or something. Do DNA tests work on werewolves? When you guys shift is it like fully or just-" Stiles stuck out his hands mimicking claws. "-awoo?"

Derek scowls and gives him a quizzical look. "Some of us shift fully, most though gain facial hair, fangs, claws, pointed ears and glowing eyes. And I don't know about the DNA thing." 

Stiles nods as if that makes complete sense to him. "Alright so beta, gold. Alpha, red. What else?" 

"Blue means you've killed someone innocent, by accident or deliberate." 

"Ah so which are you?" 

In response, Derek's eyes glow blue. A contrast to his usual hazel eyes. 

"Wow okay." Stiles heartbeat accelerates. He knew it wasn't supposed to be attractive but damn that was hot. Also maybe a little threatening, since Derek had killed someone innocent. 

Derek mistakes it as fear and scowls more. Stiles notes that Derek likes to scowl. 

Stiles reaches onto the table and begins scribbling in one of the smaller notebooks. 

"Right, anything else you'd like to add?" 

Derek shakes his head. 

Stiles nods, closing the notebook and pulling his computer onto his lap. He pulls up webpages on werewolf lore. Sure he knew the gist of it. But with a case, came research. 

"Sooo. If I pull up some info on werewolves, could you verify it for me?" 

Derek scowls again, he had thought they were finished. Clearly not.    "Fine." 

***

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - I Have Prime

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan

I've been sort of dreading that conversation but it actually went fine.

He's not freaked out and doesn't think I'm some sort of weirdo, somehow, so yay.

Maybe we're just the same sort of weirdo, my mother always says there's a shoe for every foot.

Emmett's been a bit off since this morning and I thought maybe it was the phone call with his dad but I think it's because he's not sure about my headspace.

It makes sense, my mood and what I'm doing affects him a lot and he doesn't want to push me either way, I guess.

It's insanely sweet.

The problem is that I don't really know either.

Am I feeling all VP this afternoon?

No but I'm not feeling little, either, really.

I'm sort of in between.

I had to drive and be normal at church and I know there's still dinner to deal with so maybe I'm just lying low until this evening.

Maybe that's for the best, he'd probably enjoy having a real boyfriend sometimes.

But I should talk to him, explain, so he doesn't wonder.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah."

"I'm feeling sort of in between today, sorry if that's confusing or hard for you. I can pick a side if you prefer."

"Pick a side? You're silly Finnegan. No, whatever you are is fine, I just wasn't sure. Before all this started you told me that you didn't want me to treat you like a child and I haven't forgotten but sometimes it's, well I'm not sure where that line is sometimes."

Because sometimes I DID want him to treat me like one but I didn't realize it at the time.

"It's a moving target Emmett, sorry. Don't overthink too much, this shouldn't be so hard on you. I'm good. We did what I wanted all week and you deserve, I want to do what you want to for awhile. Please?"

"I wanted to go to the O's game and spend time with you this week and go to Peter's yesterday and I definitely wanted whatever the hell that was last night. And all the mornings. Besides, it's easier cooking for two, I'm eating better too. You seem to think you owe me, like I'm not having a great time too."

How can he be?

Yes, I know he wanted to go to the game but...

"Wouldn't all that stuff be more fun with someone, well, someone normal?"

"Stop. Stop. Look, some people act like old ladies when they're ten. Some don't grow up completely, well, ever. There's nothing wrong with you, darling, so stop. Don't make me set rule number three, I'm tired of you calling yourself names."

I can't quite control what's going on with my face.

"If it upsets you that much I'll try to stop. But wouldn't it?"

"No, no it wouldn't have been more fun with someone else."

I expect more but he's done. He said it plainly, without thinking at all, and I believe him.

"Okay."

"Good. Now, I'd like you to come with me to dinner but if you don't want to, there's chicken salad and sandwich stuff and a frozen pizza in the freezer. I can make you something before I go or when I get back if you prefer."

He asks so little of me and yes, meeting his parents, well his dad and stepmother, is a big deal but he also knows I'm leaving soon.

They're obviously fine with things, with him because I know he wouldn't take me into a bad situation.

"I'll go, if you're sure."

"Awesome, we won't be there all night or anything. My dad is sort of the 'small talk before dinner, eat and leave' kind of guy."

"Sounds like my kind of guy," I joke but I'm serious.

I've been to way too many dinners that lasted four or five hours.

"Let me just give him a quick call. We don't need to leave for an hour or so, at which point we're both going to need pants. Shorts are fine, it's not fancy, Finnegan."

"No tie, got it."

He kisses me on the forehead and disappears upstairs.

I'm not sure if his phone is up there or he's doing something or checking on Marten or just wants some privacy.

I decide to turn on the TV just so he's sure I'm not listening.

There's a baseball game on, perfect.

It's almost over but Emmett may want to watch the end if he's finished in time.

"Oooh, close game, where are we? Bottom of the 9th?"

"Yep."

I scoot over and he rewards me by snuggling up next to me.

I love that I can follow the game now, that I know what's going on.

"Thanks for teaching me the basics, Emmett. I really appreciate it."

He squeezes my thigh.

"You shouldn't talk about me teaching you anything today, and maybe not tomorrow either... damn boy."

Last night.

I giggle because yes, he did make some lovely promises.

I want to tease him so badly.

I shouldn't but I want to so I do.

I turn and whisper into his ear.

"I'm looking forward to you teaching me all about toys, Emmett."

"I'm going to get you a whole set of plugs. We'll start small and then every ten minutes I'll move you to a bigger one until my cock can slide right in and I can fuck you as hard as you need to be fucked, Finn. I'll do my best to keep you hard the whole time you're plugged and you'll start begging for my cock like a good little slut should."

A strange noise comes out of my throat and then another.

I lost that round, completely.

Lost. Lost. But damn, that sounds so, so good.

"Promises, promises."

"You know I keep my promises, Finn.  Stop whimpering or I'm going to... I don't know.  I'm so satisfied I can't do anything about it and I sure as hell shouldn't but damn boy, I will get you back for that eventually."

"I'm looking forward to it. Let me know as soon as you've got them and I will make sure I'm here."

He pulls his phone out.

"Are you ordering right now?"

"I'm sure as hell looking. We need plugs and one other thing that's going to be a surprise. That's the minimum, damn, I could get you all kinds of stuff. I have a few things but a man's toys should be his own."

Not arguing.

A few minutes later he says...

"Finn? Do you like being stretched?"

"Um, explain?"

"Like, worked open. Have you ever taken anything bigger than a cock? I mean, some guys like inflatables or getting fisted? Or beads? You might enjoy beads. I can get a small set."

"Small sounds good, I uh, just a cock. Some bigger than others but no, I feel no need to gape like a fucking well."

What gapes? That's the first thing that pops into my head. I've seen pictures, it's not sexy.

"A well. Shit, Finn. Okay. Any interest in a cock cage? Do you like ball play?"

"Emmett. Can we just start simple, please? I'm not some bondage boy."

"Hey, just asking. OH MY GOD."

"What?"

I try to look at his phone but he hides it.

"No, you can't see. I just found the perfect thing, it's fucking perfect. I can't wait. Okay, we have to have this. Adding it to my cart. And Finnegan?"

"Yes?"

"I have prime. Two day shipping, darling. Hey, how long till we get your results back from your tests tomorrow?"

"I honestly don't know. They usually mail them to me the next day so I may have results Thursday or Friday but this isn't my normal place, they may send them directly to my doctor first and then he'll call or send them to me? It may take awhile."

"I'm sure you'd hear right away if there was something wrong."

He needs to stop worrying about it. 

"There WON'T be anything wrong, Emmett."

"Relax, I hear you. I'm just saying that if you haven't heard by Friday, it's probably fine, right?"

Oh, now I get it.

"Yes."

"Then let's plan on celebrating next weekend if you're up for it."

"Up. I'm sure you can get me up."

Seriously though, I have to wait a whole week?

"Finnegan."

[valenshawke]

For all TWO (maybe THREE) of you in the Law & Order fandom.

A review of Law & Order, Season 22, episode 22...

This episode left me absolutely frustrated.

We got a manhunt, a red herring, and a chase in the first 20 minutes!

I feel like the assassination of a United States Senator was, again, way too big for the show. You'd think the FBI would be involved? I mean, even Jack and the NYPD Commissioner being on the phone with the US Attorney General would have been NICE, maybe having a bit of an argument about jursidiction would have helped.

I was skeptical about the cop-half being done in 20 minutes and… my skepticism was right.

Things I can appreciate: The increased screentime for Sam Waterston, who was allowed to show his acting chops this particular episode. He did a hell of a job as usual. The pain on Jack's face was palpable at the end.

The casting of Katherine Waterston as his daughter? Also really appreciate.

It's hard saying who this episode was written for becaause, unless you watched the series prior to the revival, and followed Jack's life through the bits of info that were peppered in, the hostility between the McCoys was too implicit? What we know about Jack is: While he certainly wasn't abusive like his own father, he probably wasn't as involved or emotionally available as a parent because he was so career-driven (and let's not forget the three other relationships he had with his assistants that did not lead to marriage). This was probably severely exacerbated when Jack and Ellen got divorced. Could I see Jack absolutely prioritizing a case over his daughter's dance recital or soccer game? Yeah. And let's be real, I'd imagine the types of cases Jack handled probably wore him out emotionally as well.

So, I loved the acting and conflict between the McCoys and the Waterstons did a great job ACTING. But the writing…

First of all, I cannot suspend my disbelief that Rebecca would talk to Jack and ASK Jack for a favor regarding a case where they are on opposite sides. Okay, Jack McCoy was not the paragon of good and ethical behavior, but he's the DA now. Her going through Price? Yeah, I think that's fine. Second, why would she think her dad would cut her any kind of break in this case. A UNITED STATES SENATOR WAS ASSASSINATED?! Her anger at her own father really clouded her legal judgment. I was really kind of hoping for an "Under the Influence" moment where she realizes just how ineffectual she was and ask for a mistrial or something. But nope.

Second of all, Price needs to be fired. That Man 1 Plea would have gotten Jack tossed from office so fast. If your legal judgment is clouded for personal reasons because you witnessed the immediate aftermath of a mass shooting… maybe you shouldn't be prosecuting the case (I miss Cutter).

What's frustrating is this episode had a real chance to be good and the acting was great. It's just the writing, like the entirety of this revival, has rarely ever matched the level of the acting the cast can bring.

I got SO frustrated while watching this episode I started writing snippets of dialogue about how Michael Cutter would've handled this case in Discord DMs with my best friend (we watch the show as it airs).

Jack & Mike talking after arraignment.

Cutter: Has your daughter talked to you about the case? Jack: … Cutter: Jack, I gotta subpoena you. Jack: What the hell are you talking about? Cutter: If she approached you, ex parte for anything, that shows a conflict of interest in this case and it's easier to remove her as a defense attorney than argue for a change of venue.

Now let's say that didn't working and the hearing goes against the state, Mike and Rebecca talking in the court after the judge has ruled.

Rebecca: What the hell are you doing, Cutter? Cutter: Trying to protect your father. Seems to be I'm the only one trying around here. *walks away*

Cutter cross-examining Quinn. Yes, this is badgering but that's like… normal for the show.

Cutter: You weren't in your right mind? Why did you turn to run? Quinn: I don't know. Cutter: Why did you run to the park, then change direction and blend into the city? Quinn: I don't know. Cutter: Why did you wait the night to come back, when no one was around, for your car? *plays video* Quinn: I don't know! Cutter: *Pauses video of him getting into car* Looks to me like you knew exactly what were you to try to evade capture. Quinn: I STILL GOT CAUGHT! Cutter: Only because you're not a pro. But isn't that the point, Mr. Quinn. That these weapons *holds up gun* can make even the most amateur individual an assassin? Isn't this what you fought against? Isn't this why you became a gun control activist? Rebecca: OBJECTION Cutter: Withdrawn! Nothing further.

Cutter's closing argument, partial.

Cutter: Mr. Quinn's anger is justified, yes. His trauma is valid, yes. But that doesn't not give him the right to kill someone in cold blood. At the end of the day, he was an angry man. Angry at the world. Angry at that the society that wronged and failed him. Valid feelings or not… isn't this the basic motivation of every mass shooter the last 30 years. Isn't this what Mr. Quinn's crusade as a gun control activist supposed to stop? I can't think of any bigger perversion of one's crusade than becoming what you fight against. You can have empathy, for Mr. Quinn. You can sympathize for him and regret the pain he feels. You can feel angry at the government, at society, at the NRA. But what about empathy for Senator Chandler's family. His daughter? Who saw her father gunned down… at her own wedding. Are we supposed to ignore the pain of the victims? Mr. Quinn certainly felt people were ignoring his pain, like many mass shooters have… and like many mass shooters, he turned outward and inflicted it on everyone else. And that… is not diminished capacity. That is not mental defect. That is not, "I don't know." This was planned. He had time to think about it. To realize his own anger might make him do something terrible… and still went ahead with it. And tried to hide after he killed a man in front of his own daughter. That's murder, plain and simple.

[doktordismemberment]

Brain Puke: The Mourn

Coming up on the anniversary of my dad’s death which is a thing that happened that I didn’t really have time to process before COVID shithoused my mental state for, at this point, three years and running.

We weren’t close, or really we were at one point, but then he went to jail for a couple years and at that point we just kind of lost track of each other.

Mom divorced him. We moved away. Mom joined a cult (no joke), lost custody of me (or rather “us” I had siblings). Then I went through foster care, eventually got adopted, and was through that and out on my ass at 15 for, among other things, being a problem child.

So far it’s been a life mostly lived deep in survival mode, which is something I’m sure my old man could relate to seeing as he sold drugs, beat people up, and stole cars to make ends meet.

Weirdly though, my memories of him aren’t really him being violent or mean or fucked up, that was kind of my mom’s department, dad was mostly “good cop” and my most vivid memories of him are of a giant biker/ Viking looking dude (picture Bruiser Brody) with a big crazy grin and a leather vest that I now realize probably indicated his membership in a biker gang.

We hung out, we went fishing, we played basketball, we played Nintendo (he was bad at Mario), we ate chicken McNuggets sitting on the back of his pickup. Normal enough father and son shit.

Most of my memories of screaming and shit getting smashed was mom when she was off her meds or back on the bad drugs.

Then mom went away for a while, institutionalized, and that’s the happiest I remember being back then. Dad said they were gonna make her better.

Then she came back and she was not better and one day he was just gone. Mom NARCed on him then took off while he was locked up. Within a year she lost custody and I was in foster care 2000-ish miles from where I grew up and if he ever came looking for me I never heard about it.

And that was that until I got word he died. 32 years later? Something like that. A lot of years that he was alive and I was alive and we were just kind of out there under the same sky doing our own thing.

For a lot of those years I harbored a lot of violent fantasies toward him. I wanted to track him down and stomp the shit out of him for not being there, for letting me go through the system so young, a rant I’d launch into pretty much any time the topic of family came up (certainly much to the distress of whatever girlfriend or coworker made the mistake of bringing it up)

Then I got older and I just kind of wondered what happened to him after he got out of jail? Did he look for his kids? Did he cut his losses and start over with a new wife? Did he clean up his act? Who was he? Where was he? Did he have other kids?

I never knew and now I’ll never know. The phone never rang and now it will never ring. And the guy what was a ghost for all those years is a ghost for real.

I tried reaching out to his brother after he died and was told in no uncertain terms to go fuck myself… No connection to be had. No info to be shared. No support. No family. Don’t ask us for shit.

Par for that course when it comes to me and family.

Then COVID happened and the whole thing got filed under “deal with it later.”

Now it’s later and I guess I’m dealing with it. Mourning. Unboxing old memories, fumbling around and cutting myself on the sharp edges, and boxing them back up again for probably forever.

A closed chapter, full of mostly blank pages.

I missed you dad, a lot, for a lot of years. It’s a shame we didn’t know each other better.

[momentsofamber]

Under a read more because I don't want to accidentally trigger anyone or anything but cw for talk of accidental and in no way fore-planned animal poisoning. If this topic is upsetting to you, please do not click the read more out of guilt or any moral obligation, we will be okay! I just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere. Please keep yourselves safe and with the knowledge that as of me typing this up the animal is still acting like his normal healthy self and has been looked over by someone with some vet training.

This is about our 3 year old cat, we'll call him Kol. ( I don't want to use his real name because my main blog has his name on it and that blog unfortunately has stalkers who could potentially find this blog and harass me if they connected the two because they have a history of finding new ways to harass me even when I turn anon off or hide my blogs. )

My partner has several plants in the house, gardening is a SpIn for him. In the fall he took any plants that had a chance of coming back in the next spring inside in pots and put them on his window sill. Up until today Kol has shown no interest in trying to get at his Dad's plants.

This morning around 6:30AM shortly before my partner woke up Kol climbed up on the windowsill and took a chomp out of a plant we believe to be an orange Day-lily. ( Originally we thought it was a Tiger Lily; we do not know for certain because it was one my partner transplanted into a pot from the side of our apartment complex towards the end of this past spring. But from googling the leaves they appear to be Day-lily leaves which look more like giant grass strands. )

Presumably Kol thought it was cat grass, because he loves grass ( he was a stray we took in and will still excitedly eat grass when taken outside on his leash ), and because his Dad does grow cat grass in the exact same pots downstairs in our kitchen. ( He has never been fed a pot of cat grass anywhere in the home except in the kitchen next to his dry food source. )

We are both more than aware that lilies are highly toxic to cats. I woke up a little after 8AM to my partner already trying to find ways to induce vomiting because we can't afford a huge vet bill. This was a no-go so we started making phone calls instead.

We called animal poison control. They took money from me for a phone consult, and then they advised us to take him to his vet. We called his vet, they said he'd need 48 hour care and supervision and they do not provide care past 6PM, so we should call a vet ER.

We do not have the funds to take him to ER (if you google it, lily poisoning treatment is upwards of 1K), we called animal poison control back, they basically said 'well call your vet and have them call us and we'll explain your situation', my partner called the vet back and the lady said the same thing, 'we can't treat the cat here, so I can't speak with that person, you need to take him to the ER.'

So now not only did I waste a payment of limited funds I already didn't have on calling poison control for advice I couldn't follow, we have no answers as to whether or not our cat is poisoned because he's not behaving strangely. He's still eating and drinking, interacting normally, he's not hiding from us. In fact he just keeps looking at us in confusion because of how panicked we are about him.

We did get a family friend with basic vet training to look at him. ( Not a licensed vet, but she took classes back in Poland before coming here on visa and becoming an RNA. She knows enough that she could be a vet assistant. ) She seemed to think he would be find as long as he made it past 12 hours without showing any severe symptoms because he was completely interactive with her, he responded promptly to her tests of his response time, he's still walking and jumping normally, and she felt around his stomach.

So right now it's just a waiting game. I've got delta wave music playing out my speakers because Kol LOVES delta wave and binaural music just as much as I do to help relax, and he's napping on my bed like he usually does during the day.

I'm just so scared. If anything happens to Kol, my partner is never going to forgive himself for keeping a lily in the house with a cat. And the whole reason he kept this plant was because I said Tiger Lilies are my favorite flower ...

My partner has already trashed the plant in frustration ( since I had already taken pics of it for poison control ) and removed all of the rest of his plants from his room altogether where Kol cannot reach them. If we lose our cat I'm afraid he'll never garden again.

Please, please, please, let our son be okay ... we cannot lose this cat ...

[ofakillerwithin]

Anger; the emotions threaded for blood it always hits a boiling point. For Quinn Bailey she wore the innocent face, she wore the sweet voice well to where no one would’ve thought she was capable of holding a knife for fun. Capable of keeping a gun hidden under her bed. She knew how to sweet talk her way out of any situation. It also helped that her father was a detective; which brings us to where my story starts. All my life; my family was sheltered; we lived in the city; Ethan, my dad and I. Richie our lost soul of a brother; he had moved to WoodsBoro, he lived there with a foster family. He was the odd one out of us. I was close with Richie; we spoke on the phone every week. I knew of his plans of being a mass killer; he told me how it felt to drive a knife through the heart; the echos of screams when they took their last breaths. 

It was humoring almost; I was intrigued to hear more; I kept his secret to the valet. I knew if word got out he’d end up in prison. I was a protective sister; I even kept my mouth shut to dad. I used to be normal; the kind of girl who goes to school and laughs. Who had the pep in my step, I used to be the girl who trusted and wasn’t sleeping with a random guy each night. Your mind set changes in a blink of an eye. For me it was when I stopped hearing from Richie; when the calls stopped and than my dad got the call that Richie was killed, and that he was a mess killer. I played it cool; I wore that quiet look; lips tight together. But in my head I knew who killed him; that idiot girlfriend of his Sam, she was also the daughter of Billy Loomis, it made sense daughter the killer like her dad; and now it was up to me to get revenge on her. I had planned each step in my head. I spent that summer before moving into college plotting my revenge. I had a poster board of plans under my bed; I had written down names the connections of each player; the end goal was Sam, but that’s where the first step came into bay; I got approved to be her roommate; now the real act starts. 

I played innocent as if I had no idea who the girl was; and her sister Tara. I wore a sweet smile that may kill. Quinn was easy on the eyes; once her belongings were set in her new room she had decided to get a stroll outside along the campus. Black boots with her leggings; wearing a dark blue sweater dress, she was seeking out help. She had to have a bigger picture on how to enforce her killing spree her dad was trapped in the NYPD, Ethan was playing his part by pretending to be interested in school, I needed bait, someone weak enough; traumatized enough in fall into line. I had the charm I was capable of getting a boy to do my dirty work, it would fall into place. Quinn had been lost in her head enough to where she barely touched herself brush up against a stranger, nearly tripping on her own foot. 

“ Sorr..” She started to say when her eyes landed on the ultimate prize. Instantly she knew who this stranger was. Liam; the boy Richie had decided to play nice with and tell all the hidden secrets too. I saw a picture once; Richie told me who his mother was; which peeked my interest. Was it in his blood to help commit crimes? Would he be able to do my baiting? “ Liam right?” A coy smirk hinted at the corners of her lips as she pressed a hand to his arm; flirt hard; and perhaps you could get away with murder with his help..

@ofakillerwithin

[Anger issues. I scoffed at the thought. Was I perfect? No. Did I get myself into sticky situations, from time to time, sure. Did some of the people on the receiving end of these situations end up needing medical attention? Yeah, but in my defense, they brought it on themselves. A defense that my parents didn't seem to understand... Well, adopted parents, to clarify, since it turned out my whole life was a compilation of lies, secrets, and scandal. It wasn't until nearing the end of high school that I realized the people I had been deceived into believing were my parents, were actually my biological aunt and uncle. If learning all of that wasn't enough to give a guy "anger issues," then I didn't know what was. Of course my aunt and uncle didn't see it that way. A fact that they unknowingly made known to me one night when I overheard one of their conversations. Okay, okay, so I roughed a guy up at school, but given all the shit he had been putting me through, he got what he deserved. To my aunt and uncle though, they overlooked the fact that the asshole had been bullying me and giving me shit for weeks, so when he came at me one night at a game, and I fought back, suddenly I'm the bad guy for breaking his arm, nose, and a few of his ribs too. Exhaling loudly at the memory. It was that same night that I learned my "parents" were actually my aunt and uncle, after overhearing my aunt ask my uncle if he thought I was turning into my father... My father? What the hell were they talking about? Of course I busted into the living room immediately to confront them that night, which was met with more lies and cover up attempts from them. Why the hell wouldn't they tell me the truth about who I really am? I had a right to know where I really came from! Their refusal to tell me the truth, and to add insult to injury, to feed me more bullshit, just made me even angrier with them for keeping all of this from me, for so long. Over time, and following a slightly physical altercation with the man I had learned was actually my uncle, my aunt confessed that my "cousin" Sidney, who visited the mountains here a few times a year, was actually my birth mother. Apparently she had me young, my father was no longer in the picture... Supposedly after learning she was pregnant with me, he bolted and left her on her own, so in order to give me the best shot at life, she turned me over to my aunt and uncle to adopt me. I confronted Sidney, and just like my adopted parents, Sidney also lied to me about my father; claiming he was just a one night stand, and she never heard from him again. Considering all of the bullshit my family had fed me over the years, I knew better than to believe this story either, which prompted me to do some research of my own on my birth father. This being the point where I made my first trip to Woodsboro to get some answers. I met Richie soon after arriving in Woodsboro, which was refreshing since he was the one who told me the truth about my life. Turns out my father wasn't some dead beat who slept with my biological mother, then bolted when he found out she was pregnant, like my adopted parents fed me. He also wasn't a one night stand like my biological mother told me. No, he was actually her long-time boyfriend, who allegedly turned out to be a mass murderer in the town of Woodsboro. Of course he never had the chance to defend the accusations made against him, since Sidney killed him first; costing me any chance to ever know my father. I was angry, to say the least, which prompted me to leave my adopted parents' home, and live on my own for awhile. Not long after high school ended, I learned my friend Richie had been murdered by some bitch named, Sam. Figures, the one person in my life I could trust was taken from me too. I had nobody now. Nobody! This fury and thirst for revenge bringing me to New York, where Sam and her group had moved to for college. I didn't know what I'd do or say once I finally came face to face with that bitch, but I did know, I'd make her pay for murdering my only real friend, Richie]

[slasherscream]

Hello. Ok I must say I've spent the last 3 days on your blog just reading and reading. Your Billy x reader x Stu give me life!my god it's so good ♥♥♥ Would it be ok to make a request? I was thinking about a scenario where Billy's cheating dad brings home a little girl and he's like "yo, so this is your new sister Billy" and at first Billy is being Billy and hates her guts but Stu is kind to her and as time passes all three become small cute murder family... just an idea...

A/N: this idea is so good. i changed it a bit but here it goes-

Billy’s father has had it coming for a nice long while. He was a shitty man, a shitty father, and an even shittier husband. If Billy looks at the man for too long it makes him physically sick. Needless to say, he’s been living off of borrowed time.

It would have looked suspicious if the man died right after the Woodsboro massacre. So Billy waited, impatiently. He started dating Stu, finished senior year, and the two went off to a community college together (they’d spent so many months planning the murders that they’d accidentally let university applications fall through the cracks).

The years go by quickly. A murder here, another one there, figuring out what four year college to go to. Getting jobs. With real adult life creeping in Billy had almost forgotten about his old man entirely. Almost.

The man has awful timing. He calls Billy up, out of the blue. They hadn’t talked since the day Billy moved out. Frankly, he doesn’t even know how his father got his number. He doesn’t remember giving it to the bastard. He invites Billy home for Thanksgiving and Billy thinks what a perfect early Christmas gift to himself. Dear ol’ Dad’s head on a spike. Then he tells Billy he wants him to meet his new wife and step-kid. Wants his whole family together.

Billy doesn’t know how he manages to act like a normal, vaguely irritated son for the rest of the phone call. Inside he’s white hot rage. The first thing he does when he hangs up the phone is shatter it. The whole apartment becomes a particularly fragile punching bag. When Stu gets home he looks at the destruction with bewilderment, and can only ask, “Did we get robbed man?”

Woodsboro is going to see another violent, tragic murder. That’s for sure.

Stepping into his childhood home for the first time in years makes him sick. Billy swears he can still smell his Mother’s perfume in the air, but he turns the corner and there’s another woman cooking and prancing around in her fucking kitchen like she owns the place.

Billy can’t wait to string her up by her intestines. To choke her with them. He’ll kill her first and make his father watch the entire thing. But however painful the step-whore’s death will be, Billy will make his father’s twenty times worse. That will be for his mother. 

Deciding he won’t be the only one pissed off this week, he brings along Stu for the family reunion. Maybe it was a little vindictive of him to ask Stu to marry him so they’d be engaged in time for the get together. But he was gonna get around to it anyways, eventually. Besides, Stu had laughed his ass off about it.

You don’t come downstairs when they first arrive and Billy wants to roll his eyes at your Mother telling him “she’s not usually like this, honest-” as if he could give a shit.

They’re not planning on killing you. They haven’t killed any kids yet, and even though Billy thinks about it- thinks about how much it would hurt your Mom to make her watch you die - the thought of killing you makes him uncomfortable. You’re just a kid. Not your fault your Mother is a whore and your new Step-Dad is a piece of shit. He’ll just make sure to psychologically torture her in some other way to make up for it.

When you slink your way downstairs in that petulant way that only kids can, Billy starts to rethink that not killing you thing. You spend all of dinner not saying two words to him, but you’ve got the nerve to scowl at him the entire time like he’s intruding in your house and you’re wondering when he’s gonna leave. Or die.

Knowing that appearance is everything, Billy makes sure to publicly bond with your mother. He goes grocery shopping with her. They get lunch. Anything to sell the image of a perfect family. Anything to alleviate suspicion when she winds up dead, alongside her new husband. Stu stays behind and babysits you.

At first you’re resentful of being watched at all. But Stu has a way with kids, his energy so much like one that it’s hard for them to hate him. In just a few days you’re thicker than thieves. So you start telling him things.

I hate playing family. / Mom only ever pays attention to me when people are around. / They’re always gone. / I think they both wish it was just them, that I wasn’t here-

Stu might not be the most empathetic person around (obviously) but something about the things you tell him makes him feel for you. You’ve got a sad little orphan Annie thing going on. Stu doesn’t know why he tells Billy that he thinks he should spend time with you, but he does. Billy, obtuse, thinks it’s to sell the lie better. So he takes you out to some shitty diner for a special “brother/sister” breakfast.

You moped in the car, you stomped your way into the restaurant, and you slouch in your chair when you’re seated. When he asks you if you want crayons to color with, you instantly know that he’s mocking you and "subtly” knock over your water, hoping to wet him. It doesn’t work, but he admires your spitefulness.

You only sit in silence pushing your food around for a bit before you break. “Your Dad sucks. I hate him.” Billy doesn’t stop to think about how he’s talking to a child before he says, “I’m sure he hates you too.” You don’t start crying big alligator tears, like he thought you would. He was already preparing for it, thinking about how he was going to have to bribe you with ice cream or something to stop you from crying. Instead you sink further into your seat, like you want to melt there, “He doesn’t hate me. He just wishes I wasn’t around.... neither of them want me around.”

Billy sits shell-shocked for a minute. Frankly, he’s never talked to a kid this long. He doesn’t remember how old you are but he doesn’t even think you’re eleven yet. He wonders what the hell the both of your parents are doing behind closed doors to make you feel that way. He knew his father was lousy, he’d already grown up with him. But your Mother had seemed normal. A little fake, but normal.

“What do you mean by that?” So you tell him. The way you told Stu. About the neglect. The long hours alone. By the end of it your little hands are balled into fists and your food is ice cold. The entire time Billy sat quiet. At the end you regret telling him anything. Just because he’s getting married to Stu doesn’t mean he’s nice like Stu. He’s probably just like his Dad.

You start to turn to the window, ready to ignore him until he decides to take you both home. You turn back around when he says, “Your Mom fucking sucks.”

You blink up at him, wide-eyed. You’re shocked he took you seriously. “Yeah, she does.” You finish eating your breakfast quietly but neither of you leave the diner feeling the way you did when you came in.

Thanksgiving passes by uneventfully. Billy and Stu are invited back for Christmas break by your Mother and they accept the invitation. Stu gives you both of their numbers and ruffles your hair, telling you not to be a stranger. Billy stands so stiffly while you say goodbye that you extend your hand for a handshake, not wanting to put either of you through an awkward goodbye hug. He laughs and tells you to take care of yourself.

When they come back for Christmas you’re actually outside to greet them when their car pulls up. You tell them about school. About the things you’ve been doing since you last saw them. About how you managed to watch some of the horror movies Stu snuck you, and you didn’t even have to sleep with the light on afterwards. They sit through it all dutifully and maybe even with amusement. You’re not the same withdrawn kid you were when they first met you, that’s for sure.

Billy is a little miserable , spending the holiday at home. He remembers all the traditions he used to do with his Mom. Putting up the Christmas tree. The lights. Burning cookies and icing them anyway, then trying again until they got it right.

He’s surprised at how the house isn’t decorated and you tell him your Mom isn’t very festive. He tells you your Mom can kick rocks, and hauls all the old Christmas stuff out of the garage and attic. You spend the weekend putting everything up together, you, Billy and Stu. Focusing on trying to give you a good Christmas actually distracts him from the way he misses his Mom.

He doesn’t realize it until it’s Christmas Eve and neither of your parents is in sight. You’re curled up on one side of him, and Stu is on the other. The house smells overwhelmingly of pine scented air freshener, and Frosty the Snowman is playing on the TV. You’re making an excellent case on why Frosty should actually count as a horror movie, and Stu is laughing but trying to argue with you about it anyway. He realizes this is the best Christmas he’s had in awhile.

The three of you fall asleep on the couch together. Billy wakes up a few hours later when your parents come stumbling in, drunk and shushing each other too loudly. It pisses him off, thinking about how they’d have probably gone out on the town and left you alone even if he and Stu weren’t there to stay with you. He wonders just how many times you’re left alone in this house that was too big and lonely for him even when he was a teenager, let alone a fucking kid.

He goes to put out a glass of milk for “Santa” along with the cookies when he runs into your drunk Mother in the kitchen, opening another bottle of wine like his Dad and her aren’t wasted enough.

“Thanks for looking after the kid this week. I know she can be a lot.” The words make him stop cold and he looks behind her, to the drawer that the knives are kept in and almost says fuck it. If the miserable bitch hadn’t wanted to be a Mother this badly she should have kept her legs closed.

“Yeah, no problem.” He has to leave before he fucks up the whole plan and kills her too early. 

He doesn’t wake you up so you can go up to bed on your own. For some reason he thinks about the last time he ever got carried up to bed and picks you up and takes you there himself. He remembers the feeling of waking up, drowsy but safe on his Mother’s shoulder. Of being tucked in, and then waking up in bed later, only vaguely aware that someone else put you there. He was younger than you are now, that last time. But he doesn’t think it matters that much. He doesn’t think you’ve ever gotten cared for like that before. That you were ever made to feel as loved as he was by his Mother. And that’s even with the fact that she up and left one day without a word. At least when she was around she was there.

So he puts you into bed, and tucks you under the covers, and sits beside you for awhile, just staring. He looks up when he feels like he’s being watched, only to find Stu in the doorway staring at him. They go to bed and don’t say a word to one another about it.

They get married in the Spring and you’re the ring bearer. You walk down the aisle ahead of Stu with a big grin on your face. You’re also Billy’s “best-man”. He’s not close to very many people, besides Stu, who he’s marrying. He wasn’t gonna have one at all but then he thought of you, and figured you’d get a kick out of him asking, at the very least. You looked like he’d given you a lottery ticket and hugged him so tight he was impressed. You were the guest screaming the loudest when they kissed and it made them laugh so hard they had to stop.

Summer hits and that’s when it’s going to finally happen. They come to Woodsboro to spend the summer. It’s to help with appearances, sure, but they’re actually looking forward to seeing you. They take you camping. You stay up all night watching movies. You drag them up onto the roof to look at the stars and it makes Billy smile, thinking about all the times he used to do it when he was a kid. His Mom would always yell at him, telling him he’d break his neck one day. You point to a place on the roof where he’d carved his name and he rolls his eyes when he sees that you crossed out his name and carved yours over it.

The weeks go quickly and before they know it it’s time to don their old costumes. Billy’s not as excited as he thought he was going to be. He doesn’t know why he’s starting to get second thoughts, he hates his Dad and despises your Mother even more. Until Stu asks him, hesitantly, “What’s gonna happen to Y/N?”

And there it goes. The reason his stomach’s been twisted up into knots. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen to you. It’s too late to back out of it now. His father’s been had this coming, and your Mother is as shitty as she can be without outright forgetting to feed you or keep the lights on. But what about the aftermath? Are you gonna get carted off by the state? Or shipped away to some distant relative who couldn’t give a shit about you? The thought makes him sick, but he doesn’t want to admit it. All he does is snap back at Stu, “Who gives a shit.”

Stu walks out and doesn’t come back till the next day.

They kill them and it’s their best work. They’ve had plenty of practice over the years. There’s crying, begging, pleading. They draw it out for a long time. At the end of it Billy’s father is whimpering, staring at the mangled corpse of his second wife and asking why. So Billy takes off his mask and tells him why.

They sneak back into the vacation home they’re renting and you’re just where they left you. Tucked in and sleeping soundly. Billy falls asleep with a smile on his face. Stu gets up twice in the night, restless. Each time he winds up outside your door.

A day later an officer shows up at your door, hat in his hands, and tells you that something awful has happened. Billy pretends to be shocked. Stu closes his eyes and tries not to think of how you’re definitely eavesdropping, too impatient for them to come and tell you what’s going on after the cop leaves.

Billy goes to identify the bodies and can’t help but think it is kind of hard to recognize them. If there’s anything he and Stu are good at it’s this.

He feels a lot less smug when he gets home and you’re sobbing your eyes out, clinging to Stu like he’s a lifeline. The moment he sits down next to you you throw yourself at him and he’s surprised at how quickly he wraps his arms around you. At the way he rocks you back and forth and tries his best to soothe you.

“What’s gonna happen to me, Billy?” You wail, helpless in the way only a kid can be. And Stu is looking at him over your shoulder and before he knows it he’s opened his mouth and said, “Nothing’s gonna happen to you. You’re my sister/brother. We’re family. We’re going to take care of you.” It doesn’t make you stop crying but he keeps saying it, over and over. You’re gonna be okay. Nothing’s ever going to happen to you. We’ll take care of you, we promise.

You’re better off with him and Stu anyways.

[malereader-inserts]

The Setter’s Boyfriend

Fandom: Haikyuu!! Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Male!Reader Summary: Kageyama has a boyfriend, though the team don’t really believe him Word Count:  1,470

“Tobio?”

Kageyama looks over your way, he sees you sitting at the end of your bed looking confused, tilted head with puppy eyes boring into his eyes. 

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” He says quickly, closing his messaging app and locking his phone. Though that movement causes you to look at him suspiciously.

You weren’t concerned about in the matter of cheating, you know your boyfriend Kageyama Tobio has difficulty in making friends that him cheating was very unlikely, but Kageyama spends weekends with you and he has been suspiciously off. 

“Sure, Tobs, and I’m going to be benched during nationals.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m being sarcastic, dumbo,” You teases, kissing his nose, “Tell me, Tobio-chan, what’s the matter?”

Kageyama sighs knowing that you’re just concern and you want to know what’s bothering him. After youth training camp, in which you had met him there as well as you were invited, Kageyama went home to Miyagi and you going home to the city Yamagata, the prefecture next to Miyagi. Kageyama was confessed to, Hinata had spilt out his feelings to him when the two of them were closing up.

Kageyama respectfully declined, saying that he only saw him as a best friend though Hinata blinded by rejection took it the wrong way. It causes a small rift in the team but Kageyama had to explain, which he was unable to do so when he was lightly rejecting Hinata, that even if he did reciprocate the feelings he wouldn’t pursue a relationship with Hinata as he was taken. 

You and Kageyama have known each other since you were little toddlers, you grew up together as you both lived next door, you even went to the same elementary school and junior high school. 

But, before you about to enter high school, your dad took a promotion to the prefecture over. You had to move school halfway through your third year in junior high when Kageyama needed you the most. Taking time to adapt to the new city, making friends and settling without Kageyama.

You had started dating Kageyama when you were thirteen, it almost felt silly really, because you two were so young but both families had already approved of the relationship and had thought that both you and Kageyama would never split. 

Now, that it was slowly nearing the last few months of their first year in high school, you guys have been together for three years. Despite the distance between and going to different schools, nothing seems to tear you two apart. 

You went to a powerhouse school for volleyball, you were even on the starting team as you were up and coming as one of the best wing spikers. 

So, when Kageyama said that he was already in a relationship the small rift seems to relax, though there were some sceptical people in the team thinking that Kageyama was giving an excuse, no one could force a relationship to happen. 

“They don’t seem like the best teammates, you know, Tobio,” You say after Kageyama had explained the situation.

The small rift in the team was manageable, he only had to deal with Noya, Tanaka, Tsukishima and Hinata - but when the news was spread out through the powerhouses, that’s when it got a bit out of control. 

Miyagi’s powerhouses kept in close contact with each other because of practice matches, though the big group chat was more used as a gossip centre rather than planning. So, Kageyama got a lot of messages from old shares “friends”.

“You know I could tell Kindaichi and Kunami to fuck off for you,” You offered as Kageyama chuckles, shaking his head.

“Don’t worry, I’ve already told them to.”

Kageyama hoped that Nationals would come soon, he has been itching to show the team that his boyfriend was real and that he was happy in the relationship, it wasn’t just a shitty excuse he made. 

The rest of the team was acting normal, they were happy for Kageyama to be in a relationship. Sugawara had been more nosy than others, asking Kageyama who was this lucky person, even defending him in the setter group chat, the big setter group chat that had Akaashi, Kenma and Atsumu. Atsumu was willing to spill details of Kageyama’s lover, though Kageyama got very defensive to the point of threat in the group chat, which blew up the chat that the topic of Kageyama lying was soon of the past.

Daichi had Kageyama’s back, he told the second years and Tsukishima to knock it off and that the team won’t tolerate bullying. Asahi, bless the third year - Kageyama thought, tried his best to divert the topic if Sugawara or Daichi wasn’t present.

“Next time I’ll see you will be in Tokyo,” You exclaimed with a smile that Kageyama loved so dearly, “Can’t wait to see you play again, it’s been a while.”

“You’ve seen me play?”

“I mean competitively, Tobio.” 

Nationals was surreal, they were surrounded by so many talented players. The team knew that Kageyama was a mellow person in public, he doesn’t have many friends because he refuses to make them. 

So, it came as a surprise to the team to see the national’s best libero come waved down Kageyama and greet him as if he was an old friend. Kageyama looked so relaxed and happy to be conversing with the libero, even waving Sakusa in the corner. 

When they had won their first game of the tournament, they had some free time to watch games and get some shirts. Hinata had met with Hoshiumi and was asking Kageyama if he was better after the interaction, almost forgetting that Hinata was supposed to have a grudge, though when they got into Tokyo, it’s almost as if the anger had disappeared right away. 

Kageyama felt a bit down as he hasn’t been able to spot his boyfriend among the crowd and they were about to leave.

“Tobio!”

The team stopped as Kageyama turned, there he sees someone running down to him, Kageyama started to smile and it wasn’t the terrifying kind - it was the soft loving smile that’s reserve for his love.

“Kageyama is that?”

“Tobio!” The figure latched himself on Kageyama.

“(Y/n), you’re sweaty,” Kageyama complained as you chuckle, “Did you finish your game?”

He looks at your attire to see that you were still in uniform, haven’t even given the chance to change out, you nodded as you separate yourself from him. There was a bright gleam in your eyes and a wide smile upon your face.

The team looked in awe at this new individual, someone who has been lurking in the volleyball news.

“You’re (L/n) (Y/n),” Sugawara spoke out as you turn to look at them, “Uh, did you two meet in training camp?”

It was safe to assume that since all the players that Kageyama was talking to were met from training camp, but you chuckle and shake your head. 

“Ah, no, I’m Tobio’s boyfriend.”

Boyfriend, the word echo in the team’s head, the realisation had settled as you smiled so bright.

“I’ve known Kageyama since we were little, I used to live in Miyagi as well but I had to move because of my dad’s job but yeah I was at Japan Youth as well,” You explained, it was natural how you acted with Kageyama.

Kageyama felt at ease with you, even if your sweaty arm was draped over his shoulders, Kageyama expressed his disappointment that he couldn’t watch you but you shrugged your shoulders saying there’s always tomorrow. 

“I best get going, don’t want to break out a fever at nationals,” You say, before turning to Kageyama, “See you, Tobs.”

You give him a kiss that Kageyama happily takes as he watches you walk off and get teased by your teammates. Sugawara slings his arm over his kouhai’s shoulder with a teasing smile.

“So, Kageyama, when were you going to mention that your boyfriend is one of the best volleyball spikers?”

“You never asked,” Kageyama responded, “If anything, you guys would be more angry if I were to talk about him.”

Sugawara nodded, giving the boys a pointed look as they shrunk in embarrassment. 

“How long have you and (L/n)-kun been dating?” Daichi asked, also curious.

“Three years, sometime this month.”

The team pestered Kageyama for more information and details, even Hinata couldn’t be mad at his best friend anymore because he was more in awe that this guy that Kageyama managed to bag, was elite level. 

So, when Oikawa mention shit in the setter group chat, Tobio sends a selfie of him and you flipping Oikawa off. Causing Oikawa to have a tantrum in the group chat and when they won a game the next day - the team was more than happy to watch your school thrash your opponent. 

[thisisanude]

the summer cuz i did that 2 summers while we’ve been dating. first of all, that has an end date and is only 2 months. this is an entire year of having to navigate long distance (7 hour drive) and it has no end date so it could be even longer and if i move out of the state the journey could be even longer it’s a super big deal. basically we argued for a bit and he was being very unreasonable at first but then calmed down and was like i just got upset about that because im upset about something else. FUCK I can’t believe i forgot what the other thing was! i guess this one truly bothered me more then. but for some reason i forgot about that kinda quick and was like whatever that’s the love of my life again. and i was so passionately in love with him so so hard and everything seemed normal and he met my family. and i was thinking this is the guy im gonna be with forever.

and then in november we had another fight on the way to see his dad in another city because i said something about missing his friend that we all used to hang out with and that used to hang around more and he was like why do you care you never see my friends anyway and i was like i haven’t seen them in a while true but ive been busy and it’s hard to keep everyone happy like you have a lot less on your plate than me and for some reason he still was so upset by that and he was like you don’t put in any effort in our relationship. you don’t plan dates you don’t hang out with my friends bc you have other plans so i stopped bothering to invite you. like omg. so fucking rude. and i was upset with him but we kinda just had to get over it cuz we were about to see his dad but we both agreed to make more of an effort.

and then later that month (i thinkkkk it was later that month?) we had like top 3 worst fights and i don’t even remember what it was about. i think once again him not feeling like a priority to me but honestly at that point i was like ugh he’s starting some bullshit again so i didn’t react as much. i was replying but not in as upset of a way as i normally would and i wasn’t freaking out and texting him. and then he literally dropped all my stuff off at my place and was like since you don’t have any time to come over again here’s all your stuff like omg drama queen wtf. and then sat outside one of my best friends apartments ????? seeing if i was going to hang out with her instead of him?????? and i did! and then he came over late at night and was like i felt like you didn’t care and i was like i felt like you were being ridiculous and plus i was taking a while texting him back bc my roommate was venting to me about the recent falling out of her and her best friend and how she was really sad. so it would’ve been fucked to be on my phone during that. but whatever i guess we fixed it. i for some reason forgot that real quick and was real wanting to be with him forever again. he met my mom it was a big deal everyone loved him everyone loves him so much. i love him too.

and then january came around. we were. gonna get food and we were hungry. i said can i smoke before we go. i hadn’t eaten in along time so i was starving but i have adhd and i get distracted easily. i was like still sitting and then he started cleaning his room without saying ANYTHING Aabout going so i kept watching him and talking to him about other stuff. then he was acting like why aren’t we going yet and i was standing up i was ready! and i was like are you ready yet and hw as like i’m waiting for you and i was like what but ive been ready im just talking to you and he was like you haven’t smoked and i said well i can take a quick hit right before we leave. and he was like u have to smoke outside and so i did and he was like idk already seeming weird like annoyed. and then when we started driving there he was like we took so long to leave and i was like yeah why are you acting like that’s my fault and then it started and he was so upset that i insinuated that it wasn’t and he was like you’re late to everything you have to be treated like a child etc etc i don’t think he said exactly that but something similar that gave that vibe and i was like what the fuck why didn’t you just say can we go and he was like oh so it’s my responsibility to rush you now and you don’t like being rushed and i was like why the fuck is he fighting over something stupid and i said that but in a nicer way and he was like why are you fighting about this like ????? u clearly were annoyed and he was like yeah but i would’ve gotten over it and not said anything it wasn’t gonna be that deep and i was like WHAT like u cannot say that i can notice u being annoyed !!!!! i don’t want to feel like there’s a weird energy that wouldn’t have made it any better plus it’s always good to communicate bc if you repress things you’re gonna end up resenting the other person. and idk idk idk IDK How it ended but it was honestly a really bad fight because i kept thinking i can’t do this anymore like that’s so fucking stupid why are you so mean to me rn. and i was being like i want to leave but then never ended up leaving and he eventually agreed he was being too dramatic. like ! he usually agrees he was dramatic and upset but is that gonna be enough. i need you to get on your fucking knees and kiss my feet and apologize and beg me to forgive you and beg me not to leave you. maybe then i would feel closure. anyway things since then have been real good and fine. so im afraid something else is brewing real soon. and i’m afraid it may be the last time. and i’m afraid i may have realized some other things about myself. the timing lately is crazy and also the reason why ive been thinking about this SO MUCH LATELY is bc my roommate JUST broke up with her long term bf that she was super in love with and he was friends with all of us and everyone loved him and i found out he did some things that were really upsetting so my opinion of him changed a lot. and it shows anyone can disappoint you and it’s not worth trying to stay for their best self if their worst self is so mean. also my best friend is having issues with her long term bf also who has been our plug and my friend as well for years soookoo my opinion of him has also rapidly changed recently. and my other best friends boyfriend who i really liked at first as well has been disappointing me recently too so i feel like my opinion of all men has declined a lot recently. i genuinely feel like i cannot take men seriously right now. i’m like SO PISSED at all of them i also feel like wow they really broke up. and she’s gonna be okay! so i shouldn’t put up with shit ever again because i would be okay too. but sometimes im like fuck would i even be able to find a guy that i am so comfortable with and treats me so well other times. like i cant fart in front of most people ! that’s kinda a big deal i dont wanna start from square 1 again. i’ve also felt gayer recently. that may be related. may also be related to the blue ball situation. may also be related to the thing someone said. that should be another post tho

i feel crazy i feel absolutely insane the timing is just so weird too like i don’t understand what’s happening ive never felt this weird and unsure of what to do in my relationship WELL i have in other ways but never this one this one is the weirdest TBH. like on one hand i love him and every time i see him i feel genuine love and happiness and like i want to build a future with him and i love hanging out with him and he makes me feel better. but on the other hand. we have had issues before he would get petty over things i really didn’t appreciate and part of me is like it’s my fault too cuz i can be bitchy like sometimes i talk before i think. but idk i feel like that’s the worst of me like he would get so upset at moments when he really shouldn’t have been or when a partner should be supportive. and the petty things. like the first time like 2 years ago when i said to him at a bar i look so good everyone here wants to fuck me and he was very upset and took that real not well but didn’t tell me about it till months later and that’s why he would get so petty. and this was the same instance when i found out that he was being petty to me bc also months ago i made a joke to his friend about his bong being dirty. and i don’t even remember how they fight went bc honestly it was awful i tried to push it away so bad sooooo bad and that fight was like a year and a half ago. i remember being truly hurt for the first time, like instead of trying to solve something he was being petty. it was so upsetting and i feel like that made me see him differently bc i will never feel like i got full closure. like i was saying sorry for doing those things too much and he wasn’t saying sorry for being petty enough. i do get angry tho and i don’t give in when im really mad. and then ! that was like the worst our relationship was bc i had already not been happy with him prob bc of his pettiness and distance from me in the before months so that fight was like damn i could see myself without you. but then things started to improve he was cleaning his act up and in a few more months i felt really happy in our relationship again. it’s like wow i can’t believe i ever felt upset or wanted to leave i want to be with you forever so bad this is my person this is my soulmate. and then next july which was almost a year later we had a big fight THE DAY I WASS MOVING OJT….. which if you know me my room and apartment is a very very very lot of work to move out from. and the last year he wasn’t in town so he didn’t help me but this year he was helping me. and last year i helped him move out after he left town and did a lot of work also but that don’t matter cuz it’s not like transactional but just saying im not only expecting help from him i help him as well. but i don’t even fucking remember what that was about either! crazy how bad my memory holds fights and bad memories like that altho i’m sure i was prob smoking a lot around this time which doesn’t help. i just remember being extremely angry with him and for the first time in a while thinking oh i don’t think i should be with him forever. and i honestly didn’t feel like i was fully recovered i feel like i was just like let’s fix this asap bc i needed to keep MOVING OUT and i didn’t want to be immensely stressed and upset. but i don’t even remember what the fuck he was upset about but i do remember him telling me i shouldn’t have told my BEST FRIEND about him potentially moving back home the next year and us maybe being long distance. and i was like wtf is wrong with you for being mad at going to my best friend like that’s an emotional upset thing for me and i also don’t wanna make you feel guilty for leaving by talking about it in a sad way. and he was like now she told her boyfriend (who is his dealer) and now everyone knows my business when i don’t want anyone to. like bitch what the fuck why do you care so much shut the fuck up holy shit and he was like why is it a big deal it’s not a big deal and i was like how can you say that. he’s like that’s like the same thing as you going to ur home country for

[blackcatrph]

** sour  sentence  starters.

brutal.

“  i think that i’ll die before i drink.  ”

“  i'm so caught up in the news of who likes me and who hates you.  ”

“  i'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life.  ”

“  they'd all be so disappointed  because who am I if not exploited?  ”

“  where's my fuckin' teenage dream?  ”

“  if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry.  ”

“  i'm anxious and nothing can help.  ”

“  i wish I'd done this before.  ”

“  i wish people liked me more.  ”

“  all I did was try my best.  ”

“  this the kind of thanks I get?  ”

“  they say these are the golden years.  ”

“  i wish I could disappear.  ”

“  god, it's brutal out here.  ”

“  i feel like no one wants me.  ”

“  i only have two real friends.  ”

“  lately I'm a nervous wreck.  ”

“  i love people I don't like.  ”

“  i hate every song I write.  ”

“  i'm not cool, and I'm not smart.  ”

“  i can't even parallel park.  ”

“  got a broken ego, broken heart.  ”

“  i don't even know where to start.  ”

traitor.

“  brown guilty eyes and little white lies.  ”

“  i played dumb but I always knew.  ”

“  i kept quiet so I could keep you.  ”

“  ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits?  ”

“  ain't it funny how you said you were friends?  ”

“  it sure as hell don't look like it.  ”

“  you betrayed me.  ”

“  i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt.  ”

“  loved you at your worst but that didn't matter.  ”

“  guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.  ”

“  there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly.  ”

“  ain't it funny, all the twisted games, all the questions you used to avoid?  ”

“  remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?  ”

“  i wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.  ”

“  you gave me your word but that didn't matter.  ”

drivers  license. 

“  i got my driver's license last week.  ”

“  just like we always talked about.  ”

“  today I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around.  ”

“  you're probably with that blonde girl.  ”

“  she's so much older than me.  ” 

“  she's everything I'm insecure about.  ”

“  how could I ever love someone else?   “

“  i know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one.  ”

“  i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.  ”

“  guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.  ”

“  all my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.  ”

“  I kinda feel sorry for them because they'll never know you the way that I do.  ”

“  i still see your face in the white cars, front yards.  ”

“  can't drive past the places we used to go to because I still fuckin' love you.  ”

1  step  forward,  3  steps  back.

“  i called you on the phone today.  ”

“  all I did was speak normally.  ”

“  you got me fucked up in the head.  ”

“  like am I pretty? am I fun?  ”

“  i hate that I gave you power over that kind of stuff.  ”

“  it's always one step forward and three steps back.  ”

“  i'm the love of your life until I make you mad.  ”

“  do you love me, want me, hate me? i don't understand.  ”

“  maybe in some masochistic way I kind of find it all exciting.  ”

“  which lover will I get today?  ”

“  will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?  ”

“  it's back and forth, did I say somethin' wrong?  ”

“  it's back and forth, goin' over everything I said.  ”

“  i'd leave you, but the roller coaster's all I've ever had.  ”

deja vu.

“  strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two?  ”

“  i bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique.  ”

“  so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?  ”

“  that was our place, I found it first.  ”

“  i made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you.  ”

“  do you get déjà vu when she's with you?  ”

“  do you call her, almost say my name?  ”

“  i hate to think that I was just your type.  ”

“  don't act like we didn't do that shit too.  ”

“  play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you Billy Joel.  ”

good  4  u.

“  well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.  ”

“  you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.  ”

“  remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?  ”

“  good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself.  ” 

“  i guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped.  ”

“  now you can be a better man for your brand new girl.  ”

“  well, good for you, you look happy and healthy.  ”

“  not me, if you ever cared to ask.  ”

“  good for you, you're doin' great out there without me.  ”

“  i've lost my mind.  ”

“  i've spent the night cryin' on the floor in my bathroom.  ”

“  it's like we never even happened.  ”

“  what the fuck is up with that?  ”

“  good for you, it's like you never even met me.  ”

“  remember when you swore to god i was the only person who ever got you?  ”

“  well, screw that and screw you.  ”

“  you will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.  ”

“  maybe I'm too emotional.  ”

“  your apathy's like a wound in salt.  ”

“  maybe I'm too emotional  or maybe you never cared at all.  ”

“  like a damn sociopath.  ”

enough  for  you.

“  i wore makeup when we dated because I thought you'd like me more.  ”

“  i know that you loved before.  ”

“  tried so hard to be everything that you like.  ”

“  i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that I was smart.  ”

“  stupid, emotional, obsessive little me.  ”

“  i knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave.  ”

“  you found someonе more exciting.  ”

“  you left me there cryin', wonderin' what I did wrong.  ”

“  you always say I'm never satisfied but I don't think that's true.  ”

“  all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.  ”

“  maybe I'm just not as interesting as the girls you had before.  ”

“  you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more.  ”

“  i'd say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that.  ”

“  i don’t want your sympathy, i just want myself back.  ”

“  don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded?  ”

“  don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?  ”

“  don’t tell me you’re sorry, feel sorry for yourself.  ”

“  someday i’ll be everything to somebody else.  ”

“  you’ll be the one crying.  ”

happier.

“  we broke up a month ago. ”

“  your friends are mine you know.  ”

“  you’ve moved on, found someone new.  ”

“  i thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past.  ”

“  she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty.  ”

“  does she mean you forgot about me ?  ”

“  i hope you’re happy but not like how you were with me.  ”

“  i’m selfish i know. i can’t let you go.  ”

“  find someone great, but don’t find no one better.  ”

“  i hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier.  ”

 “  do you tell her she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen?  ”

“  an eternal love bullshit you know you’ll never mean.  ”

“  remember when i believe you meant it when you said it first to me?  ”

“  now i’m picking her apart like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart.  ”

“  she’s beautiful, she looks kind.  ”

“  she probably gives you butterflies.  ”

“  i wish you all the best, really.  ”

“  say you love her, just not like you loved me.  ”

“  think of me fondly when your hands are on her.  ”

jealousy  jealousy.

“  i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room.  ”

“  all i see are girls too good to be true.  ”

“  i know their beauty’s not my lack but it feels like that weight is on my back.  ”

“  comparison is killing me slowly.  ”

“  i think i think too much.  ”

“  i’m so sick of myself, i’d rather be anyone else.  ”

“  my jealousy started following me.  ”

“  i see everyone getting all the things i want.  ”

“  i’m happy for them, but then again, i’m not.  ”

“  i can’t stand it.  ” 

“  oh god i sound crazy.  ”

“  their win is not my loss, i know it’s true.  ”

“  i can’t help getting caught up in it all.  ”

“  all your friends are so cool.  ”

“  you go out every night.  ”

“  you’re living the life.  ”

“  i want to be you so bad, and i don’t even know you.  ”

“  all i see is what i should be.  ”

favourite  crime.

“  know that i love you so bad.  ”

“  i let you treat me like that.  ”

“  i was your willing accomplice.  ”

“  i watched as you fled the scene.  ”

“  doe-eyed as you buried me.  ”

“  the things i did just so i could call you mine.  ”

“  the things you did. well, i hope i was your favourite crime.  ”

“  you used me as an alibi.  ”

“  i crossed my heart and you crossed the line.  ”

“  i defended you to all my friends.  ”

“  every time i siren sounds, i wonder if you’re around.  ”

“  you know that i’d do it all again.  ”

“  it’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we’d do.  ”

“  i was going down but i was doing it with you.  ”

“  i say that i hate you with a smile on my face.  ”

“  look what we became.  ” 

hope  ur  ok.

“  his parents cared more about the bible than being good to their own child.  ”

“  wore long sleeves because of his dad.  ”

“  somehow we fell out of touch.  ”

“  hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush.  ”

“  don’t know if i’ll see you again someday.  ”

“  i hope that you’re okay.  ”

“  her parents hated who she loved.  ”

“  she was brought into a world where family was merely blood.  ” 

“  with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred.  ”

“  we don’t talk much.  ”

“  i miss you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”

“  address the letter to the holes in my butterfly wings.  ”

“  nothing’s forever, nothing is as good as it seems.  ”

“  when the clouds are ironed our and the monsters creep into your house, every door is hard to close.  ”

“  i hope you know how proud i am.  ”

“  i hope that you’re happier today.  ”

“  i love you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”  

[mrs-march-ahs]

how the evans would act when they have a crush on u ^^

How The Evans Act When They Have A Crush On You & How They React When You Tell Them You Like Them Too

Award for the longest title goes tooooo... me!

JAMES SUCKS BUT I MAKE UP FOR IT BY DOING BOTH KYLE’S AND A DETAILED KIT

Two other requests-

Could I please request how the Evans would react to their best friend (reader) admitting they're in love with them? 

Heyo! I’m not sure how this would go but how would the Evan’s react to a nervous/insecure reader confessing to them?

-I hope this is satisfactory, even though I don’t think it’s what you two wanted<3

Enjoy! :)

--

Tate

-Would always just be interested in you

-Wanting to help you, watch you, talk to you, just constantly be around you

-But he’d also be insecure whether he was annoying you, so occasionally he would make himself invisible and just watch you

-Whatever hobbies you had, he’d love to watch you do them, paint, draw, write, play games

-If you played any instrument he would love to lay on your bed and listen to you, no matter how good or bad you were

-He would leave little sweet messages on the chalkboard and leave little post-it notes for you to find

-They would have fun little facts about birds or other trivial stuff but you would find them cute

-The occasional fact about something romantic, like ‘Every time you kiss somebody, your heart beat increases by 10-15 beats per minute’

-He might go a little far and leave a message like ‘Your dress looked pretty’, which you would find creepy since you didn’t know Tate was a ghost

Kit

-He thought of ways to tell you how he felt but because it seemed like your family was gonna live in the murder house for a while, cause you were all settling in well, he didn’t want to risk losing his friendship with you, since you were the only ghost with whom he really got along

-You walked down to the basement and said his name in a sing song voice, “Tateeeee”, “Come out come out wherever you are!”

-He showed up and you asked him if he wanted to go out on a real date

-He was obviously nervous, because you didn’t know yet that he was a ghost, but when he hesitated and you looked upset, he said yes right away

-You ran up and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, making him blush and laugh, and whilst you were at school, he got some things ready and got candles and a table cover so make your kitchen look like a restaurant

-He ordered McDonalds delivery and got your chicken nuggets under a serving platter for effect

- “We are dining on, nuggets of the chicken”

-Although you were a little disappointed and wanted to go out on a real date with him, you found his effort cute

-He definitely played footsie with you under the table the whole date

-Definitely walked you to your room

- “Well… this is me…”

- “Just wanted to make sure you got home safe”

-Kissed you

oh my god I got so carried away

-You would first meet Kit when you first come and move to Massachusetts

-One day you want to venture out and get an taxi to go to town, only a few minutes later to realise you don’t have your wallet

-You awkwardly tell the driver that if takes you back home quickly, you can get money and you will pay him right away

-But since Boston men aren’t usually so sweet, he just kicks you out, leaving you to wander the motorway alone late at night, far away from your home and hoping to quickly find somewhere to go

-Eventually you stumble upon a gas station, and as you walk up, a hand appearing on your shoulder makes you automatically turn around and push whoever touched you to the ground

-The man in blue uniform gets up slowly with his hands up defensively, “Hey hey, didn’t mean to startle ya, miss”

-You apologise, feeling stupid for this kind of encounter, but he doesn’t seem to mind as much as you’d think

- “It’s always nice to see a woman able to protect herself”, he smiles

-He offers to drive you home, and you thank him dearly, explaining to him that you don’t have a car yet, having only just moved here

-He offers to take you to buy one, knowing an awful lot about cars, and to convince you further, tells you that any man working in a car salon will try to sell a single lady a piece of junk for a high price

-You agree, thinking that the offer is sweet, and he takes you to buy yourself a car, to make the date even more fun, Kit tells you to pretend you’re an old married couple

- “Miss Walka over here needs a car, good Sir”

-At some point while looking at cars, Kit holds your hand and you don’t even notice

-He negotiates a good deal with the salesman, and you get a car together

- “Your husband just got you an awfully good deal, Madam, he’s a man who deserves a good meal and a cold beer if I’ve ever seen one”, the salesman laughs, signing the last of the papers before handing Kit the keys to your car. “Oh, he’ll get more than that”, you say to tease Kit, before smiling at him sweetly. Kit blinks at you, before turning back to the salesman and shaking his hand. As the two of you walk away, Kit looks at you in disbelief, the thought of your dirty words clearly plastered in his mind. “Did ya mean what you said back there?”. He says, as he opens the car door for you. “Whatever do you mean?”, you act stupid. “I was just pretending to be your wife, Mr Walka”

-When he has a crush on you, he gives you sooo many compliments

-Little dirty innuendos

-Would definitely call you and talk to you late night on the phone until one of you fell asleep (house phone if they had them)

-He’s the kind of person to tell you that he got a visit from a cute dog earlier at the gas station and it made him think of you

 Kyle

-Every time you go to get gas from Kit, he gives you only a little amount, so you have a reason to keep coming back

-One time when you go get gas from him, you forget your wallet again, and he teases you about it

-He lets you off and pays for your gas

- “I owe you, Mr Walka”

- “How about a date?”

-You smile at how confident he is, and nod excitedly, having been waiting for him to ask you for a while now

-Kit winks at you and waves as you drive off, completely melted inside about finally getting his girl

-Even though he’s always confident, he’s still a little shy and awkward around you when he sees you in class

-If all of his friends are in a class messing around, throwing stuff, being loud, and you walk it, he tells everybody to shut up because there’s a lady present

- “Hey careful, make sure you don’t throw it at her”

-It’s not until he sees you at a huge party, that he’s confident enough to go up to you

-Even though he’s more than happy to flirt, he’s just not confident enough to do that last step and ask you out somewhere

-He’ll bring you a drink and  talk and flirt with you, and you’ll definitely get the hint

-He slowly lifts his arm up and stretches it over you, trying to do the classic yawn move, hoping you won’t notice or mind. You look over at him and narrow your eyes in fake suspicion.

- “Didn’t you come here with a movie star? Surely you get handsome men bringing you drinks all the time?”, he says, motioning to the drink in your hand.

“You calling yourself handsome?”, you tease him. Kyle laughs a breathy awkward laugh and nods. “Well yeah”

-When you do ask him for a date, he insists that he take the initiative to plan what you two do

-Clearly wanting to make a good first impression, he’d take you somewhere interesting

-Aquarium, in which he’ll make up clearly fake facts about the fish just to make you laugh

-Bowling, just so he can tease you about how much you suck

-Mini golf, so, even though you know how to play, he can wrap his arms around you and help you put

-And if he does take you to the movies, you aren’t spending a dime

-He’ll also wrap his arm around you not-so subtly

Franken Kyle

“Whatcha doin there, hm?”. Kyle leans into your ear and whispers.

“Just in case you get scared, you can cuddle up to me”

“Kyle we’re watching the Lego movie”

Jimmy

-You’re a witch at the academy, and with Kyle’s very slow progress to getting better, both Zoe and Madison are getting slightly tired of having to constantly take care of him

-But you don’t mind, finding his Frankenstein state cute

-Whenever he stumbles into the kitchen by himself you always help him make food

-If he’s ever struggling with anything, he usually comes to you, knowing you’re the most patient out of them all

-Then, one night, all the teens in the academy go to a party, while you lay in bed

-But when the rain starts to get really heavy and the first thunder growls, Kyle rushes into your room, before slowly knowing and peaking his head out, clearly scared

-You let him come and lay with you, rubbing his back to calm him down

-Although no real words are spoken, it’s from that moment that you decide to take on all responsibilities relating to Kyle, the good and the bad

-He’s admired you from afar for a very long time, ever since the first time you joined the circus

-You were incredibly flexible, and always showing off to everyone and practicing on stage

-He would always come and watch you practice, cheering you on more than anybody else

-You called Jimmy ‘my cheerleader’

-It made him blush every time

-Amazon Eve always told him to just ask you for dinner, but the only thing that stopped him was the thought that you wouldn’t want to go out and be seen with a freak like him, especially since your body looked so normal that you didn’t have to hide anything

-Eve and Paul reminded Jimmy that it’s him who’s always the most confident in going out into the real world, and he mustn’t be scared

-When they all plan to go to a diner together, as a protest to being shunned from society, you find his leadership charming and happily go with them

-Even though you all get kicked out, you calm Jimmy down and take care of him when his dad beats him up

James

-You wipe the scars on his face and tell him how brave you think he is

- Trying to gain confidence, you take a deep breath before making the move. “Maybe the two of us should go to that diner”. Jimmy looks up at you, as if he expects you to keep talking. When the nerves hit you all at once, you begin rambling. “You know cause if the two of us go and they’re okay with that then maybe we can start going with the others one by one, and then you know we’ll ease our way back into society and stuff”. You laugh a breathy laugh, but Jimmy says nothing. With every silent second passing, your heart begins to break. But luckily for you, Jimmy speaks up. “Wait, are you asking me out? Like… on a date? To the diner?”. “What if I were?”, you quietly reply. He smiles wide and pulls you closer to him, “I’d love that”.

-James is definitely the least subtle

-Constantly giving you compliments, kisses and gifts

-Opening every door for you and listening very carefully to everything you say

-He doesn’t want you to even think about another man, so he overwhelms you with every way he can show you he likes you

-I can imagine him organising a big ball or event at the hotel just so the two of you can dress up and go together

-He is also the most confident out of them all, although he is a softie around you, he has no trouble asking you anything he wants to you

-He’ll kiss your hand a lot and you’ll eventually get the hint

Kai

- “I would be most delighted if we were to make our relationship more official, and vow fully loyalty to one another”

-You agree and he is over the moon

-Once the two of you are in a relationship, the compliments, kisses and gifts don’t stop

-He will give you your space without him, but when the two of you are in the same room together, he treats your precious time together as if it’s sacred

-He will approximately 43 seconds into your relationship begin planning how he’s gonna kill you

-You can tell Kai likes you when he’s harsher on you than he is on other members of the cult

-He’ll be pissed at you for being a distraction for him

-He’ll definitely tell you when he’s impressed with you, when you murdered somebody or helped him plan something

-Even though he definitely would not want it

-If you proved to be smarter than him in any aspect, he’d be furious

-You’d be sat on his sofa while he’s talking to you about having to kill Sally because she’s getting in the way of him winning city council

- “Samuels looked at where she lives, and it has no back doors, no nothing, it’ll be impossible to get in her house without smashing windows and causing attention”

“Why don’t you get Ally to go to her first? If Meadow convinces her to go to Sally to talk about the cult, then the front door will be open”. Kai looks at you with angry eyebrows. “We’ll sit in the car and wait for a few seconds, she’ll let Ally in, won’t lock the door straight after her, and then let them talk for a minute before we just walk right in”

-His ego won’t let him take suggestions from somebody below him, so even though he wants to be proud of you for being smart, he’s mad

-He’ll sit for hooours trying to think of any other solution he physically can think of, to not go with what you suggested

-Around the cult, he’d treat you like everybody else though

- “Y/N’s idea was brilliant, Ally just walked in and they walked straight to sit down, she didn’t lock the door”

-He’d praise you to encourage you to think of ideas, which he would later be mad that you have

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

-You’d find out how he felt about you during pinky power

-After being suspicious that he may have feelings for you for a while, you realised this is the only way to truly find out how he feels without him trying to manipulate you

-He’d ask you about something deep, and you’d latch on after he finishes a sentence to ask him your question

- “I have a question for you”

“Go ahead”

“How do you feel about me?”

Kai stays silent and continues to look you in the eye, taken aback by the question but not wanting to show it.

“When you’re with me, how do you feel?”

“I think you have real potential, you’re strong-”

“I’m not asking the Divine Ruler, I’m asking Kai, Kai Anderson”

He takes a deep breath before unintentionally breaking eye contact for a few seconds to think. You wait anxiously for the answer, and with every second passing you know what it will be.

“You’re special”, he starts, looking you in the eye again. “You’re valuable to the group, and to me. And I think you’d be a great… mother”. The last catches you off guard, not expecting Kai to be a family man or to think about this with you.

“You… you want me to… have your children?”

“I think our children would be indestructible, strong, powerful, decisive. They would be the seed of the better future”. Although it was a little forward for somebody you’ve never even kissed, you were beyond flattered, knowing how specific Kai is with traits in people.

“Let’s make a baby”, Kai says.

“Whoa whoa”, you laugh and unlink your pinky with his. “We’re not even dating, Kai”

“Why date if children is the ultimate purpose?”

“Then don’t look at is as dating… look at it… as getting to know the mother of your future children”

-Kai would love this and you’d soon end up dating

-And have like 6 kids

@milly-louise  @amourtentiaa  @kitwalker02  @tatestripedsweater  @therenlover  @maria-akira         @tatesimper  @thxc0untessesgl0ve  @mossybank  @ahsxual  @mxlti-fand0m-imaginess  @mrs-march-ahs-biggest-fan  @kitwalkerangel  @kitisagoldenretrieverboy @darlingkitt  @blackbat2020@elaineygrace @kaiandersonskoolaid  @undeadcortez @whiiiiplaaaaash

As usual, if you wanted to be added or taken away, dm me or comment!! I won’t mind! <3

[poisonedapples]

Patton’s Home for Traumatized Kids

Chapter One: The New Kid

Story Summary: Roman has to have a completely new start. New school, new town, new home and a new family. As a kid in his first foster home, Roman isn’t prepared to trust these people and get hurt again, but he’s not the only kid in the house recovering from past issues. Regardless, their foster father Patton is ready to be the dad they’ve always needed, and traumatized kids learn to lean on each other for support.

Story Warnings: Past abuse of all types, trauma, and anxiety

Pairings: Familial LAMP

Chapter Summary: Roman moves into his new foster home. He is not having a good time.

Chapter Warnings: Anxiety, panic, implied past abuse, food, one vomiting mention, and talk of hidden cameras

Word Count: 6778

Notes: First chapter of a story I’ve wanted to make for my foster au! Thanks to Cornybird on Ao3 for beta-ing this one <3

“Logan, Virgil?” Patton called out from downstairs. “Can you come down here? I wanna talk about something with you!”

Virgil and Logan gave each other curious looks from their sitting places on the same bed. Virgil placed his phone on the nightstand beside him as Logan set his book down at the foot of the bed, both standing up to exit Virgil’s bedroom and head downstairs. At the dining room table was their foster father, Patton, smiling wide with a laptop and notepad in front of him.

“What’s up?” Virgil asked after he and Logan glanced at each other. 

Patton giggled to himself, “Sit down for a second and I’ll tell you! Nothing bad, promise. I think it’s very exciting.”

They quickly sat at the table on the other side of Patton. “So,” Patton joked, “I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today!”

Logan and Virgil spoke in unison. “You’re getting another foster kid.”

Patton blinked. “…How’d you guess it?”

“You’ve been really happy recently, but also very quiet about why you were so happy. You only get like this when you’re bringing another foster kid into the mix. You did the same thing when Logan came along.” Virgil said.

Logan nodded. “Virgil told me about his suspicions due to your behavior, and I agreed with him. I think we both expected you’d make the announcement soon.”

“Oh.” Patton rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I didn’t think it was that easy to tell. Well, you guessed right! The new kiddo is moving in on Sunday!”

Logan leaned closer. “What’s their name?”

“His name is Roman Goldsberry. He’s fifteen, and he’s only been in the system for about five months. Though, before this, he was in kinship care with his aunt, so living here is going to be very strange for him. So just be patient with him at first, okay?”

“Yeah yeah, we will be.” Virgil smirked. “But you said he was fifteen?”

“Yup! He’ll be a sophomore in high school this year.”

“Aw, that means Logan’s still the baby in the family.”

Logan blushed. “I’m a teenager. I am not the so-called ‘baby’ of the family.”

“Sounds like something the baby of the family would say.”

“Falsehood!”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” Patton tried not to laugh. He knew how much Logan hated being the youngest, but it was hard to act like his reaction wasn’t funny. “Remember, Roman will be here Sunday, so be on your best behavior when he gets here. No spooking him.”

“Got it, got it.” Virgil slouched in his chair and thought. “One more question though. How fucked up is he?”

“Virgil, language.” Patton warned.

“Sorry! It’s just a question. We know you have a soft spot for the most effed up kids you can find.”

“I would have to say I’m curious as well.” Logan agreed. “It’s become a pattern.”

Patton sighed. “He’s not messed up, he’s a kid who’s struggling and needs support. If he wants to tell you two about his past, then he will.”

Virgil groaned. “Fine, fine. Can we go back upstairs now?”

Patton smiled. “Yes, you can go.”

“Great! I’m stealing your book, Logan.”

“Wait, you can’t do that!”

Virgil darted back upstairs with a maniacal laugh as Logan chased him, the sound of bickering teenagers traveling back up the stairs. Patton shook his head in amusement, still listening to the ruckus in case it got out of hand and he needed to step in, but Patton knew his kids. They may tease, but they’re not mean.

Patton continued working on his laptop once the noise quieted down again.

***

“I hate this.”

“I know you do, Roman, but I’m certain you can persevere and find happiness in this new home!” Roman’s social worker, Mr. Picani, smiled hopefully as he continued to drive him to his foster home. Roman was scooted as close to the window as he could possibly get, his legs crossed and clamped together so tight his thighs were getting sore. He didn’t trust Picani, and he sure as hell didn’t trust this new house. No matter what anyone told him.

“I already had a home! Living with my aunt was so much better than whatever could happen here.” Roman’s hands shook just thinking about it. He didn’t know anything about this new person, and the idea of being in a house full of strangers was enabling the more gruesome side of his imagination. He trusted his aunt, at least, but now he was going to a family who could be anyone.

Roman didn’t like the idea of that.

Picani frowned. “You know why your aunt couldn’t house you anymore, Roman. I know it’s not easy, but I think you’ll like this new place! It’s more up north in Foley County, and the area is nice. He also has two other foster children if that helps.”

“How old are the other kids?”

“Fourteen and sixteen, I think. You’ll get to know them more during your time there.”

Roman hummed, looking out the window and digging his nails into his shirt sleeve. He really hoped this foster dad hadn’t touched them before. Even forgetting about himself, a fourteen year old kid having to deal with abuse? Even after getting away from bad parents? He didn’t wish that on anyone.

“And if you ever feel unsafe,” Picani added, “you can always contact me, ‘kay?”

I already feel unsafe. “Okay. How much longer until we’re there?”

“About twenty more minutes. Just enough time to finish the rest of the Tangled movie soundtrack!”

Roman didn’t respond. Normally, he’d love to have a Disney soundtrack he could burst into song with, but he wasn’t feeling it today. And probably wouldn’t be feeling it for a long time.

He just wanted to feel safe. He felt safe with his aunt, but she couldn’t afford to keep him long after the trial since she gave birth to the twins. His aunt was always one of his favorite relatives, one of the few adults he genuinely trusted, now he was going to the house of some random guy named Patton, who he’d only heard of yesterday, and expected to be okay near him. Well, he wasn’t okay. And he wasn’t going to be, ever.

Roman leaned his head on the window and closed his eyes. His hands still shook a little and his chest felt weird, but fighting it now was pointless. Roman just hoped that if this guardian did try something, he’d do it quickly. The sooner Roman told on him to save himself and the other kids, the better.

Though, Roman still felt his hands tingle at the thought. The idea of “getting it over with” made him want to scream and cry. He wrapped his legs tighter together.

After a long time of trying to fight against his own anxious thoughts, Picani pulled into a driveway and stopped the car and Roman opened his eyes to take a look at where they were. He didn’t know the neighborhood, but it seemed like Picani was telling the truth when he said the neighborhood was nice. The house seemed huge, big bushes and flower patches in the front yard and a nice outside paint job. It looked like a house that a functional nuclear family would have, where the dad is a doctor and the mom stays at home with the kids.

Well, looks can be deceiving. Roman thought. Don’t get your hopes up.

“Here we are!” Picani unbuckled his seatbelt with a wide smile. “Grab your suitcases in the back, I’ll knock on the door.”

Roman nodded and got out of the car as Picani popped the trunk. He grabbed two red suitcases and a backpack, closing the car and wheeling it all up to the front door. Picani was there talking to a guy who Roman assumed must be Patton Sanders, and by taking just one look at him…Roman had never seen a person look so much like a dad.

 He was wearing khaki shorts and a light blue polo with tennis shoes and knee socks, thick-rimmed glasses sitting on his face to finish off the dorky look. Patton managed to pull it off, sure, but Roman felt a primal urge from binge-watching Queer Eye to fix that mess of an outfit. 

Before Roman could truly take in the fact that Patton’s knee socks also had kittens on them, Patton smiled wide once he saw Roman in the corner of his eye. “Hello, Roman! It’s so nice to have you, come on in you two!”

Patton stepped aside to hold out the door as Picani and Roman both walked in. Roman scraped his arm on the door frame trying to keep a reasonable distance from Patton, but neither of the adults seemed to notice how Roman was acting. Patton kept smiling away, and Roman tried to see how real that smile truly was. “So, Mr. Picani, I know I have some things to go over with you, so how would you feel if the other kiddos showed you around the house, Roman?”

…Kiddos? “That sounds fine to me.”

“Perfect!” Patton walked over to the staircase and called upstairs. “Logan, Virgil! Can you come down here please?”

Patton’s request was quickly followed by the sound of doors opening and closing. Two kids walked down the stairs; a boy in a black and purple hoodie, and another boy with thick glasses almost the same as Patton’s. They both stared at Roman curiously, and Roman wanted to sink into the floor.

Patton placed an arm over Logan and Virgil’s shoulders and Roman winced at the sight. “So, kiddos, this is Roman! And Roman, this is Logan,” Patton pointed to the kid in glasses. “And Virgil!” He pointed to the kid with the hoodie. The boys didn’t react much besides an awkward half smile directed Roman’s way. “How about you both show him around while I talk to Mr. Picani?”

Virgil shrugged. “Come upstairs, dude.”

Patton let go of both of the boys and walked off into the kitchen with Picani. Roman watched them from the living room for a moment, but he could feel two pairs of eyes staring at him from behind, so he turned around and followed the kids upstairs, bringing his luggage with him.

At the top of the stairs, a long hallway connected six doors on the second floor. Four of the doors were plain, brown doors, but two of them had very distinct personalities shown on the outside. One was covered in stars and planets, the door covered in a starry piece of wallpaper with a metal planet popping out of the background. The other was covered in caution tape saying keep out, with emo band posters poking out from under the tape. Two very different personalities.

“Your room will be this one at the very end of the hallway.” Logan opened the door to the room, turning on the light as Roman peeked inside. “You can place your luggage in here in the meantime.”

Roman nodded and walked inside to throw his luggage onto the floor. The room was very bare, with brown sheets on a twin bed and not much other furniture besides a desk and a dresser. There was a lamp on the desk and a floor lamp next to a door, and one of the opened closet doors showed that the top was covered in random boxes. Some newer-looking stuffed animals were also sitting on the bed; a soft bear and one of those squishy stuffed chickens Roman always saw in stores. It looked like an attempt at a welcoming gift, but new stuffed animals always put Roman on edge. He looked around the room, and the idea of sleeping here made Roman’s heart start to pound. He needed to check this place before he went to sleep that night.

Virgil smirked, taking Roman away from his anxious thoughts. “Damn, you’ve got suitcases? Living the fancy life I see.”

“…What?” Roman reeled.

Logan adjusted his glasses and crossed his arms. “Most foster children move their things using garbage bags. It’s rare we use actual suitcases.”

Roman looked down at his luggage. Suddenly, he felt guilty. “Oh, well…my aunt gave them to me before I moved out, so…”

Virgil shrugged. “What do you wanna see up here first?”

“We could show him our rooms. Or possibly the attic?”

“The attic is cooler.”

“What’s in the attic?” Roman asked.

“It essentially acts as a playroom.” Logan explained. “Board games and a…random assortment of items are all piled up there. It’s quite entertaining to search through, actually.”

“And it’s in the best place ever, come here.” Virgil motioned for Roman and Logan to follow him. He stopped at one of the doors, opening it and letting Roman peek over his shoulder to look inside. It looked like a normal walk-in closet, first aid and toilet paper on one side with batteries and rows of shampoo on the other. Virgil walked in with a smirk, “Now, check this shit out.”

Virgil jumped and pulled on a string dangling from the roof, unraveling a steep staircase through the closet leading up to a hole in the roof. Virgil started to climb the stairs as Logan followed suit, so Roman climbed right after them.

When Roman made it to the top, his eyes widened with wonder. Granted, it wasn’t anything too spectacular, surely not like something in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, but the fact that this hidden space existed made Roman feel excited. At his old house, he barely even had his own room to himself, so a place like this was paradise.

The walls were painted white with a giant window above a sitting area on the other side of the room. Shelves of items scattered the walls, and the rug on the floor was so clean Roman wondered how they even got a vacuum up here. It wasn’t anything like his old attic, stuffed with random items from over the years and covered in spiderwebs. Roman felt like he could spend most of his day here.

“We have a lot of various toys up here.” Logan said. He gestured to the boxes on one of the shelves. “Pokémon cards, a chess set, Magic the Gathering, lots of Lego sets, craft supplies, most of our toys make their way up here.”

Roman’s head perked up. “…Craft supplies?”

Logan nodded. “I believe we have paints and drawing utensils.”

Roman looked at the bottom of the shelf Logan gestured toward. There was a box of small painting canvases with paints and brushes, and though they definitely looked cheap, Roman saw them and grew excited as he took out a canvas and the paints in wonder.

“Kiddos!” A voice yelled from the staircase. Logan and Roman walked over to the stairs to look down, but Virgil stayed in his place on a beanbag near the window. Patton and Picani stood at the bottom, and Patton smiled. “Now, what are you all doing up there?”

“We’re showing him around the house.” Logan said matter-of-factly.

“You are, huh?” Patton crossed his arms. “Does he know where the bathroom is?”

Logan blinked. Virgil called out from behind both of them. “He knows where the important things are!”

Patton tried not to smile, but he lost that battle quickly. “Well, Mr. Picani is leaving right now, Roman.”

“How ‘bout you come down here and I talk to you in private for a sec?” Picani asked.

“Uh, alright!” Roman climbed down the stairs and followed Picani out of the closet, while Patton climbed up the stairs into the attic. They both stepped away to the other side of the hallway, and suddenly Picani’s face became very serious.

“Do you feel safe in this house, Roman?” He asked.

Roman clenched his fist and bit his cheek. No, he didn’t, actually. He didn’t know what Patton would do once the coast was clear from guests, and the idea of what could happen was freezing him from the inside out. The only place Roman would feel truly safe was if he was back in the hospital.

But Roman knew that wasn’t possible, and he couldn’t keep bothering Picani all the time for fears that couldn't be helped. He had to be on his own. Alone.

“I think I do. They…seem like good people.” Roman lied. He’d have to find another way to survive.

Picani smiled, not noticing Roman’s unease. He always was a great actor. “Amazing! Let me know if anything comes up, bucko, and I’ll talk to ya again soon! But until then…so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodnight!”

Picani walked downstairs and waved behind him, laughing at his own reference as he walked out the door. Roman watched him from the staircase until he could see the car leaving the driveway through the window, and Roman felt truly hopeless. This was a nightmare.

He stood frozen on the staircase for a while, staring through the window with a hope of Picani turning back and saving him. But no car came into the driveway, and Roman didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. What do you even do when living in a house full of strangers?

“Heya, kiddo!” Roman jumped at the voice coming from behind him, jerking his head back and pushing his back up against the wall. It was Patton, smiling wide with a concerned look in his eyes at Roman’s reaction. “I’m sorry, Roman, I didn’t mean to scare you! I just wanted to ask if you wanted me to give you the rest of the tour. I’ll show you everything you need this time!”

Patton laughed at himself, but Roman felt the need to vomit. Patton was close, way too close, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t want to be roaming around the house with him, vulnerable and nowhere to hide. He needed to be somewhere safe.

“Uh, no, I’m fine! I’ll figure it out myself!” Patton raised an eyebrow at him, but Roman didn’t care. “Where’s the bathroom?”

Patton’s voice became softer. He pointed to the left of him, down the opposite direction of Roman’s room. “It’s over there. Are you sure you’re alright? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine!” Roman darted past Patton quickly and out of reach, rushing into the bathroom and locking it behind him. He pressed his back against the door and sat down, pressing his feet against the sink, ready to fight against the door if someone tried to open it. He wrapped his arms around himself tightly, trying to even out his scattered breathing. He knew Patton was outside of the door, he could feel it. He just needed to be somewhere safe.

Roman didn’t move from his spot on the floor, eventually curling into himself and resting his head on his knees. He was so tired, the whole day his heart had been pounding with anxiety and he was sick of it. What did it take to feel safe? Was it even possible for Roman to feel safe anymore?

He didn’t want an answer to that. He was just so tired.

 Roman closed his eyes and leaned his body against the bathroom wall, ignoring all his aches from the strange position and trying to give himself some comfort. His body was exhausted but his mind kept racing, thinking of all the things that could go wrong while living here. He tried to fight the anxious thoughts, but Roman figured it wasn’t that big of a deal. If he threw up in the toilet maybe they’d leave him alone for the day.

But Roman never got to that point. He rested on the floor and let his body shake, taking some deep breaths at times to feel less like he was suffocating. Eventually, a knock came to the bathroom door, and it took everything in Roman not to yelp.

“Are you still in there, Roman?” Roman could tell the voice was Logan, and that helped him relax a little more. He took in a big breath and tried to act normal.

“Yes, sorry. Do you need it?” He asked.

“I’m alright. I simply wanted to ask if you wanted to come downstairs and use the paints you seemed so interested in.”

Roman’s ears perked up at that. He forgot all about the paints, and it would be something that could ease his mind a little. But Roman wasn’t that dumb. He knew this was a plan to get him out of the bathroom. Though…he might not mind that much if he wasn’t alone.

“…Would you sit with me?” Roman asked. He doubted Patton would try anything so long as they weren’t alone together, and if he pleased them enough, maybe they’d leave him alone.

Logan was slow to respond. “I suppose I can if you wish for me to.”

Roman rolled his eyes at that sentence. What a nerd, he thought, standing up and slowly unlocking the door to the bathroom before opening it. He looked through the crack to check if Patton was standing behind Logan, but no one else was there. Logan stood there patiently with his hands clasped behind his back, and Roman fully exited the bathroom.

“I set the box on the dining room table. However, Patton is also there making a pizza for dinner.”

Roman froze. The same room as Patton? “… I’ll go, but you have to stay near me.”

Logan nodded. He led the way down the stairs while Roman followed, entering the dining room through the connected area in the living room. On the table was the box of painting supplies, and Roman ran toward them to start taking them out, trying to ignore the fact that he could see Patton in the corner of his eye. He grabbed a canvas and the cheap paints, as well as a plastic pallet and all the brushes. All that he needed was a cup of water, but…the sink was right next to where Patton was.

Roman drummed his fingers on the table. “…Logan, can you get me a cup of water?”

“Alright.” Logan stood up and grabbed a cup from the cupboard, filling it with water and handing it to Roman. Roman murmured a thank you, and Logan sat back down at his seat. He was grateful that Logan didn’t ask why Roman couldn’t get it himself.

“So, Roman,” Roman stiffened at the sound of Patton’s voice. “Are you an artsy kid?”

Roman gripped hard onto his paints, squirting out a lot more orange than he meant to. “I guess, yeah. I like art.”

“Do you like to paint, or are you more of a sketchy kinda guy?”

“Uh…all of it. Painting, drawing, coloring, I used to make a lot of stuffed animals too.”

“Awww, that sounds adorable!” The oven beeped and Patton put on his oven gloves and pulled out the pizza. “It’s probably best I don’t know how to make stuffed animals though. If I did, this house would be full of little stuffed puppies!”

Roman didn’t respond. He focused completely on mixing red and orange for a perfect sunset color, attempting to get a good gradient with the lack of shade variety. Once he filled in his sunset and blended it with a dark night sky, he mixed his white with a dot of gray and made darker clouds, dotting them above his rough-looking hill. He wanted to add more texture to the bottom of the canvas, maybe some trees, but he didn’t know how to make good ones without a fan brush. Maybe he could add some grass…

“Alright, the pizza is cooled down and ready!” Roman noticed Patton put a plate next to his painting, so he pushed all his supplies out of the way so he could eat. Patton set down more plates around the table as Virgil walked in. “It was a real pizza work if I do say so myself!”

Logan rolled his eyes and Virgil held back a snort, but Roman didn’t quite know how to react. He might have found the dad joke more amusing if he wasn’t so on edge.

Roman took a bite of the pizza. It wasn’t anything spectacular, just a store-bought one that you heat up in the oven and serve, but Roman didn’t realize he was so hungry until now. He had skipped lunch because his nerves about coming here were making his stomach churn, but finally having food near him was bringing back that hunger. Roman’s foot was still tapping violently under the table, but it was progress.

Everyone ate their pizza in silence. It was incredibly awkward on Roman’s end, no stories to tell as this table full of strangers kept making glances at him. Patton was the worst with it. He seemed to want to say something to Roman, continuously making eye contact with him until Roman looked away, but still not saying a word. He couldn’t take it. He hated it, but he hated this silence even more. Roman swallowed the pizza bite he was chewing and opened his mouth.

“So,” Roman started, “what do I…call you anyway?”

“Me?” Patton asked, his eyes lighting up. Why would his eyes light up at that?

“Yeah. Do I say Mr. Sanders, or…?”

“Oh, Patton works just fine! I hear Mr. Sanders way too often at work to wanna hear it at home too!”

“Oh, where- where do you work?” At least it wasn’t so quiet anymore.

“I’m a nurse practitioner for a clinic. It’s a lot of fun, just a lot of work. At least my hours aren’t as crazy as most nurses.”

“Oh that’s…cool.” Roman didn’t know how to continue off of that.

“It is! Is there anything else you wanna ask me, though? Maybe about the house, routines, anything?”

“Well…what are the rules here?” That seemed like a very safe question to have. It could save Roman a lot of trouble, and it could give him more of a read on the kind of parent Patton was.

“Oh, it’s not that much. You’re old enough to clean up after yourself, so make it a habit to pick up your own things and not put that stuff on other people. Be kind to everyone else, and the only rule I’m very strict about is no yelling. You can be loud sometimes, but no angry yelling at anybody here. The last one is to respect others’ privacy. Always knock on someone’s bedroom door before entering. But that’s really it, I think!”

How often do you break that last rule? “That seems reasonable, I suppose.”

Patton smiled. “I think you’ll do just fine here, kiddo. I know it’s hard to start over, but you won’t be alone during it!”

“…Thank you.”

“And I’m sure Virgil and Logan could help out a little bit, since they’ve been in the same situation! Right, you two?”

Virgil was halfway through trying to stick a whole piece of crust in his mouth. “…Uh huh.”

“…Virgil, chew your food.”

“Lo’an ‘old me I cou’ do it!”

“Do not drag me into this.”

Virgil hid his mouth behind his hand as he chewed for a long period of time. “You’re just avoiding your responsibility.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m finished, so try not to choke now.”

“Now I’m gonna choke just to spite you.”

“Please do not start a choking contest, Virge.”

Virgil groaned before swallowing the last of his crust. He followed Logan to the dishwasher and put his plate in, closing it and scurrying away back upstairs. Logan hesitated leaving the dining room, looking between Patton and Roman. Roman couldn’t tell if Patton noticed Logan’s hesitation or if it was just perfect timing, because he also got up and put his plate in the dishwasher.

“When you finish, Roman, just put your dishes away.”

“I can do that.”

Patton smiled and walked off into the living room, sitting on the couch to watch some TV show seemingly about cute puppies and kittens. Logan glanced at Roman again.

“Do you still want me to stay?” Logan asked.

Roman ate the last of his pizza and pushed his plate to the side, grabbing his painting again to put in front of him. It was the most effective thing at calming him down. “…No, I should be okay.”

Logan nodded and walked upstairs. Roman tried to fully immerse himself in his painting, focusing on every last detail and how he could make it better without over-detailing it. Roman put more green on his brush and started to dot at his hill on the bottom, trying to add little blades of textured grass. It was a long process, just enough to take the majority of his focus and calm his hands.

…Roman felt really weird here. It didn’t feel like he lived in this house, now. It felt like he was spending the day with some friends, and his aunt would come pick him up before the sun went down. But no, these new kids were his foster brothers and the adult he was terrified of was expected to act as his new dad. There was no one coming to save him, he was expected to sleep here and eat here and live here. This was supposed to be his safe space.

Roman rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. Don’t focus on that now, he thought. Focus on the painting.

So he did focus. He focused on monotonous texture additions and watching the paint dry on his canvas as he went along, letting the repetitive action calm his mind just a little bit. His calming method seemed to be working too well, actually, as the more details he added and stared at the paint, Roman realized that his constant panic today had completely exhausted him. It wasn’t even seven o’clock yet and Roman could feel his eyelids get heavier. He rubbed at his eyes again and tried to focus.

Roman yawned once. He yawned twice and rubbed his eyes as he kept adding minor details to his painting. Then, after a while, Roman scooted his painting to the side and laid his head down on the table.

***

“…Roman, wake up, please.”

Roman buried his head deeper in his arms. “Come on Roman, it’s late.”

Roman groggily lifted his head up. Patton was sitting in the chair across from him, the lights were all off except for the one light above the dining table. Roman looked around him, and noticed that it was dark outside now. Shit.

“You fell asleep, but that’s okay. It’s bedtime now, and the other two are already in bed, so how about you go get ready and sleep in your bed? I bet it’s comfier than the table.”

Roman dug his palm into his eye. “…What time is it…?”

“About 10:20. You all have bedtime at ten.”

“…But I’m fifteen?” Roman gave Patton a confused and sleepy look. He hasn’t had a bedtime since he was twelve, especially one that was so early. His mom only told him to be in bed by midnight.

Patton smiled. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. Logan is the only one who needs a bedtime, but I don’t want him to feel left out because he’s the only one asleep. So, how about you get ready for bed?”

Roman nodded and got out of his chair. The more he walked, the more he woke up, and he could tell by the time he went back upstairs that he wasn’t going to go back to sleep for a while since he could feel his heartbeat in his chest again. Patton followed him upstairs, turning off the dining room light as they went. Roman got his bathroom bag out from his smaller suitcase and a cotton shirt with sweatpants for pajamas, bringing it all with him to the bathroom. He closed the door as he brushed his teeth for the night, placing his bag in the bottom drawer after he did. He changed into his pajamas carefully, taking the towel on one of the racks to hide his lower half under as he switched pants, taking his other clothes and throwing them into a laundry basket.

When Roman stepped out of the bathroom, Patton was leaning against a wall waiting for him. He smiled at Roman, but Roman still ran past him to get as far away as he could get. Patton didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he just didn’t care. Roman shifted on his feet awkwardly before closing his door.

“Um…goodnight.” He finally said. Patton seemed satisfied with this.

“Goodnight, Roman.”

Roman finally closed the door to his bedroom, waiting until he heard the door on the other end of the hallway open and close. Almost immediately after, as if another force was controlling him, Roman started to tear the place apart.

He checked the charging ports in the walls, the lamp, under the bed’s covers and behind every piece of furniture. He stood on top of his suitcase to check the vents and took out all the drawers in the dresser. He punched the stuffed animals to see if he could feel wires, but he still couldn’t find it. He couldn’t find it.

Roman felt himself start to pant. He refused to go to bed until he found it. No matter how well hidden it was, Roman knew there was a camera in here. He couldn’t stop until he found it.

Roman grabbed the boxes at the top of the closet and tossed everything out of them, checking every spare blanket and binder before throwing them across the room when he found nothing. He took the hangers out of the closet and threw them on the floor, shining his phone light on the wall of the closet to find a hole. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Tears sprung into Roman’s eyes as he choked on his own breath. “Where the hell is it!?” He whispered, slamming the closet door closed and moving to check the bed. He tore the bedsheets off and checked the mattress, lifting it up as well to check the bed frame for anything that could be used to record. Nothing.

“Come on, please-” Roman took out the drawer from the bedside table. Nothing. He unscrewed the lightbulb from the lamp, almost shattering it from his tight grip. Nothing. He threw the lamp onto the bed and kicked the nightstand over. Nothing.

Roman choked out a sob as his whole body started to shake. This wasn’t fair, he spent all that time trying to get away from his dad only to end up in a place that hid cameras better than him. Roman gripped the covers he’d thrown and punched the floor next to them, the ache being an almost pleasant distraction from his own head. But his mind continued to race and his crying didn’t let up. The only thing Roman could manage to get out of his mouth was “No, no!”

Then, between Roman’s sobbing, he heard a knock at the door.

Roman froze in place. A feeling of dread spread through his chest and made his fingers go numb. For a second, Roman forgot to breathe as he remembered he forgot to lock the door.

Roman’s body was stiff, but his mind was going a mile a minute in a desperate attempt to save himself. He could hide in the closet, but since he tore everything out of there, if someone opened the door they’d immediately find him. He could hide under the bed, but without the covers to reach the floor it was easy to see he was under there. Roman choked on his own breath when he realized there was nowhere to hide-

“Roman?” The knock came back to the door, gentler than the first time. It wasn’t Patton’s voice like Roman feared, it was Virgil. Raspy and tired-sounding, but without a doubt Virgil.

“Y-yeah?” Roman squeaked out.

“Uh, can I…can I come in?”

Roman’s death grip on the covers loosened up slightly. “Yes…”

Virgil slowly turned the doorknob and opened it, slipping in through the smallest crack and closing the door slowly so it wouldn’t click. Once he was inside, Virgil’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of the destroyed room. “…Holy shit dude.”

Roman tried to dodge the situation, “What do you want?”

“I was gonna come in here and make a joke, like, ‘quiet down it sounds like a tornado is going through here’, but now I think I predicted the fucking future.” Roman put his head down as Virgil looked around in shock. “What the fuck happened?”

Roman wiped away his tears with the palm of his hands, digging into his eyes so hard he saw stars for a moment. “…There’s a camera in here.”

Virgil backed up more towards the door. “Wait, there is?” He darted his eyes around the room looking for what Roman was talking about. Roman let out a shaky breath.

“I haven’t found it yet, but I know it’s in here somewhere!” More tears went down Roman’s face as he hugged himself. Virgil seemed to realize what Roman was babbling on about. “I know Patton put a camera in here for me and I’m freaking out because I can’t find it!”

Virgil looked around at the mess again. He sighed. “I’m not good at this shit…you’re certain it’s in here?”

“Yes!”

“Hey, hey, don’t yell.” Virgil warned. “Pat and Logan are still asleep and I don’t think you’d like all that extra attention right now.”

He was right. If Logan and Patton came in here, Roman didn’t know what he’d do about it. It was the last thing he wanted, so Roman obeyed. “I just…I don’t know what to do…I can’t sleep until I find it.”

Virgil seemed to be thinking. He tugged on the neck of his pajama shirt before speaking. “How about we both make a deal?”

Roman lifted his head up to look at Virgil. “…Deal?”

“We’ll trade rooms for the night. There wouldn’t be a camera in my room if he’s trying to watch you, right?”

Roman paused. “…What if he’s watching you too?”

“I’ve lived here for two years. You think I wouldn’t have noticed a camera in my room by now?”

Roman thought about it. He did have a point, it was hard to go that long without finding the camera. Or at least, have your guardian have it slip that they’ve been watching you. And anything was better than staying in this place.

“…We can trade. Thanks.”

Virgil shrugged. “You know where my room is. Just slip in and don’t wreck all my shit.”

Roman laughed a little bit at that one. Virgil grabbed the sheets and covers off the floor and began to remake the bed as Roman grabbed his backpack and started to slowly open the door. But before he left, Roman had to say one more thing for his own piece of mind. “…Don’t touch my suitcases. I-I’ll know if you do.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. “…I won’t.”

Roman opened the door and softly closed it behind him, slipping into the room next door covered in caution tape. He turned on the light and set his backpack down on the floor, looking around him at all the things that showed Virgil’s personality. Emo band posters covered the walls that were painted a dark purple, with dark wood furniture and Hot Topic decorations all over the place. Just looking at this room told him how angsty this kid was.

Roman shook it off and unzipped his backpack. He could deal with angsty decorations for the night, so long as this place could be safe from creeps. He took out his secret weapon from his backpack, something he secretly bought behind his aunt’s back with his babysitting money, the one item that made him feel secure in a home. He pulled out the security bar, locked Virgil’s door, and placed it under the door handle. Even if someone undid the lock, they wouldn’t be able to sneak inside while he was sleeping.

Roman’s heart calmed down a little for the first time in weeks. Even if it wasn’t much, he felt safe, maybe even safe enough to get some rest for once. Roman crawled into Virgil’s bed, covering himself in his very tasteful Jack Skellington covers, and tried to rest.

Roman’s hands still shook, and his head felt funny, but he eventually drifted off into a light sleep full of anxiety and nightmares.

[ddudumemes]

SOUR SENTENCE STARTERS 

(( collection of ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THREE sentence starters taken from OLIVIA  RODRIGO’s first album ‘ SOUR ’ . ))

001.  BRUTAL  . ‘  i  think  that  i'll  die  before  i  drink  .  ’ ‘  who  likes  me  ??  ’ ‘  who  hates  you  ??  ’ ‘  who  am  i  if  not  exploited  ??  ’ ‘  where's  my  fucking  teenage  dream  ??  ’ ‘  i  don't  stick  up  for  myself  .  ’ ‘  i'm  anxious  and  nothing  can  help  .  ’ ‘  and  i  wish  i'd  done  this  before  .  ’ ‘  and  i  wish  people  liked  me  more  .  ’ ‘  all  i  did  was  try  my  best  ,  this  the  kinda  thanks  i  get  ??  ’ ‘  i  wish  i  could  disappear  .  ’ ‘  ego  crush  is  so  severe  .  ’ ‘  god  ,  it's  brutal  out  here  .  ’ ‘  i  feel  like  no  one  wants  me  .  ’ ‘  and  i  hate  the  way  i'm  perceived  .  ’ ‘  i  only  have  two  real  friends  .  ’ ‘  lately  ,  i'm  a  nervous  wreck  .  ’ ‘  i'm  not  cool  ,  and  i'm  not  smart  ,  and  i  can't  even  parallel  park  .  ’ ‘  got  a  broken  ego  ,  and  broken  heart  .  ’ ‘  god  ,  i  don't  even  know  where  to  start  .  ’

002.  TRAITOR  . ‘  i  played  dumb  ,  but  i  always  knew  .  ’ ‘  i  kept  quiet  so  i  could  keep  you  .  ’ ‘  ain't  it  funny  how  you  ran  to  her  the  second  that  we  called  it  quits  ??  ’ ‘  ain't  it  funny  how  you  said  you  were  friends  ??  now  it  sure  as  hell  don't  look  like  it  .  ’ ‘  you  betrayed  me  .  ’ ‘  i  know  that  you'll  never  feel  sorry  for  the  way  i  hurt  .  ’ ‘  you  talked  to  her  when  we  were  together  .  ’ ‘  loved  you  at  your  worst  ,  but  that  didn't  matter  .  ’ ‘  it  took  you  two  weeks  to  go  off  and  date  her  .  ’ ‘  guess  you  didn't  cheat  ,  but  you're  still  a  traitor  .  ’ ‘  there's  no  damn  way  that  you  could  fall  in  love  with  somebody  that  quickly  .  ’ ‘  remember  i  brought  her  up  and  you  told  me  i  was  paranoid  ??  ’ ‘  god  ,  i  wish  that  you  had  thought  this  through  before  i  went  and  fell  in  love  with  you  .  ’ ‘  you  gave  me  your  word  ,  but  that  didn't  matter  .  ’ 003.  DRIVERS  LICENSE  . ‘  i  got  my  driver's  license  last  week  .  ’ ‘  you  were  so excited for  me  .  ’ ‘  and  you're  probably  with  that  blonde  girl  who  always  made  me  doubt  .  ’ ‘  she's  everything  i'm  insecure  about  .  ’ ‘  how  could  i  ever  love  someone  else  ??  ’ ‘  i  know  we  weren't  perfect  but  i've  never  felt  this  way  for  no  one  .  ’ ‘  i  just  can't  imagine  how  you  could  be  so  okay  now  that  i'm  gone  .  ’ ‘  guess  you  didn't  mean  what  you  wrote  in  that  song  about  me  .  ’ ‘  you  said  forever  ,  now  i  drive  alone  past  your  street  .  ’ ‘   all  my  friends  are  tired  of  hearing  how  much  i  miss  you  .  ’ ‘  they'll  never  know  you  the  way  that  i  do  .  ’ ‘  today  ,  i  drove  through  the  suburbs  and  pictured  i  was  driving  home  to  you  .  ’ ‘  i  still  fuckin'  love  you  ,  babe  .  ’ ‘  i  still  hear  your  voice  in  the  traffic  .  ’ ‘  i  know  we're  through  but  i  still  fuckin'  love  you  .  ’

004.  1  STEP  FORWARD  ,  3  STEPS  BACK  . ‘  all  i  did  was  speak  normally  .  somehow  ,  i  still  struck  a  nerve  .  ’ ‘  you  got  me  fucked  up  in  the  head  ,  boy  .  ’ ‘  never  doubted  myself  so  much  .  ’ ‘  am  i  pretty  ??  am  i  fun  ??  ’ ‘  i  hate  that  i  give  you  power  over  that  kinda  stuff  .  ’ ‘  it's  always  one  step  forward  and  three  steps  back  .  ’ ‘  i'm  the  love  of  your  life  until  i  make  you  mad  .  ’ ‘  do  you  love  me  ,  want  me  ,  hate  me  ??  ’ ‘  i  don't  understand  .  ’ ‘  maybe  in  some  masochistic  way  i  kind  of  find  it  all  exciting  .  ’ ‘  which  lover  will  i  get  today  ??  ’ ‘  will  you  walk  me  to  the  door  or  send  me  home  crying  ??  ’ ‘  did  i  say  something  wrong  ??  ’ ‘  it's  back  and  forth  ,  going  over  everything  i  said  .  ’ ‘  did  i  do  something  wrong  ??  ’ ‘  maybe  this  is  all  your  fault  instead  .  ’ ‘  i'd  leave  you  ,  but  the  rollercoaster's  all  i've  ever  had  .  ’

005.  DEJA  VU  . ‘  so  when  you  gonna  tell  her  that  we  did  that  too  ??  ’ ‘  that  was  our  place  ,  i  found  it  first  .  ’ ‘  i  made  the  jokes  you  tell  to  her  when  she's  with  you  .  ’ ‘  do  you  get  déjà  vu  when  she’s  with  you  ??  ’ ‘  do  you  get  déjà  vu  ??  ’ ‘  do  you  call  her  ,  almost  say  my  name  ??  ’ ‘  let's  be  honest  ,  we  kinda  do  sound  the  same  .  ’ ‘  i  hate  to  think  that  i  was  just  your  type  .  ’ ‘  now  i  bet  you  even  tell  her  how  you  love  her  .  ’ ‘  don't  act  like  we  didn't  do  that  shit  too  .  ’ ‘  you're  tradin'  jackets  like  we  used  to  do  .  ’ ‘  a  different  girl  now  ,  but  there's  nothing  new  .  ’ ‘  i  know  you  get  déjà  vu  .  ’

006.  GOOD  4  U  . ‘  good  for  you  ,  i  guess  you  moved  on  really  easily  .  ’ ‘  you  found  a  new  girl  and  it  only  took  a  couple  weeks  .  ’ ‘  remember  when  you  said  that  you  wanted  to  give  me  the  world  ??  ’ ‘  good  for  you  ,  i  guess  that  you've  been  workin'  on  yourself  .  ’ ‘  i  guess  that  therapist  i  found  for  you  ,  she  really  helped  .  ’ ‘  now  you  can  be  a  better  man  for  your  brand  new  girl  .  ’ ‘  well  ,  good  for  you  you  look  happy  and  healthy  ,  not  me  ,  if  you  ever  cared  to  ask  .  ’ ‘  good  for  you  you're  doin'  great  out  there  without  me  ,  baby  ,  god  ,  i  wish  that  i  could  do  that  .  ’ ‘  i've  lost  my  mind  ,  i've  spent  the  night  cryin'  on  the  floor  of  my  bathroom  .  ’ ‘  you're  so  unaffected  ,  i  really  don't  get  it  but  i  guess  good  for  you  .  ’ ‘  well  ,  good  for  you  ,  i  guess  you're  gettin'  everything  you  want  .  ’ ‘  it's  like  we  never  even  happened  baby  ,  what  the  fuck  is  up  with  that  ??  ’ ‘  good  for  you  ,  it's  like  you  never  even  met  me  .  ’ ‘  remember  when  you  swore  to  god  i  was  the  only  person  who  ever  got  you  ??  well  ,  screw  that  ,  and  screw  you  .  ’ ‘  you  will  never  have  to  hurt  the  way  you  know  that  i  do  !!  ’ ‘  maybe  i'm  too  emotional  but  your  apathy's  like  a  wound  in  salt  .  ’ ‘  maybe  i'm  too  emotional  or  maybe  you  never  cared  at  all  .  ’ ‘  maybe  i'm  too  emotional  .  ’ ‘  your  apathy  is  like  a  wound  in  salt  .  ’ ‘  maybe  you  never  cared  at  all  .  ’ ‘  good  for  you  you're  doin'  great  out  there  without  me  ,  baby  ,  like  a  damn  sociopath  .  ’

007.  ENOUGH  FOR  YOU  . ‘  i  wore  makeup  when  we  dated  'cause  i  thought  you'd  like  me  more  .  ’ ‘  tried  so  hard  to  be  everything  that  you  liked  .  ’ ‘  i  knew  how  you  took  your  coffee and  your  favorite  songs  by  heart  .  ’ ‘  i  read  all  of  your  self-help  books  so  you'd  think  that  i  was  smart  .  ’ ‘  i  knew  from  the  start  this  is  exactly  how  you'd  leave  .  ’ ‘  you  found  someonе  more  exciting  the  nеxt  second  ,  you  were  gone  .  ’ ‘  you  left  me  there  cryin'  ,  wonderin'  what  i  did  wrong  .  ’ ‘  and  you  always  say  i'm  never  satisfied  but  i  don't  think  that's  true  .  ’ ‘  all  i  ever  wanted  was  to  be  enough  for  you  .  ’ ‘  and  maybe  i'm  just  not  as  interesting  as  the  girls  you  had  before  .  ’ ‘  but  god  ,  you  couldn't  have  cared  less  about  someone  who  loved  you  more  .  ’ ‘  i'd  say  you  broke  my  heart  but  you  broke  much  more  than  that  .  ’ ‘  i  don't  want  your  sympathy  ,  i  just  want  myself  back  .  ’ ‘  i  just  want  myself  back  .  ’ ‘  don't  you  think  i  loved  you  too  much  to  be  used  and  discarded  ??  ’ ‘  don't  you  think  i  loved  you  too  much  to  think  i  deserve  nothing  ??  ’ ‘  but  don't  tell  me  you're  sorry  .  ’ ‘  feel  sorry  for  yourself  .  ’ ‘  someday  ,  i'll  be  everything  to  somebody  else  .  ’ ‘  you  say  i'm  never  satisfied  but  that's  not  me  ,  it's  you  .  ’ ‘  all  i  ever  wanted  was  to  be  enough  .  ’ ‘  i  don't  think  anything  could  ever  be  enough  for  you  .  ’ ‘  nothing's  enough  for  you  .  ’

008.  HAPPIER  . ‘  you've  moved  on  ,  found  someone  new  .  ’ ‘  i  thought  my  heart  was  detached  from  all  the  sunlight  of  our  past  .  ’ ‘  does  she  mean  you  forgot  about  me  ??  ’ ‘  i  hope  you're  happy  but  not  like  how  you  were  with  me  .  ’ ‘  i'm  selfish  ,  i  know  ,  i  can't  let  you  go  .  ’ ‘  find  someone  great  ,  but  don't  find  no  one  better  .  ’ ‘  i  hope  you're  happy  ,  but  don't  be  happier  .  ’ ‘  do  you  tell  her  she's  the  most  beautiful  girl  you've  ever  seen  ??  ’ ‘  remember  when  i  believed  you  meant  it  when  you  said  it  first  to  me  ??  ’ ‘  and  now  i'm  pickin'  her  apart  like  cuttin'  her  down  will  make  you  miss  my  wretched  heart  .  ’ ‘  she's  beautiful  ,  she  looks  kind  ...  she  probably  gives  you  butterflies  .  ’ ‘  i  wish  you  all  the  best  ,  really  .  ’ ‘  say  you  love  her  ,  just  not  like  you  loved  me  .  ’ ‘  think  of  me  fondly  when  your  hands  are  on  her  .  ’

009.  JEALOUSY  ,  JEALOUSY  . ‘  i  kinda  wanna  throw  my  phone  across  the  room  .  ’ ‘  i  know  their  beauty's  not  my  lack  .  ’ ‘  i  can't  let  it  go  .  ’ ‘  comparison  is  killin'  me  slowly  .  ’ ‘  i  think  i  think  too  much  'bout  kids  who  don't  know  me  .  ’ ‘  i'm  so  sick  of  myself  .  ’ ‘  i'd  rather  be  anyone  else  .  ’ ‘  my  jealousy  started  followin'  me  .  ’ ‘  i'm  happy  for  them  ,  but  then  again  ,  i'm  not  .  ’ ‘  oh  god  ,  i  sound  crazy  .  ’ ‘  their  win  is  not  my  loss  .  ’ ‘  i  can't  help  gettin'  caught  up  in  it  all  .  ’ ‘  all  your  friends  are  so  cool  ,  you  go  out  every  night  .  ’ ‘  you're  livin'  the  life  .  ’ ‘  i  wanna  be  you  so  bad  and  i  don't  even  know  you  .  ’ ‘  all  i  see  is  what  i  should  be:  happier  .  prettier  .  ’ ‘  all  i  see  is  what  i  should  be  .  ’ ‘  i'm  losin'  it  ,  all  i  get's  jealousy  .  ’

010.  FAVORITE  CRIME  . ‘  know  that  i  loved  you  so  bad  i  let  you  treat  me  like  that  .  ’ ‘  i  was  your  willing  accomplice  .  ’ ‘  i  watched  as  you  fled  the  scene  .  ’ ‘  one  heart  broke  ,  four  hands  bloody  .  ’ ‘  the  things  i  did  just  so  i  could  call  you  mine  .  ’ ‘  the  things  you  did  …  well  ,  i  hope  i  was  your  favorite  crime  .  ’ ‘  you  used  me  as  an  alibi  .  ’ ‘  i  defended  you  to  all  my  friends  .  ’ ‘  now  every  time  a  siren  sounds  i  wondеr  if  you're  around  .  ’ ‘  'cause  you  know  that  i'd  do  it  all  again  .  ’ ‘  i  hope  i  was  your  favorite  crime  .  ’ ‘  it's  bittersweet  to  think  about  the  damage  that  we'd  do  .  ’ ‘  i  was  goin'  down  ,  but  i  was  doin'  it  with  you  .  ’ ‘  i  say  that  i  hate  you  with  a  smile  on  my  face  .  ’ ‘  look  what  we  became  .  ’ ‘  i  hope  i  was  your  favorite  crime  ,  'cause  baby  ,  you  were  mine  .  ’

011.  HOPE  UR  OK  . ‘  his  parents  cared  more  about  the  bible  than  being  good  to  their  own  child  .  ’ ‘  he  wore  long  sleeves  'cause  of  his  dad  .  ’ ‘  somehow  ,  we  fell  out  of  touch  .  ’ ‘  don't  know  if  i'll  see  you  again  someday  but  if  you're  out  there  ,  i  hope  that  you're  okay  .  ’ ‘  she  raised  her  brothers  on  hеr  own  .  ’ ‘  she  couldn't  wait  to  go  to  college  .  ’ ‘  she  was  brought  into  a  world  where  family  was  merely  blood  .  ’ ‘  we  don't  talk  much  ,  but  i  just  gotta  say  i  miss  you  and  i  hope  that  you're  okay  .  ’ ‘  nothing's  forever  ,  nothing  is  as  good  as  it  seems  .  ’ ‘  well  ,  i  hope  you  know  how  proud  i  am  you  were  created  .  ’ ‘  but  ,  god  ,  i  hope  that  you're  happier  today  .  ’ ‘  'cause  i  love  you  and  i  hope  that  you're  okay  .  ’