#then there’s the cannibalism one. i gave my soul up you can eat me raw diced up and vulnerable i’m yours to try

[patheticpuppyboyslut]

(not hornyposting just musing lol) so i’m a singer-songwriter and performer irl and i’m thinking about the fact that i go around on a day to day basis singing serious, professional songs that use dogs and brainwashing and cannibalism as painful heartbroken metaphors. and i’ve been doing this for years but little by little all these things i process my anguish through in songwriting, have also become how i satisfy my sex drive. and i don’t know what to do with that information i just think it’s wild!! fun fact abt me i guess. i go out there in public singing about how service is my fulfillment and calling myself a good boy and i sing about wanting to be violently torn apart and eaten and i’m like. yeah it’s a metaphor. yeah dw i’m really normal. i don’t fantasize about having my humanity stripped from me and being treated like a stupid sweet puppy barking and whining for my lovers sick and twisted pleasure what are you TALKING about. i just like the poetic imagery of it. i SWEAR.

[hdawg1995]

DnD Antics: The Final Session (?)

nearly 2 or maybe 3 years ago a group of college kids and their professor got together and started a gungeons and dragons campaign. today, 2/25/2018, marks this campaign’s final-.... wait what? theres another session after this? okay never mind *ehem* THIS WEEK, THE WRECKING CREW PATCHES UP STORY ARCHES, PREPARES FOR THE WORST, AND HEAD FIRST INTO WHAT vERY WELL MAYBE THE END!

we start the session off with the ranger doing her monthly rituals as a avatar of the hunt. this month (july in game) is the mark of the bear! HER BEAR! :D

DM: a familiar corps falls before you. you get the sense theres some cannibalism in your future. me: i don’t like this... coolie: is it who i think it is? DM: the body seems to have been chewed up and its wrapped in a cloak with a familiar fish symbol. whole table: FISH FACE!!!1!! fish face: bite me bitch.  me: CHOCK ON IT!!! lindsy: *debating rather or not to kill people IRL* DM: did you think feeding a player’s old character to your bear wouldn’t come to bite you in the butt? lindsy: I have to eat him??? paige: call her a pussy cause shes a cat. coolie: you’re hearing all of this. Fish Face is a revinat.

after that Vale has to be dropped onto an enemy and kill them. after some debate-

lindsy: who don’t i like and would want to kill? coolie: big black dildo? Lindsy: I’M NOT TOUCHING THAT!

-vale targets a hill giant that farted on her. as shes rocketing though the atmosphere she realizes 1. the moon is back and 2. its a deep blood red. Vale completes her ritual, killing the giant with the force of her own body, and gains the mark of the bear. she also informs Elizander that its a blood moon.

else where, Alicara sets up two portals, facing each other, and fills it with potatoes

ryan: MAKE A DIAMOND POTATO! sam: and one diamond potato. me: yyyyaaaaaassssss!

passer by: potatoes? DM: he has been wanting to kill something with a potato shot from orbit since the start of the campaign.

Alicaria also decided to make some arrows. she needed feathers when she was told that certain feathers could have special effects on the arrows, she decided... to get elf feathers. *DUN DUN DDDDUUUUNNN* (the party tried and failed to save a winged elf lady. well sorta failed. we DID save her then lost her then she was saved by another party and that party died and killed her people and umm... yeah sore spot)

she goes to the black market and finds a guy who has the last 5 winged elves. she buys them and her, envoy, rose (spine’s familiar) and larenchia (ally’s wolf) go to the ruins of the winged elf city, City of Clouds. there we raise as many of the winged elves as possible. the people of the city are so thankful they try to make a efigie of Alicaria.

allicaria: thats very flattering but you do not need to do this watson (Spine’s humming bird familiar): YOU CAN MAKE ONE OF ME! DM: “YES! you, fire bird, will be our new symbol!”

whole table: *throwing arms in the air* FIRE BIRD!

else where else where Zack battles his deity- sorigur (aka a platinum dragon that is also a monk). unlike our deity battles, Zack doesn’t have the protection of slagadawn so if he dies, he dies. he died 4 times before he was able to win via ring out. monk dragon is S C A R Y.

Spine learns word of raw (a powerful resurrection spell) and returns home... home home. 

DM: if you cast this spell you’ll be absorbed by powerful postivie energy. ryan: will it kill me? DM: pretty near. ryan: don’t care. DM: you cast word of raw. as you are absorbed with positive energy your wings burn away, but as they do your mother and farther are risen with wings. 

Spine sacrifices his gift from yethan and brings his parents back. its the one thing Spine has ever wanted and he gets it. its a heart warming reunion and now Giovani (the black dragon zombie that was Spine’s pseudo farther) is his family guardian.

mean while Elizander goes on a bloody rampage as he murders grendales. its matting season and to quote coolie explaining elizander: “i am not letting them escape. there are no innocents in my mind.” eventually Elizander finds the very grendale that killed his family. its dead now. 

DM: more grendales surround you. me: they dead. coolie: they dead dead. me: theres no need to ask where your god is, HES RIGHT HERE! me and sam: and hes fresh out of mercy. 

while this is happening... lindsy: what does a positive energy monkey eat? me: celestial banana. lindsy: out of all of us here. i know you could figure out a way to get a celestial banana. me: lol lets try it. nat20 lindsy: DID YOU JUST NAT 20??? DM: you WILL a celestial bannana tree into existance.

meanwhile mean while, Envoy has been running around making a giant dinner for everyone. if they don’t come back it’ll be the last meal of the party’s extended family. if they DO make it back it’ll be a celebration feast. me: do we have time for one more antic? DM: Heather wants to do an antic! me: can envoy try and remember where that stump was from the vision the moose gave her? when she meditated in frank’s forest?

Envoy gets a 10 on a wisdom check and finds the stump her mother placed her on to protect her when she was a baby baby. envoy: well mom... i’m going to save the world with my friends. i hope you’re proud! DM: the stump rockets up into the air me and envoy: *flinching and failing* ThaT WAs nOT tHe INTENDED RESULT! DM: a green energy grabs you and pulls you under ground. envoy: ALICARIAAAAAAA Alicaria: *sense a disturbance in the force.*

Turns out Envoy has a little sister named Terra. she is N/E and a follower of the green burrowing moose. Envoy, peeved that she got dragged underground enters a bard off with her long lost sibling.

Terra: i don’t NEED friends, unlike SOMEONE Envoy: yeah, i use to think that too. but when you have friends you aren’t allow and you don’t have A TACKY GREEN S K I R T! lindsy: oh my god its like an actual sailor moon battle.

Envoy wings by knocking her sister down to 1HP and convinces her they can still be friends (and Terra doesn’t have to keep envoy in a soul gem). introduces sister to friends.

the party has strapped Zack to a spining wheel of death, throwing daggers at him. zack asked them NOT to aim for the dick but thats where they are aiming. theres a nat20 in there somewhere.

Terra: this looks like fun! *plays lute* Envoy: *sniff* i knew you would get along with them. *wipes tear from her eye* envoy:....WAIT DID ZACK CONSENT TO THIS? Spine: HIS IDEA! (zack got a nat1 on a suggestion) Envoy: OKAY!

-Dawn of the final day-

with the universe at their backs and on the line, The wrecking crew uses their boons and grow to galatic size. as they enter the void, they stare death in the eye and take a stand. (Agathaw the Devourer is the technodrome from TMNT for size comparison) Spine’s bone walls block a lot of stuff and Alicaria, Vale, and Elizander do a lot of damage. we stay alive and are able to send 6 of the 10 cores to different planes. we ended our session with the entity of negative energy dying and Spine soul sythoning him. he has 5 rounds before he dissolves into nothing.

Will the wrecking crew do the impossible and save their world, or will they fail and have to reset the world with....

T H E  P H I E O N I X  O F  P A R A D I S E

(hand painted by our ranger, Lindsy)

[kinny93ethz]