#I’ll pull it up some time
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Full view of the sword.
A couple of things I forgot to add. Look at the chandelier!
Decatur House pt 1
Interesting thing that the tour guide pointed out is on the door lock is the British Coat of Arms purposefully upside down.
The Sword on the mantle is a real commemorative Sword from the state of Virginia to Stephen Decatur for his services. There’s an inscription about his victory over the HMS Macedonian on it.
#1812 commodores#preble’s boys#war of 1812#us navy#stephen decatur#rosey travels#washington dc#commodore stephen decatur#Picture of William Bainbridge#he knew he was plotting Decatur’s demise#interesting that David Dixon Porter mentioned his father David Porter’s part in the duel#I’ll pull it up some time
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youtube
#i’m terrified to ever watch this movie. i think it would kill me. basically it’s about a marriage falling apart.#anyway—adam driver would do so good as bobby in company and i would die to see him in it#i’m seeing company tonight!!#it’s a special musical to me. it’s about marriage. how marriage is both exciting and boring and makes your life better and worse.#the months leading up to our wedding i was kind of a cynical mental wreck. there was so much i did not like about my husband-to-be.#sometimes i felt like the only reason i was going through with the marriage was because it was too late to get out of it.#i had spent my teen and college years wanting to have a boyfriend/husband then i got one and realized#oh wait this didn’t actually fix my problems huh#actually there are NEW problems now#and then somehow this past year has actually been like. the best year of my life lol#it’ll be a year next month!#yea there are still those Little Things. sometimes there are Bigger Things. but bruh this dude is so good for me#i have never been thriving as much as i have this year.#i’m so much healthier in so many ways than i have ever been all my life#and like it’s cringe to say that cuz i don’t want to say MARRIAGE is what fixed me but. i think it’s okay to say that#there must be some kind of GOOD to marriage otherwise there’d be no point in doing it#and i think i make his life better too. he tells me so at least lol.#and i’ll only be able to watch the show with one eye LOL but my husboi will be with me watching this musical#that i used to listen to when i was angsty about getting married#and now we are married#and life is great.#somebody need me too much#somebody know me too well#somebody pull me up short and put me through hell#and give me support#for being alive…#yeah there are times when it’s harder than being single but. the blessings are multiplied along with the hardship.#shywalker stuff#Youtube
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2 hour rough drawing of Ehuang, my precious Green Opal child who I don’t draw nearly enough <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#original character#ehuang beifong#<— finally. a new OC with a proper tag#tbh it is much easier to tag characters who have last names#and we’ve never discussed it but I do think Ehuang carries the Beifong last name. whether or not she uses it is a different matter#I feel like she’s a Beifong officially she never puts much emphasis on it. she prefers the other side of her family anyway#okay moving on from that#next gens for next gens. quite a deep niche in reaching here#but I don’t care. I love Ehuang as a representation of everything good and pure in the world too much to object to her existence#baby girl. sweet girl#and yeah I’ve drawn her with Midori Opal and Suiren before so I thought I’d try something else#and while Kuvira isn’t actually shown here. just know that she’s absolutely tearing up off screen#you can pull the idea of Kuvira absolutely adoring her little niece out of my cold dead hands#wait omg I never posted my earlier art of Ehuang on here have I#okay once I’m done with my current projects I’ll refine and post those#the world deserves to see more of Ehuang#I feel like this particular scenario also hits some spot in Kuvira bc she knows who Ehuang’s bio dad is#and Ehuang looks just enough like him. despite being very similar to Midori. that imagining her with a beauty mark under her eye…#it brings Certain Ideas to mind. very fleeting and eliciting a ‘imagine that. I love this girl to bits but I’m sure glad I’m not her mom’#kind of response. but overall no one really lingers on that fact. I feel. her parents are Midori and Opal#Bataar’s just the donor. no one calls him her bio dad. he doesn’t see her as his daughter. probs Suyin is the only one who puts up a fuss#like not letting up about Ehuang being his kid even though he’s told her countless times that his involvement is irrelevant#he doesn’t wish to be ehuang’s dad. that wasn’t why he helped create her.#he did so because he loves his sister and SIL. because he knew they wanted a baby. not because he wanted a child himself#he’s quite content being her uncle thank you very much. and idk why I just went on this ramble lmao#maybe I should try to write something Ehuang related. explore all these relationships and whatever. we’ll see
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more doodles
dohko is fully aware he the cool uncle
#saint seiya#saint seiya fanart#los caballeros del zodiaco#aries shion#aries mu#libra dohko#taurus aldebaran#capricorn shura#dohko casually adopting kids and raising them on a ranch. he’s got apple trees in the back and milo shows up to pick some#shion takes care of the gemini twins and the aio brothers (he doesn’t do a good job tho. busy being a gym leader probably)#I think I’ll go with the typical sts plot of shion trying to retire. saga and aioros are the 2 contenders for the position#kanon’s just screwing around in the background but has beef with saga. shura pops in every so often and looks up to aioros#he ends up catching a skarmory just cause ros has a bunch of birds. aioria goes to the ranch sometimes and becomes rivals with milo#(he probably ate one of his apples) Still figuring out the bs kanon pulls off to screw up the planet#eventual time skip and now the bronze boys are on their own journey
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#i love all these songs btw i cannot choose#kpop#kpop polls#polls#xdinary heroes#xdh#ateez#atz#g idle#(g)i-dle#mamamoo#enhypen#enha#stray kids#skz#clc#tomorrow x together#txt#loona#i spent a long time on this poll im very satisfied with it#combing through a lot of my playlists and pulling up lyrics and song analyses#ateez owns this concept btw#my favs here are prob undefined thanxx and paradoxxx#i listen to undefined too often to be healthy lmao#also!! also i know there are a lot of bts songs that might work here i just don’t know a lot of bts so i need to research more#i have a poll in the works with a somewhat similar concept where i’ll prob plop some bts songs in there
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“Well Doc? What do you think? Can I pull off your look?”
This was prompted by a cute idea my friend and I were talking about where Rivet tries on Starline’s coat and he adjusts and fixes it for her because she didn’t put it on right.
But uh— then I went overboard and wanted to see if she could pull off his entire look, so, let’s just say hypothetical-villain-Rivet has been born!
Starline’s more just stunned that what’s going on in front of him somehow works.
#I’m in a rivetline state right now#i need fluffy wholesome to combat the sad I’m writing right now#sonic#sonic idw#dr starline#sonic oc#live doc reaction#starline the platypus#rivet the cat#rivetline#sonic oc x canon#yes sir that is your girlfriend and she’s somehow pulling off your look#maybe I’ll do some more art another time of a role reversal AU#villain rivet would be terrifying#she’d actually end up worse than Starline#my art#digital art#Starpoint Squad AU#Restoration Arc
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Spotify prompt! Knuckles and tails, an 19 :)
Oh hoho! You managed to land FightSong by EVE (<- YouTube link), a song that by all rights shoulda been #2 (<- I refuse to pay Spotify money).
Hmm…. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything with Super Sonic Speed, but I always did intend to write follow-ups…
.•.•.•.
The city is unbelievably loud. They’re in what Sonic had called a shopping district, and it’s apparently very popular. Knuckles would kind of like to go home, a lot, actually, but Tails is flirting from one shop to another and he doesn’t have it in him to shut the kid down. Sonic is somewhere on the periphery of their little group— he and Tails had bonded, thick as thieves, and Knuckles— well, he tolerated the guy.
Tails gasps like he’s seeing the sun rise for the first time, excited enough that he’s lifting off the ground. Knuckles ambles over, grabs him by the ankle, and pulls him back down. He’s looking at some sort of… thing. Knuckles can’t make heads or tails of it, but it’s definitely saying something to Tails.
Hmm. He is, at least, familiar with the idea of shops. Chao liked to set them up, sometimes, selling fruit or handmade crafts for rings, but Knuckles has no idea if their idea of currency and everyone else’s aligns. Would the shopkeep accept a fruit? Most chao did. It isn’t like rings are a problem, so…
Knuckles turns, seeking out Sonic in the crowd. There he is— stiff as anything, glancing frantically back and forth between Knuckles and some other hedgehog, a pink one. One of his friends, maybe? They look irritated, maybe not. Knuckles steps away from Tails, invites himself into their conversation.
“and you just RAN OFF—“ the hedgehog is shouting. Sonic cracks his mouth open, a faint wheeze escaping.
“Hey,” Knuckles says.
“—do you have ANY IDEA how WORRIED I was—“
This looks like a battle Sonic is better off fighting on his own. Still, Knuckles needs his question answered. “Hey,” he repeats, slightly louder.
“—I mean, I knew you were alright because my cards said so, but—“
“Hey Knuckles,” Sonic manages to crack out, “this is Amy.”
Amy tilts her head at him, and then gives him a sharp, discerning once-over. “Are you one of his other friends?” She asks.
“Yeah, sure,” Knuckles says, and then “do rings work as currency down here?”
She blinks at him, as if this is a weird thing to ask. “Yes?” She says.
“Okay,” Knuckles says, nodding, “try not to scare him too bad.”
Any lingering confusion evaporates, and she whirls around to find Sonic trying to sneak away. “AGAIN!” she shouts, full of conviction, and Knuckles makes his way back to where he left Tails. He isn’t pressed up against the glass anymore, so Knuckles steps into the store. Yeah, there he is. Hovering— literally— over the same display.
Knuckles takes a moment to properly observe, rooting around for the terms Tails would use, in an attempt to ensure he gets the right thing. There’s a looping track, and a few other gadgets on the sides. A switch, one of them looks like, and some barricade, and a few blinking lights. On the track itself is a… sideways cylinder, set on wheels, connected to a few boxes, puffing out smoke— or steam, maybe. Tails is absorbed enough in watching it chug along that he doesn’t even realize Knuckles is standing right next to him. Knuckles’ll just have to make sure he comes up for air, occasionally.
He casts about the rest of the store, vaguely lost. There are a lot of displays, and a lot of colourful boxes. Knuckles picks up one, flips it over, and realizes swiftly he is out of his depth. He brings the box over to Tails, handing it to him. Tails holds onto it for a full few seconds, watching with bated breath as the cylinder switches tracks, before he looks down. His fur all along his spine puffs up, and he turns to look at Knuckles so fast he has to wonder if Sonic hasn’t started to rub off on him in more ways than one. That’s the right box, for sure.
“Really?” Tails asks, voice breathy with excitement, and Knuckles ruffles his fur instinctually.
“‘Course.”
Maybe the shopping district isn’t that bad.
#eggthew#prompt fill#askbox#uhhh so. I kind of barely followed fightsong at all I CAN EXPLAIN#went off the visuals instead of the lyrics. two people running around in city. ooh I could do knuckles protecting tails from Eggman in some#kind of egg city! ah hang on there’s the eggperial city arc in idw and I haven’t read that yet. so I’m not confident in portraying it. hmmm#I could do a Different egg city… man Knuckles and Tails. what a great pair. I really enjoyed writing them in super sonic speed. hey! I could#do super sonic speed’s Knuckles’s first time in a city! maybe he gets kind of freaked out? escape from the city haha#well tails would be familiar with cities. and sonic would be there ofc but I’ll shuffle him off to the side so he doesn’t hog the spotlight#I could do tails looking at a shop! yeah! and knuckles needs to ask how currency works but sonic is… busy? hmm. oh! a city!!!! amy lives in#a city!! she runs into sonic! which keeps him from coming back over with knuckles. I always did mean to write her reunion with sonic.#that’ll be nice to do. alright. perfect. it’s all working out. get to the final few lines. think ‘hey how did I end up with this anyway.’#pulse of adrenaline as my brain goes OH YEAH FIGHTSONG. ach.#I’m happy w this though :)#knuckles: I Tolerate sonic. at best.#sonic: hey I am in a vaguely uncomfortable situation#knuckles *rolling up metaphorical sleeves*: do I need to kick ass#Amy making a mental note: sonic apparently befriending a space alien okay okay cool#they meet up for ice cream. knuckles is inflicted with curse of immediate brainfreeze. tails is So Excited about his new model train set#within a week he mods it to A) be strong enough to pull the Master Emerald and B) be armed.
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/lighthearted
what’s it like to not have nightmares multiple times a week. do y’all just live normal style like that. couldn’t be me.
#blue chatter#I keep having weird messed up stress dreams#some part of me finds them interesting/funny so it isn’t so bad#but it is a lot#I feel bad for my poor roommate who had three awful nightmares in a row last night#but honestly that’s been happening to me in the mornings now#I’ll wake up from a dream and forget it#see that it’s like 4:35AM#go ‘oh I can sleep for a couple more hours’#and then wake up from the worst nightmare of my life#and It’s like 5:32AM#like girl u did not have time for REM sleep what is this#what are we pulling here#I don’t get it#but it keeps happening lately and I Don’t Love It
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Sometimes I mourn the life I could have had if I wasn’t queer
#personal#part of the grew up evangelical Latino experience is being violently reminded that you will not be welcomed#I wish I could introduce my spouse to my family as many people are allowed to do#I’m at my family reunion and as much as I love my family my spouse is my family too#and keeping that part of my life secret#not just the fact that I’m married but the fact that I’m a whole queer makes me sad#im sure I’ll be happier when im away from them but also :(#it’s a lot of complicated feelings especially coming from a very family oriented culture#even though I’ve been pulling back for some time now#I see my cousins with their spouses being accepted as part of the family (even if we don’t always like them) made me want for that#I’d like to bring my spouse to meet my family and ask about mortgages and immigration#maybe I’d feel differently about it if my family weren’t homophobic
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ok i just need to write down these whack 1d dreams i’ve had the last couple days
#so two nights ago it was that zayn had a reality dating show and i was ON IT#and the whole time i was like 😭 i’m too gay for this can i leave pls#it was in this place that was both super tropical but also a desert#and zayn INSISTED we keep going on these long ass walks thru the sand i was just like bro can we go back#and he got mad at me when i said i needed to go take a walk to decompress after this story about his ex that he told me#it was so vivid and surreal#but then the dream i just woke up from i was part of 1d in like 2013 era???#and it was sooo busy so many interviews and a couple fan meeting things#and i was like damn this is exhausting#but also got to see these beaauuutiful places#like one of our hotels was suspended directly over this crystal blue water that had orca swimming thru it and we swam w the orca#and both harry and louis separately plotted w me to pull pranks on each other#harry was also like?? psychic?? like he could send images into everyone’s heads but he only did it w nice things lol#and then randomly at the end he came to work w my at this body jewelry company i used to work for#but like he was still him and on our application form to work there we had to disclose our income for some reason#and on his he was like i’m not telling u this 😐 don’t push it#like w the emoji too fhdhskeldk#but i’m out here like why am i dreaming of these guys even more when i’m taking a break from them#like i still listen to their music ofc but i don’t have the energy to participate in the fandom rn#it’s like they know and they’re like#u thought u could forget about us!!!!! syke bitch we’re haunting ur dreams now <3#but whatever i’ll take this over the other vivid dreams i’ve been having lately#anyway#rowyn rambles
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like at some point i have ti admit it to myself. it’s a 2am delirious ramble after a hard sad day. but i don’t think i like my job very much actually. i mean i do i love it and it was made for me and i made it for me too. but how come something that i love and was made for me and that i made hurts so bad and so primally? how can i like something that brings me so much stress and grief and despair so regularly?
#purrs#i think it’s just been a hard year and a long pandemic. but transience and institutional politics and hierarchy and ambiguity are things you#just have to deal with i. an education job / setting and yet theyre fucking killing me. they killed me as a student and they’re killing me#even more as a staff member. i don’t think it’s that much to ask. i just want to have all the people i love in one#place. and to be on the same page all the time. shoulder to shoulder. ts all ive wanted and it’s been 5 years of wanting it so badly im#mentally and in some ways physically sick from the lengths ive gone to get it. like it’s come at a high price and i have it except for when#i don’t which is a lot of the time. idk what im saying. i just… im doing it backwards. im not in higher Ed because i want to be a student#affairs professional or ride up the ranks or whatever. im in it because i love this specific organization and helped to make it from the#start and the only reason i want to rise up the ranks is so i have fewer and fewer reasons to (doubt i’ll) get shaken off. but it can’t ever#be the same as it was. i miss my friends. i miss life before covid and i miss life before july 5 2022. i miss futures i didn’t get to live.#and i need to get over it and just be where i am and be brave and strong and pull myself backup again and make new friends and grow. but its#fucking hard. and im tired. everything has sucked the life out of me#delete later
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I’m ill and I have to wake up for work in four hours or whatever but NONE OF THAT MATTERS!! I FOUND MY TIME LOOP STORY THAT I THOUGHT I HAD LOST! I HAVE WON!
#my last two uni assignments were absolute bangers and I made sure to keep the scifi essay safe because I was incredibly proud of that#even before submitting it#but I thought I had the time loop story saved#and I double checked I had everything when I knew I was losing access to my uni account#but idk it just kinda disappeared#and I’ve checked my laptop time and time again#but it wasn’t there and when I fried my old one with a glass of squash and had to replace it the chance of me still having it dropped lower#but for some godforsaken reason#ill beyond sanity and awake at two thirty in the morning#I decided to check my phone files#and I thought it would be just as futile as the check I did on my laptop yesterday#because the files should sync up#but it’s here!!#and I’m so relieved#and yeah it probably needs tidying up because I wrote this thing almost two years ago#but idk maybe I’ll be able to give this a good edit and pull through on my New Year’s resolution to submit something to a writing contest#tdlr: YIPPEE!!!!!
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something on my mind rn. as you all know i’m a lesbian. applause from the audience. and sometimes it just gets to be like annoying when. well. so i have at least A friend who’s asked me several times over ‘so you don’t have Any attraction to men? like at all?’ and i know they’re not being like malicious but you know. that answer has not changed since like seventh grade. and in the same vein it just feels aggravating when i have the nerve to say Oh i think she seems like a lesbian. that’s giving dyke. etc. and to be met with ‘umm well maybe she actually does like men.’ like. first of all in personal conversations if i’m just saying shit chances are i’m just going off of patterns from my own life or other lesbians i know. i’m not here for Bi Erasure and i promise you in this context your attraction to men is not ever invalidated as much as my lack of it. esp in college with so many people talking about their dating/app experiences and etc it’s 99.9999% of the time about men and i just Can’t participate in that conversation which is yk not the end of the world but a bit isolating and even if i do contribute anything it just feels like… a slight Stiffening like. and even just getting brushed off with Well yeah but you’re not even into guys. like real! i still have eyes though. and esp when my attraction isn’t being celebrated and engaged with in the way theirs is it’s just really fucking lonely! and maybe that’s a gross inner voice of insecurity that i’m projecting onto them but like you must get what i mean right. there’s still this odd air specifically around people who Do Not engage with men at all. and if i do make any kind of joke or comment abt someone maybe just Not being into guys i’m made into the asshole who’s invalidating their experiences etc when like. i’m just saying shit man idk. and it’s like many of these people are bi and claim attraction to women but get so like uncomfortable actually talking about it. i don’t think i’m the one with problems! i think there’s still some internalized shit there. you know. anyway all this to say as much as we’ve had the conversation of invalidating bi attraction some of you need to think about not treating gay attraction as this secondary awkward weird elephant in the room. and on a more personal note on top of the Everything that was getting under my skin last night this was just a cherry on top where i was feeling soo… misunderstood and invalidated lol even tho again i largely think those friends were being very supportive and kind to me. this is just one thing i was like. 😐
#esp cause the other one literally pulled the. well idk a man would have to be like Perfect but id still hook up with one. yeah it could be#any woman literally but you know men aren’t totally out of the picture if they’re like. Actually the most attractive man ever and then#i could just pretend it’s not a man#… and you want me to act like that’s not a dyke thing to say. like ok#i didn’t say that to her face btw she can figure that out herself. but you get what i’m working with#it’s so frustrating and truly. once again. just isolating. cause as long as people claim they’re into men it’s like they have this in for#so much bonding that i will never access cause i don’t give a fuck about men. so it’s like yeah i get defensive#esp speaking about a situation in which someone behaved so egregiously homoerotically with me and displayed many signs of um. being gay#and then could just run off with her bf she didn’t even seem to be that attracted to. u can see where#as MUCH as it’s not my goddamn business. when i’m dragged into that it would absolutely get under my skin and of course i’d say some stupid#shit about her needing to accept lesbianism into her heart. lol#because unfortch. yeah. That still came up as part of this. as much as i’d like to just forget it and move on#she just somehow fucking comes up and now it’s not even me obsessively talking abt it. it’s like that situation just cannot leave me alone#for my peace of mind. it’s been months. and that’s also sad and fucked for me cause it’s like#as horrible as that was for my like self esteem and peace of mind. it’s the fucking Only thing i had going for me in a long ass time#and since it just worked so well i latched onto it yk. and i have to trust as i get more confident and move on in the world#i’ll attract better people and whatnot#but it’s like personally extremely lonely and then just feels like an added stupid layer when. it just feels so invalidated in a way. idk#like no i did not have a relationship that i can technically mourn i just had a weird connection with someone who wouldn’t admit even the#slightest attraction even if it was glaringly obvious. it just preys on this stupid fucking loneliness i feel too. and i KNOW i don’t need#to constantly validate that and whatever and none of my friends actually think i’m delusional#it’s just that. i need to get a grip and not cling to it. like just accept it for what it is and go on. and when it’s brought up at random#when i’m already in a stupid sensitive spot it’s hard. u know. and then also w these friends they’re not used to hyperbole so when i say#shit like well i hope they die. they’re like Omg! 🙀 and i’m like oh my god i don’t mean that literally like. hello#this whole thing was not about film girl but of course she made a silly little guest appearance. in conversation#which is just embarrassing for me. you know.#pisses me off that she can move on and probably act like nothing even happened meanwhile i was over here sobbing like i’d been through#a heartbreak. and i’m remembered as like obsessive silly goofy crazy for it. and i was. but damn i’ve taken accountability for it 😭#abby talks#long post
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praying that my parents go get that pearl pink 3ds I want it so bad 😭 I can’t afford it and it’s exactly in the range they would spend on a bug gift but I’m worried that even if they consider it they won’t go get it in time and it’ll sell
#3dses go fast there and it’s a v pretty colour that I’ve literally never seen in town#so I feel like if they don’t get on it they’ll miss out#and while I’m confident they’ll be able to find another 3ds before Christmas#they probably won’t be able to find one in pink and I’ll regret not just sucking it up and buying it when I saw it#Like. It’s not like I don’t have some money in the bank… I just shouldn’t spend it bc next time I need to pay for gas I’ll explode#So I didn’t bc I’m counting on my parents pulling through with the present#Bc I’m dreaming about her (pearl pink 3ds)
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Heading to Minnesota in 2 weeks to scout it out cause I might be moving there
#it’s not really a vacation because I’m broke as hell. mostly going to be driving around and deciding if it’s a good place#in a few months or so I’ll check out New Mexico as well#I really can’t afford this rn but I’m just putting it all on a credit card 😬#why did Florida have to become even worse :|#I would have preferred some extra time to save up#like yeah I already wanted to leave but I’m not prepared at all#I am NOT looking forward to moving across the country with 5 cats and a bird#no idea how I’m gonna pull that off. I don’t want to stuff them in a plane. I think we’ll rent a truck and drive but damn is it a long drive#*not moving this year. most likely next year
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a year and one day ago, one of my favourite people in the world, my kindred spirit, my uncle chris, died of a heart attack. he was a kind sensitive gay man who loved to read and travel and make people laugh and wake you up in the middle of the night to go out for ice cream if he was lonely. he had a peculiar interest in clowns and circuses and trains. he loved dogs more than people and people more than anything else in the world. i never got the chance to talk to him about being autistic but i’m almost 99% sure he was.
i couldn’t say anything about him on the day because i was absolutely inconsolable. i sat on the shower floor until it went cold and sobbed for hours so hard i threw up and then didn’t speak the rest of the day. and then, late at night, i went out for ice cream and was served by an old queen covered in pride pins who was around his age, and he reminded me of him, and it helped a microscopic amount. my mom told him we lost our uncle and he looked at me and i wanted to tell him “you remind me of him” because i know he would’ve understood, but i couldn’t make any words come out, so we just looked at each other a moment. i don’t remember anything else about that night. except that it rained really hard for a long time. i still go there for ice cream occasionally and he serves us every single time and he talks as if we’re good friends, even though i never do much of the talking.
anyway. i went back to look at his obituary today and it feels like it just happened. or like it didn’t happen at all. idk. but the thing that’s getting me the most is i’m looking through his photo gallery and there’s pictures of him in his teens and 20s and like….. we would’ve been friends. i just know we would have. despite how quiet i was in school, despite how quiet HE was in school, he would’ve seen me one day and said smth to make me smile like he always did and we would’ve been best friends from then on. but i was born 30 years too late and instead of befriending me first he befriended my grandmother and mother, and instead of going to school with him every day he called me nearly every day to do animal impressions. mr. cow says hello. mr. sheep says good morning. mr. horse is passing the phone to silly chris now. we grew up calling him silly chris. that was just his name. one word. sillychris.
idk where i’m going with this post but i just wanted the world to know that i miss him, and that when my nephew is finally big enough to use the phone he’ll have to speak to my secretary mrs. horse
#he used to visit foster homes dressed as santa and the easter bunny to give out treats#he kept a bowl of dog treats by his door despite having no pets just in case one was walking past#he was the kindest person i have ever known#and the fact that my kids will not grow up with sillychris breaks my heart more than anything#but god i am so so glad i visited him before he died. that we went to the korean bakery and out to dinner and took a long walk#and smelled all the flowers we passed and talked about books and travelling and the world and how different we feel from other people#despite how badly we love other people#that i still have a fresh memory of hugging him. of him telling me i’ve always been the same girl. that i’ll always be his book lady.#one of my biggest regrets is that i didn’t text him when i said i would. that i didn’t send him a book like i promised.#i got so caught up in my life and my own problems and i thought i’d have so much time. i thought i had years and years#i thought he’d dance with me at my wedding. y’know? u always think u have more time. and the thing that scares me the most is not knowing#i know he could never ever be upset with me for anything. and that he’s still here#anyway. this post is mostly for me bc tumblr is my journal but here we are#it is something i think that the only thing able to pull me out of my head on that day long enough to drink some water and lay down#was another chris
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