#I wish I had some fanart to show for myself

[marianchurchland]

December things. I went on a box-making tear this year, so everyone gets a box. You can see descriptions and photos for each of these of these here, here and here.

[bunnieswithknives]

RAHHHh ok comics done I can post this now!!! He is having the worst possible time

[ms-demeanor]

So there's this stucky fanfic blog (leave me alone, i hate marvel movies and like it when blonde men are bleeding; see also my recent interest in dungeon meshi) that I used to follow that had some major mod drama and basically stopped posting in 2020. I still get it as a recommended blog when I'm scrolling pretty regularly.

Here's what its archive looked like very recently:

Aaaand here's what its archive looked like starting November 3rd:

It is a compendium of the most absolutely rancid shitlib takes available and is going to be GENUINELY useful for a research project i'm working on because I periodically see these things float across my dash but I don't follow enough people who engage with these kind of posts to know what's a good source of them.

I only noticed it in the first place because it popped up as a recommended blog with a picture of trump, whereas normally when i see it recommended it's old fic or fanart.

Anyway, I'm torn between which of these two posts I scrolled past at a glance are my favorite. This one agitating about why censorship is good, actually and the government should ban tiktok (if you don't know why it's a bad thing to set a precedent that the US government bans the use of specific app I just can't help you, i'm sorry, even if you think tiktok is bad you shouldn't want the government banning apps) or this one that uses a Bill Maher quote that is explicitly about the hypocrisy of american civic religion to represent a group calling itself "The Christian Left."

First of all, Bill Maher is, essentially, a conservative and antivaxxer who thinks that Democrats keep losing because they're alienating their base by supporting things like universal healthcare (maher has cheerfully said on his show that he thinks we shouldn't charge taxpayers to make fat people healthy and that the best healthcare is a diet; he has also said a healthy diet is why people don't need vaccines, and you should skip the fast food to avoid getting the flu, and that vaccines cause alzheimers) and cancelling student debt.

Second of all:

As a very reddit-type atheist myself, I wish more people would remember that Bill Maher is not interested in christian morality, he is interested in pointing out hypocrisy as a cheap gotcha (and is absolutely uninterested in responding when people point out his own hypocrisy - he is a neat demonstration of why there is essentially no utility in pointing out when people's actions don't align with their stated beliefs).

Anyway, it's clear that the mod drama on a decade-old MCU fanblog was justified, thank you, unhinged mod, for the repository of liberal memes, and everyone, please please please accept that bill maher is a huge piece of shit and you don't want him to be the face of your movement.

[leidensygdom]

The ways in which being asexual feels isolating

I've been pondering whether to post this or not, but I figured out I wanted to explain a bit of this experience.

So, I could go on a very long tangent on how being asexual is usually a lonely experience, and how much I've been otherized here and there- Specially in real life. How the same people that claimed to be queer (or allies) had been much weirder about my asexuality than they were about me being bi/pan or whatever.

But I think I wanna talk about how something like that bleeds in every aspect of socializing, even down to something like fandom. I stay away from fandom usually- I like to look at cool fanart and that's about it. I hate discourse, I hate drama, I hate reading people getting worked up because they're treating fanon as canon. But there's one thing I've noticed, over and over, that just sends me off my rails.

And it's how fandom tends to treat asexuality (or aromanticism). So, you get a character in some piece of media that explicitly, unequivocally, states they're either ace, aro, or both. "I do not have interest in a partner", "I don't desire to have sex nor do I enjoy the topic", whatever. And as an ace person, I do appreciate being able to see myself in media- There isn't many chases where something is established that bluntly.

Now, you decide you want to check some fanart for that. Fandoms have this tendency to make absolutely everything about shipping, even when the media they're basing it in does not revolve about that (and it's annoying, because a lot of times people aren't interested in the actual themes- It's all reduced to shipping). Suddenly, you notice people treating the aforementioned character as anything but aro or ace. It's all about shipping. "This person interacted with this other person in a way two friends would, but we gotta make this their entire personality now". Some people may instead go for "well, maybe the character is not having sex, but they're probably an absolute freak about it, studies it extensively, has encyclopedic knowledge about it-"

Now, there's of course sex-favourable aces, and that's completely valid, but it's already straying from what, canonically, the character had mentioned. Asexual or aromantic characters aren't really allowed to exist as themselves. People often see them as a blank slate to fill, to change, to fix. I could talk forever about how people react to real life aces like that. I've had people asking me incredibly invasive questions because they saw my lack of sexual attraction as something broken, something they could fix.

And I hate that! I think I'm allowed to say that I hate that! It's hard and unusual for media to cement an aro/ace character, because they're defined by the lack of interest for something, which is often hard to show. But when it does- No one seems to care. It's all shipping, it's all "well, he's gay in denial", "well, she's probably super repressed". If you took a canonically gay character and made them straight on a fanfic, you'd get angry people. Which is bound to happen when you erase representation that people identify with. But aro/ace characters are NOT even seen as queer, they're not even seen as "representation" by most people. You can erase that bit of it, put some god awful shipping on top, and people will applaud you. And it sucks!

I wish people would see being aro or ace as an identity worth respecting, not an identity that needs overwriting. It feels a bit too close to how people often treat aro/aces irl, and it sucks. It reeks of this sort of exclusionism, where "aro/aces are technically queer but it's queer lite at best, it's less interesting than being gay, and we kinda don't want them near us anyhow". Again, I've had far worse experiences about being ace than I have about not being straight.

Sorry if the post got long, but I hope this experience may at least resonate with other people who have been struggling with this, too. It has always felt just kind of lonely to be ace, and see how little people do even consider it an identity, even when it comes down to something like fandom.

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @jijidraws

Jiji Knight is a latina pinup illustrator. Her work is overall geared toward thick ladies and dedicated to fat positivity out of a purely selfish need to create art she wished she had seen growing up. She often features sexy and soft macabre themes on vibrant or sweet colours and takes great joy in making folx feel good about themselves with her work. She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration and operates out of her very sunny hometown of Las Vegas.

Check out our interview with Jiji below!

Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?

Oh my gosh… I have art blocks all the time. My favorite way of overcoming it is by making fanart. Funnily enough, that’s something I don’t do in my own work anymore. But there are still IPs I return to that still bring joy to my heart. I love returning to drawing Sailor Moon like when I was in first grade. Or I’ll even look up the last fashion week and start drawing the fashion week outfits from the Paris or New York show. Stuff like that is what gets my creative juices flowing.

What medium have you always been intrigued by but would never use yourself?

Resin. Resin art is so stunning. People make the most amazing and beautiful sculptures using resin, and I don’t think I could ever bring myself to play with something so complicated. There are a lot of ways to cure it, and sometimes, it doesn’t cure properly…I already work with enough chaos as it is! I respect resin artists, but I don’t think I would ever touch it. I’ve admired it from a distance. There is an artist I follow who does these resin layer paintings. So they’ll paint a layer of resin, then cure it, and paint on top of the cured layer. They build up these amazing paintings using resin…I could never. Maybe one day!

What is one interaction you had with a fan of yours that has stuck with you over the years?

I still remember…It was my first and only Flame Con in New York. I had a fan come up to my booth. They didn’t say hello or that it was nice to meet me. They started to cry! They cried, and the first words out of their mouth were, “I’ve never seen myself in artwork before.” So, of course, I started to cry! So we were just crying across the table at each other. It was just one of the sweetest interactions, and it really sticks with me still to this day.

What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?

My latest collaboration with the artist Missupacey. We’ve been collaborating for two years now, and our last collaboration was for Midsummer Scream. It was two very cute clown girls, and I designed our T-shirt. It was one of the most fun projects we’ve done in a long time. We love doing collaborative work because it keeps working in the art industry fresh—being able to bounce ideas back and forth. So we do it where someone picks the color palette, and someone picks a theme. We’ll get references together, put them on a big board, and send each other sketches. It’s really nice to work with somebody else.

How has technology changed the way you approach your work?

Honestly, it changed everything. I mean, I used to draw for myself a lot. And while I still do that, I now predominantly draw for my Patrons. For a while, I was drawing for the internet. So I was drawing stuff people wanted to see in terms of plus-sized versions of characters—a plus-sized Poison Ivy or a plus-sized Sailor Moon. My Patrons have allowed me to start drawing for myself again. But technology, for a while, essentially dominated what direction I was taking with my art, so I’m grateful to take some of that power back.

If there is one thing that you want art enthusiasts to remember you by, what would it be?

Body positivity. I would love for them to remember that there is an artist making work that is making people feel good about themselves and about the way they look at themselves.

Top tips on setting up an Artist Alley booth?

Have a method of taking money, have a method of displaying your work, and have a way to take a break. I have a plastic picnic cover that costs like a dollar at any store. All I have to do is clip it to my display grates, and it covers up my entire display. I feel secure enough to take time for myself in a 10-hour workday to eat something, go to the restroom, or even take a moment to breathe and reorganize my inventory. So it’s so funny that this one-dollar piece of plastic is like the most life-saving item in my display of items.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

@mayakern comes to mind. She is another body-positive artist who expanded into making body-positive clothing. She’s amazing, and just to see someone else out there promoting body positivity. Maya’s been doing it longer than I have, I believe. It feels good to know that I’m not alone. Her work is always stunning, and I love her body-positive DnD characters and the fact that she’s still plowing through the clothing industry. For example, she’s expanded from skirts to button-downs and even custom-wrap shirts. I love to see what she’s doing, and it inspires me to pursue different avenues with my own work.

Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Jiji! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @jijidraws.

[usagifuyusummer]

Hello, sorry it took me so long (6 days), but here's your request @candyglumboy. I was experimenting a lot on these honestly.

From first to last in order, First memories/ Mortality/ Ascension (or an imitation of heaven?). I'm still unsure if these are the appropriate titles for these pieces lol.

Thanks for requesting me by the way! It was fun practice admittedly. (I still suck ass at backgrounds though.)

As usual, my insane ramblings below and some close-ups and concept art (will change if formatting is fucked up).

Oh yeah, I've been offline a lot because I'm so busy with uni stuff and... unavoidable family matters..., plus all of these took me a while to finish. I was brainstorming a lot on their request and these are the ones I've chosen to finalize.

I've decided to go with the concept of life, death, and rebirth on their request to just see Peri hugging Timmy lmao, because why not? It was to make me fulfil this request in a more enjoyable and exciting way.

I was experimenting and practicing a lot on understanding the Fairly Oddparents style in these pieces. My attempts are still far from perfect obviously, I mean the second one (Mortality) took the longest for me to finish just because I couldn't translate 3D poses into the 2D artstyle very well lol. (The second one was the hardest to make it look... well alright/pretty to me. It looks like a mess of haphazardous colors... I am terrible at coloring. I think I'll share the other scrapped poses later.)

Honestly, I struggled and got frustrated a lot with finishing these but still enjoyed the process. Here I'll list my inspirations for each pieces;

First memories - xblubotx (i won't tag them because i don't want to disturb): Their small Peri/Poof and teen Timmy fanart pieces continues to inspire me to this day. And yes!!! I see that they have made More Timmy fanart!!! Thank you xblubotx. I will continue to appreciate those in silence.

Mortality - I was thinking of loss and death a lot on this one. I thought what kind of embrace that shows this feeling? So, I used the famous, Ivan the terrible and his son painting, for the pose. I wanted to challenge myself if I could translate the 3D pose into 2D, so yeah, that's the final result... It looks like a mess of vomited red colors... I am sorry if you're squeamish towards blood by the way. I wanted to see if I could also attempt to draw blood streaming. I still think I have a long ways to go in terms of skill... For now, enjoy the nuclear baby about to explode because of overwhelming feelings <3 <3 <3!

Ascension (or an imitation of heaven) - @bevony: I hope I did not miscredit you, as I used your Fairy Timmy design for this one! I changed it a little according to my preferences/headcannon though. Still, I love their Fairy Timmy design! I like the hot pink Channel boots that they gave Timmy lol. (And the very comfortable formal fashion.) Keep on slaying~ My Fairy Timmy design will probably be heavily influenced from them when I get to that eventually... Tell me if you don't want me to, I'll back off. For now, I'll be enjoying the others fanarts of Timmy quietly.

(Additionally, my phone is slowly dying from all of these creative projects that I'm doing currently lol. Agh, I wish I had a drawing tablet or a better device to satisfy these creative urges....)

Again, thank you for the request! I'm okay with requests as I'm still not confident with my creative skills at this moment lol. So, admittedly I view these as a challenge or for practice. I can't fulfil them quickly though, as I have multiple responsibilities to do in real life. Still, I don't mind them once in a while.

I hope you like what I've done here. Sorry if it doesn't fulfil your vision candyglumboy. I'll keep on practicing my creative skills.

So yeah, I think that's all I wanted to share in the post this time. I'm still at season 3 on the FOP rewatch by the way. I am very excited to get to the specials eventually. Yeehaw!!!

Here's some concepts and close-ups of the pieces below this long massive yapping session lmao. Thank you for reading. Have a nice day <3

[thescarletnargacuga]

This blog has changed my life

No exaggeration. No hyperbole.

Back in May, I was lonely and working myself to death. Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. No time for anything else. I didn't really want anything else.

Then the internet exploded about this little indie show I never heard of. Apparently, they had just released their second episode and it was a big deal. Everyone was going nuts.

I had nothing better to do, so I watched it. Then I watched the first episode. Then I dove head first into the fanart here on Tumblr. Then... I felt something I hadn't felt in a very long time.

The urge to write.

When I started posting my fanfictions here, I had not written anything to this degree in over a decade. I didn't think anything I'd post would be any good. I was just trying to have fun in my own little corner of the internet.

Through this blog, I've made real friends. Met some of the most creative and wonderful people. I've found love, platonic and romantic. I've truly reevaluated my own priorities. I've rediscovered an old passion that I thought long dead.

Part of the reason I was so quiet this month was due to a lot of heavy introspection. I thought I had hit a wall or burned out...

No, I had simply discovered that my motivation for writing has changed. I no longer write because I am lonely. I write because I am happy. I write to express. I write to create. I write because I can visit worlds beyond my own within my mind and I wish to share them with you. My mind's theater is a grand stage and I am more than happy to give you all a show. It makes me happy.

You've made me happy. You read my work. You left a comment. You left a like. Maybe you say hi in the Showtime server. Maybe you're a close friend.

@gooseworx on the off chance that you read this, Thank you. Your show literally changed my life. Thank you for giving us such engaging characters to tell stories with.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for reading. May 2025 be just as creative!

Happy New Year! 🎉🍾

Scarlet

[zexapher]

A Fond Farewell

With Rooster Teeth beginning its draw down, an era has truly passed. The company has lasted more than two decades. 18 (soon 19) seasons, five mini-series, and cameos and references in Halo itself for Red vs Blue. 9 volumes alongside two movies, a chibi series, Ice Queendom, and its own games for RWBY. And so much more beyond that, RT Shorts, podcasts, Achievement Hunter, The Slow Mo Guys, and on and on. That’s a lot, especially for a little startup launching off a web series. I was listening to “This Isn’t Goodbye, It’s See You Later” by Richie Branson while I was making this little memorial post. It’s a song made for another Rooster Teeth show, Camp Camp, and I have to say it’s some very appropriate music for this moment.

The day the news dropped, I wrote up a little comment in response to Rooster Teeth beginning its closing down, and I thought I’d share some of it here. I grew up with Rooster Teeth, a bit of a cheesy line I know, but it’s true for a lot of us. I was just a little kid way back in the early 2000’s, a kid that liked Halo (a game I didn’t even own for a long time, but played at a friend’s house), and was just getting curious about what I could find about it on YouTube. And that brought me into the world of music videos and skits and montages made for that little game I liked.

From there, I discovered a small web series called Red vs. Blue. I’d sneak onto my folk’s computer to watch it since they didn’t appreciate the language, and in doing so I dipped my toes into the wide world of the internet for the first time. As I got older, I eventually hopped onto Reddit for its discussion threads of Rooster Teeth’s latest show, RWBY. I began my first in-depth fandom interactions, speculating about the show, enjoying the flood of fanart, even got into fanfics about RWBY (those fics have had their own amazing evolution alongside the show) and to this day it’s the fandom I’ve followed and bookmarked the most fics from. All the while I was making friends and bonding with people through the community this company and its shows have created.

Watching the shows and people grow over time was, looking back on it, just like watching myself grow. I was never really a social media/internet kind of guy, until it came to Rooster Teeth. The shows, shorts, podcasts, it all opened up a whole new world for me. It’s sad to see it coming to a close, and I hope it gets picked up in the future. But I’m happy, too, that it’s left so much behind, and had such an impact on me. It’s left me with so many good memories. Rooster Teeth, its shows, those that created and worked on it, and above all the community around it will always have a special place in my heart.

So, I bid a fond farewell to Rooster Teeth and its crew, and anyone who may drift away from the fandom in time. I wish you all the best.

[stitchwraith-stingers]

sorry for never shutting up about how people treat hazel but ohh my god shes my fave character atm.... i get to be mad!! she has good enough information that you can play around with headcanons freely

the only moments people wouldve brung up is when dev is in the episode, there was no reason for the episode that showed her tendancy to overthink and be emberassed over small mistakes by wishing a do-over and over again, having to realise that running away from the idea of creating a problem wont help her in the long run JUST so people could go "omg haha dev has a crush on her" i could litterly not tell you what the general concensious on most episodes are because i dont know peoples opinions on them because in general they dont discuss them beyond his scenes

fanart too, ive personally muted the dev and devzel tag and when i look up #hazel wells i want you to guess how many posts i find that arent hidden! spoiler alert its barely any of them, listen im not saying im shocked at the fact The Characters Made As A Duo are drawn as a duo, its whatever and while im not personally a fan in general i really do get the appeal, but you have to admit that at some point it gets really suspicious when the only fanart you can find in one character is only with the more popular one, over 200 fics in the hazel tag on ao3 and theres only 20! without the dev tag! (10 more then when i last checked, crazy! go read fly bird, fly now), and my main problem is is that hazel is shown to be her own person OUTSIDE of their friendship, infact wouldnt you know it shes the protagonist herself! the fact that most aus ive seen are focused on dev/dale/peri is whats most confusing to me, "oh but theyre so interesting to work with"

really! youre telling me you cant think of a fic / au idea on her own? miss "i was going to have a previous godparent who didnt listen to me at all", miss "i am very anxious and i overthink to the point where my desicions", miss "i had an encounter with my evil shadow self when i was a fairy" (shout out to fairy bound au btw, im a big fan), miss "my mom doesnt fully know how to handle children inspite of being a therapist and tells me im handling things mature so i feel like i should be", miss "with the fact that im terrified my friends are making fun of me behind my back, i didnt know how to talk to anyone and a cafetiria made me so overworried and i speak to my rocks could imply the fact that i was outcasted at a young age", miss "my brother who has been my anchor and i has taught me everything i need to know has left me and hes also struggling to adjust to everything and we were insanely close to the point where the reason this whole thing started is because of him", miss "i regularly help my dad hunt a ghost that doesnt exist but it makes him happy", miss "i am litterly friends with the coolest kid in elementary school", miss "my landlords are litterly doomsday preppers and our parents want me to get along with their werido twins", miss "i didnt even hestitate to kill myself if i had to save potatoes for humanity after i pissed off mother nature", miss 'i got called out on projecting my past bonding expiriences on my best friend by some werid demon posessing her body right infront of me' none of that makes you want to think of something about her on her own? not even a spark of an idea? its almost like you guys watched exclusively 6 episodes and watched 5 minutes out of them at most

hazel is very interesting and shows her own struggles, she likes puns and fries and rocks and anime and horror movies (and apparently mushrooms if you count that one scene), she tries to problem solve so that no one is unhappy (patty being alive so winn wasnt upset, trying to get the band and orchestra together, accidently haunting her house and wishing her dads day was extra special, trying to find a dinosaur she spontaniously teleported his own job), she has multiple episodes showing her insecurities and how she tries to hide it so she doesnt look like a bad person, but inspite of it all is a understanding person and a peacemaker and doesnt like arguments, hell shes even such good autism represntation im 99.9% sure it wasnt intentional at all

dont even get me started on the takes ive seen in the finale, listen the finale has alot to be said and it definatly wont be everyones cup of tea (i think them trying to refrence every episode felt so chaotic personally) but regarding people with the ending is still giving me a headache, "she shouldve used her wish on him" that wouldve been so boring and predicable, say what you want on what she actually used it for but i think you guys should realise that for the kid whos regressing back into his bad copium mechanisms should get to face his concequences, 'hes 10 and neglected so thats why he acted like that' and 'she doesnt need to put up with how he treats her and hold his hand and be his personal therapist' can both coexist, people being pissed that she lightheartly agreed that he fucked up when HE admitted it is crazyyy CRAZYYY (also the fact ive seen someone say 'her moms a therapist she shouldve known' ???)

this isnt even touching on "hazels other relationships like her friends and family arent developed enough so thats why ppl dont care that much" while that is a valid critism i have with the show in general i still dont think applys to what im specifically talking about to demonstrate dale has appeared in THREE episodes (four if you want to stretch it), meanwhile hazels parents have appeared more often and im barely seeing them in fanart "but dale has a backstory!" so do those two have a whole episode explaining how they met "b-but dale is interesting as a role as a villain!" the guy is barely a villain [so far atleast], but also is being a therapist and a parascienists already not an interesting enough? are you guys suddenly not able to make as much headcanons expanding apon them as you did with dale? thats the thing that confuses me the most, whats stopping you from giving random information from your head to anyone else?, (i didnt know how to word this point so hopefully this makes sense)

listen im going to say it right now MOST OF THIS IS DEFINATLY UNINTENTIONAL AND NOT EVERYONE IS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE but some of u guys might really need to uncover some biases on why you think the black girl should coddle the rich white boy when he wasnt treating her well at the time, if that makes sense

[natsglorifiedsimp]

Occupied

a bit of angst today cause why not?😝 oh gosh why is my writing so bad now lol i think this would be a last one lollll

This was a request of @aosquakewidow23

Taglist: @diaryoflife @xxromanoffxx @lissaaaa145 @fxckmiup @mmmmokdok @sayah13 @karmasgxrl @meurgen @simp-erformarvelwomen @lilaswidowspark @snowdrop1026 @beholdagaywriter

(I'm not the owner of this fanart. Ctto)

"I need someone to talk to," you said sheepishly to both of your girlfriends. You tried your best to still maintain a smile even though you wanted to cry your heart out.

They know you are shy and not the best at communicating. They know how much courage it took you to say that you're hurting inside. But this time they ignored it.

"Y/n, I'm sorry but not right now. We still have finishing up to do." Natasha said.

A plea for help turned into an embarrassment. "What were you thinking?" you scold yourself.

You slowly backed away from them to give them much-needed space. "I'm sorry" you frowned. "I can come back later when you aren't busy." you tried to show a smile but your lips failed you.

"Yeah, yeah" Wanda flicked her hand ushering you out.

You wept in the hallway trying desperately to keep it together. "Maybe they're just busy and this is nothing, I can get over it myself" you convinced yourself.

---

Hoping they would listen to you, they didn't. It has been a week since they last told you to get off their faces. But it was one of those days again. You've been bottling up everything but you're already so exhausted.

"Nat? Wands?" you sounded so small, your eyes filled with tears you can't hold back anymore. "I could really use a hug right now."

Roaming your eyes in the room you noticed an unpacked suit of case. "What?"

You hurriedly looked at your closet, "Some of the clothes are gone" you thought.

Just in time Natasha and Wanda both came out of the bathroom. "Are you guys gonna leave?" you brittle.

"Oh yeah, new mission," Natasha said casually like it's nothing. Your eyes burned as you tried to keep your tears at bay. "But we haven't h-hang out yet." you stuttered.

"It's fine, we can do that when we get back" Wanda was occupied with her necessities. She didn't even spare a glance at you.

"Uhm, okay." you frowned in disappointment.

---

During the nights, you were up. Trying to keep your feelings in a jar keeping them away from people who are trying to help. You felt like a responsibility attached to your girlfriend's tail.

Someone who is trying to belong to a circle where she didn't fit in. You kept your distance to the team making sure you talked enough but not too much. Talked about them but little about you.

A daily stroll became your daily routine. During the day or night, you'd make sure you had your peace. But today, it wasn't the usual calm day. A guy dressed in a skimpy outfit is trying to snatch the poor young woman's purse.

Combat was something you never learned. Even from your girlfriends. But seeing the situation you didn't even think twice.

You grabbed the man's arm and kicked his crotch. He winced in agony keeping his balls together. You grinned braggingly and brought back the purse to the lady.

In utter anger, the man kicked your back with full force causing you to bumped the floor. 'That hurt' you thought.

He didn't stop there he made sure to give you blows by blow. You didn't fight though, you didn't care. At one point you even wished this would cause your death.

---

Getting home bruised and broken worried the team. Each one trying to talk to you, to give you immediate care. But with a simple "I'm fine" they stopped.

You walked past them like nothing happened. As if you didn't look like a mess. Natasha and Wanda were still weren't there though. As always.

---

The two redheads got back home exhausted. Shoulders slumped, eyes heavy with almost a week of deprived sleep.

FRIDAY notified you of their arrival but ashamed of what they're gonna say you kept it a secret. You hid in your room and sobbed until sleep took over.

You tried to keep yourself anonymous. Going into a room where the redheads are wasn't much hard. You were invisible to them.

This went on for days and you assumed that it was over. They no longer love you. They no longer care for you. You were once again alone in a room full of people you know but never belong to.

The bruises were still there. If anything they were more purple and visible. The ache in your back worsens but you didn't care.

Wanda gasped, "What happened y/n?!"

Suddenly you were visible again everyone was looking at you. "I'm fine" you lied.

"If you're fine you sure as hell won't have bruises littered all over you" she scolded worryingly.

She tried to grab your hand but you moved away from her. "It's fine, Wanda. It's not like you guys would care." your lips trembled.

"How can we take care of you if you wouldn't tell us what's wrong?" Natasha said.

Your eyes snapped at her, "I did try, Natasha. But you're too busy enough to even care!" the hood that you've been hiding on for weeks fell from your head. Now they could see every bruise you took from that snatcher.

"Oh y/n," Wanda said. "Come on let's get you fixed up" she ushered.

"No. I'm fine." you snapped. "Go back to your perfect little bubble."

"Honey, our bubble isn't perfect if you're not in it." Natasha cooed.

"Then the perfect little bubble ended weeks ago."

You only matter when you're sick and bruised. But once everyone finds how irrelevant you are. They'll pick a new person that is more capable than you. Remember: you're not a lot of people's favorite person

[kozachenko]

(Click the image for better quality)

Yipeeee that Keiki and Mayumi fanart I posted the WIP of is finally done woooo- This piece was a very experimental one that I'm kind of OK on. Maybe because I've just gone insane looking at it for so long and I'm my own worst critic lol.

Artist's Notes;

So I've once again been playing around with my rendering style, mainly because I have been wanting to improve my lighting for a while now and as I was just scrolling through Tumblr, I saw some of the official art for that one webcomic-turned-animated-TV-Show Lackadaisy and was immediately inspired. I also have seen a technique a few times in the past where the lineart and shading are merged together, so I've been meaning to try that for a little while.

I did some experimentation on this one sketch of Keiki I posted in my sketch dump and I really liked the results of it, so I carried those over to this piece.

I ended up scaling up Keiki and Mayumi from the original WIP because I felt like they were both getting lost in the composition, and I'm glad for that because I think it works a lot better. I'm not a fan of how Mayumi's sword turned out at all, but it's not really meant to be the focus of the piece so eh. Overall, I think I could do better with my colours, probably because with Keiki and Mayumi's colours, I did them flat in greyscale and then used a brush on the overlay blend mode to colour all of them over, after which I changed the base layer for their colours from white to yellow and then lowered the opacity so it all went together better. I also decided to use gradient maps for a lot of the background elements, mainly to experiment with getting in my values first to make them pop out more. I ended up finding a really nice sky gradient on Clip Studio Paint that I really liked, and that kinda helped to establish the colour scheme of the background a lot. I think the whole "start in greyscale then colour" thing really works better with painterly styles rather than more illustrative ones, and while it is good at making sure your values are more readable, I honestly don't think I have the skill level to pull that off yet. Honestly, I think I've been looking at this drawing too long or maybe I added too much to it, but I wish I could've made the colours less monochromatic, but I'll just save that for the next piece I do.

I do love how the flame (...well it's more of a weird space rift than anything in this piece) and the lighting turned out, those were fun to do. I was initially struggling with the flame and how Mayumi is positioned in front of it before realizing "Oh wait! This is a weird abstraction of a weird creature! I don't have to follow the laws of anatomy!" and just dislocated it's flamey bottom jaw from the main body. I also changed the colours of it since I was really not liking how incredibly bright it was when it had lighter colours. Again, the gradient maps served the more painterly style of the flames well.

I also love how Mayumi turned out. I could do her sleeves better but that's more of just me needing to study how those types of sleeves fold in that position more. I'm also very happy with the posing, the technique I used for that was taking photos of myself in the positions I wanted, blocking in the silhouette and then modifying that by adjusting it to my lines of action that I drew on top of the original photos, and then sketching over the silhouettes and drawing in the shapes of the hands overtop of the photo if I needed to get the fine details right. As for what I do to take the pictures myself, I use a tall chair I have, prop up my phone with a phone stand, put on a ten second timer and scramble to get in position. Yes, I did have to use a bunch of thin markers I had to try and get the hand positioning on Keiki's pose right, yes I do have a fake sword that I used to get the positioning of Mayumi's arms and hand right, the sword was for an old Halloween costume from several years ago. I really like how both Keiki and Mayumi turned out in this drawing, I'll have to play around with these designs for them more in future drawings.

Also, if you wanna know why I draw buildings like that, when I watched Fantasia 2000 as a kid (One of the Disney movies where they make really beautiful animations to classical music) the way they drew the buildings in the first few sections Rhapsody in Blue segment (the jazz one with the cities) changed my brain chemistry and now whenever I need to draw buildings really quickly, I refer back to that. Since the buildings aren't really the main subject, I didn't put much thought into them.

As you can tell I am very tired of this piece, mainly because I made things harder for myself by overcomplicating the process compared to what I usually do, mainly with the whole "starting in grayscale then adding colour." I'd honestly just prefer having a black layer set to colour that I can just toggle on and off when I need to see the values, but it was good to experiment. And that was mainly the point of this whole drawing, to experiment. I'm definitely going to have to play around with this new style I'm going for, mainly because I liked how it turned out a lot in the augmented Keiki sketch, and also because I want to find ways of making it suit my style more. I also really want to keep experimenting with my lighting like this, it's very fun. Last but not least I am never starting in greyscale again because dear god I do not like the workflow it forced me into. I don't have a problem with the method itself it's mainly just a skill issue lol.

If you wanna read my headcanons for these two, I put them in my WIP post, so you can read them there if you want to. The more I look at this the more I prefer the simplicity of my WIP. I might go back to this and just take away the fancy colours and effects to see what it looks like without all of that stuff and reblog this post with that drawing, but for now, I don't think I can look at this drawing again for a while.

[yukipri]

So, I binged The Acolyte last night.

I had a mental block and couldn't get myself to start while it was coming out, and I also haven't touched any High Republic era media before which made me hesitant. But the spoilers/gifs/fanart etc I saw convinced me I should give it a try.

I'm not a huge fan of binging, I like sitting and thinking with each episode, so I expected to just watch an episode or two, give it a day or so, then continue if I liked it.

But, to my great surprise, once I started, I couldn't really stop (aaand stayed up till 7 AM, oops).

I think it had several things going for it:

-The acting was genuinely phenomenal. I feel like I would have felt completely differently about the show if different actors had been involved, and i mean that more strongly than I usually do. Their delivery in certain moments really sold me.

-It's not your usual Star Wars genre. I'd consider it mystery/suspense with a touch of horror, and it really does come together. Some of the characters are experience a more stereotypical Star Wars action/adventure story, but are jerked out of their genre at certain moments. It's pretty neat, and makes the twists fun and interesting (even if you were completely spoiled beforehand, like me lol)

-The costumes were gorgeous and unique.

-Some truly gorgeous cinematography, shots that have beautiful composition and lighting.

-It was rich in lore and references, some from Legends that I caught, many from the High Republic that I didn't catch but appreciated nonetheless. It felt deeply connected to the SW Universe.

-While cynical, the writing says things that I've thought about but never really thought Star Wars would have the guts to say. The writing is also Tight, meaning that little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later, and I appreciated that. There felt like very little waste.

-There are genuinely no "good" or "bad" guys. Every character makes mistakes or has horrible qualities, yet also positive ones. We see and understand motives, even if we don't agree with them, and see the fallout of those actions. This made almost everyone compelling. The narrative and writing gives the audience space to think.

Things that I wasn't as much a fan of:

-I felt like most of the sets felt kind of generic and Earth-like, especially in comparison to the rich costumes and alien characters.

-There are some fantastic fight scenes and emotional scenes, where the acting and cinematography was fantastic, but I wish the music had been a bit more memorable. I can't really recall any of it, and I feel like there were scenes that could have been truly iconic had the music resounded more with me.

Now, some more specific thoughts, SPOILERS below:

On Sol:

Sol is a character who, I believe in most cases, I would have absolutely despised. But holy shit, Lee Jung-jae. I am not exaggerating when I say that his performance is perhaps one of the best, if not THE best performances I've ever seen in live action Star Wars. He played this character so tenderly, so genuinely.

Despite being misguided, having made terrible decisions, and making mistakes that even he acknowledges, Sol himself always truly thought he was doing what was right, and loved Osha with his whole being even at the end, and it Shows. The way he looks at Osha was so sincere.

This is why I can't get myself to hate Sol as a character. It makes me feel so conflicted, like how can a guy with so much love and genuine desire to help and do good go so wrong? And that, I think, is one of the major points of the show, and Lee Jung-jae absolutely sells it. What a phenomenal actor. You could genuinely watch this show for him alone.

On Osha/Mae:

When the first info/promos for Acolyte came out and Amandla Stenberg was announced as the main character, I admit I was a bit confused. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I thought she couldn't act, but it's just that her face is so kind. She looks so warm (and gosh, she's so beautiful), but it made me go hmm, she looks like a Good Guy Protag, a Hero, so I was a bit confused as to how she was going to lead "the Acolyte," which from the title, I assumed she'd be Dark Side. Even with the early promo scenes of Mae fighting Indara, I wasn't really sold on her being "Dark."

And it turns out, that was exactly the point of the casting.

Amandla was perfect, and was brilliant at portraying two characters who not only have different and distinct personalities, but also both shift and change throughout the show. Mae never came off as "Dark" to me, because she isn't. Osha's not necessarily Light OR Dark, but she's independent. They are balanced, yet cycling, reminiscent of that little palm-to-palm circling ritual that the girls do. Amandla's portrayal of them was poetry, and made me so very invested in them.

I think if there's one thing I really wish the show had included more of, it's both Osha and Mae's pasts between their tragic separation and their reunion in the present. What was Osha's Padawan-ship actually like? I feel like the exact reason for the timing of her leaving the Order was ambiguous, and I wanted to know more. And was Mae with "the Master" the entire time?

I truly wish Osha could have heard the full story from Sol, because of his many crimes, ironically, killing her mother really was a genuine accident. There are things I wish he could have apologized to her for, or that she could have understood about him, such as how that night at the coven was largely driven by how Sol felt connected to her. This is one part where, while I get how the writers went this way, I do wish I could have felt more closure to their relationship.

I found it so tragic that Qimir erased Mae's memories and they had to be separated so soon after finally understanding each other. I really hope that if there's a season 2, they can be reunited.

On Qimir:

Preface by saying I was spoiled regarding his identity long before I started, by all those thirsty posts/tweets. And man, I GET IT.

But thirst magnet aside, I found him a genuinely fascinating character. For one thing, he's kind of an ironic character to *be* a Darksider. He seems so chill and laid-back, is honorable (or at least keeps his word), and despite his words about using emotions to harness energy, we don't really see him passionately mad/anything really. In contrast, the Jedi we see around him are furious, scared, sad. It's interesting that he almost seems more calm, but not necessarily because he's trying: he just doesn't care.

Manny Jacinto's portrayal of the character made him so damn Likable. Which, is pretty hard to reconcile with the fact that I genuinely liked Jecki and Yord, but a lot of his lines make me just go, y'know he's got a point. Like the whole, "She was a child," "You brought her here." Like yeah. Honestly, fair. His little quips, the delivery, the I'm-just-a-chill-dude attitude, actually keeps his word, and on the flip side, undeniable ruthless skill and viciousness that took down a whole team of Jedi single-handedly. It's a very BRRRRRR combo.

In general, I don't really get too attached to "Dark Side" characters, and don't really have a favorite Sith. Or at least, I didn't, but I think Qimir (or whatever his actually name is) might claim that spot now. Truly peak character, I truly hope we get to see more with him.

And this is kind of an aside, but can I just say, it felt unreal to have entire fight sequences focussing on just two Asian actors, with the other protagonist we see a black girl, for huge chunks of the show? No white people except comparatively brief side characters? In a Star Wars show?!?? All of them unique and well fleshed out and phenomenally written and acted?? None of it felt like "forced diversity," it's all so natural, that when I step back and thought about it in these terms it just...again, feels unreal. I'm so grateful for these characters, and hope we get more like them.

On Jecki and Yord:

Honestly given what I saw about Yord before hand, I was expecting him to be far more annoying than he was. Sure, he was a little stiff, but he felt like a young Jedi Knight who was trying to prove himself and do his best, and I think he very clearly did care for Osha.

Jecki, gosh I loved her. She felt very similar to Ahsoka, if a bit more by the book. She was very wise for her youth. I loved the budding friendship between her and Osha, how they helped each other and weren't jealous.

The thing about both of these characters, which I think the writers did so well, is that they felt like protagonists. In another story, they would have been the main characters, the heroes. Both of them were so young, so early in their training/careers. They could have become Obi-Wans, Ahsokas. Jecki especially was bursting with so much potential.

But alas, this was not that story. It makes it that much shocking when their lives are cut so abruptly short. We were given time to get to know these characters, to care for them, and then without much fanfare, boom. Gone.

On one hand, I sorta Hate That. On the other, I deeply respect the writers for going there, because I think it did have an Impact on the story and show.

On the Witches/Mother Aniseya:

Admittedly I was a little ehhhhh on some of the world-building regarding the witches, just the use of the words "witch" and "coven" and some of the chanting with gasping cackling women etc felt a bit caricature. I do get that they wanted us to have a vibe for this group and to get one with limited screentime, and sometimes stereotypes are the way to do that. I didn't love it, but also didn't mind it too much.

I actually really loved Mother Aniseya. For one thing, the actress is Gorgeous, her costume stunning, and she really sold the whole otherworldly ethereal immortal goddess vibe well, in a way that still felt Star Wars. For the other, I liked how she was the soft, empathetic one, it kinda contrasted with expectation of her position.

I also loved Mother Koril, and how again, she was designed as a character foil to Mother Aniseya. I love how we didn't see too much of them, but could still see that they were partners who loved and respected each other (I hesitate to say "wives," because I feel like their society may not exactly have the same concept of marriage, but partners was undeniable). I think it was a neat Oh moment when they stated that Mother Koril is the one who carried the twins. Love them.

I know I'll have more thoughts, but yeah, to sum it up, I enjoyed Acolyte a ton more than I thought i would, and am so glad I gave it a chance.

Other things:

-Mentioned earlier that I love "little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later." Some actual examples of this: When we see Sol noticing Osha's tattoo and Osha saying he must hate it, which in the moment, shows the kind of guardian-student relationship they have, and how little seems to have changed for them in the time they've been a part. Later, it's shown to clearly identify Osha after Mae steals her clothes. Another is the rolly polly moth things, which at first seem just like a way to show This Forest Dangerous, but then are a plot point to temporarily escape from Qimir, and later on, to show Vernestra's connection to the Force (and also her light whip). Stuff like that, I really like.

-I so appreciated Qimir's Cortosis helmet. For one thing, it's neat that it's not just cool-looking or a disguise, but actually is Force-blocking. I think an official SW account factoid said that this is also how beskar works, though beskar is stronger. The two effects this has: when the user is wearing it, they're forced to confront what's inside of them. The other, is that it hides the wearer's identity from Force users who would otherwise recognize them. The latter is my personal headcanon for beskar helmets, so it's very gratifying to see it in canon! The former has some interesting implications for Force-users who wear beskar.

-The cynical view of the Jedi Order as an Institution, and all the politics, corruption, and obscuring of dirt that that entails. Admittedly this may be because of my own increasingly cynical perspective on the Order, but it felt honest and I agreed with most of it. The fact that individuals are trying their best to do "good" does not negate the fact that they are pretty much acting as Space Cops. This line by Senator Rayencourt felt especially raw:

"I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. [] Your emotions."

Framed as a religion having unchecked power—that feels uncomfortably realistic! And also zeroing in on how for all their power, the Jedi are still people, and just as fallible (and therefore, must necessarily be held just as accountable).

Also:

I can see how this portrayal of the Jedi may make some folks uncomfortable, especially if you love the Jedi, but I long hold that the Jedi as an organization are deeply flawed. It's part of why I personally like the "fall of the Republic" era; both the Galactic Republic and Jedi Order have deep, fatal flaws, and this is an era where that all comes to a head—one where they must fall, or fix themselves.

So in conclusion, my favorite parts: the characters, and the moral grayness of almost everyone. Many stories may claim there's no good/evil dichotomy, but few ever truly show it, but this one did.

I'm not sure yet if I want to "fandom" over this or if I'm pretty satisfied with having just watched it, but it was definitely worth the watch and I'm glad I gave it a try!

~~

~~

I also kept a lil document of live reaction notes as I was watching, which I'll copy below:

Episode 1

UEDA?? The planet is just, UEDA?? A pretty common Japanese surname?? That's like. Naming a planet Johnson or somethin...

Loving the costumes 'n set

Oh wait I recognize this scene, it's the one they played as a preview at the AMC Star Wars marathon

Idk how to feel about the Space Generic T-Shirt

Ooh Neimoidians (thank you for no horrendously exaggerated Evil Japanese Accent TM), and interesting Jedi ship shape

Oh interesting interesting they intentionally paralleling TPM eh

Hrmn not a positive first impression of Master Vernestra, her lines are so mechanical

Very cool pilot chair droids and tentacle alien

Osha says practice vehicle safety and wear seatbelts and protect your head!

Oh Osha has Trauma I see. Girl ain't getting good sleep

Oh wow Sol Loves Osha, oh no is this going to lead to Padawan Jealousy Trauma between Osha and Jecki. How much are we heavily paralleling TPM here

Kill the dream eh?

Episode 2

Oh there are multiple Jedi temples, that's nice

Jedi Temple using same security system as Jabba is...uh

Mae tips, good for her

Master Torbin just sittin' there, lookin like some random youtuber. why tabi socks

Man I dig Mae's patchwork cloak with massive princess hood.

It's pronounced KAI-meer??? My Chinese ass thought it was Chee-mir

Barash Vow

Ohhh so Mae doesn't know that Qimir...? (was spoiled)

Episode 3

ooh i like the fairy clione things

Ohhh village all women??

Mother Aniseya is stunning

Oh she and Koril blatantly lesbian, fantastic

Oh gosh the Jedi are NOT looking good here. They don't have the right to train children?? WTF

You must let the children take the test?? And if they pass the Jedi will take them away??? That does NOT sound very consensual!!

Oh gosh, selling "you are special" to a child, after separating her from her community...

Really feel like "how does taking a child away affect their community" should be factored into jedi stuff

Mae that is...sudden and violent wtf

Kinda not trusting Sol here

Episode 4

Wow Kelnacca looks...mentally stable

Ohhh Qimir's ship? Looks suspiciously Kylo Ren-ish

Qimir really suspicious eh

Oh wow not using the Force or anything, just using a sniffy guy

They're really doing a Fellowship of the Ring walk huh

Look I absolutely adore Mae's long gorgeous cloak but that is going to drag half the forest floor with her

Not liking those tree bulbs. looks spider eggy

Osha don't Touch the Thing, that's such a Pippin move

oh no, not spider eggs...rolly polly moth vampire thing

Really enjoying Osha and Jecki's friendship, I'm so glad it's not former Padawan jealousy

Oh, Mae, oh no....knowing spoilers...oh...

The red lightsaber igniting next to Osha's head...dang what fantastic composition

The lil hand twitch and head snap. I Get It.

I remember when "Darth Teeth" was trending

And wow that's a Cliffhanger

Episode 5

Oh no Osha knocked out that doesn't bode well

How many against one is that damn

The double spear through then hidden head lop...wow

holy shit booma-saber

Oooooh the cut treeeeees damn

all that death before even the opening title

Honestly GO JECKI, that's very impressive, her win against Mae AND double saber against Darth Teeth, Anakin level spinning and drama

Holy shit Jecki's death was brutal...

She was a child - You brought her here - FAIR

Why risk discovery - I did wear a mask LMAO

Damn did he just casually break Mae's leg

I don't make the rules - the Jedi do

The Jedi say I can't exist...wow

Holy shit Yord's death

Damn full on brawl

I've accepted my darkness, what have you done with yours

Damn really yeeted Qimir from the fight by sticking a light on his back

Pip tho ;_; killin droids feels like killin pets...

They've turned you against me - really Anakin quotin

Wow Sol, not even going to see Jecki????

And wtf how can Sol not tell that Mae's switched them??? Has fandom been grossly misunderstanding how the Jedi use the Force....how the fuck can any Jedi tell apart any clones eh...

While not exactly subtle, I appreciate how lil details in character interactions have had pay offs. Like the tree bugs and Osha's tattoo being a way to identify her

Episode 6

He really just makin a hot pot

his lair kinda looks like sequels Luke's island

Not sure how I feel about the elephant rock bird things

Honestly glad we get to see Sol upset and affected by everyone's deaths. Might explain part of why he can't tell apart the twins?

Oh he's really wearing hakama hakama

Wow Qimir really just getting in buck naked eh. Is this the scene that Manny froze his balls off for

His line about it being fine in a fight but vengeance a few hours later

Oh he brought a change of clothes

Damn the Jedi are taught "it fades"???

Aww Osha, u aren't tempted by the soup??

Oh wow we revisiting bodies, that feels...u usual for SW. Oh there's a Kel Dor... (why are there no flies buzzing yet. or are there no flies yet)

Mae wakes up so peacefully compared to Osha

Oooh sensory deprivation mask, all dark, nothing but breathing, evocative of Darth Vader even if breathing is not similar

Episode 7

Vergence....iiiiinteresting

Sol, stalking lil kids is creepy af

Oh my god you're just gonna break in???

See - You cannot deny the Jedi have a right to test potential Padawans - Why the fuck not???? You don't have the right to stalk, spy on, break into random people's homes, and talk directly to their children without permission from guardians??

Guh Sol....

Interrogation after isolation from guardians....

Oh, the Jedi Council is right for once??

Do not alter this little girl's destiny because you have formed an emotional attachment to her

Gosh I thought Indara was the most innocent in this buuuuut

Episode 8

I'm surprised they never added Darth Teeth's mask to the front credits

"See you in hell" Oh I know Han mentioned Hell like once but I thought they were avoiding mentioning it in newer media

Holy shit Rayencourt: I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. - Kinda uncomfortably real!!

-We don't control the Force - no, your emotions - OOF

I didn't realize till this ep how the cool Brendok eclipse got that line, it's the comet ring. super neat

oof Mae climbing out of the scene of Trauma...

Oh that is some Wu Xia shit

"I will destroy you if i must" really??

Nice dagger saber

Okay Sol that is Cool

oh gosh, the plot-relevant inversion of clothes resulting in it reflecting how they swapped light/dark is SO cool

very yin yang fighting

Damn it keeps coming down to the unarmed opponent thing

Damn, Mae going the justice route

Damn, just Damn

Gosh the thing about Sol is that he is SO well acted, so sincere in his love and devotion, it's hard to hate him

I'm glad the helmets block the Force identity like that tho, fits headcanon

Glad Basil continues to shine

Oh no. Vernestra...I thought you were doing the right thing revealing the truth, but instead you're continuing the cycle of covering up crimes

Oh...use Mae to find Vernestra's former Padawan...that's a cycle alright

And ends with Yoda okay

[teoft]

It's like Tumblr has become almost a diary for me, thanks to no character limit and a read more button. This atmosphere of acceptance and understanding helps a lot too.

I'll get back to posting actual art, juggling with Twitter and Bluesky along with commissions is taking up a lot of my time.

Anyway, thoughts about art community and being social

For the longest time I've had this feeling of being an outsider in this vague community of artists that see as colleagues of sorts. Like I meet all the "criteria" of being in the group, and yet don't really feel like I'm part of it. Well, it seems I am right in some way, and the reason is that they interact with each other, while I sit here drawing alone.

Unfortunately I've always been prone to isolate myself from others. I grew up feeling like I should be ashamed of loving to draw, since it was always fanart monsters, creatures and cool guys instead of "proper art" like animals and portraits. Before social media, I only drew for myself and never showed anything to anybody. I hid my art from my family, from the world, so that I wouldn't be judged. I think it is one of the biggest reasons why I have trouble interacting with people in the context of art (tbh I'm shit at being social anyway but that's a whole another problem).

Even when I had a scanner and means to post my art online, I never did, due to the whole "if you put something online it'll be there forever" mindset. My first actual account anywhere online must've been Facebook in 2010ish, where I only had a few friends. It was the perfect place for me to finally post anything online, and so I did: I used to post pretty much everything I drew on there. Slowly gaining courage, I eventually made my original Tumblr account, then Deviantart, Twitter, etc.

Still, all I did was throw my art out there in hopes of somebody liking it. I didn't really know how to interact with the people who commented on my posts, so instead I mostly just... made more art. I did have some friend groups here and there, but either they ended up falling apart or my social battery drained in such a way that I slowly drifted away. I had gotten used to just being by myself and relying only on myself in the online art world.

During my design studies, I started putting more thought and work on promoting myself, so that it could be one career path for me to take. My mindset was that I'll work hard and become "big", even if it meant that one post gained me just one follower. In 2020 I ended up going viral with a meme and suddenly getting tens of thousands of followers. It was great and a welcome boost of morale, but unfortunately 2020 was otherwise one of the worst years in my life.

Throughout the years people have come and gone, so the only constant for me has been myself, and my drive to develop my skills. Thus it's been too easy for me to just isolate myself. In a way it has been my strength with regards to art, but sometimes I wish I knew how to make lasting connections. I think/know I might be autistic to some degree, which adds to the difficulty of being social. Though, to be honest, I don't know if I'd gotten this far without my autistic hyperfixations.

I guess the thing I need to do now to fix this problem of loneliness and isolation is to just... slowly try and be more social. To reply to comments and talk to people. All of which is easier said than done. Still, just gotta take that first step and then keep going.

Despite lacking the kind of community I yearn for, it seems I've made a name for myself, enough so that people seem to take pride in knowing me. Or at least that's the impression I've gotten a few times. But still, I am happy that I've had a positive effect on people. After all, my two main motivators in art are that I like doing it, and I like when people enjoy my art.

[gaysindistress]

Cigars, Crossbows, and the Helion’s heart

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

Credits to @trashpostingforthesoulisold for the amazing fanart that inspired this all

pairings: Karlach x f!reader

Summary: based on this little blurb

Warnings: cussing, mild violence, cannon level talk of blood, death, and gore, character death

Word count: 2k

A/n: a whopping total of one person asked for a full fic and who am I to deny them? so here it is my love @dungeonsdragonsandlawyers 💕

Baldur’s Gate; a city of mischief and mayhem. A city where the law is just as corrupt as the criminals who run the streets. A city where there is no difference between good and evil because it all blends together. A city where the poor pray to a ghost, a myth, a legend, an old forgotten god some might say, to help them survive this rotting devils’ hole. A city where there is only one that can save it. Every lawman worth their salt has come to track down the Helion of the Gate but with nothing to show for it save for a few broken bones and shattered dignities. The current leader, the high and mighty lord Enver Gortash, has offered thousands in reward for the capture of the Helion. His ever increasing desperation to find this ghost has made him sloppy and a bit stupid if I’m honest. He paces back and forth in the small waiting area of my work apartment, nearly burning holes in the expensive rugs under his feet. For the better half of an hour, he’s been doing this, mumbling to himself, and completely ignoring me as if I’m a statue rather than a person. Every time I try to speak up, he shots me a deadly look and continues on with his nervous behaviors. I glance over at the clock and let out a deep sigh through my nose before pushing off of the small chaise lounge I'd been sitting on. Walking over to the little bar cart, I pour myself yet another bitter tasting drink and swallow it in one gulp. As I go to pour another, the pacing feet come to a halt and I feel his heavy eyes on my back. Enver finally speaks, “She’s visited you, hasn’t she? She’s been here, hasn’t she?” I take a moment to brace myself and take a deep breath before turning to face him. There is a wild look in his eye, too similar to that of a wolf backed into a corner for my comfort. “How would that even be possible, Enver? You have me guarded better than you do yourself I imagine. There is no earthly way that she or anyone else for that matter could get in without your knowledge.” My words don’t have the easing effect that I had hoped they would and that look has intensified to a truly terrifying level. He narrows his eyes at me before taking a deep breath of his own and looking over my shoulder through a window that overlooks the city. “When was the last time you saw her?” “That night.” “The night she tried to kill me?” While he is not looking directly at me, I know that he sees me nod my head. It’s almost more terrifying that he’s not looking at me, that he’s refusing to humanize me as he questions and accuses me. There have been few times where I have faced his wrath but now is most certainly not a time I wish to experience it. Enver is not a violent man but he is a calculated and cunning man who has no fear of consequences. He’s willing to lie, manipulate, and assassinate whoever he needs to to get what he wants. I may be in his favor for the moment but I am not so disillusioned to believe that I will stay there for long. At any moment he can decide that I am more trouble than I am worth and have me killed or do it himself. “What did she say to you that night?” “N..nothing.” My hesitation is my downfall.

“Why have you come?” I whisper while my cheek rests on her warm stomach, staring up at her. Cigar smoke floats around us, creating a veil between us and the world that wishes for her death. The smell of sweat and sex fills the pockets of space where the cigar smoke does not. Smoke spills out of her mouth as she speaks, “I wanted to see my sweet one.” She takes another drag off her cigar as she tucks her free hand behind her head and gazes down at me. “That not a good enough reason?” I chuckle at her before pressing a chaste kiss just below her belly button and move so I can see her better. I take her cigar with one hand and with the other I trail my hands up and down her side. I feel her tail flick behind us and come to rest on the small of my back. “It’s a perfectly fine reason but I fear that you are lying to me,” I tell her while I pass the cigar back. “Lying to you? Now why would you think such a thing?” “He’s growing more scared and more desperate, K. He’s growing more reckless and it’s only a matter of time before he loses it altogether. What happens then, hm? What happens when he gets to you? What happens when he hurts you or worse kills you?” Her small smirk fades into a sad smile when my words sink in. She drops her cigar into an ashtray on my side table so she can hold my face. My eyes flutter closed as her warmth engulfs my cheeks and spreads through my body. “Nothing will happen to me I promise, sweet one. Nothing will happen to you either and I will do everything in my power to make sure you stay safe.”

Everything happened so quickly. Enver had sent word that I needed to pack a bag and be ready to leave as soon as he arrived. Karlach had told me that I needed to stay in my apartment until she came and got me. My heart had told me who to listen to and my body scrambled to follow its demands as I packed as little as I could and prepared myself for the bloodbath that was about to happen on my doorstep. The familiar sound of hooves on the cobblestone alerts me that my time has run short and I duck behind that stupid chaise lounge with a crossbow in hand. Heavy footsteps pound up the staircase and there’s a brief pause before the door is kicked in. “Where are you, y/n? Come out and face me,” Enver’s humiliated and angry voice calls out. He takes a few steps towards my room and I try to shuffle around the other side of the chaise lounge but I make too much noise. He finds me within moments and looms over me as his chest heaves and blood pours from a nasty gash on his forehead. “You lied to me. You led her straight to me. You played a part in all of this,” he seethes. That hungry and desperate look has returned tenfold and now there is nothing but blood on his mind. There is no point to reason with a feral and wounded animal so I don’t even attempt. All I can do is find a way to get to my feet and get out of this apartment before he can get to me. He starts to lean down to grab my ankle but I let off a warning arrow that skims past his arm and take his moment of surprise to get up. “You little…” he growls while stalking towards me. I refuse to turn my back on him and try to feel my way towards the door. Tears have begun to prick at the corners of my eyes and that causes him to laugh sadistically. “That’s sweet; you’re crying for a dead woman to come save you and think that your little crossbow could protect you. Tell me, y/n, are your tears making it hard to see? Are you seeing double?” His taunting words strike a chord of anger within me, “I’ve got two more arrows; one for each of you I see. If I don’t hit you the first time, then I certainly will the second time, wanna take those odds, Enver?” He takes one step forward and crumbles to the ground when an arrow becomes embedded in his knee. Letting out a wail of pain, he curses at me and tries to stand but his words are cut short by an arrow in his chest.

I find Karlach fading in and out of consciousness and bleeding out on the floor in her room at the Elfsong. Upon opening the door I freeze seeing her there with one hand on the door handle and the other on the door itself, while my brain swirls before I’m able to come to my senses and close the door. All the while Karlach is slouched against her bed, taking shallow ragged breaths as the blood runs down her face and hand from the cut on her abdomen. “Hey there, sweet one,” Karlach attempts to grit out but the pain in her side is too much and forces her words to be inaudible. I rush to grab a towel and warm water from the vanity before dropping to my knees beside her. I refuse to say a word as I begin to gently wash away the blood and patch her up. I’m too afraid to speak, scared that I will burst and completely lose my compuse. Karlach is usually the talkative one between us but now she is utterly silent as she closes her eyes and tries to remain still as I work. Her closed eyes don’t allow her to see the tears welling up in my eyes or the way my breath catches when I see her wince or the way I’m taking great care to not hurt her anymore. Karlach is broken from her trance of false peace when I move away to grab her pack and begin to rummage around for the needle and thread that she keeps in it. I murmur an apology and request for her to stay silent as I begin to stitch her bigger wounds up. She hisses and groans but otherwise does as I ask. When I’m finished, I move to clean the blood from her hands. She watches me as I dip the cloth into the water and bring it back to her knuckle, gently washing away the evidence of her near death and keeping her hand tightly in mine. I press light kisses to each knuckle when I’m done and place it on top of my wrist while I start to clean the other. The silent plea to stay doesn’t go unheard and she lightly squeezes my wrist to let me know that she will. Once I’ve finished cleaning both hands I take them in mine and bring them up to my lupus as warm tears fall down my face. Karlach cups my face and draws me closer to her so that we may rest our foreheads on each other. “Thank you,” she whispers and kisses away the tears that have fallen down my face, “thank you, sweet one.” “He’s dead,” I whisper back. “You do it?” “Yeah but I don’t want to talk about it. I want to rest with you.” Karlach barely nods in agreement and lets me gently help her up, pulling her towards me and circling my arm around her waist. We walk slowly to the bed where I help her sit down and get out of her filthy clothes. She attempts to swing herself into bed but Is quickly stopped by me climbing behind her and gently brushing out the knots and tangles in her hair. My beautiful soldier leans back into my touch and allows herself to feel safe as I work to make her feel as comfortable as she can. She nearly whines when I stop and my body moves but it's not long before I’m helping her to lay down on my chest. She lays on top of my heart as her body curls around me and her tail wraps around my thigh. Her breathing starts to level and her small noises of pain begin to fade. My hands drift to hold her shoulder and play with her hair as she finds peace and relaxation in my arms. “Tell me in the morning what happened?” she murmurs in her sleepy slurred voice. “Of course, in the morning my love.” I murmur back as we wrap ourselves up in each other, creating a bond that only death would be able to break.

[alllgator-blood]

Have you ever wanted to draw something but you fought due to your skill level at the time you decide not to do it

OH ABSOLUTELY, I personally feel like the key to art improvement is trying new things and experimenting often. But the thing about trying new things is that they're typically out of your comfort zone, and often times you're left struggling because you've never had to move your hand in the configuration needed to depict the thing you want? So often times it feels easier to just not do that thing, but you might not improve if you give up when you fight against your own skill level.

I'm wrapping up on a comic and I almost gave up on it because for some reason, I decided "these two should be hunting while this conversation takes place" and I struggled on and off for two days because of my dedication to get this comic out. The payoff to them hunting doesn't even happen til the second page so I really didn't need to do this. I actually have experience with archery but for some reason, I just COULD NOT figure out where to put shamura's arms to make them hold that damn bow.....UNFINISHED COMIC PANELS INCOMING:

Is it perfect? HELL no I think it looks pretty awkward cause I've only been drawing these characters for a few weeks so I'm still getting used to them, and that in combination with drawing them doing action poses after years of drawing slice of life comics is..............not ideal. I'm more used to drawing furries hitting a bong on a garbage covered couch. But that's the thing! I wanna do more fanart for this Violent Video Game, so I need to learn how to draw people holding weapons. If I give up, like half my fanart ideas will never come to fruition, so I think making flawed art is better than making no art at all.

If you're struggling with your art, just absolutely barrel through whatever it is you're struggling with and come back another time in the future to revisit it. Attempt to draw you're struggling with (even if it's like the shittiest worst sketch ever, god knows I have tons of those), save it somewhere, and when you want to give that idea another go, compare the new art to what you did last time. Honestly I wish I tried and failed more than I didn't try at all, I'd have more to show for myself if I took my own advice.

[queengiuliettafirstlady]

Love Booth Challenge

Love Booth for underrated characters.

Ikemen version

Hello and welcome to my first challenge. I am proud to present to you the Love Booth challenge, a month long exploration of love for the underrated characters of the Ikemen games.

General Rules

Works and art of all forms are welcome! Fanarts, fanfics, headcanons, moodboards, playlists and everything you can manage to think of is included. 

Limited to Ikemen fandoms and to certain suitors, due to popularity of some characters more than others I have decided to host a challenge exclusively for the less appreciated.

I had this idea since forever what took me so long to post it was the creations of the prompts I created in association with my lovely friend MO @xxsycamore.

I did my best to include most of the less loved characters from the Ikemen games exclusively with an English version.

That said if you think about other less popular characters, belonging to one of these games or to other Ikemen games that are not out in English yet, You are allowed to use these prompts as inspiration.

The main focus is to show love to characters not so loved by the fandom/game all year around without limit for this reason I won't make a masterlist.

When posting your works, use the tag #love booth challenge - you can as well tag me @queengiuliettafirstlady in your posts! It will help find other creations for those interested to check them out.

Posting to other sites is allowed - as long as you mention the challenge and its creators.

Reblogs are appreciated!

Content Rules

This challenge features a list of prompts, and dialogue prompts which you can match to your liking, if you want to. You can create more than one work for the same prompt, too!

Under the cut, you will find the prompts linked to the characters included in the challenge, that can be mixed up with prompts from other challenges happening around the fandom in the same month.

Any additional rules are up to the artists. You are free to choose the rating (make sure to mark your NSFW works accordingly, and if you’re minor, make sure not to interact with such!), and also the genre (the challenge’s main focus is romantic love, but it is not obligatory for your work to be of such genre), all characters and ships included are up to you (OCs, character x MC, character x character, etc.)

You’re free to take requests from your audience using these prompt lists, again please make sure to mention the challenge and its creator.

You’re absolutely free to post your works for this challenge whenever you feel like.

The final and most important rule is to have fun and not pressure yourself about full completion of the challenge. Do only as many works as you wish! :)

Here is a free-to-use banner/header for the challenge!

If you have any additional questions, I’ll be happy to help. There is no such thing as a stupid question, so don’t hesitate to get in contact with us! I wish you happy creating!

THE LISTS

Ikemen Vampire

Dazai - Storyteller - A walk under the cherry trees.

Jean - Monster - "I am not worthy of love."

Mozart - Music - "You are my muse."

Sebastian - Secrets - "My composure is an act."

Shakespeare - Bard - A poem for my lover

Faust - Alchemy - "Behave for me."

Charles - Obsession - "I wish we could stay like this forever."

Isaac - Scholar - "I don't understand people at all ... yet I found myself quite curious to know everything about you."

Ikemen Prince

Keith - Duality - "Trust me."

Luke - Bear - "I will protect you."

Jin - Sweets - "All I need is our love."

Rio - Pet - "I will love you always and forever."

Sariel - Discipline - "It will do good to remember I am quite a strict tutor."

Nokto - Facade - "Were the truth lies ?"

Licht - Scar - "No matter what I do this scars will not heal, but your presence made me forget about them."

Yves - Fashion - "Would you like to get ready together ?"

Ikemen Revolution

Zero - Identity - "I am human because of you."

Harr - Magic - "I only want to keep you safe."

Loki - Abandonment - Seeking comfort on a rainy night.

Blanc - Gentleman - "Do you remember what I warned you about when you came in Cradle?"

Mousse - Dreams - "You are the subject of my dreams. I want to know even more about you."

Dean - Strict - Stern gaze softening upon an endearing sight.

Dalim - Flirt - "You shouldn't have trusted me."

Oliver - Creativity - "The best part about my creations is seeing you smile."

Ikemen Sengoku

Kennyo - Revenge - "You make me feel complete with your love."

Ranmaru - Loyalty - "I will always be there for you."

Sasuke - Companion - Fanning over the fanboy.

Mitsunari - Knowledge - "Let me take care of you."

Yoshimoto - Beauty - Admiring art together.

Kanetsugu - Strategy - "I found quite difficult to keep my composure when you are around."

Hideyoshi - Devotion - "You're my number one priority."

Ieyasu - Teacher - Collecting herbs together.

Once again Have fun and Happy Creating! I can't wait to see all your creations. 🧡💟💌🤗