#I wish I had more time to work on it rn
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So a few months ago I made an animatic of Athena and Pallas. I’m remaking it with a different song but the same concept. The final spar between Athena and Pallas. This is what I have so far.
#I’m not even finished and I’m already sad#I wish I had more time to work on it rn#raaahhh#I must make more angst#art#my art#animatic#digital art#epic#epic the wisdom saga#epic the musical#athena#pallas#pallas athena#greek gods#greek mythology#goddess of wisdom#wip
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superbatweek day 1 - identity shenanigans
a scene from my own wip! clark kent meets matches malone on a late night outside the red lagoon...
i like em without colors too -_-
#superbatweek2024#clark kent#bruce wayne#matches malone#superbat#i wish i had had more time to work on the projects this week but lifes kinda hectic rn... maybe ill do redraws later#my drawings#its 4:30 am that still counts as day 1 right
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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I forgot that doing comms means less time to draw my blorbos </3
#rida raving#truly I am starved#deflated#SUPER GRATEFUL TO EVERYONE WHO'S COMMISSIONED ME THO#I WANNA BE CLEAR I LOVE AND APPRECIATE IT#I just wish I had more time#rn I'm doing my full time office job and comms and it's a lot for me to maintain ngl#I only get one afternoon a week to work on art unless I wanna do weekends too#and my queue is too long to only be doing one a week if I want to clear it to change up the types being offered#I wish I could do a split or one full day to dedicate to comm work#but I keep having to use my only thurs for med appts and the works
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Is it okay if i ask about the part of coffezilla that apeared in dream's video? I'm kinda confused bc tubbo says it's his money there but i don't get if that chances anything or not/gen
Oh yeah totally! Dream didn't use really anything other then some super cool graphics from coffezilla's video, but I did also watch the original as well!
I dont think any creator who made merch with that company is at fault.
On the video coffezilla talks about how the owner of the company would spend a lot of money on frivolous purchases, making it so he didn't have money to pay the creators.
Coffezila explains it well here:
But yes, creator A would be payed not with their profit, but with creators B's profits.
Tubbo actually appears in the video! A small clip of him vaguely taking about how no one will ever go to that company again with someone who I assume is a friend.
(Niki also appears in the video! Apparently she's owned 300k! Yikes!)
But no one is at fault for this other then the owner. Also, the second half of the video includes a lot of very upsetting accusations about that owner so, be careful if you choose to watch.
#the voices#discourse#Dream brought this up as a response to Tommy shitting on his merch and merch company#Ill be honest man I wish more people worked with his company. because I got merch from othwr places and the service I got there was 100-#times better.#im just chatting rn sorry but like. I would cheer even if *Quackity* got signed in#the issues I have have had with mervh delivery make me bitter forever.#I wish every fan got to have an equally good experience as I did.#...WAIT A SECOND THATS WHY I NEVER GOT THE TUBBO JACKET I GOT#HOLY SHIT THAT HADNT CONNECTED UNTIL NOW#dream situation
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IM FREEEEEE
#(FROM PROJECTS)#personal#the engineering chronicles#WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER NEED TO SLEEP THREE NIGHTS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ENGINEERING BUILDING AGAIN!!!#one class the final project was to build a karaoke machine which my partner and i had planned on making look like actual speakers and#microphone but we couldn’t find the stuff in time and her mom made a joke abt singing into hairbrushes and we decided to take that and#run lol we used a pink sparkly makeup box to store our circuit and cut out holes for the speakers and decorated it with makeup and put the#hairbrush mics inside and it was very fun actually and our class voted us as one of the groups to go to project day which was pretty cool!!#project day did get canceled bc of. asnow day which was unfortunate especially considering we stayed up until 4am the night before#preparing our documents for it and trying to perfect the karaoke machine when we could have been putting that time toward project number#2 😐 but whatever we still get our extra credit and i can say i qualified for it so im happy enough#then project 2 was for another class but we’re lab partners in both (+ another guy for this project) and it was digital monster pet so we#made a dragon i was mostly on design so i hand CADed the whole thing which was living hell if i never want to lay eyes on solidworks#again but also he came out very cute after MUCH hasle putting him together with all the wires and components bc our wires from the kit are#so bad they’re constantly getting disconnected from each other which we didn’t know would happen bc the labs we usually do we don’t have to#connect them together like that since you’re not routing them thru bodies etc and they’ve worked great until now but anywya.#i did the lcd faces and the light sensor and a couple other things + a lot of the code was copy and paste from past labs and fitting it to#suit the project but for the most part it was a shit ton of hardware on my end while she and the other guy managed the rest of the code#which i really wish i could have been more involved with but oh well. as it is though he’s my baby i birthed him <3 we’re planning on#meeting up over weekends next semester to change some stuff and add other extra features that we missed we got a decent grade 85% but we#all agreed we don’t want to leave him like this we want to add the extra features we had come up with and also i think we should switch out#our motors for servos bc the motors we were required to use#instead suck they’re not strong at all compared to what a servo can do for you. also we want to make it so you can not only pet him which w#already have with light sensors but also wash him with a Hall effect sensor and magnet so like we’d stick the sensor inside and the magnet#inside a little cad brush or sponge is what im envisioning and i have an expression in mind for what we’d do then. also paint him and#redesign the platform he stands on bc it’s rlly cramped and also make a pcb bc we only have him with the microcontroller and breadboards rn#and i might mess with his face piece a bit too im not sure. oh and speakers!!! those were technically a requirement but we didn’t get them#done on time but i want to make him play music sooooo bad so definitely that. anyway want to be more involved in the software when we do#all this. pretty excited actually :]
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How long is the cruising fic now I'm very excited 👀
It’s honestly almost 50k words, anon, I’m a mess, haha.
#I think I’m going to have more pockets of time to work on it today than I was expecting too#but I do know I want to re-write the last scene so that’ll take me a minute#on my way to the airport now!#hopefully going to see a friend in Sydney for brunch and then take the five hour train trip to my sister’s before we do#the 11 hour drive back to Melbourne tomorrow rip us#my Uber driver’s like the Roos are everywhere rn#and honestly I’ve heard that two people I know have had their cars totalled in the last fortnight alone#so wish us luck#my aunt just posted my sister a roo whistle for the car so hopefully that’ll keep them away#i’ll be driving through / past the region Sam’s from too actually#fic asks
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kinda feeling like this today
#rambles.#i’m probably just irritable because i’ve barely eaten and i have to work in 15 mins#also i had to get blood drawn and maintenance takes my parking spot if i leave for 5 goddamn minutes#but !!!!!!! at least there shouldn’t be much for me to do at work tonight lol#i have surgery in two days i kinda wish i had taken more time off for it bc i’m so tired of work rn#i want to write and do creative stuff but i never fucking feel like it 🥲
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More matador!Fernando! Ferrari this time :D (I can't help myself.....)
- facial hair
+ closeups
I really wanted the vibe of this Nando pic, I think I did pretty well??
#GUYS THE BULL DO YOU NOTICE WHAT BULL DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SUBTEXT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY IMPLICATION#lmao tho i mostly put it there cause i saw this rly cool pic w the shadow of a bull on a matador's cape#i dont understand how i ended up making this one more intensive and detailed than the other#but im not mad cause i really like it aaahhhhhh#but i think this one took more than 6 hours and the other one was 5½?#and both i ended up working until an absolutely horrible time. dont ask me what time i wrote this post#okay btw i didnt draw that embroidery. thank you medibang pattern brush now beloved 🙏#i think it suits him!!!! i was thinking of doing stars anyways so I'm glad it worked out#two people id like to blame:#thank you 005 for accidentally reminding me of the sword!! im glad his other hand is not just idle :)#and thank you suzuki-ecstar for asking me at some point if id ever draw facial hair on nando#^ particularly the 3 Musketeers look. so thanks. i suddenly remembered and i had to draw it 😭#it kept shocking me how baby faced i drew him every time i took that layer off#also every time i worked on the suit red genuinely ceased being an actual color to me#its bright red right?? like very fluorescent?? but my brain kept going: is this too orange?? this isnt red right????#anyways happy with this!!!!! there were a lot more roadblocks than the other but it all worked out#but wow wish i had this level of diligence for yknow. schoolwork.#i can spend 6+ hours on a drawing straight but school? nah i give up every 20 mins or less fjfkkfl#also not abandoning my other aus or anything but i have a lot more ideas for this honestly#i think the ref pics are a lot easier and more interesting to find than for my other AUs#<- cause its so much more modern lmao. so i have a lot more inspo than trying to find ultra specific 18th century paintings#i wanna draw 3 things rn:#nando w the ceremonial cape. seb in a matador suit. and of course some silly vett//onso in this AU#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#catie.art.#fa14#matador au
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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hatsune miku !?!
she’s so cuutteeee :]
#wish i had more time to take pictures of her rn but i have work :[#also my first nendoroid doll !!!#nendoroid#nendoroid doll#hatsune miku#miku figure#figure collecting
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ive decided that my newest hobby is mixology this is who i am now
#i just made such a good shaken passionfruit daiquiri i can not stress enough how good this is#i would make another one but i forgot to make ice before i started so i barely had enough for the first one rip#winter came n i switched from ice coffees to hot ones and forgot to make ice for god knows how long apparently#yapping#anyway im tired of having to drink beer when ppl come over n we all drink i dont even like beer#i like my silly little cocktails and now i dont have to pay a fortune to have them YIPPEEE#i love how im acting as if ive never made cocktails before when i used to work as a literal bartender for like half a year AHHAHAHA#i dont drink a lot to be clear sometimes i wont touch alcohol for over a month it rly depends on the vibes of the functions i guess#also not a big fan of drinking by myself ngl#but i think sharing cocktails with dani and shady would be so fun actually#were thinking of having a jojo part 6 watch party with cocktails with the three of us yay !!!!#in the time ive sat here going “aw i dont have any ice :^(” my freezer would have made new ice by now#but yeah im still learning what i like taste wise i guess! but so far im sticking to what i know i like#so... mojito. pina colada. daiquiri... those vibes#i like cosmopolitans as well but i didnt buy shit to make those (i do have to be mindful of having a budget i guess.. maybe next month)#im talking too much rn but. point is. this is fun and cute and i like it#wish i had more than one cocktail glass i guess#but danis a 192cm clumsy man who keeps breaking any fragile glasses i own when he washes the dishes#but i refuse to wash the dishes myself so ill just buy new ones#he cant even fit his hand in my champagne glasses and i still insist on him washing them.. maybe i am the problem actually 😐
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i wish i had never been born but other than that i'm taking things well i think ❤️
#suicidal ideation tw#this is mainly a joke im not fr depressed or suicidal abt breaking up w a guy after 3 weeks#just feels like there's no hope for love in my life now more than ever before and life is so hard in general#and i would never ever harm myself bc i wouldnt put my family through that and life is a precious gift etc#but dang i wish i wasn't here rn sometimes#anyway goodnight#im fr okay it was a tbought that crossed my mind but im not serious lol 😂#this is ok to rb im not actually in crisis lol#this has been a shitpost#i am generally taking it well actually#possibly bc im delulu hoping wr get back together but i can also recognize the issues in the relationship and almost broke it off myself#the night before#tbh i might not get back together with him if the opportunity presents itself bc i'm not convinced it's just a timing issue#as far as the issues go the timing is the only one i cant live with but it would pass#the other stuff i could live with but if he cant then those things aren't going away so its for the best but i think he's wrong#two people dont need to share all the same interests and passions in order to work as long as they're willing to grow together and i was#so idk its his loss really#but also living is so hard and dating is literally hell get me out of hereeeee#i felt this way BEFORE him and then i had a little glimmer of hope like oh wait love is real i could def fall for this guy#and now it's bleaker than ever before#but at least i know i'm capable of love ig 😒
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monster hunter world brainrotting so hard rn. You should all consider urselves lucky im not spam reblogging cool nergigante fanart or perhaps xeno'jiiva or tobi kadachi or
#txt#im snapping im gonna reblog One tobi kadachi#im replaying world rn w friends. ive already beaten it once before!#ramble in tags lmaoooo#fun game great game series. i love being able to hunt with 8 billion weapons and learning combos and monster movements#one thing i dont like is how a lot of the armor for female characters is super skimpy. sighs.#for my first playthrough i mained hammer/insect glaive. this time around im using hunting horn/lance/bow!#i tried gunlance too. the gameplay loop of it confuses me a bit? its fine tho its fun when i get it to work#i also Have monster hunter rise but like...man!#the hunting horn in that game vs the one in world :( (<- guy who likes heavy weapons like the dynamo roller)#its like they took away the strategy and difficulty of the horn. it feels so light. i dont need to rlly string together combos. the one in#- world speaks to my soul so hard. yeah i DO love being the guy in games who uses heavy hard hitting weapons i love being STRONG#wish i had more friends that played monster hunter buuuut thats just because i want somethin new to ramble about! For example the insect g#laive is so fun bc u have to volley between gathering 4 diff types of juices to buff urself and also flying throuhg the air and zipping aro#nd and the hunting horn i
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)
#just re-lacing them rn so theyre ready for work tomorrow theyre so shinyyy muah#when my next payday comes around im gonna get a second pair so im not putting as much strain on the leather by wearing them everyday#but i think im gonna go for a different colour to my standard black.... ik solovair do similar ones in burgundy or bottle green hmm#well i have a month to think abt it before i decide!#red is my go to accent colour but green would probably fit better with my work wardrobe... and i do wear work clothes 5/7 days a week#anyway.... i need to meditate and then sleep. i usually settle down for bed 9:30 but im a little wired cuz new med change#so ive been putting it off until i feel actually tired so i wont stress abt not being able to fall asleep and then make it worse#i will probably feel pretty tired at work tomorrow but thats okay i dont have anything taxing scheduled#feeling so much better now this weekend is behind me. ik next weekend will likely be difficult again but im more prepared for it#i need to book myself this trip as well before train tix get too expensive so i have smth to look forward to next month....#just debating whether i actually want to invite other ppl or not. itd be rly nice for everyone to come but with recent events i feel-#a little delicate abt social stuff and i dont want to stress myself out and get insecure bc its meant to be a treat for me#like if i invite other ppl itll become their trip and suddenly im in the backseat third wheeling them all#and ill wish i had uninvited myself so they would enjoy it more etc but the POINT is its smth i wanna do!!!! for me!!!#we'll see how this week goes. i dont rly feel ready rn to unmute their server yet tho bc ill just make myself upset abt next weekend#letting sleeping dogs lie for now... ill come back around eventually it always takes some time to recover from mood swings that intense#okay now goodnight! xoxoxoxooxo#.diaries
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