#one thing i dont like is how a lot of the armor for female characters is super skimpy. sighs.

[feeferden]

monster hunter world brainrotting so hard rn. You should all consider urselves lucky im not spam reblogging cool nergigante fanart or perhaps xeno'jiiva or tobi kadachi or

[skyrim-said-that]

do you have. mod recs. i need more mods and am having trouble finding ones which are not asscentric. my computer is shared i cant have ass mods.

ok i have a bit of time to do this, ill go alphabetically, but keep in mind that obviously most mods require SKSE and each have their own dependencys 

and also that i play legendary edition so i have all the DLCs (Even tho i haven't played them rly). also they like. are allegedly all compatable because my game does still work, but if they fuck up yours uh. my bad. im also omitting a bunch that like. i have them but really they dont make the list

also i have a lot of food mods, dont ask why because i dont have the answer. green highlighted mods are my favs

About Horses

Makes horses look like real horses. my inner horsegirl shines on

A Skyrim Kiss - Smooch that fictional character!

A Skyrim Waltz - Dance with them too!

Ur gonna need FNIS for these two

Babettes Feast - Improved Cooking

Adds a bunch of different immersive recipes to the game, i really like this sort of mod when im playing with hunger/thirst mods

Bandolier - Bags and Pouches

this is such a good mod if youre a huge packrat. adds a bunch of craftable wearable storage options like belts and stuff that up your carryweight!

Better Vanilla Hair - Mesh replacement

Just a visual mod that smooths out the blockyness of the hair, without changing it too much. it still like. fits in the game

Beards - Beard texture overhaul

Bosmeri Cuisine - Meat Based Recipies

adds a bunch of recipes inspired by the Green Pact lore, stuff thats completely carnivorous like fried eggs, pemmican and more

Books of Skyrim

Adds a bookstore in solitude so you can hoard more books

Breezehome - Fully Upgradable

I love this mod, it makes it so you can majorly upgrade breezehome with more floors, a whole blacksmith setup, bathroom, and a ton more!

Combine Potions

Corners of skyrim - More structures

i love mods like this, it just adds like different little cabins and shit all around for u to find when youre exploring

Cooking Expanded

Common Clothes

Adds craftable regular clothes for playing dressup

Daedric Shrines -  Sanguine

Adds a sexy man to my life

Flying Crows

Female Mannequins

Footprints - Adds npc/player/animal prints in the snow

Helgen Reborn - Rebuilding the hold

i have a thing for building mods, i love them. i dont know why but its so fun its like playing home improvement sim. but in skyrim. this one has a really fun questline too, its really fun and well written!

Ineed - Food, water and sleep

i mean, self explanatory again but adds a system for needs. I like that its really adjustable so if you find it harsh you can tone it down.

Immersive Armours

Self explanitory but also a really great mod! very immersive armors that look great!

Immersive Citizens - Ai Overhaul

Its like if the npcs actually were functional

Immersive Weapons

see above but for weapons!

Lanterns of Skyrim

ok technically i have the old version of this but im sure its the same, it adds a bunch of lanterns on the paths all around skyrim

Left Hand Rings

Lovely Hairstyles - Immersive hair

Marriage Mod - To have and to hold

this one updates the weddings so theyre a little more in depth as well as adds the options for multiple marriages. also adds a few quests!

Marks of Beauty - Freckles moles and more!

Racemenu - Player creation overhaul

I feel like most people have this one but if you love character creation this is the one, its so good and you can fuck with EVERYTHING

Relationship Dialogue Overhaul

Guys i really like this one, it adds a TON of dialogue for your spouses , followers, etc and they're all just ripped from existing dialogue so they don't sound out of place or anything! i love it

Sweet Mother - Night mother improvement

Sounds of skyrim - complete edition

i love these mods they basically overhaul the ambient sounds all over the game, i especially love how real they make the forests feel!

Scars of Time - a Landmark mod

more structures and landmarks across skyrim. im a whore for this stuff

Wintersun - Faiths of Skyrim

SUCH a good mod. adds a whole bunch of shrines for the different faiths in tes lore, as well as different benefits for choosing them. its so cool like i cant explain it

[trickstarbrave]

exploring elder scrolls lore is a lot like playing historian and theologian. its interesting, complex, and contradictory in ways many media tries and fails to create realism. it is told primarily through unreliable narrators, in game texts that contradict each other as much as they agree, with varying opinions and perspectives you are tasks to sort through and come to your own conclusion on often enough. sure, skyrim drops the ball sending you on infinite annoying fetch quests and plots that feel like they dont even effect the world around you and killing a god has about the same weight as getting a cool sword, but there is still some meat behind the bland surface they couldn’t quite scrape out despite their best efforts.

the problem with it i find, like most fantasy stories and epic tales, is that is male focused.

“but brave” people cry “female characters do things all the time!” this is true, we do actually have more substantial female characters in the elder scrolls who are just as important as their male counterparts. sure their male counterparts are usually not important at all, but there is equality in there. and you can be bi presumably because bethesda couldnt figure out how to code any other sexuality in the game. but what i mean by “male focused” is that most of the lore and mythos we get concerns male heroes, battles, and war. there are politics sure, but mostly things like religion and battles. the importance of textiles is never considered, different cuisines are afterthoughts, fashion is relegated mostly to armor and cheap trinkets for you to enchant. if it does not exist to further grand tales of combat, is largely ignored, and this is increasingly more and more the norm in the elder scrolls.

it isnt entirely non-existent. if you go looking you can find bits and pieces. but most things presumed to be “women’s work” are largely ignored despite making up most of daily life. weaving isn’t a skill you can learn when historically we do see people wear armor made of linen, but you can sure mine and melt down metal, something also mundane and usually boring, because blacksmithing and mining are seen as a traditionally masculine jobs. so saying “ugh no one wants to spin thread” doesn’t exactly hold up when its equally as boring to make dozens of iron ingots and iron daggers to level up smithing.

it’s also just a shame because (and this is touched upon more in older games at least) what clothes people wear can tell a lot about their culture, background, and class. it could be used for stealth, for blending in, and if you are dressed incorrectly you look like and are treated like an outsider. how food varies region by region shows what food they have available to them, what they produce, what goods are more expensive, and also can talk about background and class. riften and solitude should not be eating largely the same food just with different mead. nor should they be mostly dressed the same. these things add richness and complexity to a world that is now largely ignored because who gives a shit just pick up a weapon and fight that’s all that really matters.

skyrim in lore has sheep. of course it does, because they live in a cold climate with a limited growing season, they have devote more time for crops to feed their people and not on textile crops like you might see in warmer climates with longer growing seasons. yet you dont see any sheep, just goats. you don’t see shepherds, or hear about them. you dont see piles of wool, or women spinning thread by the fire or weaving. you don’t see them dyeing yarn or fabric or sewing clothes. even if you don’t want to make your player do it as a game mechanic you could have it be present in the world as a logical part of the setting just as you have npcs working in fields. instead clothes just magically appear in chests and other loot cabinets and are relatively worthless except to enchant despite fabric being a very expensive, labor intensive product to make. it just pops into existence anonymously, largely unimportant and uninteresting. they always say very little, and mean nothing unless you want to play dress up or enchant for a spell caster.

it’s not like the designers have never had to think about these things before. they have, at least subconsciously. fabric is still very clearly heavy and wool. it contains classic pop culture “viking” imagery (including some that are uhhhh very not historically accurate like men wearing women’s broaches), but that’s about it. why they dress like this is unanswered. how their ancestors dressed isn’t really important. how they vary from location to location is also not important, because large swaths of land obvious wear and eat the exact same thing, that’s why there is no regional food or styles of dress across all of europe /sarcasm

anyways throw a dog a fucking bone every now and then i am tired of constantly looking for lore that isnt about fighting and killing and breaking shit. what did they wear and why, how did jewelry evolve, what dyes do they have accessible to them and how rare are they, fabric weaving, gossiping, give me it back so the world feels slightly more alive. 

[tsuyu-chan-kun]

every day i am haunted by that one post that said bakugou doesn’t need his gauntlets because he can control his sweat production. like ???? it’s made p clear that his ability to force himself to sweat is limited. and even if it wasn’t it’s still... a liquid??? so he really wouldn’t be able to make blasts on the same scale as his gauntlets without some kind of container???

[alovelyburn]

Rambles about The Golden Age Arc - Part 1

Did you know that there’s a special edition of Berserk in Japan that rearranges the chapters to be in chronological order? So I guess the Gambino chapters -> Childhood arc -> Golden Age -> Black Swordsman -> and so forth from there.

I’m not about that, but it is pretty interesting. I’m tempted to get the first volumes just to see how it feels laid out that way but I’m UH KINDA RUSTY on Japanese so it would mostly just be pretty pictures to me.

Anyway!

Rambles about The Golden Age Arc - Part 1

1,  I’m not sure when this was changed, but the deluxe edition corrects Guts’ adopted mother’s name to Cis from Shisu.

2. So, last night @zombiesgohome and I were discussing Berserk because we’ve both recently had our heads redevoured, and one thing that came up is how much Guts in his most feral mode (his teenage years, and the pre-rpg party Black Swordsman years) acts a lot like Gambino - with some Griffithy elements in the post-Golden Age era And it’s interesting because Guts isn’t really much like Gambino, right? He’s much more... sensitive and empathetic and not a, you know, abusive monster, but behaving that way is something of a survival mechanism for him - something he reverts to when he’s too hurt to let himself be himself. His armor, you could say.

Cis adds a whole new dimension to this because her character - the madness she seems to be suffering from post-miscarriage - strongly resembles the state Casca ended up in post-Eclipse, Does it mean anything? I DONT KNOW but it’s a pretty cool statement on cycles and becoming your parents vs forging your own identity, intentional or not. 

As a sidenote though, early Miura really had a hard time with female characters, huh? And I don’t just mean the prevalence of rape and the weird thing that happens to Casca’s personality when she and Guts get together - there’s also things like how completely incapacitated Casca is by her period (although PMDD is a thing, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t thinking about that at the time) or like Cis going insane because of a miscarriage. It’s also weird that Cis is still considered Gambino’s “woman” despite being in an infantilized state - which is something that irks me about the trauma!Casca years, too. 

3. That said, fuck Gambino he’s literally the worst. I do appreciate that there’s a bit more going on with him than just straight up evil father stuff - from the way he seems to genuinely enjoy training Guts -- right up until he gets injured and loses his temper - to the balm and ultimately the way he calls for Cis when he’s injured, there’s obviously something going on under that asshat presentation. So score one for depth in characterization but he’s still the worst.

4. LOOK AT THIS BABY IS HE NOT THE CUTEST LITTLE CUTIE OF ALL THE BABIES IN THE WORLD YES HE IS

5. Anyway the young Guts days are just packed with information about the reasons for his being... who and what he is. His relationship with his sword is fantastic especially because its so consistent over the entirety of his life, and of course this comes down to his having learned quite early that the sword is what gives him both value and safety. But if you think about his childhood and the way this group of people - his family you could say really, talked about him at night, the way his father figure literally prostituted him, and then of course tried to murder him... followed by said “family” chasing him down to kill him, too, it’s REALLY not difficult to see the basis of his self-isolation, his distrust, his emotional walls and also his lack of self-knowledge. 

Anyway he really has a well-executed backstory (Donovan’s design aside) that does a great job of setting up who he is and why, plus setting some of the motifs going forward - Guts lying on the ground watching the moon on the day his first band, and his first idol, threw him away being echoed on the night he decides to dedicate himself to Griffith, for example. Not to mention the bottomless will to survive that drives him and won’t let him give up and die even if he’s an 11 year old fighting wolves, or an adult fighting endless hordes of demons.

6. I think I’m generally a lot more positive about the later Berserk years than a lot of the people who are mostly into the Golden Age stuff tend to be, but I will say I do miss the brand, and the sense that Guts brings disaster wherever he goes... and just the general tragic atmosphere. Depending on how long I manage to keep doing this I might get into it eventually but it’s things like how Guts’ relationship with Casca feels to me like it’s transitioned from a complicated and semi-ambiguous mess of guilt and affection and rebounding (yeah I said it) into a sort of standard issue “they should really be a family!’ one. I just don’t think that’s as interesting, but anyway doesn’t stop me from loving the series.

7. Also this sad smile, the look of someone accepting their sad fate? That comes up a few times, particualrly with Griffith  

8. [insert boyhood arc here]

9. Four years later, that puts Guts at 15 years old. I like to keep track of this stuff. 

Love the Bazuso fight - also love how consistent Guts’ fighting style is going all the way back to him wielding an adult sword at 6 years old. He’s basically a walking blitz attack, and by the time the opponent realizes what’s happening they’re already dead. Also he tends to target the opponent’s weapon when he’s not sure he isn’t outclassed (or when he’s sure he is outclassed as with Zodd). 

My RPG geek self can’t imagine what kind of stats this guy has. 

10. Enter the Band of the Hawk and Griffith in his pre-cape wearing days. Much has been said about why it is that Griffith has this reaction to him upfront - the clear fascination that only gets fully expressed later. It’s not going to be surprising to anyone who remembers anything about me that I take it as a given that Griffith is in love with Guts throughout... basically his whole human arc, and while I don’t think he literally fell for Guts right there, I do think that moment is the seeds being planted. He sees someone whose drive, determination and willingness to take risks echoes his own - someone that stands out in a crowd much the same way he does. This is going to be more and more evident over the courst of the series but Guts is basically Griffith’s only true peer. Even when he didn’t see it in himself, he was a baby epic turning into a fellow epic, and I do think Griffith knew that about him almost from day one. 

11. The way Guts’ haphephobia is treated... is one of my favorite parts of his story really - I kind of regret it falling off, even though I do think it makes sense that it does once he starts letting people in again to at least some degree. Is it realistic? I mean probably not, but it’s a powerful symbol of where his head is at and who he connects with, e.g Griffith’s ability to touch him without triggering a panicked response foreshadows the the intensity and closeness of that relationship. 

I mean look don’t diagnose fictional characters with psychiatric disorders (or at least don’t take it that seriously if you do) but Guts does show a lot of symptoms of PTSD. 

12.  I’m sorry, Corkus is absurd, what in the whole world made him think he was going to run up on Guts and... what, rob him? Why. Seems ridiculous on the face of it but anyway.

13. One of the few things that surprised me when reading miura interviews was that he hadn’t planned for Guts and Casca to get together originally and just decided partway through that it would be more dramatic that way. This is surprising to me becaus eof the way Casca is introduced, you know? The hidden face, the helmet reveal with Guts being like “??? She’s a woman!?!?!?” and then later the naked recovery tent situation - all seems to be markers for a love interest. Incidentally she’s not the only one who gets those kinds of markers. 

Also, Casca seems to be named after a series of novels about the Roman Legionairre who stabbed Jesus with a spear and was therefore cursed to aimlessly wander. I always thought that was kind of a pointed reference with her. But I wonder what the purpose of her character would have been if he hadn’t decided to make it more dramatic by getting them together. Because she’s clearly given more importance than the other captains... though I do think people who consider her a third protagonist are smoking a little something - Miura himself always referred to Berserk as being about Guts and Griffith. Casca main narrative purpose is to catalyze their relationship, whether you think it’s good or bad

.14. Just leaving that there.

15. The way Griffith rarely gives away what’s going on in his head is kind of a problem as far as people’s ability to read and interpret him... I don’t really know why, in the year of our lord 2022, I’m still reading people saying he’s incapable of loving anyone and only cares about himself. But 

But in any case his interest in Guts as a presence, as a sword, as a person, really does start from minute one

And of course Griffith is the other one with the love interest style reveal. 

One of the things I like about Miura’s work is that his shojo influences are super obvious. And that does shift the perspectives a little bit - if you’re familiar with classic shojo then you can recognize some of the storytelling techniques being used, which are sort of... responsible for lending the Guts/Griffith relationship so much of its... air of tragic love. Not being a mindreader or a personal friend of Miura’s I can’t vouch for whether he purposefully sat there and said “yes, I will draw such and such scenes in such a way that it clearly looks like a romantic turning point in a romance manga” but if I were going to GUESS I sort of think yes he did. Given the specifics of his influences and how much of it is like shonen ai or lgbtq themed love stories, 

But that’s just me though!

Anyway, it’s 1am, off I go.

[binniesthighs]

call me babydoll | reader x chan

a/n: ahhhhh holy holy heck this chapter is SO DAMN EXCITING hehehe I had sosososo much writing and doing all the research!! please let me know if there is anything factual/cultural that I need to fix! I tried the best I could although I most def am not an expert in Egyptian culture so I appreciate it a lot :) hehe i hope ya have fun reading this chapter teehee oh! also I love hearing what you thought of it too! :D 

Four 

Pairing: self insert, female reader x bang chan 

Genre: action, mystery and suspense, fluff, smut, angst 

Tags: (of this part) bodyguard au, secret agent au, royal au, moderndayprince!chan, secretagent!reader, secretagent!jeongin, secretagent!jisung, collegestudent!seungmin, royal!minho, skz side characters, adventure and mystery, action and peril, plot driven, running out of time, slow-ish burn, growing feelings, sexual tension, explicit language, several mentions of food and alcohol as well as getting tipsy/drunk that good, good making out, suggestive themes

CWs: mentions of guns, mentions of knives, themes of jealousy (expressed by the reader) 

Word count: 7.5k

Parts 

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE 

“Well, we’re in Cairo alright.” 

Two tugged the amazed young stow-away-student, Seungmin, by the hand of his backpack to keep him from running into one of the palm tree planters decorating the terminal. The young man had nearly slept the whole flight due to the length as well as the exasperation that he had just been through. While his eyes were still darkened from his nap, his glossy pupils still wondered all around him. 

“I take it back. I’m so glad that I almost died so I could end up here with you guys.” 

Jeongin slapped him from the backside of his head. “Never be thankful for almost dying. Life is a lot more fucking fragile than you think. This isn’t just some joyride--” 

“--Ease up F.” You interrupted your partner as you shouldered your bag. The kid had already been through enough already: he didn’t need accosting on top of it all. 

The dashing prince sighed out and stretched his arms. “Ahhhh Cairo. It’s been a while; too long actually.” 

The airport was humid: the kind of sticky warmth that dripped down your neck in a matter of seconds to then get caught above your lip. It wasn’t much help to the anxiety that already had seeped into your veins. The closer you got to a gun the more comfortable you would be. You and the other two guards created a formation around the prince with two in the front and the other in the flank. While each of you were dressed in regular street clothes, your responsibility of his detail still hung over your head with a severe air. 

Chan threw his arm over the young student with an obscene grin. His hair had become a little disheveled from the plane seat and his hoodie, but he didn’t appear to mind. Seeing him so normal was somewhat of an odd change to your previous unbreakable impression of him. 

“Seungmin my friend, you’ve never lived until you’ve been to Cairo. I’ve never seen another place so enriched in history in my whole life...it puts my kingdom to shame. It’s almost like...you can just feel the time here: hundreds of thousands of years...beauty, art, food, industry...I’ve got a thing or two to learn.” 

Seungmin nodded at the prince’s grandiose gestures in the terminal with an enamored smile. “I can’t wait to see it!” 

Your partner put a firm hand on the prince’s back to guide him to the baggage claim. “We won’t be here for long, so, don’t get too excited. We’ve come here for one reason and we shouldn’t dally otherwise.” 

The young boy appeared to frown, and Two bit his lip with a little chuckle. “Way to crush the kids dreams F.” 

“You know the mission, J.” Jeongin gritted his teeth with the words. “Everything is set, there will be a car waiting for us in the garage, and at the hotel we’ll have anything we need.” 

Prince Chan lulled his head back with heels clicking on the flooring. Rogue strands of his hair hung over his sunglasses where he threw a look back at you while pulling them down. 

“Don’t forget our little deal Bee? We’ll have time for a little pleasure.” 

The white haired agent rolled his eyes with gusto then adjusted the royal’s glasses over his face. “We’ve still got to be careful, you Highness. We never know where they could have eyes.” 

“I know where I’ve got mine...” He turned back once more to throw his cockiness in your general direction. 

“Listen to F, your Highness...if you want to live.” 

“Oooo. Feisty as ever, Bee. I love it when you bite back.” Chan turned to his new pet, Seungmin, “She’s really something isn’t she?”

The young man nodded, but not necessarily because he agreed, but it just seemed like it better to agree with a prince than to disagree with him. 

The air appeared to turn even thicker in the summery and arid city and your group approached the parking lot half shaded. Outside of the cement lot, iridescent waves of heat wiggled on the horizon, and further, the astonishing urban sprawl of Cairo, and just over it, the stretch of the Nile and Giza. Palms and other varieties of plants spotted the landscape and above it all, a perfectly crystal blue sky streaked with thin clouds. Had the circumstances been different, you really would have wished to have been there for pleasure. 

“This one. Right here.” Jeongin announced upon spotting the black armored sedan. It wasn’t the most inconspicuous vehicle, but you were prioritizing safety over aesthetics. Your partner touched his index fingerprint to the car door’s invisible panel, and it flashed blue just as the lock had at the safehouse with the ticking clock insignia. 

Two whipped his head around to make one last check of the surroundings before taking off his sunglasses and reddened eye. “Get in. Both of you.” He urged the prince and the student. He popped the drivers side open to find a different pair of glasses in the storage compartment: gold framed aviators. 

“Huh,” He said happily while putting them on. “This is more my style.” He rummaged around a bit more to find a new pair of black framed glasses there too. “Fox! Think fast!” He threw them over to your partner who sighed out with relief. 

“Thank god.” 

The trunk opened with a mechanical sounding creek, and you lifted up the trunk bed to find your whole arsenal: Heckler & Koch MP5′s submachines, Remington 870 shotguns, and Glocks complete with thigh holsters. Among the pile of metal, various knives and other weapons were held in foam holders. 

“They’ve got knives back there?” Two asked while pulling the rearview mirror to see. 

“Oh yeah. What? You more of a knife guy?” You teased while looping your thigh holster over your cargo pants. It fit just right. 

The illusive man popped his gum with a shiny smile. “‘Don’t ever have to reload them...that’s what I’m saying.” 

“Thank you Carroll.” Jeongin sighed upon seeing the thick laptop among the weapons. “Finally I can do some real work. That kid’s damn Chromebook was killing me. I nearly short circuited it trying to connect to our network.” 

“You what?!” Seungmin was suddenly much more interested. 

“Dont worry yourself too much, its still fine.” 

“Are there cameras in here?” You quickly asked your partner. 

“Agency should’ve fried them a long time ago. Why?” 

From the trunk bed you sized up the Glock to feel its weight and how cool it settled into your sweating hand. You unloaded the magazine to see that it had already been filled. 

“Carroll. She really is too kind to us.” You slid the magazine back in then, pulled back the slider to lock it once more, catching Chan’s adoring glance. 

“Something interesting pretty boy?” 

The prince appeared to shiver a little, but brushed it off sighing, “Oh, nothing.” 

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

Either it was Carroll or the King, but someone had spared no expense on the young prince. The sun set upon the sparking Nile where you had arrived at the Four Seasons Hotel Cairo at Nile Plaza. 

Anything for His Royal Highness The Prince. 

The towering and gleaming building was a sight to behold in and of itself. It was nestled right into the riverside anchored with several leisurely sailboats bopping in the evening breeze. As day crept into night, the city grew with a swell of lights washing as far as you could see. Extensive bridges and roadways glowed with headlights and every building appeared to be illuminated along with more boats strolling down the river in a rainbow of colors and music. 

The prince craned his head as close to the window as he could and rubbed together his hands excitedly. He looked from you to your partners, finally making a disapproving scoff. 

“Come on. You’re not just a little excited to be here?” 

“We’re here on business, how many times do we have to explain?” Jeongin typed away at his computer from the front seat. 

“Bee?” He looked back to you with a hopeful little glint to his eye. 

“Like Fox said...tomorrow is our appointment with White Rabbit, then we’re on the first flight back home for you.” 

The young prince frowned, but this quickly faded once he had seen the golden brass doors to the magnificent hotel. Seeing the state that the four of you were in, it was a bit comical that you had rolled up to a place such as this. Immediately a valet and bellhop jogged up to the car wearing perfectly pressed uniforms and spotless shined shoes. Little did they know you had no belongings to your name...the rest was waiting in your suite: the royal kind. 

Seungmin cranked his neck to take in the scale of the building in all of it’s regal glory and let out an airy laugh his with his backpack straps snapped tight. 

“Holy shit.” He exclaimed with a giant smile 

Two rose a “no thank you” hand to the valet, and asked him where the garage was in perfect Arabic. The gesture surprised you...as many things did with that man. Jeongin gave a little nod in appreciation to the bellhop and expressed with his own broken version of Arabic that you group had no luggage. The young man was confused, but still gladly took the bills that Jeongin had slipped into his hand for the inconvenience. 

“We’re staying here?” Seungmin wondered while he followed you in. 

“When you travel with The Prince, it comes with some perks.” Chan tore off his glasses with a particularly prideful grin. 

“I feel like I need to pay for just...breathing in here.” 

Indeed, it was a luxurious and grand place. The atrium was patterned with various plush lounge chairs and benches and the path was made of emerald green marble tiles with swirling designs of beige loops. Thick, round columns also supported the ceilings in the lobby, and crystal glass chandeliers sparkled. On several tables, massive floral arrangements had been freshly placed, and you wondered how much the hotel must've paid for them to look that good just to have them replaced the next day. 

A couple formalities were exchanged with the worker at the front desk, and soon the keycards to the royal suite were placed into your hands. Seungmin held his piece of plastic as if it were a gold bar in his hands whereas Chan shoved it right into his front pocket. 

“Everything that we should need should be up in the room.” You told the group who were too distracted to hear what you had just said. 

Just before you had entered the elevator, a tug at your sleeve stopped you in your tracks. Jeongin pulled you back, nodding at Two to go with the others up first. 

“Remember what we talked about before?” He muttered in the hollow and stone corridor. “About the prince?” 

“I need to stay beside him?” 

Your partner nodded with a furrowing brow. “We’re out in the open here, it’s a big city...anyone could be watching us. No distractions, no messing around, no anything. We see White Rabbit and we leave. Hell, I’m even inclined to make sure he doesn’t leave the room...” 

“Jeongin...” You squeezed your partner’s shoulder which felt stringy and tense under your fingertips. “I got it. Trust me. He won’t leave my sight. I promise.” 

“..Okay.” He said with a nervous brush to his hair, then he pressed the elevator button with his knuckle. 

“You...okay?” 

The young man appeared to snap out of a trance. “What? ...Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m keeping it together fine. It’s just...there’s a lot riding on this mission. I don’t...” 

The gold and reflective elevator dinged to the ground floor. 

“We can’t disappoint Carroll with this one. There’s too much riding on it...I can’t disappoint Carroll.”      

You invited your partner into the marbled and mirrored interior of the small space. 

“Don’t worry, we won’t.”

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━ 

 Even without the help of his royal helpers, Chan managed to clean himself up nice...provided, only the finest clothes had been sent for him to wear. While they weren’t the usual designer labels that he was used to, it was clear that they had been picked out from the finest markets and boutiques in the area. Chan, as he always was, was a prince to the full extent of the word. After a shower and some perfume to his chest, he was the same man that you had been introduced to. 

A loose linen shirt swayed from his frame with little regard for the usage of buttons. He wore slacks that had been pressed made of a kind of fabric that you had never seen before, but looked airy and comfortable. As always, there was a small assortment of shoes for him to choose from as well. He picked brown leather loafers, then tucked up his sleeves to reveal his arms; scratched as they were, but still strong and spiderwebbed with thick veins. 

Arrangements had been made for you to share one of the bedrooms with him--as much as you had fought it at first. Chan was thrilled with the idea, and gladly let you settle into his room with your small assortment of sidepieces and modest set of clothes by regulation of The Agency. While it had mostly been denim button downs and several kinds of functional trousers, they had sent an evening gown. 

The silky white fabric was not unlike the dress that had worn for the gala, but it appeared to be even more sultry once you held it to your frame. The thin spaghetti straps barely held to your shoulders and the back dipped nearly halfway down your back. 

Knowing the man that you had an appointment with, you figured the dress would make it just a little bit easier to talk to him. Along with it, there was a matching set of diamond earrings and a necklace that glinted with the same sheen of the sea. 

“You’ll look gorgeous in that.” Chan said while slipping on a wristwatch. “I’m sure that it will suit you perfectly.” 

The wooden bedside nightstand creaked when you put your holster and Glock in with a matching matte black knife. You had to be careful with that one, as it had nearly cut your finger upon inspection earlier.         

“Hm. I think the both of us know that you’d prefer it on these lovely marble floors rather than on me. Correct?” 

The confident prince strode across the room in the dim lighting of a couple lamps with stained glass shades. Outside of the balcony attached to your room, the sheer curtains blew in the night air and distorted the city lights across the river. Further, Cairo Tower surged with a pink light wrapping around the length were the cylinder pierced the sky. 

“Maybe.” He tutted, then crinkled the king-sized bed where he sat. The prince’s disposition was alluring, there was no denying. He tiled his head to inspect you further, jaw clenching with a sharp angle and a testing glare to his brown pupils. The man smiled slightly while rubbing his index and ring finger down the sleeve of your considerably less scratchy blouse. 

“I hope that during our time here Bee, I’ll get to know you a little better. I’m...really looking forward to our drink later. I made reservations for us.” 

“Reservations? When did you do that?” 

“Oh. When you were showering.” He smirked at his sneaky plans unbeknownst to you. 

“If you think that I’m letting you go anywhere else besides this hotel--” 

“--Bee?” The young royal grew quieter, softer, careful even. His hand cascaded from your arm down to your waist where he tentatively went to grab at your hip and squeeze lightly there. 

While your first reaction was to swat him away, your second crept up on you unexpectedly, and swelled with a kind of confused euphoria feeling the pressure of him on your body. You let his hand linger there, thumb pressed into your hipbone. 

“You don’t need that dress to be beautiful.” 

His words snapped you back; sickly sweet, and sticky in your chest. You cast his hand off of you. 

“You’re crossing the line, your Highness. Don’t...don’t touch me again.” 

The royal sighed as he rose, then inspected his face in the sizeable mirror. Each of his cuts and scars had been skillfully covered with makeup the best he could manage.  

“Bee, I’d cross multiple lines for you. I thought you knew?”    

“THIS BED IS FUCKIN’ AMAZING!!” Seungmin called from the opposite of the suite. 

The prince smiled, then followed you to the door. 

“I’ve already got enough on my hands, your Highness. I ask that you not distract me.” 

“Distract you?” 

As soon as you had said it, regret bit at the tips of your ears. You couldn’t meet his teasing glances, but rather slid one of your more discrete sidepieces into your crossbody bag--as if guns as such could be such a thing. 

“I-I...I’ll sleep on the couch.” You then resolved out loud, however the prince chuckled at your sudden break. 

“As you wish Bee.” 

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

“I think that this is the best meal that I’ve ever eaten in my entire life!!” 

Seungmin kicked his legs under the table to the embarrassed glances of both Jeongin and Chan. Before you, the prince had ordered a variety of both cold and hot mezzah dishes with a couple main entrees for you to share. While he was the only one to drink, he indulged in the most expensive wine that the hotel had to offer. Granted, everything would be paid for in cash from The Agency, however the Prince swore up and down that anyone could order anything that they wanted and that The Agency would be paid back in full. You and your partners ate modestly, however the young student didn’t hold back. As the boy shoved his face, it appeared to make the prince happy to see him eating so well. 

You were still an odd group, and garnered curious glances from other restaurant guests. While they were only glances in passing, they still didn’t make you feel any better. You had already drawn enough attention to yourself with you being an odd mix of foreigners who each held themselves differently. You could sense that you partner felt it too while he sipped at his seasonal soup with eyes up to scan the room as he did so. 

Chan threw his arm behind your chair to take in the rest of the room: perfectly decorated with jade green chandeliers and perfectly symmetrical wallpaper and furnishings. It was as if he felt somehow content with your strange little group; like he was the ringleader of it all or some king of the round table. For a moment, he paused to watch the way that the boats passed by on the river from the window nearest to him and sighed. Knowing him, he was probably enjoying running for his life in this way. 

Two cleared his throat and unbuttoned his fashionable suit jacket as the waiters came to clear the table for dessert. 

“So. What are the specs for tomorrow?” 

Jeongin fiddled with his glasses, then dabbed away at the corners of his mouth. “He’s invited us to come around 11pm. He wants us to dress up too--as I’m sure you’ve all seen the clothes that have been provided for us. He apparently loves his formalities, but, anything to make him feel more comfortable I suppose. His men will meet us in the front and take us to him, then we try our best not to fuck it up.”

“--Which we won’t.” You soothed your partner. 

Seungmin perked up, “I’m coming too?” 

“How else are we going to look after ya, kid?” Two ruffled up the young man’s hair. 

“W-wait. Didn’t you say that it’s a club? Will they even let me in? I’m not like, 21 yet? I mean, I will be in a couple months--” 

“--Ahhh you’re so cute.” Chan beamed. “If you’re rolling with us that doesn’t matter.” 

Seungmin blushed and played with the condensation of his water glass. “Oh.” 

Your partner shifted in his seat. “Speaking of. Considering that you’re “one of us” now. We need to discuss something important with you. Your identity.” He looked over to you to finish the rest of the speech that had been pushed off for just a bit too long. 

“Your name...is your most valuable asset. It’s the only thing about yourself that you can keep for yourself. No one else should know it besides you...and, well, us. If they know your name, they know your family, they know where you live, where you go to school, even that girl that you had a crush on in the fourth grade. Got it?” 

Seungmin gulped dry with blown out eyes. “I-I think that I understand.” 

“What do you want us to call you from now on?” 

He paused, considering towards the ceiling. ”Well...if you’re B, and he’s F...and he’s J...I could be S? Simple enough right?” 

“S it is then.” 

The waiters arrived with every dessert possible: chocolate cake, Crème Brule, fruit cheesecake garnished with mint, as well as traditional desserts like Om Ali and Mehalabiya--a type of milk pudding dressed with delicate, pink, edible flowers. 

Seungmin--now dubbed S--made happy little eating sounds while he tried a little bit of everything. 

“Thank you.” You finally spoke to the prince, who now smelled strongly of Lotus and Jasmine. 

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind treating my friends.” 

The word hung in the air, and you didn’t quite know what to do with it. 

Friends. 

“Where is this reservation that you mentioned?” 

He took a swing from his crystal glass with finesse. “Hm. That’s for me to know and you to find out.” 

“Jeongin told me that I need to keep an eye on you, you know that? It would be best if we didn’t leave the hotel at all--” 

“--But what would be the fun in that?” The prince nearly pouted. 

From the others side of the table, Two in his aviators brushed off his lap before standing. “I’m going to get some sleep, if that’s alright with you? I’m feeling pretty jetlagged and I want to be prepared for tomorrow. Excuse me.” 

The slender man bowed to you at the table, then even deeper to the prince. 

“What was that about?” Jeongin muttered while he poked at the thin caramel layer of his French dessert. 

“Actually, I think I want to head to bed too, I’m stuffed.” Seungmin rubbed his belly in his contentment. “Also...I think I might have homework due...heh. I don’t know...I’ve got to figure out all these all these time differences and stuff.” He pushed in his chair then gave the prince a deep bow. “Thank you, your Highness.” 

“My pleasure.” Chan said with a tiny bow back. “Rest up, kid.” 

With the empty holes at the table, the silence was deafening. 

“And then there were three.” Jeongin yawned. “Bee? Wanna do some laps in the morning? I saw that they had a pool? Wanna see if you can beat my record...again?” 

“Psh. I was coming off that biochemical cocktail the last time we tired. You had an advantage.” 

“Then you’ll beat me? Hm! I look forward to that.” Your adorable partner flashed the first smile that you’d seen in a couple days. You missed it, you realized. 

“Sleep tight Bee. Goodnight your Highness.” 

“Thank you Fox.” The prince mirrored his warm smile. 

Knives and forks clinked on china in the dining room, and music softly payed the soundtrack of the evening. A low hum filled the space where the tourists and patrons chatted among themselves. It was peaceful and normal amidst everything that had been pricking your skin and plaguing worry over your mind. The prince merely sighed, sparking eyes reflecting the candles dying out on the table. 

“And now it’s just the two of us.” 

“Seems like it.” 

“Can I whisk you away now?” 

“Whisk? Who said that I would allow any whisking?” 

“Come on...Bee. Just this one time? I promise to be on my best behavior.” 

You laughed out incredulously at the comment. “You out of all people can’t promise something like that.” 

“I guess you’re right about that. But...still, I won’t try to make a scene or anything.” 

The royal placed his napkin on the table with his knife and fork respectfully tilted off the edge of his plate. 

“Follow me?” 

Chan held out his hand. It was pink with heat and scraped a little from the glass that had pierced the fragile flesh. In some way, you had felt a twinge of guilt seeing the small injury knowing that you couldn’t have protected him well enough then. You allowed him to lace your fingers with yours, and felt the rough cuts of his scars in your palm. 

You had promised to yourself that he would never know such pain again. 

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

“Annnd...this is it!” 

You had taken all of twenty paces outside of the hotel when Chan gestured with open arms to the riverfront. Just at the riverbank, a steamboat was anchored with open doors for hotel guests to enter. The massive, multideck, white steamboat shone like the moon peaking at the ocean’s horizon. Each of the semi-circle windows were lined with white lights and from the inside, the delightful sound of laugher and live music spilled out to the glossy water of the Nile. 

“W-what is this?” 

“Well…it’s a dinner cruise but I just signed us up for the bar part. Are you...surprised? I thought that it must be pretty safe considering that we’re on the water and no one can drive up and shoot at us.” 

“I mean...it’s a bit closed off, but nothing that I can’t handle.” 

The prince held out his arm for you to lead the way, then took your hand to help you watch your step down the stairs. Chan provided his name to the conductor in elegant sounding Arabic, leaving you shocked. 

“Y-you speak Arabic too?” 

Chan chuckled once more, taking your hand in his to bring you down the creaking wood deck with swinging with lanterns above your heads. 

“As a royal and diplomat, it’s best for me to know how to communicate if I might need to.” 

“I must say your Highness, I am definitely impressed.” 

“What? You thought I was just another pretty face?” The charming prince escorted you to a room within the steamboat that was lined with red velvet carpets and small bar tables with tea candles and water lilies floating in a shallow dish. He pulled out your chair before his own, then settled with hands folded in his lap. “I’m trained in hand-to-hand too, although I could use a refresher; that was so long ago, back when I went to school.” 

“Hand-to-hand? Well! You really are full of surprises.” 

The prince appeared smug and faintly amused by the compliment as he crossed his legs under the table and leaned in with his dizzying floral scent. 

The waitress appeared and Chan flexed his language skills once more while he ordered a Hemmingway Daiquiri for himself and a French 75 for you. Somewhere off in the distance or perhaps a different part of the boat, louder and more excitable music played along with the echoing claps of those who listened along. Here, it was much quieter, and the loud sound was replaced with a jazz song that you had heard before--likely from your more formative years. 

“It’s a beautiful night.” Chan began, “Thank you for agreeing to do this with me. I know that I’ve been a bit forward, but, I appreciate you entertaining me.” 

“If I had said no, what would’ve happened then?” 

“Well, maybe I would’ve dropped it, but...knowing you...I don’t think that I would’ve given up easily.” 

The waitress returned with the drinks on a silver platter: his grapefruit pink and yours the color of a lemon drop. 

The royal rose his glass for you to clink with yours, “To...adventures.” 

“To adventures.” 

With a resounding sound, the glasses met, and you watched the way that the shimmering liquid ripped across the prince’s nose. 

The two of you sat for several moments more, saying nothing, but sipping and soaking in the night breeze and the humidity that made your whole body feel blanketed with a sense of calm. You had felt this way before back at the safe house, and it snuck up on you once more. Simply exisiting with the prince provided you with a sense of solace that had long since faded from your life. The sense of responsibility that you felt for the man was noticeable, but you couldn’t help but notice how he provided for you the same sense of safety that you did for him. 

Perhaps it was the loneliness of the job and the solitude that came along with it. Was that you craved to be touched? Listened to? Admired? You had distanced yourself from irrational things such as love and other feelings of attachment. In your line of work, people died often, and you had to move on just as fast as their lives had been taken from them. You supposed that you had become unfeeling at this point...but this prince, so full of himself and focused on the material...there was something about him that reminded you how to feel. 

“Bee? What are you thinking about?” He asked carefully. 

“Oh...nothing.” 

“You looked kind of lost here.” 

“Was I?” 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah...yeah. I’m fine. Maybe the drink is just...getting to me.” 

“Just one drink?” Chan giggled a bit, “I didn’t take you for being a lightweight Bee. I thought that they gave you like, drinking lessons or something back at that agency of yours.” 

“I’m fine. I shouldn’t have more than one drink anyway.” 

The prince nodded, understanding. “So, what will you tell me about yourself? Is there anything that you’re allowed to tell me? Or...will you always be this mysterious, beautiful, enigma?” 

“Me? Enigmatic? Ha! Hardly.” 

“Well? What then?” The prince sucked at the lime garnishing his glass. “Since I don’t have the pleasure of knowing your real name, I’d love it if you could tell me something.” 

Over the stereo, the muted trumpet played along with the twang of thick upright bass strings,

“I suppose I could tell you how...” Chan leaned in, “I didn’t want to join The Agency. At first.” 

“Oh? Why’s that?” 

“It felt like a bit of a last resort and anything that is a last resort is something that can’t come easy.” 

Chan titled his head as if to say, I’m listening. 

“Life...fucking sucks sometimes. Sometimes...you’re left...living with your sleazy uncle with a letter addressed to you post mortem telling you to carry on the family name if you want to feel some connection to the parents that you never knew.” 

The royal cast his eyes down, “I-I’m so sorry.” 

“The Agency has been everything I’ve known since I was a teenager. This life...it’s everything. I think in a way I feel obligated to it...since it was what took my parents from me...I owe it to them to do a job that they spent so much energy on so that it wasn’t in vain.” 

You stopped, realizing the weight of your words in the air and how they cut like the blade of the knife that you kept tucked in your waistband sheathed in a leather cover. Once the sharp metal was taken from it’s confines, there was nothing to protect those from the damage it could do. 

“Bee...I don’t know what to say besides I’m sorry. That’s terrible. I can’t imagine what it must be like to loose your parents and have been thrown into this life...no one deserves that.” 

“Its okay.” You sighed. “I did it to myself. Now, it’s of no concern. I can take care of my own, and I have a new family. I try not to look back.” 

As he had done numerous times before that night, Chan’s hand reached out for yours under the table, brushing up against the white cloth. 

“I can’t say how much I appreciate you enough for what you do; risking your life for me...I owe you everything Bee.” The prince softened, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. 

The chug of the steamboat hissed softly behind you in that back bar room, and just through the windows, you could see the stars dotting the sky just as they did in any corner of the world. They were a reminder that while some things changed, others didn’t. 

The echo of footsteps on the deck clicked, causing you to turn a careful glance back to the direction of the sound. The man who entered was dressed in a casual cotton button up and navy slacks. On the white of his breast, he wore a pin holding the symbol of a crest.

“Lee Minho?” Chan gasped. 

“Your Highness!” The handsome man bowed immediately with a startled little smile. 

The friendly prince stood immediately upon seeing the other royal to shake his hand. “What a coincidence that we meet again!” 

Lee Minho shied with a polite smile while fiddling with his hair that looked to be masterfully styled. “Must be...fated. Or something like that.” 

“Are you alright? Last I saw you was at the shooting at the gala. I’m so glad to see that you’re safe. You didn’t get injured I hope?” 

This close, Lee Minho had oddly cat-like eyes that were as intense as they were alluring. He was just as you had remembered him to be--put together and polished like a true royal, dastardly handsome with all the right curves to his body, and just enough mystery to him to pique the interest of anyone who had sensed his air--just as the prince had. 

“What are you doing in Cairo?” Chan asked, gesturing for the stranger to pull up a chair. 

Lee Minho swatted away the question with an annoyed cringe. “Royal stuff, you know how it goes. Everyone is always trying to poke their noses in places where they shouldn’t be...unless they’re looking to get themselves killed. That's why they send me. I’m dispensable.” 

“Oh, I’d hardly say that.” 

In seconds the prince’s entire body had shifted towards the direction of the other man, and hung onto each of his words as if they were a siren song. 

“When you’re not as high up in the ranks as you are your Highness, royalty starts to feel more like servitude than a legitimate position.” 

“So, where are you poking your nose?” 

Lee Minho’s eyes nervously flicked to you, and Chan realized that he had skipped right over introductions. 

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce the two of you. Minho, this is Bee, my--” 

“--I’m a member of his detail.” You spoke for him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you formally Lee Minho. I recall seeing you at the gala.” 

Minho bowed slightly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you too.” 

It was obvious that you had made the man uncomfortable, just as you had liked it to be. While you could see what the prince had seen in him, you had the disposition to be much less trusting than his Highness. 

“Which royals are employing you? I’d love to know! It’s always exciting for me to learn about who is plotting what. The royal drama keeps me really entertained.” 

Minho sat up straighter, then waved a hand for the waitress to come scuttling over. 

“Some of my family members. You wouldn’t know them, we’re all dreadfully insignificant to be honest. They heard all this business about those men with the red crests and they’re starting to get scared. After they targeted...you, they’re wondering which royal family might be next...if any. I’m here to find out who they are, their whereabouts, anything else.” 

“Wow! That’s actually what we--”

“--And where are you planning on getting this information if I may ask?” You hushed the prince’s loose lips as quickly as you could. 

Minho leaned in over the flickering candle to lower his tone, “I heard that there’s an informant here in the city who might now something about this group. They’ve been popping up on national news too as of late. I’m looking to talk to him tomorrow evening. Luckily, I was able to make an appointment but it was no small feat. I had to bribe him to high hell to get him to speak with me.” 

“Hm. Sounds familiar.” You mumbled. 

Chan’s eyes widened, then he looked back to you to ask for permission. You gave him a nod.

“It seems like we’re here for a common purpose my friend.” The prince leaned in to bridge the gap between them, his hand notably reaching to rest on the other man’s thigh below the table’s surface. “We’re seeking similar information and I think we might be speaking of the same informant.” 

“But your Highness, isn’t it dangerous it you to do something like this?” 

“Not when I’ve got her around.” Chan threw a sly grin to you across the table. “I’m well protected. And you? Where’s your detail?” 

“I’m afraid that I’m out here alone. Like I said, when you’re as low in the ranks as I am...” 

“What? That’s terrible!! They aren’t even protecting their own? Bee!!” 

“Yes, your Highness?” You already knew where this was going. 

“Let’s bring Minho along with us tomorrow! We know that there’s safety in numbers--” 

“Your Highness, in case you haven’t noticed, our hands are already a bit full...”

“I can fend for myself.” Lee Minho suddenly piped. “Travelling alone, I’ve picked up a few things about protecting myself. You don’t have to protect me, but, I appreciate the offer.” 

“Nonsense! You should come with us! I would feel more comfortable if you did rather than went by yourself.” 

Lee Minho gave the royal a smile in his thanks, it was pure and a little adorable you had considered...but that was likely the champagne going to your head. 

“Really? I appreciate it, your Highness.” 

While you were distanced, you nearly could’ve sworn that the prince had squeezed the other’s leg reassuringly, and you were willing to bet he had rubbed it with his thumb too just as he had done to you. 

After long, the waitress returned with Lee Minho’s drink, and the two men chatted like old college buddies while you slipped away at your drink in an attempt to make it last as long as you could. While Chan did try to engage you in conversation, it would never last for long until he would become puppy-eyed over the stranger again. In the end, you wondered if the tipsy prince would’ve also confessed to this man if he had one too many drinks. 

The table bumped with their jovial and restless legs, and you could only imagine what wandering hands sought to discover. 

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

The hotel was quiet save for the click of heels on the marble floors from ladies who had just gotten off the steamboat and clung to their husbands in their drunken stupor. They cackled in the empty and golden lobby, then pressed hasty kisses into the stuttering mouths of their husbands who’s mouths then smeared with hot pick lipstick. Chan giggled at the sight while he tripped over his own feet too. 

“Ahhhh. Being in love is so cute.” He adored them once you had entered the elevator. 

“You’re not going to throw up on me, are you?” 

The prince hiccupped, then shook his head. “Unlike you I know how to hold my liquor. I’m fine. Just a bit sleepy I think. Must be the jet lag.” 

The tones for each floor beeped in the compartment, and Chan lulled his head back and forth. 

“So. Lee Minho huh?” You said, not even able to help yourself. The alcohol had brought you a bit of an edge...so you thought. 

“Lee. Minho.” He sighed out dreamily. “What do you think of him?” 

“I think I can’t trust anyone as long as I haven’t ran at least three background checks on them.” 

“Awww, Bee, you’re so thoughtful of me.” 

In the empty hallway, the prince with squinting eyes leaned against the doorframe to the royal suite, reaching out to brush up against your blouse once more. You let him, excusing his drunken state. After he did so, his eyes hazed over with something much different, while he looked exhausted, it was laced with something else: something much more longing. 

“Bee...fuck, I really want to kiss you again.” 

“Hm. That’s ripe coming from you who was just viciously flirting with Lee Minho.” 

You could see his head spinning in his dilated pupils. “What?” 

The door clicked open and you less than gracefully lead the prince through the dark to your shared bedroom. 

“B-Bee, what are you talking about?” 

You scoffed, “I’m not blind, you know.” 

“A-are you...jealous?” 

“W-what? Fuck no. I’m just...you can’t just...toss people around thinking that they’ll all bend to you.” 

Chan sat at the edge of the bed and rubbed at his temples when you turned one of the lamps on. 

“I-I was doing that?” 

You tore a pillow from the bed as well as the throw blanket at the end. “I’m sleeping on the couch. Good evening, your Highness.” 

“Wait! Bee!” The young prince stumbled after you, stubbing his toe against the bedpost in the process. “Ah-FUCK!” He grunted. 

“What?” You growled back to him, half shrouded in the darkness of the suite living room. 

The royal stumbled out, eyes blank and backlit from the bedroom. While you couldn’t see him fully, you later could assume that there was something in him terribly torn and ripped in that moment that made little sense to him, as it did to you to. 

Arms reached out, bodies softly illuminated by the lights of the city, and the prince leaned himself fully into you, pressing bitter tasting lips to yours with a heat and desire that only seemed amplified the breather he had gotten. While he tasted of lime and grapefruits, with a twinge of alcohol. He was just as addictive as any vice. You wanted to feel him. As infuriating as he was, and oblivious, your abhorrence to him was just as strong as your attraction. 

“Mm, Bee--” He moaned directly into your mouth while shuffling both of you back to the bedroom. 

The prince’s trembling breath floated from his mouth to yours where he used both of his large hands to pull your face closer to his. You knew that in some way, there must have been something ingenuine about the whole scenario, but you didn’t care too much, not when kissing him felt like something. Maybe he had kissed you out of pity, or because he really had wanted to kiss you. You broke for seconds before both of your tangled limbs hit the bed. 

“Before...you said that you wouldn’t kiss me.” 

“I didn’t make any promises...but, how come...you said that you wouldn’t hesitate...? But you kissed ba--” 

You silenced the prince’s words with your own heated kisses that made little sense, only that kissing him as such felt good. You straddled the man while his hungry fingers traced all the way down your back. The prince’s hips sunk into the cushiony mattress, and you screwed him down even harder into it with your own heated hips grinding into him with as much pressure as you could muster. 

“This is what you want, right?” You pulled at his lip with your teeth to hear him groan from it. 

“Is it...what you want?” Chan got out between more kisses. 

You could blame it on loneliness or lack of touch all that you wanted, but it wasn’t even close. 

“Wait. Wait.” Chan suddenly interjected. 

“What? What is it?” 

The prince looked up at you, that haze in his eyes now fading to something much different that wasn’t covered in the lust that he held before. 

“Bee...I-I don’t know if I want it to happen this way. It feels...it’s not...” 

“Not what?” 

He brushed his hand upward now to caress your face, lingering on the side of the peach fuzz on your cheek. “You deserve better than whatever the hell this is.” 

“Oh, so when I finally want to fuck you, you’re saying it isn’t right?” 

“I’m saying, I’m drunk, it’s late, clearly there’s something that’s upsetting you, and I want to know what it is before we do anything else. Tell me, what’s wrong?”

It might’ve been Lee fucking Minho, or it might’ve been something else much stickier for you to admit, but seeing the prince like this, it was too much. He was gorgeous under you, practically angelic looking. 

“I-I’m...complicating things.” You whispered out, and the prince softened even further. 

“That’s what it is? Bee, I told that you don’t have to worry about--” 

“--Yes. Yes I do...your Highness. I-I can’t feel...” 

“Bee--let’s just talk about--” 

The prince might’ve said more, but his words faded into murmurs once you closed his door behind you, then crawled onto the couch in Jeongin and Seungmin’s room, locking their door too. 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @lunarskzzz

[satorugojowidow]

Jujutsu Kaisen ep 149 spoilers, analysis and maybe theories about what Gege is doing

In my opinion it wasn't a romantic kiss, was a CPR. She was unconscious and the kiss came after Mao hited her chest. Is a CPR move to me.

About incest in Jujutsu Kaisen

First i will like bring this post wich im agree with it. Write about incest or abuse is not wrong. What is wrong is romanticize. In my perspective incest is not romanticize in JJK.

Mei and Ui: Mei character is built as someone who has no values or etic at the point where she doesnt even understand it. She even says to Satoru that she does not understand any issue not related to money. She is also potrayed like someone who only cares for herself and we saw that when she ask Ui to sacrifice for her and quickly left Japan in Shibuya incident leaving everyone behind and taking only the money with her (and Ui who is more like a tool to her). It is clear that she has an abusive relationship with his brother. Ui is potrayed like someone who is absolute caught in Mei web. I think there is an effort to show this relantionship like something twisted, abusive and sick. So its clear to me that there is no intention from Gege to romanticize it.

Maki and Mai: first i have to say that kiss looked more like a CPR than a romantic kiss. But i going for the way where this kiss is a romantic kiss to express my point. If there is a romantic feeling between this two (wich i believe not), we have to understand it in the context of their shitty family. There is high chances that cousin x cousin marriage is happening inside the clan. This interfamily marriage are common in clans, dynasty, etc., to protect to blood line and all that shit. Main clans in Jujutsu society are very interested in keep their inherited technique so nobody would be surprised that they practice this type of incestuos marriage. The fact that they look alike so much in Zenin clan could point to this. So Maki and Mai grow up in a context where incest happen. Also the amount of physical and mental abuse in them and the fact that they only have each other to gain support could make this incest feeling possible. As they didn't grow up in a healthy environment and didn't have anyone to teach them about healthy feelings or even love in any form (their mother is totally caught in patriarchy). Again, there is an effort to show that all the problems that Toji, Maki and Mai have are because their shitty family. If incest is happening here is becaue this two girls never learned how to love in a healty way and they are confussed about their feelings. If May really kissed Maki is more like she doesnt know how to express herself because she grow up in abuse and there is no single healthy relationship in her family to look up.

Conclusion: incest is not romanticize in JJK. Maybe need to be portrayed more like a "trouble", maybe. But i think is enough portrayed like a trouble.

Mai's death: I know everyone is hurted because her death. But, lets be honest. We could see that comming. I predicted in my JJK Oracle serie but is not like im super smart or anything, is something we could see comming from how JJK story is build and the meaning of pass deaths in the manga.

"Mai deserve better": of course she did. But I dont think this story is about give what people deserve, is not about make justice for them. Real life and real world is extremly unfair. A story with any kind verisimilitude would potray unjustice.

"Gege is killing all his characters": In the same line of verisimilitude if some big events happen like shibuya incident we can not expect that everyone comeback alive. If all characters always comeback is more like a plot armor.

"Pointless dead" "Mai's arc wasted": All dead in JJK until now have a meaning and Mai's arc was this one from the start. Let try to figure out this.

In the story Maki is the main character, Mai (sorry to say) was auxiliary to her story. Mai is presented to develoment Maki story. To go deep in the patriarchal structures of Jujutsu world and to present the shitty dinamic of the Zenin clan from inside. Mai personal develoment was to understand that Maki actions wasnt the problem, but her all family itself. When the break point comes (Ougi desition to kill both) she realize that live peacefull in the clan dont depends on her obedience, it dependence in what the clan need from her from a moment to other. That there is no way to live peacefully in such an environment. That is when she can finally understand her sister action, reconcile with it and her, and support her sister road. Sadly she can only support with her death. But she doesnt die like subordinate person (like she was in pass episode or like her mother is) she die free, she is not simply killed, she gives her life in order to save her sister and destroy the clan. She emancipates at the end. Of course is sad that she has to die, but again, life is unfair and this story is not about make justice.

In jujutsu kaisen "death" works to build the living characters that go trought that lost.

Suguru -> Satoru

Junpei and Nanami -> Yuuji

Also, it establishes the situation where the characters are. Like Yaga's death wich leave the students in their own.

"Kill another female strong character": Well, i go for this one. There is no much female strong characters so Gege do something for gender equality and stop killing them.

-------------------

In my opinion, and this is in some way a theory, what Gege is trying to do is reverse the typical shonen story.

He brought the typical elements from a shonen: a regular boy who discover that he is not so regular, lots of fights, power up, and even some kind of tournament (just to name a few one).

But at the same time Gege is slowly deconstructing the elements of shonen genre:

The hero is the strongest character and save everyones. We have Satoru is the strongest character and he fails to save people at the point when he realize that "save" dont depends on him. That is why he goes for the teaching/supporting role. Help others to save themselves. However situations keeps going in a way where he losses his closes people and he cant do anything to stop that.

So we can say this: in JJK heros cant save others.

In regular shonen the social structures are never questioned. In JJK we can see how those structures are the villain. We have the conservative structures of jujutsu society wich higher up keep against everything because their privilege depends on it. And the patriarcal structures. Even if JJK is stil away from being "feminist" is one step in the right direction from most regular shonen. Specially those shonen where the main female character is there just to be cute and she cant even speak her mind

We all feel like fell in some kind of trap in JJK. Because in firsts episodes we were like "oh, how cute and fun. look there is a speaking panda" and then we fell in angst. I think this is part of how Gege builds the story to reverse the genre.

Dont expect a happy ending, expect a end with meaning. Dont expect to see your fav getting what they deserve, expect to understand why they went through that.

And remember one thing: Yuuji death is not in discussion in the plot, what is in discussion is how he is going to live what he has left of live.

[antiloreolympus]

6 Anti LO Asks

1. that "explanation" to why rachel made the age gap so big with persephone so young is a whole lot of words for "im into DDLG but im too scared to admit i self insert on a barely legal 19 year old" like? its not even poking fun or deconstruction-ing it as she claims? it reinforces the huge power imbalance + age gap is good actually and persephone should be moulded into what the older man wants? she acts and does nothing of her own will? she cant claim its one thing when its clearly the opposite?

2. how is hades a "monster boyfriend" tho??? theyre all gods? doesnt a monster boyfriend require theyre not the same species like a vampire and a human or a human and a god? something like that? like suitor armor is a monster boyfriend webtoon bc the male lead is literally a demonic suit of armor, but hades isnt? does rachel just see whats popular on twitter and claim she's doing it too? because thats not how that works.

3. A deconstruction, especially with mythology, means you still need to keep the basic elements there to comment on. A deconstruction doesn't literally mean breaking the whole thing into tiny pieces to where it's unrecognizable to the actual story and making up whatever you want. Hadestown is a deconstruction of the Eurydice myth bc it plays with it in a different tone and looks at it through a different lens, ei. corruption via capitalism. LO is not that. It's fanfiction, not deconstruction.

4. theres a ton of new webtoons being translated of the main character being a normal girl who is transport into her favorite book. is rachel going to claim she's doing that too because its popular? me thinks she likes throwing around popular phrases to seem like she's this multi-layered genius instead of knowing what shes doing. ma'am just write your 50 shades rip off with a terrible color palette. no one cares its not that deep. to claim otherwise is rather pathetic and plain ol' lying.

5. "kind of having a bit of a laugh with everyone" literally the age gap and power imbalance you made up is one of the most hated parts of LO in both anti and fan circles alike. Who are you laughing with, Rachel? There's legitimate concern your comic is helping your young female reader base into being potential grooming victims because of how you glorify and romanticize a creepy old man and a young girl doing whatever he wants every single week. No one is laughing at it. They're disgusted.

6. i like how rachel even frames the age gap as gross in her own interview yet still goes through with it? like theres a reason so many people dont like that trope and its because its almost always predatory and sexualizing a young girl. it works better when its a human and an actual fantasy being, but they're both gods? shes just being gross about youth and trying to claim shes so clever and people just dont get how ~deep ~ her writing is. we have stop lifting up white ladies like this 💀

[ask-mortarion-the-death-lord]

cause ive always liked fire emblem, and cause the questions rested on my head before, the primarchs in fire emblem classes:

lion = paladin. its the most traditionally knightly class, and well the lions never really been depicted on horses or in relation to fast vehicles all that often, the paladin class is more so marked by balanced stats and a sharp increase to res so i feel confidant in giving him a mounted class like the paladin.

fulgrim = swordmaster. lightly armored very fast class, well its limited to just swords for the most part i feel that also suits fulgrims perfectionist nature since as a class its largely about perfecting that one weapon often getting special perks for doing so. plus in terms of outfits swordmasters are one of the more fashionable or exotic classes which also suits fulgrims tendency to extravagant dress.

perturabo = great knight. at first i thought general since its a very representative defensive class, heavy armour, used by enemy armies alot, best used in defensive roles, all that stuff. but on reflection great knight kinda works a bit better, since the iron warriors also notably use a lot of vehicles. this gives perturabo both high defensive properties but decent mobility like his copious tanks without being as high as say a paladin or bow knights mov to represent perts preference for terminator armour.

jaghatai = nomad trooper/bow knight. i specify nomad trooper because it better gells with the whole Mongol thing the khans got going on, but bow knight is also the more common variation of this class. regardless, its a more speed aligned mounted class capable of using swords and bows, that has the khans name all over it.

lemen = warrior. the russ is typically portrayed with axes, has a viking theme, and well hes 'uga uga barbarian' he also strives to try and be better then that. its another easy fit really, even if bows arent particularly fitting for russ but then that also does help to emphasize the sortta duality of the russ as a savage reveling in it whos also embarrassed by it to some extent.

rogal = hero. its not a defensive class like the general but it is the more defensive counterpart to the swordmaster usually, and rogals usually not shown to be wearing terminator armour. aside from that its something of a flexible class used by shady mercs and noble knights in equal measure, so it can work with both an air of practicality and luxury well.

konrad = trickster. assassin seems like the better choice since it jives more with konrad visually speaking, konrad also has psychic powers that let him see the future. thus trickster works a bit better i feel to represent that, placing him in a thief promotion well also giving him access to magic. i thought of dread fighter as well, but konrads not known for sending out warp bolts so the tricksters support magic works better for konrads future sight.

sanguinius = falcon knight. a female dominated class, ignoring that stipulation fire emblem pegasi have the unicorn thing where their atleast rumored to only accept the pure hearted as riders, and well i wouldn't call any primarch pure hearted neither are many of the pegasus knights in fire emblem so it works thematically without being a hard requirement. also, wings and a flying class thats focused on speed and has also at times had access to support magic. another obvious fit for all intents and purposes.

ferrus = blacksmith. thank god for fates giving me this out, well ferrus does wear terminator armour he also notably relies on his arms metal coating to protect that so i feel more confidant in giving him blacksmith which is a defensive class but not a heavy armour class if that makes sense. also, overlap of professions which putting aside the terminator armour stuff does make this the otherwise obvious choice for ferrus.

angron = berserker. the class is pretty much all attack and speed no defense, relying on high health to tank hits. well its usually locked to axes, angron usually uses axes to thats fine, and well its also a class mostly associated with bandits and barbarian and tribal looks its also a class that gets a lot of association with gladiators and arenas so it works in that sense as well.

roboute = hero, great lord. not totally happy with this one so im giving myself multiple outs on it. hero i feel works in a visual sense but its doubling up on rogals, well great lord works better in terms of who roboute is but its pushing roboute into the definitive protagonist class of fire emblem. settled on great lord eventually both because its the protagonist class, and because well its a class capable of defending itself their both usually not the best fighter and also need to be handled carefully or else cause a game over due to dying,

mortarion = oni savage. a defensive class specialized in using axes but which does have access to magic use. it fits in that mortarion prides himself on endurance and physical strength well shunning magic, despite having had training and education in magic himself and arguably because of who taught him. plus visually the class is designed to look intimidating and wears a mask, both vague enough applications to mortarion.

magnus = sorcerer. also called druid, dark sage, or dark bishop. i thought of maybe basara since its a class with access to physical weapons, but i decided sorcerer for two main reasons. first, magnus relies heavily on his magic over his physical fighting skills by primarch standards. second, darks magic which sorcerers specialize in have the narratively appropriate connotations in fire emblem for magnuses character. as dark magic in fe is both a dangerous dark force used by evil wizards to summon dark gods or cast curses, and a neutral force of nature that can be researched and understood like a science, used like a science to consume enemies in black holes even. it is the perfect magic to give the "its not a phase dad, its a science! -consumed by dark forces-" character in essence.

horus = general. perfect class for horus less because of its defensive properties or role as a defensive class, but more so because of what it arguably symbolizes and how horus is the primarch next to perturabo who wears the most terminator of terminator armour. namely that general is the class most frequently used by enemy bosses and commanders in fire emblem, often by one of the head honchos or a minion of said honcho. in that sense, its the perfect class to have the warmaster and arch traitor of the imperium in.

lorgar = war monk. religiously affiliated class that wields an axe, and already a perfect fit for that alone. the war monk class also has access to support magic with jives with lorgar unlocking psychic power through his studies of daemonology and the chaos gods, and also his own psychic visions. my only concern is that to access war monk regularly you have to be in the priest class beforehand [unless your a prepromote] which jives with lorgars history but is also a class locked to support magic, but for a primarch im willing to let it slide.

vulkan = wyvern lord. vulkans another character in terminator armour, but i feel wyvern lord works better. not because vulkans known for flying mind you, but more so because wyvern lords a defensive flying class, involves a a dragon, and because wyverns in fe are difficult to tame mounts but ones that are fiercely loyal and protective of their riders if said rider treats them well. which fits into vulkans friendly, by primarch standards, attitude.

corvus = assassin. well corvus also uses psychic powers to turn invisible, i felt giving trickster to konrad worked better because konrad was more active and constant in his use of psychic powers well corvus tried to avoid using his power as much as possible from what i remember. as such that left corvus with the more physically aligned thief promotion which i enjoy as a sort of 'delightful irony' since the assassin aesthetic better suits konrad.

alpharius/omegon = halberdier. feeling blessed that alpharius omegon have largely been presented as using lances cause it makes this a lot easier. well the ao twins are masters of a sneaky legion themselves, importantly the alpha legion favours infiltration and disguise over sneaking about. and what better disguise then as the promotion of the most generic of classes the soldier class. its a lance locked class, but i feel thats a good enough trade off for the inconspicuous murder angle. and the soldier class is if nothing inconspicuous/cannon fodder.

and bonus malcador and emperor!

malcador = sage. even putting aside that malcadors claim to fame is being a psyker, sage works in relation to the fire emblem trope of wise and crinkly old sages [the gotoh archtype as its referred to] which malcador fits on like a glove.

emperor = emperor, baron, master knight. the emperor class is indeed a thing, and im specifically thinking of the fe4 emperor class which could utilize every weapon and magic outside of light magic and dark magic. aside from that the emperor class was also a heavy armour class which... i dont remember if the emperors wearing terminator armour but it does gel with the emperor being fukin big. the barons an alternative thats basically the same as the emperor class if a bit weaker, and master knights the mounted variation that has access to light magic.

[mysticalluminaryartisan]

i request a personality reading

Of course! I did based on tarot,zodiac and mtbi.

Michelle Personality

Michelle have a bubbly personality, always a smile in face, always happy and make jokes.

She can have a resting bitch face when she is judging you and have a strong temperement.

She is stubborn and wants always to be right.

She have a smart brain and is really good at fast games.

She is charismatic and have a flirt talk.

She knows a little about everything like a book and she have childlike curiosity, always asking new questions.

I can see that she is a extrovert but also have a little of introvertness, i can see that in the end of the day she likes to reflect alone

She is afraid of being alone. Thats why tend to have large social circles and always have a companion.

For her she have a mission Makes people smile and she is really afraid of fail this mission

Your vulnerable heart makes you cautious in love, and you're not one to rush into romance. That sensitivity is your strength, but it needs protection since you suffer big time when you're hurt. You are single because you choose, in your tarot i can see that she have a lot of mans picking her, but she prefer to be alone to not suffer

You're able to create a family feeling among your friends. You might come up with traditions to look forward to every year. You enjoy coming up with thoughtful gifts for birthdays and holidays.

You're a loyal friend that likes to stay in touch, even if you move away. You know how to make friends feel nurtured and cared for, and like others to do the same for you. Sometimes you hold on to hurt feelings, and actively start to enact revenge on the person who hurt you, without saying it directly.

You are impressionable and can pick up the mood of the person you're with. A dark character could sense your vulnerability and also play on your empathic nature.

You come across as someone with a big heart. You're wise in an unspoken way and cast an enveloping warmth. You know when to say and do things to make people feel understood at a deep level.

You're sensual, once there is trust, and very affectionate.

With Venus in Cancer, you'll warm up to someone that doesn't approach you too directly. You may seem aloof at the outset of a relationship, but you're taking everything in, observing. You'll appreciate those that put love and care into something, like preparing a candlelight dinner.

You want to know where you stand with someone and need a high level of sincerity. A well-timed show of vulnerability signals to you that it's okay to let down your guard, too. You want to feel deeply cared about, and considered worthy of commitment. You'll shy away from those with a lot of inner demons, especially if they're below the person's own radar.

While those with Mars in Aries are naturally more comfortable doing, saying, and getting what they want even if they have to fight for it.

Women with Mars in Aries are femme fatales who tend to be very athletic, creative, uninhibited, argumentative, and tempestuous. They're usually attracted to confident, strong, and independent men who are athletic in appearance. These are women who want a man who doesn't play games or beat around the bush, but most of all, they're attracted to partners who can make life exciting and keep up with them. A good match would be a man with a lot of fire in his birth chart.

She have great people skills and are often described as warm, affectionate, and supportive.

She is great at encouraging other people and derive personal satisfaction from helping others.

ENFJs also have a tendency to be too hard on themselves, blaming themselves for when things go wrong and not giving themselves enough credit when things go right. Because of this, it is important that people with this personality type regularly set aside some time to attend to their own needs.

Resume:

She is cute, charismatic, she have a female fatalle vibes but is only the armor she made for people dont hurt her fragile heart, never cheat on her because she is the type of do the same, she is independent and hates when someone give her orders, for being a Gemini and ENFJ she have a childish mind and she is super smart, she is loyal and she isnt afraid of breaking your bones if you mess with someone dear to her.

[its-sixxers]

Top 10 Female Characters

Rules: Name your top 10 favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people. tagged by: @marvilus73​ thank uuuu

tagging: @benny-gecko-official​ @courier-sux​ @randomwordsandstormydays​ @radbeetle​ @vaulties​ @nukasoda​ @falloutglow​ @valkyriejack​ @corvegaassemblyplant​ @eeveevie​ woof that’s a lotta people u dont gotta do i just obey the tumblr tag gods sometimes

It’s a VERY good thing that this was for different fandoms because 3 of them were going to be from A Song of Ice and Fire because I am the worst. All of these women have inspired parts of my OCs, see if you can spot the fascinating ways I am a hack fraud under a read more cuz long

Samus Aran (Metroid)

My first videogame love. I will die for her. Really the first example of a lady kicking ass that I can remember, and also gave me my fascination for the mysterious person in armor trope. Seeing a female character who wasn’t sexualized (until the zero suit, anyway) was a game changer.

Sansa Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire)

I’m in the camp where I prefer book Sansa to show Sansa, but in general I just really love what she represents - or at least the potential of it. A woman constrained by the binds of her society and suffering for it, but learning to play it to her advantage and turn the tables on motherfuckers and make them forever regret underestimating her. Strong in a way that doesn’t require physical power or violence. She’s a very different archetype and I love her for it. (I also enjoy her dynamic with Sandor even though it screams problematic). MY QUEEN IN DA NORF

Honorary mentions also go to Brienne of Tarth and Olenna Tyrell from the series. :V

Sarah Connor (Terminator)

I prefer the first movie to the second and Sarah's a big reason for that. I love seeing an ordinary woman faced with horrifying circumstances and fuckin' killing it. T2 Sarah is very fucked up (and I appreciate that she's realistically fucked up from what she's been through) and I love her too but sweet baby angel T1 Sarah is my fave. I pretend the other movies don’t exist lol sue me

Maiev Shadowsong (Warcraft)

In a total reverse from Sarah Connor, I love Maiev because she's an absolute asshole, but also because she's right. Mostly. A woman incredibly devoted to her duty, who has witnessed a lot of terror and horror, arguably betrayed by her leader and still trying to do what's best for her people. Love her to bits. Tyrande who?

Red (Transistor)

This game stuck with me after I finished it and has still stuck with me. Just having a relatively mute protagonist (save for her singing) in crazy circumstances with her dead boyfriend's soul in a sword she uses to whoop ass. Idk. I just think she's neat.

Furiosa (Mad Max: Fury Road)

She's fury and love, power and tenderness. She's every shade of woman - she’s a human and there’s absolutely no male gaze regarding her (to the point of angering manchildren, legend). If every female character was like Furiosa I could die happy. I can't sufficiently express how amazing she and the rest of the female cast in the movie are but I've seen it three times in theatres if that tells you anything.

Margaret (The Crown)

Her character is based on an actual real life person, but dramatized. This is going to be a smidge weird but idc. I identify a lot with Margaret - her pains in love, her aimlessness, feeling ignored or misunderstood, a complicated but loving relationship with her sister. Taking to abusing alcohol to deal with it and everyone just kind of turning a blind eye. The mix of very high highs and very low lows. Trying to be happy and things never seeming to work out. The absolute tragedy of her life just being absolute garbage - partially of her own making. She's great, Vanessa Kirby and Helena Bonham Carter do a great job portraying her.

Elinor Dashwood (Sense and Sensibility)

For the Austenverse this spot was a tie between Elinor and Anne Elliot from Persuasion. Both are characters I've grown to love more and more as I've gotten older and can identify with them more. They're up there in age, they're the obligatory responsible adult in their families trying to fuckn' make do on this bitch of an earth. They have great pains and anxiety regarding love a nd their age and broken hopes and just hnnnh feels. Emma Thompson is my favorite rendition of her.

Lady Sarah Churchill (The Favorite)

Baddest bitch on the block. Emphasis on bitch. Like Sansa, her world is a sexist and misogynist one where women aren't percieved as a threat - they're barely percieved as players at all - but Sarah is smart as hell and has managed to seat herself in a position of extreme power at the Queen's side. At the cost of emotionally manipulating the Queen for her own selfish needs. (wtf) She's a villian I really like and seeing her and Abigail's power struggles is depressing but entertaining. Also her fashion sense is bomb dot com.

Megara (Disney)

Alongside Esmeralda (another favorite, tho problematic) the only Disney heroine from my childhood that seems to be an actual adult. She's sassy, her hips don't lie, and she loves herself a himbo. Relateable.

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S3 E5

quarantine diaries: July 5 2020

Season 3 episode 5: “Hakeldama

ok but what are these sad excuses of hoods like theyre really just pieces of cloth that you can barely call a hood

“we bring them peace” immediately cut to bloody bellamy coming back from battle with dramatic music. was i meant to laugh at that because if so i did

“this land is ours now”...umm this sounds a lot like colonization

woah that a loooot of extras. clarkes face was kinda smiling like a dubious smile tho

but also that battlefield full of dead grounders just looked like a bunch of people planking

they attacked while they were asleep?! bitch that sounds a lot of like some police offices in the US...justice for breonna

ofc indra is alive. she has plot armor and thank god for that cuz we need more badass female characters like indra

“we can leave or we can die” isnt this exactly what lexa told jaha and the rest of the space people? i bet lexa wished that she killed these people when she had the chance and before she caught feelings for clarke. big oof on her part

also can we talk about how that was a lot of bullets needed to kill those people. my question is where the fuck did they get that bullets/ammunition bc like they dont have a gun factory now. it also just doesnt seem wise imo to use their limited supplies willy nilly like that 

pike handing bellamy jacket....pike said to bellamy wear something pretty. do i ship it? i mean fuck it might as well because idk 

bellamy with those crazy eyes. i cant. he said you need to wake up kane bitch im already woke

lincoln coming in with that menace face. thats some intense eye contact going on between bellamy and lincoln. honestly more chemisty between bellamy and lincoln than lincoln and octavia. like do the writers not actually watch the show?! 

also is octavia ever going to address that lincoln chained her up. like she got over that too fast. also can we talk about how lincoln went from saying one word to just freely talking. like looking back to when the 100 first got him and him not talking was ugh like its so dumb 

*after seeing the arkadia sign* “I didnt see that coming” lmao jaha did not like the name change

did that guy just shoot otan? and otan dies so easily? also why must people automatically shoot to kill bc when there are obviously other ways to deescalate the situation without killing another human 

sidenote: why wasnt jaha holding the bag in the first place cuz i think that would have prevented otan being shot and killed in the first place

ugh im still annoyed that abby is one of the 2 healers like they should really teach more people to be healers

murphy and emori be bonnie and clyde for real 

jaha looks like a school boy with that backpack but also jaha you need to work on your salesmen skills if you want to sell these people on the city of light cuz rn you sound like a crazy man. like even after your little spiel i still have no fucking clue what the city of light actually is

Wow pike really did go from teacher to chancellor but i mean stranger things have happened in the U.S. you know what pike spontaneously being put on the chancellor ballet is kinda like Kanye West announcing that he’s running for president 2020 

so the spacers really just killed those people and left their bodies right  near where they live thats gotta stink

oof emori wanted to go after her brother only to  find out that otan is dead...yikes

“They’re being interned” pike i dont think this is okay

you get that bitch lincoln but where was the signature headbutt?? but i guess this guy wasnt even worth it

what the fuck pike literally pointing a gun at a sick girl’s head. and also if youre going to threaten a girl let it be know instead of relying on abby to make others realize what youre doing

are they really fucking going to rope raven into his boring ass city of light storyline. bitch why?? but i guess the writers have no other options for her story

sidenote: ravens iconic red jacket is in a desperate need of a wash

octavia reuniting bellamy and clarke. bellamy had a shook face. wow octavia is the true bellarke shipper 

Yes bellamy you tell off clarke!

clarke said “I need you” the bellarke shippers must have been quaking!! and ooo bellamy said “you left me” aww bellamy :(

GOOO OFFFFF BELLAMY!!!! damn it Bellamy. stop it, stop consoling her right now. but oh that hand holding really must have been good for bellarke shippers but oop he tricked clarke. ngl i laughed

woah raven really just dramatically pushed some shit off the table and fucking jaha without saying a word and just placed that plastic city of light shit on the table and did a table tap for idk dramatic effect idk i just laughed at this 

Ok but if raven is really going down this city of lights story I FUCKING PRAY THAT FINN somehow shows up in the city of lights just for shits and giggles

Clarke turned on bellamy fast but really bellamy went down too easy

stop the hugging clarke and abby. lol abby remember when you were mad at clarke about the bombing but i guess when you mass murder a bunch a people makes everything chill now

what the heck john murphy? why must you put that blood on your face? did you learn that from lincoln? 

seriously emori youre waiting on murphy fucking murphy before you see out your brother. i guess water is thicker than blood to her

i love how automatically john murpy assumes the position of dead guy

really murphy saying “go float yourself” to grounders means nothing to them

lol this little ploy really backfired on murphy and emori. but good on murphy for not giving away emori maybe true love does exist

wow look at miller being an ally. i love it

blood must not have blood....ugh the writers really thought they were deep for that

what is this music choice with raven struggling to walk? but also like honestly raven you really could have it worse so chill 

really raven you gave in that quick?? finn better being up there like jesus arms open. but also how did she swallow that huge ass piece of plastic without water to wash it down??

that plastic pill really worked that fast?! and lol they had the music pick up the beat to match the moment

fuck its annoying ass red lady you know im kinda thinking that this red lady is a just a lesser version of the red lady in game of thrones.

wait so if she swallowed it does she poop it out and she just has to keep taking the pill or how does this work??

[shauni-will-never-write]

Hey shauni, i dont know if you know, but do you have any tips in trying to complete(at least the main cast one) support log in Fates? Or if not, then do you have any support you think its pretty cool? (As in what happens in it, not necessarily for best boosts or etc)

Oh, sure, I can try helping you out! o:

If you want to complete the support log fast, I recommend:

Start a Revelation game.

Advance till a point where you’re sure to get all the kids immediately after their parents get married.

Set it on Phoenix mode so characters retreating don’t get in the way. Or, if you’re allergic to Phoenix mode, choose a very low level map that you’re sure your party will have no problem beating. 

Generate enemies using money (twice for maximum enemies). 

Farm until all of your characters have achieved an A-support with each other (if the enemies are low-leveled, just keep skipping your turn so they come and crash on your units, it’ll save you time). For couples, farm until the S rank is unlocked but not selected.

Save your game.

Now you get your first couples reach their S-support (including your avatar) and save on another slot. Be sure to write down the couples so you don’t forget which ones you’ve done. Now get the kids for that first batch of couples and farm supports with the kids (especially for the moms. You only need to get the supports with the dads once.)

Once you’ve unlocked all the supports of your first batch of couples and kids, go back to your original save file. Get your second batch of couples done, then save on a third slot (or rewrite the second save file). Get the kids and repeat. Keep writing down the couples you’ve done.

Repeat until all the couples are done.

Now you’re only missing the supports with the avatar of the other gender. Start a new game and farm with all the people your avatar can S-support, then repeat the process of saving your original, unmarried file before getting married, saving on another slot before getting Kana (and the other kid if your avatar is female), then going back to the original save file before marrying someone else, etc.

Now you only have to play a Birthright and Conquest route real quick so you can get Yukimura, Scarlet, Izana and Gunter’s supports with the avatar (both genders) + M!Kana if you play a female avatar + F!Kana if you play a male avatar.

It shouldn’t be as tedious as it sounds o: At least, it’s the fastest way I know to complete the supports log. If you only want to get the main cast’s supports, it really shouldn’t take long!

As for which supports I think are enjoyable… it’s been a while, but I’d say:

Ryouma - Setsuna. I’ve done this pairing in my very first playthrough just because the idea of Setsuna queen of Hoshido was hilarious to me. On top of that, I found their supports quite cute as they show an unusual more serious side of Setsuna: after being complimented by Ryouma who mistook her whereabouts for going to train, she feels bad for lazying around and actually starts training so that she can “deserve” his compliments.

Saizo - Setsuna. Marrying Saizo to women who piss him off is everything to me asdfghjm Setsuna manages to (unintentionally) push every single one of his buttons and you can see the man losing his shit the more he interacts with her.

Saizo - Charlotte. Again, marrying Saizo to women who piss him off is so much fun. Except that in this case, Saizo is also pissing off Charlotte.

Jacob - Setsuna. Yes, I like a lot of Setsuna’s supports. I don’t know who between Saizo and Jakob gets the most angry at how useless and infuriating Setsuna is, but it’s just. So funny. Bonus points for Setsuna (accidentally) making Jakob fall into a trap.

Silas - Hinoka. Imo their supports were legit interesting, and their S-support is very, very sweet as you see them planning where they’d build their house to live together.

Takumi - Camilla. There’s just something endearing and funny in seeing Takumi act like a flustered schoolboy. Bonus point for Camilla being definitely taller than him, even without high heels.

Jakob - Azura. Guys, Jakob is so happy Aqua actually loves him in their S-support that he faints like a Victorian maiden whose corset is too tight. What more do you want?

Hinata - Azura. Gives a little bit of backstory to Azura, plus they’re cute. Be careful though, if Shigure and Hisame are brothers, you won’t be able to get the Shigure/Hisame C-A support chain (that is honestly very peaceful and sweet).

Suzukaze/Kaze - Beruka. In which Beruka is taught to have a quiet hobby that she actually enjoys. Their supports are relaxing, and it’s very cute to see Beruka, of all people, learning the simple pleasures life has to offer.

Laslow - Peri. Among all of Peri’s support chains, this is the one that genuinely gives us a closer look to the origins of Peri’s pscyhopathic womanchild impulses, as well as some backstory, AND shows her undergoing actual character development. The end of their support chain, in particular, gets quite emotional.

Xander - Camilla. I won’t spoil, but we get to see how well Mom figure knows Dad figure compared to their other siblings.

Kisaragi/Kiragi - F!Kana. Because don’t tell me it’s not cute as hell to see these two promise to each other they’ll get married when they grow up.

Ryouma - Hinoka. Don’t you want to see cute sibling interaction? Ryouma being teased to the point he’s speechless?

Fuga - M!Avatar. Because you get to know a little bit of Fuga’s backstory. Well, not much, but you learn a little something that is never mentioned anywhere else regarding Fuga and Hayato’s parents. #FugaDeservedBetter

Tsubaki - Azura. Romantic knight in shining armor and princess in distress vibes. Also featuring robed assassins.

Tsubaki - Selena. Yeah, it’s weird because of the Caeldori thing, but their supports legit bring closure to Selena’s insecurities about perfectionism, which is really neat.

Tsubaki - Avatar (either gender). At first glance, their supports don’t seem like much, but once you realize how crippled by his fear of imperfection and how livid Tsubaki gets at the slightest mistake, it reveals a really unhealthy side of him that 99% of players are sleeping on. Once you realize that Tsubaki has been raised since childhood to be perfect and how terrified he is that everyone may one day realize that he’s been faking it since the beginning (saying everything he does is effortless when really he’s just constantly working his ass off in secret), it really brings a lot of (tragic) depth to Tsubaki and makes him much more endearing (and sad).

M!Avatar - Caeldori. I found their supports really adorable. Plus it’s funny how composed and mature Caeldori is when she confesses vs how flustered the male Avatar gets. Also makes you realize that Caeldori is unknowingly reinforcing Tsubaki’s phobia of imperfection by idealizing him so much and making him fear she’ll eventually either surpass him in skills or realize that he’s a “fraud” (so much that he refuses to train her himself and sends her to the male avatar).

Hayato - Rhajat. Their A-support is just so good. Makes you realize that Hayato is legit a better father than most of the other male characters.

Rhajat - F!Kana (mother/daughter): Watch Rhajat being an awkward but genuine and loving mom. You remember Tharja’s supports with Noire and F!Morgan? Well, they couldn’t be more different.

There are more supports worth checking, but I think that’s enough x’D I got too talkative.

Hope this helps! ^^

[mafiamamaj]

Here's an Endgame fix-it I would love but don't have the patience to write.

So, Steve goes back in time. Everybody's all pissed because its so out of character, and why is Peggy worth more than Tony or Bucky, all that. But, hear me out.

Steve goes back and the first thing he does is find Peggy and Howard. Convince them its really him, somehow get them to believe the time travel nonsense, all that. They play it up like he survived the crash and found his way home because it's only been like, a week, if that, since the Valkryie went down.

Steve gets Howard and Peggy to help him look for Bucky. He has a vague idea of where he should be at this point, but no solid details, so it takes a little while. This derails any interest Howard had in the Manhattan Project, especially since Steve is Very Vocal about his hatred of the idea.

(Now, I dont have the knowledge to even begin to theorize what would have happened in a reality where Steve Rogers was around to Loudly and Publicly as Captain America declare his disapproval of something as huge and significant as the Manhattan Project. For the sake of my brain, we are going to say that they met a lot more resistance than they otherwise would have, but it still happened because the American Government is awful.)

They find Bucky within a few years of Steve's crash and survival. Obviously he's still all kinds of fucked up because of torture, experimentation, cryo, etc. But 5-6 years is a whole he'll of a lot different than 70+. Shield still gets built, honestly Steve couldn't imagine it with any other name, but Bucky's return reveals that Hydra is still around and that Operation Paperclip was a bad idea (Zola). So they clean house early. Peggy becomes Director because Howard is to busy with his tech, and Steve and Bucky both said no. They do work for the newly built Shield though, running ops and hunting Hydra. They also might as well be married. Its still illegal for the time, so they're careful, but all the people who matter to them know and none of them care that the Captain and his Sargeant are doing the horizontal mambo.

Steve was friends with Tony, even if it didn't work out that well. And for all their differences, well earned and understandable, Tony and Howard had a lot more in common than Tony would ever want to admit. So Steve learns from the mistakes he made with Tony, and keeps Howard from turning into the monster he was in Tony's memories.

He mother hen's Howard into drinking less, drags him out to socialize more(Bucky is a huge help with that), calls him out when he's being a dick, and puts him in his place when his ego, or his head, gets too big for his britches.

Howard gets Steve to actually sell his art, builds him neat gadgets and armor, teases him to no end about Bucky, and is consistently endangering both of their lives on his never ending quest to get Steve drunk. (Bucky might have more sense than both of them, but he's also an adrenaline junkie with a hard-on for mechanical anything, so he is no help whatsoever and Peggy constantly despaired that the fate of the world lies with these overgrown children.)

When Howard marries Maria, Steve stands up for him at the wedding. The first time Howard made Maria cry because he ignored her/forgot something important/said something mean without meaning too, Steve beat him over the head and gave him a Captain America lecture, made Howard bake an apology cake himself, then dragged Howard back to Stark manner to apologize. The second time it happened, Bucky showed up in whatever place Howard had fallen asleep, dressed in full combat gear, cussed him out in Russian and threatened to shoot him. The third and last time it happened, Peggy showed up in Howard's lab, had him tied up before he even new she was there, and calmly informed him of exactly how she would torture him into a slow and agonizing death, as well as how exactly, she would get away with it.

Howard still forgot things, and could be careless with his time, but they never let him get bad, never let him forget how much he Did Not deserve Maria. And when Tony was born they were there for him. Steve refused to let Howard ignore his son, dragged him (figuratively) the first time Howard showed any sign of jealousy towards Tony. It wasn't perfect, nothing could be. But this Tony would grow up with a bumbling inventor of a father who was only forgetful and easily distracted, rather than an alcholic with a mean streak. He would have a mother who wasn't afraid of her husband and would love him even if she didn't always understand him.

He would have a godfather, his Uncle Steve, who would teach him to fight, to stand up for what was right no matter what, who would play games with him, paint with him, love him.

He would have his Uncle Bucky, who would share his interest in all things mechanical, would listen to music with him, take apart and build machines with him, teach him dirty jokes and play pranks on his Dad or Uncle Steve, who would listen to all of his ideas and tell him he could do anything.

He would have his godmother, Aunt Peggy, who would teach him how to play the game that is high society, would teach him how to charm the socks (rather pants) off of anyone, male, female, or otherwise, who would help him when emotions got to difficult, or people didn't make sense the way he thought they should.

Steve would find the others too. Phil did alright on his own, but everyone else...

Shield would be looking for the Red Room from the start. Maybe they find Natasha as a child, or a teenager, but they would find her, because Steve would want to save her after all the times she saved him. She would get placed with a loving family, probably a shield agent and their spouse. She would have therapy, but even a couple of years with the Red Room would mess her up. She would eventually end up an agent herself, still the Black Widow, just a little less damaged. A hero because she wants to be, knows what it means to be saved by one, rather than a way to repent and repay the lives that she took.

They would find Clint probably around the time Barney and Trickshot turned on him, before he had a chance to start on his mercenary career. Therapy, maybe a shield agent foster parent for a year or two depending on his age. They would make no secret about recruiting him, but he would jump at it. Nat would probably already be there, and nothing would stop that friendship. Coulson is probably a few years ahead of them, though not many, and if there is anyone who could reign in Hawkeye, even a slightly less damaged version, it would be Phil Coulson.

Tony meets Bruce. Howard takes Steve's admittedly limited knowledge of Bruce's past and tracks down the kid. Creates a scholarship to get him to a private school and away from his dad. They meet at a Stark expo in their early teens and immediately hit it off. Bruce is one of the only people who can keep up with Tony's genius. When Tony ends up at MIT (sometime between the ages of 14-16) Bruce ends up at Harvard. They share an apartment, because the dorms would have been a disastrous idea. Steve and Bucky live with them because they might be super geniuses but you can't send two teenagers to live alone in another city Howard! Especially not when they have access to dangerous and/or explosive chemicals/tech!

Likely, Howard will still die at some point, probably from all the liquor. Fury will probably still end up as Shield's director because neither Steve or Bucky will want the responsibility. Tony will take over SI, but will still eventually hire Pepper, and eventually promote her, because running a company is never going to be his thing.

Bruce will probably still end up at Culver with Betty, if only because he's actually halfway decent at the whole teacher thing, and the Hulk incident will likely still happen one way or another. Having Steve Rogers alive would not stop men like Ross from wanting the serum. Instead of disappearing for years on end, He'll end up in Tony's tower in NYC. Tony will likely still be kidnapped, though he probably would not have the Obadiah Stane factor involved, and would still end up as Iron Man.

They would "find" the Steve still frozen and thaw him out around that time. Play it off like they found someone for Old Steve to pass the mantle onto. Give Young Steve a new identity, and a family in Old Steve and Bucky.

Young Steve would make friends with Tony, would have time to grieve his lost world without an alien invasion. Would move into the tower and mother hen Tony the way Old Steve used to do to Howard. Tony would not have all the Cap resentment he did in the original timeline, so he would get to know Young Steve as just Steve. Would be able to see him as an entirely seperate person from his godfather, because they are two separate people. Young Steve and Tony would fall in love.

Even if they weren't running it Old Steve and Bucky would still have a hand in Shiled. Would keep an eye on Natasha and Clint. They would have likely met Tony, Bruce, and Young Steve. So when the Chitauri roll in, the only one that wouldn't already be a part of the group is Thor and he fits in seamlessly. Coulson might still get hurt, but Fury wouldn't have to fake his death, because the Avengers would have been a team years before they were needed.

And when the time came to face Thanos again, they would do it as a united front, and they would win. Because together, they are unstoppable.

[yoshizora]

a LOT of random fire emblem three houses thoughts that are too much to put on twitter and also the fandom is already a dumpster fire 

note that i have played edelgard’s route, lions route, and have just started the deers route. some spoilers below obvs

- edelgard’s route being shorter than all the other ones is because she’s the most efficient at winning a war but ALSO the writers were just being unfair despite her being marketed hard as the face of 3h 

- the hatred for her feels very one-sided despite the game’s overall theme of having no perfect flawless lords. dimitri is written as a victim of his suffering and therefore we should sympathize with him and agree with his intense need for vengeance (at least before he comes to his senses) while edelgard openly does questionable things that we have to ponder and consider even as we fight alongside her 

- edelgard is also a victim! but she is not written as one! she suffered from a terrible childhood where like, all her siblings died and she was experimented on horribly and painfully, and this made her into a very ambitious and driven young woman but also someone who’s very distant and closed-off. the only person she really opens up to is byleth. and lysithea if you do their supports. like ffs she doesn’t like rats because of the trauma from being locked up underground where she’d constantly see rats scurrying around 

- blue lions route is the white catholics route

- rhea is sketchy as fuck but i like her anyway and i’m saving her route for last

- flayn and seteth memes are A+ 

- i absolutely do not blame tara platt for not participating in the twitter popularity meme wars among the vas, idk if she’s just busy with more work or if she’s deliberately keeping herself back. you know what i noticed? the blue lions and golden deer fans rarely ever go after each other. there is a tendency of the non-eagle aligned fans to go straight for the accusations of fascism and nazism and talking about edelgard as if she’s supposed to be an irredeemable villain when she. is. not. wtf

- edelgard is a bisexual morally-grey female lord who wields an axe and is an armored unit and she has gone through suffering but that suffering made her stronger while simultaneously compromising part of her empathy/compassion and that’s what makes her a compelling character. she fights for the separation of church and state!! she fights to dismantle a caste system based on nobility and crests!! like, holy fuck. hate her if you want but don’t call her a one-note villain. jesus fuck i hate the fandom 

- sylvain’s character feels like he was written by an incel........? “hot sexy prodigious noble boy was ~betrayed~ and mistreated by wimmin who just wanted him for his dick and crest!!!! womemn are terrible!!!!! this is why he treats women like dirt but they all thirst for him anyway and u should too uwu he’s just a jaded boy uwu look at how hot he is uwu dont forget that it’s wumens fault that he’s like this UWU” 

- ingrid is a good character shut up

- if you hate ingrid brandl galatea then you’re not allowed to like jill fizzart or soren 

- dimitri should have been the villain of edelgard’s route. we should see how far he goes with his disturbing violent personality when HE’S left without guidance, as edelgard was in his route, because tbh it’s not exactly fair that edel gets demonized in the other routes but dimitri and claude are always the “good guys” (or just bystanders). this isn’t me hating on dimitri i just think the writing favors him very much and tries too hard to keep him in the light of a traditional fe lord who’s the Good Guy who’s always right 

- but also dimitri was a fucking hypocrite when he argued against edel that she shouldn’t push her ideals onto others because the church that he was defending executes people for dissenting. this is resolved in the epilogue when seteth stops being such a prick and rhea retires but still 

- edel obviously wasn’t the true villain of lions route!!! did literally everyone else not notice the slithery dark ppl in the final map!!!! they were pulling the strings and yanked edel to that tipping point because byleth wasn’t there as they are in her own route where she manages to stick to her ideals without going batshit!!!! 

- so what if i’m stanning edel, she’s a very compelling character 

- catherine and shamir are lesbians 

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Madness | Chpt. 9

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Alone Again”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,782

Warnings: ???

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: This was one of the more difficult chapters to make it through, since I wanted to follow the timeline of events in IM3 (one of my favorite movies in the MCU), but I also wanted to tie in Eva. I hope Tony lives up to your expectations. I try to pull pieces from the MCU version, comic book version, and my own personal ideas. Once again, you’re all so amazing for even reading this in the first place. I love all of you so, so, so much <3 -Ellie

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny @xletmetaste-yoursmilex @itsknife2meetu (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

When I landed, a chill overcame me as soon as the bridge disappeared from around me. I gazed around at the ground that surrounded the ring the Bifrost left and noticed that it was all snow. I pulled the hood of my white robe over my head and pulled the robes around my body, feeling warmer instantly. As I gazed up into the crystal clear night sky, I saw the stars twinkling and shimmering. Midgard had some of the most beautiful views of the sky, but it was nothing close to the view from the edge of Asgard. Still, whenever Loki and I were on Midgard, we would find a way to lay in the grass and gaze up at the stars for a while. Suddenly, I noticed him. At first, he looked more like a falling star than the armored man. Seeing his trajectory, I knew that he was bound to fly right into the forest next to me.

I ran over to the trees and rested my hand against them. As I closed my eyes, I connected with the essence of life within the planet itself. She was beautiful, strong, and loving without expecting any love in return. The Midgardians often treated her poorly, but she continued to provide for them as best she could. I focused on the pulsing energy beneath the tips of my fingers as the sound of the suit rocketing toward the Earth faded away. The sound wasn’t replaced by another, but instead, it was replaced by the beautiful silence of the world. In the silence, my soul became eternally bound to hers. It was an experience that I had on my own, as no other Asgardian I confided in had ever felt that way before. However, it made my bonds with the life energies of every world that much more powerful. When our souls bound together, she finally heard my heart, and I could feel the tree beneath my hand shift. I felt them all shift.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that the trees had separated just enough to accommodate Tony’s fall, and as he zoomed past me and through the forest, I thanked her for her act of generosity. I began running after him, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to catch him, not before he stopped himself. He bounced off the ground a few more times, which slowed him down. Nearly as soon as he made it out of the forest, I had caught up to him enough to grab hold of his suit in an attempt to stop him. The metal slipped from my fingers, and he skidded across the ground before coming to a complete stop, face first in the snow. I hid myself in the darkness that the forest provided once the trees moved back into place. The light from the stars and moon in the night sky left shadows in the woods that I faded into.

As I camouflaged myself in the darkness, I watched as one of the greatest heroes I knew groaned and turned himself over onto his back before reaching up and tearing off the metal faceplate, “what the hell was that?” he asked aloud to the artificial intelligence we all knew as Jarvis. I could hear the change in his breathing pattern. I had such a strong connection to him that I could feel every subtle change within him, sometimes before they even happened. I knew that he was paranoid about what just happened, “did you see that beam of light in the sky, Jay? Was it just me? Am I going crazy? Where are we” he asked, his voice trembling.

I didn’t hear Jarvis’ response, but if I closed my eyes, I could hear that voice. It was smoother than anyone could have anticipated from a disembodied, artificial voice. As Tony’s suit opened, I watched as he shot out of it, sitting up and staring into the woods he had just barrelled through. I knew he was trying to think of how he possibly made it out of there without crashing through trees and hitting branches. His eyes scanned the shadows, but I blended in so well that he wouldn’t be able to see me even if he was staring right at me. I watched as he began to shudder from the cold, “that’s brisk!” he exclaimed, his entire body trembling from the cold. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt for him. I was lucky enough to be impervious to the fluctuating seasons. The extreme heat and cold wouldn’t kill me, but it could make me uncomfortable, and I was pretty uncomfortable in that moment, “maybe I’ll just cozy back up for a-”

Tony was cut off by the disembodied voice that came from the open suit, “I...actually think I need to sleep now, sir,” Jarvis said, the suit beginning to power down.

“Jarvis. Jarvis?” Tony asked, panic in his voice. I knew he didn’t want to be left alone, not after what he just went through. I didn’t know what led up to him rocketing down toward the ground, but I could tell by the fear in his voice, the cuts on his face, and the shaking in his hands that things were far from being alright for him. He was terrified, and it wasn’t because of what just happened, it was because of something else, something I needed to help him with. As his eyes continued to scan the forest around him, I stepped out of the shadows and listened to his breath hitch in his throat. As I stepped out of the forest and closed the space between us, I lowered the hood of my robes, “Eva?” he asked, his body continuing to quake in anticipation, uncertainty, and the cold.

The sides of my mouth pulled up into a smile, and I did my best to push back the pain in my abdomen for the moment in order to be positive for his sake, “hi, Tony,” I murmured, my heart filling with joy as it finally sank in that he was alive. When Heimdall told me that he was in danger, I was worried that I wouldn’t make it to him in time or that he would already be dead.

His dark brown eyes remained wide, even as I knelt down beside him. He was in utter disbelief that I was even there in front of him, and there would be little to nothing I could do to ease his mind. The last time we saw each other, I had made it abundantly clear that I would only be back in the most dire circumstances that pertained to her safety. However, I knew that she wasn’t in danger with Steve; there was no way he would allow harm to come to her, especially not after all we had been through. Tony was the only one whose life was on the line. He shook his head, his eyelashes fluttering like the wings of a butterfly as he tried to blink away what he thought was an illusion, “am I dreaming?” he asked, the words causing me to let out a chuckle, “am I dead?” he asked, not understanding why he was seeing me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why it was so hard for a genius like him to figure it out. I knew that part of it was how I left things when I went back to Asgard the last time, but I also knew that a part of it was because he couldn’t wrap his mind around why someone would care about him enough to go out of their way to help him. It was devastating to see him trying to figure out why people would care about him in the first place, and I was watching it happen in front of my eyes in that very moment, “no, why?” I asked, wrapping my cloak around his shoulders to keep him warm. The lack of warmth from my cloak left my patches of bare skin prey for the cold air around us. Tony was warm, though, and that was all that mattered.

As he tried to shrug out of the cloak, not wanting me to go without, I shook my head and watched as the robes stayed locked around his body. He looked genuinely confused, but he was still too busy trying to decipher my presence, “what the hell are you doing here?” he asked, finally giving up the fight to figure it out on his own. Suddenly, his eyes filled with dread, “is she okay?” he asked, knowing that there should’ve been no reason for my presence as long as she was safe.

I gave a simple nod, not wanting to talk about her, “I’m here to help. I saw that you were in trouble, so I’m here to help you sort through it and to make sure you don’t get yourself killed, which it seems like you’re trying to do,” I said, gazing at the cuts on his face. There was one across the bridge of his nose, one on his cheek, and one on his forehead. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to piece together what happened before I got there, what happened to lead to him rocketing toward the Earth, looking just as busted up as Hjalmar did when he trained with Ephinea. She could lay him out without missing a beat, “you’re bleeding!” I exclaimed, reaching out to cup his cheek only for him to wince away from me.

That single move tore my heart to pieces, as if there was still enough of it left whole for that to happen. I had always been able to see through the facade he put up, but this was something new. He was far more vulnerable than ever before in that one reaction, and it summed up the way he saw himself. It summed up just how little he believed he was worth. He didn’t think himself worthy enough for my help, and he was afraid that I would hurt him. It hurt to know that he could view me as a threat, but it hurt me even more that someone or something hurt him so badly that he was conditioned to expect that. Tony had been through a lot, far more than he ever could’ve imagined, far more than many others could handle. He was tender-hearted but hid away that side of himself to appear cold, to appear “strong.”

I blinked the tears away, not wanting to show him how much his action truly hurt me, “I can fix it,” I explained, causing him to finally show himself to me. His eyebrows furrowed, and I knew that he doubted my abilities, but he would see them in a moment. I reached up once more, focusing on the slow movement of my hand, making sure not to startle him again. The entire time, I felt his gaze on me, and once I finally rested my hand against his cheek, I met his intense stare, brown eyes boring into mine. They were so deep that the further I fell into his gaze, the warmer I became. As I focused my power, I felt his wounds transferring through my fingertips and onto me, and his eyes fluttered closed. Even though it was always an unpleasant experience, even though my whole body ached, the piece that made the transfer worth it was knowing that the pain I endured was a pain he no longer needed to carry. For a man like Tony, I would take on a pain that would take my life just so the world could keep him.

Once I removed my hand from his cheek, his eyes shot open. Every time I touched someone, I knew the effect. Our souls-for that moment-were connected. I didn’t understand why or how it happened, but it did. When I used my abilities on that person through the touch, the connection was heightened. When I stopped using my abilities and pulled away, it was like an electrical shock, leaving the other person slightly mystified. When Tony finally realized what I had done, seeing the cuts on my face that once belonged to him, his eyebrows furrowed, “how did-why did you do that?” he asked, tripping over his own words.

“I wanted to help,” I answered simply before standing up and holding my hand out for him to join me. He took it, and I pulled him up to his feet. He brushed himself off beneath the cloak that fell from his broad shoulders. For a moment, I saw Howard once more, and I realized how similar they looked but how much gentler Tony was than his father. I cleared my throat, not wanting to waste time reminiscing when I didn’t know the kind of danger Tony was in, “come. Let us find somewhere warmer,” I stated, and he nodded his head in agreement. Even though he was warm in the robes, I knew he only agreed because he was worried about me, and he would’ve attempted to give the robes back if he didn’t already know what my response would have been. We learned a lot about each other in New York, “we should make our way toward the closest town. I will carry the suit. Just follow me and try not to freeze to death.”

He shook his head as soon as I mentioned his suit, and I knew that it was the same reaction I would’ve received if I offered to carry a mother’s newborn child away from her. He was simply protective over his creations, and he had good reason to be. He worked tirelessly on them, and I saw what his obsession and perfectionist mentality had done to him. He wanted to protect the things he nearly killed himself trying to perfect, “I can carry the-” his voice trailed off as I lifted the suit into my arms, and rested it over my shoulder like Hjalmar did to me countless times before throwing me into the pond in the woods behind our cottage. I watched as Tony’s eyes widened, and he cleared his throat, “yeah, you can...carry the suit,” he murmured.

I chuckled, knowing that he seemingly forgot that I was not of this world, that our anatomy, while very  similar, was different. I was no goddess, but Asgardians were physically stronger than the people of Midgard and were more durable for the most part. Closing my eyes, I felt my life connecting with the essence of the world beneath my feet, and I listened to the gentle thrumming that surrounded me. I could where it was coming from, and when I opened my eyes, I began following it with Tony close behind me. He picked up his pace and gazed up at me, “how do you even know which way we’re going? Have you been in this area before?” he asked, unsure of how I knew where I was.

I shook my head, “no, but I can feel it,” I answered, not knowing exactly how to explain it, but I could still feel his confusion. Tony was very grounded in science and logic, but there were certain things about me, certain things about the world I knew, that weren’t grounded in anything I could explain with science or with a language he would know. I didn’t even know how to comprehend some of my abilities, and there were times when I lived in fear of them because they had a tendency to show up out of the blue. I wasn’t a goddess, but I had been granted strengths and abilities that were uncommon in the lives of the average Asgardian. I continued to speak, knowing that he would remain uncertain as long as his unasked question went unanswered, “it’s a lot like a vibration. I can feel the essence of life, and I can feel it when it’s close. I just know the way to go,” I explained to the best of my ability.

I glanced over at him, and our eyes connected. I saw every vulnerability he had in that moment, and he knew I could see it, but he didn’t try to hide from me. Our connection, while strange, was deep and unbreakable. No amount of time or space could break what we had, and that all began far before he could remember, far before I would ever disclose. He gave a simple nod of his head, content with the answer I gave, even though it was vague and confusing, “I trust you,” he remarked, an intensity in his eyes that could match a dying star.

“I won’t let you down,” I promised before gazing down at the snow that covered the ground in a blanket of white. We walked in silence for a while as we both tried to wrap our minds around what was happening in our own personal lives. I knew that Tony would be too respectful of my privacy to press the question of why I was on Midgard helping him. He knew what coming back to this world meant to me, the kind of pain and distress it would cause me, so he couldn’t understand why I would come back to help him with something that wasn’t a threat on a worldwide scale, not like Loki had been in New York. I didn’t know if he was willing to talk about the events that led up to him crashing into a field of snow so far from civilization, so we walked in silence until we saw the lights radiating from a small town.

“Maybe we should look for a phone, so you can try to contact Pepper to let her know you’re safe,” I noted, making a mental note to find someone who was willing to spare their phone for Tony to use, “she must be worried sick about you.”

He cleared his throat, and I felt a shift in his energy. Glancing over at him, I saw the frown etched deeply into his face, and I knew that he was upset by my words. Before I had the chance to apologize, he spoke, “she actually left after New York,” he confessed, “she said that it was too much to handle, especially since I wasn’t willing to put my suits to rest. How could I, though, especially after seeing what the world was up against?” he asked, running a hand through his hair before returning it to the warmth beneath the robes.

I frowned, “you’ve been a hero to the world for a long time, Tony. You made the choice to become a hero, and that choice didn’t come from a place of arrogance or need for a higher level of fame. You became a hero because you have the compassion this world so desperately needs. You took the weight of the world onto your shoulders and fought on behalf of those who couldn’t fight for themselves. If my words mean anything, you should know that you more than earned the luxury of hanging up the mantle of Iron Man and living as Tony Stark,” I explained, “I’m not telling you that you need to, and I’m not telling you that she was right for leaving. Just because she left doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you anymore.”

He shook his head, “she moved on. She’s with a new guy in a new city, and she’s happy. That’s all I ever wanted for her, and I think that deep down, I knew she wouldn’t find that with me,” he stated.

My eyes immediately filled with tears as I listened to him talk about himself like there was something wrong with him. I blinked the tears away, but the ache in my heart was still there, “I really wish you could see yourself the way I see you because you’d understand just how brilliant and incredible you truly are, Tony. It hurts to hear the way you talk about yourself, like you’re not worthy of love because...you’re wrong,” I stated, shaking my head.

Then, there was silence again. All I could hear was the snowflakes falling from the sky. Some of them even clung to Tony’s long eyelashes, which I couldn’t help but notice when I glanced over at him, wanting to know if I had crossed a line with him. Feeling my gaze, he met my eyes with his once more, a light smile tugging at his lips, “so, if you aren’t down here for her, why come here for me?” he asked, questioning my reasoning with furrowed eyebrows. I knew that his confusion stemmed from my previous statements that I wouldn’t come back to Midgard unless her life was in danger or that the safety of the entire planet was on the line.

“I told Heimdall to keep an eye on certain people at all times-her, the other Avengers, and you,” I noted, feeling the disbelief within him when I mentioned him. The man never saw himself as worthy of anything, especially love or concern, “I assigned him the task of watching over you all, and he would fill me in on any changes as they presented themselves. He promised to alert me if any of your lives were in danger, and when he disclosed to me that you were in danger, I came right away,” I explained.

“So, you didn’t live up to your word,” he stated, nonchalantly, the hint of an entertained smirk forming on his lips. He was amused that he was right, as he had argued with me furiously when I promised not to come back. He told me that it was selfish and abhorrent to leave so many people who cared about me so much, and he also told me that I wouldn’t be able to stay away for long, not with the “heart of gold” he claimed I had. I didn’t believe it, though. How could I believe I was “good” or “worthy” when the favor I asked of him was so selfish, when I was poisoning everyone around me, when I was repeating the same injustice that was done to me when I wasn’t even old enough to comprehend it.

I sighed, “I couldn’t live up to my word, not with this. You were right, though, Tony. It was ignorant of me to think that I could stay away, especially from you,” I noted, glancing up at him to see that he tried to hide the color that rose to his cheeks the moment I paid him a compliment.

He cleared his throat, obviously not comfortable calling attention to the effect my words had on him in that moment. It wasn’t my intention to cause him discomfort, but perhaps I just had a tendency to do so. I could vividly remember my words of praise having the same effect on Loki, Thor, Hjalmar, Ephinea, and every Midgardian I came in contact with, including the ever stoic Natasha Romanoff. Tony glanced up at me, his brown eyes sparkling as if the galaxy resided within them, “well, I’m glad you’re here. I don’t like having to admit I need help, but it wouldn’t hurt to have an Asgardian in my corner for this one,” he noted, a slight grin tugging at his lips.

“We’re going to fix this together. You won’t face this alone, Tony; you never face anything alone,” I reminded him, knowing that he had a tendency to believe himself to be isolated, but as long as I was alive, there would never come a day he would be alone. I would be his guardian, regardless of the amount of times he tried to talk me out of risking my life for his. I had come to understand that we-as living beings-wish to preserve things that we deem better than ourselves, and Tony Stark was far better than I was.

The silence fell between us once more, and I found myself enjoying the soft crunch of snow beneath our feet. However, the sensation of the falling snowflakes left my cheeks wet and bitter cold. There was nothing quite like the sensation of his warmth invading my own, though. He drew closer and closer to me until there was little space between us, and he pushed the robe back just enough to slip his hand out from under it and grasp mine. As soon as our skin touched, I felt the uncertainty and the fear within him. He was terrified of the future, and my presence-somehow-gave him the support he so desperately needed in that trying time. His sudden firm, yet gentle, grasp of my hand made me realize the impact I could have on the life of a man who meant so much to me, and I could only hope I didn’t ruin it again.

For the remainder of our journey, I continued to carry the suit with one arm while the fingers of my opposite hand intertwined perfectly with those of the brilliant man beside me, “what has it been like?” he asked, vaguely, causing my eyebrows to furrow. I could feel what he wanted to ask me, but I was too afraid to answer him, so I resorted to confusion, “it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, and I don’t have a watcher like you do. The last time you left, I was...worried, and I haven’t seen you since. I just want to know what has gone on in your life,” he explained, his heart of gold shining through once more, as if I could possibly forget how tender he always was with me.

My heart broke as I thought of all that had happened since we’d last seen each other. No matter how terrible I felt at our last encounter, I felt impossibly worse in the aftermath of it. It was as if I tore the remainder of my heart out when we last saw each other and left it on Midgard. While it was broken and abused, I was lost without it, and with the loss of my brother and the struggles I had recently with Loki, I realized just how turbulent my life had been since I’d seen him. The last time we spoke, I was doing my best to fix the damaged pieces of myself and of my relationship with Loki. Knowing he was still alive renewed my drive to rescue him from the dark recesses of his own mind, a darkness that hadn’t been there from the beginning. Since that time, I had no opportunities to better myself or help Loki or keep the people I loved most safe. I sighed, “well…” I breathed out, not knowing how to explain everything to him. He had asked many questions when we “first” met, so he knew about Hjalmar and my past. The only thing he didn’t know about was my history with Loki.

My heart began racing in anticipation for having to open up about the complete and utter failure my life had been from the moment I left him on the rooftop in tears; however, as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I was saved by a small and flickering light. The energy I felt was untamed, and I was caught off guard by the sudden pull to that place in particular. I pulled my hand away from his and pointed at the dim light, “look!” I exclaimed, urging Tony to take notice of our shelter for the night. I was more than grateful to have been saved from needing to talk about Hjalmar and Loki, knowing that I wouldn’t have been able to lie to Tony, not without him seeing right through me. I would’ve had no choice but to be honest with him about what I had gone through since our last encounter.

As we drew closer to the small shack, we saw it was adjacent to an equally small house that looked to be in need of some manual labor. After passing through one last clump of trees, we came to the clearing only to see the small town spread out only a short distance from the shack. I felt the vibrations becoming stronger and stronger within my body as we drew closer to our shelter for the night, and I glanced over at Tony’s face to see a look of pure relief. I knew that he had some doubts that we would manage to find our way to civilization, especially after his bad luck leading up to that point. Peeking in through the window of the house, he concluded that no one was home, but I couldn’t understand why my senses were so wrong. I could feel a powerful pull to this place, and if no one was there, it would be meaningless.

Once we broke into the shack-an easy feat when Tony had a crowbar-I stepped inside the air that was just a touch warmer than the outside and placed the suit down on the floor. As I stood back up, a pulse of fire radiated from the wound on my abdomen, causing my body to seize. Before Tony could notice, I forced myself to stand back up and push the pain as far away as possible. When I stood back up, I took in the sight of Tony sitting on a stool next to a workbench, barely lit by the light of a small lamp. He gazed around the dimly lit room, all while I gazed at him, and the vibrations became more and more powerful, almost like when I first met her.

“Freeze!” I heard the small but strong voice coming from the doorway Tony and I had just come through. Suddenly, the vibration stopped, and I felt the serenity wash over me. The boy was small and looked frail with golden hair that melted into strands of brown and green eyes, “don’t move,” he ordered, pointing the contraption in his hands at Tony.

I glanced over at my companion and noticed that he had his hands raised as a sign of surrender, and I wondered if my help was necessary against such a small opponent. Tony sighed, “You got me. Nice potato gun,” he complimented the young boy.

The small child looked up at me, and I couldn’t help but smile down at him, easing his nerves slightly. If I had been able to touch him, I could’ve calmed his nerves with a bit of focus, but I knew better than to reach out to a scared child. I wanted to help him, not traumatize him, and the situation we were in was traumatizing enough. He looked afraid as he gripped his “potato gun” that he would use for protection against us-the intruders; however, the moment I smiled at him, I watched as his fingers loosened on the barrel and trigger, and his lips curled up the slightest bit, “who are you?”

I knelt down to the floor, getting down onto his level and showing him that I wasn’t a threat. His breathing became slow and steady as he looked me over a few times, taking in the differences between myself and other people he had come into contact with, “my name is Eva, and you are?” I asked.

“Harley,” he answered politely, his green eyes flickering between mine, “why are you dressed like that?” he asked, lowering his makeshift weapon and gesturing at my armor.

I smiled at his innocent question, and I knew there was no way around it. I didn’t have to tell him I was an Asgardian, but I couldn’t lie to him either. I knew that the vibrations I had been feeling were because of the life force of the child in front of me, “where I’m from, this is what we wear to protect ourselves in battle, so when I leave home, I wear something similar to protect myself from other worthy opponents I may meet along the way,” I said, explaining it to him as thoroughly as possible without telling him outright where I was from.

His eyes continued to scan my body until they caught sight of the hilt of the sword over my shoulder, at which point I saw his eyes widen, “you’re the Mother Goddess!” he exclaimed, causing my eyebrows to furrow in confusion. I had never heard that name before, and I wondered if he had me confused with someone else. I glanced over at Tony who just gave me a simple nod of his head, letting me know that Harley was being completely honest, but I had no idea where that name came from. I wasn’t a goddess by any means of the word, so I didn’t know why I would be called that. Seeing my confusion, Harley spoke again, “you fought in New York, right?” he asked

I nodded my head, “I did,” I answered, my voice soft as I recalled some of the worst moments of my life thus far.

“And you’re one of the heroes from that day?” he asked, sweetness in his small voice.

I shook my head, “no, not a hero. I just-”

Tony’s voice from the workbench cut me off, causing both Harley and myself to switch our focus over to him, “yes, a hero,” he corrected me, his eyes connecting with Harley’s, “she nearly gave her life to protect Earth, and the name Earth gave her was fitting,” he said, his eyes flickering over to me, “you have a bit of a reputation here on Earth ever since New York. I was going to explain it to you tonight before we ran into anyone who recognized you, but I wasn’t anticipating any visitors,” he explained, shrugging his shoulders.

“Neither was I,” Harley interjected before glancing back over at me, “the people here gave you that name. We didn’t know who you were, so we just started calling you the Mother Goddess. Some people just call you Mother.”

“Where did it come from?” I asked, wondering why people chose that nickname over all others that may have crossed their minds.

Tony interjected again, and my eyes met his, “because you loved this world so much that you were willing to sacrifice yourself for every living being on it. You were the mother to the population of the world that day, loving every person so unconditionally and so instantaneously. The love the people had for you pulled the population of the Earth together. You saved so many people in New York, even after you had nearly died. You sifted through the rubble to rescue the survivors of buildings that had collapsed, and you stood against the danger to protect us all. You were a mother to the world, and the people here will never forget that,” he explained before the room around me began spinning.

I tried to focus my eyes on him but failed, the feeling being similar to the one I experienced when I was stabbed by Loki in New York. The wound on my abdomen began pulsing, and the pain made me want to scream, but still, I wouldn’t worry Tony with my problems, not when I was on Midgard to assist him with his own. As Harley spoke directly to Tony, my ears began ringing. It felt like that was it, like this was the end. As my chest began to tighten, I hurried out of the shack, mumbling something I couldn’t even hear to Tony. I hoped it was coherent enough to let him know that I just needed some air. If I was going to die, I wanted to do so alone to keep from hurting those who cared about me, and Tony was one of those people. He didn’t deserve to watch me die, not when he had been one of the few people who made me want to live.

Using all the strength I had, I stumbled out of the shack and out into the woods once more before falling to my knees. My body couldn’t hold itself upright as the pain flashed through my body over and over again, as if the wound itself was trying to light my very soul on fire. I fell to the forest floor, grunting in pain through gritted teeth. My eyes squeezed shut as I tried to will away the pain, desperately pulling as much air into my lungs as possible, wanting to taste the sweetness of life before the pain took me completely. The wound grew warmer and warmer, my skin feeling as if it was decaying around it. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain-nothing.

“Take them...please,” I heard a familiar voice in the distance, and just as quickly as the pain and panic arrived, it disappeared completely. When I opened my eyes, I gazed upon the scene in front of me. I was in the throne room on Asgard. For a moment, I wondered what was happening. Was I dead? Was I dreaming? I gazed out at the scene before me. Odin was seated on the throne, younger than he was when I knew him, but still beyond his prime. Frigga stood beside his throne, graceful as always. My father-Aaldir-stood on the other side of Odin as one of the Allfather’s most trusted advisors. Father looked much younger without a single grey hair upon his head. Before them stood a woman with her back turned to me. Black hair fell in wild waves across her back, and I sensed a familiarity in her even though I couldn’t see her face. It felt as if I knew her, like I could feel her very presence in my soul even in the vision. She sniffled, and my mind twisted as I remembered the dream I had, running through the the field.

“Why should I do anything you ask of me?” Odin barked out, using his one good eye to glare at the woman before him. I watched as Frigga winced at the harshness in his tone-something she often did when I confronted him about Loki.

The mystery woman’s body shook, and I sensed her fear, “I have nowhere else to take them. You are my last hope,” she cried, and I felt my heart twisting in pain for the poor woman. A soft cry confirmed what I had been thinking, what I hoped had not been true. A child. She was asking for him to take in her children, and I had a feeling I knew who it was, but I was too terrified to even say her name. She was the mistress of the night, the collector of life, the absence of light. I didn’t know why I was having these visions or if they were anything for me to think about further.

“Do you know what you’re asking of me?” Odin hissed, causing my body to seize. While I knew this was only in my mind, it was becoming harder and harder every moment not to lose myself. I stood up from the ground and walked toward the throne. My footsteps were so soft against the hard floor, they made no sound in the throne room.

“To help two defenseless children,” the woman answered, strength in her soft voice. Every word she spoke made a wave of serenity wash over me. I was not afraid, nor did I tremble like I usually did when Thor would tell me the tales about the mysterious entity, “do not think I’m asking this favor for myself; I am asking this for their sake. They will only know pain and suffering should they stay with me-they will only know fear.”

Odin stood from his throne but didn’t step down the stairs to be on level ground with her. I frowned as he spoke, “you come to Asgard, burden my throne room with your filth, and ask me to take the children of a demon like you. You ask me to humiliate my home and my people, to tarnish my name-”

She cut him off, her voice just as powerful as before. She was not a weak-willed woman, and I could tell that just from hearing her speak. Looking at it from the outside, it reminded me of how I spoke to Odin a few times in the past, especially when he refused to show Loki any mercy. While I felt her heart filling with sorrow and a diminishing hope, she didn’t falter as she fought on behalf of the children in her arms, “I ask you to protect children who belong here. A child is not responsible for the mistakes of their parent. They should not be held accountable for either of our decisions,” she explained as I continued to close the space between us, desperately wanting to see her face to confirm her identity.

Odin grumbled, his beard failing to conceal his frown of disdain. As he turned his back on the woman and sat back down on the golden throne, he let out a deep breath, “if you are so eager to pass them off into my care, you should know that I will treat them with little dignity. The offspring of Death and a serpent could never be trusted, let alone welcomed, in my home,” he hissed, his voice low and powerful. My eyes widened as he confirmed her identity. I heard the familiar sharpness in his tone, but he had no problem cutting her down-a mother only wishing to save her children, “leave them there on the floor, and I will have my guards take them to the dungeons where they will spend the rest of their lives.”

Just as Death began crying once more, burying her face into the cloth that swaddled her infant children, Frigga stepped forward, glaring at her husband, “you will do no such thing!” she admonished him, her voice piercing through the room as she stepped down to the floor Death stood upon, drawing nearer and nearer to to heartbroken intruder. Odin could do nothing but sit in a stunned silence as Frigga showed mercy to the same woman he had just been so cruel to, “bring them to me,” Frigga instructed her in a calm voice.

Death obeyed the commands of the queen, walking slowly over to her, and I waited with baited breath as she whispered words of love into the ear of the first child before placing him or her gently into the open arms of Frigga, the woman I would come to know as my mother. She was the closest I had to one growing up, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. The first child was indistinguishable, beautiful but strong with piercing green eyes like the colors of spring all in one. Then, Death held up the second child, a girl with eyes more brilliant than emeralds, a green that matched the colors of spring. Her eyes were without imperfections. No other colors dared to taint the purity of that green. It was the same baby from the first vision I had of Death, but that time, I had the cold feeling I knew who it was.

My heart pounded in my chest as the entity of Death raised the child to her face, nuzzling her cheek against the smooth skin of the baby. I heard sniffles coming from Death, a woman I always believed was too cold to feel any emotion at all. She was the keeper of the dead, the bringer of the end-everything I was against. While I understood that death was a part of life, that all things would someday be reborn, she represented the absence of life itself. However, in that moment, seeing her cradling the small child so lovingly, I realized that I had been wrong, that every living being was capable of some form of emotion. Her cries broke my heart, as did it break the heart of the child in her arms, and I watched as the baby cried,

“Goodbye, Eva,” Death whispered, and my breaking heart stopped. My breath hitched in my throat as my greatest fear was just confirmed. It hadn’t been my own delusion that caused me to see the reflection of the child’s eyes in my own, the color mirroring that of mine. It wasn’t my mind playing cruel tricks on me when the heart of the child broke the same way mine did. Was it real, though? Was the vision just a part of the madness that arose due to the wound that left me feverish and disoriented? Was she...where I belonged? I couldn’t bring myself to think of such a thing. I valued life above all else, so it was impossible for Death to be...mine. She spoke again before my mind could fall further into the delirium, “I love you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever given. Loving you was my greatest weakness, and leaving you is my greatest failure,” she whispered, her voice low and soothing as she rubbed the back of the small child.

“Leaving her here to protect her is the best thing you can do as a mother. Go. I will see to it that your children are cared for,” Frigga promised as she took the infant into her arms, cradling both of them the same way Death had been. Aaldir stepped down from the side of the throne and took the little girl...me. He cradled her close and closed the space between himself and the cosmic entity each one of us would meet at some point. Reaching out to her, he caressed her cheek, and just as he always did with me, he wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb.

As I drew closer to her, standing directly behind her, I wished to wrap her in my arms. Even if this was all a hallucination with no meaning, her pain threatened to tear my very soul apart. As I felt the tears rising to my eyes, her soft voice began singing that familiar melody, the one I could remember all throughout my childhood but didn’t know where it came from, “I wish to stop time and stare at the stars, for just one more moment with you. Now stars shine brightest wherever you are, and they will shine on me no more,” she sang before turning around. Black eyes met mine, and black tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Her hand came up to caress my cheek, cold fingers wiping away the tears from my eyes. Just as I leaned into her touch, desperate for that connection, I found myself back in the woods.

Alone again.