#I want to unlearn it with time
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aughh I don't know how to put it into words but it I really dislike the idea of nazar/evil eye because of how meanspirited/victimblamey? it is?.
like the idea that you have to keep yourself in check and protected because other people's hate and jealousy towards you will curse you. and on the other person's end the idea that your feelings will manifest negativity for other people is so... unfair ig?
like feeling hate and jealousy towards others isnt good persay but it is a natural part of being human. it kinda contributes to the whole 'though crime' (feelings crime?) idea in a way that makes me very uncomfortable.
#also idk if it's just what I've heard but the way it stigmatizes the company of those experiencing loss or grief#I've heard SO MUCH about being 'careful with your children' around grieving mothers#not to be too affectionate with your kids around them or do things which will remind them of their loss#which isnt a bad message but the fact it comes from the idea that if you don't. their grief/jealousy may curse Ur kids is...#incredibly depressing and unfair#psii.txt#ex muslim tag#apostacy tag#despite recognising these things I unfortunately do think about it/subconsciously blame it alot#I want to unlearn it with time#because I was told growing up alot of my issues were because I had nazar and it's probably fucked up my perception of myself#and being suspicious of other people because of it is not something I like doing/like the culture of#ask to tag#superstition
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this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...
#and also. not the direct focus. but love doesn't make things good. you can be in love and do terrible terrible things.#people do bad things in the name of love and in despite of love all the time.#but!! imagine a world where people could exist as people and not be demonized.#sex positivity means being cool about All sex. reexamine your internal systems of moral judgement.#this goes for sex workers. for aroallo people. especially aroallo men. for aro people in general who might enjoy sex.#and frankly i think it can easily bleed into discussions about mental health disorders around 'not feeling' certain things#especially demonizing ppl who don't feel as much empathy. i think there's definitely a correlation between that and the emphasis on love.#our support needs to go out to Everybody and i think these things are all structured together in one way or another!!#it might not be immediately obvious but when i tell you it all leads back to amatonormativity..... little bit wild.... large bit wild....#anyway. horror movie psychopath 'oh he can't feel emotions or love' damn alright. well. let's take a closer look at that.#silly that there's an association between lack of love and Murdering. feel like that might affect some stuff.#love is just an emotion/a feeling it doesn't mean anything about you one way or another#same with empathy. you can feel it all you want but it doesn't inherently change the actions you choose to take#anyway. thesis statement. there is a socially constructed link between love and morality. unlearn that.#kiss kiss (<— lovelessly)#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#talking#aroace#aspec#sex positivity
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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prayer of the day:
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy spoilers#fhjy k2#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#cw: gore#and we're serious abt that warning this time! we mean that shit!#slowly getting some stuff I wanted to draw for the boat fight-finale combo that I couldnt draw in time bc I was doing huge comic#k2 is the Funniest thing to ever happen not bc she's a good bit (she is but thats not relevant here) but bc she let me have Clone Politics#insane shit. so wild that brennan has to send her to real life forever to keep himself safe from her (he isnt)#tbh I love cassandra's domain esp. for stories she truly is the deity for jackasses. k2 walking in here like#idk whats going on but I know it's not good! and by the power of this fucking guy I will unlearn that knowledge#beautiful. wish that were me#doubt as irrational stubborn hope... honestly inspired#wherever u are out there k2. hope ur doing well. going to college learning so much abt the world
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youve heard of sex flowers get ready for the flower that makes you into a celestial shoujo herione complete with particle effects you cannot turn the fuck off and creates a wifebeam so powerful it can incapacitate and maim and keeps making you burst into tears and fall on your ass which makes the wifebeam More Powerful and you also cannot turn this off either. and is also still, sort of, a sex flower
from one of my favorite fanfictions, Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam, a fic that defies description in the best possible way
#arts#shen qingqiu#svsss#listen im not saying that ive spent a cumulative half a year reading this fic and then trying to make an arts for it#and then getting frustrated and stopping because i couldn't figure out how to make sqq shimmery enough#but like. im not NOT saying that#this is the FOURTH time ive started something for this bitch it haunts my fucking dreams and yet the opalescent glittery sqq evades me#perhaps you o unlearned fool look at this and say hmm that's too many colour layers and glowy effects but oh how wrong you are#if it doesnt make you literally fall over yourself at how otherworldly and radiant he is then there is room for improvement yet#perhaps you look at this and you think Wow!!! this gives me literally NO ideas what this fic is about#well Let Me Tell You. i have no fucking idea how to summarize this fic#its not often the tags in a fic give me pause but i saw this and as i read the tags i was increasingly just like What#but i have no idea how to describe it. the tags arent NOT accurate but i was SO unprepared for what happened in like an extremely pos way#if i were tagging this i think i would give it the no archive warnings apply label if that matters to you#the author seemed they wanted to leaned towards over caution rather than risk missing anything re tags because This Is A Weird Fic#but oh my fucking god#i am gripping you by the shoulders i cannot stress enough how charming it is#brilliant characterization especially with airplane in the first scene#and also so much fucking funnier than i thought possible for the general setting summary tags and buildup#its just. ough. its good
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my heart is full of the people i have loved and still love. my very person is a museum built with the endearment ive felt & feel for many. even if the memories are bad, or lost to time, they remain in my speech, my mannerisms, my jokes, and my heart.
#some people genuinely didnt deserve a place in my heart but its not easy to unlearn things ive learned out of love#its so much easier to unlearn hatred in comparison#the human being was made to be a machine of love#i hope we can find sparks of love and community even in times of grand despair and grief#to all my peers of colour#to all my queer peers#to all my mentally ill peers#to all my disabled peers#and to all my neurodivergent peers#i love you#and i hope i can continue doing my best to help and support you#thank you for existing#thank you for being alive#the world is much better with you in it#and i hope my humble worlds can plant a seed of understanding that within you#that you make the world better#that you are wanted and needed#thank you
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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30 NOVEMBER, 2019 • ZATERDAG, 09:41
#wtFOCK#Skam#Zoë Loockx#Senne De Smet#Zoenne#LOVE HURTS#Veerle Dejaeger#Nathan Naenen#wtFOCKEdit#SkamverseDaily#SkamRemakesEdit#s3#3x08#I remember people coming to talk to me about this clip the day it dropped bc they were happy about it and I was like…#have we watched the same clip? excuse me I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart from the floor#no but really I understand them both so deeply here it’s the worsttttt 💔#first she’s making the right decision but that doesn’t make it a happy moment. it’s SO SAD SHE IS HAVING TO MAKE THIS DECISION SHE’S 16!#OFC if we were still in Zoë’s POV this would have never been an issue but the writers really thought they’d convince me +#my babies had unlearned how to communicate SMH they were the best at it okay? this right here is EFFING BULLSHIT#but considering it’s what they were going for I get why they’re acting the way they’re acting and it hurts#because Zoë thinks Senne wants for her to make Viktor pay for everything he’s done wrong in his life and she’s feeling like her own trauma#and how hard it still is for her to talk about it isn’t being acknowledged by him…#and Senne oh he really wants her to do it bc 1- he feels that what went on is his fault & he desperately needs his half brother to PAY +#FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER! HE’S KNOWN THE GUY HIS WHOLE LIFE (PROBABLY KNOWS THE ACCIDENT IN THE PAST MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN AN ACTUAL ACCIDENT)#they have history and that makes everything even more awful bc he doesn’t understand why Zoë doesn’t feel like testifying#I don't believe that Senne would have been this incisive hadn't he ~known~ her ab*ser#I mean I think he would have accepted her decision way more easily if he didn't feel responsible for what happened 😔#she’s been feeling all alone in her anguish and at the same time starts pushing him away#it’s painful to see how the two of them are trying here. He’s so trying to support her no matter what#and she’s so trying to be strong for herself but her eyes are teary she can barely look at him it’s too much 😭❤️🩹
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what if i actually created content again....what then?
#it's been YEARS since i consistently tried to draw anything or write anything but i want to practice so i can do art fight this year....#but i was reading through nice asks i got about my art years ago and....i miss improving on art T~T#and WRITING ugh i miss writing#so like....not gonna sit here and whine about it anymore it's time to actually do some practice work!#time to unlearn shame and just post shitty sketches for what they are!!#jules speaks#personal#delete later
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being obsessed with yakumo is a job and baby i’ve never called in a sick day!!!!!
#nu carnival#yakumo ♡#you could not pay me to ramble this extensively about anything else#but yakumo’s trauma?? his childhood?? his growth?? his fears and insecurities and how they affect his current relationships??#his abandonment issues and jealousy and darker desires???#and how he’s so scared he’ll hurt others even though it’s far more likely he’ll be the one getting hurt??#how he’s not violent or scary at all but after years and years he’s been conditioned to think he is??#the significance of his relationship with eiden??#the significance of his ‘platonic’ relationships with the other clan members??#how important his grandparents were in raising him??#how his desperate want to hide his serpentine features and be ‘normal’ is a perfect allegory for autism??#the fact that he’s been treated horribly in the past and yet still chooses every day to be kind??#how he probably definitely has bpd??#the burden he has to carry just because of who his ancestor is??#the fact that it almost seems like what he does doesn’t matter because the actions of his ancestor will always be looming over him??#how he’s been hurt so many times both physically and emotionally and yet his heart is still so open to loving others??#how he has a tendency to push down his traumatic memories until he thinks they no longer affect him??#and how even when he’s suffering because of that trauma he would still rather suffer alone than bother someone and tell them??#how slowly but surely he’s unlearning all of the harmful ideas burned into him since his was a child??#and how he’s learning that people do love and care about him and he’s not a burden and he deserves love and care??#and that the serpentine traits he tries so desperately to hide aren’t as disgusting as he was meant to believe??#that his dark desires don’t define or control him and that it’s okay that he has them??#that just because he has them at all doesn’t make him a bad person???#why he makes soup for his loved ones so much!!!! yes that is important actually#i will sit and write about that for hours and hours for FREE#my favourite fictional character of all time he’s so so real#he’s so well written and his trauma and growth are handled with such care and consideration
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i don't know which writer needs to hear this, but delete that self-depricating paragraph in your author's note. it will alter your reader's view on your fic and you. seriously, even if you wholeheartedly believe it's the worst thing you've ever written and you don't feel proud of it at all, don't tell your audience. let them form their own opinion, and if you want to or not, it will make you feel better about your own work as well in the long run.
#like it's hard! i get it!#i've been in this misery too#and it's so easy to slip into a little self-deprication isn't it?#but it's something you can and should unlearn if you want to have FUN writing#because eventually you will absolultely burn yourself out on talking yourself down all. the. time.#and as a reader honestly i just close the tab when i'm met with self-deprication in the notes#like ok if you tell me your fic is bad then why should i bother reading it?#could be a masterpiece honestly but i'll never know because i didn't make it past your author's note#if you don't know what else to talk about in your author's note just ramble about anything else#how the idea came to you#at what ungodly hour you wrote this#what the character means to you#just pat yourself on your shoulders a little and point at your thing like HEY I MADE THIS#i think i'm running out of tags soon LOL anyway just practice being a little nicer to yourself ok bye#lale.txt
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y'all have really got to stop undermining platonic relationships
#lex waffles#prompted by something i saw on twitter#yes friends can want to die for each other#like every fucking time y'all say friends can't do this or that when it's literally as something like going to the ends of the world for#each other to stay alive and to stay together i'm like do y'all really hate your friends that much?#that given the situation you wouldn't do the same?#please unlearn the internalised amatonormativity in yourselves before posting something stupid every time#every time i see the the phrase 'just friends' my aro ass is tired lol#i hate shipping culture so bad#and i'm a multishipper on a good day#but the way everyone talks about friendships makes me so annoyed#and it never gets better#i've said the same thing for years
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i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.
i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.
anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)
#rye.txt#growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done#which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion)#but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment#i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset#i feel guilty if im not constantly working#which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that#trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else'#my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art#which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better'#but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water#when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself#but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work#ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys#I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART#and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly#good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well#vent in tags#this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'
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i think for the shitty scorpion family, their entire dynamic is definitely toxic (heh) but also neither dusk nor bruno is an inherently terrible person? its just that they’re a) horrible together longterm as they are and b) people who should not have had kids.
#last art was definitely more of a dark humor vibe but one thing that i thiiink kinda comes through is that like.#both of them are projecting their own bullshit onto their kids. bruno has an extremely toxic idea of what it means to be an alpha#and its really just a way hes excused his own semi-suicidal tendencies and horrible self worth. but bc castor is like him he tries to make#him the same way#while dusk is incredibly emotionally stunted and was always punished for wanting intimacy. shes not gonna be affectionate with her kids#at least coming IMMEDIATELY out of her bad situation. shes been given zero time to process her trauma and now shes a mom#and shes just not emotionally suited for that#none of this is an excuse for their actions obviously. both castor and cecil suffer for years to come over thid#this#and this is all castor backstory. hes the most important player here no matter what#part of his arc is about unlearning all of this and breaking the cycle#and yknow im well aware the audience is likely gonna hate these guys and thats completely understandable. but their shittiness fascinates me#like. its specific shittiness. its shittiness that couldve been helped if those two werent at the literal worst point of their lives#castor never sees his bio family again but. i always figured that if he met his parents again as an adult. hed be pissed at them ofc#and give em a piece of his mind. but theyd probably done some introspection by then and they could probably somewhat repair their rel#relationship#<- not canon info jsyk but idk…#yeah though. also dw i have other shitty parents that dont get redeemed at all LMAO#i am very anti ‘’you need to forgive blood family no matter what’’. hell castor still doesnt. i am doing au musing rn#starfall lore#<- sure#would anyone be open to more character rambling stuff like this btw…
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I can't stress enough how important it is to draw characters with physical traits you find ugly, unattractive and/or repulsive, especially if you yourself share those traits. Nothing will make you more accepting of diversity in yourself and others that engaging with it during the creative process and giving it to characters you love.
#diversity#representation#dan talks#it will also help u in the outside world too#disabled/fat/etc people will have a much nicer time around you if you#a) have already seen people like them. know some stuff about them. and aren't shocked#b) have done work to unlearn the stigma around them so you can treat them like people even before you get to know them#i was kinda debating whether i should make this post bcs im not rly comfortable calling fat/disabled/etc people the things i did#but at the same time it IS how many people see us#and it IS why finding any diversity of race ethnicity ability body size etc etc etc is so hard#how many comics online are just skinny cishet white abled conventionally attractive people?#that will have like 2 brown characters that just look like the white characters with the brown bucket tool involved#to be clear i dont want to cast judgement on anyone who finds diverse people ugly or repulsive that's not the point of the post#the point is that while it's not your fault society taught you things it is your responsibility to unlearn them#and a great way to start if you're an artist is to draw through it#doesn't matter if you're a beginner or an expert just do your best it'll always be better than nothing
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🎆✨
#splatoon#splatoon oc#sydney (oc)#shades (yen)#other's ocs#lizzy does art#this was a test in seeing how fast i can draw without overthinking... trying to exercise the storytelling muscles...!#i think that i have a lot i can work on but i've been feeling a real itch to do comics and im tryna find a style sustainable for that!#if i overthink about how everything looks there's no way im gonna be able to develop storytelling muscles LMAOOO. but anw.#it's been a lot more fun to draw quicker doodles that go together in sequential order than doing illustrations tbh 😭#want to take the time in the tags 2 remind everyone on the dash that we should all unlearn shame together. lets make silly little arts!!#remember that it is OK to discard parts of the process that dont serve you...!#let's make art that's in-line with our values and what we want to draw...! not what someone else expects out of us...!
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