#I want to be happy

[ladycibia]

Hey everybody! Thank you for all the likes, reblogs and kind words on my latest drawings! I'm so happy you enjoyed them ;w; I missed drawing and I had lots of fun! I really hope to come up with more silly little adventures soon (I finished the quests in Novigrad just yesterday), even if I'm working now. I say this every year (and it pains me because I keep failing), but I *want* to be able to find and take some time for myself 💙 let's hope I succeed this time!

[batwynn]

I’ve been awake since five am so take this with a grain of salt but why is there this weird assumption that depressed people want to be depressed? That we’re intentionally staying depressed, or choosing to be, or even sabotaging our mental health by choice?

I’ve tried 20+ antidepressants and 50+ different therapists over the years with varying degrees of success and failure. When something works, I hold on for it as long as I can. It’s never my choice to stop using something that works. It is always a really bad side effect, a therapist leaving the profession, insurance changes, etc. I have never, in my entire life, knowingly, intentionally tried to sabotage my health. I have always tried my best, in spite of everything working against me.

I try to tell every new doctor some version of this when I rate high on the depression test they do at the start of every appointment. I also try to explain that four of the questions are rated the way they are because I have ADHD and chronic illnesses that make eating and having a good attention span difficult. That I have anxiety, and my life is one stressful situation after another. I also lie every single time about being suicidal, because doctors do not understand that it’s a chronic, back-of-the-mind state of being and the fact that I’m Still Here means I know how to fucking manage it. (Hint: that therapy for intrusive thoughts helped!)

And every single time, they treat me like I’m doing it to myself. That I’m not Trying Hard Enough. That I’m making a choice to ‘not get help’. They never, once, consider that the record in front of their faces proves that all I’ve always done is try to get help. Or that I’m still here. Or that I’ve survived every deep depression I’ve been in. Or that I’m still visiting doctors at all after years of medical abuse.

The assumption is and always will be that I am intentionally making myself unhappy and not ‘fixing myself’. That I just don’t want to be happy.

And honestly? Fuck y’all for that. Because that right there is a high-tier reason people who get those suicidal thoughts get one step closer to death. That makes you ten times more dangerous to our health than anything we could fucking do, or not do.

[noname-404s-blog]

[lavandula239]

Today is going to be a good day and here’s why;

[thebluesky-that-loves]

I've lost faith in humanity, and it breaks my heart. I'm not sure what's wrong with me .

[sushisusii]

When does it get better?

I'm suffering with my chronic depression right now and havnt been able to do much of anything. No art, no streaming, no cleaning, no caring for myself.. In and out of doctor offices, was in the ER last week. I'm so exhausted.

[usd99]

i love him but this disturbing difference between his previous behavior towards me and the present one makes me hate him

[dayanaart23]

listen to me guys See that purple stuff on his forehead? That's not on his face in Act 1. It could be that Viktor went deeper into the hextech and that's one of the consequences of that, maybe his body changed to a more or he hurt his head and that's a scar.

I DON'T KNOW GUYS, I'M DELIRIOUS AND I'M SCARED.

[mountkennedie]

I guess it's up to me write another happy faramir fic because NO ONE ELSE WILL

[moderndaybrando]

Unfortunately, simply being alive is not enough, for me.

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

tw vent (mostly in tags)

Ah yes, the violent thoughts of revenge are back

[rr-sheep]

Old Things...Old Memory...Old Life

-Past And Present Of Things You Can Only Love And Don't Ever Want To Let Go, Don't You Feel The Same?-

[noname-404s-blog]

😢😢

[irisesinthegarden]

Sometimes I almost feel like I'm not made to live this life. Seems like I'm just senselessly fighting for some stability, a floor to put my roots in, whatever I can find. But I just float away. The more I fight the more I move away from my goal.

[blvcksoul11]

I love my straight friends but I wish I had fem lesbian friends to discuss certain things with.

[magicsilas]

is it so hard to get a happy trans book. I want cuteness, I want fluff, I want joy.