#I want to be happy

[karistiltskin]

sometimes i like to fall asleep to the idea of every kingdom being scared of camelot because king arthur decided to lift the ban on magic and it’s revealed that emrys is his right hand man. like yes, wreak havoc and scare your enemies.

on the other side of this, the castle staff and knights have to bear witness to arthur and merlin’s shenanigans everyday. because tell me why arthur is chasing merlin around the castle with porridge stuck in his hair and a spoon raised in his hand while merlin is cackling, bumping into every surface ever.

[ladycibia]

Hey everybody! Thank you for all the likes, reblogs and kind words on my latest drawings! I'm so happy you enjoyed them ;w; I missed drawing and I had lots of fun! I really hope to come up with more silly little adventures soon (I finished the quests in Novigrad just yesterday), even if I'm working now. I say this every year (and it pains me because I keep failing), but I *want* to be able to find and take some time for myself 💙 let's hope I succeed this time!

[cloverstar-li]

I'M NOT OKAY

[batwynn]

I’ve been awake since five am so take this with a grain of salt but why is there this weird assumption that depressed people want to be depressed? That we’re intentionally staying depressed, or choosing to be, or even sabotaging our mental health by choice?

I’ve tried 20+ antidepressants and 50+ different therapists over the years with varying degrees of success and failure. When something works, I hold on for it as long as I can. It’s never my choice to stop using something that works. It is always a really bad side effect, a therapist leaving the profession, insurance changes, etc. I have never, in my entire life, knowingly, intentionally tried to sabotage my health. I have always tried my best, in spite of everything working against me.

I try to tell every new doctor some version of this when I rate high on the depression test they do at the start of every appointment. I also try to explain that four of the questions are rated the way they are because I have ADHD and chronic illnesses that make eating and having a good attention span difficult. That I have anxiety, and my life is one stressful situation after another. I also lie every single time about being suicidal, because doctors do not understand that it’s a chronic, back-of-the-mind state of being and the fact that I’m Still Here means I know how to fucking manage it. (Hint: that therapy for intrusive thoughts helped!)

And every single time, they treat me like I’m doing it to myself. That I’m not Trying Hard Enough. That I’m making a choice to ‘not get help’. They never, once, consider that the record in front of their faces proves that all I’ve always done is try to get help. Or that I’m still here. Or that I’ve survived every deep depression I’ve been in. Or that I’m still visiting doctors at all after years of medical abuse.

The assumption is and always will be that I am intentionally making myself unhappy and not ‘fixing myself’. That I just don’t want to be happy.

And honestly? Fuck y’all for that. Because that right there is a high-tier reason people who get those suicidal thoughts get one step closer to death. That makes you ten times more dangerous to our health than anything we could fucking do, or not do.

[noname-404s-blog]

[pamithebunterfly2007]

(Vent) Why I’m deeply emotionally attached to Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel compared to my life

Ever since the incident I made at DA, I go to tumblr, and the only people who cared about me is @nicky-toony27, @leftunknown, @lizzietherwbychibifan, @sakiohappychan, @softpawsxd, @halliedrawz, @emo-gals-4life, @cxrxmelchoco, @manekimelikawaii, and TazyanaDevil. But what about the others from DA?, they hate me, They don’t even love me for what I’ve done, So I have no choice to but to hide from them and have a deep hatred for them, especially God himself. That’s why I’m starting to get attached by the works of Satan to keep me alive and thriving. Like almost everyday, I’m so fucking emotional, even today I school, I cried but many people don’t notice this. The real reason why I’m so emotional is about the past, faking my death, my former friends on DA neglecting me for what I’ve done, hurting people on tumblr by making them leave, Someonefromyt making a callout doc out of all the mess I made, a user insulting my interests of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, my best friend Promni deactivating due to her parents. And bottleing up all of my emotions.

And sometimes I feel like people just don’t like the same interest as me, they think I’m weird, or demonic, or whatever. I’m like obsessed with Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, I’m mainly a helluva boss fan. I don’t support the creator for some reasons. I just get excited when someone mentions demons or Helluva Boss. But some of my friends are not into that, which makes me feel like I’m the only one. Helluva Boss is basically what my life is like, I feel like I’m Blitzø and all of my friends are basically Millie, Moxxie, and Loona. And there are times where I imagine that I joined I.M.P and I want to be part of their family, especially Stolas and Octavia, This is the perfect example, I wish I could be in the picture too, but they’re just fictional characters, this shows how much I love my friends on tumblr:

This GIF made me feel so fucking emotional, but there are other things too I wanna put on, Basically when I tell someone if they love Helluva or Hazbin, some say they like it, but others, they don’t. . . . . . . . This sort of hurts me how I feel so deeply attached on Helluva Boss. And I feel like I’m the odd one out from them, This web series is like a way to escape from my harsh reality. And I often compared my friends to random helluva boss or Hazbin hotel characters. It hurts that I’m so obsessed over a show than reality and my friends. And there are times where I just want to have a romantic partner, I get it’s hard to find a soul mate, what if he doesn’t treat me fairly or respect my boundaries? What if he likes Demons? What if he’s just like Rhylie? . . . . . . . . What if, People think I’m nothing but an obsessed idiot who has Helluva Boss as her life than her own reality? That’s why I get people don’t like it, and I get that, if they don’t like it. . . . . . I guess I’m left out from them. . . . . . . . I have feelings too, I just wish they could understand my emotions more than ignoring it. . . . . . . . I wish I could go back in time to fix everything I fuck up. . . . . . . I just want to spend more time with my old and new friends. . . . . . . . I just want to be happy again. . . . . . . . I want to loved again. . . . . . . I wish Promni came back to help me. . . . .

@crystalline-loptous @chellys-catbox @dazzle-expandism @sleepi-toasti @glitchy-across-aus @sicdios @sketchymenace @karinathebutterwolf2k5 @pennyroyald @gothiestarzsuki @torrentialchaos @9mysterybook6

[lavandula239]

Today is going to be a good day and here’s why;

[thebluesky-that-loves]

I've lost faith in humanity, and it breaks my heart. I'm not sure what's wrong with me .

[sushisusii]

When does it get better?

I'm suffering with my chronic depression right now and havnt been able to do much of anything. No art, no streaming, no cleaning, no caring for myself.. In and out of doctor offices, was in the ER last week. I'm so exhausted.

[bloodymor1]

i love him but this disturbing difference between his previous behavior towards me and the present one makes me hate him

[elliewrites77]

I cannot handle the angst in this fandom. It's too much :( and it's always written by the best writers on this app so now my heart's hurting extra bc it's sad and a masterpiece writing-wise.

I think i might have to write a fluffy piece for every angst thing i read lol.

[irisesinthegarden]

My birthday has, and I fear always will, have a bitter taste. When I was little I had no friends, so it was just a day when I ate cake with my parents and had to remember to smile or I would be rude. As I grew up I started to have friends, but by then I felt uncomfortable on my birthday. I told everyone that I didn't even want happy birthday wishes, that I didn't care. A girl I went to class with brought me my favorite juice, wrapped in Christmas paper "Christmas present" she said smiling. At that moment I realized that I cared, that I was still that little girl who looked at others from afar and wanted the same experiences. I stopped asking not to wish me a happy birthday. I never had a party, but I received messages of wishes and sometimes gifts, and god how beautiful it is. Three years ago I had a plan to disappear, the day before my birthday. I didn't want to add another year to my life. A month before doing so something happened that made me change my mind and I decided to try one last time. If it had gone badly, the plan was there. Ready. I tried for myself, not for others. I graduated. I started working, because studying was impossible. I disappointed my family, who yelled at me every day. I went to therapy, but I tried to destroy myself in every way. Then, finally, things started to get better. I fell in love, my mental health became a little more stable, I rediscovered my love for studying and I found my direction. There were a thousand bad moments, but not enough to make me go back to that plan. And today, for the first time, I bought a cake to take to university to celebrate with my classmates. Because, after all, there is no point in lying to yourself. We all deserve to be seen and loved, but sometimes to do that you have to get out of your comfort zone.

[moderndaybrando]

Unfortunately, simply being alive is not enough, for me.

[dayanaart23]

listen to me guys See that purple stuff on his forehead? That's not on his face in Act 1. It could be that Viktor went deeper into the hextech and that's one of the consequences of that, maybe his body changed to a more or he hurt his head and that's a scar.

I DON'T KNOW GUYS, I'M DELIRIOUS AND I'M SCARED.

[noname-404s-blog]

😢😢

[mountkennedie]

I guess it's up to me write another happy faramir fic because NO ONE ELSE WILL