#I’m not doing this to myself

[batwynn]

I’ve been awake since five am so take this with a grain of salt but why is there this weird assumption that depressed people want to be depressed? That we’re intentionally staying depressed, or choosing to be, or even sabotaging our mental health by choice?

I’ve tried 20+ antidepressants and 50+ different therapists over the years with varying degrees of success and failure. When something works, I hold on for it as long as I can. It’s never my choice to stop using something that works. It is always a really bad side effect, a therapist leaving the profession, insurance changes, etc. I have never, in my entire life, knowingly, intentionally tried to sabotage my health. I have always tried my best, in spite of everything working against me.

I try to tell every new doctor some version of this when I rate high on the depression test they do at the start of every appointment. I also try to explain that four of the questions are rated the way they are because I have ADHD and chronic illnesses that make eating and having a good attention span difficult. That I have anxiety, and my life is one stressful situation after another. I also lie every single time about being suicidal, because doctors do not understand that it’s a chronic, back-of-the-mind state of being and the fact that I’m Still Here means I know how to fucking manage it. (Hint: that therapy for intrusive thoughts helped!)

And every single time, they treat me like I’m doing it to myself. That I’m not Trying Hard Enough. That I’m making a choice to ‘not get help’. They never, once, consider that the record in front of their faces proves that all I’ve always done is try to get help. Or that I’m still here. Or that I’ve survived every deep depression I’ve been in. Or that I’m still visiting doctors at all after years of medical abuse.

The assumption is and always will be that I am intentionally making myself unhappy and not ‘fixing myself’. That I just don’t want to be happy.

And honestly? Fuck y’all for that. Because that right there is a high-tier reason people who get those suicidal thoughts get one step closer to death. That makes you ten times more dangerous to our health than anything we could fucking do, or not do.

[romanceyourdemons]

so much love for characters who are desperately unsure whether they’re a good person, a redeemable person, a person worth saving, but are absolutely certain that they’re a grade a hottie

[pangur-and-grim]

every time I say “starting nooooow I won’t have any major expenses” something HAPPENS! there’s raw sewage backing up from my drains, and apparently the plumbers will need to break the floor and the wall to get to the pipes and fix it.

if the cat stuff hadn’t wiped out my bank account, this would be annoying but manageable. as it is…..I’m going to try to get everything up in the store for Friday.

[lotus-pear]

11/20

[gatoburr0]

I HATE how this turned out WITH A PASSION.

[chloesimaginationthings]

There's doomed yuri... in my FNAF ruin?

[chronalshifts]

caitvi in act 2: reunion, cute banter, extremely good double-cross subplot, will probably get back together

jayvik in act 2:

[froggerland]

“A man like me will do amazing things to be seen”

HELLLLOOOOOO THE TERROR FANDOM!!

I hereby formerly apply to become the 4th member of this esteemed small society (jokes aside why is no one into this show it’s been consuming my life for a week)

[lesbiantism]

Ya know what shout out to butches who wrestle with our butchness because we don’t fit the mold in some way. Butches who aren’t physically strong or naturally caretaking because of physical disability, who need to be cared for, who can’t hold open the door for a femme. Butches with long hair, butches with big hair, butches who express their culture via their hair. Butches who’s masculinity is shaped by their culture, who’s masculinity doesn’t fit the white eurocentric mold. Fat butches, butches with curves viewed as feminine, butches who don’t have skinny, boyish builds. Butches who don’t want to be sexualized, butches on the ace spectrum. Butches who don’t have traditionally masculine interests or mannerisms or whatever. Effeminate butches. Butches who take inspo from gay men. Butches who like the occasional dress or skirt. TRANSFEM BUTCHES!!!!! And any other butches who don’t fit a certain mold!! All butches are good butches and we are all valid.

[seveneyesoup]

you can replace studying with 0.5-4 hours of thinking about The Character. but watch out

[idontmindifuforgetme]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[noodles-and-tea]

MY BBG POOKIE PIE!!!

[youre-dreaming-302]

More photos from my digital camera (7.2 megapixels)

[blushedfemmes]

NO more art of butches and masculine lesbians with abs 😠 no more v-lines 😤🔪🔪 we’ve had enough. big soft tummies ONLY from now on. this is a threat

[potato-lord-but-not]

a beautiful John as the fallen angel on this fine evening anyone?

[sparticus2000art]

I made the somewhat questionable decision to spend the last two days slapping out a bunch of character portraits to pop into a planning document for a personal project I’m working on!

So here’s a bunch of au sans portraits.

Woooooo

Nightmare and dream by jokublog

Eclipse’s concept by llamagoddessofficial , design by me

Horror by sourapplestudios

Cross by jakei

Dust by askdusttale

Error by loverofpiggies

Killer by rahafwabas