#so if I die | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

batwynn · 1 month ago

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I’ve been awake since five am so take this with a grain of salt but why is there this weird assumption that depressed people want to be depressed? That we’re intentionally staying depressed, or choosing to be, or even sabotaging our mental health by choice?

I’ve tried 20+ antidepressants and 50+ different therapists over the years with varying degrees of success and failure. When something works, I hold on for it as long as I can. It’s never my choice to stop using something that works. It is always a really bad side effect, a therapist leaving the profession, insurance changes, etc. I have never, in my entire life, knowingly, intentionally tried to sabotage my health. I have always tried my best, in spite of everything working against me.

I try to tell every new doctor some version of this when I rate high on the depression test they do at the start of every appointment. I also try to explain that four of the questions are rated the way they are because I have ADHD and chronic illnesses that make eating and having a good attention span difficult. That I have anxiety, and my life is one stressful situation after another. I also lie every single time about being suicidal, because doctors do not understand that it’s a chronic, back-of-the-mind state of being and the fact that I’m Still Here means I know how to fucking manage it. (Hint: that therapy for intrusive thoughts helped!)

And every single time, they treat me like I’m doing it to myself. That I’m not Trying Hard Enough. That I’m making a choice to ‘not get help’. They never, once, consider that the record in front of their faces proves that all I’ve always done is try to get help. Or that I’m still here. Or that I’ve survived every deep depression I’ve been in. Or that I’m still visiting doctors at all after years of medical abuse.

The assumption is and always will be that I am intentionally making myself unhappy and not ‘fixing myself’. That I just don’t want to be happy.

And honestly? Fuck y’all for that. Because that right there is a high-tier reason people who get those suicidal thoughts get one step closer to death. That makes you ten times more dangerous to our health than anything we could fucking do, or not do.

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archi-pelago · 3 months ago

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maybe never forgive. but things are different now. so we'll use maybe.

#my version of a happy ending au #mouthwashing #captain curly #mouthwashing anya #anya #curly #my art #considering this game takes place in a hellscape #i imagine one of the other horrifying angles for anya was that she might not even have the rights to abort the wound #so i like to think. curly. thinking he's going to die anyway. just takes all of the medical bills from his crew #because if he lives then he'll spend his life paying it all off #and if he dies. then he takes the burden with him #but him and anya are horrible horrible parallels now. and they cant NOT care about each other #he'll turn himself into the horse. he'll be the beast of burden. anything he said. anything #and for once he actually means it.

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hansoeii · 2 months ago

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It was affection.

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batcavescolony · 7 months ago

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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

#katniss everdeen #the hunger games trilogy #the hunger games #primrose everdeen #hunger games #batcavescolony reads the hunger games #suzanne collins #'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl #and this isn't negative just bffr girl #your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is #old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU #...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in #CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the #reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously #shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent #so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to #district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie #and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give #them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like #some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12 #cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact #that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good #these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the #hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to #comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but #of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.

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pomegranatears · 5 months ago

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every overthinker should have someone to fuck them stupid

#hornyposting #but also so anxious I might die #also! hi!#i'm back to using this as twitter

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humming-fly · 2 months ago

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I love how Gerald was trying to keep Shadow from spoiling anything about the future meanwhile literally everything Shadow says and does around Maria is the biggest death flag ever

#in fairness i’m sure both past robotniks just assumed her illness would be what killed her h a #sxsg #sxsg spoilers #sonic x shadow generations #shadow the hedgehog #maria robotnik #ark siblings #sonic #comic #my art #doodles #so this was pretty much entirely done 24 hours ago #but ironically was distracted from posting earlier by playing sxsg #and then watching snapcube play it cause her delight is addicting #i’m missing 2 chests and 2 bolts and I wanna see if I can pull it off without a guide haha #anyways now I’m thinking about the fact that maria and gerald probably went back to their time assuming maria would die of her sickness #and how that would change their respective behaviors #i bet gerald would be holding out that maria would still live a bit longer #just cause shadow inadvertently revealed he’s from at least 50 years in the future due to having met black doom before #(which rewatching cutscenes to remember this quote he Did try to play off a little bit with some sort of #‘oh what do you think the alien squid meant by ’this time i’ll beat you’ that’s so crazy’ comment)#so hey maybe it wasn’t a perfect cure but she managed to live another 10-20 years at least?#all the more reason to press harder surely!#meanwhile maria is coming to terms with her mortality at age 14 or whatever she is #frankly I bet she came to terms with it long ago the way she seems to be written #okay back to snapcube

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taeggukxiie · 3 months ago

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this art will always make me want to bawl my eyes out because what do you mean we could have pro hero touya and health assistant toga only if they had decent parents??

(I hate mha society so much)

#just imagine keigo and touya being heros together #flirting while saving people #i would die for this #i hate endeavor so much #toga would've been a great health assistant i know it #my hero academia #mha #i love them so much #touya todoroki #mha touya #toga himiko #toga mha #dabihawks #dabi #mha dabi

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planefood · 7 months ago

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rules for thee and not for me

#sorry the t/rf thing was like an actual roach infestation so I made a new post and deleted the old one and turned off reblogs #but I didn't want you to be without the og comic so here you go guys #nice fresh and clean #old tags ->#funnies #btw you're allowed to watch the silly sisters and the giggle brothers just keep your morals consistent istg #its very embarrassing when you criticize someone for enjoying something from a problematic creator #whilst openly being a fan of another thing with an awful creator and defending them because you like that thing #really weird hill to die on

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kik1draws · 4 months ago

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I feel like it would definitely be them lol🤧

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artkaninchenbau · 1 year ago

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Crocodile finds a strange stray cat an 11-year old Nico Robin (AU where they met 13 years earlier. Robin's been on the run from the World Government for 3 years. Crocodile's 27 and has not set up base in Alabasta yet)

It seems like I have become possessed. By some sort of demon.

Bonus:

#My art #One Piece #Nico Robin #Sir Crocodile #Y'all the OP brainrot is BAD #According to an SBS Crocodile would absolutely spoil his child rotten if he had one. *We all know how Robin's childhood went*#Scary mofo who does not know how to parent a child but boy does he have the spirit + Child who has never had proper parent in her life #They'd make. An absolute disaster of a duo. This AU concept is so fucking funny to me okay #But also sad because I would fucking die for baby Robin she deserves the fucking world #This poor girl has never been spoiled in her entire life AND NOW PAPADILE IS HERE TO SPOIL HER #You know it's funny. I know 11 yo Robin should LOOK older than 8 year old Robin. But Crocodile is a fucking giant so she's still baby sized #Also I just had too much fun drawing Robin looking as pathetic as humanly possible lmao #She's a like a wet kitten in the rain 😭

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crime-wives · 5 months ago

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falling back in love with a ship is so fun because it’s like oh that’s why i was deranged about those two. ok then.

#swan queen #the fixation is fixating #i’m being so normal about this #i need to lay down and die #regina mills #emma swan #ouat #text

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fawn291 · 3 months ago

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#girlblogging #girlblogger #i cant do this #girl interupted syndrome #girls when #girl interrupted #whisper girl #born to die #lana del ray aka lizzy grant #female rage #fawn angel #just a girlblog #sylvia plath #sadgirl #im so tired

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gojoest · 1 month ago

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when you palm a man’s clothed bulge and he spreads his legs wider for you giving access to his balls too and pushes his hips up against your hand and lets out that throaty little groan ………

#— ai rambles #this could be any man but it’s about satoru #i could die it gets me going so bad

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to00fu · 6 months ago

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