#I truly could not stop myself

[abitnotgoodiebag]

[cosmicdreamgrl]

jungkook x blue 💙 [ cr: 0613data, namuspromised, @jung-koook ]

[emmavakarian-theirin]

what can i say except

AAAAAAAAAAHHH

i got to meet jen back in april, and today i got to meet mark! the absolute EUPHORIA of those meetings, 2 life goals coming true that i never thought i'd achieve, within the same year, all without leaving my australian city.

when i met jen, i made her cry (unintentionally!) but it spoke volumes to me that our meeting had that impact. today when i met mark, he asked if he could take his own photo of the art i had him sign, which spoke to me just as much, and both of them seemed truly happy to meet me.

i know i said it when i met jen but wow my life has really come full circle now. it's fulfilling, but i can't help but feel kind of sad too because, now what? what can mean more than this?

tempted to finally finish a mass effect playthrough i started years ago and just have ALL the emotions today

[cookinguptales]

Do me a favor, okay? Next time you have a chance, close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath and imagine someone loving you.

Imagine someone who gets excited just thinking about you. Imagine someone who loves the things you say and do and who genuinely enjoys spending time with you. Imagine someone who feels lucky every moment they get to be around you.

It can be a real person or someone you just made up. You can imagine them praising you or laughing with you or touching you or whatever love means to you. It can be romantic or otherwise. Take your pick.

And if you had a hard time doing it?

Do it again. And again. And again.

I read once that it’s important for us to visualize being loved. That your brain needs to be trained like a muscle, and like a muscle, it can become weak from disuse. Your brain can only do the things that you practice doing, and if you never, ever visualize someone loving you, it becomes difficult to even imagine someone loving you. You get stuck in a rut. And once it’s impossible to imagine someone loving you, it becomes impossible to believe you will ever be loved.

I think… sometimes it can become easy to stop believing that we’re worthy of love. And I think sometimes we have this fantasy of someone making us believe that we’re worthy of it again. Or that somehow we’ll just — earn it, one day. Being worthy of love and desire, respect and affection.

But I think the truth is that we can only start believing that we’re worthy of love if we’re capable of imagining it. And it becomes much, much easier to imagine it if you practice doing so.

It may feel awkward at first. Embarrassing. Silly. Maybe even painful. But think about it like this, maybe: your first day in a dance class, you’ll fall. You’ll look ridiculous. It’ll feel like your body will never be able to do this fluidly. But by the end of the class, you’ll be able to move in a whole new way. Maybe not perfectly, but… better, y’know?

Learn to waltz with your own mind, and try not to cringe too hard at your first awkward movements. Start small and work your way up if you have to. Someone liking you, then someone liking your conversations, then someone liking your presence, then someone purposefully seeking you out. Someone putting time aside for you. Someone thinking about you when you’re not there. Someone being with you because there’s nowhere they’d rather be.

It may feel self-indulgent, but… I mean, we all deserve to be indulged sometimes. And we all deserve to feel worthy of love.

So… indulge yourself. Take a moment and have a silly little fantasy. Get into the habit of imagining love, and imagining it for the you that exists right now, not the you that you wish you were.

Learn to speak the language of love as it applies to you, even if you think that it doesn’t, and one day you’ll realize how to use those syllables to say your own name.

It’ll come one day. In the meantime, let’s learn to dance together, okay?

[clarionglass]

for those of you keeping up with the sam reich!master/game master cinematic universe currently being masterminded by the delightful @northernfireart and my good self: oh BOY there's a part 3 coming, and she's a doozy, currently clocking in at 9600+ words with a decent chunk still to go. the end is in sight, though, and while i might split the final post into two or maybe three parts, depending on how i'm feeling, hopefully i'll be able to get the first of those parts out on sunday/monday (time zones...) to fill the hole left by the game changer episode that should be released at that time...

however! delayed gratification is for chumps! so to whet your collective appetite, i've put together a "trailer" of scene fragments >:3 feel free to read on its own, or while listening to this particular track for added ambience!

trailer starts under the cut for those who want to launch into part 3 when it comes out without spoilers :)

The Doctor ran his hands over the TARDIS console, marvelling at her clean lines and metallic flourishes, the way that even now she felt brand new but familiar, and paused. He’d just pop off for a quick adventure, nothing too dangerous, but—where to go?

He could scan for a distress call nearby, and pitch in to help. He could drop in on Donna and Shaun and Rose, beautiful Rose, and see how they were all doing. Or he could just hit the randomiser button, and jump in feet first wherever he ended up.

\\\

This was a game show. And with the Toymaker banished, and Satellite Five not coming into existence for another 198000 years, give or take, the Doctor found himself smiling. Maybe third time would be the charm.

///

“Get ready for a Game Changer!” came the host’s voice from onstage. “Tonight’s guests: he can shoot off a monologue with laser accuracy; it’s Brennan Lee Mulligan!”

Brennan, his back to the camera as the curtains opened, spun on his heel and, with a stone-cold expression, pointed finger guns straight down the barrel, before letting the facade crack open. “Hi!” he exclaimed, and walked over to the leftmost podium.

“It’s his first appearance, but he’s already on fire; it’s the Doctor!”

The Doctor leant against the archway to the stage and flashed a broad smile towards the camera, then in a few skipping steps, had bounded over to the next free podium. 

“And even in the toughest of mazes, you’ll always be able to find him; it’s Grant O’Brien!”

Grant dipped his lanky frame into an approximation of a curtsey, spreading his arms wide, then sauntered over to the closest podium with a grin.

“And your host, me!” Sam Reich announced, a ring of manic white showing around his irises as he beamed down the barrel of the camera. “I’ve been here the whole time!”

\\\

—and then came the crash, the explosive noise of heavy machinery moving relentlessly through a drywall set.

The Doctor was already moving. “Everyone down!”

“Duck!” Brennan yelled at the same time.

The two of them hit the ground within milliseconds of each other, but Grant was still paralysed in the face of the giant, science-fiction type laser cannon that had just ploughed through the wall. 

///

“I’m going to hate this so much,” Brennan muttered.

“So’s he,” Grant smirked, then raised his voice. “Oh, Daddy,” he started in a breathy singsong. “Daddy, do you want to make us play for you, huh? Do you want to degrade us, Daddy? Hurt us?”

\\\

“You’ll never get to them all in time,” came the voice through the speaker, dangerously soft. “You can try, of course, but if you die up here, well. That just leaves your new human friends alone with me while you regenerate, and goodness knows what I can do in that time.”

“You don’t get to do that,” the Doctor growled, even as another detonator deactivated. “You don’t get to hurt them because of me.”

For a moment, only laughter echoed into the room. “Better make your decision now, Doctor. Two detonators down, eleven to go, and they’ll reach spark point in ten… nine…”

///

“But you won't, don't you see? Nobody can win a rigged game—the best you can do is run it through to the end. You're standing at that podium, and we're over here, and that's why you can't win. Because no matter how many points you take away from me, you never had points at all. You want to beat me? Then play.” 

\\\

“Run?” Brennan suggested.

“Run!”

///

“And lastly, Doctor.” Sam’s smile broadened. “Sam says: say my name.”

“You can’t be,” the Doctor breathed. 

Sam smirked, leaning in across his podium. “Oh, but Doctor… I’ve been here the whole time,” he stage-whispered with a wink.

“He said you lost,” the Doctor said, shaking his head, looking wrong-footed for the first time that Brennan and Grant could recall. “You lost, and he trapped you.”

Sam just smiled, drumming his fingers against the podium with an audible beat, fast but distinct. Four taps, four taps, four taps. “I’m waiting.”

The Doctor took a slow, deep breath. Set his jaw. 

“Master.”

[ganondoodle]

i dont like making art tutorials, not just bc my way of drawing and my knowledge about it changes daily but mostly bc i know saying sth wrong can do quite a bit of damage too, even if it was well meant its been many years by now but i once saw an art tutorial that said characters CANNOT have a certain body shape bc its unnatural (false) and will inevitably make them look bloated/pregnant and its put fear in my head that still lingers in my mind whenever i draw fat characters even tho i know better by now

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

thought too much about things i would do differently if i was rewriting DAV (whcih i do NOT have time for, i dont even have time to write the fics i Really wanna write) and how much Potential was there and the things that the game teased me that had me on the edge of my seat only to. never bring up/be relevant again but hhhrrrgrhhhgghaaaaaaahhhhhh now im too riled up for Anything. going to drive to trader joes instead to buy myself some chocococos and calm down

[lctibule]

dealing with an increasing Urge to try picking up jinx as a muse ngl

[rabbithaver]

every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space

i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !

[godsfavoritescientist]

Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.

[puke-ur-gutz]

-> on mothers, resentment, and the guilt of needing to be cared for

[fluxweeed]

hey. hope this message doesn't bother you. I love you. I love your work. you are one of my favorite fic authors, I am absolutely obsessed with everything you write. reread everything ten times over, drarry or not, fluffy or angsty - even when it absolutely shatters my heart (e.g. for lack of wanting, SUCH a great fic btw i'm so obsessed with it). the four doors? life changing. two to lie and one to listen? engraved into my brain for eternity. what's mine is yours? what a ride holy shit, im VERY normal about it. wrapped? my comfort read. and so it goes.

if I could aggressively smother you with kudos and love I WOULD!!!

awhile ago you said that there's no such thing as "big deals" in fandom and I 100% agree but at the same time you are a big deal TO ME!!! not in the sense of any kind of hierarchy but purely based on the fact that I think you are such a cool person and your writing is amazing and poignant and your presence in fandom makes it so much better. it's been a pleasure following you here on tumblr and just reading your tags and posts.

idk I just think you rule. that's it. thank you for hanging with us. MWAH 💛

ahhhh anon sorry for leaving this message sitting in my inbox for a couple of days but !! i have zero idea how to react to this!! you're so kind!! thank you!! please discard any and all inclinations u have that i am a cool person bc i can assure you i am NOT!!

[aquaticfreakshow-sys]

Oh noo,, venting.

I wish my relationship would stop having to almost end just for one day of actually being thought about instead of neglected and forced to do everything for both of us on my own

[thecherrygod]

I'm so fucking tired I already think the holidays are Bad why does everything around me make them Worse

[doostyaudi]

Sigh i hate being on yt

[thehardkandy]

I have now made it to six weeks, I think, of my daily mini workouts. Unfortunately doing it this consistently has in fact not made it any easier in the slightest. In honesty, it is harder because I do not have the momentum of the initial change. I am still going though

In reality too I probably have 2-3 weeks left at most that I will do, because after that I will no longer be home alone in the apartment. Still will have been worth doing I hope, so that I can do it easier when I eventually have the space long term