#I told you this place would be important
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jay went to clown school. let’s talk about that
#art by me#jrwi riptide#jay ferin#i was drawing wherever the wind took me#and it took me to clown school jay#the best destination i could’ve hoped for#i feel like so much could be explored or expanded there in fanon#but i barely see anything#welp if there is none make some#sound off in the comments if you ever think about how jay rarely retracts into herself when faced with conflict#but instead goes to clown school or hitches a ride with the loserest boy she can find#and it’s the rare (and most impactful) moments when she responds differently#shutting down after the phone call with her grandmother#or blowing up after learning about lizzie and ava#or crying as she’s told to shoot her friend in the chest#but the every day conflict almost always gets humor as a response#which leads to very out of pocket moments but we love jay for it#oooooough jay ferin the way you express emotions is so important to meeeee#ALSO the fact that often it’s insult based humor or overly confident in self humor#let’s dissect that jay how do you relate to your friends in the hierarchical structure of the navy academy#did you feel like your humor had to subtly place you at the top? or you would not be enough? jay?#your relationship with kira hinges on fixing this structure by being better than it hm? let’s talk about that#let’s talk about how your life centered a lot around being the best even if not directly or intentionally#should i do a full analysis on this?#i kinda wanna do a full analysis on this#jrwi
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listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.
The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.
To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.
If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take
Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"
Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.
I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.
And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).
Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)
Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?
Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.
It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware
Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy
#Mouthwashing spoilers#Rape ment#Suicide ment#SA ment#Yeah. Pronouns were kicking m fucking ass in this post. Names also bc I once called curly jimmy#if I write to much my brain stops cooperating with words#Idk. The way she brings up the locks in my mind sounds a little less like#Singular Incident and more. The lack of locks is a Very Important Boundary That's Missing#That feels like it often leads to the erosion of other important boundaries especially when someone abusive#Is specifically pushing those boundaries. Idk again. My take on it#And while Anya says ''i told you'' a part of me thinks she told him like. Y'know vaguely about the situation but probably didn't#Characterize it as assault (bc even if he didn't believe her I don't think he would ask ''who'' if he remembered her telling him#That his friend assaulted her) and was maybe not interpreting it as assault herself bc she was trying to rationalize it#Bc she's in a very isolated situation for over a year in a place where Two Whole Rooms Have Locks.#Realizing she was in the cockpit (has a lock) when Curly is assuming she's suicidal (or at least going to hurt herself)#And then she's in the medbay (has a lock) when she actually. Y'know#Idk I'm fully up to debate this. If someone has good reasoning why curly is actually worse than I think he is I'm all for it#I'm just trying to like. In the context of my beliefs understand the actions he takes and how they fit in within the timeframe#But legit watching a chronological playthrough helps A LOT bc like. Game is super impactful nonlinear#But like. That's not how the characters experienced it and it really fucks with the timeline of events intuitively#Anyway again. If u hate curly that's entirely understandable I just want to try and organize my thoughts while keeping#The timeline and my view of events relatively straight. Feel like there's sometimes a lil too much focus on how the men failed Anya#When we should focus on what Anya's needs and wants are. Which ofc from our POV characters are Hard bc. It's curly and jimmy#But still it's worth trying to understand her better than they do#Game that makes you think so much your brain becomes mouthwash
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hm.
#if you find yourself worried that growing in faith will remove parts of your personality becayde you might suddenly lose interest in#what makes you you#thats something you really have to like Investigate. deep down. because in the end even if you change a bit you will be Better. l#like you will be where God wants you to be#the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked etc#like i GET IT but also . growing in faith doesnt make you a Totally Different Person it doesnt take away all your interests#maybe it changes how you interact with them and the importance you place on them but like#me being more spiritually mature than i was a year ago doesn't mean that im not interested in poetry anymore or i dont like all the media#im invested in anymore#EVEN when i felt called to stop listening to secular music#i was like oh well ill just be boring now#no girl theres worlds out there of good music by christian artists you just gotta find it#anyways. this is rambly#i cant really make this concise#but really like. sometimes you gotta reconsider your priorities#God created you as you are WITH your personaliyy#sure we were born in sin etc but your personality being sanctified does not mean that you will lose it#yk#anyways#reminds me of this story abt a guy asking an older brother about if he should be listening to secular music#and the brother was like . ok well first off answer me this#if God told you to only listen to ska music for the rest of your life would you listen#and the guy was like ?? what??? no???#and the brother was like well then you still place your preferences higher than Gods#kind of silly and i do still think theres nuance in the music thing#but like. Yk. The Basic Idea
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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I think the biggest reason I struggled to connect with the Inquisitor as a character is because of the 'chosen one' trope
#and also bc the inquisitor imo becomes too important too quickly#i like stories where you have to drag through mud for people to respect you#like even in DA2 it's only in the third act where you get some cred to your name#in DAO you're busting your ass saving people and there's still some who'll criticize you#and i didn't feel that with the inquisitor?#like very quickly lots of people are asking help from the inquisition and you're put in this place of savior#and it's weird bc at the same time i'm being told this#by the NPCs and the narrative#i don't *feel* that?#like i know that the inquisitor is important and all but i don't get that feeling#idk how to explain#like its feels like i'm being told how important the inquisition has been for keeping the peace#and how we're helping so many people#but i don't feel that#which is strange right bc i felt that in dao#i got the dwarves elves and mages on my side and like whenever i was done with the main quests and order was restored to that place#and an NPC would be like thank you we'll help you fight the archdemon#i felt like i was doing something important#when the other characters from DA2 and DAI talk about how important the warden was for them it makes sense to me#i think the main thing is that the warden and hawke made me feel things but the inquisitor didn't#i'm playing as Adaar now and it's been more fun than with lavellan#but that feeling of i know the inquisitor is important but it doesn't feel that way is still there#and also i just really don't like chosen one narratives#bc like...ok let's look at the warden#yes the GW are the only ones who can end the blight but the warden is not the only warden there#there's still alistair or loghain#and also you have to really work your ass to get shit done in DAO with limited resources and a bounty on your head#and people will even say that the wardens aren't that necessary#and then you have hawke#who was literally a nobody
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hey so. childhood friend of mine commited suicide late july and his dad’s trying to fund the money for his funeral service - if people have the money to donate please do the service is in 3 days (august 5th) and he’s very close to the goal but otherwise it’d mean a lot if people spread the link around -> https://gofund.me/f04d9bf0
#gofundme#suicide#donations#idk what else I would tag this with but. yeah#sorry to the people that're gonna get jumpscared by a blocked tag I just felt liek this was important to share#he was like. the one irl friend I had consistently that never bullied me because we were both so different from everyone else#we fell out of touch but I always talk about him fondly and then my mom told me this morning and just. god#I'm really glad I'm gonna have a lot of support and love this month I already know that but what a way to start it huh.#I hope everyone's doing okay. if you're in a hard place right now take this as a sign to do something nice for yourself#talk to a friend go buy some chocolate listen to your favorite song anything#and if it feels like nothing's making you happy#please trust me when I say it will some day#I know everyone says that I know but I've been there I've been through some horrible fucking shit#like anime anti-hero/rival/love interest-to-die levels of trauma#trust me. trust. me.#it will get better. wake up another day. this too shall pass#sorry for the ramble I just feel Very Strongly about this
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2023 reads / storygraph
The Poisons We Drink
YA urban fantasy
a girl who brews powerful potions is coerced into making potions to interfere with D.C.’s most influential politicians in an attempt to stop a dangerous Witcher Registration Act from passing, and will do anything to protect her sister after their mother is killed
bi MC, nonbinary love interest
arc from netgalley
#The Poisons We Drink#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is…….a lot of cool ideas but also so many elements and high stakes that i kinda lost track of them#the pacing is weird. the worldbuilding is random?#why is brewing SO overpowered & risky for her but the other powers seem to have pretty normal low-scale risks?#it’s definitely ambitious and has some cool ideas and also some great characters just. didn’t execute as well as I’d like#as much as we’re told the main threat is the government trying to put through a Registration Act#most of the actual antagonism we see is from other Witchers?#like the systemic discrimination got a bit lost in the witcher family drama and murder politics#important things to say about oppression and police violence but like....idk#she has this ‘deviation’- essentially evil sentient magic inside her head (and you KNOW I love that trope)#but it’s barely explained and very underutilised? other than helping her get out of bad situations you could take it out & would barely#change anything#also it’s explained at the start that she’s an empath but other than the very occasional mention I kept forgetting#will also note that I bumped this up my tbr because I saw the author talking/promoting it as the MCs sister being aroace but no mention#maybe it’ll come up in a sequel (there weren’t really any places where it would have made sense to bring it up here) but idk#(just the way the author was asking for advice on how to write an ace character and stuff you’d assume that they’d….put that in the book?)#not really a critique of the book itself but anyway. I really wanted to like this but the way it was put together just did not vibe with me#edit: I saw the author say on twitter that the version used for ARCs was before ace stuff was added and that there's other signif changes?#so perhaps that will be there! i'm not sure if I want to read it again but might skim just to see what that's about
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what are the rules at a nude figure drawing class, apparently I'll be attending one wednesday cause it's the only time I can meet up w my friend and her partner while its in town, and y'all. I have scribbled and at times I might have even doodled, but I don't draw and certainly haven't drawn a nude person before. and any drawing class would've been anxiety inducing for me, especially as a setting for meeting a new person who seems super cool and who I'd like to make a good impression on, but this is just gonna be another level of uncomfortable for me ngl. would it be rude to bring a coloring book and some shitty crayola colored pencils while the ppl around me actually do the drawing they're there to do.
#this isnt even a 'oh i couldnt possibly be an artist' like i don't need to be told its ok for my stuff to suck cause it'll improve later#like i know my stuff will suck and thats fine. drawing just isnt an artistic pursuit i'm interested in or have an affinity for#i just dont know what is or isnt ok in that space. like i'd have a great time if i brought embroidery to do but like.#is that disrespectful to the model and/or the ppl drawing? does that change if i try to embroider the figure in question?#is this a talk in whispers situation. is this a ppl are concentrzting place. or is it like music playing socializing as you draw#idk maybe handling the uncomfy place/situation would be easier or less anxiety inducing if it wasnt combined w the anxiety that#comes from Meeting Important Person#i could do one or the other w only a little difficulty but both at the same time is sendinh my brain into freakout mode#samantha talks#fr tho artist mutuals/followers any advice here would be so appreciated
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On your Toyhouse there's a Patchland Fecto? 👀
Yep! Her name is Fecto Spinel and she's a sweetie pie. Though she's more of a lore-building thing and a "true character." You can read more about her on her page here, or if you wanna know about her, just ask away!
Images from Toyhouse if anyone is curious:
#In essence she's responsible for making Patch Land a livable place#She's an escaped Fecto missing an arm and decided to hide out in the sock since no one would look in a pseudo dimension#Legends say she's an angel that looks after everyone in the sock but no one's seen her#She's also kinda responsible for Fluff's Warp Star being tied to his yarn whip lol#She lives in a Nova and it told her that was his heart so being herself she though 'OH THAT'S IMPORTANT CAN'T LOSE THAT LEMME JUST SEW THAT#She's kinda like Patch Land's secret mom#I jokingly called her 'the sock god'#Also anything you find in the game like furniture and beads are from her lol she's got the Artist/Paint Ability!#Starlyteart#ASMR Chitter Chatter
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god that "morning people are an oppressive class" post annoys me in some way i cant. quite. ugh
#toy txt post#it doesnt feel quite right to me...........#maybe im just a Morning Person. lol. lmao even#idk how much that is true vs in high school i felt very much like a morning person bc#i was taking my adderall with coffee and then it would all wear off right at the end of the day and id crash soooo hard and have like.#anxiety attacks every night and just be generally overstimulated and irritable as hell#which is mostly managed now by me trying to be smarter about caffeine consumption (amount + when) and on a lower dose of adderall#but it does feel like a lot of that shit mentioned would be adequately covered by like. being able to take time off work to go to the#doctor etc. idk#im half joking these days when i ID as a morning person but legally none of you are allowed to get up my ass about it🔪#bc of the nocturnal bullshit i pulled on second shift for like 3yrs after everything around me decided to start closing early after the#pandemic hit even tho theyve re lifted every other miniscule precaution they ever enforced#probably bc no one wants to work night shift at the grocery store for like 12$ an hour. fucking offer better pay idiots#god even when i was a package handler working the super inconvenient hours of 3am-like. 9. 10am(inconvenient my ass that was ideal hours.)#the main reasons ppl left for other jobs: hours suck and they got offered better pay. they cant adjust the hours. so they shouldve#increased the pay to retain. and maybe have more structured start and end times that were less up in the air#like all the drivers leave at 9am so if theres anything left on the truck thatll be for tomorrow. since that fuckin happened anyway. idk.#honestly wouldve been more important to me to have consistent start times cos thats one of the things that pissed me off about that job was#like youd go in and before you left youd have to ask what the start time would be tomorrow cos they kept jumping all over the place by like#15min increments and like its once thing to do it on occasion to try to deal with like Bad Weather but it was like fucking Daily#and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard. but sometimes they wouldnt. and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard#and leave it up there forget to erase it and it would still be there but they told you as you walked out actually its not 4:30 tmrrw its 3#idk. i know the main real reason i miss it is cause it was part time and the day ended at like 9am usually
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Lol out of curiosity I looked up my old job on Indeed and yes they ARE urgently hiring for the position and if I didn't get treated like dog shit for expecting a stress free work environment with reasonable expectations and not wildly cunty management who seemed to be under the impression they were doing THE most important job at THE most important store ever maybe I wouldn't have just not shown up one day 🤷🏻♀️ asshole thing to do to my poor coworkers but I didn't even have the energy to quit right after spending a month and a half feeling deeply surveilled at every aspect of my job lest I get another frivolous writeup no one else got for doing their jobs worse than me so fine. You want me gone enough to threaten my livelihood and SHRUG when I point out I have rent to pay, fine, but I wouldn't put up with that behavior from anyone in my life generally and I LIKE those people so my JOB pulling bullshit? Oh hell no, if I wouldn't take it from people I CHOOSE to be around on purpose I ain't taking shit from a fucking JOB. I refuse to be in a work environment that's unaware it's a GROCERY STORE, not a 5 star establishment frequented exclusively by world leaders or some shit. Like Sam, my job is cooking food at a fucking sobeys and you're acting as if I'm disarming bombs it's so important get reasonable priorities and standards for employees and then apply them equally to managers and not EXCLUSIVELY minimum wage staff 🙄
Which is funny because my new job everyone seems surprised with how fast I've caught on to stuff down to a coworker yesterday telling me he thought I worked in a shoppers prior to the pharmacy I'm in because Im catching on so quick. This isn't unusual for me either, some time in the last five or so years I've found every workplace I'm at I end up being heavily relied on because I'm good at my job, so fucking sucks to suck for sobeys because it took me some week or so to be consistently praised for being better at the job than the guy I replaced only for them to throw that out because they think management should be able to do whatever the fuck they want while they shove minimum wage staff under a fucking microscope to ensure they're doing their shit right and even that isn't consistent. They punished me exclusively because I did not lay down to be treated as a door mat and dished the treatment I got handed. If you treat me like shit I WILL treat you the way you treat me, no worse, and sometimes a little better because I don't lose my moral standards in that treatment either. Just because I'm being an ass doesn't mean I'm willing to do whatever the fuck, just enough to ensure that the person who's decided I'm their new plaything knows that'll be going both ways so fuck off. I've never had a job so willing to keep on shit management they had at LEAST a dozen meetings with regarding performance and I was the one who got punished for being frustrated about that. But I will take a new significantly less stressful job 🙌🏻
#winters ramblings#anyway theyre “urgently hiring” and if they listened when the fuck i told them i was so stressed i was clenching my fists#so hard in my sleep my hands would be DEAD STIFF and locked in place in the morning and required me to carefully massage them#and exercise the muscles and even then my hands still hurt. i told them ive been throwing up from stress AND i told them i was job hunting#because this was all bullshit. they KNEW where i was at and they should have listened but they didnt so fine#fuck me around 17 ways to sunday teo can play at that game and i didnt come here to be involved in a game at all#but force me onto that fucking biard then dont get mad when i flip it and walk away#im a grown assed adult i have no patience for workplaces that don't understand youre not a fucking slave#and the workplace isnt something Extremely Important And Special its a cucking GROCERY STORE and i wasnt even workinh#one if the jobs that DOES absolutely make a grocery store necessary i made fucking hot food everyone treated as Top Notch Shit#when ut was frozen boxed chicken strips and ut us INSULTING to me to teach me HOW to cook fucking BOXED FOOD#and NO i did bot take that “”“too personally”“' while they were trying to ”improve“ store standards#its fucking BOXED CHICKEN STRIPS guys why the fuck are we treating it like ROCKET SCIENCE??!?#i dont actually think its unreasonable to be angry your manager cannot even trust you to make food from a fucking BOX#without a chef coming in and treating you like some kind of idiot whohas never made a food in my LIFE despite#me cooking a lot more complicated shit at home on a regular basis. give me a fucking BREAK acting as if#it was StOrE sTaNdArD changes or whatever do YOU nit understand boxed food isnt HARD to make or do you need that explained#to you?? like i take shit too personally no YOU have unreasonable standards for EXCLUSIVELY your lowest wage staff#and im NOT bring held to a higher working standard than MANAGEMENT
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#personal#my mom told me yesterday my brothers paying to have my door replaced today or tomorrow bc he misses me and thinks is affecting our#relationship badly#and she wasn’t supposed to tell me but i’m glad she did cause like#she tried saying she’s getting it replaced immediately grilled her on where the fuck she got that money since i know we have more important#issues and she IMMEDIATELY snitched#anyway i feel complicated. thank you for the door. that you already said you would do. what was the point of all of this#and i’m re reading the messsges maybe i was too mean but also 8 months no door and everyone being mean to me about it#he told my mom he misses me and she said how sweet it was to hear that and i should consider just. letting this go#and she doesn’t want to minimize the door or what it represents beyond just the door#but didn’t really get it when i was like it matters if he’s doing this bc he misses me or bc he thinks he did anything wrong#like he can do both but. i just want to know he’s not thinking i’m some brat for asking for something? normal? or that this won’t happen#again cause this always happens.#she was like isn’t it more romantic that he misses you so much he doesn’t care if he’s right or wrong? girl what the fuck are you on#anyway i feel weird bc like. it’s nice but i didn’t need him to shell this out#and i feel oddly like a brat to get this expressed done from when i said im upset with him#like 20 days later but feels fast. and i wish he could have reached out and talked to me#but also i’ve been so angry and resentful i don’t know if i’d want to talk especially if it’s just the same convo over and over#i don’t need grand gestures i just wish this stuff wouldn’t happen in the first place#and i’m worried that after the door my mom will get upset if i’m still upset with my brother after#and i’m not sure how he thinks we’re gonna get back to talking if i can’t acknowledge he got the door.#like can’t be like hey thanks! also we need to talk about how you use money instead of ur words.#like in this case i genuinely really needed the door but also it’s just hard to be like hey you did this thing that was unacceptable#also thanks for the full tank of gas dinner and 100 bucks. unprompted. anyway it’s unacceptable-#like it sounds stupid right? anyway i don’t know if he’ll tell me or just try to slide back into talking without ever talking about it#i don’t know and i feel like an asshole no matter what route i go#but will say funny i hid that he broke it from him and he’s hiding that he’s fixing it for me something something#i just feel weird about it. i miss him but also don’t miss getting shit from him or the other one lately i’m just#honestly doing my own thing and just getting through the day or enjoying it too much to think about him sometimes#but i do miss him and i don’t want to be constantly fighting or arguing with my family. it’s not a nice feeling.
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I just had the sickest idea.
#okay so. what do Dracula Frankenstein and Jekyll & Hyde have in common#they all (sorta) take place in england#Jekyll & Hyde quite literally takes place in London#Dracula is kind off complicated geographicly but from my understanding at the time it was England so#Frankenstein takes place in germany but it also changes a lot#specifically when Victor and Henry go on a trip to england this will be relevant later#now what if i told you#that all of those events would take place at the same time#all of the stories would happen pretty close to canon up until a certin undetermined point where the stories would convergence#and then#and then it will become a battle royal.#this idea is so fuckinf cool#like. a battle between the most famous Fictional horror characters who just so happend to all be in england#and i used those characters as example cuz they're the only ones i know but. it would be so sick if there were others who fit the criteria#i will research#i want it to focus of the horror (esque) characters but having a slightly less important sherlock holmes be there as well?? fucking sick#oh yeah and all the characters are book accurate#mainly because i think it would be so funny if Frankenstein's monster was just kind of there and very much did not want to be involved#while Victor would live up to his name andact as the fictional horror rep of Frankenstein#also each character would have a small supporting cast from their respective books#imagine. imagine Elizabeth and Mina interacting#what sort of mischief would the time appropriate mysoginist caricature of the protagonist wives be up too i wonder#they would be besties#perhaps more#Emma fits here as well but i feel like she could get along with Frankenstein's monster pretty well#like the vibes and stuff idk#omg Jon and Victor interacting#omg Jon and Henry interacting#ran out of tags oof but like. this is so cool. it's so sick. i wish i was good at writing then i would have written this and became famous#i lovee making unrebloggeable posts it's my favourite think to do ever
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peace and love, i do not understand photo editors 😭
#so for work i was hoping to batch edit a ton of photos so i can resize them for our website etc etc#i was trying to record an action set but.. it escapes me.. <3 i also think firefox struggles with it but it could be me? it wouldn't close#files even after i told it not to worry about saving + sometimes it would struggle to undo actions.. typically i had to refresh the site#BUT. all is well because i learned if you size the canvas as 700 x 700 pixels to begin with and then import and place the image it resizes#it automatically? so i might just do this individually bc i think the batch processing stuff is a little out of my depth rn#one day i'll figure it out but that day.. is not today <3#sriracha.txt
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I’m a strong proponent of lying to get the help you need. I always try the truthful route first but if that gets me nowhere? Lying it is.
I think it’s important to respect other people’s time, wellbeing and money so I don’t do it in situations where I know I’m in the wrong, like if I want to get into a place just for fun and someone could get in trouble for letting me in wrongfully I’d rather not.
But sometimes people just don’t understand why something is important in your situation so you have to turn it into something they understand. When I lived in England I constantly lied about being pregnant so gas station employees would let me use their bathroom because for some reason they didn’t have public bathrooms.
Or when my doctor’s secretary couldn’t get it into her head that my stomach pains were very serious and concerning and insisted I couldn’t get an appointment this month so that evening I “found” a lump that I was pretty sure was nothing but it meant I had a reason to call her the next day and get a new appointment immediately and when the doctor told me the lump was harmless I could tell her what my real problem was and she immediately scheduled ALL the tests and examinations because she understood how concerning it was. I just had to get past the fucking secretary with a lie.
Fuck I even support that elderly man who lied about having four children who were stuck in a house during a flood but when the rescue team got there in a dinghy they realized it was four dogs. The guy knew he had to lie because he was too sick to help them himself (able bodied people in the area were able to save their own pets) and they wouldn’t have helped him if they knew it was “just dogs”. In the video the rescue team can be seen choking up and padding him on the back while he cries with his scared dogs in his arms. The team is clearly not mad because they can see how important the dogs are to him but I have no doubt he was right in thinking they wouldn’t have helped if he had told them the truth.
So do what ya gotta do and lie lie lie.
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Passing on an important conversation I had with a family member the other day
Them: Gay people make me uncomfortable.
Me: (Queer, bluescreening) Uhhhhhhh
Them: I ean, I don't mind gay people, I just don't like the ones that are all in your face about it.
Me: What do you mean
Them: : I mean, like. It's fine if you're gay, you can be gay, that's not something you can change- there's just a time and a place, you know? You shouldn't be making it everyone else's business
Me: I don't know what you mean. Can you give me an example?
Them: Uhhhhh.
Them: Okay, so I was at a bar with my buddy a while back, right? And this gay person comes up to me, right, and they start flirting
Them: And I tell them, you know, I'm straight, and I'm married, right?
Me: Right
Them: And like. They kinda laugh it off, but they keep doing it. Making these comments, being all flamboyant, saying I have a nice ass, trying to give me their number in case I wanna "switch teams".
Them: And I'm sitting there like... hey, no problem with your whole lifestyle and all, but I told you I'm not interested. I'm married.
Them: That kinda thing. The whole "out and proud, cant shut me down" thing
Them: Like, leave that shit at home
Me:
Me: So it's like when a pretty lady is at a bar, and some guy comes over and won't leave her alone?
Them: Yeah
Me:
Me: So that's not a gay people thing, that's just flat-out sexual harassment
Them: what
Me: Your problem isn't gay people, it's assholes
Them:
Them: Well that sure would have sounded better, huh
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