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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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Hi, this is a vagueblog that is very very Vague and not at all a blatantly passive aggressive response to an anon comment on someone’s fic about a Certain Favorite Topic of Mine (aka Let Dick Be Angry About People Being Dicks To Him).

But arguing that Dick was entirely and solely in the wrong for how everything went down between him and Tim, on the basis that “and the idea that a 16 year old should be responsible in any way for not helping someone 7-8 years older than him grieve is ridiculous” is textbook woobification.

Know why?

Because we’re talking about Tim.

As in the character whose entire existence as Robin is predicated on taking it upon himself to help Batman in the wake of Bruce’s grief for Jason, due to how it was affecting both his violence against criminals and his own recklessness.

So it is categorically disingenuous and dishonest to act like Tim is some helpless little baby at age sixteen who its completely ‘ridiculous’ to expect to take even a single scene anywhere throughout his solo series in which he jets around the world, solo, having adult adventures against adult villains with zero adult supervision by his own choice.....

And think “hey, maybe I, the kid who at age twelve made it my literal mission to help Batman through his grief....could take five seconds to look at this other Batman and acknowledge....he needs help because he’s drowning in his own grief.”

This is the blatant double standard that annoys people about certain Tim stans.

Tim may have been sixteen, but we’re talking about a family of superheroes who have been doing adult acts since their preteens. We’re talking about a kid who’s helped save the world by this point, and how he responds to ‘being wronged’ by an older brother who in the most frequently referenced continuity was fired as Robin when hardly any older than Tim was there. Only Dick was actually fired, and by Bruce himself, and with the latter making NO effort to keep Dick from leaving, as opposed to Dick who made every effort to keep Tim from leaving. Tim left because he wanted to, despite Dick wanting him to stay. Dick left because he felt Bruce didn’t care if he stayed, because Bruce made no effort to get him to stay.

And yet time and again, the narrative is twisted so that Dick ‘fired Tim’ instead of calling him his equal (actual canon), kicked Tim out, instead of begging him to stay (actual canon), and asking other people to spy on Tim, follow him, and talk to him instead of handling it himself, when per actual canon....the reason Dick did all of those things was because he was still concerned about Tim and Tim wouldn’t allow Dick to talk to him and check up on him himself.

How do you hold someone responsible for not having a conversation that the other person literally refuses to let them have?

And yet, for over a decade, that is precisely what fandom has done.

And someone actually writes a story where in contrast to the dozens and dozens of stories that take the singular perspective that Dick wronged Tim and should grovel for his forgiveness, they instead suggest that Tim was mature and responsible enough at the time that he at least should have been capable of acknowledging that he wasn’t the only member of his family grieving and having a difficult time, and Dick wasn’t doing any of that to neglect or hurt him.....and this is what’s so objectionable to someone, they have to go on anon on that very story’s actual comment thread and argue that the author is being unreasonable and that Dick should be the one apologizing to Tim here, yet again, like the dozens and dozens of already existing stories posit?

Peoples’ issue with Tim and Tim stans and these stories aren’t that we don’t like Dick being criticized for his handling of the situation or people saying Tim was hurt by all of that....its that its treated as valid and factual for Tim in all these other stories to say things like “you’re never there for me” because the one time Dick didn’t support Tim exactly in the specific ways Tim wanted, despite years and years and years of dropping everything to rush to Tim’s side whenever he needed as Robin....

This apparently constitutes proof that Dick is “never there for Tim” instead of always doing his best to be there for Tim, except this one time he was literally overwhelmed and couldn’t be everything for everyone exactly as they wanted him to be. And yeah, unfortunately, he had hoped that Tim could pick up a little of his slack for a change.

And he still tried to be there for Tim, after Tim blew up at him, he just literally couldn’t be because Tim left and avoided him the literal minute after Dick did one thing he didn’t agree with.

And thing is, that’s not to suggest it was a LITTLE thing, by any means. That Tim didn’t have every right to be emotional and upset and hurt by Dick’s decision. Its not even that its wrong to say that yeah, ideally, Dick should have pulled Tim aside and had a conversation about what he wanted to do with Robin before Tim found out from Damian.

But that’s not what Dick’s condemned for in fandom, is it? The common refrain isn’t “well, I know it was a tough time for Dick as well, but he should have talked about it with Tim first”....its “Dick is such a hypocrite for doing the exact same thing that Bruce did to him and giving Robin to someone who didn’t deserve it after firing Tim despite everything he’d done to prove himself over the years.”

These are completely different levels of criticism, and its blatantly dishonest to treat them as interchangeable, or to object when someone’s clearly taking issue with the latter, and instead try to frame it as though Dick stans are just unable to accept Dick ever doing anything wrong at all on any level - such as with the former.

Like, when people can’t handle one story existing that suggests hey, they were both in the same situation of being brothers who’d both lost their second father and felt lost and grieving, and it might be nice for a change if instead of just seeing Tim erupt at Dick over and over for being so fucking flawed as a brother and a human being back then, Dick has a chance to for once say he feels hurt that his little brother didn’t seem to give a shit about what he felt at the time, or didn’t seem to want to acknowledge all the other times Dick had been there for him, at his own expense....

That is the kind of thing that makes people feel like Tim stans have a victim complex or an insistence on seeing Tim as perpetually victimized and never ever doing anything that might hurt his siblings as well.

I mean, I can acknowledge and understand why Tim was hurt by Dick’s choices and the way things went down....and why Dick was too overwhelmed to be as on top of handling everyone’s feelings as he usually is or likes to be. They’re not mutually exclusive.

It was a shitty situation. It didn’t have to mean that either of them were shitty people.

But you all have ZERO chill, and after years and years of one singular narrative that posits that Dick was operating from a plateau of emotional zen and all his decisions should be weighed and measured against his own peak performance standard of catering to his family’s emotional needs (when almost no examples of the reciprocal even exist)....

Like, sorry if some of us are exhausted of trying to be mutually understanding and are more interested in focusing on the viewpoint of the character who’s been bashed to hell and back by that one singular narrative. Ad nauseam.

Apologies to @octoaliencowboy for jumping in and I’ll happily delete this if they prefer, but I thought their story was fucking excellent and something that some Dick fans have long wanted to read for a change of pace.

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dirtyrainbowstories · 5 years ago

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This story was written as a collaboration between myself and Splinterhead452 on Deviantart. If you enjoyed this please consider giving him a look! You can find his account here: https://www.deviantart.com/splinterhead452

It’s that time of the month again, for another instalment of the ongoing saga of a beleagered maid Terezi and her disgusting diaper8itch of an employer Vriska.

Check out my patreon! Get early access to stories and other cool rewards. https://www.patreon.com/emissaryofrainbows

Terezi could not believe what she was looking at, her jaw hung open in complete awe. She had never in her life met someone so vile or disgusting, someone who was able to just shit themselves and hardly notice. Someone who was able to shit THAT MUCH. She was completely disgusted and unsure of what to do about it. The smell was frying her brain, and seeing that huge, brown tinted diaper and know it was just packed full of Vriska's nasty shit made her stomach churn.

"Oh no. No no no no no no no no! I am not, I'm not touching you or that freakishly full diaper. I'm not doing it. I am not changing a grown woman's diaper after you shit yourself in your sleep!" Terezi shouted, feeling fed up with how everything had been going so far today.

Vriska shrugged. "That's fine, you can do whatever you want," she said. "Just know that, if you don't do this, you won't get paid. Diaper changing was part of your contract, so if you refuse, our agreement is void."

Vriska obviously wasn't going to change her own diaper, so unless Terezi stepped up, she would continue filling the house with her putrid stench. Then again, Terezi could just leave the house entirely, running for the hills and away from the freakish woman. But if she did, all the time she spent feeding the horrific slob would've been wasted. The tips were a lot of money, sure, but they were nothing compared to the payment she was supposed to receive at the end.

Vriska's response completely shattered Terezi's anger. The disgust of the situation had made her all but forget that she was doing all of this because she was desperate for cash. The tips were a lot by her standards but not nearly enough. Just the thought of all that money she's already worked so hard to make disappearing now, when she was so close to the end of her work day... Her resolve returned to her, and she looked back to Vriska and her impossibly full diaper. A grotesque image with an even worse smell but... Terezi really was desperate.

"... F-Fine... Sorry ma'am. I'll uh, get right to changing your..." Terezi nearly gagged. "Messy diaper." Terezi took another few steps forward. She knew how to change diapers on kids, sure, but not so much on fully grown adults. Of course, the fact that Vriska's shit was so unimaginably large made it even more daunting of a task. Soon Terezi was near enough to Vriska to reach the diaper straps, although she was forced to stand with her knees touching the huge smelly diaper. The warmth of it all especially disgusted her. "Okay so... Uh... Should I just do it here?"

"Are you stupid or something?" Vriska said bitterly. "Take it upstairs. There's a diaper pail in the bathroom." She gestured vaguely in the direction of the upstairs bathroom. Her instructions were useless, but it would be easy enough to find on its own. If that diaper pail still had some of the mess from Vriska's previous diaper in it, Terezi could probably locate it through smell alone.

For once, Vriska made things a bit easier on Terezi, shopfitting around, and spreading her legs to make her shit-swollen diaper a bit easier to remove. Her helpfulness was short-lived, however, as a pungent fart ripped its way from between her ass cheeks, stinging poor Terezi directly in her nose.

Terezi stood idly for the moment, before flinching a little at Vriska's bitter response. The disrespect was just another drop in the bucket at this point, and honestly nothing compared to the humiliation of what she was about to do anyway. Terezi could only imagine the horror of the bathroom she had already been intentionally avoiding. Not to mention the existence of a diaper pail only confirmed that this was a regular occurrence. That made Terezi's heart sink more as Vriska shifted around a bit to make things easier. Of course, the disgusting sound of Vriska's shit moving around in the over packed diaper only served to sicken her more.

Reluctantly, Terezi bent down and reached toward the diaper straps to begin removing it, only to be met with a gust of foul wind being filtered through literal pounds of shit and into Terezi's face. She did her best not to gag, but Vriska could probably see it. With shaking hands Terezi reached the straps and quickly got to work removing them. She could feel the heat radiating from the pounds and pounds of fresh shit, it just made her want to work even faster at this to get it over with.

She manages to get the straps removed, and starts to pull away the diaper, regretting the action as it releases the smell completely. She pauses, holding her breath. "Okay uh, I'm gonna take this off... Do you have like wipes, I need to..." She nearly gags "Wipe you now, right?"

"The changing supplies are in the bathroom, in a drawer next to the diaper pail," Vriska said. There was a snippiness to her tone, as though it was unreasonable that Terezi didn't know how to do this already. With how memorable, or perhaps traumatizing this experience was, Terezi would almost certainly remember it the next time.

The closest thing Vriska's diaper could be compared to was a bag of manure. It was similar in size and weight, although unlike manure, it was fresh, meaning that it was uncomfortably warm too, and the smell was somehow much, much worse.

Vriska pushed her hips upwards, to keep the mess clinging to her ass from rubbing off onto the couch.

"What are you waiting for, go?" she commanded indignantly.

Terezi carefully removed Vriska's shit stuffed diaper, being surgically careful to make sure not to spill any of the heaping pile of shit onto the couch or floor. With both hands needed to even move the heavy mass of diaper, Terezi had no way of covering her nose or otherwise sparing herself the traumatic experience of smelling Vriska's fresh, steaming shit. No broken public bathroom or drive past a farm could ever compare to the raw stench of Vriska's shit. The smell was just as impressive as the ungodly amount she had produced... Well they would be impressive if Terezi wasn't disgusted beyond words.

Working quickly Terezi used the straps to seal shut the open end of the diaper, only partially stopping the overpowering stench from leaking out. As Vriska both instructed and reprimanded Terezi, the poor maid got a feel for just how truly massive this shit must have been. The comparison to a bag of manure was being quite generous to how much your average herd of cows could shit. Vriska's steaming dump easily put them to shame. It took a great amount of Terezi's strength to move the horrid sack of feces. And Terezi was by no means a scrawny woman. She grew up playing soft ball and volley ball in school, so the fact that she was struggling was telling of just how bad things were for her.

"Yes ma'am, I'll be... Hnnng! Right back with the wipes..." She struggled, doing her best to haul the crinkling bag of mud. She lifted it just enough to carry, not wanting to drag it and risk cleaning up a rip or puncture. The horrid stench and warm mushy feeling against her arms and body sent a shiver down her spine as she went as quickly as she could towards the stairs and then the bathroom.

Luckily, being as sort of strong as she was, Terezi was able to (slowly) haul the diaper up the stairs, albeit with a few second long breaks to keep her balance. As she got more and more acquainted with the smell and warmth of the diaper, Terezi could almost swear the damn thing weighed almost as much as Vriska must have.

As she neared the bathroom, a place she had very intentionally avoided, a similar smell reached her, one that was definitely Vriska's shit, but not the shit she was currently carrying like the world's worst bean bag chair. She used her foot to kick open the door to the bathroom, woefully unprepared for the horrors she would meet inside.

Vriska's bathroom was, predictably, a complete horror show. Even Terezi's worst nightmares weren't sufficient to prepare her for what she was about to see, however. The room was absolutely packed with Vriska's used diapers, from floor to ceiling, save for a narrow pathway leading from the bathroom entrance to the sink. There was no toilet, of course, why would there be? Its exclusion meant that there would be even more room for Vriska's discarded nappies.

They were all obscenely full, although none seemed to be quite as large as the one Terezi was carrying. The enormous meal Terezi had prepared for her must've been exceptional, although Vriska did doubtlessly consume more food than the average person on a regular basis.

Some of the diapers were relatively fresh, but most seemed old, the shit within them having dried up and crusted over long ago. The smell, of course, was obscene, a mixture of distinct but equally foul diaper stenches all mixed into one unbearable wave of stink that permeated through the entire room. The heat radiating from Vriska's preserved messes meant that the bathroom was as hot as a sauna too.

At the end of the room, beside the sink, was the diaper pail Vriska had mentioned. It was stuffed beyond bursting with five or so of Vriska's diapers-after it ran out of room, Vriska opted to discard her diapers in the rest of the bathroom's space instead.

The question remained: did Vriska ever actually discard her diapers, or did this room contain every nappy she had ever used in one place. Were there other rooms packed completely with diapers, or was this the only one. And if Vriska did plan on emptying this room out and throwing her old diapers in the dumpster, would Terezi be the one responsible for doing it?

Terezi stopped dead in her tracks as the door swung open, stopping short as it was no doubt blocked by the pile of Vriska's diaper collection. This... Was way worse than she was expecting. It looked like a landfill, it smelled WORSE than a landfill. The air was so hot and thick with the potent smell of fermenting shit that Terezi quite literally threw up in her mouth. This room was like the estuary of the foulest, rankest, most rancid shit smell Terezi had ever been forced to brave. It was inhuman! Impossible to smell this bad... Or at least Terezi had thought until now.

She swallowed her bike and braved on, carrying the diaper inside and making sure to stick to the small path. On each side of her she could see a towering wall of putrid shit packed diapers, each looking like a horse had used them for a week straight. It was an abysmal experience for her, but somehow Terezi found the strength to go on. She approached the diaper pail and hoisted the newest, largest diaper up onto it, practically burying it as the brown stained nappy began to sag disgustingly. The heat it added to the room was easily felt.

Moving as quickly as she physically could, Terezi searched and rummaged about, finding the changing supplies in the sink cupboard. Baby wipes, a fresh adult diaper, and even some baby powder (Needed or not, Terezi didn't want to risk having to return to get it.)

With the needed items in hand Terezi all but ran out of the room, closing the door behind her to attempt to seal away the evil scent inside. She moved down the hall and then the stairs, reentering the front room. "Okay I'm back! I got the stuff, I can change you…"

"Mhm, get to it," Vriska said, pointing down towards her own filth-caked rear. A diaper dump of that size was bound to leave some residue behind, so Vriska's hindquarters were absolutely covered in clinging, dark brown filth. It still stunk, of course, but not nearly as bad as the load that Terezi had just finished disposing of. Most of the smell in the room was just the remnants from her initial diaper dump.

Vriska didn't bother explaining the process of a diaper change to Terezi-she said she knew how to, and the process was no different with an adult than with a child. A bit grosser, sure, but nearly identical in most other ways.

Vriska kept her hindquarters raised, to make the changing process easier for Terezi. For the first time today, she did something to help her maid rather than inconvenience or repulse her. Terezi would be a fool to assume that this was the start of some pattern, though.

Somehow she was looking forward to this even less than hauling the diaper away. Sure, hauling the diaper was a far more tiresome and foul smelling task, and Terezi would much rather never enter Vriska's bathroom ever again, but something about wiping a grown woman's ass was kind of humiliating. Well, more humiliating. Though to be honest Terezi had been humiliated over and over since she got here so why stop now?

At least this would be easier. Terezi moved over to where Vriska was sitting and got down on her knees so she was (unfortunately) face to face with her employer's shitty ass. Despite how much crap had been stuffed into that diaper Terezi was still sort of flabbergasted at just how filthy Vriska was. The smell was still present but it had dissipated, and besides it would take nothing short of a freshly filled diaper to compare to what she had endured so far.

Quickly she got to work with the wipes, thoroughly wiping away the disgusting muck and making sure to get Vriska nice and clean. It was humiliating, yes, but at least once she got done Vriska would probably smell kind of okay. Once she'd made sure to get Vriska nice and clean Terezi applied a liberal amount of the powder, and then got the fresh new nappy strapped on her. It was definitely weird doing this to a grown woman, but Terezi could handle. "There we go, ma'am... Feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I feel fine," Vriska said. It would've never occurred to her that her huge diaper messes could be interpreted as a sign of distress. Being able to gorge herself like that was an incredible, downright superhuman feat. Terezi should've been impressed!

Vriska slapped her hand against the fresh, clean diaper, sending a puff of powder into the air. "You're pretty good at this," Vriska said, shoving her hand into one of the couch cushions, and pulling out a wad of crumpled 10s and 20s. "Here, take this for doing such a good job."

As humiliating and downright disgusting as this evening was turning out to be, at least Terezi was making a pretty impressive profit. Not only could Vriska shit enough to put an elephant to shame, but she had money to burn too. She was quite the enigmatic woman, it seemed!

Terezi took the money without question, thumbing through the bills and counting them. All things considered it almost felt worth it now that she was actually holding the money in hand. She felt crazy for having that line of thought but there were probably way worse jobs out there that paid less than this... Terezi just shook her head and crammed the money into her pocket.

"Well, I'm happy I was able to... Uh, fulfill your desires?" Terezi kind of shrugged, now sure how to proceed with their professional relationship now that she had just wiped a practical bucketload of shit off of Vriska's ass. It was also only now that Terezi realized how tired she was feeling. She checked her watch and noticed that it was beginning to get rather late.

She fidgeted in place a bit and sighed. "Well, ma'am... It's getting kinda late. Unless there's anything else you need would it be fine to call it for today?" She asked, trying to sound as polite as possible. She definitely felt the need for a long hot bath at her apartment.

Vriska was given a moment of pause. She was having such a great time, she hadn't imagined that it'd end so soon. Luckily, the fun didn't have to stop until Vriska's wallet was empty, meaning that this could carry on for as long as she wanted it to.

"Sure, you could leave now..." Vriska said. Her fresh, crisp diaper bulged visibly between her legs. It was amazing that she could still maintain an aura of authority while wearing it.

"But I'll give you a huuuuuuuuge bonus if you stay. I have a guest bedroom and bathroom too, so you won't need to deal with my dirty diapers every time you get up to pee," Vriska said with a somewhat worrying wink. "I bet you really want to take a shower after all that too/"

Terezi was definitely hoping that Vriska would okay her dismissal. Vriska's reply made her tilt her head however. Definitely not what she was expecting. Terezi figured Vriska may have one last request or task, but asking Terezi to spend the night was definitely not something she expected. Of course, the idea of getting a bonus was appealing, and it wasn't like Terezi had any pets or plants to water at home.

"Uh... Hmm..." Terezi thought for a moment. The offer was appealing, especially since it saved her a 30 minute cab ride. Plus she had done all the cleaning here herself, so she knew that the place wasn't a pig sty. And if there was a guest bathroom that wasn't a valley of shit stuffed diapers, well then Terezi could suck it up long enough to get paid.

"Uh, yeah sure. I mean, yes ma'am. I'd be okay to stay overnight if that's what you want. Hey, I could even make breakfast for you in the morning!" Terezi hummed, trying to do a little sucking up to stay in good graces. She was really dying for a shower, though.

Vriska smiled. "I'd like that quite a bit," she said. "The guest bedroom is just down the hall, and the bathroom is right across from it," Vriska said, pointing across the adjacent hallway.

She let out a yawn, that turned into a hiccupy belch. Fortunately, it wasn't strong enough to reach where Terezi was standing. "I should really get some rest," she said. "It's been a long day, and I'll need a lot of energy for all the fun we're going to have tomorrow.

And with that slightly foreboding statement, Vriska trudged her way up stairs. Each step emitted a crinkle from the extra thick diaper between her legs. Terezi could hear the sound of bed springs creaking, as Vriska threw her body onto her mattress.

Terezi watched as Vriska went, suddenly feeling like maybe spending the night wasn't such a good idea. Then again... Maybe Vriska was just lonely? It had to be hard making friends whenever you routinely crapped in diapers. At least that's what Terezi figured. Either way, once Vriska was out of sight, Terezi made her way to the guest bathroom. She was relieved to find that it was nowhere near the horrors of the other bathroom, and had all the amenities. Before hopping into the shower, Terezi through her made outfit into the washing machine for tomorrow, opting to sleep in just her underwear and bra tonight.

After that she was quick to get a shower, making it extra long and extra hot. Once she was finished she found herself feeling refreshed and drowsy. She went to check on her outfit, moving it from the washer to the dryer and setting it to cycle. It would be fresh and dry in the morning, so that was pleasant at least.

With all that done, Terezi tiredly trudged her way to the guest bedroom, which she found to be bigger and nicer than her own bedroom at home. She didn't waste much time crawling into the big soft bed, and before she knew it she was finding herself nodding off. Soon she was asleep, resting blissfully unaware of what Vriska held in store for her tomorrow...

#abdlstuck #diaperstuck #diaper messing #messy diaper #hypermess #story #collaboration #Vriska Serket #terezi pyrope #homestuck #Scourge S(h)itter

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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years ago

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it’s the "gotta use Politics when talking about Abuse” monologue corner....

namely that if you only use the framework of Personal Responsibility(tm) to even consider what abuse is then that can only lead to victim blaming

even the effort to Define abuse via personal responsibility focusing on like, well okay, how does a dynamic of abuse spontaneously manifest between two people then? and when it’s solely about Bad / Harmful / Mean Treatment from someone, then like, you can’t really pin any of that shit down as what defines abuse, when people having the intent to affect someone negatively, or not necessarily that intent but hurting someone / having that negative effect anyways, or whatever spontaneous interactions that go badly / aren’t exactly constructive & relationship enhancing, etc etc etc, are hardly guaranteed abusive or exclusive to that. but when it’s about What Can An Individual Do Wrong alone, as per “we have to understand & solve things through the lens of Personal Responsibility as the be all end all essence of any social phenomena,” then it’s probably gonna be easy to get stuck in the realm of “well then we can’t just call anything that affects someone badly as Abusive” which in turn means “abuse” becomes this matter of like, well, it has to be something extreme that is thus Rare enough (cue: people going “well Everyone can’t have Trauma” like, they really can though lmfao. why should it be a Relative matter that shifts to mean “cut off to be: what we think only happens rarely”) and it’s also convenient, as it always is, to talk about the Unknowable Save To The Individual Themself matter of what someone’s real intentions & inner motivations & qualities are, like, well of course abuse would then also result from the Bad intention to abuse, and anyone can get caught up in not wanting to feel like they themself have that quality or capacity or whatever where people will be like wuh oh gamers, we’re surely starting to throw “Abuse” around too lightly (that has not really Overall been a problem, is it new that someone can use language in bad faith to serve their own purposes, people who are being abused aren’t immediately like “i am being abused” and you can always try to rationalize it some different way / sympathize / excuse / etc, cue again sentiments like, well clearly someone who’s being abused is Letting that happen)

tbt a few months ago or something where quotes from some book like “conflict is not abuse” or whatever were apparently going around, like, already from the get go in that “we’re throwing around ‘abuse’ too lightly” oeuvre & the quotes i mostly saw were, even if you do accept the premise that any scenario / example posited therein is, in fact, not abuse, framed with bog standard victim blaming arguments & sentiments. some people are just too sensitive, any dynamic / relationship will have its problems / arguments / Conflicts, well it takes two to tango & maybe the Real problem comes when someone puts up a brick wall by Withdrawing & isn’t that unreasonable & why shouldn’t You tell Me if you’re uncomfortable while I’m Just Like This & I Know i don’t want to / won’t hurt you on purpose so I can’t be the problem, etc etc. things that Can Be True or whatever but like, a good faith read is never gonna be right. who out here Is good at handling “conflict” when generally an interpersonal conflict is considered Solved if, perhaps, some social hierarchy gets settled back into place and someone who might be uncomfortable / unhappy just shuts up about it & then how can anyone else be blamed if that person never said anything, huh??? rather than questions of, you know, well confrontation is not All Conflict & vice versa, what allows people to feel safe in Any given interaction with Anyone, b/c You may never notice a conflict only b/c you get to keep running over the other person who doesn’t feel like they can get anything else, and may in fact, not have the power to ensure that they do (spoilers: i’m arguing for identifying and analyzing Abuse through the framework of Power backed by ideology rather than emotion or intent) like, an abled cishet white man who never has to be aware of the elevated power afforded to that group that allowed him to Succeed more than others in whatever way, so bigotry & discrimination can’t play a part & surely isn’t a real problem & this is all merit now (& cue the implication that Persisting inequality is the fault of the affected groups, implying they’re deficient / Worse / less deserving, and/or Did deserve the discrimination Before that’s so totally over nowadays....) because he didn’t like verbally invoke “give me that promotion b/c i’m white” or whatever and was never Aware of anyone around him being treated worse or having less power even in casual situations and Wouldn’t He Know???

and segue into how the altar of Personal Responsibility And Everything Is Earned On Merit of course is very convenient b/c it actually asks the Least of any given person / abdicates responsibility. if you see some Social Problem / someone suffering and go “well, they bring it upon themself, probably” you can tell yourself that neither you nor anyone has to do fuckall about it, individuals who Do choose to intervene are actually just enabling people Letting shit happen to them, and there doesn’t have to be any overall societal change to address the root causes of people’s situations, which may not only Affect you, but might ask anything of you (even more than a fraction of your money in taxes Ostensibly going to help such people, rather than all going to fund weapons like god intended) and/or even mean you have Less Power if it’s no longer power over such people (who bring it upon themself!) and another segue into how like, oh Things As Is / one’s idea of what’s Normal must be okay enough, so any societal changes that one will acknowledge Have to themselves be limited to the realm of Personal Responsibility. like, cue the intermittent event that is [someone talks about ableism behind words like Stupid or Idiot and everyone passes it around like “UMM ridiculous this is why i don’t care about ableism, the activists are being silly”] where it’s like, “think about your words” is both about the limit of what someone will consider to Solve [Social Problem] yet they’ll also point out like well This can’t be a big deal, right? so i’m not gonna bother. catch me doing the real shit: hypothetically waiting on those damn activists to come up with something this person approves of, waiting on a tweet about That to show up for them, & then ignoring it as also far fetched, too niche a problem, come back when you have something Eye can do in my normal life.......wherein like, a whole glossed over step there is how like, You could consider not whether you choose to alter your vocabulary or whatever (like, certainly, nobody’s called me the R word but i’ve been called obtuse & stupid & an idiot & whatever else in The Exact Spirit of it. this also doesn’t mean i think people may as well be using the r word too.) but Reevaluating A Framework / Your Understanding of everything here. where you can think of / notice / analyze the ways [xyz]’s permeation is present & affects Seemingly neutral, ordinary parts of everyday life, and consider its impact, like how words to describe disabled / nd people become more informal insults that are commonly used in that way enough that That becomes the supposedly formal definition and if centuries later we use these things flippantly / without malice and also manage to direct it again at nd people without thinking it’s some Technical Term abt disability, then if someone goes “well i think these words are bad b/c of their origins” then people can have a great time dismissing the particular [don’t ever use them then] directive And the underlying idea about Why and be like “lmao stupid. anyways”

that’s a bit of a tangent lmao but where are the boundaries? this is all interrelated / potentially different manifestations/applications of the same stuff. people like, well i’ve never noticed This happening much in my day to day life, i think everything is Ordinary enough, i think i don’t have malice behind what i do, i think most people don’t have malice behind what they do, so we must be good to go....no need to change anything Fundamental, or that seems too accepted as true, or would Ask too much from people Who Isn’t Personally At Fault, since of course this is all about personal responsibility & shit. why accommodate disabilities when it’s not Normal People’s fault some people are disabled & those people are in the minority right so why Inflict [you have to change behaviors / navigate things Not For You] upon all, or any, abled people about it? as though suddenly it’s Undue and Harmful to have to consider other people, to move through the world and take actions with their existence & experience in mind as just as real & just as worthy as your own, cough, key concepts here....why shouldn’t allistic people, who have only committed the crime of Existing Normally, perhaps have to think about the ways that their “normal” ideas about relationships, communication, interaction, etc, are all fucked & about The Social Hierarchy & power struggles therein & Actually about being desperate to avoid Actual Conflict, cue the double empathy problem, the conflict of a Misunderstanding / Misinterpretation is one that should be understood via kneejerk reaction as some malicious power play from the Weird, Difficult, Rude, Grating Person over there, go ahead and also kneejerk retaliate, or even if you don’t, Definitely retaliate passive aggressively in ways that person can’t actually do anything about via [general ostracizing / rejection of an autistic person] wherein, b/c that individual Doesn’t have the power of “being a group rather than one person” or the power of Acting Allistically In Ways Where People Think You Deserve To Be Acknowledged / Included / Even Appealed To, and they’ll be lucky if someone is another odd one out who will be decent to them, and perhaps lucky enough to have someone with Power, like a higher up, be on their side & be able to do anything about it, which still might not protect them that much. but umm why don’t autistic people just learn to act right....after all, Most People aren’t autistic, and we’re all being Normal without any Personal Malice, like how nobody goes “time to be mean to this person for the fact that they’re autistic” when that autistic person Obviously is getting to be so Rude and Annoying, thus wronging me, & i’d respond to Any rude annoying person by snapping at them or insulting them or just deciding they suck & i hate them, so I’m being fair, now it’s time for Their personal responsibility to be fair to Me and stop bothering me, or else they bring it all upon themself....and so on. why should allistic people have to learn the autistic social skills that they’re shit at & totally unaware that they’re shit at, ft. like, communicating to actually communicate? not assuming you can read someone else’s mind and that your immediate kneejerk interpretion / Guess about their mood or meaning or motivation must be accurate? god, sorry for being normal, why should I have to do anything about it to make it so that [difficult to idea of what being autistic without trauma looks like] doesn’t have to be true, probably they’re bringing it upon themselves. autistic people stop Earning/Deserving/Causing/Allowing trauma challenge: there, i’ve solved ableism. why should i have to think about incorporating ideas about how to treat nd people decently & successfully & Deservedly into like, my life as a whole, rather than a list of rules for very special and very rare and very fleeting occasions??? and if you Do get a list of rules, feel free to go “well this is clearly Not getting to the root of the problem, so i’ll express disdain for it and say it’s unreasonable and then wash my hands of the whole matter” like thank you hero, ableism is again over. b/c you’re waiting for disabled people to figure out what they should be doing themselves to make their experience Good & Normal enough actually. and that goes for anyone on the wrong side of an entrenched, systematically & ideologically propogated Power Imbalance

to bring it over to interpersonal abuse And disability (b/c like, also connect the idea of disability to the idea of Wellness, like, who’s “healthy,” who’s “living well,” who’s The Ideal Specimen? ties into a lot of things.) and to touch again on whatever’s going on in “conflict is not abuse” and just like, general ideas & sentiments, it’s always falling way short to Simply pathologize any Diagnostic experiences, like, autistic people figuring out themselves what actually being autistic means, b/c the shared Experience & Reality is there but the noted phenomenon & language is stemming from a medical / pathological model made by allistic people. exclusively considering Pathology is also going to keep things individualized & ultimately resolved through Personal Responsibility as well. so take it over to the idea of like, people who are abused then having perspectives, responses, approaches that are shaped by that experience and that reality of theirs getting That Quality pathologized lol like. idk, take the really oversimplified concept of like, hey if you were abused then you were like, Lied To / Tricked that things are like that / that’s Normal. like, no it’s not universal and certainly not The Natural Default(tm) for things, and maybe it takes some time to in fact realize that it can be different / it’s wrong, but it’s really not a lie & the victim isn’t “wrong” to have Gotten Used to things and adapted to that fact of their life, they weren’t tricked or something, that Is how it can be. the fact that people abused in one relationship might tend to find themselves in more abusive relationships, where someone might only go “ummm sounds like that’s definitely their fault, they need to have more Self Respect and shit,” like yeah maybe that’s what they’re used to, maybe nonabusive dynamics are actually overwhelming / scary b/c from the perspective of someone who knows [something that works v differently] That’s what’s unpredictable, but also it’s like, people aren’t victims b/c they’re Too Weak (thus again Worse than other people, deficient, Bringing It On Themselves / individually failing to exact the personal responsibility to get Stronger & thus stop being abused) like, people have resilience, people’s reactions where they Blame Themselves are ways in which they are actually affording themselves more of a sense of power in their lives even if, of course, when it comes to the material reality there, blaming themself doesn’t threaten the power imbalance / results in more room for More of am imbalance, again not the victim’s fault though b/c actually the person abusing them is not themself an object or spontaneous phenomenon that must be understood & accepted to just do what it’s gonna do) and like, people then having cptsd doesn’t become Something They Have Done Wrong when they’re interacting with Anyone Else. “but it’s not My fault they were / are abused” / “I’m Just Being Normal, how is that My Fault” / “god does it have to be Put On Me to accommodate Their issues when it’s clearly a Problem since like, ideally nobody would be abused. everyone would be normal” etc etc shut up to that hypothetical person lmfao. how about you’re not Wronged by being someone who doesn’t know how to interact with someone with trauma, or an autistic person, and you’re not Right for being More Normal than them, nor Just Acting Normally, or etc etc. what if you Do *have to* consciously behave in some particular way to interact with a particular person you know, which is already true for you & any given individual you ever interact with. what if your idea of I’m Being Nice, Or At Least Neutral Enough makes someone uncomfortable or upsets them. i guess you would have to write a book about it preemptively defending yourself from Specifically the word “abuse” being leveraged at you. we can’t keep letting them get away with it, now people are gonna be using their Ptsd for clout, like how ohhh everyone wants to identify as Autistic nowadays for that clout too, and oh boy now here’s all these trans people, or people i think should be cis merely Saying they’re trans (which i potentially think is all of them) Also trying to get that clout too. b/c suddenly there’s only a sense of the Power that might be at play when someone might have to like, genuinely think about something they maybe didn’t think needed to be spared a second thought b/c it’s just common sense / A Non Problem, and then what, have to change their actions???? have to think about this shit For The Rest Of Their Lives?????? WHO could be expected to think of this shit any time of day, every day???????? (answer: the people who already have to, b/c they are the ones adversely affected) but yeah i think we should take people with cptsd down a few pegs prob b/c they’re getting too bold (context: i don’t really think that)

umm so yeah actually what if Intentions aren’t what’s most important, nor feelings or even perceived character, because one looks at The Power Disparity as the heart of the problem, not the hypothetical hearts of the people involved which are either Good Enough that we can’t really blame them or Could be good enough so hopefully they can be won over / all Individually convinced to act otherwise. like the idea that someone can be as violently bigoted in any/every way in their heart of hearts but who cares / Sounds Like A Personal Problem so long as they don’t have the power to act on that in any way that could affect anyone else, and if they do, others have the power to shut that shit down? what of some hypothetical where the most sympathetic person in the world abuses someone who just seems like a total asshole. what of the limits of “well, what would be good for these people as Individuals” leveraged at an issue of interpersonal abuse. do we think that Improving The Relationship >>>> improving the power dynamic, which inherently means empowering the abused. for example, blaming someone who withdraws, shuts down, exits a situation or interaction or relationship entirely, like ohhh well That is unfair, That being unilateral actually wrongs the other person, who has The Relationship taken away from them, who has the Possibility of interacting w/that person further / in different ways taken from them. like, do we prioritize “anyone should get to have a relationship with another person so long as they want it / they think they should have it” or “anyone should get to have a relationship with another person No Matter What / no matter how they treat that person,” or do we prioritize “nobody should be abused.” is someone going no contact with an abuser Wronging Them b/c um well that would hurt that other person, that takes away the relationship, how is it supposed to Get Better if someone’s adding distance & subtracting communication / interaction / Access to themself?? is Anyone entitled to access to anyone else at all, much less No Matter What they’ve done with that access? is the priority “how do we make an abusive relationship Get Better / become a nonabusive, Good relationship” over “how can the abused party get out of an abusive relationship,” is the Key going to be supposing that the abuser Will Change, and again the power being all in their hands to, in fact, truly feel that they’re wronging the other person, & treat them differently. and possibly in going “well, the abused person can’t just Leave b/c umm what does That solve (answer: it solves The Problem Of Them Being Abused) so it must be the case that we also have to ask what They’re doing wrong / how They’re contributing to this Problem,” i.e. the victim blaming again, and oh as is always the case, if you move away from that / away from Personal Responsibility as the root/key to everything, you’re actually totally the one denying their power / infantilizing / disenfranchising them etc etc etc Whatever. while also, “well what if the abused person doesn’t / can’t leave? now it’s their fault for sure, and/or It Can’t Really Be That Bad” rather than like, what power are they lacking, like not having enough money, what is in play that means they don’t have money, what support are they lacking like [any connections / alternate forces that can keep people afloat if, say, they don’t have the money to do whatever, if there are barriers b/w them & other forms of support]....what if “what will allow this person to stop being abused” doesn’t have to be Good for the person abusing them. what if that’s a separate matter, and/or simply decidedly Not The Priority in such a situation. an analysis about The Power involved, rather than like, the Moral Ideals, the Personal Judgment, etc. someone can be beloved & sympathetic & someone else can be supported in getting away from them asap & entirely & permanently b/c of abuse & that’s not Wrong. unless one thinks that wellll, it’s Not peak important that someone without the power to do that already be afforded that power, and/or wellll power disparities are all problems of Individuals & power is Deserved via inherent superiority / merit sooo if someone’s abused then They need to individually make the change to stop being abused, and/or, underlying the previous sentiment, wellll maybe some people can’t be considered as much of people as other people & they deserve less, if a woman is abused by her husband then there’s nothing wrong with that b/c it’d be nice if every man Chose to treat the woman they own better, but they don’t have to, we can’t change that, how horrible if divorces are more available & women can have money & sign for shit w/o cosigning from a man. if a child is abused by their parent/s then that is that. what are we gonna do, let children not be confined to their home? just be Okay with someone going heartless sicko mode & separating from their family / parents??? that’s Bad, so it must be bad of the person, You Gotta be part of that family relationship No Matter What

anyways this has gone on a ways & idk. analysis focused on power vs theoretical “what might people who do Xyz really feel, does it matter if we think they are shitty & malicious enough / if things would be okay if Individuals who are good & benevolent were in such positions of power in such systems that dehumanize those who are Othered for being Undeserving (of being the have-nots that they are) in perhaps a chicken & egg kind of way. idk, if we’re gonna boil things down to The Individual, maybe it can be the Self & The Other & the failure to recognize the other as Also the self and yourself as the other, or certainly if not to recognize it, then to disrespect this, the border between that self and Other(tm) rather than the relationship that is inherent to Coexisting beyond even any direct interaction or emotional component....abuse as a power imbalance, abuse directly counteracted through material support / empowering of the abused, the choice to Prioritize this rather than more focus on what someone who’s abusing people might need to personally choose to stop doing that. (whole sidenote about how like, someone abused by someone may be sympathetic to them, see them as a person, care about them, want better for them, etc etc etc etc as would Theoretically be Ideal, and they can still recognize they’re being abused and do what they gotta do to Stop being abused. at the same time, do we think someone has to sympathize w/their abuser hard enough for long enough before they Deserve to try to take steps focused on [not being abused]. which they probably have done, but you know, what is The Perfect Victim and why should that matter / be a contingency/priority. people who Are trying to sympathize long enough & hard enough to see if that helps the abuse stop? oh well then that’s their fault, isn’t it. people who are just trying to extricate themself from the situation? oh well then that’s their fault, isn’t it, just Giving Up and abdicating their Personal Responsibility to improve the relationship, two way street isn’t it). b/c the Abuse Must Be A) Defined By One Party's Personal Malice & B) Extraordinary Enough As To Be A Rare Outlier “personal responsibility” framework will quickly lead to blaming victims if you follow any thread of that analysis very far. and like, how the hell do you enact anything about that Theory lol. results in Shrugging and “well i mean, i’m not abusing a partner or anything, so....?” and interpreting ppl talking more about Abuse as like, wuh oh, didn’t use to hear about it this much as though it were this common or like there was this many avenues for it to exist, people must be playing too fast & loose with it....now to lecture people about the only Real Ways to be transgender, or how well, isn’t everyone kind of autistic, don’t go self diagnosing, you just want that special kind reverent treatment autistic ppl get, or maybe i’m uncomfortable enough having to rework my expectations / understanding of [an autistic person] to include You, who i think is normal, i mean, I Would Know if someone’s autistic b/c it’s so extraordinary & unusual, and then when i Was interacting with them i’d get uncomfortable & avoid them i guess. oh don’t tell me you’re also Not Cis even though i think you look cis and aren’t [my idea of what makes someone not cis] Enough and god now i have to go through the hassle of using pronouns i didn’t already?? god forbid of changing my own understanding of you and of Gender Identities & what it can mean to not be cis & that being cis isn’t some direct translation of Universal Objective(tm) Reality??? that’s way too much to ask and you’re making it My Problem & why do you want to be special, i don’t get to be special, this is the down with cis bus running me over, very unfairly btw

anyways, have some more politics about it, is the idea. p.s. this really is brought to you by seeing a post the other day saying that Walking On Eggshells isn’t A Good Way To “Treat” Someone’s Anger Issues like, that is apples to oranges, friend. someone doesn’t start walking on eggshells b/c their intent is to make someone Different, it’s A Response to the situation they’re in and it’s about their own survival. which like Oh Wow Selfish like, yeah, if you deem someone looking out for their own basic wellbeing as selfish if they don’t sacrifice that for the sake of the person infringing on it for Their Own sake. don’t have to in turn blame that Angry Person for being “too selfish” or something either, and what will Treat them / Improve their own situation? is a separate matter from how other people around them are picking up trauma responses to look out for themselves lol. taking that path of “ummm having cptsd doesn’t make the situation better for the other person” (no shit they might resent it if they notice someone avoiding them / being afraid of them. doesn’t make it a matter of then blaming that person for doing so b/c it’s Part Of The Problem, it’s a consequence of the preexisting problem, not any cause of it) is like “ummm Leaving that abusive partner or Cutting Off Contact w/that abusive family member or Quitting that job or Unfriending that acquaintance? doesn’t make the situation any better???” like, you’re mid-stride stepping into the wider world of victim-blaming with momentum not on your side

#don't worry i'm also exhausted by this effort lmao. send post #long post //#my seeing that funny post the other day ft. megachusetts or long chile / turbohio & long florida like haha yeah picks up mic #and in what way would the recognition of an area as turbohio be meaningfully different than the way state borders are divvied up at present #what stops borders from being altered b/c it'd be funny. what is the border....its purpose....its costs....what is permissable b/c of Border #it's also different from seeing that post lmao b/c megachusetts is obv funny. weird counterproductive takes abt abuse don't humor me....#time to be done with this endeavor lol removing myself from the situation that is [still putting down words on this post]

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