#Jekyll & Hyde quite literally takes place in London

[hitroow]

I just had the sickest idea.

[scotianostra]

On August 27th 1788 the trial began of Deacon William Brodie, a respected pillar of Edinburgh society by day, a thief and housebreaker by night.

Brodie is said to have been the inspiration of Robert Louis Stevenson's Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, which was published a century later.

The prestigious title of deacon did not refer to religion, as many assume, but instead to his presidency of one of Edinburgh's trades guilds. His trade was as a cabinet-maker and his position as deacon of the Incorporation of Wrights made him a member of the town council.

The trial of William Brodie for breaking into and robbing the General Excise Office for Scotland took place at Edinburgh on 27th and 28th August, 1788. The story of his strange career is as enthralling as any romance. The double life which he so long and successfully led – as a respected citizen and town councillor by day, and by night the captain of a band of housebreakers – was the wonder of the country at the time. Nowadays you would call it a celebrity trial.

Brodie was quite rich with 10,000 pounds and three houses that he inherited from his father. He also inherited the business, allowing him to sustain the wealth. Traveling in the highest social circles, Brodie had the key to almost all of the richest people’s houses. Literally. No wealthy Edinburgh resident would ever think that such a respected man would keep a copy of their key in his drawer and that he would slip inside their homes after nightfall to steal everything worth taking.

During the day, he was a well-known gentleman who shared jovial times with his rich customers and enjoyed the company of highly respected persons such as himself, but during the night, Brodie could be found gambling in the dark corners of Edinburgh, accruing debts that forced him to consider a life of crime, and so, he became a thief.

After installing a lock in a rich man’s home, Brodie would also make a copy of the key for himself. Not because he collected souvenirs, but because he intended to visit those homes again, some other night when a burglary without breaking in but entering the house with a key would be his tactic. In this way, the man had supplemental payment to support his double life as a gentleman by day and a gambler in the evenings. On top of everything, Brodie had to support his five children by two mistresses who didn’t know of each other’s existence.

Allegedly, his criminal career began around 1768, when he stole 800 pounds from a bank that he sneaked into during the night by using a key. The Deacon’s nightlife was filled with gambling, robbing, and stealing. He didn’t mix his daily business and finances with his nightlife. Whenever he would fall into debt while gambling, he had the “ace key” that would pay off his debts.

Another source says that although Brodie had already robbed a bank, his real criminal career began in the summer of 1786 when he met George Smith, an Englishman. Brodie and Smith got into business together, targeting the rich people’s homes in Old Town. By the end of that same year, the duo had successfully robbed a tobacconist and a goldsmith’s.

Soon, the Deacon and the Englishman recruited two other members to their group: Andrew Ainslie, a shoemaker, and John Brown, a thief. In 1787, the gang stole tea from a grocer’s store in Leith. Back then, tea was a valuable commodity, a luxury that only members of the elite could afford to buy.

Encouraged by their success, the gang, led by the Deacon, decided to steal the revenues of Scotland from an Excise office in Chessel’s Court on the Canongate. They organized an armed raid, and for the first time, instead of welcoming themselves inside with a key, they broke in. However, they managed to steal only 16 pounds when they were caught. The unsuccessful robbery led Brown to claim the King’s Pardon the same night and named Smith and Ainslie as the culprits.

When his partners got arrested, Brodie traveled to London, and from there he boarded a ship to Amsterdam. But, since there was a reward for Brodie, he was tracked down in Holland and shipped back to Edinburgh. He and his friend Smith were tried on August 27, 1788. Although at first there wasn’t any strong evidence against Brodie, he was convicted after a disguise, pistols, and of course, copied keys were found in his workshop. After a trial that lasted only 21 hours, Brodie was hanged in front of 40,000 people on October 1st that very year.

You can read an account of his trial here https://archive.org/.../trialofdeaconbro00brod_djvu.txt

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

I have a really weird hyperfixation on The Mummy, but not the Boris Karloff or the Brendan Fraser versions, those would be completely acceptable movies to enjoy (and I do so enjoy them)

but I cannot stop thinking about The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise and it's a problem

I love bad movies, I love them so much, I own so many b-grade horror flicks, old classic films with terrible acting and awful special effects, I love absolutely shit tier cgi, I love Ed Wood disasters, I love cult classic bad movies, I love really weird niche bad movies

but this one is like, such a special kind of bad movie, I can't really put my finger on exactly why though?? but I am damn well going to try, in this essay I will-

they fucked up from the get go by casting Tom Cruise, like this movie is sometimes deliberately goofy, but a lot of the time it takes itself very seriously, SO seriously, and I cannot physically take Tom Cruise seriously, he turns every single scene he is in into a joke by virtue of his mere presence

but when they have actual jokes, they are so not funny they cycle back around to being really fucking funny

I am watching this movie fucking whiff every god damn beat it tries to hit and it does it so beautifully it's a god damn marvel

Russel Crowe as Jekyll and Hyde??? I actually somehow missed the part where he introduced himself as Jekyll on my first watch, so the Hyde reveal was a true surprise to me and I was very genuinely disappointed on my second watch when I realised it was not supposed to be a surprise, because that was a really fun reveal

and Russel Crowe seemed to be having an absolute fucking whale of a time as Hyde, I loved every moment he was on screen with his stupid cockney accent, I would watch his movie, I know it would be bad, that's why I want it, because there is nothing quite like a bad movie with an actor still giving 110%

and the mummy character herself? she was supposed to be pharaoh and then her dad had a son with someone else and now this baby is jumping all up in her place like, okay baby murder might not be the coolest thing in the world but like, she's got ambition, she's getting shit done, she's hustlin' like go get it girl I'm rooting for you babe

also when she sucked the life out of some dude and turned him into a shrivelled husk my roommate said 'she could do that to me and I'd thank her' so she's got that going for her, like girl's a half rotten corpse wrapped in decaying bandages and she still slays

and then we have the completely ridiculous female rivalry??? like this mummy could kill this woman SO MANY TIMES and just doesn't???? for reasons?????? like she could literally kill her in an instant at any moment but no they gotta girl fight for a bit because Tom Cruise is at stake and why wouldn't two hot women fight over Tom Cruise right?? right????

nevermind the fact that he has been practically nothing but ✨The WooOOOOooorst✨ to her the WHOLE first act of the movie, oh and uh let's not forget the 'duh huh guy bad at sex' jokes that they just could not put down for a good chunk there (but wait! uh he's good at sex actually she's just being mean because he hurt her feewings)

like, this movie hits every fucking branch of the bad trope tree, this movie is playing bad trope bingo, it is collecting bad tropes like pokemon, it has to have them all

also a really bizarre ongoing American Werewolf in London reference?? it was not unwelcome, it was some of the best comedy in the movie (that is an easy bar to jump btw), the actor had some great wry line delivery, I enjoyed it

I think the biggest issue, and the reason I can't stop chewing on this magnum opus of garbage, is that it reminds me of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, in several different ways

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen also happens to be another of my favourite bad movies, but it falls into the particular genre of bad movies, a fucking cool as shit concept, and some really cool as shit visuals, and some very cool as shit characters, but an absolute swing and a miss on the delivery

The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise has That Vibe to me, there is some cool shit here, we know this because the previous version utilised that cool shit very very well, but this one was the only one who made the villain a woman pursuing a man, and not just any man, the ✨worst✨ man, you did not feel very sorry for this guy, honestly watching him go through the constant torment of being stalked by a bodacious supernatural babe who put a sexy little curse kiss on him was fun, he's a sopping wet little meow meow and I wanna see him thrown at a wall, and I get to see that several times, and it is a delight every time

in the previous movie the mummy went after really likeable characters, people who were just generally nice, a roguish scamp with a heart of gold, or just really hot, seriously that cast was beyond smoking what the fu

I did not like Tom Cruise as a character, and to be fair that was the point, he was supposed to have a redemption arc, the story and his sacrifice at the end were supposed to be about him becoming a better person

but he fucking doesn't??? it's like 'oh boo hoo I have made this great sacrifice and now I am a monster and I did it to save my lady love's life even though we had zero chemistry and I was just ✨The Worst✨ to her' and then he fucks off to go and do the exact same shit he was doing at the start of the movie, fucking around in the desert looking for boy adventures

it was a great ending and I loved it because it was so dumb and also he abandoned the woman he brought back to life to go fuck around with his bro who he also brought back to life, I love that for them, go have some boy adventures you madlads you sure didn't earn it but don't let that stop you, just heterosexually ride off into the sunset together it's fine, she is literally better off without you in every way you made the Correct Decision

and then there's these moments, moments that are treated like big moments, and could be really cool moments, but just don't fucking land

there's a part where Tom Cruise starts talking to the mummy in her own language (they got a psychic bond and shit which is it's own cool little thing we'll get back to that) and everyone is watching like 😮 oooh didn't know he could do that wow there really IS magic bond between them oooh, and it's like a Big Deal and Very Cool

but Tom Cruise just sounds like he's speaking gibberish with a mouth full of novocain???? it doesn't sound cool at all??? it sounds really goofy???? I half expected him to start drooling on himself

then there is the ending, leading lady dies, he completes the ritual to invite the god of death into his body (a fucking baller move honestly), he fights it for control as the mummy attempts to sway the beast inside him to her side, but when he sees his beloved laying dead he fights her off, using his newfound powers to defeat her, and then weeps over his lady love begging for her to wake up

and then as he lets the god inside him loose, a terrible monstrous visage takes him over as he bloodcurdlingly screams in her face WAKE UP!!! and the power within him that he doesn't understand and can barely control listens

she wakes, and sees him hiding in the shadows, unable to face her now that he has become something terrifying

at least that's what I think they thought the scene would be like, it was a little more like, some crappy flashback and speed up effects as he becomes the god of death, a really pathetic and uneventful 1 minute of him fighting for control, after which he has a really pathetic and uneventful 1 minute of fighting the mummy, and then as he screams for his lady love to wake up, we get a shot of some absolutely fucking god awful cgi and the most uninspired monster face I've ever seen

I mean, half seen, it was a very dark shot, in fact most of the movie is shot in the dark, a very blatant attempt to obscure the shithouse cgi

except in one scene where it kinda fucking slapped, where the mummy sucks the life out of some guys, and then reanimates their husky corpses as thralls, the way they stand like jerky unstable puppets being dragged to their feet by unseen strings was actually pretty fuckin' dope and the dark scene obscured the details in just the right amount to make their uncannily decrepit silhouettes appear super creepy

this is the only time that trick works, every other time I just want someone to turn on a fucking torch so I can actually see what the hell's going on

okay now let's get back to that psychic bond thing

our main character was chosen not because he was a descendant, or a reincarnation, or just Looked Real Pretty (although I think she did have the hots for him a leeetle bit which is like, girl raise your standards, it's Tom Cruise, he's about as sexually appealing as a wet potato, you can do better), he had absolutely zero in common with the mummy's original choice for this ritual, in fact that guy was not significant to the story at all, I think he was just some dude who was down for some ritual shenanigans 'cause a hot lady asked him (also he was hotter than Tom Cruise so this is a significant downgrade, I feel like if she had the opportunity to shop around a little she might have picked better)

so Tom Cruise wasn't chosen for any reason other than that he's the one who released her, and she sees this as her way of saying thank you, and I love that, it's real sweet, would love if I opened a door for someone and they repaid me by summoning a god of death into my body, that really shows they care you know?

she gives him a little hallucinatory kissy kiss and then manages to follow him everywhere, while also compelling him to follow her without him really knowing it, there is a very cool part where he's trying to drive away from her, but somehow ends up driving in a circle and falling right back into her clutches, that was cool, that had the potential to even be super fucking creepy, she can manipulate him without him even realising, it doesn't matter where he goes or what he does, he will always somehow find his way back to her, that's so good, I love that

and then back to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comparisons

The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise established a concept of an organisation who hunt down, collect, and research supernatural phenomena, with a leader (Jekyll) who also has ulterior motives and is actually not really the good guy, this movie was also supposed to be part of a monster movie cinematic universe, so this really could have become like, the Universal Monster Movie equivalent of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and I would have watched the hell out of that, and I am crushed that this movie bombed so bad and ruined the whole plan

like could you imagine a whole series as bad as this movie? all culminating together as the most god awful Avengers style team up? fuuuck I want to live in that universe so bad

I think my fascination comes from this ungodly mix of real pure potential, those fleeting super fucking cool moments and concepts that, if given to literally any other actor, could have really been something, and the just pure insane failure to make literally anything in this plot successfully land a hit

somehow this movie felt like the completely dead and soulless corpse of a cheap party clown, while the ghost of something incredible flickered in its eyes

[dramaticnerdwithanxiety11]

because nobody wants to hear about me rambling on and on about Jekyll & Hyde: The Gothic Musical Thriller i’m doing it here. this is a really long post and I’m not even done I just got tired and need to go do my medications lol.

Starting off, quick explanation of the plot and important characters for those who don’t know

The plot itself is this: a man named Henry Jekyll had the bright idea to create some potion or something that will separate the Good part of a human, and the Bad part. With enough work, the plan was to separate them and gain control over the Bad part, and thereby destroying it.

This fucks up though, of course, and Henry creates his alter ego: Edward Hyde. Edward is creepy and cruel and easily pissed off, he kills like... seven people? Despite the fact his alter ego is quite literally evil personified and murdering people (Henry KNOWS this might I add, they share memories, it’s basically just if you injected someone with a serum that reeeally pissed them off and deleted their morals), Henry doesn’t stop there.

He continues to make more of the potion, modifying it in the hopes of controlling Edward while admitting that he finds it exhilarating to be Edward and that he doesn’t want to stop. I do believe he only stops after he realizes he can’t fix Edward or delete him.

In the end, Edward kills a bunch of people, scares the shit out of London and then ON HENRY’S WEDDING DAY, IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE, suddenly comes out (putting Henry in a lot of pain and generally making a big scene), kills someone (i think?? or someone shoots him in a non-lethal place, I don’t know), and then holds Lisa (henry’s wife) at gun point. A man named John (i think) tries to talk him down, and only when Lisa pleads for Henry to come back to her does Henry finally resurface, give John his gun (?) and convince the man to kill him. He does, Henry dies to three bullet wounds.

Overall, it’s a neat story! 

There’s a woman named Lucy, who’s my favorite because she’s delightful. She’s essentially a prostitute (her wiki page thing says she “Works as a whore for money” or something along those lines) who works at a bar. She has a song where she meets Henry titled ‘Lucy Meets Jekyll,’ where Henry is (i think) drinking at the bar because in the pervious song the Board of Governors denied providing supplies and test subjects for his research. This takes place before Henry actually creates Edward.

Later, Lucy meets Edward in the song titled ‘Lucy Meets Hyde’. She starts the song off with “I know you, don’t I?” and Edward vaguely replies by telling her “After tonight you will never forget me.” Edward also has a line where he sings “A toast to the night. A toast to... Romance! To those unafraid of taking... a chance,” which is him repeating what Lucy says in Lucy Meets Jekyll (which I think is super neat). When she asks his name (after he goes on this rant about how he’s her guardian angel, her guide to salvation, whatever) he goes “...Hyde... Edward. ...Hyde,” and both Hyde’s are said in this really creepy, whispery kinda voice but he says Edward so much clearer and I think that’s funny. 

Also if I could just choose my name as fast as he did that’d be great because his name crisis lasted like two seconds and mine has lasted 4 years uwu

Anyawys, Lucy has this other song about nobody knowing who she is (her voice is pretty and I love listening to it but the song kinda makes me zone out so Im missing some context lol) and then the song ends with Edward showing up going, “...I know who you are,” and she replies “Oh, for a moment I thought you were someone else,” and Edward pauses then goes, “...For a moment, it almost was,” and that makes me UNREASONABLY happy. Like I don’t have a reason I just get very pleased when I hear those lines.

Also anybody and everybody tells Lisa not to go through with her marriage to Henry, mostly because she’s like apparently the prettiest woman in town and every man wants to marry her but also because Henry is a doctor, which is apparently a bad thing or something?? ( "Lisa's marrying a Doctor, instead of an earl! Poor girl!” ) and when I was listening to the playlist in full trying to pay attention I kept being like “LISTEN TO THEM- PLEASE, YOU’RE GONNA GET TRAUMATIZED ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!” so that’s fun

Also I don’t think I said this: I didn’t watch the musical. I found it on spotify and didn’t have the braincells to actually watch it, so I’m missing the context from in between songs, but i’ve got most of the plot as far as I know.

oh- the song “His Work and Nothing More,” makes me very depressed because it’s a song about some people (i forget who exactly) singing about how Henry is obsessed with his work and he doesn’t hang out with people anymore.

the song “The Engagement Party” has a line where John finally sees Henry show up (because he was late) and goes “Henry, at last! What could possibly be more important than your own engagement party?” and he sounds so normal and then the musical gets all dramatic and Henry sings about being close to a breakthrough. I don’t know why this line pleases me so much but it does :>

Oh and Confrontation? a masterpiece. Anybody who’s done it and done it well is amazing that’s ONE PERSON singing TWO PEOPLE in a fast paced song like that. Not only do they have to sing it all in one take but they also have to switch the physical look and position between the characters and it’s amazing. 

and if you didn’t know, that tiktok audio “I live inside you forever! With Satan himself by my side!” is from this song, and my friend (who doesn’t give a SHIT about Jekyll & Hyde and always cuts me off before I start rambling for hours because xis attention span is buckets) thinks it’s amazing and belts it out with me. It’s the only song from the entire musical xe will listen to.

[amuhseen2003]

SANDERS SIDES KARAOKE: GOTHIC LITERATURE MUSICALS EDITION

Okay, so after four years of being in the Sanders Sides fandom, I’m going to attempt to write some headcanons. Here we go.

Since it’s well-known in fanon that the sides do have karaoke sessions, imagine what would happen if they sang musicals based on gothic literature.

Roman’s happy because broadway, duh, Logan is happy because it’s canon that he enjoys gothic literature since he dressed up as Frankenstein’s monster for Halloween, same reason for Virgil and Patton’s happy that his family is bonding. He made extra cookies for the occasion. He’s dangerous like that. 

(I headcanon that when Thomas had to write analyses of gothic literature novels for school, Virgil, Roman and Logan would work together to come up with stuff and write the best essays in class and Patton would be so proud of them)

I’m not going to count Les Mis because I’m not too sure if that counts as gothic literature and whilst the Hunchback of Notre Dame is indeed gothic (trust me I read that in a plane once. An entire, like, ten pages is dedicated to describing the scenery) I don’t think it became a broadway show.

Now this isn’t like their usual karaoke nights, no sir. Just idly remaining in the living room won’t do. Where is the gusto? The pizazz? The accolade winning extravaganza? The-

“We get it Princey, can you just get on with it?” - Virgil

No, this type of singing can only be accompanied with an atmosphere that will do it justice. To the imagination they go and with Logan’s (who has practically memorised every single one of these books and is not geeking out at all) input on how the novels describe each setting, Roman creates very intricate landscapes for each song.

When they sing ‘Alive’ from ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ Roman thought that it would be really cool for Patton to play Mr Edward Hyde since Hyde is literally the human id and Patton, being the embodiment of morality, is literally the superego (although to be fair, Patton is also shown to be quite childish and impulsive since he’s also the base of Thomas’ emotions and Hyde is impulsive because he’s a way for Jekyll to act on his own emotions - especially since the only crime that Hyde does in the book are him over-reacting with his anger by beating a man to death. And in the novella, Jekyll writes that he and Hyde are like father and son and that Hyde is actually younger than Jekyll is, he does have that sense of childishness that Patton has only instead of that childishness being good and helpful, it’s bad and hurtful. Plus in the soundtrack of Alive, whilst Anthony Warlow does sing about how good being evil feels like, he also sounds like he is crying tears of joy of being able to be himself, the first words post-transformation being freedom and anyways these are supposed to be fun headcanons not analytical headcanons so I digress…)

Anyways Patton is happy to play the villain because “look kiddos, Roman conjured up this really swell cape” “the correct term is cloak” “and check out this top hat and cane!” and he’s just belting out the words and froliking around Victorian London without a care in the world, making his cape swoosh in the wind.

“Patton I would advise you not to take your shoes off. This is nineteenth-century London with people dying of cholera by the dozens, your feet could catch a myriad of infections.”

“Worry not, specs, the scenery is merely an illusion. I would never allow for our dear padre to succumb to the villain of illness”

“Aww, thanks kiddo (cue Patton’s sunshine smile) now where was I? IT’S THE FEELING OF BEING ALIVE! FILLED WITH EVIL AND TRULY ALIVE!”

They have Logan sing ‘I Need To Know’ because a doctor of science singing about wanting to expand his knowledge and having that thirst to do whatever it takes to get said knowledge. That is a Logan Sanders song right there. At first he’s like “why do I have to sing. I was happy enough giving directions and helping you with the scenery” but Roman creates this big scientific library that could rival the one from Beauty and the Beast/ laboratory from that’s practically the identical to Jekyll’s lab in the book and he’s like “Fine” like he isn’t enjoying himself. He is. They all know it. He’s not fooling anyone

Patton and Roman sing ‘Bring on the men’ together (yes, whilst wearing dresses) whilst Virgil and Logan drink apple juice from those big british beer glasses in the mind-scape created Red Rat (which Logan is quick to point out doesn’t exist and is vocally upset at how the musical adaptation added unnecessary romantic subplots with Lisa and Lucy when the book itself only had three background female characters who were only there for like one paragraph. He’s even more upset at the other inaccuracies with the book like how in the play Jekyll creates his formula as a cure for mental illness and Hyde was accidental whilst in the book he did it because he wanted to indulge in sin without fearing the consequences and Hyde, whilst not being exactly what he wanted, was actually created on purpose or how in the book Hyde only kills one man and in the musical he kills practically everyone except for the one person he did kill. Virgil pats him on the back with sympathy). Roman and Virgil are sniggering at the sexual euphemisms at the end of the song whilst Patton’s confused. She just seems really enthusiastic about food.

Roman sings both parts of ‘Confrontation’ by himself. He gets a standing ovation.

He also does ‘Transformation’. The problem is that he was so good at sounding like he was in complete agony and near death that they had to stop the song prematurely because Patton was getting upset. Don’t worry, Pat gets lots of cuddles by Roman afterwords.

(You know what I might do some sides reacting to The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde later because 1. It’s my favourite book and 2. All four of them would have very interesting takes on it)

From the Frankenstein musical Virgil plays the criminal from ‘Say Amen’ because he wants to (seriously, the guy’s first words in the song are ‘I curse the day that I was born into a world so black with hate’) and Logan plays Victor Frankenstein but Patton refuses for his son to even pretend to be executed by the noose so they have Roman play a man wearing a british executioner outfit with a foam sword and the creative side just bonks the anxious side on the neck with it. Logan despairs about the historical inaccuracy from his place in the stands whilst Patton is cheering next to him. Patton also hands him an extra jumper to keep him warm in the Switzerland cold. 

“Patton, I am grateful that you are thinking of my health but no one in eighteenth century Switzerland wore bright blue jumpers with cartoon kittens on them”

“Really, Logan, are you paw-sitive?”

“I would like to change places with Virgil. Immediately” 

Roman and Logan turn ‘Birth to my creation’ into a duet because Logan enjoys the scientific aspect of it and Roman can’t resist the drama (of course). He goes all out. He makes Victor’s lab perfect to the smallest detail (and cheers when Logan’s eyes start lighting up and he does that cute clappy thing when he’s excited), he conjures a storm and makes lightning strike at the best moments of the song. He even creates a ‘wretch’ (what Victor calls the monster in the book. I’ve heard that it’s name is Adam but all I remember from the novel is Victor calling himself god and the creature his Adam) to lie on the table. 

“And we didn’t even have to go grave-robbing for it. Or drop out of University.” - Roman

“No matter how many times I wanted to.” - Virgil

Roman and Virgil do most of the songs from Dracula. The creative side creates this huge, expensive-looking window-balcony thing with glass double doors and billowing silk curtains so that he could dramatically sing ‘the longer I live’ whilst the wind blows through his hair and he dramatically drapes himself on the balustrade so that the light from the full moon hits his figure just right. Patton’s close to crying.

Logan is very eager to give as many facts as he can about nineteenth-century mental institutions for ‘The Master’s Song’. He gets really into the history behind certain treatments and different cases. Roman plays Renfield and the others play doctors. 

Virgil is super into Dracula’s castle during ‘Life after life’. He and Roman duet that song wearing all-black. Logan tries to help Patton’s slight fear by telling him the history behind different pieces of architecture.

Patton plays Christine during Phantom of the Opera

Roman, Virgil and Logan sing ‘A story told’ from The Count of Monte Cristo around a circular table in a dimly lit tavern. Patton takes pictures and drinks hot chocolate in the sidelines.

[yandere-romanticaa]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇʟʟᴛᴀʟᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍʏꜱᴛᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴀɴᴅʀᴇᴡ ᴊᴇᴋʏʟʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜᴀᴠᴇ ᴇᴅᴡᴀʀᴅ ʜʏᴅᴇ.

♥♥♥

A well beloved doctor living in London, Andrew has made quite a name for himself! All of his patients are very happy with his work as he is able to always diagnose them properly and give them the correct medicine - truly a divine blessing in this day and age. He's a cheerful gentleman in his mid to early thirties who always has a gentle smile on his face. He is very fond of children and he does not mind babysitting them whenever someone asks him to do so, making him popular with parents and single mothers especially. During the day time he is filled to the brim with work but he always makes time to have afternoon tea, chat with his servants, or just try to enjoy like in general. A truly kind man in the eyes of many!

Alas though, when darkness overcomes his manor a new side of the good doctor surfaces, a side that no one knows about.

And Andrew plans to keep it that way.

There are many, many things that the doctor desires, craves, needs. But he is stuck in the same place day by day as he is forced to play his role of the savior. Even the good doctor Andrew likes to indulge himself from time to time... But that indulgence has gotten out of hand. By sheer accident Andrew was able to create a special elixir which is able to shift him in to a completely different person. His body is different, his hair is different, everything is different. His psyche however, remains the same.

And Andrew uses this newfound knowlege to his advantage.

Dubbing his new alter ego "Edward Hyde", Andrew is pleased to do what he wants once the sun sets. He messes with the townfolk, he shamelessly flirts and seduces any woman he sees, he picks on the young and the poor, nothing is off the table. This becomes a habbit very quickly as Edward is soon well known among the city. Some flee and flinch at the mere mention of him while others scoff and prepare their fists for a fight. Things continue like this for a while until Andrew notices that whenever he changes in to Edward, his mind is no longer fully his. Even throught the day as he sits in his office he can hear a gruff voice at the back of his mind, telling him to just finish the damn paperwork already. He starts hearing this voice everywhere and he starts to think that he is going mad. The voice taunts him day after day until he finally turns in to Hyde. Only then is he able to feel some inner peace. Andrew soon starts to lose control over himself as the voice grows louder and louder, yelling at him and commanding him to do its bidding. Every day now turns in to a battle as Andrew struggles to get out of bed and face himself in the mirror... But that's the catch. On one fateful morning the reflection he sees is not his own.

It's Hyde's.

The glowing green eyes of Edward Hyde stare back at him as Jekyll does his best to hold his breath in. This can't be real, this can't be happening! By now Andrew is pretty much at war with this new persona he had made and he does not know how to stop this coflict. Both do as they please which contradicts their previous actions, making both Edward and Andrew more then a little suspicious to the public eye. By this point Andrew regrets having ever created Edward but it's too late now. Edward Hyde was a part of him now, a dark part of him which could not be released. The only thing Andrew could do was to keep him at bay even if he was bearly able to do so. This constant pushing and pulling was exhausting to both of them and both were more then ready for a release.

And their release indeed came, but not in the way they thought it would.

It came in the form of love. Love for a sweet darling, a twisted obsession and want over this special little lamb who stumbled in to their lives by sheer accident, at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Andrew and Edward remain greatful still.

The pushing and pulling dies down whenever (y/n) is in the room and their attitudes are completely different from each other. Oh, if only (y/n) knew just what sort of danger awaits...

Andrew Jekyll.

Ever the gentleman, Andrew always places his darlings needs before his own. He worries for his sweetheart constantly as he dotes on them, making sure that they are safe and happy. Did his darling eat today? Did his darling sleep well? He won't ever stop asking these questions whenever he sees them, he just can't help himself! He never shuts up and he always seems to forget what he is trying to say but that's okay, his darling doesn't seem to mind.

Andrew stays gentle like that for a while as he treats his darling like divine royalty which does not go unnoticed by the people around him. He hears his servants whisper many things once he turns his back but he can't help but to blush a little - he may act a little awkward but in reality he really doesn't mind.

Andrew is also willing to bend over backwards and break his spine to get his darling whatever their little heart desires. He has more then enough money then he knows what to do with anyway! He wants jis darling to depend on him, he wants to be darlings only one true protector. He wants to provide for his darling like a good husband would.

Andrew often loses himself in these little fantasies that he gets distracted from his work, cahsing him to mess something up or to accidentaly spill or destroy amything around him. It's a vicious cycle of endless pinning as Andrew just doesn't have the guts to express his feelings, much to Hyde's annoyance and amusement. Cracks will start to form deep within him as Andrew tries to restrain himself more and more whenever he is around his darling. His smiles are not entierly his anymore as he stares his darling down like a piece of meat. Andrew hungers for darlings love and approval which in a way, does make his darling a piece of meat to him.

No matter what he just can never get enough of his darling, ever. The cheerful smiles thrown his way are not enough, and good grief just the mere brush of darlings fingers against his own is enough to send Jekyll in to a panicked frenzy. He loses his composure right there and then as he is forced to look his darling in the eye and do... nothing. He can't do anything he desires, he can't grab his darling by the back of their neck and press those pretty little lips against his own...

He can't caress the love of his life freely in public.

Hell, he can't even touch them without someone making a fuss.

Everything, everyone, is slowly driving him mad.

His love is driving him mad.

Andrew's affection starts to turn conditional, he can only ever shower his darling with gifts if they behave how he wants them to, if they pay enough attention to him, which is of course never quite enough.

His sanity fades as lovesickness kicks in.

His patience is wearing thin. What's taking his darling to love him back already? Hasn't he done everything any ideal lover would do? He has done literally everything, it must be his darling! It can't be his fault! His soft spoken words soon turn sharper then any knife as he imagines that very same weapon in his hands, pressed against darlings pretty little neck. Bruised, bloody and broken, that's how Jekyll wants his darling to be now.

He wants to crush them in his love.

And chances are, he will give in to his temptations.

Edward Hyde.

Tsk, tsk, this man is quite the charmer. A real smooth talker blessed with a deeper voice then his more seemingly more gentle counterpart, Hyde is no stranger to suggestive comments and rough touches. His feelings ignite like flames, quickly and suddenly. They take over his heart and soul, burning him and leaving endless ache and want in its path.

It's a strange feeling. He doesn't know how to feel about it...

When he meets his darling he treats her just how he treats other women. He craves nothing more then darlings body but when darling turns him down Hyde feels intrigued. Playing hard to get, eh?

He is always up for a good challenge.

Hyde stops paying attention to other women and his darling soon becomes his prime time target - Edward cannot move on unless he has his darling. He provokes, taunts and teases, just itching to see darlings reactions to his schemes. Cuss at him, slap him, do anything you want! Just as long as your focus is on him that wolf like grin will never leave his face. He just loves it when his darling turns red, it's so cute he could kiss her. His provoking continues like this for a while until Hyde begins to realize just how some couples act around each other. His softer side starts to show itself and it's something to marvel at really.

Unlike Jekyll, who is soft at the beginning and turns cruel at the end, Hyde is the opposite of that. He doesn't want to just mess with his darling anymore, he wants to actually love and care for her, to actually be in a commited relationship.

His protective side is on full display and anyone with at least a single braincell should be able to get the message.

Hyde often wonders when the Hell did he become so soft all of a sudden. He wants this pain in his chest to stop but the only way it can is if his darling is with him. He doesn't need anyone else... He doesn't want anyone else.

Let's hope Hyde's darling has a strong stomach because he doesn't give a damn who he has to hurt. He and Jekyll are nearly nothing alike but if they share on thing in common, it would be determination.

Edward Hyde has found his prey and he isn't going anywhere without it.

Tags: @3rdgymbros, @eclipsezero, @ghostiebabey, @yandere-of-your-dreams, @howl-of-the-hunting-lambs, @yandere-wishes, @severnrsstuff, @twstdreams, @twst-soul, @hattress-of-spades

I did my best guys, I hope this was okay! First time making a OC, sorry if it's too similar to the original characters. As I write more stories for them I'll try to build them up more! And feel free to ask any questions if you have them!

[viktor-noctis]

The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll McSh*tFace

This is my review for the film: The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll McShitFace.

Enjoy.

Tagging @christopherleefan because I think you might enjoy this? Also, I wrote a fic for Taste of Fear (or Scream of Fear for us Americans), and you can expect one for this film as well.

Pre-face: Okay, okay……………………………… Let me compose myself.

………..

………………..

……………………….

……………………………..

Alright, hit the play button.

London 1874 – I paused just to be sure this was the actual date when the book was written.

It was originally published in 1886.

We’re off to a roaring start.

Ew. Children.

Playing in a garden, yep, this is about what I remember.

Little boy shoves girl’s flowers to the ground, and McShitFace talks about “dumb human animals” when referring to children. We agree on that, at least.

“Play out when they cannot speak out.” Jekyll McShitFace suggests they’ve mentally blocked the ability to speak, due to the fact that they are letting another part of them be free to express itself…. What a load of garbage.

You resigned? Here I thought they fired you for being a creep. The fact that Ernst believes he really is a genius makes me want to punch something.

They’ve been married for six years??

No servants, no friends, and Jekyll has cut all professional ties to study the mind… Like a madman. Yeah, I can see Kitty hating this.

Beyond Good and Evil? Beyond the reach of society?

“A very dangerous man, my friend.” No shit, Ernst. Jekyll is suggesting the ‘higher man’ is the one within, while Ernst suggests that the weaker man maybe the ‘evil’ one. Or what we deem ‘evil’. Jekyll, like some, has come to some crackpot conclusion that by drawing out the ‘evil’ man, the ‘weaker’ man within him, that he can isolate and destroy him… Or something to that effect.

Jekyll never answers Ernst when he asks if he’s used it on anything other than a monkey and I find that telling.

Paul is here. Ernst is leaving.

Jekyll is quite charitable to Paul, if nothing else, and Kitty is putting up a marvelous front. Kitty even tries to get him to spend time with her here, but I have a feeling she knows where this is going. She’s probably done this a million times. This is another for the till.

I can tell Kitty is tired of this. Jekyll spends night and day in the lab. All the time. Yeah, that’d wear on most women. Considering the time period, this is all very strange. Then again, this is a ‘Strange Case’, or it was supposed to be.

Kitty telling him about Jekyll shouting to himself in his room, along with a strange voice that wasn’t his own, for an entire night… “Married to a man of great talent.” Ernst, my dude…

Kitty’s asking if he is insane enough to be sent away. Ernst says he isn’t: “we must both try to help him.” Right.

Christopher Lee! Damnit, he’s so tall. How tall is this actress?

They’re so cute. Terrible, but cute.

The top of her head reaches his nose or so. He’s a damn good kisser…

Kitty looks lovely in blue.

And is an extrovert.

Jekyll is an introvert.

Still hate him.

Don’t bash the girl for liking to go out. Or ask her to: “take the evening off”.

“I need you tonight, Kitty. Stay.” That’s not creepy. After years of being ignored, that’s not creepy in the slightest.

Okay, this might be just me, but… I see Kitty’s perspective. I sort of see Jekyll’s? It’s a grey area. I’ve paused it to explain my reasoning –

Kitty, is an extrovert, as I’ve stated. She gets her energy from going out, being around people, and having a good time. That’s great. Good for her, you have fun girl, and take your boytoy (he really is, as often as he gets in money trouble) with you. Jekyll is decidedly not. To say they are incompatible would be an understatement.

Kitty is the type of woman who glows under attention, who craves it from both her partner and others. But mostly, her partner. Enter Paul, who’s proven to be attached to her mostly through money, but there’s so much more there. Again, I love these two, because they’re so terribly flawed, but so clearly in love.

Jekyll, meanwhile, cut all attachment to “live like a hermit in the center of London”. Ernst’s words straight from the beginning of the film. I bet you Kitty was stifled, for years, before Paul came along. Now, not much is revealed of the how Jekyll became friends with him, when he did, or even why he did, but I want to bet it was during University or something. That seems the most likely theory, given Jekyll’s nature.

The Jekyll side is a bit more convoluted. Again, I don’t think Kitty is being unfair here. There’s no telling how long she stayed lonely, cooped up in that house (reference back to when Ernst talked about no friends, no company, and no servants), and was just… bored, sad, and upset.

Ernst even mentioned the house being ‘in ruins’.

She calls him selfish for making it such an issue. I get the feeling he sort of deserves it. Also, she’s in love with Paul now, so that adds another layer to their relationship not working and being incredibly strained.

“I’m not going to insult my friends for the sake of your whims.” Is what her argument amounted to. Again, the movie is making her sound like the selfish one, but you really have to take into account the history, nature, and aspects of each character. In doing so, I don’t really think she is. I think she’s in love with another man, bound to a farce of a marriage, and is doing the best she can by not staying near her creepy husband.

And yep, human experimentation time.

Yeah, go ahead McShitFace, sit at your desk and wait to become The Literal Worst.

Party time. I’m shuddering. Too. Many. People. Ew.

They’re both terrible.

I love them.

Awful.

Paul complains of being bored, and yet she is bored doing the things he likes. They jab and jibe. He looks at another woman. They jab and jibe some more.

They’re bickering like they’re already married.

Get a room.

Terminate their relationship?

They bring up their attachment, again, always with the money. Kitty likes a man free of shame, Paul thinks he might lose her to a man who had even less. Hahahaha. You nerds. You’re in too deep and you both know it.

The Literal Worst has arrived. And he’s uglier than ever.

The Sphinx? That’s the name of this trash heap ballroom?

Hyde looks like a Tool. Barely two minutes on screen and he’s got the Creep Smirk going.

Hoes do not stand together, I see.

Paul and Kitty smiling at each other, having a grand old time. I love them.

Hyde showing his true colors already, by eyeing up Kitty, while dancing with another girl (though I’m pretty sure she’s a prostitute. Or just a woman who gets around, living off other men’s money). Wow, he also says some not-so-nice things to her before heading after Paul and Kitty, who’s having a hell of a time. Paul can also be a jackass –

“Don’t drink too much tonight, my darling.” She says it with such tenderness, while taking the glass from his hand.

“Cunning little kitty cat. Rather a dull husband than a drunken lover, eh?” Paul’s already slurring. He’s entered cad mode. Feel free to kick him to the curve, my dear. He deserves to nurse his hangover by himself.

She just looks disappointed.

Kitty’s creep alert is going off. Listen to it, honey. Run. Run, far away.

She’s trying to take Paul home.

Then going to dance with Hyde. Fuck. Kitty, listen to your Creep Radar.

Friendship with Kitty? Honey. No. Run. “Can I trust you?”

?? Kitty. No. Do not trust the creep.

Prostitute girl is back, claiming Hyde tried to force her, and some dude wants recompense. Kitty just wants to go home. Paul refuses to leave, to help Hyde.

Has common sense become a commodity that only Kitty is buying??

“Give the lady a few sovereigns, and there’ll be no trouble.” Yeah, sounds like a prostitute. Kitty bids them all goodnight. Paul looks sad to see her go. Should have thought about that before you acted the bastard.

Hyde tells them to go to hell and take the trollop with him. Dude dives at them, Paul knocks him out… And Hyde keeps hitting him. Paul stops him, telling him not to kill him, and then asks him if he’s ill.

“Let me alone, Jekyll. Let me alone.” Dumbass. Jekyll voice coming out of Hyde. That’s not creepy. Paul looks amused by the creep show. Hyde leaves the place, screaming, and being weird.

Lots of voice changing. This actor is actually really good. Jekyll realizes what he did, because Hyde says: “I will be back, Jekyll. I will return.”

Jekyll: “Never. Never.”

So he knows this was a bad idea?

Goes into Kitty’s room, whose reading, and she starts talking about her ‘party’. She wants to go to sleep. Jekyll still comes closer, being a creep. Creep Radar is blaring.

“I need you, Kitty. I need you desperately.” And he comes in, trying to kiss at her, mouthing at her neck. Like a creep. I know this is a parallel to later in the film (yeah, it’s terrible), when Hyde is in control, but I still hate this.

I had to pause during the next scene to do a deep character analysis –

Kitty pushes him off, telling him she’s tired, and even says “please”. As if she should have to beg him to keep his damn creep hands to himself. He still has a wild, crazy look in his eye, and asks: “What are you really like, Kitty?”

“I’m your wife, that’s all I am.” She answers it with such evenness, barely disturbed, and it reminds me of what Paul said to her –

“From perfect wife to perfect mistress, and back again to perfect wife.”

This movie has a lot to do with the masks we wear. We change them, depending on who we’re talking to: family, friends, strangers, lovers, etc. All the different relationships we have require a mask, shadowing the core of who we are, because letting someone see everything of ourselves is too terrifying to consider. We don’t show our true selves out of fear, pride, or some other convoluted mixture of emotions.

However, every mask has a basis, a template of origin.

I feel as if, at some point, Kitty really did love Jekyll. She must have. She married him not for his intelligence, not for his money, but because she genuinely loved him. Kitty loves too deeply, too strongly, and has all the hallmarks of a woman who has been burned by that depth of attachment.

“It’s my fault, a woman who shows her feelings always loses dignity.” Kitty says this during the first bit of the dance she has with Paul, which reveals so much of her character. She doesn’t look at him when she says it, the pain of her admittance is too much, and she shies away from anyone witnessing it. Even Paul.

Her relationship with Paul is strained right now. It’s weird. It seems like neither of them knows where it’s going, too afraid to continue, but even more horrified by the prospect of letting the other go.

When speaking of breaking their ‘arrangement’ (look up ‘affair’ in the dictionary), Kitty suggested Paul wouldn’t be able to get along financially without her. Paul rebuffed her, saying that Jekyll and he had been friends for years, and she was just his dutiful wife… despising him.

There’s an ease between them that feels years old, yet I doubt it was from the get-go of hers and Jekyll’s marriage. No, she probably did hate him quite a bit, in the beginning. But there’s a thin line between love and hate, one that can be crossed with loneliness. I like to think it was physical at first, a build up of tension between a woman caged in a house, and watching this man go out and spend her husband’s money.

It was probably Paul who convinced her to come out with him one evening. Fuck it. Jekyll wants to stay in his lab all night? Well, why should you stay too? Kitty probably said no at first. Why would she go out with this smarmy bastard, who gambles, who sleeps with anything that has legs, and drinks himself silly? But then there’s the wanting, the listening to her husband tinker away, watching life go by without her…

She probably went to Jekyll. She tried to talk to him, have dinner with her in the house that night. Without any servants, she’s learned to cook. He makes a point of trying to be nice but talks about his work… Always his work. She asks him to kiss her, as if that’s something she should have to nearly beg for. And what did he do? On the verge of some great breakthrough?

“Not right now, Kitty. I’m busy.”

Kitty, who is strong, vibrant, and beautiful, is not enough to stir a man from the wake of progress. From pride.

Humiliation and defeat, a loathing that breaks through love, stuffs her chest and nearly throttles her on the spot. Retreating, glassy eyed to her room. She probably cried, mourning her broken heart.

After that, she demands to go with Paul.

There’s probably a touch of shock, then a knowing smirk. He’s probably seen lots of women with husbands who ignore them, falling into his kind of life, dancing and drinking and laughing their nights away.

He’s not ready for this one.

Alright, hitting play again –

“But the woman inside of you, is that woman my wife?”

No. No, she’s not. She belongs with Paul.

Stop shaking her. She’s right. Get out.

Take your: “Who am I?”s and get the fuck out.

Cut to Paul being a cad again. Ugh. Go home to Kitty, you absolute tool bag.

He and Hyde are sitting at a table in The Sphinx with two bimbos. Wonderful.

Hyde is a creep. I will say that no less than ten times in this review. I probably already have.

The fuck is this?

They’re doing something weird.

Really weird.

A snake charmer dance.

Am I to assume they wish us to believe that snake is venomous?

Okay, to be fair, all snakes and spiders are venomous, but the potency of their venom varies in such a way that they effect most human bodies on different levels. I say ‘most’ because you can be allergic to something, and receive a far more harrowing experience than 98% of the population.

However, that does not excuse the fact that the creature in question is a ball python and is therefore basically harmless. Minus some swelling and bruising.

I had to pause to write that, okay, playing again –

Yeah, this poor animal is being abused by being forced into a ‘sensual dance’ with this woman. ‘Tigress’, they call her, kill me now. Paul says she’s exclusive to the elite. Kill me twice over. This dance is the worst. That poor snake is confused.

Paul is looking worriedly at Hyde as he stares, transfixed, at this woman. Dude, he wants to get bitch slapped, let him.

Christopher Lee’s eyebrows are doing things to me. Paul is the real eye candy in this shit show.

UGHASDKFJASDKFNAMSDKFJNASDKF

Jkljasdfklajsdklfansdkfnj

Klasjeirkmaskdfnjkasdjf

Klasdmfnkasndf

JKLASJDKLFNASKLDFNJ

UGH

SHE

SHE PUT

THE SNAAEK

HEAD

IN

MOTUH

WHY? WHY? WHY would –

WOULD uuo –

That poor animal.

Tell me that was fake.

She did not really put that poor creature’s head in her mouth.

This is abuse.

Not to mention, really gross. Salmonella, and a million other diseases could potentially exist on the skin of a reptile. Do not handle reptiles and then touch your face, or eat, or put any part of their body inside your mouth. Wash hands after handling, thank you.

Disgusting.

And people are clapping. And cheering.

Is this what passes for ‘exotic’ in the 1700s????

Maybe it’s my modern cynicism, but I am not impressed. I am shuddering in revulsion.

Mostly because of the snake in mouth bit.

Gods.

End me.

I’m about to shriek.

“Forget it, dear boy. She’s not in the prep-school class. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

Paul. Paul.

Have you ever considered:

She’s blind.

You’re gorgeous.

And you have a gorgeous woman waiting on you at home.

Why do you bother with the bimbos?

Girl on the right is pretty, okay, she’s like… an 8. Chick on the left is… also pretty, but like a 7.

Kitty is a damn 16, she blows them out of the water. There is no competition. When you’ve already had it all, why bother even looking at anything less? She gets bumped up to a 30 for the fact that she has a brain, she snarks, she jabs with the best of them, and is not afraid to leave you to your well-deserved hangover.

I will fight for Kitty’s honor.

Paul. I’m about to throw down.

He calls the dancer over – Maria – and I can already tell he’s going to –

Yep. Be a bastard.

“She only uses Christian names in bed.”

He deserved that drink to the face.

Even Hyde looks surprised. Then impressed.

Pft – HA! I have to quote this:

“Well, ladies, it seems that I must entertain you both.” He says, while soaked with what one can assume is scotch. “I trust that you will not be too disappointed.” Girl on the right looks like she expects to be disappointed. Ms. Left has her game face on.

“Oh, we’ll just have to manage.” Left is already up and at it.

“Somehow or other.” Right is playing along for now.

“Thank you for your confidence.” Paul’s reply does not sound confident in the slightest. He follows them through a curtain doorway. I’d say, ‘poor bastard’, but he doesn’t deserve my sympathy right now.

Hyde is creeping on Maria now.

“Keep away from him, he is dangerous.”

Yeah. To medium sized rodents.

Actually, considering Hyde is nothing more than a big, smelly, greasy, slimy rat –

Nah, wouldn’t want to give the poor thing indigestion.

“Your friend talked to me like a common whore.”

I assumed you two knew each other? I don’t know, they are weird and vague on that. Alan says he’s tried, then claims what names she uses in bed, and she did throw the drink on him afterwards. I’ve no idea.

I will give this to Hyde: He is a smooth talker. He is also, however, still a bastard.

And the makeup they used on this actress is not flattering at all. I’ve seen pictures of her, and she was beautiful. They somehow made her look hideous. ‘Impertinent’ is a word, though not quite the one I would use for this piece of garbage.

I love putting subtitles on. They’re so dumb.

(Soft sensual music) my ass.

Of course they shag. Why wouldn’t they?

She’s given him an in, now… “You do not buy, you do not beg.” A man who ‘takes’. No, do not give him that.

“A nice, cold wife.” I’m so furious.

They do have a servant! An old woman. Probably a concession after years.

“Mr. Hyde.” Creep.

‘Nanny’.

“Lately, this house has become unused to visitors.”

“The wife of a recluse…”

Trying to sweet talk a woman in love will not go over well for you.

Paul’s??? Paul’s friendship. What a save.

“The question of trespass hardly arises. Mr. Allen has no property rights in me.”

And as for Henry: “Henry leads his own life. He doesn’t seek my approval, and I don’t seek his. Is that wrong?”

OOOOOOFFFFF.

Sweet talk till you talk like that.

“To the boredom of being a neglected wife, and the humiliation of being a rejected mistress.”

It almost felt like she was into the flirting till he said that, but I still get the feeling she wouldn’t have slept with him. You can enjoy flirting, some people do it for a living, but not the act that comes after. As I said before, Kitty wears many masks. This one is short-lived. Hyde has insulted her, and the change in her demeanor is like a switch.

Kitty loves too deeply, to be reminded of her first failing, and the possibility of her loss of Paul is a kick in the teeth. Is she not worth loving? Is science, money, knowledge, other women – is she just no match? Can she have nothing out of this?

“I must say, you are honest. A trifle obvious, perhaps, but honest.” And too close to the surface, too close to the proverbial nail. Kitty is genuinely afraid of losing Paul, and it shows. She’s clinging onto something she feels she can’t hold onto, whether for her already damaged pride or because she doesn’t want to be hurt again. Her face only really started to shift when he said mistress.

“My great affair has already begun.” She’s pulling herself so easily from his arms. He talks about great love since he felt her in his arms, and she just turns away with this casual walk of a knowing woman.

“It was well advanced before ever you appeared on the scene.” She looks almost proud, though there’s still this edge to her. She expects it to crash and burn. She’s just waiting for it.

“I wonder what is the special quality in a man as weak, unscrupulous, and utterly unreliable as Paul Allen?” This really bothers him. Hyde is essentially Jekyll unchained, a copy of the inner, dark urges of one man laid bare, and given free run of the place… And he’s a total rat bastard.

And Kitty is smiling. Kitty is overjoyed.

“I don’t question your description, Mr. Hyde.” She’s radiating with delight. Even that description of Paul in all his awful glory stirs nothing but happiness in her.

“Well then, but why…” And he’s reaching for her, stroking his fingers over her back. It’s this odd mimicry of how Jekyll tried to hold her that night. Ugh.

“I merely happen to love him.” Yes! SHE SAID IT!

“Love? Love is an idiocy!” And she’s laughing again. I’m beginning to believe Kitty uses laughter to cover her pain. Hyde/Jekyll McShitFace uses rage.

“An idiocy of mine, perhaps, but a fact.” Then we get this beautiful close up of her face, the vindication with which she says it has me living –

“I love Paul Allen.” Love, you must be so blind and so wonderful.

(Ominous music). As Hyde descends back to his basement to turn back into Jekyll. Back to the sewer, your garbage monster.

Ernst is here. Okay, something weird is happening again. Jekyll has a heightened metabolism. Probably from sustaining two rat bastards instead of one. I’ve no idea how much time has elapsed, but quite a bit I’m guessing. A week? A month? Another year? Nah, probably more like a week or so.

Jekyll’s life is “burning out at a much faster rate.”

Kitty is fed up with being Paul’s ‘bank clerk’. Yeah, let’s bring Henry into this. ‘Let him deal with life’s little problems and leave us its gaiety’? You are a cad. Why do you love him again, Kitty? You can do better.

She’s sick of being used.

“How can you talk of our love in this way?” Love? Is this the first time you bring it up to her? While asking for money? Aklsjdfkasjdf

Men are annoying.

“You hypocrite!” Thank you.

Debts of honor, my pale ass.

He’s going to Henry.

Ernst knows he’s addicted to something. He says it’s more damning, whatever it is.

At least Paul is honest. Jekyll is being cold to him now. He knows about him and Kitty now. He goes back to his work desk. ‘Going away’. Right. Run.

Paul gets nothing. Notes something must be wrong with him.

Kitty is worried about Paul now.

And fuck – Jekyll is giving full power of his shit to Hyde. His estate, his money, his assets, everything goes to Hyde. This happened in the book, of course, but this completely cuts Kitty off as well.

Also, he even says he’s using Hyde to ‘learn all he can’. You pretty much know it all. Kitty, your wife, is in love with your ‘friend’, Paul. It’s not that hard. You’ve effectively been gaslighting them from the beginning.

“For do I want to return to a life of frustrated isolation and loveless misery?”

I.

I have…

So many problems with this statement alone.

You left your wife, even said it yourself, neglected. For years. So much so, that she’s alone as well. Of course she searched for something beyond you, when you chose to isolate yourself first… And you know what? I’m happy for Kitty, she found something, someone to love and love her in return. Is it perfect? No, but –

Anything and everything can be traced back to you, you sorry sack of literal shit. I’m about to lose it. He’s reaping what he’s sewn, and now he’s trying to escape it.

I’m so pissed off.

He drinks more stuff. Great. The return of The Literal Worst is upon us.

Wow… Never heard Christopher Lee say that before –

“Damn bad luck you’ve been having, I hear, Allen, old man.” Some man comments on the state of Paul’s life, which has gone to hell in a handbasket.

“Damn bad luck.” Paul’s agreement seems to taste as bad as the cigarette he’s smoking. I wonder how many are his, in that overflowing mound of ash and stumps, at the center of the table.

“Oh, well, luck’s a bitch, old boy.” Not sure that was a saying yet, but maybe this is the one that starts the trend.

“Oh, I shouldn’t think so.” Paul looking like he’d like to swallow down the rest of the decanter on the table, with Hyde being the creep that just walked in. “I’ve always had the best possible luck with bitches.”

I just about spit my tea. Not even kidding.

“Almost always, anyway.”

You’re terrible. Kitty should leave without either of you.

How is this review over 4K words? Who’s still reading this?

“Women aren’t a weakness they’re a recurrent necessity.” Paul. Paul. What are you doing?

‘Oldest mistress’.

Paul. You’re awful with money and it’s obvious.

They’re going to go out on the town. Like bastards. Hyde is The Literal Worst.

Snap shots of London’s underbelly during the 1700s… Brawling, lots of drinking and bad singing, and… smoking? Opium? Hooka? Who the fuck knows anymore.

Paul’s out. Hyde is doing the 100-yard Creep Stare.

Paul is out making debts again. ‘Honorable’ ones, at least.

Now he’s out of ideas. It’s been a week. He spent all that money – 5,000 in a week. Ouch. “But you, are a fool.” We agree on that. That is the only thing Hyde, and I will ever agree on.

“And I’ll try Kitty.”

Ha.

Haha.

You can see the wheels turning unpleasantly in Paul’s head. His brow is doing that furrowed thing when he’s confused.

“What the devil do you mean, Hyde?” You know what he means, you just don’t want him to go on. You’re hoping he doesn’t mean what you think he means.

“Well, that should be simple enough for even you to understand.” Again, insulting people while mixing in kind words, though his next ones are far from kind: “I am telling you to obtain your mistress for me.”

Paul is rising out of his chair. His brow is still doing that furrowed thing, but it has gotten even deeper. The rage is coming, a wave that was slow to foam, but quick to rise.

“You unspeakable devil.” There’s still some disbelief, but there’s no denying the shock.

Hyde is doing the creep laugh with a – “How very amusing.” Now you can see the anger, it’s chiseling its way into his features, hard and sharp.

“Paul Allen, breaker of every law in the moral code, is shocked into morality.”

Full blown: I’d punch the ever-living hell out of you. I’m about to.

“You vile, disgusting degenerate.” His lips are quivering. He’s barely holding it together.

“Be rational, my friend.” You’re pushing him far beyond ‘rational’. “I’m asking for the temporary loan of a proven adulteress, of whom you yourself have grown somewhat tired.”

First of all: fuck you. Second of all: Kitty already said he has no property rights to her.

“You go back to hell!” Paul. Punch. Him.

Oh… Wait… Yeah, he’d probably get in trouble for that. And then be sent to jail. And I doubt he wants to be in there while Kitty is out here with this lunatic. Yeah, running out before you lose it seems wise.

Still should have throttled him a bit.

Now what is The Literal Worst doing? Going back to the house…

And sneaking into Kitty’s room. You creep. I’ve never wished to jump through a television screen more.

They only have one servant, ‘Nanny’, is her name.

He’s blackmailing her. With Paul’s notes. Fuck. ‘Buy him back’.

She’s laughing. Yes, that is Kitty’s response to being uncomfortable.

“You utterly repel me.” YES! Go girl! She laughs as he storms out, tossing the notes away. Then she closes and locks the door, pressing her back to it. She was probably more than a little terrified.

Hyde assaults a homeless man, shoving him down, and steps over him. That was in the book… Then back to some cesspit that Paul showed him.

There’s something weird going on here with Hyde and this girl.

Cut to Kitty and Paul snuggling. And kissing. This is the quality content I came for. He’s wearing the same shirt from earlier… Which means he probably took a good long walk, had a small conniption, and then went straight to her.

“Why does love make us behave so hatefully to one another?” Yeah, well, Paul has been the terrible one here.

“Because we’re cowards, my darling. We want everything.” I’m not sure what Paul’s deal is, why he is the way he is… He could just be an ivy league guy who grew up, not knowing how to handle money, he might not come with as much baggage as the rest of them.

Why can’t they just be happy and cute?

Go away? Start a new life? Yeah, do that.

Right now.

Leave.

Before Jekyll McShitFace gets back.

Ah, they planned to mug Hyde, using the girl as a means to dupe him. Seems about right. Also deserved.

Ah, Kitty is leaving Jekyll. About bloody time. Also, the wrong time, considering the whole Hyde business.

Jekyll has destroyed his drugs, though admits that Hyde’s grip is too powerful. Right. As if Ernst didn’t warn you it was an addiction. “No degeneracy is low enough to satisfy him.” You mean you, right? Because, he is, after all, you.

The kids are back in the garden. This can only end well.

Oh, they’re leaving. Good…

Paul and Kitty are making out again. Good for them.

Jekyll shoved a kid. Bad for him.

Same little girl who’s always trying to give him flowers. Yeah, he’s losing it. Rushing back into lab to pen a last will and testament one can hope –

Nope, no such luck.

‘Exorcise him’. Right.

Handwriting switch. Interesting.

Paul admitting to Kitty he’s in trouble with Hyde.

If looks could kill.

Hyde lures them with an invitation from Jekyll, about their last evening together being ‘gay’.

Kitty doesn’t want to go, she’s frightened. Listen to your gut.

Paul wants to stay, because they think he’ll settle. Kitty agrees.

Fuck.

Cabaret. Ugh.

Someone get me out of here. Lots of underwear. This is painful.

Hyde making plans to meet with Maria before meeting with Paul and Kitty, who’s dressed for a funeral. Paul. Don’t. Go. Of course, he does.

Up to Maria’s room. Piss it.

More cabaret. I’ll hand it to you ladies; you can cartwheel and front flip. That is impressive. Also, I’m completely serious, because the amount of muscles it takes to do that are insane. Flexibility is also key. Congrats ladies.

Paul meets with Hyde.

“Surely we can keep Kitty out of this.” He knows something’s up and didn’t want to involve her. Smart, but also stupid.

“Hardly.” Hyde’s reply sets my teeth on edge.

Paul. Don’t go into that room. To meet him in private. Fuck me. Backwards. Paul.

A ball python. How dangerous. Paul. There’s a table right there. Squish the fucker. I mean, I’m against animal cruelty, but in the case of the story, that thing is supposed to be deadly. Squish. Squish. Otherwise, leave him the fudge alone and he’ll leave you alone.

Kitty… Don’t go with the creepy man. Listen to your Creep Radar.

Paul’s dead. Kitty doesn’t deserve this. Don’t –

I hate this. I hate this. Paul is literally dead in the other room.

I’m writing so much fix-it fic for this, you won’t believe.

This review is 18 pages long. If you’ve made it this far, may the gods have mercy on you, because my wrath at this point is endless.

Maria is in Jekyll’s house. He told her to go back to that house, put on Kitty’s clothes –

“The pattern of justice is complete.”

Rot. In. Hell.

Paul and Kitty deserved better. They deserved each other.

Kitty waking up, gods’ I hate this. She’s a wreck. Her hair, her clothes… You can tell she’s about to be sick. She’s barely holding it together. There’s a fucking note… A note leading her to the snake… She finds Paul dead. She’s already shellshocked. Out onto the balcony…

“Paul.” Her last word.

She plummets over the balcony, through the glass roof, and –

Cut to Maria saying: “I love you Edward.”

“I can’t love.” We can agree on two things. Those two things.

“I must be free.” Right before murdering Maria.

Jekyll finally takes back over, rightfully horrified, and runs back to his lab. With three corpses under his belt.

What an interesting mirror effect…

“Why must you destroy?”

“I must be free.”

Then we go back-and-forth, about who murdered, who revenged, and who was wronged. They weren’t in Hyde’s way, but Jekyll was. He doesn’t ‘feel’. Yeah, right…

Hyde is every dark, terrible impulse Jekyll has had, given life and form. His desire to be free, to run rampant, has been a desire of Jekyll’s since the beginning. Free the beast so he could kill it… Then proceeded to twist it to gaslight his wife, his friend, and everyone else. He was living a life, a lie, a sham. The desire for freedom from persecution for our desires, to be allowed to do what we want, when we want, without judgement has been an overarching theme in all of society. People are persecuted for what pronouns they want to use, for how they eat, how they dress, how they talk –

However, because Hyde is merely a reflection, one can assume his desire for freedom is mirrored in Jekyll’s continued desire for the same. Jekyll wants to continue to exist, so Hyde must desire to exist in turn. He’s still composed completely of Jekyll’s desires.

He says he doesn’t feel, yet there is a desperation, a fear in his voice when he says: “You must lose, Jekyll.” Because he’s afraid he won’t. He’s horrified by the idea of being trapped forever, of their relation being found out…

Cut to Inspector being on the case at The Sphinx.

Wow, a lady in gentleman’s clothing runs The Sphinx. Nice.

Jekyll trying to leave a letter to Ernst. Yeah, that’ll go over well. He calls a street cleaner over to take his note to Ernst, but of course, Hyde has to upset that plan.

Again, I give props to the actor for the massive amount of voice switching, and playing the ‘tortured’ scientist, and the King of the Creeps.

Hyde is about to kill this street cleaner. Mate, why did you come into this guy’s house to randomly move something for him? He shoots him in the back, of course…

The Inspector arrives! Not in time…

Hyde is about to torch the place. Of course he is.

He puts up a performance for the police, saying Jekyll is nuts… Whole place is on fire, with street cleaner acting as a sub-in for the body of Jekyll.

I swear, if this fucker gets away with this, I will riot.

Is nobody seeing the Creepiest Grin of the Century?

No, of course not, they’re trying to fight a raging fire.

And of course, there’s a court hearing over the whole thing. Jekyll went nuts. True. He was addicted to drugs. Also true, though it’s not any kind ever seen before. Sought vengeance for imagined slights. True again.

“Fortunate to have escaped – “

Screw you.

Death by suicide. If only.

Do not tell me this is how this movie ends.

“A fine man. A fine – “

Shut up Ernst.

“The higher man.” Shut your face hole, Hyde.

Jekyll is coming out.

“I must leave immediately.” Oh no, you don’t, you bastard.

“Help me.” Keep talking, Jekyll. Get out of there. Confess. You deserve it.

Lots of struggling here. Again, props to the actor.

Inspector, Ernst, and everyone are watching. Do it now, you bastard.

He turned back into Jekyll!

Finally! You did something useful!

He looks really old. Apparently being Hyde aged him decades.

You can still rot in hell.

“I have destroyed him.”

“And yourself, my poor friend.”

“Only I could destroy him.” Dramatic pause. “And I have.”

He’s arrested.

Abrupt Hammer Horror Ending.

Kitty and Paul deserved better.

This review is 20 pages long, over 6K words, and it took me 4 hours to get through it because I kept pausing and rewinding to quote.

You’re welcome.

[doctors-star]

👀👀👀👀👀👀at those tags on the hedonism post. An essay you say?

i gotta be real with you this is just the kind of thing i think about in the kitchen at 7pm dramatically lipsyncing to rose tint my world while waiting for pasta to boil rather than a full essay with thesis statement, quotation and any kind of conclusion

BUT

(and here’s the post for context)

we can all agree, i’m sure, that the rocky horror picture show and the picture of dorian gray are both pretty queer, albeit in fairly drastically different styles. i don’t think your average cinema would play them back to back, you know. but what’s key about them both is that they’re concerned with gothic horror, murder, the public/private persona, hedonism/aestheticism, and how all of this ties into being queer. let’s a-go.

the gothic horror in both is fairly obvious, as is the murder. people die, and it’s grim. both tpodg and trhps have strong connections to other gothic horror novels, particularly frankenstein and dr jekyll and mr hyde. the scene in which dorian murders basil (should i have tagged this post for spoilers? the book’s like a hundred years old.) takes place in the perfect gothic setting: it’s dark and foggy and nothing can be seen. secrecy is key. similarly, mr hyde cavorts about london, leaping from streetlight to streetlight and hiding in the shadows (a creature of the night!). basil then gets melted by dorian’s ex, a mad scientist type a la frankenstein with secrets and poor morals. in trhps, frankenfurter is called FRANKENFURTER and literally makes a man. the comparison here seems fairly obvious. but he also flip flops between being nice and friendly and then suddenly terrible, like dr jeykll/mr hyde. so there’s this idea in both works of the protagonist being queer, and a criminal, and somehow horrible. the horror is partly due to the crime, but mostly-

-the public/private persona. the victorians, who created the gothic horror genre, were obsessed with the idea of people being secretly terrible, and this being hidden from view somehow. think of the modern obsession with serial killers being hidden amongst us by looking like normal people. dorian hides his queerness and his crimes; he looks beautiful, like the model young man, quite without sin because it does not show on his face, but in reality he is a disgusting murderer and a homosexual. this is more horrifying than his crimes - that they are hidden, and that he was trusted to be in society. both works also take place in grand houses, where the elite might live; trusted high-ups in society, to whom one might go for legal representation, or the use of a telephone when one has broken down. frankenfurter’s persona is more obvious: he’s “not much of a man by the light of day”, although there is something of the not-quite-as-it-appears about his dress. the better comparison with dorian, though, is brad: he looks like a normal american dude! he’s supposed to! the male audience is supposed to see themselves in him, to experience frankenfurter’s whole...thing through this bland, face-of-america man. and then! he fucks frankenfurter?? he’s...not straight after all??? queer people could be anyone, anywhere - your student, your fiance, your man, the man in the mirror who looks just like you. and it isn’t obvious, like it isn’t obvious with dorian - these characters are trusted by their peers, even if not consistently by the audience; they are the lens through which the audience views the stories; and then they turn out to be queer and somehow other, without even being noticed. this is essentially everything that homophobes fear and hate about queer people: that they don’t all look like frank, but might look like dorian or brad. the gothic horror concept of the persona, used to hide what is horrible and insinuate it into polite society (think dr jekyll/mr hyde again), is associated heavily with closeted queer people in both tpodg and trhps and, as the original post points out, is pretty fucked up to unpack!

both also concern themselves with hedonism and aestheticism, being doing things for the sheer damn pleasure of it. think of the fabulous parties, ostentatious fashion, the...exotic...meals, the sexuality, the art. so there’s this idea of queerness being hidden and horrible, but also something that happens when people go too far. aestheticism went beyond the bounds of polite victorian society and wound up in fashion and art and, as far as many were concerned, homosexuality; people saw it as something that had simply gone too far. a “libido that hasn’t been controlled,” if you will. hedonism and drinking and, of course, the prerequisite aesthetic gay can also be found in other works, such as bright young things and brideshead revisited. dorian does whatever he likes, just because he likes, be it drinking or taking drugs or carrying on with society youths. frank also does as he likes, by dressing against societal norms and holding wild parties and clearly not doing whatever it was he was sent here to do. dr scott is worried about “this decadence sap[ping] our will” and this loss of control leading to living just “for the thrills” - what these thrills might be is, from context, clearly sexual and probably p gay! but ultimately dorian and frank are punished for their hedonism when it all catches up to them: dorian goes fuck-ugly and shrivelled and dies, and frank is taken prisoner - “your lifestyle’s too extreme.” in bright young things, miles is arrested; in brideshead revisited, blanche gets sent down and sebastian goes spectacularly off the rails and eventually dies.

so the idea of queerness being pleasure taken too far is prominent in both works - a pleasure that is twisted until it is a horror, and then is punished. but even then, at the end of the works, what has been done cannot be undone. you cannot put the lid back on this box - people have died, lives have been forever altered, society and the audience have looked behind a fabulous curtain into a world that is a distorted, hidden mirror of their own. you can break the mirror, but i still don’t think brad and janet are going to get married, do you? the point of the superheroes sequence in trhps, which i never really got before, is to demonstrate this: the aliens are gone, but brad and janet and dr scott are still confused and “lost in space and meaning”. tpodg just leaves us with the the beautiful, damaged portrait and the horrific corpse, staining the attic - there is no neat closure. the grave is left open, with the reader peering in. things are not going to be the same - and neither are you. you went along on this journey, too. you saw the fabulous worlds that go too far, that are so beyond the societal norm that they’re wildly enjoyable, entirely risque, quite wonderfully beautiful, and dark, terrible, and dripping with blood. you are basil hallward, brad and janet, lord henry and dr scott, and you’ve changed too. there is queerness and horror amongst us, and now you know to look.

but yeah as an aesthetic homoeroticism/crime/hedonism is pretty damn cool.

[medicangels]

28 question tag by @draamione <33

how tall are you? 5′5

what colour and style is your hair? Well I’m ginger but a more auburn than orange and the style is shortish just below my face, halfway down my neck

what colour are your eyes? a weird hazel colour, that looks similar to the guns n’ roses background logo

do you wear glasses? yes, i do . (most of the time)

do you wear braces? nope

what is your fashion style? i don’t really know tbh, i am quite a typical gay girl with the flannel and jeans with the warm colours but i also wear skater skirts and 1950s dresses and lots of dress up stuff. its literally all over the place lol

first + middle(s) names? my first name is lydia and i don’t have a middle name :/

when were you born? september 13th

where are you from/where do you live now? in the uk, in the southeast of england (north-east of london)

What level of school are you in? Middle of my first year of college

do/did you like school? I like education a lot but I had a very bad experience during my school time, however now I’m having such an enjoyable time.

What were/are your favourite school subjects? English and citizenship were my favourite in secondary school , I can’t decide between what I take now though.

Favourite TV shows? It literally changes all the time. However atm I’ve been binging sex education and riverdale, which I both really enjoy. And I’m such a hoe for the arrowverse (especially legends of tomorrow). Plus I mostly binge shows or watch documentaries or youtube.

Favourite movies? ahh I actually have so many ! i love half-blood prince, aristocats, incredibles, home alone, the secretary (18+ guys sexual content just fyi), the breakfast club, thor ragnorak, scream, heathers, mean girls, happy death day, kingman, sweeney todd, coraline, now you see me, hot fuzz, carry on camping.

Favourite books? Philosophers stone, the outsiders, the night circus, to kill a mockingbird, dr jekyll and mr hyde, perks of being a wallflower, before i go to sleep (absolute favourite)

Favourite pastimes? umm sleeping ? lots of social media and editing, stuff like that 

Do you have any regrets? i didn’t spend all the time i could have with my dad before he died.

Dream job? oof it changes a lot, sociologist, detective, police, stuff in that realm.

Would you like to get married one day? yes

Would you like to have kids one day? i think so

How many? 2-3

Do you like shopping? Yes, however it depends what kind. if its food shopping then no i do not.

What countries have you visited? france 

Whats the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? i use to have a reoccurring nightmare that the hulk was in my town and kidnapped my older brother and ate him. i also use to have a reoccurring nightmare were there was one of my old dinnerladies and she was holding a cage and in the cage was a giant bee, she released it and it chased me. one more reoccurring one was that me and my brother was on a hill in the car and the car was on but the break wasn’t on, the car started moving, we didn’t know what to do, we were trapped and we fell down the hill and died.

Do you have any enemies? A year back I would have said yes, but like people absolutely hate my guts but they aren’t my enemies because I don’t have time for them and their nonsense , so i just stay away from them.

Do you have a s/o? hahahahahah .... no 

Do you believe in miracles? Not really

I tag: @swainlake, @quaffled, @dorcass-meadowes, @rumpop, @malvoyy and anyone else who wants to do this ^.^

[brokehorrorfan]

Blu-ray Review: The Mummy

Beyond being groundbreaking and highly influential, the classic Universal monster movies inadvertently created the first shared cinematic universe. Long before the Avengers were assembled or Batman squared off against Superman, the likes of Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, and the Wolf Man shared the silver screen. It's only logical for Universal to revisit these iconic characters now that cinematic universes are in vogue.

The Mummy launches the Dark Universe, as it has been dubbed - and it quickly dashes any excitement in the prospect of seeing the classic monsters on the big screen again. Inexplicably, it largely abandons the horror roots in favor of an action movie that happens to involve monsters. It's the first in a proposed series of massive-budgeted, PG-13-rated, summer tentpoles with A-list casts. While none of these are bad qualities in themselves, The Mummy proves that they do not make a good reimagining of a horror classic.

Army Sergeant Nick Morton (Tom Cruise, Mission: Impossible) and his right-hand man, Corporal Chris Vail (Jake Johnson, Jurassic World), refer to themselves "liberators of precious antiquities," which is a fancy way of saying thieving treasure hunters. When an Egyptian tomb is curiously uncovered in England, they're the first to explore it, along with archaeologist Jenny Halsey (Annabelle Wallis, Annabelle). The sarcophagus within, submerged in mercury, houses the mummy of Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella, Kingsman: The Secret Service).

As Dr. Henry Jekyll (Russell Crowe, Gladiator) explains in a hacky prologue voiceover, the ancient princess was the heir to the throne of Egypt until the pharaoh had a son. Embracing evil for revenge, she was reborn a monster before being mummified alive for her sins. When Nick unwittingly unleashes her in the modern world, Ahmanet picks right back up where she left off: attempting to bring a demon into the world through a mortal man. Naturally, Nick, Chris, and Jenny get caught up in the madness.

While there's no conceivable need to turn The Mummy into an action movie, I'd be forgiving it were a good one. There are a couple of solid action sequences, but even a thrilling plane crash shot in actual Zero G cannot pull the film above mediocrity. A cool underwater sequence in which Cruise's character is attacked by ravenous, zombie-like creatures set out to the Mummy's bidding is too little, too late. Watching Cruise and Crowe share the screen and duke it out is fun, but Crowe is forced to spout cheesy dialogue between blows.

Despite minimizing the horror elements, The Mummy draws unexpected comparisons to two beloved '80s genre films. Most apparent is American Werewolf in London: a deceased friend intermittently appears to the main character, more decomposed each time, to dump exposition and make the occasional funny quip. Even more unexpected, The Mummy's modus operandi is seemingly lifted from Lifeforce: she literally sucks the life out of hapless victims in order to become whole again. I hesitate to classify either as a mere homage, as they're more like lifted plot points.

This is only director Alex Kurtzman's second film, following People Like Us, but he's written such blockbusters as Star Trek and Transformers. Despite his relative inexperience behind the camera, he teams with cinematographer Ben Seresin (World War Z, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen) to create a fine looking picture. The sun-soaked ancient Egypt flashbacks are particularly gorgeous, as if Terrence Malick made Lawrence of Arabia. The special effects are largely computer generated, but the fine artists of Industrial Light & Magic (Star Wars, Jurassic Park) pull off impressive work per usual.

The script - written by David Koepp (Mission: Impossible, Jurassic Park), Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects, Edge of Tomorrow), and Dylan Kussman (better known as an actor from Dead Poets Society); with Kurtzman and two other screenwriters receiving story credits - is sloppy, to say the least. No doubt the result of too many cooks, the main struggle lies in the film's uneven tone. No one seems to know whether they're making a serious, big, action spectacle (like your average Tom Cruise movie), incorporating its horror roots (a la World War Z), or infusing comedy (akin to the 1999 Brendan Fraser version of The Mummy). Spreading itself too thin between the three, none of the aspects play successfully.

Cruise's character feels like it was written for Chris Pratt. He desperately tries to be the likable, unexpected hero, but he can't shed the typical Cruise action star persona. He's perfectly good at that, but the incongruous goofy bits don't play to his strengths. Crowe chews the scenery as both Dr. Jekyll and his evil alter ego, Mr. Hyde. His character(s) is obviously intended to serve as the bridge between the monsters, similar to Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury in the Marvel cinematic universe.

Boutella isn't given enough to do, but she does well with the material and looks cool in the process. The welcomed gender swap is inconsequential. Wallis is introduced as a strong female character but is ultimately reduced to the token love interest. Johnson is great as the comedic relief - further proving Cruise had no business cracking jokes - though he's forced to play it more broad than usual. Courtney B. Vance (The People v. O.J. Simpson) is wasted as a military superior. Javier Botet (The Conjuring 2) provides creepy motion capture for a ghoulish character.

Special features on big studio movies are almost always fluff pieces full of precisely-edited sound bites, but The Mummy's home video release includes a 21-minute conversation between Kurtzman and Cruise. It's quite interesting to hear them discuss the film from the ground up so candidly. The same can be said about the audio commentary from Kurtzman, Boutella, Wallis, and Johnson. They excitedly discuss their experiences, including Kurtzman pointing out practical vs. digital effects - many of which are surprising. He also reveals that numerous scenes were written at the last minute, improvised on set, reshot, or completely reworked in editing.

The numerous shorter featurettes are more in line with what you'd expect: "Rooted in Reality" finds the cast and crew discussing how they approached a realistic, modern take on a traditional monster; "Life in Zero-G" takes viewers through the fascinating process behind the place crash scene - which consisted of 64 cycles, each with around 22 seconds in Zero G; "Meet Ahmanet" centers on Boutella; "Cruise in Action" explores Cruise and his stunt work; "Nick Morton: In Search of a Soul" is another Cruise-centric piece about his character; "Becoming Jekyll and Hyde" highlights Crowe; and "Choreographed Chaos" details a large action set piece. Special features are rounded out by four deleted scenes and an animated graphic novel, which is essentially a four-minute animated version of the prologue.

There's a line in The Mummy in which Crowe's character refers to Cruise's as "ultimately devoid of soul," which doubles as an apt metaphor for the film. The titular character lacks the sympathy that made the old Universal monsters so effective. There are few things I would enjoy more than seeing the classic monsters back on the big screen, but The Mummy's approach is clearly not the right one. Critics and audiences both seem to agree, so hopefully it's not too late to retool the Dark Universe into something that lives up to even a fraction of its enormous potential.

The Mummy will be released on 4K Ultra HD, Blu-ray, and DVD on September 12 via Universal.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #163 - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: It’s a guilty pleasure.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) This is (or was, not so sure after this viewing) a quintessential guilty pleasure movie for me. I’m a sucker for crossovers and old monsters, so even though this team isn’t EXCLUSIVELY monsters the presence of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, a why-is-she-a-vampire? Mina Harker, a not-Griffin Invisible Man, and Dorian Grey make the film as much of a guilty pleasure as Van Helsing for me. That’d make for a good guilty pleasure double feature.

2) I get this dude has never seen a tank before, but how stupid can he be?

3) I have a feeling Germany would not actually say this verbatim in a situation like this.

4) So I absolutely love the idea of taking The Phantom of the Opera and making him into the big bad technical war-mongering genius the League has to fight in this film. I love the idea, but I feel the execution is a little sloppy. Combining The Phantom’s with James Moriarty utterly takes away any sympathy we have for the character. In Gaston Leorux’s original novel, The Phantom was a figure of tragedy and heartache. I would’ve loved to see more of that side of him, to understand why The Phantom wants to start a World War and what that pain means for him. But instead we get sort of the cliché, “bad guy wants to start war to get rich,” scheme which may be very much in the vein of Moriarty but not in the vein of the Phantom of the Opera.

5) Sean Connery as...

According to IMDb:

Sean Connery was offered roles in The Matrix (1999) and The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), but said he didn't understand the scripts. So when offered another screenplay he didn't quite get, (LEG) he took it.

Connery hated working on this film. Absolutely hated it. There were constant production delays and he clashed frequently with director Stephen Norrington (who also hated working on the film, mainly from studio pressures). Connery has retired from acting pretty much because of this film. It was this film which convinced him that he’d fallen out of love with modern filmmaking. In the 14 years since LXG’s release Connery has only had two other acting roles: voicing James Bond in a video game version of From Russia with Love and as the titular character in the poorly received animated film Sir Billi.

Among the many liberties the film takes with the source material, it removes a lot of Quatermaine’s flaws. Yes the pain of losing his son is a nice source of conflict for the character, but this dude was messed up in the original story. His primary character flaw being his addiction to opium, but Connery refused to play an opium addict. The decision to remove this sort of defining flaw makes Connery’s portrayal of the character sort of a generic action hero, at least that’s how I feel. He’s pretty much playing Sean Connery, for better or worse. He never does anything totally unexpected or unique (again, in my opinion) and that hurts the film I think. Connery’s fine in the part. Again, he’s pretty much playing himself. It’s not worthy of a Razzie or anything. But it’s just...fine.

6) There are some really awful bits of dialogue in this film, not helped by exceptionally wooden delivery on some occasion.

Sanderson Reed [as a shootout begins]: “They’re indestructible!”

Allan: “No, just armor plated.”

7) One of the most interesting aspects of Quatermaine is his skills as a hunter and later his sharing of those skills with Tom Sawyer (more on that later). It is a side to him I wish we could’ve seen more of. Patient, steady, able to get off one good shot instead of a dozen fine ones.

(GIFs originally posted by @mercisnm)

8) There are so many random name drops and references in this film which are just done to remind you you’re in a world of fictional characters. Some of them work, but some of them feel REALLY awkward.

Allan [after Reed says he made good time to London]: “Not as good as Phileas Fogg. Around the world in 80 days? Ha!”

So basically you referenced something and then thought the audience was too stupid to get the reference and just said the name of the book. Great.

9) Richard Roxburgh as M/The Phantom/Moriarty

This film is FILLED with talented character actors and Roxburgh is one of them. In fact, he’s one of the finest character actors around. With notable roles in Van Helsing, Moulin Rouge, and the lead role in “Rake” (Australian TV show), Roxburgh is able to play a wide array of interesting characters. While this film may lack in some plot and structure, there are a number of performances which I find extraordinary (no pun intended). Roxburgh is able to play the calm and collected gentlemen M, the mad warlord The Phantom, and the conniving scoundrel James Moriarty all in the same character. Three different opportunities shown in one character, all of which done totally and excellently. If only the script would support these opportunities and differences better.

10) In continuing the theme of fine (fine as in exquisite, not fine as in “it’s just fine”) character actors in the movie: Naseeruddin Shah as...

(GIF originally posted by @barbara-stanwyck)

Hey would you look at that: an actual Indian actor playing a character who was originally written as Indian in a major Hollywood film from 14 years ago! What a concept!

Shah is another actor who is pretty damn great in the role he plays, if only the script would have supported it more. He is able to portray Nemo’s authority and skill in presence alone. When Captain Nemo enters the room you KNOW he’s someone you don’t want to mess with. He is powerful, reserved, but also able to convey Nemo’s pain when necessary. Honestly for all this films problems there are some members of the cast who I just truly love, and Shah as Nemo is one of them.

11) Another member of the cast I think just freaking nails it is Tony Curran as Rodney Skinner/An Invisible Man (not THE Invisible Man, but more on that later).

According to IMDb:

20th Century Fox was unable to get the rights for the literary character of The Invisible Man, created by H.G. Wells. Not only did this necessitate the character in the film have his name changed from the book's "Griffin", but that he could never be referred to as "the" Invisible Man, only "an" invisible man.

Honestly the change works much better than you might think as Skinner is one of the most likable characters in the film. Curran is able to make his charismatic, devilish, witty, and entertaining for someone who is typically never seen. Unfortunately he sorta disappears around the middle (and the film is worse for it), but Curran is another talented character actor who does an excellent job in the film.

12) Peta Wilson as Mina Harker.

So...Mina...I don’t really know where to start with Mina. She’s the leader of the League in the original graphic novel, not Alan Quartermaine. She also is NOT a vampire, is dealing with trauma over her encounter with Dracula, and is seen to be a bisexual suffragist (or at least, Alan Moore’s understanding of what that is). A lot of that is lost in the film, and while her vampirism does lead to some badass moments Mina’s motivations are...I’m not sure, actually. I would assume she wants to stop the spread of evil throughout the world to prevent another Dracula, but she has some weird past romance with Dorian Gray and gets sassy with Allan when he acts sexist and...that’s it? Wilson is another strong character actor in the film, but I feel the script supports her even less than it supports say Captain Nemo and Skinner. I’m actually not sure what else to say about Mina.

13) Why does Sean Connery play so many sexist characters?

Connery [to Mina]: “I’ve had women along on past exploits and found them at best a distraction.

Maybe if you didn’t objectify them and trusted their competence you wouldn’t be so distracted.

14) So if you pay attention, right before The League visits Dorian Gray there are newspapers plastered up on the wall of a building talking about Mars (pretty much the words “Mars” is really big). This is in reference to the second volume of the comic book which dealt with The League fighting off HG Welles’ aliens from War of the Worlds. I like that volume more than the first personally, but like a lot (if not all) of Alan Moore’s work it can be problematic. Anyway, moving on.

15) Dorian Gray.

Unfortunately I feel like Stuart Townsend is one of the weakest actors in the film as Dorian, but that could also be attributed to Stephen Norrington’s direction (theoretically, it’s not like I was on set or anything). He’s kind of overact-y, portraying Dorian’s self assuredness and vanity in a way which kind of makes him a prick. Another character not originally in the novel, I don’t think the film necessarily needed Dorian Gray. Although he does have one of my favorite lines in the film.

Bad guy [after he shoots up Dorian to no effect]]: “What are you?”

Dorian: “I’m complicated.”

16) Tom Sawyer.

Tom Sawyer is pretty much Tom Sawyer in name alone. He has little-to-nothing in common with Mark Twain’s original character, being a secret service agent instead of a devious little trickster who’s always getting out of work. The studio asked for him to be included as they felt the movie needed an American character to be interesting to stateside audiences. Since he’s not in the original work and he’s not really Tom Sawyer, he ends up being kind of another generic action trope. A shoot-em-up rookie who learns from the more experienced Quatermaine and that’s it. They cut a line which explains that Tom is so desperate to get The Phantom/M/Moriarty because he killed his partner (one Huck Finn) but that’s literally his only unique motivating character factor. And it got cut. It’s done and gone. So we’re just left with...this. Shane West is OK in the film, but the script doesn’t give him much to do in the first place.

17) I’m disappointed with the design of the Nautilus.

Nemo calls it, “The sword of the ocean,” and I’m just wondering if they couldn’t have let that be a bit more metaphorical instead of looking like a giant sword.

18) At one point Mina does an impression of Allan/Sean Connery. According to IMDb:

According to Wilson, this was a last-minute addition to the scene, and she felt nervous doing it, since Connery impersonations were considered a no-no on the set. Before the shoot she called Connery and offered not to do the accent, but he insisted she should. Afterwards, she asked him what he thought. He replied, "You were great!" She was taken aback and asked if he really meant it. He said, "Yeah, it's terrible! It's the worst impersonation I have ever heard, and it's perfect."

19) Jason Flemyng as Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.

Jason Flemyng is another one of my favorite character actors - having notable post-LXG roles in X-Men First Class and 2010′s Clash of the Titans - and may tie with Tony Curran as my favorite actor in this film. Flemyng is able to capture both Jekyll and Hyde very well, making them unique in and of themselves. I have to remind myself that they’re the same actor considering the heavy amount of makeup Flemyng is put into for Hyde. But he brings a wonderful physicality to the part which I think is just spectacular. Unfortunately - again - the script does very little to support his performance and the actor gets a little lost in the middle. A great performance even if I wish it were better written.

20) Gathering the League feels totally inorganic, unfortunately. Literally the first half of the film is, “let’s get him and let’s get him and let’s get him,” without actually contributing to the overall plot with The Phantom and the impending World War. It is very telling of the film’s biggest problem and that is the one it has with structure and pacing. Everything feels very messy, with not much thought put into why some scenes exist or play out the way they do. Which is unfortunate again because you have a mostly-stellar cast who are already pretty damn good with a crummy script. Imagine what they could do with a better one.

21) Allan teaching Tom how to shoot maybe my favorite part of the film. It not only connects to Allan’s own internal conflict with the loss of his son but it also taught me - at 13 years old - how important patience can be. Just breathe and take your time. It’s better to get off one perfect shot than a dozen shitty ones.

22) So in the course of about ten minutes it is established that both Tom and Jekyll are into Mina even though nothing from before gives them reason to be and they never once revisit it after. Remember how I said this film had some structural issues? Well it has some developmental issues too.

23) This film is an hour and fifty minutes. It takes them fifty-five minutes to get to Venice - where they’ve been trying to get to the whole time - and then the bomb goes off right away (literally) and they have to stop it. The plot is literally: assemble the league, go to Venice, get to Venice and stop the disaster. Nothing in between. Again: this film has some major structural issues.

24)

Jekyll [after he’s asked to bring Hyde out]: “No! Hyde will never use me again.”

Dorian: “Then what good are you?”

(GIF originally posted by @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer)

Seriously, why did they bring Jekyll around? Did they only need Hyde? And if so, for what? I know M wants the serum for Hyde but what about the rest of them? What convinced them to bring Hyde along and then be okay with him not doing anything on their big mission?

25) Another example of an extremely wooden delivery. This line hurts my soul every time, although in fairness Dorian himself is supposed to be faking it.

Dorian: “Damn Skinner! He must’ve told them we were coming!”

It hurts my ears, that line. I hate it. So much.

26) I have so many questions about the car chase through Venice. How does Tom know to drive a car? Why is the car designed like it’s American with the wheel on the left? How can Nemo track the car’s “frequency”? Who does the car have a frequency, it is never seen using the radio? I’m so confused.

27) This is the weirdest James Bond movie ever.

Allan: “Vampire lady has us covered.”

28) The scene where Alan faces off with The Phantom in the Venice graveyard is close to interesting. If The Phantom were more developed as an individual and it took its time to peek into Alan’s internal conflict, it could’ve been an excellent character moment.

29)

M [revealing his entire plan via a record]: “It was a ruse to get me closer to my goal.”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

So M wanted the technology to the Nautilus, Hyde’s serum, Mina’s vampirism, and Griffin’s invisibility. And here’s how that plan worked: rob an English bank disguised as Germans, kidnap German scientists disguised as the English, try to convince Quatermaine to join a fake League I made up, try to kill Quatermaine to show him the danger is real, send the League I have already to get Dorian who is a traitor in their midst, try to kill them all with Dorian to convince them the danger is real, have Dorian steal what I need from everyone, blow up Venice, have Dorian escape.

(GIF originally posted by @dailydctv)

If you already had Dorian and an army of minions at your service, couldn’t you have sent them to get what you need from everyone? Wouldn’t that have been easier and less expensive? I’m just...I think I need to move on.

30) The best part of the sinking Nautilus is Jason Flemyng really gets to shine as Hyde. Except it makes no sense that Hyde suddenly doesn’t want to betray and murder everyone for his own personal gain but actually wants to work with the team. There was absolutely nothing to change that character motivation. At all.

31) 

Quatermaine [after the Nautilus is trashed, about pursuing Dorian]: “We were the faster, but now we’re the tortoise to his hare.”

Except the tortoise won that race. Did you not understand the point of the story?

32) And then a random white tiger shows up, stares at Quatermaine, and leaves.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

I know it’s supposed to tie into how Allan feels his an old tiger sensing the end but it’s also just totally random. And like, did you need an actual tiger? There’s no subtly to that. At all. You’re just taking the metaphor literally and not trusting the intelligence of the audience. I just...gah.

33)

Skinner [after slapping Mina’s as while invisible]: “I’ve been waiting all week to do that.”

To sexually harass her? Well, you’re still not as awful as how Alan Moore wrote The Invisible Man in the story.

34) Like all the set pieces in this film, the climax is poorly paced and sort of dull. You keep cutting between Hyde and Nemo fighting a weird Hyde clone (which, btw, is not how the serum works in the original novel; it’s not Hulk juice), Mina fighting Dorian in a bedroom because she claims, “You broke my heart once,” (really?) Allan and Sawyer chasing down M who is revealed to be Sherlock Holmes’ Moriarty, and Skinner just being somewhere and then getting burned. It’s just...meh.

35) Also should looking at the painting kill Dorian? Is that how it worked in the original novel? I thought if you stabbed the painting it killed him or something.

36) In an actually somewhat developed part of the film, Sawyer shoots Moriarty remembering Allan’s teachings about patience.

37) And then Alan dies, but not really because they wanted to do a sequel and totally set up him coming back from the dead. Too bad this killed the potential of a franchise.

This film was a lot less enjoyable as an adult than it was when I was in high school, but I’m also analyzing it for the (Re)Watch. Yes the story is a muddled mess with underdeveloped characters and concepts which just really don’t make any sense. Yes Sean Connery is sort of just showing up. BUT it’s largely well acted and come one! It’s a film where Tom Sawyer shoots James Moriarty in the back after being taught by Allan Quatermaine how to do it. I’m a sucker for crossovers so this is still a total guilty pleasure. Don’t watch it if you’re not interested, because it’s pretty crummy. But it might be enjoyable for the individual who’s interested in these kind of stories.

[scotianostra]

On August 27th 1788 the trial began of Deacon William Brodie, a respected pillar of Edinburgh society by day, a thief and housebreaker by night.

Brodie is said to have been the inspiration of Robert Louis Stevenson's Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, which was published a century later.

The prestigious title of deacon did not refer to religion, as many assume, but instead to his presidency of one of Edinburgh's trades guilds. His trade was as a cabinet-maker and his position as deacon of the Incorporation of Wrights made him a member of the town council. 

The trial of William Brodie for breaking into and robbing the General Excise Office for Scotland took place at Edinburgh on 27th and 28th August, 1788. The story of his strange career is as enthralling as any romance. The double life which he so long and successfully led – as a respected citizen and town councillor by day, and by night the captain of a band of housebreakers – was the wonder of the country at the time. Nowadays you would call it a celebrity trial. Brodie was quite rich with 10,000 pounds and three houses that he inherited from his father. He also inherited the business, allowing him to sustain the wealth. Traveling in the highest social circles, Brodie had the key to almost all of the richest people’s houses. Literally. No wealthy Edinburgh resident would ever think that such a respected man would keep a copy of their key in his drawer and that he would slip inside their homes after nightfall to steal everything worth taking.

During the day, he was a well-known gentleman who shared jovial times with his rich customers and enjoyed the company of highly respected persons such as himself, but during the night, Brodie could be found gambling in the dark corners of Edinburgh, accruing debts that forced him to consider a life of crime, and so, he became a thief.

After installing a lock in a rich man’s home, Brodie would also make a copy of the key for himself. Not because he collected souvenirs, but because he intended to visit those homes again, some other night when a burglary without breaking in but entering the house with a key would be his tactic. In this way, the man had supplemental payment to support his double life as a gentleman by day and a gambler in the evenings. On top of everything, Brodie had to support his five children by two mistresses who didn’t know of each other’s existence.

Allegedly, his criminal career began around 1768, when he stole 800 pounds from a bank that he sneaked into during the night by using a key. The Deacon’s nightlife was filled with gambling, robbing, and stealing. He didn’t mix his daily business and finances with his nightlife. Whenever he would fall into debt while gambling, he had the “ace key” that would pay off his debts.

Another source says that although Brodie had already robbed a bank, his real criminal career began in the summer of 1786 when he met George Smith, an Englishman. Brodie and Smith got into business together, targeting the rich people’s homes in Old Town. By the end of that same year, the duo had successfully robbed a tobacconist and a goldsmith’s.

Soon, the Deacon and the Englishman recruited two other members to their group: Andrew Ainslie, a shoemaker, and John Brown, a thief. In 1787, the gang stole tea from a grocer’s store in Leith. Back then, tea was a  valuable commodity, a luxury that only members of the elite could afford to buy.

Encouraged by their success, the gang, led by the Deacon, decided to steal the revenues of Scotland from an Excise office in Chessel’s Court on the Canongate. They organized an armed raid, and for the first time, instead of welcoming themselves inside with a key, they broke in. However, they managed to steal only 16 pounds when they were caught. The unsuccessful robbery led Brown to claim the King’s Pardon the same night and named Smith and Ainslie as the culprits.

When his partners got arrested, Brodie traveled to London, and from there he boarded a ship to Amsterdam. But, since there was a reward for Brodie, he was tracked down in Holland and shipped back to Edinburgh. He and his friend Smith were tried on August 27, 1788. Although at first there wasn’t any strong evidence against Brodie, he was convicted after a disguise, pistols, and of course, copied keys were found in his workshop.

After a trial that lasted only 21 hours, Brodie was hanged in front of 40,000 people on October 1st that very year. 

You can read an account of his trial here https://archive.org/stream/trialofdeaconbro00brod/trialofdeaconbro00brod_djvu.txt

[muskyelon]

The Mummy: Was it Worth it? (My Reaction)

I just got back from The Mummy. The first film in Universal Studio's new Dark Universe, where they make new versions of a load of old horror favourites. The Mummy: The 2017 film is a reboot of The Mummy: The 1999 film.

Before I get into any kind of summary of this film I'll just say how I feel about it right now. It's... fine. It's not the worst thing out there. It's not the best thing either. Although, it's not good. It falls down in many places. Tom Cruise spends most of the film walking around confused and occasionally punching things. Annabelle Wallis as Jennifer Halsey is really competent and good at her job. Of course, she does become a damsel in distress but we won't get into that quite yet. Sofia Boutella as Ahmanet (Technically the title character) does her best with frankly, limited material and Russel Crowe (My personal vendetta against the man aside) was fine.

If you don't want true spoilers for The Mummy I'd suggest you stop reading now.

The film begins and Cruise's character Nick is watching a group of Iraqi insurgents from on top of a hill with his good(?) friend Sgt. Vail. We know this will be a great film from the beginning because, our friends from the American military have decided to loot historical artefacts from the Middle East in order to sell the on the black market. But don't worry, Nicolas is only “Liberating” them. This film is not good.

After deciding to go to the men with guns Nickel and Vail get shot at a bunch so they call in an air strike. Because America. This opens a very large tomb in the ground which... Oh, wait actually this film started with a monologue by Russ Crowseph. He just told us about an Egyptian princess (Did they have princesses? Sorry, I'm not great on Ancient Egyptian government) and how she was beautiful but also ruthless! (But mainly beautiful) And how she did a pact with the God of Death, Set. She proceeds to kill her father and newborn brother for power reasons and then tries to stab a guy with a magic dagger for God Pact reasons. She's stopped and mummified alive (Didn't the mummification process involve the removal of vital organs and embalming with preservatives?) and left in a tomb. Which is the tomb that Nick the Wick finds... SPOOOOOOOOKYYY!

Jennifer Halsey, referred to as Jenny for the rest of the film arrives on the scene to call Nick an idiot and climb into the scary hole. Nick, Vail and Jenny enter the hole and find spooky things like, jewels, mummies, cobwebs, and liquid mercury. Nick notices the elaborate rope contraption which keeps something suspended in the air so he decides to shoot the rope. Nicolas isn't very smart. Or competent. Or good at his job. A sarcophagus comes out from a pool of mercury and spiders come out of the walls. One bits Vail but Nick the D*ck tells him they're not poisonous. Nick also has a vision where Ahmanet tells him that he is her Chosen. She says it in Egyptian and there's subtitles. So it's safe to assume Nick can see them too.

After this there's a pretty big hullabaloo. A plane crashes and Tom Cruise dies. Unfortunately Nick revives in the morgue naked. Jenny and two doctors walk in to see the newly alive corpse and promptly decide to!... Let him just walk out to a pub with Jenny? Oh. Oh yeah, for a second I thought anybody in this film apart from Jenny was competent. There's an actual reason she didn't ask any questions.

In the pub Jenny (Who's secretly clued in to what's going on here) asks Nick questions about how he survived. Actually this part makes no sense. None of Jenny's actions here make sense. And I know why.

There's a secret organisation in the Dark Universe that captures and deals with evil monsters. It is run- at least on the ground- by Dr. Henry Jekyll. Jenny is in this organisation and also fairly close to The Jekster. Nick only found the tomb because he stole a letter and map belonging to Jenny after sleeping with her. A map given to her by Henry! Meaning the whole time Jenny knows The Mummy is out there. Knows the story of Ahmanet. And knows it is entirely feasible for Nick to be able to come back to life! But for some reason, she is entirely convinced that Ahmanet isn't real! Refuses to believe that Nick is actually seeing visions of her! And for some reason thinks he escaped a plane crash, with no bloody parachute!

The reason for this is that originally Jennifer Halsey wasn't in the secret organisation whose name I've forgotten but is essentially the SCP foundation. It makes perfect sense. Jenny existed originally to just be the love interest for Nick. But after realising that then there would be literally no reason for Nick and Not-SCP to ever cross paths, they decided to write her in their. Without revising any of the script that took place before it was revealed she was in Not-SCP.

After this Ahmanet comes back to life and sucks the life force out of men by giving them the shift (french kissing). Nick shows up to check out her corpse. He gets captured. Jenny shows up in the middle of that God Pact from earlier. She gets captured. Nick shows us that he was able to easily escape his capture the whole time by beating up some zombies which are held together with bubblegum and paper clips. Ahmanet almost claims her first female victim, but she moved in for the shift too slow in an attempt to have all the menfolk pop a boner due to the HLA (Hot Lesbian Action) and Frank (I think that's his name?) stops her. (In fact they liked this scene so much that it gets repeated. Exactly the same. Ten minutes later.)

Jenny and Nick run away and it turns out there's a second maguffin required for the God Pact that had been stolen by the English during the Second Crusade. Also Ahmanet is naked. For the entire film. Except her nipples and vagina are covered by some exceptionally sticky bandaging, because the rest fell off.

Jenny and Nick end up in the SCP and Ahmanet was captured. They flute about for a while and eventually Jekyll turns to Hyde and beats up Nick a bit and Ahmanet escapes with the ole spider in the brain routine. Jenny and Nick get chased by a giant sandstorm because Ahmanet has the power to turn glass back to sand with her magic.

Oh! Also, Rusty Crowbar's monologue from earlier was from the newly discovered tomb of some Crusader knights. Turns out they had the Maguffin. So Ahmanet, who can actually turn anybody into zombie slaves regardless of how long they've been dead or whether or not she killed them, turns all the dead crusaders into zombles and gets them to kill the archaeologists that found the maguffin. It's a ruby. The other is a big knife.

Meanwhile Nick and Jenny get chased throught the London Tubeline by zombies. Then they get pushed through a door by a zombie into a strangely placed body of water. Like, they got shoved through a closed doorway. An obvious door. Remember that because it'll be bad writing in about thirty seconds. So the zombie goes in the water with them which turns out to be about twenty five feet deep and once it loses its grip, it falls harmlessly to the bottom.

Up until this point Jenny has been useless in every action scene and has been saved by Nick every time. Ahmanet shows up and drags Jenny underwater. Nick goes to save her. When he gets to the bottom the zombie from before is gone. Now, this is a minor annoyance because they've been shown to  turn to dust once they “die” but... what killed. It couldn't have been drowning because.

Bad Writing Alert!

The place the Jenny had been dragged through was actually the rest of the Crusader tomb. Which had been discovered maybe three days prior to this? Meaning that The Tube had been built. A doorway opened up. A door installed there. But nobody had ever actually gone into the water? Why was the door even built? Who makes a doorway to nothing? Whoever made that doorway should be sacked. Not only this but the dead knights came alive as zombies. Swimming ones. So... can they swim because they were underwater for so long? They can survive underwater indefinitely so what killed that one from before? Was he just so embarrassed at screwing up that he made himself disintegrate? Or maybe it's the option C. The writers weren't arsed having it make sense.

Nick gets dragged to the main tomb which was connected to Waterworld (Not associated with Kevin Costner) and discovers that his damsel can no longer be in distress because she's dead. Wait, what? She's dead? No. Yeah. Definitely dead. Well, it's okay because one brief beating and a broken leg later, Nick has stolen the now combined maguffins together. Ahmanet tries to convince him to go through with the ceremony which would have Set enter his body and actually it makes perfect sense. There isn't anything binding the two, it's just belived by Ahmanet that once Nick becomes Nick Ultra he'll marry her or whatever. Completely ignoring the fact that Set could take complete control and just go on a bit of a rampage.

Nick decides to stab himself with the dagger with no clue of whether or not the pact works if he does it to himself because he's real clever. He gets the god powers and gives Ahmanet the kill shift. Then he bring Jenny back to life somehow. He just says sorry a bunch and shouts at her corpse. That works I guess, after Jenny comes back to life he tells her he has to go and whatnot before disappearing.

To end the film Nick Ultra and the newly revived Vail (Whose corpse was missing, he was a ghost for he afterlife) ride through the desert on horses while Russel gives a monologue about the battle between good and evil.

This film wasn't good. The writing wasn't good, the characters were as cookie cutter as they come and The Mummy wasn't even the bad guy.

Ahmanet as I stated before spent basically all of her screen time naked and Jenny Halsey, who was actually fairly cool to begin with, literally died for the sake of giving Tom Cruise a reason to come back for a sequel. She was a damsel in distress who spent the film falling in love with a guy who had spent all of their first encounters either screwing her or screwing her over.

Nick doesn't develop as a character. He just ends up wanting to have sex with Jennifer but it's noble at the end I guess because he loves her now? Yeah, instead of character development he got literal god powers and a damsel.

Ahmanet is actually fairly sympathetic. Coming from a society  in which all of the cards were stacked against her it makes sense she'd get desperate to hold on to the power that she had earned. Through years of y'know, working for it.

Jekyll is just there to show off the fact that it's a shared universe now.

Vail, well he's just around.

The film uses pretty basic shots and sound design. Spooky music happens when a scary is coming up and we get lots of still cam shots when anything is happening. Like, literally anything. There's awkward cuts sometimes and it can be a bit jarring when the camera gets all shaky because “an action sequence” happens. But that's really it. They were too busy trying to fit Not-SCP into the script to worry about things like cinematography and sound design.

The film tried its best to make the viewer thoroughly engrossed in the universe and even went so far as to give us some really high stakes but that alone wasn't enough to make up for the fact that this film was mediocre on all counts AND treated women pretty damn crappy. And also Russel Crowe is a shitebag.

Final Score: 3/10

[riffrelevant]

Article By: Pat ‘Riot’ Whitaker, Senior Writer/Journalist ‡ Edited By: Leanne Ridgeway, Owner/Chief Editor

It is March 25th, 1988 and Night Flight, a late night visual arts and variety show on television’s USA Network each weekend, is about to show viewers something entirely different… and they shall never be the same.

It is, of course, the age of the music video and this program is on the verge of airing one titled “Prime Mover” from the British sleaze rock act, ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION. The number is musically inspired by the U.K. space rock collective Hawkwind’s 1977 track “Quark, Strangeness And Charm“, its video directed by Adrian “Ade” Edmondson of “The Young Ones” fame. Ultimately, neither one of these facts will mean much of anything when people get an eyeful of this leather-clad band, and then hear their music. Yes, it is the latter that they’re going to find most impressive, hopefully… or altogether hate.

Mark Manning is a graphic artist at the time, and former art editor at the then-defunct Flexipop! Magazine that had folded in 1982. It was while working there that Manning was introduced to a frequently visiting flow of rock stars and their hedonistically decadent lifestyles… and he wants in. It would be a few years still, but soon enough, Manning is working as a graphic designer at another publication, Metal Fury, when he begins to undergo a transformation.

The change is taking place during his hours off from work, Manning experiencing an evolutionary-like leap (or in some’s eyes, perhaps a devolution) on the scale of characters from Robert Louis Stevenson’s literary work, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Much like that strange case, Mark assumes an alter ego role, that of Zodiac Mindwarp – an anti-social looking sort, like a greasy biker from the cast of some forgotten 70’s exploitative B-movie. What he is, and what he has become, is something that really surprises no one that has known Manning for any length of time, and soon, he aligns himself with similar like-minded outcasts.

ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION is officially given life in 1985, joining Zed (as he is known to his friends) in the band are guitarist Rockman Rock (aka Jimmy Cauty), bassist Kid Chaos (aka Stephen Harris), and drummer Boom Boom Kaboomski (real name unavailable). Of course the latter part of the band’s name was culled from the most unlikeliest of sources, but there it was, in the lyrics of the third verse of The Boss’ “Dancing In The Dark“.

Soon, the band is signed to the Phonogram Records subsidiary, the Food label, and 1986 would be the year that ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION begin their campaign to dominate Rock ‘N Roll. It begins in May that year with the “Wild Child” single,  recorded with Zodiac on vocals and guitar, Kid Chaos on bass, and Jake Le Mesurier on drums. The band’s name has already become a thing of high praise and acclaim among the denizens of the “Grebo” movement (or “Grebo rock”), a British musical sub-genre incorporating influences from punk rock, electronic dance music, hip hop, and psychedelia.

Though ZM&TLR look the part of the term’s earliest intended targets – the word “grebo” was originally used as a slang term for bikers and rock music fans with long hair – the word is being re-fashioned by the group Pop Will Eat Itself in 1986. They use it in song titles and soon, it becomes a thing unto itself, a music genre sublet that in time will include such acts as Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, The Wonder Stuff, Scum Pups, Jesus Jones, and Gaye Bykers On Acid. Before ’86 is over,  ZM&TLR release the “High Priest Of Love” EP which soon lands in the #1 slot of the U.K. Indie Chart.

Truth is, ZM&TLR are pretty much the antithesis of the Grebo look, a polar opposite to its colorful shorts and clean shaves. Zed & Co. opt for a rather more psychedelic, drug addled, Mad Max-ian appearance melded with the German SS ala iron crosses, skulls, black leather, and sometimes, storm trooper helmets.

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HIGH PRIEST OF LOVE EP

TATTOOED BEAT MESSIAH

By the end of 1986, ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION play the U.K.’s packed Reading Festival before thousands of fans. Not bad for a band that had their first gig at the 500 capacity Dingwalls in London less than a year before. Yes, it is evident that the band’s misanthropic imagery is not having an anti-social effect whatsoever, and even more intriguing, their music and its lyrical contents are finding an audience. Chock full of flamboyant, chest-thumping proclamations derived from a raging libido, Mindwarp’s tongue-in-cheek ravings are pure camp despite their often lascivious and misogynist tone.

By the next year, the band has new blood in the form of lead guitarist Cobalt Stargazer (real name Geoff Bird), rhythm guitarist Flash Bastard (real name Jan Cyrka), and drummer Slam Thunderhide (real name Stephen Landrum). Also, bassist Kid Chaos has left to join another popular rising band, The Cult, so enter Trash D. Garbage (real name Paul Bailey). The band continues their ascension to sonic glory with more U.K. single releases in 1987, including “Prime Mover” and “Backseat Education“.

However, for any British band, there is only one thing that seems to equate as having “made it” or being successful, and that is acceptance across the pond, in the United States. In February of 1988, ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION release their first full-length album, “Tattooed Beat Messiah“, through the Vertigo label, another subsidiary of Phonogram. The album contains remixed versions of the singles released the previous year, alongside several new songs too, including a cover of the Steppenwolf classic, “Born To Be Wild“, in some markets.

The album explodes in a music scene being dominated by acts like Poison and Bon Jovi but true anti-authoritarian types know the deal. “Tattooed Beat Messiah” is the dividing line, where such horrid pop fluff shall not pass, and it spawns several subsequent video tie-ins to tracks like “Backseat Education“, “Planet Girl“, and of course, “Prime Mover“.

Ultimately, it has the desired outcome as ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION are placed on a 1988  U.S. tour bill, alongside Guns & Roses, supporting Alice Cooper. After just a few dates, ZM&TLR are bumped up on the roster, now playing after G ‘N R , before Alice Cooper. Several of the band members appear with Slash, Axl Rose and Alice Cooper in a performance of Cooper’s “Under My Wheels” for the feature film music documentary, “The Decline Of Western Civilization: Part II“.

Tours with Motörhead and Iron Maiden only serve to increase the frenzied hysteria about the band, it’s growing like a raging wildfire and soon, they’re designated the new rock royalty, placing them in the ranks of bands like Circus Of Power, Warrior Soul, and Monster Magnet.

Yet, for every high there is a low, for every climb, a descent, and somehow, some way, ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION were about to experience theirs. At some point in all of this, the band is informed that “Tattooed Beat Messiah” failed to sell well in the United States, resulting in them being dropped by their record label while burdened with large, outstanding debts. It doesn’t add up, literally, as the album had ignited like a fuse, spawning five official videos that received regular rotation airplay on MTV, and the channel’s “Headbangers Ball“. That show’s host, Ricki Rachtman, claims the band as one of his all time favorites, and one of the most underrated bands of the era.

Not ready to give up the ghost yet, ZM&TLR release a sophomore album, “Hoodlum Thunder“, through the only label that would seemingly sign them at this point, Musidisc. Despite critical acclaim for the album, there is no hysterical fanfare this time, no arenas to rock, yet it’s probably a safe bet that some grope-ready groupies still thronged the band. The album spawns a handful of singles including “Elvis Died For You” and “Meanstreak“, and one of its cuts, “Feed My Frankenstein“, ends up being re-recorded by Alice Cooper, and released on his 1991 Hey Stoopid album (and featured in the 1992 movie Wayne’s World).

  Truth is, things will never quite be the same for ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION as they increasingly cycle through a revolving door of musicians. This includes bassists Suzi X, Tex Diablo and Kev Reverb, along with such drummers as Robbie Vom and The Apocalypse. They continue to release consistent output like “Live At Reading“, “My Life Story“, and “One More Knife”, but the band eventually goes on a hiatus, remaining inactive for a decade before resurfacing again around 2002.

“I Am Rock” arrives that year, another live album, “Weapons Of Mass Destruction” in 2004, “Rock Savage” in 2005, and the following year, 2006 brings “Pandora’s Grisly Handbag”, a 1986 live album and DVD pairing. Through all of this, the persona and over-the-top character that is Zodiac Mindwarp never dilutes nor seeks a PG rating. The dangerously deranged, gargantuan genius of Mark Manning continues to expand, authoring multiple books containing memoirs about his sordid sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll experiences simultaneously as the band issues albums.

In 1996, he pens Bad Wisdom (with Bill Drummond), while Crucify Me Again (2000), Get Your Cock Out (2000), Fucked By Rock: The Unspeakable Confessions Of Zodiac Mindwarp (2001), Collateral Damage, and The Wild Highway (2005, again with Drummond) all follow.

2010’s “We Are Volsung” album, featuring the cast of Zodiac Mindwarp with guitarist Cobalt Stargazer, bassist Jack Shitt, and drummer Bruno ‘The Cat’ Agua, is released via SPV/Steamhammer. Recently, the current edition of ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION featuring Z and Cobalt, Beast Of Ante (bass) and the returned Robbie Vom (drums), have toured in celebration of the 30th anniversary of  the “Tattooed Beat Messiah” release.

When all is said and done, the larger than life cosmic rock deity that is Zodiac Mindwarp, as well as his more human alter ego, Mark Manning, will be a subject regaled across the infinite celestial. Tales, legends and mythologies, if not entire theologies, will be devoted to the praise and edification of the Tattooed Beat Messiah. You know, the “Christ in shades“, the “napalm god“, the “Sex führer, baby”, the “love dictator…living detonator“- Mister Prime Mover himself.

Oldschool Sunday: ZODIAC MINDWARP AND THE LOVE REACTION Article By: Pat 'Riot' Whitaker, Senior Writer/Journalist ‡ Edited By: Leanne Ridgeway, Owner/Chief Editor It is March 25th, 1988 and…

[vileart]

The Delights of Dramaturgy: Rosalind Blessed @ Edfringe 2017

Rosalind Blessed 

presents: 

The Delights of Dogs and the Problems of People

Space Triplex Studios I 4 – 26 August

The Delights of Dogs and the Problems of People is a harrowing and darkly funny exploration of the path to domestic abuse, exposing the delicacy of relationship dynamics and blame. Drawing from personal experience, it is written by and starring Rosalind Blessed in her first full length play. Directed by Caroline Devlin. 

The play sharply observes the torture of human-to-human love and the unconditional nature of dog-to-human love and loyalty. Taking both visceral and comedic approaches to storytelling, the play tackles the real inner workings of a rotting relationship, the obsessiveness of love and the horror it can inflict on two people who think they just want to be together. 

1. The inspiration for this performance was to share some of my personal experiences from unhealthy and abusive relationships, to act as a warning. I wanted to say that it is very easy to find yourself in a dangerous situation – that you are not stupid and that you are not alone. I didn’t want to portray victim and villain but vulnerable and faulted humans. 

I also wanted to advocate for rescue dogs, particularly the Staffordshire Bull Terrier, who are very often treated cruelly by humans and demonised in the press. The cages of my local rescue centre are filled with Staffs. The empathy I have received from them over the years has helped me through my darkest human times. I am not overstating to say the love of my dogs has been a literal life saver.

2. I hadn’t realised quite how much dialogue would be opened up by this piece until it’s run at The Courtyard Theatre. After each performance people would feel empowered to tell me their life experiences afterwards. The problems are so much more widespread than I had realised. 

I suppose we tend to keep these experiences of abuse to ourselves as there is such a feeling of residual shame. The beauty of the level of immersion in watching an intimate play like this is that it unlocked that isolation. Watching an honest piece clearly made the audience feel less alone and able to talk. 

Some found it so close to home that they found it difficult to sit through, which made me sad but afterwards the general feeling was that if punches had been pulled that it would be doing all of us who had experienced these things a disservice. 

It also proved useful for a lovely woman in the legal system who works with abusers. There is some possibility of taking the show to prisons – the idea being if abusers could see their actions at a remove that they might be able to get past their denial.

3. To be honest the approach to the creation of the play was a great deal of trial and error. It was developed over a few years working with several very talented actors. 

It started as an idea for a 5 minute short play about a woman eulogising next to a small grave – the assumption being she is talking about her child, then it is revealed she is talking about her dog. This then became extended into a one act play about the sadness of a relationship ending which finally grew to the darker full length piece it is now. 

I had several small runs in London which I directed myself and I learned a huge amount from my actors and audience about what was reaching out. 

When the play reached it’s final form I stepped down as director and played the female part myself as the subject matter was so incredibly close to me. I was always fluid to suggestions from my casts to change and improve as we worked. I’m sure that will happen again over this rehearsal period….it’s never finished!

4. All my productions use humour to deal with pretty grim subject matter. I think you have a better chance of reaching a person if you allow them to have a giggle at the mistakes that we make. I certainly tend to switch off a bit if things are too earnest so I attempt to maintain an irreverent tone in all. 

There is quite a bit of direct audience connection / participation in my work. In the past the audience have been fed and even given vodka jelly shots! In this slightly more serious piece the audience are still directly addressed and one of the actors actually becomes the dog so you can pet him! 

This inclusion hopefully makes the audience at times feel like friend and confidant and sometimes guilty voyeur.

5. I hope the audience will experience laughter, sadness, horror and anger but ultimately leave uplifted. I hope they will feel a sense of camaraderie with both the actors and fellow audience members as they go on this challenging journey.

6. I think honesty is the best policy. I think if you are as honest as you can be with your production the more likely the audience will trust you with their response. I also hope that the humour and quirky structure and approach will keep everyone engaged as we ask them to look at some pretty challenging stuff.  

The stark honesty of Blessed’s writing creates material that is both funny and discomforting, as the play flits between the present and the past. In this two-hander, one of the actors doubles as the dog, juxtaposing the human-to-human and human-to-dog relationships and ultimately highlighting the sinister potential of human behaviour.  

"I have experienced several abusive relationships and found it difficult to forgive myself for allowing that to happen. Exploring the two characters in this story enabled me to better understand how easy it is for things to go badly wrong for both parties - to slip into abuser and abused without even realising it. It is a widespread problem and I wanted people to know that they are not weak or stupid or wrong or evil. And most of all that they are not alone.”

Rosalind Blessed.

 “The play of the year for me was The Delights of Dogs and the Problems of People – funny, moving, insightful, and ridiculously well acted. In an orderly world it would run for a 100 years. Rosalind Blessed and Duncan Wilkins will break your heart whilst making you think, which is the hallmark of a great drama. Definitely the play to see at this year’s festival fringe.”

Andrew O’Hagan, New York Times

Space Triples Studios

19 Hill Place EH8 9DP

Box office 0131 510 2395

Previews Aug 4-5 £6

August 7-12 4pm; 14-19 12.30pm; 21-26 4pm

All other shows £10/£8

75 minutes

Rosalind Blessed

Blessed trained at the Central School of Speech and Drama. Roles include, Henrietta in The Hollow (Mill at Sonning), Gonoril in King Lear (Guildford Shakespeare) with her father in the title role, Emilia in Othello, Wife of Bath in Canterbury Tales, (Southwark Playhouse) Tamora in Titus Andronicus (Arcola) Molly Brown in Iceburg Right Ahead (The Gatehouse), Sylvia Plath in Letters Home (New End Theatre) 

As a writer Rosalind has written with many sketch shows but most notably many years of Fat Hammond’s Bango Lounge, which went to the fringe twice. She co-wrote Wedded Bliss and Wedded Bliss – Through Therapy (Lion and Unicorn). She wrote two one act plays Smothy and Lottie (The Etcetera Theatre). The Delights of Dogs and The Problems of People is her first full length play. She is working on the next, a play examining mental health issues called Just Sick.

Duncan Wilkins

Duncan trained at The Royal Central School of Speech and Drama and the Moscow Arts Theatre. Theatre credits include: Romeo & Juliet (MokitaGrit, The Chocolate Factory), The Return of the Exile (The Yard Theatre; Athinais Theatre, Athens), La Dispute (Owl Farm Theatre, Edinburgh), A Life in Theatre (Hiraeth Productions, Upstairs at the Gatehouse), The Government Inspector (Gravel, The Tabard Theatre), A Dreamland Sideshow Christmas (Tom Thumb Theatre), SUN (National Art Service, St Leonard's Church, Shoreditch).

Caroline Devlin, Director

Trained: Drama Centre London, has been a professional actress for 21 years and latterly a Director also. For The Guildford Shakespeare Company: A Winters Tale, (2016) King Lear (2015), Othello (2014), Macbeth (2013), The Merry Wives of Windsor (The Public Reviews pick of 2012) and Richard III in (2012), Hamlet in (2011). For Creation Theatre Company, Oxford: Jekyll and Hyde (2012), Kean Productions: In Extremis (2012) and R-3 with her own company, Centre Five Productions, (Off West End Award nomination for Best Director). Caroline is excited to be returning to Edinburgh, her last production being Eunuchs in my Wardrobe written by and starring Silas Carson in 2011. Caroline is currently writing her third play, which will be produced by the Guildford Shakespeare Company in Autumn 2017.

from the vileblog http://ift.tt/2qTbEDg

[titoslondon-blog]

New Post has been published on Titos London

#Blog New Post has been published on http://www.titoslondon.com/the-2017-hot-list-instyles-annual-rising-stars-portfolio-of-the-names-you-need-to-know/

The 2017 Hot List: InStyle's Annual Rising Stars Portfolio Of The Names You Need To Know

Bill Milner

Age: 21

Originally from… Surrey, UK

You’ll recognise him… as that kid in the hilarious Son of Rambow (Bill was only 12 when he landed the role) He’s since gone onto to star in X-Men: First Class and Anthropoid plus this month makes his Netflix debut alongside Maisie Williams in iBoy, the streaming service’s first movie based on Kevin Brooks’s 2010 young adult novel, about a teenager who gains iPhone -related superpowers.

Can you remember what the first VHS or DVD you bought?

When I was 13 or 14 years old I started watching films properly. My friend and I were obsessed with Christopher Nolan’s Batman. That one of the first times I realised films could have a deeper kind of story and started to notice the difference between huge blockbusters and Indie.

Do you think Netflix is starting a whole new genre?

Yeah, the consumer is so different now. It’s given us a great opportunity for long-form storytelling. People kind of think it’s ‘binging’ if you watch three episodes on television but really that’s like 2-3 hours, that’s a film! And if you do that a few nights in a row you’ve watched like 9 hours of a story and you are really following the characters. I would rather prefer an opportunity to do a series to really get in deep with the character. That’s more exciting!

What was it like making iBoy?

I was surprised how much more creative control Netflix give. They were quite happy for us to do what we wanted with regards to how far we took the language and how dark we wanted it to be.

Do you think you’re going to recognized a lot more because of its reach?

Hmmm maybe. It’s exciting that it’s always going to be online. Like in ten years time people could still be stumbling across it.

What word do you always overuse?

Well I know that in interviews a lot of actors use word “exciting” which I’m guilty of too. Like ‘I’m excited to work with them’ and ‘this is a really exciting project!’ Everything is always ‘exciting.’

What was the last lie you told?

I’m much of a liar really. If I have to lie…hmmm I actually just avoid it. Like if someone says: ‘Oh are you free this week?’ and I just don’t want to see them I just don’t text them back. It’s avoiding but also I’m being honest.

Tell us your signature cocktail?

Whiskey sours. I made them last night. My top tip? Don’t use pre-squeezed lemon juice, you have to squeeze the lemons yourself. I know it’s long but it make a big difference.

Your top three most used emojis?

That laughy-cry one. A heart. And the nail paint, for when you want to just snap someone out.

Pearl Mackie

Age: 29

Originally from… London

You’ll recognize her from… West End hit The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and BBC’s daytime soap Doctors. But you’re going to be seeing way more of her in 2017 when she makes her Doctor Who debut as Peter Capaldi’s companion.

Was acting always the career plan?

Always! Apparently when I was five my mum was washing my hair on a Sunday night before school in front of Saint Louis. Judy Garland was singing the trolley song and I turned to my mum and said I want to do that.

Where were you when you got the Doctor Who call to say you’d got it?

At home with my housemate. The whole process was mad. At the recall I read with Peter and it was all really hush hush, the whole process was like being in M15. Then my agent called me to tell me I got it. There were tears. I had to call her back and say ‘look I’ve imagined that moment a lot so please can you tell me it did actually happen!’

Have you met any fans yet?

They’re incredible. I went to Comic Con in New York and there was a girl dressed exactly like me. The trailer I appear in is only two minutes long but she had really nailed it.

Has anyone given you any good advice?

On my first day of filming Jenna Coleman sent me a bunch of flowers with a note saying that I didn’t need any advice but if she was to tell me anything it would be something that Karen has passed onto her. And that was to tell me not to eat the faggots in the canteen. They had them on the menu the other day and I was like no way!

How do you feel about Peter leaving?

I’m so sad but I’m just happy I got to work with him. He’s such a generous actor. I’m very new to camera acting and all the technical stuff and he will always check if I’m ok. We really get into the scenes and he’s very open to my opinions.

Your go-to karaoke song?

Journey’s Don't Stop Believing. That’s embarrassing.

Word or phrase you overuse?

Literally. I literally use it all the time.

Trait you value most in your friends?

Honesty. Even if I look like shit I’d rather you’d tell me.

Monday motivation?

I love those quotes on Instagram. Mine would be ‘This too shall pass.’ It’s not always going to be Monday. Just get up and go.

Go to cocktail?

I’m a classic gin and tonic gal. I love a Hendricks with a slice of cucumber.

Blake Harrison

Age: 21

Originally from… London

You’ll recognise him from… The Inbetweeners, where Blake played the hilarious dopey Neil for seven years and last year starred alongside Catherine Zeta Jones and Bill Nighy in the cinematic remake of Dad’s Army. Next up he’s swapping comedy for drama taking on roles in ITV’s Prime Suspect prequel Tennison and BBC thriller Trust Me.

Do you still get lots of people stopping you in the street and asking you to do Neil impressions from the Inbetweeners?

There’s a lot. But you know, that’s just the test of the time. I can’t knock it, it’s just is what it is.

Was it hard to avoid being typecast?

Some people are so into the show that they are quite disappointed when they realize you’re not quite that character. But I feel quite lucky with my next roles. In Tennison I play a hot-tempered police officer in the 70s. And in Trust Me I play a recovering alcoholic. That’s really the fun of acting, playing a variety of roles with different types of people.

And now you’re venturing into directing too?

My lovely wife wrote a play and I thought I’d love to make it into a short film. Directing was always something I had in mind but I’m just starting and quickly learning that there is a lot more to it than I originally thought. The note sessions with my wife are interesting too!!

What’s your signature cocktail?

We had Christmas party last year and I made eggnog for the first time and it was delicious. I just followed a recipe off the Internet. It went down incredibly well. That was a real surprise for everyone involved.

What’s the most romantic thing your wife has done for you?

She tried to throw a surprise party for me but she was really rubbish at keeping it a secret. But she tried and that was romantic. I did something really great for our proposal. I made our mutual friend pretend to book a holiday to Paris and then tell us they couldn’t go so did we want the tickets. Then I got my parents involved so when my wife called them to ask them to look after our daughter they were like ‘Oh this is very last minute…’ When we got to Paris I got down on one knee outside the Sacre-Coeur. She was totally shocked.

What are the most used emoji you’ve got?

I don’t like using them. At my age I slightly missed them. But I sometimes use the monkey covering his eyes. Maybe my vocabulary is too small but I can’t think of something that describes the monkey covering its eyes in just one word.

Tom Bateman

Age: 28

Originally from… Oxford, UK

You’ll recognise him… as the violent table-smashing Robert Jekyll in ITV’s Jekyll and Hyde and as a handsome and hilarious Shakespeare in the stage adaption of Tom Stoppard’s Shakespeare In Love. Next up you’ll see him playing Amy Schumer’s love interest in Snatched and he stars as Bouc in the 2017 version of Murder On The Orient Express alongside Johnny Depp.

So was acting always the plan?

I grew up in Oxford, that’s where my fake posh accent comes from! I wanted to be a thousand different things but I didn’t have the commitment to do any of them. But my family is all very creative so it stems from there. I’ve got thirteen siblings!

Hang on, what?

I’ve got a twin, we’re not identical but my baby brother actually really looks like me. And then there are 10 others. Some are half siblings.

What do they think of your career?

I come from a very modest background so when I told my parents they said: ‘We can’t support you but chase what makes you happy.’ I think that is good advice. They were very happy that I found something that I loved doing for living.

You’ve come straight to tonight’s party from the set of Murder On The Orient Express. What’s it like?

Stunning! Before Christmas we were filming on a 70ft high mountain range. All the action takes place on and around the train. My character Bouc owns the train and is Poirot’s best friend. I help him in solving the case.

You’re working with some pretty impressive co-stars?

It’s like Hollywood royalty. We’ve got like Derek Jacobi, Judi Dench, Olivia Colman, and then there’s Johnny Depp, Daisy Ridley and Penelope Cruz too. So it’s basically everyone! I had to do a scene which was a speech in front of the whole cast and I said ‘this is like being at the at Oscars.’

In Snatched you star alongside Amy Schumer. Is she as hilarious IRL?

She is great! She is absolutely hugely intelligent and also very sensitive. A real laughing person to those around her. But she is actually quite shy if you really get to know her.

Has a co-star ever given you good advice?

You learn by seeing. Working with Judi Dench, I mean she is heaven on Earth. The way she treats people as well as acts, you think this is who I aspire to be.

What’s your go-to karaoke song?

I once won a competition once with Easy – Commodores.

What word or phrase do you overuse?

Probably ‘Lots of love.’ I say it to everyone!

What’s your go-to cocktail?

A Negroni. Go big or go home! And it’s the only one I can make.

Most used emojis?

I genuinely don’t know what those are. Are they like smiley faces? I don’t use those. I think they’re shortcuts and awful. I don’t really text, I like phone calls.

So you’re not into social media either?

No f**k that. I was and felt like I was selling my soul. I mean do we really need to see photos of what people are eating for breakfast?

From left – right: Sacha Dhawan, Rory Fleck-Byrne and Scott Arthur

Sacha Dhawan

Age: 33

Originally from… Stockport

You’ll know him from… 24: His big James Bond moment in Live Another Day, as well as gritty crime drama Line of Duty, and the period drama for fashionistas Mr. Selfridge

When did you first describe yourself as an actor?

I used to tap dance when I was a kid and the teacher said to my parents, ‘ His tap dancing’s not bad but he should really go into performing.’ She set me up with an agent in Manchester and soon after I was cast in a children’s series, Out of Sight, at the age of 12. So around about then, I guess.

Does the acting bug run in the family?

No but both of my parents are singers. My Dad is huge fan of Elvis so he sings and my Mum is a beautiful Indian singer. They’ve got more confidence to get up in front of the family than me. Because I’m an actor, they’re always trying to get me to do a monologue. I’m, like, guys, no WAY.

What was the first VHS/ DVD you bought?

Making Michael Jackson’s Thriller by Douglas Kirkland and also – this is really embarrassing – Dirty Dancing. Me and my sister used to watch it on endless repeat.

Have you ever had any on-set disasters?

Sometimes you think you’re invincible and, one time, I had to throw a guy over my shoulder. The producer said, ‘We’ll get you a double,’ but I was insistent on doing it myself. And then I went and dislocated my shoulder.

What’s your go-to karaoke song?

Summer Nights from the Grease soundtrack. I might even put it on Spotify on the way home.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most?

'Imagination’ and ‘mate.’ I call guys and girls ‘mate.’ It's a northern thing.

You’ve got friends coming around for drinks. Tell us your signature cocktail.

Espresso Martinis to perk everyone up a bit. Or set them up for a fall.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you in London?

For my thirtieth, my significant other told me we were just going out for dinner. But she’d booked a restaurant and invited all of my closest friends, which was amazing given that she’d never even met half of them. It was perfect.

Rory Fleck-Byrne

Age: 27 Originally from… Ireland

You’ll recognise him… from films including The Quiet Ones and Vampire Academy plus this year you’ll spot him starring alongside Pierce Brosnan in thriller The Foreigner.

What was the fist VHS you bought? I think it was the Lion King. I feel so sorry for adults that didn’t watch it during their childhood. It is like the Lion King is our Hamlet.

What’s been your worst on-set disaster?

When I was doing a fight exam for a role my sword broke so I had to keep styling it out. I was trying to put it back together but couldn’t. I ended up with a bit of blade in my bare hand. I think I can handle anything after that.

Has a co-star ever given you some good advice?

Pierce Brosnan. He is a very open, connected and grounded individual. He kept saying to me: ‘Stay open, live well, be good to yourself. It was more about how I looked after myself as opposed to my career or how I acted. Just watching him was a lesson in itself really.

What’s your Monday morning motivation motto?

I watch Meryl Streep making her speech at the Golden Globes. That kind of shit that will get you out of bed.

Tell us your signature cocktail recipe? A Negroni. And I have just tried a chocolate Negroni for the first time. You just add a bit of Mozart chocolate Liqueur. Some mixologists think it is wrong, but I am all about it.

What are your three most used emojis? The dancing senorita, peace and the concrete face. It is so random

Scott Arthur Age: 23

You’ll recognise him from… his big-screen debut alongside Jack O’Connell in the harrowing The Somnambulists, and last year played the lead in Bridgend, a drama that explored a mysterious real life suicide cluster that took place in Wales. Next up he joins Shia Labeouf in Borg Vs McEnroe, that looks at the epic 1980 Wimbledon final match.

What was the fist VHS/ DVD you bought? I spent my pocket money on Wayne’s World. I loved Mike Myers as a child. And I remember going to Blockbuster with my parents and I begged and begged for them to buy the Lion King, It is my favourite Disney movie by far.

Tell us about the best advice a co-star has given you? Shia LaBeouf said to me ‘Do what you want and don’t do anything else’, which is what Brad Pitt had told him. A lot of actors get told to do what ever is given to you, and as much as I think that is sound advice, I think you need to be more responsible and have your own ownership over what you do. Always do what your gut tells you, if your gut is saying no, get out of there. Your gut will always tell you what is the truth, what is real and good and what is bullshit. Don’t do any old shit because you will either end up hating it or yourself in it.

What’s your go-to karaoke song? I am quite alternative, I like doing women’s songs like the Beautiful South. And being Welsh, the Stereophonics. It gets the crowd going, not like there is ever a crowd!

What word or phrase do you overuse the most? In Wales we basically say the word ‘mun’ at the end of a sentence. So you would say something like ‘For god’s sake, mun’. It is Welsh colloquialism. I swear a lot as well which is quite bad, but I read something the other day that intelligent people like to swear a lot so…

What’s your Monday morning motivation?

I don’t have my phone by my bed any more. I have an alarm clock instead. So if I am not doing anything I will just sleep and wake up when I want to wake up. If I have got work my alarm goes off, I shower, and then I check my phone. Because of this day and age, we all wake up and check our phones but I was like I can’t do this any more. I struggle some times but I do it.

What’s your go to getting ready for a party song? If I am going to a club I quite like hip hop, maybe a little bit of Drake or Kanye West. Anything that has a good beat or base and makes you go ‘F**k yeah I am loving this’.

Hermione Corfield Age: 23 Originally from… London You’ll know her from… Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation with Tom Cruise, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies plus war TV drama The Halcyon. This year she stars in xXx: Return of Xander Cage alongside Vin Diesel, and King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, directed by Guy Ritchie.

What was the first VHS/DVD you bought? I was given Top Cat in my Christmas stocking when I was four years old. However, I remember I had actually wanted The Aristrocats but I just wrote on my list ‘the cat film’ so I ended up with Top Cat.

What has been your most challenging role? Playing Emma Garland in The Halcyon just due to the sheer volume of it. We filmed six days a week for five months. So stamina wise definitely that.

Have you ever had any funny on-set disasters? I have spilt coffee on myself multiple times. I’m always told to wear a dressing gown and don’t and then end up almost in tears saying ‘I am so so sorry I have done it again!’ And I corpse (film slang for spontaneous laughing) a lot as well. That is a big one for me!

What word or phrase do you overuse the most? ‘That’s it.’ I always say ‘that’s it.’ My friend from Wales is like where did you pick that up from it is so Welsh?

What’s your Monday morning motivation? Music. I just blast it on my speakers.

Tell us your signature cocktail recipe? I am quite good at making a mescal, lime coriander and chilli thing that I learnt in Mexico.

Eoin Macken

Age: 34

Originally from… Dublin

You’ll know him from… Sixteenth Century small screen romp The Tudors, TV fantasy series Merlin, and fast paced hospital drama The Night Shift

When did you first describe yourself as an ‘actor’

I still feel like I’m learning and becoming an actor. Make sense?

What was the first VHS/ DVD you bought?

The French film La Haine. I bought the special edition and I remember being very excited, because it was hard to get your hands on.

What’s been your most challenging role?

Killing Jesus with Kelsey Grammer, because I was playing Herod Antipas, an unlikeable character who put the thorns on Jesus’s head. It was my job to make the audience warm to him. I tried to understand him in terms of politics, how people are put in positions and you can’t always necessarily judge them.

Have you had any on-set accidents?

I cut up my wrist punching a window once. I was in character and I didn’t realise I’d actually sliced it open. I carried on filming when I really should have got it seen to. When I finally went to hospital the nurse had to reopen the wound and take the glass out. She gave me a big telling off.

What’s your go-to karaoke song?

Ice-Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice. It can’t really fail. People are genuinely amused even if you’re terrible.

What was the last lie you told?

That I’d be at this event in five minutes when I knew I was really half-an-hour away.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most?

You know?’ It’s in every other sentence.

What’s your Monday morning motivation?

Give me a pot of coffee with cinnamon and a newspaper on a Monday morning and I’m all set.

What’s your go-to getting ready for a party song?

Come Together by Primal Scream

You’ve got friends coming around for drinks. Tell us your signature cocktail.

Straight whisky. Then you know who you’re real friends are because they’ll drink it with you.

What are your top three most used emojis?

The smiley face with the wink, the one where the eyes look totally perplexed and the jazz hands. Usually all at once.

Patrick Gibson

Age: 21

Originally from… Ireland

You’ll recognise him from… The OA, where he plays the terrifying Steve Winchell, the deeply troubled bully who strikes up a friendship with Prairie played by Brit Marling. Next up he stars alongside Idris Elba and Abraham Lewis in Guerrilla plus he has landed the lead role The White Princess, the highly anticipated follow-up to historical drama series The White Queen

What was the first VHS/DVD you bought? Donny Darko. It is to this day one of my favourite films. I remember I got a portable DVD for Christmas, which I’d watch it on. That’s so weird because now you just watch it on your phone.

What’s been your most challenging role? Every role is in its own way is quite challenging, I feel like I am starting from scratch every time. It is always different approaching every character. The OA was tough in a lot of ways, physically but also emotionally which I didn’t realise at the time.

What about funny on-set disasters?

This probably doesn’t sound that funny, but in hindsight it is kind of. So there was a scene that we did in OA where I have my dog with me and I basically tell it to attack Prairie – which is Brit Marling’s character. One of the dogs was extra aggressive in real life and I was told not to say attack at the end of the scene because it really would attack. It was like a three-minute scene and we got really into it. At the end I shouted ‘Attack’ and it did. It really went for Brit. But luckily the dog was well trained enough that he stopped mid air.

What’s your go-to getting ready for a party song? It’s so corny. I didn’t even realise I was this cheesy…but it has got to be Drake. Any Drake tunes.

Tell us your signature cocktail recipe? I made mojitos for two years, not in my house but in an actual bar, so mojitos it has got to be.

What are your top three most used emojis? Without looking at my phone? The glitter stars one, the wave and the dancing girl in the red dress. Do you have a strategy for making it big or do you think it is all about luck? I don’t know if I want to make it big in the conventional sense of being a celebrity. My strategy is hopefully to always do work that I am genuinely passionate about and scripts that I really believe in. And to think if there was no money involved would you still want to do it.

Abraham Lewis Age: 21 Originally from…London You’ll recognise him from… How to Talk to Girls at Parties where he played the smooth talking Vic. Next up he stars alongside Idris Elba in Sky Atlantic political drama Guerilla.

What do your family make of your career choice?

When my mum who is an actor told my grandfather who is also an actor that I wanted to do acting too along with my sister he said ‘Oh fuck not another one!’ My dad is an actor too and he was quite cautious as knows how tough this industry is but they are all amazingly supportive now.

What has been your most challenging role? In Guerilla I play a heroin addict and had to loose 25 pounds in a month and a half to do it. And also the headspace of an addict is really weird so that left me feeling quite low at times.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most? I think everyone my age overuses the word ‘like’. I hate it when I use it.

What’s your Monday morning motivation? When I was going to the gym a lot for Guerilla I started watching these YouTube videos by a guy called The Hip Hop Preacher to motivate me. He is really cool.

Tell us your signature cocktail recipe? I used to be a cocktail waiter. I make a good Dark and Stormy.

What’s your go-to getting ready for a party song? Young Americans by David Bowie. What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you in London? For our third date my girlfriend and I went to a David Hockney exhibition For my birthday she went back and got all of the postcards of all of his paintings then wrote quotes from all of my favourite people ever on the back of each one.

Lucy Boynton

Age: 23

Originally from… New York, raised in London

You’ll recognize her from… horror flicks The Blackcoat's Daughter and Don't Knock Twice plus Sing Street, where she totally won audiences over with her portrayal of the self-proclaimed model and main love interest Raphina. Next up is a major Netflix series Gypsy and blockbuster Murder On The Orient Express.

Like Tom (Bateman) you’ve come straight from the set of the Orient Express. What’s your character like?

I play Countess Andrenyi. She’s a Hungarian countess and ballerina. I get to wear some fantastic handmade 1930s costumes. It’s all very opulent and extravagant.

That sounds pretty different from the Netflix series Gyspy you’ve just wrapped in New York?

Definitely. That’s about a psychotherapist played by Naomi Watts who becomes too immersed in the lives of her patients. I play Alison, a drug addict. She is addicted to speed so I used to eat a lot of M&Ms for breakfast at 7am to portray that jiggy feeling and hysteria.

Did you read lots of books on psychology?

I did, I’ve always been interested in psychology and have taken classes. It helps with acting, like understanding people and why they are how they are.

Are you starting to get recognized more?

I’m what the industry call a ‘plain actor’. I have this thing where no one remembers me. Plus I’ve changed my hair colour a lot so I think that helps.

What word do you overuse?

I tend to refer to every one as ‘woman’ but that’s better than girls or hun right?

Favourite karaoke song?

I don’t do it. I’ll go and support my friends but that’s it. I’m a cheerer. I’ll holler!

Tell us your go-to cocktail?

Aperol spritz. Every single time. Even in winter.

What’s your Monday morning motivation?

I’m not a morning person. And at the moment my call time is 4am. So I just have to remind myself how much I love my job!

Alex Lawther

Age: 22

Originally from… Hampshire

You’ll know him from… Indie Brit flick, A Brilliant Young Mind, as well as The Imitation Game and the coltishly brilliant Black Mirror

When did you first describe yourself as an ‘actor?’

My first job was a play called South Downs at the Harold Pinter theatre in the West End and an actress in the cast turned to me and said, ‘Is this something you want to carry on doing?’ It was the first time someone had asked me that question and it made me realise that I did. Before that I never realised it was something that would pay my rent.

What was the first DVD you bought?

Matilda by Danny DeVito. My friend and I can quote pretty much every line from that film.

What has been your most challenging role?

I recently did an episode of Black Mirror (Shut Up and Dance) and played a very troubled person. Trying to understand someone who I don’t feel like I’ve got any connection otherwise was tricky. But when the script is good, it makes it easier.

Have you ever had any on-set disasters?

I did a film last year called Old Boys and the character I played spends all of his time falling into muddy water or tripping over and generally being quite miserable. My memory of it was being very wet and very cold.

What’s your go-to karaoke song?

Abatina by Calypso Rose. It’s got this wonderful Afro beat to it. I’m obsessed with it.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most?

'That’s very interesting.’ Because I find so many things SO interesting. My friends make fun of me and it’s become my catchphrase.

What trait do you value most in your friends?

Kindness. I like kind people. It’s so underrated.'

What’s your go-to getting ready for a party song?

Abatina by Calypso Rose!

You’ve got friends coming around for drinks? Tell us your signature cocktail.

A martini although I’m not sure how good I am.

What are your top three most used emojis?

The puppy, the alien face and the one of a camel. I use it as a private joke with a friend of mine.

From left – right: Arinzé Kene, Conor MacNeill and Rosie Day

Arinzé Kene Age: 29 Originally from: Lagos, Nigeria and raised in London You’ll recognise him from… The Pass opposite Russell Tovey, the Netflix series Crazyhead and this year spot him in the Shakespearean drama Some Sweet Oblivious Antidote

When did you first describe yourself as an actor? That hasn’t happened yet. I have what is called imposter syndrome. I kind of think one day someone is going to come knocking on my door and say ‘Hey man, you told everyone you are an actor, but you are just a normal bloke and you have somehow tricked everybody. The majority of the time I say to people I perform rather than saying I am an actor. It just feels weird coming out of my mouth.

What was the first VHS/DVD you bought? When I was young I looked older than I was. I remember buying a film called Crooklyn, by Spike Lee when I was blatantly only fourteen and should have been much older to be allowed to.

What was the last lie you told? On my way here the driver asked me ‘Are there a lot of famous people in there?’ and I said no, none at all. What word do you overuse the most? Absolutely. I say absolutely way too much. I only realised it the other day when I was writing an e-mail.

What’s your Monday morning motivation? Meditating. I do it every morning when I wake up. I mean if you have to take a piss then do it but get right in there with the meditating afterwards.

Conor MacNeill Age: 28 Originally from… County Antrim, Northern Ireland

You’ll recognise him from… The Fall plus Channel 4 comedy No Offence. He also wrote this year’s BAFTA nominated film The Party. Talk about multi-talented.

When did you first describe yourself as an actor?

When I was 18 years old I told my teachers that I wanted to be an actor and they were like ‘Oh that is a silly thing to want to do.’ So when I landed a theatre job while still doing my A-levels I turned to them and said ‘I’m now an actor.’

What was the first VHS you bought? Watership Down. And I loved it. Apparently to the point where my mum and dad were like: ‘If we have to watch Watership down one more time…’

Tell us about the best advice a co-star has given you? I worked with a theatre actress called Eleanor Methven who told me to never look at anyone else’s career because everyone’s career is different and to just concentrate on your own.

What has been your most challenging role? My character in The Fall was a schizophrenic with convulsive and delusional disorders. That was pretty hefty. For the role I did loads of research and watched a lot of documentaries about mental health and illnesses. I wanted to be really respectful to people who suffer from it too. So I felt a lot of pressure with that.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most? Class, which is a Belfast word for brilliant. I use ‘That’s class’ all the time.

What’s your Monday morning motivation?

I just think you have got to get paid don’t you? And actually, I love the shower. If I can bring myself to shower I will spend ages in there, and a good song in the shower to listen to. That will get you going.

What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you in London? Surprised me by flying in from New York.

Rosie Day

Age: 22

Originally from… Cambridge

You’ll know her from… Granchester, Homefront, The Seasoning Hour

When did you first describe yourself as an ‘actor’?

When I was 11 I was in a kids show called Hope and Glory. I probably rather precociously said it to a teacher.

Does the acting bug run in the family?

My sister did it when she was younger and that’s how I found my way into it. But before that, never.

What do your family make of it as your career choice?

They’re very supportive. My sister is with me tonight, sat at the bar. She looks just like me.

What was the first DVD you bought?

St. Trinians. I know Gemma [Arterton] now and I still tell her, ‘I used to have a photo of you on my bedroom wall.’

What has been your most challenging role?

In a film called Butterfly Kisses, which premiers at the Berlin Film Festival next week, I play a 16-year-old prostitute from a council estate who had to sleep with people to feed her younger siblings. It was difficult to be in that mindset.

Tell us about the best advice a co-star has given you?

I worked with Suranne Jones when I was 13 and, afterwards my work ethic changed. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but she made me be a better actress.”

What’s your go-to karaoke song?

Believe by Cher. I got very drunk in Malaga once, got my ear pierced on the strip and sang this to my ex who wasn’t there.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most?

‘Like’ and ‘do you know what I mean?’ My dad always replies in an exhausted tone, ‘Yes, Rosie. I know what you mean.’”

What’s your go-to getting ready for a party song?

Anything by Taylor Swift. I’ve outgrown her a bit now but for 10-years, she was my idol.

What are your top three most used emojis?

The ghost sticking his tongue out – I’ve even got it on a T-shirt – the kissing face and the unicorn. I’m a big unicorn fan.

Josh O’Conner

Age: 26

Originally from: Cheltenham

You’ll know him from… Some great telly dramas think: Ripper Street, Peaky Blinders, and The Durrells

When did you first describe yourself as an ‘actor?’

When I got my first job on Lewis. I only had one line but had to retake it about 30 times. I’m much better now.

What was the first VHS/ DVD you bought?

Family Man with Nicholas Cage. I love that film so much. That, and Love Actually. The kind of films I’m doing at the moment are indie and art house but, in reality, I love a bit of cheese.

What has been your most challenging role?

The one I played in God’s Own Country which premiers at the Berlin Film Festival next week. I lost two-and-a-half stone and I’m already quite slight so I looked pretty gaunt.

Tell us about the best advice a co-star has given you?

I worked on Florence Foster-Jenkins with Meryl Streep – name drop there! I was terrified and filming started the day after Glastonbury so I wasn’t in the best shape. I was visibly anxious. She said to me ‘never be nervous.’ It was amazing because it worked.

What’s your go-to karaoke song?

Angels by Robbie Williams. I’m not a classy guy.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most?

‘Lush.’ I’m from Somerset and it’s very typical of that area. Plus, my ex-girlfriend hated it so I use it even more now.

What trait do you value most in your friends?

I like that they drink at my local pub with me.

What’s your Monday morning motivation?

Go to the gym but I’ve never fulfilled it. I don’t think I’ve been to the gym in, like, a year.

What’s your go-to getting ready for a party song?

Anything by Blood Orange.

You’ve got friends coming around for drinks? Tell us your signature cocktail.

I love cooking Persian food and like to eat it with a killer negroni.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you in London?

About five or six years ago I was living in Bristol and someone took me to London. We stayed in a hotel and that was really exciting for me because I’d never stayed in a hotel in my entire life. I grew up camping!

What are your top three most used emojis?

The thinking face, the face that’s rolling its eyes and the fire. The last one’s an in joke and I use it a lot.

Lorne MacFayden

Age: 26

Originally from: Isle of Skye

You’ll know him from… those addictive TV series including The Level, Grantchester, Tina and Bobby

When did you first describe yourself as an ‘actor?’

When I dropped out of uni – I was studying Media Design – I had to start calling myself an actor for people to start taking me seriously. Once you make that step, it all starts unraveling.

What was the first VHS/ DVD you bought?

My Great Uncle owned a rental VHS shop so I used to watch whatever was lying around. Jaws was probably one of the first films I ever saw. To this day, I’m still terrified of sharks.

What has been your most challenging role?

Probably playing Bobby Moore. It’s quite the story; battling cancer and then winning the world cup. But, throughout filming, I was hyper aware that he was such an iconic football player and such a hero to so many people, so I had to get it right.

Have you ever had any funny on-set stories?

Whilst filming Tina & Bobby, Michelle Keegan and I were driving along in a beautiful old sixties Jag. I’m really into my music so would play stuff that was appropriate to the era. I was trying to find a track and for some reason, the Notorious B.I.G came on and my phone froze. We did have a laugh about that.

What’s your go-to karaoke song?

I actually worked in a karaoke bar for a year! Mine is A Little Less Conversation by Elvis. I don’t know the words off by heart but I have fun singing it after a few drinks.

What word or phrase do you overuse the most?

‘Sound.’ It’s an expression of general acceptance to something. So if someone says, ‘Can I get you a drink?’ I’ll reply ‘sound.’

What’s your go-to getting ready for a party song?

Depends. Probably Underworld or some other nineties rave tunes.

You’ve got friends coming around for drinks? Tell us your signature cocktail.

Long Island Ice Tea. It involves everything and can get a party started pretty quickly. It’s lethal stuff. Just what you want, right?

What are your top three most used emojis?

I use the crying with laughter one when I’m totally stony faced. The winky face I use but I HATE the winky face with the tongue sticking out. I mean, what’s that supposed to express? Don’t answer that.

Photographer: Schohaja

Creative Director: Jamie Spence

Interviews: Chloe Mac Donnell, Suzannah Ramsdale and Niki Browes

Styling: Hannah Lewis

Hair: Errol Douglas

Make up: Charlotte Yeomans

Continued below…

Meet the 2017 EE Rising Star BAFTA Nominees