#I think today is a retail therapy kind of day

[mayabrazton]

Some of the best advice I have gotten was “Don’t exhaust all your time and energy on people who won’t even spend 2 minutes on you.” I have been repeating that to myself a lot lately.

[digitalgirlguide]

Beyond Bubble Baths: A Realistic Guide to Wellness, Hygiene Hacks, Energy Cleansing, and the Art of Setting Healthy Boundaries

self-care as we know it has been reduced to retail therapy and splurging on skincare and the the essence of true well-being often gets lost in the noise of buying stuff.

you're not alone, i'm guilty of this too.if i'm sad i buy thing. i'm happy? i buy things.

and not saying that self care can't be buying yourself things because you feel like it but that's not a true reflection of self care.

self-care is a disciplined commitment to becoming the best version of yourself while tuning into your body's needs.

so what does realistic self care look like?

Take a few minutes each morning to set intentions for the day ahead.

practice gratitude by writing 3 things you're grateful for or using some of these prompts:

What are three things you are thankful for as you start your day? Consider the small details that often go unnoticed.

Recall a specific moment from today that brought a smile to your face or warmed your heart. Describe it in detail and express gratitude for that experience.

Think about any unexpected surprises or acts of kindness that came your way. How did they make you feel, and why are you grateful for them?

Before your next meal, reflect on the journey of your food from its source to your plate. Express gratitude for the nourishment it provides your body.

Organizing your day/week:

Plan with Purpose: Start your week with a glance at your calendar or planner. Note any upcoming deadlines, appointments, or social events. (A little prep goes a long way!)

Prioritize with Intent: Identify your top priorities for the week and break them down into manageable tasks. Tackling the most crucial items first ensures a sense of accomplishment. (Check off those big to-dos, and watch the momentum build!)

Time Blocking: Allocate specific time blocks for various activities. This technique helps maintain focus and prevents the day from slipping away in a blur. (Time blocking = your new productivity bestie.)

Flexibility is Key: While planning is essential, leave room for flexibility. Life throws curveballs, and being adaptable ensures you can navigate unexpected changes with grace. (Embrace the spontaneity – it's the spice of life!)

Self-Care Slots: Intentionally carve out moments for self-care throughout the week. Whether it's a short walk, a cozy reading break, or a meditation session, these are non-negotiable appointments with yourself. (Because self-love is a crucial part of productivity.)

Schedule regular social activities to stay connected: Meaningful connections are the backbone of a healthy support system. (Humans need socialization – it's science!)

Hygiene tips for mind and body

Begin your day with a cleansing ritual that extends beyond the physical. Consider practices like meditation (Remember, a cluttered mind can be just as burdensome as a cluttered space.)

Incorporate energy cleansing techniques into your routine, such as using crystals (clear quartz, black tourmaline, amethyst, rose quartz, selenite) to clear negative energy from your surroundings. (Just as we dust and declutter our physical spaces, it's important to cleanse the energetic residue that accumulates throughout our day-to-day lives.)

Recognize the importance of setting boundaries and restricting access to yourself when necessary. (You're not obligated to be constantly available to others, and it's okay to prioritize your own needs and well-being.) Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you, who make you feel good and encourage you to be your best self. (Life is too short to waste time on relationships that drain your energy and diminish your spirit.)

Embrace a straightforward yet consistent skincare routine. Cleanse, moisturize, and shield your skin from the sun – simplicity meets effectiveness.

Practice regular handwashing to ward off germs, especially before meals and after restroom visits. (Your hands will thank you, and so will your immune system.)

Simple ways to show up for yourself everyday

Practice self-compassion and forgiveness, recognizing that perfection is an illusion and mistakes are opportunities for growth. (We're all human, and it's okay to stumble along the way.)

Listen to your body's signals and honor its needs, whether that means nourishing yourself with wholesome food, getting regular exercise, or allowing yourself time to rest and recharge. (Your body is your greatest ally and deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.)

Embrace moments of joy and playfulness, indulging in activities that bring you laughter and delight. (Life is meant to be savored, not endured.)

let's reshape the narrative of self-care into a journey of discipline, mindfulness, and attunement to our inner voices.

[ladyyatexel]

So, inspired by being treated like dipshit garbage at my job, I would like to make a recommendation:

When you are having a bad time, especially when you are having that bad time because someone was a real fucking shit head at you, go to a store. You can retail therapy if that is useful and not like a slippery slope or something for you, whatever, I'm not your mom, but the critical thing I want to suggest in these situations is to just be very kind to a few people.

Of course you should always be nice to people working in retail environments, because they are frequently being absolutely worked within an inch of their life for not enough money, but here I mean things like:

Tell the folks in the small store at the mall that their store looks really nice and you can tell they work hard to maintain it.

Fill out the little surveys you get on receipts or whatever and be sure to mention especially how good the staff of the store you were in were. People who are mentioned specifically in feedback like this often get at least praise and like a $5 gift card from upper management. It is not a lot, but it can feel nice!

Tell the barista stuck at the coffee shop that their hair looks awesome.

Say the same thing to your fellow lost souls of humanity in Walmart. No one is in Walmart because they are having the best time.

Tell someone her leggings are really cute.

Tell your cashier that you hope that the rest of his shift goes quickly and painlessly!

Thank people, but do it specifically and sincerely. Tell them not just thank you but, "Thanks for your help, I really appreciate your time." "Thanks for the work you put into this." "Thank you for getting that for me, that was really nice of you." That sort of thing. People are used to 'thank you" as a ritual phrase that is just kind of a default. It can stop sounding sincere or like anything except the sounds you expect to hear after you do a task. But if you recognize what somebody did, even if it is a small thing, and personalize it, they will actually hear the thanks, they will remember it.

I often do this on my instacart feedback. I say "Thank you for your hard work/effort/service today, you really helped me out," in all my little comment boxes. Because they really do help me out. I can't carry all my groceries up the stairs, so they do a lot for me.

Don't lie or be insincere, just think a little bit about all the people who could just use a little extra positive feelings from other folks to get through the day, just like you. People like knowing that the work they're doing is not mindless bullshit.

All of these interactions make people feel nice about themselves and then they feel nice about you and then you feel nice about yourself and then your manager who is a dick can fuck off because not only did you get over their poisonous bullshit but you help some other people out of theirs too.

It will help you toward feeling better after people being nasty to you when you see surprised and delighted reactions from other people who didn't expect to be told that they were doing a good job or that their hair looks nice.

It's like a ranged attack of serotonin and dopamine and you can hit just like everybody within range of the checkout line, yourself included.

[cowpokeomens]

helloooo ~

could you please do a casual outing date with noah sebastian? anything from a simple lunch to some shopping just super fluffy and cute thank uuuu

Ask and ye shall receive! This is loosely based off of an experience I had a few weeks ago (The entranced window-gazing, not the almost-sugar daddy part, RIP me ig) Enjoy!

You had a long week. It seemed like your higher-ups gotten more demanding with each passing day. As if going to a shitty job wasn’t hard enough on its own, Noah was home from tour, too. You could drag yourself to work with the promise of a venti triple shot drink from Starbucks most days, but with his sleeping form next you in bed- warm, tattooed skin on display- the feat of getting up became nearly impossible. When the weekend finally rolled around, you embraced it with open arms, sleeping in until 11AM on Saturday. 

You awoke to the smell of coffee, stretching your arms and padding your way into the kitchen. You found Noah there, sweatpants slung low on his hips, swiping on his phone while music played softly from the TV in the living room. He glanced up upon your arrival. 

“Well good morning, gorgeous. I was starting to wonder where I was going to hide your body.” He flashed you a lopsided grin.

You returned the smile, going over to where the coffee pot was still set to warm. “You couldn’t get rid of me that easily, Sebastian. I’d haunt your ass.”

“Oh no! I hope the scary, sexy ghost doesn’t watch me in the shower!” Noah mock-cried, waving his hands in the air for effect. You giggled at his antics, adding creamer to your coffee as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, placing a kiss on your shoulder. “What’re we doing today, buttercup?”

You thought about it for a moment. “Well, I need a new pair of shoes for work, supportive sole type shit-”

“Nope.” You were cut off by the man behind you. “No boring work shit today. We’re having fun.” 

“Fun?” You echoed, turning just enough to waggle your eyebrows at him. 

He rolled his eyes, snorting at you. “Not that kind of fun, you freak. Good, wholesome, Christian fun.”

“Ooh, are we gonna make out on the bus on the way to church camp?” You mocked him.

“I cannot stand you. Have I said that before? Because I can’t.” His actions betrayed his words as he leaned in to kiss you on the cheek, then the top of your head, then your shoulder again. 

“Then what is your definition of ‘good, wholesome, Christian fun,’ Sebastian?” You turned to face him fully, sipping from your mug. 

“I was thinking retail therapy. We could go to that shopping center you like so much, with the paper store that has all the tape and stuff.” He puffed his chest proudly for remembering it.

“The stationary store.” You pondered aloud. “I could get stickers.”

He nodded eagerly. “I’ll buy you so many fucking stickers, baby.”

You grinned up at him. “I’m sold. Let me brush my teeth and find udnerwear-”

“-Hey, no pressure from me-”

It was your turn to roll your eyes at him. “-And then we can head out.”

_________________________________________

A few hours later you found yourself in a shopping center somewhere in the northern section of your city. It was more of an outdoor mall, but you really only preferred a small corner of the sprawl. 

Noah walked beside you cheerfully, hand tightly clasped in yours. His other hand held a cute, pastel blue bag from the stationary store, where you had racked up quite the tab. Before you could get your card out, though, Noah was tapping his own against the machine. 

“You didn’t have to do that, babe.” You pouted, feeling guilty. 

He shrugged. “I’ve got that ‘Rockstar Boyfriend’ money now, baby, I can buy you stickers.”

You snorted at him. “Glad to hear that Jolly has been filing you guys’ taxes correctly.”

“Hey, I help, too.” He protested. 

“Mhm, no one can work the espresso machine for him quite like you, dear.” You mollified him. 

“I can’t believe I’m being treated this way, I have an ‘Alternative Press’ cover, y’know-”

He got quiet when he noticed you had stopped walking. He glanced at you, concerned, then followed your line of sight. 

You were gazing, open-mouthed, into the window of a purse store. You didn’t actually know anything about luxury brands- much less designer handbags- but you could recognize art when you saw it. 

It was black, probably genuine leather. A cross-body bag, pleasantly spacious without being large. Its silver rivets glinted at you in the midday sun, enticing you with their gleam. A thick, silver chain decorated the top, contrasting sharply with the clean cut of the long black handle. 

“What?” He asked at last. 

“Sorry.” You responded absently, still not looking away. 

He huffed a laugh. “Do you want to go inside?” 

“No.” Came your immediate response. 

“Babe, I know that look. That’s how you looked at me the first day I got back from tour. Now, I’m not so insecure as a man to let a purse threaten me, but if you start talking dirty to it-”

“Shut up, Noah.” You finally broke your stare to turn to him, giggling. “It’s just pretty is all.”

“‘Pretty?’” He repeated.

You nodded earnestly, already beginning to walk away. 

“Well hey, if it’s so ‘pretty,’ let’s go inside and get a closer look.” He tugged on your joined hands.

You grimaced, lowering your voice. “Baby, it’s probably like, a gajillion dollars-”

“Oh, I hope so. I just so happen to have a ‘Gajillion’ Monopoly dollar in my pocket. C’mon.” He tugged you once more, finally convincing you to follow.

The inside of the store was freakishly white. White walls, white display podiums, white chairs. Who the fuck comes in here to sit? You wondered to yourself. There, in the field of white, was your black sheep in all its glory. Noah released your hand as you glided over to it, sighing dreamily. You didn’t see anything saying you had to keep your hands to yourself, and you couldn’t resist the urge to touch it. A hand came up to run a single finger along the rivets, bumping up and down at their protrusion. You gripped the side experimentally, loving the squish of the leather. You had never been a bag person; You used the same backpack for the entirety of college, purchased for $20 at Walmart. You had other bags, mostly to carry things from point A to point B, but this was different. This was- what did the fashion bloggers call their clothes? A piece. This was a piece, not just a purse. 

You were shaken out of your reverie by Noah walking over to you, peering at the bag curiously. “You ready?”

You let out a deep breath. It was absolutely a gajillion dollars, and you could not justify the expense. You turned to Noah, about to say an affirmative, when a new, large shopping bag caught your eye. 

You recognized the brand emblazoned across the bag as the same one from the window. Your eyes widened to the size of saucers. “Noah, what did you do?”

His grin was devilish. “Relax. It was actually only half a gajillion dollars, quite the steal if you ask me.”

You could feel yourself panicking. “What? No! Go give it back!” Your whisper was frantic. 

He was outwardly laughing at you now. “No.”

Your eyes widened further, incredulity coloring your tone. “No?”

He shook his head, leaning in close to you. “Nope.” Then, taking your hand in his, he happily walked back outside, ignoring the saleswoman’s call of “Come back again soon!”

You barely kept up with his long legs. “Noah, I do not need a gajillion dollar-”

“Half a gajillion, babe. Half.”

You huffed. “Whatever. I don’t need an expensive purse, it’s not fair for you to be spending that kind of money on me when I can’t repay it-”

“I can think of a few ways you could repay me.” He cut you off again with a wink. 

“Noah.” You stopped walking. He could hear the change in your tone, stopping to turn to look at you. “I can’t- baby I really appreciate it but I can’t-”

“Hey.” He said softly, coming up to look into your eyes deeply. “Hey. This isn’t about owing me or anything. There’s no need for that between us.” You nodded, the movement small. “I see you busting your ass. I see you working hard. I can see that you’ve had a shitty couple of weeks. So if I have to go back and buy you all the gajillion dollar purses in that store, I will do it. If it will make you happy, I will personally see to it that you get every gajillion dollar purse manufactured on this continent.”

You couldn’t fight off the smile at his words, so sincere and sweet. He kissed your forehead for good measure, offering his hand out to you. 

“If it makes you feel better, you can buy lunch. The lady in the store talked me into getting the matching quarter-gajillion dollar wallet, too.”

Your jaw dropped. “Noah Sebastian-”

[kame-writes]

Media Overlords drabble - Girls night

Velvette turns up at the Hotel

Charlie rushed to open the door, surprised to hear it being knocked so late in the afternoon. There was a giddy, optimistic part of her hoping that it was someone interested in staying at the hotel. And despite the fact that it hadn't happened yet, she still greeted the person on the other side with a Dazzling smile. “Welcome to the Hazb-”

“Zip it Princess, nobody cares.” The impatient cockney voice instantly gave away who it was, and she didn't sound in a good mood.

The Vees generally didn't come out to the hotel, except Vox who was a naussance on a debatably regular occasions. Valentino was out right banned on pain of something about Alastors shadow, which had been a huge relief to Angel Dust. So Velvette standing with her hand on her hip in the doorway was a very odd sight indeed.

“I'm just here to pick up my number one bitch for the day.” She explained, pushing her way through the door and into the lobby. 

“Uh Angel Dust?” Charlie guessed, not sure who Velvette meant. Angel was a good guess, since he was always in fashionable clothes for his shows, which she assumed came from the social media overlord.

“Pffft as if. He wishes he was number one.” With a scoff Velvette brought a hand to her lips and let out an ear piercing whistle, before screaming. “Girls night!”

Immediately, there was the sound of quick, tip tapping sounds as someone ran down the stairs. A red and white blur rushed past Charlie and launched itself into Velvette’s arms.

“Niff, how you been girl?” Velvette grinned, pulling her into a spinning hug, before settling the much smaller sinner on her hip, able to hold her almost like a child since she was so much smaller. “Towers been boring as fuck without you running around causing chaos.”

“I'm in a war with the cockroaches!” Niffty  beamed, excited as always to talk about her unusual little hobbies. “You should see my collection, hehe, I put on puppet shows with them!”

“Good for you. Now then, the boys have pissed me off today, so we're going all out. I'm talking spa day, retail therapy, the works. If we don't max out at least one of Vox's cards, we ain't doing enough.” 

“Ya know. Al gave her a job here. He ain't gonna like you taking her away like this.” Husk pointed out from the bar.

“Stay outta this pussy cat. If that Deer bastard’s got an issue he can come back to the tower and hash it out with me personally. Hear for himself just what I think of him demoting my girl to a fucking janitor.”

“I like to clean!” Niffty grinned, not seeming to see the same Issue Velvette was.

“So. You're taking Niffty shopping? Is she going to be gone long?” Charlie asked, clearly a bit apprehensive about letting their weird little maid leave by herself with an Overlord.

“I don't think it gives us a good image, if our staff is seen out and about with the Vees.” Vaggie pointed out, making herself known from further back in the foyer, glaring at the young overlord suspiciously.

“Oh please. What kind of Hotel only has, like, two guests anyway. One or two posts on my Sinstagram and your crummy little hotel could be crawling with patrons.” Velvette almost giggled, turning around to hold up her phone for a selfie.

“Aheh. I wouldn't do that if I was you, little lady.” A familiar staticky radio voice spoke out, a second before its owner materialized from the shadows, leaning forward on his cane with slightly narrowed eyes aimed at Velvette’s phone camera. “Unless of course, you wish for the first shop you visit to be buying a replacement.”

“If you break one more of my phones I swear to-”

“Let's, uh, not get into a fight shall we?” Charlie cut in, anticipating this to only get worse if it was allowed to continue.

“This hotel is not in affiliation with the Vees. As I have made very clear on multiple occasions.” Alastor's voice was a casual firmness, being polite instead of argumentative. “It is a place for sinners who honestly want to give redemption a shot. Not some tacky, tourist photo opportunity for your social media scrutiny.”

Alastor straightened up from his forward lean, walking over to put himself between both Charlie and Velvette, slightly to the side so he could address them both equally. “However. If Charlie wishes to allow you some form of promotional material. Perhaps you may ask her to join you on your outing today? Ask some questions, take some photos together. Be seen supporting our darling princess in a few of your posts.”

“I'm not letting Charlie go anywhere with an Overlord. It's bad enough that you're here. And even then I'm only about sixty percent sure you're not a threat to us.”

“Sixty? My, I've gone up in your estimations.” Alastor laughed, backed up by a condescending laugh track. “But very well, I suppose it would be remiss to leave you behind.”

“Hold up. This ain't some kind of playdate.” Velvette snapped, putting Niffty back down on the floor to instead stand with both hands on his hips, hip checked to the side with very obvious attitude. “I'm here for Girls night with-”

“And the last time I checked, both Charlie and her paramour were of the female persuasion.” Alastor said, more firmly this time. “Girls night seems like a wonderful bonding experience for all of you!”

Charlie looked back at Vaggie, who was holding her spear to the side, not looking thrilled at the idea, but not outright rejecting it either, and Niffty was bouncing on the spot with a hug grin stretching wide across her face. “I… guess it wouldn't hurt to get to know eachother. I mean, if your a friend of Al's, and wanted to help out.”

“Ooooo! Girls night got bigger.” Niffty gasped, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Urgh.” Velvette groaned, racking a hand down her face in annoyance. But the fond look she gave at seeing how happy the idea made Niffty softened the blow somewhat. “Fine. I suppose being seen with the princess isn't cramping my style too much.” The resignation in her voice was palpable, and the knowing look she shot Alastor only validated his smug expression.

“Wonderful! Anything Charlie buys, you may take out of my personal account.” Alastor said brightly, stepping aside to allow Charlie to pass. “I look forward to hearing all about it this evening.”

Vaggie reluctantly followed the others out of the hotel, moving besides a bewildered but optimistic Charlie, who already looked like she might break into a full round of twenty questions at the drop of a hat.

“And don't you fret princess. I'm sure the boys and I will have things completely under control here until you get back.”

[ros3ybabe]

Day 11 - 90 Day Challenge 🎀

Yesterday (11-25) was kind of productive? I ended up working a 5 hour shift at my job instead of the 8 hour one I was supposed to which by no means upset me because I still made money either way. I tried to get some stuff done beforehand but I honestly just took the morning for rest. I also go back to work this morning as well so I'm really happy to get back to routine.

🏋‍♀️ Physical Health

took a 30+ minute walk around campus before I had to go to work

walked 9778 steps total

ate a really good salad with tomato, cucumber, romaine, shredded carrots, and balsamic vinegrette. (who knew balasamic vinegrette was so yummy!)

drank half a liter of essentia electrolyte water

stopped eating breakfast when I was comfortably satisfied and didn't push past my limits

ate 2 servings of fruit + 1 serving of almonds + 1 serving of cashews (so yummy, cashews and almonds for the win)

🧠 Mental Health

nothing that I can remember at the moment

❤️ Emotional Health

some more retail therapy. bought myself some oversized t shirts online to use as gym shirts/everyday shirts. I may be plus size but I still love me an big comfy t shirt, especially to workout. I think I bought 11 or 12 shirts? cost me 90$ USD.

📚 Intellectual Health

does it count if I said I did a lot of budgeting for what I was buying?

because otherwise, nothing else

🏘 Adulting

worked a 5 hour shift

phone call + zoom call with my boyfriend

took care of some laundry I had previously washed (still have more to take care of)

🥰 Self Love/Care

morning skincare

that's about it, but I think the walk helped my anxiety, and retail therapy always feels like self love because I used to feel guilty for buying myself stuff

Yesterday was a good day for sure. Today, my goals are to make it through my work shift, complete my reflection paper that's due tomorrow night, drink one liter of essentia electrolyte water, answer a journal prompt, and set myself up for tomorrow morning (I have a 730am class on Mon and Wed, so I gotta be up bright and early tomorrow!)

My Mondays are always so busy. Here's a little breakdown for those who are curious:

Wake up early, get ready, coffee, skincare, pack school bag, set out work stuff

Class at 730am to 845am

class from 9am to 1015am

quick snack at the dining hall at 1025am

review homework/tasks for the week

gym from 11am to 1215pm

walk home

shower, eat something proteiny, get ready for work

walk to work 130pm

work from 2pm to 10pm

get home, change/shower, zoom boyfriend

go to sleep by 11ish pm

I love Mondays tho, the routine always sets me up for the week!

Anywho, that's all for now!

Til next time, lovelies 🩷

[echoghost1]

Under The Full Moon Ch. 5

Chapter Title: I'm Not Used To This

Characters: Lydia (POV 1), Melissa McCall (briefly), & Danny Fenton (POV 2)

Chapter Word Count: 1,543

Chapter update thanks to the crossover event by @crossoverdanuary!

Feel free to read on AO3 or down below the cut

Lydia sat in her car and sighed. It had been a long couple of days and it was only just Halloween tonight. 

She was glad to have been able to help save Kira and all, but she needed some kind of pick me up. Maybe a little treat.

Normally she'd be focusing on getting ready for the party Danny was throwing, but it just didn't sound like what she needed.

She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she thought.

Parties usually cheered her up.

She needed something else.

“Oh duh,” she said to herself with an eye roll.

She knew exactly where to go.

A few minutes later she turned off the ignition once she was nicely parked.

She got out of the car with a smile and looked up at the mall.

Only it wasn’t the mall.

She had ended up at the hospital. 

“Oh come on!”

She looked up at the building in annoyance. How was she supposed to cheer herself up with a little retail therapy if she was here? 

Then again, would the stores even be open with the blackout? Probably not.

She pulled her phone out of her purse while she tried to think of how to recover from this.

There were a couple of notifications about Danny’s party. Apparently, it had to be moved due to the blackout. 

She squinted at the address. “How did you manage to convince him to let you throw a party there?”

Lydia pocketed her phone and realized that if the party sucked, at least finding out if he knew about it would be interesting. 

That's when she remembered she knew two Danny’s. 

And one of them was here.

Might as well see if he made it home yet.

“Hey Lydia, what brings you in today?” Melissa asked with a smile from the nurse's station.

“I was just wondering if the kid I brought in was still around.”

“Oh yeah. He’s just over there.”

“Cool, thanks,” Lydia said before heading towards the room.

“Wait!”

“Is he not allowed to have visitors or something?”

“It's not that.”

“What is it?”

“Look, I'm still kind of new to this whole,” she looked around for a second to make sure no one was paying attention, “supernatural thing,” she whispered before going back to her normal talking voice, “but I think you should introduce him to Scott.”

“Do you think he’s,” Lydia checked to see that they were still being ignored, “something?”

Without any hesitation, Melissa agreed. “Last night, after the power went out, I went to check on him.” she leaned in again to whisper, “his eyes were glowing.”

“Glowing?” Lydia repeated. 

“Yeah, but they weren’t like Scott’s or the others. His were brighter. So much brighter,” she paused again for a beat, “and they were green.”

Lydia had no idea what that could mean, but she had a sinking feeling she would eventually.

She knocked on his door and entered when he responded. 

“Oh, hi Lydia,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

She took that as a queue to close the door behind her. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he lied, “why wouldn't I be?”

“Why are you bundled up with all those blankets?”

“I got cold.”

She wasn't sure what it was, but something about that answer didn't sit right with her.

“Do you know when you're going home?”

“Nope.”

“Do you know how you got here?”

“Also no.”

“Did you ever talk to the cops yet?”

“Yeah, but I think they got a little busy with the escaped killer or whatever!”

“Oh, you don't have to worry about that anymore.”

“I don't?”

“No, he's dead.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about all that.”

Danny just quirked a brow at her.

“You wanna go to a party tonight?”

“Me?” He asked as if he had never been invited to a party before. 

“Yeah you! Come on, let’s go.”

“Now? But I thought you said the party was tonight?”

“Yeah, but we need to get ready. You can’t wear that to the party.”

“What’s wrong with what I'm wearing?” he said while looking over his outfit.

“I can't believe you just asked me that.”

“What?” he said obliviously.

“That's not a party outfit and, more importantly, you've been wearing that for two days?!”

“Okay, that's valid.”

Lydia just rolled her eyes and led him out of the hospital. 

This kid needed more help than she thought.

===============================================

Instead of heading to a store or the mall like Danny thought, they went to Lydia’s house.

“Mom, I brought a friend over. We’ll be in my room!” She called as they entered.

“Okay Dear! Just let me know if you need anything!” her mom called back from further into the house.

Danny was led upstairs and was a little confused when she stopped and opened a hall closet.

“Here, take these,” she said as she handed him a nicely folded towel and matching washcloth.

She continued down the hall and into her bedroom and pointed to her private bathroom. “Take a shower, use whatever you want. I’ve got a few options in there, don’t even worry about using anything up.”

“Okay thanks,” Danny said before heading over to the bathroom.

“Real quick, what size are you?”

“Medium?”

“Pant size too.”

“32x34.”

She just squinted at him.

He sighed and then said, “28x30”

She nodded and hummed to herself, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Not too long later, Danny toweled off his hair before wiping the bathroom mirror clear of steam.

Despite the weirdness that led him to get here, things were looking up. 

It always surprised him how much better he felt after taking a shower. You think he’d just know that by now but no, always a surprise.

The other surprise of the day was the amount of men’s shower stuff Lydia had. Maybe if that was all she had, he’d just assume she preferred it, but there was an entire line of lady stuff. 

Lady stuff that smelled like her.

So why did she have all this other stuff? Would it be rude to ask?

He pushed the question aside and made sure the towel was secure before he poked his head out of the bathroom unsure of what the next part of her plan was.

“Oh good, you’re done. Come look at your options!” Lydia said while showing off the clothes on her bed.

He found several outfits laid out. Why did she have so many guy clothes?

Every time he’d seen her she’d been dressed up in really girly outfits. She seemed like the kind of girl that didn’t even own pants. It was either skirts or dresses and yet there was all of this.

“I didn’t have any pants your size but I’ve got a couple of belts to choose from and as soon as the power gets turned on I’m taking you on a little shopping spree. I would have today, but everything is closed, obviously.”

“How did you get all this guy stuff?”

“I’ve had a few boyfriends over the years. Sometimes they forget things. Don’t worry, everything is clean.”

Danny had a feeling that maybe there was a piece of the puzzle that he wasn’t getting. Mostly, how does a guy leave without his pants? Why were they off in the first place? Did they all take showers here? Did they go shopping and change into new things without taking the old ones?

He decided it wasn’t his business to know all the details.

Instead, he refocused on what his options were.

All of the clothes looked nice. Some of them were brands he recognized as things the popular guys at school would wear. Which made sense if these were Lydia’s boyfriend's things. 

She definitely was a popular girl.

That’s when he realized that he got invited to a party by a popular girl. Dang, he’s doing much better in this town than he did back home.

He pointed to an outfit with a red button-up, “I’ll try that one.”

“Good choice.” she nodded in approval.

He gathered up the outfit and went back into the bathroom to get ready. All of it was a bit too big for him, but he didn’t really mind. He liked his clothes baggy anyway. 

Once he was dressed, Lydia walked around him inspecting his outfit. Eventually, she decided he needed to add a dark denim jacket to complete the look.

“Okay now you’re perfect,” she said with a smile. “Dinner and then party?”

“Sure.” He followed her downstairs and was completely sidetracked before they even made it to the kitchen, “You have a dog!”

“Yeah, her name is Prada. You can pet her if you like.”

He immediately got down on the floor to show this puppy affection. 

Prada seemed a little hesitant of him at first but once she sniffed him she approved.

Petting Prada was very different from Cujo. For one, she was much warmer with the whole being alive thing, and two, he didn’t have to worry about her growing five times bigger and dragging him away like he was the stick in a game of fetch.

It was nice.

He hoped the rest of his night was this good.

[dweetwise]

[Ace X Jeff X Élodie X Felix X Zarina] Birthday blues

I may be writing for an audience of one (myself) but I just love all of these idiots and think they should kiss. Continuation of this fic set in the same AU, this time starring a very disgruntled Ace. Rated M | 3.8k words | ao3 link

"¡Che, boludo! Are you fucking stupid!?" Ace yelled. "It says forty kilometers, not 'slam the brakes and drive in first gear'! Christ, my abuela was a better driver than you and she was blind!"

Predictably, the Toyota in front just kept trucking along at a snail’s pace as the idiot behind its wheel remained oblivious to Ace’s tantrum.

Ace huffed and sagged back against the car seat, barely resisting the urge to blast the horn to make his displeasure known. Instead, he busied himself with adjusting the rear view mirror, because it was Jeff’s car and he and Ace were very much not the same size. Ace usually couldn't be assed since the only time he used the mirrors was to check himself out rather than look at traffic—probably one of the reasons people were reluctant to let him drive—but he felt a petty sense of glee when he noticed a line of cars forming because of the stupid Toyota.

Ace didn't normally get road rage; in fact, he was usually the one laughing at Felix’s German insults and Zarina’s swearing behind the wheel. But today was his birthday, and it was a special kind of torture to be stuck in rush hour behind some Sunday driver when he just wanted to get home.

Not that there was anything there waiting for him. Felix was at work and would run late because of some seminar, Élodie was sleeping off the jet lag after her trip to Indonesia, Zarina was nose-deep in editing her latest documentary and had barely left her room for days, and Jeff was finishing up his latest painting for some art collector.

All things which were evidently more important than Ace.

At least Jeff was going to cook for him—which wasn't really saying much, since it was his turn to make dinner regardless, but Ace felt better if he didn’t think about that. Of course, grocery shopping had also been on Jeff’s to-do list, but he'd emerged from his studio looking so frazzled and asked Ace with his puppy eyes if Ace could possibly make the trip for him.

And because Ace loved Jeff, and had pretty much been lounging on the couch in his PJs doing absolutely nothing anyway—definitely not moping after he'd gotten up early to see Felix off for work and Felix not only didn't bring up his birthday, but asked Ace to make him coffee and then fucked off without even a goodbye kiss—he'd agreed.

Part of Ace had still been hoping the grocery run would reveal some sneaky plans Jeff had for his birthday. He'd patiently waited for Jeff to write a shopping list and then immediately read it as soon as he got into the car. But there was nothing: no birthday candles, no ingredients for any of Ace's favorite foods, no wine, no flavored lube…

Clearly, nothing indicating Ace's birthday at all.

Ace might have conducted himself a little aggressively once he arrived at the supermarket, flinging things into his shopping cart and purposefully ramming it into the cart of a blond guy in a suit. He also decided to get a bunch of extra items outside of the list and use their joint account to pay for all of it, because it was his birthday, dammit, and seeing as none of his partners bothered getting him any gifts he'd get them himself.

Except a grocery store at rush hour wasn't exactly the best setting for meaningful birthday gifts. Still, Ace vindictively piled on a couple gift cards, the most expensive bottle of wine he could find, one single cupcake and birthday candles, and a can of condensed milk he fully planned to eat straight out of the tin because fucking stupid Germany didn't have dulce de leche.

Ace was already feeling a little better as he made his way to the checkout: nothing like some good ol' retail therapy to fill the void of being ignored by the people he loved.

And then, of course, the card of their joint account declined. Because Zarina was responsible for it, and she'd barely remembered what day it was when Ace last saw her in the middle of her editing frenzy.

So Ace had to pay for the groceries with his own card and leave out all the extras, because he absolutely refused to pay for his own gifts out of principle. And definitely not because he couldn't afford them.

That turned out to be a blessing in disguise because Ace was barely able to carry the bags to the car as it was. And leaving the nice wine bottle at the store was somewhat preferable to trying to juggle it with the bags and having it smash into pieces on the parking lot pavement.

After all of that, a little road rage felt pretty deserved.

Ace's hands were still shaking on the steering wheel. He couldn't remember when he'd last been this angry; it wasn't like he'd expected much for his birthday, because he knew how busy everyone would be. But just some acknowledgement—or maybe a guarantee that they'd celebrate together at a later date when everyone had more time—would have gone a long way.

Ace didn't need brunch and champagne in bed like they'd done for Felix's birthday, or the seven-course dinner at that fancy restaurant they went to for Élodie's. Sure, Ace had planned those months in advance, but he knew the others weren’t as sentimental—even if he already knew what he was getting Zarina and Jeff even though it was half a year until their birthdays. 

But that was what you did, wasn’t it? Admittedly Ace had always been a little materialistic, but if you liked someone, you gave them something nice, even if it was just a bouquet of wildflowers you'd picked off the side of the road or a half-burnt omelet that didn’t quite turn out like the recipe promised. Ace would have been happy with birthday kisses and a cheap gift and ordering takeout from the shitty kebab place with free delivery, and that really wasn't unreasonable to ask of his partners; no matter how busy they were.

Maybe they just didn't like him enough to bother.

Ace let out a half-hysteric, half-pathetic laugh. If he somehow ended up getting dumped by four people on his birthday, he really didn't know what he'd do.

…Except piss in Felix's koi pond in revenge, but after that.

So he just wouldn't think about it. And besides, everyone acted like this was just a normal day, and not a let's-finally-kick-Ace-to-the-curb day. Ace just had to act like it too, because it wasn't like he could bring up the birthday thing now. If they genuinely forgot, it would make them feel bad and nobody would have time to throw anything together on such short notice anyway, and then everyone would be miserable. And if they actually were ignoring it on purpose, well, then Ace would feel even more awful than he did now.

Ace would just go home and unload the groceries, and then call his sister, because she'd sent him a happy birthday text earlier, because someone actually cared. By that time, Jeff would probably have finished dinner but he'd eat in his studio like he always did when he was busy, so Ace would eat alone and likely end up doing the dishes like some pathetic Cinderella without a fairy godmother.

Then he'd steal a couple of Élodie's expensive French chocolates for dessert, go upstairs and have a sad wank alone, and come back down to get a drink—probably trying and failing to find anything but the gross boxed Merlot they kept under the sink and nobody wanted to drink. Nonetheless, he'd take the garbage wine to the living room and spite-watch the new episode of Zarina's favorite show without her, and if he was lucky it would be late enough that Élodie was up and maybe joined him for some cuddles. 

Or yelled at him for eating the chocolates. Whatever.

In any case, Ace had no illusions that he wasn't sleeping alone tonight. Jeff and Zarina would work to well after midnight, Élodie would only start eating breakfast once Ace went to bed, and Felix would be in his don't-touch-me-or-talk-to-me mood after his work event inevitably ran long.

Lost in his thoughts, Ace managed the rest of the drive home without further meltdowns, but he was still seething once he pulled up in the driveway to the Richter manor. He didn't even bother to park the car in the garage—Felix would probably have nagged at him for parking wrong anyway—and just pulled to a stop by the front door.

He hefted out the ridiculously heavy grocery bags, silently complained that he was getting way too old for this shit, and left Jeff's car right there in the middle of the driveway to annoy anyone who tried to leave or enter the property. Hopefully it would get shat on by some birds.

Ace walked up the steps to the house and prayed that the handles of the bags didn’t snap. He managed to maneuver the bags into one hand without catastrophe striking, and unlocked the door with the other…

And the door got jammed. Fantastic.

"Fucking…piece of shit!" Ace cursed, violently jiggling the key in the lock.

Finally, the door unlocked and Ace shouldered it open. Once inside, he turned to face it and, hands still occupied, kicked it shut with as much force as he could.

The whole wall shook and rattled from the impact and Ace glared at the door some more.

“That’ll teach you,” he said smugly.

“Mon Dieu, what did the poor door do to you?”

“Very funny,” Ace said, still annoyed. He turned around to face Élodie, already complaining, “You gonna give me a hand or—”

And that was when he very nearly dropped the bags he’d worked so hard to get home in one piece.

Élodie was not wearing the comfy reindeer one-piece she usually lived in after a long business trip. Neither was she wearing her regular silk pajamas or one of Jeff’s oversized band shirts she was prone to stealing.

No, Élodie stood there in the Richter manor’s foyer on an unassuming Tuesday afternoon, dressed in nothing but a sinfully flattering bustier and lacy stockings.

“Welcome home, m'amour.” She strutted up to Ace and gave him a kiss on the cheek, which was probably good considering Ace’s mouth was occupied with gaping like a fish. “Do you like my new outfit?” she asked, stepping back and doing a little twirl.

"I, uh…" Ace floundered as he greedily drank in the sight of her, his previous anger all but forgotten.

The mint color of the lingerie contrasted Élodie’s skin tone beautifully. White lace framed the swell of her breasts and the tiny hem of a skirt was barely enough to cover her panties. Ace’s eyes followed the garter straps down her thick thighs and he had to swallow a groan once they reached the lace edge of the stockings.

Élodie really wasn’t playing fair; she knew how weak Ace was for the thigh-highs.

"You’re stunning,” Ace said, a little breathlessly. His fingers itched to touch and he realized he was still holding the stupid bags.

Not one to be deterred, he eagerly continued, “That bustier is gorgeous. Did you buy it on your trip? You look even more beautiful than usual, if that’s possible.”

Élodie smiled, clearly pleased. "Flatterer."

"Wait, how are you up already?" Ace remembered, reluctantly tearing his gaze away from her figure. “Were you waiting for me?"

"Of course I was,” Élodie said. “We had to send you away for some errands to not ruin the surprise.”

"What surprise?"

A low chuckle sounded to his left. "Don’t tell me you forgot your own birthday,” Jeff said, stepping out of the kitchen. “Oh, let me get those for you.”

Jeff grabbed the shopping bags from Ace, but he barely registered the action—a small part of his brain was celebrating that somebody had remembered his birthday, another was relieved to finally be rid of the heavy bags, but the rest chose to focus on…

"Are you wearing flannel?" Ace exclaimed. It couldn’t be: Jeff hated flannel. Jeff didn’t even own flannel, and Felix sure as hell didn’t either, so—

Jeff shrugged, his cheeks pinking. "You keep calling me a lumberjack, so…"

"A sexy lumberjack," Ace corrected. Then, his expression softened as he realized, "You dressed up as a sexy lumberjack for my birthday."

Jeff gave him a tentative smile. "Do you like it?"

Like it? Jeff looked like something straight out of a gay porno, with his luscious beard and messy man bun and red and black checkered shirt that hugged his massive shoulders and soft belly.

"I'm gonna climb you like a tree," Ace concluded.

Jeff laughed, then stepped back into the kitchen with an, “I’ll go put these away.”

"What’s with the dress-up party?" Ace asked, turning back to Élodie. "Did you two conspire some birthday shenanigans while I was gone?"

"Two?" Élodie quirked an eyebrow. "Your turn, mon coeur."

And that was when Felix stepped out from around a corner where he'd apparently been eavesdropping.

"You got me a Felix?" Ace joked. "I love it."

Élodie chuckled. "Your actual gifts are in the kitchen. I just thought this was more urgent."

"And that's why you're the brains of this household," Ace’s mouth ran on autopilot while he ogled Felix.

Felix fidgeted under his gaze, crossing and uncrossing his arms over his chest where he was wearing a gold-trimmed white vest over a black dress shirt. He looked unfairly good—he always did, but these clothes somehow only highlighted it.

Ace cocked his head. "Is the vest new?"

"No, but it's the first time I've convinced him to wear it." Élodie pushed at Felix's shoulder. "Turn around, mon chéri."

"I feel like a Barbie doll," Felix muttered but still did as he was told.

"You look like one too," Élodie shot back.

Ace was about to add his own witty comment but proceeded to choke on his own spit instead as soon as Felix turned around.

Felix's vest had criss-crossed lace down the entirety of the back, and suddenly it became clear why he looked even better than usual today. He wasn’t wearing just any old vest Élodie had dug out from his overflowing closet of designer suits: he was wearing a corset vest. 

Ace stepped closer like hypnotized, running his fingers over the X-pattern of the lace. The vest made Felix’s already drool-worthy shoulder to waist ratio even more pronounced, cinching his middle and highlighting both his broad shoulders and the curve of his ass. 

Ace had never seen a man in a corset before and his brain was more than a little scrambled. He simultaneously wanted to grab Felix's tiny waist and cling to his defined shoulders and pull on the lace while Felix laid on his front and squirmed and—

"Doesn't he look adorable?" Élodie asked once Felix turned back to face them.

Adorable definitely wasn’t the word Ace would use. "Uh…" he looked stupidly up at Felix, silently wondering how much he’d have to beg to get him to wear only the vest in bed.

Felix winced. "I told you this was a stupid idea. He doesn’t even like it—"

"I want to eat you," was what finally came out of Ace’s mouth.

Élodie laughed and Felix sputtered, his face flushing with pink blotches.

"But, wait.” Ace shook his head, trying to refocus. “I thought you had that seminar today? I wasn’t expecting you home before…"

"I took the afternoon off." Felix looked at him with a small smile. "I didn’t want to miss your birthday."

Élodie cleared her throat and Felix grimaced.

"...Which I only remember once Élodie called me," Felix said. “I forgot, I'm sorry. I must have seemed like an ass this morning."

"I'm suddenly having a lot of trouble even remembering this morning," Ace said, then smirked when an idea formed in his head. "But I do remember you still owe me a kiss."

Felix chuckled and leaned down to kiss him, wrapping an arm around Ace's waist and pulling him close the way that always made Ace weak in the knees. His mouth was hot and insistent and Ace did his best to kiss back while eagerly pawing at Felix’s muscular chest over the vest.

“I got you flowers,” Felix said when pulling away, much sooner than Ace would have liked. “They’re in the kitchen. Did you want to…?”

“Mm, no, that’s okay.” Ace stepped back and looked at both Élodie and Felix in turn; they really made quite a picture. “I bet they’re beautiful, but I’m enjoying the view right here. Though I feel very underdressed,” he added with a grin and self-conscious shrug.

Élodie smiled knowingly. "Do you need some help getting out of your clothes?"

Ace perked up and certain other parts of him did too. "Yes, absolutely. I am completely helpless and exhausted from carrying groceries and require at least four extra—" He saw Jeff exit the kitchen. "—six extra hands to take off my pants."

Jeff chuckled and leaned in for a quick kiss, his lips warm and a little chapped against Ace’s.

“Here,” Jeff said, handing him a drink.

The cocktail was bright red and had a small orange slice on top. When Ace sipped it, the strong tastes of Campari and vermouth mingled on his tongue—ah, an Americano.

Ace sighed indulgently and leaned into Jeff. “Oh, this is so much better than that under the sink wine.”

“Ugh, I keep forgetting to throw that away,” Felix muttered to himself.

“Why don’t we head upstairs?” Jeff asked, his voice a deep rumble in Ace’s ear.

Ace shivered from the pleasant scratch of Jeff’s beard against his hair and the warmth of his big hand splaying over Ace’s lower back. It was a small miracle he managed to resist throwing himself at Jeff and ask him to carry him to bed.

“Are you sure? What about dinner?” Ace asked instead, managing to summon the last of his brain cells. “And shouldn’t we wait for Zarina?”

Yes, he might have been getting a little greedy, as he already had three of his partners right here who seemed very eager to celebrate his birthday. But it wouldn’t be the same without Zarina, because Ace loved them all very much and was sentimental like that.

He also really, really wanted a fivesome if he could get it.

Fortunately, Élodie informed him, “Zarina finished her editing earlier. Who do you think laced Felix up?”

Élodie laughed and Ace did too, because Zarina was freakishly strong for her size. He could vividly picture her aggressively pulling on Felix's corset with one foot braced on his ass.

"I'm actually sad I missed that," Ace said.

"The screaming was a little funny," Jeff admitted.

Felix’s face reddened even more. "It wasn't supposed to be that tight, and I was staying still even if she claims otherwise!"

Ace barked out another laugh, then suddenly felt silly, standing there laughing with the people he’d been so annoyed with earlier.

"I can’t believe I thought you guys actually forgot.” Ace said. He took a sip of liquid courage and sheepishly admitted, “I, well… I kind of had a tantrum at the supermarket. And on the drive home."

Jeff rubbed soothingly up and down Ace’s back and Felix just nodded, like road rage was perfectly acceptable. Élodie however pouted and stepped closer, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry we made you think we didn't care," Élodie said, then kissed his jaw sweetly. "We love you, mon chéri. You are so precious to us."

Ace’s face heated and even Jeff and Felix shuffled their feet awkwardly. Talking about feelings wasn't really something any of them were particularly good at—Zarina included—but for Élodie, it always seemed to come easy. They'd somewhat accepted that sometimes, she had to speak for all of them.

"Thank you, mi corazon." Ace clasped Élodie's hand with his spare one and kissed her knuckles, before looking up with a smirk. "I feel a little bad about planning to eat all your fancy chocolates now."

Élodie patted his cheek. "Trust me, I would have done much worse if you forgot my birthday.”

Ace laughed. "Noted." There was a muted crash from upstairs. "Um…is Zarina okay?"

Élodie cocked her hip and smiled suggestively. "Yes, she's just making the master bedroom a little…cozier."

“I’ve never seen that many candles in my life,” Jeff huffed.

Felix's brows pinched together. “If she starts a fire…”

"Oh, relax, m'amour," Élodie said. "This evening is all about romance—"

"Has anyone seen my strap-on!?" Zarina’s voice echoed from upstairs.

"It’s still in Felix’s room from last time!" Élodie yelled back, not missing a beat. 

Ace nearly choked on his drink and Felix gave Élodie a look of absolute betrayal.

“Thank you!” Zarina shouted before a door slammed shut upstairs.

Élodie sighed. "Ah, and there goes that surprise."

Ace’s stomach did an excited little flip-flop. With the way things were looking, he probably wouldn’t be able to walk properly tomorrow.

But man, would it be worth it.

"We should check on Zarina," Felix said, when Ace knew what he really meant was, “I need to make sure Zarina doesn’t burn my house down or reveal any more embarrassing aspects of my sex life.”

Maybe Ace could convince him to demonstrate his previous encounter with Zarina and her strap.

“We should check on her,” Élodie agreed, then looked at Jeff and asked, "If everything with the order went okay?”

Ace craned his neck to peer up at Jeff over his shoulder. "Order?"

“I took the liberty of ordering in from that Ethiopian place you like,” Jeff said, still petting Ace’s back and making warmth spread though his whole body. “They're gonna deliver it in a few hours, since I figured we might be busy for a while.”

Ace frowned. “But they don't deliver this far out.”

"They do if you tip them well enough," Felix said in his I-threw-money-at-the-problem-until-it-went-away voice.

"More time for us to spend with the birthday boy," Élodie crooned, stroking Ace's beard. "Ready to celebrate, mon amour?"

Ace looked at his partners and felt unbelievably fond. To think that he was so sure they'd forgotten, when all this time they had all gone through so much trouble for him—Élodie masterminding the whole thing and even getting Jeff and Felix to play dress-up, Felix canceling his important work event, Jeff ordering his favorite food, and Zarina risking Felix's ire with the fire hazard…

Ace downed the rest of his cocktail in one go and grinned. "Lead the way!"

Élodie grabbed Ace’s hand and he locked elbows with Felix as she tugged him along. Jeff followed a step after them, his hand snaking around Ace’s hips and already undoing his belt buckle before they’d even reached the top of the stairs.

Best. Birthday. Ever.

[pikachugirltits]

Ok, so, like...this is my third or so personal post today, and I'm not normally this chatty, but something has caused a damn in my brain to break and suddenly I feel like I need to just spill my heart out to my blog, so uh...I hope y'all don't mind if I use you as a sounding board. Because I kind of want to become more chatty.

Because I've been struggling heavily with depression and shit lately, largely because I have a lot of unprocessed trauma from being an "essential" retail worker during covid and having immunocompromised roommates that I've been super worried about making sick. Which is...ugh, still weighing heavily on my mind. I'm on a waiting list to get into therapy for this, but it's not happening anytime soon and if I keep bottling things up it's not gonna help me.

I think that's why of all the random things to get my brain turning over and stop marinating in self-pity it was me just spontaneously developing a fursona that kind of made me realize that...I am repressed. Super, super repressed. And it's feeding into my trauma and it's feeding into my depression and making everything worse. Because yesterday I thought to myself "I've always loved seeing anthro Pokemon designs, sometimes I like them more than normal anthro designs. You know if I had a fursona it would probably be..." And I hesitated to complete that sentence because I knew what realization was waiting at the end of it. And in that moment I realized that I was about to deny myself something fun and interesting for fear of it being...cringe? Maybe? I dunno.

And like, a day later I realize this wasn't really about the fursona. Like, the fursona is an important part of processing whatever this is, but really it was just the spark. Something had to turn over in my head. For the last couple of years, I feel like I've just been revving the engine trying to get it to start and now this was what caused it to actually ignite and start.

Like, I've been trying to change myself. Changing my name to Alexis was meant to try and make me switch how I thought about myself...but I think now I'm starting to realize that I never really took the time to figure out who Alexis really is and how she's different from Michal. I...felt untethered from my sense of self. Because trying to redefine yourself in the midst of a global pandemic is maybe some...sub-optimal timing but I think I craved that sense of change in order to distance me from my growing sense of powerlessness in the face of... everything.

So...um, here's hoping this can be a first step into actually figuring out who I want to become. So, to reintroduce myself...heya~! My name is Lexi. I'm kind of nerd, kind of a weirdo and I'm kinda still figuring myself out even in my 30s. If you don't mind, I'd like it if I can figure it out alongside all y'all. ^_^

[chososcamgirl]

OCCASIONAL RANT ‼️‼️

Hey sigma😈😈 I needed to rant but this didn’t really fit in the daily check in (which I will be uploading soon) so I decided to start these random occasional rants 🤗🤗

WARNING ⚠️ I YAPPED HARD + I WAS A NEGATIVE NANCY IN THIS ONE.. KIND OF A VENT(?) SO IF U DONT FW THAT SKIP THIS AND ILL TAKE THAT AS A SIGN TO STOP YAPPING ABOUT HOW EMO I AM 🔥😈

I WENT TO A GAME TODAY AND U GOT INTO SOME BEEF WITH MY 4LIFER AND OMFG I WAS SOBBING 😭 I TRIED TO HARD TO KEEP IT IN BUT I STARTED FUCKING CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME THATS SO NOT SIGMA 😔💔🔥

AND THE PERSON I RANTED ABOUT IN MY LAST CHECK IN (not the girl that carfished as me) SHE TALKED SHIT ABOUT ME N SNITCHED ALL THE STUFF I SAID WITH HER WHEN WE WERE FRIENDS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I WAS GIVING HER BAD VIBES.. THE WHOLE DAY WAS A BLUR I DONT RLY REMEMBER WHAT LED TO THIS BEEF BUT NOW WERE TAKING A BREAK ‼️‼️

My friend saw me crying and drove me to the mall for retail therapy… and she payed for me cus I was sobbing the entire time… 💔💔 I FUCKING LOVE HER WNRNENEN SHES SO SWEETTTR… we left the game early just to go to the mall bc she wanted me to feel better 🙁🙁 I’m FUCKING SOBBING THATS LEGIT SO SWEET and she got me a figure im THROWING UP UBEBENENENEKENE 😞🙁💗

I have another social event tmrw idk if i can do it anymore gang.. I’ve been PACKED this entire weekend and my social battery is DRAINEDD + I have a reunion with this old friend tmrw and we’ve been planning it for a while so id feel bad canceling but GOD am I tired.. was already drained from all the social interactions and classes I had and meeting this friend is gonna feel like such a chore 😔😔💔 anrenne i wish I had a high social battery 😢

I think i fucked up the rest of my school year which kind of scares me but we ball ig 💔💔😞 and I kindddd of told ppl my secrets and things I wasn’t supposed to say (about me) so…. 😢😢 someone NEEDS TO STOP ME FROM YAPPING / OVERSHARING

OKOK SORT FOR RANTING POO POO.. DIALY CHRCK IN COMINF SOON‼️‼️ STAY TUNED VRO ILY 😍😍

- 🐺

HII ALPHA!!!! 🐺🐺

RESPONSE UNDER CUT!

i am more than willing to read your rants/vents🙂‍↕️ IF YOU EVER NEED TO MY ASKS R OPEN!! <33

omg no not ur 4lifer that’s horrible :(( i hope u guys made up and she apologised ☹️ being in a fight with ur bff SUCKS and don’t worry crying it totally sigma #NOJUDGEMENT

okay FUCK that friend because why would she say that after you ranted to her HELLO?? she’s an OPP bro don’t engage with her she sounds like a hater😒 but i’m sorry that u had a bad day angel :(( hopefully this week is better for you <3

okay the other friend is an actual SWEETHEART!!! i love her i just know she has a kind soul. i’m so glad she did that for you she’s actually an angel. also don’t feel pressured to go to any more social events if you’re drained because it’ll just end up with you feeling shitty and a waste of time </3 don’t worry about it! i don’t think you have! i think it was just a misunderstanding. it’ll blow over in a week trust me, all school things do it’s not the end of the world. also the secret thing 😭 if u feel like u can trust them definitely yes but girl don’t go telling just anyone!! i say this with genuine concern because it CAN bite you in the back if they decide to use it against you.. but you should be fine🙂‍↕️ i have faith in you!!! DONT APOLOGISE!! ILY VRO‼️‼️😈🫵 i’m missing ur asks this was the last ask i have got from you.. pls tell me ur okay…

[therecordchanger62279]

THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE

Short Fiction

     Charlie Dennis had another bad day at work today. Instead of going home to his empty house, he decided to stop by Manny’s Tavern for a drink to take some of the edge off. Charlie’s boss was driving him crazy. The guy seemed hell-bent on making Charlie and everyone else on the receiving dock miserable with his idiotic ideas, his paranoia, his power trips, and his insecurities. Charlie had never seen anybody like this guy. He was a textbook case for extended therapy with a licensed professional. There wasn’t much chance he’d be committed to a mental hospital, though, and that meant he’d continue driving Charlie and his work pals insane. Charlie wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take. He’d taken this job hoping to hang on to it until he could retire. He’d supervised receiving operations at a major home furniture retailer until that company decided they could get somebody younger to do his job for less money. So they forced Charlie out with trumped up accusations that his attitude was bad, and his work less productive. But it was all lies. Charlie didn’t arrive with a bad attitude. It was instilled in him by a company that was mis-managed at the highest levels and looking for middle managers to shoulder the blame. When Charlie saw the handwriting on the wall, he quit before they had a chance to fire him, and took a subordinate position with a big box retailer doing the same kind of work without the authority. He figured that might make him less of a target, and he might be able to stay employed long enough to maximize his social security benefits. If he hadn’t needed the healthcare coverage, he might’ve taken early retirement, but after his wife died of cancer a couple of years ago, he knew he couldn’t afford to let the coverage go. After all, even with it his wife’s hospital bills had almost gutted what he’d saved for their retirement. Now he was looking at retirement as his chance to see his son and daughter and the three grandchildren they’d given him more often than just on the holidays.

     But this new job was just a different version of the same thing – a badly managed company with a team of young managers who couldn’t trouble-shoot or solve problems, or think for themselves. When Charlie or his co-workers tried to help by offering workable solutions, they were told the failings were theirs, and they needed to work harder. Charlie, even at his age, did twice the work of the guys around him half his age. But it didn’t matter, and there was nobody willing to listen or help. He was on his own. All he wanted to be was invisible. He wanted to do his work, and when it was quitting time, go home – even if the house was empty. But there was a target on all their backs because their bosses were incompetent and clueless. And his boss was the worst.

     “Charlie! How the hell are you? You haven’t been in for ages. What are you drinking?” asked Derek (Charlie nicknamed him ‘Deke’), who’d been tending bar at Manny’s for as long as Charlie could remember.

     “If I said ‘the usual’ Deke, would you remember?”

     “Bourbon, straight. Right?”

     “Right. You remembered!”

     “Well it’s not complicated. How’ve you been? Still moving furniture off trucks?”

     “Nah, I left there about a year ago. Took a job over at Darnell’s when they first came in. But it’s driving me crazy.” Charlie took a seat at the bar. The place wasn’t too busy yet considering the Mavs were playing later. The place was usually busy when the Mavs were in town since the arena was just a couple of miles up the road. There was a young couple at one of the tables, and a couple more guys that looked like rummies at the other end of the bar, and one guy to Charlie’s left nursing a drink, and dipping into the peanuts.

     “Boss got you down?” asked Derek.

     “You have no idea.”

     “Wanna talk about it? I got nothin’ better to do.”

     “Nah, I don’t wanna bore you with my problems.”

     “Come on, Charlie. Might make you feel better.”

     “Well, alright. But remember you asked. And stop me if I start breaking things.”

     “Jeez, that bad, huh?”

     “Yeah. All I wanted to do was find something quiet that would keep me until I could retire. But at my age, everybody I work with is a kid – even the managers. And they’re just useless. No idea how to do their jobs. And when things fall apart they start looking for people to blame. You know?”

       “I hear that from a lot of guys these days. The middle class workingman just keeps getting squeezed.”

      “Ain’t that the truth? They don’t wanna pay anybody to do the work, and then they wanna know why the work isn’t done. It’s all bottom-line economics. But you can’t operate these big places without people, and you gotta pay them. Hell, I barely make enough to shop there as it is. If they could they’d fire all of us, and call the warden at the penitentiary and ask him to send over a work detail they didn’t have to pay. They might as well. They already run the place like a prison. The inmates would be right at home.”

     “Well, why don’t you look for something else?”

     “ I’d never get a look from anybody. I’ve applied at a few places the past couple of months, but I can’t even get an interview. It’s that age thing. They think a guy my age couldn’t possible bring anything to the table. I’m trapped, and that’s all there is to it. At least I can still drink. They haven’t taken that away from me yet. How ‘bout another one?”

     He no sooner requested a second drink from the bartender when the man sitting to his left – the peanut muncher – turned to him and said, “That one’s on me Derek.”

     Surprised, Charlie turned to him and said, “Aw, hey, that’s not necessary. You don’t even know me.”

     “That’s all right,” the stranger replied. Sounds like you could use another one. I’m happy to do it.”

     “But you –“

     “Mark’s the name, and I won’t take no for an answer.”

     “Well alright, if you insist. But I’ll get the next one.”

     “Look, Charlie is it?”

     “Yeah, Charlie Dennis.”

     “Well Charlie, I couldn’t help overhearing you, and I think maybe I might be able to help if you’re interested.”

     “Help how? You mean with a job?”

     “Well, not exactly. I have a business, but it’s not the line of work you’re in. But you got my attention when you said you were trapped. I might be able to give you a way out. Of course there’s a risk involved, but the choice would be all yours to make, and if you’re not interested, no harm done.”

     “Look, Mark – Mark, right?”

     Mark nodded.

     “Look, Mark. I can’t afford to get involved in anything illegal if that’s what you have in mind.”

     “Oh no. Not at all. Nothing of the kind. I’m just a very successful guy that hates to see the working man taking it on the chin all the time, and I’m in a position to help people sometimes, and when I see an opportunity, I make an offer.”

     “So you’re a ‘Good Samaritan’?

     “Well I guess you could say that. But I don’t have any ulterior motives if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m just trying to give something back.”

     “Well I suppose there’s no harm in hearing you out.”

     “Why don’t we let Derek tend to his customers since the place is starting to get busy, and let’s you and I take our drinks over to that corner table so we can talk privately?”

     Charlie nodded, left a couple of bills on the bar, picked up his drink and followed this “Good Samaritan” to the corner table. The two men sat down, and Mark dipped into the bowl of peanuts he’d taken from the bar.

     The two men looked into one another’s eyes for a moment, and then Charlie broke the silence. “I’m all ears.”

     “Good. Now let me make the pitch before you say anything and when I’m finished, I’ll be glad to answer any questions you might have.”

     Mark continued, “You ever see that game show Wheel of Fortune?”

     Charlie nodded, and then raised an eyebrow.

     “So you’re familiar with The Big Wheel, and taking chances then.”

     “Sure,” said Charlie.

     “Okay then. Would you believe me if I told you I have a wheel like that one in my office, and that with that wheel I can provide you a choice – a way out of your predicament?”

      Charlie looked at Mark like he had lost his mind. His only reply was an incredulous, “What?”

     “I’m serious. I have a wheel. You can spin that wheel, and choose your way out. There are two possibilities on the wheel, and I can make either happen for you. I’m in a financial position to do this. But it’s not charity. I don’t figure you for the type to take charity. A proud workingman isn’t looking for a handout. What he needs is a choice. That’s the spot you’re in, Charlie. And I can provide that choice.”

     “Okay. Let’s say, for a minute, that I don’t think you’re some kind of crackpot. What choices can you give me, and how does this work?”

     “You come with me to my office. You’ll spin the wheel. There are color slots on the wheel – half the slots are green and half are red. You spin my wheel, and if green comes up, you can retire immediately with full benefits. You’ll never have to go to work again.”

     “And if I spin red, then what?” asked Charlie.

     “Here’s where the risk comes in – and it’s a big risk. I won’t lie to you. If you get red on the wheel, it’s death.”

     “You’re going to kill me because I got the color red on your wheel? What the f-“

     “Wait a minute, Charlie. I’m not going to kill you. What I can do for you, however, is put you in touch with a physician who – well, let’s just say he has a special practice – and he can, for lack of a better way to put it – end your misery.”

     “Isn’t that illegal?”

     “In all but four states, yeah. And this is one of the illegal states. But we can arrange to transfer you to the legal state of your choice, and take care of things for you, and your troubles will be over.”

     “Yeah, along with my life!”

     “Charlie, calm down. The choice is yours. I just detected a sense of resignation about your working situation, and a desperation on your part to put an end to it. And I have a way to do that, so I’m making the offer. You seem like a standup guy. You deserve better treatment at the hands of your employer. But the reality of the age we live in is that it’s probably never going to get any better – at least not for guys of your generation. You’ve become almost invisible. You feel helpless – like you don’t have any say in your own future, and no control over how the rest of your life will play out. And you deserve better than that after working hard your whole life.”

     “So you’re telling me you can either set up my retirement a few years early or you can put me out of my misery by arranging –“ Charlie couldn’t finish that sentence.

     “You married, Charlie?”

     “I was. My wife passed away a couple of years ago. Cancer.”

     “I’m sorry. Any children?”

     “Two, a boy and girl. Both grown, married, and living out of state. I’ve got three grandkids, too.”      “Well maybe that second option is too great a risk for you to consider, and if that’s the case, you can reject the offer, and just go on with life as it is. Maybe you’ll find another way out.”

      Charlie sat quietly for the next several minutes as Mark finished the bowl of peanuts. Finally, it was Mark who said, “Tell you what, Charlie. You don’t have to decide right now. You’ve had a long, bad day. Why don’t you let me give you a present?” And he reached into his pocket and withdrew what looked like a ticket, and a couple of slips of paper. He handed them to Charlie.

      “What are these?” asked Charlie.

      “ The ticket will get you into tonight’s Mavs game. It might take your mind off your troubles for an evening. Wish I could offer you a better game, but the Wizards are in town tonight. There’s also a parking pass, and a voucher good at the concession stands for free food and drink. Go to the game, get your mind off your troubles, and then come see me.”

     “Come see you?”

     “I’ll be in my office. Ask one of the security people to bring you to my office. Tell them you’re the appointment Mark told them about, and they’ll bring you right up.”

     “So you work at the arena?”

     “Yeah, you might say that. You don’t follow basketball do you?”

     “Nah, not too much these days. Did when I was a kid. I grew up watching the Royals.”

     “You’re from Ohio then?”

     “Originally, yeah. I didn’t move to Texas till I married my wife. She had family here.”

     “So you saw Oscar Robertson and Jerry Lucas in their heyday?”

     “Oh yeah. Those guys were amazing. How’d you know about them? You don’t look old enough to-“

     “Oh, I’m a student of the game. I’ve done my homework.”

     “Sounds like it.”

     “Yeah, well anyway, go enjoy the game. Come see me after, and if you don’t, I’ll take that as a sign that you’ve thought it over and you’re not interested in my offer. And if that’s the case, then I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Is there anything else you want to ask me about all this? Any questions at all?”

     “When people ask you about the wheel in your office, what do you say?”

     “Oh I tell them it’s the wheel that won me my fortune.”

     “That’s not true is it?”

     “No, of course not. I got my fortune through a lot of hard work, and some luck, too. But you’d be surprised how many people believe it was the wheel. These days everybody thinks they can find a substitute for old-fashioned ingenuity and hard work. But there’s no substitute. If you want to be successful, hard work, and maybe some good luck and timing are necessary. There are no shortcuts – no matter what the media tells you.”

      “So the wheel is – as far as anyone knows – just a conversation piece?”

      “For the most part. Although every once in awhile it comes in handy when I’ve got a stalemate with an employee over a contract. We solve it with a spin. Saves bringing in an arbitrator.”

       Charlie was quiet again, and Mark asked, “Anything else?”

      “You’re not Satan by any chance are you? I mean let’s say I spin the wheel and get green. You’re not gonna set me up for retirement, and then I get run over by a car on my way to get a newspaper the next morning?”

     “Charlie, do you even believe in Satan?”

     “Nah. Not really. But this seems like something he might be involved in.”

     Mark chuckled. “Charlie, I assure you it’s on the up and up. The only guy who thinks I might be Satan is the commissioner, and he’s almost always wrong.”

     “Okay. Well, thanks for the ticket. Maybe you’ll see me later, I just don’t know.”

     “Okay Charlie. Whatever you decide, I want to thank you for doing your part to make a world where a guy like me had a chance to grow up and be successful. I don’t take your contribution lightly even if your boss does. I hope you remember that the next time you have trouble sleeping.”

     Charlie stood up, looked Mark in the eye one last time, and turned and headed out the door of Manny’s. He had a lot of thinking to do. But first, all he wanted to do was sit in the American Airlines Arena and watch the hometown team dismantle the Washington Wizards.

© 2024

[heavenlyheesire]

in a world of boys, he’s a gentleman

WHO : bf!heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE : fluff, established relationship, shopping!au, suggestive (if you squint)

SYNOPSIS : in which you and your boyfriend decide to go shopping and somehow end up at victoria’s secret

WC : 2328 words

˗ˏˋ  ur listening to :: TAYLOR SWIFT's "slut!" ˎˊ˗

1:26 ————————•——————— -3:00

♪ everyone wants him, that was my crime, the wrong place at the right time, and i break down then he's pulling me in, in a world of boys, he's a gentleman ♪

You wake up, feeling relaxed and ready to start the day. The night before was intense, seeing as your lovely boyfriend, Heeseung, had given you immense pleasure beyond belief. Lying in bed, mind wondering about the plans for the day, you peeked out of the curtains. It was a sunny day, the sky bright and full of joy - a perfect day for retail therapy; although, retail therapy isn’t as fun alone as it is with great company. A loud noise sounded, pulling you out of your thoughts. After a few seconds of searching, you grab your phone bringing it to your ear. 

“Hello?” you say sleepily. A chuckle rings from the phone, “hi little siren, how was your sleep?” Smiling at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice, you answer, “it was good, slept like a baby.” Heeseung smiles even though you can’t see him, “I’m glad my love, we had a long night… but say what do you think about doing a little damage to our wallets today?” Picking at a lint on your lilac sheets, you ponder “by that, do you mean your wallet Seung?” He scoffs and lets out a breath, “nooooo… yes, I am not letting you spend a dime whenever you’re with me, ever.” You whine, “Heeseung~, you know it makes me feel bad whenever you pay for everything, especially since you never let me pay you back.” There was silence for a moment, before he sighs out loud, “bun, it IS fine, it’s my pleasure to make sure you don’t have to worry about something as silly as money, your presence is all I ask for in return.” With a frown, you ask, “are you sure? I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of your kindness.” You hear shuffling on his end of the line followed by the sound of his bed springing under him, “you’re mine and I take care of what belongs to me, plus what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t buy you everything your heart longed and desired for?” The words you had wanted to say died in your throat, unable to say a thing. Lost for words you decided it was better to remain quiet than answer and potentially start an argument. “Mmmh, that’s what I thought. I’m coming to get you in thirty, so be ready by then” he sternly said. You laugh at his tone of voice, “yes sir, bye-bye.” Hanging up the call, you get out of bed and straight to getting ready. 

A knock on the door startles you out of your daydreams and back to reality. As you near the entrance to your apartment, a girly voice starts, “housekeeping!!” Opening the door, you see Heeseung with a boyish smile on his face and a bouquet of baby’s breath. “You ready little siren?” he says handing you the flowers. You grab them and nod a yes “thank you, they’re beautiful, let me just put these in water, grab my purse and we can be on our way.” He smiles and nods a little. The silence gives you time to collect your thoughts and calm your nerves. 

There was nothing to be worried about when it came to Heeseung. He was everything you didn’t know you needed. He was the moon to your sun, the stars to your sky, the cream to your latte. You were always in awe of him; his kind heart, his loving nature, his selflessness, everything that he was made you fall even more in love with him. On the other hand, all those wonderful qualities made you a little nervous from time to time. Heeseung was this perfect human being with no bad bone in his body and you were just plan ordinary you. Although that wasn’t bad at all, sometimes you just wondered why he chose you out of all the beautiful women in this world. But that was another thing for another day. 

You walk out of your room, purse in hand, ready to spend the day with your favorite boy. “Okay I’m ready Seung” you call out making your way to the door. Heeseung jogs over, grabbing the door handle before you get the chance to, “after you, my lady.” Blushing at his actions, you grab his hand swinging your hands, and walk to his car together. 

Busy. That was the one word going through both your and Heeseung’s heads the moment you got to the mall. It was good to finally be spending time with your boyfriend even if it would be surrounded by hundreds of people. Pulling Heeseung along with you, you guys walked from store to store just enjoying each other’s company. 

After two hours of walking and shopping together, you stopped to rest on a bench. “You seriously didn’t have to buy me everything I touched” you say towards Heeseung. He shakes his head in response, “yes I did, you deserve everything.” Unable to look at him because of how flustered you got, you look in the opposite direction of him. Unbeknownst to Heeseung, he follows your eyesight and sees the bright pink sign: Victoria’s Secret. Thoughts start swirling in his mind, going from zero to a hundred very fast. You suddenly gasp, “oh my God, I completely forgot I need new panties and pajamas.” Heeseung starts coughing and looks away, afraid you’ll catch on to his sudden panic. “Come on bub, let’s go! You can help me pick them out too” you excitedly say, getting up from the bench. He hesitantly stands up and follows you into the excessively pink store shyly. 

Drawers of underwear, racks of bras, rows of lingerie, it was all too much for Heeseung’s mind. He couldn’t help but imagine you in every lace, satin, and mesh piece that landed in his sight. It took everything in him not to drag you back to his car and claim you as his like he had the night before. You usher him to the fitting rooms with all the clothing in your arms dragging him out of his daydreams. He waits outside of your room for a couple of minutes before you open the door and show him a satin black set, “what do you think?” You give him a little twirl and smile, hoping he loves it as much as you do. He nods, words seeming to get lost in his head, “I, it-it’s good, I like it.” Smiling, you walk back into the room and try on the next set. Heeseung lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He’s seen you in many types of clothing from corsets to micro-skirts to mini dresses, but nothing will ever compare to how you look in just your panties and bra. Heeseung had always believed there was beauty in simplicity… then he met you and further proved his point. You could wear a trash bag and Heeseung would think you were the epitome of beauty, the very definition of the word itself. To him, you are the reason why the phrase “beauty & grace” exists. 

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, you open the door again and show him a lacey lilac set, “how about this one? Thought I could get one in your favorite color.” Eyes wide and mouth hung open, Heeseung stares without saying a word. You chuckle and your cheeks turn a bright shade of pink similar to the dressing room walls, “Seungie, close your mouth before you catch a fly with it.” Heeseung shakes his head and looks you up and down with a dazed look on his face. Shy all of a sudden, you hide behind the door, hoping Heeseung will say anything at this point. “Uh-huh, don’t hide from me, I wanna stare at you a little bit longer” he frantically rushes out. You look up at him while whispering, “so you like this one?” He gives you a confused look, “like this one? Little siren, I LOVE this one. I am absolutely buying you this. For sure.” Blushing at him again, you back up into the room before Heeseung stops you, “wait, I saw a dress and I’d like to see it on you if that’s okay with you.” You mouth okay and close the door while you wait for your boyfriend to return. 

Knocking startles you for a second time today. “Bun, it’s me” Heeseung excitedly whispers through the door. You crack it open just enough for him to hand you the dress without anyone seeing your gorgeous body. After the door is fully closed, you hang it on the hook and step back to see it in its full glory. The dress is a midnight blue color with gold suns and silver moons embroidered throughout the fabric. In awe of the piece, you stare at it for a good minute before trying it on. You stared at yourself in the mirror before going to show the man that you love. Opening the door to see Heeseung standing with his hands in his pocket, he looked up and his eyes practically popped out of his head. Laughing a little bit at his reaction, he walks to you and grabs your waist, facing you toward the mirror. He stares at you through the mirror, rubs his face on your neck, and asks, “may I confess something to you, my little siren?” You look at him while smiling and nod. He clears his throat and continues, “I've had a crush on you ever since I can remember. It’s weird. I never thought I could feel like this, but you showed up. Now, it’s like I don’t wanna go on knowing I might lose the feeling.” Your eyes soften and you cup your lover’s cheek, bringing his face towards yours, “I love you more than words can express.” 

Finally, you press your lips to his in a soft, delicate kiss. Kisses with Heeseung always had you weak in the knees, but something about this time was different. Maybe it was the way Heeseung held your waist tighter, pushing you closer to his body, or the way you felt blood rushing through your veins, making you feel warm all over. Whatever it was, you never wanted to pull apart from his gentle, feathery lips. Heeseung leans away to let air into your lungs and rests his head on your forehead as best as he can. Heavily breathing, Heeseung pecks your lips and whispers against them, “has anyone told you you’re quite amazing at this?” You shake your head and laugh “I’m pretty sure you said something similar to me last night.” He thinks out loud, “oh yeah I did, huh?” You nod at him for the billionth time today and smile at his antics. 

Moments like these always made you want to stop time so it could just be the two of you in this world, relishing in each other’s warmth. Heeseung grabs your hand and spins you around. With a nod, he says “we’re so getting everything, hurry up and get changed, darling.” He walks out the door to give you your privacy, but not without giving your cute butt a little slap. 

In line to pay for your things, Heeseung tries to convince you to get perfume, but you successfully refuse his offer. “Oh come on, it’ll make you even more sexier” he tries to persuade. You stand your ground, “no, you’ve already bought me enough today.” He pouts, sad you wouldn’t let him treat you to the finer things in life. You give him a kiss on the cheek, hoping it’ll cheer him up and thankfully he smiles down at you, giving you a peck on the lips. 

“Next customer please!!” 

You walk to the cashier, your items in hand and your boyfriend in tow. “Hi, did you find everything okay?” the cashier questions. Content, you answer “yes we did.” She hums happily “that’s good, that’ll be 195.69$. Will it be cash or card?” Heeseung steps in front of you, “it’ll be card.” You huff quietly and decide to keep your thoughts to yourself. The lady looks up and says “you have a good one, don’t let him go.” Snickering, you tell her “oh trust me, I won’t.” She hands you the bag and you’re on your way back to Heeseung’s car. 

Heeseung puts your bags into the truck and jogs to open your door, “your Majesty.” Eyes wide, you grab his hand and get into the car, “why thank you, kind sir.” Slamming the door closed, he runs to his side and slides into his seat. Once you’re both situated and comfortable, he opens his phone and hands it to you, “put some music on little siren.” Delighted to obligate his request, you take the phone from his hand and think of what to put on. A couple of seconds fly by before the idea came to you and you cheerfully type in the song. “Slut!” by Taylor Swift blasts through Heeseung’s stereo and he smiles at you. Knowing you’re a Swiftie who always plays her music whenever you’re together, he’s gotten to know some of the songs although this one wasn’t very familiar to him. 

You’re vibing along to the music when you turn toward him and sing “in a world of boys, YOU’RE a gentleman.” You give him a light kiss on the cheek so as not to disturb his driving. Heeseung blushes and turns to give you a smile in return. He turns the music down just a little bit to disclose “I love you so much” making you shy and hide in your sweater paws. As he drives into the sunset and as the sun dips below the horizon, he couldn’t help but think the girl of his dreams, who was sitting right beside him, her beauty outdid any of God’s creations herself. 

hope you had an angelic time & drown in heaven again soon !!

© heavenlyheesire ..

[nathank77]

3/28/24

6:02 a.m updated/edited/added to

Well some retail therapy. Thanks to my creditline I have like 28 pairs of boxers but the majority are mediums. They fit but are uncomfortable... a little tight...

I've been maintaining my weight at 188. I could go hypo and gain some before I go to Methimazole once every 2 weeks it's experimental obv to see how my body responds.

So I bit the bullet, I mean I can't help it I'm a boxer snob and I won't ever wear Hanes again. Once you put on under armour boxers there is no going back. I'm not joking. They are so fucking soft and long lasting.

I'm going to look so good in my new body shot in these. I still got to buy cigarettes but I can afford it with the statement balance at the right time. I'm going this weekend...

Since I don't buy weed anymore and I'm not buying my medical card as of yet. I got my glasses and I'm about to get my Oakley later today.

Everything is in motion. Why not stop picking between my 5 pairs of boxers in large without holes and then wearing 2 pairs of Adidas with big holes in the butt... I got 12 pairs of under armour, and with my other 3 I already own I have 15, then 2 nice pairs of Adidas... so that means I got 17 nice comfy pairs. I can't go back to hanes. I could have gotten Adidas but they were marginally cheaper. And if I'm spending 26-30$ on 3 pairs of boxers I might as well go for ones I really like.

Beyond that I'm getting new shoes. I have a lot of pairs but every pair but one has holes in the bottom of the soles.

I still need t shirts too but I'm just going to look like a teenager and buy Walmart graphic t shirts in the future. I can get 20 for 130$ which isn't half bad. But not anytime soon.

Next month in April I got to get a couple polos incase I go to the tango so women find me attractive. The thing is I'm a t shirt, jeans and high top kind of guy.... so it doesn't fucking matter. Only issue is all My t shirts are tattered with the paint coming off.. minus like 2. I don't think it's a good idea to get them now as idk whats going to happen to my waistline. I'm about 6 weeks on methimazole... and I got 6 months to see where I end up....

So we will see. I have hoodies and a lot of them but they are stained and shit. Either way getting under Armour boxers will really help.

The shoes will help bc I can wear them or the other red Adidas depending on my outfit. One thing at a time. I'm excited that I don't have to wear underwear with holes.

I'm excited that Two pairs of sneakers I'm going to own don't have holes in the sole.

Polos next for the tango... and in a few months I'll get some graphics t shirts that aren't anything special but they won't be tattered, in a year or so I'll go hoodie shopping.

Depending on my waistline I'll get a new pair of jeans...in 6 months. I only have one pair... but it's nothing worth investing atm. I got to try them on in store anyways. Fit really matters to me.

I'm excited to debut my body in these boxers. And I mean wearing under armour boxers is like going commando. They are so soft and comfortable. I just can't go back to Hanes..

I also got 6 pairs of socks. I owe like almost 400$ bc of the game I bought on ebay but whatever i deserve comfortable boxers with no holes. I deserve shoes without holes.

I deserve to feel good about myself and be comfortable. I keep having money spending shock cause I'm so used to spending 300-400$ on weed a month...

But I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not renewing for a while.. and I'll figure out cbd as I go.. I still have enough to cure my microsleep days for a while.

I feel crazy but I spent all night doing math. Boxers are important.

Once I get my polo for a date night or the tango I'll look good for it but a girl has to accept me for me. High tops, jeans, a ratty t shirt and my nerdy glasses otherwise it isn't worth it..

I'm going to be me unshamed and proud... and if you don't like me fuck off. I don't wear dress shoes, I don't wear button ups cause I can't afford them but I would for a fancy date... I don't see those happening anytime soon.

This is me, take me as I am or GTFO. I live in poverty but I'm good with money. Take me as I am.

[notalexhorne]

I have indulged in some extreme retail therapy today, but it was all stuff that was very much needed.

A bunch of new shirts, because I only have three that actually fit me. I have somehow gone from about a 2XL to a medium in about a year, and it truly is uniquely distressing to wear clothes that do not fit you to that extreme

Two "new" pairs of jeans, for the same reason. I say new, because these ones came from Goodwill since I don't want to spend a lot of money on jeans that will probably become too big again in a couple of months, in all reality. Also, nobody makes jeans in my size, and these are about six inches too long, but they were the shortest ones Goodwill had on the rack in my (current) waist size

Three new pairs of trainers. I knew I wanted Vans, because that's pretty much all I wear these days, and I almost got them from Amazon because you can save a lot of money going there instead of directly from the source. But then I realised that 1, you can get customs by buying direct, and I really wanted to get a pair of harlequins and they don't seem to do those stock, and 2, I didn't really trust the ones on Amazon to not be counterfeit, especially with how extreme the markdown is. So I got the harlequin customs, replaced the black and whites that I've completely fucked up, and got a pair of black and navy to kind of bridge the gap between the classic look and completely insane. I figure that as long as I don't fuck these ones up, I shouldn't have to buy new trainers again until I'm about 50 (barring those specifically for working out)

Inserts for all my new shoes, because I like Vans because they are great quality, but they're not necessarily amazingly comfortable to wear off the rack. I also got some inserts for a pair of weird trainers I forgot I had, which I'm going to try using for my walks going forward. I think I forgot about those trainers because they're not very comfortable either, so maybe the inserts will help

Fun new shoelaces for all of the above, because Vans only sells a few boring colours on their website, and even when I was building the customs I didn't like any of the options they had. I always put red laces in my black and whites, but I got a pack of a bunch of wild, assorted colours to play with for everything else to see what looks good

New cases for my watch, also in a variety of colours that I can swap out. The case I got for it when I first bought the watch years ago broke earlier this week. This was both not really surprising, because I got the watch the same day I got the iPhone X, so it's was a very old case. But at the same time, I was suddenly and violently reminded that my watch is not, in fact, black but actually rose gold, the worst of all the Apple colours, and I hate it so much. But it was literally the last watch they had in stock the day I went in, which is how I wound up with it

I'm going to keep the black and whites I fucked up and use them for an extra pair of workout shoes when I use my pedal bike thing. Aside from completely tearing up the heels, they're still in good shape otherwise. And if I just use them to make the pedal bike thing more comfortable to use, it shouldn't matter that they have giant holes in the heels? And that'll keep me from using the new ones for stupid things that might needlessly tear them up too.

[clairefoyanttt]

Burnout is becoming a more commonly discussed issue thanks to the pandemic, the shift from remote to in person, etc.

Ten years I would've rolled my eyes at people who were "too lazy to work for their money."

A lot has changed in ten years.

I work for a wonderful company with 5 weeks of PTO, 10 paid holidays, and a hybrid schedule that only requires us in office 2-3 days a week. I have a boss who could give TED talks on leadership and makes even the most difficult conversations positive. Sound ideal? It is. And I'm burnt out anyway.

So, I've decided to blog it since I feel like we hear about it but rarely get to follow the recovery from start to finish.

Therefore, we'll consider this:

The Prologue

I got my first tax paying job at 14 in a local retail shop. As of today, I'm 31 and an Executive Assistant with a multinational corporation. I've done everything from nursing aide to soldier but being an EA fits me best. I love everything about it.

Through no fault of anyone's, however, in the 17 years I've been working, I've never worked the same job, in the same company/department, with the same boss for more than 12 months. That wouldn't be terrible, except my job is based on my department AND my boss, and at the end of every year since I started at my current job in 2019, I've either gotten a new boss or a new department every single December.

Anyone who has been working long enough will tell you this: the first three months, you'll feel like you're drowning, at six months you'll feel fairly confident in what your role is, and at a year you feel competent at your job. Now imagine hitting competency and having to throw it all away and learn an entirely new job every year.

However I've done it every year so I was kind of used to it. So what made this time different?

First, I had a kid. He's a full blown toddler now which means, if he's sent home, he asks for things, gets into things, is nearly impossible to contain, and also requires a LOT of energy to chase after even on days when he is in daycare. Result? My spoons are lower for work than they had been pre-motherhood.

Second, the boss I'd shared my longest EA partnership with gave notice without warning me. I knew he'd been interviewing internally but was blindsided to know he'd interviewed and accepted a position outside the company. It hurt. He was hands down the best boss I've ever had, so incredibly supportive of the new working mom struggle, so for him to leave with no warning was my breaking point.

Third, medical medical. I have been dealing with a new ADHD diagnosis, physical therapy, genetic testing, and a neverending string of colds and bugs from my child. My child has had ear infections, pink eye, the flu, a sleep regression, and more all in the last 8 weeks. My husband is physically disabled due to degenerative disk disease and abruptly got worse when his vertebrae started pinching a major nerve meaning his ability to help with the kid or around the house is limited, and is zero on bad back days.

Sooooo after thinking my ADHD was medication resistant, thinking I had pre menstrual dysphoric disorder, depression, GAD, etc. I took a self test for burnout. And another. And five more after that. Every single one had me at the deepest level of burnout.

What does that feel like?

For me, I felt my body inching towards an anxiety attack whenever I thought about work. I knew I had tasks to do but could not mentally get the energy to do it until someone needed it. I have tons of coping mechanisms for executive dysfunction thanks to having ADHD, the timer method is a favorite, but even that wasn't working. Even if I got started, it's like my mind would do whatever it could to distract me from working on the task I needed to do.

At night, I would struggle to sleep because I'd be berating myself for how little I accomplished during the day.

I started gratitude journaling, meditating, eating better, moving more, socializing more, all the things I know help with depression. And I saw improvements at home during my off hours but as soon as I logged into work, I was right back to the frozen dread.

It got to the point where I was trying to find other jobs but knew that it might ruin my career if I couldn't perform and this problem (which I didn't realize was burnout at the time) carried into my next job. I started budgeting and trying to see if I could be a stay at home mom, work part-time, anything.

Once I realized it was burnout, I had a flash of memory. A manager I'd known had had a bit of a breakdown at one point and gone on short-term disability to recover. I wondered if I would be eligible for a similar leave because I know I don't want to leave this company but clearly need to take a break to recover since I'm too far down the rabbit hole to fix it while working.

I spoke to my therapist about it, she was excited to see me dig deep to find the real issue, agreed it was burnout, and said she would help with whatever I needed to get the disability leave approved.

So, off we go into this recovery process which is equal parts relief and shame. Excitement and embarrassment.

I hope it works.

[thoughtsofanaveragebeinguncut]

I have two things I wanted to get off my chest, one is more of a general update and the other is my usual rant like monologues about my current state of mind

first off, i love the work culture at my new workplace that i’m working at over the holidays. people are so sweet and it’s so different to the extremely corporate and retail environment that I was exposed to for 4 years at my previous workplace (good for building a cv ig, but was the anguish worth it? (lol i do be exaggerating but it literally felt underappreciated all the time and overworked because they were over staffed). Anyways, back to the matter at hand. Yeah, people are so nice. There is a man, a kindly workplace dad vibes, who said he wouldn’t mind taking me to and from work if I lived in his area (I do not, but it was a kind gesture). There is a girl who overshares about her life but she is always looking out for people and she volunteers to help me get stuff that I can’t get without even me prompting her (bc I’m awkward and feel bad for disrupting her). There is a lady and she is quite scary when she’s mad. Gives scary vibes but after getting to know her better, I can tell that she just speaks her mind and she is kind to me too. 

okay and secondly (really briefly because I need to get up at 6am tmrw for work and I’m tired lol). I received my invoice today for smth that I have to buy as part of my course. And I’m been working 5.5/7 days a week for almost a month now and what I’ve made doesn’t even cover the costs yet DX like wth fml anyways, and that’s not even all of it. Looking at my invoice and the things I’m getting, I feel extremely insecure about my own capabilities. I doubt my own skills and every time I think of what I need to do with the things I need to buy, I hate myself and my lack of ability to do things well. And I am so worried that I’ll never be able to do those things up to the standard that is required of me. idk it’s so pointless to be lost in a spiral of self doubt but I find it so difficult to crawl out of this hole that I’ve dug myself. i accidentally catastrophise too easily :((( eff me 

yeah, i just had no one to rant to so the internet is my free therapy ig, i just needed to vent. i’ve tried journalling but writing takes a lot longer than typing does. and i could just use like a google doc or like a private blog account just for me, but that just doesn’t hit the same (idk maybe one day, i like journalling it just takes so long) but yeah, hopefully i’ll be back soon with more positive feelings but for now, happy holidays and wishing me the best for the new year!