#I think Tumblr is Just bad for my mental health

[reallife6anoufriev6boy6]

father ts personal project?

i wanted to post a character i made to go along with one of my friends characters, so this is me posting it!

please note he is supposed to be an OVER EXAGGERATION of the tcc and what people think we are like. its not serious/how i see anyone - its all just jokes.

Kenneth Dylan Ainsley

18 years old

he/him

homosexual

୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓

dylan was born into jewish, average american family and grew up lower-middle class. he lived(s) in a mediocre neighborhood in a somewhat okay house. its falling apart, but is good for the time being.

his parents fight constantly like the average american couple and theyve subjected dylan and his younger brother, mason.

his life isnt very eventful and he tries his best to keep it that way.

hes close with his grandparents who he calls “bubbe” and “zayde”. they are both retired school teachers and they help him with his extensive school work and school applications. he spends a lot of time at their house in the guest bedroom, but when his parents saw his columbine tattoos he was disowned and kicked out. he went to go live with his grandparents.

he no longer believes in judaism but instead believes in reincarnation and spirituality. he hopes to he reborn as black cat.

୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓

dylan is 5’7 and rather chubby, weighing about 155 pounds rather then the average 148 for his height.

he has shaggy, long brown hair that almost looks black and he has plenty of acne and freckles on his face and body.

he wears brown, thin framed glasses and lots of flannel shirts with leather coats and jeans. he wears boots mostly as well and sometimes he will wear band shirts or ones that correlate with bis favorite crime cases.

he has self harm scars all over his body as well all varying in how bad they are. he has some words and symbols carved in as well.

he doesnt seem the type, but he also has tattoos. he has dirk striders shoulder tattoo as well as dylans cross and “wrath” tattooed on his body. he also has erics shotgun and dylans tec-90 tattooed.

he struggles with mental health disorders and asthma #nerd and is on a slue of medications and he always has an inhaler with him.

୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓

dylan owns three pets. two rats and one black cat all respectively named “juke” “joint” and “jezebel” after the kmfdm song.

dylan is constantly studying and working on school applications. hed rather be doing that then hanging out with friends or meeting people. he cares too much about his grades and future. his grandparents try to push him to go out but he doesnt.

he is a total nerd and he loves superheroes and all of that kind of stuff. he collects comic books and cds and loves to watch shows like southpark and the simpsons.

he also really likes homestuck and the tcc. his favorite homestuck character is dirk strider and his favorite case is columbine.

he runs a blog website under the name “naturalwrath” and he frequently visits tumblr as well. he fangirls over dylan and his entire blog is facts and information about him as well as talking about how much he wants to date him. he has a delusional attachment to him.

he plays dnd and had a homestuck themed campaign with some of his nerdier friends.

when dylan falls in love, he falls in love HARD. he gets paranoid and obsessive, but he doesnt do anything with it. he typically just gets celebrity crushes and stalks famous people online.

when in relationships he is very distant and unavailable. hes terrible at them, but during sex he will be like a dog at the foot of your bed. he has a thing for worshipping his sexual partners and being treated as a follower.

his entire self esteem and mood depends on his relationships. if he gets broken up with then good luck getting him to even get out of bed.

he doesnt show ANY of this. on the outside he seems like a stuck up, lonely nerd who hates everyone and only wants to be in his books. he comes off incredibly boring and lame basically.

he had dated another boy named sascha who was an active juggalo. he reminded dylan of gamzee as well as the fact he had the same name as kmfdms lead singer so he was instantly hooked on him, but they werent good together.

they broke up eventually and it had made dylan spiral and be more on edge and agitated. he still kept all of his old clothes, pictures, and face paint containers too. it didnt help him feel better - it just kept him stuck in the past.

they broke up over the phone and dylan couldnt stop sobbing while begging sascha to give him a second chance, but he didnt.

he craves romance and sex so much that it would crush him and anyone hes with. hes so overbearing when it actually comes down to it/when hes not being totally distant.

he keeps several journals and notebooks for all of his thoughts and ideas. he then types them all out onto his blogs. sometimes he will print and cut out pictures of dylan and eric to put in his journal and he’ll rant about how cute they were and how much he misses them. its his coping mechanism.

hes into fandom spaces in general and sometimes he likes to do very basic cosplays and draw fanart.

on the note of drawing, he likes to draw his crushes as well. anytime he has a crush or partner thats all he will draw

sometimes his grandparents go out of town (more often then not) so he frequently has the house to himself. when he does he will typically wear his “wrath” tshirt and will blast kmfdm and other bands they enjoyed all while still studying and doing his nerdy things. he definitely wears that shirt to sleep too and holds onto a “natural selection” tshirt while he does.

he doesnt like drugs or alcohol or smoking, but on occasion he will indulge in cigarettes and vodka for the obvious reasons.

hes incredibly autistic if that wasnt clear yet.

he keeps razor blades, bandaids, and money in the back of his phonecase.

his ex boyfriend, sascha, made him earrings of dylans cross and he constantly wears them even though theyve broken up now. its just another thing for him to hold onto.

he works at a local used record/cd store and hes always breaking the rules and saving the cds and cool things that they get in.

he likes to bake and he uses that as his love language, although he doesnt have anyone to give it to so he typically eats what he makes anyway.

overall, his only coping mechanisms are cutting, eating his own baked goods, and blogging about school shooters.

he changed his name to dylan so that he would be more like dylan klebold. its his life mission to be like him.

he has a scent kink and loves the smell of sweat and cigarettes, but he would pretend he thinks its gross.

he pretends like he doesnt care in general, but he gets extremely hurt and upset easily. sometimes it all just spills out and he has a breakdown, but otherwise it seems like he has nothing else going on.

he has his drivers license and drives an old, red van that sort of looks like this. he keeps all of his tcc related things in there (clothes, books, etc) because he doesnt want his grandparents to find it too like his parents.

he uses an old busted up laptop that his littered with stickers and can barely run, but it works for his blogging needs. like this, but way more fucked up

he carries around an old backpack thats dirty and ripped up with plenty of pins and patches on it. kind of like this.

[teddymochi]

I’m so tired.

[lottieurl]

anyways. taking a tumblr break for real and deleting this app tomorrow (not my account tho ill be back) so if we talked on here you can reach me on discord 💖 (if you don't have my discord feel free to ask!!)

[mxbitters]

parents are funny the way they want you to be open and honest with them, supposedly, but when you are, it leads to some fucking confrontation that didn’t need to happen, and when that happens, it leads to something you weren’t ready to say coming out, then being coaxed out into a still very much controlled held-back version of describing your lifelong experience feeling shame for existing the way you do and not being “easy” or as good as like, your little sister, academically, or as capable of masking as anyone else, and THAT carefully worded recall of just the natural fucking feelings of growing up in a frankly abusive household, resulting in.. oh, sorry, YOUR FATHER crying as if he wasnt just trying to gaslight you into thinking he didnt tell you the other day to Improve Yourself As A Person (right before the conversation about his mother entering hospice so now guess who can’t fucking mourn without associating it with that!) and that he instead was saying Improve Your Situation

and then he like catches you like visibly dissociating, comments, you try and put it in very simple words what just happened (in the same manner you have pointed out every other little thing he does to invalidate your feelings, or as he’d put it, “your feelings” yes using air quotes) and he suddenly is a fucking Psychology Scholar And Didn’t Need You To Explain What The Defense Mechanism Even Was and oh then also admitting to doing harm in the past, saying he had apologized (wonder why i dont remember), your mother(actual psychology minor) getting all “i’m sorry you feel that way” and also after a long ass tangent about there being a difference between “shamed” and “ashamed” as if you didn’t mean the word you say, a thing you did make very clear, ONCE AGAIN FUCKING CRYING ABOUT YOU BEING OPEN AND HONEST FOR ONCE AND TELLING THEM THEY HURT YOU

[foxgloveinspace]

I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[rachymarie]

High-masking mfers could practically beg the healthcare department for help for months with tears in our eyes* and they will still say "soz but you're not suicidal so you don't need help but here's a weekly educational group for an illness you don't even have and u are not allowed to talk about anything but the specified illnesses which you don't experience making you feel more alienated and isolated than ever lolz"

[thetiredestgay]

.

[nexus-nebulae]

odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

[asyipyip]

girl its so embarrassing but i love jonmartin so fucking much i havent cared this much about a ship since like. high school

[impostorsshow]

Sometimes you just listen to a TikTok audio and get the need to make a post about a self destructive cycle your in only to never acknowledge the post again yknow

The song is Don't Smoke by Mitski, specifically the TikTok version is the Audiotree Live version

[generationa1trauma]

flatmate has a girl over i am suddenly extremely uncomfortable

[oyasleepy]

mm . mmmm. social media

[curiosityjams]

*

[rextheravenous]

What if. I take a little break from tumblr

[thatsuncleharrytoyouyoungman]

went to sleep w/ tinnitus woke up w/o it yeeee