#I think I’m on my way to an anxiety attack | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

insanechayne · 5 months ago

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#I think I’m on my way to an anxiety attack #my chest is tight and I feel very shaky/jittery and am coping by just overeating #distracting myself with food but it’s just making things a lot worse I think #I know I should probably turn the presidential debate off and watch something else but I do want to see what they’re saying so I can make a #more informed decision and I’m not usually the type to get anxiety over politics #I think a lot of things are building up on me and idk what all to do about it #I want to have my partner come talk to me for a while but they’re busy and idk if they’re gonna be able to come see me #so now I just feel weird and shitty and I just want this to end #I just want this to pass and be over with so I can relax and breathe easier #I’m tired of feeling lonely or unwanted or unimportant and craving human contact and feeling like I need to ask/beg for it sometimes #I’m tired of thinking about people who’ve hurt me and still getting triggering memories popping up all the time #I’m tired of yearning for something I can’t place and feeling like I need to hide parts of myself to keep people in my life #I’m tired of feeling like I’m doing something wrong by thinking/feeling certain ways #I just want to go home #I don’t want to have to sit here at work and deal with this kind of nonsense #personal

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frecklystars · 3 months ago

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I’m at my theater job rn and it’s my first shift all by myself. Super nervous!!! But I’m planning to make!!!! hundreds of dollars!!!! so I can!!!! buy myself a cameo for my birthday!!!!! (That’s the hope anyway lol) wish me luck!!!!!

#woof #I’m not having any anxiety attacks in the parking lot so that’s a GREAT improvement LOL #when I met the BrBa actor IRL I'm getting a cameo from (again) he was so excited and even #remembered me by name from cameo requests 😭💖#and held my hands and gave me hugs and said the Salamanca brothers would 100% protect me from ANYONE #he was like ‘ptsd is so fucked up girl :( dw me and my boy gotchu’ the way he phrased that is so funny #every other day I think to myself ‘ptsd is so fucked up girl :(‘ djfjdhdjhfkdh #if I reach out for a birthday cameo I would love to hear Marco say he loves his princesa. again. hehe #he was so so chill with the nickname ooghghghh he was so kind #I paid for one video in person with the twins but they both gave me two videos and wouldn’t let me leave until I got what I wanted #they spent 17 minutes with me the first day and almost 30 the second day 😭💖#I WANT A CAMEO FROM HIM AGAIN!!!! I gotta make money!!!!!#I don’t wanna go inside. I have to go inside now. AAAAAHHHHHH #I HATE THIS JOB I CANT EVEN BEACH HERE #HERE I GO!!! I brought my ken heart shaped pin in my pocket to give me strength #time to make so much money cmon let’s go let’s GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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snowflake-sage · 25 days ago

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Pretty proud of how far I’ve come this year

#I have struggled with crippling anxiety for a long time and this year I really wanted to overcome it and become more independent #like #I used to be absolutely terrified of leaving the house #things like driving and going places alone would make me have crazy panic attacks #but this year I’ve done a lot and I’ve overcome a lot and gained so much confidence #I’ve flown across the country twice this year #driven on some pretty intimidating roads like the highway and freeway #gone on solo bike rides for miles through the woods #eaten tons of new foods #I know those sorts of things might seem very simple and normal everyday things #but I have ocd and it can make my anxiety pretty bad #it can also make a lot of my fears rather irrational #likes like trying new foods and going new places are genuinely intimidating for me #bc it makes me feel like I’m going to die lol #but I’ve done ALOT of things I was scared to do #I’ve come along way #and it may seem like boring basic stuff to some people #but considering I couldn’t leave my house two years ago without panicking to the point of losing feeling in my hands and feet #I think I did pretty good lol #I’m starting to feel like a confident person again #I’m starting to feel like I can LIVE again #and it’s pretty nice #just wanted to write this out somewhere lol that’s all #maybe it will be helpful for anyone struggling in similar ways #to see that improvement is possible #lol anyways happy November #mae rambles

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willowfey · 1 year ago

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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

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pixlmonkeys · 13 days ago

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I say this with the deepest sense of hatred imaginable, fuck this article

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beanniiee · 7 months ago

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rant in the tags

#LEAVE MY FUCKING MAN ALONE BITCH #GET YOUR OWN #I DONT GIVE ONE FUCK THAT YALL ARE WORK PARTNERS #YOU HAVE NO BUISNESS TEXTING AND SNAPCHATTING A MARRIED MAN EVERY FUCKING DAY #I TRUST HIM BUT I DONT FUCKING TRUST YOU ONE BIT #I HAVE A BAD GUT FEELING ABOUT YOU AND I HAVE SINCE YOU WERE FIRST MENTIONED #YOURE ALWAYS IN HIS NOTIFICATIONS AND IF I COULD DELETE YOU FROM EXISTENCE I WOULD BITCH #i’m sick of having anxiety attacks thinking about this. nothing triggers it more than this currently and i hate it i’m so tired #i feel so much anxiety and anger and jealousy and hatred and sadness thinking about this i just need to rant #i’m trying not to be controlling about it and let him be friends with whoever he wants to #but fucking hell it’s so hard when he talks about her and when i see that she’s texted him yet again #and it just sucks feeling this way #bean talks #delete later maybe #edit: for the anons i got #saying to just talk to him #i have already talked to him about it before and he knows my feelings about it #he is NOT the bad guy

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malikson · 1 year ago

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#welp the whole no pain with increased heart rate is over lol #still not worried about it #talked to my doctor and she said that yes it does increase the heart rate and my constant chest pain is from anxiety #i have this intense fear i’m gonna die from a heart attack caused by a panic attack i had two years ago #i genuinely thought i was dying so i think the fear stayed in me #i’ve had two ekg’s done and both times it said my heart is in good condition #which is a miracle because i don’t exercise properly and my diet is questionable #even then the underlying anxiety is still there #i looked up if other people experience the same symptoms with my dosage and they all have the same symptoms as i do #the same level of blood pressure i’ve gotten since i started the meds #so i’m trying not to worry about it #they said it will decrease with time #either way my doctor may adjust my dosage i don’t know yet #and that’s on the tries and tribulations of taking adhd medication #logan.txt #adventures on adhd

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theloveinc · 1 year ago

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Scaredy cat reader is just like me fr, I cannot handle watching or seeing gore irl but reading it is calm

No bc literally me too!!

I was just watching some horror documentary the other day too where one of the girls was like “I love horror movies bc no matter what happens, you’re not there and it ends” whereas I honestly think seeing the horror is the equivalent of actually being there irl and it’s reading where it really is just, “haha this is made up and I’m safe 🙂”

#although pleasantly disturbed in a. pensive way #sorry if I just repeated what u said exactly I’m in bed #but yeah do not make me look at it my anxiety will give a heart attack just thinking abt running #but in a book *tik tok song plays* has me spinning like a ballerina #or whatever LOL #mwah #caitie answers #anon

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grayintogreen · 1 year ago

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I’m 15k into Chapter 31 of YCDHN and I’ve finished 3/5 scenes. When I say this chapter is going to be long… oh boy.

#every day I flash back to that time someone was like I get anxious if chapters are over 4k #and I’m like if I break my outline to make a shorter chapter does it really matter #because I’m not breaking my outline #the chapters are as LONG AS THEY HAVE TO BE #but my anxiety is always so fucking bad that someone is gonna be like #30k chapter???#who does this bitch think she is???#and rage quit #which like okay that’s on them but it scares me #and there is literally no way to adjust the other chapters in this arc #it’s a very psychological slow burn arc that deals with a lot of stuff that’s gone unresolved #anyway I’m just having a panic attack why would anyone look at an update of a fic they like and go #UGH ITS HOW LONG???#you can’t deny high noon #my writing

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madigoround · 1 year ago

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#okay so here’s the thing is that a hardware store near me is having a big sale this weekend and there’s a few things that I had been eyeing #and researching for my home that are on sale like my living room / kitchen have really tall ceilings and I’d need an extra tall ladder to #get up there to change lightbulbs check the fire alarm and paint and they have one on sale from like 160 to 120 tomorrow that seems like a #good choice and I need a random orbital sander for some projects like sanding the wood planks that we are going to use to replace my porch #and I’ve been working on sanding my kitchen table I got used to get the paint off and stain instead and similar with my coffee table and #that’s on sale from like 50 to 20 dollars plus the sanding pads are on sale a few bucks off as well #and I think there’s one or two smaller things plus I need to get groceries tomorrow and I got a coupon in the mail for free fries with a #purchase at a burger place and I was thinking of taking myself out to lunch tomorrow before I saw about the sale and started making #decisions about potentially spending a lot of money and I have anxiety spending money and I’ve been working on it but it’s still something #that I will probably struggle with somewhat for the rest of my life it’s about managing in healthy #ways instead blah blah blah but sometimes when I talk to my aunt about this she gets frustrated with me because she thinks if I need those #things and have the money I should just buy it and not cause a scene about it and I don’t want to be dramatic but it’s like a #piercing adrenaline fear of not having the money to survive or get what I need in the future and anyways this isn’t what I meant to talk #about what I meant to talk about was that I’m thinking of spending a lot of money tomorrow and technically I have the money and the stuff is #on sale at least the hardware stuff not the groceries so despite it feeling like I’m spending a lot of money at once it will be more cost #efficient to buy them tomorrow than if I waited a few months and there wasn’t a sale going on #so I should purchase them and get groceries and maybe MAYBE even take myself out to lunch as a celebration of how much effort I’ve been #putting into fixing up my home that I love so much and just getting through this period of so much change as best I can #and not have a panic attack about it because it’s going to be okay and I have the money and I have a job with money coming in and I need #those items anyway and will need to buy them at some point and they will likely be more expensive in the future so it is okay for me to #spend the money on it now and it’s not the end of the world everything is going to be okay *right*?#I don’t know I’m just talking to myself mostly #this was a way to get my thoughts out about it without being advised to just get over it #also my tummy hurts and I’m being so brave about it #sort of lol

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fappellmoan · 1 year ago

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i mean it’s just kinda crazy cause. and forgive me if i sound somewhat spoiled here but. this trip im doing to take more credits and get experience and make connections etc is obviously expensive and i talked abt it with my parents. a lot before trying to do it. and somehow my dad didn’t understand that yk we would have to pay for it. ??? and is putting me in this spot of ‘figuring out what we’re gonna do about it’ and it’s like dude. i mean i’m going i paid for my fucking flights you know i’m. regardless i’ll be there. and i make $10/hr i have not been able to work consistently and when you don’t have thousands and thousands of dollars just sitting there accumulating more interest it doesn’t fucking last. like what exactly do you want me to say? i’ll drain all my accounts and give what little i have to you? tldr my main point here is the only way this man truly shows any kind of affection is through money and since he fucked me up im glad to take advantage of that lol like why wouldn’t i. so to have it thrown back in my face is just um an awful feeling. like im not even worth this to you. this is just too much. it truly does feel like someone put a number on love and im just not up there

#it’s not like we ever took trips or vacations or had super nice things or even. you know. like fucking furniture #and to be clear even when he does help me out with stuff it’s held over my head so it’s truly not even a good way of showing. love.#if you want to say that. like of course i’m grateful that i haven’t had to struggle to make ends meet in the way many people do because i #have his money and i’m not trying to pretend i don’t but like. i’ve also had fucking anxiety attacks thinking about spending money and #basically how much i would owe him for my whole life. like how do i buy myself out of obligation here.#and i never could rn i don’t have Money money #but he truly pulls the same shit he does on my mom like ‘well where does it all go???’#dad. i don’t have piles of money sitting around. oh i made 2000 at my summer job? wowzers incredible that goes so fucking fast #when i’ve had to pay to break my lease and something else for school and bills and groceries #and yeah ok let’s not pretend i don’t sometimes go out with people. and everything’s so expensive now. but even so i have a heart attack #any time i spend more than like 20 dollars so. i usually don’t.#it’s just sooo… 😵‍💫 like. damn yeah i do wish i had parents that just Took Care of things and i didn’t have to worry. but it’s like. i do ta #money from him and then i’m just expected to grovel forever and ever #which is why i do need to be more financially independent from him i literally can’t wait for that day i need to make actual money at some #point but i am just not someone who can work full time and go to school and the only way i qualify for my scholarships is if i go full time #and graduate on time so. here we are 👍#abby talks #aaaaand post. lmfao

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n1ntendos · 1 year ago

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idk if it’s me being silly or how fucked up and stressful today was but i just want to text my friend and ask them to visit me after work tmrw because i want a hug but that’s so fucking lame. like yes you’re exhausted after your 8 hour hard labour shift AND dealing with actual Grown Up Adult Problems like a mortgage while i’m having a mental breakdown because of my health going to shit and my family falling apart again and i just really want to hold you for like 5 minutes i just can’t do this alone anymore

#i’m crying now #but honestly please i just want to hold them and idk how to even ask for it. and then they’ll come and i’ll have to talk about what makes m #upset and i don’t want to because it makes me feel pathetic and #like i surprised them with movie tickets and apologized that i can’t do more because of my financial situation and i think they took it in #bad way and now i’m scared to even talk to them #also i know i’m absolutely making no sense because i’m reacting instead of responding etc etc all those phrases my therapist taught me #so i might wait till the morning to ask maybe i’ll feel better before then who knows #i’m also having an anxiety attack and spiralling i think #🍒

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applecherry108 · 2 years ago

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I found my old (privated) YouTube videos that I made in high school.

How in gods name did no one ever realize I was autistic. 😭😭😂

Update: I have video fucking evidence from March 17 2009, nearly EXACTLY 14 YEARS AGO, of my dumb adhd ass forgetting what I was saying mid sentence. 🤦‍♀️ I am naming objects. I had to pick up the last object I literally put down and name it again in order to fucking remember what I was saying. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ HOW. HOW DID NO ONE KNOW. 😩

#I….was SO awkward. I’m just filming myself talking for my little deviantart friends and I’m so fucking cringe and nervous #I also can’t tell if it’s the video quality (or if I had my braces still??) but I sound like #*lispy. also it turns out I’ve always fumbled my words. like. always. 😅#god you can feel the anxiety radiating off of me #also the older and older I get the more terrified I am of how THIN I was as a kid #why was no one concerned that I was very obviously underweight???#my arms especially like my arms have always been thin but fuck dude. they literally look like they were nothing but skin and bone #AND IM 18 IN THE VIDEO IM WATCHING 😨😨#god just. everything about my body was so disproportionate like it screams ‘medical condition’#anyways it’s no shade to baby me (‘baby’ I say about me at 18) she was having fun and having panic attacks #but being medicated and fat is literally so much better it gets better sweetie eat more red meat #apple talks #to the tune of spam #one of these videos I’m 16 and like ??? what’s wrong with my lip?? it looks swollen???#I think I had braces in that video but I s2g those fuckers fucked up the way I talk in ways I’m still recovering from

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just-rogi · 2 years ago

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I just had the single most uncomfortable phone call of my LIFE !!! Someone run my phone over with a TRACTOR and then SHOOT it with an GUN!!

#basically I was talking to a coworker asking for advice on how to handle another coworker of ours who had said some vaguely racist shit #fairly regularly #like she’s older so her heart is in the right place but it’s…. uncomfortable yk ?#and this coworker set up a meeting with admin to talk about how I feel victimized and am afraid to speak up (I’m not)#but I had my meeting and basically said ‘I want it on paper that I talked to y’all and asked for advice but I’d rather try to approach this #on my own and solve it person to person without attacking her or having her reprimanded’#and admin was like cool so we are actually totally gonna let you do that and also have a meeting where we do the opposite of that tehe #so I got a call from my coworker today that was like ‘UHHHH DID YOU GO TO ADMIN AND TELL THEM YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY CLASSROOM BECAUSE #YOU THINK IM RACIST??’#like bro #I eat one meal a day and I get this shit during my dinner time #fuuuuuuuccccckkkk #like I was completely blindsided with this and thank god I can talk normally while crying bc I was fuckjng sobbing from anxiety #like yeah you did say some racist shit but working with you is better than working with any of the other people who don’t have their shit #together #as shitty as it sounds I’ve kinda come accept a certian level of micro aggression (and macroagressiom bc tbh Glenda girl you go too far)#like I’m always uncomfortable and always unhappy and I’m always gonna be like that but NOW I’m uncomfortable because I’m getting #a phone call during MY dinner bc admin did exactly what I did not want them to do #like I wish there was a way that I could be like ‘yo I’m formally reporting that some shady shit is happening- I wanna handle it peacefully’#‘but if it can’t be resolved I want to cover my ass and not get my words twisted #I like working with Glenda most of the time… just not when she’s talking about white privelage or lack there of…#no Gelnda the teacher shortage isn’t caused by bps only hiring poc teachers and not giving jobs to white people #I promise reverse racism isn’t the root of why we can’t get coverage for music health or financial literacy or seventh grade ELA or math #idk idk I’m not doing it Justice #like I was uncomfortable in the classroom before but now I’m gonna be MORE uncomfortable bc all this shit blew up in my face #all this taught me is to never speak up about microaggressions and never go to administration with concerns of how to solve issues-#you know: the exact WRONG takeaway because everything is so fucking messy #fuck me I can’t wait to apply for work outside of the US #also not to have a cynic victim mentally but none of this shot would’ve happened if I was white… :/#but yeah.. whatever … middle eastern people don’t experience racism ig

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anadorablekiwi · 2 years ago

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I’m physically exhausted and drained, my social battery is in the negatives, and its nearing depression hour

#kiwi vents #i wanna cry #I’m so tired #trying to force myself to not think about anything about rhe future whatsoever #not tomorrow not next week not anything #there’s no use giving myself an anxiety attack on top of this #on my way home so thats good #and today was nice and i don’t regret going #but #yeah #😞

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bardofavon · 8 months ago

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not to be controversial bc I know this is like…not in line with shifting opinions on fanfic comment culture but if there’s a glaring typo in my work I will NOT be offended by pointing it out. if ao3 fucks up the formatting…I will also not be offended by having this pointed out…

‘looking forward to the next update’ and ‘I hope you update soon!’ are different vibes than a demand, and should be read in good faith because a reader is finding their way to tell you how much they love it. I will not be mad at this.

‘I don’t usually like this ship but this fic made me feel something’ is also incredibly high praise. I’m not going to get mad at this.

even ‘I love this fic but I’m curious about why you made [x] choice’ is just another way a reader is engaging in and putting thought into your work.

I just feel like a lot of authors take any comment that’s not perfectly articulated glowing praise in the exact manner they’re hoping to receive it in bad faith.

fic engagement has been dropping across the board over the last several years, and yes it’s frustrating but it isn’t as though I can’t see how it happens. comment anxiety can be a real thing. the last thing anyone wants to do is offend an author they love, and that means sometimes people default to silence.

idk where I’m going with this I guess aside from saying unless a comment is outright attacking me I’m never going to get mad at it, and I think a lot of authors should feel the same way. ESPECIALLY TYPOS PLZ GOD POINT OUT MY TYPOS.

#ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #tbh even if I got a comment that said ‘I hate you I’m going to kill your family’ on chapter 75 it still means they read 75 chapters first….#it just makes me sad to see so many writers shouting into the void #and also see ppl complain openly about the specific types of comments they receive #posting screenshots on Reddit like ‘should I be mad at this’ CALM DOWN #sigh

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