wish i didn't panic when someone gives me a compliment on something i'm insecure about and forget to compliment them back, it makes me feel so rude!
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i feel like i should just accept that special interest may become a word that just, won't be for autistic people to talk about their experiences. allistics found out about it and watered it down for their own purposes.
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone.
(Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
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now that I haven’t lived with my parents for almost two years I’m starting to come to terms with myself as a full human being. and like idk I can’t really complain about my parents too much in terms of their overall parenting of me, I feel like I’m lucky in a lot of respects just based on the horrific shit some of my friends/family have gone through, but I feel like one consequence of how much my parents fucking hated each other for my entire life is that I feel like I have no reference point for showing affection or being emotionally considerate/vulnerable, those things tend to make me deeply uncomfortable and disempower me to do nice things for the people I love. I feel like I have to really concentrate and spend time on emotional reciprocity and spontaneous gifts/gestures of love. genuinely just kind of sucks how much my parents despise one another and how their constant fighting and days-long silent treatments over the course of 25 years has made me feel inadequate to the task of showing the people I care about how much I love them
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Every time I forget why I hate discord servers I go and join a discord server and am instantly reminded why I hate it
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Eh, screw it. I've seen so many of these notes things, I may as well do one myself.
10 notes: I'll try to drink more water
25 notes: I'll try to get more sleep
50 notes: I'll try to eat better. (Most of these might say try, which kinda defeats the point. But I won't make promises I may not keep. I just need the motivation to at least make an attempt.)
100: I'll post a photo of my recent cosplay
200: I'll try to shower more. (I know that sounds gross, but it's so easy to forget and it takes so much motivation.)
300: I'll work on another Ao3 fic
500: I'll post some of the dress designs I drew. (They aren't great, but I do want to show people)
1000: I'll post some work with some of my ocs.
2000: I'll finally come out to my gf that I might be aromantic though still want a relationship with her.
3000: I'll finish and post a song I made up on tik tok
(Warning, it will sound terrible because I'm not good at singing or music writing. I was just bored)
Don't know why I made so many note goals. I have yet to get a post over 100, lol. I might lower some of them later on. Feel free to ignore.
Edit: Went through and lowered the goals. Don't know why I made them so high.
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Creators I love you but it's time to wake up
Among rumors about our tumblr user data being sold off to Midjourney/Generative AI, recent Extremely transphobic events (that have been ongoing) coming to a head, another extremely concerning internet censorship bill being pushed in upper levels of government, and a general air of frustration over how the site belongs to and is operated by perhaps the second stupidest CEO (second only to twitters own) of our age, I'm very done with the last few vestiges of what the old internet held for artists.
And if you're reading this, you probably are too.
I know we're tired. We are all tired. It is not always viable to pack up shop and move, again and again and again.
From tumblr to twitter to anywhere else we've ever grown up posting, things no longer work. Our audiences are kneecapped by aggressive and hostile algorithms, our reach is abysmal - if we aren't shadow-banned or silenced for one (transphobic) reason or another, we're thrust into an ever growing pit of hostility where the only thing that drives clicks is fighting and contention.
We're tired. We're so fucking tired. We aren't businesses, we aren't content mills, we cannot keep this pace that modern social media has set for us, to wring every ounce of creativity out of us to profit from and leave us rotting.
The key to staying afloat here, and I cannot stress this enough, is to stay connected to your peers.
Pack up and move as units if you must. Exodus from the sites that are killing us. Push your entire friend group of artists to move from one site to the next that promises you a kinder experience.
Art drives movements, it drives change, it is all that encompasses being human. If you take that away from the shitty places, they will be left with nothing but a cesspit of inhumanity and the people who follow you will be more incentivized than ever to move with you.
Yes, this is terrifying. There are no guarantees. There never was, and never are, and never will be.
But stay connected. Stay human.
Support each other and be willing to hold hands and jump when we all - as a group - need to jump from the flames we're all trying to convince ourselves wont kill us before rescue comes.
Rescue isn't coming, rescue will be found hand in hand with each other. I'm offering you my hand, please take it. There's always a new start, there are always helping hands reaching for you. You have to look up from the doom-scroll long enough to see and take them.
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Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
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