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thesecretsofthedivine · 10 months ago

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Pick a Pile Reading | What Do People Admire/Find Beautiful About You? ☄. *. ⋆

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*Disclaimer: This is a collective reading - take what resonates and leave the rest. If this resonates with you, please show support by reposting (with credit), tipping, or booking with me! :)

*Exchanges with other intuitives/readers are available via dm's

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PILE 1 COLLECTIVE

7 of pentacles. ace of cups. the magician.

channeled songs: sh-boom - the chords. starstruck - christopher wilde. magic - bob. where you lead - carole king.

people admire how much of a visionary you are! your aesthetic sensitivity, long-term goals, personal values, business skills, creativity, and optimism are some sources of your beauty. people find you to be very physically beautiful in general though. maybe it’s the advice you give or the pleasant sound of your voice, but your charm is undeniable. people also appreciate your unique flare, work ethic, and emotional intelligence. it’s clear you have big dreams and capabilities. something about you is dependable and trustworthy to others. you have tinkering energy and raw talent. people recognize the positive impact you make regardless of the environment. you may often be in a fixer-upper, alchemist, support system, teacher role. people admire your dedication and feel more connected to their dreams/purpose because of you. your energy is healing and uplifting. the sincerity in your heart is a gift and allows others to find hope/relief in you. you’re a trailblazer, philanthropist, humanitarian that does the world good simply by existing and sharing your light. your self-assured outlook is infectious and the way you make life feel like a party is irreplaceable. people admire how much of a safe space and muse you are, tied all into one.

PILE 2 COLLECTIVE

knight of cups. 2 of wands. 9 of wands rx.

channeled songs: perfect (exceeder) - mason. the heart wants what it wants - selena gomez. come & get it - selena gomez.

you are a natural flirt and an object of affection, whether you know it or not! you've got sweetheart/crush/eye candy energy. people love to simply know and be near u. it can be hard to read your mind because of your gentle/feminine/passive nature, which tends to keep the thrill or mystery alive! you're someone that can appear intimidating or too hot to handle, but your inner self is much more reassuring and grounded. people find your resilience, charm, social status, patience, thoughtfulness, style, and mysteriousness to be beautiful. it’s giving hot but unavailable/bad bitch or bad boy. you can be quite protective with your energy/time, which people admire. you know not to settle and to treat yourself like the prize. you often intimidate but intrigue others. cat's got their tongue when they look at you! you embody the beauty standard or simply have that “it” factor. you leave people wanting more and struggling to move on from you. you’re unforgettable and mesmerizing, which is beautiful. you’re like a still and elegant work of art that people would go up to admire in a museum. sometimes it can seem like you're a shiny toy that everyone wants a chance to play with, but you’re not easily impressed.

PILE 3 COLLECTIVE

queen of swords. 5 of wands rx. knight of pentacles. knight of wands.

channeled songs: look at me, i’m sandra dee - grease soundtrack. something that i want - grace potter.

your composure, morality, clear judgment, inner beliefs, and stimulating conversation are really attractive to others! people feel that you have a way with words or a commanding presence without actually exerting force. you’re strategic and wise beyond your years, which makes people want to respect you. others also admire your resilience and thoughtfulness. you can easily find answers to problems or have an unmatched intuition to those around you. you’re in it to win it, which makes u dedicated and passionate. for some, you may relate to the underdog. even with life’s tough challenges, you always persevere. people admire your loyalty & find your mind attractive. you may tend to keep to yourself or people could view you as having a big ego, but your tunnel vision blocks out all that noise. you're admired for the way you defy expectations and others’ authority. you are the boss of your own life and a force to be reckoned with. your identity is a mix of stoic tradition + edgy rebellion, which can surprise people at times. your tenacity, analytical traits, high spirits, and capacity to lead are beautiful. you have natural leadership skills that make people want your approval or loyalty. your aura is dominant and elusive so people know better than to stand in your way or do anything other than tag along for the ride.

PILE 4 COLLECTIVE

8 of swords. 9 of swords. 8 of pentacles. justice (libra).

channeled songs: i’m a mess - bebe rexha. mind over matter - young the giant.

your past, independence, emotional maturity/depth, complex mind, shadow self, and resilience are focal points of attraction. you are a survivor who takes their time in opening up/letting go. people admire the capabilities of your heart and feel a lot of sympathy for you. others may feel that you are too much of a people pleaser or often underestimate/overwork yourself, which makes them want to show up for you. the more reluctant with embracing confidence you are, the more people want to advocate for your potential and growth. others feel like you deserve all the privileges and platforms that you may have been previously denied. you deserve to take up space. people tend to develop a karmic attraction to you where they want to see things through or can’t bring themselves to leave your life. you are hardworking and deserving of everything good, which can enhance other people’s desire to provide and show up for you. if life has not been fair to you, this inspires generosity and admiration in others. people feel protective and want to advocate for you. your fairness and respect for the balance of life is also beautiful. people enjoy how even-tempered, considerate, honest, and reflective you are. they see you as the work hard, play hard type. “went from nothing to something”, apocalyptic energy. you’re on your grind and everyone wants to be a personal cheerleader to you. you fight the good fight and others believe in ur potential because of how beautiful your heart is + how much you’ve overcome. your willpower is also a defining statement/testament of your core identity.

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theeternalwombtarot · 2 years ago

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In depth love reading 💋 (pick a pile/pick a card) w/ channeled messages

Pile two 💋:

I see somebody undergoing a personal transformation, changing, things and people and relationships being removed from their lives but there is a resistance to this change, perhaps a fear of change. There could be a romantic relationship here I see a situationship or a relationship that has been on and off for some time or has been turbulent and has always felt as if there was never a right time for this relationship or connection to flourish, grow or be consistent here. There’s something here about unfinished business, a door being left open for someone to enter and exit as they please, or a relationship not properly ending or closure not being served (at all or properly.)

There could be someone here, hesitant to move on, hesitant to leave but craving something more, or craving peace and to be done with a complicated or hurtful situation instead of continuing to wait around. Someone could be on the fence about where they should go, what they should do, or how they feel. There’s an energy of holding back or trying to do some type of damage control and ease their way out instead of just ripping off the bandage. Someone is realizing that they’re exactly where they need to be, or perhaps that someone is no longer in alignment with them as they used to be, or maybe that spirit and the most high are rerouting them in a sense so they can continue forward in a different or better direction here. I see someone thinking about what they want from relationships, what they want in their futures, what they want from themselves, their personal values, their desires, their wishes and their dreams and really truly trying to determine if this person is compatible with all of those things or coming to the understanding that they aren’t compatible with all of those things. I hear, “I recognize it’s time for me to change so that I can have better things.” Or “I recognize it’s time for me to change who it is I am attracted to or what it is that I like so I can have good things and healthy relationships as I wish to have.”

You crave mutual love pile two, or to have a divine relationship or bond with someone or to build something beautiful with someone here. There’s a deep desire for love to come from a deeper more profound place. I see imbalance within this relationship or connection. Someone wasn’t giving as they were receiving and vise versa, there is a lack of reciprocity and kindness. You could be dealing with someone who is not capable of treating you gently or handling you with care or may perceive you to be worth less or may have preconceived ideas about your past and may treat you as an object or may demean you and so they treat you as less than or aren’t careful or mindful of what they say, do, or think of you pile two and you’re realizing that there must be an equal give in take in relationships, mutual respect, mutual care and love and understanding.

I see your trying to take control of this situation, trying to exercise some self discipline or stand your ground as this person once showed to you that they could you could be someone who is attracted to a avoidant person or a person with an avoidant attatchment style as it mimics the stability of a parent or to some extent sets an example of how stable or stoic you would like to be or feel as though you should be in life. You could’ve been an emotional child or someone who was told that they cried to much, was to rambunctious, disruptive or in other words wasn’t nonchalant, wasn’t stable emotionally or physically.

If you’re wondering this person still has not changed. This person could have mood swings, could’ve been an over thinker, could’ve been jealous, angry or emotionally volatile and was like this towards you from time to time and they’ve not stopped being this way pile two. Your person remains as they once were and will continue to do so. You may have thought you had it within you to change this person or shift this person or heal these aspects of this person that are very deep rooted and beyond your control. This person could’ve had a lot of deep rooted insecurities, may have issues that pertain to their self worth as well and kept a lot of these things from you for fear you’d use them against them or know them to be too vulnerable or naked. I see a lot of secrets, keeping on a mask, hiding things from you. This could’ve even gone as far as infidelity or cheating to fill a void or an insecurity of not feeling truly wanted or desired. This person could’ve had sexual kinks that could’ve been a reflection of being wanted by more than one person or being desired in a way that made them feel special or like a bigger person. The ego and pride are significant.

This person could’ve had a lack of long term vision or plan for your relationship or didn’t feel as though they wanted to invest in it deeply. They could’ve never seen you as a longtime partner, or they could’ve not seen themselves going the distance with you. Spirit is asking you to really take some time to think about and acknowledge how tired and exhausted or burnt out this relationship and connection made you feel even now and in the recent past. There is a need for you to validate your own emotions on the matter and be honest with yourself.

Messages from your person 💌:

I get the energy that this person sees you as a sexual partner or has a lot of physical attraction towards you primarily or only. They may love you and admire you but not be in love with you and that is the issue.

“I wanted to text/call you but I’m worried you won’t respond.”

“I want so badly to kiss you right now.”

“You make me feel so safe.”

“I want to be with so bad but I feel things are in my way.”

“I wonder why you haven’t texted/called me?”

“I’m thinking of ways to win you over.”

“You’re home to me.”

“I love you but I’d never let you get that close again…”

Confession jar 🫙:

“I want to try and fix things I may have broken between us but I don’t know how.”

“You’re in my dreams.”

“I’ve been looking for you.”

“I want us to be together but I feel like it’s never the right time or I’m never the best I can be.”

“I sometimes wish that i still had your support or your presence in my life.”

“I’m feeling lost and confused in my life and that energy is affecting our relationship and how I deal with you.”

“Why are you shutting me out?”

Warnings from spirit ⚠️:

“Someone is lying to you, on you, or about a situation that has something to do with you or involves you.”

#tarot readings #pick a card #pick a pile

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cancerjupiter · 4 years ago

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astrology notes: mars (pt. 1)

mars in aries

at home in its own sign, you’re very sure about its desires. passions burn brightly, and you know exactly who and what you want. being cardinal, mars in aries likes to take the initiative, and does tend to rush at people in a way that can be quite intimidating to those who like to make decisions more slowly. the person with mars in Aries is excited by the pursuit, however, so rejections and evasions only serve to fuel the fire. finding it hard to admit defeat, they cannot believe that they won't get what they want, and will see the slightest ambiguity as grounds for optimism. the mars in aries does have a tendency to enjoy the chase more than the end result, so that they often lose interest in people once they have have them. they are then likely to run away just as fast as they were pursuing before :/ someone who wants to retain the interest of this person will need to remain always a little elusive.

people with mars in aries feel energized by sexual desire - even if it is not fulfilled, it will make them feel more vital and alive. very intuitive and trusting to instinct and gut reactions, they know exactly what is right for them, and will not compromise. they either desire people or not, the second they meet them: there is no uncertainty or doubt with them. the person with this mars often appears much more confident than they feel, and may tend to look for an identity through their lovers, and try to prove themselves through sex. these people may go to great lengths to prove how independent they are, when they are really trying to define themselves through action. sex, therefore, to these people can assume huge symbolic significance; and they may invest the object of their desire with almost mystical status. they are searching for a hero to fire and inspire them, to help them discover the hero within. to this end, they may have to go on a long and lonely journey, facing many difficulties and rejections before they become the truly independent individual they need to be. life holds many hard lessons for people with mars in aries. they step into each new sexual involvement with careless impulsiveness, naively believing that this one will be much easier than the last, and forgetting that aries must pit itself against adversity in order to develop strength and self-reliance.

these people are attracted to sharply defined individuals of strong character. they enjoy a certain amount of combativeness and competition with their sexual partners, and are often quite sharp and argumentative with those they find attractive. sexual desire strirs up anger for them; and they often feel safer expressing anger to lovers than to anyone else. it is important to them that the other person is strong enough to handle this, and can give as good as they get. there is a need for the lover to be of equal strength, and they will feel irritated by someone who gives in to them all the time, and will soon lose interest in such a person. they cannot be pushed into things themselves, and tend to despise those who can. although they may be critical of their lovers themselves, they will fight ferociously to defend them against anyone else who dares to attack their loved ones.

honest, open and direct, mars in aries likes to let their potential lovers know exactly how they feel. it’s important to them that things are straight-forward and that there is no confusion. they in turn like to know exactly where they stand, and cannot bear any form of deception. they have romantic ideals about sex, and need to be true to themselves, so that the pretence involved in having sex with someone that they do not really want or when they do not want it can be very disturbing to them. mars in aries is not really looking for physical sensation, but rather for some kind of spiritual fulfillment through sex. these people seek spiritually unity, a fusing and oneness with their lover which transcends the physical act. through it, they hope to experience a moment of bliss in which they have abandoned separateness and become one with their lover.

mars in taurus

someone with this placement will have a good connection to their instinctual, physical needs. this will be a strong, no-nonsense person with a matter of fact attitude towards sex; someone who gets enormous enjoyment from their sexual relationships, and with wide tastes. these people could be into sex for its own sake, as pure physical pleasure, with no trimmings. they are comfortable with their own bodies and physical desires. more gentle types could find them too careless and direct.

with mars in any of the earth signs, there is the propensity to split love and sex; but someone with mars in taurus is most prone to this, simply because their desire nature is so strong. these are not people who can easily be celibate, so if there is no-one in their lives who really matters to them, they are still going to look for sexual partners. they may have a pragmatic view of these liaisons, unaware of their own double standards, as when they are deeply involved with someone on a feeling level their values change dramatically.

taurus is arguably the most possessive sign of the zodiac, and someone with mars in it may claim total ownership rights over their sexual partner. this differs from the emotional possessiveness of someone with mars in scorpio, as with taurus the partner becomes a prized object (trophy wife) in which they invest a part of themselves. infidelity is so completely threatening to these people that it is intolerable (though they may be cheaters themselves lol). they will value their partners highly, treat them as a possession, as an extension of themselves, and expect and demand absolute faithfulness. to say that they are jealous and possessive of loved ones is an understatement.

this is a very primitive mars placement; we are dealing with a neolithic person here. we’re in 2020 and the rest of the world developed more liberated attitudes to relationships, but they’re not easily filtered through to a mars in taurus person. this is someone who has traditional expectations and is likely to want to play a traditional role in relationships. they will build a relationship slowly, not one to rush into things, and will take their time to get to know a prospective partner. a sexual involvement does not necessarily mean to them that a relationship is underway. they will evaluate a potential relationship in a pragmatic way. once involved, they are loyal and reliable, and are not afraid of making a commitment. they are at their best when in a secure relationship.

mars in gemini

gemini is the most restless of all the air signs; and people with mars here can barely remain still for a minute. they are constantly on the go, moving from place to place and person to person. finding it hard to survive for long without talking, if they cannot actually be with people they will want to be on the phone.they’re likely social media addicted and will find it really hard to concentrate their desire on one person, as sex to them may simply be a way into a friendship. in this way, these people are frequently starting new sexual relationships only to cool off almost immediately. this tends to make their relationships very complicated, when they want to continue on a friendship-only/friends w benefits basis, but the other person sees it as a sexual partnership. no one is more evasive than the mars in gemini person; and it is almost impossible to pin them down. their desires change from moment to moment, which makes it very difficult for them to commit themselves to any one person. because sex and companionship are so closely linked for them, being sexually faithful feels like only being allowed to talk to one person - a fate they find it hard to contemplate. besides, their attitude to sex tends to be rather lighthearted and playful, and so they cannot understand why others should get so heavy and possessive about it.

they are attracted to lively, exciting people who are fun to be with, and often younger people. mars in gemini people are not very interested in physical beauty, but are excited by a lively mind and sharp sense of humour. they may get very argumentative when they are attracted to someone, and will enjoy it if the person responds in kind. i noticed they’re turned on by arguing, as if it’s a form of courtship to them, and like to chat and joke through sex itself.

as gemini is intensely curious, they’re likely to wonder exactly what sex would be like with each person they meet, and to get a great deal of pleasure from speculating on this or just talking about sex. these people are tremendous flirts, as for them flirting can be a kind of verbal intercourse which is an end in itself. this can be very confusing to who they talk to, for they may believe that they’re being offered something that just isn't there and has no way of knowing that what they’re taking part in is not a prelude to sex but an alternative to it. crazy. the duality of gemini also means that there is a side of these people that wants much more than this casual, superficial pleasure which leaves them feeling deeply dissatisfied. deep inside, there is a part of them that craves profound and meaningful connections; and sex for them can be a form of communication that goes much deeper than words. for mars in gemini people, it's essential that their sexual partner is also a friend who will listen to them and talk to them. in order for them to feel truly desired, they have to be wanted as a person and a friend rather than just for sex.

mars in cancer

someone with this mars is going to move cautiously wherever failure and rejection are a possibility. like the crab, these people will never approach their objective head-on. they will act carefully and pay attention to what kind of response they’re eliciting. in relationships, they will not want to risk rejection, and will often not make a move unless sure of being accepted. these people will use their sensitivity to the non-verbal signals to judge how safe it is before risking a refusal. however, cancer is a cardinal sign, so despite their self-protectiveness they can and will initiate. when they feel emotionally secure, either because the external situation is non threatening or from an inner security established within themselves, they can act passionately and powerfully.

this is a sexually passionate placement with deep and intense needs for emotional safety within a relationship. people with mars in cancer are particularly likely to want sexual contact to reassure them that they are wanted, although this need to be wanted extends beyond the sexual and will permeate their whole life. they may try to make themselves indispenable to others so that they will never be abandoned. in sexual relationships, they need to feel they belong, to feel protected and secure, and will in turn offer a sense of protection and containment to their partner.

mars in cancer will often mother their partner and want mothering themselves. they enjoy taking care of others, both physically and emotionally. they are likely to be gentle, kindly and sympathetic. they will recognize and value the deeper exchanges of a sexual union and the bonds that exist on a feeling level. these people are likely to be possessive and to expect their partner to be completely faithful, though they will not necessarily apply this same standard to themselves. however, they will remain faithful if their infidelity threatens their security or violates their feeling of belonging to someone else.

mars in leo

you desires with passionate intensity; and, like mars in aries, tends to attribute mythical qualities to those you want. you people are looking for someone larger than life, whom you can truly admire; and because of this you tend to expect a great deal from their lovers. mars in leos are prone to serial monogamy, falling passionately in love with someone who seems to embody all the qualities they want. during this phase, they will see the lover as perfect, and will be arresting in their praise. they will devote all their energy and attention to pleasing this person until the imperfections begin to appear. then they begin to feel angry and cheated as though the lover has deliberately set out to deceive them and let them down. the tendency then is to be very critical and see only the bad whereas before they had seen only the good.

people with mars in leo like to dramatize, so they will tend to draw a lot of people in to sympathize with their disappointment. they are proud and unyielding, so this pattern tends to be repeated many times before they are able to stop blaming others and see how fixed and unrealistic expectations bring about their own disappointment. for them, sex is generally one of life's pleasures. they give a great deal of attention to setting the scene and creating the right atmosphere. their bedroom will be the most important room in the home, and will likely be beautifully decorated in rich, romantic colours.

sex is an important performance to them; and they like everything to be exactly right. it’s like staging the first night of a play; and great care is taken to ensure success. they know exactly what pleases people and enjoy giving pleasure, always bearing in mind that sex should be entertaining. they are generous with compliments and attention, and are able to make their partner feel really prized. because their self-esteem is bound up with sex, mars in leo people can be very sensitive to criticism and rejection. there is a strong tendency to feel that they have to put on a great performance in order to prove that they are better lovers than anyone else; and this can rob them of some of their natural spontaneity. when they trust their instincts, they have an intuitive knowledge of what is pleasurable; and this, together with their warmth and enthusiasm, can make them great lovers.

people with mars in leo are attracted to success. they tend to look to their sexual partners to confirm their identity and enhance their status, so that achievement, wealth and fame are all things that turn them on. they like the good life and enjoy luxury, so someone who can offer these things is likely to seem very attractive to them; and they also get great pleasure from sharing their own good fortune. they have a great capacity for enjoying life. these people's pleasures are very important to them, so it is vital to them that their lovers have a sense of fun and are able to share these pleasures with them. they will quickly lose interest in someone who lacks a strong appetite for life/with a negative mindset.

mars in leo people can be very arrogant and high-handed at times. their belief that they are a law unto themselves can create a lot of conflict, drama and heartbreak in their relationships. they find it difficult to back down once they have taken a stand, and they may rather end a relationship rather than admit they are wrong. touchy and easily hurt, they feel humiliated by rejection, and tend to need constant reassurance of their desirability. neing belittled or made fun of feels like death to the them; and anyone who does this will kill off any desire immediately. in order for a relationship to flourish, this person needs to feel appreciated and respected; and their partner must be attentive and generous with praise and encouragement. if these things are not forthcoming, the mars in leo will feel unwanted and turned off. to them, sex is life-giving and vital to their sense of identity. these people are seeking to discover their own uniqueness through it, and so put themselves wholeheartedly into it. it’s a creative act for them; and they need to feel proud of what they do. they are highly principled where sex is concerned, regarding faithfulness and loyalty as essential to a successful relationship.

mars in virgo

someone with this mars will be moderate and self-contained. they will have the sensual sensitivity that all the earth signs possess, but they will be reserved in expressing it. sex does not matter much to them. unlike mars in taurus, they have no desire in the abstract so they are quite capable of long periods of celibacy if there is no-one around that interests them. when in a new relationship, however, they will initially be very sexually active, trying to make up for previous abstinence.

while someone with mars in virgo still takes sensual pleasure in their body for its own sake and very into masturbation, this is tempered by a practical, matter-of-fact attitude to physical needs and desires. this is not someone who is easily drawn into the excesses of a mars in taurus; mars in virgo is far more circumspect and health-conscious. someone with mars in virgo will have considerable caution in getting involved in a relationship. they do not want to make a mistake, and will select a partner with care. in choosing, they seek to fulfil quite particular criteria. in extreme cases, a prospective partner may feel like a job applicant being measured against a detailed set of requirements to see if they’re is suitable for the position. virgo has a reputation for being choosy, fussy and critical; and for someone with mars here, they can bring all of this to bear in their approach to a sexual partner.

virgo is a very analytical sign, and mars in virgo can be analytical to an extreme. at their worst, these people will lose track of the inherent meaning in a situation, in trying to unravel and understand the detail. they can analyse a situation to death. more positively, they will always be prepared to talk about things and to try to undersatnd themselves and their partner. mars in virgos may want a partner who is useful, perhaps someone who helps out with practical or technical problems; and they may offer this to those they are involved with. joint ventures and activities will be an important part of their relationships.

#astrology #zodiac signs #mars #mars signs #aries mars #taurus mars #gemini mars #cancer mars #leo mars #virgo mars #maris in aries #mars in taurus #mars in gemini #mars in cancer #mars in leo #mars in virgo

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dissonantdreamer · 4 years ago

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What are your thoughts on the non sexualization on Dina and Ellie? We see them in their undies but then again Dina has firm muscle and you can see body hair. We never see anything really explicit on them (besides that one small Ellie scene) and I dig it. Compared to Abby where we actually see what goes on between her and Owen. We see her naked and Owen obviously participating in an intimate act. What do you think it says on how ND is treating both of them?

I’d love to know your thoughts!

As far as people asking me to do analysis goes I usually have to want to talk about the moment(s) (or piece of clothing) some asks are already things I’ve thought about. I’m not an authority on anything I explore by any means, but when I’m asked I try to give an honest response to the best of my ability. This topic alone has no right answer. These are just my thoughts after sitting with this ask for a week. I’m sure if you asked in a few months time I might have changed my views a little.

This was the first ask where I hadn’t given the topic much thought, and now that I’ve given it thought, it’s divided and multiplied into many thoughts that I have tried to make as clear as possible and still worry I have not done enough justice with. Which is why this answer took forever for me to think about so thanks for your patience, anon. Hope it’s kinda what you asked for still.

This being said, what I’m talking about is strictly related to the game, not shipping, not reality, the game. I’ve done my damndest to keep this a respectful exploration of two emotionally sensitive moments between adult characters and ask that if you’re going to interact with this post please do the same. If this is the kinda thing that makes you uncomfortable use your judgment. You’re probably not missing out on much.

I'm going to take a moment to define what I mean when I say sexualized v sexual.

Sexualized: individuals are regarded as sex objects and evaluated in terms of their physical characteristics and sexiness

Sexual: relating to the instincts, physiological processes, and activities connected with physical attraction or intimate physical contact between individuals

I will take a second moment to also say the sex means different things to different people and that definition can and probably will change over time for each individual. Sex and love are complicated some people separate sex from emotion to process and that is perfectly okay to. As long as you’re communicating with your partner(s) there is no right or wrong way to feel.

That all being said:

I’m absolutely stoked that Ellie and Dina aren’t sexualized, but beyond that I’m stoked that the world itself is grounded and developed a bit past where we are now in terms of sexualization, and while there are some remnants of our horrid society, (lookin’ at you Seth, David) the kids are growing up in a world where survival supersedes sexualization. That goes beyond the nonsexulazation of Dina and Ellie. Clearly sexuality exists and it’s fluid, but they aren’t growing up with the expectations that we have in place now. They have to grow up fast for an entirely different reason.

This whole game shuns the standards that we have set today and says “yeah no, the thing we did before was dumb. You’re a dude who loves to teach? Dope you go teach the kids to read and count. You’re a bad bitch who can rip a clicker’s head from it’s body like a teddy bear, dope, go be on patrol.” Maria runs Jackson, the patrol charts are filled with a clearly diverse group of men and women, the WLF has men and women working together to do laundry, cook, fight on the front lines. There was even a cut scene where Dina and Ellie are in the weed den making fun of the sexualization of women that is prevalent in our society via the porn Eugene has which would show further that the world they grew up in is so drastically different from our own.

In this world you bring value through skills, not looks. Everyone is good at something.

Now when it comes to “treating the characters” this part has far more to do with the story and less the world itself. Neil has said in many different ways that what is kept in is to help along Ellie and Abby’s journeys. We are shown what we need to be shown, to clue us into where these two women are in their journey. The point is that their stories are reflective of one another: Abby’s is one of redemption Ellie’s, of self destruction. We see Abby at her rock bottom in the beginning and her scene with Owen is the culmination of pushing everyone away in pursuit of revenge.

Now for this part I’m going to lead with Abby’s scene. Because I’m sure 92.613% of people who read this have watched the weed den scene more than the boat scene.

Abby grew up with Owen, he was there when her father died, he helped her through a lot. He’s an all right guy, not a paragon of healthy relationship material, but he loves her and there is comfort in staying with someone who has made you feel safe through the hardest parts of your life. Over her gameplay we get the sense Owen isn’t what she needs anymore and by staying with him she’s holding herself back.

This moment in the boat with Owen, narrative wise is Abby realizing she has hit bottom, Joel didn’t make her feel better, her relationship with Owen had ended because of her pursuit of Joel. She’s been stuck on the idea that she can go back to who she was before that final moment with Joel. In her dreams, her dad is still dead. Joel is dead, maybe she can try again to be that Abby again but she can’t shes not there emotionally anymore.

Owen coldly goads her into anger to feel something because Abby is putting distance between herself and him. He bitterly quotes what she told him when she was seeking out Joel. She thinks of Mel, asks him what his plans are for the woman carrying his child, he wants to leave her, because he hasn’t let go of Abby. Owen is drunk, he should not be having sex. He can’t consent. The argument reaches a boiling point and they both fall back on the unhealthy idea that maybe one more go will solve something.

One thing that struck me as interesting was how the two scenes are presented, Abby and Owen face away from each other. Owen can barely keep his eyes open and the way the scene is shot, he is barely in focus. On the other side of the coin, Dina and Ellie face each other with a willing openness, they check in with each other constantly, and the build up to the moment is filmed so both women are in focus and on level ground with each other.

Abby and Owen had sex, but it never struck me as sexual nor did it strike me as sexualized much like Ellie and Dina.. Yes the act begins on screen, few people I’ve talked to saw what was on screen as anything other than uncomfortable.

To empathize with Abby we see her face in that moment of vulnerability, where she should be happy, there is a subtle expression that Laura pulls that *chefs kiss* shows in one second that Abby is not present in the act. There is a double blink followed by this look of internal clarity, that whatever she feels in that moment, it’s not what or who she is anymore and shes committed to letting it go.

She falls asleep but now that nightmare is about those damn kids. Sleeping with Owen is not going to make this go away. The next morning she pushes him away farther because he wants it to continue and she had her moment of this is not who I am.

Even though we cut before the act, to me what Dina and Ellie do is far more sexual than what Owen and Abby go through, not sexualized, sexual. I say this because their behavior is not for us, it is between them and because this is a video game, we are along for the build up. How they act in the scene? That’s healthy representation with someone you trust when things are new. The air is charged between them, they’re flirty and they’re constantly using body language to check in with each other.The clearly want each other but we don’t need to see them get it on, this is their first time, we don’t need to see that, we can already see how much they already love and care for each other in the way they act. Let that moment be special and private.

Halley and Neil talk in interviews about narrative, seeing these two hit their “bottom” so we need to see Abby with Owen so we can see how far she’s grown by the end, this is a desperate grasp at the past the ends in a goodbye. We don’t need to see the act of Ellie and Dina we know it's passionate based on their actions, we don't need to see what they do. That's their hello. We see how close they are so we see what Ellie leaves behind it’s a representation of what she will ultimately give up and lose to keep her humanity.

I don’t think showing Abby and Owen together treats her as any less compared to not showing Ellie and Dina. Because of Abby’s scene we see what Owen meant to her, what she lost. Finding him and Mel becomes her Joel on the porch scene she can’t fix anything, she can’t fall back on him anymore. Abby has to move forward, she has to move forward because she has to be good for this kid she’s taking under her watch, he is her people and she has to be better for herself to do that. If it wasn’t for Lev, she would have killed Dina, Ellie, and all the growth she made.

With Ellie because of her scene with Dina, to her character, we see the love she is leaving behind, that what she has dragged Dina into is born from someone who is losing themselves on every level. She hasn’t hit bottom yet and we all had to watch her fall further than we thought she would go. If it weren’t for this moment, we still wouldn’t be crying over her and Dina’s goodbye. We can now see that Ellie is rapidly approaching her bottom, but still doesn’t see it herself. And thanks to the beach scene know that there is still a part of her that is capable of love and being loved. She can grow again. She can be redeemed. She will have to work for it. Find something to fight for and keep going forward.

Just like Abby.

#this ask really pushed me to view things i hadn't considered #so thanks for that anon #kind orbs with sick shades

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sugar-petals · 4 years ago

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Hey Caro ☺️ I just took your super m quiz - thanks for making such a fun quiz, I feel like it helped me get into super m! I know nothing about them yet but I thought it fit soo well that I got Kai bc I’m a full time dancer - now you have me super curious about him 👀👀

KAI :: INTRODUCTION MASTERPOST (dance focus)

so you wanna know about the god of k-pop choreo? oh yeah, i’ll talk to you about fucking kai! if you dance, this guy is the #1 must-know. once you see him move, there’s no going back. i don’t exaggerate: kai is the gold standard. brace yourselves, i’ll show you why.

kim kai aka kim jongin (27) is a solo artist and super m’s plus exo’s main dancer — est 2019 and 2012 respectively — heading either group with a passionate, hyper-physical style that roots in his early practice of of jazz dance and ballet. the influence definitely shows.

learning choreography, he’s become the gorgeous fusion of emotional grace and explosive power that unites both tension and extreme accuracy. while at the same time: never sacrificing his interpretation. and HOW MUCH HE BLEEDS FOR HIS CRAFT. he enjoys it so much.

and he’s communicating it 100%, jongin’s dance is so interactive and raw, luring. i swear to god, put the seatbelts on for this one. it’s never just him, it’s you as well. you’ve never seen this before. he’s like “yes, i meant you, i’m looking at you”:

he’s even gonna modify the choreography to point right at you to underline that very thought. he’s so good, he can learn it, ace it, epitomize it, and do his own thing anyway. even the person in the last row will get whatever point kai wants to make. this is dance that belongs on the biggest stages.

even when he films without a crowd, it’s like you’re literally standing opposite to him. he focuses on two people: his moves, and the viewer. he has it look like you made him smile and self-aware, or you made him determined. INCREDIBLE. he shows his charisma, BUT he also shows your own (!) impact on him. it’s a duet. he wants you to join him on the dancefloor. this is from exo’s call me baby mv where kai does his famous come-hither:

he flirts and he encourages. he values the audience and wants them to be confident as well. i think it’s the reason why he’s so outstanding and addictive, kai thinks beyond himself. it’s a tango he involves you in with his eyes and how he opens his body, interprets a lyric.

it’s not about imposing himself going one way. instead: he plays the back and forth ALL. THE. TIME. in any context. whether it be frivolous, or fun, or gloomy, or sweet. even with a simple little smiley wink it’s happening. and he acts like you had a reaction to it. there’s literally just a camera.

this guy’s physique, strength, elegance, feeling for the beat, character portrayal (!), and control is unbelievable. he’s destroyed it in every fancam out there. he can’t switch it off even if he tried. your eyes would go toward him in the largest group formation still. put him in the center, that’s his spot, he showcases it.

because he doesn’t just show learned moves, he makes it radiate something dynamic and animalistic (he embodies superm’s ‘tiger inside’ all the way).

jongin’s dance says: i love this, you love this, let’s do this, the feeling is right. he makes bodies and unrestrained touch the opposite of wrong, he pronounces it a source of having fun and being instinctual. and he never breaks the tie with you throughout, and uses his shoulders and lips to put the oomph into it.

he uses innuendo and a ‘we both know’ sentiment perfectly as an invitation rather than just going through his routine. that’s how he can make each move fascinating. you can tell kai knows exactly how to make everyone scream their lungs out. i bet somebody held their breath just reading this post already.

exo’s most famous choreo is ‘monster’ (kai focus linked) with good reason: jongin can turn himself into nothing short of a roaring beast. it’s one sharp, complex move after the other. kai can bend any gravitational law he wants to show any feeling and pose he wants. a glimpse:

now, how to spot him in general if you’re new to him? here are some pointers. kai’s execution is clean, fast, and powerful. those are two decades (!) of experience showing. kai is an all or nothing dancer, he plays no games. he treats every group and solo stage like his best and last. his work ethic is beyond words. yeah, he’s a capricorn. his style is direct as can be, working every axis.

as you can see, jongin is hard to overlook anyway: he’s a 182cm giant made of steel. he strives to acutely visualize impact in his style and it is always successful. in fact, it’s his signature. it’s like he creates invisible objects and pushes through them. boom, he just burst another bubble.

when the song gets to his part, i guarantee you won’t miss him and all the boldness and expression he brings to enrich the performance. hell... he carries it. jongin can handle the center, i’m telling you. (look how fast he rotates here)

talking features — this is what to look for when he dances in a group setting: you can recognize kai’s face by how wide, bluntly structured and sensual it is. jongin is a sight. he has such an aura, serious, sultry, and smiling alike.

with a very recognizable silhouette (like... holy hell!):

he’s very cute as well ♡ the fandom and kai himself have an adorable analogy going on. jongin calls himself a teddy/nini bear and we joined in on it. (i made a thread about it here, it talks more about his offstage life) — hence kai’s fans are called eri-gom, eris as in exo’s fanbase and gom meaning bear.

and i mean. look at him. what an attractive guy. he’s that handsome. strong brows, teddy eyes, square jaw, swept hair, glorious lips, tan skin.

now yes, something important concerning his appearance and a serious topic: i don’t want to list you the endless instances of colorism that kai has to endure but it has to be mentioned. jongin has been called every name in the book and people agonize him over his skin incessantly. it goes on and on and on. every day a new terrible comment about him emerges because some pitiful person thought it was funny and would elevate them.

he’s had to deflect, ignore, reframe, defend, remotivate, assert, harden, prove, denounce, and push himself, protect his confidence, decline skin bleaching constantly, laugh along, dance and practice thrice as hard to get the respect, and still see his dignity torn to pieces all day. i’ll just give it to you straight, that’s all fucked up. kai’s skin is perfect, he’s amazing and wonderful.

in his own words:

— exactly right. say it even louder.

having him at the bottom of every joke is weird and messed up. this man is an utter beauty and nothing has to be fixed. it is up to him to define himself rather than get called ugly for his skin’s appearance by default, and get whitewashed at every opportunity. it’s been going on for 27 years, he scrunitizes himself all the time and doesn’t look at himself fondly because he hears these beatdowns daily.

it’s heartbreaking that this happens literally with no end in sight (’kai is just a stripper!’... ‘he has bad vibes’... ‘darkest guy jongin!’). for his skin, and how he decides to show it, too. jesus christ his skin looks fantastic, end of debate. they just can’t handle him, kai couldn’t be any more immaculate.

♡

jongin has vigorously protected fans from discrimination, bullies, and shaming himself whenever it came up. in a very straightforward and deadpan manner because he knows exactly how it damages you. (”J” in the subtitles = jongin, he’s wearing the plain white top at the very back)

we need to protect and praise him that way right back. it’s important.

so, needless to say. all in for jongin getting the center stage he deserves. because he has the wow factor in every regard. kai usually opens an MV because there’s no better way to get people’s attention with that level of presence. with kai, you can’t go wrong. if you get the center in a an all star group like superm, you are the king.

being part of that presence, kai’s stage alter ego has reached levels of infamity you can’t even imagine. it’s great to see him being sovereign without apology.

and it doesn’t stop there. he shows time and again that acting, props, and commanding the audience has to be mastered to be an exceptional dancer. kai owns his sex appeal. sometimes, he even dances a portion of choreo with his eyes closed because he’s feeling it so much.

he is a pro in using his surroundings as well, superm’s stages are a glorious opportunity for kai to show how he comfortably ‘lives in’ the 3D space around him.

which makes the viewer do the same: watching kai makes you feel amazing, energized, but also serene and enjoying the moment.

there’s always balance. it’s the magic of it. e.g. he comes along with so much impetus and decisiveness but eventually, he halts to offer himself. here i am — take me. i’m yours. closed arms, open arms. walking, kneeling. looking down, looking up.

kai goes every extra mile there ever was and makes each eye contact count. involving the audience, one grin at a time. it works. it’s about establishing contact. he connects to the onlooker with so much nuance.

kai’s smirk is notorious and you can see why it’s so raw and real: he makes it linger. it’s such a duality since his dancing says i’ll come over, while his message is come and get me, i know what’s on your mind.

with a hilarious twist – kai expertly uses humor. you don’t get that in many dancer repertoires. i love it. all those quick expression changes. his smile! 😊 what a man.

so — what makes him so good and known: yes, his style doesn’t deny that dancing and eroticism are one in his business. that takes courage. kai has it. iconic performances have been his reward. point dance/killing part: exo’s love shot choreo.

that suit has swept the nation. what’s more: kai shows you it’s more than just good hip movement that a good dancer needs. he does everything at once, he puts the pleasure on his face, all his limbs are following the template he chooses.

the thing is. kai couldn’t be any shyer, but when the music starts he becomes a oscar-winning madman. he emotes constantly (!) and stays in character. this is gold.

jongin always plays it up. he knows how to use that face and does a lot of power posing. this is how visceral looks like. he’s interpreted exo’s aggressive concepts to a T.

and he has so. much. fun. it propels him. on every beat.

past every hurt, heartbreak and injury, man. if you know about his genre you knew this was coming, kai does all of that with 4 herniated discs. since debut days, never recovered. every gif in this thread, he dances with a battered spine. wheelchairs, stage collapses, relapse-recovery-schedule tales, the dilemma of injuries being inevitable, limping, kai falling into depression during breaks, constant pain killers, countless tears on stage, we’ve seen it all, the extreme end of it.

kai works out like hell to literally keep his body from falling apart. but it doesn’t help the nerves in his back that are impacted. doing choreo you can sometimes literally see the pain kicking in and he pulls himself through with force for the last minute. once you know how strained his back is, you can see it.

at the end his expression goes fuck now it’s coming when the adrenaline fades. he takes every second-pause he gets to rest but still finishes each move. even when he holds back, he keeps it together and executes each turn. sometimes, he has to restrict himself and soften his movements to protect his health (especially in hard choreographies such as lucky one which is universally disliked by exo — still jongin makes the very best of it smiling bright and dancing so hard his sleeves come off).

he frequently states he ‘dances in any case unless his legs are affected by something’. all torso injuries are fair game, this guy is hardcore. and people claim he’s just pretending. chen (a fellow exo member) says not a single part of jongin’s body is intact. he has paid every price to get this far to follow his love. he’ll step on stage with crutches. he works SO HARD.

that being said: exo being called the official nation’s group, i say kai is the nation’s dancer. period. he has had his great moment at the korean olympics flawlessly dancing in a hanbok with traditional instruments and fulfilling his dream.

i love the tension and drama he can bring. he can also thrill with slow, vulnerable movements alike.

kai’s is called a legend, he’s all that and even more. the facial expressions alone are feared by any kai stan because they hit home.

this guy is a sex icon and goes off like a gun, messing around was never kai’s incentive.

while at the same time being incredibly nuanced and so, so descriptive with his movements.

point dance: baby don’t cry. yep, kai has danced in water. must-watch.

this man loves what he is doing. he said he wouldn’t regret to die on stage because dancing is his destiny. boy, it shows. this guy has found his purpose. he can tell any story he wants. he’s a complete artist.

he’s perfectly portraying his incentive and he couldn’t look any more like a god on earth.

long story short, kai is dance and motivation goals. if you dance professionally, you can easily look toward him for the right words.

if you want to further your study and knowledge: he released a self-titled solo album recently. highly recommended. he worked forever on it, and he’s really dishing it on there. you get to hear his soft voice plus sizzling footwork. and he isn’t even getting started yet. you’ll hear from kai, i promise. he constantly achieves new levels of artistic perfection.

a last remark. jongin is amazing for a myriad of reasons that go beyond what i show you here given the post focuses on his work on stage. but the point stands, while other people have tried to break him, he broke through every barricade instead and stood up for himself. we can be extremely happy to have him and witnessing his unreal dance is an exceptional pleasure. here’s to jongin continuing his passion and confidence, healing, and getting the sweeping respect and acknowledgement that is his.

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phroyd · 3 years ago

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I’m not going to pretend that I know how to interpret the jobs and inflation data of the past few months. My view is that this is still an economy warped by the pandemic, and that the dynamics are so strange and so unstable that it will be some time before we know its true state. But the reaction to the early numbers and anecdotes has revealed something deeper and more constant in our politics.

The American economy runs on poverty, or at least the constant threat of it. Americans like their goods cheap and their services plentiful and the two of them, together, require a sprawling labor force willing to work tough jobs at crummy wages. On the right, the barest glimmer of worker power is treated as a policy emergency, and the whip of poverty, not the lure of higher wages, is the appropriate response.Reports that low-wage employers were having trouble filling open jobs sent Republican policymakers into a tizzy and led at least 25 Republican governors — and one Democratic governor — to announce plans to cut off expanded unemployment benefits early. Chipotle said that it would increase prices by about 4 percent to cover the cost of higher wages, prompting the National Republican Congressional Committee to issue a blistering response: “Democrats’ socialist stimulus bill caused a labor shortage, and now burrito lovers everywhere are footing the bill.” The Trumpist outlet The Federalist complained, “Restaurants have had to bribe current and prospective workers with fatter paychecks to lure them off their backsides and back to work.”But it’s not just the right. The financial press, the cable news squawkers and even many on the center-left greet news of labor shortages and price increases with an alarm they rarely bring to the ongoing agonies of poverty or low-wage toil.

As it happened, just as I was watching Republican governors try to immiserate low-wage workers who weren’t yet jumping at the chance to return to poorly ventilated kitchens for $9 an hour, I was sent “A Guaranteed Income for the 21st Century,” a plan that seeks to make poverty a thing of the past. The proposal, developed by Naomi Zewde, Kyle Strickland, Kelly Capatosto, Ari Glogower and Darrick Hamilton for the New School’s Institute on Race and Political Economy, would guarantee a $12,500 annual income for every adult and a $4,500 allowance for every child. It’s what wonks call a “negative income tax” plan — unlike a universal basic income, it phases out as households rise into the middle class.

“With poverty, to address it, you just eliminate it,” Hamilton told me. “You give people enough resources so they’re not poor.” Simple, but not cheap. The team estimates that its proposal would cost $876 billion annually. To give a sense of scale, total federal spending in 2019 was about $4.4 trillion, with $1 trillion of that financing Social Security payments and another $1.1 trillion support Medicaid, Medicare, the Affordable Care Act and the Children’s Health Insurance Program.

Beyond writing that the plan “would require new sources of revenue, additional borrowing or trade-offs with other government funding priorities,” Hamilton and his co-authors don’t say how they’d pay for it, and in our conversation, Hamilton was cagey. “There are many ways in which it can be paid for and deficit spending itself is not bad unless there are certain conditions,” he said. I’m less blasé about financing a program that would increase federal spending by almost 20 percent, but at the same time, it’s clearly possible. Even if the entire thing was funded by taxes, it would only bring America’s tax burden to roughly the average of our peer nations.

I suspect the real political problem for a guaranteed income isn’t the costs, but the benefits. A policy like this would give workers the power to make real choices. They could say no to a job they didn’t want, or quit one that exploited them. They could, and would, demand better wages, or take time off to attend school or simply to rest. When we spoke, Hamilton tried to sell it to me as a truer form of capitalism. “People can’t reap the returns of their effort without some baseline level of resources,” he said. “If you lack basic necessities with regards to economic well-being, you have no agency. You’re dictated to by others or live in a miserable state.”

But those in the economy with the power to do the dictating profit from the desperation of low-wage workers. One man’s misery is another man’s quick and affordable at-home lunch delivery. “It is a fact that when we pay workers less and don’t have social insurance programs that, say, cover Uber and Lyft drivers, we are able to consume goods and services at lower prices,” Hilary Hoynes, an economist at the University of California at Berkeley, where she also co-directs the Opportunity Lab, told me.

This is the conversation about poverty that we don’t like to have: We discuss the poor as a pity or a blight, but we rarely admit that America’s high rate of poverty is a policy choice, and there are reasons we choose it over and over again. We typically frame those reasons as questions of fairness (“Why should I have to pay for someone else’s laziness?”) or tough-minded paternalism (“Work is good for people, and if they can live on the dole, they would”). But there’s more to it than that.

It is true, of course, that some might use a guaranteed income to play video games or melt into Netflix. But why are they the center of this conversation? We know full well that America is full of hardworking people who are kept poor by very low wages and harsh circumstance. We know many who want a job can’t find one, and many of the jobs people can find are cruel in ways that would appall anyone sitting comfortably behind a desk. We know the absence of child care and affordable housing and decent public transit makes work, to say nothing of advancement, impossible for many. We know people lose jobs they value because of mental illness or physical disability or other factors beyond their control. We are not so naïve as to believe near-poverty and joblessness to be a comfortable condition or an attractive choice.

Most Americans don’t think of themselves as benefiting from the poverty of others, and I don’t think objections to a guaranteed income would manifest as arguments in favor of impoverishment. Instead, we would see much of what we’re seeing now, only magnified: Fears of inflation, lectures about how the government is subsidizing indolence, paeans to the character-building qualities of low-wage labor, worries that the economy will be strangled by taxes or deficits, anger that Uber and Lyft rides have gotten more expensive, sympathy for the struggling employers who can’t fill open roles rather than for the workers who had good reason not to take those jobs. These would reflect not America’s love of poverty but opposition to the inconveniences that would accompany its elimination.

Nor would these costs be merely imagined. Inflation would be a real risk, as prices often rise when wages rise, and some small businesses would shutter if they had to pay their workers more. There are services many of us enjoy now that would become rarer or costlier if workers had more bargaining power. We’d see more investments in automation and possibly in outsourcing. The truth of our politics lies in the risks we refuse to accept, and it is rising worker power, not continued poverty, that we treat as intolerable. You can see it happening right now, driven by policies far smaller and with effects far more modest than a guaranteed income.

Hamilton, to his credit, was honest about these trade-offs. “Progressives don’t like to talk about this,” he told me. “They want this kumbaya moment. They want to say equity is great for everyone when it’s not. We need to shift our values. The capitalist class stands to lose from this policy, that’s unambiguous. They will have better resourced workers they can’t exploit through wages. Their consumer products and services would be more expensive.”

For the most part, America finds the money to pay for the things it values. In recent decades, and despite deep gridlock in Washington, we have spent trillions of dollars on wars in the Middle East and tax cuts for the wealthy. We have also spent trillions of dollars on health insurance subsidies and coronavirus relief. It is in our power to wipe out poverty. It simply isn’t among our priorities.

“Ultimately, it’s about us as a society saying these privileges and luxuries and comforts that folks in the middle class — or however we describe these economic classes — have, how much are they worth to us?” Jamila Michener, co-director of the Cornell Center for Health Equity, told me. “And are they worth certain levels of deprivation or suffering or even just inequality among people who are living often very different lives from us? That’s a question we often don’t even ask ourselves.”

But we should.

Phroyd

#capitalism #economics #poverty #slavery

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uncloseted · 3 years ago

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I want to offer a counterpoint to your discussion on lookism. Of course, objectively speaking, some people are more attractive than others. But there are things that most attractive people must do in order to appear attractive. I would consider myself an essentially attractive person. I'm not a "supermodel" by any means, but I have been told i am attractive and am often perceived by others as attractive. But I also put a certain amount of effort into my appearance, and if I didn't, I don't think

Anonymous asked:

I would be perceived this way. For example, I get my hair trimmed and cut in a flattering way every several months. I have a skincare routine. I exercise, drink plenty of water. I wear clothes that are flattering; I have a unique sense of style. I wear a little bit of makeup, not a lot, but enough that it makes me look good. Without mascara, I think my eyes look small and tired. And most women that are perceived as relatively attractive must do the same things that I do, otherwise we look plain

Anonymous asked:

This is part three...So while I think lookism is absolutely real, there is an amount of effort pretty much everyone must put into their appearance in order to be perceived as attractive. There are a few exceptions to this, but for most women, some effort must be made. I know very few women who are attractive that go completely bare faced on a regular basis. And when it comes to men, most of them must workout, lift weights and groom themselves well to be perceived as attractive.

I agree, to an extent. I mentioned this phenomenon in my previous post on this topic:

"culturally, we have this assumption that people can become “more beautiful” if they just “put in the work” or “invest in themselves”. We have this idea that ugly people are ugly because they’re not making the choice to “invest” in their appearance."

But we vastly overestimate how much "putting in the work" actually makes a difference. Getting a haircut, having a skincare routine, exercising, styling yourself, wearing makeup... these are things can improve your attractiveness, but not by very much. Even studies of cosmetic surgery find that those changes don't significantly improve a person's perceived level of beauty. If you're someone for whom those things work and make you feel more confident in yourself, great! But then this conversation isn't about you.

Not everyone has the privilege to be able to easily "overcome" how they look. If you're someone who's facing systemic discrimination for how you look, "putting in the effort" isn't going to change that. This idea that we can "work" to be attractive also ignores that certain, difficult-to-change traits are often at the basis of looks discrimination. If you're a person with a facial deformity or visible vitiligo, for example, you're likely to be discriminated against on the basis of your looks, even if you have the perfect hair-skincare-makeup-outfit-workout routine going for you.

More importantly, I think this whole conversation is kind of tangential to the actual issue at play here. Whether or not you can "achieve" physical attractiveness, changing your appearance should not be a requirement to be treated as an equal member of society. Women should not be required to wear makeup or stylish clothes in order to be taken seriously in their workplace. People of color shouldn't be required to make their hair look "more attractive" (read: white) for it to be acceptable in workplaces or in school. Trans people shouldn't have to "pass" in order to be safe from violence. Poor people shouldn't have to spend money they don't have on cosmetics they can't afford in order to "look presentable". People shouldn't have to be conventionally attractive to get a fair trial and fair sentencing, or to make as much money as their co-workers. Nobody owes the world physical attractiveness (especially not when it means looking young, thin, white, rich, straight, cis, able-bodied), and the fact that we value it so highly is a real problem with real impacts on the lives of actual people.

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readingsbylibramc · 3 years ago

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birth chart reading for @rosen-und-mondlicht

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a splay shape, meaning that your planets are located randomly in different groups in your chart. people with this type of chart are usually very talented at different things. they can focus their attention on different matters, from family, to work, to love. everything is important for you, and you try to live your life to the fullest. you may be particularly talented at things that require action, it doesn’t matter whether it’s physical or mental. you may be very good at sports, dancing… or maybe you’re good at leading, you could easily be the boss on your work place. since you’re interested in so many things, you could easily be skilled at all of them to be honest. my advice would be to pick the hobby that is most important for you and care about it more than the others. that’s because people with this chart usually tend to do so many things that they may lack precision. it’s better to give all of yourself to what’s important for you.

your dominant planets are the moon, saturn and venus. you are a very emotional person, you can be impulsive sometimes as you feel everything very deeply. you are most likly quite sensitive, but on the other hand you're also very empathic and creative. you may be a bit materialistic, as you enjoy the finer things in life, but you work hard to achieve your goals, you're not spoiled.

your dominant sign is capricorn. you're hard-working and stubborn, once you have something in your mind no one can stop you. you strive to be the best at what you care about, especially in work. you're very polite, and this may even make you seem snob sometimes. actually, you're a very loyal person, who's also a great listener.

your dominant element is earth. you're a loyal and stable individual. you value longevity in your relationships, and that makes you quite picky. you can easily appear as cold, as opening up to someone you don't know well is too much of a risk for you. once you do, though, you'll stay forever. money and material possessions are important for you, as you understand that financial stability is one of the main qualifications in life.

🌎 ascendant in capricorn, 8° / 1st decan ruled by saturn

you're an affectionate person, yet your heavy capricorn influence may make you feel restricted to share your vitality with others. others' first impression of you is that you look like some sort of authority, someone who needs to be respected. even when you're joking, you still have this seriousness to your aura that is hard to go unnoticed. you care about your manners, and just your overall impression in general. you may take extra care of your clothes, your hair etc. you don't want to look disorganized, in fact you probably own an agenda or even just write your appointments somewhere. you have a cautious approach to the world, you're very responsible, especially when people you love are involved. you may have a very serious expression to you that could actually make you seem intimidating. generally speaking, you still have a serious look on your face that looks quite intimidating, especially since saturn is also your dominant planet. you also look introverted, and you most probably are. you're very modest, and that's because you're secretly kind of insecure about your appearance. you always feel like you're not enough, and that you constantly have to improve yourself to be accepted. this gets better with time, though. physically, you're probably very attractive and don't realize it! especially with your libra midheaven. you may have an amazing bone structure with high cheekbones, a defined jawline and naturally straight, pleasant teeth. you may probably also have an amazing posture and walk, even though you may suffer from scoliosis or other bones diseases in your early years. you could also have very big, watery eyes with long eyelashes.

capricorn ascendant square libra jupiter: you probably learn a lot from people around you. you're most likely surrounded by wise, spiritual and possibly foreign individuals in your life. they help you to grow up, both spiritually and mentally. this placement also softens your rough capricorn image, making you look more outgoing and approachable. you're also very open-minded, and you rarely have prejudices. the downside to this placement is that you may be depend too much on your friends or lovers, especially when it comes to your beliefs. you're easy to influence, and you may change your mind often if others disagree with you. you could possibly have high expectations from others, creating a false idea of those who surround you. at least, you're aware of your abilities and you have the potential to make the most out of them, but you're modest about it. you don't come off as bossy, as other jupiter - asc aspects would.

🌞 sun in cancer, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by the moon and neptune

even though you may not show it due to your heavy capricorn and virgo influence, you’re actually very vulnerable and sensitive. you may be a crybaby, as crying is a way to vent your emotions. you may even overreact, and be considered too dramatic. you’re extremely moody; you could be all happy and relaxed with your friends, then suddenly you get sad, or even angry. it’s hard to deal with this, especially because your emotions are quite intense. this could make you argue a lot with your peers. even though it takes you a while to find someone willing to stay, when that moment finally comes you’ll embody cancer’s best trait: that is, you’ll become a ‘mother’ to your friends, lover etc. you have a very nurturing soul, you have a knack for affection and care, and you could even get kind of clingy, even though you may feel limitated to give your love to someone else. cancer is a cardinal sign, hence you may be the one to take initiative, yet you do it undirectly. you’re probably the passive-aggressive type. you’re most likely also quite patient, even though you don’t forgive easily. once someone tries to take advantage of you, it’s over for them.

cancer sun conjunct cancer mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect. the downside to this placement is that you may be a bit too stubborn, you struggle to accept advice as you prefer doing your thing instead.

🌙 moon in taurus, 2° / 1st decan ruled by venus

the moon is exalted in taurus, so it's definitely a good placement! you're very peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. this placement makes you crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you must be very stubborn, as taurus is a fixed sign. this placement, paired with your imaginative cancer energy, makes you settle on making your ideas concrete, and it's very beneficial. it makes you capable of achieving any goals in your life. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete. last but not least, you're amazingly patient, and that makes you a great friend. probably, they vent a lot of their worries to you, as you're also a great listener.

taurus moon square cancer mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your taurus moon desires luxury and social interactions, your cancer mercury wants intimacy and privacy. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse, even though you may feel guilty about it: you are very sensitive, you want to treat people well, but you could be impulsive or sarcastic and hurt people. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.

🗣 mercury in cancer, 23° / 3rd decan ruled by the moon and neptune

you don't really rely on logic. you're very emotionally intelligent, and you take in consideration others' feelings when you speak. even though you may be impulsive and blunt sometimes, you don't do it with malice at all. you may actually feel guilty after you realize that you've hurt someone. you may be sort of manipulative, as you're very observant of others' behaviours. because of that, you may be extremely good at interacting with others, since you know how to speak to people when you don't let your impulsiveness get over you. you know how to persuade others, even though you may not even realize it. if you manage to balance your moon and your mercury, I think it would give you great social skills. you'd be able to stand up for yourself, while also being mindful and conscious of the effect of your words on others. you may get defensive quite easily, and because of that you may become a bit secretive. that's because, deep down, you feel the need to be understood to fully convey and express your emotions. you want to feel at home with your interlocutor, otherwise you'll just be awkward. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your jokes. your voice may be nasal, but pretty much very gentle as well. mercury is also retrograde, so you may have troubles communicating your thoughts in a clear and understandable way. due to this, people may misunderstand your ideas and opinions and viceversa. you're more introspective, you're better at thinking than speaking, which may make you more of a listener.

❤️ venus in gemini, 7° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

your flirting style most probably includes jokes, teasing… things like that. even though you may seem flaky, as you like experiencing romance with different types of people, you’re actually quite picky. in fact, in order to fall for someone, you need to feel mentally attracted to them, not just physically. someone ignorant and stubborn that doesn’t care about learning something most definitely isn’t for you. you’re not the type to be super romantic and sweet with your partner or just people in general. you show your affection for example by sending them memes, making ironic jokes about them etc. also, when you’re into someone, you probably get very talkative! you start asking them simple questions about their life, even things like 'did you have lunch?’. also, you talk about them with all of your friends, and you find yourself thinking costantly about them. you’re very curious of nature, but you’re only interested in getting to know what catches your eye.

gemini venus square virgo mars: this placement most likely gives you a short-temper. you may have lots of friends or lots of romantic partners, but you may find yourself being often irritated by them. you could argue with others over petty things, and this could affect your relationships significantly. at the same time, you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. with this placement, what you need is learning to open up and being honest without being too blunt. you need to talk about your feelings, you can't bottle them up, but be careful not to sound rude, don't be too impulsive. because of your nature, the perfect partner for you would be someone mature, confident and empathetic that will understand you and won't get hurt by your words.

gemini venus square aquarius saturn: you feel unable to love someone. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. you may also have the tendency to date people that are older than you, and possibly also soulmates from your past lives. in fact, you attract many karmic partners that are here to teach you lessons. your relationships may be quite painful, or at least they're so intense that they are hard to forget. with this placement, it's also recommended to get married after your saturn return, hence after your 28-29 years old, to avoid any kind of challenges.

☄️ mars in virgo, 7° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

your life revolves around being productive. you don't like to waste your time, you always try to learn and gain something useful from everything you do. that's caused by the fact that you're motivated to be perfect in what you like; this, combined with your competitive nature, may often cause you to burn out. in fact, the downside to this placement is that you may overwork yourself too much. this is bad, especially considering your heavy cancer dominance: cancers are all about imagination, family, vacation, relax... if you work too much, you don't have time to travel with your mind, you can't relax and have fun. in fact, it may be hard for you to endure too much hard work. you're capable of achieving your goals, but in order to do that you also need a break from time to time.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in capricorn. neptune and uranus are also sitting in this house. with these planets here, you seem less intimidating than the typical capricorn rising. in fact, you may look more on the dreamy, reserved side, you’re very charismatic in your own way. with your first house in capricorn, you care a lot about your status and about your goals. you always give the best of yourself, and you want to be acknowledged and praised for your achievements. it helps boosting your self-esteem, even though you may have the tendency to think that the compliments you receive aren’t honest. capricorn is ruled by saturn, the planet of karma, therefore you most likely need to work hard to get what you desire. you don't receive anything for granted, you could even feel unlucky in a certain sense as you have quite a bit of undealt karma to you, but for sure your hard work (which you certainly don't lack) will pay off.

your 2nd house is in aquarius. your relationship with money isn’t stable at all. you may often go from periods where you earn a lot of money and possessions, to other times where you lose all of them all of a sudden. same thing goes for your self-esteem, it fluctuates a lot. you find beauty and aesthetic in material things; you most probably love clothes, art, music… anything that isn’t exactly a priority in life, but that allows you to express your personal taste, which is very refined. this placement makes you very creative, and hence you could make money out of your creativity. it would be a great way to find a job and become successful, but also to increase your security and confidence. you could even be a very innovative person, and with your capricorn rising you would make an excellent leader / boss. you could also make money through internet or with technology in general. your saturn is also placed in this house; this placement indicates that you could have troubles having stable finances, you probably have to work 2x harder than others to achieve your goals. possibly, you may even struggle having a good relationship with your self-image, you could be feeling insecure about yourself very easily. your life basically revolves around evolving and maturing, in order to realize that you don't have to be like others to fit into society. even though it may take you more time to accept yourself and to achieve your goals, you're going to have extreme success once you master these karmic lessons.

your 3rd house is in pisces. when it comes to speech, you’re most likely more introspective. you may not be much talkative, and most of the time you keep your ideas and thoughts to yourself, but actually it's hard for you to hide them. you may be secretive, but you're easy to read. you learn the best when you’re close to creativity or imagination, you’re very intuitive and hence it's easier for you to learn new topics. while you're very empathetic and you're able to properly convey your thoughts and feelings in your speech, you may also come off as sensitive or even insecure. you may have a quiet voice, and hence you could come off as shy. on the other hand, you may have the tendency to lie, or just being confusing in any way. you may not always express what you want crystal clear, as you want to able to modify the story just in case you encounter some hardships. also, you never truly express your feelings, probably out of fear. probably, the way you elaborate your thoughts is also influenced by your family and the impact they had on you. you’re always vague, and you keep your private matters for yourself. pisces is a mutable sign, so you may also find yourself changing ideas often, your mind wanders from one thought to another.

your 4th house is in aries, with also your moon in a tight conjunction with the ic. while outside you may appear as very polite, when you feel comfortable you actually become way more fiery. you’re very impulsive in your home environment, you could have been some sort of warrior in your childhood. maybe you used to argue a lot with your parents, perhaps because they were too overprotective. yet, I don't see any kind of trauma. you may have a very strong emotional bond with your family, even though you may argue often as you're all pretty sensitive and impulsive.

your 5th house is in taurus, with also your venus placed there. you are a very creative, artistic person. you’re able to relax by watching netflix, eating, writing, painting… anything that can be done at home. you’re not the type to hang out too often or party all night, you’re more of a homebody. you could also love sleeping in, just being able to stay in bed all day wearing comfy clothes is a vacation for you. you always try to be at your best state, and you want those who surround you to be perfect too. it's hard for you to fall for someone, as you take everything in consideration: personality, physical appearance, fashion sense... it may look like it is too much, but once you find the right one that truly satisfies your standards, you're in for a long ride. you'll want to travel, live your life in the best way possible with the person you love. you look at them as if they were the brighest star in the sky, and you want to be seen like this as well. you may even be a bit clingy, but your partner needs to be aware of that. they can't repress your need for affection. you see love as a way to revive your inner child, you feel younger when you're in love. even though you want someone fun and outgoing, you also need someone ambitious, hard-working and generally serious when it comes to committing. there's no room in your life for flaky people.

your 6th house is in gemini. in your daily routine, especially at work, you have to communicate a lot. you come in contact with lots of people, or maybe you write stuff like blogs or books. generally, you have a very hectic schedule, as you have different hobbies and appointments that you can’t abandon. this placement indicates that you may be prone to overwork yourself, as you put a lot energy in your job. you could be quite superficial in a certain sense, and you’d risk to waste your potential with as you may take your job as a challenge, for example, you need to feel mentally stimulated to like it. in fact, your ideal career has to include something that allows you to express your personal taste, ideas and interests. in this way, it won’t feel too heavy to you, and you’ll find pleasure in working.

your 7th house is in cancer, with also your sun and mercury sitting here in this house. in marriage, you’re looking for an affectionate and caring partner who’s willing to nurture you. you’re also the type to like younger people to nurture by yourself, especially with your sun here you want to be the one in charge, the leader, even when it comes to relationships. you’re looking for someone you feel at home with, someone that is worth calling 'family’. you need to feel emotionally secure with your future spouse, almost a soulmate-like relationship. in addition, I assume that you also want to feel financially secure, and you wouldn’t mind being spoiled with gifts and just affection in general. this placement makes you very patient with other people, you could be the type to give other possibilities to others for example. you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a low voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. you are basically able to match the vibe of the room, which makes you come off as very charismatic.

your 8th house is in leo, with also mars sitting there. you have the potential to become a very successful individual, with a great amount of charisma. yet, since the 8th house is related to pluto, the malefic planet of transformation, there are some hardships to this placement. in fact, you may have the tendency to look down on people that aren’t as open-minded as you are. I have the same placement, so I understand that it’s not easy at all, but you should learn to accept respectful people’s opinions. if you do that, you’ll finally be able to glow brightly. you’re very curious when it comes to taboo topics, you like learning about them. you’re probably into conspiracy theories, as well as matters like astrology, tarots, horror, tragedies, mystery... you can use them to transform yourself and grow up, so you could definitely use this birth chart reading to improve yourself. 8th house is also the house of karma, and yours is kind of strange. you may often feel like you’re right about something, e.g the sky is blue. you’re very proud of your observation, but then it turns out to be different. it’s like the universe is constantly teaching you new things. luckily, this is something that gets better with time. you’re an extremely goal-oriented person. you want to be the best at everything you do, not only to be better than others but also the best for yourself. you’re very astute, it’s impossible to trick you, and you always find a way to be in charge and get what you want. yet, you can get quite obsessed about your goals, that you could do extreme things to get what you want.

your 9th house is in virgo, with also your libra jupiter placed there. at school you were a very diligent student; you were practical, precise and organized, you enjoyed studying at being the best in class. yet, you could be quite bossy at times, as you could come off as a bit too arrogant but you're just very dedicated. on the other hand, you're also very intelligent and open-minded above all, you could feel particularly drawn to foreign cultures and languages and you could be naturally skilled. you may also get to travel a lot or even move abroad at a certain point in your life, you're definitely a citizen of the world and you hardly ever have prejudices.

your 10th house is in libra, with also your scorpio pluto sitting there. you have an eye for aesthetics, and you want to have a reputation for looking classy and mannered. basically a lady, but that knows how to stand up for herself. in your ideal career you need something that makes you express your need for beauty, possibly even justice. you may have a passion for poetry and literature in general, or maybe you could be particularly skilled at fashion. you have a natural talent to match colours with undertones, body shapes, vibes etc., and you could make this particular ability of yours a job. you’re also a charismatic, strong-willed speaker, hence you could also do well as a lawyer, a politician, an activist etc.

your 11th house is in scorpio. you are extremely picky with your friends. you have trust issues, probably caused by your karmic issues again, that make you secretive around your friends. you may close yourself in your shell, or maybe you actually know a lot of people, yet you only consider a few of them your friends. most of the time, you may also befriend people that try to take advantage of you, people may betray you often. or perhaps, since there’s a possibility that you understand that, you could be the one who leads the group and acts quite bossy. this is something that gets naturally better with time; actually, your friends will be of great help for you to grow up. you may have big dreams for your future, yet you may feel intimidated as they’re very intense, and hence hard to make come true. you need to pay your karmic debts in order to finally feel comfortable with others and have the motivation to achieve your long-term goals.

your 12th house is in sagittarius. you're particularly interested in religion and higher beliefs, hence meditation would be effective for you. yet, you need to get enough sleep, or you could not be able to fully embrace the spirituality of this placement. you may also be able to have prophetic dreams, or at least they have a strong moral beyond them. possibly, you could make lots of good dreams, you hardly ever have nightmares. perhaps, your dreams could bring you luck; for instance, you may dream about the winning numbers of the lottery, or maybe they may warn you about certain people or events in your life that could harm, you are strongly connected to your higher self.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract cancer, taurus, leo, virgo, gemini and scorpio. your future spouse will most probably have scorpio, virgo and leo placements, hence they’ll be very hard-working, intelligent and witty, but also very cheerful and a bit moody. it may be love at first sight, and you may find them very attractive. you may also meet at work, perhaps they're a client of yours, a co-worker or even your boss. or perhaps, you're going to marry someone older than you, and you meet them later in your life, around your 27s/28s and so on. your children will be heavy in taurus and libra placements, hence they’ll be very creative and quite lazy too, they'll probably love eating and they will like playing around. yet, they could be a bit too stubborn and sometimes materialistic.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is a very fiery person, with a short-temper. she could have sometimes even been quite violent with you during your childhood, and she might have a bit of a childish behaviour. deep down, she’s actually kind of insecure with her role as a mother. she may have aries, libra or scorpio placements in her chart, as well as cancer or taurus. your father, on the other hand, is more submissive. he’s a peaceful person, even though he most probably has a passive-aggressive behaviour. you could actually have a better relationship with him rather than with your mother, or at least he understands your needs better. he may have libra or scorpio, as well as leo or taurus in his chart. if you have siblings, they most probably have pisces, capricorn or aquarius placements in their chart. you have a great relationship with them, even though it could have been a while for you to get along. overall, your relationship with them was peaceful.

📊 career

you could do well at a variety of jobs to be honest! with your gemini in the 6th house you could actually work in different fields before sticking to one career, hence you’re pretty experienced. I certainly see you being successful in your career, you will most likely work alone and you'll most likely be a boss. you're very hard-working, so I can see you having your own business for example. otherwise, you may also do well in an aesthetic field, you probably have great creative talent. you may be an artist, a creative director, a screenwriter, a writer, a singer, a musician... or even more practical jobs like lawyer, judge, possibly also a therapist or psychologist. you'll settle down on a career that will make you feel emotionally fulfilled, you'll truly enjoy what you do.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

I imagine you put a lot of effort into your outifts, yet you don’t show it. you want to look effortlessly good, you don’t want to give the impression that you tried. your style may be quite minimalistic and simple, with lots of jeans, sweatshirts, plain t-shirts… I see you being more into natural shades, like white, grey, beige etc. you’re also not very fond of using too many accessories, you’re stylish but still very simple. you have this natural charm to you, hence you still look good even though your outfits may not be too complex.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life time, you didn’t have a specific priority. you just enjoyed wandering with your mind and creativity, allowing yourself to relax with your friends. you used to depend on someone else, not really on yourself. this lifetime, you need to establish your independence AND solid boundaries, not just those you used to daydream about. don’t be afraid to let your inner child out; go to amusement parks, binge-watch netflix, date your crushes, have an hobby, play videogames… you could also play with actual children. anything that brings fun out of you, and that puts a genuine smile on your face. yet, don’t forget that this lifetime of yours revolves around accomplishing your goals.

🤔 major transits analysis / august 16

transit north node in gemini is currently exactly conjunct your natal gemini venus in the 5th house. this is huge! you have the point of fate conjunct the planet of love in the 5th house of relationships. if you go out, you'll definitely find someone you're meant to be with, perhaps even your future spouse since you're going through your saturn return. also, transit mars is conjunct your natal mars in the 8th house: you may be feeling a bit impulsive these days, you could argue easily with others so be careful.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

your secret skills revolve around finances and just security in general. with a positive attitude, you may attract material luck: money, clothes, houses… everything that you desire. since you’re a logical person, I assume the most efficient way for you to manifest through the LOA is writing! take a notebook and just write down positive affirmations, such as 'I have the car of my dreams’ etc. you may also write them on post-its and glue them around your house, so that you can accelerate the progress. you can also try to idealize your wish before trying to manifest it. for example, if you want a new sweatshirt, try to imagine yourself wearing it. you could also go into a shop and actually try that sweatshirt it on; being in contact with it will boost the law of attraction even more.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

-libramc xx

#astrology

4 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years ago

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Did you make any money today? Not today, because it’s a weekend.

What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? I’m not too sure, actually. I tend to be cautious when it comes to jumping just because I always have this fear at the back of my head that I could possibly snap my legs in half upon landing lol.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river? I don’t think I have.

Is there something you really want to buy at the moment? I want a jumbo RJ doll but it’s quite expensive and not one of my priorities at the moment.

Would you ever consider culinary school? I want to learn how to cook but not passionate enough about it to enroll in culinary school altogether, so no.

What was the last souvenir someone got you? It’s been a while since anyone went anywhere...

Do you have a favorite remix of a song? I’ve never enjoyed remixes and just stick to original versions of songs. The one remix I’ll give a pass to is BTS’ Mic Drop with Steve Aoki just because that one includes a dance break that sounds really nice and gets me all hyped up.

Has the power gone out recently? Yeah, like two weeks ago. I was working from home then so it had been a huge bother, but fortunately I had been charging my devices all day and also had enough data on my phone so I was able to continue.

Do you like driving at night? It’s ok and actually pretty relaxing if it’s LATE late at night and there’s barely any cars. Driving in the evening during rush hour, on the other hand, is just fucking stressful.

What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Depending on how it’s played, probably the piano or violin.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Yes. It’s a pretty influential factor.

Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No.

If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? I mean, it’s not really on top of my bucket list but for the sake of travelling and experiencing a different place and culture I definitely would go to Ireland.

Are you afraid of standing on the edge of hills/skyscrapers/cliffs etc? I am scared but whenever I’m given the chance to do this I kind of scrap that fear first and live in the moment.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar etc)? No.

Do you have an absolute favorite name (boy or girl)? Alessandra, 120%. It is so beautiful-sounding, plus I love that you can use "Alessa" as a nickname. My Silent Hill obsession is quite thrilled by that, ha ha. < I love that name too, now that I think about it. For now, I think Olivia still tops my list.

Are you good at pronouncing foreign words? My English is alright.

When listening to music, do you usually tap your foot etc to the beat? I tap my fingers more than my foot.

Have you ever literally cried on a friend's shoulder? Yeah but they were also my significant other then, so I dunno if that counts. I’m not super into physical touch so this isn’t something I’d do towards a friend, no matter how close we are.

Would you ever consider being a DJ at a party if you were paid? Nah, I would suck.

Do strapless bras work for you? No, my boobs are too small.

Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? No.

Do you feel comfortable enough to wear short shorts? Yeah, I just never really have the opportunity to wear them.

Have a favorite actor/actress from Old Hollywood? (Marilyn Munroe, etc) AUDREY HEPBURNNNNNNNNNN

What's your opinion on people who stretch their ears? They can do whatever they want lol. I’m personally not a fan of the look but that’s my own problem to deal with.

Do you think tattoos are expressive art or unattractive? Expressive.

What is your school mascot? None of the schools I attended have one.

Have you ever seen a bear in the wild? I have never seen a bear.

What's the book you're currently reading? Not reading anything at the moment.

Can you recall the most disturbing movie you've ever seen? Eraserhead. Requiem For A Dream is also stressful to watch, even on your 2nd or 45th rewatch.

Has anyone you know gotten mono? Possibly, but I can’t place names at the moment.

Have you ever picked an apple off the tree and eaten it? No. Aside from the fact that I don’t eat fruits, apple trees aren’t native here so I’ve never actually seen one.

Can you say yes/no in different languages? Oo/hindi, ne/ani.

Out of the traditional superheroes, which one is your favorite? I don’t like superheroes.

Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? Not in my pants but my bed, but fortunately it just happened once.

Had any surgeries? What kind? I have not.

Ever told your parents you hated them? I had it written down on my journal when I was going through those rebellious puberty years, but it was only directed towards my mom because that had also been the peak of her emotionally/mentally abusive days. It’s funny because she snooped through my stuff then and saw the entry and ended up crying...and I didn’t even feel bad about it because 1) I meant what I wrote, and 2) she literally went through my shit. I still don’t feel bad about it.

Do you let your pets on your furniture? Yes they can get on the couch and my bed.

How do you feel about kettle cooked chips? I don’t really have an opinion lmao. If they are chips then they are going in my mouth.

How strong do you like your coffee? I like milky/creamy coffee best tbh. When it comes to how strong they are I don’t have a preference.

Would you rather see someone of the opposite sex naked or nicely dressed? Idk.

Would you ever consider visiting Texas? I have relatives based in San Antonio and we’re pretty close to that side of the family, so yeah.

If you could make a movie, what would it be about? I’ve never been one for creative writing.

If you were kicked out of your current residence whom would you call? My grandma or one of my aunts.

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Not at this point in my life.

Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Oooooohh I love both!

Was the last person you kissed attractive? Objectively yes, but I no longer feel the attraction I once held for her.

Are you racist at all? No.

Do you read creepypasta? If not, you should. No thanks.

Have you ever vandalized? Yeah some desks when I was in grade school.

Would you ever scuba dive in shark-infested waters if you had the chance? Most likely not. And by the way, they do not "infest" waters. That's their home. I hate that phrase so much. < This is a good point and I’d like to keep it here. Anywho, yeah I’m willing to do this but as far as I know they keep you in a cage when you go down in the water. I’d only do it if this was guaranteed lol.

Have you ever been drunk at work? Hungover, yes. Drunk while at work, hell no.

Have you ever hit a parked car with your car? No. My mom has done this with my parked car though -____- She had been backing up and I kept honking as she inched closer to my car, but she heeded me no mind until she finally hit me.

Have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like? We probably had but I don’t remember the details anymore.

Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, or cereal? Bagels.

Do you prefer light or dark haired? Dark.

Have you ever read any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books? Yes, I liked reading those in like grade school and high school.

Would you be prepared to do a job that you didn’t like, if it paid well? I haven’t been placed in that situation yet, so I’m not actually sure how I would handle it. Depends on how much the money is, I guess.

Do you think age is needed for maturity? No.

Do you believe the future is predetermined? I don’t think so.

What words are most comforting to you? Words of reassurance, like, “I’m just here,” “You don’t have to apologize.”

How important is money to you? It is generally pretty important to me and I’m usually good at saving...I’ve just hit a road bump the last few months because getting into K-Pop means wanting to get something out of every new merch drop hahahaha. I went alarmingly crazy from April to June, but I made a vow to calm down starting this July; and so far, aside from pre-ordering the new Memories of 2020 DVD and buying some merch from the pop-up store, I haven’t bought anything else.

Is there anything you want to last forever? Cold weather in the Philippines.

List three of your passions: Writing, food, and museums.

How old do you want to live to? Just because I’m competitive even until age, I want to make it to 100 lmao.

What kind of love do you value the most? Very comfortable platonic love. I highly value friendships where I can pretty much treat them like an SO hahaha.

If you could control one element, what would it be? I don’t care.

Do you prefer foxes or wolves? No preferences.

Could you ever deliver a baby? OMG no I would be terrible and would for sure bring more harm than good to the mother.

Do you think suits are sexy? Uh yeah.

Ever been called babe? Yeah.

How old is your youngest sibling? 18.

Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Angela.

Favorite boy’s name? I guess I have several preferences, but I dunno if I have favorite boy’s names. I like the sounds of Lucas, Jacob, Liam, and Mason.

Are your parents together, separated, divorced, never married, what? Married.

Do you go online every day? For sure.

What is the best quality in the last guy you kissed? I’ve never kissed a guy.

What do you usually do during a kiss? Depends on how passionate it is? < Yeah.

Do you have an older brother? Technically no, but I have a cousin that I pretty much see as one.

You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? I love Biebs, but I would probably sell them. Some extra money is always good hahaha.

What’s the genre of the current song you’re listening to? K-Pop, R&B.

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? Yeah, I already have two of them.

Would you ever sell your soul? Erm, I guess not.

#survey #surveys

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askjennie · 4 years ago

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Hiya, so my parents have an awful relationship, the only reason they are still together is financial reasons, my dad is emotionally and verbally abusing, he self medicates a lot of the time, the only time he is the kind, gentle father is when he is high. Growing up I saw the relationships on Disney Channel which are unrealistically perfect and my parents relationship. They are two ends of a spectrum and the middle is a healthy relationship. I have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.

Well, in my opinion, these are the main factors you need for a healthy relationship:

Respect. You need to respect each other as human beings, not as objects or prizes. You need to value each other for who you are, treat each other with care, and not want to harm each other.

Boundaries. You need to respect each other’s physical boundaries (i.e. what physical contact you’re comfortable with and what you’re not), emotional boundaries (i.e. needing to spend time apart, affection comfort levels) and digital boundaries (i.e. respecting each other’s privacy in regards to looking at each other’s phones, or sharing personal messages with other people). You need to be able to express your boundaries to your partner, and listen to their boundaries, and trust that they’ll be respected.

Equality. Your partner isn’t superior to you, and you’re not superior to them. You need to be able to make decisions as a team and both feel heard. You need to hold each other to the same standards.

Trust. You need to be able to trust what your partner says, and not be constantly worried that they’re lying to you. You need to be able to trust that your partner will do what they say they’re going to do, and will be where they say they’re going to be when they say they’re going to be there. And you need to be able to trust that your partner isn’t going to cheat on you - even if they’re out with friends without you, even if you’re long distance, and even if they spend time with other people who are a gender they’re attracted to.

Honesty. Obviously, without this, it’s going to be difficult to have trust in your relationship. In order to trust what each other says, you need to be honest with each other, and not lie to each other.

Communication. If things are bothering you, you need to be able to talk about it. You need to both feel safe and secure enough to express when something has upset you, without feeling like the other person is going to immediately dump you (or become aggressive towards you) for trying to talk about it.

Physical/sexual compatibility. This is something that some people will say doesn’t matter, but if you’re in a relationship that is or may become a sexual relationship, I think it’s important to be on the same page. You need to be attracted to each other! You need to be able to communicate about whether you want to have sex, and if you do, what your boundaries are, what you like and what you don’t like. You both need to understand how consent works.

Actually enjoying each other’s company. You need to actually like spending time together! Spending time with your partner shouldn’t feel like a chore, contrary to what a lot of people seem to think (like stereotypical groups of men talking about how glad they are to escape from their wives in the pub or on a golf course). The whole point of a relationship is that you like hanging out together.

Actually wanting to be in a relationship. Sometimes you get along great with someone, and care about each other a lot, but there’s just no romantic chemistry, or there is and then it fades, and that’s okay. Sometimes you’re in a great relationship, but you feel like you want to be single for whatever reason, and that’s okay. Even if it seems like you’re doing all the right things, a relationship isn’t going to last unless both people actually want to be in a relationship with each other.

I recommend loveisrespect.org as an excellent resource for learning about healthy relationships.

#advice #healthy relationships #healthy relationship #relationships #advice blog

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astrology-india · 4 years ago

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Signs a Scorpio Man Likes You

New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/signs-a-scorpio-man-likes-you/

Signs a Scorpio Man Likes You

So, you’ve come across a kind, sweet, loveable Scorpio man, and you’re curious if he likes you enough to take things to the next level.

Fortunately, I am here to help! Keep reading so that you can identify those sneaky subtle signs a Scorpio man likes you.

The male born under the astrology zodiac sign of Scorpio has a tendency to be laid back and reserved, especially if he really likes someone.

This may sound a bit odd, but a Scorpio man likes to play it safe until he is sure of his ground. This article will show you how to ease him into your world.

How To Spot The Signs a Scorpio Man Likes You

Men in general are pretty bad at hiding their attraction. The Scorpio man, however, is concerned with saving face. After all, he needs to maintain the status quo among his social circle and strangers alike.

When he likes someone his approach is much more clandestine, yet just as powerful as an overt approach. What Scorpio men lack in impulsiveness and competitiveness they make up for with intentional acts and self-control.

Understanding the complex characteristics of the Scorpio male will take you into a world of intrigue. It’s not as if he goes out of his way to be complicated, it’s just that he tends to take his time in getting to know new people and new situations.

Someone who has helped scores of women understand the complexities of Scorpio is relationship expert Anna Kovach. If you have the hots for a Scorpio man and want to take things further, you may well find it helpful to read Anna’s report entitled Scorpio Man Secrets here.

Scorpio – The Scorpion

The sign of the scorpion certainly has a reputation among astrologers. It is a watery, fixed sign, meaning that Scorpios are likely to have lasting and strong emotions.

But it also takes time to build up those emotions and establish intimacy with others.

This bodes well for relationships, as Scorpio natives are some of the most loyal, hardworking partners you can find.

Building an emotional connection is paramount in capturing a Scorpio man’s full attention which will allow him to make the running.

Most people view Scorpio as the sex symbol of the zodiac – and they are not wrong! Not only does Scorpio rule the sex organs, but also these natives tend to explore intimacy and passion in relationships through physical contact, which includes lovemaking.

However, their intensity and passion pour over into other aspects of their lives as well. To create a solid foundation for a long-term relationship, there needs to be both give and take on each side.

Ruled by Mars, Scorpions have strong desires for power and control. You may have even noticed your Scorpio crush is always steadily at work or focused upon one thing. That’s because he’s determined when he sets his mind on an objective. Chances are that he is truly enjoying whatever he’s engrossed in.

Scorpios are also master manipulators, keenly observant, and very secretive. Sure a “bad” Scorpio may try to control or emotionally overpower others, but a “good” one will use that power much more responsibly.

In a romantic setting, this means Scorpios generally put out subtle hints of an attraction. While this may be seen more in women, Scorpio men are more proactive. Still, they desire a degree of emotional security (being a water sign), so they are cautious of forming attachments.

You will likely be courting a Scorpio male for a while before he deems you a worthy partner unless you appreciate what makes him tick in a romantic way. To discover how to get a Scorpio man crazy with desire for you, check out Scorpio Man Secrets here.

The Scorpio Male

A male Scorpio will act very differently to a female Scorpio, mainly due to Mars being the ruling planet. Men are more likely to act out Mars energy than women.

But because Scorpio is a water sign, any action will be more secretive and power-preserving as opposed to the impulsive, loud, often regretful Aries.

His drive for power will lead him to take control of his life. Just watch him command his friends from a distance with only a few words or a gesture.

This is not to say he isn’t confident, just that the Scorpio energy operates under the radar. His hidden ambition may cause him to pursue a career as a researcher, scientist, detective, or another profession that requires attention to detail and high focus.

The Scorpio man is fiercely loyal to his woman as much as his projects. Passion bleeds into his romantic life, and he loves learning everything about his partner. (Think of all his dedication, loyalty, and curiosity focused on you.)

But not so fast! Even though they share the passion of Mars, their watery, fixed nature gives them respectable patience when it comes to dating and relationships. Relationship coach Anna Kovach explains how to bring a Scorpio man out of his shell in Scorpio Man Secrets here.

With the basics out of the way, how can you really tell a Scorpio man is interested in you?

The Subtle Signs a Scorpio Man Likes You

Without further ado, here are a few signs you can look for to know whether that Scorpion hunk is into you.

Checking You Out

It would be disingenuous to say a Scorpio doesn’t appreciate good looks. You HAVE to look, dress, and act your best with him. Remember, if you are to be his woman, he’s going to think about how you contribute to his image. If you catch him looking you up and down, you have probably passed his “looks test.”

Making (penetrating) Eye Contact

When a Scorpio man locks eyes with you from across a room and gives you that sexy George Clooney smirk, you know he is interested.

Think about it: a Scorpio usually has his own agenda on his mind. He may be interested in you, but be so preoccupied in his own world that what’s on his mind takes precedence.

So when he makes such a blatant move (for him), you can be quite certain he likes what he sees.

Asking Personal Questions

A Scorpio usually acts towards his goals. If he takes you out and asks personal questions about your childhood, where you grew up, etc., he’s not trying to be a creep! His goal is to get to know you, and who you are on a deeper level.

Scorpio’s watery element needs emotional security before committing wholeheartedly. Asking personal questions helps gauge whether or not he should seal the deal or continue looking for the one. If a Scorpio man likes you he will ask questions.

He Avoids Manipulating You… For Now

Sorry to say, but any Scorpio native is going to try to dominate you at some point or another. But if you notice he treats you a bit differently or is not as controlling as he is with other people, he respects your individuality.

Believe it or not, Scorpio men are actually turned on by women who are capable of exercising their own feminine power independently. He wants to see (and value) who you are first… before he steers the boat later in a relationship.

The YouTube video below puts into pictures some of the signs a Scorpio man likes you. I hope this article has now made it easy for you to recognize the signs your crush is hot for you.

youtube

Final Thoughts

A Scorpio man can also be direct about what he desires. Most likely if he approaches you he will be upfront and clear about his attraction. It could be an intense first meeting if he is not tactful nor has the right intentions.

But if he is making dates, giving appropriate compliments, or just flat out expressing his attraction for you, take the hint and make a move! He may not do so again to save face. To make sure you are prepared when he makes his connection with you check out Scorpio Man Secrets here.

For Other Feature Articles

Looking for more tips regarding a Scorpio man? See my homepage here for everything you need to know!

#likes you #relationship #Scorpio man #zodiac signs

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missmentelle · 6 years ago

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How to Support a Partner with Autism

After nearly two years of being single following a very difficult breakup, I got into a new relationship last year. Although we had a bit of a rocky start - as regular readers of this blog already know - we have managed to overcome our issues and build a happy, affectionate, stable relationship with each other. My new guy has all of the traits I was looking for in a partner - he’s kind, thoughtful, and considerate. He's dependable, and even though I’m not a morning person, I gladly wake up early to exchange “good morning” texts with him, filled with flirty compliments and encouragement for the day ahead. We share the same interests and values, and there’s nothing I look forward to more than curling up in his arms at the end of a long day. After years of living with a partner who seemed determined to grind me down, my new guy is the first person I’ve ever dated who puts an effort into building me up instead.

He also happens to be on the Autism spectrum.

My partner is from a European country with some of the worst protections for autistic human rights in the developed world, and his diagnosis has been a source of deep shame for him. He has lived his whole life under serious stigma, and he had hoped that moving to America would make things a little better for him. My friends and family’s reactions to finding out my partner is autistic, however, have been disappointing, even in an age and country where autism acceptance is on the rise. Many of them don’t understand why I would want to have an autistic partner, or they are surprised to learn that autistic people date at all. It’s not entirely surprising that they think this way - although there is more information out there about autism than ever, and depictions of autism in popular media are on the rise, it is still rare to see autistic people presented as sexually desirable, or to see serious conversations about dating and sex with people on the spectrum. When we are shown autistic people in dating situations, either their social awkwardness is played for laughs, or they are portrayed as only being capable of dating other autistic people. The idea that autistic people can have happy, mutually fulfilling romantic relationships with non-autistic people is not often explored in media or in resources about autism, and I have to look pretty hard to find advice or examples of relationships that look like mine.

So if you’re a non-autistic person who is in love with an autistic person, and you’re worried about how best to support your partner’s needs, here are my personal recommendations:

Ask your partner what they need. Your partner has been living with their quirks for a lot longer than you have, and by this point, they probably have a good idea of what works for them and what doesn’t. Don’t guess, and don’t make assumptions - ask your partner what they need from you, in plain and direct language. The things that worked in your previous relationships might not work for this partner, and it’s better to discuss your partner’s needs ahead of time rather than learning that they don’t like something after they’ve already gotten stressed out or upset.

Beware of stereotypes. Don’t assume that you know what an autistic person needs just because you sat through three episodes of Atypical and half a season of The Big Bang Theory. Autistic people have as much variety as non-autistic people, and your partner is probably very different from every other autistic person you know. My boyfriend is the guitarist in a heavy metal band and routinely performs in noisy bars - he doesn’t experience sensory processing issues to the same degree that other people with autism do. He does have a hard time with written communication, while some autistic people literally write novels. Everyone is different, and relying on stereotypes is unfair to your partner.

Be prepared to face communication difficulties. One of the hallmarks of autism is that it makes communication difficult. That’s kind of what autism is. While previous partners might have been able to effortlessly read your meaning from a single glance or a gentle nudge, your autistic partner may have difficulties doing the same, and getting angry at them for not picking up on subtle nuances is just going to make you both upset. Finding a way to communicate is essential for all couples, but it may require more dedicated effort when one or both of you has communication issues. Get used to saying exactly what you mean - many people with autism struggle to parse sarcasm or passive aggression, and you can’t have a productive relationship when one of you has to work a lot harder to understand what the other is getting at. If you are the sort who loves to tease, check in with your partner and make sure they know when you are kidding and when you aren’t. Debrief after difficult interactions to see where you both could have done things differently. Your partner is worth the effort.

Learn to not take things personally. People with autism can be very blunt, and sometimes struggle to know when they have crossed the line from “telling it like it is” to “hurting others’ feelings”. They may also have moments where they want to socially withdraw, or moments when they do not want to be physically touched. It’s important not to take any of it personally, and to remember that your partner’s moods and needs are not always about you. Your partner isn’t trying to hurt you - they are just trying to exist in a world that isn’t always comfortable for them. My partner and I have a double barrier to communication that can sometimes lead to unintended offense; there is a language gap between us, as his English is not perfect, and I am barely conversational in his native tongue. There are plenty of times he has accidentally said something harsh, or chosen unnecessarily harsh wording. He struggles to find the right words to comfort someone, especially over text message, and when I’m worried about something he will often say “I don’t care about this” - not because he’s telling me to shut up, but because he can’t find the words to say “I am confident that everything is going to work out okay, and so I am not concerned about this issue and you shouldn’t be either”. Having a partner with autism often means extending the benefit of the doubt, letting things go, and asking your partner for clarification before responding to what they say.

Don’t drop hints or expect mind-reading. You shouldn’t do this in any relationship, but it’s especially important that you not do this with an autistic partner. Autistic partners cannot play the “what’s wrong - I’m fine - no you’re not - I said I’m fine” game with you; you have to tell them outright if something is bothering you, instead of hoping they will notice you are obviously in a pissy mood. Use your words. Social connections do not always come naturally to your partner, and asking them to make the connection between an offhand comment you made a week ago and your mood today is just going to make everyone needlessly frustrated. If you didn’t say it in plain language, don’t expect them to know what you want.

Remember that honesty is a double-edged sword. People with autism often do not see the point in lying. If I ask my boyfriend if I look fat in my new dress, he will absolutely give me an honest answer, and then make several suggestions for changes that I might make to my diet and exercise regime. He is not trying to be rude, and he doesn’t actually want me to lose weight - he is giving me the answer that he thought I wanted. Don’t ask your autistic partner questions that you don’t want honest answers to. The little voice in your head that tells you “the truth is going to hurt this person’s feelings too much, time for a white lie” doesn’t work for everyone, and your partner may have a hard time understanding when you are actually hoping to be lied to.

Understand that you may need to initiate things. People with autism tend to face a lot of social rejection in their lives, and by the time they reach dating age, it can really begin to take a toll on them. They are used to seeing themselves portrayed as sexually and socially undesirable, and they may have come to believe that dating is off the table for them. Most have been burned before for coming on too strong, or for making their feelings known when their interest wasn’t returned, and they may be hesitant to make the first move. My partner has actually been in a lot more relationships than I have, but almost never of his own volition - he is objectively extremely physically attractive, especially to women who like men from alternative subcultures, and he has been fortunate enough to have other people constantly make the first move. Even at this stage in the relationship, I often have to be the one to initiate affection - he is wary of coming on too strong, and prefers to wait for me to make a move.

Be prepared to offer a lot of reassurance. My partner struggles to identify other people’s moods or read facial expressions. He cannot tell a “I’m genuinely happy to be interacting with you” smile from a “I’m trying to be polite but I want you to go away” smile, and he knows it. It’s very stressful to not be able to tell what kind of impact you’re having with another person, and sometimes people with autism need extra reassurance that their partners are enjoying whatever it is they are doing and want it to continue. A quick “hey, I really like that you hugged me just now, it made me really happy” goes a long way.

Don’t infantalize your partner. Your partner is an adult with autism. They are not a child, and they don’t need to be treated like one. The fact that they might sometimes need extra patience with communication does not mean that they need to be coddled, talked down to, or pitied. People with autism deserve to be respected like any other adult - you should not be trying to shelter them or undermining their ability to make decisions for themselves. Let them take risks if they want to take risks, and don’t act like their substitute parent.

Plan dates and activities with their needs in mind. Even if your partner can handle going to a noisy bar, that’s probably not the place to meet up with them if you need to have an emotionally tough conversation with them. Some autistic people struggle with food - a trip to a restaurant with completely unfamiliar cuisine may be more stressful than exciting for them. Likewise, while popular media pushes the idea that being “spontaneous” is important for a love connection, many people with autism are much happier having a set routine and knowing about any plans well in advance. If my partner and I have a date set for next week, he will text me every day until then to confirm our plans. Don’t worry about what the world finds “romantic” - do what works best for the two of you.

Remember that they still feel emotions, even if they can’t always show it. People often make the mistake of assuming that people with autism are “emotionless” or “robotic”. But an inability to express emotions outwardly does not mean they aren’t being experienced on the inside. People with autism can experience very intense emotions, but not show outward signs of this. Don’t assume that your partner is feeling nothing just because they seem placid and calm - check in with them, even if they appear to be okay.

Enjoy them for who they are. The whole point of getting into a relationship with someone was, presumably, because you enjoy spending time with them. So keep spending time with them. It’s important to be mindful of barriers that your partner faces, but it’s also important not to get too wrapped up in it and reduce your partner to a label. My partner is autistic, but he’s also my cooking partner, my travel buddy and the person whose ass I am going to kick just as soon as I get good at shooter games. There’s no point trying to divide him up into “autistic traits” and “non-autistic traits”. He’s a whole wonderful person, and someone I feel very lucky to even know.

#missmentelle #askmissmentelle #dating #love #relationships #relationship #relationship advice #autism #autistic

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punchelf · 4 years ago

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Ship Numbers: A L L

@tehjai

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

Raubahn sleeps on his back, and Moni likes to fall asleep with her head on his shoulder and the rest of her half-draped over him like an elezen-shaped blanket. He loves his Elezen blanket. They both snore like freight trains.

They’re both early risers, so it’s a crapshoot who will wake up first, and they try not to wake each other up, unless they know there’s something the other has to be up for. She’s much quicker to “wake up”; it usually takes him a minute to be coherent enough to start his day.

Raubahn starts his day with black coffee and a big breakfast. Moni starts hers with a workout and black tea.

2. How’s their team work? Do they share well?

They’re both pretty independent and self-sufficient, but they figure out how to capitalize on each other’s strengths to split labor around the house. In professional settings, they work well together; she tends to defer to his leadership, but will also hold her own when she needs to. On the battlefield they can make an excellent team, because they have each other’s backs and are able to read each other really well, but occasionally their feelings for each other can get in the way of being able to make objective tactical decisions (which is something they have to really work through during the Ala Mhigan liberation).

They’re… weird about sharing. They both worked hard for what they have, and really value having things that they can call their own, but they also are both smart enough to recognize that they have to compromise if cohabiting is ever going to work for them. This often results in them just having two of things so they don’t have to share.

3. Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection?

At first, absolutely not. Moni is adamant about this, partly out of a feeling of obligation to maintain the Scions’ veneer of neutrality when it comes to the Alliance, but also out of a desire to protect Raubahn’s reputation (and her own, but to a lesser extent). Pipin and Moni’s “godson” both find out completely accidentally, but they are sworn to secrecy by their respective parental unit. They don’t tell anyone else; Raubahn respects her wishes, but hates it, because it forces him to straight up lie to the Sultana on more than one occasion.

Once they begin the campaign to liberate Ala Mhigo, though, keeping their relationship a secret starts to get significantly more difficult (and they get careless) and more people close to them start to find out. After she returns from Doma, they basically agree to say “fuck it” and go public.

They are both very private about their personal lives by nature, so even after they go public with their relationship, they don’t flaunt it. The most PDA either of them would show is holding hands (and even that is rare).

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Moni: She got the sense that he was a kindred spirit, and someone who could handle her bluntness; she was definitely attracted to him physically (even if it took her awhile to admit it), but put him firmly in the “maybe friend” box.

Raubahn: He was interested from the get go. The Bull knows what he wants when he sees it.

5. [already answered]

6. Any tasks that are always left to one person?

Raubahn is not allowed to water the plants. He tried once and almost drowned her orchids.

7. What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?

Moni: his inability to say “no” to responsibilities

Raubahn: her recklessness

Nothing

8. What do they like best about their partner?

Moni: His patience

Raubahn: Her honesty

9. Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death?

They like to discuss politics.

Neither is particularly religious, so no.

Marriage is… a topic. Raubahn wants to get married, because he’s more traditional in that way. Moni is more ambivalent about it; on the one hand, stability with someone she loves and respects, but on the other, fear of that kind of commitment and reluctance to plan long-term

They talk about children once, as in a “hey do you want kids” conversation, but pretty quickly agreed that they were past that point in their lives.

Death is a real and constant threat that looms over them and everyone they love. So no.

10. [already answered]

11. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?

They celebrate each other’s name days (both insist that they don’t want to make a big deal about it, but secretly love it when the other does), and major Ul’dan/Ala Migan holidays

12. Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?

TBD?????

13. What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?

They like to workout together, spar, go to junk shops, and take walks.

They’re creatures of habit (it gives them both a sense of stability), so they fall into a routine pretty quickly.

14. Anything they both dread?

Sending the other off to battle

The other not returning from battle

15. [already answered]

16. Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?

They’re generally very honest with each other, though she is more reticent to talk about her feelings. He is much more open about his life, but there are aspects of her life pre-Calamity that they simply Do Not Talk About.

Raubahn is a terrible liar, and Moni just doesn’t see the point in it.

They’re both extremely loyal, so definitely no cheating.

17. What would make them break up? Would it be permanent?

If Raubahn ever broke her trust, she’d be done, and depending on the severity, probably for good.

18. [already answered]

19. [already answered]

20. [already answered]

21. Do they share any interests or hobbies?

Ul’dan and Ala Mhigan politics and history

Card and dice games, working out, sparring

22. Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?

She’s the Warrior of Light, so yes, always.

23. How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

Even with only one arm, Raubahn is a great hugger - think full on bear-hugs. Moni isn’t a hugger with most people, but she loves Raubahn hugs.

Kisses range anywhere from quick pecks to full-on sparring matches with tongues.

Moni is the bigger tease, but they both like to playfully rile the other up

They treat flirting like a verbal spar, and the winner is the one who leaves the other speechless

Moni is usually the one to need comforting (being the WoL + having a shit ton of emotional baggage is stressful, y’all), but Raubahn is really good at handling it. They both take a similar approach to comfort, holding space for the other to vent/process what they’re feeling while offering physical comfort (back rubs, hugs, etc.).

24. Any doubts about the relationship?

Moni had a lot of doubts at the beginning, almost all of them related to her own poor self-image. Raubahn also had moments of doubt, especially after she rejected his initial advances, and spent most of the months following being pretty well convinced that she hated him.

25. [already answered]

26. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?

The reaction to their relationship is mixed.

Alphinaud is horrified

Y’shtola and Thancred are skeptical

Alisaie, Tataru, and Pipin are thrilled

Merlwyb and Kan-E-Senna are cautiously supportive (Kan-E totally called it, tho)

Nanamo is initially pissed that they didn’t tell her, but once she gets over that she is their biggest cheerleader.

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

They’re both past their prime child-rearing years when they get together, and Moni is unable to bear children, so they don’t have kids together. Raubahn has a grown son (Pipin), and Moni has a grown pseudo-son (son of a friend, who she helped raise and is still very close with), and they both try to build a good relationship with the other’s kid.

God I hope they get to grow old together.

28. What are their vacations like?

On the very rare occasion that they get to have time off at the same time, they like to travel, usually to somewhere remote, where they can have quality time without being bothered by literally anyone (but especially the Alliance/the Scions). They have a firm “no linkpearls” rule when they’re on vacation (Moni put her foot down after he kept getting distracted by calls from his Flame Captains during breakfast)

29. How do they handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?

Raubahn is better at handling emergencies; he has more experience with it, and generally has the more level-under-pressure personality of the two. She looks to him for guidance on how to respond a lot of the time, but can and does hold her own.

They have an unspoken rule to not fret over minor injuries. They’re in dangerous lines of work and injuries happen. Major injuries are a different story, though.

Raubahn is really bad about taking time off when he’s sick, but Moni is very good at handling him when he’s being stubborn about taking care of himself. She has a crazy good immune system, takes a lot of herbal supplements, and doesn’t get sick. Like, ever. Raubahn does not get it, and Twelve help her if she ever gets a cold because he’s picked up all of her tricks.

30. [already answered]

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32. Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous?

No, he’s a law-and-order guy and she tries to keep her reckless anti-authoritarianism in check for his sake

33. [already answered]

34. Do they have any pets?

Just plants. So many goddamn plants. To quote Jai, “grats Flame General you're a plant dad now”

35. [already answered]

36. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

Their relationship is built on a strong foundation of mutual trust and respect. They were friends and confidants before starting a romantic relationship, so a lot of the heavy emotional lifting was already done.

They’re both married to their duties, and it’s a constant, low-level stressor on them individually and as a couple.

37. How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?

They would both sacrifice their own physical safety (life if necessary) for the other

Neither is willing (or would want the other to) sacrifice their independence

38. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?

They have an active and enthusiastic sex life, and their shared love language is physical touch, so even when they aren’t actively banging, they’re still probably touching each other in some way whenever they’re alone together.

They dabble in very light sub/dom play sometimes (pretty evenly split in terms of who does what), and Moni not-so-secretly loves when he exerts his strength (tossing her around, etc.)

Choking, spanking, bondage, humiliation, etc. are absolute no-go’s.

39 Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first? When did they realize they were in love?

Technically, Raubahn, but Moni opened the door for it when she jumped his bones after they ‘rescued’ the Sultana.

Raubahn. The first time went sideways, but the second time went A LOT better.

Raubahn realizes it first, in the midst of Operation Archon; Moni doesn’t figure it out until much later, during the Dragonsong War. He’s also the first to say the words (again, it takes her a little while)

40. [already answered]

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

He likes a good party of any size, she doesn't like crowds. Usually she’ll just send him off to party on his own and stay home if she knows there's going to be a lot of people. She doesn’t mind smaller gatherings, though.

Raubahn’s a happy, friendly drunk, and Moni just gets even more reckless than usual.

They drink regularly, but get drunk very rarely

42. Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?

Absolutely. He’s allowed to pry into her past, and she’s allowed to call him on shit that no else but maybe Pipin is allowed to.

43. Do they talk often? What about?

When they’re apart, they try to talk at least once a day, if they can. Could just be a check in (“hey are you still alive?”), or to tell the other something funny that happened, or vent, or just say “I love you”. When they’re together, neither is particularly talkative, but they do occasionally get into rambling discussions about history or politics or whatever pressing matter one or the other is dealing with at the moment.

44. Are they comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

They are very comfortable with each other, at least physically.

Using the bathroom.

45. [already answered]

#ask meme #writing prompt #ship prompt #ship: The Idiots #moni x raubahn

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the-lone-snorkeler · 5 years ago

Text

[Preference] is subjective. Beauty (in the sense of physical attractiveness) is an evolved trait or composite of traits whose presence creates affinity, appreciation, sexual excitation, as well as a number of other kinds of pleasure should no other information interrupt said process. This is why it is objectively real.

Because people are organisms that remember and exchange on several networks and systems of agreed upon ethical rules, we know that these networks and ethical systems have names. We are no more evolutionary expressions of mere sex than we are of mere politics, or mere institution, etc. We’re not meant to operate on any single system among these individual systems, but more than one simultaneously. We too have names. Names that are tattooed onto us by doctrine and values. These evoke judgements on roles of power. And predominant versus less dominant traits. Linguistic identity. Ethnicity. Height. Eye Color. Fashion. This is why it’s so easy to confuse mere sexual attractiveness with acknowledging our sexual attraction to someone from the opposite sex. In other words: This is all plain and well. Beauty is just as real, as if none of those things were there at all. And, this is also why we can identify beauty, empirically, where it has the most corroborating support. Since we know any one person can’t necessarily be above their emotive or value-based judgements politically, ethnically, linguistically, in terms of their family model, their childhood proximity and relationship(s) to and in it, we know statistics help us to determine why supermodels are likely considered so beautiful, since statistics are eventually able to account for such factors. Supermodels are typically agreed upon. It’s not really the same in the past, even in looking at paintings that portrayed allegedly beautiful women or men that by today’s “standards” aren’t even remotely beautiful, not because the past is in need of special pleading, but because the past is a catch phrase to say everything that happened before this word. Uh, there’s a lot, but beyond said designation, we’re not really saying much. There are several problems, which you should have seen right away, if you are rational about whether physical attractiveness is an objectively real thing or if it rests merely on preference. First, in historical paintings, many artists were far more isolated because of the mechanics and markets of long-distance human communication. These inner workings relate to contemporary and past technology. They also entail religion, and a corresponding worldview, as well as a main ethical system or systems, in addition to law, culture, age, sex, etc, and the perceptions of power, money, work, punishment, justice, etc for each. In other words, isolation is also perceived as a cultural remove of sorts, from still other societies. Those must have had a consequence on the expression of the artist and their perceptions of “beauty” or say sexual attractiveness. In much the same way, one’s dialect won’t often mean a different language. But to say it has no impact at all is also clearly wrong. Past paintings can’t be interpreted merely from the immediate images and corresponding meanings they evoke in us. They have to be looked at in terms of the empire from which they came. The time. The technology. The prevailing ethos. Wherein, whatever attracted any person from said time might well have been something that guaranteed or was a handsome promise to good life, and power, and so immediately appealing to those who were simultaneously restricted sexually because of religion and the era. Think of it like you would of things that scare us. Imagine for example being a male and walking by young girls, alone. You will automatically feel society looking at you as some kind of a predator. They’ll convey it in their eyes. And you’ll feel it. But now, let’s imagine that you are actually a predator. That you want to do such horrible unspeakable acts to children. To you, they would be beautiful. But you’d never say that to people because you’d know that this would be your immediate demise. You’d know that the entire culture would automatically eject you from existence, in some erg desert in works like The Ten Commandments. Likewise, people weren’t allowed to paint the sexual organs for the longest time, but that doesn’t make them any less appealing to us now, hence successor magazines like Hustler. Instead, if we view paintings like we do anything we’re interpreting historically, we have to look into the footnotes of what constraints the painter worked under. Did he have schizophrenia, was he racist, what are these other faucets of him or her, to him or her. The reality is we can’t really know what effect these had on how able s/he was to calibrate their attraction to someone with their understanding of these intersections of meaning and value. For men, for example, it seems plenty easy to say that a woman is beautiful or very beautiful. Women, on the other hand, seem much less vocal about how handsome men are. This isn’t to say that no men are handsome. It’s to say that unless they’re extraordinarily good looking or appealing, their sexual features or characteristics won’t appeal to women in a radical enough way often enough compared to an equivalent for men. Our hormonal differences, our sexual dimorphism. These and other important factors help to solidify this fact. We nonetheless know that some men are more handsome than some others. Men themselves know it, or have an idea. Women do too. And, I think in both, we have blind spots, where someone who seems like they would be good looking to women, isn’t treated as any big sexual icon by women in the same way that others are, yet whose physical attractiveness is no more apparent to you, if not being worse in your eyes. Of course, several factors influence our perceptions of one face versus another, just as on still more complex levels, other factors influence our perceptions of physical attractiveness. How we interpret such is like how we give a tip when we’re in a good mood, even though the service up until that point is basically identical to the service of other people you never tip. Or like why you might not tip if you’re in a bad mood, but someone has given you good service. Maybe where you come from will determine whether you tip. None of this changes our ability to tell whether the service was good. None of this has any bearing at all on the constitution of good service. Especially when contrasted with bad service. Broadly, with international agreement yet in a somewhat blurrier fashion, and locally, in still more recent or temporary value systems, that are clearly demarcated with fashion, demeanor, punctuality, makeup, sex appeal, attitude, degree of dedication to the job, etc. Likewise, none of us has any trouble identifying sexual attractiveness. Sex appeal. It is capitalized on routinely and has been for centuries. This is likely the most obvious fact that it is objective. If it weren’t, sometimes cockroaches would be advertising bikinis, and that would be pretty damn appealing to at least some people. Far from anything like that, we have segmented beauty so that it can be spoken about financially, socially, politically, etc, but these are finer markings of more local minds, with ideas about paints and piercings. They aren’t criteria in any broader view. Jewelry does embellish, but it also carries more local symbolic meaning, religious content, as well as several other kinds of value outside mere aesthetics or monetary wealth. If that could be said about jewelry, and with what by extension must be able to be said of fashion, how could we reason in such a way as to say that beauty culture not be made locally malleable? It is. It’s another market place. Style really is the great negotiator of meaning. Still, in more simple resolutions, the blurry, broader lines that everyone sees are still there. That’s why unless you know Kim Kardashian, at one immediate point of your first viewing her at her community-verified best, you had to want to continue to view her for longer than you would something like a piece of grass. There was only one reason, then, if even for a split second. And indeed, for most, it hasn’t changed. This may indeed be all the person is. They may be skin-deep. But this is just an attitude to beauty layered on to a person’s worth or value to you as a worthy partner, not an interpreter of physical attractiveness.

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