#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

[hufflautia]

In Sickness and in Health

Requested by @milk-leaves!​  

Warnings: A very brief and non-explicit sexual implication

Summary: Slytherin catches the flu. Luckily, her husband is there to help. However, her stubborn nature and insistent claim that “she can’t be sick because she’s never been sick in her entire life” makes it a little difficult for Hufflepuff to assist her. Marriage isn’t always easy, but with the proper amount of love and patience, everything works out in the end. 

Slytherin grabs the garbage can just in time to vomit into the basket. When she finishes, she wipes her mouth with a grimace and rests her forehead against the bed. 

“Honey?” 

She looks up and sees Hufflepuff standing by the door, his forehead puckered as he takes in her appearance. Her hair unruly, she’s slumped on the floor of their bedroom, looking tired and pale. 

Usually, Slytherin would be happy to see her husband. However, all she feels is irritation in the wake of his presence, and she leans against the side of the mattress once more. 

“What are you doing here,” she croaks, eyeing him as he approaches her and kneels down. “I thought you had to go to the Ministry today.” 

“It was a minor emergency, so I left early.” He regards her carefully. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Hufflepuff frowns. “But you threw up.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been doing that a lot today,” she murmurs weakly. Noticing his eyes widen, she snorts. “I’m not pregnant if that’s what you’re thinking. I got my period today.”  

He gives her a sympathetic look. “I imagine it’s been a very fun day for you.” 

“The best I’ve ever had, actually.” 

Leaning in ever so slightly, that’s when Hufflepuff sees it—the faint flush on her face, the way she folds her arm around herself, the tinge of hoarseness in her voice.  

He reaches out and touches Slytherin’s forehead. Her skin feels hot and cold at the same time. She bats away his hand in annoyance. “What are you doing,” she snaps, scowling at him. Her anger immediately falters when she notices how his eyebrows rise, a look of surprise mixed with hurt spreading onto his face. 

“You have a fever,” he confirms quietly. 

Slytherin resists a frown. “But I never get sick.” 

“Well, it happens to the best of us.” He gets up. “Wait here, I’ll get some medicine.” 

“I don’t need it,” she calls after him but he’s already in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets. He returns with a bottle and a small cup. Taking a seat before pouring red liquid into the cup, he ignores her when she says his name in a tone of indignation, insisting that she isn’t sick.

Hufflepuff hands it to her. “Drink,” he says firmly. When she juts her chin out and pouts, he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Honey, I know you don’t want to, but it’ll make you feel better.”

She still doesn’t move. This time, he returns her unyielding stare with one of his own. His tone is hard and demanding as he warns, “I’m not gonna repeat myself.” 

Slytherin grudgingly brings the cup to her lips. If she didn't feel like complete shit right now, she would keep pushing his patience for fun. She’d even be a little turned on by his authoritative voice. Probably both. 

She immediately makes a face as the medicine slides down her throat. “This tastes like ass,” she grumbles, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth and setting the cup down. 

He chuckles. “Medicine tends to taste that way.” He stands and offers his hand. “Come. I’m sure a warm shower sounds perfect right now.”  

A faint smile twitches at the corner of her mouth. “How’d you know,” she asks, taking his hand. A wave of nausea sweeps over her when she gets up, and he quickly plants his hands on either side of her. 

“I’m your husband,” he pulls her closer, “I know these things.” 

Slytherin wraps her arms around him. “Will you carry me to the bathroom,” she mumbles into his sweater. 

He presses a kiss to the top of her head before picking her up bridal-style with care. 

“Do you even have to ask?” 

A couple of hours pass. Feeling drowsy from the medicine, Slytherin took a long nap before waking up to the smell of homemade soup. Hufflepuff cooked something for her while she was sleeping. To her dismay, he also gave her another cup of NyQuil, but she drank it without any resistance. Afterwards, her headache subsided and was diminished to a dull pain, which is nothing compared to before. 

Now, she is laying in bed, feeling comfortable and content as she snuggles with her husband while he reads her favorite book out loud. She’ll probably never openly admit it but she loves when they cuddle. Listening to the smooth drawl of his voice, she catches a few words while dozing in and out of sleep. Her lips curve into a smile. He’s getting to her favorite part where he speaks in a ridiculous voice when reading the dialogue of an ancient wizard. 

Hufflepuff had read the book to her before when they were dating. He used the same wise and raspy voice as he uses now. At that moment, as she attempted to hold in her laughter, she knew he was the one. Funnily enough, he ended up proposing to her a month later. 

Feeling the familiar tug in her heart that can only be classified as complete adoration, Slytherin musters enough strength to pull herself out of the cozy arms of sleep. She shifts around so that she can properly see his face and says his name tenderly. 

“What is it,” he asks, putting the book down. “Is your headache still bothering you?” 

“A little, but...I’m sorry for being mean to you before. I was angry at you for no reason, but it might’ve been because of my period, and you already know how bad my PMS gets sometimes, but I still feel terrible about being so rude because you’re so great and sweet and you were only trying to help but I was being so difficult and I think I’m just not really used to people taking care of me, so I was trying to handle this flu on my own but I still shouldn’t have acted that way—and I literally hit your fucking hand and I hate myself for it because you don’t deserve it at all, you deserve so much more than whatever I have to offer...” Words continue to spill from her mouth as she rambles on and on, not bothering to pause for a breath of air. 

Hufflepuff says her name and she finally stops, staring back at him with a contorted expression as if she were trying to back tears. He cups her cheek, to which she leans into his warm touch. “Please don’t worry about that anymore, honey, it’s okay. Honestly. I’ve been with you long enough to know that there’s no one else I would rather be with but you. Even with your stubbornness, I love you all the same. Maybe even a little more.” He gives her a reassuring smile as she looks back at him with watery eyes. “Just focus on resting for now, okay?”

She nods and tries to smile back, getting a little choked up in the process. His words are laced with so much endearment that she realizes just how lucky she is to have someone like him to spend the rest of her life with. She puts her hand over his. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, “for loving me as you do.”  

His gaze is so unimaginably soft that, for a split second, Slytherin wonders how it’s even possible. He leans in, and she happily closes the distance. 

One might think that as time passes for a married couple, the love begins to stale. This is not true in their case, for the flutter in her stomach intensifies as they kiss. She can only focus on how soft he feels against her lips, how he invades all her senses in the best way possible. Her fingers grip the front of his shirt while his hand rests against the curve of her neck when they finally pull apart. Their noses brush against each other as they lock eyes. 

“I love you,” she breathes. 

“I know,” he murmurs. “And I love you.” 

“Good. Because we’re stuck with each other forever.” 

“I’d be sad if we weren’t,” he replies with a grin, retrieving the book. “Shall I continue reading?” 

She beams at him before laying her cheek against his chest. “Yes please.” 

Hufflepuff flips to the page he left off from. While he reads, he traces patterns around her stomach, as if he's painting a beautiful masterpiece over her skin. 

A couple of chapters in, Slytherin momentarily closes her eyes as his melodious voice washes over her. 

The sound of his steady heartbeat lulls her to sleep. 

FIN.

~

Check out my masterlist! | Kind comments and reblogs are most appreciated :) 

AUTHOR’S NOTE: 

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It took me a while to come up with an idea for this (also, to the person who requested this, I hope you are satisfied :D). My friend had the idea of “a vacation gone horribly wrong”. It was a fantastic idea - I even made a google doc for it and everything, but I did not write out a sufficient amount of general details for it because nothing solid came to mind. Then, when I was trying to go to sleep, I came up with this idea and I am very happy with how it came out!! 

I modeled Hufflepuff after Steve Rogers to some extent. He has that gentle giant type of vibe. He is kind and loving, but he’ll be stern if he needs to. I have to admit, the thought of making a series about slytherpuff married life has crossed my mind while writing this one-shot. I am still contemplating it. If I do create the series, it won’t be restricted to this couple specifically, but I will consider writing more stories about them because I really do adore their dynamic! Anyways, if I were to write that series, it would be different stories with different couples. It might not even be classified as a series but more as a collection of slytherpuff married life stories. Also, there would probably be at least one nsfw story included in that collection, but I will not be writing any smut until after my birthday, which is in April. *HI THIS IS JESSICA FROM THE NEXT DAY, aka the day that i’m gonna post this and im just going over the fic. while i was sleeping, i just thought of ANOTHER marriage fic so i think im going to make a married life collection of storiessss :D :D :D!!! however, im still wondering about whether i should write it, because the story idea is a little eh. if anyone has any other marriage life ideas, please feel free to let me know! before, i was a little hesitant on making a collection because it was hard for me to think of ideas for this fic when the request came in. hopefully, that will change in the future. also why do i keep coming up with good ideas for stories in my sleep lmao* 

Writing this story was fun. I stayed up until 2 am for four straight days while writing. Lmao how odd is it to see those two sentences right next to each other? In all honestly, I didn’t feel like it was 2 am because I was in the zone. I just kept writing until I told myself to go to bed because the future morning me will regret it--and lemme tell you, she really does. Anyways, I used my own experience with medicine for fevers. I absolutely hate the taste of NyQuil; I remember when my mom would make me drink small cups of it whenever I was sick. Also, when I was writing Sly’s rambling bit, I did not put any periods in the paragraph because I wanted to make it seem like she’s going on and on and isn’t stopping. However, I thought it to be weird and so I put the paragraph into the “translate to english” thing so that I could press the audio icon and hear what it sounds like. I’m happy to report that it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life because her monotone voice saying all that was very amusing. 

There is no telling what fic I will post next. Last week, I was all over the place and working on several fics, moving from one to another when I got bored of the story. Also, my mental state is not the best at the moment. I’ve been feeling self-conscious about my writing recently, and I’m probably gonna go through another episode of that because this is gonna be the first fic that marks the end of tag lists and so this is probably gonna be an underrated fic because fewer ppl will see it. I came to realize that it’s not me who’s writing bad fics; even though I tag people, there’s a noticeable lack of interaction, so it’s likely that some of my followers just aren’t active anymore. There was a fanfic writer who I really like because their loki fics are amazing. A few weeks ago, I found their other blog that I was not aware of beforehand and they made a post 3 weeks ago saying that they would no longer be writing fics because there were barely any people interacting with them. She seemed really upset, saying stuff like “I guess my fics just aren’t good enough”, “no one can save me anymore” (I know that sounds very ominous but she was insinuating “no nice comments will make me change my mind”), and “I feel like deleting my blog because there’s a sense of failure in just leaving them there”. This made me really sad, and a part of me was afraid that one day, I would adopt a similar mindset. However, I know that there’s a group of people who will always be there to read my stories, so I’m gonna try to hold onto that idea and continue writing to make you happy and myself happy as well. Also I just realized that I always include one part in my author’s note that’s just sad for some reason :’)

ANYWAYS, I remember making a post a longgggg time ago that said “I promise that I will finish the slytherpuff series if it’s the last thing I do”. That has changed; I plan to post all the chapters leading up to their requited love at last (aka the part in which they actually get into a relationship together). After that, there’s still a bunch of chapters but they’re just fluffy bits, i.e. rainy day, they bake together, oop it’s one of their birthdays, etc. In other words, they aren’t essential to the plot. I could turn them into one-shots and stuff, but some of the chapters relate to the characters’ lives. In addition, it’s sweet to see their relationship progress. For those chapters regarding fluffy bits of their relationship, I won’t feel incentive to write them right away because their love is already requited and I also have two big series that I would rather work on. However, I’m not gonna start another series yet because I don’t wanna leave you on a cliffhanger in Chapter 3 and suddenly start writing a whole other series. The plan is to post all the chapters for the slytherpuff series leading up to the moment when they start dating (Chapter 7 or 8 will probably be when they actually get together). That way, there’s no rush to complete it because it’s just easy and sweet since they’re already in a relationship and readers aren’t anxiously waiting to see what happens next. After that, I will probably begin writing the other series, which will be different from the original slytherpuff series. You’ll see why. Once in a while, I will go back to the original series and write for that when I feel like it. 

I’m trying my best to finish writing Chapter 4 :( It is gonna be long - I’ve already written about 7 pages and I am thinking of splitting it into two parts. If I do, I might be posting part 1 soon because it’s kind of already done. Then again, I like the idea of just posting it all at once. We’ll see! I’m gonna try to work on that after this. My desire to write is sporadic, but comments and interactions from readers are very impactful in terms of my motivation to write, so be sure to leave feedback if you can! I’ll see you all again the next time I post a fic. Thanks for reading!

Tags: 

@slytherpuff-shenanigans @axieleration @sunnniiee @just--another--bean @determinedpines @zenobiagrace @asterinflower @cinnamon-roll-unicorn @mossy-axolotl @dumbbitch11 @hitchhiker-of-the-galaxy @notsowiseravenclaw  @arianatorpotterhead @eatacrackerandstop @luciferswife16 @walkinganomaly @asunshinepuff @lewispoolerpayton @adreameratdawn @thewitcheswords @oncergleekpotterhead @princessstoopid @stardustzainy @flvrqnce @multi-fandom-nutjob @eunnieah @iamahufflepuff @1hufflepuff @introvertedrae @princessstoopid @jasminedayz @magnoliamermaid @HOPEFUL-HUFFLEPUFF-PEEVES @peanut-in-the-goal @pufflehuff929 @sophiexteresa @da-fox-rangerrr @dawinehouse @shipping-book-keeper @xxavaloraxx @silverhetdanes @im-a-solanum-lycopersicum @elegantcroissantplaidpony @theoriginaljohnwatsonsblog @theoriginalsherlockholmesblog @vickeyunicorn @arianatorpotterhead @hmilkwhoney @simpering-simpleton @grandcyclecreation @sweetinvisiblewriter @marvelenthusiast10 @mvlpksvthisht @qiaopa @beardedhumanoid @jadefox05 @justanotherperson @inkedintothepaper @minty-malfoy @trippy-morgan @fangirlgeekandfreak @boilyourteeth @absentmindeduniverse @colettedelaurel @halfelven1 @happy-puff @coloring-bud @in-love-with-remus-lupin @autumnpleaves @crakencc @flyme--tothemoon @hedgepuffgirl @littleemotionalpanda @pancakes-and-sugar @korra4321 @aquietkindofthunder @qixnsriess @porksoba @thatfann @hellounicorn @i-have-a-bad-feeling @aasa2102 @zuko-28 @annie-mcl @clementines-x @writtenfoxscreams @randomwriter23 @cryingabtwandavision @coolninjavoid @urfaveslytherin @malfoys-demigod @tumlbr-trasher @violayaxley @wolfpack-arts-industries99 @zainieees-stuff @milk-leaves @priii @capt-sparrow @blueberry-9-pancakes @stressy-depressy   

[danurso]

Monster AU Part 1

(Got this idea stuck on my head for a while now, just taking it out of my system)

“Miss...are you sure about this?” The guard asked again, it was the third time he asked that, but judging by the situation none of them could blame him.

“Yes, we’re sure.” Weiss spoke firmly, not letting her voice quiver even in that situation.

“We don’t have other choice, we need to do this.” Blake followed in her calm tone, but no matter how calm she sounded it for sure didn’t matched how she was feeling right now.

“Just give us a few minutes and come back to take us out.” Ruby’s tone was composed, even if they could feel the fear slipping a bit from her voice.

The guard sighed in defeat and pressed an code, opening a thick steel door of the most secure cell prison known by man. “I have no idea of why you misses are doing this, but if something happens to you inside there, i won’t be able to do anything.” The guard said and the four girls nodded.

“This won’t take long.” Yang said, in no better state then the rest of her team, while she was trying to sound calm, the guard could feel how nervous she was, just like her friends.

“Okay, but please be careful, and try not to anger him, if he attack you, we won’t be able to help” the guard said as the girls followed inside the gray cell.

Even though they were in atlas the color scheme of the cell didn’t matched the environment of the white and blue city, the cell was a dark gray tone thanks to everything being made by thick plates of aura reinforced steel, this cell was just like a safe, just way stronger than a normal one. some might think that this was way too much security just to keep one prisoner, but if they knew who this person is or once was, they would understand why all the measures.

“Hehehe, i wasn’t expecting visits.” The distorted voice filled their ears making them shiver, it sounded like two peoples talking at the same time, just that one of them wasn’t human. They looked ahead at the creature stuck in the wall with a steel straight jacket and several steel bars holding his body and his legs. There he was, the twisted reflection of the man they once considered as family, as friend and probably way more then just that.

“It's been a while girls.” His distorted voice filled their ears again, with a wide smirk spreading on his pale lips.

The red reaper gulped visibly. “Jaune…” yes, this creature was once jaune arc, but just a simple glance at his skin, pale as the moonlight just like his hair, and his eyes that once had a heartwarming blue coloration, but now glimmered red like fresh blood and were always surrounded by an black coloration just as dark as the night, would prove anyone wrong.

“Yes rosebud, what can i do for you?” Sarcasm dripped from his words, it was unsettling to say the very least.

“We...need your help.” ruby’s voice kept firm, just not as much as she would’ve liked.

“Help?” He raised an mocking eyebrow “and what do you need my help with rosebud?” He asked sarcastically, not really interested in the answer.

“We’re going into the dark lands, and we need someone to guide us into a specific place and that can keep other grimms away.” Weiss explained anyways.

“We know you have the knowledge to get through the dark lands safely and that you can repel some kinds of grimms.” blake added.

His smirk grew a bit before he spoke up. “After two months without visiting your dear friend, you’re here to ask my help? I feel really offended.” He said, that same sarcasm dripping from his words once more.

“We wouldn’t ask for your help if we didn’t needed it.” Yang replied sharply but shivered when his gaze landed on her.

“Now thats really mean coming from you sunshine, i thought we were friends.” He said.

“Jaune arc was our friend, you’re not him.” She shot back.

He tilted his head slightly to the side. “What do you mean sunshine? I’m still jaune arc, just now im better than i was before, don’t you agree?” an simple ‘no’ was his answer, said answer that proped a short chuckle from him.

“General ironwood and the council decided to get rid of you, so you have only two choices, you can let the army kill you or you can help us and we will keep you alive, as long as you’re helping us in the missions.” She said firmly, her silver eyes filled with determination. “But if you betray us, i’ll have to get rid of you myself.” Ruby said mustering a cold edge that was new to him.

“hehe...hehehehe...GHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” his maniacal laughter filled the cell room as the girls stared at him with a mix of fear and confusion. “these are such big words coming from you rosebud, but we all know you can’t do that.”

Ruby flinched, but curled her hands into fists and spoke up at him. “Yes i can.” She stated.

“Really?” This time his voice wasn’t only filled by sarcasm, it now had a way somber tone as well. “We’ll see about that.”

With that statement they started to hear the sound of metal being contorted and cracking, the locks of the steel bars holding his legs and his body started to crack, eventually giving in and breaking allowing him to walk freely, just to break free from the straightjacket right after and stop in front of ruby, holding her face towards him gently but firmly with his pale and cold hand. “go on rosebud, kill me, do as you say and take away my life.”

The red reaper was frozen on her place, unable to move just like her friends, none of them had their weapons at the moment, all they could do for now is watch in terror the scene unfold in front of them.

“What are you waiting for rosebud?” He whispered, slowly dragging his hand down until her neck. “I could kill you right now if i wanted, why won’t you kill me?”

Ruby stood in silence, sweating profusely thanks to her actual position.

“You can’t do it right?” He asked, not really expecting an answer, so he got closer, whispering in her ear. “Of course, you can’t really kill the guy who was your first friend of beacon can you?”

She just looked down, clenching her fists in frustration while he stepped back and took an good look at all the girls, his smirk grew wider. “You’re all making his really hard to me, i can smell your fear, your sadness and all these negative emotions.” His eyes filled with hunger as he stared at them. “they make me feel so hungry i could easily devour each one of you.” he stepped closer making them back away. “Just imagining your faces as i tear your bodies apart and taste your delicious looking flesh makes me shiver.” He said licking his lips.

The girls backed away until their backs hit the wall, the creature slowly making his way to them, until stopping in front of yang. “Four different girls, i'm sure i could get a extremely good meal out of you.” He pressed yang against the wall, opening his mouth and readied himself to sink his teeth on her neck, but stopped before making direct contact, retreating right after. “That, if i could kill any of you of course.”

At his sudden declaration, the girls started to look at him in confusion and curiosity as he backed away from yang, he gave them that sinister grin once more as his eyes wandered between the girls. “what? Surprised? You shouldn’t be.”

“You can’t kill us?” Ruby asked uncertain.

“No, even though i would love to taste your flesh.” the grimm licked his lips one more staring at them.

“And why you can’t kill us?” Weiss question followed, even though she wasn’t really sure if she wanted a answer, her curiosity was stronger then her.

“Because i love you.” His answer was short, simple and direct to the point.

The four girls were shocked with the statement to say the very least, and so, a confused yang said. “You...what?”

“I love you, is that simple.” He stated. “We traveled around the world for seven long years, and during that time i got to know each one of you way better than i ever imagined, of course, as the coward i used to be i decided to stay quiet, why would four amazing girls have any interest in someone like me, and even after our first encounter with salem, the day when she killed ren and nora, threw me on that pit and turned me into what i am today, i still feel these emotions, these fragments inside me, why do you think you managed to capture me five months ago?” he chuckled darkly and followed before any answer from them could come out. “I let you capture me, because if our fight went on, i would kill you and that thing i used to call a heart would be lost forever to me.”

The previous shock of the girls only seemed to further with his words, of course, after all this years living together and fighting together the girls came to see jaune as a precious friend, maybe even more than that, but they never actually thought that jaune could feel something like that for them.

“My emotions were lost to me a long time ago, except for this one, the ‘love’ i feel for you won’t die no matter how hard i try, and so i have an proposal for you” his lips curled once more into a wide dark smirk. “From now on, i’ll help on your missions, i’ll lend you my strength, my powers and all my knowledge for whatever you want, but…” he stepped closer, sliding his cold and pale finger over their cheeks making the girls shiver slightly. “only if you all accept to be mine.”

His words were both shocking and confusing, but he didn’t sounded like he was kidding in the slightest. “And what do you mean with that?” weiss words kept firm, even being target of his oppressive gaze.

He released a low dark chuckle. “I mean that your lives will belong to me, and i that i will do whatever i want with you, seems reasonable don’t you think?” he said simply, the girls tried to raise a voice to speak but a pitch black aura and a psychotic look from him stopped them. “It would be far too easy to claim you all here, you don’t have any weapons or any dust, in this small space ruby and weiss’ semblances would be useless, blake’s semblance isn’t fit for combat and even if yang could give some work it still wouldn’t be hard to take her down either, by the end of it you would all be weakened helpless since the guards wouldn’t want to risk their lives and this base just to save four girls.” He stated with a large smirk.

The girls were frozen, covered in cold sweat staring at him terrified, his aura vanished and he turned around with a shrug. “but of course i can’t do that, this ‘love’ won’t allow me to do it, and so i am making you this offer, give me your lives and i’ll be at your services.” he turned to them once more and extended his pale hand. “Do we have a deal?” he didn’t even tried to conceal the malice in his voice, staring at them with a devious grin.

The girls could only look between themselves for a moment, what this creature was offering was literally a deal with the devil, they would need to hand him their very souls for him to use them in the way he saw more fit inside that sick mind, in other times they would’ve refused the offer in a heartbeat, but the war is getting worse, having someone like the grimm jaune on their side would make a huge difference, and could even turn the tables at their favor, but at a great cost.

Ruby put the matter to a thought, and, understanding the unsaid message from her teammates, she swallowed hard and gripped the grimm’s hand. “Deal.” She said.

Her words made his grin widen. “Good choice rosebud, you’re not going to regret it.” His voice had the same ironic tone as before.

Still uncertain, ruby spoke up. “And how can we be sure you’re not going to betray us?”

“Have you forgot already rosebud?” He let go of her hand, still staring at them with a wide grin. “An arc never goes back on his word.”

-----

After everything was decided, the four girls leaved the cell to speak with the general, leaving the grimm back on his own, chuckling darkly to himself. “are you going to stare at me like this all day?” The grimm raised his head from his sitting position and met his scarlet eyes with the marine blue ones of a vision that was once himself.

“no” he replied with a small smile. “I'm just glad that you decided to help them.” He added.

“Im not helping them.” He grinned at him. “I'm helping myself.”

“Maybe, but maybe not.” His reflection said casually in a calm tone. “You know you care about them.”

“I'm a grimm, i don’t care about anyone.” He let out a somber chuckle. “But i will say i like seeing their reactions whenever i threaten them.”

His reflection chuckled and gave him a small smile. “You try to act tough, you act like a monster because you think you’re one, but you’re more human than you imagine.”

“Heh, i'm a grimm, i act like a monster because i am a monster, and i'm not human anymore, if i were i would still be a weakling like you.” The grimm stated glaring with a smirk at his reflection.

“Keep thinking like this, in the end you’ll understand what i mean, and yeah, my time is over and you’re in control now, but that doesn’t mean you’re not jaune arc anymore right?” His words were soft and gentle, carrying an truth that the grimm knew all too well.

“I am jaune arc, just much better than the pathetic guy you used to be.” his words aimed directly to the pride of his reflection, but they didn’t do anything to him.

“You’re right, you’re way stronger than i used to be, but you’re still jaune arc, and despite what they might think, i know you’re always going to protect them, afterall, that's what we’re supposed to do right?” The honesty in his voice was sickening for the grimm.

“Yeah…” he raised his arm, a dark aura surrounded it as it grew bigger, the pale skin of his arm was covered by a darker tone as his fingers elongated and sharpened forming deadly claws and slashing the reflection, denting the thick wall and leaving the mark of the claws on it. He chuckled darkly as his arm slowly came back to its original appearance, he stared with a maniac look at the empty spot where his reflection was before and widened his unsettling smirk. “...we’ll see about that.”

[scrapbookofsketches-blog]

Side Swap.

Should I be working on my Deceit au? Yes. Have I started the next chapter? No.

This is basically a body swap thing between Roman and Virgil. You're welcome.

Not too shippy, but RomanxVirgil can be assumed through all of this and the very end has blatant PattonxLogan.

Warnings for a non-descriptive anxiety attack but that's all I think.

~

Virgil wants to know who’s joke is this. Who had the oh so clever idea to swap his and Roman's bodies? Haha. It's Anxiety and Creativity in the body of their opposite, how freakin clever. Someone was laughing their head off right now just thinking about their shit prank.

Roman was none too pleased either.

When Roman and Virgil woke up in opposite rooms in each other's bodies, they immediately ran to their own rooms to see what happened. They bumped into each other halfway.

There was something very strange about looking back at yourself. A mirror would never compare to seeing the real live you standing in front of you.

Virgil looked at his body staring back at him with an expression of confidence and annoyance that could only be one side that he knew. “Roman?”

Roman-that-looked-like-Virgil blew his bangs out of his face in an annoyed puff. “Well, not really! I look like you, Worry Wart.” Roman complained.

Virgil rolled his (Roman's?) eyes. “No dip, Sherlock. I'm not exactly myself either.”

“What are we going to do about it?” Roman cried dramatically. “I can't be you forever!”

Roman threw himself against the was and posed their to exaggerate his anguish, but instantly winced upon contact with the wall. “You bruise like a peach,” he muttered, pulling up his sleeve to reveal a smallish bruise developing right above his elbow.

Virgil winced at Roman getting hurt, but quickly shifted his attention over to what he was saying previously. “You mean you don't know what happened?” Virgil was kind of banking on the fact that Roman had something to go with this. He didn't even consider that it could have not been Roman. “You can't fix it?”

Roman slapped his hand over his eyes. “No! If I could fix it don't you think I would have? I don't want this just as much as you.”

Virgil comed his fingers through his hair nervously. His hand came back sticky with product Roman must have put in the night before. Gross. “If you didn't do it and you can't fix it and I can't fix this, then what are we going to do?!” Virgil's voice was riding in pitch by the moment and he was looking thoroughly anxious by now.

Roman grimised when he saw his own face contort into a look of fear. It was something he tried to avoid at all costs when he was him. “Hun, stress is not a good look on me. Quit it.”

Virgil didn't know what Roman was thinking, just what he said. And to him it sounded like Roman had forgotten the lengthy conversations Virgil had with him on multiple occasions. “Oh my god. We've been over this many, many times! I can't just not stress out! I AM ANXIETY!” All of a sudden, Virgil's face shifted from anger to fearful confusion.

“What is it.” Roman whispered, looking behind him in case Virgil saw something dangerous. There was nothing.

“I… I can't do the echo voice.” Virgil sounded so small and delicate. And frightened.

Roman hated this. As much as he picked on Virgil and didn't understand him most of the time, he was family to him. And whenever his family was afraid it was Roman's job to protect them all.

How to protect him… Well, he could start by apologising. “I'm sorry I told you to stop stressing. You're right, it's not something you can prevent.” Virgil didn't exactly smile, but he definitely looked less hurt. Score. “I'm equally as sorry that I can't change us back. I don't know what happened, truly!” Roman tapped his chin in thought. “Honestly, the only entity in Thomas strong enough to something like this is the Dragon Witch. We probably have to consult them.”

On cue, a puff of smoke beside the two sides displayed the Dragon Witch in all their magic glory.

Both startled, but Roman did so much less noticeably and recovered quickly.

“You called?” They crooned. “I thought you might.”

Virgil was shaking slightly now. Whether it was from anger or fear, even he wasn't quite sure. “What the hell did you do,” he spat.

They cackled and tweaked Roman's-but-what-looked-like-Virgil's ear. Then they began to speak in rhyme. “You two have some issues you need to resolve. And things won't be right until tension dissolves. If each of you live a day in swapped shoes, I'll switch you right back and this’ll all be old news.”

Roman cocked an eyebrow. “We have to stay like this for one day. Nothing else?” He’s worked with the Dragon Witch too often to think they would let then go without a catch.

“Oh! Silly old me. I almost forgot! You two are both doomed if either gets caught. If Patton or Logan find out what I've done, the curse will not lift and I will have won.”

And as startling as they appeared, they left with another puff. Leaving a puddle of bad emotions behind.

After coming back to reality after a good half a minute of nervous contemplation about the day ahead of them, Roman noticed that Virgil had sunk to the floor in a panic. “Shit.” He whispered, falling to his knees to assist.

“We're go- going to be stuck like th- this forever,” said Virgil through laboured breathing.

“No we won't. We can do it, I know we can.”

Roman did everything he was told to help Virgil an an anxiety attack, but it took much longer for Virgil to recover than if Logan or Patton would have been there. That's always how it's been with Roman. Maybe he wasn't a particularly comforting person.

*

After coaxing Virgil to breathe a little more normally, Roman apologized for the second or third time that day. “I'm not sure what I did to deserve such a question from the Dragon Witch. Usually, they at least have a good reason to antagonize me!”

Virgil looked at Roman like he was stupid. “Did you even listen? They said that we fight too much or something.”

“We don't do that.”

“Yes, we do.”

“No! We don- oh.”

“But it doesn't even matter! What matters is that we are stuck like this for-frEAKING-EVER if we can't hide it from Patton and Logan. You know how much Logan pays attention! And how much Patton cares about us! Between the two of them, they’ll totally figure it out.”

“Okay. Okay. I might have a plan. Get in my room.” Roman scampered down the hall with Virgil on his heels. Any ideas were good one's in Virgil's frantic eyes.

*

After a fair amount of time, the swapped sides had taken a crash course in each other. How to walk, what to say. When to go to Thomas. How to divide Patton and Logan so they can't conspire throughout the day and figure it out.

They put their plan into action.

*

By the middle of the day, Roman and Virgil were equally exhausted.

Virgil was lying on his bed, talking up at the ceiling. “How are you so boisterous and creative all the time? A different nickname every conversation is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure Logan got suspicious when I called him calculator because you've used something like that before. And Thomas called me up for the strangest stuff. Like, who cares how you phrase your tweet about the next video! Not me, that's for sure.”

“How dare you!” Roman quipped, grinning from the spin chair. “I put my heart and soul into those tweets!”

“Then you need a different direction. Try sleeping the days away. Works for me.” Virgil said with a tired smile. Roman's personality wasn't only draining to be around, it was draining to keep up.

“You're under-exaggerating.” Roman said as he applied more eyeshadow per Virgil's request. “I had to constantly check in on Thomas for every little thing; I know you do that too. ‘Did you lock your door, Thomas.’ ‘Are those leftovers really still good, Thomas.’ He was actually contemplating eating raspberries that had started to go bad. Like, really? That is dangerous!”

Virgil smiled, despite himself. “I know, right? Someone has to do it or else Thomas would do dumb shit like that all the livelong day.”

As the day went on, their annoyance and fear about being stuck in each other's bodies was forgotten. Instead, they were enjoying half-heartedly complaining about what each other did. By the end of the day, Logan and Patton had definitely noticed something was going on, but they kept to themselves. Whatever was going on, it was allowing Virgil and Roman to get along and that was a first.

All of the sides went to bed at the same time, or at least to their rooms, so Roman and Virgil went to each other's rooms to sleep.

That night, Virgil slept like a baby. Without the anxiety dreams keeping him up and the unbelievably soft bed that positively engulfed him when he sank into it, Virgil wasn't waking up for anything.

In Virgil's room, Roman decided that the dark and dreary atmosphere wasn't so bad when he couldn't feel the effects of the room. Plus side to being in Virgil's body, less panic in his room than normal!The only thing he had to complain about hiring room was the bed. It was so hard and didn't even have a bed frame to support it. It took Roman ages to fall asleep and he vowed to create a better one for Virgil when they were switched back.

*

Apparently, Logan and Patton didn't put to much more thought into what had gotten into Roman and Virgil because the two swapped sides woke up as themselves once again. Virgil celebrated by falling back to sleep.

Roman on the other hand had lost a whole day of his pamper routine. He had apply his face cream trice today and shower for extra long to make up for it!

After an extra hour of exfoliation and rejuvenating, Roman snuck over to Virgil's room, who was still sleeping. It was a frightening task (an awoken Virgil is not a happy Virgil) but Roman was able to create a much shorter and more appropriate bed for him.

It was so great to be able to create things again!

*

Though neither of the two would admit it, being swapped for a day was the best thing that could have happened to them. After that day, they were closer than ever. They even started to work together rather than against each other on projects for Thomas. Thomas was certainty pleased.

*

One night, about a month after the side swap (so Roman had dubbed it), Virgil was having trouble sleeping. He loved the new bed that Roman whipped up for him, but it just wasn't doing the job.

Gathering up all the courage he had at the moment, Virgil grabbed his comforter, wrapped it around his shoulders like a comfy cape, and padded to Romans room.

Maybe he's sleeping by now. Maybe it would be best to just stay in his own room like always.

Before Virgil could worry his way out of knocking, the door was thrown open. There stood Roman with a sword cutting Virgil's view of him in half.

Scampering back, Virgil stage-whispered, “Hey! It's just me!”

Roman, upon seeing that it was in fact just Virgil unsummoned his sword and stepped back. “Terribly sorry. I heard something outside and I was sure the Dragon Witch was back. They like to show up at night you know. Anyway, come in!”

Virgil slowly creeped into the room like maybe another sword-bearing-Roman was around the corner. “What a way to welcome a guy,” he muttered to himself while calming his hummingbird heartbeat.

Roman, still a little on edge as well, shoved piles of papers into drawers with a nervous laugh. “Sorry about the mess, too. I would have cleaned up a little if I thought you'd be over.”

“Don't worry about it, Romano.”

And just like that, the tension was broken. Roman cracked a smile and pushed Virgil lightly. “No! That's such a bad nickname!”

Virgil smiled shyly in return. “I don't know what you're talking about, Romano.”

Roman walked over to his bed and plopped down, patting the bed as an invitation. “So what's up?”

“Um,” Virgil began eloquently as he fiddled with a loose string as he sat next to Roman gently. “I guess I couldn't sleep? And I remember sleeping when I was you and it was really great… Not in a creepy way! I just slept through the night and I don't always do that so what I guess what I'm trying to say is-”

“You can sleep with me if you want to, Virgil.”

“Really?”

Roman nodded and shimmied under the covers. Virgil got in on the other side and sighed happily. He fell asleep not long after Roman clapped the lights off.

*

The next morning, Patton went up to check on Roman only to find him curled protectively around a little bundle of content. It was just too adorable for him to handle by himself so he ran downstairs to fetch Logan to show him what he happened to stumble across, dragging him back up the stairs in excitement.

“Aren't they just the cutest, Lo?” Patton said once they made it to the cracked open door, wrapping his arms around Logan.

Logan blushed deeply and looked over into Patton's sparkling eyes. Suddenly, the world melted away and all that was left were those dazling eyes. “Certainty.” He agreed, despite not really remembering what he was agreeing to.

~

There you are my friends!

Tag list: General-> @kameraishere @punsterterry @jemthebookworm @sympathetic-deceit-trash @moist-astronaut @mamongo-sama

[theonetheycallbatman]

I Won’t Leave you

Jay Park Scenario: 1886 

Part 1

A/N: Took Forever to write this, Because I wasn’t planning on doing a part 2 and again a shit drama

Warning: Choking, Cursing, Gun violence, Death threats, 

“I’ll have someone follow up on this immediately.”The officer says looking me with a stern face. I nod acknowledging what he just said, but I still feel uneasy about the everything. I know that this is the right thing to do but apart of me feels like I should just leave it alone, and just let this all fade away.

“You guys will get a call if we find him Mr. Park” Jay thanked the officer placing his arm around pulling me close to comfort me.

“Do you think they’ll find him?” I asking watching him unlock the door. “I hope so......If they don’t, I will.” Jay says stepping to the side to let me in his apartment. Closing the door he grabs my hand taking me further into the house. “Did you want to sleep in my room like usually or do you actually think you might use the guess room?” He only asked because every time I come over I sleep in his room, and he uses the other room. He thinks I use it because his bed is ‘amazing’, but I just love it smells like. “Can I use your room?” looking at the floor I ask while sitting on the couch. 

“Alright I’ll get some things outta there real quick, I’ll take your bag in there though.”

“Jay can’t we just share the bed, it’s not like we haven’t before. Plus I’ll feel more safe with you.” I feel him sit next to me, pulling my head to lay on his shoulder. “Of course Y/n, anything you want”

When I woke up it was still dark outside and Jay was still asleep. Every time I stare at him I notice a new little thing. Like the way his eyes kinda close when he laughs, or the way his forehead wrinkles when he concentrates on something. But when his sleep his face is still and he’s calm not a worry in the world. This is the Jay I feel for and admire with my whole heart. The one I love so much that it hurts just thinking about him in pain, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional.

I bring my hand up pushing his hair away from his eyes, before placing my hand on his cheek softly stroking it. Smiling thinking to myself how wonderful it would be to do this all the time and not just now. “I’m Sorry Jay, this is all my fault. I should have listening to up, and I didn’t know your stuck with me.” I mutter to myself while looking down at my hands. Moving to get out the bed, I hear him sigh pulling me back down onto the bed. He moves hovering over me, looking into my eyes.

“Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault okay.” He says waiting for a response. I look away trying to avoid eye contact, but he gently grabs my chin forcing my eyes to move back to him.

“If I don’t get some kinda answer we can stay like this, I honestly don’t mind.” Of course he doesn’t mind “Okay Jay I understand” saying hoping he would move. I feel him move his arm going under my back he rolls over pulling my to lay on him.  

“Good now can we please go back to sleep” he said rubbing my shoulder “What woke you up anyway” he asking looking down at me.

“Jay I have to tell you something” I say moving slightly pushing my face into his chest more. “Does this have something to do with that dipshit..... is that why you're hiding.”

Shaking your head no, you smile to yourself, “It has something to do with you actually.”

“Really now, well please tell me” He says and I can practically feel the smirk  on his face. Closing my eyes inhaling deeply before revealing the one thing i’ve always kept from him.

“I think- I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh, was not expecting to hear that.......wow” he says adjusting a little clearly training to move me. But push away from him retreating under the cover.

“I shouldn’t have done that. Why did I say that. I should probably leave-”

“If you leave where are you going to go” Jay retorts pulling the cover off my face, making me look at him. He has his signature smile dressed upon his face. “I don’t know if I was suppose to hear that last part............but I did.”

I throw the remaining cover off me, and hastily move toward the pulling open and rushing through to close it again. I heard Jay calling for me to come back making his way to me before I leave. But my body now has a mind of it’s own moving faster than I can control it. I grab my coat and shoes not even putting them on I step out his front door.

“Hello beautiful, Did you miss me?” Daniel says with his forearm wrapped around my neck, choking my lightly. “You left so soon we didn’t have anytime to have fun.” He continues moving to go back in Jay’s apartment, dragging me along with his a thrash in his hold but it is no use.

“Oh look who’s here it's your best friend...... What was his name again.” He whispered into my ear.

“Jay” I utter softly looking at Jay, I can see how annoyed and worried he was. Every other second his face would contort, he was clearly thinking of a way to separate me from Daniel without getting either of us hurt.

“Jay that’s right, I watched you get in his car and drive away. Babe who would have thought you would be a slut” Daniel says loud enough for Jay to hear as he tightens his grab on neck. I gasp for air pulling against his arm, trying to loosen his grip.

I see Jay moving toward us slowly, but he stops and his eyes widen. “That’s right..... now go sit down. Before you do something you’ll regret.” Daniel was in full control of the situation the second he pulled the gun out.

“Okay now that everyone is calm. Why don’t you go get some drinks baby doll.” He says releasing me from his hold, letting me sink to the floor. Bring his hand up I flinch scared that he might hit me. Chuckling while running his fingers through his hair he closes his eyes. “ I am a little more sober than I want to be right now.” he sighed opening his eyes waving me off. I stand looking at Jay shaking my head no, letting him know not to do anything because it would just make things worst. Hoping he understood me, I moved to the kitchen think about a way to stop Daniel.

“She’s beautiful isn’t she, One of the most delicate and unique flowers i’ve ever seen.” Daniel says while looking at Jay, still with the gun in his hand. “That’s the only reason I don’t want to hurt her, but when I seen you guys together I was just so mad. I was gonna apologize I swear.” he said as I enter the room with a bottle of something Jay had in the kitchen.

“Good thank you, come sit.” Patting his leg, I make my way over to him with the cup and sit down on his lap.

“So obedient” He breathes into my neck making me shudder as he takes a drink from his glass looking back over a Jay. “I really can understand why you're in love with her. But you were too much a bitch to say anything right.”

Jay’s face tightens as he clenches he fist getting ready to stand up. Daniel points his gun at hem with his finger on the trigger turning the safety off. “ I will fucking shoot you don-............ Or should I shoot her”.

“She means more to you right, Because you love her.” He says with a sadistic smile on his face, he throws the glass at the wall shattering it. Pushing me off of him, grabbing onto my hair so I stay with his reach.

“Say it, say you love her and maybe I won’t shoot both of you.”

Jay didn’t say anything just staring at me, he knew Daniel wouldn’t hurt me not yet anyway. But the longer he stared at me the inpatient Daniel became. He fired the gun at the mirror just behind Jay. I screamed because of how loud it was, as the now breaking glass fell to the floor.

“You playing with fire here Jay”

“Alright I love her big surprise just let her go man.” Jay says moving toward the both of us. Daniel lets me go grabbing jay by his collar before hitting him near his temple with the handle of the gun. Jay falls to the ground unconscious, I rush to his side to check if he’s okay seeing a little blood on the floor. I hold he close to me shielding him if Daniel decides to actually shoot him. I hear him scoff saying something about how pathetic we are.

“Move Y/n, so I can finish this.”

“No” crying out he moves knocking me in the face making me roll off Jay’s body. He points the gun at him, but before he can fire the door is kicked in.

“Drop the gun and put you hands up now !”

I crawl back over to Jay shaking him to wake him. As I watch Daniel get handcuffed and dragged out of the apartment. Jay’s starts to opening his eyes as one of the medics come over to examine both of us.

“He seems fine, just make sure he keeps that ice pack on there okay.” The medic said before leaving. I look over at Jay to see him still talking to the police. He shakes his hand making his way over to me.

“This has been quite the night don’t you think.” he sighed embracing me, and I near collapse from the comfort. “I meant it you know.....when I said I loved you” He said moving to rest his head on my shoulder turning his face into my neck.

“You ran away before I got a chance to replay.” my breathing has picked up slightly hearing my talk, this must be a dream. He sighs again letting me go, I turn to face him watching as he walked back into the room.

I want to follow him but decides against it. After a few minutes he comes back out with my bag and his. He walks over stopping me from clean up the aftermath, grabbing my hand he pulls me away.

“Yeah we aren’t staying here and I’m moving”

“What Jay you ca-” I start but he cuts me off.

“Do you want to move in with me Y/n?” A look of disbelief is drawn on my face, at how fast he is switching subjects. Looking at him I smile honestly just happy that he’s okay. Closing the proximity, I place my hand on his cheek bring his face close to mine. Resting his forehead on mine, he drops our bags encircling his arms around my waist.

“I would love to Jay” I said moving to kiss him softly.

[newt-grundy]

Untitled Compostion

              It may be lunacy, but lunacy has done me quite a few favors in the past. I do not, as of yet, feel too bitter towards her, to completely forsake her contributions, to my life. I was warm many a night, completely contorted to another, whose shape fit within mine, and my own, would dare not release her. I was always sort of, just stumbling into friends, meeting people and fuddling around with words, and soon enough, confiding in them, being pleasantly surprised at their human qualities, and the wetness of my eyes that I saw within them. Heavy sigh after itchy eyebrows, but the ride did come did it not? And yet, even though all those aspiring art pieces have fallen by the way side, I suppose it was a better use of time, rather than pissing it away to the wind, as most of us tend to do.

               The older ones, with thin skinned scalps, wrapped with wire spectacles, not much considered for their fashion, but more so for reading the ungodly small print, keep telling me to quit this fuzzy nonsense. My friends who are dear to me, but have the shrinking collars of a suspended home owner, well, their admiration is outweighed by fear induced hesitancy. They see the footprints are in blood and look away aghast, never to follow them and find the honey they have never tasted. Stimulated, in a simulation, they are content and dull, like the man who masturbates not when he desires, but pre-emptive to that desire as to sort of, nip it in the bud. This is how you have fat men with winkled wives, wearing the cheery dispositions that I always have found unsettling.

               But lunacy’s fault is not in her attractiveness, as her romantic appeal is the basis of any true romance. No, her unappealing features lay in all the comforts she will inevitably take away. All persons seem to be grief stricken in some way, and I theorize that; grief’s blight would be lessened if it were never forsaken. I see them wedging whatever they can get their hands on, in between grief and their ankles and prying it away, only to step on it again when their eyes aren’t watching the path, but gazing upward and awestruck, always assuming this solution to be forever lasting, and taking no precautions for its fading effectiveness. The costs of lunacy are easier to bear if, one were to bear them prior, to ever even feeling their benefit. A coin flip chosen to be lost, since the odds of winning are now higher. Cut off the hand, the other will grow stronger.

               Now, I have not cut off either of my hands, but I have cut off alarming portions of my feet. As I write this, my feet clean and bare, washed in a massive waste of water, in preparation for an outing with a friend that did not happen, I suspect her fears of the slight awkwardness bound to happen with our excursion, intimidated her out of a chance to feel kindness, and to care for another. What could honestly be more important, than to give and receive kindness, but to just, discard this, at fear of its costs, anxiety of the effort, well, I’d say that is true madness. She has chosen apathy over love, since love is not easily attained, and apathy is the default of an anxious mind. But would not this anxiousness be soothed by love?! All of this infuriates me, as I watch people choose to be nothing, since nothing is simple. Nothing fits into any hole. Nothing can mimic, and nothing can pass for almost anything, but in the end, when it lies in bed, it will feel for a brief moment, the weight of such horrific ambivalence and this is typically, what puts nothing to sleep.

               I’d rather be maimed and damned by the many, in exchange for the love of one, than tolerated and enjoyed by the masses, as the masses enjoy sitcoms and fast food. I had rather be cold, and suffering, and have this cold relentless and punishing throughout the night, but know I wake with a purpose, timeless and honorable, rather than wobble with a full belly and an empty scrotum, agitated and frustrated at trying to figure out what to consume next. I want to see every other person, exactly as I see myself, rather than see figures to compete with, bodies to fuck, and potential amateur comedians to fill my free time. I desire the lunacy of not mapping every detail to a point, under the illusion of control, the lunacy of not buying into the scheme of legacy.  

               As I write this now, my dog is gnawing away at her feet, to the point of panting and bleeding, out of the anxiousness of purposelessness, and she will always stop, if I pet her, and show her kindness.  I see people burn themselves up with nervous energy, eating to avoid grinding their teeth, stuck in a glazed, silent expression, while hours transpire before them, rarely to be capitalized upon. The momentary present thoughts of regretful last interactions, missed apologies, feelings unsaid, tampered down with a rapid pressing of the pleasure button, like a rat being awarded a treat for sniffing the correct corner of an empty cage. They would rather wear their nails down, hammering away at this button, this control method, than face the realities of life. They temper such realism, and substitute its absence, by living vicariously through paid actors in fake situations.

               All of this, ultimately, out of survival. An aura of apathy used to push through a nine hour work day which then carries over to the home life. They pay strangers to support them, strangers to get them off, strangers to make them live, but would barely flinch at the news of their death. They prefer not to invest in any two sided relationship, with someone who could fulfill their needs, someone who is not being bribed to make the process more easy going, at the sake of saving time, since, a nine hour work day does not afford one much time to waste. Relationships are streamlined, made efficient, a whole list of prior set expectations and rules to abide by, to simplify the process, skip all the messy stuff, and get straight to the good fuckin, the chummy times, and addressing “baggage”. Or rather they think, why have a need, tended to imperfectly by another, out of that other’s love for them, when they can simply simulate many needs being met by mercenaries? Nothing breeds dissatisfaction more than being undeservingly spoiled, and only because one is paying the hard dollar for such a service.

               And so, I plead, and beg, that this horror be abandoned, only for a moment, so they could sample the life of one who suffers, at the cost of love, and not in the way where they put up with the annoyances of another, and make this the cost, but in such a way where those annoyances are rather so cherished, because the alternative is far more detrimental, than being slightly agitated, and growing to resent a loved one. I ask them to scrounge for food in a rancid dumpster, so they may be grateful for a hot meal, to beg on the unforgiving concrete in the morning, after sleeping outside, next to a highway, and be met with strangers who not only refuse to respond, but pretend they aren’t even there, so they may feel joy when someone finally does answer their request. I ask them to discard the friendships of many disconnected, terrifyingly inhuman personalities, for a meaningful and fully realized relationship with one, or a few, or many. All of this is about as appealing and asking someone, “eat one grand meal a day, as appose to several bland ones” or even more accurately, “don’t eat for a day, and when you finally do, eat a shitty meal, and be grateful for it”, but the fear of despondency overrides the desire for joy. Yet I know, they have not felt their needs met in such a way, and while they do have want for this, it is not in the same way as I, who do not want, but miss it. Now I require it as a basic need, since its absence is hard felt, and always harder felt when I refuse to drown out my internal voice, screaming for love, with synthesized satisfactions, manufactured by heatless business men, banking of me never really ever feeling fulfilled, since the one who is full does not hunger.

               I understand this all may seem like I’m trying to sell a philosophy, by means of making someone second guess their own happiness, and have them pursue mine, so I may feel affirmed. That’d I’d rather those around me change, instead of invoking change on myself, or that it is a cliché concept that has no merit in actual practice. Well I rebuke this by stating that I have taken on the change, the most influential and dramatic transformation I’ve ever undergone, and it was the single most challenging feat I have ever overcome, but, it’s results are, for the first time in my life, since I was just starting to have the awareness of a young adult, bout nine, ten years ago; I have not had to fight off any suicidal thoughts, or feel the overwhelming despair I have only felt, in comfort, and with excess. I allow myself to feel love, and to love others, and I see the world clearly and without the haze of buzzy bee spectacles. My only intention is to inspire anyone and everyone, to take that first leap, where one must give it all up, abandon the pointless ruse, accept the loss of everything and everyone, and by this, gain the humanity we’ve been taught to repress, with all its anguish and joy. A brave new world we inhabit indeed, where I am now, repeatedly imploring those around me, to choose suffering, over comfort, and not for a church’s God or the benefit of a company, but for love, with it’s many worthwhile costs, which our world now refers to as, lunacy.

[tsw-story]

Chapter 54 - Marquis de Jackson

Poppet made her way back home, clutching her injured shoulder, but her scowl outweighed the throbbing pain. Yet again, she was betrayed by Tyreth, and yet again, she was defeated by Eldrian and Deena. It made her even more upset when she thought about the amulet she lost several days back. Would she ever find it again? That terrifying skeleton walked off with it, and she hasn't heard anything since.

The artifact itself was only supposed to allow the user to puppet bodies with one's mind. The fact that one got up, spoke, and tried to tear her head off, baffled her. She needed to find out more, and with Tyreth out of the picture yet again, she swung upon the front door of her home without even realizing it was ajar.

“Hey. I'm home, Alchia. Are you?” she called out.

There was no answer. Poppet walked through the kitchen, down the halls, and peered into every room, before coming to a horrible conclusion. A glass was broken on the floor, and spilled, and there were even more signs of a struggle. Things were broken and knocked over, and it all led to the front door.

“Alchia! Where are you?” she called once again. “What happened in here?”

But there was nobody home.

***

“So what do you have to say to the crime in this city, Mr. Jackson?” the reporter asked.

Cameras were rolling. Noah was on the streets, garbed as usual, and his natural charisma shone like his blonde hair and smooth skin were actually illuminating a gorgeous glow. Ladies screamed in excitement, and maybe even a couple gentleman.

“I say that justice always prevails,” he said with a wink to the camera.

“Well said. I'd expect nothing less from the great Noah Jackson. Do you have any secret investigations going on right now, may I ask?”

Noah chuckled. “Of course. But I can't share that kind of information. I assure you that it's incredibly important, and it's much of the reason I was sent here to begin with. Soon it'll be dealt with, so don't worry, citizens. I'm here to protect you.”

“Excellent to hear. I know I'll sleep more comfortably knowing experts are here to deal with our troubles. Back to you in the studio... and wonderful. We got some nice shots, I think.”

“Fantastic. I'll be off now,” Noah said, and waved his hand briefly as he turned to depart.

A charming smile remained on his face as he left, and the roar of screaming fans gradually softened behind him. He made his way out of sight, and from there, he opened a door to a place much different. It was a small building in a location unknown.

He tapped his umbrella melodically over his shoulder as he made his way down the hall, and eventually to a door in which he opened. There was a woman waiting for him inside. This time, it wasn't a groupie.

Her hair, still dyed purple, was a frizzled mess at this time. It wasn't because she had a shower before bed. Her body was bruised and beaten, and by her ankles and wrists, she was hanged from the wall of a horrifying torture-chamber-like room. Tiny points within the manacles dug into her flesh, and they did even moreso when she struggled to escape. Alchia was his captive this time.

Beside her was a boarded-up wall where perhaps another set of manacles once hung. She wondered what happened.

She peered around the room to see depressing, damp walls, and tables covered in various tools. She realised quickly that only some of them were used to repair the wall, while the others were stained in shades of red. Her breathing quickened as her situation sunk in. When she saw Noah yet again, her eyes widened, and she took a sharp inhale.

“Hello,” Noah said.

Before she could reply, he thrust the tip of his umbrella into her stomach, knocking the air immediately from her lungs. She gagged and choked for several moments, but he continued regardless.

“I said I'd catch all the pests in Edmonton. And look. You're not my first choice, but it's my job to bring you in nonetheless. You'll have to do. Then I'll grab your friend, and those other wizards you've been in contact with.”

“You work for—“

“Yes. You oughta know that by now. They pay me to bring wizards in, because it's not always the job of a spellbreaker to break somebody. There's people like me too.”

“You won't look so smug once I get out of here and burn you alive!” she yelled out, but as she struggled, her voice cracked and fell into painful whimpers.

Noah cackled. “Yes. Struggle more. We have a deal, you know. I get to have fun with the captive before they come and drag them away forever. They said it's fine as long as the body still works. But I'll tell you a secret. I don't have a perfect record. I've been in trouble twice now for killing the captive by accident. I hope I don't get fired today.”

With a gloved hand over half his face, he brought his fingers through the blonde bangs hanging down from his cap, and beside his wrist was a wide-stretched demonic grin.

“You're insane,” Alchia whispered.

From Noah's free hand, a sporadic shock of magic came forth and into the girl. Sparks shook her from head to toe, coursing her body with electricity, as if a high powered taser stuck her just then.

“Do you know what magic is capable of, in the mind of somebody with no limitations? You'll beg to be put to sleep, where a nightmare becomes solace,” came an airy whisper near her ear.

“So you're going to torture me with magic? Why?”

“Why does a child ask for candy when it's hardly even food?”

He yet again electrocuted the woman. She was helpless to stop it, and worst of all, she still feared what would happen once she was taken away.

“I'm one of the best... No, the best wizard hunter in Canada. I travel far to catch my prey. The people love me, the government protects me, and all I need to do is stomp out magic. Easy,” he continued. “I've truthfully never seen so many wizards in one city. I'm giddy with excitement.”

“How can a handsome face say such ridiculous stuff,” she whispered before a fit of coughing.

Time went on, but Alchia lost track of it. She was shocked, smacked, and cut, for either several minutes, or several hours. Her mind was too fuzzy to think beyond that. All she could make out was Noah's maniacal laughter once he got going—an excited child in a candy store.

Soon the door behind him creaked open. He took a few deep breathes and made himself more presentable, before turning to greet the person who arrived.

“Oh. Welcome. I didn't expect you so early,” Noah said with a bow.

He stopped speaking as soon as he realized it wasn't who he was expecting. It wasn't even human. The man standing before him was an elf—Tyreth. His hands remained together behind his back, like a proper butler.

“Greetings,” the elf spoke.

“Who are you?”

“Yes. There it is. At long last, I've found what I seek.”

“I asked for your name!”

“It doesn't matter. I already know the nature of your weapon, Mr. Jackson. Transform it into a blade and come at me already, before I get impatient and take it right away.”

Noah looked to his umbrella. “You know about the Blade of Shadows?”

“I'm much more than knowledgeable of its existence. It belongs to me.”

“I don't know why an elf has come all the way to Earth, but fine. I'll turn you in as well.”

He whipped the black umbrella to his side, and it became shrouded in a deathly black. The shape of it contorted until it was no longer something to protect one from rain, but instead, a sword so dark that didn't even reflect the light coming down from the ceiling.

“I see you play chess,” Tyreth said as his eyes trailed to the side.

Just as when Eldrian and Kevin were trapped in this very room, an in-progress chess board was sitting in the center. Noah humphed.

“I do. Are you that cocky, that you'd talk about things like that right before you get sliced in half?” he replied.

Tyreth finally smiled. “I was almost beginning to doubt I'd see that weapon again. And I think I've done enough seeing. It's time for me to hold it myself, so please, hand it over.”

“That's funny. I thought you asked me to just give you the weapon. Do have any idea who I am?”

“Noah Jackson. You're a hired wizard for the Canadian government, and I assume you're here to wipe out the magic population that started growing here in Edmonton. You're beloved by all, but by the looks of things here, you have some secrets.”

“That was rhetorical.”

He gripped the sword rightly in one hand, and started to take careful steps towards the intruder. He knew elves didn't have spells, but at the same time, he felt oddly uncomfortable around the man. He had a presence about him that he greatly disliked. Nobody could stand that confidently in the face of such a horrific blade.

“Try to strike me,” Tyreth demanded.

“I'll cut through any ward you create!”

Noah swung a horizontal slash towards the elf, and the speed of the strike was incredible. The light-weight shadow flashed through the air. He thought for certain he had decapitated Tyreth with that single blow, but a commanding word came from his lips an instant before contact.

“Vrine'winith,” was the foreign word he spoke.

As the sword finished its arc, Noah noticed that the blade itself had completely disappeared, leaving behind only the hilt and beneath. He was shaken.

Noah didn't even have time to react to the sheer quickness of Tyreth snapping one part of a handcuff around his right wrist. A fist was then driven into his gut, causing the wizard to collapse to the ground.

“N-No. I can't cast spells. Anti-magic metal? You bastard,” mumbled Noah.

“Nobody knows as much about the Blade of Shadows as me,” Tyreth said as he freed the handle from the wizard's grip. “It was created with a safety measure. The weapon becomes powerless for exactly one minute after the word is spoken by someone near enough. Did you hear me when I spoke? Do you remember the word?”

Noah cursed. It wasn't in English, and he wasn't paying nearly enough attention. There was no way he could remember what was said.

The blade sprung back to life. Tyreth lowered the tip to Noah's forehead, and lingered it there for a lengthy moment. Beads of sweat came down Noah's forehead, and for the first time in his career, he felt like the prey.

“I have a feeling your people will be here soon. They'll do worse than I could,” Tyreth simply stated before walking to the far wall.

“Wait,” Alchia muttered. “What about me? Did you come to save me?”

“No. You've done enough as a tool. I wouldn't have found this place if not for you. I placed a tracking device on you, just in case something like this happened. So now that I don't need you anymore, you can rot along with Noah.”

He cut a perfect rectangle in the boards used to fix the hole, and he stepped easily through to disappear from sight. Noah cursed at his wall being destroyed yet again, but he knew he had to move quickly. If his superiors saw him in such a state, they'd never forgive him.

Noah scrambled to his feet, but stumbled. The chessboard caught his fall, but he knocked the pieces off to loudly clatter onto the ground. He was winded, shocked, and injured. Worst of all, he couldn't use magic.

That was when the door creaked open, and this time, it wasn't an elf. He saw the face of the men he was waiting for. His face turned pale, and in that moment, he no longer had the charisma to face the camera.

[monachopsis-lachesism]

June 11

One year ago today, I said my last goodbye to you. It was not a gracious goodbye, it was a painful, destructive, gut wrenching goodbye. It wasn’t your fault by any means, it wasn’t mine either, it was ours. It was our fault screaming was communication. It was our fault sobbing uncontrollably had become a martyr. It was our fault that holding one another was the only option to soothe the numbness of our souls. It was our fault that passion only came from anger. Our fault that things had reached the point where it seemed normal for you to throw my things on the lawn before throwing my sneakers at me and telling me to go. You told me to leave and figure out how to get home which was one thousand, five hundred and ninety seven miles away. I wasn’t familiar with where I was or why I didn’t listen when my gut had told me not to get on that plane less than 24 hours before. Now I was here in the middle of this mess looking back on everything that had gotten us to this point. I thought aloud “why?” I was not a good girlfriend and you were not a good boyfriend. In fact we were annihilating one another from the inside out. Constantly manipulating one another with words and actions that anyone would have seen as dangerous. Two people that were mentally unstable not just as one but as a couple. You and I should have let go the first time it didn’t work. Both so stubborn and yet so eager to just have love, to know to love, to be loved. We both had the kind of backgrounds where we were seeking love and seeking some sort of gratification for being the people we were. I know now that I deserved no gratification, I still don’t. Again though, one year ago I sat a summer day on the sidewalk trying to pick up my things as I called a taxicab trying not to panic, holding back tears and anger, and to be honest holding back vomit. My heart was pumping so hard it felt as though it would burst through my chest the next deep breath I took. Instead my breathing was shallow and fast, I thought I may faint right here in this moment I could not escape. It was over 100 degrees and tears stung my face before soaking in the humidity surrounding them. I was angry, but mostly at myself. As I replayed everything that had happened, only the night before...how you told me you bought me an engagement ring and we had barely begun to speak again a couple weeks prior. We were this vast catastrophic mess and we only took a piece of eachothers hearts every time we met again. We were stuck on a carousel and would continue spinning in circles if we didn’t get off. I thought then I would never heal from this, that no one would love who I was. I convinced myself as I sat there that I would never try to reach out to you ever again because we were both a kryptonite to each other. That day I sat there believing that when you called me a fucking waste of space, that I was just that. A fucking waste of space. Your words were my truth, my prison and I took me forever to realize that your words were all contorted lies. I couldnt see anything beyond you, sometimes I still think about the first time our paths crossed and how I thought we were in fact made for one another. That image fades now, and it doesnt hurt as much as it used to. I don’t look for you in everything that I do anymore. I look for the person I want to be, the person that someone will want to be with. I wish and hope the same for you. That someone is either making you happy now, or they will be in the future. One year ago today, I was broken. I never thought I would pick up the pieces, and some of those pieces are still scattered. The great thing is every piece that I find and examine, I am able to really look at the beautifully broken piece that it is and I can let another part of you go. I haven’t found my happiness but I haven’t given up either. I haven’t had the desire to let myself fall for someone, I haven’t felt the spark in a long time….But I have found out so much about myself that I can surely say one day I will be worth it for someone. That I’m not a waste of space, that I can and will make a difference. For that I thank you. One year ago I wouldn’t have admitted I was not a good girlfriend to you, I wouldn’t have admitted that I am sturggling, I wouldnt have admitted I have felt beyond worhtless, I wouldnt have pushed myself to be someone better than i was, and I wouldnt have thanked you for making me realize these things. Here I am one year later, and I am changed, I am me, & I hope you are too. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you well. One year later I am free.