#I struggle saying I love you to anyone
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kavehater · 4 months ago
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I am so put off by closeness and EXTREME declarations of love even platonically that it just makes me want to be avoidant forever
#sorry I’m just emotionally consitpated LOOLL#ughhh I hate this#if I were treated nicely for a decent portion of my life it wouldn’t have ended up this way !!!!#dora daily#now when people do those extreme declarations I just pause and I’m like oh boy …. please don’t say that to me#for your own good and mine LOL#I struggle saying I love you to anyone#ily is much easier but it feels shitty to say to someone cause it doesn’t feel meaningful#but I don’t really have meaning to that phrase 😭#I just don’t know what it is to love someone if it’s not obsession 🧍‍♀️ maybe I do but I just don’t know how to attribute the word to the#feeling#HMMM#anyways this is a major feeling as to why I feel robotic and have felt such a way for so long#like my actual reaction to someone saying these things is oh dear … how do I even reply to this right now ? (coming from the person who#finds a way to seamlessly reply to everything) it just doesn’t feel sincere I feel like I’ve spent all my life trying to say the right#things to appeal to people and make them happy even if I don’t feel that way at all#and in my head it’s okay because I’m very good at hiding it because even I don’t know how I feel in truth LNAO#I’m just super confused about how I feel about things at all#it’s hard for me to care about topics tbh I don’t care about many topics I just play the role of caring cause it’s socially expected of me#because tbh I don’t care about most things#maybe it’s the depression speaking idk LOL
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sunny-knight · 20 days ago
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“Don’t… don’t tell him you think dingbat fonts are cool.”
AUGH @forgettable-au fanart :3 been on another roll with it (in agony constantly)
theres some untranslated wingdings cause i love translating it myself, hope others do too :D
not confident on how “canon” or in-character this is but- I HAD FUN this AU has really got me in the rendering spirit, I really enjoy taking inspiration but also adding mu own silly twists on it and AAA everything looks even more tasty now
I view this as them in New Home after getting something to eat (after the last page update) and heading back the same way since Alphys’ place is on the way to The Lab. The font convo comes back up again and then yeah
Alsoooo if youre interested in behind the scenes stuff heres the speedpaint :3
also i never poster about this- but i had another forgettable dream. it didn’t make any godamn sense. I woke up and drew the only scene I could remember:
Wingdings and Sans had a fight and ig wingdings killed Sans 😭😭😭 in a stairwell for some reason
and current Sans, Papyrus brother Sans, is like watching all of this and was brought here by Lancer like a Ghost Of Christmas Past type situation. Idk why. I choose not to attempt to make sense of this anymore. But i swear this is an actual dream i had 😭
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mossy-aro · 2 months ago
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
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lazylittledragon · 4 months ago
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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hawkinasock · 4 months ago
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My personal take on the Abundance Yanqing theory.
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strawbubmint · 2 months ago
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<-
final part! thank you all for enjoying my short and super self indulgent zosan comic :-)
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galaxicnerd · 11 months ago
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fears of inadequacy
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smallandalmosthonest · 1 month ago
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i have been a tommy-is-abby’s-tommy truther from the start idc about “ooh well why wouldn’t she know anyone at the 118” or “oooh why wouldn’t she have mentioned her ex was also a firefighter” idgaf it would be so fucking funny and im manifesting that this is one of the bucktommy hurdles let us all join hands in prayer 🙏🏻
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unnonexistence · 2 months ago
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one of my friends is a biologist & i was really amused hearing some of her stories yesterday because they put into context just how believable newt's kaiju drift is as Shit A Biologist Would Do. like my friend has personally met both a guy who got infected with a botfly larva and didn't do anything to remove it (because he just didn't mind), and another guy who identified a tapeworm species by intentionally exposing himself to it (he had it narrowed down to 2 species and needed to know if it was the one that would infect humans) (it was)
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starscreamingg · 24 days ago
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Detroit Become Human and why does this game decide that the problem in society is individual people treating androids poorly because those androids are choking them out of the workforce and NOT the corporations and governments who deliberately designed the androids to do this
#AUGHHGHH#I promise you dbh is still one of my favourite games I really do#But ohhhhhhhjghh my GODDDD it makes me mad#Like ESPECIALLY this year. With artists and writers being so fucked by ai#Like the game has less than no sympathy for people who were screwed over by cyberlife deciding their labour wasn't worth anything#Like everybody has to be a strawman. Everybody has to be the violent 'android bad because (some vague reason that draws on the#'immigrants are stealing our jobs' line despite the fact that these things aren't equivalent at all)#Like yes. Robots being placed in positions where a real human would be paid a real wage to do that job is bad. This is a bad thing#But the game. Does not CARE#It's so morally neutral for cyberlife to be allowed to mass produce androids in the middle of a poverty epidemic that they created#It's fine! Says Detroit Become Human because everyone rendered homeless or struggling by this company's actions is a violent drug addict#Or something#It's like HUH#H U H#This game was so enamoured with it's weird bad civil rights allegory that it forgot that people do actually need jobs to uh. Pay to live#Because things are hell#And I think it could've been SO much better if the game acknowledged this AS WELL as acknowledging that no android chose this#Like a fresh deviant didn't ask to cause a real person to not have a job. The company who made them did#But dbh doesn't care. Cyberlife is morally neutral in this. I swear#Loses my mind this game is such a mess#Uhhh if anyone's reading this please don't get mad at me I promise I do really love this game. Like this game is the reason I#Met the love of my life. I am physically incapable of hating this game#I just think it's so worth discussing the ways it fails in (what I think is) a constructive manner#detroit become human#game analysis#I guess#If anyone has any contributions or disagrees with me I would LOVE love to hear. Genuinely I love talking about things like this#Essay in tags
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el-buzz · 10 months ago
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📚 Cg! Clay HCS!!! 💚🎶
Aggagaggaggag first hc list I do EVERRR (so please be kind (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) /💗💗)
Cg! Clay x Agere! Reader!!
pretty much gender neutral!!
Cw: caps lock (just me having happy outbursts), um lotsa author notes and commentary I just wanna talk about him and about how he would be as a cg :ccc, also this is incredibly self indulgent
Also there was no proof reading ☠️
(Crossposted on ao3 @Soft_Buzz!! oh and I’ll update this if I get a new hc idea)
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Anyways here you go 💚:
•nicknames for you: kiddo, baby, bubba, bubba wubba (he’s squeezing your cheeks and baby talking you 😭😭), prince/princess/ lil highness/royal, and a number of other sweet nicknames or any that you prefer!
•he would be suuuuuch a sweet and doting caregiver waaaaaaah but he would definitely ensue rules for you! Calm and Strict(ish) cg! Clay would pull up to make sure you are safe and healthy even if you are feeling big!!
•he’d hate to see you hurt or sick, but he’d do everything thing in his power to nurse you back to health :]!
•Clay would definitely provide his kiddo with healthy snack or with fruit or veggie cups!
•Although Clay’s sorta strict he can be soooo soft he always want to hold you, whether it’s your hand/pinkie or cuddle up with you.
•You are his battery and he wants to recharge.
* HE WOULD SOOOO READ TO YOUUUU AHHH he loooooves reading so ofc he’d love to share that interest with his little one
• (please it’s the cutest thing ever)
• imagine him beside you with a book open (he has his reading glasses on :3) and as he reads, he gives all the different characters different voices and will always put emotion into his reading voice, which always leads to you giggling or you gasping in surprise.
• One time you insisted that you were big enough for his sad book club and that you wouldn’t become a big puddle of tears so he gave you Charlotte’s Web to read.
• You were a mess. You didn’t stop being sad for the next couple of HOURS (yes this is a reference to that JD fan art ifykyk☠️)
• Clay had to give you so many hugs, cuddles, and kisses to make up for it. He thought it’d be funny, but he sorta forgot how emotional of a little one you can be.
• “I’m so so sorry baby.” *kiss* “How can I make it up to you?? I’ll do anything”
• oh you’d grin a that. You choose to either do dress up WITH make up or draw on his face and mess around with his hair. AND ice cream.
• You took soooo many pictures (and you may or may have not shared them with Viva, Poppy, and his brothers) Clay says he hates you for it, but secretly believes it was so worth it to see that sparkle in your eyes
• he bought you a piggy and a spider (with little bb spiders) stuffie. Even if you have arachnophobia, you hugged those stuffies while crying happy tears. You gave him a tight hug which he softly returned and gave you a forehead kiss.
• (This whole event was also the birth of your happy scrapbook club!! (even though it just you :} ) )
• You and Clay will just sit together while reading different things. Him with some well recognized and praised novel or book and you with a happy lil scrapbook in your hands!
• I’d also like to think he has a puppet character like Bandit does with unicorse! (Maybe a dragon but that just me :])
• (Clay and Branch be matching with their ventriloquism skills lol)
• If you seem to be clumsy or fall often he starts to develop a sort of spider sense for it and will catch you before disaster happens
• OKOK I know this is gonna sound random buuuut I believe Clay is the type to carry lollipops, and sometimes other candy, around. Idk like I can just picture him a with a lollipop in his mouth trying to look all serious/mysterious and nonchalant LOL
• ANYWAYS back to the Agere stuff
• I think that after completing a task or being good, Clay would def give his kiddo a lollipop as a treat!! that orrrrr if his kiddo seems to be regressing in public and they really want/need a paci or just something to fixate on then boom!!! Lollipop! :D
• Talking about rewards
• This man would sooooo spoil you!! you’re his treasure and he wants you to know it!!
• He’ll either get you food you’ve been craving or a stuffed animal/little gear orrrr both!!
• (Because of the two of you, you now have a chest fuuuull of stuffies Woops💧)
• You always try to show your appreciation by giving him small handmade gifts!! A lil pop up card, bead bracelets (you definitely have matching bracelets), even something crocheted/knitted, and pretty much any arts n crafts you can make!
• Now onto funny business ( •̀ - • )!
• so ofc when it first came to having fun and being playful with you he was bit scared
• can you blame him???
• He’d spent A LOT of time trying to get rid/away from the tittle of being the fun boy
• Ofc through lot of reassurance you let him know that he can have fun and play with you and still be a very serious caregiver!
• you help him understand that being funny and silly every once in a while doesn’t hurt and that he should try to find a balance that work for him! Which he eventually does :D!!
• I like to believe that he’d be great at playing pretend and hide and seek!
• “Worry not your highness!! You will protect you from the dragon!” (It’s one of your plushies)
• “Wherever could my kiddo be?? They must have turned invisible!!” (he can hear your giggles which just makes his smile wider)
• Although he really tries to be there for you, he’s a reaaaally busy man :((( but he still tries to spend time with you through parallel play! While he’s doing his grown up paperwork, you get to colooor!! (or draw or scrapbook or anything really) as long you promise to be good and not distract him
• (plus the sooner he’s done the sooner he can give you all his attention! so it’s a win-win situation :D)
• Actually if you were feeling extra lil you’d just get a paper and scribble on it with crayon trying to copy Clay’s mannerisms (when he sees this he’s physically holding himself back from just picking you up, cradling you, and just babying you waaaah you’re gonna be the end of him)
• oh and he would sooo keep your little artworks in his working area (they bring a sweet smile to his face and warm his soul you’re the best kiddo he could have ever asked for)
• You also get to have cuddles while he works! Sometimes he’ll just sit you on his lap with a stuffie or two while he wraps an arm around you and litters your head or face with kisses!
• Now onto not so funny business ૮๑ˊᯅˋ๑ა
• sometimes Clay’ll have a rough or tiring day :((
* and that’s okk caregivers have their moments too!
• He’ll usually want to cuddle with you and hold you close. (You are his stuffie :D)
• He might even tickle you or blow raspberries on your tummy (if you give him permission ofc!!) which often leaves you with a giggling and squirming fit.
• He just loves seeing you laugh and smile (especially if it’s him who made you happy :] you just brighten his day so much sometimes)
• One time he was just so tired and just laying down on the couch and then you brought one stuffie to him and then two till you pretty much had him buried under almost all of your stuffies!!
* You then proceeded to lay on top of him, and Clay just sticks both arms out from under the pile while smiling softly with his eyes closed.
• Let’s just say you guys woke up with stuffed animals scattered eeeeeverywhere
• If you’re a kiddo/baby who tends to get overwhelmed easily, he’ll get you some noise canceling/dampening headphones and just wraps you in a soft blanket like a little burrito.
• He’ll also either get you an eye mask or will lower the lights if he can. (And if you’re feeling lil enough then a paci too!!)
• After doing any of this, he’ll just bring you onto his lap and whisper sweet lil nothings to you till you feel better or seem to fall asleep :D!
• would enforce a bed time >:( (he is a very very veeeery serious guy after all)
• but luckily bedtime means a bottle or sippy of sweet sleepy tea and a storyyyy :D!!
• Forehead kisses!! (CALL ME BIASED CAUSE I LOOOOOVE FOREHEAD KISSES but I stand by what I say.
• Oh and if he’s ever gonna to be very busy for the day and he won’t be able to take care of his kiddo, he’d ask Viva to help him take care of you!!
• Plus who doesn’t love babysitter Viva??? She’s so energetic and fun with you, but she’ll definitely tone it down for you 💛
• she’s also super strong so she’ll definitely carry you or give you a piggy back ride if you ask :>!
• She also give you lots of candies and sugary foods but shhhhh don’t tell Clay itsa secret (but I think the sugar rush/crash you have when he picks you up from Viva’s tells him more than enough
• (I feel like he would trust all his brothers with you (especially Bruce) except JD 😭😭)
• He would sooooo grab your cheeks and squeeze them like he did to Branch when first seeing him again
• Expect him to do that whenever he just wants to dote on you and baby you even if you’re feeling bigger than usual he just loves youuuu! 💚💚💚
In summary: I need this man bc he is the bestest boyfriend and caregiver ever!!
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Final notes!:
I love likes but comments and reposts are greatly appreciate (I love to talk if you can’t tell) type something out and let me know what you think 💗💗
If anybody would like to use any of the hcs/scenarios for a fanfic tots fine with me just don’t forget to tag me for credit and so I can see it :DD!!
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themyscirah · 8 months ago
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Vanessa didn't even die and yet her story is still sadder and more fucked up than jtodd's. He wishes he was on her level
#may be a controversial one but i dont care this is my house#dont think there are enough of you to get hate over this anything#anyways no she didnt die. she wasnt killed by voter poll. but like the stuff that fucked her up was so much more real than a psycho clown#like im sorry but what is “you get beat up and die” to essentially getting taken and having the bad guys confirm to you that everything you#thought about yourself in middle school was true and everyone thinks youre ugly and worthless and not special and no one loves you. and then#ofc the medical torture. like im sorry but one of these things IS worse than the other imo#especially as the teen girl in the wonder woman comic like jesus christ#and while of COURSE the stuff about diana not loving her and all that is NOT true its something we see her struggle with as insecurity for#years beforehand. and then dc goes and brings her back into continuity in the past few years only to basically say “yeah wonder woman DIDNT#care about her! what a loser to think so and get all worked up about it! abt a vers of her who only has the name in common#like she wasnt dianas baby freaking sister with 100+ appearances#blah#vanessa kapatelis#anti jason todd#she also literally did the red hood arc before he did#with the whole attacking the successor and everything#yet another woman for him to steal from lmao#(this is mostly a joke. i dont think anyone making anything about jtodd canon or otherwise even knows what a wonder woman comic is but the#comparisons are still there.)
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filthytheodeckerkinnie · 8 months ago
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I could so imagine Martin being weird about Jon trying to care for him at all
Like yes, Martin is the sweetest guy who will love and care for and protect anyone he remotely enjoys the company of, and will constantly do everything he possibly can for Jon
But if Jon ever tried to reciprocate and help Martin when he’s not at his best
I think Martin would get confused and anxious
The guy has never been actually taken care of I’m convinced of it and I just know if Jon TRIED Martin would not know how to act what so ever
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fortes-fortuna-iogurtum · 10 months ago
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..
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lesbonoi · 6 months ago
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four count em FOUR guys fall to their deaths in front of sherlock. two are suicides. the first three happen in ch one and then theres rochester at the end of the awakened. what does it all mean.
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bugeyedfreaks · 6 months ago
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Having a rare pair in a fandom is hard, but try also having a rare pair that is also your OTP and is also constantly misinterpreted, maligned, and mangled, partially due to having the literal worst and meager fandom content imaginable to represent it. 😩
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