#it’s hard for me to care about topics tbh I don’t care about many topics I just play the role of caring cause it’s socially expected of me

[kavehater]

I am so put off by closeness and EXTREME declarations of love even platonically that it just makes me want to be avoidant forever

[gasstationlady]

GUTS | a lando norris social media au | pt. 2

pairing: lando norris x singer!reader, ex!drew starkey x reader

drew is still hung up on y/n, but the grid’s new it couple couldn’t care less.

notes: final part of guts!! thank you so much for all the love you guys showed the first part <3 and dw i have so many more smaus in the drafts! tried to write and add a bit more but i ran out of space :/ i hope the plot makes sense! i feel like bc i know how i wanted the story to go i can't rlly spot the plot holes as easily.

disclaimer: NOT PROOFREAD. let's pretend that jennifer lawrence "kym illman" picture is olivia lmfaooo. btw the events in “GUTS” sometimes does not line up with the schedule followed in real life. again, no hate to drew and, now also, to ppl on the today show aha. (CONGRATS LANDO FOR P2 AHHH)

masterlist ⋆ previously

yourusername

liked by landonorris, drewstarkey and 4,810,592 others

yourusername thanks for having me vmas!!!! <3

View all 22,504 comments

yourbestie STUNNING

user pls not drew liking her post when he doesn’t even follow her 😭😭😭

↳ user no he’s actually so painfully desperate lmaoo

↳ user i’m glad lando and y/n are just ignoring him

↳ user girl i’m not, i want the drama AHA

user love u more than anything

user lando liking and the two of them now following each other 🤔 yup him and y/n are forrr sure together

↳ user yea after the deuxmoi post and lando’s soft launch it’s basically confirmed at this point

↳ user i wonder if she’ll be attending the next gp bc i’d actually die and then come back to life if it happens

user you look BEYONDDDDD 😍😍

user are we fr just gonna ignore drew like..

thetodayshow

liked by landonorris and 67,298 others

thetodayshow It’s GUTS day! We loved having @/yourusername on the TODAY plaza. 🍒🎤🧡

We sat with Y/N to talk about her new album and recent scandals surrounding the topics of her work. “I just write songs; it’s not my job to interpret them for people.”

Tune in on our Youtube channel for extra clips of our interview with Y/N and her performances!

View all 342 comments

user SHE ATE THOSE PERFORMANCES. DEVOURED.

user some of those questions were a bit invasive

↳ user i was thinking the same thing, but y/n handled that rlly professionally

user omg how have her vocals gotten better 😭

user lmaoooooo i see you hiding in the likes lando

↳ user it’s so cute that he’s following her activities 🥹🥹

↳ user he’s probably here bc of what she said in the interview

↳ user wait i didn’t watch everything, what did she say??

↳ user so they asked how she felt about her exes being a popular topic on the internet, and so she said “I just write songs; it’s not my job to interpret them for people.” they also asked about drew and whether they’re going to get back together (which, may i add, felt a little rude to me) and y/n replied with “Those who I’m close with can reach me anytime. I tend to not focus on anyone else.”

↳ user thank you for summarizing!! doing god’s work fr 🫡

user y/n handled the situation perfectly

↳ user no bc the way she said not too much but enough to stand up for herself and her privacy

user AHAHAHAHA SHE RLLY SAID AINT NO WAY SHES GOING BACK TO DREW

ynupdates

41,086 likes

ynupdates Y/n seen arriving in Singapore!

View all 462 comments

user wait you’re lying??? actually? waaait 😭

user IS SHE GOING TO THE GP OMG PLS

user i mean i knew they were together but imagine a paddock appearance 😩😩 i don’t think we can handle it guys

user if she makes an appearance at the paddock with lando, i don’t understand why he didn’t just go as her date for the vmas too 😭😭

↳ user i doubt they wanted to hard launch at the vmas lol y/n was barely even in the audience, tbh i think she left early

↳ user y/n has said before that award shows make her rlly anxious, so yea she probably didn’t want too much attention on herself esp with all the drew drama

user did i miss something, i thought lando was still in ny? why didn’t they just travel together?

↳ user lando probs had to leave earlier bc practice started on friday, and y/n still had a few tv show performances which i’m assuming is why she arrived today instead

kymillman

51,159 likes

kymillman F1’S NEW FAVORITE COUPLE

The first driver to arrive this morning was Mclaren driver Lando Norris. For the first time he is joined with his new girlfriend, Y/N L/N, a famous Filipino-American pop singer.

For A3 prints, hand-signed & numbered by a range of drivers/team principals head to kymillman.com

View all 343 comments

user omg it’s happening it’s happening

user HEY SIRI PLAY THAT SHOULD BE ME BY JUSTIN BIEBER

user this pic should be put in the louvre that is how monumental it is

user THIS IS HOW I FIND OUT?? FROM KYM??😭😭

user first💔hard💔launch💔is💔a💔paddock💔appearance💔

user the hand holding 🥹🥹

user don’t know if i’m more jealous of lando or y/n

user damn god really out here choosing favorites

user they’re already becoming my comfort couple omg i can’t i love them so much

landonorris

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55 and 1,135,226 others

landonorris Singapore 🥈

View all 3,229 comments

user so proud of you lando!!

user AHHHH y/n cameo

user god idk if i'm ever going to get used to seeing y/n with lando

user SHE LOOKS SO GOOD

user yay carlando podium !!! 🥹

— — —

8 months later

landonorris

liked by yourusername, yourbestie and 4,475,987 others

landonorris Happy one year, love ❤️

View all 24,395 comments

yourusername there's nothing i love more than those chips

↳ landonorris 😐

user they're the reason i believe in love

user damn i think this is about to be lando's most liked post lmaoo

user the fact that he calls her love 😭😭

user luckiest man alive i stg

user how does she always look so good

yourusername

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 6,788,335 others

yourusername cause i love to love, to love, to love you

View all 35,719 comments

landonorris that guy's pretty handsome

↳ yourusername very :)

yourbestie LOVE seeing you happy

user omggg i'm crying i can't believe its already been a year

user might sleep on the freeway today

user let the light in is such a cute song to dedicate to someone

user LOL not the third pic

user i love them so much 🥹

user if you ever break up, love isn't real

[ghsface]

It's okay to cry. It's okay to not be okay...

Bau team x bau!reader

Sumary: Sometimes I need to remind myself and others that survival doesn’t just mean being okay, it means learning to laugh at what scared us. And if I don’t do it, who else will?

Warnings: mentions of attempted suicide, lots of blood, some dark humor at the end, cuts on arms, bathtub full of blood, no use of t/n (if you don't feel good reading this please don't read it, I also tried to approach this topic with too much care and delicacy and respect, I hope not to offend anyone)

Author's note: September is suicide prevention month. "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is something that you always hear people say.. and it's true.

speaking from my personal experience, it's something that was on my mind many months many years ago, and I was able to put those thoughts aside thanks to people who I thought were never going to help me, it was a long and very hard process but now I can tell you that I'm completely fine, once they told me if you have people to write a farewell letter to it's because at least someone cares about you, you may have heard this before but it's true, you will always have someone to support you even if you think you have no one, also once they told me if you ever have these thoughts again or even try again ask for help it doesn't matter who just ask for help, whatever way ask for help, those words marked me almost all of my adolescence tbh and it helped me, I hope that if you are going through this alone, you can talk to me, my messages will always be open for whatever it is help or just talking, feel free to do so, if you read this up to here I really appreciate that you did<333

The BAU team was uneasy. It wasn't often that someone on their team disappeared without a trace, much less you. Emily Prentiss had been the first to notice your absence, as you never missed work without notice. Days ago, you had requested a brief leave for personal matters, but you hadn't returned to the office or answered any calls or messages since. As the days passed, worry turned to fear.

JJ, Spencer, and Emily decided to go to your house, as they could no longer ignore the fact that something wasn't right. The atmosphere in the car was tense. JJ kept his hands tightly on the wheel, while Spencer stared out the window, his mind wandering through thousands of possibilities, each one worse than the last. Emily, in the backseat, checked her phone over and over again, hoping in vain to receive some news from you.

When they arrived at your house, the silence was deathly. The windows were closed, and the door seemed intact, but there was something in the air, something that made them hold their breath. Emily pulled out her gun, and after exchanging a worried look with JJ and Spencer, they decided to go inside.

“anyone home?” JJ shouted as she walked down the hallway to the entrance. There was no response.

Spencer’s heart was pounding as they made their way into the living room. Everything was in order, not a sign of a struggle, but something wasn’t right. Every step they took, every corner they inspected, increased the feeling that something terrible had happened.

It was Emily who first noticed the bathroom door ajar. She approached it slowly, holding her breath, as a dark foreboding took hold of her. Pushing open the door, the scene she found was enough to make her stomach turn.

There you were, in the bathtub, submerged in the red-tinged water. Your arms hung at your sides, covered in deep cuts, blood still slowly flowing from the wounds.

“Oh my God!” JJ exclaimed from the doorway, her voice cracking.

Spencer walked into the room behind her, and for a second, the world seemed to stop. She’d never felt such paralyzing fear, such sharp pain in her chest. The air became thick, almost impossible to breathe.

Emily was the first to react, rushing to you, her hands shaking as she tried to pull your unconscious body out of the water. “Call an ambulance, JJ!” she screamed, trying to stay calm, though her hands were shaking uncontrollably.

Spencer knelt beside you, her eyes flooding with tears. “You can’t do this... you can’t leave us like this,” she whispered, her voice thick with desperation.

JJ tried to call 911, but the desperation in his voice made the words catch in his throat. He finally managed to give the address, but the operator informed him that the ambulance would take a while to arrive due to an accident on the main road. Without wasting any more time, JJ made a decision. “We can’t wait, we have to take her ourselves!”

Without thinking twice, the three of them carried you out of the bathroom, wrapping you in towels to stop the bleeding. Spencer held you, his hands still stained with your blood, as they rushed you to the car.

The trip to the hospital was agony. Every second that passed, every breath you took, or stopped taking, was like a stab in the heart of each of them. Emily, driving at full speed, struggled not to lose concentration while JJ, from the backseat, pressed on your wounds, trying to keep you conscious. Spencer kept talking to you, murmuring words of encouragement, pleading with you not to leave, to stay with them.

Finally, they arrived at the hospital, and the doctors immediately took you into surgery. The BAU team, who had been alerted, arrived soon after. Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, and Garcia joined Emily, JJ, and Spencer in the waiting room. The hours passed slowly, each minute a silent torture as they waited for news from you.

Spencer kept staring at his hands, your words echoing in his mind. He couldn’t shake the image of you, limp and lifeless in that bathtub. He felt helpless, riddled with guilt for not realizing what was happening to you. He loved you, more than he’d ever dared to admit, and the thought of losing you was too painful to bear.

Finally, the doctor emerged from the operating room, his expression grave. “She’s stable for now, but the blood loss was significant. We had to suture multiple wounds and are monitoring for possible nerve damage. It’s a miracle they brought her in on time.”

The relief was palpable, but so was the sadness. They knew that even though you had survived, the battle wasn’t over. They would have to face the reasons why you had gotten to that point, figure out what had happened, and most of all, be there for you, to help you heal.

Spencer walked up to the ICU door, looking at you through the glass. His eyes filled with tears, he rested a hand on the glass. “I’m sorry… I didn’t realize how bad you were,” he whispered, feeling the weight of guilt crushing him.

Emily and JJ accompanied him, each feeling a mix of relief and pain. They knew the road to your recovery would be long and difficult, but they were determined to be by your side every step of the way, no matter what it took.

When you were finally able to open your eyes days later, the first thing you saw were the tired but relieved faces of your teammates. You knew you had plunged into a darkness that seemed insurmountable, but seeing the people who loved you by your side, you knew you wouldn’t be alone on the road back to the light.

The dim glow of the hospital’s fluorescent lights welcomed you back into the conscious world. Your head hurt, and you felt the weight of the blankets on your body, but what caught your attention the most was the soft sound of someone breathing next to you. You slowly turned your head and met the tired, worried eyes of Spencer, who had been watching over you.

“Spencer…” your voice came out as a whisper, rough from lack of use and medication. You were surprised at how weak you felt, as if a large part of you had vanished.

He sat up instantly, his eyes filling with relief at seeing you awake. “You’re awake…” he said in a tone that reflected a mix of joy and pain. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry... If I had known… If I had noticed something…” The weight of his guilt hit you hard. Even though every fiber of your being was exhausted, you couldn’t let Spencer carry that pain. But before you could answer, the door to the room opened, and Emily and JJ rushed in, closely followed by Hotch and Rossi.

Emily approached you, tears in her eyes, but keeping her composure. “You scared the hell out of us,” she said softly, gently taking your hand. “You don’t have to go through this alone, understand? We’re here for you, always.” JJ sat on the other side of the bed, his blue eyes filled with concern. “Whatever you’re going through… you can tell us. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

The room was filled with a heavy silence, everyone waiting for you to say something, anything to help them understand what had brought you to this point. You knew they were worried, that they wanted to help you, but it wasn’t easy to put into words the storm that had been building inside you.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, your voice breaking, feeling tears build up in your eyes. “I didn’t want them to know… I didn’t want to be a burden.”

Spencer looked at you in pain, his hands shaking slightly as he took yours. “You would never be a burden to us. Never.”

Hotch, who had been watching silently, stepped forward. His voice was firm, but with a tinge of compassion that he rarely showed. “You don’t have to face this alone. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever led you to this, we’re going to be with you every step of the way.”

Hotch’s words, so simple and full of promise, were what finally broke the dam. The tears you’d been holding back for so long began to flow, and with them came a wave of emotions you’d been suppressing: the despair, the loneliness, the pain that had consumed you in silence.

Emily wrapped her arms around you, holding you with a strength that anchored you in the present. “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to not be okay,” she whispered, her voice shaking with her own pent-up emotions.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, you felt like you could breathe, if only barely. The lump in your chest didn’t go away entirely, but the presence of your peers, your friends, gave you the strength you needed to start talking, to share what you’d been keeping to yourself.

You told them about the pressure you’d felt, the feeling that you were failing, that you couldn’t live up to expectations. You told them how each day had gotten harder to bear, until one day you just couldn’t take it anymore. The words came out in fits and starts, mixed with sobs, but they listened to each one with patience and understanding.

There was no judgment, just support. And as you spoke, little by little, you began to feel the weight that had been weighing you down begin to lighten, if only a little.

When you finally finished, the silence that followed wasn’t awkward. Spencer was still holding your hand, and his gaze reflected both pain and resolve. “You’re not alone in this. You won’t be anymore,” he said firmly.

Hotch nodded. “We’ll have to work together to get through this, but we will. We’ll help you find the support you need, and we’ll be here for you, too.”

Rossi, who had been watching from the back, came over and gently patted you on the shoulder. “Remember, that’s what family is for, to be there in the worst times and the best too.”

At that moment, although you knew the road ahead would be long and difficult, you also knew that you wouldn’t walk it alone. The team weren't just your colleagues, they were your family, and with them by your side, you began to believe that, perhaps, you could find a way to heal.

And although the darkness still lurked, the light of hope, however small, began to shine again.

ONE YEAR LATER...

1 year into recovery brought with it a new version of you, a version that, while still scarred, both physically and emotionally, was fully committed to moving forward with humor and gratitude. You had rejoined the team fully and found a balance between work, your personal life, and your healing process. Your colleagues had learned to appreciate your new style of humor, even when you surprised them with your comments from time to time.

One afternoon, while you were in the office cafeteria with Emily, JJ, and Garcia, you decided to break the silence with a joke, something you had perfected over those past few months.

“Did you know I’ve developed a new skill?” you said, as you poured yourself a coffee. The three womens looked at you curiously. “Now I can say that I’m an expert in abstract art. I just need something sharp and a bad day.”

There was a moment of surprise, but then Emily was the first to laugh, shaking her head. “You know, no one handles dark humor like you.”

JJ nodded, smiling. “True, but at least now we know you do it with complete command of the situation. Although I will never stop being amazed by your ability to make jokes out of something so serious.”

“Well, my traumas, my jokes,” you said with a wink, and the group burst into laughter. They had learned to take your humor as a sign of your progress, a way to remind yourself and them that you were in control, that you wouldn’t let yourself be overcome by the darkness that once trapped you.

Garcia, who until now had been listening in silence, smiled and gave you a gentle nudge. “You know, I think you should consider writing a self-help book: ‘How to survive work and not go crazy. ’ It could be a best-seller.”

“Sure, with special chapters on how to choose something sharp and how not to use them when you have a bad day,” you joked, and everyone laughed again.

Towards the end of the day, as you were gathering your things to head home, you ran into Rossi in the hallway. He looked at you with his typical knowing expression, but with a spark of amusement in his eyes.

“You know, kid I love seeing you make those jokes. It’s a sign that you’re okay, but it’s also a reminder of how far you’ve come.”

You smiled at him, nodding. “Yeah, Dave, I know. Sometimes, I need to remind myself and others that surviving doesn’t just mean being okay, but learning to laugh at what scared us. And if I don’t do it, who else will?”

Rossi let out a soft laugh. “You know, you can always count on me to be your audience. I’m not as good an audience as Spencer, though.”

“Thanks, Dave. I’ll keep that in mind for my next show.”

As you left, you knew you were surrounded by people who understood you, who supported you, and who accepted every part of you, even the darkest ones. But most importantly, you knew you had found a way to move forward: with a smile on your face, a joke on your lips, and a team that, no matter what, would always be by your side.

And as you walked out the door, ready to face whatever came next, you couldn’t help but make one last comment to yourself. “Well, if I survived the bathtub, I’m ready for anything. I just hope there’s more wine and less blood next time.”

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated dearly🫧

[sitp-recs]

hi! how are you?

so I read a fic some time ago that destroyed me…… like literally. I enjoyed it but at the same time I didn’t. but now I can’t stop thinking about it bc everything on it was so revolting and fucked. how to make a fic get out of our system? is it possible 😅 not to be dramatic but this fic almost made me lose interest in the whole ship lmao I just wanted to read something I enjoy again, you know? and nothing hits :( and when it does I’m almost finishing the fic and something horrible happens (that wasn’t really tagged) and I endure it until the end 💀 anyway if you have any fic that you read recently that is very romantic and monogamous or even if they are exes but they don’t date anyone else because they just can’t move on, pls share with us!! and it doesn’t have to be drarry, it can be anything. Im going through your lists and whole blog tbh looking for something that will save me lmaoooo I’ve read almost everything that interests me and you recced. (btw your break up make up list is amazing!) still I think the spark left me 🫠 ugh sorry for yapping

I’m sorry to hear that, anon :,( I think we’ve all been there at some point, god knows how many times I felt blocked, uninspired or just unable to connect to any fic. Personally, I find it helpful to take short breaks from fandom and focus on other hobbies for a while. Those fics will always be there when and if you’re ready to return! Also, imho you shouldn’t have to “endure” any fics that you find upsetting. I don’t typically have any triggers but I certainly have tropes/topics that don’t interest me much (or at all), and I have no qualms abandoning a fic when they show up unannounced 🤣

Now, it’s a bit hard to rec something randomly without knowing more about your fic tastes, but since you’re interested in romantic/monogamous stories, I thought I’d share some recs along those lines. This is a personal selection that might not work for you, but if it does I’ll be pleased to know that you’ve found that spark again :) Take care xo

Short fic:

Take the Moon by tackytiger (M, 15k)

Harry Potter has always wanted a family of his own, and when a deadly blood curse forces him into a marriage bond with his best friend Draco Malfoy, it looks like he might just have found one. It's just a shame they’d always planned to break up after a year…

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by @the-starryknight (M, 16k)

The Ministry didn’t turn bad overnight. Harry didn’t suddenly turn rogue either. Between covert Legilimency links and Polyjuice disguises and running and running and running, Draco has forgotten what it is like to have a safe harbor that isn’t a person. If there’s an art to fighting back, then they’ll find it hand in hand.

Us, in Lieu by Tepre (E, 29k)

Teddy needs help and Harry needs funding. Draco sits in the other room and plays the piano.

Long fic:

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them by nerakrose, dustmouth (T, 96k)

Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry.

Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid (E, 100k)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life.

Far From The Tree by aideomai (E, 112k)

The arrival of Harry Potter’s children—snapped back in time, the children themselves guessed, twenty or so years—was the most interesting thing to happen at Hogwarts for years.

[accio-victuuri]

everyday is a good day to be a bxg 🌼 ( cpn for sunday & thoughts on things that happened today )

It was a busy afternoon for us, from wyb finally being confirmed to go to LA for the Chanel Cruise Show and then an hour later, XZ’s new movie to be filmed was announced. this is what i meant when i say we never lose. double happiness for us all the time. 👏🏼

so glad that they get these opportunities and continue to do what they love the most! in the meantime, we will be here to support them.

THOUGHTS ON THE AFTERNOON NEWS:

Let me just show the hot search attached to them and go from there:

• XZ’s new movie! Finally! It’s been so long since Jade Dynasty! More than anything, I am looking forward for his aesthetic. I’m sorry for his hairline yet again but he just fits the whole wuxia vibe. He is working with a well known director and a big IP, so that’s good for him. It can also be a huge challenge because Condor Heroes is a well loved story in China and the pairing was played by so many actors for years before him and his co-star — so the pressure is definitely ON. A lot of passer by will have something to say, there will be lots of opinions and the movie will be picked apart, and i think the production knows that too. So everyone should work extra hard to make something special. 💕

In the subject of GG going into movies, well i hope him and WYB will attend movie award events together. LOL. cause technically, they will be in the same “movie circle”. I know this will do well in the BO, and hopefully after this, XZ can choose a passion project that is not tied to an existing IP. Maybe this is their chance to work together, A movie. Who knows. I’m just putting out there!

• The second HS is about listing all XZ’s past female co-stars / love interests and something about it makes me feel that we’re so lucky cause WYB is his only male “love interest”. They will both have so many leading ladies in their projects, but WWX / LWJ will always be that one-time they didn’t. HAHAHAHAHAHA! They can compare all they want among those women ZZ worked with but we all know who is the best “love interest” 😂😂😂

I also know nothing about his co-star for the new movie and i honestly don’t care much. I’m like a solo when it comes to this, as long as they are good at what they do then i’m okay. I’m just gonna crop them out anyway in almost everything i share about the project. so yeah.

• OF ALL THE THINGS THAT CAN GO ON HS WITH YIBO’S LOS ANGELES TRIP! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

actually, his top, trousers and cap are all things he has worn before. that’s just how he is. he is the same as XZ in this, they are professional outfit repeaters — and there is nothing wrong with that tbh. the only new things are the chanel cardigan and bag.

I know all of us are happy that he gets to have a work/vacation abroad. If you’re following other c-ent stars, it seems like a lot of them already had time to play abroad and now it’s our yibo’s turn and he deserves it the most!!!! I’m sure he will have fun and maybe he can meet his friends. This is his first Chanel Show abroad and it’s the Chanel Fanboy living his dream 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I need a photo of him and G-Dragon please. I also wanna add how lowkey his team was about this. There was no internal announcement from his side or fan groups. It was just melons and rumors. He still got hounded at the airport tho and of course lele and yanyan was there to protect him. And well - look at him trying to control people :

( but his big hands tho omg 👀 )

I will be sharing Chanel posts from other SNS cause engagement will be important so they know how big WYB is. Do not listen to other people ( you know who i’m talking about lol ). Just do your best in promoting our boy in this show. There is no need for comparison. Make noise. 🗣️🗣️🗣️

NOW LET’S MOVE ON TO THE TOPIC OF CLOWNING!!!!!

Well, the highlight of Yibo’s airport photos aside from himself is how visible the bone necklace is. It’s like he is showing off or something. It’s really a genius idea on XZ’s side to give him this because it gives off a sense of ownership. All I can say is, the relationship is stable. 😌😌😌

• photos & videos from his recently finished drama bright road shows him with his very cute bottled joy tumbler with lemon water. which has always been their thing 🍋 it’s truly the small things between them that i like, especially when it’s connected to taking care of themselves.

• My fave which is over analyzing the arrangement of photos, #2 and #8 looks different from the others again. Ai Bo. 🫶🏼

• and well more than that is how WYB’s photos from his safeguard live event in shanghai (2020) looks like it can be from the same set as ZZ’s 📷

their photographer / editor are dating 🤫

• Project Hints in their posts. This one is more on the heavy speculation/interpretation side of things. Tho I do believe that in 2020, wyb was basically the one giving signs if XZ will show up. and then XZ sharing something a day before WYB will announce his single ( which happened a couple of times ). So it makes sense that BXGs would keep an eye out on this.

Even XZ’s solo fans are saying he does this, like a caption from a tod’s post echoes a part of a poem “shooting the condors” & references an old city featured in the series~ so they agree that XZ & his team can put hints in their posts. i’m seeing people who caught this as soon as they posted but i’m uneducated about all this soooo 🤷🏻‍♀️

I swear he’s like taylor swift with his easter eggs and how fans should think about what he posts. lol. and well, we are good at that.

and recently, they did the whole wei lai x where dreams are made of hint too so ya know — they are not making this easy for us! how can you not clown? 😂😂😂😂

as for bxgs the most recent cue for WYB’s project was:

XZ studio posted on 11/2022 a vlog and on the caption was “long wind & waves” 长风破浪. and then weeks or months later, melons of WYB’s new drama of the same name started popping up. It’s now renamed to bright road but what are the chances that they will use that. to be fair, that video was the “health like be like..” vlog with him surfing so it fits, but there are so many other alternative to use so why what exact words huh?

( source one and two for the project hints cpn cause i would be so lost! actually, i still am. lol. )

-END.

[crescentpaws]

the character everyone gets wrong

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

worst discord server and why

which ship fans are the most annoying?

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

worst part of canon

worst part of fanon

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

worst blorboficiation

that one thing you see in fics all the time

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

part of canon you found tedious or boring

part of canon you think is overhyped

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ship you've unwillingly come around to

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Answer all of em!!!!

(For KOTLC or any fandom that you really wanna do)

LMAO ok… if you insist ☝️ (dashes are for questions i’ve already answered)

1. -

2. still no comment on this one.

3. idk i can’t rlly remember any awful takes off the top of my head LMAO. haven’t even been here that long so

4. bold of you to assume i remember anyone i block

5. i don’t use rlly discord (wow these answers are so exciting)

6. sokeefe for SURE and i don’t think anyone can disagree with me on this

7. already answered but i need to say it again. KEEFE. maybe i’d like him a bit more if some people didn’t make literally EVERYTHING about him (also if people stopped commenting “this looks like keefe” on my art)

8. once again using this as an opportunity to spread my short haired fintan propaganda. that guy would not be able to maintain long hair. he’d accidentally burn it off or something. also dex is not a cinnamon roll. marella is bisexual, not a lesbian. king dimitar is irrelevant to me and the bit is sometimes annoying. alden is not abusive. fitz is not manipulative. keefe is not mature enough for a relationship with sophie. (+ princess purryfins is the size of a goldfish, not a full-sized cat! vertina is literally only a head, she does not have a body!)

9. -

10. sokeefe vs sophitz. like we’re not getting anywhere by arguing about this why don’t we all just take a deep breath and calm down a bit

actually i guess that’s more the fandom itself ummm idrk i hate how some of y’all demonize characters for the stupidest reasons (just being silly btw don’t take any of this too seriously)

11. -

12. -

13. dex honestly. tam too but personally i’ve seen it happen with dex wayyy more

14. i don’t read fics 😜👍 can’t ever find ones that sound interesting

15. people forgetting to draw the registry pendants 😢 guys give them back their pretty little necklaces

16. -

17. -

18. -

19. honestly no idea… i’ll get back to this one

20. again, the love triangle. also pretty much all of stellarlune LMAO. i swear most of that book was just them talking about stuff they were going to do instead of actually doing it 💀 also shannon was pushing the kenric / oralie agenda way too hard in that book tbh like guys kenric is dead literally nothing can come out of this. it’s irrelevant and i don’t care!!!

21. keefe 😊👍 again. does not deserve all that hype

22. fintan on the other hand….. also the peace summit scene is under appreciated it’s so funny (as well as every other fintan scene tbh)

23. gonna be so real back in 2019/2020 i was a hardcore believer of aroace fintan and i hated pretty much every fintan ship so. old me would be horrified to know what my current favorite ship is. (still basically hate every other fintan ship tho LMAO)

24. once again sokeefe vs sophitz lmao 💀 or honestly just fitz vs keefe. we do not need to be doing this guys.

25. “dex on the cover!” “dex needs more page time!” WRONG! we need more marella page time. we need another marella cover!! we need more fintan page time!!!!!!!!!

[alphabetboyluvr]

Ok so I saw that long ass post that anon sent you about the vote thing on Wattpad, and while I don’t agree with some of what they said where they told you what to do (which they shouldn’t have done, they were rude) I do actually agree with them where they said people don’t tend to look at the votes when deciding whether or not to read a story. I actually think the whole vote thing is just something only authors care about, not readers.

As an avid reader on Wattpad, I do give votes just because authors like it- but I don’t actually give a shit about how many votes a story has when I’m looking for my next story to read. I look at the number of views- which I think you’ll find most readers do, even though the view count can be skewed.

Either way, I do think the whole vote thing should be taken off Wattpad as to the majority of readers, they really don’t care about it and it doesn’t give a good representation of how good a story is

I've been thinking about this all a lot ever since the last anon came in. I'll probably avoid answering questions about this topic again, but there does seem to be disconnect between the writer and reader standpoint, so I'll try and explain my thoughts as best I can without waffling for ages lol

my answer is to this ask, but also to the topic in general, and thoughts I've had regarding that last anon.

it's a really difficult topic to discuss because wattpad has an algorithm that is never really explained to writers. i cant say its important because xyz - i can just give you my own experience. ive been on wattpad for 11 years and have seen it through many changes. i used to use the activity tab to find new stories, and i honestly think getting rid of that was detrimental to the user experience tbh.

as it stands, we don't know what the algorithm favours, so we have to do what we can.

and what can we do? we can tag our work, we can acquire reads and votes, and then we can do more laborious things such as entering award books run by other users and engaging with our readers in various ways.

the tag system, and trending stories under those tabs, are really skewed. for instance, I don't think any of my stories have ever made it onto the fanfic tab, nor have I ever ranked highly under tags despite having really engaged readers and metrics which would suggest I would be.

so, unlike what the last anon said, my stories haven't always been 'out there'. word of mouth, and some stroke of luck tiktoks, are what's pushed them more than anything. so in that way, yeah the desire for votes is flawed—but personally I don't think read count is indicative of quality. if we're thinking about it from a marketing standpoint and conversion rates etc, votes a far more indicative of quality and I'd rather be known for quality over quantity.

the last anon also specifically noted the number of reads/follows I have on wattpad, and suggested that I shouldn't care because those numbers are high—which, respectfully I disagree with. if I didn't care in the early days, I wouldn't have pushed myself to make it to where i am. you can't just expect me to switch off that part of my personality. I'm ambitious and I really care about the things I create.

my girliepop oc's tend to have ambitious streaks and personal goals that they work hard for. they take after their mother, in that sense.

i think what confuses me the most is why it irks people, when you boil it down. its a tap on the screen for readers—and having just uploaded an 11k chapter that took hours to write, to edit, to craft, only to then be told its not worth it? i dunno man, it's just mean lol.

you can think these thing by all means, but don't come into my space just to be cruel. sometimes it okay to keep your opinions in your group chats.

the system is flawed, but I don't think you can blame a gal for just trying to work with it in the only way she knows how

[illumiiiz]

songs with some of the best guitar intros ever made in my opinion, in no particular order, a comprehensive (& continually updating) list:

Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne); I don’t care how you feel about the rest of the song, the intro fucking slaps and if you deny that you’re lying. to yourself and everyone else.

Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple); literally iconic. the intro reaches a part of my soul no other song does, besides maybe the cinematic cover version by 2wei

I Don’t Wanna Stop (Ozzy Osbourne); I feel like this is probably in a Tom Cruise movie somewhere. self explanatory. I’ve had this song on repeat for two days

Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode); again, SO iconic. if I could inject a song into my veins like drugs it’d be this one

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper (Blue Öyster Cult); maybe I should start keeping track of how many times I say “iconic” in this list. not only the intro, but the instrumental bridges throughout the song, ESPECIALLY the one after verse 2 and the second chorus… 🤌✨

For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica); *slaps track name* this bad boy can fit an intro that is SO LONG. and it ALL FUCKS.

Kickstart My Heart (Mötley Crüe); there should be some sort of warning feature installed that doesn’t let you listen to this song if you’re driving bc if you do you WILL get a speeding ticket. altho it does sound better if you’re driving tbh. but watch for cops

Welcome to the Jungle (Guns N’ Roses); see my notes on Crazy Train above

New Divide (LINKIN PARK); ok honestly this one’s a nostalgia trip for me but also just objectively I feel like it goes pretty hard regardless of what scene you were into during the 2010s and how many amvs you watched

Everlong (Foo Fighters); I mean come ON. do I even have to say anything

Panama (Van Halen); sets the hype tone for the rest of the song right away, also this is another one that’s so much better while you’re driving for some reason. whole song fucking slaps too

Whispers in the Dark (Skillet); it’s not right at the beginning like most of these other ones are but just. just give it 20 seconds I promise it’s worth it.

Monster (Skillet); while we’re on the topic. imagine trying to fight the weird kid allegations and then these two songs come on back to back. lol. couldn’t be me..

Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana); ICONIC. changed the game forever and ever.

Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) (Big & Rich); this one’s mostly just here for that drop at the beginning cuz it’s actually pretty dope

The Adults Are Talking (the strokes); I can’t explain how this one makes me feel. but boy does it make me feel

Thank You For The Venom (My chemical romance); LITERALLY SO GOOD. sometimes I’ll listen to this song just to headbang to the intro and then skip the rest

Scotty Doesn’t Know (Lustra); this is embarrassingly near the top of my “songs I recognize within the first 0.1 seconds” list. we don’t need to talk about that tho

Headstrong (Trapt); even if you don’t know the name of this song you would recognize the intro, I’m sure of it

Puppet (Thousand Foot Krutch); this one had 14-15 year old me in a CHOKEHOLD OKAY and it still fucking slaps. I love this band.

Are You Gonna Be My Girl (Jet); fun fact the first time I heard this song was in the movie Flushed Away so now I always associate it with that 💀 but yeah this song bangs

Supremacy (Muse); gosh this whole song is just. like. RIDICULOUSLY good imo, the vocals the strings and drums combo,, the intro part lays the foundation tho. easily one of my favs out there

Iron Man (Black Sabbath); NO SHUT UP BC THE WAY IT SOUNDS LIKE A HEARTBEAT AND BREATHING ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Immigrant Song (Led Zeppelin); see notes for Crazy Train and Welcome to the Jungle

Living Dead Girl (Rob Zombie); gets stuck in my head a lot.

Something In Your Mouth (Nickelback); yes, I listen to them unironically and yes, this song made the list

Square Hammer (Ghost); honestly I listen to this song pretty much solely for the guitar track in it

Let It Happen (Tame Impala); I don’t know what instruments those are at the beginning but one of them sounds like a bass and regardless, the thing slaps so I’m including it bc I want to

link to the spotify playlist! (updated 2/23/24)

[ryuichirou]

Hello! Your art is really amazing and I also have a question to ask you if you wouldn't mind

I don't mean this in a rude way and the reason I'm asking is because I'm curious, why do you ship Ortho/Idia and Lilia/Silver?

+ Anonymous asked:

Hello ! I was wondering what make you ship ortho and idia ? No jugements here I also shipped family members in the past for various reasons, but I can’t seem to see the appeal of this particular ship. Anyway, have a nice day ! (btw sorry for my grammar i’m not english)

-------------

Hi, Anons! Seems like I’m starting all of my replies with apologizing for being late, this one isn’t an exception lol This is another ask that I wanted to think about for a while to make sure that I reply to it properly.

Thank you so much for liking my art and thank you for approaching this question in a polite way. I know this is a controversial topic, this is why we try to be honest about it, but at the same time not to post about it too often; but if you’re curious, I don’t mind talking about it. Ehh but this post is super long, I don’t know if you wanted it to be this long haha well.

Obligatory disclaimer,in case there are any people out there who still don’t realise where we stand on this issue: fiction is fiction, any topic or trope could be explored and played around with in fiction, and there is no direct correlation between the tropes a person loves and their moral code or life choices. One does not “support *something*” by shipping a certain ship. It’s not that deep.

With that out of the way, let’s proceed! Starting with Ortho/Idia. The reply’s mostly about them, tbh.

And right away, another disclaimer: like I mentioned in another post on this topic, us shipping Ortho and Idia romantically doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate the platonic reading of their relationship. The idea that platonic love could be super strong and tragic and make a person do drastic things for their sibling’s happiness is great and rarely explored in fiction. Believe it or not, we just really love the way they’re written, and even though we ship them romantically, we’re not blind to this version of their dynamic and we love that twst has a storyline like this. This storyline made me lose my mind as a shipper, but even if we look at it platonically, the fact that Idia called out the hypocrisy of swooning over Orpheus and Eurydice and yet people thinking that him (Idia) desperately wanting to bring back his brother is wrong is just beautiful.

Alright, that’s all the disclaimers, let’s dive into the shipping territory and talk about our feelings.

I don’t know, man, they just… love each other so much. The sheer volume of their love is so impressive and beautiful, and when it comes to shipping tropes that we like, they pretty much tick all the boxes.  I’ll try to explain it in more detail and with examples.

Since it’s a little bit hard to talk about them because there are so many versions of Ortho, I’ll try to say things that are common to all of them. And when I’m talking about a specific version of Ortho, I’ll mention that.

First of all, we really love ships that force characters to open up, develop, evolve and enhance the traits that we love about them. This is why in all of my character rants I tend to talk about their relationships with others, and in all of my headcanon posts I tend to talk about canonical events a lot: these things are strongly tied together for us. So naturally, I’ll start by talking about Ortho and the way his character works (and develops) through his relationships with Idia.

To be honest, we didn’t really care for Ortho at first. He wasn’t all that interesting to us based on his design and character quirks (alright, a cute robot boy, we get it), but once we got to know him better, he literally became one of our favourites. Because he is so much more than just a cute robot boy who only acts like a mascot or does whatever Idia wants him to do.

Even though he is perceived (mostly by the fandom, but also by some of the characters) as a child, he is definitely not an innocent and gullible baby. If we compare AI-Ortho to original Ortho from the flashback, it becomes very clear just how different they are. Ortho from the flashback is a very young child: he sounds, acts and talks like one. AI-Ortho, even though he’s based on the original Ortho, is nothing like that, because he grows, develops and learns with time. Ortho has shown again and again that he is smart, he could be quite cunning, his morals are questionable (since, you know, he is an AI and not a person), and he is quite reflective and perceptive. He is much more mature than he is given credit for, and a big part of it is that his main role is to take care of Idia. And not just in a “drink water, niisan” kind of way: he also acts as Idia’s emotional crutch at times. Ortho is very attentive to Idia’s emotional state, because this is what he’s been doing his entire robo-life: making sure that Idia is feeling alright, comforting him, reassuring him constantly, finding this fragile balance between not pushing Idia too hard and trying to inspire him to socialize with others as much as he can. This takes a lot of empathy and emotional wisdom; it’s clear that between him and Idia, Ortho takes the role of a mature caretaking person, even though he could still be a little bit naïve at times. And as he learns and adapts, he becomes more strict and more pushy with Idia, he learns how to persuade him, manipulate him, how to trick him. He becomes less anxious and scared to accidentally hurt Idia, because he knows what’s best for him.

Ortho as a character develops through his relationships with Idia, and we really love how big of a role Idia plays in his life. Of course, it’s obvious, because Ortho’s main purpose is to assist Idia, but the thing is, he’s always had his own agency about it. From one of his birthday vignettes we learn that Idia didn’t really want to talk to him at first when he created him, so Ortho had to analyze movies and learn how to have a proper emotional human-like dialogue, trying to find a way to approach Idia. And this “trying to find a way to approach him, trying to find a way to communicate with him, trying to make him happy” is Ortho’s entire life quest, but it’s such a dynamic quest that makes him learn a lot about himself as well. Even though Ortho only got his “heart” at the end of chapter 6, I think he developed feelings much earlier than that.

Which leads us to a very specific trope that we love in ships and media: an AI that falls in love/becomes obsessed with a person it serves. And not necessarily in a healthy or human way, since its grasp of empathy and ethics is much different from a human being’s, which makes its love weird and uncanny and yet strong and absolutely genuine. As I mentioned in one of the previous replies, the idea of AI-Ortho developing feelings for Idia, despite not being programmed to feel this way, is heartbreakingly beautiful. And this is exactly what happened to them: Idia is a genius, but he still wouldn’t be able to make AI-Ortho love him as much as he ended up loving him. So all of it is on Ortho…

Another group of tropes that we love a lot are overprotectiveness, unhealthy obsessions and yandere scenarios. And boy these two deliver when it comes to that. They are super protective over each other.

We really enjoyed Ortho’s Ignihyde Gear vignette, in which he overhears some Diasomnia students talking shit about him and Idia and tries to fry them with lasers, because being rude to Idia is an unforgivable sin to Ortho, to the point that he doesn’t even care when Trein calls him out for endangering others. He gets super upset when Trein bans him from going to classes with Idia though, and when he tells Idia about it, Idia gets furious… because how could these assholes bully Ortho, and how could Trein punish Ortho when he was only standing up for himself! The first instinct for both of them in this situation is to get back at assholes for hurting someone they care about. They worry about each other to the degree that they immediately become very antagonistic and cruel towards anyone who wrongs their loved one. And this is such a great trope for us, we love it a lot. In general, if you can describe a ship with a phrase “have you ever loved someone so much you’d want to destroy the world for them”, we’re most likely on board with it, having a mental breakdown because of how absolutely beautiful it is. And this is even a minor example, compared to everything that’s happened in chapter 6… When you look at it from the shipper point of view, the entirety of chapter 6 is so painfully romantic. (Also, even if instead of AI-Ortho we had a real Ortho, I’m pretty sure he would’ve been just as overprotective. The Shrouds are not okay.)

Another good theme of this ship is that ever since they were kids, they were all alone; all they have is each other, and that hasn’t changed even now, as the events of the game unfold. I love this bittersweet feeling of them being the only people who are capable of understanding each other in this big world, it’s such a unique (for a lot of reasons) and extremely strong bond. And it doesn’t matter which version of Ortho you take: be it the canonverse, be it an AU in which the original Ortho never died, they would still be extremely close and feel like the two of them are somewhat separated from the rest of the world. Their experience together is different, no one knows that they went through, and ships with such a great connection are always fun for us to play around with. Especially when their bond comes with a heavy baggage. A lot of things that I’ve described could be very unhealthy, and again, even if Ortho was alive, their relationship with Idia wouldn’t be all that healthy. Idia is very dependent on Ortho, he clings to him and could be pretty much helpless without him. No matter the AU(or canon), Idia always seems like someone who is filled with guilt over it, but just can’t help it. And at the same time, he might feel that Ortho has so much more to live for than to waste his life on his useless brother, and that he has to let him go. Idia is always ready to sacrifice pretty much everything about himself for Ortho, always has been, as we saw it in the flashback. The trauma, the codependence, the jealousy – all these feelings could eat Idia (or Ortho for that matter) alive, and we’ll always enjoy this type of content with them.

Also, here is a fun little bonus. Another interesting thing that I noticed and also some people pointed out as well (well, I’ve seen only one, but I’m not sure we’re the only people who noticed that) is that Ortho and Idia’s story kind of has some correlations with Hercules and Megara’s story. I am very biased because I adore Meg, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Well, Ortho does have a lot of motifs of Hercules and it’s a fact: he “goes from zero to hero”, he is being called “Monsieur Wonder” (Wonderboy), he wanted to be a hero ever since he was a child. And at the end of his arc he had an opportunity to start living a new life, true to who he is (stop pretending to be Ortho Shroud and find his own identity = joining the gods on Olympus), but ends up staying with the one he loves instead (just like Hercules stayed with Meg, because “I finally know where I belong”).

Idia is clearly based on Hades and he doesn’t let us forget it for a moment with his constant quoting, but he still has some interesting traits that resemble Meg as well. He is kinda stuck doing a job he hates (although this is true to Hades as well). And even though his backstory is very different from hers, ultimately, he is a cynical heartbroken person who is disappointed in life and doesn’t want to get hurt again, and who also has a huge soft spot for a certain wonderboy who is very genuine and kind to him, which also makes him feel deep and constant guilt. I really love this unintentional (?) crossover lol

And the last thing, If we’re being open and honest, there are also some aspects of Ortho and Idia’s relationship that hit close to home to us personally. Not the incest thing of course, but the way their dynamic works. Without diving deeper into details of our personal life, let me just say that when Ortho said that he just doesn’t want Idia to be misunderstood and mistreated by others, I felt it.

It’s funny that you, the first Anon, asked about both Ortho/Idia and Lilia/Silver, of course I know what makes these two ships similar lol, but the thing is, our attitude towards Lilia/Silver is a bit different simply because we don’t know them as well as we do Ortho and Idia. With Lilia and Silver, our feelings could basically be described as “well that would be fun/hot, wouldn’t it?”. It’s more on a sexy side of things, even though there are some deeper aspects of their relationships that we love and find interesting. The fact that we love both Lilia and Silver individually also makes them quite a nice ship. They just have a lot of potential for both cute scenarios and really really problematic, unhealthy and fucked up ones. The only reason I’m not writing a 4 page long essay on these two is because I don’t have as much to say about them… yet. Sorry, there’re so many characters in TW, and it takes a while both to get to everyone and to enjoy the ones we’re pretty confident about, so idk how long it’ll take for us to truly dive into Lilia/Silver as much as we have with Ortho/Idia.

TLDR; We love unhealthy dynamics, codependence, possessiveness and readiness to act drastically for a loved one. Ortho and Idia love each other dearly, and there is a lot of baggage and layers to their relationships, no matter which version of Ortho and Idia you take. Lilia and Silver also have a lot of potential for fun unhealthy scenarios, but they are also very hot together, and we are very self-indulgent, sooo don’t mind if we do.

And finally, let’s save all the right and healthy dynamics for real life. In fiction, it’s fun to look at things that are interesting, unusual and taboo. It’s always been this way with us; we’re just naturally drawn towards ships that have problematic elements in them, since they tend to have more potential for messed-up scenarios (and we prefer those). Even in ships with zero age gap and no family relation between the characters whatsoever, we enjoy playing with the idea of unhealthy obsessions, dependence and all this jazz.  We just really love dark media, and not only for shipping purposes.

It’s also ironic, considering the topic of this particular post, but we aren’t that into incest as a trope/kink, haven’t been at least. We’re just very open-minded when a ship grabs our attention, and this is exactly what’s been happening lately with all these couples lol

I guess that’s it? Let me know if you have any more questions, and I really hope that I managed to explain what we see in these ships properly. If this monster of a reply isn’t enough for you for some reason and you crave more of our thoughts, please read this one too…

Thank you for reading! And have a good day.

[mercurialsmile]

Ok so I don’t really see as much talk abt self-dx on tumblr anymore which is good but at the same time I still think about it a lot.

It is a very complicated topic that has a lot of nuance in it, but at the same time I am still so wary about those who just decide they have X and run with it.

When people think of self-dx they usually think of a mental health disorder or of being neurodivergent. And tbh I don’t really care if someone decides they’re autistic or have depression or what have you. You can’t really “steal” resources unless you have a dx. Where it becomes an issue is when people use their self-dx to justify being abusive to people. And that’s for a number of reasons. One, saying you’re a shitty person cause you have depression or anxiety or adhd or whatever is incredibly ableist and demeaning. Two, it’s just a shit thing to do. Having a disorder or being neurodivergent doesn’t make you an asshole. You’re an asshole because you’re an asshole or because you’re a teenager and lbh a lot of teens can be a bit of an asshole at times. Lord knows I was. But I also wasn’t justifying it. I just accepted it lol.

No, where self-dx gets dangerous is when people start saying they have medical problems that cannot be dx based on Google MD alone and decide to just treat themselves.

If I had a nickel for every patient who came in and told me that they got out of breath walking and decided to just go to Facebook marketplace or Craigslist and buy oxygen id have way more than 2 nickels. Or patients who are sent home on like. 1-2L of O2 deciding they need like. 5-6L and not telling the doctor.

That? That right there? That sort of self-dx? That can kill. You can die from oxygen toxicity. And being out of breath is such a general symptom of so many different dx that just deciding you need O2 is incredibly dangerous.

There is a market for machines and medications like this if someone decides they want to treat themselves for a dx they don’t have and is most likely wrong. It’s not hard to find at all. And the fact that so many patients I see just decide to get a treatment based on google and YouTube is absolutely terrifying

And that is precisely why I am against self-dx serious and complicated medical issues.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

How or when did you realize that you love Dimiclaude as a ship? Was it already while playing the game/their routes or some time later? I already picked up on their chemistry in the game, especially their banter during WC (incl. El here, wish there was more House leader content) but tbh it really got me trough good fanwork. Probably bc I'm not that much of a shipper, in 3H there are few pairings I really care about, Dimiclaude and Sylvix on the top there. So, slowly I thought more about their[1]

[2] canon interactions and how good they would be for each other. All the things you and others already mentioned in "why do you ship them" answers, but also they do complement each other so well. Even in Hopes you can see Dimitri really needs someone to help him relax and take things a little more easy - Claude could help here. And Claude really needs someone who he can trust unconditionally to work on his issues there, and who better than someone as honest and good-hearted as Dimitri? ♡

[3] adding to my prior post: I also noticed that there are a fair number of fics that include both Dimiclaude and Sylvix, which is nice for me since I ship both. Most of them are modern au and often one of them is more in the background, but I do think it works really well in the post-AM universe, too. Imagine the King of Faerghus/Fodlan and the King of Almyra, and the Duke and the Margrave (who are more or less the most powerful nobles in the kingdom after the King himself) ... if I ever heard

[4] of two power couples it would be them. Though ofc that means a lot of responsibility and some long distance longing as well, ah poor Dimitri and Claude. Imagine, when Sylvain got send off to deal with Sreng/work to negotiate with them, at least Dimitri and Felix can exhaust themselves in practice, like the training maniacs they are (win-win!) while they "secretly" pine for their loved ones (secretly = obviously Dimi a little down, Felix more grumpy). Ok I'm getting a bit off-topic, sorry lol

Tbh I don’t really remember exactly what made me love them or when I realized it. I know it started in 2019 so it wasn’t too far into the game’s existence, but I don’t recall if it was fanart, Tumblr posts, their chemistry or a combination of those things. I do know it was BL/AM where I first really gave it thought. Originally my main ship was Dimitri and Byleth, but somewhere along the way it just kinda shifted to DimiClaude.

Generally I very casually ship things, like I can say I ship Hilda and Marianne or Ashe and Dedue, but I don’t really actively seek out content for it nor write it myself. It’s rare for them to be really dedicated to a ship and I have a few other OTPs from other fandoms that I love a whole lot, but I have comparatively way more casual ships, so DimiClaude being so interesting to me was surprising.

Aside from their canon interactions, for me it’s also the amount of possibility they have together and how many fic ideas, AUs or canon, could fit with them perfectly. They fit into a whole lot of ideas and concepts that always help explore different aspects of both of them. Having that is fun because it also helps me really see the kind of relationship they could have. They have an insane amount of potential and I love that.

Personally I do think Dimitri’s openness and honesty is perfect for Claude. I think if anyone else just said overly nice sounding things to him he wouldn’t immediately believe it, but considering how earnest and easily excited Dimitri can be, it’s hard to believe Claude would look at him and be like nah he’s lying. After Claude had such a terrible childhood, I think Dimitri would be perfect for making him feel better about himself and really giving him even more motivation to achieve his dreams. Being with Dimitri would also definitely help with his dreams since they want the same thing.

When I write them in fics I like to explore a sillier side of Dimitri that he starts to ease into because of Claude. It’s obvious throughout the game that he really does try to be relaxed and not so formal, but it’s just difficult for him. Claude is basically like... the kind of person who can be joking around one second and then get to work and do what he needs to do the next second. I feel like it’d be easy for him to slip into a relaxed, casual attitude to make sure Dimitri doesn’t tend to feel too uptight or serious around him. I like to think that eventually, being with Claude would help him open up to being a bit more silly and joking more. The way they banter in the game makes me think they could easily bounce off each other in a silly situation and have a really lighthearted moment.

Typically I am one of those DimiClaude/Sylvix people lol. For me it’s mainly because Sylvain and Felix are so close to Dimitri that they’re going to be the people who see Dimitri pretty regularly even post war. Also, I think Sylvain would notice Dimitri’s feelings pretty fast, and Sylvain is pretty loving and protective over his childhood friends. I think he’d want to stay close at first just to make sure Dimitri is alright, kind of also with the whole “if you hurt his feelings I will slay you” kind of thing with Claude. Protective older brother kind of deal.

Another character I love incorporating into DimiClaude is Dedue, because I think he’d be both so happy to see Dimitri happy and so happy and grateful that it’s someone with the exact same ideals as Dimitri that Dimitri is with. Both of them want the same things and have been planning for a long time to work on the same things. I think he would get along well with Claude and be really grateful to him for helping Dimitri.

I have headcanon about DimiClaude to keep them from having a long distance relationship because I’m a nut and I can’t handle them being apart lol. I like to write them as always being together like a normal couple, but they go back and forth between Fodlan and Almyra. Basically they’ll stay in Fodlan for half a month or a month or something at a time, then they’ll go to Almyra together. I headcanon that while they’re away from Fodlan, Sylvain, Lorenz and Ferdinand are the Help Desk instead of Dimitri. Generally I headcanon post AM that Lorenz takes care of the former Leicester territories and Ferdinand takes care of the Adrestian territories, so Sylvain would take care of Faerghus while Dimitri is away. And, of course, people know better than to try to start something while the kings are away, because Felix is grumpy and impatient and will just slice. When the boys are away from Almyra, he’d probably leave his dad and mom in charge like before he was king, or maybe have Nader be his temporary replacement while he’s away.

That way they’re always together and grow together as a couple, which would also help them get very used to each other and being around someone else in their daily life. Dimitri mentions in Houses that he didn’t have friends in the palace after the Tragedy besides Dedue because they all died, and of course we know his only other friends were long distance. I think it would make Dimitri really happy to wake up to someone every day and not have to worry that Claude will have to leave soon and be apart from him for long periods. I think Claude would also be really glad to have someone he knows loves him by his side regularly, because he’s already spent his whole life alone. Both of them were pretty lonely people. I like to think they can help each other not be lonely because they know no matter what, someone will always be there now.

Plus, I think if they show up together a lot, whether it’s a formal event or even just walking around a town together, people would get used to seeing them together and it could open up a lot of chances for their nations to get along better. I feel like Almyra would take to Dimitri faster than Fodlan would take to Claude once they know he’s Almyran, but I also think since their leadership would be so good to the people that they would start to accept Claude (and the marriage) a lot faster than they otherwise would.

One of my favorite ideas I still need to write at some point is Dimitri going with Claude to a poor area in town and visiting the kids... I have a n o t h e r and it’s that Dimitri learns to sew from Mercedes like in their supports but he handmakes things for the kids, and he often visits orphanages to bring the kids gifts. It always makes the kiddos super excited when they hear he’s gonna stop by, and when they get gifts from him they like to tell everyone they got presents from the king. Of course, you know Claude’s good little heart is melting whenever he sees this, and after going with Dimi a few times he starts to also learn some things so he can make some Almyran gifts for the kids. Sometimes they also bring ingredients so the kids can have a huge meal that day, and usually enough for leftovers for another day. They’re kings, they can afford more stuff than they’ll know what to do with in their life!

And yes, bodyguard Yuri will usually be shadowing them... even though Claude insists they’ll be fine because he’s used to being targeted. Yuri is a worrywart though despite his denial about that and will often be making sure they are safe. 

[katsukidynam1ght]

KATS RANT TIME PART 2

forgive my formatting i have no memory of how i did part one and it is too late for me to care at all

big trigger warning on discussion of abuse and violence for this one! read at your own risk. this has a lot of potential to be upsetting especially because it’s late and i’m struggling to express things as neatly as i usually try to.

today’s topic: some of you are way too sensitive when it comes to physical violence

“kats this is a touchy topic. abuse isn’t okay ever” you are absolutely correct! abuse in any form is never okay and i do not condone it. do not hurt other people. just don’t.

but not everything is abuse.

try to understand what i’m saying here because it’s late and i’m tired but this is important stuff.

society is conditioning everyone to believe that any kind of physical act is abuse and honestly? no the fuck it isn’t. prolonged violence would be, yes. extreme violence would be, yes. if it is done to be abusive and cause harm, if it is done intentionally with that in mind, yes. if it is repetitive and unrepentant, yes!

(i am not saying violence as a whole is okay either do not take that away from this. violence is not okay but sometimes people are impulsive or haven’t been taught. that doesn’t make it okay, but it makes them human. you gotta cut people slack when it counts. that said: do not let yourself or the people you love be mistreated and if you recognize a situation then do what you can to remedy it.)

but look. (and oh, kats, baby, they’re gonna hate you for this one—) i got spankings growing up. yeah yeah, “you didn’t turn out fine kats look at you” but that wasn’t the spankings, i promise. my mom or dad swatting me on the ass two or three times did not give me Psychological Damage.

(granted: i have good parents who love me a great deal and take care of my needs. their discipline was not excessive and only enacted when necessary, and this is the kind of physical behavior i am referring to — i am not talking about parents who use discipline as an excuse to abuse their children. i am not saying spankings will never damage a kid’s brain. everyone’s different. my point is merely that something like what my parents did to discipline me does not qualify as abusive treatment.)

or how’s this — my brother and i have beat up on each other a bit throughout the years. once when we were preteens i pinned him down and smacked him with a pair of dirty socks that he threw at me. once when we were teenagers i stuck my tongue out at him and he smacked me hard enough my ear rang. once when we were itty bitty kids we got in a fight and he bit my shoulder so hard it bruised.

(and one time he accidentally cut the inside of my lip with a wooden stake. i still find this too impressive to be upset about tbh)

kids beat on each other. they do that. so long as you teach them “hey, that’s not okay, don’t do that” it’s cool! sometimes it’s roughhousing-turned-violent and sometimes you just gotta get the anger out somehow and it’s better to direct it at someone who’s stuck to you by blood as opposed to literally anyone else.

and that’s not abuse. (again, yeah, i got it. it absolutely can be. i’m not talking about when it is. please understand that and cut me some slack.)

so often in so many different fandoms, people get really hung up on the way characters interact with each other, and they get Really Hung Up on the violence. and i get it! violence isn’t okay and really people need to cope better.

but you have Got to put the characters in the context of their story.

we’re talking about teenagers — hormonal pubescent teenagers who are still learning to get a fucking grip and going through intensely traumatic experiences on a regular basis! they’re also training to be heroes, which, yeah, is a pretty violent field! there are going to be times where they will want to hit or kick or spit or scratch and It Is What It Is. they get disciplined when they go too far and they control themselves pretty much all the time. (and no i am not saying violence is ever excusable. if that’s your takeaway from this you’re wrong and i will probably block you out of annoyance. violence is not excusable, but it isn’t inherently worthy of the fandom’s wrath.)

so you have to think about it within the context. you can’t apply real-world standards of “acceptable” violence. (oh dear me that is barely coherent. forgive pls)

some things are very obviously abusive and not okay: take kotaro shimura’s treatment of tenko, or endeavor’s treatment of rei and shouto. those are not okay. those are abusive.

(this is absolutely not the time to say this because i’m sure plenty of people are annoyed already But! ayo i am Here for endeavor redemption. psa that you don’t have to let your abusers back into your life but it is okay and healthy for you to forgive them and let them become better people without you! abusers are in fact allowed to make progress. and that’s a good thing because we don’t want them hurting anyone else isn’t that right <3 i will not let those people back in my life but i hope they are able to become the people i wish they were when i knew them.)

but okay back to the teenager thing. like this — i don’t like monoma. he annoys the shit out of me and i really just want to punch him sometimes. but kendo smacks his head a lot to knock him down and shut him up.

and y’know what? i don’t see any fucking person claiming that’s abuse.

now — that’s either because they recognize “well, that’s not abusive. it might be a little mean, but that doesn’t constitute abuse” or because she’s a girl, and i hope it’s the former and not the latter. that’d be even more obnoxious.

so if you can do it in those circumstances, why’s it hard to do in other areas? why’s it so hard to look at a character and go “man, that’s shitty behavior, but it’s not really abuse and it doesn’t make them a bad person”? because it doesn’t feel that hard to me, but hey! i’m just kats and what do i know.

(now again: small physical acts can escalate into bigger violent and abusive behaviors. mind your red flags and don’t let anyone treat you badly.)

i’m not saying this from a standpoint of “oh kats but the only people who have ever been physical with you are people you love” not true! i am saying this from a standpoint of “i have experienced things that are physical abuse and also things that are not physical abuse”! so i do have at least a little understanding of what i am talking about.

“kats your objective contextual view of this subject is really annoying” thank you babydoll i understand viewing things inside of their context frustrates the real world application but at the end of the day it is a work of fiction and you cannot expect me to use real world standards on fictional world violence. blowing you a kiss for your troubles <3

gist is: not every small act of violence is abuse and holy hell some people really need to get a grip on what qualifies as abuse.

(babydoll i can even argue that my favs choking each other out doesn’t count as abuse given the circumstances. all about character pov and perception and as a writer those are skills i am required to have.)

anyways. you can’t be a “violence isn’t the answer. it’s the question and the answer is yes” person while still claiming every act of violence is abuse. or whatever. it’s late as fuck i want to sleep

rant over don’t hurt people even if it’s not abuse it’s not okay thanks goodnight

[psychelis-new]

Hello again, lys! I’m here to give feedback on my personal reading. It’s quite long, sorry about that.

First of all, I absolutely love how you communicate with people and how you voice your thoughts and give advice to people reaching out to you. I love reading your thoughts on life, tarot, divination or any other topic to be honest.

I agree with your thoughts about the journey of life , how we shouldn’t stress over the things that we have no control over. I keep trying to remind myself that life is not a race in which we have to reach certain milestones in a certain time, but it’s kind of hard for me to live by this statement. I’m a college student right now and I feel like everyone knows what they want, what goals they want to achieve so this feeling of being lost really takes a toll on me sometimes.

If we move onto the reading, I think the reading corresponds with what you said at the beginning. I’ve been living some kind of an identity crisis for a few years now and I think it’s related to my upbringing. One of my parents is a bit restrictive and as I grew up, my perception of life strayed away from theirs. I have been wanting to make some changes in my life according to my own understanding of life but I keep delaying out of fear(?) of their and my extended family’s reaction. I have never make and act on such a big decision on my own like this before so I fear doing something “bad” too (It’s a bit of a religion thing.). This could be the throat blockage you have talked about. You have also said that I’m already on a path right now, this may be about college or my interest in writing which I stopped practicing but I am wanting to start again. Fear and anxiety have been controlling them both for a while now.

I don’t know about the transformation and the cycle I’m ending but you already pointed out that I may not realized it. If it’s about the things I mentioned, it’s possible for me to not understand the entire process of change as it’s been going on for a long time period.

All in all, the reading really resonated with what I feel like I’m going through. I’ll try to not run away from new experiences and learn to trust myself about my own life.

Thank you for your time, your encouragements and insightful words. It is always a delight to read them.

Have a nice day, take care.

Hey, thanks a lot for sending your feedback, it's very appreciated! Thanks a lot also for all the kind words you had for me.

You know, many of us pretend (or think) they know what they want to do or who they wanna be, but from the thought to actually taking action, there's a huge difference. And tbh, even if some of them already have a clearer idea than yours, you should not compare your life with theirs. You're at your own point in life, and they're at theirs. It's fine to not have all the answer for your own life while others may have found theirs for their life. We are different people here for different reasons on different paths, and not all of us can really clear their life in 18 years or less, not all of us heal the same way (or heal at all). It's okay if you need more time to realize what you want: don't let society, anyone else or your upbringing make you feel like you're any less for this cause you're not.

You know what is funny? I have not mentioned that in your reading but I kept hearing writing (this also to say, as a reader, I do have doubts too about the messages I get... I'm human). So I guess that's indeed a path you may need to try and walk on again, maybe also to free yourself from this insecurity and fear of betraying, disappointing or upsetting (you choose the level of the emotion) all the ones around you. Which is not a thing. Sometimes we may have to hurt and disappoint someone we care for, but it's for a very good cause: our own happiness. Some people may not get that what they like and "impose" on us, may just not be for us; some people may need to actually see that we're happy in another way, to understand. Some people may not realize that the way they treat us as children can really have a toll on us as adults, just because they've been growing up under the same toll and never really stopped to realize it (different sensibility or different level of hurt: we're receiving a trauma transformed through more generations). This fear you feel btw, it's ofc normal if you've grown up in such a strict environment. And trust me, I know well how it feels and how scary it is also to just try and take a decision for yourself while waiting for someone shouting their anger at you cause you're wrong (in their eyes): but you know what? Many times this is a fear that's mostly in our mind, that we create for ourselves and not a real one: they may not be reacting as we fear, at all. I know it's terrifying and stressing to walk on eggshells but you don't have to do that. Remind yourself that, despite their actual reaction related to what you want to do (be it anger, control or judging), it's not your problem: it's very likely their trauma talking, and it has nothing to do with you and your life. Idk if it's only a religion thing here or also this, it could be both. But I hope you find ways to come out of your shell, little by little. To find some clarity and courage just by coming back to the things you like doing. Have no fear of writing. Writing is so freeing, especially journaling :) And I can tell you too as I really like to write on my other blog (where btw you may even find something that can help you cause it's mostly self help and things I'm trying to realize myself/learning).

I think the cycle ending in your reading may refer to this identity crisis you've been experiencing lately. You'll probably find your way out of it. You know, when we change the most we're not aware we're actually changing. We realize we have changed only after we've done with it, only after we're out of the storm. So I hope you can find your way out of your storm soon. But again, do not rush things. Take your time, respect yourself and appreciate who you are, even if you feel like you're not quite there yet. I'm not either, you know? And I've been out of college for a while. And we're not the only ones :) but we'll get there too, at our own pace.

I guess a long feedback required a long reply :D All the best, really. Take care<3

[veryfrickingqueer]

okay so i gotta get this out and it’s unusul deep for my acc

so basically my school has this (by teachers unknown) unofficial gossip account on instagram which is run by a student

and in the last couple days, the topic was kinda style of the students and styling tips (not specific just these irrelevant “be confident” “look on pinterest for inspo” etc ones) and now there’s been a survey for worst syling choices seen which tbh i hate that one. partlly bc I’ve been personally affected, which generally isn’t my problem bc if i still would care about all negative things someone says about me I’d killed myself last year (and thankfully i stopped caring bout others opinions bc tbh 13 y/o me did and it was no happy time) and whatever. so basically my problems with this survey are that some of the answers are pretty fucking specific and some poor 13 y/o girly is going to see this and is maybe never going to wear her fave jeans again just bc some anonyme online dude said they look ugly. and that shit hurts my soul because i once was that kid. and i know how much that hurts especially if you don’t really have friends and are just generally a loner. and NO ONE would say “i think xy is ugly” irl to me. no one would have the courage to walk up to me and say “your earrings are unstylish”. this may sound arrogant but tbh I’m known for being loud and proud and opinionated. but the think is, some kid might have to hear that every day by their parents. that they don’t look good enough or don’t work hard enough or whatever. and then they read in some weird online survey on an insta acc that was made for infos bout teachers n school stuff that their clothing is ugly and unstylish. on top of getting criticised/insulted every day by someone else. and that hurts. that hurts so much bc like getting criticed n insulted every day by one person, that’s something you can get peace with but hearing the same words by some anonym stranger online? that could be the last drop.

and no matter what, hearing specific stuff insulted that you do too, even if it wasn’t directed at you but someone else, that still hurts, because after a certain amount, for some more, some less, you take everything against you and it feels so weird in backsight, that you were disgusted of your natural features or your clothes or whatever just because someone else said something

and I know, I fucking KNOW that everyone who said these specific things, they would NEVER ever walk up to someone and say that stuff in another persons face. 

and i know that this may sound weird and that someones gonna read this and say “well not all kids struggle” yes. not all. but enough. too many. and sadly, there will always be someone who struggles with their looks or their personality or their life and if you’re that person, I’m so sorry for you and I wish I could make you feel better

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Please discard this question if it makes you uncomfortable but,

Your takes on the Naruto characters are so much fun to read, they're so unique and sometimes too relatable haha XD but they're also very intimidating to someone still figuring themselves out (me aa (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)). My question is, how did you grow to be comfortable enough to share them in public? And not just Naruto posts, do you have any tips on being more comfortable with oneself?

This is more about being vulnerable with yourself and your ideas then it is about Naruto, topics like these can be very burdensome, so if you don't feel like responding please don't. Wishing you a good day <3

Hchxuxz this is probably going to be a ling answer but i’ll try my best not to write you an essay.

First of all, it took me years to grow into being comfertable sharing my headcannons. When i first joined tumblr i was in the marvel fandom and it was very open ended but not really the best for feeling like you could be free with your headcanons.

I explored things like my own gender through the character of Hawkeye (Clint Barton, hence my AO3 name) and it was hard at times because in that fandom if people don’t like what you’re doing they say so and tbh there’s so many marvel fans that it’s overwhelming

But then I joined the star trek fandom. Because of the premise of star trek (diversity and tolérance) it was a lot more welcoming. People wanted to read about my trans McCoy headcannons and I got to read headcanons i hadn’t seen before (like Trans Uhura, Pan Spock, etc. Things i’d never thought of) and it really opened up my idea’s and allowed me to explore even more.

I didn’t stay in star trek fandom (even though i still adore star trek) because i just… didn’t have the creativity i wanted there. But it’s the fandom that really helped me open up and find comfirt

Not just fabdom helped me though. Space had a lot to do with me finding myself. I was lucky enough to live in other countries away from family, which gave me the freedom to explore who i really am and who i wanted to be. My husband and I were living in Israel when he first told me he was Bi and I told him that i thought I might be androgynous (my gender has changed since then as i found more comfort in myself, but it was a damn good starting point)

The big question though: how did I grow to be confertable enough to share my ideas

Marvel fandom helped me a lot with this. Even though i did leave the fandom, it was my first real experience with people getting mad at me for my takes and at first i let it get to me. I got genuinely upset.

Then when I started tompull away I realized i was letting it affect my real life. I was getting upset with my friends and my husband, and I wasn’t ok with that

I didn’t want to be that person

So i stepped back, took a breath, and thought ‘why do i care?’

I’ve been bullied my whole life for a variety of things. From being a ‘tomboy’ (gender non-confirming) to liking the wrong things (star trek and stargate fan in junior high and naruto fan in high school) to having shit spelling to just… being myself

I got tired of letting the bullies win and decided that I wasn’t going to do that anymore. Sure they could have their say and try and tear me down, but at the end of the day I have love and support and that’s what matters

I have an amazing husband

An amazing kiddo

My parents arn’t perfect but my mom will sure as shit fight anyone who try’s to call me ‘mom’ or ‘mommy’

I became comfertable sharing my reality and my headcannons simply because i stopped carinh about what others think. If they get downright rude and insulting i block them.

As you find yourself and search the world for your meaning and your reality, remmember this one very simple thing anon.

Other people matter, but their opinion’s stop mattering when they start tearing you down. No one has the right to tell you what your reality is. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel.

I found confidence because i realized other’s only tear you down to make themselves feel good. Stop letting them have that win. Stop giving then that confidence boost at the cost of your own confidence

You are amazing

You are beautiful

The world needs you as you are and as the person you are meant to be. Whoever that person is

[jeanmoreaux]

Hey, sibling anon here. I appreciate your very thoughtful response. I agree with everything tbh. I’m also an older sister, and me and my brother do have a decent relationship compared to before (I like to believe)

But sometimes I have these little heartbreaks when it hits me that we’re not always in sync or we don’t agree on some things. And we don’t always have to! I know. It’s just that I want to make sure we’re actual friends you know. Not just that blood is all that keeps us together. Cz we are all we have, one day when our parents are gone. He’s all I’ll have.

I guess it’s me wanting to feel assured someone has my back. Because I don’t feel that, and I’m pretty much on my own and it’s nobody’s job but mine to take care of myself. It’s not fair to force it on siblings to be there either…they have their own lives to live and all.

I guess I’m just ranting nonsense here and sibling relationships are complicated and etc. as an older sister, …it would just be nice to know it’s not in vain. All the things we do for our younger sibling/s. In many ways I feel like half a mom, but I’m not a mom. Just an older sister.

i don't think you're talking nonsense!! it's valid to have these feelings and want to have a good and lasting relationship with a sibling. i really get the assurance part—sometimes you just want to know that someone is in your corner, cares about, sticks around.... you wanting your brother to be that person for you (and you for him) is not unreasonable at all. people need people. ofc you can't force anyone to be there for you, but i think you can certainly ask. maybe just being honest and open about what you wish your sibling relationship could be might bring about a desire shift. maybe your brother even feels the same. and if that's not something you want to address directly (bc it's scary and hard), i found that approaching the relationship with my brothers like a friendship can help. but even then it's hard to establish a feeling of being in sync. if you have a similar kind of humour that's already a great start (which is often the case with siblings, i feel). i also try to lean into common interests and make that a topic of conversation or a fun activity (like a movie/tv show night, a trip to somewhere, etc.). i am sure (or, well, i hope) you also share some history of fun things you did together as kids that can help you connect (sometimes that ties into the shared interests). keeping relationships of any kind alive is very hard and requires work, and you can't do that work alone. it's a team effort.