#I started the job back this semester
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HELL WORLD
#nonsense#I needed to express this#haha funny story#I think I ended up starting 2al because I was unemployed and had nothing better to do outside college#I started the job back this semester#but oh no..... that + college is so time consuming!!!!#that and its midterms#o7#college takes my weekdays#job takes my weekends#I HAVE NO MORE FREE DAYS!!!#all my days I have... something
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i do think jing yuan finds love easily. not in a playboy way; in the sense that he finds something to admire and adore in all of his companions. He loves you, he loves yanqing. he loves qingzu and fu xuan. he loves the finches that perch on the birdbath. he loves the people who serve him at the dim sum place.
Jing Yuan who loves the starskiff driver for always letting him nap. Jing Yuan who feels eternally grateful to Qingzu for feeding mimi, and loves her like she’s a sister. Jing Yuan who is fiercely protective of Bailu and Yanqing. He doesn’t want them to be taken advantage of. Jing Yuan loving Fu Xuan for not prying into his love life. He loves Fu Xuan because she’s steadfast and brazen and he is reminded of himself at that age.
Jing Yuan who cant bring himself to love Blade or Dan Heng, who struggles to disconnect from Jingliu. Jing Yuan who finds himself shielding Dan Heng and parrying Blade. He finds his eyes burning when Jingliu is around. (Jing Yuan, who still loves Dan Feng and Yingxing, his teacher and baiheng. But is making room for Dan Heng and Blade. Has made room.)
Jing Yuan doesn’t have a “real” family now, but he carves one out of the people he meets, he makes a home for himself in his routine. In you.
#jing yuan#honkai star rail#jing yuan x reader#koi♪#i cried abt my future#i failed some classes and i’m stressed abt it but i figured i’d make it up this semester and with summer classes#i’m looking for a big kid job rn but an old work buddy (i started working as a young teen) told me she only found her job#on a job site post-grad.#also my dad keeps saying i can just… be a freeloads#but i want something for myself#not a legacy#but my own money. something i can look back on#and say that i tried#it might not be for me#but it’s interesting enough#and tbh that’s all that matters#i’m intrigued.
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atsushi starts taking some college classes and meets some friends and one turns out to be one of kunikidas former students
#atsushi notices the kid solves a problem the same way kunikida taught him too and is like#oh that looks familiar#the reveal comes farther in the semester when they get to talking more about atsushis job and coworkers#they trade funny kunikida stories#kunikida feels a disturbance in the force back at the office#i want to add more college!atsushi idea later but this one is just really fun to me to start#bsd#bsd atsushi#nakajima atsushi#bsd atsushi nakajima#kunikida doppo#bungou stray dogs kunikida#kunikida bsd#bsd au#bsd headcanons#karmic’s thoughts
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Passed my NREMT exam! I’m now a certified EMT :)
#I thought I failed it so bad like I literally walked out looking up retest fees#but now I can theoretically start my EMT job#will probably push back the start date though lol my course load this semester is killing me#me irl
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#the other day i was talking to my dad and he said im at a crossroads in my life except its an intersection of many different roads#and i have no idea which one to take. but because the semester is starting tomorrow it feela more like im standing at the edge of a cliff#waiting for the ground to crumble out from under me. not sure what im gonna tell my PI when i see him monday bc i feel like ive got one foot#out the door. its just hard when you dont know what to do or which direction to go or what opportunities you'll even get#and if i say goodbye to this program im probably saying goodbye to astr0biology. and if i dont go back to my old boss im probably saying#goodbye to microbial ecology. and if i say goodbye to those things i might be saying goodbye to a job where im passionate abt what i do#in exchange for being less insane and being paid an actual salary lol#its just frustrating and it makes me even more twisted up inside bc im teaching this semester and im like#how do i put passion into this when i#when all i feel is frustration and uncertainty. i dont even want to go into my office. when i left i couldnt sit in there without crying#but we'll see. too late to back out now. unless i have a breakdown halfway through#unrelated
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While I genuinely hate reading ebooks on a computer screen, this weeks Stealing Time activity at work is reading on the clock courtesy of my county library system 🤓
#just one more week and this summer semester is over and I can go back to being normal#and doing my job I promise#anyway! I have tales from earthsea physically but outside lunch I’ve been reading that#and also started Carmilla today and find it surprisingly brisk for a 19th century novel#also I’m not precious about physical books it’s that monitors and iPhones cause serious eye strain#and a kindle doesn’t help for stealing time lol but they look like they’d fix my issues
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2024 was one heck of a year, but hey, at least I started 2025 right by finally watching Masters of the Air! Literally can't believe it finally happened, I remember when it was just a whisper on the horizon. I watched Band of Brothers and The Pacific for the first time in like... 2013, and even at that point they were talking about it, but it just never happened.
#spilling the peaches#Hello it is I I'm still alive#Barely tbh but still alive#But yeah#2024 was honestly such a mix of a year both good and bad#Started it in New Zealand at the end of my big exchange and trip abroad and then back home to start my first big job as a qualified teacher#Had an amazing time getting to know so many wonderful colleagues and kids and parents#Found out in April they were cutting budgets and saving due to low birth rates so hey guess who was gonna be jobless#Got offered a position at a different school but same principal#Ended up with some more cool colleagues and kids and parents but my two closest colleagues were not... great#Adult bullying and all that jazz happened#Which ended up with me reporting them to the principal and HR and I had to leave that position#Got put on part time sick leave and worked part time at my old place. Found out two days before I went on Christmas holidays that I wasn't#going to get to stay on in any capacity and no other principals had any jobs for me#So guess who's unemployed starting literally tomorrow.#Honestly bad year and I don't think I've felt this bad in a long time#BUT#I did get my first own flat this year#I got a freaking cat!!!!#(He is the best he's a rescue at 7 years old and the sweetest bean. Been with me for two months now)#Made some great friends and kept a lot of old ones#So good things too but the autumn semester really took it out of me#But hey! Reloading with some new Hanks and Spielberg stuff and cat snuggles has been great#Now just waiting to hear back from places where I've applied for jobs and hope for the best#Hope y'all are good just popping on to say hi
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#was gonna pierce my lip but I realized I lost all the caps to my barbell piercings and I didn't even realize. I'm so fuckin mad#now I have to get more#idk if I can just get the screw on heads. idk what mm size they are#anyway. bone broth is successful. it's been slow cooking all day and looks and smells good. it's gonna make for hella nutritious soup base.#also I've been hunting down Spanish vocab audio because that's how I learn best.#listening to more language transfer and adding music to my Spanish playlist.#still definitely not conversational but my comprehension is going up quite a bit.#I had a grumpy Russian man come through my lane today and the desire to communicate better was so strong.#I just wanna learn all the languages.#I just need to find more resources that work for my brain.#I have a Spanish vocab book and I hardly touch it. duolingo sucks for me. I hate Rosetta Stone.#but there's resources out on the internet I just have to find them and use them.#there's a few good ones on Spotify I've found. as much as I hate Spotify conceptually for music artists it's still a resource I can use.#as much as I don't wanna apply for new jobs I don't wanna work in the same place next year when we move.#I still really wanna try food service. my speech has gotten way better and my stutter is almost never present#so job interviews should be way easier to pull off. I hope. I really hope.#I really wanna get back into nursing but idk if we're moving early enough for me to get into a cna certification class for spring semester.#I really should email the local community college and find out if I can pull off a late start or jump into a class already partway through.#I could look that up right now actually. find out when classes start there and how much I would be missing.#because I've passed the certification before it shouldn't be hard to jump in partway through I think.#hah. I'm so competent. I just looked up the information right now. there's an adult education center where I'm moving that offers the course#but not until halfway through spring.#so I could work food service for the spring and then switch to cna after.#I'm medicated so it's entirely possible and feasible. I have the ability.#hmmm. if I'm going into nursing maybe I should reconsider the lip piercing? hmmmm.#I can just let it heal over if it's an issue.#plenty of time between now and then.#anyway I'm going to bed good night.#well. maybe going to bed.
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I know I spent the last month of my last semester crying and complaining about it like a little baby but I'm *SO* happy to go back to uni tomorrow :)
#this semester i'm gonna make sure not to start a new job during my midterm/finals that's probably gonna help lol#i'm less happy about redoing medieval philosophy but oh well it is what it is#i didn't even disliked the class per say i just went to the exams and realized i had litterally not understood a single thing lmao#i actually found a tutor tho so that should help a lot#but yeah i'm really happy to go back to school
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let anxiety get the best of me👍🏽
#canceled interview last minute. to be fair i was wildly unprepared and also not sure i was even gonna be able to take the job#i need to stop setting myself up for failure and actually make a feasible plan for how ill go about the future events in my life#i've been so all over the place since this semester started idk what's wrong with me#shut up hanna#fuck okay he already emailed back and wants to reschedule. ok gonna actually prepare this time
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rachel from work making a crazy play for favorite coworker… if she leaves me i’ll kill myself btw
#if they do fill the position i had before taking my new one and they ask me who should do it i’m literally saying her….#but she might leave in january i think she’s going back to college for the spring semester. unless she decides to do a full gap year….#actually. EYE need to leave in january. someone needs to give me a real job. no applying please <3#i guess though a management position will look pretty dope on my resume when i do actually pussy up and start applying. at least
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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In my money era
#did comms and random help for family and surveys and got PAID :3#i get my job back as soon as semester starts toooo :)
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I really need to quit, the thought of going to work makes me feel sick
#auuugh#i just keep thinking that if i quit i can never go back to that Joanne's ever again. and i like getting yarn there. and the employee-#-discout is %30 off. and thats really fucking good#but retail is so draining. i have not felt well rested since i started working there#ive been so busy for what feels like so long. my weekly schedule is work. school. work. school. school. school. dnd :]#i have. 0 free days. i only look forward to dnd#if i stay with this job. till next semester. i am going to give myself an off day
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