18| i love jing yuan <3. art/writingno reposts/ai. pfp ok with credit.
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iâm realizing i start pushing people away once they confirm they care abt me⊠bc the idea of being cared for disgusts me when iâve been taking care of myself for most of my lifeâŠ
iâm the one who dried my own tears, who comforted myself and convinced myself to not end my own life.
i forced myself to keep going when everyone told me i can stop (because stopping would erase all of my progress.)
once i realized he cared for me too, i threw it all away.
hopefully i find the courage to send my apology.
hopefully he reads it, and knows iâm sorry.
#if he accepts my friendship#iâll be happy.#if he has blocked me and chooses to ignore me? very well.#iâll live.#perhaps iâll send it on my lesser used social media app?#that way if he sees it and responds#i wonât be as distraught if he chooses to say some well deserved scathing remarks#it feels rather selfish#an apology#itâs to allieveate my own guilt and loneliness.#whereas iâm sure he despises me now.
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i am amazed by how creative people are. how beautiful they create and how wonderfully expressive they can be, yet i stare into the void of my own work and wonder why i have yet to do the same. why my creations are so lackluster, so dull.
itâs harder when i realize these people are my age, younger. how theyâre older, but when i scroll down, i see things they made at my age and iâm full of woe once more.
#iâm a bit silly#im crying and i seem to be lacking sleep and vitamins#thus my deprecating admissions.
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sometimes i tell myself if i do certain things and stop asking for my wants iâll be liked more.
even if the people iâm trying so hard to like me are my own parents.
#they werenât very present during my childhood lol.#i think thatâs why i donât remember most of it.#some nights i cry like a child#and wish to go home.#i am jn my house from childhood#but i wish i had more people in my life.
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i love my dad. but some nights iâm the six year old he yelled at, and told he wouldnât feed.
i just wanted help with my homework.
iâm sorry, baba.
#i love him a lot. heâs turning 60 soon.#i still feel like a kid.#iâm an adult#i wish iâd act like one.#trauma#dad issues
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1 ⏠kuebiko: n. un estado de agotamiento inspirado por tragedias y actos de violencia sin sentido, que te obligan a revisar abruptamente tus expectativas de lo que puede pasar en este mundo, tratando de levantarte como un viejo espantapåjaros, que estå a punto de estallar pero no puede hacer nada mås que quedarse allà y mirar.
Jing Yuan ha aprendido, de manera dolorosa e Ăntima, que existe un tipo de agotamiento Ășnico al rodearse de personas que sabes que algĂșn dĂa encontrarĂĄn su fin.
fandom: honkai star rail
recuento de palabras: 530
idioma: español (english ver.)
Jing Yuan se siente como si hubiera sido viejo toda su vida. En lo profundo de los viscosos y retorcidos pasillos de su mente, persiste una tenue sombra de cuando era un niño, alegre, desenfrenado y descalzo mientras atravesaba el laberinto de flores de azafrĂĄn detrĂĄs de la ComisiĂłn Yashiro. No sabe si ese recuerdo le pertenece a Ă©l o a algĂșn fantasma que conjurĂł en un momento mĂĄs tranquilo.
Lo que lo llena ahora es el peso: el arrastre sofocante de su armadura, incluso cuando descansa en su lugar habitual contra la pared de ginkgo junto a su cama. El eco de su espada atraviesa su mente como el estridente crujido de huesos, un latido que nunca se va del todo, sin importar cuĂĄntos alquimistas de Vidyadhara visiten el palacio. Su estĂłmago estĂĄ en constantes nudos, su corazĂłn atrapado en algĂșn lugar entre su pecho y su garganta, preparĂĄndose para la inevitabilidad de la paz que se hace añicos como porcelana quebradiza bajo sus pies. Ăl es fuerte. Ăl es capaz.
Pero estĂĄ cansado. Setecientos veintiĂșn años lo han agotado, lo han desgastado como una espada que se niega a romperse y ya no brilla.
No es que no le importe la gente que lo rodea, ni que no darĂa el resto de sus años para mantenerlos a salvo. Sin embargo, estĂĄ cansado de un mundo que devora a los muchachos que entrena, escupiĂ©ndolos antes de que tengan la oportunidad de convertirse en hombres. Hay un dolor que se instala en sus huesos algunos dĂas, un dolor que susurra por el abrazo de sus aposentos, los brazos mudos y tiernos de la oscuridad donde el sueño finalmente podrĂa encontrarlo, aunque sea por un rato.
(El descanso es un concepto distante que se desliza entre sus dedos como agua de las Profundidades Lunarescentes.)
El General se levanta, se pone la armadura y siente el peso frĂo presionando sus manos, filtrĂĄndose en su pecho. La gente estĂĄ muriendo, piensa, sentado en el borde de su cama mientras sus rodillas se doblan bajo la gravedad del conocimiento. No puede dejarlos solos en este caos colosal y extenso. Se pregunta si el niño que solĂa ser alguna vez imaginĂł esto. Todas la maldad que las especies de larga vida son capaces de hacer. ÂżPodrĂa haber imaginado alguna vez estar tan exhausto antes de que el mundo revelara su crueldad?
Se endereza, con la espalda rĂgida ante la incesante atracciĂłn de la responsabilidad, y sale a grandes zancadas. Las botas resuenan en el pasillo vacĂo, cada paso es un retroceso medido del ritmo militar arraigado en su cuerpo: uno, dos, uno, dos. A su derecha estĂĄ la Garra de MerlĂn de Xianzhou Yaoqing, a su izquierda, se encuentra la Maestra Yukong, y detrĂĄs de Ă©l, una procesiĂłn de Nimbocaballeros lo sigue. Creen en Ă©l. Creen que tiene la clave para un futuro mejor. Lleva ese peso con una sonrisa, una que no llega a sus ojos, y lucha contra el impulso de derrumbarse bajo su presiĂłn.
Jing Yuan ha aprendido, de manera dolorosa e Ăntima, que existe un tipo de agotamiento Ășnico al rodearse de personas que sabes que algĂșn dĂa encontrarĂĄn su fin.
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I ate Dan Heng's fabric and left the edible food untouched, and he left this note for me the next day.
He's not mad, just confused.
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U ever start smth and ur like haha this is such a cute SKETCH and then it turns into a 10hr painting. Anyway heres astral plane viktor as ponyo's mother
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(in progress link page)
koi | they/them he/him | 18. occasional nsfw, interact with discretion.
tags:
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I have 2 versions of this art. The second one is saved in my telegram channel. We are also going to undress Sunday theređ
#oh#oh my gosh heâs beautiful#he always is but yeah this is great#love it love it#the mug is adorableâŠ#the scars#the warm tone of hair#kitty is just waking up from his nap.#jing yuan#art
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nooo bc the guys at my lab table r nice đ„ș but iâm just some girl to them probably (fem presenting but iâm nonbinary) and i wanna be friends but i feel so ostracized :,/
i rlly wanna be friends but i donât wanna come off as being a pick me and as a romantic interest.
theyâre right behind me lmaooo iâm walking away very briskly to avoid them
#the struggles#sighhhh#one of them is in calc with me too#I AM INTO WOMEN#guys r cool but it sucks that one of the three is the exact flavor of guy iâm into#but heâs TAKEN#sigh#he gonna make bank too (engineering major)#the third time iâve pined over ppl i cant have#straight women#straight dudes and ppl in committed relationships#some guys cant comprehend me wanting to be addressed with they/them while i wear a skirt and makeup#itâs for FUNN!!! not for u :/#altho with my last s/o i did somewhat dress better bc i wanted to be cute n shit but thatâs bc i felt comfortable#tbh better as friends :)
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need my face between jing yuanâs tits before i lose it
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if you're feeling powerless right nowâand god knows I amâhere's a reminder you can donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Trans Law Center, Gaza Soup Kitchen, the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, and hundreds of other charities that will work to mitigate the damage that has been and will continue to be inflicted
life continues. we still have the capacity to do good, important work. that matters
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i cant sleep so hereâs a snippet of an au iâm working on.
reader is dead/undead. a spirit. jing yuan is 30+, a college professor :3 reader died in mid twenties.mimi is alive and well.
You donât remember how youâve died. Itâs been a few years; everything was fine that day. Sunny and warm. Now you watch as a man with silver hair and a white cat fills your space, conquering it and desecrating the warm home youâve carved out of the cold steel and apathetic city.
You write messages on the steam of bathroom mirrors, grease of the (new) electric stove, dust on the shelves and splattered water droplets. The cat hisses whenever youâre nearby. The man smiles kindly, gently as he reads the messages, not seeming perturbed or angry with the development.
âA roommate.,â he chuckles, âthe company is welcome of course. I am intruding on your home.â
At least he had the decency to admit it!
âLEAVE.â you write on the grease of the stove. You despise that man.
âwear a jacket. itâs cold.â you wrote, hovering around as he grades papers.
âi will, i will,â he smiles kindly, and you almost smile back, âthank you.â
âwelcome.â you write.
i had this idea from a dream i had where jing yuan was a ghost and i was in his place, but then i was a ghost and he moved in.
#this leans more platonic!#you never finished uni bc you wanted to work freelance#but nevertheless wanted to study a little and get to learn more.#jy teaches math or science#i cant pick which⊠but both use math so iâll leave it ambiguous.#jing yuan x reader#koiâȘ#jing yuan#honkai star rail#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#jing yuan fluff#koipudding â
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Jing yuan and his awful horrible habit of chewing on ur cheek when he thinks ur not paying him enough attention
#ohhhhh#nom nom nom nom nom nom#jy thinking itâs hilarious how appalled you get#needy little brat :3#so cute
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Download all of the fanfiction you love if it's hosted in the U.S. Put it on a portable hard drive. We are all the archivists now.
Project 2025 will classify it all as pornography and it will disappear.
This isn't doomerism. They told us what they are going to do. Believe them.
#iâve been saving ALL of my favorite fics on pdf after AO3 being down that one summer#iâm rlly bad with time but it was recent so maybe this yr or last yr#but as the house is becoming republican majority#please please please save fics.#iâm actually a bit terrified rn lmao#and spiraling abt with the current house majority
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Between two worlds
#itâs so cool#the egg with the puzzle shaped cracks <3#iâm thinking itâs an egg lol#bg textures look cool!#cant wait for sunday so#i can make another mono imaginary team#itâs giving: ă°ăæăăŠăæćèżăæ€éă #now i can finally open my eyes~#ăăă§æ„äžăăŁăăćăžăźèżćă”ă€ăł Getcha out my life boy#in no offense i saw the pose and went âhaha kira and giga
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