#I soooo needed to read that because it is so true in my case

[mistress-light]

I'm currently reading: Strengths Finder 2.0. I'm not far into yet, but the first pages were so.... good to read? And true? The fact that most of us spend so much time working on the things we don't excel in? At school or work, instead of spending more time on the things we are good at and becoming even better at that.

[your-nanas-house]

Soooo I was thinking Cillian X Fan! reader. He takes advantage of the fact that reader admires him sm and uses her for his pleasure…

I'm so so sorry, it took me so long but I was really really smitten with this idea! 🙇🏼‍♀️

Out with the dog

◇ Pairing: Dark!Cillian Murphy X younger fan!Reader

◇ Warnings: SMUT, Cilly is a perv and bit dark, DUBCON, manipulation, bit mean Cilly (?), oblivious fem reader, fluff, frustration and stress.

◇ Summary: Cillian has company during his daily walk with his dog, Scout.

◇ Note: Sorry for the mistakes and the English. I didn't proof read it... I mean I don't re-read my works normally but I just wanted to point it out this time in case I wrote some shit. Enjoy!!! Also thank you @kiss-me-cill-me for your advices and motivation! 🫶🏻

It wasn't at all what he was expecting when he left the house just to take the family dog for a walk.

The twisted thoughts and stress that had been troubling him all day had become even more insistent with the cool Dublin air and the fall of evening. His mind was really elsewhere when a soft and shy voice interrupted his trail of thoughts, making him realize that he was standing in the same spot, staring at nothing, since a while now.

"Excuse me, sir. I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to bother you but... I'm a huge fan of your work and—" the voice cracked softly, the younger girl that was standing in front of him looked quite nervous and shy which made him smile slightly.

"I-I-I... sorry, I shouldn't have interrupted you" she quickly apologized, her body telling him that she was going to just walk quickly off... too ashamed of the interaction to actually look him in the eyes again.

"Don't worry..." Cillian started, waiting for her name as he removed his sunglasses, flattering his eyes softly when the dim light hit him. She was very pretty and at least 10 years younger than him for sure, he thought while taking her in.

"Y/n!... Y/n" the young woman revealed nervously, her hands shaking awkwardly, a thing that Cillian noticed immediately and that made him smile a little as soon as she tried to hide it by grabbing into her bag... both hands holding the strap making his breath get bit heavier.

He sure was stressed and frustrated, he thought as his eyes remained on her smaller hands as they moved slightly while she talked... up and down, up and down.

Gosh, he really would have loved to have them wrapped around his cock like that, he was certain that those tiny pretty hands weren't that innocent for sure.

"Beautiful name" he commented with a tiny smile in an attempt to distract himself by his pervy intrusive thoughts. He really didn't need to deal with an article of some random magazine commenting on him walking around Dublin with a noticeable hard-on after talking with a younger woman.

She sure was a pretty thing though, from her hair to her eyes down to her breasts and— he needed to keep hold on himself. What gotten into him? He never objectified a woman like that... it wasn't like him.

He needed to keep going with his walk, clear his mind, regain back the control he usually had and—

"I was actually hoping for a bit of company... would you like to walk with me?... and my dog" the proposal slipped out of the older man unconsciously, as his gaze darkened slowly, his body reacting almost animalisticly... like a hungry predator ready to eat his prey.

Fuck, he cursed in his head, looking away as he waited for a reply from her... a poor way to distract himself from her innocent presence. Poor because the wind was apparently against him as well that evening... blowing her sweet scent towards him so that his nostrils could take her even more in.

The Irishman really hoped silently for her rejection peppered with some tender excuse that could have been true or could have been false... he didn't care much.

But of course, things hadn't been going the way he'd hoped all day so why be surprised when he got a shy yes instead of an embarrassed no.

He couldn't complain though, after the stressful week he had... bit of female company could have been the cure, maybe he was able to do some kind of conversation and focus his mind elsewhere and not on her body... but rather on her brain.

...

The soft breeze started to hit them harder, the walk was going well and the small talk was pretty enjoyable, they talked about lots... changing from deep to light, from silly to serious, from sad to happy.

Cillian was really enjoying her presence, her mature thoughts and her friendly personality. His stress and tension could have flown away if it was for her.... moving lips.

Soft looking, pinkish due to the lipstick she had on and very kissable... the actor could clearly imagine them wrapped around his cock. Wetting it all with her warm mouth as her lips would have painted his bases of that pink— pink, he repeated in his head as his Adam's apple bobbed. He needed to change topic quickly and stop focusing on her goddamn lips.

"What do you think of Barbenheimer?" The Irishman asked, slapping himself mentally for the question.

Just keep walking, Cillian, focus on walking... don't look at her... and her pretty blouse that was getting opened by the wind, exposing bit more of her neckline as it moved the fabric of her shirt as well. Damn wind.

He had reached a point where he couldn't even focus on her speaking, the feeling of being on the edge was getting harder as time passed... he was sure that a little push would have made him completely loose his rational thoughts. And then that's when Scout, his dog, decided to just sprint to reach something... making him loose the lazy grip he had on the leash and make the young woman run after him.

Cillian went quickly after them, his mind trying to stay in focus as he saw her skirt rise up at every bounce she did to snatch the leash for him before anything bad could happen. He was quite sure now that she was hiding a pretty revealing underwear under that modest outfit she was wearing.

"There you go, good boy" her soft voice praised as she kneeled down to pet the dog and take the leash, too busy snuggling with him to notice Cillian's gaze on her bouncing breasts.

She wasn't wearing a bra, he cursed under his breath again, his body too warm because of the jogging, his heart drumming harder against his chest as he tried to calm down and focusing on his breathing... and not her heavy.. panting and sexy one.

When the young woman stood back up and brushed her smaller hand against his to give him the leash... Cillian's self-control reached the end

"Thank you" he murmured in a more low tone as his body started to react at his impulses.

By the way her eyes kept shining as she looked at him, he knew that with a bit of pressure he could have made her do whatever he wanted... but was it really what he wanted? He pondered as his feet made him change the route he normally took when out with Scout, leading the oblivious young woman in a dark alley.

"I agree, things are pretty different nowadays" the older actor commented as he mentioned the conversation they were having, his heart beating even faster as he thought quickly of a plan.

Was he really going to take advantage of that kind fan of him? Was he really that desperate and frustrated?

Questions kept filling his head as his eyes remained on the wet street, lost in thoughts

"Do you do this path every day?" Y/n's voice interrupted the silence, making his baby blue eyes look back at her.

Yes, he was.

"Mhhm.. but I take usually the parallel street" he informed her while looking around to be sure that they were alone. The oblivious and curious look on her pretty face was making him harder than ever, making the uncomfortable feeling become a painful one now.

As soon as the Irishman was sure that there was Noone around he let go casually of the leash, whistling to order something to Scout who... after giving a look at his master headed in a run towards the beginning of the alley, sitting there as a guard. Watching around to warn Cillian if someone would have approached.

A glance at his black dog and he acted, not letting Y/n even questioning him before pressed his plumpy lips against hers as the dark swallowed them more now that her body was pressed against the cold and humid wall.

His big hands moved eargerly to her face and neck to keep her tilted like he wanted so to facilitate the kiss he was stealing.

Her neck was soft and tempting, he could easily leave a mark if he wanted but he didn't had so much time.. so he had to take things faster than he hoped.

As the kiss broke he inhaled deeply, letting his nose brush against hers as his thumbs caressed her skin... he didn't dare to open his eyes and meet her probably wide eyes and swollen lips... his cock was already throbbing and if he did that small action he was sure that the seed he was hoping to shoot in her would have just soiled his trousers.

"Damn, darling" Cillian cursed softly, licking his lips before diving down to kiss her neck while pressing his body against hers in an attempt of finding some friction and swallow her in his lust.. caging her body against the bricks even more.

"Do you want to help me, dear?" he asked softly, stroking her neck slowly as his piercing eyes now watched her carefully, noticing the glimpse of insecurity that was in her wide beautiful eyes

"Bet you want to, hm? Or I could just go to another fan of mine. Bet they would die to have a chance like this, darling... acting less ungrateful than you" he softly threatened in his low voice. His irish accent echoing in her head as he manipulated her young mind.

Of course she wanted to help him, he was her idol and favourite actor of all times... she couldn't really risk it and watch his disappointment towards her. She didn't wanted to be faced by his oh-so famous judgy face.

But the embarrassment and hesitance were there as well... she had a dignity and couldn't just allow him to use her like that, right?

Of course, it was something she dreamed about but was she really ready for that? She didn't even try casual sex in her lige yet. But she sure didn't want him to go to another fangirl and his intense gaze was like a poker face to her... so she was stuck on not knowing whatever he was telling the truth or not.

"I don't have the whole day, darling" Cillian's low voice commented as his gaze shifted towards the spot where his dog was still sitting.

Y/n glances at him again, gulping while trying to silence the battles in her head. She really didn't know what to do, what if it wasn't like he expected or if it would turn out to be a mistake.

"Ok!... Y-Yes, I-I want to help you, Mr. Murphy" Y/n stammered out when the actor started to move away from her.

Her heart beated hard against her chest, making her breath get caught in her throat as her hands started to sweat when he hummed and undoed his pants, pulling out his hard cock without hesitation or patience.

"That's a good girl, get on your knees" his low voice ordered before he moved slowly his tip against her lips, painting them with his pre-cum as he thrusted slightly forward to let them wrap around his red tip.

"That's it... suck" Cillian's voice ordered, allowing to be teased a bit before snapping his hips forward, making her hit her head against the wall and gag around his lenght. "Fuck, love" he cursed with a growl, letting her adjust to him before starting to fuck her mouth till he nearly reached his edge.

The actor's first intention was to just burry his cock deep in her throat and cum there but as his icy eyes wandered down to her kneeled form... and stopped on her clinging thighs the need to feel her young cunt around him became a must.

With a slow motion he moved away from her, letting her breath properly as she dried her spit while catching her breath. Tears already adorning her cheeks... she really was beautiful, the man repeated to himself as a mocking coo left him.

His big hands strokes the soft flesh of her cheeks as he made her get up so that he could smash his lips back against hers, forcing a hungry, toothy kiss that luckily slowed down when she reciprocated it.

Her bare leg was hooked up at his narrow hip, allowing his cock to brush her clothed folds with his help.

He was right... she really was wearing some thing revealing panties, arousing and innocent enough to make him just want to fuck her with them on. His thick finger made its way towards her entrance, curling around the fabric to move it with ease so that it was now half-hugging his lenght... allowing her folds to wet his cock while the panties squeezed it as he thrusted.

His leaking tip kept smearing his pre-cum on her spot skin and onto the fabric of her skirt each time it touched it. The hardness of it managed to gift some attention to her clit as well while his thrusts sped up.

Cillian could feel her juices dripping from his cock down to his balls and the underwear squeeze harder around him now that he was moving them in a difference pace.

It didn't took him much to reach his own peak, his body was quickly shaking and limp against her as his warm cum decorated her clothes. He was too desperate to care or to stop himself so that he could have used her pussy to pleasure him a bit more... not that he complained. He was fully satisfied, sweat was running down his forehead as he breathed heavily against her shoulder as he slowly got down his peak, his thrusts slowing down till he was too overstimulated to receive any further touch.

"Darling... can I keep your panties?... So that I can wash them and give them back to you clean, of course" Cillian casually asked, fixing her hair in a tender manner while brushing slowly his thumb on her swollen lips, watching her panting.

Guess the destiny decided for us... we will meet soon again, darling. Just to give you back your undergarments, of course, he thoughts as he tucked himself back and fixed his clothes, ready to continue the little walk they were having previously.

[superprofesh]

The Five Times Colt Seavers Almost Kisses You (and the One Time He Does) — Part 6 (Final)

Pairing: Colt Seavers x reader

Description: The one time Colt Seavers kisses you — or, rather, the first time.

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.6k

Tag List: @strangedeerconnoisseur, @icantwaittoliveandlearn, @moonlightandstarshimmer, @chemococktailonthehouse, @1word (sending directly to the rest because Tumblr isn't cooperating)

Author’s Note: Well, folks, we've come to the end of this fic, and I hope it's everything you've all been waiting for. I can't express how much your kind words and amazing feedback has meant to me, and it has truly shaped this fic in more ways than you know. I'm really going to miss writing this fic, soooo........ if y'all are interested in a little epilogue, I'm up for that ;) Thank you all, and I hope you enjoy!!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Colt can’t get out of the camera crew’s station fast enough. He’s been searching for you all morning, but Holly finally pressed a note in his hand, telling him that you asked her to pass it on to him. He instantly searches for a quiet place where he can read your note, dreading what it might say.

Yesterday shook him up, in more ways than one. Staring down the headlights of a train while Elijah Gordon pushed him to stay a few more seconds was terrifying even for him. Seeing you engage in a showdown with Gordon himself in front of the entire crew was so completely unexpected and selfless that he hasn��t been able to get it out of his mind. No one has ever stood up for him like that.

The more he’s thought it over, the more he’s realized that he’s been blind. Blind to your feelings, blind to your sincerity, blind to the fact that he’s been on the verge of his sweetest dream come true. He’s been pushing you away because he thought he wasn’t good enough for you, but after what happened yesterday, he’s starting to realize that doesn’t matter.

He keeps remembering the look in your eyes when you were in the tent together. The gentle way your fingertips stroked his hair, the soft skin of your neck against his lips, the way you held him as if he were designed to fit in your arms. If your fierceness in defending him didn’t convince him that he needed to wake up and confess his love for you, the heated look in your eyes did. His plan upon finding you has been to simply pour out his heart and see if you’re still willing to accept him after everything that’s happened.

Colt finally finds an empty bench a few stations down from the camera crew, and he unfolds your note carefully. A gentle smile crosses his lips when he sees you’ve scribbled it by hand, your artistic handwriting scrawled in green ink across a piece of office paper. The smile slowly fades, though, as he scans the contents of your letter.

Dear Colt,

I’m sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I figured we’ve already said a lot of things that are more important than goodbyes. I want you to know that I’m not leaving because you hurt me or because I’m angry with you. I just think it’s best this way, for both of us.

I quit my job last night as Gordon’s set director. After everything that’s happened, I just can’t work for him. I’ve already had a few offers back in L.A., so I’ll be fine. I wish you the best as you finish the movie. You really are the best stuntman in the business, and I hope you stay safe.

I’ve already told you most of what I feel, so I won’t beat a dead horse any more. Still, in case I haven’t told you enough, I want you to know that the time I’ve spent with you has been the happiest I’ve had in a long time. I don’t know why you’re so dead-set on believing you’re not good enough for me. That thought has never entered my mind and never will. You’re the best person I know. When I look back on my memories of love, I will always think of you. Whatever you think you’d be holding me back from, it doesn’t matter to me half as much as you do. Please believe that.

I wish you all the best, and I hope one day our paths might cross again. Until then, thumbs up and happy landings.

Colt squeezes his eyes shut once he’s finished reading the letter, fighting the urge to crumple the piece of paper into a ball. How could you have been so stupid? his inner monologue chides him. How could you not have recognized unconditional love when it was staring you in the face?

The memory of your touch hits him like a knockout punch. Suddenly, every moment the two of you have shared comes back to him in excruciating detail. Smudging paint on each other’s faces. Walking you back to your hotel room. Flirting with you at the club. The look in your eyes when you ran to him after the train stunt. Your hands on his face, in his hair.

Setting his jaw, Colt glances at his watch. 7:42 AM. If he can figure out where you’re leaving from, he can catch you in time. There are a lot of things he needs to say before it’s too late, and now, for the first time, he’s ready to say them.

He folds the paper, tucks it into his pocket, and starts running.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You grip your steering wheel with white-knuckled hands. The sun has already risen over the mountains in the distance, but the beauty of the landscape is the furthest thing from your mind.

You can’t believe you actually left. You’ve never quit a job before, especially one as high-profile as this one. But you just couldn’t take it. You couldn’t work for someone who would so carelessly risk the life of one of their employees. Especially when you happen to be in love with that employee.

You haven’t told anyone but Holly (and Gordon, of course), and she understood. She also promised to pass along your note to Colt.

Writing that note is the most difficult thing you’ve ever done. You wrote eight versions of it before settling on the one you passed to Holly. The most painful part was knowing that that note may be the last time you ever communicate with Colt. Saying exactly the right thing was vital, and you finally felt satisfied with the ninth version, which included a lot less poetic verse and a lot more explanations of why you were really leaving.

The airport is looming on the horizon, and a wave of emotion sweeps over you, biting at the backs of your eyes. What was the point of knowing him if this is how it has to end?

You can’t stop replaying your memories with him as you pull closer to the airport parking lot. Things started out so simple and easy between the two of you — making each other laugh, sitting together at lunch, cheering on each other’s projects — but once the tension between you started heating up, maintaining a friendship has seemed almost impossible. You thought you could handle it, but it turns out you’re not strong enough to face Colt every day if you can’t express your love for him openly.

You pull into a parking space, facing the vast grassy field that leads to the plane runway. A passenger jet soars into the air, leaving a trail of jet stream behind. You’ll be aboard one of those planes within the hour, and maybe when you get to L.A., you can leave all your sorrows behind you.

You’re still trying to muster the strength to climb out of the car and drag your suitcase to the airport, when something… odd catches your eye. On the busy street leading up to the airport entrance, a vehicle is moving too fast to be driven by a normal person. The truck rounds the corner to fly up the airport drive at top speed, and your heart constricts.

That’s Colt’s truck.

All your attention is suddenly laser-focused on that familiar GMC pickup, and before you know what you’re doing, you’ve leaped out of your car and started running as fast as you can towards the driveway. A few seconds later, Colt’s truck pulls to a stop on the side of the drive, and he jumps out without even bothering to turn the truck off.

The fifteen seconds it takes you to get halfway across the grassy field feels like an eternity, and by the time you’re halfway, Colt has already cleared the distance. He sweeps you into his arms, holding you off the ground as you try to catch your breath, completely overwhelmed by this grand gesture.

He came for me. He couldn’t let me leave without saying goodbye. It’s not over yet.

You’re content to stay like that, suspended off the ground and feeling his heartbeat pound against your chest, but Colt carefully sets you back on your feet and holds you at arm’s length. His face is a jumble of a thousand emotions, more than you’ve ever seen from him in all the time you’ve known him. He’s breathing hard from his enthusiastic sprint across the greenway, but his eyes are illuminated by his excitement at catching you in time.

“Colt—” you start, gripping his forearms as if he’s going to disappear.

He shakes his head, cutting off whatever you were about to ask. “I’ve been wrong. I’ve been so wrong.”

You raise your eyebrows in disbelief, trying to make sense of his words. “Colt, how did you find me here?” you ask.

“I got your note,” he tells you. “Holly told me how to find you.”

“Don’t you have to be on set?”

“Actually, I’m not filming anymore.”

You can’t hide your confusion. Colt isn’t working on the movie anymore? What kind of insane coincidence could this be? “What?” you squeak, gripping his arms even harder. “Please tell me you didn’t quit because I did!”

Colt shakes his head, which relieves you. “Tom quit the movie last night,” Colt explains, his eyes never leaving yours. “Called Gordon and told him he was sick of taking orders and wasn’t working for him anymore. I’d say it had something to do with you taking Gordon to task yesterday,” he adds with something that sounds a little like humor. “Tom doesn’t want something like that reflecting badly on him.”

You laugh in pure disbelief, amazed at the turn of events you could never have expected. “Well, I never thought I’d be grateful to Tom Ryder for anything,” you say honestly, and Colt laughs with you, genuine joy behind his eyes. You search his face for answers about why he has rushed to the airport to see you. You begin, “Listen, you didn’t have to come all this way just to tell me—”

“I did,” Colt says definitively. “Believe me, I did. Because what I have to say isn’t something that can be done long-distance.”

Your heart drops. This is it. After all this time, you’re about to hear the words that you know are true, the ones you’ve been waiting for, from his own lips.

“Colt…”

Colt takes a step backwards, his hands falling from your arms to hold your hands between the two of you. The look in his eyes can only be described as utter sincerity.

“I have been so wrong about selling you short,” he says softly, emotion threatening to break through his voice. “I keep putting you on this impossibly high pedestal and believing that you’re way too good for me. I thought you could never feel what I feel because I don’t see myself the way I see you. To me, you’re every wonderful thing that ever existed.”

Tears spring into your eyes at his words, so totally without guile. “Are you serious?” you whisper.

“Absolutely serious.” His eyes blaze with an intensity you haven’t seen before, and his grip on your hands grows tighter as he says, “Listen, I’ve never said this to anyone in my life, but… I love you.” Colt stops, his voice catching in his throat when he sees the tears streaming down your cheeks. “I’ve been in love with you since the first time I saw you on set painting that triple-sized stop sign.” You both laugh at the memory, relieving some of the overwhelming emotion.

He keeps going. “I’m so in love with you it actually scares me,” he finishes, “because nothing has ever meant so much to me as getting this right. I can’t keep holding it back, and you deserve to know. It’s killing me.”

“Colt…” It’s as if you’ve forgotten every word but his name.

Still, Colt presses on, trying to get three months’ worth of communication out in three minutes. “I’m not asking anything in return,” he tells you insistently. “If you still want to go, I won’t stop you. You don’t need to say or do anything, but I just had to get this out. After yesterday, with the train stunt almost going wrong, and you telling Gordon off, and then when you told me you love me and want to be with me no matter what, I don’t know… it just sort of woke me up.”

Your eyes brim with tears again, and you squeeze his hands, giving him an encouraging smile to keep going. You can feel his pulse in his hands, flying as fast as the jet planes soaring over the nearby mountains.

“I’ve been holding back because I didn’t want you to be stuck with a guy like me.” Colt can’t seem to stop the avalanche of words spilling out of his mouth, every one as sweet as honey to your ears. “I keep imagining this amazing future for you and thinking that I’m only going to hold you back and get in the way. I’m still not sure it wouldn’t be that way, but… I’m not the only one who gets to make that decision.” His voice thickens with emotion again. “No one has ever cheered me on the way you do. No one has ever supported me with everything I do, and made me feel like I actually have a chance at real love. But you’re different. You make me feel like I can do anything, and if you still want me after all we’ve been through, I’m yours.”

The look in Colt’s eyes is enough to make your knees feel weak, and you throw yourself forward to steady yourself, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder. Colt’s instant embrace is more welcome than you could have imagined.

“Of course I want you,” you whisper in his ear. “Just you, no strings attached.”

Colt holds you against him for a few moments, long enough that a plane takes off from the landing strip and zooms far enough away that it doesn’t drown out his words. Finally, carefully, he pries himself out of your arms and holds you at arm’s length, his hands on your waist. “Look, I can’t promise that it’ll be easy,” he continues in a rush. “I’m a stuntman. Life is scary and dangerous and all that.”

“I don’t care about that,” you answer honestly, beaming through your tears. “If it’s what you love doing, there’s nothing I want more than for you to do it. I can handle it.”

“It’s not just that. I’ve never… I’ve never had a serious relationship before. Everything will be new for me, and I’m going to make a ton of mistakes.”

Colt’s eyes are misty, too, and your heart is so full of joy that it feels like it will burst. You know it must be radiating from your face, because Colt starts grinning back at you, seeming to sense how much you’ve been aching to hear these words from him.

“So am I,” you insist, your hands fluttering back and forth from his face to his shoulders over and over. “Mistakes are just part of a relationship. As long as we communicate and stay committed, we’re not going to fall apart just because of a few mistakes.”

Colt nods, flexing his fingers against your waist as his smile overtakes his entire face. Still, he doesn’t lose control: he seems to be holding back until he’s finished saying everything that’s been building up over the months. You’re more than happy to let your gaze wander over his wonderful face, to bask in the fact that Colt Seavers loves you back and isn’t going to let you go.

“There’s one more thing,” he says gingerly. “I… I don’t really have a lot of grand aspirations for the future. I’m a stuntman because that’s what I love doing, but there aren’t a lot of ways to move up the ladder. I’ll be doing stunts until I’m dead or until I can’t anymore, so basically, my future is just to be a working-class guy. I’ll just be an unknown stuntman.” He hesitates at the end of his speech, as if he honestly believes this could be a problem for you.

You want to laugh in sheer glee, but you hold back so Colt won’t think you’re taking his seriousness lightly. “If that bothered me,” you inform him, moving your thumbs lightly against the sides of his neck, “I would never have fallen in love with you in the first place. Colt, I’m not exactly shooting for the stars myself as a set decorator. Sure, I may have a chance to work on even bigger films, and it can always open up some new opportunities, but I’m not doing this to climb the ladder either. If we’re both working-class professionals for the rest of our lives, that’s fine with me. As long as I have you in my life, I don’t care what kind of life it is.”

Colt’s eyes finally brim over with the tears he has valiantly been holding back. His hands are trembling against your waist, and he ducks his head so you won’t see how much this confession has affected him. You pull him close to you again, resting your head just below his chin while he squeezes you tightly enough to take your breath away. This is what heaven must be like.

He’s whispering something against the top of your hair, so low you can barely hear it. “I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I do,” Colt replies, the regret in his voice obvious. “I haven’t been able to make up my mind about what to do because all this has been in the back of my head. I should have just come clean with you the first time you ever let me know how you feel.” He lifts your head with his fingers under your chin, meeting your tear-stained gaze with one of his own. “It would have saved you all this heartbreak,” he whispers.

You smile up at him, resting your hand on his cheek. “What’s love without a little heartbreak?” you tease him. “That’s how you know it’s real.”

Colt finally returns your smile, his shoulders relaxing as if he suddenly believes that this is real. “I promise I won’t break your heart again,” he says solemnly.

“I believe that.” And you do.

Colt is looking into your eyes with all the passion of the ocean in a storm, and you can feel the blush in your cheeks building just from the way he’s looking at you. You’re suddenly hyper-conscious of his hand that’s still resting under your chin, tilting your head back to look deep in your eyes. The hand that is slowly, ever so slowly, bringing your face closer to his.

Colt hesitates for a moment when your lips are just inches apart. You’ve been here so many times, so close to a kiss, and have parted every time. This time, however, you know his heart is beating for you alone, and you feel like you have all the time in the world to savor this moment.

His gaze flickers down to your lips, and his breath seems to double its pace as he considers what he’s about to do. He lifts an eyebrow at you, as if asking, Are you ready? Your smile tells him all he needs to know, and finally, finally, Colt closes the endless distance between you.

The moment your lips meet his, your heart whispers, This is what you were made to do. Colt’s kiss is everything gentle and passionate, his lips moving slowly against yours in a rhythm that is so incredibly natural. His hands find landing spots on your back when you tighten your arms around his neck, pressing yourself against him as he deepens the kiss.

Every last circuit in your brain is exploding in the sweetest way possible. Is this how it’s supposed to feel? you wonder, and Colt pulls away from your mouth at that exact moment, fixing his eyes on yours with an expression that tells you he’s wondering the same thing.

The separation only lasts a moment, though, because now that Colt has had a taste of your lips, he can’t get enough. He kisses you again, and again, and again, and again, until you’re both so out of breath you wonder if you’ll ever recover. His hands move up and down your back, clutching your body so tightly against his that you’ve started breathing in rhythm with each other. You can taste salt on his lips, and you have no idea if it’s from your tears or his.

Just when you think you’re about to drown in the sweetest possible way, Colt presses one more soft kiss against your lips, then pulls back so you can breathe. You find yourself gasping for air and aren’t surprised to see him doing the same. Your hands stay on his shoulders as they heave up and down, and he doesn’t loosen his hold on you for a second.

“Colt…” you sigh, your lips feeling like they’ve actually changed shape, “I’ve dreamed about this so many times. You have no idea.”

He inclines his head toward you, resting his cheek against yours. His beard scratches your skin in a way that sends a delightful shiver down your spine. “Me, too,” he whispers against your cheek.

“Promise me this is real.”

“It’s real,” Colt assures you, dipping his head so he can press a kiss against the skin right below your ear. “Realer than anything I’ve done in my life.”

You feel like your body is about to sail into orbit at the contact, and you grip Colt’s broad shoulders even harder as his lips move down your neck, across your throat, down to your collarbone. You know you’re making breathless sounds that betray how much he’s exciting you, but you are far past the point of caring.

With every kiss, it’s as if Colt is repeating the words he said just a few moments ago: I love you. I love you. I love you. One of his hands moves from your lower back to cradle your chin, tilting your head to the side to give him better access to your neck.

“I’ve been aching for you,” he murmurs close to your ear. “Burning for you.”

His words inspire an entirely new shiver down your spine, one that makes you stand on your toes and arch even further into his arms. All you can manage to choke out is, “I love you so much… so much…”

You slide one hand into his hair, remembering how he reacted the last time you did that. Right on cue, Colt lets out a soft sound that makes every inch of your skin erupt into goosebumps. He goes still in your arms, his mouth still on the curve where your shoulder meets your neck. You run your fingers through his hair with firm but gentle strokes, reveling in the way he seems to melt in your arms.

After a few moments of it, Colt finally straightens again, his intense gaze locked on your face. You leave one hand in his thick hair and let your other wander to his face. Using just your fingertips, you trace his forehead, his cheekbone, his nose, his lips, his jaw, everything you’ve been dying to touch. Colt’s eyes flutter closed at your touch, as if he’s about to come undone right before your eyes. Your heart leaps when he leans his head to the side, leaning in to your touch.

You choose to copy his actions, rising up to press your lips to his pulse point, right below his neck. The way Colt’s hands on your waist flex in response tells you you’ve found something he likes. You trail your way up until you’re peppering kisses behind his ear, then on his cheek, on his nose, on both his closed eyelids.

At the sensation of your kisses on his face, Colt opens his eyes and smiles at you. It’s a new smile this time, one that speaks of a new emotion he’s feeling for the first time. Peacefulness. Assurance.

Colt raises his hands to frame your face, tucking the strands of hair that he’s pulled loose back behind your ears. His voice breaks when he says softly, “I may never find the right words to tell you how I really feel about you, but I promise I’m going to take every opportunity to try.”

You rest your hands on his chest, grinning as you reply, “We’ve got the rest of our lives for you to think of the right words. I’ve heard all the ones I need to know what you mean.”

Colt’s eyes are brimming over with the love he’s been demonstrating, the adoration, the gratitude, the sheer bliss of sharing this moment with the one person he’s been waiting all his life for. “You’re everything to me…” he murmurs, lowering his lips to touch yours again. “I’ve never…” he restarts, only to interrupt himself with another kiss. “No one has ever…”

He doesn’t even try to finish the last sentence, and your lips are meeting in a gentler kiss, one that calms the fire you’ve been building for the last little eternity. His lips are so soft against yours, coaxing things from you but never demanding. Colt’s hands stroke through your hair and down your spine, holding you close against his chest protectively. You can feel every breath he takes, every movement that reveals how wrapped up he is in feeling you with him.

Another deafening jet plane roars over your heads, but neither of you take the slightest bit of notice.

Colt finally slows your kiss down, pressing his lips to the corner of your mouth and leaving one of his hands to tangle in your hair. He doesn’t pull away, just lets his lips linger on your jaw, as he asks casually, “So, Sofonisba, are you still flying out?”

“Sofonisba?” you repeat, words slowly drifting back into your brain.

“I was running out of artist nicknames,” Colt explains, a husky edge still noticeable in his voice. “Had to look that one up.”

You grin at him, though he feels it rather than sees it. “I don’t have to fly out. I don’t exactly have somewhere to be.” You snuggle closer to him, not quite ready to leave his comforting embrace. “Haven’t even gotten my ticket yet.”

Colt hums in approval at that, the sound lingering on your skin. “In that case,” he suggests softly, “what do you say to some coffee?”

“Can’t think of anything I’d like better,” you say honestly.

Colt returns your smile, pulling you forward for one last, reverent kiss to your lips. Then he wraps his arm around your shoulder, and the two of you gaze off into the distance, where another plane soars into the sky over the mountains.

You don’t know what lies ahead for you, and you know Colt doesn’t either. But you are assured of one thing now, and that is that you’ve found the man you were made to be with. All it takes is one glance up into his eyes to know that he’s confident of the same thing.

That’s more than enough for you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Epilogue

[leviscolwill]

— dad!jude bellingham headcanons !

pairing: dad!jude bellingham x fem!reader

req: could you write dad!judebellingham ml <3

note: i tried writing headcanons because i feel like my writing is very 👎👎🍅🍅🍅 at the moment, i hope you'll like it still !! reblogs are VERY appreciated since the tags are in a silly goofy mood right now #useless 😝🤪

tag list: @ceofmercedes &lt;3

it's well established on judeblr that he is a girl dad, so girl dad it is

i think he would spiral a bit over the fact that you're growing a whole human being in you

he would say random shit like “no but do you feel her legs grow ?”

and you're like 😐😐😐 of course not

but the poor boy is just clueless 😪

he would always remind you of how you're the most beautiful woman on earth, even when you're crying your eyes out because ron fell off his chess piece in the philosopher's stone

now,, i think we're all well aware he would spoil your daughter rotten

getting her new clothes or new toys whenever he passes in front of a store because “she might need it one day”

but !! he would never let her turn into a “daddy i want a squirrel” kinda girl

you would both make sure she's very well mannered because he is very aware his parents' education played a big part in who he is today

i feel like being strict wouldn't be a problem for him either

yk being the eldest in his family, he wouldn't be swayed by your girl's pleading eyes when she acts wrong

he would 100% cry on her first day of pre-school (it's the cancer in him)

and he would try to drop her / pick her up from school as much as he possibly can with training and stuff

if you speak another language, you'd learn it to your daughter and use it to talk shit about jude 🤭

“have you seen what he wore today ?” “yeah daddy's shirt is very ugly”

in my case she would say quoicoubeh to him

i feel like he'd get so frustrated and start sulking amd pouting before your daughter reassures him

okayy bc it's spooky szn rn 😋

family matching costumes !! (call it corny 😡 i do not care)

monsters, disney characters or the adams family... he'd have soooo many ideas

he'd go trick or treating just to eat all the sweets

playfights with your daughter for their girl's attention

“it's my mommy !”

“oh yeah ? but mommy liked me before, so i'm the number one in her heart”

“it's not true ! mommy tell him he's a liar”

you can only roll your eyes because he really has beef with a whole child ???

but he's just a kid himself !!

everytime she gets to see uncle jobe she's overly happy

and jude would smack the back of his head when he says a bad word

(like he's not the one to curse at home yk 🙄)

is it a bad thing i think he would secretly hope your daughter has a bad dream so she'd have a good excuse to sleep in between you both ?

because he would

just to cuddle with her

then he regrets it when she wakes him up early in the morning

when she grows up he would be soooo invested in her school's dramas

like, actually asking for updates during dinner like he's dan from gossip girl

“what do you mean ben is dating his ex's best friend ?? he's such a di... bad person”

he'd be so gassed whenever she would wear his shirt (especially at school)

like you got all these clothes but chose this particular england shirt ? 🥹🥹

(as if half her wardrobe isn't his jerseys from every club he's been at)

(+ jerseys he exchanged with other players and signed jerseys by football legends)

he would sooo show her off to his teammates

“yeah my girl knows how to read now” 😎

and show every picture of her EVER

even the embarrassing ones

100% would introduce his friends as uncles

“say hi to uncle gio” (🫠)

now hear me out bc i think it's my favourite idea

he would totally look up hairstyles tutorials for your babygirl and try them out

once he gets the hang of it, he would never stop finding new ones

and since he doesn't have a sister, he would go to his mum for advice

on hair, but also girl stuff so he can pretend he already knows it all in front of you

you'd also go to his mum to advice tho, because being a parent (especially a mum) is never easy

and she would gladly share all of them with you

when you get into fights with jude your girl would always try to make it better

“dad says he's sorry”, “mum said she's not mad anymore”

of course you both know she's lying but somehow it always works ???

so your relationship is the prime example of what she's looking for when she grows up

and she secretly hopes she gets to love her s/o just like her parents love each other (too corny now ?)

anyways jude would treat you both like his little princesses, and he's so so so grateful he gets to live a lifetime with you two

or maybe more than two who knows 🚶‍♀️

[avalon-of-babylon]

CHEST OF HOLDING

This is inherently improper use so do this at your own risk and please report any problems with me and Larian for everyone's sake.

Preliminary findings/Original post

So I've been collecting pretty chests in case there's housing later and one of the chests I've kept is the Chest of the Mundane from the Arcane Tower in the Underdark because it's pretty and I think it's funny sticking stuff in here. Well because of all that I've been putting my chest collection in there and a minute ago I picked it up. Completely full of over a dozen other chests I was still able to pick it up. It's magic not only makes things look like mundane items it also gives them their weight, making the Chest of the Mundane is the closest you can get to a bag of holding. It has a base weight of 20lbs meaning the 227 loot items in there with over a 100lbs of weight was reduced to 36lbs.

"Proper" Use

Be careful when moving items. I have accidentally lost items while doing this and because it makes things things mundane they become hard to find after so be careful.

Save often. You don't need to save every time you use it use it but because of bugs I've discovered it's best to save regularly.

Don't be worried when selling. All the items in the chest should appear in the holder's inventory with the value of what it's disguised as, just moving them to the sell area will remove the enchantment and give them back their true price.

Recommended for Karlach. Because the chest has a base weight of 20 and will go higher I recommend having our girl Karlach or another character with a high carry capacity hold it.

Sell often. Because the weight will slowly go up as you loot sell when possible to keep from things getting out of hand.

Read and mind the warnings below. The warnings below are serious and there for a reason.

WARNINGS MUST READ

DO NOT EVER LOOT THE ENTIRE CHEST AT ONCE. This will at best bug out your inventory and as worse crash the game.

I fully believe Larian did not expect anyone to use the chest like this making any use of it in this way is inherently improper.

Do not fuck around with the chest. I do not know what will happen if you throw, destroy, sell, place or move the chest when full of random crap.

The chest isn't always right. Because this is inherently improper keep an eye on numbers like carry weight and mundane item value. These can be a warning that the chest might start bugging your inventory.

Verify file integrity. If things start acting weird don't be afraid to put the game down for a bit, verify your files, and take a break. Verifying takes 10-30 minutes for me, just make dinner, do your laundry, take a shower, clean your desk, it'll be ready when your done.

This has not been tested in multiplayer. I'm trying to talk my cousin into testing how it for me but until them it's a mystery.

Consider the risk. Cheesing the game like this is not without problems. Personally I'm a dumbass who sees this on the same level as modding outside Vortex or CursedForge when you have no fucking clue what your doing.

Soooo I started a new game a turns out the chest isn't doing the thing.

It will still bug out your game if you loot all so don't bother doing anything with it but going "hehe the sword is now a cup"

[2kyo7]

♱ 𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐘 ♱ | SOLEIL

pairing ; adrian tepes , trevor belmont , sypha belnades x female reader

ཐི ➥ summary ; As the world begins to pay the toll of Dracula's rage, four unlikely heroes must band together and defeat him--no matter the price.

warnings ; swearing

notes ; hopefully the dialogue reads accurate to how the characters actually talk in the series😓😓. Lmk what u guys think!!

ONCE LEAVING ALUCARD's TOMB Sypha wished her people many sorrowful goodbyes, watching for the first time as they traveled somewhere she could not. Soon they themselves would too depart from Gresit and in turn leave for west where their destination rested in between the territories of both OTTOMAN and MOLDAVIA.

Admittedly the journey was...unfavorable to say the least, paths were thick with snow and ice—turning their fires into signals for enemies which hid in the cover of night. Conversation was admirable, but only when Trevor and Alucard were not knee deep in conflict (which happened more often than not).

After yet another disagreement, Sypha attempted to lighten the atmosphere with questions. "Soooo Savior, how exactly do you know of this true blood? And how are you so sure they'll help us?" He released a drawn sigh and look towards the pile of burning wood before him, "we aren't exactly going to meet just one pure blooded vampire—this is a family of them."

Trevor was quick to sit up in protest, but Alucard held out a hand, almost pleading with the man to stay silent for just a moment. "They are family friends... or once were, before my father had a falling out with the family's head." His face became tense with focus as if it was painful to recall such years ago. "The fight wasn't anything extravagant or gruesome—pure bloods' consider themselves above such 'unnecessary brutality' in their words, but we've never spoken another word to each other since."

Alucard clenched his fist in frustration, to keep himself from saying the unthinkable. "Anyhow, they won't slaughter us when we step onto their doorstep if that's what you're thinking, by the time we get there they'll probably be full off lunch." Sypha huffed before crossing one arm over the other.

"You never answered my second question, are you so sure they'll help us—pure blooded vampires are still vampires nonetheless." Alucard placed a hand between his brows where a wrinkle formed, "I'm not."

"Oh bloody Christ almighty!" Trevor held quiet for long as he knew how, now standing from his icy snow bed he threw his arms high in the air. "We're out here in fucking god knows where about to walk into the god forbidden den of an apex predator! JUST MY LUCK!" Alucard scoffed at what he could only describe as a tantrum, "we need a true blood Belmont, whether you soil over yourself at the thought or not. Now as I've said, it's possible they'll refuse to join us, but in any case they won't kill us. That I'm sure enough of."

"Trevor you quite literally kill vampires for a living, how much different can these pure bloods be?" Sypha shrugged her shoulders in confusion, not exactly exhilarated by the idea of the human race depending on the choice of a single unworldly being. "Oh! I don't know speaker, maybe because they're a 100 times faster, stronger, not to mention smarter then your average run-of-the-mill vamps."

"Like I've said time again, there will be no fight."

"Sure, because we'll already be maggot food before we can get a single word out."

And here they go again, Sypha watched them bicker like children over the last slice of bread—how much longer will she have to put up with this? The more they fought, the angrier she became until eventually water appeared from thin air to slightly soak the two. "What in heaven's name?"—"What the hell!" They shout in union, "Enough! Both of you! We have a long journey ahead and none of your childish yelling will get us there any quicker."

With that concluded the conversation for the night's entirety, Sypha slept soundly knowing there wouldn't be any interrupting noise while Trevor nearly froze to death, his lifeline, the glowing fire in front of him. Though Alucard had his fill on slumber, this wouldn't be of any use as he too clung tight to any of the warmth provided to him that unfortunate night.

After nearly a week of tireless walking during the day while constantly having to fight off hoards of unearthly creatures at night, the trip was proving quite testing. But there efforts were not in vain, finally they'd made it, relishing in their success as a great wooden sign nailed neatly onto high gates read: Welcome to LAVATRIS—population 4,500.

Before they even attempted to make their presence known a man rose from above the gate's entrance, his appearance was a bit disheveled, he had been dressed much too casually to be an official guard of any sort. "State your names and business with Lavatris." His voice was monotone, like he was bored beyond comparison. The three of them looked around to another for a moment, "Ahem. We are stopping by for some shelter...we've been walking for a many days and are terribly exhausted."

The guard stared down upon them with a look of doubt, but prying any further might've killed him. So with a wave of his hand the gates rumbled loudly against ground flooring, opening up just enough for the three of them to pass. "Don't cause any trouble or we'll kill you—blah blah blah." Once entering the gate began to close just as soon as it opened, "that was odd..to say the least."

"Didn't even matter what we woulda said to the fucker, what kind of security is that? I'll be surprised if this town wasn't a complete sh—" Trevor's assumptions had been cut short at the sight of the city. It's streets were bustling and busy, everywhere you looked had been a different story. People were smiling, playing, loving, exactly opposite of what they'd grown accustomed to in Gresit.

Walking along the streets they were in awe, music played on every corner, new smells of delicious foods anytime you turned, it's almost like they had been disconnected from what went on in the outside world. "The city's always been like this," Alucard spoke, a small grin protruding on his face. "These people have been protected by vampire royalty for generations, and in turn they are food pens."

"Tch like a dog on a leash." Trevor said through muffled anger, hands knee deep in his pockets as he looked around with disgust. "No like a fair trade. True bloods value status, and this proves it—having their meals ready to eat whenever they need, without the hunt? That's lavish living for any vampire." Alucard once again contradicts Trevor's statements with venom on his tongue.

"So these pure bloods don't hunt at all?" Sypha inquired, the happy aura becoming almost contagious as she too found herself smiling. "Not in this city, they travel to surrounding areas if they’re feeling extra peckish."'

Deeper they traverse into the city of Lavatris each part being as lively as the rest. "For heaven's sake I need a drink." Trevor dashed towards the ale vendor, slamming down about three gold coins onto the wooden surface below. "Can't you wait a moment's more? Their home is just through this passing."

"Alucard's right Trevor," she snatched the currency in her hands before the vendor could collect, sending them an apologetic look. "The fate of humanity is resting on our shoulders, and all you can think of is a drink?"

He groaned, appearing as if he would combust at any moment now, mumbling beneath his breath: "At the very least wanted a cold one before I died."

They would begin to walk up a steep hill overrun with large trees the size of mountains that have long since lost their coverage caused by the unforgiving winter season. As they continue to march forwards, a dark grand castle begun to shown through, easily seen in deep contrast with the bright evening sky and nature's frosty white blanket. Breathtaking was one word to describe it upon many others.

When approaching, they were met by two towering iron doors that appeared almost implausible to push open on their own intent. Alucard stood in between both Sypha and Trevor, stepping up further than either of his comrades, knuckles raised and ready for impact. "Before we enter, both of you must remember. True bloods aren't like regular vampires, they are not driven by the need for food or power. Instead pleasure and entertainment."

"Just open the godforsaken door." Trevor began to stretch past Alucard, but before he could make contact the doors slowly unfurl revealing only unending darkness inside, ancient gears turned from within while the density of the doors weighted against the marble floors.

Everyone looked to each other, a silent uncertainty weighing heavy on their minds. Alucard was first to ascend further, the others following soon after, and once everyone had gathered entirely inside—the doors swiftly closed shut, a loud BANG promptly following suit—trapping them helplessly inside.

"WHO DARES ENTER MY FORTRESS!"

[tokagedreams]

EDGAR ALLAN POE RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

(a/n: i have soooo many more thoughts about poe bro i love him so much..anyway, fellow poe fans if you have poe requests i am begging you to drop them in my inbox)

pre-relationship

- the two of you met back in america years ago. you guys start out as ride-or-die best friends, you’re the inseparable duo that does everything together. when poe goes to yokohama with the guild, you go with him even if you’re not a guild member.

- you’re an infuriating case of ‘the two besties that are clearly in love with each other but would rather die than confess because they’re convinced their feelings are unrequited when they obviously aren’t’. you’ve basically been acting like a couple for at least a year but somehow you and poe are both convinced that it’s just a friendship to the other person and nothing more.

- both the guild and the ADA assumed you were already dating until poe referred to you as his ‘best friend’ and they’re just like are you fr right now?? 🤨 it’s literally so freaking obvious you two are head over heels in love to everyone except for you and poe. especially if you’re not even in the guild and you moved across the world just to be with poe 💀 ranpo (affectionately) hates you guys because you refuse to believe him when he tells you that your feelings are requited.

confession

- ranpo #1 wingman frfr!! at first he tries to make it happen naturally, but eventually he realizes that’s a lost cause..so he basically forces poe to confess to you because he’s so sick and tired of hearing poe lament about how you don’t love him back when you obviously do!! i could see ranpo being like “i’m not reading any of your new novels until you confess to (y/n) 😈” and that would be the final straw because poe is not about to throw away all his chances of ever beating his rival.

- i think we all agree that poe is a hopeless romantic, but i feel like he would just be too anxious to actually do anything fancy for a confession. he’s probably fantasized about the perfect confession a hundred times, but when he gets pressured to actually do it, all of those plans go out the window because he’s just freaking out lol.

- he’d tell you to come over because he needs to ‘show you something important’, he doesn’t make it obvious that he’s going to confess his feelings at all. so you get to his house and he tells you to wait on the couch while he gathers everything, and you’re starting to get anxious too because you’re like ummm wtf is he about to show me?? poe goes to his office and after a moment of ‘gathering’ (he actually already had his stuff sorted beforehand, he spent the entire time petting karl to muster up some courage), he brings you this giant stack of messy papers and just stands there awkwardly. and you’re so freaking confused until you start reading them and you realize that they’re all love letters and poems about you, written by poe himself. they’re all dated too so you can see that they range from today all the way back to like at least two years ago.

- poor poe is actually sitting there literally trembling while you read, anxiously waiting for you to respond. obviously you tell him you love him too, and he honestly looks like he doesn’t believe it or just can’t process it for a second, you have to kiss him on the cheek or something to get him to register the fact that you seriously love him. but after that he’s like the happiest you’ve ever seen him, he’s hugging you so hard, grabbing your hands and he might even excitedly kiss your face a couple times. this is genuinely a dream come true for him so he can go a little wild as a treat <3

- he owes ranpo so bad after this btw 💀

relationship

- since you and poe had been acting like a couple for a long while before officially getting together, it’s not that hard to get used to an actual relationship. now there’s just a lot less uncertainty and hesitance, you can comfortably do all of the things that you previously chickened out of because you didn’t want to ‘ruin your friendship’. your feelings aren’t a secret anymore, so you both have free reign to be as affectionate as you want to be.

- in terms of love language, i really feel like poe could appreciate any kind of love from you. he might be a little shy about physical affection, and he probably won’t want to do much of it in public, but in private i think he would secretly love it. his favorite type of love to receive from you would probably be words of affirmation, this man needs that praise and validation so badly!! in the beginning of your relationship, he doesn’t know how to handle your compliments, if you’re flirty he will simply explode. he eventually gets more accustomed to it, but he still blushes like crazy and gets all bashful every time you praise him. his favorite type of love to give to you is probably acts of service, just look at how much he bends over backwards to do favors for ranpo in canon lol. he will do literally anything for you!! with his absurd salary and spending habits, you can count on being showered in gifts too, he just wants to spoil you!

- you and poe are definitely one of those couples that enjoys just chilling in the same room doing your own separate things. it will actually make him so happy if you just quietly sit in his office while he writes! maybe after you’ve been dating for a long time he might even have you sit on his lap sometimes.. 😳 since he spends so much time in there obsessively writing new novels to beat ranpo, it got really lonely with just him and karl, so having you there just makes everything better. he also probably doesn’t take very good care of himself when he’s really focused on writing, so he will be eternally thankful if you help make sure he eats, drinks and sleeps enough. he might be the type to say “just one more chapter..” every time you tell him to go to bed, but you can usually persuade him with the promise of cuddles and a kiss goodnight.

- speaking of cuddles when you go to sleep…i am convinced that poe would secretly love being the little spoon!! he’ll of course default to being the big spoon unless you’re somehow taller than him, because that’s kinda just the norm for tall people in most cases. he might even be hesitant at first if you ask him to swap places with you, because he’s likely never done that before, but when you hold him for the first time..it immediately becomes his new favorite thing. it makes him feel so safe and secure and loved, please hold this man!!

- you play with poe’s hair all the time, it’s something you both enjoy because damn he has a lot of hair and it’s really fluffy. you push his bangs back because you want to actually see his eyes for once!! it makes him so flustered because he lowkey feels exposed without his bangs, but if you tell him his eyes are pretty he’ll be like “omg really?? 🥺” and forget all about his embarrassment. it works every single time. when poe is stressed, he often just lays his head in your lap and lets you run your fingers through his hair, it’s very grounding and calming to him. he gets embarrassed if you catch him off guard and just randomly start petting his hair, he tells you to go pet karl instead 💀

- poe is 100% the type of guy to kiss your knuckles or your forehead all the time. he’ll kiss you on the lips too, but it can be kind of overwhelming, so he doesn’t initiate those kisses as often. i think he would like being kissed on the cheek by you a lot, something simple and sweet to brighten his mood. despite being your partner, he still gets nervous to ask you for kisses when he wants them, but he’s honestly pretty unintentionally obvious about it so you can usually tell lol.

- poe gets so embarrassed if you ever read his novels, he knows that you appreciate his writing, but your opinion is so important to him that he gets anxious about it. he usually doesn’t let you read books that he’s written to challenge ranpo until after he’s already shown them to the detective. but you always read them when he gets back home and he’s all mopey after ranpo has successfully solved another one of his mysteries. although he remains determined to continue trying, it’s always a major blow to his self esteem when he loses to ranpo again. so you read the books for yourself so that you can praise him about every specific detail and make him feel better about himself and his work. you may not be his rival or the greatest detective in the world, but you are poe’s partner, so your words are still very meaningful to him.

- poe would definitely call you lots of pet names if you’re comfortable with it. he calls you things like ‘my dearest’ and ‘my beloved’, but he’ll also call you things like ‘darling’ and ‘love’. if you have a nickname, he’ll typically use that in place of your full name because it feels more intimate to him. if you do the same to him, he’ll be so happy! he’s down with being called basically any term of endearment as long as it comes from you, but some may make him more flustered than others. if you shorten his name and call him ‘ed’ it makes him feel so much closer to you.

- poe talks about you all the freaking time! he’s not above straight up bragging about how great his partner is, he constantly feels the need to tell everyone how great you are. hopefully ranpo likes you a lot because my guy has to listen to poe gushing about you constantly lol. if poe ever finds out that you’ve told your friends good things about him, it will warm his heart and make him feel so appreciated. he’s basically never prepared for you to match his extreme passion in your relationship, it shocks him every single time and he can’t believe he actually met someone who loves him as strongly as he loves them.

(a/n: thanks for reading my first fic on this account! i hope you guys like my theme lol, i just wanna be known as the tokage guy who writes bsd fics)

[z0mbi3k1d]

Romanticizing life Part 4

Food ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･୭ 🧷 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

This is just gonna be abt healthy food swaps and things different foods can do for you, I'm not promoting Ed at all!!

Note‼️‼️

Only do these if you want to, you should enjoy your life. That means don't do food swaps all the time, treat yourself! To be honest I probably won't do any of these because I'm happy with my body and don't have too, you should be happy with yourself too!

Eating Healthy 🍓

It is important to eat healthy! It can do lots for your body, skin, and mood, I'm going to give you some healthy food swaps and tasty snacks to help!

Toxic things to get out of your head 🐇

Before I'm going to share these it's important to me that you don't use this unhealthy, stop telling yourself these things

"I need to eat healthy to loose weight"

No, you don't. All bodies are shaped different and process food differently, allergies for example. Not everyone has allergies so what makes you think everyone processes all food the same? You can still be healthy without 'looking healthy'

"I'll only eat for energy, not taste"

Man just enjoy your life 😭 I see ppl say this a lot but it doesn't make sense. Break your shell and try more foods and flavors, enjoy yourself

"I have to look like them"

Nuh uh! You're hotter 💋

Remember if you wouldn't say it to a bunny DO NOT SAY IT TO YOUR SELF‼️‼️

Food swaps 🍡

Here's some food swaps for you!

Sugary cereal ~ Oats with fruit

Ice cream ~ acai bowl

Coffee ~ matcha/Chai

Chips ~ Popcorn

White bread ~ sourdough

My personal favorite healthy foods 🧁

I'd consider myself a pretty picky eater so when it comes to healthy foods this is what I eat

I love all fruits strawberries, blueberries, bananas ect. Fruits are great bc you can do lots with them, you can make smoothies, put them in yogurt or just eat them normally

Peanut butter, okay so I'm not a huge fan but there's a lot you can do with peanut butter and you an make really healthy stuff with it

Granola, guys granola is soooo good I used to eat the bars and they had honey on them too it was so good

Honey is also good but yk

Hummus.. Lowkey feel like a nerd for saying I like it but I do. If you wanna be healthy with it you could use cucumbers!

Cucumbers>>> squash (I hate squash it's so disgusting :p)

Tuna, it has like Idk it's good for you in some ways I wasn't really listening to my father when he was talking abt it

I love nuts!! I think they're a good quick snack

I'd you don't like water get some of the flavors things, they have energy and low cal ones

Apparently dark chocolate is gold for you too sooo

Salmon is also healthy hehe >:)

Chia seeds barley taste like anything so put them in your yogurt or something

TEA TEA IS SOOOOOO GOOD

Things foods can do for you 🍮

Idk how much of this is true but I'm not gonna gatekeep just in case

Dark chocolate can

Holy crap apparently it can protect against UV rays?? 😭😭

It fights tooth decay

And it's a brain food

More brain food

Nuts

Avocados

Eggs

Chia seeds

Fruits

I'm telling you fruits are good for anything and they're sweet!!! They are perfect!!! (If you don't like fruit consider yourself an opp)

Thanks for reading!! 🩷🩷

Thanks for reading!! Have a great day, remember to eat what you want and stay happy!! I love you my sweet angels!! 🩷🩷

[lananakay]

I Don't Understand The Lesson Marius.

I recently re-read "The Vampire Armand" and I have a lot of questions for Mr. Marius de Romanus. While I spent a good portion of this book side-eyeing him, for this post I'm just going to focus on one thing that I just doesn't make sense...

Why did Marius send Amadeo (Armand) to the brothels?

In the book, Armand recounts the following in chapter 4:

"He said that I must go to the brothels, learn what it meant to couple properly-not merely in play, as we did among the boys."

Seriously, y tho? Marius isn't interested in intercourse, and while he participates in other forms of physical intimacy, it's not what gives him true pleasure which cancels out the first thing that came to my mind...grooming. Many predators expose their victims to increasing intensities of sexual images and actions to "normalize" the behaviors they wish to engage in. In Marius' case blood gives him pleasure...so again. Why the brothels? Just before sending him there, this conversation takes place between the two.

""Why do you never . . . Why do you never feel anything! Why do you handle me as if I were a poppet? Why do you never…?" "What is it you want me to feel, Amadeo?" he said. "You're like an angel, a statue," I said, only now I was chastened and trembling. "Master, you play with me and I'm the toy that feels all things." I drew nearer. I touched his shirt, sought to unlace it. "Let me-.""

He attempts the sexy time with Marius who stops him and bites into his neck drinking blood from him for the first time. (Not to be confused with the blood kisses he shared with Amadeo with earlier.)

"This is what I want of you." (Says Marius)

Soooo, Sir Marius de Romanus, why did you feel that Amadeo needed to learn to "couple properly"? Why did you need to send him to not only a female brothel, but also a male one, leaving him at both respectively for several days?

Then I thought..."Maybe he likes to watch?" I mean, I'm on the asexual spectrum and while I don't like engaging in sex and sexual activities, I do enjoy the idea of it. I like watching, reading, and listening to porn, soooo maybe he's the same? But no, and I know this because this man has the nerve to be pissy about it later!

"And so you're angry that I enjoyed it?" I asked.

Why had he said nothing? Why did he force me to these lessons which drove us apart? Why his anger at me for merely doing what he had told me? I wondered if the brothels had been a test of my innocence, and his admonitions to me to enjoy all of it had been lies."

Bruh, I'm just as confused as you are Amadeo. Marius has both of us like...

Between you and me, I think it was Anne who wanted Amadeo at the brothels, not Marius!

UPDATE AFTER READING "BLOOD AND GOLD".

After my last post asking why Marius sent Amadeo to the brothels, I had some conversations that led me to read "Blood and Gold" which is Marius' biography...I have many judgments! Many! But, for now I'll just focus on the brothel visits.

Before that, I have to apologize to the 2002 "Queen Of The Damned" adaptation because, while their twisting of the lore was both uncalled for and unnecessary, their depiction of Marius was pretty spot on...except for the hair of course!

Back on topic, I was surprised to find that Marius doesn't reflect on it much. It's also not mentioned (that is confirmed nor denied) that Marius had seen what happened while Amadeo was there. He never mentions seeing Amadeo with the English Lord either. Now, I'm not saying that he didn't see those things happen, just that I didn't get any more insight while reading his version of things. Additionally, he never mentions any jealousy of these events, although this is what Amadeo perceived at the time. It seems that what caused Marius' silent frustration was just his inner conflict of whether or not to turn him.

In fact, the only time he directly mentions it is when he recalls-

"I sent him off to the best brothels to learn the pleasures of women, and the pleasures of boys. He hated me for it, and yet he enjoyed it, and he came home to me eager for the Blood Kiss and nothing else." -Blood and Gold: Chapter 19

He hated it because you were acting weird. You had us both confused over here sir!

Some say he was trying to push Amadeo away (towards wanting a human life) by showing him the pleasures of the flesh, something he would (more or less) lose in if he became a vampire. I personally think bro is just a pretentious, narcissistic, hebephiliac

Speaking of Marius being a hebephile, the lessons at the brothels were even weirder because of Amadeo's age. I know, I know, times were different, manhood was different, life was different etc. Even so, Amadeo was incredibly young, even by ancient standards. I mean, Maruis says Amadeo:

"...was fifteen years old at the most when I took him out of the brothel that night and brought him to live with in the palazzo with my boys." Blood and Gold -Chapter 19

But, honestly though I think he was younger, mainly because of what Amadeo recounts:

"I was too young for a wet pleasure. I wonder if it was more what women feel. I thought it couldn't end. It became an agony of rapture, being caught in his hands, unable to escape, convulsing and twisting and feeling this ecstasy again and again and again." -The Vampire Armand: Chapter 2

To end this topic, It is what it is! I don't need a satisfactory explanation for all my wonderings...and it's impossible anyhow. I am glad it motivated me to read Blood and Gold though. It's a book I've owned for a while and never picked up. It's also given me a lot more to think (and post) about.

In conclusion...Just know that Amadeo and I feel the same about this! Confused and violated!

Photo Credits:

Marius de Romanus, Natalia Korchagina (artstation.com)

Group Of Angels, Sandro Botticelli

[bored-storyteller]

VERY LONG POST

It was supposed to be a little rant about Twisted Wonderland, it became a treatise (no, but almost):

So, I love the Diasomnia book. It's soooo good (also considering the type of game).

Lilia is enchanting me, Meleanor (or Malenoa) has enchanted me. She couldn't be more beautiful than this. We've seen her so little and yet in my opinion she is one of the most successful characters in Twisted Wonderland. She is the summary of what Twisted Wonderland should be, the dark side that reconciles with unconditional love. And with her being mother she introduces the concept which is the basis of Lilia and Silver (and also Malleus I presume), that is the concept of "true love". It's a blow to the heart, it's the key to development that can completely change things.

Ah, but then you know how to do things well.

And here comes my complaint: I start directly from the game first. I understand that Diasomnia is the main dorm and that Malleus (where are you Malleus?) is our front man. All right. But if they can do something like that now, then they could do at least half of this for the other characters too. Did they do it? Obviously not, or at least not for the most part. No, because if the other media have to come and explain to us the underlying reasons for the other Overblots then something is wrong. If to understand what the guys who are alongside us are doing and what they think I have to read the novel then yes, I get a little angry. Because they knows how to do things for heaven's sake.

Mind you, I'm not saying that Diasomnia can't have more screentime (also because they're giving us information on world building and who says anything), I'm simply talking about good writing and commitment to the characters that have been created. Also because there are already problems of opinion, if the writing is lascivious and incomprehensible, well, see you!

And here's the second point. I don't usually make posts like this, but this comes following a post I saw (I won't say how or where), where there was a clear devaluation of the other chapters and character issues in favor of Diasomnia. So, as much as can be forgivable addressing imaginary characters in a certain way (yes, they are all invented, they have neither merits nor demerits for being what they are, only the tragedy of being written badly in some cases), the treating some topics such as those of Riddle, or Azul or Jamil lightly or insensitively is questionable to say the least. And it can be offensive.

Just as I'm tired of hearing that Leona's problem is "jealousy". No, and even if the writing of the Savanaclaw arc (let alone the translation) doesn't help, no. He's not just jealous, just as Vil isn't just jealous. But I'm not here to do psychological analysis of characters that probably some wouldn't even understand.

You may not understand, yes, we have the right to not understand (especially, I repeat, given the weaknesses that are in the game). Fine, but it's our limit and we keep our head down and we keep quiet, or ask for things to be explained to us. There is no need to devalue, insult or mock the characters, because those characters are loved by someone, and there is a reason they are chosen. Revelation: no, if you like something you don't do it any good by devaluing the rest, but rather you throw that thing in the mud too. I'm not just talking about Twisted Wonderland, I'm also talking about your favorite author, your book or your anime character.

Guys, it's a matter of respect, you are not superior to anyone, and you are few. Come on, we are together, everyone waves their flag but high fives with those who are next to you.

This post has become very long, so I'm closing it, if anyone has something to dispute please, with all due respect.

Have a good day!

P.s. Sorry if I put this post here, I would like to put it on my personal blog but I haven't yet found the will to solve the access problems. I hope you forgive me.

[piduai]

where ogata's true loyalties lie has been such an intense subject of debate lmfao i personally never read any of the "meta" floating around because i have better stuff to do but i know that it's been such a busy matter. AND THEN CHAPTER 304 DROPPED AND SET ALL OF THAT ON FIRE AHAHAHAHA yeah anyway still one of the highlights of my reading experience, it was pandemonium out there... like people were soooo eager to cling to the idea that their special little meow meow was not like other girls and upon deciding that he's a strong independent sniper who needs no tsurumi he stepped on a path of anarchy and whatnot... unlike the rest of them stupid, delusional, malleable tsurumigirls he alone could see through tsurumi's vile manipulative nature and MANIPULATE HIM IN TURN... wow such a cool mastermind, such a mysterious byronic hero, such a sublime personality... but then 304 came along and he turned out to be the most rabid tsurumigirl of them all. i'm telling you it was crazy. it's when they started talking about how ooc he is and how noda ruined his own character AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA a great day for me

anyway. one thing, he never stopped referring to tsurumi with the appropriate military title, not even once. not even when he was talking to himself!

and it's not because he's such a respectful little darling who looooves hierarchies.

tsukishima's rank was higher than his, so if that were the case he'd refer to him as sergeant tsukishima. except he doesn't, because tsukishima is nothing to him now, he's out of the army and he has no respect for tsukishima. tsurumi, on the other hand...

lovely chapter overall with insane foreshadowing btw

^ cat bringing a nasty, violent gift to his master

^ ogata's actions being framed as a cat bringing its master a gift.

it's also funny that it's been there the entire time, everyone just dismissed it. it's not like tsukishima came to this conclusion himself, most likely it's tsurumi who deduced that it's what ogata is trying to do.

tsurumi knew about ogata's rebellious phase AND that he's spying for central! just like he knew about kikuta. and he left him to his own devices because a) he didn't feel truly threatened by his actions and b) he was trying to squeeze as much use out of him as possible before discarding him. he also knew of ogata's issues, about his obsession with his father, and that he wanted to exceed him. thing is, he wasn't even wrong! ogata WAS trying to bring a nasty, violent gift to his master; he DID want to exceed his father, he did want to climb through the ranks. i'll give it to ogata that he managed to fool tsurumi in one respect - tsurumi didn't think that HE is the master that the cat is trying to bring its present to. this is why he joined the gold hunt on his own, this is why he was so hellbent of taking the code out of asirpa; he wanted to be the one to bring it to tsurumi, and to make him look at him and him alone, acknowledge him, love him...

but also it's not that ogata ever... well i was about to say harbored delusions but delusions are his best friend... hm, it's not that ogata didn't see tsurumi for who he actually is. he did. he was aware. he's seen it over and over, hell he's participated in his schemes too

(he's actually saying that they can't win him over, not that it won't be easy to do it)

(he's also not saying "stupid cliches"... it's more like "pompous speeches" which is another roundabout way of saying "obvious bullshit", but he's not being crass or dismissive when talking about tsurumi. which he is when talking about anyone else)

like... he KNOWS what kind of person tsurumi is, he knows that he's a lying bastard, and he knows that he puts effort into charming those he wants to use. he just thinks that he's different. it's not that he ever bought into tsurumi's lies regarding himself, except part of him so craved his approval that he decided to let tsurumi play his fiddle and went along with it. thing is, he respects tsurumi; he admires the way tsurumi navigates his way through life, he acknowledges tsurumi's talents and strengths, and he wants to be like tsurumi. there's a bit of personal bitterness in that "tsurumi knows how to fool young men and make them follow him" because he WAS one of those young men. even while recognizing tsurumi's slimy dirty ways while being patted on the leg by him after he was talked into killing his father and calling him a conman (smooth-talking bastard, seductive bastard, what have you) he was still hurt and offended when it turned out that hanazawa was merely an obstacle for tsurumi's political agenda, and that he was used to get rid of it.

and tsurumi knew that he knows, i think this is part of why he never liked ogata. usami knew too, and tsurumi knew that he knows, except usami loved being used. even in death! even with offence to his own person. but ogata is difficult. and yet in the end ogata still went back to him.

[brxkxnhxxrtsclxb]

Hii! Just wanted to ask if you saw Boruto leaks? (If you didn't, i'll just that it's over for Sarada😭).

hi anon :3 !!

sigh… a can of worms i didn’t want to open has been opened soooo…

long rant ahead:

[TLDR: this manga is a hot mess. sarada deserves not better, BUT THE BEST (i’m biased, she’s my fave so she only deserves the best)]

dear anon, i. am. tired. TIIIIRRRREEDDDD !!!!!

i’m sorry if this comes off as mean and rude and pls know i am not cussing you out (literally not directed at you, but at the manga) but WTF . respectfully, WHAT THE FUUUCCKKKK ??!! this manga is soooo i don’t even have the right words. well for one it’s ghetto. i can say that

so now we know chapter 10 WAS sarada’s fight this time skip. seems she’s for real gonna get the sakura treatment in being underutilized. sakura got her one fight against sasori and that was that UNTIL the war and fight against kaguya. seems sarada is unfortunately suffering the same fate. she got her dodging and chidori against hidari moment (which was literally the bare minimum tbh) and that’s it. WTF ._.

she’s being saved by we all know who YET AGAIN. it’s tiresome. why does she constantly need to be saved ?? we KNOW she’s capable to do her own thing. WE KNOW THIS !! she’s a shinobi dammit. her best moment was in the kawaki arc against boro and she’s never had another chance. that was all kodachi. i truly lament the day kodachi was let go (reasonable as to why but i didn’t realize how good we had it T_T). also, she has the other jonin with her so again, WTF. get them out of the way to give the MC yet another hero moment (same with himawari which doesn’t even makes sense. she got kurama now right ?? she got a huge power up somehow. tf she needs to be saved for?? hello ?? who’s writing this ??)

why IS sarada always being saved ?? they have her yapping about her goal to become hokage YET she’s done nothing to prove it (only did so by welcoming and befriending kawaki) and SHE IS THE ONE BEING SAVED !!!! the hokage’s job is to PROTECT THE VILLAGE !! she’s the one who is suppose to be doing the saving, not be saved!!!!! omg who IS writing this ??!!

i will say it’s possible the leaks are fake. i know this guy who said this is a reliable leaker but he also did say he wasn’t posting any since the chapter was dropping soon anyway. it’s possible he posted them so people could stop pestering him about them OR he just lied to, again, get these people off of him idk. of course there is the chance they’re true but that doesn’t matter anymore. this manga is fried. chapter after chapter, it’s the same washed stuff

kishimoto and ikemoto said it’d get dark and would be darker and better than naruto, that’s not true at all. fandom kept telling those outside of it (haters and those neutral to the manga) to give it time and how the time skip will get better. here we are now and nothing. it’s all… for what ??

they haven’t canceled this manga because reasons. and if that’s the case where they (jump) wanna keep it around, they’re better off canceling it while they still can and rebooting it tbh. they can use the same karma and otsutsuki plot line. it’s good. it works. all they need to do is hire an actual writer who knows what they’re doing and how to tell a story (like they did with kodachi), or idk a different mangaka who writes and draws and knows what they’re doing to work on it (like almost every manga). this isn’t any hate to ikemoto, but we know the man isn’t a writer. if that were the case we wouldn’t have needed kodachi from the start (shit, maybe ikemoto is the one doing everything which is why it’s all so contradicting and makes zero sense and so repetitive but this goes into conspiracy theory territory so i’ll leave it alone)

i’ll keep reading to see where they go with kawaki cuz i do like him too (and where is the lil vampire ?? where he ran off to?? hello ?? code, you there ??!!), but other than that this manga is a hot mess. notice how everyone in the ENTIRE CAST is dumbed down and weakened to make boruto look good ?? if you need to make your entire cast stupid in order for your main character to shine, you’re not a writer who knows what they’re doing and your main character sucks. your MC is boring and needs to be made to look cool and special by sacrificing the other characters. i’m sorry that’s SUPER RUDE, but that’s the truth and all there is to it. i can’t sugarcoat it :((

sorry for getting into a long rant anon. thank you for thinking of me and letting me know when seeing the leaks. i appreciate it🖤 it’s comforting to know someone sees things for the way they are. it IS over for sarada. as a fan of hers, i can say that cuz that’s what we’re getting. i’m not gonna sit here and be like “no she’s doing just fine”😭😭. only people i see defending this are shippers which is so stupid cuz that’s not the way to read shonen manga and not the main focus. you can have your ships, yes, but it’s literally not working in sarada’s favor AT ALL

idk. maybe it’s possible things will get better for sarada and i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT IT TO. YAY if that does happen but she’s in the middle of combat and this is what we get for her :(( she doesn’t get fights. ZERO TIME TO SHINE and it’s so stupid. she’s the main heroine, please treat her like it

imma go and cry in a corner now (not literally lmao) cuz my girl only deserves the best and that’s not boruto cuz all he does is hinder her character and potential😖

i am not okay with any of this T_T

[sharpth1ng]

I don't know if you remember but I'm the trans guy who asked if there'll be a cis version for the sequel cause he couldn't read the trans version due to some heavy body dysmorphia going on.

Soooo update I finally am able to read the trans version... You probably don't remember but the way you responded helped me a lot to come to terms with the way my body looks right now and that I can still be a man, even like this.

(Tbh for the longest time I thought I was a transphobic woman bc trans characters who hadn't transitioned gave me panic attacks and it's kinda funny in retrospect lol I was just dumb)

And I dunno I just needed you to know that you wrote that beautifully and I'm so relived and happy to be kinda content right now. I haven't felt this good about me... Ever?

And I just read the christmas scene and Stu saw Billy naked for the first time and... And he just wants and loves Billy exactly the way he is and that was so... Healing. (honestly am totally in love with your Stu anyway but this really sealed the deal).

Long story short I have been crying for 30 minutes now. Honestly tears of joy and relief. Thank you!

(I hope you don't mind me telling you this)

Hey dude I definitely remember you! Your ask was important to me, honestly, transmascs like you are some of the people this fic is for. To be clear its for everyone, but the whole reason I wrote two versions was because of my own fluctuating relationship with dysphoria. I understand why you weren't feeling ok to read the trans version, and I'm glad it ended up being a healing experience for you, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear that.

And just as a side note I don't think it dumb you were afraid you were just a transphobic woman. I think it's really easy to internalize transphobia especially when you're still processing your identity. Transphobia is everywhere and it's unquestioned, and in a lot of cases it's more accessible than trans rhetoric that's positive and affirming. I would argue that transphobia has a major presence in a lot of trans communities too honestly, that's what trans-medicalism is.

The reality is our bodies aren't worse than cis bodies, they aren't less attractive. They're just different, but the world acts like it's a fucking tragedy to have to cut your tits off and take hormones, and that's bullshit. I'm a much more attractive trans dude than I was a cis woman. Do I still have a complicated relationship with parts of my body? Yes. Do I still have dysphoria? Yes. But so do cis people.

I wrote the trans version specifically because I wasn't seeing a lot of transmasc representation (in fic or other media) that felt true and affirming to me- not that the other stuff can't be affirming to other transmascs, just I wasn't finding stuff that felt like a positive version of my own experience.

I think theres a tendency to focus on body, dysphoria, and insecurity in trans fiction in a way that isn't untrue, but also which doesn't give me the ability to engage in fun smut the same way I feel cis people get to. Cis people can be insecure about their bodies in lots of ways, I'd argue cis people also experience gender dysphoria (think cis women with small chests, cis men who have breasts or smaller penises, ect.), but it's not nearly as common for sexual depictions of them in fiction to focus on those insecurities, and on navigating the way other people react to their bodies ahead of the actual smut.

The other place I see this happening is with sexual depictions of fat people and disabled people. Our bodies and minds are positioned as barriers in sexual situations, and while realistically we may have things to navigate that cis, thin or able bodied people don't, that doesn't mean those barriers need to be centered in erotica that involves us. Cis, thin, able bodied people have insecurities and sexual hang-ups too, so why do they get to be written as having fun, positive sex without centering those things when we don't? To me it positions transness, fatness, and disability as inherently being a barrier to positive sexuality and I just think that's unrealistic.

I'm rambling but all that is to say, this has been healing to me too. We deserve depictions of ourselves that acknowledge the differences and barriers we do have (like, Billy is still scared about coming out, it's hard for him to do, thats a barrier) without making them the whole experience.

I'm really glad you're feeling better about things, and i'm really, really fucking touched that my writing could be a part of that 🖤

[mermaidsirennikita]

Are you gonna watch It Ends With Us? Never been a fan of the books and there's something about the movie that gives me the ick

I may *watch* it (I have friends who love the book and I'd be surprised if at some point in my lifetime I see it) but like... I don't have a desire to give it my own money.

I really don't care for the book. Not even because of the subject matter, but because I don't care for Colleen's writing style (and I gave her a college try—I've tried other books of her, and when I read Ugly Love in my early twenties I actually liked it, though I think I'd feel differently in this day and age) and the treatment of the subject matter.

Like, I think Colleen has a right to write what she wants to write. She's been very open about growing up in a home filled with DV; I did not, and I haven't experienced it, and I can't speak to that personal experience (though I also think, obviously, Colleen can't speak for all survivors and I would like to imagine she knows that). Someone pointed out to me that her perspective on Ryle and his relationship with his daughter could be influenced by the fact that Colleen is writing through the lens of a child whose parent abused her other parent, and that is... an interesting take that could certainly have some merit re: a literary analysis of the book, though we can't like, speak for Colleen. Just interpret her work.

So yeah... I don't think the book necessarily romanticizes abuse, so much as it gives a survivor's perspective on being in love with their hot and cold abuser, which is very real, right? The writing is just so poor (and a lot of people critiquing this book haven't read it, mind, and I don't at all agree that every story about DV needs to portray this stereotypically monstrous abuser and a survivor who doesn't love them, because we KNOW THIS IS NOT TRUE for many survivors—there would e a lot less DV if every abuser was transparently awful and we could all just see them for who they are as soon as they abuse people) that people miss this. And I do think some of it is also pearl clutching over "what if the children read this", "we should always have clear moral boundaries" etc. I'm giving the book that credit, even if I think it is a bad book...

And even if I think the sequel and this idea of like, upholding the co-parenting situation and facilitating a bond between the child and the abuser is... not portrayed the way it should be. Like yeah, Ryle is abusive and stays abusive despite "working on himself", which is the reality the vast majority of the time... As Justin Baldoni stated in a recent interview, and I SO appreciate him thinking about that, as it feels like the book doesn't as much. Iiiiii read it and felt like there was this idea from the narrative that it was important for the child to have a relationship with her biological father, a known abuser. And I just... don't agree with that. It's real that many survivors are forced to co-parent with abusers due to this fucked up legal system. BUT it's this idea that like... a father who abused his child's mother is better than no father at all as long as he doesn't put hands the child... that I felt the narrative pushed... that I find so horrific. And like. If you're abusing your child's parent, you're abusing the child. That is psychic scarring, even if you never lay a hand on the kid or even yell at the them. ESPECIALLY if that is your child's primary caretaker, as if often the case with mothers.

Full transparency regarding my own bias: I have an emotionally abusive, estranged father. Never laid hands on me or my mom or my siblings. Things could change, but at this point in my life, it sucks to not have a dad, but it sucked worse to have him. I don't think this idea of the damage done by a parent being cut out being insurmountable is just... right.

SOOOO all that aside, my biggest issue has always been the marketing (the coloring book they were gonna put out, the nail polishes) and the idea of profiting off this story of DV the way you would a romance novel (and the bad marketing of it as a romance novel). Which is not entirely in Colleen's hands, but she apologized for that coloring book. She was involved in that. The reality is that the movie's marketing has done the same thing. Yes, the full trailers let you know what this shit is. Some of the teaser spots I've seen are way less clear. The interviews especially are NOT CLEAR. I mean, Blake is basically cross-promoting this with Deadpool x Wolverine. That? Is not the way I think you should market a movie about DV.

The only person I've seen discuss this at length is Justin Baldoni.

I won't begrudge Colleen for making money off this, or Justin, or Blake, or whoever. When you make art, it's difficult to justify doing so without at least trying to turn a profit in this world. And people are gonna buy what they're going to buy. It's the way in which it's marketed and the idea that a story that could really be powerful is being presented the way you'd present something like... I don't know. The must-see movie of the summer, dress like Lily Bloom, check out Blake's haircare products, etc. Look at how hot Atlas is!

But also, look at how Ryle beats his wife, I guess?

So... yeah....

[the-silver-peahen-residence]

||The Snake's gift; the azure phoenix's first date||

HI dears, hope your doing well today, I got a new drabble for you but it was something since I wanted to write something a bit wholesome. So, lets see what this drabble brings hmm? And yes, I will write more for the others in the future I wanted to get these out before I Forget them. ^^

||Drabble Summary||

After Willow and her team helped Ethan and the seekers from that one time, it seems Ethan's team has been urging him to find a way to thank her for it. They knew he cared about her but he was still being mature because of it. Soooo....it seems his team was going to fix that. And how? Read to find out.

||Warning||

~Wholesome moment is present in this drabble

~First date is present in this drabble

||Guests in drabble||

Ethan and his fraction the seekers belongs to my beloved friend @demon-blood-youths

Willow and her fraction the elemental phoenix feathers belongs to me.

((Note: Their will be grammar mistakes and errors in this drabble as others have this warning. But like I state before, this is written for fun. So I hope you like it and my friend too. Enjoy))

It's a relaxing calm morning in Philly while knowing the fractions The Seekers Tribe were just done taking down another group that was trying to send off some new documents for a high price. However, they were resting up with Agana doing some reading before something changed.

"You..You want me to do what now?" Kukuclan 'Ethan' Gaol looked to his team who was smiling at him while giving a idea to him. He wasn't sure if he heard right but Zloth was giving a light nod of his head.

"You heard us! We all agree that you should thank her for what she did. Even if you tend to act mature most of the time I know you care deeply about Willow." he said with arms crossed with Ethan sighing.

"Your still on this?" he asked with a sweat drop.

"Yes! I know you been looking at Willow all happily like that since we been helping Willow and her fraction from time to time. This tells me that you really are wishing to spend time with her! Sooooo...how about you go on a date with her!"

Ethan twitched but looks at Zloth. "A date!? Have you lost your mind!" he said to look at him with Agana, Ashley, and Light sweatdrops to seeing Zloth sigh.

"I'm serious! You been showing you do care and like like her so we figure you need to go out on a date or at least hang out with her!" he said.

"Are you really trying to make this something like that? -_-" he asked with his eyes closed even with Zloth sighing.

"Oh come on! I know you been looking at her like that so it proves you do! Why don't you just admit you like her and just enjoy your time with her? Go out and relax for once!" he pokes his chest with Ethan's eye twitching.

Honestly, he was not expecting him to be asking about this and yet, he sees that Zloth always tries to have him give a helping hand. But it wasn't the case. True Ethan did care about Willow deeply even gotten worried about her after well..Sukuna's beat down. Even when he ripped off her wings with them healing slowly.

Even so, he was always checking up on her or speaking to her through text and the phone to insure she was fine. She was even if she was also taking it slow. He sighed to think about it but looks seeing his team look at him. "What?"

"Well? Are you going to or-"

"I don't know. I care about her yes but I don't want to bother her over some date. What if she's busy today or what if she's doing something else? I don't want to bug her when we are still doing things." he said with hear his teammates sigh.

"I'm sure she's fine and maybe she needs a break! That's why you should go and see her! In fact, we even asked her team to bring her somewhere for you to speak to her!" Ethan blinks to take in what Zloth said before his eyes widen.

"YOU DID WHAT!?"

"What? We wanna help you and her relax so your welcome!" he said seeing Ethan's eye twitch.

"You asked her team to bring Willow...wait, where did they even take her?" he asked.

"They took her to a quiet spot somewhere but it's near by. In fact we should hurry and meet up with them or we'll be late." he said smiling that Ethan sighed with a sweatdrop. "I swear you-"

"You'll thank us later now come on!" Being happy, his team helps him up and takes Ethan to where he can meet Willow with Agana sweatdropping and follows. This should be something.

~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~

"So why are we out here today? It's nice.." Willow smiled looking to the small gardens here but her team was happy to see a smile on her face. She deserves that since it's been a bit rough for her.

"We know but we wanna take you out for a while to relax." Jeremy smiled to her while Willow blinks to feel happy and did that. She looks out while seeing this only to see the others relaxing now. However they gave her space under the tree to see her team relaxing. That's when they notice a few coming over and carrying someone.

In a moment, they saw it was Ethan's fraction. "Hey guys, what's up?" Maki smiled sweetly to seeing them set Ethan down who was sighing.

"We are fine. Just bring Ethan out and well....we are ready to start our plan with him asking for a date with Willow!" Zloth smiled.

"Wait, were you all in this?" he asked seeing both teams smiling at him.

"Maybe.." they said seeing Ethan sweatdrops to hear this. Was his own fraction going against him now? However, he sighed to see them then thinks. "Hold on, where is.."

"Willow is under the pretty tree up there." Tsulu smiled responding to that and he points. He looks to see Willow sitting under a tree while she was looking out relaxed now. Though, she looked so relaxed there and it was pretty-wait he blushed to clear his throat to look away. The others noticed to smile.

"We saw that!" Zloth said.

"Oh hush." he sighed.

"Then go ahead and see her! Go on shoo!" the two fractions gently pushes Ethan towards the tree where Willow waits but he was being gently pushed before he was near the tree. He sees them backing up and showing thumbs up smiling. Agana gives him luck but he sighed to shake his head.

He looks to see Willow leaning against the tree with a gentle smile on her face. Feeling the gentle breeze blowing against her that made him blush again. He looks away trying not to be too obvious but he takes a slow breath then looks forward.

"Ummm Hello Willow." he sees her blink to hear the voice then turns to look at him. Seeing who it was, Willow was happy.

"Hi Ethan. What a nice surprise." she smiled to him while he walks over but looks to her.

"Same to you. How have you been? Doing alright?" he asked seeing her light nod.

"Yes. My team wanted to take me out from indoors and relax out here. Were you coming out to do the same?" she asked sweetly to him but Ethan looks to her then ahead.

"You..You could say that." he said seeing Willow smile to laugh.

"Well, would you like to join me? I have room for one more." she said patting the grass by her as Ethan sighed to walk over and sits down beside her. She was happy to see them sitting together while she rests her hand on her lap and him relaxing.

Both Willow and Ethan were relaxing with their teammates seeing how precious this was but it was almost like they were dating each other already. For now, they wanted to see how this goes.

"So Ethan, have you been doing alright?" he heard her ask while looking ahead but he looks to her hearing the question.

"I've been alright. Just trying to relax so far after everything. Though, I hope you been doing alright?" he asked seeing him relaxing in a way but she was happy to hear that.

"I'm glad to hear that. I know you been resting up after helping your team, even well..doing everything to help my team out, take care of our side, and....and me.." he mutters the last part but she looks to him.

"..Well of course. I didn't mind since you were hurt that day. I wanted to help your team and you to insure you were alright. At least you healed 100% so it tells me you are going to be alright even if I worry at times." she smiled to him.

"..I...see. Even so, I did wish to still thank you for that Willow. I really owe you for your kindness." he said.

"I don't mind. It makes me happy to see that your well....so it's no biggie." she said sweetly to him. Seeing her happy made him blush again but he looks away seeing her blink confused. Did he blush?

"I'm..glad to hear that...I just wanted to be sure you are alright after everything so.....you know." he said but Willow blinks to smile that she even reaches to take one of his hands to make him look at their hands then at her.

"That's sweet of you, thanks Ethan." she said even closing her eyes blushing herself. Yeah, she seriously was precious right now but he didn't mind that while they keep looking out together even on this little small hang out date. The others were seeing this but that made them happier finding them both being so precious. Even some taking pics.

"So adorable.." Zloth smiled seeing this with the others taking more pictures but Agana smiled happy for her team leader and her friend. Even so, it was precious. The teams hangs out together in another location but they did have some food given to the leaders while seeing then eating lunch. Both of them were happy together and yet they were smiling eating more.

Ethan was eating some of the food but Willow was happy to smiling eating. She was eating happily but Ethan noticed something on her cheek and lip.

"This is really good. So tasty." she said smiling while looking at the sandwich.

"It's pretty good true.." he said to look at her then blinks to think. "Also ummm..you got something on your cheek." he said.

"Huh? I do?" she asked but he looks to get a napkin but sets his food down but turns facing her. She blinks to see him gently touching her cheek that Willow blinks to blush slightly.

He carefully held up the napkin to clean her cheek gently while she was keeping still for him to do that. However, this made her blush even worse since he was blushing too. In a second, he was done to lower the napkin.

"There we go.."

"T..thank you.." she said in a shy tone.

"Your welcome..." he said in a silent tone blushing. He and her looks away from one another but keeps eating their sandwiches together even if their cheeks were flushed pink. Later on, they did get some ice cream from the others and took the time to enjoy this moment. So far, it was nice.

Later it got dark but it shows Ethan and Willow looking up at the night sky together. They were happy but Ethan was holding Willow to his side but he was relaxing. This was not too bad but he only sees that some of the wind was blowing against them.

"This was really nice for a hang out...thanks for coming out Ethan." Willow said but he looks to give a light nod.

"Your welcome. Honestly, I'm glad I did...this was rather..nice." he said with the others being more happy. She smiled to rest against him while seeing the stars and the pretty moon. Though, this is nice.

"Yeah it was.."

"Hmm....." he said as well only to see her agree when seeing her look to the night sky. In a moment, he felt the breeze blowing against them that he even keeps her close making Willow blush even more. He was so caring and it was sweet.

"Though...would you umm....like to do one more thing with me?" he asked seeing her blink.

"And that is?" she asked but he only looks relaxed to see him standing up and gently helping her on her feet. However, she blinks to see him pull her close to make her blink. He looks to her before he begins to dance with her!? She held his hand while he took the lead while they were dancing under the tree together with the moon above him.

"Uhhh guys are you seeing this!?" Zloth said excited seeing the others shocked. He was dancing with her and it was precious!!!!!!! They took more pictures that they were seeing him dancing while she was following his head. However, in a way this made the teams happy.

Willow was looking to Ethan but he was careful dancing with her slowly before she smiled when he kept dancing however, he even used the wind to move around them that it slowly lifts them up in the night sky. She blinks to see this but he was holding her close while dancing. It was pretty and yet that made her feel happy and relaxed. This was nice but he was still dancing with her.

The wind serpent and the azure phoenix were dancing in the night together but she feels her hair moving within the wind but Ethan was silent showing a caring expression. The two kept on dancing together but while hovering in the sky both Willow and Ethan blushed together while looking to one another.

"......"

"....."

She blinks to look at him but he did the same before she felt her eyes close half way before resting her hands on his chest to lean in as he did the same. Both of them did nothing before he slowly leans in to close the gap. He kissed Willow softly while she held onto him. A azure blue flame surrounds the two but the wind was still around as they kissed.

"Wait..a..are they.." Ashley asked in shock blushing.

"Their kissing....their kissing!!" Mika giggled as the fractions smiled happy for them. Seems the two were happy but they were kissing while he hugs her while doing so. Being careful, he and her comes back down but the kiss didn't break for a moment before landing. Ethan breaks the kiss but Willow blushed more as they look at one another but they were blushing red to look away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's getting pretty late. I think we should hurry off and head on back...." Ethan said while Willow looks to her team.

"True. Ummm...I hope you guys get home safe.." she said sweetly to his fraction as they smiled to do.

"That goes for your team too." Ethan said as they nod. As the team were getting ready to leave. However, Willow looks to Ethan who gives a smile to hold her hand.

"I Hope you get some rest Willow......and if you need anything please let us know.." he said but she lightly nods.

"I..I will. Thank you." she said as he even kissed her cheek. She blinks to look at him but sees him let go before they would head back. His fraction was heading home while Willow's own waves good bye to them even if she was blushing red to hold her cheek.

Ethan was happy but Zloth was smiling walking. "Told ya.." he said.

"..Don't push it Zloth....but.....tonight was not too bad....it was nice." he said while walking.

"True but this proves you did have a thing for Willow! I was right!" he laughed but Ethan sighed with a sweatdrop with the others snickering. Agana was happy for her leader as they walked home. However, Ethan was happy too.

Seems the wind serpent had a good day...even when it came to seeing his azure phoenix being happy. So yeah, worth it for a nice relaxing night.

[pastafossa]

Hey, Pasta! I have a sorta-dumb question, so feel free to ignore it. Soooo, I write fanfic-OC inserts a lot (Daredevil, TFAWS, Shadow and Bone, Daughter of Smoke and Bone), and I used to write the chapters - really more like oneshots - in a Gdoc and webshare it on Twitter because I hate plot and there was no need for any of that fancy fanfic page stuff. However, now that I'm on Tumblr, I have been told that the Gdoc method is insecure and troublesome (true) and that I should, if I may quote my sister, "Just post it in AO3 if you're gonna write so much."

I have the common writer's anxiety, so I've never been comfortable with sharing my work in such a public manner, but I decided that I may just make an AO3 account. But! I wanted the opinion of 1) a seasoned AO3er and 2) a writer I like and admire, so my question for you is: Is AO3 a site that you'd recommend/do you feel like there's a good community over there? Tysm!

This isn't a dumb question at all, and I totally get the anxiety to post in a more public way (and also thank you so much!)! So I've been on AO3 for about seven years now between my Pasta account and my old account. Before that I was a kid posting my first fics on ffn, I tried LiveJournal at one point, and I've obviously posted on tumblr, so I've tried a faaaairly wide variety of fic sites save for something like wattpad. And I have to say, even with its hiccups, AO3 is hands down my favorite fic site to write on, my favorite site to read on, and - imo - the best fic site out there for posting.

The tagging system is unmatched once you get the hang of it, and it makes it so, so gd easy for readers to find your fic based on whatever niche tropes or tags they might be looking for.

The way you can group fics together in a series is incredibly convenient.

They work hard to protect your fics and fic culture, defending it both from larger corporate entities and from puritans who believe fic shouldn’t exist - your content won’t every be swept away overnight like in the ffn purges of 2007 and 2012.

If your fic is plagiarized, they work fast. It took me less than 2 days to get a response from their team when dealing with the plagiarist last week.

No advertising, so not only are they not bound to rules by said advertisers, but your readers are free to read fic uninterrupted by ads (as always, consider donating if you can since they run on donations and are composed largely of volunteers!).

As the number 1 fic site, people will usually search for fics here first, so if you’re looking for readers or a community, this is the place to go.

As a writer, if you’re worried about troll comments, you can set each fic’s comment section to only registered users (so no guest comments). This weeds out the vast majority of trolls since most don’t want to go to the effort of making an account and waiting to get in. You will still sometimes get people willing to do that, or who’ll still go at you with their actual accounts, but I’ve found far less of an issue on AO3 than elsewhere - you can even set it, in that case, to ‘no comments’ or report the comments to AO3.

In my personal experience, the community is far friendlier on AO3 than on other fic posting sites. Probably 95% of my interactions and the reactions I see in other comment sections are positive, and the 5% is broken down 50/50 between either unintentional rudeness or actual trolls, which is manageable.

A few cons, in the interest of full disclosure, although ultimately I feel these are worth it for such a good site:

The site is mostly staffed by volunteers, and while they do their best, functionality updates can take considerable time. We only recently got a block button (preventing certain users from interacting on your fic), for example, and a mute button (so you no longer see fics from certain users) is still a ways off.

Comments are rare. I know there’s a ton of comments on TRT, and I am incredibly grateful for it and for the way it slides into comments on my other fics, but outside of big fics like that, interaction is a lot lower and it’s just something to know going in (although if you’re going from twitter into a fairly popular ship and/or large fandom, you might get way more interactions than from posting on twitter, so it’s all relative!). This is something I’ve found on most sites, and it’s the exact same way on AO3. Your hits will be highest, followed by kudos, and then comments. Generally speaking on oneshots, a 10% kudos to hits ratio early on (before repeat readers begin to push hits higher, since you can only kudos once but add a hit multiple times) is considered quite good. Lower that further for comments. After a bit, stop tracking the ratio because ultimately it’ll become meaningless, especially for chaptered fics where folks come back to read new chapters.

If you’re writing in google docs and try to copy+paste that into AO3′s form as is, you will learn very quickly that ao3 hates google doc formatting. You’ll get weird spaces where they don’t belong (especially if you use italics), the spacing will get fucked, all sorts of hiccups. I use the method from this tumblr post as a workaround. It’s a few extra steps but it’ll help you loads.

Speaking of: using their form to submit a fic definitely takes some getting used to. It’s a bit clunky I’m told, compared to other sites, but stick with it. My biggest advice here is, after pasting your fic in, do not post it yet. Use the preview function to see just how all the formatting is going to turn out. I’ve often found that it looks fine until I preview, and only then do formatting issues show up, which I can then fix. Again, extra work, but worth it for the pros listed above.

Honestly those are the only cons I can think of, and all of them are generally things you can either work around or adjust to as a writer posting there. They’re also absolutely worth it for such a good site, imo, and it’s the best I’ve found out of all of them. I have zero regrets posting on AO3 instead of another site. And I think you’ll come to love it, too, if you decide to join up!