#I never fucking post my writing here my god

[checkeredflagggs]

Febuwhump Day 14: Becoming the Monster

pairings: gen

summary: a story about y/n, Redbull’s new second driver, told in non-sequential order

a/n: I love febuwhump and have participated before for other fandoms but this is a first for me — attempting to compete it via smau only. Hopefully I can write a complete story eventually and I will be posting it on its own masterlist in the correct order to read but it’ll be written based on the febuwhump prompt list! @febuwhump

a/n2: based on the 2024 year; sorry checo but you got replaced earlier!

a/n3: listen I like Lando but I needed a villian here

Masterlist | Taglist

y/n_gossip

liked by user, user, and 1,836,622 others

tagged: y/n_rb, landonorris

y/n_gossip: it seems like little Lando Norris might be thinking of a matador career — he keeps tempting the bulls! After a few close calls with Verstappen, Norris and L/N collided resulting in a DNF for our girl with some pretty harsh words coming from both of their radios afterwards.

view all comments

user1: this is what racing is!

↳user2: I know — I was on the edge of my seat…

user3: pretty harsh?? Girl sounded like she was gonna run him down on foot and take him out

↳user4: lol did you see the rb team after she got back to the garage?

↳user5: they literally just picked her up and moved her away from the reporters 😂😂

user6: oh the post race interviews are gonna slap

↳user7: I can’t wait!

user8: that’s so completely unfair! y/n was ahead at the apex — Lando should have given it away, not crashed into her

↳user9: seriously?? Where on earth did you get that information??

↳user8: uhh by watching the screen??

user10: oh shit….

↳user11: Lando’s post interview??

↳user10: how dare he say something like that???

f1gossip

liked by user, user, and 1,457,987 others

Transcript:

interviewer: and what are your thoughts on y/n and your collision today?

Lando: obviously not ideal. You know you never want to be in a collision- especially when it’s not your fault. Y/N…she should spend less time with Max, don’t need her becoming another monster, ya know…

f1gossip: what an interview! During his post race interview for Austria 2024, where he was forced to dnf after two different collisions with both Redbulls, Norris didn’t hold back his thoughts. During this brief moment, he talked about the close friendship between this year’s Redbull drivers — saying that y/n (a rookie) should take a step back from her more senior teammate because no one “[needed] her becoming another monster,”. He also went on to say that he was losing respect for Verstappen and the way he raced.

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user12: did he really just fucking say that?

↳user13: oh my god he did

↳user14: it’s even worse when you actually watch it because you can just barely see max next to him — when Norris said this, both max and the interviewer froze

↳user13: i mean i would too. That’s a really harsh thing to say about someone

user15: people want cunty f1 back again but can’t handle this little spat??

↳user16: cunty? Yes. Whatever this was? Absolutely not

user17: he’s just salty she’s better then him

↳user18: how do you figure that??

↳user17: she literally won her very first f1 race? He’s been racing for years and only just won his first this year

↳user18: it doesn’t count really. Everyone knows that redbull cheats

↳user17: oh my god just shut up

user20: i feel bad for y/n…it really wasn’t her fault nor did it affect lando too much but he’s (someone she’s said she looks up too before) putting her on blast with some pretty harsh words…

↳user21: she looks up to him??

↳user20: yeah! She’s said multiple times that she really admires how open he is talking about his mental health and that she really wanted to emulate him

↳user21: oh ouch…then today and that interview has got to hurt…

user22: anyone else interested in what she’s gonna do to retaliate?

↳user23: 🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️

Private Messages, Max and y/n

Taglist

@anamiad00msday @suns3treading @daniskywalkersolo @awritingtree @justheretoreadthxxs @coral7161 @lost4lyrics @mastermindbaby @freyathehuntress @angelluv16 @nichmeddar @mxm47max @justaf1girl @a-beaverhausen @tallrock35 @elizamoe133 @imlonelydontsendhelp @jessica3478 @il0vereadingstuff @msimpala-67

[avaredava]

Hey!!! So I was wondering if you’d be down to write Megumi smut for valentines or one of those posts with multiple characters (please include my man I would literally beg 🙏🙏🙏🙏) of doing lovey dovey things before absolutely DESTROYING y/n’s insides once the clock hits freak o clock

PUH-LEASE and thank you! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 LOVE YOUR WRITING POOKS 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥

MERCI my love, I shall gift you your request 😖

୨୧・・・・୨୧

MDNI

Master list's

Not proof read

⯌ Sum

Megumi on valentines day (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

⯌ Wc

1.1k

⯌Warnings

Oral (m! receiving), mating press, really sweet megumi, kinda a sappy one, Light Dom/Sub dynamics, Mentions of bodily fluids, cream pies, rough sex, some people might have heard it (thin walls), moaning + whimpering, intense thrusting, raw sex (wrap before you tap ya'll), sensitivity, cleaning up, cuddling, head massages, little bit of a breeding kink, Size Kink

୨୧・・・・୨୧

Megumi has never been romantic. But when he saw you pouting scrolling on Instagram looking at couples and flowers and shit like that. For some reason that made something light within him.

It made him slightly jealous, you looking at other men maybe wishing it was him. Yeah fuck, he has to change that. He quickly goes to the mall hoping Nobara wouldn't see him that would be fucking embarrassing.

He ran into a flower shop with a black hoodie on with the hood up and hands in pockets trying to get this over with. But then he saw the most gorgeous lively roses ever.

They were perfect just like you.

But they weren't special. So he went to a dollar store and grabbed some art supplies. He realized how down he is for a girl but then again, you aren't just some girl.

That's how he ended up sitting at his desk in his dorm with his tongue poking out more concentrated then ever making some flowers that you can always keep and they will never die and they are made by him.

Gojo walks in and he jumps out of concentration and burns himself with the hot glue gun. And he hissed and glared at Gojo. "I'm a little busy here."

"Aw, are you making stuff for your little girlfriend? You both are the cutest sorcerers! My little babies are getting so much older!" He wiped his dry cheeks like he was crying. God this man was annoying.

"Take her to the fancy Italian place she loves it! And take this." Gojo gives his black card to him and skips off. He rolls his eyes but he does remember you talking about that place.

_

He finished the flowers with different coloured and shaped paper made flowers, and pipe cleaners as stems. He tied them together with some pink string making a bow with the flowers in between.

He walks to your dorm and opens the door to sleeping on the ground. He lets out a smile and a huff. He shakes you awake with a kiss and kisses your forehead.

You wake up and get up and take the flowers. "Aw 'Gumi..." You kiss his face and he scowls. His heart was fluttering his cheeks with a pink haze, he did actually really like it so he didn't pull away.

"Okay that's enough." He mumbles with a grumpy look on his face but he kisses your head anyway.

"I love them they must've took so long..." He gently smiles and nods. "Why wouldn't I?" You smile then you like out a small gasp of excitement.

You grab a white hoodie with red lipstick kisses in sections on it and give it to him. "I love it baby." He does that small smile of his that makes your heart flutter.

He takes off his original sweater he had on without a shirt under showing his abs. You stop him from putting the new sweater on. You brush across his happy tail pulling at his sweats dropping to your knees.

His cheeks go that pretty red as you take his pale pinkish cock out. You kiss the tip and his hips jolt. He lets out a breathy moan that makes your thighs clench.

You both of your dorms are on either side of Yuji's and one bad thing is that Yuji is in it right now. You grab his thigh trying to make him more quiet. But god you love his noises.

You bob your head along his cock, he falls against the bed behind him laying flat with his eyes fully shut with you still sucking.

He's letting out harsh pants trying to get quieter but it just made the tension hotter. Him sexier. You sucked harder like trying to make the most purple hickey making him let out the sweetest moan and cum.

"Fuck- I love you, felt so good." He babbled. It felt good that he was in the position you're usually in. You crawl up beside him and tuck his sweaty head in your stomach caressing his hair.

His eyes are heavy, and of course they shut instantly after him falling asleep. His face is gentle and not scrunched up like normal. It's calm and cute.

You realized he was kinda loud and you chuckled softly. You know Yuji's gonna be a pain later. He's not the kinda neighbour that complains when it's loud sex. More make fun.

He eventually waked him and snuggled closer, completely oblivious to the fact he's being fucking adorable and not tough and stubborn.

_

After getting him cleaned up you both went to that Italian place with Gojo's card of course.

The whole time you both were eating he thought about how you made him seem pathetic and how he is gonna get you fucking bad.

Ruin every single part of you till everyone around the dorms knows you're getting dicked down.

That's how you ended up with your legs on his shoulders with your knees pushing against your tits and your hands rubbing his back. You would never scratch at his back his skin's too sensitive.

You love him too much for that.

But your hands on his skin is enough to getting him thrusting fast. His hips snapping at a frightening, fast pace. He pushes you into a tighter mating press his tip massaging your sweet spots making you whimper so sweetly for him.

His breath is hot against your neck as he pants making you holler more and tighten around his dick. "F-Fuck your tight!" He gasps into your ear.

Your throat is raw from moaning and screaming. Now you're just letting out little gasps and whining. "You're so deep." You muster up to say in a quiet voice.

Since Megumi's hitting it raw and of course he has manners he mumbles. "Let me cum inside please Y/N." With that tone how could you say no? You nod.

He cums inside warming your walls you squeeze around his cock cumming with him for the nth time tonight. But his dick was getting to sensitive and your joints were starting to hurt so he pulled out.

Cum drizzles out of your hole making him massage your thighs feeling slightly bad for wearing you out. But then again that was the objective.

He kissed your forehead while wiping your pussy with a warm cloth making sure you're clean. He pulled the blankets up holding you close. He massages your head whispering,

"Happy valentines day."

[strandnreyes]

fuck it friday

thanks @mikibwrites ! I’m not entirely sure of the rules here, but I think you post something/anything from a wip? or not from a wip?? from anything! who knows!!

here’s something from a wip that’s existed for awhile but is picking up speed again

“I want things to feel normal for a little,” Carlos adds, mistaking TK’s jog down memory lane for something else. “Tell me about your day.”

TK can’t fault Carlos for that. He smiles in understanding and begins to talk. “Well, I cleaned out Lou’s terrarium.”

“Where did you keep him while it was being cleaned?”

TK rolls his eyes. “The shower. Relax.” TK kept Lou in the kitchen sink one time and now he’s never heard the end of it. Carlos chuckles and the sound is so good to hear. “And then I picked up some produce because we were almost out of a few things, took a ride on the bike, showered, and was pretty much just waiting for you to come home by that point.”

“Which instructor?”

“What?”

“What Peloton instructor did you use?” Carlos insists, and TK huffs, scraping along the bottom of his bowl.

“Jess.”

“Really?”

TK huffs again. “Yes!”

“Huh,” Carlos muses, looking cool as a cucumber as he takes another bite. “Your friend Ben must be missing you.”

“Oh my god,” TK mutters. “I do not have a crush on the Peloton guy.”

Carlos fixes him with a look. “You take a lot of rides with him,” he argues, and TK rolls his eyes.

“Not as many as I take with you,” he mutters, and then sighs. “They’re good for strength, babe. I’m a paramedic. I lift a lot with my legs.”

“Uh huh,” Carlos entertains. “It’s okay if you have a little crush, TK.”

“I do not—”

tagging @paperstorm @reyesstrand @welcometololaland @lightningboltreader @rmd-writes @emsprovisions @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @tellmegoodbye + open tag!!

[cinderflower]

.

I hate that I can tell when my work stress starts to tank my mental state and I hate that it all overlapped with MalMiq week, but man this week has been the worst in a very long time. Pretty exclusively in regards to the communities on bluesky and twt (truly a cesspit) not so much tumblr, but man it has been so utterly and completely discouraging to put my all into a community event and put my best foot forward to support the other artists (I left a few comments but not as many as I planned to, I do want to circle back and leave more when my brain is less shit) but it just so rarely seems to be reciprocated. And I know that I'm not owed anything, I should support because I do genuinely support - and I do! - but it'd be a lie to say that it doesn't feel bad to not get that same support from the actual community in return.

Like, I get it, I'm a mediocre artist and writer on my best days because they're just my hobbies, and especially on twt the talent there is insane in comparison. But even with my expectations set so utterly low, it's just been a bit surprising how little people engaged with my work comparatively. I don't know. Am I worse than I think I am? Is my art that unpalatable? Especially the day 1 art, that's the one I was most proud of even if I couldn't execute it as well as I wanted, and it flopped harder than even the art/fic for Kintsugi.

As for fics, I know I personally am very proud of Kintsugi and I spent an obscene amount of time on it, but the only other fic of mine that flopped this hard this fast was Hypnagogia (ironically another fic I was super proud of). So at a point it's just like, is the fic fandom space truly so dead? Or is it me? I know I've really fucking struggled with writing up to my normal quality standards with how dreadful the brainfog has been, but I didn't think it had dropped that much in quality. Like I used to get at least some feedback.

I don't know what my point here is other than just to vent I guess. I know this is definitely worse because work has been utter hell this week and I am at an all time low. Well, that and the AI hellscape and US pol fascism nightmare. But art is supposed to be a conversation but it's so god damn hard to put myself out in the fandom space and earnestly try and community build only to be met with nothing.

If you made it this far, even if you don't like my fics or art, or they're not your speed - try to engage with artists and writers you do like. Especially the smaller ones, or the ones who draw or write "taboo" art. We're sitting at a table when we post our art/fics, inviting you to sit down with us and talk about this thing we both clearly like, but what's the point if everyone is too afraid to take a seat? If everyone just walks by, takes the art/fic from the table in silence, and scurries off to shove it under their bed and never speak about it?

(to the people here specifically on tumblr who I do interact with a bit more regularly, thank you, your support genuinely means the world to me and does truly motivate me to keep publicly sharing my works)

[stoshasaurus]

right. I need to add some fucking context to this.

My current pfp in one of my discord servers is one of my recent drawings of Felwinter. I was talking about my desire to go out and get donuts this morning, particularly a banana Bismarck (basically a banana-flavored Boston cream donut, if you asked me to sum it up) from this local donut shop. I expressed that I enjoy having characters as my pfp because I imagine that they are saying my words, and it made me wonder how Felwinter would feel about donuts for breakfast, and banana bismarcks. I promised that once I had returned from my expedition to acquire said donuts, that I would write a short snippet about Felwinter eating a banana Bismarck.

So, here it is. An extremely silly, probably HIGHLY inaccurate mini-fic about Shaxx bringing Felwinter donuts for breakfast.

Disgustingly sweet (both literally and figuratively) Felshaxx fluff ahead.

Felwinter only finds himself sleeping in when he is visiting Shaxx. The Iron Lord never sleeps at all; he doesn’t need to, and there is always work to be done. He often finds himself quite busy in the evenings, scouring submind data or organizing lessons for his new student, activities that he obsesses over long after dusk, when any ordinary man would retire for the night. But endless work and looming threats be damned, Shaxx has an absurdly comfortable bed, with far too many pillows and a mattress so soft that Felwinter’s frame sinks immediately into it like a stone in a pond. He’d never known he needed a soft bed with a mountain of pillows. It has become one of the millions of little things he looks forward to when it comes to visiting his beloved in the Last Safe City of Humanity

His infrequent holiday stays in the City have been growing in length recently. In the past, he was lucky to have a single evening to himself to spend, a few scant hours spent being shown all of the spectacular things Shaxx detailed to him in his letters. Now, he is allotted more time, sometimes a week or more, once or twice a month. There was never any announcement made; Felwinter highly suspects that Radegast had been pestered into lessening the burdens of his duties by those few nosy Lords who had deciphered his unspoken relationship with Shaxx. Absolute wretches, all of them. He cannot complain.

He sleeps in more frequently now; Shaxx wakes earlier than him, often unable to step away from his post for longer than a few hours. But he never leaves without soft murmurs goodbye and a few kisses pressed to his face. Felspring teases him relentlessly when he finds himself brushing his hand over where Shaxx’s had been. He swats at her before dozing off for the next hour or so, Arc energy buzzing across his frame long after the Warlord has gone, soft flickers of static mimicking well-known, well-loved fingertips.

When he does finally wake up, it is to a still-empty house. If he makes a small noise of disappointment, he will never admit to it. He makes the bed, dresses himself, and opens the windows to let the sun and the air in, admiring the cityscape in the distance. It truly is as marvelous as Shaxx had made it out to be. A place where flowers bloom and birds sing, and Lightless people sleep without guns in their hands. Shaxx had entrusted Felwinter (and Felwinter alone. Oh, isn’t that a precious thought?) with a small, messy manuscript of hand-written poetry. Felwinter had smiled as Shaxx asked for his aid in revising it, hiding his apprehension in his hands as he wrung them, his feet as he shuffled them, his eyes as he averted them from his face. The very same manuscript lay on the kitchen counter, pockmarked with notes and bookmarks, the pages marked with fresh ink in the margins where Felwinter had endlessly praised Shaxx’s prose (in a much more legible script). Where words often failed the Iron Lord, his writing never did. He confessed his love through paragraphs of detailed interpretation and literary analysis. Poetry of his own.

Felwinter is in the process of writing more notes in the manuscript when Shaxx finally returns to the house. Felwinter turns to greet him– there is a tray of twin coffee cups in one hand and a small box cradled in the other, another bag tucked in his elbow.

Shaxx’s Ghost graciously removes the man’s helmet in time for him to press a kiss to his forehead. “Morning,” he rumbles as he deposits his goodies on the counter.

Felwinter absorbs the matching icons printed on the bag and the box. Some kind of bakery, evidently. He shuts the manuscript and sets it aside, taking one of the cups when Shaxx hands it to him. “Good morning,” he replies. “How goes the Crucible?”

“Astoundingly boring. I have no exciting clips to share.” The man sounds almost wounded. Felwinter curses whichever Guardian neglected to throw enough grenades to elicit excitement in the Crucible Handler. “The new Lights tend to try their luck during the summer months. I almost feel bad watching them get decimated by some of our veteran fireteams.”

“One would think the loss would motivate them to try harder.”

Shaxx laughs as he opens the box and examines its contents, out of Felwinter’s line of sight. “It does! That’s the thing about the newly Risen. They haven’t learned what quitting is yet.”

Felwinter does not protest when Shaxx plucks something out of the box and presses it insistently into his hand. It is a soft pastry, glazed with a sweet white frosting and sprinkled with what looks like chunks of cookies. Shaxx grabs an identical item out of the box, but his eyes are on Felwinter rather than the thing in his hand.

The Iron Lord puzzles over it, tilting it carefully so as not to spill the toppings, and stares at Shaxx. “What is this?”

“It’s a donut.” He shrugs with one shoulder. “It’s called a Bismarck. A banana Bismarck, to be exact.” He sounds overly proud of himself as he tilts his chin triumphantly. Felwinter huffs at the display.

Felspring hovers over his shoulder, studying the treat curiously. Felwinter wishes that she had a mouth so she could try it herself. In her stead, he slowly takes a bite, watching Shaxx mirror him with equal trepidation. He cranes his neck over the counter and cups his hand under the Bismarck, making sure no debris falls to the floor. The kitchen is flooded with an oddly pregnant silence as they chew thoughtfully in tandem with one another.

Felwinter signifies the end of his chewing and swallowing with “It’s good.”

“I concur,” Shaxx says. He is still chewing, and the words are muffled as he cleverly keeps his mouth as closed as possible. Crumbs speckle the corners of his lips. “Very sweet.”

“Obscenely,” he remarks. Shaxx barks a laugh.

Felwinter takes another bite. He feels like something, a loose screw, or a damaged cog, clicks back into place. He plucks a cookie off of the top of the thing and pops it into his mouth. It crunches loudly in the metal hollow of his mouth, and the sound drowns out every other thought in his head. Shaxx chuckles at him again, looking very strangely infatuated, and Felwinter cannot stop the lights that dot his chest and his neck from flickering in diffidence.

When his mouth dries up from consuming the pastry, Felwinter reaches for the coffee. It is strong, straight black just the way he likes it, and pleasantly hot rather than scalding. He drinks deeply and feels his plates thaw from the warmth of it, his mouth, his throat, his chest, and his stomach, each system absorbing it individually. The bitterness is a perfect complement to the sweetness of the Bismarck. Shaxx watches him overtly, an earnest tenderness visible in his eyes, unhurried anticipation visible in his open posture. Silently, he seeks appraisal.

“It’s very good,” Felwinter murmurs. All of the words he knows feel inadequate to describe his feelings, so he resorts to simplicity instead. “Thank you.”

Shaxx physically sags against the counter with what Felwinter assumes is relief. An uncharacteristically bashful grin pulls at the corners of his mouth. “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure you’d like it.”

The Exo’s eyes sparkle with his version of a coy smile. “Do I not strike you as the type to enjoy banana-flavored sweets, Lord Shaxx?”

“No, Fel. Not at all.”

As if to prove him wrong, he takes another bite of the Bismarck. It is so sickeningly sweet that he is afraid it will somehow rot his metal mouth.

——

Playing Nice has ruined my fucking life. I’m so sorry.

[clickety-clacker]

Been seeing so many cool Clickies on my dashboard since getting into GGG, I just had to take the time to draw a few of them- plus, it was a bit of a challenge to try new styles. A lot of these guys were also super influential to how I draw and even think about Click Clack on my own time, so you should definitely check them out! Names below the cut cus it got long heehoo

Top left: @malartsorte

Top middle (holding papers): @scribblelimbo

Top right: @wishgraanted

Leftmost middle: @beastwhimsy

Middle (peace sign!): @sootnuki

Rightmost middle: @molabuddy

Bottom left: @pespillo

Bottom middle: @artuurle

Bottom right: @modmad

I know I said it already, but all of yall are super cool and I had a lot of fun challenging myself to make this! Keep on being awesome 👍

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

[the-casbah-way]

i HATE you kamala harris i HATE you donald trump i HATE you liberals i HATE you republicans i HATE you america. god bless

[sejanusarchive]

Alright, took a break from Tumblr but I’m back and the amount of drafts I have accumulated is getting ridiculous. Would it be super annoying if I posted a bunch of them? It wouldn’t be well thought out stuff, and some of them are very unserious as well

[minweber]

Belisarius Cawl, hiding for his life, his ass kicked, ship crashing, friends in mortal peril: I am such a smart boy, he-he-he =)

[imogenkol]

Old Scars and New

word count: 3.3k warnings: blood, injury tending, disaster bisexual werewolf being cringe af tags: bandaging/stitching up wounds prompt

this is a slightly altered/updated version of my most popular piece of writing for this verse and thought I'd share it in my continued journey of rebuilding my relationship with my og works!

“Alright, who’s up first?” Nadya announced once everyone filed into the motel room.

Skye flashed a sly grin at the sight of Nadya putting her glasses on. “Ooh, are we gonna play doctor?”  

Jayde rolled her eyes and dumped her bag onto the floor, barely holding back a wince. The scent of her own blood invaded her lungs and she already felt bruises forming, but the aches and pains were far from uncommon occurrences. She dismissed any concern. “I’m fine.” 

Nadya ignored their comments and pointed at both of the siblings. “You two. Sit.”

“Are you going to tell me to roll over too?” Skye remarked. 

At the same time, Jayde reiterated grumpily “I said I’m fine.”

The human threw them a stern glare. Nadya may appear soft and approachable most of the time – even meek to those who underestimated her – but the wolves quickly discovered that she had a hidden talent for intimidation when she wanted to. Jayde and Skye simultaneously took their seats at the edge of one of the beds without further protest. 

Satisfied with their obedience, Nadya turned to Toby. “How are you feeling?” 

“Right as rain,” he replied.

She made a spin motion with her hand. “Twirl.” He held up his arms and turned in one slow circle, showing her that he was unscathed. “Nothing’s hurting?”

“Nope.”

She concluded her thorough scan with a pat on his shoulder. “Okay, you’re good.” 

Toby gave the sisters a childish smirk like he won a game and said “Ha.” Then sauntered over to a chair. 

Well, if the game went to whoever got hurt the least, then Jayde would never win. She almost scoffed at herself because the competitive side of her that came out around Toby hated the fact that she’d lose anything to him. She even made a mental note to be more careful the next time they encountered hunters just so that she could rub her success in his face. Maybe that was his real motive – to try a tactic that would work on a toddler simply to get the reckless blonde to take better care of herself. Jayde wouldn’t put it past him. 

Nadya addressed Skye next. “You got hit on the head pretty hard. How are you feeling?”

The young wolf widened her eyes. “I can see new colors now.”

Nadya laughed and fished out a small flashlight from her bag. “How about dizziness or nausea?”

Jayde watched on as Nadya carefully combed her fingers through Skye’s hair in search of any damage hidden in the light blonde waves. Skye kicked her feet like a little kid getting a check-up, but Jayde noted how her crooked smile evened out to something more… genuine. 

Skye was rarely ever anything but mischievous, as if life were just one big joke to her. Of course, there were precious few moments when her serious self would shine through, where there were no jokes to be made and she acted fairly mellow, much to her older sister’s relief. Jayde was shocked to see that happen more often when she interacted with Nadya. 

“I feel fine,” Skye answered, then flinched when Nadya touched the sore spot on her head. “Ow! But that hurts.” 

“Sorry.” Nadya winced apologetically. “I don’t see any blood, at least.” 

The tip of her finger tapped under Skye’s chin to get her to look up. It was then that Jayde noticed she had been chewing on the inside of her cheek. Skye went still as Nadya shined the light in her eyes. It felt like an eternity to Jayde. To see Nadya be so close to her sister, touching her in ways that Jayde longed for. The older wolf realized – with a hot flush to her cheeks – that she was jealous of Skye. That made her bite her cheek even harder as she forced herself to look down. 

Nadya stepped away, allowing Jayde to finally breathe normally again. “You don’t have a concussion, but I suggest you ice that for tonight.” 

“Sounds good, doc,” she replied with a wink. 

Just when Jayde thought she might get over the momentary lapse in her emotions, Nadya blushed. It was subtle enough that she might have been able to convince herself that she imagined it, but her thoughts took what she saw regardless of rationality and ran. 

The possibility had never occurred to her until that moment, but Jayde started to wonder if maybe Skye had feelings for the human, too. Jayde certainly couldn’t blame her if she did. It was Nadya, after all. This girl practically had Jayde wrapped around her finger the first day they met. The thing that ate at Jayde more than that were Nadya’s reactions to Skye. She wouldn’t have that hard of a time believing she also felt something for her. Her sister – in all of her annoying glory – was just as much of a catch. 

The concept felt nearly unbearable to consider, but Jayde knew that she would never stand in the way of her sister’s happiness or Nadya’s. Especially if it meant Nadya would get to be with someone far more worthy of her affections. Deep down, Jayde has been looking for a good, rock solid excuse to let her go. This possible outcome might be the easiest to accept. That didn’t mean it wasn’t exceptionally painful. 

Wallowing in a pit of her own creation caused Jayde to tune the rest of the world out until Nadya’s voice brought her back down to earth. 

“Crap, I grabbed the wrong kit,” she grumbled as she sifted through her bag.

Skye gasped dramatically. “Language.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Nadya said with an amused scoff and backed up towards the door. “I’m gonna go back to the car. I’ll pick up some ice for your head on the way back, too.” 

“Toby,” Jayde commanded with a purposeful glance. Despite being clear of immediate danger, she didn’t want anyone going anywhere by themselves. Not even to the parking lot. 

He nodded in understanding and got up. “Yeah, I’ll go with her.”  

Before they left, Nadya locked eyes with Jayde. For that single second, all of her worries were utterly nonexistent. “We’ll be back in a few minutes. Try not to get into any more trouble.” 

“No promises,” Skye replied. Jayde looked to see that the devious smirk had returned to her face. 

The siblings remained seated on the musty motel bed once Toby and Nadya disappeared. The comforter felt scratchy, but Jayde still balled her fists into the fabric and stared at the worn carpet underneath her blood splattered boots. Something metallic tickled the edge of her tongue and she sighed at the sting that shortly followed, releasing her flesh from her own vengeful teeth. 

“So, what crawled up your ass?” Skye asked to break the awkward silence. 

Jayde gave her a brief side-glance. “Nothing.” 

“Right.” Her words already dripped with sarcasm. “You’re just acting like you have to take Old Yeller out back for no reason.” 

Jayde felt a brief spark boil in her chest, but it died out as quickly as it came. She didn’t have the will to be angry or defensive. She only sighed again and forced her question out. “Do you like her?”

There was no hesitation in Skye’s answer. “Yeah, of course I like her.”

“No, I mean… Do you like her?"

Confusion twisted the younger wolf’s features as she blinked at Jayde for several moments. Jayde wordlessly begged not to make her spell it out. The question alone was already mortifying enough. As soon as her meaning fully sank in, Skye’s expression promptly turned incredulous. 

“Forget it,” Jayde said curtly.

But Skye already jumped on it. “No, you know what? I do like her. I really, really like her. Yeah, I want her to have my babies.” 

Jayde had to fight the urge to growl. “It was a genuine question, Skye.” 

“And you’re a genuine idiot,” she fired back with no remorse. “I don’t want your girlfriend, Jayde.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” 

“She could be.”

“She shouldn’t.” 

Skye raised an eyebrow. “That’s not very progressive of you. You’re sounding like Miranda with that old world bullshit. Who cares if Nadya is a human? Just be careful not to break or bite her. That simple.” 

Jayde shook her head. “It’s not that…” 

The slow nod she saw out of the corner of her eye turned into a shrug as Skye leaned into her. “What if you’re wrong about yourself?” she whispered like a kid telling a secret. 

They fell back into another prolonged silence as Jayde rocked back and forth anxiously. She wasn’t wrong about herself, but Jayde somehow still had the smallest bit of hope that she could become someone Nadya deserves. That if she tried to be better, she wouldn’t fight this so hard or put herself through all of this pain. She had it in her. Somewhere. Buried underneath dirt and dust. The best version would peek through the cracks of everything broken about her whenever that girl was near. Jayde just had to figure out a way to widen the fractures and reach through. 

But she worried she would break herself even more by doing that. 

After a minute, her lungs deflated once more in utter hopelessness. “I am an idiot.” 

Familiar footsteps approached the room and Skye nudged her older sister with her elbow. “Chin up, sport.” 

Jayde managed to give her a grateful look just as the others returned. Nadya held a small bag of ice in one hand and a different first aid kit in the other. She went to Skye first and handed her the ice for her head. 

Guilt immediately flooded Jayde’s system for feeling so jealous. Nadya put in so much effort to take care of them all and Jayde had been worried that she wanted her sister over her. She needed to get over herself. 

“Okay, you’re good to go. Just take it easy,” Nadya ordered. 

Skye enthusiastically jumped to her feet while balancing the ice pack on top of her head. “Great, I’m gonna go get tacos across the street.” 

“Don’t go alone,” Jayde called as she skipped towards the door.

She waved dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, buddy system.” 

“You guys want anything?” Toby asked before he trailed after her.

“Just get me whatever you get,” Jayde said.

“Okay. Nadya?”

Nadya sounded slightly distracted as she prepared the kit. “Uh, what kinds are there?” 

“Asada, pollo, carnitas.” When she took too long to ponder the options, he translated in a patronizing tone “Beef, chicken, pork.” 

She looked up and fixed him with an exasperated stare. “I know what they mean, I was just thinking.” 

Toby chuckled. “Any day now.” 

“Get me chicken.” 

He gave a casual thumbs up. “You got it.” 

The motel room grew quiet again once it became only the two young women. The wolf took time to let the human’s presence calm the restless being within. She focused on how her air of crisp autumn spices encompassed her senses, even over the scents of the others. What fascinated Jayde was how her existence always broke through the most powerful things. Werewolves had an incredibly distinct and potent scent, so being around her pack should have masked the humanness of Nadya’s scent. But it didn’t. In fact, Jayde often sensed her before she sensed anything or anyone else. It was always her first. 

“Your turn?” Nadya suggested softly, immediately drawing Jayde’s full attention. 

Up to that point, she had completely forgotten about her injuries. “Oh, right.” 

Nadya came directly to her, standing just inches away. Jayde stared up at her and waited, totally transfixed. “Let’s get a look at that arm.” 

Jayde realized she needed to remove her jacket. She snapped herself out of her trance and carefully slipped out of it, grimacing as the fabric tugged at the graze on her bicep. Blood had mostly soaked into the jacket itself, but streaks of crimson still smeared across her skin and reached as low as her wrist.

Nadya bent down and adjusted her glasses to get a better look, but that furrow in her brow looked like it took too much effort. “Do you think we could move to the bathroom? The lighting sucks out here and I gotta get you cleaned up.” 

“Yeah.” 

Nadya followed closely behind as they entered the bathroom, but lingered over Jayde’s shoulder after turning the light on. “Hey, did you take a hit to the back?” 

Jayde craned her neck to see why she looked so concerned, but couldn’t see much of anything. The strain of twisting only made her injured shoulder spike with pain. “Um, I’m not sure. Maybe? I remember getting punched or something.” 

“There’s blood, Jay,” Nadya informed her, still inspecting the wound. “Take this off.” 

Jayde felt her entire body flare with intense heat as Nadya tugged at her shirt. She hesitated for a few beats to let the embarrassment pass. It wasn’t like Nadya hadn't seen her without a shirt on before. Hell, she’s seen her naked. She’s seen her turn into a goddamn werewolf, for fuck’s sake. Jayde wanted to curse at herself for being so stupid. 

She struggled to get out of the shirt on her own. It was enough that her shoulder felt as sore as it did, but now that she had been made aware of it, the wound on Jayde’s back stung like a bitch. As much as she wanted to hide her pain, she wasn’t able to stop herself from flinching when she tried to work one of her arms out of the ruined clothing. 

“Here, let me –” Nadya reached to help, but then her pulse spiked in the wolf’s ears like a drum had been struck and she stopped short. “Can I..?”

“Sure, yeah,” Jayde stammered and braced herself as the human stepped into her space. 

Nadya’s hands carefully gripped the bottom of the bloodied shirt and slowly pushed it up her torso. Jayde could tell that she tried not to, but there were still a couple of times where her fingers brushed up against bare skin. Jayde clenched her jaw tightly. Just those small, brief touches caused intense tingling to spread outwards from the places of contact. She shut her eyes and held her breath as her wolf fought to rise to the surface. A shiver raced along Jayde’s spine as she quickly dampened it. After a tense half-second, she felt the restless animal reluctantly retreat. 

Despite nearly losing control, Jayde didn’t feel afraid. Maybe because she knew Nadya wasn’t in any danger. The wolf only wanted a glimpse of her, but the last thing Jayde wanted was to cause any potential fear. She certainly didn’t want to think up some shitty excuse to explain why her eyes started to glow. 

The two of them successfully got the shirt over Jayde’s head with minimal pain and discarded it on the floor. Meeting Nadya’s gaze after that felt far braver than facing any hunter. She had this look in her warm brown eyes that Jayde couldn’t quite decipher. However, the physical effect in Nadya’s body was more obvious. Being so close, Jayde sensed it all. 

An erratic heartbeat. A clipped breath caught in her throat. A blooming scent that tempted Jayde nearer. 

Those were not things she noticed in Nadya with anyone else, Jayde realized. 

“I’m going to, uh…” Nadya motioned awkwardly, finally just shuffling behind her again. 

Jayde cleared her throat to banish her own nerves and brushed her tangled hair over her shoulder. “How’s it looking back there?” 

“This is pretty deep,” she murmured and began to clean it. “You really didn’t feel this?”

Jayde tensed at the incredibly cold sensation of a disinfectant wipe against her hot skin, but she still gave a half shrug. “I remember being hit, but that’s all.” 

“Well, you got lucky. It could have punctured your lung.”

Jayde set her hands on the edge of the sink and watched Nadya’s reflection carefully through the mirror. “Yeah, I feel lucky.” 

“That better not be sarcasm. Not when I’m looking at all these scars.” Nadya scolded as she got the stitches ready. “It looks like you should be dead ten times over.” 

“It’s because I should be.” 

They briefly shared a look. Nadya’s expression remained unreadable. Not that Jayde had the time to properly study it before she went back to work. 

She didn’t say anything while she made a few sutures — being too focused on her task of mending a werewolf — but then Jayde saw her brown eyes peek over her shoulder again. “I’m really glad you aren’t, by the way.” 

Jayde exhaled an almost whispered response. “Me too.”  

A bandage was carefully placed over the newly stitched wound, but Nadya lingered behind her. Jayde wondered if maybe she had spotted another wound that hadn’t quite traveled through her nerves and up to her brain yet, but then felt an incredibly delicate sensation tickle her lower back. It took a moment for her to realize that it was the tip of Nadya’s finger trailing over what had to be one of her scars. Jayde froze in place, not having a single clue how to react. 

“How many are there?” Nadya’s voice sounded distant. 

Jayde gripped the edges of the sink so that she wouldn’t fall over as the girl traced another sensitive mark. She was afraid that the slightest movement would cause her to stop. “I’ve never counted.” 

A soft hum echoed in the bathroom. “I guess you’ve got a couple more now. Which reminds me…” Nadya pulled her hand away, but before disappointment twisted an invisible knife in the werewolf’s chest, her palm rested on her hip and turned her around. 

The human’s sudden willingness to touch her in ways that could be considered intimate left Jayde’s mind in a utter stupor, stirring her inner self once more. She didn’t know what to make of it. Or what to do. She knew what she wanted to do, though that remained a line Jayde felt she shouldn’t cross. 

Nadya went to work on the laceration that cut through her upper arm and Jayde found herself thoroughly fascinated with the process. The human’s eyes were so focused, making sure each and every stitch was up to her standard. The way her brows knitted in concentration — the thin frame of her glasses resting on the bridge of her nose — replaced Jayde’s heart with a pair of fluttering wings. She could stare at her for hours. 

Nadya finally glanced up while she wrapped her arm. This time, her blush was entirely noticeable. “What?” 

The question made Jayde realize she had been smiling. She quickly looked away, though she couldn’t fully wipe the expression from her face. “Nothing.” 

“Okay,” Nadya said slowly, confused amusement written on her face. “Well, I’m all done.” 

Jayde nodded as she cleaned the mess up. As soon as the kit was packed, Nadya gave the wolf an unsure look and turned to leave the bathroom. On impulse, Jayde caught her wrist to stop her. A small gasp escaped Nadya’s lips at the unexpected touch, but she still waited expectantly. 

“Thank you.” Jayde caressed the smooth curve of her wrist with her thumb. For the first time, she didn’t try to hide it. She wanted Nadya to feel her gratitude. “For taking care of us.” 

Nadya’s features softened into an absolutely stunning smile. “I like taking care of you.” 

It took everything Jayde had not to pull her in. She yearned to feel Nadya against her. Longed to brush their lips together. To hold her close and swallow every breath. Feel all the ways she could get her heart to race. Instead, Jayde’s fingers went slack and Nadya slipped out of her grasp, leaving her alone in the bathroom with the ghost of her contact still prickling across the surface of her skin.

tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @adelaidedrubman @florbelles @marivenah @simonxriley @shegetsburned @voidika @kyber-infinitygems @statichvm @inafieldofdaisies @socially-awkward-skeleton @aceghosts @jillvalentinesday @risingsh0t @unholymilf @thedeadthree @cassietrn @jackiesarch

[volfoss]

Long time no faceup...

Under the cut cause my number 1 hobby with doll faceups is to talk 700 years about the process and well. I was talking a LOT this time around lol

I am so kind of notoriously bad at not finishing a doll. Like ridiculously so. In my defense with this doll- his face sculpt was SO ridiculously out of my comfort zone (I usually have more cartoonish dolls > realistic) and he was massive (and his body had a lot of mods that I in turn wanted to modify) (on top of my pain increasing a lot which caused me to not be able to work on projects often the last year or two). I would have kept his faceup if it wasn't scratched badly in certain places but, here's the before (blank, I am NOT showing how bad my previous faceup attempts are..it's bad) and then I'll get into processes and such!

[ID: A large ball jointed doll sitting up. His face is blank with no eyes or wig and his body has multiple sculpted blue sections on it. A cat is sniffing his shoulder. /End ID]

The mod work was easy (thankfully! Pin that says I ❤️ my dremel) but I am not done with that so I will be focusing on his face! I watched a lot of realistic faceup tutorials and came away with a few takeaways:

1. Watercolors and a skinny nail brush WILL be your best friend. Also water in general to fix the mistakes

2. Take your time <- you'd think this was obvious but I'm soooo bad at rushing a faceup ok. I'm so bad at slowing down

3. Pastel before watercolor makes it go on smoother (the vid recommended using white which worked well bc this boy is very pale lmao)

4. Be brave and get the worst bit done first so if you fuck it up it's no big deal

So, with that knowledge I began sealing the head (was doing him along w 2 other heads Ive been putting off) and that was when the trouble started. I use sponge on sealant (liquitex matte varnish. Works like a dream always and no respiratory gear or weather conditions needed) but it was applying glossy. I assumed it was too cold in my room and after a few layers of hoping that would fix it, it didn't! Thankfully it had happened to me before and I shook it up VERY aggressively (like 1-2 minutes of shaking) and it went on fine minus some exaggerated texture on the resin from the few bad layers. Now this is one of the issues w this method, the other is it can trap dust/hair or whatever in there (you can easily pick it out if you notice it before it dries tho). These are both pros for me, I like when the doll looks more textured skin wise (realistic) and if I'm getting a little too lost on what direction to take the head, the dust or hair can make moles, freckles, or even scars! Prefacing all of that with the sealant was kicking my ASS and I was fighting for my life, which wasn't giving me much hope when this was a faceup style greatly out of my comfort zone and skill set, so it was just really a bad start. Also important to note that I did like absolutely no mockups for this which I usually do. I did a very vague basic realistic faceup and that was it, which was not really setting myself up for success, one may say.

But, somehow, the first layer was ok! I put white pastel down under the eye, around the eyebrow placement and then after some mishaps with the watercolor on the brows, I went to my old tactic. Usually with brows, I lay a layer or two down of pastel (FAR lighter than I want the brows to be) to kind of carve a rough shape out because I'm so atrocious at getting them even (like to a comical level. The amount of times I've had to redo a full brow to match the other makes this be my default method bc I'm SO bad at them).

I did one layer of that, and then decided I would try again with the watercolor. I don't want him to have super obvious eyeliner or anything (statements I've never said before. I have dolls where the liner covers the entire eyelid, I love a big eyeliner) so I just did the top waterline in a dark brown watercolor on a skinny nail art brush. This went... Suspiciously well? To the point where I just decided hey, we're going in and doing the eyelashes on the same layer.

Eyelashes are another point I'm so bad at, to the point where of all of my dolls I've painted, I've done bottom eyelashes 2x like ever. 3 at most. I remembered the tips from the video (not too much water but not too much paint, steady your hand, take it slow, and not doing just straight lines (hard to do that because I default to that often lol)) and just dove in.

The first eye went so well that I just went right into the second one and it was so much less bad than I thought it would be. It's crazy that practice and research helps? After that dried, I mixed pink and peach acrylic paints together to paint the lower waterline, and after THAT dried, I covered the bottom lashes with the same white pastel. It muted it a lot but the main thing I've learned working with this sealant method is that it WILL take stuff off. So in theory, I hoped that it would take the white pastel off and not fade my very painstakingly painted eyelashes.

Somehow it did work (thank you makeup knowledge or something) and the first layer was done. It felt SO wrong to have a first layer with NO blush???? Like absolutely makes no sense to my brain but it was so relieving to be done with the worst parts (minus the brows. I was not looking forward to those).

[ID: A three quarter view of the doll head shown above. Instead of being blank, it has very faint blonde eyebrows and dark brown lower eyelashes. /End ID]

This is the time in which I admit that I was wrong that it was so bad to do a realistic faceup (which could easily change when I do the blushing, you do not want to see the 80s blush situation I had on the first faceup attempt), as having the brow bones so prominent made the painting so much easier. I was very mad about this as this is my first proper* attempt at this sort of faceup and it was going so well (* proper meaning I actually attempted to adapt my style to the sculpt instead of putting my usual methods to use here on a head of a different style). Honestly I just kind of locked into the brows, and since my brush is a nail brush, there's a little ball stylus (I think that's what it's called? Dotting tool may also be what it's called) so when I messed up, I got that wet and very gently cleaned it up, dabbing the excess water/paint with my finger. This was SO much less painful than using acrylic paint on brows (that is MISERABLE to remove if you fuck up with black acrylic. That does not budge ever) or using watercolor pencils (like with doing my own eyeliner, I do much better with a brush than pencil).

Genuinely never will go back to using a different material for doing the brow strokes, this was such a breeze. Even getting it even wasn't too bad, I just cleaned the brows up with that same technique until I got it close enough. While I was waiting for that to dry, I used the same dark brown (I have a very small watercolor palette and no clue how to blend it lol, so I just used the same color this whole faceup so far) and same brush to add some paint to the eye crease to add some more dimension to the face. While that was drying, it started to bother me that all the dust was just not covered up, because my brain is used to when I break the paint out, I'm nearly done with the faceup, so it should be covered and cleaner by now. Which honestly I'm glad I did! It looks a lot better with most of it covered, although I do still.plan on doing a scar from the left eyebrow up to the forehead as well as others on the forehead but those are 3d sculpt projects and not flat paint projects (I use Elmer's glue to build it up and then blush/paint over top) so it is not my problem now lol.

[ID: A front facing picture of the head above. The head has dark brown curved eyebrows, moles dotted at random around the face, and the eye crease is filled in with dark brown. /End ID]

As if this project wasn't driving me crazy with stress enough, when I powdered the brows, one of them just didn't get as powdered as the other and so when I applied the sealant, about half the brow came away with it! Absolutely devastating but it is just the nature of water colors and liquid sealant! The next layer now had to include a patch job on the brow, as well as blushing (or if I was a little smarter, one layer for the brow repair, seal again, and a layer for the blushing so I didn't mess it up again!). It was such an incredibly frustrating set back especially with how long it took me to do the brows initially.

At THIS point, I was so relieved I had done a mockup digitally (even if not super accurate to what I ended up going with) because thinking of doing the blushing the next layer did make me want to cry a little bit for a couple reasons (on top of the already immense frustrations that sealing the brows on the start of day 2 brought).

As I said earlier, very different head type than what I usually do (usually can just slap some pink on the cheeks, brown elsewhere etc), but the bigger issue was how pale he is. I find it a billion times easier to paint a yellowed doll or a doll with darker resin (I am SO excited to get to my Dong next (his resin is so pretty (and has been really fun to work on while I was in white boy shading hell)) than a white unyellowed doll. If you know color theory or like any makeup at all, paler skin makes things show up so much brighter, which is a pain in the ass when you're trying to make a doll not look like they have clown makeup on with the blush alone. And with how sculpted his face is, I had to place the blush just right to get it to look ok, as well as somehow get the shading to look clean and decent.

I used a combination of a brush directly against the pastel and shavings and slowly built up some flush to the cheeks and shading around the nose.

[ID: The same doll head as above, but with a more peach color to the lips and cheeks, with slight definition around the sides of the nose bridge. /End ID]

I added the tiniest bit more blushing (my favorite hobby is procrastinating sealing. #1 thing ever) and then felt really unsure if I was somewhat close to being done or not, so decided to try it on his body with random eyes and wig to see what else needed to be there, which confirmed a couple things!

[ID: The same head as before, now shown on a seated large ball jointed doll body. He has a long lilac center part straight wig on and dark eyes. There is a doll to the left and right of him./End ID]

The first thing was somehow ALL of the messy forehead was covered by the wig, which was such a relief in of itself. The second thing was all of the blushing looked really good and natural which was such a big relief honestly.

He really just looked like some guy which was very funny as I really um don't have any dolls in my collection that have a normal faceup (guy addicted to getting too silly with it voice: Well surely getting MORE goofy won't hurt! I think the closest to a normal guy would be Theo? Cordelia perhaps too but she's also so pink lmao) and look like just a guy that you could find at a gas station. This will probably not last as I wanted to turn the forehead marks into silvery scars (I feel we could get a little silly with it and have it be magical or something like that, provides the scars look ok lmao. Future me's problem). I definitely need to add some more shading under his eyes (under eye bags are PERFECT when his eye bags are actually sculpted, I'm not used to that on a sculpt lol), accents to the lips (MAY do lip lines. May just add more color. No one ever knows what my go to is with lips because I hate doing them), add highlights (and maybe use some pearl x powder on the eyelid area... I kind of want him to look MOSTLY natural but I cannot lie, the lure of men with eyeshadow. It's a slippery slope) and mess with his eyes a bit as he looks really good with that purple wig, so I'd like to use colors that coordinate with that if possible (same with the eyes probably?). All in all, this was a lot of work for a low energy day and I feel I'm entering the home stretch a bit!

Day three, and despite how horrendous I was feeling like the entire day, I locked in and got a lot done!

[ID: The same head as above, with silver scarring on the forehead and nose and slightly more pigment on the lips. /end ID]

In pictures the scars look a LOT like leeches to me but it's ok or something. I wanted to do silver as I felt it would be fun to do a more magical twist with the characters and having some funky colored scars would work with that! I started with a layer of light grey paint and Elmer's glue mixed together, then added layers of a silver paint with the glue until it was more pronounced from the resin, how a scar would be, and then shaded with watercolors (before then adding the blushing to make it look like actual scars instead of weird metal globs). Honestly I really liked how the eyebrow and nose ones came out but the forehead ones were more of a cover up job rather than where I wanted to place them, so they may get adjusted later.

Other than that, I started work on his eyes (and most of the day was laying in bed in pain so I didn't get a ton done sadly)! It's not very visible in photos but I also used a glittery powder (pearl ex) on the eyelids to add some sparkle.

All that was left is a bit of scar work, figuring out if I'm going to do lines on the lips (my worst debate always tbh, I feel they rarely look good with my faceup style and are often a pain in my ass), finish the eyes (admittedly this is just because I'm very slow with it as I don't really like working with the resin a ton), and gloss the areas that need it. There is definitely a chance I remove the forehead scarring (the great part about it all being glue is well. It removes easily) and do something different there that's a bit bigger and less small blobs but that is tomorrow's problem. Honestly really excited about the eyes, they look REALLY good from when I've tried them in!

I then proceeded to procrastinate for about a week maybe (time is odd for me rn) because I was so unsure about the forehead scarring but when I picked it back up, I did the finishing touches I planned on here and then wrapped his eyes up and he's done! 2 heads to go (sadly. I'm so scared doing them to be honest cause it's so much work always) but very happy with him!

[ID: The head shown previously, but on his body. His lips and scars are now glossy, he has eyes with a dark blue sclera and bright purple glittery iris in, and is wearing a long straight lavender wig. His body is wearing a teal and purple camo shirt that is tight fitting. The doll is sitting between two other dolls on a shelf. /End ID]

[buff-muffin]

So guess who’s making an outfit for the fnaf movie and living their twelve year old self’s dream :)

[blujayonthewing]

me, immediately after fully discussing, hashing out, and agreeing on plans for thanksgiving and christmas on the very rare occasion of having everyone together in person at the same time to actually be able to do that: okay, I mean, we're all here and we talked about this a lot, it's probably not actually going to be necessary to Get It In Writing but that was my plan, and anyway a friendly sticky note in the group chat doesn't hurt

my mom today:

[byanyan]

so anyway, thanks for reading my little dissertations on byan's gender. sorry for not writing again today, i'm just. i'm fuckin goin through it rn man

[nerdyqueerr]

THE DAYBREAK AO3 TAG IS ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY ELI/JOSH LEAVE THOSE BOYS THE FUCK ALONE