#but the perfectionist in me feels a lot better when i fix certain parts that bugged me

[imogenkol]

Old Scars and New

word count: 3.3k warnings: blood, injury tending, disaster bisexual werewolf being cringe af tags: bandaging/stitching up wounds prompt

this is a slightly altered/updated version of my most popular piece of writing for this verse and thought I'd share it in my continued journey of rebuilding my relationship with my og works!

“Alright, who’s up first?” Nadya announced once everyone filed into the motel room.

Skye flashed a sly grin at the sight of Nadya putting her glasses on. “Ooh, are we gonna play doctor?”  

Jayde rolled her eyes and dumped her bag onto the floor, barely holding back a wince. The scent of her own blood invaded her lungs and she already felt bruises forming, but the aches and pains were far from uncommon occurrences. She dismissed any concern. “I’m fine.” 

Nadya ignored their comments and pointed at both of the siblings. “You two. Sit.”

“Are you going to tell me to roll over too?” Skye remarked. 

At the same time, Jayde reiterated grumpily “I said I’m fine.”

The human threw them a stern glare. Nadya may appear soft and approachable most of the time – even meek to those who underestimated her – but the wolves quickly discovered that she had a hidden talent for intimidation when she wanted to. Jayde and Skye simultaneously took their seats at the edge of one of the beds without further protest. 

Satisfied with their obedience, Nadya turned to Toby. “How are you feeling?” 

“Right as rain,” he replied.

She made a spin motion with her hand. “Twirl.” He held up his arms and turned in one slow circle, showing her that he was unscathed. “Nothing’s hurting?”

“Nope.”

She concluded her thorough scan with a pat on his shoulder. “Okay, you’re good.” 

Toby gave the sisters a childish smirk like he won a game and said “Ha.” Then sauntered over to a chair. 

Well, if the game went to whoever got hurt the least, then Jayde would never win. She almost scoffed at herself because the competitive side of her that came out around Toby hated the fact that she’d lose anything to him. She even made a mental note to be more careful the next time they encountered hunters just so that she could rub her success in his face. Maybe that was his real motive – to try a tactic that would work on a toddler simply to get the reckless blonde to take better care of herself. Jayde wouldn’t put it past him. 

Nadya addressed Skye next. “You got hit on the head pretty hard. How are you feeling?”

The young wolf widened her eyes. “I can see new colors now.”

Nadya laughed and fished out a small flashlight from her bag. “How about dizziness or nausea?”

Jayde watched on as Nadya carefully combed her fingers through Skye’s hair in search of any damage hidden in the light blonde waves. Skye kicked her feet like a little kid getting a check-up, but Jayde noted how her crooked smile evened out to something more… genuine. 

Skye was rarely ever anything but mischievous, as if life were just one big joke to her. Of course, there were precious few moments when her serious self would shine through, where there were no jokes to be made and she acted fairly mellow, much to her older sister’s relief. Jayde was shocked to see that happen more often when she interacted with Nadya. 

“I feel fine,” Skye answered, then flinched when Nadya touched the sore spot on her head. “Ow! But that hurts.” 

“Sorry.” Nadya winced apologetically. “I don’t see any blood, at least.” 

The tip of her finger tapped under Skye’s chin to get her to look up. It was then that Jayde noticed she had been chewing on the inside of her cheek. Skye went still as Nadya shined the light in her eyes. It felt like an eternity to Jayde. To see Nadya be so close to her sister, touching her in ways that Jayde longed for. The older wolf realized – with a hot flush to her cheeks – that she was jealous of Skye. That made her bite her cheek even harder as she forced herself to look down. 

Nadya stepped away, allowing Jayde to finally breathe normally again. “You don’t have a concussion, but I suggest you ice that for tonight.” 

“Sounds good, doc,” she replied with a wink. 

Just when Jayde thought she might get over the momentary lapse in her emotions, Nadya blushed. It was subtle enough that she might have been able to convince herself that she imagined it, but her thoughts took what she saw regardless of rationality and ran. 

The possibility had never occurred to her until that moment, but Jayde started to wonder if maybe Skye had feelings for the human, too. Jayde certainly couldn’t blame her if she did. It was Nadya, after all. This girl practically had Jayde wrapped around her finger the first day they met. The thing that ate at Jayde more than that were Nadya’s reactions to Skye. She wouldn’t have that hard of a time believing she also felt something for her. Her sister – in all of her annoying glory – was just as much of a catch. 

The concept felt nearly unbearable to consider, but Jayde knew that she would never stand in the way of her sister’s happiness or Nadya’s. Especially if it meant Nadya would get to be with someone far more worthy of her affections. Deep down, Jayde has been looking for a good, rock solid excuse to let her go. This possible outcome might be the easiest to accept. That didn’t mean it wasn’t exceptionally painful. 

Wallowing in a pit of her own creation caused Jayde to tune the rest of the world out until Nadya’s voice brought her back down to earth. 

“Crap, I grabbed the wrong kit,” she grumbled as she sifted through her bag.

Skye gasped dramatically. “Language.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Nadya said with an amused scoff and backed up towards the door. “I’m gonna go back to the car. I’ll pick up some ice for your head on the way back, too.” 

“Toby,” Jayde commanded with a purposeful glance. Despite being clear of immediate danger, she didn’t want anyone going anywhere by themselves. Not even to the parking lot. 

He nodded in understanding and got up. “Yeah, I’ll go with her.”  

Before they left, Nadya locked eyes with Jayde. For that single second, all of her worries were utterly nonexistent. “We’ll be back in a few minutes. Try not to get into any more trouble.” 

“No promises,” Skye replied. Jayde looked to see that the devious smirk had returned to her face. 

The siblings remained seated on the musty motel bed once Toby and Nadya disappeared. The comforter felt scratchy, but Jayde still balled her fists into the fabric and stared at the worn carpet underneath her blood splattered boots. Something metallic tickled the edge of her tongue and she sighed at the sting that shortly followed, releasing her flesh from her own vengeful teeth. 

“So, what crawled up your ass?” Skye asked to break the awkward silence. 

Jayde gave her a brief side-glance. “Nothing.” 

“Right.” Her words already dripped with sarcasm. “You’re just acting like you have to take Old Yeller out back for no reason.” 

Jayde felt a brief spark boil in her chest, but it died out as quickly as it came. She didn’t have the will to be angry or defensive. She only sighed again and forced her question out. “Do you like her?”

There was no hesitation in Skye’s answer. “Yeah, of course I like her.”

“No, I mean… Do you like her?"

Confusion twisted the younger wolf’s features as she blinked at Jayde for several moments. Jayde wordlessly begged not to make her spell it out. The question alone was already mortifying enough. As soon as her meaning fully sank in, Skye’s expression promptly turned incredulous. 

“Forget it,” Jayde said curtly.

But Skye already jumped on it. “No, you know what? I do like her. I really, really like her. Yeah, I want her to have my babies.” 

Jayde had to fight the urge to growl. “It was a genuine question, Skye.” 

“And you’re a genuine idiot,” she fired back with no remorse. “I don’t want your girlfriend, Jayde.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” 

“She could be.”

“She shouldn’t.” 

Skye raised an eyebrow. “That’s not very progressive of you. You’re sounding like Miranda with that old world bullshit. Who cares if Nadya is a human? Just be careful not to break or bite her. That simple.” 

Jayde shook her head. “It’s not that…” 

The slow nod she saw out of the corner of her eye turned into a shrug as Skye leaned into her. “What if you’re wrong about yourself?” she whispered like a kid telling a secret. 

They fell back into another prolonged silence as Jayde rocked back and forth anxiously. She wasn’t wrong about herself, but Jayde somehow still had the smallest bit of hope that she could become someone Nadya deserves. That if she tried to be better, she wouldn’t fight this so hard or put herself through all of this pain. She had it in her. Somewhere. Buried underneath dirt and dust. The best version would peek through the cracks of everything broken about her whenever that girl was near. Jayde just had to figure out a way to widen the fractures and reach through. 

But she worried she would break herself even more by doing that. 

After a minute, her lungs deflated once more in utter hopelessness. “I am an idiot.” 

Familiar footsteps approached the room and Skye nudged her older sister with her elbow. “Chin up, sport.” 

Jayde managed to give her a grateful look just as the others returned. Nadya held a small bag of ice in one hand and a different first aid kit in the other. She went to Skye first and handed her the ice for her head. 

Guilt immediately flooded Jayde’s system for feeling so jealous. Nadya put in so much effort to take care of them all and Jayde had been worried that she wanted her sister over her. She needed to get over herself. 

“Okay, you’re good to go. Just take it easy,” Nadya ordered. 

Skye enthusiastically jumped to her feet while balancing the ice pack on top of her head. “Great, I’m gonna go get tacos across the street.” 

“Don’t go alone,” Jayde called as she skipped towards the door.

She waved dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, buddy system.” 

“You guys want anything?” Toby asked before he trailed after her.

“Just get me whatever you get,” Jayde said.

“Okay. Nadya?”

Nadya sounded slightly distracted as she prepared the kit. “Uh, what kinds are there?” 

“Asada, pollo, carnitas.” When she took too long to ponder the options, he translated in a patronizing tone “Beef, chicken, pork.” 

She looked up and fixed him with an exasperated stare. “I know what they mean, I was just thinking.” 

Toby chuckled. “Any day now.” 

“Get me chicken.” 

He gave a casual thumbs up. “You got it.” 

The motel room grew quiet again once it became only the two young women. The wolf took time to let the human’s presence calm the restless being within. She focused on how her air of crisp autumn spices encompassed her senses, even over the scents of the others. What fascinated Jayde was how her existence always broke through the most powerful things. Werewolves had an incredibly distinct and potent scent, so being around her pack should have masked the humanness of Nadya’s scent. But it didn’t. In fact, Jayde often sensed her before she sensed anything or anyone else. It was always her first. 

“Your turn?” Nadya suggested softly, immediately drawing Jayde’s full attention. 

Up to that point, she had completely forgotten about her injuries. “Oh, right.” 

Nadya came directly to her, standing just inches away. Jayde stared up at her and waited, totally transfixed. “Let’s get a look at that arm.” 

Jayde realized she needed to remove her jacket. She snapped herself out of her trance and carefully slipped out of it, grimacing as the fabric tugged at the graze on her bicep. Blood had mostly soaked into the jacket itself, but streaks of crimson still smeared across her skin and reached as low as her wrist.

Nadya bent down and adjusted her glasses to get a better look, but that furrow in her brow looked like it took too much effort. “Do you think we could move to the bathroom? The lighting sucks out here and I gotta get you cleaned up.” 

“Yeah.” 

Nadya followed closely behind as they entered the bathroom, but lingered over Jayde’s shoulder after turning the light on. “Hey, did you take a hit to the back?” 

Jayde craned her neck to see why she looked so concerned, but couldn’t see much of anything. The strain of twisting only made her injured shoulder spike with pain. “Um, I’m not sure. Maybe? I remember getting punched or something.” 

“There’s blood, Jay,” Nadya informed her, still inspecting the wound. “Take this off.” 

Jayde felt her entire body flare with intense heat as Nadya tugged at her shirt. She hesitated for a few beats to let the embarrassment pass. It wasn’t like Nadya hadn't seen her without a shirt on before. Hell, she’s seen her naked. She’s seen her turn into a goddamn werewolf, for fuck’s sake. Jayde wanted to curse at herself for being so stupid. 

She struggled to get out of the shirt on her own. It was enough that her shoulder felt as sore as it did, but now that she had been made aware of it, the wound on Jayde’s back stung like a bitch. As much as she wanted to hide her pain, she wasn’t able to stop herself from flinching when she tried to work one of her arms out of the ruined clothing. 

“Here, let me –” Nadya reached to help, but then her pulse spiked in the wolf’s ears like a drum had been struck and she stopped short. “Can I..?”

“Sure, yeah,” Jayde stammered and braced herself as the human stepped into her space. 

Nadya’s hands carefully gripped the bottom of the bloodied shirt and slowly pushed it up her torso. Jayde could tell that she tried not to, but there were still a couple of times where her fingers brushed up against bare skin. Jayde clenched her jaw tightly. Just those small, brief touches caused intense tingling to spread outwards from the places of contact. She shut her eyes and held her breath as her wolf fought to rise to the surface. A shiver raced along Jayde’s spine as she quickly dampened it. After a tense half-second, she felt the restless animal reluctantly retreat. 

Despite nearly losing control, Jayde didn’t feel afraid. Maybe because she knew Nadya wasn’t in any danger. The wolf only wanted a glimpse of her, but the last thing Jayde wanted was to cause any potential fear. She certainly didn’t want to think up some shitty excuse to explain why her eyes started to glow. 

The two of them successfully got the shirt over Jayde’s head with minimal pain and discarded it on the floor. Meeting Nadya’s gaze after that felt far braver than facing any hunter. She had this look in her warm brown eyes that Jayde couldn’t quite decipher. However, the physical effect in Nadya’s body was more obvious. Being so close, Jayde sensed it all. 

An erratic heartbeat. A clipped breath caught in her throat. A blooming scent that tempted Jayde nearer. 

Those were not things she noticed in Nadya with anyone else, Jayde realized. 

“I’m going to, uh…” Nadya motioned awkwardly, finally just shuffling behind her again. 

Jayde cleared her throat to banish her own nerves and brushed her tangled hair over her shoulder. “How’s it looking back there?” 

“This is pretty deep,” she murmured and began to clean it. “You really didn’t feel this?”

Jayde tensed at the incredibly cold sensation of a disinfectant wipe against her hot skin, but she still gave a half shrug. “I remember being hit, but that’s all.” 

“Well, you got lucky. It could have punctured your lung.”

Jayde set her hands on the edge of the sink and watched Nadya’s reflection carefully through the mirror. “Yeah, I feel lucky.” 

“That better not be sarcasm. Not when I’m looking at all these scars.” Nadya scolded as she got the stitches ready. “It looks like you should be dead ten times over.” 

“It’s because I should be.” 

They briefly shared a look. Nadya’s expression remained unreadable. Not that Jayde had the time to properly study it before she went back to work. 

She didn’t say anything while she made a few sutures — being too focused on her task of mending a werewolf — but then Jayde saw her brown eyes peek over her shoulder again. “I’m really glad you aren’t, by the way.” 

Jayde exhaled an almost whispered response. “Me too.”  

A bandage was carefully placed over the newly stitched wound, but Nadya lingered behind her. Jayde wondered if maybe she had spotted another wound that hadn’t quite traveled through her nerves and up to her brain yet, but then felt an incredibly delicate sensation tickle her lower back. It took a moment for her to realize that it was the tip of Nadya’s finger trailing over what had to be one of her scars. Jayde froze in place, not having a single clue how to react. 

“How many are there?” Nadya’s voice sounded distant. 

Jayde gripped the edges of the sink so that she wouldn’t fall over as the girl traced another sensitive mark. She was afraid that the slightest movement would cause her to stop. “I’ve never counted.” 

A soft hum echoed in the bathroom. “I guess you’ve got a couple more now. Which reminds me…” Nadya pulled her hand away, but before disappointment twisted an invisible knife in the werewolf’s chest, her palm rested on her hip and turned her around. 

The human’s sudden willingness to touch her in ways that could be considered intimate left Jayde’s mind in a utter stupor, stirring her inner self once more. She didn’t know what to make of it. Or what to do. She knew what she wanted to do, though that remained a line Jayde felt she shouldn’t cross. 

Nadya went to work on the laceration that cut through her upper arm and Jayde found herself thoroughly fascinated with the process. The human’s eyes were so focused, making sure each and every stitch was up to her standard. The way her brows knitted in concentration — the thin frame of her glasses resting on the bridge of her nose — replaced Jayde’s heart with a pair of fluttering wings. She could stare at her for hours. 

Nadya finally glanced up while she wrapped her arm. This time, her blush was entirely noticeable. “What?” 

The question made Jayde realize she had been smiling. She quickly looked away, though she couldn’t fully wipe the expression from her face. “Nothing.” 

“Okay,” Nadya said slowly, confused amusement written on her face. “Well, I’m all done.” 

Jayde nodded as she cleaned the mess up. As soon as the kit was packed, Nadya gave the wolf an unsure look and turned to leave the bathroom. On impulse, Jayde caught her wrist to stop her. A small gasp escaped Nadya’s lips at the unexpected touch, but she still waited expectantly. 

“Thank you.” Jayde caressed the smooth curve of her wrist with her thumb. For the first time, she didn’t try to hide it. She wanted Nadya to feel her gratitude. “For taking care of us.” 

Nadya’s features softened into an absolutely stunning smile. “I like taking care of you.” 

It took everything Jayde had not to pull her in. She yearned to feel Nadya against her. Longed to brush their lips together. To hold her close and swallow every breath. Feel all the ways she could get her heart to race. Instead, Jayde’s fingers went slack and Nadya slipped out of her grasp, leaving her alone in the bathroom with the ghost of her contact still prickling across the surface of her skin.

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[topazadine]

"I Can Think of Ideas But Can't Write Them!"

Estimated Reading Time: 13 Minutes

Irrelevant hyperspecific Cleveland Ohio meme (it came up on my files when I searched for "think" so now you're stuck with it too)

Anyway, I see some iteration of this sentiment on the reg, both here and on other social media.

"I have this awesome idea about XYZ, but when I sit down to do it, I find it impossible to do anything. How do I get started?"

Great question and exceptionally valid; I think a lot of us have dealt with this at some point or another. So let's go through why you might have this happen to you and what you can do about it.

Perma-reminder that this is just my opinion and you are free to disagree, to think I am stupid, whatever. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Reasons why you might feel that you have great ideas but can't execute them

Writing, like many other activities, is just as much about your mindset as it is about your practice and your skills.

We can either psych ourselves into writing some amazing, lifechanging work ... or we can convince ourselves that we shouldn't even bother.

So how does our mindset play into our writing abilities? Here's some possible answers.

You've thought about it too much.

In essence, you've worked through the plot points so many times and refined them in your head to the point that you fear putting it on the page because you're certain that it won't match the beautiful vision you've daydreamed.

I have no evidence for this other than my own intuition, but I think this might happen more to people who are a 4 or 5 on the Vividness of Visual Imagery scale. I'm only a 3 so I don't have this problem quite as much. People with a 1 or 2 VVIQ score might have this problem even less, but don't quote me.

You are trying to envision the entire thing at once without outlining.

Most writers, including yours truly, cannot contain an entire story in our heads without any notes whatsoever.

For some reason, though, some newer writers are incredibly averse to outlining; they want the entire thing to spring forth from their heads whole cloth. Not everyone, of course, but enough people that I have noticed a trend.

I suspect this might be due to some academic trauma from being forced to outline every little thing in school and then being judged on that outline. But no one's judging or grading you anymore; your outline is just for you. Don't worry about it being perfect. It just needs to exist.

There are too many moving parts and you feel overwhelmed.

I encourage writers who are just getting started to focus on a simpler story to begin with. You can write your epic 120k thriller later; the idea is not going anywhere. It will always be there, waiting for you to be ready.

You feel that the project, in its current iteration, is beyond your capabilities.

And it very well might be, but you shouldn't let that stop you. Something existing in its rawest form is better than it not existing at all. There's always time and time more still to fix it as you grow in your capabilities.

You are a perfectionist.

This goes with the above point but also extends to other problems with writing, including being reluctant to revise and nitpicking your work as you go along.

Perfectionists often experience so much anxiety about the idea of not doing their best that they procrastinate or refuse to do something at all because they don't think they can do it perfectly in one go. Many "lazy" people are actually terrified of failure so they don't put in any effort.

It's something you need to work on as a writer, because there is no such thing as a publishable, literary-classic-quality first draft. A perfect first draft is one that exists.

You've got Imposter Syndrome.

Then we've got those who don't have an accurate assessment of their abilities and it holds them back. Imposter Syndrome often goes hand-in-hand with perfectionism; you feel like you're not as good as the writers you like, so you don't bother trying to reach their level.

Imposter Syndrome is the epitome of "comparison is the thief of joy." I have a lot of writers who I know are better than me; my favorite writers have lifted the bar so high that few will ever surpass them. I doubt I will ever get to their heights of success and eloquence.

But I do not let this stop me because I know that once upon a time, they were exactly where I am. Well, maybe not exactly where I am in Cleveland, lurking in the depths of Lake Erie. Skills-wise, though? They've all been here too.

You're thinking too far ahead.

I mentioned this in my post about how to write faster: writing has stages that must be put together one at a time. Every writer has different stages and does them different ways, but the average writer is not plotting, outlining, drafting, revising, publishing, and marketing at the very same time. It's just too much all at once.

When writing, don't think about everything else. Don't think about whether it will sell, or how long it will take to revise, or how to query, or any of that. All you need to think about is plot -> outline -> draft, in that order. And then you'll be okay.

How to Get Idea on Paper Now

Relax.

Yes, really. The first step is to relax. Take a deep breath. Tell all your anxieties about whether you'll ever get published, or whether you can do this, or whether you're even capable of writing, to shut the fuck up.

When you get those anxious thoughts, tell them that they are not helpful and they are not serving you. Practice mindfulness, such as by reciting a mantra to yourself until the thoughts give up. Outlast them out of spite.

Ask yourself what is scaring you so much.

Again, much of your struggles with writing likely come from your fears about the outcome rather than genuinely not being sure how to proceed.

You came up with this awesome idea, and you have probably played it in your head over and over again for days, weeks, months, years, but now find it impossible to get started. That tells me that you do have a story in you, but there's a blockage somewhere from brain to fingers.

So, gently question yourself about this and remember these key answers to your concerns.

Are you afraid of failing? If so, you have to ask what failing actually means in terms of writing. That you won't live up to your own expectations? Most of us won't, at least at first. And that's okay. You're trying, and that's what matters most. Are you afraid people will laugh at your work? Well, there are a lot of shit people in the world who love to tear others down. That says more about them than it does about you. Are you afraid you'll waste time on this project that will go nowhere? No writing is wasted. It's all practice. Are you worried you'll never get published? You're getting ahead of yourself. Nothing gets published if it's never written. Are you afraid that you're not going to do your work justice? You probably won't at first. And that's okay! Writing is wonderful because you get to keep picking at it until it is perfect. Unlike other crafts, such as knitting or embroidery or woodworking or painting, you don't get just one shot. You get as many shots as you want.

Release your perfectionist tendencies.

I know, this is easier said than done.

Perfectionism is not very helpful as a writer because either you never put anything down because you're afraid it sucks, or you peck so long at your completed draft that you never finish it. At some point, you need to just say "fuck it" and be done with the damn thing.

Could I peck and poke and prod at my drafts forever? Sure. I see things I could fix in all my works, even the published ones. I'd drive myself crazy if I continually reread my work with an editor's eye.

So, I like to see my work as kind of like Impressionist art.

Taken together, it makes a beautiful whole, but some asshole could go and complain about every little paint smear and how it doesn't exactly match the vision. And that person is dumb. And I don't want to be that person to myself, or to you.

When you've gotten to the point where you are utterly sick of your finished product and you'd rather stab yourself in the face than look at it again, then you are done. Go, my friend. Be free.

Stop reading authors you admire.

... For now! Not forever. Just give them a break for now, especially if you are dealing with Imposter Syndrome.

When you're struggling to get your idea finished, it's very easy to demotivate yourself by looking at authors you love and comparing yourself to them. But these authors have advantages you do not (at the moment).

They've been writing for years.

They may have professional training, like an MA in Creative Writing, or even teach this for work (like Anthony Doerr, one of my faves).

They have a team of professional editors who fix all their dumb mistakes and guide them through the revision process.

You are seeing the completed project, which has been looked over dozens of times, and not seeing the effort it took to get there. Their drafts may have been even shittier than yours, but you don't get to see that in most instances. So put them aside and promise to return to them later.

You should still read stuff, of course. But I recommend reading authors you don't like (yes, you can learn from them as well). Beta read for other people who are at your same level. Not only will you see that you're doing just fine, but you'll also get to learn from their mistakes.

Plus, I hate to sound mean, but yeah, it can be an ego boost.

That's why I don't read books by my moots until I'm in the Percolating or Revising stage, because I know their books are wonderful and will make me feel a lil sad about my own skills. I hate-read instead.

Remember that you can revise as many times as necessary

The way we teach writing, at least in the United States, is utterly antithetical to making great habits; specifically, I'm thinking about timed essays like the ACT. I got a 36 on the writing section of my ACT but I was still sweating bullets the whole fucking time because I would essentially be penalized for taking it slow and thinking things through.

You need to unlearn this habit. If you are writing for pleasure or self-publishing, there are no deadlines. You don't have a due date. You don't need to turn anything in. No one is checking over your shoulder, dinging you for not having a flawless essay done in 1 hour or less.

One of the best books to reassure anxious writers is More About How to Write a Million, specifically the revision section. The work is a bit dated now but the examples remain timeless, showing exactly how much work professional authors do to get from a sorta-shitty first draft to something beautiful. No draft starts out as a perfect angel. They're all a little ugly.

Writing takes as long as it needs to. Revisions are done as necessary. Revise, and revise, and revise again. It doesn't have to be perfect in one go.

Do it Bird by Bird

I love this phrase by Anne Lamott and use it all the time for everything. There's plenty of other adages that are similar, like "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

One thing at a time. Split the whole process into chunks. When you try to think of everything all at once, you get overwhelmed and demotivated.

This was my order when I wrote the first story for The Eirenic Verses, which is now actually the sixth book in the series (love how that works for me).

Create a concept. High Poetry.

Refine the concept. High Poetry can be used for warfare, healing, etc, and was given to Breme by the goddess Poesy.

Create a main character. Cerie Korviridi, a High Poet. All I knew about her personality at first was that she is kind of a bitch, but she slowly grew into much more as I continued to write her.

Create a world. Breme, which has High Poetry but is impoverished, and Sina, which does not have High Poetry but is technologically advanced.

Create other characters to populate the world. Haniya, Uileac, Orrinir, Mordrek, Ono, and background characters as necessary. They are all connected to Cerie in different ways and have different relationships with her.

Create a plot. Cerie must use her High Poetry to end the war between Breme and Sina.

Develop the outline. Using the Plot Mountain method I have mentioned before.

Cut the outline down to the basics. Using the Double Outline method I will explain in a minute.

Develop the sections. I write by scene rather than chapter, as I mentioned in another post.

Write the intro. The first chapter went through a lot of revisions, I will admit.

Write the climax. To know what I am building up to.

Write the ending. To know where I'm ending up.

Write the subclimaxes. Other scenes of tension and intensity.

Write the downtimes. Places for exposition and discussion.

Percolate. I let it sit for a while while I went to outline and write other parts of the series.

Revise. Self-explanatory!

Percolate and Revise again.

Say "fuck it" and be done. And now it is glaring at me from my MS pile, waiting for its turn.

Write the blurb and marketing materials. Those are sitting in storage.

Rinse and repeat. Now that I am writing in an established universe, I don't need to do steps 1 through 5.

If I think about this all at once, I'd probably go "TWENTY WHOLE FUCKING STEPS? WITH SUBSTEPS?? I'm going to drown myself" and not do anything.

So, instead, I went "Okay, I have an idea. Now I will refine the idea. Now I will impose the idea on a hapless victim. And now I'll throw her into a world. And now ...."

You get the point.

Try the Double Outline Method

The Double Outline Method was invented by me for people like you (and me). People who want to capture every single possible detail before they get started writing, but then find themselves losing all motivation because they've basically done the whole thing in outline form.

With this method, you can cram every last plot twist and thought and theme and whatever into your outline ... and then let it go and use a much simpler outline to actually work.

This way, you can give your Bordie Collie brain its little treat and set it to the real work: herding all your thought-sheep into order.

Now, I have some tips to help you actually get the damn thing done once you have tackled your insecurities. I'm wishing you the best of luck, my friend!

I've created a masterlist of writing resources that you can peruse at your leisure, all for free.

The posts I write can sometimes take me hours - they're always intricate, always thoughtful. This one took me about 2 hours to write.

I do this as a labor of love for the writing community, sharing what I have learned from almost 15 years of creative writing.

However, if you'd like to support me, maybe you'll consider buying my book?

At $0.99, that's about 7 cents for each minute you spent reading this post.

9 Years Yearning is a gay coming-of-age romance set in a fantasy world. It follows Uileac Korviridi, a young soldier training at the War Academy. His primary motivations are honoring the memory of his late parents, protecting his little sister Cerie, and becoming a top-notch soldier.

However, there's a problem: Orrinir Relickim, a rough and tough fellow pupil who just can't seem to leave Uileac alone.

The book features poetry, descriptions of a beautiful country inspired by Mongolia, and a whole lot of tsundere vibes.

You can also check it out on Goodreads for a list of expanded distribution. If you loved it, be sure to preorder Pride Before a Fall, arriving January 1, 2025!

If you do purchase my book, don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are vital for visibility on Amazon and help to support indie authors like me. Whenever you love a book, be sure to let the author know! It's much appreciated.

[ecofinisher]

My little analysis about Sunset Valley's McIrish family because I have never seen one of them.

As a pre-teen I read almost all Sims' bios about a thousand times xD As an adult now, I understood most of them, what exactly they meant, and recently.....a year ago or two, I don't know, I did read Fiona's bio, which is the following....

Fiona is focusing on raising her teenager, and living a healthy life now that the past is behind her.

As a child, I didn't really see through the sentence. I just thought "eh just a normal bio" But when I see the sentence as an adult the part "now that the past is behind her".....That threw me a few questions into my head.

Most players probably assume the "man of the household" left to "get milk" or they had a divorce for a specific reason. Others assume, that due to Fiona and River be slightly different, that she might be adopted or as on the Wikia stated "found" she could have been abandoned by the original parents and Fiona came across her. (This actually would give River a meaningful name, if in one case she was found by the water, as we know Sunset Valley is by the coast. Just an example)

I personally believe that Fiona and River are indeed blood-related. They share few similar facial details, at least it highly resembles one another to my eye.

Their faces are pretty similarly shaped. The only exception here are their noses. They share the same eye color (Green). Perhaps, if we had a better knowledge of their ancestry (And ofc. if the game was that advanced here) we could analyze the past Sims' eyes as well.

I did change Fiona's age and River's hair-do to facilitate my sight. (I will let you know as well I noticed their similarity, when I one time dressed River as Ladybug and accidentally clicked on Fiona's hair xD. It's a long story, which didn't even work with CC.....)

I zoomed in by curiosity to make sure, if their eyes were the same, but Fiona's green is clearer, while River's slightly darker.

Personality-wise they're a bit different, not the opposite but not the same. Fiona is very intelligent and knows how to talk with people. She's also handy with a lot of things, capable of fixing and creating stuff around her house. She's both useful with hands and brain, to be wording it straight.

River I think she's more of a heart person. She's got the good trait. She's a talented artist and as her bio states, she is interested to become an artist someday. She's also a neat and a perfectionist. If anyone has ever paid attention to her, when you leave her alone, she will be often cleaning everything around the house and run from corner to corner. (This isn't only my game, right? She does this quite often in my game. Other neats like the Langerak women or Cornelia Goth don't do that) The trait combo feels a little.....bland. Like she's somehow portrayed as a Mary Sue or a typical Y/N character. Good is eventually her only social trait she own and that's it. Or perhaps this isn't actually wrong. She's described as an artist, right? Perhaps she's has grown into an introvert, eventually?

During the game and RL, Offsprings usually become their own person, when growing up, but tend to get certain traits from their ancestors. River, in this case, doesn't get anything from her mom. Her only possibility is her past family members or current occurrences. (In RL eventually)

There can still be the possibility, that River is adopted, but the little details I found, gave me a different impression. Sadly you can only find helpful hints with Fiona, without further details of a background story. River's biography is the most simplest and uninformative one there is. (Me, who doesn't have English as my mother tongue goggled the word "epitome" thinking it would be important, but only figured out, I mispronounce it the entire time wrong....)

The bio itself isn't bad in relation to herself. it's bad, just for what I need. 😂 We just know, she's seen as "the girl-next door"

WHAT DOES THE GIRL NEXT DOOR MEAN? (According to dictionary.com)

"The girl next door is a term used to describe a female archetype and fashion aesthetic which can range in terms of personal definition, but usually denotes a girl or woman who appeals to traditional or “all-American” gender norms with the allure of purity, simplicity, and charm, with a natural, modest, or effortless beauty."

River indeed is a basic-looking girl. She's pretty, not in the level of a Dina Caliente or a Bella Goth, but pretty enough for everyone's eye. She doesn't wear a lot of make-up. The only exception is, she does wear blush on her cheeks and that's all. Basically, everything's right from the explanation, with maybe the exception of the American part.

This is what I have picked up. As we do have not many clues of, why exactly these two women live alone. (Used to live alone, before the French household got invited to join)

What happened to Mr. McIrish?

Ok, I want to talk about the current relationships of the McIrish women. Before as you see, Fiona and River have been living for a long while all on their own. Only, when Fiona's best friend was troubled, the household changed. The home "Asilomar" the name, the house is blessed with, has been the McIrish's residence ever since. So they've been there for a pretty long while. Then there's another interesting fact......the women don't really know many Sims from their town. Major Sims, that live longer in SV, should know at least a quarter to a half of the town, depending on who are the other families. Like they could know older families, like the Goths, the Landgraabs or even the Hart's. It would even be perfect if they knew the Bunches, the Langerak's or even the Harts. As they seem like a long-standing familly with at least one teenager of River's age, they could have at least a relationship. When we look at River's list of known people, she doesn't know anyone around her age to be her friend. She's only good friend's with a woman named Claire Ursine, who lives by the ocean.

Her mother's best friend Molly is also her good friend as both live in the same household or know each other from the past as well. Sandi is Molly's child, so you don't need to know a lot about it. Agnes is their only neighbor from a large manor across the street and she's basically the only person around their range to live there. Fiona knows Claire and Agnes as well, but she's in a neutral state with them. Weirdly she knows a teenage girl named Lisa Bunch and the last person is her boss at her journalism career, which changed at each game restart. It is really strange, that they don't know a lot of people. Not having many friends is alright, but to have a low knowledge? That's mysterious to me.

Could it be possible, that Fiona and River did live a dark past throughout the years? Do they really not know many people by purpose? I do believe, that this theory could be true. Fiona's bio sounds, like she didn't have quite a happy past and eventually escaped with River from it?

Who could have Mr. McIrish been?

From the family tree, we only have Fiona and River's existence. No spurt of any father or previous family members. But from going with the clue, that Fiona and River are blood-related there's a "rooster", that had the role as a father and husband to both women. The question is, did this man really follow his role well to decent enough?

Let's assume if Fiona's past really wasn't a cakewalk, we could imagine, that Mr. McIrish wasn't such a pleasant person. It is possible, that he might have been an actual bad-spirited person. Perhaps a narcissist, an abusive person or a simple person, whose life changed for the worst through his own choices. (Example drug consumption, alcohol, behavior......) He could as well have hiding his true self from the family and depending on current scenes he would hide it or it wasn't known to the women 'til sometime. The women could have been victim of domestic violence or simple manipulation tactics, for a longer period, which didn't allow them to interact often with the outside world.

Could River have been aware of all that as well? Shouldn't it have affected her?

As River doesn't seem to have any trait, that is considered as "bad", it's most likely, that River was very young to understand her surroundings or she wasn't around to witness anything, that could traumatize her. She could have witnessed the issues as well, but she was cleared out of the parental issues and made it through life just fine. Perhaps she found help in making artwork and grew to love it, making it part of herself.

When did Mr. McIrish disappear from their lives? What happened?

Idea 1: There's Claire Ursine, who's actually a criminal and could have specific connections to make people "vanish" Actually, that would be pretty dark, but I wouldn't understand, if it would make sense, that she would be good friends with River. Perhaps it would work out anyway, hence she and Fiona have a neutral relationship, that could be connected with Mr. McIrish's disappearance.

Idea 2: River, being a child or younger was taken by Fiona to leave the house without the man's knowledge. They were spotted and ran away, encountering Claire Ursine on the way and Fiona handed River out to the woman. Realizing the issue, she informed the police, who caught Mr. McIrish.

Idea 3: Just as number 2, but Claire hides the girls in her house and informs the police about it.

Idea 3.1: Claire befriends River as she was very confused and young to understand the situation.

Idea 4: Mr. McIrish is under the influence of drugs/alcohol and loses his life, because of it.

Idea 5: On the night Fiona ran away, he consumed too much and got out to look for them in a bad state. During the run, he caught up with the women and tried to pull them home. It ended in a fight, where Mr. McIrish fell down on the ground or off a cliff. (In their quarter there is one near actually)

Idea 5.1: He dies from the fall of the cliff

Idea 5.2: He is left on the ground unconscious and he suffocates due to the stomach's release of the consumption stuff. (A.k.a he puked)

Idea 6: Claire Ursine could have been part of this story and understood Fiona's problem as she eventually had a similar story with her neighbor Jared Frio. She could have been present during the situation and helped out with civil courage.

End Note:

I have no idea how accurate this is. I do have a feeling, that this is a very plausible theory to be canon or at least logical to this. I don't know what other people see behind this, similar, the same or something else.

BONUS PICTURE, Because it came random in the game once. 🤯

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes from Stephen King’s “On Writing” 07: The Revision Process

Next, King walks us through his revision process. He makes it clear that this method is not the only method. It is merely a method. 

How Many Drafts?

“For me, the answer has always been two drafts and a polish (with the advent of word-processing technology, my polishes have become closer to a third draft).”

King admits that this number of drafts is not the golden rule. Kurt Vonnegut rewrote each page of his novels until he got them exactly the way he wanted them. This meant that when the manuscript was finished, the book was finished. (I certainly am not that big of a perfectionist, nor am I that patient lol.)

For beginner writers in particular, King offers the following advice:

“Let me urge that you take your story through at least two drafts; the one you do with the study door closed and the one you do with it open.

“This first draft--the All-Story Draft--should be written with no help (or interference) from anyone else. There may come a point when you want to show what you’re doing to a close friend because you’re proud of what you’re doing or because you’re doubtful about it. My best advice is to resist this impulse. Keep the pressure on; don’t lower it by exposing what you’ve written to the doubt, the praise, or even the well-meaning questions of someone from the Outside World. Let your hope of success (and your fear of failure) carry you on, difficult as that can be. There’ll be time to show off what you’ve done when you finish...but even after finishing I think you must be cautious and give yourself a chance to think while the story is still like a field of freshly fallen snow, absent of any tracks save your own.”

Basically, King just wants you to get it all out onto the paper, with no external forces influencing you (for better or for worse). Just get that first draft out, and then open it up for closer examination both to yourself and others.

Let It Breathe and Then Dig In!

Okay, so you finished writing the first draft! Celebrate! Rejoice! Maybe cry!

...And then throw that manuscript into a drawer, lock it up tight, and don’t look at it for a minimum of six weeks. And in the meantime, do something totally unrelated to what you wrote. Get into knitting. Write a short story that is nothing like what you just finished. It’s consumed you for months now--so give your mind and imagination some time to reset and chill. 

King recommends a minimum of six weeks, but even longer is okay. Resist all temptation to peek at it. And once the six weeks have passed, do the following:

“Take your manuscript out of the drawer. If it looks like an alien relic bought at a junk-shop or a yard sale where you can hardly remember stopping, you’re ready. Sit down with your door shut, a pencil in your hand, and a legal pad by your side. Then read your manuscript over.

“Do it all in one sitting, if possible. Make all the notes you want, but concentrate on the mundane housekeeping jobs, like fixing misspellings and picking up inconsistencies. There’ll be plenty; only God gets it right the first time and only a slob says, ‘oh well, let it go, that’s what copyeditors are for.’

“If you’ve never done it before, you’ll find reading your book over after a six-week layover to be a strange, often exhilarating experience. It’s yours, you’ll recognize it as yours, even be able to remember what tune was on the stereo when you wrote certain lines, and yet it will also be like reading the work of someone else, a soul-twin, perhaps. This is the way it should be, the reason you waited. It’s always easier to kill someone else’s darlings than it is to kill your own.”

You’ll also be on the lookout for any glaring holes in the plot or character development. And if you spot any of these big holes, you are forbidden from feeling depressed about them. Don’t be hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes, and they can all be fixed. 

Generally King goes through the first reading fixing all the superficial issues, like typos and unclear antecedents. But as he’s doing that, he’s also asking himself the Big Questions:

Is this story coherent? 

If it is, what will turn coherence into a song?

What are the recurring elements?

Do they entwine and make a theme?

What’s it all about?

“Most of all, I’m looking for what I meant, because in the second draft I’ll want to add scenes and incidents that reinforce that meaning. I’ll also want to delete stuff that goes in other directions. There’s apt to be a lot of that stuff, especially near the beginning of a story, when I have a tendency to flail.”

I can understand what King is saying here about the flailing at the beginning. Because I do not plot when I write, I have ideas that crop up halfway through that would require being introduced earlier, for example. Or perhaps as my understanding of the characters evolved as I wrote more, I realize that they behaved out-of-character earlier on. This is certainly one downside to not plotting. But isn’t is also kinda liberating to be able to take detours and wind up at a different but equally interesting destination?

Okay. So go ahead and fix all of the issues you found, and your first revision is complete.

Second Opinions and the Second Revision

“Do all opinions weigh the same? Not for me.”

Now you’re done with the first draft. You’ve patched over any plot holes and smoothed out those typos and grammar mistakes. You’ve polished the symbols and themes until they shine.

Once this is done, King gives a copy of work to his wife and several close friends (4-8) to receive detailed feedback. In other words, he has several close friends beta for him. 

“Many writing texts caution against asking friends to read your stuff, suggesting you’re not apt to get a very unbiased opinion from folks who’ve eaten dinner at your house and sent their kids over to play with your kids in your backyard. 

“The idea has some validity, but I don’t think an unbiased opinion is exactly what I’m looking for. And I believe that most people smart enough to read a novel are also tactful enough to find a gentler mode of expression than ‘This sucks.’ Besides, if you really did write a stinker, wouldn’t you rather hear the news from a friend while the entire edition consists of a half-dozen Xerox copies?”

What he gets back is 4-8 very detailed and different analyses of what he wrote. What’s very important to remember is that every reader looks at a work through a different lens. If half of them say a character’s portrayal is far-fetched but the other half say the opposite, than their feedback regarding that point has balanced out. However, if the majority of them say that something doesn’t work, then King goes back and sees if he can improve it. 

Also, different readers pick up on different details. This is the age of internet and now we are able to check facts whenever we like, but it is still nice to have something of a subject matter expert on hand, because they are liable to pick up on details that the writer may not. 

For example, I often beta fanfiction for anime. I am fluent in Japanese, live in Japan, and have studied Japanese culture and history. While I would never claim to be a “subject matter expert” on Japan, I am able to make certain corrections regarding, say, the type of kimono a character should be wearing, that the writer would not have considered. 

It’s very easy to accept feedback that deals with facts (i.e. a beta corrects you on the standard procedures for CPR). However, it’s much harder to handle subjective feedback (i.e. “The ending felt inconclusive.”). Having put as much work as you have into creating this, it can feel like a personal attack because this story is a very dear part of you. What do you do if your beta tells you something like this?

“Subjective evaluations are, as I say, a little harder to deal with, but listen: if everyone who reads your book says you have a problem, you’ve got a problem and you better do something about it.

“Plenty of writers resist this idea. They feel that revising a story according to the likes and dislikes of an audience is somehow akin to prostitution. ... But come on, we’re talking about half a dozen people you know and respect. If you ask the right ones, they can tell you a lot.

“Do all opinions weigh the same? Not for me. In the end I listen most closely to [my wife], because she’s the one I write for, the one i want to wow. If you’re writing primarily for one person besides yourself, I advise you pay very close attention to that person’s opinion. And if what you hear makes sense, then make the changes. You can’t let the whole world into your story, but you can let in the ones that matter the most. And you should.”

I think, especially in the age of prolific fanfiction in which the author usually updates as they write the story, the author feels a lot of pressure from their readers. Readers chomping at the bit for the main characters to have a naughty scene, or demanding to know about that one secret thing that you keep alluding to. A lot of fanfic writers struggle to tow the line of “writing a good story based on reader feedback” and “pandering.” 

My advice to fanfic writers out there is to tell those thirsty readers to read a one-shot if they’re looking for a quick fix of smut, and to have some goddamn patience. You’re trying to tell a story, one that builds and progresses, and that takes time. Don’t give in to those “OMG MAKE THEM KISS ALREADY” reviews. But if a lot of readers say something like, “I feel like this character wouldn’t do that,” then perhaps you should re-evaluate that. 

On Pace and Reducing Glut

“Formula: 2nd Draft = 1st Draft - 10%.”

So now you have your first draft done. You have your feedback from your trusted betas. And now you need to go and make the final changes. 

King states that you should rely on your most trusted betas to gauge whether or not your story is paced correctly and if you’ve handled the back story in satisfactory fashion. “Pace” is the speed at which your narrative unfolds. 

”There is a kind of unspoken (hence undefended and unexamined) belief in publishing circles that the most commercially successful stories are novels are fast-paced. I guess the underlying thought is that people have so many things to do today, and are so easily distracted from the printed word, that you’ll lose them unless you become a kind of short-order cook, serving up sizzling burgers, fries, and eggs over easy just as fast as you can. 

“But you can overdo the speed thing. Move too fast and you risk leaving the reader behind, either by confusing or by wearing him/her out. ... I believe each story should be allowed to unfold at its own pace, and that pace is not always double time. Nevertheless, you need to beware--if you slow the pace down too much, even the most patient reader is apt to grow restive.”

So how can you strike a happy medium? Rely on your most trusted betas and their input. King says, “Every story and novel is collapsible to some degree. If you can’t get out ten percent of it while retaining the basic story and flavor, you’re not trying very hard. The effect of judicious cutting is immediate and often amazing. You’ll feel it and your betas will too.”

On backstory, King issues some opinions and advice:

It’s important to get the backstory in as quickly as possible, but it’s also important to do it with some grace.

A reader is more interested in what’s going to happen instead of what already did.

Even when you tell your story in a straightforward manner, you’ll discover you can’t escape at least some backstory. 

“The most important things to remember about backstory are that (a) everyone has a history and (b) most of it isn’t very interesting. Stick to the parts that are, and don’t get carried away with the rest.”

Source: King, Stephen. On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. Hodder, 2012.

[lovenona]

me, waking up: oh another day. then, after reading your answer: HOLY SHIT. guess i'm now the loving ramble enabler (LRE?). and DO NOT apologize for being passionate about smt that makes you happy you lovely human being that u are! hearing you ramble (how many times will i use this word idek) about the creation process made my day dammit! and i can assure you, reading about it is as good as reading the masterpiece itself, especially considering how good you are at manifesting the vibes (tm) (pt1)

(pt 2 bc word count sucks) how did you first get interested in pirate history? (if you don't mind me asking ofc) *slides 15 bucks* please, be my guest. do tell us more about the writing/revision process. sincerely, a genuinely interested person currently wondering why the fuck tumblr won't let her do a paragraph break. have a lovely night/day!

bestie ur rly enabling me 😭 ur so sweet skSJKAJSk i will tell u so much under this god damn cut 

first because this is the easy response: how did u get interested in pirate history????

short answer: keira knightley in pirates of the caribbean BYE 💀

long answer: it’s basically a mix of those movies being a centerpiece of my childhood and me just thinking pirates are cool SKJSKAj i’m very much into history n my uni had a course on ‘history of pirates’ last spring so i took it as smth to do during quarantine and i ended up really loving it !!! i’m actually workin on historical fiction short story abt anne bonny and mary read rn which required me to do a lot more research on pirates (under the black flag by david cordingly is a very good book on piracy!) and my research has been very interesting just in general and for writing the odyssey – i've incorporated little historical tidbits here n there to add to the world-building :’)

next: ur writing process

ok so let’s go cray besties i’m going to tell u abt the life of adele writing the odyssey!!!! i’ll try talking abt this in some semblance of a logical step-by-step

1. manifesting vibes + outline

i talked abt this last time but manifesting the vibes is very important ! the first things i like to do when getting ready to write a new chapter is define the setting – place(s), weather, time, and general mood 

while i have a pretty good idea of how many chapters it will be and where the odyssey ends, i usually don’t plan a chapter in super great detail until it’s time to sit down n write it. i have general points of people to include + things that would be important to the plot + vibes i hope to include (parts 6 and 7 r gonna SLAP!!), but these never get fleshed out until it’s Time. my outlines are therefore usually not very detailed because i like to give the odyssey room to do its own thing – i find it important that the story takes its time and we get to the important stuff whenever it wants us to. an outline will usually b something like, in the case of the furies call part 2: 

find megumi, talk abt his role in the zenin clan – naoya arrives on shore and shit hits the fan – run to find mai, maki fights her father – fight between naoya and todou – todou dies because you can’t kill naoya – sukuna rescues reader and it ends

after i have smth that looks like this as well as a decently clear idea of how everything will look and feel we get started!!

2. writing (pain)

arguably the worst stage for any creator! writing! at this point i genuinely just let go and let god tbh. i have no idea how i do things at this stage other than see how many commas + dumb poetic phrases i can include SKKSJKA – sometimes things just happen and it’s really cool!! for example in part 4 i didn’t know the guns warehouse was going to blow up until i was writing it and it just happened 

i do have a set quota of words i meet every time i sit down to write so that i A. feel accomplished and happy when i'm done, even if it sucks and B. don’t get burnout and start hating what i do. this stage is always difficult because writing is just hard and takes a lot of brainpower and self-discipline </3

i wld say the hardest part is that i run the risk of getting very overwhelmed – by the complexities of the plot, by how fucking long it takes me to write, by how much work writing itself is ! for example, abt 7k or so into part 5 i started having the worst existential dread when i realized that this chapter was not even halfway done and i wld have to surpass 15k before it was (at the time of writing this, part 5 is 16.3 💀) it just gets hard sometimes to overcome that and maintain the motivation to keep going and know that everything will be fine when it’s done – thankfully everyone here is so patient and sweet so it makes me feel better when i'm taking forever and/or need time off <333

basically, as always, the pain of writing is just having to write and come to terms with the fact no one else is going to manifest it for u. and have fun too!! writing is only fun when ur writing what u think is cool 

3. revision (less pain)

one of the fun stages, but also the point when i start to become impatient! writing an odyssey chapter can easily take 2.5-3 weeks even if i'm writing my quota every single day (part 5 took roughly 3 weeks of writing every god damn afternoon) and after that i spend another few weeks just going back and rereading/fixing everything. 

i basically start by rereading sections of the chapter to change sentence structure, grammar, dialogue, or whatever else i don’t like – sometimes sentences sound stupid or certain things don’t make a whole lot of sense so i like to go back and polish up! for example i changed the arrival of maki/mai/nobara in furies call part 1 about ten times before i decided it made sense to me

this step can be horrendous because i'll often write things really shitty in the first draft with a “i’ll come back to this later” mindset and then get mad at myself later for being a hoe <//3

in essence, i'm a horrible perfectionist so i will usually reread everything and change or add things multiple times before i think i'm finally ready to share. most of the time, as the chapter gets closer and closer to completion i become more and more hyper-fixated on it – i’ll start spending almost all of my free time just rereading and looking for minor fixes or places that don’t vibe as well. 

at the end of this step, my favorite thing to do before i queue the chapter up to post is sit down and just read the entire thing once or twice and give it one last kiss before i send her off into the world <3

so anyway there’s my ted talk of how i usually make the odyssey ! i vibe, write, revise n take forever to do all three steps but that’s just part of the fun! thank u for tuning in if u have any other questions u wld like me to overshare on i am more than happy to talk abt it :’)

[fierceawakening]

Fair! I’ve definitely changed my views on multiples from reading their blogs, so… seconded. I’m still a little unsure whether I think alters are wholly distinct selves, but I don’t have to know that to think that taking people seriously when they say they have them is reasonable.

But this didn’t work for me about the tumblrs of people who claim to have npd and ASPD (I say claim because conventional wisdom is they don’t generally seek help because they tend to think everyone else has the problem, which leaves me a little confused about where lots of people talking about it as a disability identity would come from. The only person I’ve met that I’m pretty certain had an NPD diagnosis had this sort of attitude. “County mental health says I have NPD. Bullshit. I’m ACTUALLY a higher breed than the others. Can’t be a delusion if it’s true.”)

The reason it didn’t work for me is both what I noticed people saying and what I didn’t, which I’ll get into more detail about below:

Here are some things people with PDs have said that eventually led me to feel so uncomfortable I stopped actively reading their blogs. I’m doing my best here to be vague so as not to identify anyone, but I want to give examples to show you I’ve tried and it didn’t change my mind, so you can argue with knowledge about whether you think it would be wise for me to try again or not:

People who are not my partner are NPCs. It’s difficult to remind myself they are real.

I think it’s funny when animals get mildly hurt, because I lack empathy. I still love my pets though.

Why do neurotypicals cry at funerals? It’s so hard to mask!

I don’t know why my ex boyfriend was sad when his dad died. He dumped me over this. I want him back. How do I better understand so I can keep him?

I’m so afraid of abandonment that I manipulate people into not leaving me. I know you value consent, but you don’t understand. It’s too painful for me to let them leave me.

I’m tempted to behave cruelly all the time, but I don’t. I’m not going to give you anyone to double check “I don’t” with, though. Trust my blogging.

I mask all the time. If you saw what’s under my mask, you’d be afraid of me. But I’m good, because I mask.

I’m such a perfectionist that I’d rather believe everyone else is inferior than acknowledge I make mistakes. It’s too painful for me to do that. So I believe I’m superior.

Again, I’ve tried to keep these generic enough that they don’t identify individuals. If you can tell who any are, please DO NOT say so. I a, talking about my boundaries, not trying to arm hate mobs.

Are these things deal breakers for everyone everywhere ever? No.

But they’re things it upsets and scares me to hear, so I stopped forcing myself to read them to try and make myself less ableist. These are things that would make me think someone’s an asshole that I have to try to pretzel myself into thinking don’t “because disability means you can’t change.”

But if these people can’t change these things I don’t want to be around them.

And then there’s the thing I notice by its absence:

These blogs claim over and over that they’re as compassionate as more neurotypical people, including that having a name and description of their PD helps them to know where tjr6 might mess up and correct it.

All of that’s great!

But I don’t see them ever say, “my partner was upset with me this week because I didn’t notice they were sad. Here’s how I realized things had gone south, here’s what I did to take responsibility and fix it, and here’s where things stand now.”

That is, from what I’ve seen, these bloggers tend to talk about how the pain in their lives is everyone else’s fault, but not about what they do wrong sometimes and how they fix it.

Which is suspicious to me precisely because not taking responsibility for having hurt others seems to be part of the symptomatology!

But that COULD be incorrect or off or misleading. (People who say PDs are inherently neutral tend to make comparisons to drapetomania, the pathologizing of enslaved persons who desired freedom. When freedom is a perfectly normal thing for someone somebody enslaved to want.)

Which is why I’m looking not for blogs but for hard data. What do I have wrong? If it’s true that psychiatry as a system views these people incorrectly or unfairly, where’s the body of evidence people are building up to prove this?

If they’re not… the whole thing strikes me as a grift. Using the word “ableism” to shut off people’s critical thinking because no one wants to be accused of isms and most of us will bend over backwards to prove we’re good leftists.

It’s super creepy to me especially as someone who HAS experienced blatant ableism of the “you’ll never deserve good grades in phys ed because part of gym is talent and you have none” “you’re a cripple, I can’t help cripples” etc. sort.

Ableism isn’t “expecting you to take responsibility for being hurtful even though your illness makes you want to blame them.” Ableism is “you described how you tried your best to do so and what was making it difficult, and instead of recognizing your efforts someone laughed in your face.”

The whole empathy thing reminds me of a lot of anti-gay or anti-trans posts. People say that gay or trans people won’t do certain things, and I look at gay or trans people IRL and they are doing those things. You say people without empathy won’t care for other people, and I look at people who don’t have empathy and they demonstrate care for other people. You can go the route of “these people are lying to themselves when they say they don’t have empathy,” but I think that’s as unfair as “these people are lying to themselves when they say they’re gay.”

Okay, can you answer some questions for me then?

Lack of empathy is often cited as a symptom of disorders that make healthy intimate relationships difficult for people who have it. This is most often described from what research I’ve done as leading to behavior that the other partner in the intimate relationship finds damaging—that they’re ignored, their partner insults or degrades them, their partner takes advantage of them for resources or support but doesn’t provide these things in turn, etc.

IF this is the type of behavior that lack of empathy leads to, THEN it would make sense that professionals would exhort people not to get into intimate relationships with them—to keep things at the acquaintance level, to “go gray rock,” etc.

You’re asserting that lack of empathy doesn’t lead to these sorts of behavior.

This is big! If you’re right, I’m wrong. Absolutely! Totally! Completely! If you’re right i’m not only a jerk but also an idiot.

So tell me, please, so we can settle this: what behaviors do people do as a result of lack of empathy? Which behaviors lead clinicians to note a lack of empathy?

Being gay, from what I can tell, leads to one or both of two main behaviors: having sex with someone of the same sex and/or gender, and entering an intimate relationship with someone of the same sex and/or gender.

These are neutral behaviors, and ones that suppressing can’t be done without harm. So homosexuality, the term for someone prone to these behaviors, is harmless.

Can you explain the behaviors that result from lack of empathy in a way that helps me see in detail that they’re also neutral?

That would be the best way to most clearly change my mind.

[glutaminase]

first of all, let me say I am in love with your writing!!! It is phenomenal and I am forever in awe. I want to get into writing Dani/Jamie fics but I’m having trouble Getting Started. I haven’t written for fun in so long, and I’m struggling with where/how to get in a creative headspace. Do you have any suggestions for me? oh also I’m afraid of failure and being unsatisfied with my work so :>)

Wow thank u! I’m honored that you think i could possibly think i could be of help hahah. I totally understand where you’re coming from though - before writing for bly, i hadn’t written anything creatively for like, YEARS. Last March is when i first started thinking about writing again cuz suddenly i had all these time and then I...simply didn’t do anything for another 8 months lol. Just based off my own personal experience i’d say: 

start small & with manageable expectations: the first thing i posted on ao3, fall and fixture, was actually initially written back in october right after bly came out, and it was supposed to be part of some sort of sprawling, long fix-it; i had very ambitious mental expectations for it but then it wouldn’t go where I wanted it to go (because I hadn’t written shit in years! I did not have the skills to write anything longer than 10k words lmfao) so I got discouraged and gave up on it. In December I reread it and i was like, u know what, no this isn’t what I wanted it to be but it’s still Something so i might as well clean it up and let it see the light of day. And I feel like getting past that initial mental barrier of wanting perfection and just being like “fuck it i made something” really helped me to trust my ideas and the value of my writing enough to write more after that. So I guess my concrete suggestion there is to just get down whatever tf you have in mind, even if it’s just disparate scenes or even if it seems terrible to you, bc sometimes u just have to shit out something if only to prove to yourself that you can do it! And you have to get it out of your head and onto the page in order to work on it and improve it. 

I feel like if you go into it with super high expectations then it’s very easy to give up on ideas before you even start on them, but it’s like, your ideas have inherent value just by virtue of Being Ideas - it’s worthy to create the art you want to create because otherwise it wouldn’t exist, etc. If u start with something small and manageable you can work on shaking off the rust (since u said u haven’t written in a while) without saddling yourself with a project that’s beyond your grasp currently. Even if that means just writing and publishing a single scene, or something based on a single, easily-solved trope or conflict. Right now the hardest thing for me, still, is accepting that there are some things that I am just going to be bad at as a writer until I do it enough and can learn through the process of sucking at it a lot, but i think it’s an important thing to understand so that you can accept that it’s valuable to write stuff you want to even if you’re unsatisfied with it yourself

read other stuff that inspires you: Reading a fuck ton of excellent fic (not published writing, as much as i love it, because I’m a perfectionist and if my favorite actual books were the standards I held my fic to, I’d stop entirely LMAO) always helps put me in that creative headspace, just in terms of getting personally excited about writing. Also, thinking critically about why i like the things i like helps too! Like, if I can pinpoint that a story is really affecting me because of a certain theme or aesthetic, i can then take that aspect of it and translate it to something I can write myself & be excited about (and, selfishly, be like ‘maybe something EYE will write something this good’ lol)

As for failure - there’s 100% no fail-state when it comes to writing or creative work imo, and even moreso with fanfic. Like the worst thing that will happen is something doesn’t get as much attention as you want, but even if that happens...you still wrote it and can always write more and get better. Plus, again, art has inherent value just by virtue of being art. i remind myself of this when I feel like i’m not Saying Anything with something i’m writing - you’re creating something new no matter how you feel about it, and it’s valuable and worth writing because of that. Re: being unsatisfied with your work...I am unsatisfied with everything I write literal minutes after I post it so I feel like that’s just a little inevitable LOL but again.. u have to at least attempt it in order to get better! The cool thing about fanfic is that it’s such a low-pressure, low-stakes environment to try being creative; like you can literally slap whatever up on ao3 and still have an audience, especially for a fandom as small as bly, which i think is really cool! We’re all learning and making art together! amazing 

Also, this document of writing advice is always my go-to whenever i’m stuck or just need other words of wisdom. I’ve found it really helpful to read other writers (vastly more skilled than me) talk about their processes, especially when it comes to the initial parts of drafting, because it helps make writing feel more attainable to everyone rather than something magical that only a few people are blessed with the ability to do

This is really long and meandering lmao. I think it all just boils down to Just Do It, which is easier said than done but is also true! I hope at least some of this was helpful to you, and if not feel free to hit me up again if u have more specific questions or anything. 

[flowerslightning]

The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @goryglory19

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a locomotive shape. this means that you're a very ambitious person, with a lot of energy. pluto has a big influence on you, and your life revolves around understanding your feelings, transformation and emotional growth. the empty part of your life is what you have to develop, hence your family, financial life, your self-esteem and also your communication and thinking style.

your dominant planets are the sun, mars and jupiter. you are definitely a very charismatic person, it's easy for you to draw attention to you as you have a strong presence. you probably have a very bubbly personality, but you are also quite competitive and motivated to achieve your goals.

your dominant sign is aries. you may have a reputation for being impulsive and straight-forward. you don't like beating around the bush, especially when people purposely get on your nerves. on the other hand, you're very loyal and generous when it comes to your loved ones. you're very opinionated, and you always wanna make sure that your voice is heard. you're proud of yourself.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and independence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in leo, 5° / 1st decan ruled by the sun

you’re an extremely confident and bright person, or at least you have a very strong aura around you that makes you look like you are. you have exceptional charisma and presence, in fact this is usually a celebrity placement! you surely don’t go overlooked. you naturally always try your best to make people feel at ease, and you mostly succeed thanks to your warmth, which makes you even more attractive. you probably like being recognized, and you may want to be famous. in fact, you like being in the spotlight and loaded with compliments and appreciation, they incredibly boost your self-confidence. your charisma may sometimes be too noticeable, resulting a bit dramatic; you may gesticulate a lot, imitate voices… basically, you would do amazing at acting, for example. in fact, most celebrities have a leo rising, or leo placements of any sort. you’re very playful, you most likely look younger than you are for your personality. you may also be a savage, and you’re most likely good at jokes of any kind. you appear as a very bubbly and outgoing person, yet you may be quite secretive. you don’t open up easily, especially about family / private matters. especially with your water influence, you’re very picky when it comes to trusting people. in addition, you’re a perfectionist; you care a lot about everything that revolves around you, from physical appearance to your job, you want it all to be perfect. that can cause you a lot of stress, as you always want to seem at your best state, you despise being seen as weak or unprepared. physically, all leos have beautiful hair. you may have curly, perhaps red or dark hair, or at least it’s very thick. you may also get tanned easily, an olive skin tone or any kind of warm undertones to your skin. you may have full, plump lips, or at least they have a defined cupid’s bow. you may also have pretty long eyelashes and big, watery eyes.

leo ascendant square taurus mars: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. this manifests both in your face and in your words. you could say things impulsively, and sometimes you're too blunt and hurt people's feelings. you don't do it on purpose, though, there's no malice behind your acts; it's just your natural way to express your opinions. on the other hand, you probably have a very strong charisma to you that makes you look very captivating and bold. people see you as a leader, and hence they could get intimidated by your presence. to cope with this placement, you can try controlling yourself and your words before speaking. I'm aware that it's a way to vent your anger, but you can find another way that doesn't hurt others.

🌞 sun in pisces, 28° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and pluto

this is the most intuitive pisces decan. you understand people’s thoughts just by looking at them, it’s like you’re staring at their souls. in fact, you’re extremely empathetic, you probably find yourself being a psychologist for your friends. or maybe, you’re actually a psychologist. you’re easy-going and you have great social skills; I don’t see you being extremely extroverted, but you don’t mind hanging out with your friends. you’re amazingly creative and imaginative, you have the ability to picture your ideas. this is an amazing talent, in fact most artists have pisces placements. the downside to pisces is that I’ve noticed that, since they know they’re vulnerable, they have the tendency to lie. they don’t do it out of cruelty of course, it’s a sort way to protect their ego. you could want to be seen as bolder than you are, hence you could struggle with identity crisis, especially during your teenage years. you have your own morals and beliefs, but you could feel influenced by others to change yours. luckily, this is something that gets better with time, as you start being more aware of your persona and you start loving yourself. you're most probably a very complex individual; after all, pisces is the most 'confusing' of all the signs. you're a sort of chameleon; you act differently based on where you are and who you're with. you could be a savage with someone, an introvert with someone else. you may even feel as if there's something wrong with your mind, as you just wish you could be like others. you should focus more on pisces' positive traits, though; you're extremely compassionate and considerate. you're emotionally intelligent, and this mutability of yours could make you succeed at many different jobs in your life, as it's very easy for you to adapt to and master new things. if you work hard, you can surely succeed in anything you want.

pisces sun square cancer jupiter: this is a hard aspect, which could make you feel even more proud of yourself due to your fire dominance. you may feel like the universe is constantly against you, especially with your pessimistic pisces sun. you may feel unlucky, or even overindulge in things you like to cope with sadness or anger. you may have the tendency to overeat, buy useless things etc. you go from having a low self-esteem, to even looking very bossy without even realizing it. you struggle to keep your identity balanced, even though you might have not been aware of it at first. to achieve fortune and joy in life, you need to work hard for it. to do so, you have to learn your karmic lessons in this lifetime, which probably revolve around family issue and their impact on your interactions with others.

🌙 moon in taurus, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and mercury

the moon is exalted in taurus, so it's definitely a good placement! you're very peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. this placement makes you crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you must be very stubborn, as taurus is a fixed sign. this placement, paired with your imaginative leo energy, makes you settle on making your ideas concrete, and it's very beneficial. it makes you capable of achieving any goals in your life. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete. last but not least, you're amazingly patient, and that makes you a great friend. probably, they vent a lot of their worries to you, as you're also a great listener.

taurus moon conjunct taurus mars: you aim for greatness. this is where your strong desire to be the #1 comes from, pretty much. you're very proud of yourself, and you don't like to acknowledge your mistakes. you always want to look like you have your life together, even in certain moments when you feel lost. I would say that this is a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you can literally go as far as forcing a smile if it shows the world that you can stand by yourself. overall, I would say you deal with your emotions in a very 'child-like' way; after all, mars is pretty self-centered. you tend to preserve yourself more, unless someone really special to you is involved. you're also very honest, you speak from your heart. while it's a positive trait, you may be too blunt and ruin your relationships because of that. you're both smart and fast, hence you may get annoyed when people mishear or misunderstand your words.

🗣 mercury in pisces, 10° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and the moon

you have the potential to be very focused on something thanks to your taurus energy, but your heavy neptune influence may interfer in that. in fact, you probably lose yourself in your own thoughts very often, starting daydreaming instead of doing what you have to do. you’re very creative and artistic, and you’re also able to fully convey your emotions in your words, even though it may be perceived as confusing sometimes. that’s because not everyone is as empathetic as you are. on the other hand, you may have the tendency to lie, or just being confusing in any way. you may not always express what you want crystal clear, as you want to able to modify the story just in case you encounter some hardships. also, you never truly express your feelings, probably out of fear. probably, the way you elaborate your thoughts is also influenced by your family and the impact they had on you. you’re always vague, and you keep your private matters for yourself. pisces is a mutable sign, so you may also find yourself changing ideas often, your mind wanders from one thought to another. you are very intuitive, and you may even have some sort of psychic talent. you could do well at reading tarots, birth charts etc. your voice is probably naturally loud, it's hard not to listen to you. also, since your mercury is squaring pluto, you could be quite impulsive sometimes and say things you actually don't mean. you could argue often with others due to this trait of yours, you get defensive very easily. on the other hand, you most likely have a nice sense of humor at least.

pisces mercury square gemini saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into trouble. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your fire energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often with others, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking with others more at work, anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

pisces mercury square sagittarius pluto: you may become a bit manipulative. you probably don’t even realize it, though, as you have the ability to make people do what you want them to do. you probably love being right, especially during arguments, and you always manage to be so thanks to your skills. your words are like knives for others, they can truly cut deep through their ego. you’re direct and blunt, as you just say what you have in mind with no filters. you can develop a provocative attitude without even realizing it, which can obviously cause you conflicts. you need to be more careful about how you communicate your ideas, otherwise you could seriously damage other people’s self-esteem. on the other hand, if you acknowledge your flaws and work on them, this can actually turn into diplomacy. take advantage of your interest in your inner self to find out how to be a bit more gentle in choosing your words.

❤️ venus in aries, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and jupiter

with venus in aries, loving you is an adventure. you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. this placement may even give you the reputation of being a player, but I don't think it's your case based on your others placements. you have to understand that relationships can get boring, but that's not necessarily a red flag. it just means you two are starting to feel comfortable together. you also enjoy physical contact, therefore cold partners are a no no for you. you need someone who's affectionate yet bold, and that would spoil you with attention and gifts. you enjoy the little things about love, such as remembering your anniversary or even giving you small presents, especially if they're homemade (like breakfast, poems etc.). you also try to avoid flaky people, as you don't like making relationships seem too light.

aries venus square cancer jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you be good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the cloud. yet, thanks to your taurus energy, you still manage to find some motivation to do your work.

💥 mars in taurus, 12° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and mercury

with taurus mars, you may actually despise working too much. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste time to argue with someone. most taurus mars tend to be quite passive, yet I don't think it's your case. I imagine that with your heavy aries and leo energy, you've got a hot temper. you may try to avoid conflicts, but once someone gets on your nerves it's over for them. you're very unpredictable from this point of view, it's hard to decipher you. you may be more verbally aggressive than physically, though.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in leo. with this placement, you care a lot about your persona, both physically and also mentally too. yet, you may start feeling like you need to be perfect at all costs to be accepted, especially during your early years. for example, you may be the type to follow fashion trends to look cool, and you may subconsciously force yourself to like them. you need to understand that you should enhance your individuality, and ask yourself who you are. it’s not all about who you are outside, the inside matters even more. you’re free to stand out, but make sure that you do it in a comfortable way for you, or it will start becoming toxic as time goes by.

your 2nd house is in leo. your self-esteem depends on matters like money, possessions, as well as your influence on others. you may feel confident when you’re praised and spoiled with compliments and material things, you may enjoy being in the spotlight as it increases your self-confidence, even though you’re quite shy so you don’t feel very at ease. you feel confident when you’re able to earn money and you’re financially stable, and hence you probably felt guilty as a child to ask your parents for money for example. you probably love luxury, you aspire to become very wealthy, live in the house of your dreams, etc. you could also dream of becoming famous. and actually, with this placement, you could make money from leo-related matters, and hence being in the spotlight, creativity (especially theatre / drama), comedy, etc.

your 3rd house is in virgo. you’re very precise and polite in the way you express your thoughts. you’re probably very careful to grammar, vocabulary etc… you love looking and being knowledgeable. you’re more of a logical type rather than an intuitive person, you hardly ever do something only out of curiosity. you’re very cautious about the decisions you make, and hence it could take you some time to finally choose something, but that’s because you just don’t want to regret anything. you think deeply about your choices, and most of the time they turn out to be right. you’re strongly opinionated, but you may be a bit too harsh when you express your ideas. sometimes you could even hurt someone, as you’re extremely honest. you don’t like sugar-coating your words. you’re also very intelligent and hard-working, and you can’t stand messy things. you’re probably very neat, you like having schedules and you may even keep an agenda / diary where you keep track of your appointments and other things you have to do.

your 4th house is in libra. your physical home was probably very pleasant and beautiful; you may have a conventionally beautiful family, or at least they’re particularly attractive and charming. your house may also be very well-designed and elegant, doesn’t matter how big it is. you probably see your parents as ideal, they are your role models and you look up to them. perhaps, it could be that you felt misunderstood, maybe your parents were a bit materialistic or lacked empathy, but overall you had a great childhood, you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings if you have them. it could also be that you dated lots of people when you were a teen, or at least you had lots of friends. you certainly have lovely memories of your early years, and your parents most likely have a good relationship too.

your 5th house is in scorpio, with also your pluto being here. your hobbies most likely include self-expression of any kind, anything that you consider private is told through your creativity. also, with scorpio in this house, you may as well be attracted to darker hobbies like astrology, tarots… possibly, you may be into thriller or even into horror. you may also like psychology, criminology… this type of things that are able to stimulate your mind in some way. you could possibly want to be a risk-taker, deep down. also, you want to become a master in what you like, and hence you tend to go extreme to become perfect. you may dedicate a lot of your spare time to your hobbies, for example, even if you have to work. your romantic relationships may be very intense, you could attract particularly jealous or even obsessive partners in your life. some of them may be painful, but they’ll be essential to become mature and grow up into a better, wiser person. in addition, I see you as the type of person who doesn’t like showing off their partner. you probably keep both your love interests and hobbies personal, you only talk a little about them to your close, trusted friends, especially with your pluto in this house that makes this energy even stronger.

your 6th house is in capricorn. usually, people with a capricorn 6th house are very responsible and work-oriented. they generally don’t leave much space to fun and amusement. you have a strong sense of duty, but thanks to your pisces influence you don’t overwork yourself. you’re able to find balance between work and hobbies, and that’s obviously great. yet, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. that can possibly cause you issues in your career; you may be indecisive about your future path for example, or you could even not be much precise in your work.

your 7th house is in aquarius, with also your neptune conjunct the descendant. you do like the idea of marriage and love, yet you need your space as well. you don’t want to feel committed in a relationship, it would be suffocating for you. that could make you appear as emotionally cold or detached, when you’re really not. you just care a lot about your personal growth, especially after your turbulent childhood. perhaps, you could even attract mentally unstable partners, they could be a bit moody for example. you may meet your future spouse in an unexpected situation, or perhaps you could meet them online through social media or a dating app. neptune is also here: you’re hopelessly romantic, to the point that you almost look naive. you’re not simply looking for a partner or spouse, you’re looking for a soulmate; someone you can literally communicate with just using your eyes, someone that knows how to make you feel even messier on the inside. you like to nurture and feel nurtured in a relationship. your ideal lover would be sensitive and empathetic, yet still with a sort of rebel vibe to them. this placement is indeed very lovely, but it has its downsides too, of course. the problem is, neptune makes you idealize your crushes/partners way too much, to the point that you create an image of someone in your head that turns out to be the opposite at the end. you ignore your partner’s flaws, as they seem perfect to you. neptune also attracts 'broken’ persons, so you may be prone to find yourself people with any kind of illness or addiction. you also have the tendency to fall for people who may hurt you because they’re unavailable, either physically or emotionally. you could possibly also crush on celebrities, movie characters etc. that’s because you’re more the type to fall in love with love, rather than with the actual person.

your 8th house is in aquarius, with also your mercury and uranus placed there. you could possibly have an unexpected yet barely painful death, or perhaps someone in your life has died / will die all of a sudden, you may often experience scenarios of this kind. possibly, you could even die due to electricity, and or at least it will be a very fast death, I don’t see it being violent or turbulent at all. or maybe, you’re surrounded by unpredictable events of loss of any kind in your life. that is, it could also happen with your money. it’s important not to risk too much with this placement, especially with gambling, or you may end up getting in serious problems. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams. you're extremely blunt and straight-forward, you may actually hurt people with your words. you probably lack diplomacy, and you're very realistic. the thing is, you speak the truth, but not everyone can accept it. you speak fluent sarcasm, and that could annoy people who don't understand your sense of humor. you're probably good at lying, and even manipulating people. you may often make others change their mind just with your own words, but be careful not to use this skill to hurt others, or you'll only experience a sense of guilt and overall the bad sides of it. on the other hand, you're an extremely captivating speaker, you'd be successful at anything that involves the use of words and voice. you're truly intuitive, and it's easy for you to understand when someone is being honest or is lying to you. last but not least, you're very secretive as well. you're probably the type to know everything and anything about others, while you remain a mystery.

your 9th house is in pisces, with also your venus and the sun sitting there. this is definitely a nice placement! the result is that you’re probably extremely open-minded and imaginative. you hardly ever have have prejudices, you don’t judge a book by its cover. you’re extremely opinionated, and combined with your virgo 3rd house you’re constantly looking for the truth. you hate it when people say something wrong for example, you can’t help but correct them. you could also be religious and believe in a god. philosophy, literature and poetry are also a part of your many interests. in addition, you’re most likely also into foreign languages and cultures. you could travel a lot, or perhaps with your pisces in the house cusp you like travelling with your mind. you probably literally create stories in your head, you’re extremely imaginative. a good advice would be not to waste this talent of yours; you could actually make your fantasies concrete and express them through creative outlets: books, drawings, songs, choreographies… basically, it would be a waste to only keep them for you. you may also learn about more creative topics rather than school subjects. you may be the type that likes making new experiences regarding love, and you often date your crushes. yet, you feel too limited in a relationship. you don't enjoy committing to someone if that someone isn't perfect for you, you're only completely loyal to the one you consider your true love. you can't give up your freedom, your thirst for adventure and experiences for someone else. basically, your ideal partner would be a risk-taker, someone loyal but not too clingy, that is down to go on a road trip in every moment. someone impulsive, that could help you stepping out of your comfort-zone. you may also find yourself being attracted to unavailable people; that is, you could fall for people that are already taken, or maybe they're physically unavailable, e.g they live abroad or in another city in general.

your 10th house is in aries, with also your moon and mars conjunction placed here. with your 10th house cusp in the energetic sign of aries, you need a career that allows you to be independent, you probably prefer working alone than in groups. or perhaps, you actually aspire to become a boss, a ceo, someone people look up to, and if you work hard you may actually become an influential person in your work place / field. you aspire to be successful and you want to be wealthy thanks to yourself only, and you may actually develop some good luck in your career life. your future job may also require something related to physical action, and hence you may have to move a lot for your job, perhaps you may pursue acting to include something creative that also requires you to move. the sun here also makes you gain a reputation for being responsible and mature, you have a strong charisma and you probably seem very put-together to others. the moon here also points out that you'll feel emotionally connected to your job, you're a very hard-working person and you'll invest most of your efforts in your career.

your 11th house is in taurus, saturn is also placed in this house. you could possibly attract people with taurus traits, and hence your friends could be quite stubborn and possessive, but also very loyal and responsible. they could possibly be wealthy, and they could have some artistic, creative interest and / or talent just like you. you may have some trust issues, you’re careful about who you trust, and hence you’re quite cautious about who you befriend. your long-term goals include financial stability, you may be quite materialistic as you enjoy wealth. yet, I assume that thanks to your water placements you’re not as work-focused as other earth placements, you actually also value emotions and feelings too. I feel like you probably have very big goals and dreams that you want to come true. yet, it may take you a while to achieve them. with your heavy saturn and 10th house placements in your chart, you're probably have to work harder than others to get what you want, but you can be sure that once you put in the effort, the universe is going to repay you double.

your 12th house is in cancer, with also jupiter placed here. you’re an extremely spiritual and intuitive person. you may be attracted to dreams, religion, astrology, spirituality… anything that can wake you up, spiritually speaking. you may also be particularly talented at reading birth charts, tarots, even talking to spirits. you may have prophetic dreams, or you could even have deja-vus. the 12th house is also the house of fears, so having cancer here indicates that you may be afraid of your childhood, emotions, past memories. perhaps, even of your home environment or directly of your parents. it’s a part of your life that you’d rather keep secret. you may also have some escapism tendencies, such as oversleeping, overeating… or perhaps, you could easily develop addictions, so be careful to that, as you’re particularly sensitive to drugs, alcohol etc.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract capricorn, leo, virgo, scorpio and pisces placements and/or traits. your future spouse will most likely have leo and virgo traits or placements, maybe a leo-virgo cusp. they’ll be very similiar to you: secretive and hard-working, but also with a warm, loyal heart and a hidden insecurity to them. you may meet them at work, or perhaps even abroad. perhaps they could be foreign, or maybe you're going to meet them on vacation. your children will most likely have strong scorpio traits: they’ll be very smart and intense, but also very sensitive deep down. also, they’ll be extremely intelligent and more mature as time goes by. they’ll also have a tender side to them, but that is often overshadowed by their seriousness.

👶🏻 family life

your father is a very fiery, impulsive person, with a short-temper. he could have even been quite violent with you during your childhood, and he might have a bit of a childish behaviour, even though I don't really think it's your case thanks to your libra ic. deep down, he’s actually kind of insecure with his role as a father, but he may hate to admit it. he may have aries, cancer, libra or scorpio placements in his chart. your mother, on the other hand, is slightly more submissive. she’s mostly a peaceful and emotional person, even though she most probably has a passive-aggressive behaviour. she could be conventionally beautiful, or at least she likes taking care of herself. she may have libra or taurus placements in her chart, as well as pisces and capricorn. if you have siblings, they’re probably very peaceful and intelligent. they may also be very kind, as well as organized. their rooms probably look immaculate. they could have virgo or gemini placements in their charts.

📊 career

you’re a very ambitious person, and hence I don’t see you being the type to scrap projects. especially with your aries midheaven, you’re motivated to complete your works in order to show that you’re able to succeed, you want to be the best in what you do. I can also see you being a good therapist, psychologist, possibly even a doctor of any kind, even though I’d avoid practical and boring jobs if I were in you. your strong venus energy struggles to be cold-minded at times, and hence working in a stressful environment could be dangerous for you and for your mental health, as you may absorb others’ negativity and stress. actually, I feel like the most suited career for you would be something that allows you to be in charge, to be your own boss as you know what’s best for you. you may also do well with a creative career; you may become a writer, a dancer, a singer, a stylist, a model, an actress... anything that isn't too practical could be good to you, and if it allows you to express your creativity it's even better.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you probably love clothes that can show and enhance your body. you may love wearing crop tops, skirts, bralettes, shorts... anything that leaves a part of your body uncovered, yet that still looks elegant and classy. you could also enjoy baggy clothes, paired with fancy accessories and heels. for colors, you go from wearing bold colours like red, burgundy and neon, to darker shades like black, dark blue etc. you probably also love neutral shades, like kaki, beige and so on.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life time, you didn’t have a specific priority. you just enjoyed wandering with your mind and creativity, allowing yourself to relax with your friends. you used to depend on someone else, not really on yourself. this lifetime, you need to establish your independence AND solid boundaries, not just those you used to daydream about. don’t be afraid to let your inner child out; go to amusement parks, binge-watch netflix, date your crushes, have an hobby, play videogames… you could also play with actual children. anything that brings fun out of you, and that puts a genuine smile on your face. yet, don’t forget that this lifetime of yours revolves around accomplishing your goals.

🤔 major transits analysis / september 4

transit leo moon is currently in your 1st house conjunct your ascendant. you could be feeling particularly needy of affection in these days. you want to be around your loved ones but you're also particularly sensitive, therefore you could get angry easily and overall you're more impulsive, so beware of possible conflicts with others.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

[qvill-s]

it’s real ashe loving hours right now, so may i request 2 and 3 from the good parts list for him? [eyes emoji]

NOTES: in this house, it is always ashe loving hours. i love He™ and his floofy hair and his freckles and his laugh and i’mm somft  ( ; ω ; )

not gonna lie, though, this got really long and i kind of drifted away from the prompt a little bit. it’s not explicitly said, but i hope that the feeling the prompt asked for is still conveyed.

ashe + “we were dancing but all of a sudden it’s a slow song and we’re standing here awkwardly staring at each other” &&. “i just told you i liked you but now i’m shy and say ‘never mind, forget it’ and why are you looking at me like that?” under the cut !!!

“So,” you begin, tone hushed in the quiet of the library, “the professor chose you for the White Heron Cup.”

When you slid into the seat in front of him, Ashe knew that you didn’t come to study. He’s known since a few minutes earlier, when you picked up the book on wyvern tacks and saddles—he’s quite certain that you weren’t wyvern rider, and he hasn’t heard talk of you thinking of becoming one?—and began reading it upside down. He chose not to comment. He also chose not to comment on how you locked eyes with him when you entered the library and then proceeded to ignore him until you sat down.

Now, however, your charade is over. You close your book and place it on the table, steepling your fingers with utmost seriousness. “Can you dance?”

“I…” That wasn’t what he was expecting. He sees the furrow in your brow beginning to deepen, so he hastens to get out his answering, “No?”

“Is that why—wait, what?” Ah, it seems that wasn’t what you weren’t expecting that either. “You can’t dance?”

“No,” he says, with finality and as a statement. It’s the truth, and he knows it’s the truth, but having it said aloud brings the familiar heat of a blush under his skin. You press your fingers to the seam of your lips, regarding him with a thoughtful sort of determination. He fights the urge to squirm under your scrutiny.

After a few minutes, you finally announce, and rather loudly at that, “I’m going to teach you.” The students at the next table over collectively send the two of you the nastiest looks they can muster, and Ashe feels the heat of embarrassment under his skin burn a little brighter.

“That’s nice,” he manages, a bit lamely, in his opinion, gaze darting back to the next table over. Man, if looks could kill. “B-but, ah, maybe we should, talk about this somewhere else?”

You nod solemnly, get up from your seat, and say, “Courtyard, five minutes.” With a smooth turn on the heel of your shoe, you’re gone.

And Ashe remembers that you left a stack of wyvern books on the table. 

Well, he reasons, adding your stack to the one in his arms with a quiet grunt, it’s not as if you’re a terrible dancer. In fact, from what he’s seen, you’re a great dancer. He’s seen you waltz Dorothea into the dining hall, seen you dance with Annette before class. Though both occasions were in good fun, there was a grace and litheness to your steps and the way you carried yourself that belied your abilities. You’re also from a family of nobles in Faerghus. He’s sure that dancing was a part of your curriculum before Garreg Mach, the art of it being drilled into your head since you were young.

So if you’re offering (Demanding? Forcing?) to teach him how to dance, he decides that he couldn’t have asked for a better teacher.

When he makes it to the courtyard, you spot him right away, rising from your seat on the benches and dusting off your uniform. You give him another nod and another scrutinizing up and down glance. “Are you ready to begin?”

“I— here?” In the courtyard? In public? In the direct line of sight of so many people who know how to dance?

“Yes, of course.” Your head tilts a little to the side as you ask, “Is there a problem?”

“There’s…” He surveys the people milling about in the ever-busy courtyard, “There’s, uh, so many people around.”

“And what about it?” You press a bit obliviously, and Ashe wonders if you’ve ever felt the embarrassment of having people watch you fail. “People will be there to watch you dance for the White Heron Cup, anyway. Might as well get used to it now.”

“You,” he concedes, holding back a sigh, “have a point.”

You give him a tight-lipped smile and another nod. You clear your throat, and begin the first lesson with, “Now, the first thing to know about dancing is the importance of how you hold yourself…”

❛ ━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❀ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

And your time together goes on just like that. You teach him how to dance after classes and training sessions are over, and he tries his best to keep up. It’s a bit… awkward, in Ashe’s opinion, folding his arms around the formless air and pretending it’s another person as he one, two, three, steps his way through your instructions. You stop him periodically to fix his stance, raising an elbow to the correct height, telling him to keep his back straight, and then allow him to continue the boxes he’s dancing around the courtyard.

You’re not as strict of a teacher that he thought you would be. While he expected that you wouldn’t be lenient with your sharp eye and perfectionist attitude, he thought you would be the type to run him ragged in making sure that he’s getting everything right. You do, in fact, the opposite. While breaks during practice don’t come as often as he would like, they come often enough, coupled with reminders to drink water and a query of whether or not he was starting to get sore. You even remind him to get some rest when you part ways for the night, departing for your room with a wave and a “See you tomorrow” in a gesture that was far more casual than what he expected from you.

Come to think of it, you’ve thrown a lot of the things he’d expected of you out of the metaphorical window. He didn’t think you’d be fond of the monastery cats until he saw you surrounded by them in the courtyard, scratching them behind their ears and under their chins as you spoke to them in the softest, gentlest of voices he’s heard from you. He also didn’t think you’d enjoy sweets until Mercedes gave you a box of her famous pastries in the middle of your practices and he saw the way your eyes lit up and the small smile that graced your lips as you thanked her.

Granted, he’s not particularly close with any of his classmates—as in, spill all your secrets and worries close—but he knows them well enough to start some friendly conversation. The moment he realizes that he’s never even had such a conversation with you, that the two of you stick mostly to small talk and schoolwork, is like a bucket of cold water to his face. He elects to rectify this immediately.

“So,” Ashe begins in the middle of your break, “I’ve been wondering…”

The two of you sit on one of the courtyard benches, a box of pastries shared between the two of you. Mercedes had come by earlier, offering the delicacies as thanks for, in her own words, “working so hard for the Blue Lions.”

You tilt your head at him, in the way he’s found you’re inclined to do, swallow a bite of cookie, and prompt, “What is it?”

“Why did you, uh”—again, offer? Demand? Force?—“um, offer to teach me how to dance?”

You only offer him a little, “ah,” and bite thoughtfully into your cookie. He lets you gather your thoughts while he scatters his, wondering if this question was too forward for two acquaintances (Student and mentor? More than acquaintances but less than friends?) having their first friendly conversation with each other.

After a while, you ask, “Can I be honest with you?”

“Sure,” he answers, perhaps a bit too eagerly for his tastes.

You seemingly have not taken any note of this, leaning back against the bench as your gaze shifts to the clouds drifting across the blue sky. “I actually wanted the professor to pick me,” you admit quietly, pointedly not meeting his gaze. “For the White Heron Cup, I mean.”

“Oh,” he says, and he feels a bit guilty.

“I was a little mad at first, and a little hurt, too. I was actually coming over to, ah, politely”—here, you send him a sheepish look that tells him you were going to do anything but—“ask you why the professor chose you over me. But when you said that you couldn’t dance, I realized that you probably didn’t want to be in this situation, so I decided to help you out and try to teach you what I know.”

“I’m sorry,” he replies, almost automatically, feeling a lot guiltier than he had earlier.

You brush his apology off with a wave of your hand, a strange gesture that somehow knocks his words off of his tongue. “Like I said, you probably didn’t want to be in this situation anyway, so there’s really no harm done. It’s not your fault that the professor decided to pick you.”

With that, you send him a reassuring smile. A tiny one, yes, but a smile nonetheless, and his heart jumps to his throat. He somehow manages to return it, and nods in lieu of his currently malfunctioning vocal chords. 

The two of you elect to finish the last of the pastries in comfortable silence, and Ashe wonders why exactly your smile had him reacting the way he did. Preoccupied with his thoughts, he reaches for another delicacy to munch on as he mulls over the events that have occurred—and finds your fingers instead.

He withdraws his hand from the box immediately, drawn out of his thoughts by the electric touch of your fingertips against his knuckles. “Sorry,” he apologizes again, hoping against hope that the blush on his cheeks isn’t noticeable. It most likely is.

You are, at the very least, in a similar state, cradling your hand to your chest and conveying the same shock he felt at the foreign sensation. He pushes the box towards you. “You can have the last one.”

“I… Are you sure?”

He smiles in a way that he hopes will defuse the sudden tension. “You’re the one working the hardest out of the two of us, you know. I’m not too good of a dancer, I’m afraid.”

You look as if you’re about to protest, lips parted and a retort in your eyes, but your mouth suddenly snaps shut. With a shyness that’s a bit off-character for you, you reach into the box and withdraw the last cookie with a soft murmur of thanks.

He nods, and stands from bench, stretching a little. He turns back to you, and asks, “Should we get back to practicing, then?”

You eye the cookie in your hands thoughtfully, then meet his gaze with a, “No, I think we’re good for now.”

“Oh,” he says, and tries (and fails) not to sound a little disappointed.

“Ah, I mean,” you add, a little hurriedly, “I still have to finish that assignment professor gave us on ballistas and trajectories—”

“Oh, of course, don’t let me keep you,” he adds, equally as hurried, as if being hasty would be enough to apologize for jumping to conclusions.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, though, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees, “see you then.”

As he makes his escape from the awkwardness that’s suddenly enveloped the two of you, he wonders if maybe the whole aura of awkwardness between the two of them could be his fault entirely. 

And maybe, he concedes, stooping down to pet the brown tabby he’s affectionately named Fish, it was. Maybe it was, because the simple brush of your fingers against the back of his hand felt like a bolt of Thoron running through his body. Maybe it was, because the simple, innocent touch of your fingers leaves him wanting more and wondering what your palm would feel like pressed against his own.

❛ ━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❀ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

Dusk came and went, seeping the orange of the sunset from the sky into a dark blue dotted with winking stars and a crescent moon, but for what seems to be the millionth time that day, you tell him, “Again.”

“Is it— is it alright if we take a little break?” He suggests, meek in his fear of his request being rejected and in his desperation for a reprieve from the monotony of one two three step and waltzing around the courtyard. He spares a glance at the grass the two of you stand upon, and he can easily mark where he’s danced for the past hour or so, patches of green flattened and worn down with how many squares he’s danced on them. He looks back at you again, meeting your stony gaze, and asks, “Please?”

You do nothing but cross your arms over your chest in response. You look so determined, stubborn; so much so that Ashe immediately concedes defeat, moving to resume his position and wait for you to count off.

When what comes instead is a sigh, he turns just in time to see you deflate with the sound, rubbing at your temple as you did so. Before he can speak, you beat him to the punch with, “I’m sorry, I think you’re right. We should take a quick break.”

You smile at him encouragingly, but the emotion is warped, tainted by the taut line of your shoulders and the look in your eye. With another sigh, you lower yourself on the bench, all choppy movements and stiff limbs, lacking in the usual grace with which you carried yourself.

There was something worrying in the furrow of your brow, and he wastes no time in taking the seat next to you. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” you answer, almost immediately. He levels you with a look of disbelief until you amend your previous statement with a, “Just… worried about tomorrow.”

He frowns. He wasn’t that bad, was he? He thinks that you’re a great teacher, and he’s always made sure to take your comments and suggestions to heart to make sure he can represent the Blue Lions house well in the contest tomorrow. He tells you as much, voice hesitant, but somehow sure in defending the improvement of his ability.

“No, it’s not that,” you tell him, quick in your reassurance. He finds comfort in the fact that you looked aghast at what he thought you were suggesting. “You’ve definitely improved from before. It’s just, I feel like something’s missing.”

“How do you mean?” 

“Your arms, they way you’re holding them”—you hold your own up, rigid and blockish—“it doesn’t look natural.”

You were mimicking him, he realizes, feeling his face flush as your arms lower back down. He sees now why you deemed it to be such a problem, and one that could prove detrimental tomorrow. “How do you suppose we fix it? Do I just relax more—”

“Have you ever held someone like that before?”

He sputters to a stop, flushes harder, the heat crawling down his neck and up to his ears. “No,” he admits after a while, bashfully, quietly, “I haven’t.”

“How about a hug, then?” You press, “Have you ever hugged a friend? Your family, maybe?”

“Sort of?” He searches through his memories for a hug that resembled a waltz, and finds none. He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not sure, really.”

“Right,” you frown. He feels your scrutinizing gaze sweeping over him once more, a curled finger pressed to your chin as you mulled things over.

“I have an idea,” you announce finally, perking up with a snap of your fingers. “Are you finished with your break, or do you need more time?”

“I’m good,” he says, feeling somewhat rejuvenated from the few minutes he spent sitting down in conversation with you. “What is it?”

In lieu of answering his question, you get up from the bench and, meticulous as ever, brush off whatever imaginary dirt you saw in your clothes. When he moves to follow, he is stopped by the sudden appearance of your hand in front of his face. He blinks, staring uncertainly as his gaze shifts between your face and the hand you extended towards him. 

“I don’t bite,” you joke softly, giving him another smile and an curl your fingers encouragingly. “Come on.”

His heart thunders in his chest as his palm flattens over yours, his palm against own, your fingers curling around his wrist. You tug him forward, off of the bench and on his feet, fixing and adjusting his posture until one hand is held tight against yours and the other rests on the curve of your waist.

You’re standing close, closer than he’s ever been with you—or with anyone, really. The two of you are chest to chest, nose to nose, and he almost forgets how to breathe. 

“Ready?” You ask, voice toeing the edge of a whisper. He swallows a lump in his throat, takes in a breath, and nods. You return the gesture. “Okay. One, two, three…”

He finds it hard to concentrate with you so close to him, with the dip of your waist, with the weight of your hand in his. He can even feel your breath fanning out across his chest through the layers of his clothes, counting out the beat with your gaze directed downward to watch his feet.

“Relax,” you tell him, glancing up at him with another encouraging smile, more genuine that the last. “You’re doing great.”

You punctuate your sentence with a squeeze to his shoulder. He eyes the plush of your bottom lip, and he wants nothing more than to lean down and—

He stumbles on the third beat, but you catch him with a strength and ease that didn’t seem to belong in the intimate act of dancing, pulling him up and into the rhythm with a tug of his hand and a step back to adjust for his mistake.

You never miss a beat.

❛ ━━━━━━━━━･❪ ❀ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

Ashe wins the White Heron Cup, and he thinks he’s done enough dancing for a while. In the after party, however, he finds there is still more dancing to be had, and that the professor is giving him the opportunity to become a dancer for the class, to rejuvenate their spirits in the midst of battle and give them the strength to fight again. He’s a bit embarrassed, of course, in the way that any praise thrown his way seems to do, but he’s flattered all the same, especially when Annette throws her arms around him in a hug and tells him that he should because his dancing was beautiful. He’s surprised to think that he wishes it was you instead.

The professor is his first dance for the party, and they tell him that they’re proud of him, even giving him one of their rare, small smiles. Annette is second as a more playful song plays, and they have fun with going off beat and dancing a new dance. When she leaves him to find Mercedes and drag her to the floor, he feels a tap on his shoulder, whirling around to find you.

“Do you have enough time for one more dance?” You ask, holding out your hand in the way you did yesterday, with the inviting curl of your fingers and the curve of a smile on your lips. He nods almost immediately, mimicking the smile on your face as he places his hand in yours. As if you’ve even needed to ask.

It’s when you drag him to the middle of the floor than he realizes that the song is still upbeat and definitely not a waltzing song. “How are we—”

“Do you trust me?” You ask, eyes shimmering with a curious and foreign sort of mischief that intrigues him.

“Of course.“

“Follow my lead.” 

You tug him into a dance of quick steps and flying feet, guiding the two of you through the throng of dancers in a routine that seemed both improvised and rehearsed all at once. It certainly wasn’t like any dance he’s seen or read about before, but there’s a measured quality to your steps that belied some form of premeditated decision. Or maybe, he decides, following the best he can to your beat, it’s just you, confident enough in your ability to dance that you were able to adapt to whatever situation and add new things to old ones.

He stumbles here and there, adjusting to the new pace like he was only learning how to walk, but you’re there to catch him before he falls, just like before, ready to turn his mistake into a new step to the dance the two of you weave together.

He wants to see you like this forever. He wants to see you this free, this lively, this happy as you lead him through a series of complicated steps and turns. He wants to see the joy that twinkles in your eye and curves your lips upwards as you dance, your cheeks reddened from laughter and the exertion of your actions. 

He wants to be with you like this forever.

All too soon, the song slows down to something more personal, more intimate, washing the inevitable truth over Ashe with every waning beat of the drum: if he danced with you like this to this song, in front of everybody, he would cross a boundary he wasn’t sure he could cross. The line was drawn firmly into the sand, marking the divide between you and him in painstaking clarity. You were from a noble family, and a powerful one at that. Your future is laid out before you, and has been ever since you were born. There would be no place for a commoner like him.

So, as couples move towards the center of the room and friends move to the sidelines, he steps away. He’s a coward, he knows, when it comes to matters of the heart, but he’s no fool. He will not cross those boundaries or jump over the line in the sand or rewrite what is already set in stone if he does not know that you’ll be with him.

He murmurs something about being tired and getting to bed, backing away from you slowly, but before he can get too far, your fingers close around his wrist once more. When he looks back at you to catch your gaze, to ask you why, he sees the question you left unsaid, hidden behind your lips on the tip of your tongue and your fingers press into his thundering pulse.

And he knows.

He knows his answer, knows that it will never be anything less than a resounding yes.

Later, the two of you dance once more, surrounded instead by the darkness of night and watched only by the twinkling sky and the shining moon. Your hand is clasped in his, your ear pressed to his chest, his nose in your hair—

And you dance to a song only the two of you can hear.

[bigskydreaming]

So, for Lightning Crashes, can I ask why you went with the choices you went with? Why Ethan & Aiden? (I was under the impression you didn't like them) Why the whole thing with Kali? What happened in Beacon Hills to get everyone together without Scott by the time the story starts. Why the Chimeras as Scott's primary pack? I just reread all five chapters and I'm insanely curious as to what your thought process was because its insanely addiciting.

LOL I’ll have to tackle this in parts so as it not to get too long, but shorter answers first:

1) Why Ethan and Aiden - this one’s pretty simple actually, as its due to what I often say about rarely disliking CHARACTERS so much as just specific ways characters are written. There’s almost no character I can think of offhand that’s just literally someone I can’t think of ways to write them that I’d find likable, interesting or compelling....pretty much all of my frustrations with characters stem only from them so often being written contrary to that, or even more often than not, like....my frustration or dislike of them is just carry-over from being so fed up with other people justifying, glorifying or clinging to the very things I despise about how they’re written.

*Shrugs* The funny-not-really-funny-so-much-as-just-obnoxious thing about Ethan and Aiden is they always had the ingredients to be potentially interesting and even sympathetic characters. Literally the only thing the show had to do differently in order to make me like them instead of dislike them is....not make them complicit in Boyd’s death, let alone then have that complicity largely dismissed or ignored afterwards.

And since I, like an intellectual, simply choose not to have fanfic ideas where Boyd is dead (with the literal exception being Carnival of Souls, since that one is basically entirely about the various character deaths Scott himself felt a degree of guilt towards as of the time he died in S5, with the point being ‘hey what if these characters got to flat out say, oh no, its totally fucked that we’re dead and there are people who absolutely should feel guilty about that but you are pretty much the only one who SHOULDN’T, so make like you’re Lazarus, get up and go give everyone else hell about this instead of settling for staying in a hell of your own making cuz you think you deserve it)’......

Like, that’s really all it takes. I write a version of the show where Boyd is alive and the twins didn’t do a damn thing to him or the others around for 3A, and I have no problem writing a version of those characters that I like instead. Its basically like making every fic a fix-it fic where one of the fixes being tackled is “how do you keep certain characters from being disliked or hated for antiblackness,” and the plot twist is “don’t write them being antiblack.”

Course, I still have trouble coming up with premises or angles from which to write them in any canon-based story that DOES take 3A into account, because like, it doesn’t matter HOW I write them at that point, the characters I’m writing still contain in their core premise of ‘this is who the character is as of the start of this story’ the fact that they were already complicit in Boyd’s death, and thus there’s no getting around the fact that like, any kind of positive approach to their characterizations at that point in MY mind still carries at least some degree of like....me ‘forgiving’ them for their part in Boyd’s death or deciding that ‘they’ve suffered/tried to make up for it enough’ by that point, and like...that’s just not something I’m remotely interested in writing, because frankly, I don’t think its my place to decide that or that my take on what that looks like matters worth a damn.

But AU Ethan and Aiden who never even met Boyd until Chapter 4 of my own story....they’re more or less just Ethan and Aiden shaped characters with similar dialogue patterns, as far as I view them while writing. 

(Also, it literally was in large part just a logistical thing as well. Like I actually started writing LC back in S4, and part of the whole premise was I wanted Scott to have his own other pack formed from actual characters who I could pull from elsewhere without taking away from the pack that might conceivably have formed in his absence. I made up Diego because having a Calaveras present is literally a plot point to address problems I had with S4 and its (lack of) aftermath, but I wanted everyone else to at least come from the actual show, and there were only so many characters that were actual options at that point. So its more like logistics is WHY I used Ethan and Aiden, but the above reasoning is why I was able to despite my dislike of them on the show, and without the latter - I think at least - influencing how I wrote these particular versions of them.

The thing about the chimera members of Scott’s pack is I actually went back and REWROTE everything as of Chapter 2 and edited the new versions in to replace what I’d had, in order to include them, because like.....you know me and my fixation on smaller/less utilized characters and their untapped potential. I liked all the chimeras from day one because there was so much that could be done with them and once it was apparent the show really wasn’t going to do much with them period, I decided well instead of writing a whole separate fic in order to explore their characters more, I could just integrate them into Lightning Crashes and tackle a whole bunch of werebirds with one stone, y’know? And then I decided ‘oh no, but I love them’ and I realized too late that adding eight additional characters to a story like LC would almost inevitably add another 100K of plot and sideplots, because what is brainpower even, other than a myth or a Tall Tale, y’know?)

The whole thing with Kali is just a mix of plot and personal issues and projection-upon-the-main-character, and its not the first time I’ve written that particular premise nor is it the last. I’ve done it with Dick Grayson fanfic as well of course. Its kinda just a thing with me. That trope I often come back to for non-trope reasons. There’s a lot of complicated reasons for that, some that are of course pretty obvious but others that are less so, and its a bit much to get into in depth. By which I mean, of course I will, I have no filter and that’s been too well and too long established to bother with one now plus the thing about being so casual about when I’m writing my own issues into fanfic means its not like people aren’t going to draw their own conclusions anyway even if I don’t elaborate so there’s not really any real point not to, lolol. Other than time spent doing so, which means I’ll do that later. 

Since now, answering the part about how things worked out differently back in Beacon Hills to lead to the Hale pack forming the way it did while the LC McCall pack formed elsewhere, has inevitably lead to me pulling out the LC file and actually working on it, with the DG story in question as well being open in another window now, because hot tip, the real most effective way to get me to update or add more to literally any story ever is just to get me talking about it. Since it re-energizes me about whatever I was thinking about or wanting to write about that led me to start it in the first place, and also since I’m a perfectionist who ultimately turns to story-telling because I think whichever way I go about writing one IS the best way for me personally to say whatever it is I want to say with one, this inevitably gets me going hang on, there’s a better way to describe what I’m talking about here and its like, via writing the actual story, so hold my beer, gotta go do it right or what’s even the point of answering lololol. Ohhhhh, meeeeee. I’m so deep and inscrutable, honestly what the fuck.

[narastories]

Happy 280th Birthday Tom!

After having such a great fun with doing this for Lord John, I decided to do a reading for our wee Byrd as well.

A Natal Chart Reading for Tom Byrd

Disclaimers:

I am still not an astrologer

This is made in the spirit of appreciation of this character and his story. The purpose of this is pure fun on my part and hopefully to entertain some of you as well. Plus, to maybe provide some character-study-style insight or inspiration.

Tom Byrd’s character belong to Diana Gabaldon - duh -

Tom has no official canon birth date as far as we know it. A few of us decided on a whim to celebrate him on this day, and oh boy is it perfect from an astrological standpoint. Of course, it is. But that’s it, it’s just adoring fan-silliness from our part.

Again, I take full responsibility for the time of day chosen. I have cycled through the day by the hour, compared charts and decided on the one that I’ve found most fitting and just went with that.

Tom Byrd’s character has appeared only in the Lord John books so far, so every example I’m giving here will be from there. Nothing too spoilery.

This is astrology applied to a fictional character, you have been warned. Continue at your own discretion.

Let’s transport ourselves into the world of Outlander, and imagine the day that world was gifted with the presence of this cute and complicated character. What do the stars tell us about him?

Double Cancer 

No one ever said that Cancerians would be easy to understand. People born under the Crab are capable of holding many contradictions in their personality, and this is twice as true in the case of Tom Byrd who has both the Sun and the Moon in Cancer. When the two most powerful planets of a chart are in the same sign it tends to make the characteristics of that sign very prominent.

He is extremely cautious, but won’t hesitate taking the initiative when he needs to. Others tend to underestimate him at first, because he will stick to the rules. That is until he breaks them. He does not welcome change, but still adapts quickly to changing circumstances.

Tom appreciates safety, like the security that comes from stable employment, but still has a secret love for adventure. Luckily he can satisfy both of those cravings as the valet of Lord John Grey, because we all know that his lordship has the talent of getting into the most bizarre situations and is more than happy to keep Tom around to accompany him. (#zombies #succubus)

Just like a little crab crawling sideways he might have an indirect approach to things, but eventually he will always get where he wants to go.

He is sensitive and kind, but since his feelings are so dominant his mood can change fast. This is usually concealed by a carefully constructed exterior built from propriety and good manners. He uses this to hide deep feelings and extreme sensitivity underneath. He might be calm and collected on the surface most of the time, but there is a constantly shifting tide of emotions in his heart. He has the tendency to worry too much, to brood silently when he’s hurting or sulk when he disapproves, but no one listens to him.

Those who know him a little better will know that this grumpy little valet has a heart of gold. He is extremely caring and has a natural talent for making others comfortable and cared for.

At the same time Tom is cautious about revealing too much, which makes him naturally discrete. Besides his skill at giving a close shave this was one of the characteristics that made Lord John keep him as a valet just after just a short while of knowing him. Tom is also exceptionally perceptive and hard to deceive. He will notice the tiniest of details. This, and his high sensitivity to people’s emotions makes him good at figuring out others’ motivations. His intuition also makes him great at sensing public trends, and this combined with his creativity contributes to him becoming a good valet. He has a good memory and likes to collect information and store away small details later to be used.

His most admirable trait is probably his loyalty. When he is caring for someone, nothing can deter him. Crabs are known to retreat to safety at the first sign of danger. Don’t be fooled by Tom’s occasional outburst heroism, bravery is not his default setting. (#roaches) And because of that it means so much more when he does choose to stay and fight.

Cancerians tend to be quite the people-collectors. They don’t easily let people they know out of their sight. So fyi: there is no way Tom Byrd would willingly abandon Lord John Grey or let him out of his life completely. I think he would have loved if Jack decided to stay with them, but you know… his brother had his own loyalties.

Underneath all these layers Tom hides a fragile heart. He secretly needs and craves support and encouragement. He tries to hide it, but he has a lot of insecurities and can be a bit shy.

He is passionate about fixing other people’s problems. It comes from a strong urge to care for others even if it can be a bit overbearing sometimes.

Having the Moon in Cancer as well makes him even more protective and persistent. He perceives the world through his emotions, rather than rational arguments. This can cause a conflict with people who try to argue their feelings away - khm John khm - because that is very hard to understand for Tom. Other aspects of his chart play into this as well (Mars in Taurus) Sometimes he won’t be willing to see someone else’s point, especially if he knows that person feels differently than the argument they intellectually make.

No matter how in tune with his feelings he is, he doesn’t usually show them openly and as hypersensitive he is to other people’s emotions, he can sometimes be blinded by his own.

He is best in a deep, committed and loving relationship with someone who will appreciate his delicate heart and will dispel his feelings of unworthiness.

Capricorn Rising

Tom Byrd has a serious outward demeanor. No matter how young, inexperienced or out of his depth he may be in a certain situation, he is more than capable of employing the ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ tactic.  

With strangers he is often quiet and reserved. He also possesses great willpower and determination. It is important to him that he achieves things through his own hard work and that he feels like his life is meaningful. (Mars in Taurus) He has all the necessary discipline, ambition and patience to do just so. Becoming a lord’s valet is something he takes pride in, no matter the initial circumstances.

He has an active mind, quick intelligence, and the ability to concentrate. He likes to map things out ahead of time, because he doesn’t like to be caught unprepared. Fussing over details is his way of staying in control. He’s also a bit of a perfectionist.

He is a worrier. He loves deeply, and goes out of his way to be kind to others, but on the other hand he will hold onto hurt, and will hold a grudge.

His chart is ruled by Saturn which is in Cancer in the 7th house of partnership. This might suggest that he is emotionally too dependent on others. However, he is great at seeing a task through completion. Can be sly if he wants to. (see how he inserted himself into John’s life? see??) The obstacles he needs to overcome are his insecurity and lack of confidence.

Other interesting tidbits

The evils of propriety

Tom is mindful of decency and societal norms. (Capricorn Rising) That doesn’t mean he is not ready to throw them out the window, this is just another one of his contradictions. With him belonging to one of the Uranus in Capricorn generations he has the confidence to break through old established ideas. This aspect of his chart does oppose the likewise generational Neptune in Cancer, which suggests that this conflict is something he has a lot to do with in his life. Old-fashioned values vs. change for the better. Being compassionate towards others and maintaining harmony vs. fighting for your values and/or goals.

Sweet little cupcake

Tom is irresistibly likeable and naturally attracts warm feelings from others. (Venus in Leo) Do I need to say more? He is adorable and I have fallen under his spell. Points to Venus - there is my excuse lol

Twin influences

Tom has Mercury in Gemini, which gives an interesting quicksilver quality to his personality. He is surprisingly hard to pin down (get your mind out of the gutter ;P ). He is curious, versatile and quick witted. A great example of this is when in Private Matter John is trying to be very discreet about inquiring about his brother, and is surprised to find that against this effort, Tom immediately sees through him that he considers the possibility of his brother being guilty.

He also has Jupiter in Gemini, which again points to his adventurous nature and the knack for getting into advantageous situations. Do I need to say more?

Detective

My favourite small tidbit in his chart is a complex trine which suggests that he is good at looking beneath the surface for answers, good at investigating and unearthing things, and that he finds great allies in this. He is quite a little detective, our Tom. Seems like a small thing, but the placement of it suggests that this aids him in a great way. Which we know is true ;)

I hope you enjoyed this little ramble. It was fun to write, and it just made me fall twice as madly in love with our wee Byrd. Not that I need the encouragement on any day lol

[lovemesomesurveys]

Whoa, me doing a bolding survey?

*lol bolding surveys are tough for me because I want to elaborate on my choices, which I did a lot of in this.*

NFP | mediator/idealist You get carried away by fantasies and ideas Always want to be hugged You’re energized by quiet time alone Constantly looking for the best in people People say you’re shy/calm/reserved So open-minded Can’t stop thinking about the future Probably a writer or artist in some way Compassionate and empathetic Insanely good listener Prefer a small group of friends Absolutely hate injustice Easily get lost in deep thought 9/13

ENFJ | protagonist/mentor Expert at communicating with others You’re sensitive and easily offended A natural born leader You strive for win-win situations Everyone wants to be your friend You’re basically everyone’s cheerleader  Hate seeing people excluded from things You stand firm for what you believe in You just want everyone to be happy Live for supporting people around you You’d be a great teacher You love to keep your life organized You’re probably an empath 6.5/13

ESTJ | executive/supervisor Incredibly practical about life You naturally step into leadership roles You can be very detail-oriented You’re very matter-of-fact You’re known to be very direct The first to take charge in a situation People say you’re very focused and driven Sometimes you can be too impersonal Strive in managerial positions Driven by results You love meeting and talking to new people You strongly believe in working hard You hate people who don’t follow rules. <<< I consider myself to be pretty rule abiding for the most part and I don’t condone crimes, but I can’t say I’ve never done anything wrong. Maybe nothing too serious, but still. I wouldn’t say I hate people who don’t follow rules, but I have an issue with people who don’t follow certain rules. It’s complicated hence the italicized answer and the need to explain a little further. .5/13

ESFP | entertainer/performer You love to live in the moment You’re energized when around people Avoid conflict like the corona virus You never forget anything Can be materialistic <<< I mean, I like my Apple products and Beats headphones, which are nice and expensive things, yes, but I don’t know if the term materialistic applies to me because of it. I think it goes bigger and beyond that. I’m not consumed with buying expensive things to fill a void or think it can buy happiness. I don’t have to be bigger and better. I don’t want to be flashy. I enjoy the items I listed above, but there’s more important things in life than worldly possessions.   You’re constantly changing your mind Way too friendly You could easily be an actor Often the life of the party Not a huge fan of deadlines or structure Independent af Constantly finding the light of a situation Sensitive to the needs of others 3/13

ISFP | adventurer/artisan Tend to hold back your feelings You live an easy-going life  You stick to a close group of friends <<< no friends anymore, but I stick to my family, who I’m close to and spend a lot of my time with. That’s how it was when I did have friends, though. I never had a big group of friends and that was perfectly fine with me. Hate long-term planning <<< I have to take things day by day or do short-term goals. Mistaken as “lazy” or “slow-moving” <<< Italicized because they’re not mistaken. You take things at your own pace So considerate to those around you <<< Italicized because I think I am? I sure try to be. Absolutely hate criticism and conflict Sometimes too hard on yourself <<< All the time. You could be an artist or musician You have a special bond with animals Have been called “unconventional” before Learn best with hands-on training 9/13

INTJ | architect/mastermind Everyone go away Very low tolerance for stupidity Small talk = your worst nightmare Have very dry humor Sarcasm is your first language You love researching everything Planning is your favorite hobby Can’t stand salespeople Known to be very blunt Probably could be a doctor or engineer A grammar nazi You like to silently judge people You love to create theories about life 3/13

ESFJ | consul/caregiver You care so much about others Take your responsibilities very seriously <<< Not these past few years like I should, but normally. You have a contagious laughter Tasks are your best friend You’re very family-oriented The most loyal person ever You absolutely hate feeling useless No one would ever call you selfish Probably strive as a nurse or social worker Overflowing with compassion and love Always seeing the best in others You value security and stability for everyone So down to earth <<< In some ways. I’m not a relaxed and stress-free person at all, but I’m also not arrogant or proud. I get along with and can work well with others. I don’t see myself as better or superior to others at all. 6/13

ISTP | virtuoso/crafter Very comfortable with change Easily find the solution in any problem Always want to know how things work Love to be constantly doing something Handle crisis-situations really well Efficient af in everything you do Stubborn when you know you’re right Hard for others to tell how you’re feeling <<< For the most part. My mom is good at it, though. 100% a hands-on learner Could easily be a mechanic or it the military You’re never afraid to make a mistake You dress for comfort more than style Easily bored and unfocused with tasks 3/13

ENFP | campaigner/champion Spotted constantly laughing So much enthusiasm for life Love to start new projects Constantly have a new hobby to do Hate repetitive tasks so much Expert at brainstorming new ideas Not a fan of micromanagers Very quick to understand people’s concerns So much energy Probably a comedian or counselor You’re never afraid to make a mistake Easily motivate people to join a cause Always looking at the big picture of life 2/13

ISFJ | defender/protector Very sensitive to others’ feelings Love to have a routine to follow every day Drawn to facts more than theories Hate the “unknown” in any situation <<< The unknown is generally scary to me, but some things I don’t want or need to know. Always want to keep others safe and sound Safety first You’re always obeying the laws/rules Known to procrastinate on certain things Easily taken advantage of, unfortunately Strives as a nurse or interior designer So detail-oriented and organized You love following traditions Probably quiet as a child 6.5/13

ESTP | entrepreneur/persuader Always seeking to have a good time Bubbly and happy almost all the time Love being the center of attention Like to live in the “now” Sometimes you can be too impulsive Life always seems to work out for you Expert at adapting the life changes Rules suck Very observant of the people around you Could be an entrepreneur or bartender So detail-oriented and organized People are drawn to your enthusiasm You’re a “get things done” person 0/13

INTP | logical/thinker You’re known to be quiet/thoughtful Can be distracted for hours by one thing Always hated group projects <<< Not because I have a problem with working with others, it’s just that group projects always gave me added stress. I didn’t like my grade dependent on other people and vice versa. I always stressed about everyone getting their part done. You find it hard to trust others Serious introvert Have a child-like sense of wonder Hate structure You never run out of things to talk about Can handle criticism pretty well Would strive as a lawyer or professor Will share educational articles with others Could easily win a debate with anyone Just generally pretty smart 5.5/13

ENTJ | commander/ceo Find the most efficient way to do anything Very goal-focused Can come across very assertive Born to be a leader Work hard and play hard Can motivate anyone to do anything Hate repeated mistakes Feel the need to fix everything Allergic to stupidity Never satisfied with your own work It’s so easy to get what you want Probably excel as a lawyer or ceo The word “impossible” doesn’t exist for you 1/13

INFJ | advocate/counselor Fear doing the wrong thing Genuinely want to please and help others Believe in the complexities of relationship <<< Not sure I understand this correctly, but I think so? Love encouraging others to be better Very likely an empath Could be a photographer or teacher Always avoiding conflict and criticism Feel the need to fix everything Really good at communicating with others Take relationships very seriously Sociable and fun but needs time alone too Loves physical contact with people Always the one to give advice to others <<< I used to be. 6.5/13

ENTP | debater/inventor Constantly coming up with abstract ideas Champion at debates Arrogant but also aware of your own faults The most introverted extrovert Getting really excited about sharing ideas Constantly changing your opinions Low tolerance for people but also social You overanalyze everything Known to take a lot of risks in life Picking accidental fights all the time Have probably argued with authorities So freaking clever Could be a detective or inventor as a career 1/13

ISTJ | logistical/inspector Take constructive criticism like a boss You thrive on organization Incredibly responsible You don’t rest until the job is done Actually really good with money Believe things should be done by the book Strive for structure in your every day life Absolutely hate getting in trouble Probably an officer or accountant Literally the most dependable person Sometimes too logical for people Take time to warm up to new ideas Some call you a perfectionist 3.5/13

[patchodraws]

So I wanna talk about Lie Ren a bit

So listen.

I’ve been a fan of this boy since day 1. The moment he was introduced in volume 1 I’ve been a big fan of his and he’s pretty consistently remained one of my favourite characters. He’s got a stellar and unique character design that doesn’t just get better with every outfit change but also grows so well with his growth and development. He’s not afraid of his traditionally non-masculine traits (pink colours are prevalent in his design, he’s often passive and gentle in conversations, and he never falls into any more toxically masculine traits such as competitiveness and overt and unnecessary rage), and he’s grown immeasurably as a person and a Huntsman since his days at Beacon.

I think Lie Ren is a very fascinating character to study, given how much information we were given about him in volume 4 and how he behaves before, during, and after specific events. He’s not often one to openly discuss his thoughts and feelings, that much is made clear multiple times throughout the show, but his reactions often offer new perspectives into what the characters are facing if you stay aware. While volumes 1-3 didn’t offer much in terms of his character development, of course, it’s impossible not to notice the immense trauma he had to relive in volume 4, the peace he seemingly found after those events, and the concern that’s been clouding his mind since volume 6′s Salem reveal.

Which is why I find his path in volume 7 so fascinating.

Trauma is not something that can heal overnight, and while Ren may have overcome his literal demon (the Nuckelavee) that doesn’t mean he’s gotten over years of trauma, hasn’t moved on from the events that happened when he was a child, hasn’t unlearned certain behaviours he may have picked up while trying to not deal with the problem itself. Ren is a bit of a perfectionist, but he doesn’t seek perfection in a healthy way. Instead, his idea of perfection is not to work on the flaws he doesn’t want to confront but rather to push them aside and fix the ones he can immediately notice, such as his aura, his semblance, and his combat capabilities. He’s certainly improved in all of these aspects, having become a much more flexible and observant Huntsman as well as extending the use of his semblance, including some new abilities that have mostly been hinted at but not fully confirmed yet. However, the main thing I’ve noticed especially in volume 7 (but overall since the Salem reveal) is his insistence on training harder than before, on fighting harder than before, his laser-focus on ‘the mission’ with little regard to a life beyond the field. 

It was a little jarring at first, especially with how much he’d grown since the end of volume 4, but then I realised this is exactly who Ren is and is a testament to the very consistent character work done in this show, especially in its later volumes. Ren seeks to perfect his body by continuing to put himself through trial after trial until there’s no possible way he can fail again. Ren seeks to perfect his mind by clearing it of all distractions and letting himself focus solely on his job. Ren seeks to perfect his spirit by strengthening his semblance and by subduing his emotions to the point that he no longer has to feel them. Part of me wonders how much of his semblance he uses on himself, or even if his semblance has a side effect no one’s commented on yet that just makes him less emotional by default.

What happened in the most recent episode (v7c6) has a lot of people shaken up, but I think Ren might use the events here, as well as his involvement (or lack thereof from his perspective) as all the more reason to continue down this path he’s so dead-set on, and we as an audience know that it’s not the right path. RWBY is a show with the core themes of hope, love, and trust, and while often we get non-main characters presenting antitheses to these themes, it’s very rare that we get full arcs about main characters struggling the same way, something that really sort of started with Qrow in volume 6. Our heroes all have fairly strong willpowers, and while they do struggle with these concepts it’s never either a central focus or a story point that lasts long enough to be analyzed. I’m very glad the show is doing this with Ren, and I think very soon he’s going to have to confront some of the parts of his life and of his trauma that he’s refusing to confront--but not before he continues just a bit further down this path of ignoring the warning signs being flashed towards him.

And when he does reach a better place, I hope he’s the one to initiate the second Renora kiss to prove that he’s willing to make the commitment to them

[dailytimdrake]

how do you think Tim copes with failure? Something big that is his fault (or at least, he thinks it is). Does he keep trying or collapse in on himself?

This response turned out to be pretty long, so I’ll keep it under a read-more so as not to clutter your dash. Please remember that these are my opinion, and I am in no way telling you what you, personally, should believe about Tim!

I think Tim doesn’t exactly cope with failure well, if at all.

I’ve mentioned previously in passing on Tim possibly suffering from “gifted kid syndrome”, which ties in especially with this inability to cope with failure. An excerpt from a post by thingofthings on Wordpress:

“At the same time, if you define yourself as Smart, there is going to come a time when you’re Not Smart. When you meet people who are smarter than you, or you have to suddenly start working at a class. This can induce low self-esteem, depression, and general emotional crisis, because if you’re The Smart One what happens if you aren’t smart anymore?”

Tim is so used to picking up on things fast, and being right, and doing things perfectly, so much that when he does fail, it hits him particularly hard.

A lot of his identity is built on being capable. He becomes Robin because he’s good enough to be - because he proved himself by figuring out their identities, and getting Dick back to Gotham, and saving their asses. He had to prove himself worthy of being Robin. And the same thing happens in a lot of his relationships: he feels the need to be capable of something, to provide something, to be a good team leader, to give the other person a reason to stick around. So: failure? Not really an option.

It’s even more emphasised when you consider who he works for: Batman. Bruce is notoriously strict with his Robins, especially when it comes to personal failings. It’s not that he does it to hurt them, but because he wants them to be better. He wants them to improve. Nevertheless this method, applied to Tim, only really ingrains the idea that the only way to get someone’s approval/love is to perform well. I’m not going to get into his upbringing with his actual parents, but I imagine his experience with them was along the same lines as well.

In this context, Tim as a child might come to see failure as a surefire way to lose the regard of the people he’s worked so hard to keep. He might also view it as a personal failure - if he can’t do this one thing, if he isn’t always right, then what is he? A failure.

Side-note: I think he doesn’t see success (as in opposition to ‘failure’) as something to be particularly proud of, either. It’s his normal, an expectation that he should fulfill effortlessly, and to break this normal is to be lesser. This excerpt from chapter 2 CaptainnAustalia’s fic The Replacement illustrates this particularly well: 

“I wasn’t ready to go yet. I wanted to see if the replacement was really as good as everyone whispered.  When Tim finally landed the mark, a good ten minutes later, I felt the overwhelming urge to clap, or whistle, but instead I just leaned forward on my knees and watched for Tim’s reaction.

Nothing.

He just kept throwing, like he hadn’t noticed that the mark had landed. I was literally holding my breath, waiting for him to notice, to react. But he didn’t. He just kept going – landing more and more until there was a pile up and he couldn’t possibly hit the target any more. He collected his weapons wordless and put them in a small bucket off to the side. He looked over then and I could see it in his eyes.

No pride. No accomplishment.”

(Yes, it’s a JayTim fic - I highly recommend it despite the use of first person interjections and other nitpicking that i’m guilty of, because I really really love Jason’s and Tim’s characterisation here. It’s one of the few fics that portray Jason and Tim as I see them.)

Anyway. When Tim does manage to fail, he kind of panics, because he’s just shaken the entire core of his being. A big part of his identity and ego is “I’m right and I can prove it”, and this has just been questioned. There are a few ways failure can go for Tim:

a) Tim fails to do something he set out to do, through no fault of his own. For example, he wants to catch this one criminal tonight. Not only does the criminal get away, but all Tim’s leads or contacts on him turn up dead ends as well afterwards. Tim’s first response: to blame himself. He did a sloppy job.Never mind that there were unforeseen circumstances - it’s his fault, because he could have factored them in, and yet he didn’t. Next: he fixes it with double the drive. Because if he can do this more than perfectly, it balances out the earlier failure. It’s all quantitative - if he scores a B on the set-up, he needs to work extra hard to get enough points in the execution to get an A overall for that particular mission. And if overall he does it well, then no one will have to know that he failed.

b) Tim fails to do something he set out to do, because he overestimated himself or his plans. An example of this can be found in Red Robin.. somewhere, where Tim has a few elaborate plans running, and one of them fails. He loses the criminal he took into his custody, and finds himself the target of an assassination tournament.

What does Tim do? He forms a new plan to put him back on track and to fix his mistake, but he is humiliated. There’s an underlying anger at himself for not getting it right.

“Too clever by half.” Are you even hearing yourself, Tim? His tone is simultaneously full of self-praise and self-blame. What he’s really saying is, “I should have seen this coming, and it’s my fault I didn’t, because I thought I was too good at this to slip up.”

This is similar to (a), but the emotion is more intense here. He’s more upset about it than he would be if he’d factored in the obvious fallacies in his plan: it’s very easy to lose someone in a sea of bodies. (Note that I say “more intense”. Much of Tim’s emotions are repressed behind a wall of “logic”, so they don’t seem to show a lot of the time, especially in his narration.)

Let me be clear: I do agree that Tim has insecurities, as does every other human character, but Tim is an arrogant know-it-all. He thinks he’s right, and you’re wrong, and he can and will be a smartass about it, because he’s been right so many times it’s inconceivable that he isn’t. So when it turns out his plans came out wrong, not only is it a blow to his identity, it’s also a blow to his ego. It’s incredibly upsetting to realise that your genius intellect doesn’t make you immune to being wrong.

Scarab puts this into words really well in RR#24:

Tim is so full of himself sometimes, it gets annoying.

What does he do next, though? He moves on. He improvises on his original plan, he jumps to the next related topic, he finds a way to fix this new problem that he’s got on his hands.

He finds out more about the assassination tournament. This pattern repeats itself throughout the RR run: Tim messes up, and then he just moves on. But of course, by virtue of being the main character and also a power fantasy, everything works out for Tim in the end, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Back to Tim’s relationship with failure.

c) Tim fails to do something someone else asks him to do. Whether by personal failings or by circumstance, Tim takes it the same way. This is an embarrassment to himself. Of course, his first instinct is to fix it, but sometimes you just can’t fix things. Now his response will depend on how important he views this expectation of him.

c)i) If it’s something he doesn’t take very seriously, or someone who’s not as important to his identity/ego/peace of mind, eg. at the beginning of RR when he first associates with Tam Fox, and he doesn’t really show much care about how she’s obviously traumatised by her experience with his RR work.

He doesn’t really care! Words are just words, especially so when it comes to Tim, and he’s not offering to do anything to make up for it.

c)ii) But if it’s important, if it’s someone whose approval he desires, eg. Batman and the no-kill rule, he gets defensive of himself, but internally he reacts very similarly to (a). Not anger or humiliation, but self-blame. “What is wrong with me?” is the operational self-accusation here. “Why can’t I fulfill his expectations?” A lot of the time this external expectation may be something Tim expects of himself. Thus failure, or even something close to failure, triggers this response in Tim.

After he attempts to kill Captain Boomerang in RR#26 and ultimately decides not to, he’s faced with Bruce’s disappointment:

And he defends himself. You can hear the denial and self-blame in there. He has to keep emphasis both to Bruce and himself the fact that he didn’t do it in the end. To be fair RR is more of an exploration of how far towards the deep end Tim will go, so it makes sense he’d be kind of ‘rebellious’. But still the defensiveness implies a certain kind of insecurity, that’s just it: Tim doesn’t want to disappoint Bruce, but he has, and it upsets him that he did. (Because Tim does need the approval of those around him, no matter what he tells himself.)

So, overall: Tim is a perfectionist. Not in the stereotypical manner of “I have to become perfect”, but in the sense that perfection is his natural state and any deviation from that is a failure. It’s simply not acceptable.

His first response to failure is usually to fix it immediately, and when that proves to be non-doable, or doesn’t work out, he flounders. And then he shoves it to the list of failures in his head that motivate him not to fail again, and moves onto other things. But his failures are always in the back of his mind, and he consistently (whether consciously or subconsciously) thinks about them, how he could have done things different, how he could have prevented that failure. He gets hung up on them, but it’s not debilitating.

You bet he remembers that one time when he was 5 and considered for a hot second the possibility of, say, Lex Luthor being Batman. He will never let it go. But that failure doesn’t cripple him - he learns from it, and now here he is. Better.

Hope this response made sense! And yes, all my canon examples are from RR because.. guess who hasn’t read much else? I’m starting on Robin, I promise.

[chillin-at-partys-bar]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme

fill out & repost ♥  This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO (Though he’s only in a few panels, I think he ends up being many people’s first fave?)

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO

Are they underrated? YES / NO (I think he’s very nicely rated, but also parts of him need more attention)

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL 

How strictly do you follow canon?

I try to follow what is known at the moment. I’ve done math to figure out when people would be joining his crew, and I try to stick as close to canon as I can. However, we don’t know a lot about him or his crew honestly, so I end up supplementing a lot of my own things. I do have an intense, crippling fear of being wrong so I try to only make safe headcanon guesses even though I know most people won’t care. Also, I'm not a huge fan of no women seen so far on his ship so I just... adjust some things and stick my OCs there. I have a feeling I know part of why there aren’t any women, and I don’t like it even if it fits in with sailor and pirate lore, so I’m just gonna fix that bit. Shanks is so decent otherwise. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

Shanks has a lot of different parts to him. He’s great because he can get along with most everyone for an evening of drinking. He doesn’t care who you are, and he’s really hard to upset but he can definitely troll other characters very well. He’s kind and will rescue your character from certain death if need be, but he’s also strong and will challenge them if they threaten those he loves. He can be a really fun character to ship with as he loves very hard and people mean a lot to him. So if someone writes with him he is guaranteed to have strong thoughts on yours and will be more than likely to call them a friend by the end of the day. He’s also very attractive and good with kids, so that’s nice. He’s very much a pirate too, so if you want a pirate for your story but you don’t want the kind that will strike you down, he’s a great option. He’s forgiving too so you can screw him over and he’ll find a way to forgive you. Maybe. Depends on the kind of screw up. He’s also got a long range in terms of moments to play in his life, some really dramatic canon moments and some headcanoned ones. So it’s very possible to write with kid, teen, young adult, and adult Shanks. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?

It can be a bit difficult to create conflict with Shanks. Although it lets him pull off some great crack moments and have some great fun chaos, it also means that even powerful antagonists are hesitant to challenge him or fight him. Or even bring harm to him as canonically it means starting a fight with the Red Hair Pirates - which it’s also canon that not many are eager to do. This means a lot of the threads end up being talking or verbal threats as the opponent may make threats or Shanks will threaten but he doesn’t feel action is warranted unless action is done against him or a friend (if that makes sense). And even then circumstances mean a lot. I’d love to be able to play more physical rps and put him in more harrowing positions, but it’s difficult with how powerful he is and his reputation. 

What inspired you to rp your muse?

I actually really, really like pirates. I have some books on pirates and I’m really drawn to stories about pirates. A long, long, long time ago I had just read a cheesy romance novel called To Catch a Pirate and I really wanted another book where the pirates weren’t necessarily the bad guys. I was volunteering my summers at the library at the time and they had the first volume of One Piece. I set my sights on Shanks and never looked back. He’s just everything I crave in a pirate story. The dashing rogue with a heart of gold, you know. So I was sold. 

What keeps your inspiration going?

I think just the character and the new interactions that we get to come up with. Also, he’s a really unique character to rp culture as well. He’s insanely powerful, which is something that is more frowned upon with creating OCs for better or worse. Also, because he really won’t abuse this power except for like, something silly, I get to really play with him. I feel I also get to help people play with versions of their characters they haven’t been able to play before. Characters who are used to strong-arming and violence to get their way suddenly can’t do that, because Shanks is too powerful. So they have to come up with another way to express themselves and seeing these muns work with their characters to figure that out is really fun. 

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you do your character justice? YES / NO

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

I’m going to be honest. I really need to steel myself for criticism. I’m a perfectionist to the point where it’s really, really bad sometimes and I have walked away from a character because one person said they didn’t like how I played them. I try to go back to that character but I just can’t really. RP is fun for me, and I want this world to be a place where I can feel free to do what I want. So I prefer no feedback here. 

In before someone says “but criticism is how you grow” - okay. I get that. I really do. I’m a graduate student so I’ve had feedback from teachers. I have a few writing groups where I get feedback on my creative work. I get feedback on things that are meant for a larger audience and I get the feedback often. It hurts a bit but I am getting tougher. A few weeks ago, my group ripped apart (in the nicest way possible) a comedy sketch I was proud of. It took a bit to get over but now it’s better than before. 

So here I might not open things up for critique. I don’t really want to hear it (I accept positivity because I’m a jackass like that). If you don’t like how I write Shanks, that’s fine. Please don’t tell me and leave me be and let me do this my way. If you want to critique something of mine, let me know and I’ll give you a short story, some character notes for a book, one of my sketches, my sitcom pilot script, or my full-length movie treatment, hell I have a 2500-3500 word reflection essay for my grad program due next week so read that. Those- feedback, yes please. I need them to be stellar. This? No. Shanks is my toy and I’m here for fun not to worry and stress and get anxious about posting.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

I accept questions! I also accept questions asking about my decisions. Those I don’t view as criticism and working through my thought process can be helpful. Some answers might not be as complete as others but I definitely do accept them!

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

Not really. I don’t even want to know they disagree unless it’s a huge problem. I had a disagreement over a headcanon once get super out of control and the person got angry with me so... I really don’t want to know. Unless it’s something significant I guess? But I can’t think of anything that would be of that magnitude. I just want to have a good time. Please just let me have fun my way and if you really hate it, just write Shanks yourself and let me be. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

I don’t want to know. This is the theme here. Just don’t tell me. I don’t see the point in telling me you don’t like how I write. I am very sensitive sometimes and I’m working hard through therapy and my own work to not be so sensitive, but I’m just not prepared for that sort of feedback here. In my writing groups, yes - definitely prepared for disagreement and push back on decisions. Here? No. Please no. If you hate my version of the character that much, please just block me. Or just vanish into the abyss. Don’t tell me. I will try to avoid being sad about it but I will not be successful. I know it’s not great and I really don’t want people to try and tell me to get over things like this because I know I need to and I’m working on it but gyah. Now I’m upsetting myself, haha. i cry easily guys. 

Some people: i don’t care if the truth hurts. I’d choose the truth over a lie any day. 

Me: no just fucking lie to me if you have to tell me something. let me be ignorant here.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

I’m sure some people hate Shanks. And that’s different from hating my portrayal. He’s not my character, so whatever you want to do go ahead and hate. I don’t like a bunch of other characters in the world. Just remember whenever shitting on a character, and this is something I learned while interning at Marvel this last year: every character is someone’s favorite. So in Marvel that meant you had to treat every character with respect. Even if it’s like, Electro in Spider-Man - he’s someone’s favorite character so treat him with respect. That doesn’t mean let him get his way, just don’t treat him like junk or a filler. 

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

See above with “trouble making mistakes.” Also, but why?

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

Wow, this whole thing makes me look difficult - doesn’t it? I’m really just here for fun and to enjoy myself and have a good time writing. I do think I’m pretty laid back about things, I don’t have triggers and I’m really forgiving about mistakes. If someone needs to talk to me about something technical that’s fine and I love hearing ideas. I just also want to keep this as a place for fun, you know? I want to make sure I’m not afraid to come on here and write some things, so I just try to make it a space for me to be comfortable. 

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

➸  Tagger: @godlivesonthemoon and @seraphiixa ((thank you guys so much!!))

➸ Tagging: u and ur face