#I need to practice more but I think this is pretty good for a first attempt
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losing your powers simply meant one thing—you couldn’t disappear whenever or wherever you wanted to. in fact, you pretty much couldn’t do anything.
and with your preservation skills or rather the lack of them? yeah, you were screwed.
as much as dean loved your innocence and good-hearted nature, sometimes he wished you could be a little more reserved and bitchy. not so open to anyone. and by anyone, he meant anyone.
so when he found out that you’ve been hitchhiking with strangers? he was fuming after experiencing first signs of an early stroke. you couldn’t spot a dangerous situation if it was pointed at with neon signs and blasting horns—you thought that since your favourite human was nice to you and his younger brother was also a good man, everyone else would probably be the same.
that’s when dean noted that you needed some exposure to other human beings, like a resocialized puppy.
because when he called you (teaching you how to use the phone was like teaching a baby how to walk, but you got there in the end, your phone only having dean’s number) you were once again hitchhiking.
“what? birdie, no, what the hell are you doing in nebraska?” he sighed, running his hand through his tired face. you were going to be the death of him.
“research,” you said as if it was something obvious. “sam said you needed to check something out here, and since you didn’t have time, i did it,” he knew you were grinning right now, and it just tugged at his heart.
“birdie—” he didn’t have it in himself to scold you. or at least not right now. instead, he sighed and got up, getting his keys to Baby. “tell me where you are exactly. i’ll pick you up,” he said, although he frowned when he heard some weird commotion on the other side of the phone.
“you don’t have to. i’ll be back in the bunker in a few hours,” you said with excitement, and when something revved up, dean’s face went pale.
“birdie, what are you doing? what was that?” he asked, panic already evident in his voice and in his tightly he was gripping the phone.
“oh, i’m on a bike! it’s bigger and louder than normal ones, but it’s so cool! and the kind mister has such a cool beard! it’s so fun!” you practically squirmed in excitement, sitting behind some biker since his gang decided to drop you off.
dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. at least you weren’t in a car where they would lock you up. at least on a motorcycle, you could just jump off (he knew you were capable of doing that).
“tell me you’re wearing a helmet,” he let out an exasperated sigh, closing his eyes as he expected your answer.
“i did. but it was squeezing my head too much, and i couldn’t think, so i took it off. also it was ruining my hair.”
lord have mercy.
drabble inspired by this ask <3
#🫧 — kas writes#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x angel!reader#dean winchester x angel!reader drabble#dean winchester drabble#dean winchester#supernatural#supernatural drabble
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DOUBLE LIFE
DOUBLE LIFE MASTERLIST
𓂃⊹ ִֶָ summary: With your anonymous Twitter account, you've acquired a pretty good following and popularity, throughout your school as well. Jake, your long-time crush, is one of them, head over heels. Yet when you once confessed to him, he had rejected your confession, saying that he already has his eye on someone else. What happens when he finds out that his online crush is the person that he rejected? And... How are you going to deal with this?
𓂃⊹ ִֶָ word count: ~2.1k
THIRTY SIX - Hey
The door creaks open and Jake practically stumbles inside, shoulders hunched from the cold. You quickly step aside as he hastily walks around, before closing the door behind him.
"Jesus, it's freezing," he mutters, rubbing his arms before suddenly freezing in place. He turns around, facing you properly for the first time in what feels like forever.
"Hey," he says, voice softer now.
"Hi," you reply with a small, uncertain smile, one hand rubbing your arm nervously. You're drowning in fluffy pajamas, your hair falling messily around your face, and even with slightly flushed cheeks from the fever, you're...
Jake has to remind himself to breathe.
"Oh, um," you gesture to the bouquet he's still clutching, "the flowers..."
"Right! The flowers. I, uh..." He looks down at the colourful bundle like he's forgotten he's holding them. "I got them because... well, remember when we were talking about favourite flowers? When you said- I mean, when everythingblue said- or, no, when you said..."
He takes a breath, starting over.
He's rambling now, words tumbling out faster than he can control them. "I didn't actually know which one was really your favourite. You gave such different answers, so... I just... got them all? Which probably looks ridiculous now that I think about it, but the florist was really nice about it, even though it was almost closing time, and-"
He stops abruptly, realizing he's been talking non-stop. A faint blush creeps up his neck.
"I just... wanted to get them right this time." He sighs out while his eyes flicker between you and anywhere else.
"It probably looks like a mess," Jake continues, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "The florist tried to make it look nice but I kept adding more and-"
You can't help but smile as you watch him ramble. It's endearing, really. The way his hands move slightly while holding the bouquet, how his ears are turning pink (and not just from the cold), how he keeps glancing between you and the flowers like he's not sure where to look. This is a side of Jake you've never seen before. Nervous, a little unsteady, words tumbling out unfiltered.
This is the same boy who could expertly control a football, who always seemed so composed in school, now standing in your hallway just before midnight, clutching a mismatched bouquet and rambling about flower arrangements of all things.
"Jake," you cut in softly, and he stops mid-sentence, looking at you with those wide eyes. "I like them. Really. The fact that you remembered all of those random flowers I mentioned months ago..." You trail off, feeling your own cheeks warm slightly. "Thank you."
He lets out a small breath, shoulders relaxing just a fraction. "Oh," he says, and there's that tiny smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Good. That's... good."
The silence that follows feels heavy, and you find yourself fidgeting with your sleeve. "You must be freezing," you blurt out. "Do you want a blanket? Or I could make some tea? I always have some ready and-"
"Actually," Jake interrupts, his expression shifting to something more determined (though the effect is somewhat ruined by his pink-tipped nose from the cold).
"You're the one who needs to be taking care of yourself. Sunghoon told me you haven't been eating properly, and YOU should be resting, wrapped up in blankets, not walking around in the rain, and definitely not eating ice cream at midnight-"
His hands are moving everywhere as he talks, the bouquet swinging dangerously through the air with each gesture. You watch the flowers wobble precariously as he continues,
"-and what were you thinking sitting at a bus stop for an hour? You could have called- anyone would have picked you up, you know that right? And-"
You reach out instinctively, steadying his flower-wielding hand with your own. "Jake."
He freezes mid-gesture, words dying in his throat as his eyes flicker between your hand on his and your face. You can practically see his brain short-circuiting, mouth slightly open, caught mid-word.
"You're going to make the flowers fly away," you say softly.
"Oh," he breathes out, then swallows hard. "Right. Yes. The flowers. Flying. I mean- not flying. They shouldn't fly." He takes a deep breath, seemingly trying to collect his scattered thoughts.
"What I was trying to say is... I'm not exactly a chef or anything, but I make pretty decent ramen. Would you... would you eat something if I made it?"
You can't help but smile at his earnest expression, at how he's standing in your hallway offering to make you ramen, at how he's still letting you steady his hand.
"Okay," you sigh, fond exasperation colouring your voice.
"I'll just put these in water first, alright?"
The kitchen falls into a comfortable silence, broken only by the soft bubbling of water on the stove and the quiet snips of scissors as you trim the flower stems.
Jake busies himself with unpacking the ramen, three different flavours because he wasn't sure which one you'd prefer so he decided to just mix them, trying not to make it obvious how his eyes keep drifting to you.
But they do. They always have.
There's something about seeing you like this - hair slightly messy, drowning in oversized pajamas with little stars on them, careful fingers handling each flower like it's precious. It's so different from how he usually sees you around school, yet somehow exactly the same. The same gentle attention you give to everything, whether it's editing photos or arranging flowers or just... existing in this quiet midnight moment.
You're humming something under your breath, probably not even aware you're doing it, and Jake finds himself holding his own breath, afraid to disturb this moment.
You look so... at home. So real.
He watches as you gently touch a daisy petal, adjusting its position in the vase with such care that something in his chest aches. It hits him then, how much he's missed this, missed you, even the parts he didn't know existed until now.
The water starts boiling more vigorously behind him, snapping him back to reality.
Right. Ramen.
He's supposed to be making ramen, not standing here like an idiot, watching you arrange flowers with what he's sure is the most embarrassingly soft expression on his face.
But he can't help stealing one more glance, memorizing how you look in this moment, slightly fever-flushed but smiling, surrounded by the flowers he brought, looking so perfectly, wonderfully real.
"How's it going?" you ask, turning away from the now-arranged flowers.
"Almost ready," Jake responds, quickly pretending he wasn't just staring. "Just waiting for the noodles to cook properly."
You hum, moving towards the fridge. "Want me to add some eggs? Make it a proper meal?" You're already pulling them out before he can answer, and he watches as you move around your kitchen with familiar ease, grabbing a smaller pan and some vegetables.
Jake tries to focus on stirring the ramen, he really does, but his eyes keep wandering back to you.
Your hair keeps falling in your face, and each time you brush it back with the back of your wrist, careful not to touch it with your cooking hands...
"The water's boiling over," you say without looking up.
"What? Oh- shit-" Jake quickly turns down the heat, feeling his ears burn as he realizes he's been caught not paying attention.
But when he glances back at you, there's a small smile playing at the corners of your mouth as you continue chopping, and somehow that makes his embarrassment worth it.
He should probably say something, make conversation, but there's something so peaceful about this moment.
The tips of his ears are still pink, but he can't help stealing another glance. Just one more.
You carefully balance your bowl as you lead the way upstairs, Jake following a few steps behind. When you push open your bedroom door, he pauses in the doorway, taking everything in.
"This is..." he trails off, eyes wandering from the fairy lights strung across your wall to the polaroids scattered on your corkboard. "Okay, it's weird seeing your room in real life. I mean, I've seen parts of it in your photos, but-"
"Jake," you interrupt, settling cross-legged on your bed with your bowl, "if you say it like that, it sounds like you've been stalking me."
"What- no! I meant- I just-" he sputters, then catches your teasing smile. "Oh, you're making fun of me."
"Maybe a little," you admit, patting the space next to you.
He hesitates for a moment before carefully sitting down, trying not to spill his ramen. The silence that falls feels thick with everything unsaid, the only sound being the soft clink of chopsticks against bowls. Jake's hyper-aware of every movement. How close you're sitting, how your shoulder almost brushes his when you reach for a tissue, how your room smells like vanilla and something floral and you.
"This is pretty good," you say softly, breaking through his thoughts.
The tension in his shoulders eases slightly.
"Yeah?" he asks, and he's not just asking about the ramen.
You nod, giving him another small smile, and something in his chest unclenches just a bit more.
With the empty bowls set aside on your nightstand, the silence creeps back in. You're suddenly very aware of everything.
"Oh, right," Jake says suddenly, reaching for his bag. "I brought some... stuff." He starts pulling things out, setting them on your bed with careful enthusiasm.
"Some chocolate - which I know probably isn't great when you're sick, but Sunghoon mentioned you've been eating ice cream anyway, so I figured... And medicine, because fever, obviously. And this-"
He pulls out a small box with a Lego flower set logo. "I saw this and thought... since you like flowers..."
The keychain on his bag catches your eye as he moves - a small plushie, gently swaying with his movements. It's identical to the one sitting behind you besides your pillow. Your throat feels tight suddenly.
"Jake," you say softly, reaching out to still his hands that are still pulling things from his bag, seemingly endless. He freezes at the contact, and when he looks up, your eyes meet.
The fairy lights reflect in his dark eyes, creating tiny constellations, and you're close enough to see the slight flutter of his eyelashes as he blinks.
There's that familiar awkward tension again, but it's different now. Softer somehow, more delicate. Like you're both holding your breath, waiting for something neither of you can name.
A strand of hair falls in your face, and Jake's fingers twitch like he wants to brush it away, but he doesn't.
Instead, he just looks at you, really looks at you, in a way that makes your heart stumble over itself.
You're both so quiet you can hear the gentle hum of your heater, the distant sound of cars outside, the slight rustle of the bag's zipper as it finally settles.
It's strange, you think, how someone can feel like both a stranger and the most familiar person in the world all at once.
Your hand is still on his, and Jake swears his heart actually stops for a second when you say his name like that, so soft and careful, like it's something precious.
He's spent so long being angry, being hurt, but right now, with you looking at him in the gentle glow of your fairy lights, hair messy and cheeks still slightly flushed from fever...
"You're really pretty," he murmurs before he can stop himself.
You let out a surprised laugh, pulling your hand back to cover a small cough. "I am literally coughing up a storm," you say, looking down at your attire. "I look a mess."
"No, you don't," Jake says, too quickly, too honestly. The words hang in the air between you.
His eyes can't seem to stay still - taking in how your hair falls around your face, flickering to the way your lips part slightly in surprise at his bluntness. You look soft and close enough that he can see your soft breaths, and his heart is doing something dangerous in his chest.
Then you cough again, small but enough to remind him that you're sick, that this probably isn't the time for... whatever his heart is trying to do right now.
Jake clears his throat, reaching for the Lego box perhaps a bit too quickly.
"Want to make this together?" he asks, voice slightly rougher than usual. It's an escape route, a way to ease the tension that's been building, to quiet the loud beating of his heart that he's sure you must be able to hear.
But when you smile and nod, scooting closer to look at the box, he thinks maybe his heart isn't going to quiet down anytime soon.
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later, then | i. rin
✮ tags ; gn!reader, pre-relationship, tooth-rotting fluff, rin in his actor era, assisstant!reader. this is sfw but i am an 18+ blog so minors do not follow me lol.
✮ wc ; 1.4k
✮ a/n ; a comm for @rabbbitseason that i had to rewrite a couple of times. i rlly liked being able to write something like this. i hope u like the direction i ended up going in sdjksdj
✮ synopsis ; on his last day of filming rin tried to keep you out of his thoughts.
"Rin-kun,"
He knows your voice well enough to know it's you before he even opens his eyes. "Hn,"
"We'll be shooting your scenes next," You say, tapping his shoulder lightly. "They told me to wake you up."
It's not like Rin to fall asleep on a set somewhere, no matter how tired he is. He's usually the type to push through it no matter what. It's petty, but it feels like he's lost otherwise.
He was exhausted before hand though. Months of shooting and he still can't get used to his schedule.
He's here from a morning flight from France that he took all the way back home to Japan. After he arrived, he immediately hailed a cab and busted ass to get here on time. He would normally rest on his journey but found he couldn't bring himself to actually fall asleep.
Professor Heartbreak is a Japanese TV drama (airing domestically lived and internationally on Netflix) and Rin's first acting role. The series follows a romance between a graduate student caught in a lot of debt and her relationship to one of her pupils, college student and heir to mega corporation.
Rin has never had any interest in acting, and had even less interest in acting in a romance drama. His manager however urged (read: forced) him to take the offer, emphasizing how good it would be for his public image among other things. Of course, Rin still declined but no matter what he did - he couldn't actually seem to get out of doing it.
He's off-season now though he started filming during. He can say with confidence there's nothing he likes about the job. No matter how much his manager or director insists that all he needs is to have a pretty face - there's still a level of annoying obligation he feels towards doing it.
The reception was more positive then they were expecting. Apparently Rin is a half-decent actor. He's not playing a character he feels is so different from him, if not much more cringe.
Rin plays the love interest Yukio. Not very expressive and rich with a tendency to chase what he wants. Generally aggressive about the female love interest.
It doesn't suit him and he doubts he'll do it again. But a lot went into getting the role. If he's going to do it at all, he might as well do it well.
Rin hates shit that's half-assed after all, lukewarm acting doesn't suit him.
Today is the last day of shooting and happens to be one of the last scenes. Shooting is sometimes chronological, but not always. Regardless, after today it'll be the last time Rin steps foot on this set. No more long nights, or trying to memorize lines, no more out of place press runs. The practice season will start again and he can go back to the busy he's been used to since the debut of his soccer career.
That also means it'll be the last time you and Rin spend time in the same room. It's the first thing he thinks of when you wake him.
Rin sits up and carefully rubs his eye, careful not to disturb the makeup he wears for set.
"When the fuck did I sleep?"
You laugh under your breath, handing him a water bottle like you already knew he would want one. He takes it from you and takes a long drink trying to wake himself up.
"Been a little over an hour. Hour and a half, maybe. Did you sleep okay?"
He scowls, just slightly. "It was fine."
"I'm glad you slept well," You add, voice full of mirth and amusement as you read between the lines said all too easily.
He was moody when he came on set with you, worse then normal and refused to sleep. You suggested he rest his eyes and Rin scoffed at you for thinking he's so stupid. He's not a kid you can trick into going to sleepy.
You conceded easily, made a single sly comment about hoping he's all there when it's his turn. It'd be a shame if he had to keep shooting the same scene and ended up home late after all. Enough of a provocation to submit to your stupid suggestion.
Rin supposes this was why his manager hired you in the first place. You're in a temporary position, your contract to be in place until filming is over and Rin's back on normal scheduling. Rin realized pretty early on that you're more like a glorified babysitter then an assistant which is why he didn't have very pleasant expectations of you at the start.
But you're competent. Push without pushing too far. Clever even when it's annoying. You've known each other for a year and the only thing that binds you is work but you're with him all the time. Maybe it's just the job, but it still feels like you know him better then most.
Not like he cares.
Realizing he was tired enough to sleep and goading him into doing it are two separate things though. But you've managed both pretty easily which he can admit is a feat. You're always like that. You remind him a little of another annoying striker in that way.
A quiet settles between you. Rin gropes around for his phone, checking his messages and the time. Still a few hours until the set wraps and no doubt social obligations afterwards. He groans.
"I'm going home after we're done shooting,"
"You can't," You say, apologetic. "Manager says you have to show your face during the after party."
"That doesn't make any fucking sense."
"You're the main male love interest, you should at least drop in for a little bit. Have a beer, unwind."
"I don't like drinking,"
"A soda then. Don't be so stubborn."
Rin huffs, carefully pushing a hand through his hair careful not to mess up the styling. There's a beat of silence.
"Are you going?"
"To the drinking party?"
Rin looks at you as if to ask isn't it obvious. You just chuckle.
"Why?" You tease. "Will you stay longer if I go?"
Rin pauses. And it's quiet for just a second too long before he realizes. You seem to understand the implication almost instantly.
Even before Rin who catches himself just a second too late.
"...I don't mind staying with you until you've filled your quota. If that's what you're asking." You supply.
Rin frowns, faint warmth creeping his neck. "Then do that."
You fight back a smile. "Sure, sure. What time were you thinking of leaving?"
"As soon as possible," He says bluntly. You laugh that time. Brightly. Sincerely.
"Seems like a waste. You can handle fifteen minutes without me, right? Doesn't feel like I need to go if we're gonna part ways so soon anyhow."
Rin pouts. A petulant, ugly feeling in him. He speaks without thinking. "You're saying it like we're never gonna see each other again,"
You both catch it.
"Are we?" You're grinning at him where you stand next to him, eyes cast down to look at his face. He fights off a blush but fails to keep from turning red. Fuck. "Seeing each other again, I mean."
He doesn't know what it is exactly that makes him answer the way he does.. "No shit."
You grin, beam really - and your fingers brush his hand on the couch. Rin jolts, clearly in deeper than he thought.
"Okay. Then let's go together and get something to eat after," You say, coy. "Since we're seeing each other again,"
Rin rubs a hand on the nape of his neck.
"Shut up. Fine. Whatever,"
You laugh again no longer hiding it. He hands his water bottle to you as he gets called onto set. Standing to his feet, he takes a breather to stretch out all his limbs.
You give him a mischievous smile, staring at him openly when something seems to strike you. Like you've just realized something.
"Rin-kun. Bend down a little. I need to tell you something."
Confused but not concerned, he complies without thinking.
You place your copy of the script strategically to obscure both your faces, and in a single split second - Rin feels something soft and warm press against his cheek followed by another giggle like a bell chime. He flusters, instantly scowling and tomato-faced and nearly cussing as you look so self-satisfied.
(Warm. So warm where you linger on his skin. Hot where you've touched him despite how brief.)
"For good luck. I'll see you later then. Knock 'em dead, okay?"
He curses under his breath before they call him one more time and he watches you disappear to go do the other half of your job. He puts his hand to his cheek and takes a breath.
Stupid. He closes his eyes and buries the explosion of feeling in him as he replies to no one in particular.
"Idiot."
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How Bambi!reader met Rafe...
trigger warnings!!: religious trauma, parent death, rafe just being a perv in general, innocence kink, coercion, i think thats all but please message me if there is more!!
at least your truck beats walkin'...
You meet Rafe in mid-october, the sun shining through the patterns of trees as you rode down the dirt path towards the old Angels oak tree. It had been your favorite place since you were little. you had fond memories of mama bringing you down here for lunch on days where your father got real busy with work. Now, with momma gone, it was your favorite place to read your bible and get away.
The beaten pages of your bible flap in the wind, and if you had been paying attention you would have noticed the weird way it was sitting in the basket. you were distracted, the dream you had the night before bombarded your brain with images of abandoned churches, and fire, it felt so real you swore you could feel the smoke burning your lungs when you woke up.
you hit a bump in the road, you had driven over it a million times, however, you watch with a gasp as your old bible launches into the air, flying several feet behind you.
you stop the bike quickly, leaving it in the middle of the road as you panic over potential distress to your bible. you’d had it for awhile and it was worn from how frequently your mother had read it to you, instilling the verses into your brain, but it was still yours and you felt guilty that you’d dropped it.
you look around frantically, so distraught that you don't even notice the car hurdling down the road towards you, clearly holding no intention to stop. you grip the cross hanging from your neck, muttering a prayer for forgiveness as you rush towards it. you bend down to grab it before hearing a loud crash from behind you. you let out a shriek at the noise, practically jumping five feet back as you pop back up. you had never seen cars on this road, or anyone else for that matter, how were you supposed to know there would be one now?
the door to the sleek black truck is quickly thrown open, the prettiest man you had ever seen hops out of it, slamming it behind him. he walks forward to assess the damage with an annoyed scoff before whipping his head towards you.
"the fucks wrong with you, huh?"
your big eyes are all he sees at first, how innocent and delicate you seemed. he watches as your pretty mouth opens in closes silently before setting into the plump pout.
"your bikes fucking wrecked, n' my trucks all scratched up, i mean, what are you even doin'?"
the man stares back at you, taking in your wide-eyed expression. "i-" you stutter, your whole body freezing up as you try to find the words, your doe eyes boring into his. his eyebrows furrow as he studies your startled expression.
"dont talk much, do ya'?"
his voice makes you feel strange, not terrified, but warm. your mothers words flash through your mind, "im sorry...im not ‘posed to talk to strangers...specially boys." a wide smirk spreads on his face as you slowly started to back up. you were fidgety, nervous, and timid like prey, he liked that.
"hey hey hey-" he says, holding out his hands in attempt to calm you. "you dont need to be scared, im just trying to get this figured out...okay?" he says, trying to get you to nod with him. you nod slowly with a soft, "okay" before slowly walking toward him.
"good, thats good." the condescending smirk that decorates his face makes your tummy flutter, wide eyes meeting his. "alright so, you wanna tell me what happened here?" he says as his big hand comes to grip the back of your neck, shoulders scrunching up under his hold before slowly relaxing.
you fidget with the hem of your dress, nerves causing your hands to shake, before you finally mutter out, "i dropped my bible..." he looks down at you, brows furrowing as he tongues his cheek.
"see, what i dont understand is why you left your fucking bike in the middle of the road...?" you pout, pretty glossed lips catching the light. rafe smirks, what he would give to have those wrapped around his-
"i had to go back and get it..." you hum, your pretty voice interrupting his nasty thoughts. he would return to them later, for now he was gonna play with you a little more.
"yeah...im still not getting why you didn’t move your bike out of the way, bambi..."
your cheeks flush at the nickname, you'd never had a boy call you anything like that...in fact really, you'd never had a boy call you much of anything before. Rafe smirks, pleased with himself for making you flush so easily, it certainly was a pretty sight.
"i-...i wasnt thinking about it" your voice is soft, almost angelic, a chill ripples down his spine as he thinks of what you'd sound like with your legs thrown over his shoulders, crying out his name. he smirks, grabbing the back of your head to force you to look up at him.
"yeah? well look at what happens when you dont think, you get yourself into trouble." he condescends, his rude nasally tone sending sparks to your tummy. you whine, realization washing over you as your eyes finally settle on your bike. he was right, it was totaled. he walks towards it, your lip settling between your teeth as you watch his big arms flexing as he pulls your bike out from under the front of his truck.
"looks like youre gonna have to catch a ride with me, doll." he hums with a tsk before walking around to throw your bike in the back. you look up at him, frantic, waiting with baited breath for him to come back around.
'i- no im not supposed to get in the car with strangers." you say while firmly shaking your head, and to your surprise his smirk grows wider. you were innocent, which meant you would be easy to mold. he holds out his hands again in surrender.
"im not gonna hurt you, here, my names Rafe, okay?"
you nod, pausing as he comes closer to you, your heart beating in your ears.
"you gonna tell me your name, bambi?" he says softly, his voice soothed you, making you let out the breath you didnt know you were holding, though for some reason your body was still on alert.
"its y/n" you meet his eyes, getting lost in the false sense of security his pretty blues offered. "alright, how about this, you go get your bible, alright? then ill take you home." you frown, unsure if you should. you didnt really have a reason not to, you knew his name and your bike was totally messed up, which meant you had no other way to get home. you could walk, but it was getting late and honestly, you didnt really want to. reluctantly, your head moves in a soft nod, your pretty doe eyes meeting his as you seek his approval.
"good girl, you go get it and then ill help you into the truck." you flush, your stomach doing summersaults at the praise. you'd never received much of that growing up, having this beautiful boy say that to you so easily, had your pretty panties all sticky.
you pad over to your bible, grabbing it with haste before returning back to him, staring at his pretty face as he helps you into the seat.
"there we go, dollface..." he says before strapping the seatbelt over you. he closes the door gently, as if not to scare you, before he walks back around to the other side. he takes of quick, wondering to himself why he'd never seen you before, silence filling the car as he thinks.
"where do you live bambi..." he suddenly speaks up, bringing you out of the trance you had been in as you watched the trees go by. "umm i live on the cut...not too far from here." you hum softly, and as you speak he nods, smirking as it clicks. you were a pogue, which made things simultaneously easy and hard. easy because tracking and watching over you would be a piece of cake, hard because asking people around him for information about you would be useless.
you go back to watching through the window, your gentle voice breaking the silence as you direct him where to turn and which ways to go. he's mostly silent for the rest of the ride, mulling over things in his head. you were so innocent, he couldn't have anyone getting to you before he did. he watches as you fidget with the hem of your dress, the short material riding up to reveal a bit more of your plush thighs, causing rafe to smirk to himself.
"you nervous bambi?" his voice cuts through what had been a peaceful silence, you had been zoned out as you thought about nothing, off in your own world. you couldn't lie, you were a bit nervous. you felt pressure, the lords presence lingering in the back of your mind as it always did, making you feel sick with guilt. you were gonna have to pray extra hard tonight.
you nod, biting your lip as you bring your knees up to your chest. "yeah...just a little bit" you say as you look over at him, waiting for his reaction. he hums, looking over at you as he pulls onto your street
"you dont need to be nervous angel...just wanted to make sure you got home safe." you nod, reaching over to your car door to climb out, watching as he does so as well. you lean against the truck as he grabs your bike and sets it against the wall of your house. you pout up at him, the face of innocence. god, he was gonna have fun with you.
"thank you rafe...i really appreciate it." he nods, looking you up and down with a smirk. "don't worry about it, y/n, just be more careful next time, okay?" you nod, watching as he gets back into his truck, before padding to your front door. he watches as you bend over to grab the mail, clearly unaware his eyes were on you. he lets out a breathy, "fuck-" as he sees the way your baby pink panties press up against your puffy lips, damp and sticky from the interaction. he snaps a quick picture on his phone before pulling out of your driveway. a smile taking over his face as he puts your address in his notes app as he drives away.
yeah, he was definitely going to have fun with you.
authors note!!: i hope you guys like it!! it took me so long to write the whole fic and lowkey i think its not great but we will see...
tags!!: @nemesyaaa @starkeysprincess @sematarygirls @gibson-g1rl @sirlovel @chloeisbunny @everinlove @meowgirl1 @chrisfortheblackgirls
#chloe’s works ˚୨୧⋆。#bambi!reader x perv!stalker!rafe#bambi!reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron prompt#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron blurb#rafe x reader#rafe obx#outerbanks#obx season 4#obx blurb
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A bit more on Tattoo and what he appreciates in a person.
There was the Noticing where Tattoo had the chance to see Aran handle a situation competently despite being quite frantic just a moment before. This is a tiny building block for Tattoo's characterisation as someone who appreciates the ability to calm one's emotional response when it threatens to take over.
We get another look at this aspect of his in ep 9, when Rosé asks Jack to be her partner. Now, Tattoo does say 'oh I wish she'd asked me'. But. This is his reaction to the actual proposal:
Not impressed nor interested, just something to get over with. But this?
This is his response to Rosé being vulnerable ("Did I do something wrong, do I need to change?"), but smiling through her tears and keeping her head up ("Even if I'm not okay, I have to be okay"). She is clearly heartbroken but carries it well, although in her usual silly manner. That is what Tattoo is admiring here: acting calm while emotional.
Now, obviously we see Aran having trouble controlling his emotions in several episodes. In fact, the first thing we hear anyone say to a named character on the show is "Khun Aran, please stay calm", which Aran decidedly does not do. And this is by no means the last time we hear people saying this. However, I think this is part of what fascinates Tattoo to begin with. Tattoo's engineer brain is always mapping how things work; and he simply cannot understand Aran's emotional expressiveness. He's been trying to figure him out, likely involuntarily at first, unimpressed by the rollercoaster. He can't help but wonder - we see him comment on it to Hoy, trying to decide whether Arans "sick, or maybe bipolar" (not that that's how bpd works); and later he tells Aran that he can't understand his 1-minute-4-emotions mind. He wants to understand this creature who is part of his life now.
Also, Aran is on his way to controlling his emotions. He already had practice in gritting his teeth and being polite through a forced smile, but he is now moving towards being able to handle and calm his emotional response. This is indeed the task that the Moon card sets out for him. (And in the later episodes we've gotten several scenes where it is in fact Aran who is asking another person to calm down, as a reversal of earlier.)
There is a change, and Tattoo has been there to help him with this change. We see an example of this in the abovementioned ep 9 scene, when Tattoo runs to Aran after leaving Joke at the mansion, and calms him down with just a touch and a phrase so that he can keep giving directions. This is very likely another thing Tattoo appreciates in Aran, his ability to learn without holding on to any sense of superiority. (And probably also his ready willingness to support Tattoo in ways big and small. And his straightforward expression whether happy or frustrated. And the way Aran expresses admiration for Tattoo's intelligence and ability. And, uh, he is pretty cute, and silly and sensitive and easy to entertain and a good pillow and fun to bicker with, and he thinks Tattoo is cool, and funny, and smart and interesting, and. Well. There's lots of reasons when you get into Tattoo's head and take a look around!)
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I need to hear about WLW Marbit plssss
OKAY IM AWAKE NOW.
So last night me and some mutuals were yapping up a storm because someone had mentioned how a highschool production had a female two-bit and how marbit went crazy and since we all know I'm literally insane over wlw marbit we started yapping.
I fear I wrote SO much but I hope yall enjoy this because it's just me yapping and probably doesn't make sense.
So I believe @girlishwhimsies had mentioned soft butch two-bit x fem marcia and I fear I have NOT stopped thinking about it. Like godddd imagine all the events that happened.
Like Marcia a girl who has dated a lot of guys just praying to feel some sort of feeling back first talking to two-bit who is by far the coolest fucking girl she's ever seen and realizing something was different about this girl. Marcia who had learned very quickly in life that things were very "black and white" and there are rules she has to follow to stay with her collective group. Despite knowing that she still give this girl her number in hopes of... something.
Then Bob dies and her focus turns to Cherry and her boyfriend who's she's always just convinced herself she's liked him even though he sort of treats her like shit.
Two-Bit who the jokester still in her group full of boys and just having a blast is so silly to me. She's still a amazing fighter who's just pretty much doing whatever she wants without a care in the world. Her constantly getting in trouble at school for wearing pants and shorts at school. Two who stayed behind in order to watch over Johnny and ponyboy is actually so important to me (I believe @brunetteairhead said this at some point ‼️).
Two-Bit who has always seemed so brave and strong literally falling all over the place because of some soc girl who is prettier than anyone she's ever seen at the drive-in. She like tripping over herself trying to impress marcia because she's never met a soc girl like her before. She's quick-witted and confident and that takes two by surprise. And getting Marcia’s number was the highlight of her night. While walking home doubt settling and making her decide to toss the number assuming it was fake makes me so sick.
Then Johnny and pony run away and everything goes down from there. She see Marcia once in the week their two youngest are gone and it's at the police station. Marcia doesn't see her but two spots her almost immediately. Marcia is just staring off into space and the bag underneath her eyes are dark. Two was leaving after being questioned so they never got to talk again.
Then later that week two gets jumped. Marcia standing there with her back turned hurt her for more than any kick or punch she got from the socs pinning her down. Long after her torment two wasn't sure what she was going to do, she could barely walk let alone all the way to the curtis residence and that's when she sees someone coming towards her. Marcia coming back and helping Two and two finds herself in Marcia's house holding her side because it hurts like a bitch but she can't believe she's in Marcias house. The two of them practically losing it because they both sense there's something there but both know they can't act on it because Marcia still has a boyfriend and two still worried about her friends. (Marcia breaks things off with trip after this because she doesn't want to be with someone who thinks its okay to hurt others .)
Them meeting eachother after a few months post book and both of them just kicking their feet n shit because they are SO down right bad. Two-bit yapping to soda about marcia knowing she likes her so bad and Marcia yapping to Cherry about how two isn't like any boy she's ever met and how she really wants their friendship to be good and Cherry hesitantly pointing out how she thinks Marcia might want more than that and marcia freaking out because she knows that it's wrong to want to see herself with this girl. A girl who seems so impossibly strong and a girl who just seemed to understand her better than anyone she's ever known. She knows it's wrong but she can't find it in herself to care. She denys her feelings for awhile because she doesn't want to ruin everything she's worked so hard to build.
The two of them hanging out more and more until eventually they are hanging out at Marcias and two is allowing Marcia to paint her nails despite not necessarily caring too much about like having her nails being done etc but she can't find it in herself to say no to Marcia whenever she makes that face that looks like a puppy who just got kicked so she always agrees. Anyways the two of them are laughing and joking and Marcia like brushes a curl out of two-bit face and the both of them sort of freeze because they are so close together. Two-bit shockingly makes the first move and kisses Marcia (ofc with a bit of hesitation but Marcia meets her halfway) and the both of them just pull away both shocked that they just kissed.
Marcia in that moment does panic for a moment before realizing that she liked the kiss and that no kiss that she's ever shared with a boy ever felt like that. Part of her couldn't find it in her to care that this was "wrong." It felt right and she wanted more, she wanted to sit here and be happy with two.
Meanwhile two is panicking so bad because Marcia is just sitting there with this shocked expression and two-bit is frantically apologizing and trying so hard not to scream or cry she doesn't know herself bit then Marcia takes two-bits hands and tells her that it's alright and that she liked it which catches two completely off guard.
"Wait you did?"
"..yeah"
Anyways after that fact they just sort of just do not talk about it for the rest of the night because the both of them have no clue how to go about talking about what they are so they just wrap up their hangout and go about their week. Two-bit absolutely losing it the next day to soda and is practically screaming over how the kiss was and how she doesn't know what to do and marcia reluctantly yapping to cherry and cherry fully saying "I told you so" and marcia just going crazy because she wants to hold Two-bits hand and she wants to be able to kiss her again but not knowing if Two-Bit wants the same(she does) and they are just complete messes I fear.
ANYWAYS once they start dating they have sleep overs all the time. Two-bit will go to the curtis house and they immediately know she was at Marcias because her nails will be all nice and pretty and her hair will be all nicely braided and she is giving them the look of 'don't you dare talk about it'. Soda totally makes fun of her for it and they almost always end up fighting on the ground.
Anyways I have no clue if any of that makes sense but they've truly taken over my life I fear.
#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#the outsiders broadway#marcia the outsiders#marbit#two bit mathews#wlw marbit#GODDD i love them#i fear theyve taken over my mind its so bad#qpr server got me cooking so hard#qpr server this is ur fault ly tho#sodapop curtis#the outsiders headcanons#the outsiders fanfiction#ponyboy curtis#johnny cade
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i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.
He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.
And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.
And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.
Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.
Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."
There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.
It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.
Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.
At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.
"Do you like to do anything?"
Nothing. Just silence.
Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.
Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.
Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.
And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.
He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.
Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.
So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.
"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"
"Don't."
He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.
Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"
"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."
It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"
The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."
Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."
And they fall back into silence.
Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."
He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.
(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)
At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.
Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.
("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")
(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)
(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)
It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."
The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."
The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.
When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.
Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.
"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."
When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.
Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc prompt#man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two#bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives#or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another#this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b#i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode#danny is the first son#tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand#Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it#Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to#them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad.#oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores#out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant#distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for#safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a#fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap#most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than#sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said#'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you'#danny doesn't know he's batman btw#starry rambles.#was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if#anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it#and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta
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Family ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#Isabeau#Mirabelle#Odile#I have not been able to stop drawing Sif's black ensemble under their cloak ever since I learned about it#The cutest#His favourite colour is black and he wears all black and he dyed his hair black so now it's two-tone!#Stopppp that's too cute#Got curious and yes - fully black-haired Sif is Very cute <3 Contrast lad#Pls gentle touches to Sif they deserve soft holds <3#I'm really happy with their hand expressions there ah Isa's big hands and Sif's small and cute#They love each other!! However whichever way <3#The posing for Sif and Mira is awkward because I was trying to draw the one with them hugging and failed lol#So they're just existing in proximity and happy about it <3 Just being together is fun!#I do love Sif getting practice in on positive touch but also just being nearby and being happy <3#Good company for certain#Can you tell I'm less practiced at drawing Odile so far lol#She is pretty <3 I didn't fully understand the lesbian catnip comments at first but I think I get it now lol#Her flyaways are probably my favourite hehe <3 Gotta draw her with crows feet sometime! Lovely ♪#I love her watching out for the younger members of the party in her cool and dry way hehe - Sif is sleepy! But he needs a push to go nap#There's the hug yaaay <3#I like everyone's outfits very much but I will admit to not using references when I drew Mira :'D More the vibes of her clothes lol#I'll draw them proper sometime!#Odile's outfit is very pretty <3 I love all the allusions to gems ah it's so cool#Such a lovely bunch!
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Cold night
#clemart#winn dos#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#trying something a bit different with this one. i think it came out pretty good for a first time of me trying something like this#winn my test subject for coloring and shaping practice. ohhi need to draw more winn#erm what toontown did THIS guy play (points at image)#last art post of 2023 everyone happy new years too
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#using this scene to distract myself from the horrors of the rest of the episode#i made this in photoshop because i need more practice using it#and yknow what i think it's pretty good for my first try!#barry#barry hbo#barry spoilers#barry s4#barry season 4#hbo barry#noho hank#cristobal sifuentes#nohobal#barry s4 spoilers
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hello @medi-bee something possessed me earlier this morning while i was washing the dishes and i had this immense urge to draw FAM
#rain world#fortune amidst misfortune#nips at neurons#there may be some mistakes i didn't initially plan for this to have shading but something happened#anyway he's being harassed by slugcats#he's really fun to draw actually#I need to practice more but I think this is pretty good for a first attempt
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been thinking 'bout mystery skulls animated recently!!! so, i decided to try my hand at drawing a mr. lewis pepper for the first time!
#my art#mystery skulls animated#lewis pepper#msa lewis#okay well. 'first time' is a bit of a lie; my actual first time was in; like. middle school; i think.#but idk where the hell i put those papers so i guess they're lost to time#either way; pretty happy with this!#his hair absolutely confused me tho. i admit i may have traced the pompadour bit so it would look good;; dkdnsksj#this was mostly just practice to get used to drawing him; mmmmight try again later?#the deadbeat was also hard to draw; suprisingly;; didndkmd#took a few tries to figure out the posing and stuff#was originally two of 'em flying around him; but uhhh#they looked bad iedjkdjsks#happy with this lil guy tho!#also no i don't know what i was doing with the background thanks for asking#anyway. i need to find more msa fics to read. went looking through ao3 and found a couple good ones i liked that i hadn't read before;;#but i need to find moreeeee#unfortunately i can be. very picky with what fics i read; which isn't helpful 😔#anyway- hope whoever reads this has a good rest of your day!! giving you a cookie -> 🍪
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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😬
#I was chilling with some friends#and they were trying to set me up with someone they knew#and I have so many feelings#listen#my ex was my first and only in practically everything#pretty sure I’ve said that before#but the thought of being intimate with someone new?!#gives me massive butterflies but then it quickly turns to nauseous#like#I don’t trust people#I swear I’m gonna get in a new relationship and start to fall and then find out they’re cheating or something#I just know my next relationship isn’t going to be good#but I also need more experience with new romantic partners#im 25 and have only kissed one person#been on like 2 dates#I grew up being such a hopeless romantic#and always told myself I’m going to have a crazy and wild love story#but then I got stuck with a boy for years#and now I just feel so behind and out of it#dates??? if someone were to ask me out on a date I think I’d just straight pass away? like?#is that real???? or is it just in the movies 😂#anyway I’m still unsure about the person they were telling me about#but it just started giving me so many feelings about someone new in general#starting with loving myself obviously but it’s still fun to think about and daydream#shut up rosie
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having some fun w practicing painting today. millie 💙
#vermillion blue#million blue#millie#partizan#friends at the table#fatt#rosa art#the blue sketch was first and then i painted over it. good practice! pretty fun#i think the sketch is probably a bit more expressive... but ill take it. the painting turned out well#i did a bunch of profiles at my art class today (trying to make different noses/mouths/etc.#& wanted to draw paint a bit so.#anyways.#millieeeeeee 💙💙💙💙#im at ep 32 right now.#i think digital painting is becoming more fun to me. i think my colors tend to be kind of washed out... i need to get better w values#nontheless happy with this i think : )#i have sth else i havent posted here yet but i kind of want to draw sth else and post it together? and im stuck on the second thing .#btw listen to. sylvis millie playlist its literally so so good.
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had one of them "quarterly work meetings" just now and what i have learned is that i am severely lacking in the genre of social script that dictates how to behave when first joining a group of people you will be working with regularly from that point on
#i think mostly my coworkers are all people who are fairly neurotypical and so they like. Know how to do this stuff i guess#n so i'm kinda just standing there. like a vampire. needing to be invited in for lack of practice w/these scripts#n like i briefly mentioned this in the tags of a post on my other blog yesterday but like i notice smth similar in my chem lab#it's like i'm missing the first scene of a script to a play but have the rest of it memorized blocked n ready to go#as Soon as i know that my entrance isn't like a disruption of the expected flow i'm fine!!! i can do that shit!!!!#and more recently i've been learning n mastering the opening scenes to the play of 'making online friends'#which is different from real life bc online friendship is asynchronous. realizing now that's why online/irl friendships differ sometimes#n this is also why i tend to be more actively inviting at the start of smth new like a class or semester#bc those are the periods when the ~flow~ is setting itself n if i can manage to integrate into *that* i'm good i can do this#but i don't know how to *slip in* to an existing current as an active participant. i just know how to observe n absorb#bc it's ~personal sharing time~ (lol) but like obviously being Neurodivergent(tm) i misread a lot of cues growing up#n so now the goal feels like 'transition seamlessly into thing so that you're not a despised disruption'#which is why i've become so grateful to the kinds of people who make active efforts to include new people#like. thank you communications majors. i love you communications majors. i owe you my life communications majors.#bc it's so!! 'i promise i'm not snubbing you it's just that my direct instructions were to work Here so even though you are three feet away#'literally on the other side of this wall i'm not gonna come out n initiate conversation w/you bc those are Implicit Instructions'#'/Individual Expectations that i'm too afraid of reading incorrectly but if you come talk to me i will be normal abt it i promise'#the worm speaks#like pretty frequently these days i find myself thinking abt that one post that's like#'yeah back in the olden days being a good host was a learned skill n it involved these sorts of specific things'#'like matching up n introducing guests to each other by saying 'this is x this is y you both like turtles :)'#like i feel like that's the Spirit of icebreakers these days but even if you have interests in common w/someone across the circle#it can be kind of awkward to cross the room afterwards to talk to them so you just end up talking w/whoever's nearest or no one at all
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