#I need to get a gym membership like yesterday

[nikidanger]

.

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[17020]

ᥫ᭡ CAMPUS CRUSH GALORE! NO PRNDL?

# CRUSH 003 — YOICHI ISAGI, 20. KINESIOLOGY MAJOR.

Because learning how to drive is a one-of-a-kind experience, right? Yoichi Isagi’s side hustle includes being a driving instructor. 4.4k crack and a hint of fluff, yn is an idiot and doesn't know how to drive, isagi is an idiot,,, idiots in love !!! word vomit ahoyyyyy!!! ending is a bit rushed srry. NOT PROOFREAD I DONT GIVE A FAWK LET ME SLEEP.

Truth be told, university life had drained YOICHI ISAGI's pockets dry. Whether it was lunch, memberships, or football, his constant spending had set his bank account back to single digits.

He had little to no reaction at first, as he came to realize that yes, perhaps he did have the luxury experience of buying lunch too often, as his backpack slowly became a wasteland for all the long receipts from the restaurant across the street.

And yes, perhaps he had been a tad picky when choosing where to work out, preferring to pay a monthly membership for the gym a few blocks away than to use the free gym at his university, because according to him, 'it feels like sardines in a can, and I would very much rather put my major's knowledge to use and walk a few miles. Very useful for joint health, y'know!'

The football club did not help either, as he had to invest in clothing, shoes, and even supplements to maintain himself in good health. His vitamins had cost him a pretty penny, and his constant ruining of his t-shirts ended up in him scouring different shopping malls to replace them.

In his head, he thought everything would be just fine. He could wake up earlier and cook for himself, or even have yesterday's leftovers for lunch, thus saving on food. Begrudgingly, he accepted the fact that he would have to work out at his university, which would make his workouts longer due to the unavailability of every machine he ever desired to use.

'Everything will be alright' was the phrase which spun around in his mind. It brought him stability, a sense of peace. It distracted him so much, in fact, that it kept his mind clouded while training for his upcoming match against a team from Kanagawa. But cloudiness can lead to blindness, and blindness to disaster.

His right leg sprung, the ball on top of his foot as he hungrily aimed for the goal. The loose fit of his shoe went unnoticed as he kicked, with his foot suddenly feeling a lot... lighter than it should have.

"Yo, Isagi! Was that yours?"

Yoichi's jaw was on the floor, no sound coming out of his mouth. His teammates burst into laughter, with the image of his shoe flying across the field and into the roof of an unknown building stuck in their minds.

"If you don't find it, you're gonna have to get a new pair" his redheaded friend, Chigiri, exclaimed. His teammates nodded, with one of them, a white-haired man named Nagi, speaking up.

"You don't have a job, Isagi, what'll you do?"

"It's not lost" Yoichi shook his head, "I just need to get to the roof and get it."

He was not aware that it would take him around two hours to get to the building, because even though it was right behind the field, he couldn't directly cross over to it, and he got lost. He was also, unaware of the fact that he needed permission to enter the building, as well as the roof, which he did not have. His angry insisting towards the security guard had gotten his request denied, with a quick picture of his face being printed in front him, along with the words "NO ENTRY."

He sighed in desperation, as he unlocked his phone, his thumb swiping over the screen and opening an app, it's icon resembling that of a dollar sign. He typed his user and his password, and he let out an embarrassingly loud whine.

$0.59.

Single digits was him being too delusional.

He closed the app, opening his messages and texting his group chat, consisting of some of his friends from the club.

Isagi It's lost.

Nagi see i told you he'd need a new pair @ reo :x

Reo You need to get a job man

Chigiri You wanna join me at the coffee shop? The shifts aren't that bad imo

Bachira SELL SOMETHING I sell paintings and business has been BUZZING :3

For once, Bachira had given him some good advice. He did not necessarily have to sell something tangible, he could sell his services. Football lessons for little kids are what came to mind, yet quickly faded after he realized he would be biting off more than what he could chew as there were no kids in his residency, and if he were to travel that far into other parts of Tokyo, he would have to spend a lot on gas.

Wait. Gas?

It was then when the idea struck. His dad had gifted him his old car, which was manual, and had taught him how to drive. He did not use it much, as he mostly walked or used his bicycle to get to places.

Having obtained his license at 18, with his father always discussing tips and tricks with him every evening, Yoichi Isagi was certain of what he could do as a side hustle to earn some extra cash. Driving around his neighborhood would make for a investment in gas, but there was nothing that a quick loan from his father couldn't fix.

LEARN TO DRIVE QUICK. THREE DAY COURSE !!! I'm very patient, have a manual car (yes we will use my car), and it's only $150 !!!! Three hours daily!!! For more info please text Yoichi Isagi (that's me) at xxx-xxxx-xxxx

Yoichi smiled at the screen in front of him, seemingly proud of his 'advertisement'. He opened the messaging app and selected all of his contacts from campus, pressing 'send' as his desperation left him to reach out to his group chats for different classes, as well as people he did not even have class with.

He set his phone down on his desk, anxiously staring at it in hopes of receiving a notification. His phone buzzed multiple times, and excitedly, he unlocked it, only to find out it was his friends who had replied.

Bachira Sorry dude I cant, I already have my scooter I'll share it tho

Chigiri "I'm very patient" why do you lie??

Reo It looks like this took you 5 seconds to write

Isagi You judge my ad so bad why don't YOU buy my cleats then.

Reo I have better things to do

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, when a sudden notification popped up at the top of his screen, catching his attention. The number had not been saved on his phone—it was an unknown number! He jumped out of his seat from the excitement, quickly opening the message.

xxx-xxxx-xxxx Hi, is this Isagi? I'm interested in the driving lessons! Are you free next week? Also, do I pay at the end of the course or like every day?

Isagi Hi, yes this is Isagi! I'm totally free The lessons are held in my neighborhood, I'll send location. 𖡡 Location Don't worry about the payment, you can pay me at the end of the course!

xxx-xxxx-xxxx How funny, I actually live like 10 minutes away! My classes end at around 2, is it okay to pop up at 3?

Isagi Of course! Mind giving me your name so that I can know who I'll be teaching? :)

xxx-xxxx-xxxx Yn Ln!

His eyes read the name on the screen over and over again, making sure to remember it. Why wouldn't he, though? You were his first of many clients. Well, at least that was what he hoped..

The week went by in the blink of an eye, and Yoichi was nervous. He stood outside his home, his back leaning against his car door. He looked down at his wrist, checking his watch. 2:58. A figure slowly approached him, and as he looked up, the tip of his ears quickly turned pink as he straightened his posture and fixed the collar of his shirt in an attempt to make a good first impression.

"Hi! Isagi, right?" you questioned, your footsteps coming to a halt as you now stood in front of him. He nodded in response, stretching his arm and his hand meeting yours in a handshake.

"You must be Ln. Let's get started, okay?"

Yoichi guided you to the passenger seat, opening the door for you and closing it once you took a seat, with him reminding you to put on your seatbelt, and quickly walking towards the other side and sitting in the driver's seat.

After asking if you had any experience driving (and to Yoichi's relief, you answered a 'yes'), he gave a short recap of what one could find when getting into a car: a steering wheel, break, turn signal indicators, accelerator, and most importantly, the clutch and shift stick.

You stated you were a bit taken aback, as your family had owned an automatic car, meaning you had no experience with a clutch, and worse, switching gears. Yoichi let out a chuckle, reassuring you that it was totally fine. He explained how learning to drive manual was much better for you in the long run, as it turned driving automatic into a breath of fresh air. Plus, 'automatic cars give a kind reminder'.

"PRNDL."

"PRNDL?"

"Please Rest, No Dozing, Lad."

You giggled, watching how his eyebrows furrowed. "I'm serious, Ln! If you fall asleep on the road, something bad could happen."

Yoichi slipped in the key, his foot on the clutch as his hand turned the key, which was followed by the revving of the engine. He showed you the clutch, his foot on top of it, pressing it down as a demonstration on how to use it. Consequently, his right hand got ahold of the shift stick, moving it around to show you how you can let the stick be in neutral, different gears, or even reverse, and how to change them at any moment.

"If you want to drive, you need to be in first gear, then slowly remove your left foot from the clutch, then place your right on the accelerator. Like this..."

As he reenacted his words, you found yourself attentive to his every move. The way his left foot pressed the clutch, how his right hand oh-so-delicately handled the shift stick, moving it left then upwards to first gear, how his left foot slowly took off from the clutch, and how his right foot pressed the accelerator, how his eyelashes fluttered with each movement of his eyes, how his ears were now completely pink, how his lips were slightly parted—

You could not fuck up your first driving lesson because your instructor was cute. No fucking way.

Your thoughts were interrupted by your instructor, who had turned off the car, handing you the keys. "You ready to try it out?" he questioned, a glint of passion evident in his ocean blue eyes. Nervously, you nodded, Yoichi stepping out of the car and opening your door in return.

You fixed the seat and rearview mirrors, adjusting them to your liking. Putting on your seatbelt, you slid the key in the keyhole and placed your foot on the clutch. Yoichi cleared his throat, making you turn your head to look at him.

"Forgetting something?"

The knowing look in his eyes, as well as his raised eyebrow should have given it away, but to his surprise, you shook your head in response. He gave a disappointed smile, his index finger pointing to his chest.

"You didn't tell me to put my seatbelt on."

Your mouth made an 'o' shape as he slid the seatbelt across his torso, the clicking sound that followed assuring you that now you were ready to begin.

It was a slow start, with the engine turning on and your left foot on the clutch. You did as told, with Yoichi making sure that you applied the right amount of pressure on the pedals. Despite his car being a tad old, it was well taken care of. The pedals weren't stiff, and neither was the clutch. Its interior was clean, with the exterior carefully polished. You could tell it was his pride and joy.

After going around the neighborhood and practicing turns, you were surprised as to how quickly you had progressed. Sure, the car shut off while driving numerous times, but Yoichi's warm smile and his verbal reassuring that yes, this is very normal when it's your first time driving kept you from freaking out.

Three hours went by like three minutes, and you soon found yourself being Yoichi's passenger, as he had offered to drive you home. It was, for the most part, a quiet drive, with Yoichi initiating small talk here and there.

"So, how'd you find out about my lessons?"

"Oh! Bachira sent your message to our Ethics class group chat, since there's a bunch of different majors in there."

Yoichi's lips curled into a smile as he remembered his friend's promise to share his 'advertisement'. You asked him why he was offering a three day course, and he explained how he was in desperate need for new cleats for his upcoming match, which ended up in him rambling on about his favorite shoe brand, his problems with sizing, and how he would definitely need the money for a good pair.

You stared at him in complete awe. How could you not? The fiery look in his eye as he described his passion for football was captivating, enough to make you interested in what he was talking about, hanging on every word that left his lips.

Unfortunately for him, his train of thought had been interrupted.

"Uhh, Isagi? You just drove past my house."

Embarrassed, he tried to play it off. "I know, it's because you haven't learned how to drive in reverse yet" he stated, his attempt at being nonchalant being in vain.

You giggled as he turned his head to the back, his right hand moving the clutch to 'reverse' and then finding its way to your seat, holding your headrest to position himself into getting a better view. Slowly, he drove back, waiting for your signal to stop.

"I had fun" you smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow, teach."

"See you tomorrow" he chuckled, "Hey! Don't forget about PRNDL!"

Yoichi was patient. Just as promised. Even though your classmate Bachira had warned you that Isagi may have lied about it on his ad, a part of you had faith that Bachira's friend would find it in his heart to be patient. You convinced yourself that these driving lessons would be nothing short of fun.

And they were!

Until you found yourself wanting to be swallowed whole by the ground, cheeks boiling hot from how embarrassed you were.

The second day was... eventful. The car turned off, you accidentally knocked a trash can (which according to you appeared out of thin air) while driving in reverse, and your instructor found himself using the emergency brake quite a few times. It was too eventful for your liking, leaving you unable to muster up courage to make a move.

It was safe to say you left your driving lesson feeling dispirited. Especially since you had 'practically ruined your chances with Isagi after making a complete fool of yourself.'

Unbeknownst to you, the smile that was plastered on Yoichi's face once he arrived home was unlike any smile he had ever flashed before, as he rambled on and to the phone laying in front of him, the name 'Chigiri' sitting at the top of the screen.

"So Ln doesn't know how to drive."

"Yeah."

"And they almost crashed your car?"

"Yes!"

"Why do you sound so happy about that?"

Yoichi wasted no time in explaining how adorable you were in his eyes. Each movement of your face was carefully studied by him (when he was not looking at the road, of course), finding your expressions nothing short of cute. Your eyebrows raised in confusion as to why you couldn't switch gears, your eyes closing shut as the trash can mysteriously appeared (which earned you a scolding from him, but he felt very bad while doing so), and the way your face lit up in excitement as you finally mastered parallel parking.

Yoichi's heart skipped a beat.

"So, when're you gonna ask Ln out?"

"Dude I'm not even sure if Ln likes me."

"Do it tomorrow."

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, his thumb pressing the red button on his screen. "Yeah, yeah. G'night, princess."

Yoichi Isagi almost didn't sleep that night, his mind racing as your image popped by every few minutes. He just wanted to be helpful, is what he thought at first, thinking of techniques he could teach you, his cute pupil. The more he thought about it, the more entangled he was with his own thoughts, the thought of possible rejection making his heart sink.

At the same time, you laid in your bed, heart thumping as you buried your face in your pillow in an attempt to sleep. At one point, you and him thought the same thing:

I have three days to prove myself, so let's make it count.

Yoichi had planned ahead. Your comfort was his priority, and after seeing how frustrated you were the day before, he knew he had to cheer you up somehow.

So when you sat in his car's driver's seat on the third day of the course, Yoichi asked you for your favorite artist, playing their music at a low volume so that you would still be able to concentrate while driving.

"I want you to feel comfortable, and to not fear the wheel. If you feel nervous, chances are you're not gonna do well, Ln. So trust, okay?"

You nodded in response, turning on the engine. The ride was much smoother, and it seemed like Yoichi's plan had worked! You were much calmer, the car didn't shut off as much, and you had practically mastered driving up to third gear. As you drove around the neighborhood, you tried to downshift, finding yourself unable to do so properly, bringing the car to a halt.

Yoichi suggested double clutching, a technique he had learned from his father. After some back and forth, you agreed to try it, failing after the first try and shutting the engine off yet again, your face turning red in response. Your instructor took notice of your puffy cheeks and irritated expression, which meant that it was time to move on to the second phase of his plan.

He explained how, in order to practice shifting gears, you had to drive another lap around the neighborhood. You did as told, confused as to why Yoichi started giving different directions and telling you to turn towards streets you had not driven through before.

"Turn right at the next stop. Park, then wait for me 5 minutes."

Turning on the parking lights, you carefully parked the car where Yoichi explained. Looking at your surroundings, you noticed that Yoichi had made you stop outside a convenience store. He stepped outside of the car, his hand waving goodbye at you as he sprinted inside. A few minutes later he walked outside of the store, a bag in hand. He opened his door and sat inside, taking a packaged ice pop from outside the bag.

"It's for you" he smiled, handing you the ice pop. "Your face was red, so I figured we could cool off with a snack."

You thanked him, taking the ice pop from his hand and opening the packaging. You would be lying to yourself if you said the ice pop did not help with your frustration, as its delicious, juicy flavor calmed your senses. It was then when Yoichi struck up a conversation.

"So, how are you liking the driving lessons so far?"

"I like them, it's been fun! I mean—it's hard, but I'm hoping to get used to it, y'know?"

Yoichi smiled, exclaiming he was glad that you managed to find enjoyment in driving. He seemed as if he got lost in his own thoughts, the smile quickly fading and falling into a pout.

"Have I..."

He pauses, unsure of whether or not he wanted to ask, or if it was even worth asking. A part of him already knew the answer yet he slowly became doubtful, a small drop of insecurity staining his once confident train of thought.

"Have I been a good teacher?"

You loudly giggled, which concerned Yoichi even more, thinking that perhaps his worst fear actually came true. Fortunately for him, though, the words that left your mouth after were reassuring to him, his nervous expression changing into a joyful one.

"Are you kidding? Isagi—you're a great teacher. I don't think I would've learned to drive if I had anyone else as an instructor" you smiled, moving your hand with the ice pop so that yours could meet his. "You teach so good, I could honestly take you out to dinner."

You froze in your seat, wondering if your senses were playing games with you, or if you actually let that slip. Yoichi's whole face was a warm shade of pink, his lips slightly parting as if he was going to say something.

"...when?"

"What do you mean when?"

"When will we go to dinner?"

"Uhh... when do you want to go to dinner?"

The corner of Yoichi's lips curled to form a smirk as his gaze met yours, "Let's do this instead. If you pass your driver's exam with me, I'll pay for dinner. If you fail, you're paying."

"So yesterday you gave him a high-five with your popsicle, told him he's a great teacher, and asked him out to dinner?"

"...yes?"

"Did something happen today???"

"Not really. I mean, he was a bit awkward at first, and so was I! But we tried double clutching and the car didn't turn off!"

"And you called me because...?"

"Because I need you to meet up with me at the mall, Bachira" you smiled. Oddly enough, his voice was nothing but a comforting sound to you, distracting you from the fact that tomorrow would be your last day seeing Yoichi. Wanting to make it memorable, you hit up your trusted friend to act as your sidekick.

After explaining your idea to Bachira, he seemed more excited than you were. Perhaps it was the nerves, seeing as you would either be a star in Yoichi's eyes or a total embarrassment.

"You sure he's a nine?" you asked.

"Positive! I'm a nine and a half, and his shoes don't fit me. Just keep the receipt in case they don't fit so that he can change the size."

"And you're sure that these are the ones he likes?"

"Yup" he replied popping the 'p'. "Look, Yn, if he spent a good amount of time ranting to you about how he loves these, then I'm sure those are the ones."

"Are you really sure?"

"..."

"Bachira?"

"..."

"BACHIRA!"

"Sorry! Isagi texted me."

"What did he say?"

He laughed, "Nunya—I'm not a snitch. Gotta go, see ya in a few!"

Who knew shopping for cleats would be... such a hard ass procedure?

Heel slippage, playing surface, playing position, type of cleats, materials, size, weight, and more. The chunks of information swarming your brain all at once eventually made you dizzy. If it weren't for Yoichi's ramblings and Bachira's guidance (and what he knew from playing alongside Yoichi), you managed to find the perfect pair.

The odds were in your favor, because the same exact pair of cleats Yoichi lost were on sale.

After a sleepless night from the nervousness, and constant doubting of whether or not you made the right choice of purchasing cleats for a guy you met four days ago, you were ready for the final day. That is, if "ready" could be defined by letting your eyes close shut in an attempt to sleep as Yoichi explained his 'test', with him constantly asking if you're okay.

Yoichi was worried, with him even suggesting that you reschedule the test free of charge, but you shook your head in response, sliding in the key and turning the engine on.

Sure, it would have been nice to reschedule and see Isagi one last time, but your ego itched at the fact that you would be unable to drive at this moment.

Safe to say, the test was... alright. It started off as a few twists and turns, switching gears, double clutching, and parking parallel, perpendicular, and angle. Reverse parking was the biggest pain, though, as you almost knocked over a light post that "magically appeared", with Yoichi quickly pulling the emergency brake. After that teeny incident, though, things were smooth-sailing, with you parking outside your home and switching seats with Yoichi.

"So.. how did I do?"

"I mean..."

His expression was concerning, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze so concentrated, it brought chills down your spine. Did you fuck up that badly?

"Light post aside," he stated, his expression suddenly changing into a cheerful one "I think you did a pretty good job! Congratulations, Ln!"

You sighed in relief, lips curling into a smile as you remembered the item you bought yesterday. Getting out of the car, you told him to wait there, quickly going inside your home and stepping out with a gift bag. He tilted his head to the side in confusion as you opened the door and sat in the passenger seat, a huge grin on your face.

"What's the bag for?"

"Just a little something for ya."

He carefully peeled the bag open, his eyes widening and his mouth falling agape in disbelief. Taking the box out of the bag, he opened it, only to find a brand new pair of cleats, the exact same pair he had lost a while back.

"Did you really..?"

You nodded.

The amount of "thank you's" that escaped Yoichi's lips were far too many to count, eventually becoming some sort of slurred, unrecognizable chant. You giggled as you watched him trace his fingers around the cleats, utterly enamored by them.

"About the payment, Isagi, I don't have cash so I was wondering if you accepted wire transfer—"

"Oh, don't worry about it."

"Huh?"

"Yeah there's no need! The cleats are enough."

Yoichi grinned as he took off the emergency break and fastened his seatbelt, waiting for you to do the same. His hand was on the shift stick, and his foot was on the clutch.

"Where are we going?"

"Dinner" he smiled, "You passed, so I'm taking you out to dinner."

You smiled as you relaxed in the passenger seat, your eyes naturally closing from exhaustion.

"Sleepy? You can doze off, it's a long way to where we're going."

You sighed pleasantly as you felt your body slowly falling asleep as Yoichi softly mumbled to himself.

"...please rest now, dear lover."

[knightyoomyoui]

TWICE x M Reader - "Cry For Me": PART 3

One more one-shot before I spend the rest of the days remaining before 2023 ends! This took 8 months after I last published the previous chapter, and I apologize for the delay caused by my lack of motivation to write and bunch of important tasks to do both in my private space and my campus. I recommend that yall read the first 2 parts before proceeding to this one so it can help yall remember what happened in this ongoing multi-part story. Enjoy reading and have a happy Christmas season everyone!

Here's my Ko-fi account where you can drop your donations or ask for a commission. You can check it out on my Tumblr profile too!  Buy knightyoomyoui a Coffee. ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui - Ko-fi ❤️ Where creators get support from fans through donations, memberships, shop sales and more! The original 'Buy Me a Coffee' Page. Previously on TWICE x M Reader - [Cry For Me] : PART 2

Nayeon opens her bag and takes out her camera. She turns it on and scrolls down on the gallery and paused at the exceptional picture that when she shows it toher, it won't need any further explanations to spill in addition. "I must say, he did kept you out from it. Although, having an eyes is useless when your mind is blind... and that what he is." Nayeon then gave the camera to Tzuyu and watched her look at it horribly. "I know it's not the perfect thing you want to see, but I have to remind to you again Tzuyu. You agreed to help me, I'm just doing to favor in return. This is one of my ways. I'm going to open your eyes and see the reality. Especially... when the truth is right there to set you free." In the middle of the night, sounds of helpless, broken and grieving screams and cries can be heard in the Chou residence. Despite of the exhausted eyes, Tzuyu's tears still pours out from her eyes one after the another until she finally burst out in loud sobs. She pounded the bed, raked her hair aggressively and threw all her pillows with her clenched fists in all anger, rage and devastation. She remained suffering inside the darkness as the image of you and Momo kissing outside of the gym earlier continues to intensify the pain in her heart and mind while her vengeful state becomes intensified.

The next morning, Jeongyeon and Nayeon had breakfast at a neighboring café in Jeongyeon's neighborhood. In an attempt to lighten the mood, they engaged in talk about unrelated subjects until Nayeon made the decision to go back and concentrate on the actual task they were working on. Nayeon stated inquiringly, "About YN, how did it go well?" but her tone hardly conveyed her curiosity. She will never develop any expectation when your name is spoken. As Jeongyeon was reminded of what had transpired the night before, the disappointment that had been building inside of her surfaced again. "Uhh... nothing.", she said.

Not wanting to get misintepreted and just leave her friend hanging for a lack of detail, she emphasized it further. "I-I mean... it didn't happen."

"What do you mean?" Nayeon furrowed her brows.

Jeongyeon bent her head down and stared at her nearly empty pasta dish. "He didn't show up. The receptionist from his workplace yesterday told me that it was his dayoff but he didn't saw any signs of him outside." To Nayeon's perplexity, Jeongyeon nodded, "So you were supposed to meet him there?" She shook her head and clicked her tongue. "How am I not surprised that he'll forget it." Jeongyeon sighed, "He said he was free." "But anyways, maybe he was with Tzuyu yesterday. I shouldn't complain about it if it was his girlfriend he chose to spend his time rather than me who is his ex." Nayeon saw that you had let Jeongyeon down once more. She knew in advance that you wouldn't provide her the appropriate apologies, like you did a year ago. In retrospect, she was truly appreciative of it as the longer you persist in your obstinacy and self-centeredness, the more she has been inspired to rebel against you in an effort to exact revenge on you for the harm you caused to her friend's weak heart. Even yet, it was difficult for her to accept that the only thing that came of it was that you were still ruthlessly breaking Jeongyeon's heart and now hurting Tzuyu as well, who is aware of the darker part of your nature. Nayeon chimed in, presumably trying to shift the responsibility and allay Jeongyeon's concerns, saying, "It's fine, Jeong. I already knew that it'll go that way." It made her wonder, though, if it was the sole reason behind Jeongyeon's melancholy. "Do you too, right?", she checked. Jeongyeon turned to face her, shocked by Nayeon's persistence. "I-I am." She pretended to be happy. Nayeon's eyes narrowed. She had known Jeongyeon for almost ten years. She's skilled at lying, but because they've grown close to the point where they resemble siblings, Nayeon wouldn't take it well.

"Should I remind him again?" Jeongyeon asked. Nayeon hated to see her slowly getting manipulated again by YN's disguise of being a nice, sweet guy that Jeongyeon used to fall in love- and then get fooled afterwards before. She had to pull her back away in case things gets more alarming.

Nayeon doesn't forget that even after months of their break-up, Jeongyeon is still TRYING to get over him. The man still has this soft spot in her heart which serves as Jeongyeon's weakness from him despite how she despises him from what he did to her.

With that, Nayeon needs to do better and continue to flip that disadvantage into advantage in order to be useful against YN's downfall.

"No need, I still got him kept on track." Nayeon  said. "You're right, he was with Tzuyu yesterday. Fortunately she gave me a signal and that way I had to continue following him."

"And did you find anything suspicious?"

Nayeon looked at Jeongyeon's wondering gaze. She breathed deeply and gulped the saliva to her throat before responding.

"Getting there."

Although she detested lying to her friend, she made a mental promise to herself that she was going to tell what was true eventually, as for the time being this had nothing to do with Jeongyeon. On the other side, you parked your motorcycle next to the sidewalk in the interim. You got off and took off your helmet, bringing your personal items with you as you entered the bakery. The chimes chimed as the door opened, attracting the attention of the few individuals within.However, one woman in particular stood for a considerable amount of time staring at the man who had just entered the same room as her. As their eyes locked, a grin slowly appeared on her face.

It became wider when he fell in line and the more he gets closer, her blush became larger and eyes sparkled in front of him.

"Good morning, Mina." You grinned and said hello to the woman who actually owns this business. The more you pursue to intrigue her, the simpler it will be to get her drawn to you. You and Mina first met when her bakery became your go-to place whenever you wanted to have a sample of a fine, freshly baked bread across the street. The first time you discovered this place was when you pointed her location as your recommendation to Jeongyeon for the two of you to try some delicious baked goods to take home.

You led yourselves there with much pleasure. Although Jeongyeon was a stunning lady who accompanied you at the time, as soon as you walked into the bakery, it seemed as though you were drawn constantly and automatically to the alluring beauty of the cashier who was waiting to serve you and your ex-wife. Mina was so lovely. You were quite attached to her when you had the chance to get to know her better and started going to her store frequently. She remembered you as a regular customer because of something in her gentle voice, her melodious laugh, and her carefree smile.

And the more you two get to know yourselves more, you became even more comfortable to atleast try to test this woman with your ways of stealing her heart and making her fall in love with you as much as you are developing the same for her.

"Hey, YN!" Mina welcomed you. "Where have you've been these past few days? Didn't get to see you here."

"Ooohhh missed me already?" You teased her. Mina became shy and takes her eyes away at your sight.

"I-it's not like that, I was just c-curious." Mina reasoned out. "You know that with the most of the times I get to see you coming here, it'll make me feel strange to just suddenly not being able to spot your presence here."

You hummed and nodded, shrugging your shoulders. "Now that I'm here, are you happy now?" You smirked.

Mina giggled at your silliness. "You cheered up also my day more, YN."

"Good for me, because I always love to see your lovely smile, Mina." You reached for her cheeks and pinched it.

She pointed to the many bread and pastry varieties arranged on the glass shelf underneath you and asked, "Stop with the fluttering words, what do you wanna buy?" She got your favorite treats once you mentioned them, packaged them, and calculated the total price. You thanked her after paying and made a gesture to blow her a kiss before heading out of the store. Your kind gesture made the young girl's heart skip a beat, even though she had no idea that she would soon become just another victim of a love fraud.

Back on the current status of the mastermind, Nayeon reaches the place she spent hours monitoring by, which almost made her bored. Entering the place without the needed proper attire, she unbotheredly walked in and approached her next target.

"Hi, miss. Are you here for an class appointment or a simple workout?" The cashier entertains the newly arrived client.

"Oh, nothing. I just want to speak with the owner, please." Nayeon denied. She looked at one of the posters pasted of the wall and found an interesting name. "Ms. Hirai Momo."

"Uhm... sorry miss, but if you don't have any scheduled class with her, I'm afraid I can't allow you to meet her." The lady still didn't accepted her permission.

Nayeon's patience is being tested yet she remained calm, not wanting to cause a scene here especially that the lady is making sense anyway. She can't just come here and asked for a stranger who actively running an establishment as of the moment to engage in a conversation with her.

She sighed before speaking. "Is she currently here, if I may ask? Actually she's a friend of mine.", she said.

"Oh... I'm really sorry miss." The watchlady bowed down to apologize for restricting a close friend of her boss. "But... Ms. Hirai is not here right now and will not be visiting for today."

Nayeon oohed and gave a comprehensible nod. She was a little let down that after traveling this far, the person she wanted to speak with wasn't here. Nevertheless, she wasn't very impacted by it because of her desire and espionage. "Okay, I'll just ask her by myself. And also, don't tell her that I came here today, got it?"

The woman complied with her request. "Thank you."

Nayeon hurried back to her car after leaving the gym. In an instant, she turned on the engine and spun the wheels. "Alright, her home it is then."

She drived for almost less than an hour until she reached a street on Seoul where she spotted the familiar place she has recently been into. Nayeon went out of the car and stepped in front of the gate before pressing the doorbell.

"Who is it?" The occupant inside called through the talkie.

"Hello, is this is the house of Ms. Hirai Momo? I'm a friend of YN's. He told me to give something to you." Nayeon claimed.

"Ah okay, wait there a second please." Momo responded after. Nayeon just chuckled badly at her deceiving words.

She saw a front door opening, and there she was. Momo stepped out of the house and walked through the gate to open it. The two women stood face to face at each other for the first time.

"Hello, sorry to interrupt you on your time today, Ms. Hirai... but can I just speak with you personally for a moment?" Nayeon suggested. The Japanese woman was speechless as she stared at the unfamiliar face for a while before replying, with some doubts forming inside of her.

"S-sure, come in." She gestured her and gave her a way to pass through.

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you by the way, I'm Nayeon." She offered her hand and Momo accepted it with a small smile.

"I'm Momo."

Together, they went into the home when she shut the gate. Momo led Nayeon into the living room and inquired about her preferences; Nayeon ignored her and assured her that their talk would be brief.

"So, you say you have something from YN that you want to give from me?" Momo responded.

Nayeon gave a nod. She prepared herself since she was going to tell this unaware woman about her major plan. "Yes, but let me clarify things first."

Momo was still unable to speak. "This wasn't directly given to me by him, but I assure you that what I have in me right now... was his own doing."

"What do you mean by that?" Momo knitted her brows, expressing confusion on Nayeon's choosing of words. She opened her phone and  gave it to Momo. As the latter looks at it to know what the content was, she swear that she felt like her heart was about to lose its function to beat.

"W-what the fuck is this?" Momo slowly losing the volume of her voice, her lips shuddering followed by her hands that are gripping the sacred object presenting the painful truth on her. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm just a generous friend who seeks vengeance for my beloved friend and for those who fell the same situation as her." Nayeon said. "And that includes, you. Momo."

"What are you talking about?!"

She threw the phone beside Nayeon's space in the couch. Momo stood up quickly in anger, creating a screeching sound on the chair she sat in.

Nayeon who didn't flinched, just matched Momo's level of intensity in her stare. "From the way you let me in to your house just by the mention of the name YN LN, I could take it that you knew him really well. Especially if i'm not mistaken... you two have something really fishy going on between yourselves."

Nayeon crossed her legs and continued to view Momo's widened eyes as she listens to this mysterious woman spitting all the revelations in front of her. "You may be asking yourself right now, how do I know about it. I have no choice but to admit, I've been keeping my eyes not only on him... but on you too."

"And why do you stick your nose on us? What do you want from us?!" Momo stomped in irritation.

"No, Momo. By the look of your face after what you saw, it should be what do I want from YOU."

Nayeon grabbed the phone and stood up to confront the emotional Momo. She presented the picture again featuring YN and Tzuyu kissing together in front of the clothing store Tzuyu works at. "Don't you still get it? I'm here to tell you that your man who is my friend's ex-husband is cheating with some other woman. THE SAME THING THAT SHE DID TO MY FRIEND AFTER HE LEFT HER BROKEN AND ALONE!"

Momo winced at Nayeon's scream close to her face, little did she know that the rage and anger that Nayeon is containing inside of her from YN is more terrifying and dangerous. "And fuck him for doing that to her! I even had to fly here back from States to take care of my friend because she needed it!"

"So don't you even dare to pull out any mercy or defense card against that cheating bitch because I swear to God, he never was sincere as you. He doesn't care at all even for you." Nayeon tells Momo. "He deserves nothing but little protection on his side, now that I'm coming for him. But ofcourse, I'm not gonna be like him, I'm not gonna be alone on this fight, because I'm bringing a backup with me."

She stepped forward to narrow her stare deeper on Momo's astounded display after learning your true colors.

"You have to join me on this one, Momo. Do this with me not only for Jeongyeon and Tzuyu... but for yourself too."

Momo finally whimpered and shed tears down across her face as she couldn't bear the aching feeling disturbing her both straight into her heart and mind. She is still in disbelief that  you dared to include her on your dirty mind games and offensive tricks.

"This isn't true..." Momo shook her head rapidly. Her heart that was already became fond of his affection is fighting for denial just for the sake of her love. "He told me that he loved me..."

"He never truly did, unnie." Another feminine voice just interrupted whuch effectively stole Nayeon and Momo's attention. Sana who is at the stairs, sitting and has been watching their argument from the start after hearing loud voices coming from downstairs, heard everything they talked about.

"S-Sana?" Momo questionably called her.

Sana lowered her head in a mix of afraid and nervousness from what she's about to tell her long-time friend. "I was a victim of YN's mischief too, unnie."

Nayeon who didn't expect the sudden turn of events, took the turn to interrogate the new girl. "What did he do to you?"

A bit of a flashback when YN went to Momo's home, after some fun times they shared through most of the afternoon, Momo became tired and fell asleep on his lap.

Sana who was currently working on the bunch of records she has to encode as her job, took a short break by going down, filling up some cold water and taking some nice sweet dessert to regenerate herself on finishing her task.

After she finished drinking a refreshing water, she got taken aback when she felt YN nuzzled on her neck while hugging him from behind.

"You smell so good today, Sana. I missed your scent so much." He said as he took another huge sniff on her nape. "Did you just took a bath earlier?"

Sana turned around and slapped him on the face quickly. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Cmon, Sana really? We've been like this close for some time now and you're gonna act dumb on it?" He tried to reach her waist but Sana pushed him away.

"I know what you're trying to say, but I never wanted it and I never even gave you the rights to touch me freely like as if you own me." Sana retorted, with a slight grunt on her voice.

"Oh you will be mine, soon. Are you really gonna keep being feisty against me? I'm liking it more, you know?" He stepped forward, prompting Sana to lean back which only led to her front body to purse closer. "Makes you look hotter to me."

"Stop being ridiculous, for fuck's sake, YN!" Sana kicked him in the shin causing him to groan almost in the pain before shutting his mouth to avoid Momo from waking up. "Momo is in love with you, have some shame please!"

She just walked away from YN, leaving him glaring on her annoyingly. "And can you just please leave me alone and get out of here now. You can visit Momo unnie again tomorrow or else I'll force you out by myself."

At the end of her recollection, Sana looked apologetically at Momo who felt pity for her cousin being harassed by the man she thought her intentions for love was nothing but pure behind her back.

"And I want you to believe her because... I-I fell in love for him too, unnie." Sana seethed the pain from her chest. "But I never liked what he's doing to me because I know he already has you, unnie. It's not right. And I always want you to be happy ever since we were kids, you know that. That's why when I learn that you got him first, I just let it aside even if it'll hurt me."

Momo cried harder, as the guilt and her sympathy for her cousin grew. "So please, listen to me unnie. Don't let him just do this on you."

All three of them became silent after Momo repeatedly spoke 'I'm sorry' for her cousin who chose to sacrifice letting go of her feelings for the man she loves in order to let the person she cherish the most in her life continue to experience the happiness she's getting from the same man she would've love to receive from.

Sana choosing her over you as the more important option was nothing for Momo to be infuriated about on her cousin who is loving the same man she loves also. She was rather acknowledged her decision more. She has now realized that not only her, but her cousin was also just got manipulated by his fake personality.

"So, what are you gonna do, Momo? Would you still remain your side linked on the man who is just using you for his own desire or you will listen to your cousin who cared far better for you than him?" Nayeon set the options for Momo to pick.

"If your purpose of coming to us was to get back on him for playing on our feelings..."

"... then we're joining you" Momo finished Sana's words. Nayeon encapsulated a satisfied smirk at their right response, which provided an additional inclusion to her revengeful accomplices against YN's toxic and unforgivable ways. "He has to regret messing on our feelings like it was nothing."

Meanwhile, you went to the ground floor of your building to retrieve a key from one of the rooms at the conceirge to access it after finishing your lunch.

You were about to head out of the building to look for some meal to feast when the figure of Jeongyeon looking at your direction as she sits at one of the chairs on the waiting area caught your sight.

"Jeongyeon, hey!" You greeted her, almost impressed at yourself for not being awkward already on meeting her, probably due to your reestablished connection with her as a friends through her initiation. "You're back."

However, he was rather surprised that Jeongyeon is wearing a sullen mood, her lips are pouting at his approach. "Hey."

"What's wrong? You look so down. Is there a problem?"

He then got hit by her bag as she glared madly at him. "You really forget about what we agreed on yesterday, don't you?"

"O-oh wait, no!" You denied, adding some hand gestures to emphasize your reaction. "Ofcourse I don't, how would I be?"

"Then why didn't you showed up?" Jeongyeon rolled her eyes. "You never changed. You really can't be tr-"

"Wait look, my girlfriend needed me more okay?" You stated your reason. Jeongyeon felt a pang on her chest at the mention of Tzuyu, dragging her mood even lower, as if it was unnecessary. "She needed me to take care of her because she didn't really feel good after leaving her work."

"Ahh... I see... okay. I understand." Jeongyeon faked a smile and nodded. "I mean, it's your girl. Her priority is more important than me who is nothing but on-"

"I was about to message you but I noticed that you blocked me in every contacts that we used to have." You added, stopping Jeongyeon from her drama. She paused and then realized her own mistake. "So I didn't get a chance to inform you, well thankfully you're here to let me to tell you personally."

"O-oh, is that so?" Jeongyeon said with a sheepish chuckle. "I-I'm sorry. I forgot to unblock you. I guess I also forgot on my part."

You just laughed and shook at how hilarious the coincidence that just occurred. "It's fine. But can you forgive me now too?"

Jeongyeon was about to speak but she sensed some bit of a hidden message there, creating some trouble within herself. She is compelled to say it but something is also pulling her back from doing it. Perhaps it's simply her tendency to overthink things, but there was a clear reason why the word he just spoke became sensitive to her as well. She observed you again, and her face shifted to a bland demeanor when she had intepreted that it's still not for the one thing she's hoping to have from him. Jeongyeon guessed it'll take her more than that to qualify his sincerity for the casualties she had cost. 

"Jeongyeon, you're alright?" You checked up on her as you noticed she got lost on her deep thoughts again.

Snapping out of her trances, she blinked rapidly and faced you again. "Y-yeah, I'm okay. You're going to eat right?"

"Yeah. It's my break now."

"Then I'm joining you, if you mind?"

You smiled at Jeongyeon's insist. "Sure. Let me pick some place for us."

After successfully visiting a restaurant, you and Jeongyeon ordered your foods and to your kindness, you persuaded that you'll be paying Jeongyeon's bill in which she declined at first but only ended up letting you as you also didn't allow her to reject your offer.

You two had a very comfortable and lively lunch, partnered with some engaging conversation about your recent happenings in life, while proceeding to exclude what happened to the two of you in the past.

In turn, you couldn't help but notice the strength and grace with which Jeongyeon had moved forward in her life. Her charming and alluring beauty that was used to hook your feelings on her, you couldn't deny that it never failed to do you so. It's starting to create statics of clips from some of your memories of her where your mood and your adoration for her gets uplifted simultaneously whenever you see this wonderful view of her.

In relief, the waiter distracted your reminiscence of Jeongyeon that is almost getting on your feelings again, passing the receipt of your ordered foods before you gave your payment.

Leaving the restaurant with Jeongyeon after finishing your lunch with her, you and her returned to your workplace. "Thanks for paying for my meal, YN."

"No problem, it's my way of catching up to you." You said. Jeongyeon appreciated the thoughtfulness.

"Well, I have to go now. I still have somewhere to go, I just came here to remind about our supposed meetup yesterday." Jeongyeon excused herself.

"Oh okay, be safe on the road Jeongyeon." You understand, nodding softly and smiling at her. "Goodbye and thanks for the time!"

"You too, YN." Jeongyeon waved her hand at you, but instead you returned the gesture by wrapping her around on your embrance, sending undescribable sensation tingling around her body. "I-it's really good to have you back, Jeong.", you remarked about the redefinition of your relationship with her. Jeongyeon listened, her heart surprisingly softened as she heard the tenderness in his voice.

Now that you disappeared in front of her and entered the building again, that left Jeongyeon to be stunned once again at your heartful and cheerful action, she sighed deeply and clenched her fists at how tough it is again to resist the glimpse of your old being while knowing the bitter truth of it that you still haven't changed, leading yourself astray.

She watched your back distancing away from her, breathing gets heavier as a result of a familiar longing feeling increasing, having her saddened at your lunch that brings her back to that particular time in the past when she had her first date with you and those other numerous times you had to take her outside before, almost giving the same vibes in comparison.

[unhinged-summer-fun]

common grounds (oshamir) - chapter 9

Pairing: Osha Aniseya x Qimir "The Stranger"

A/N: dividers by @cafekitsune

series masterlist

chapter 9: baseline

Sol’s apartment was too big. In recent years, he had repeatedly tried for something approaching minimalism. Every time the empty beige walls would echo harshly at any disruption in the silence, his sentimentality would creep back in. Like kudzu, functionality and aesthetic would become choked by nostalgia. News clippings, photographs, pressed flowers, and sometimes even torn pages from books.

Sol’s house was also too quiet. All that space made the silence seem like another being was in the room, unspeaking but observing. It unnerved Osha at first. After the accident, she wasn’t released from the hospital for a week. Mae had already been living with Sol, and by the time Osha got there, it felt like there had been no room left for her to exist.

Just Sol, Mae, and the silence.

It was the opposite of her stranger’s apartment.

Right now, she wished she was there and not here.

A dark raincloud hung over the dinner table. It was full of everything that had happened over the last week: the issues with her job, her access to gym classes, not to mention the entirely new person in her life. The drama with the junior trainer job seemed like a goddamn lifetime ago. It made the buildup of this family dinner feel fraught with tension: any topic could be on the table, and with how long it had been, Osha wasn’t confident which secrets were off the table or not. 

She was thinking about her first training session with the stranger that evening—good motivation to survive the meal. She had been looking forward to it all day, resting just like he’d told her to. She even admitted she felt relaxed for the first time, and then—

“Are we not going to talk about it?”

Osha stabbed her food a bit violently in response to Sol’s question.

Mae said nothing.

“Why aren’t we talking about it?” he tried again.

“Because we don’t want to talk about it,” Osha said with forced lightness.

“Oshie, come on…”

“Whaaat?” Osha groaned. “I’m fucking over it. Take the job, I don’t care anymore.”

“That’s not what we’re talking about,” Sol said. He set down his utensils, abandoning any pretense that this was to be their usual scripted dinner conversation. 

She sighed and did the same. “If you want to do an intervention, you’re a few days late. I’ve already gone cold turkey from the gym.”

“So you did quit?” Mae said softly.

“It was more that I was quit on. For fucking boxing classes.”

“Vernestra’s request wasn’t unreasonable, Osha,” Sol sighed. 

Very well. They were talking about it.

“Vernestra didn’t request shit from me. Is that what she told you? She restricted my membership to the fuckin Groupon level for no reason! No upper-level classes, no more than twice a week? Those classes literally happen during my shifts. I’d have to come in on my three remaining days off to take any classes. Why, what did she fuckin’ tell you, Sol? What did the fuckin’ group chats tell you, Mae?”

“Language, please,” he said in a pained voice, rubbing at his eyes. “You were obviously upset in my class the last time I saw you. Is training at the Temple really somewhere you want to be four days a week if you are so upset?”

“Have you asked yourself why I was upset yesterday? I was upset when I walked in. Ask Mae about it.”

Osha got up from the table despite protests from her sister and her dad. She ignored them and went to the bathroom in the hall, frustrated to all hell. Her phone was back in her bag, so she couldn’t just waste time until she could leave. Still, she managed to fuck around doing nothing for all of ten minutes before Mae came knocking.

“I have to talk to you.”

“Mae, just go away—”

“It’s about—well. You know who.”

Osha opened the door and came out quietly. “Where’s Sol?” she murmured, crossing her arms and leaning on the doorframe.

“He said he had to get something in his car. I think he needs a second to himself.”

“You mean he’s avoiding an uncomfortable situation.”

I didn’t hear from Vernestra or any of the other trainers at the Temple once.

Part of Osha wanted to feel bad for snapping at her dad like that, but the louder part said that she was hurt more. She spoke the truth to her stranger yesterday; she was tired of this shit. Besides, it wasn’t her job to suppress her emotions just for a grown man to feel better about himself.

“What do you want, Mae?”

“I need to ask you if all this, all the lashing out, was done on purpose because you wanted to train with Qimir.”

Huh. What?

“…who the fuck is Qimir?”

Mae looked like Osha had grown another head. “The guy I trained with for two years?” she said slowly.

Qimir.

When Mae said the name, dripping with disdain, it didn’t suit him. Osha’s mind completely rejected it. If it truly was his name, it only suited part of him—a mistranslation of who he actually was. The new information slid off Osha’s impression of the stranger like water on glass.

No, that suited him better—the stranger.

“What about him?” Osha asked, trying to control the shake in her voice.

Mae crossed her arms, matching Osha and leaning on the wall opposite her. Osha didn’t meet her eyes; instead, she looked at the frames behind her shoulder and above her head. Mae’s frustration mounted, and after Osha’s deliberate obtuseness, she huffed, “Did you quit the Temple to train with him?”

Osha’s eye twitched. What right did Mae have to her personal life when she’d been so prohibitive about her own? She matched her sister’s pose but still refused to look at her. “Weren’t you listening? I didn’t quit, I was quit on.”

“You don’t think Vernestra has a point?”

“No.”

Mae stuttered a bit, clearly meaning it as a rhetorical question but getting an honest answer anyway. “I mean, you’re not—” Mae shifted from foot to foot. “It’s been a long time since you, uh.”

“You don’t think I can fight competitively either?” Osha said, finally meeting her eyes with a glare. “What did I do to you to make you lose your faith in me?”

Mae flinched a little, hurt but unable to refute Osha’s claim. “Listen, that’s not what I’m talking about. So are you—”

“It’s what I’m talking about. I’m not telling you anything for a while, Mae. If I want to tell you something, I’ll tell you. And like I told you yesterday, when I ask you something, I want honesty. I don’t think you’ll give me that, so that’s why I haven’t asked you anything at all.”

“Well, if you are training with him—”

“I don’t want your advice about this, Mae. Can you just drop it? For, like, maybe an actual week? You had two years to tell me all about him. Give me a while to process it without being supervised.”

“You know what? Fine. Have it your way, Osha. I just wanted to remedy things and warn you about who you’re getting involved with.”

He hasn’t lied to me yet, she didn’t say. Mae walked away, and Osha watched her for a few seconds before rubbing at her chest and pacing the hallway.

She approached the room they used to share. Sol had converted it into a guest room after they’d moved to their new apartment downstairs, but he never had overnight guests. His social circle was the same as the ‘old guard’ trainers: they kept things within the Temple and didn’t make friends from other gyms on principle.

Still, the baseless hope of having someone stay remained.

Osha sat on the end of the bed, with pretty memories of the past warring against the fucked-up present. The light purple walls of childhood, adorned with ribbons and proud accomplishments, had been replaced by model-home greige and even more photographs. Two beds, now one. Pictures of strangers where there used to be pictures of friends.

It hurt to hold onto the nostalgia for too long. Osha abandoned the bed and looked at the pictures hanging on what was once her side of the room.

Sol had no rhyme or reason for the wall decor in his guest room. His more impressive memories and keepsakes were in the living room—the things here were most likely moments that didn’t fit in, but he couldn’t throw them away for whatever reason. Photos of a younger Sol on his college boxing team sat above another photo of Osha at high school graduation, and next to that one was—

There were many children she didn’t recognize in that photograph. As if in a trance, she approached the small frame. She recognized the Temple, of course, but the marked youth of each person she recognized told her it was from a long time ago. Sol was in the back, beside Vernestra, Kelnacca, Indara, and Torbin—who hadn’t yet lost his eye. The five children standing before the coaches smiled with varying enthusiasm, but her eyes remained focused on the grinning little boy in glasses standing before Vernestra.

He looked older than the other children but seemed the most excited of them all. His eyes almost disappeared under the force of his goofy grin, toothy and familiar—he’d grown up since then. This little boy suited the name Mae had told her. Qimir.

Like the frame at the Temple, she popped open the back. She moved carefully as she removed the newspaper clipping from behind the glass, and held it gently as she unfolded the rest of the article.

TEMPLE GYM OUTREACH PROGRAM SETS CHARITABLE STANDARD

Vernestra Rwoh, 36, has owned and managed Temple Gym for ten years. She has started the Padawan Training Program in collaboration with the Federal District Orphanage to provide community support to the underprivileged. “For most children, their first mentors are their parents. For children without parents, finding that kind of personal guidance to navigate the world is much harder,” Rwoh said in an interview. “Though the initial scope of our program is quite small, the biggest changes start with the smallest of actions. We hope to expand to provide more opportunities to underprivileged children in the city.”

The rest of the article felt sterile and self-congratulatory, providing little information about the program.  Osha gathered that it was an outreach program training orphaned children to box. She looked back at the photograph. Beneath it, she found his name listed after Torbin’s in the smallest font.

Qimir Loharne (13)

When I was thirteen, the rods were removed, and the doctors at the spine clinic said I should join this… outreach program that was starting at the Temple.

He was thirteen. Imagining the abuse he went through over the next four years made her stomach turn. Osha refolded the news clipping and carefully tucked it under her shirt, against her skin. Her hands shook with barely repressed anger.

Hastily, she covered up where the article had been with a framed photo of herself winning third at the science fair. Looking around the rest of the room, she wondered if he was hiding—being hidden—in any other frames, but she couldn’t find anything.

She didn’t know why she was disappointed.

He was waiting for her when she came down from her apartment a few hours later. Night had fallen in the city, but city nights were never as dark as she wanted. The crescent moon that had walked her and the stranger home the night before had grown into almost a waxing quarter moon—she’d started keeping track of the moon phases as a brand-new member of Unknown Planet.

His car idled as he leaned on the passenger-side door casually. He looked like a cool, dangerous love interest in a romance movie: dressed all in black, with his hair somewhat falling into his eyes above his glasses, arms crossed, one leg bent slightly in front of the other. Osha couldn’t look that cool if she tried. All that remained of the small cut on his face was a small red line on his cheekbone. His attention was on a little device in his hands she couldn’t see, so engrossed in it that he didn’t look up when she stopped at the sidewalk. 

“Hello,” she greeted him. 

He looked up, watching her approach. “Hello.”

Osha felt rooted in place under his gaze, the weight of his name sitting heavily on her mind. “Hi,” she said, cringing inwardly. Would she ever interact with him where she didn’t act like a fool within the first ten minutes?

“Hi…” His head tilted to the side, his eyes flitting over her frozen state. He pocketed the device and approached. “Are you alright?”

The incident at Sol’s had thoroughly fucked up whatever measure of calm she’d gained from the day’s rest and recovery. Her mind was all over the place, unable to focus on one thing for long. The folded-up newspaper weighed heavily against her heart from inside her jacket. She nodded tightly in response to his question.

His smile faded a little. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“No! No.” Osha sighed and pressed her cold hands to her face. “I’m so scatterbrained today; it’s not you.” Some of it’s you.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked, his voice dropping into that soothing tone he used when she was in pain the other day.

“Maybe,” she said. “Can we get out of the cold first?”

“Of course.”

Before she could protest, he’d taken her gym bag off her shoulder and walked back to his car to open the door for her. She followed him like he had her on a damn leash. Wait, did she like that? She really was a goddamn mess tonight.

Once he loaded her bag into the backseat, he paused before getting in. He reached into his pocket to retrieve the device he’d been playing with, only then getting inside.

“Is that an iPod mini?” Osha guffawed.

“If it ain’t broke…” he said with a grin. “I prefer more analog things, if you couldn’t tell.”

“You use a flip phone and drive a car that could survive a nuclear apocalypse. I don’t know why I’m surprised you have an actual iPod. You probably also have a pocket watch and a VHS collection.”

“I resent that,” he huffed. “I have two pocket watches.”

Their banter set her at ease for the rest of the drive to Unknown Planet. The music on his iPod wasn’t what she usually listened to, but she enjoyed it enough not to speak over it. They passed the bar’s street entrance, and he drove down a side street to a private parking lot. He parked but didn’t move to get out just yet.

It’s your call, the silence said. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.

Osha got out of the car.

Her stranger held the door for her as she walked in and followed behind as she took the stairs. This was the path they’d taken after she watched him fight for the first time, the stairs leading up to the third-floor dressing rooms. He unlocked the black door and ushered her inside with a hand on her lower back.

As they removed their winter jackets and shoes, he told her the plan for the evening: “I need to establish a baseline. I told you I’ve seen you fight, but it was only recorded footage and obviously nothing from after your injury. Seeing you move in person will give me a better idea of where to focus first.”

“How much of tonight involves jumping or running?” she asked, eyeing the rolls of tape in her bag.

“None,” he said, digging through his backpack for a pair of shorts. He tossed his glasses on top of the bag before entering the bathroom to change. Osha scrambled to do the same while he’d given her some measure of privacy, peeling off her jeans and t-shirt.

“There are plenty of ways to do cardio without exacerbating injuries,” he continued. This felt a little like their second meeting: when she changed her shirt behind a wall, and he mopped up at the cafe. “Repetitive exercises like jump rope, running, and machine workouts risk worsening your condition the more you rely on them.”

That was promising.

“Then what are we doing for cardio?” she asked, shimmying into her tank top.

“For now, swimming. Eventually, sparring. Can you swim?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know there’s a pool here.”

“There isn’t. You don’t have to worry about that until tomorrow, but we’ll be using the one at home.”

His wording had her hands nearly slipping on her shorts as she pulled them up her thighs. She corrected the fumble, snapping the waistband around her hips and folding it like usual.

“Swimming is easier on injuries,” he continued. “It uses every muscle group, and adding resistance to workouts is much safer.” He emerged from the bathroom without a shirt, going through his bag while he spoke—as if she wasn’t poleaxed seeing him like this from such a short distance. He had nothing on but low-slung basketball shorts and his socks.

“Cool,” Osha said, mind a million miles away. “Cool.”

He pulled a shirt on, followed by his glasses and a black baseball cap that kept his hair out of his eyes. “Let’s get you ready for me, hm?” He gestured to the chair when she didn’t move in response to him.

“Cool!” She wanted to slap herself. She needed to get it the fuck together. “I’ve got tape in my bag—”

“Have you used KT tape before?” He opened a drawer at the small desk beside her, revealing several thick rolls in various colors.

“Kinesiotherapy tape?”

“What’s with the face?”

Osha tried to quit scowling, but she’d already been called out for it. “Well, isn’t it… not as good as athletic tape?”

He placed several rolls beside him in a neat line, along with scissors. “Each has their benefit,” he said. “Neither is wholly better than the other. I’m guessing you haven’t used it before, then?”

“No.”

“Tell me how you wrap your ankle.”

As she explained her usual methods, she couldn’t help peeking at the colorful tapes he had brought out. Some even had little designs on them—shooting stars, rainbow stripes, and the feral river otter mascot of the college he worked at.

It was definitely much cuter than the standard white athletic tape and flesh tone pre-wrap.

He nodded. “Would you mind trying something new? Just to see if you like it.”

Osha was growing familiar with the urge to perform well for him, and it didn’t irritate her as much as it probably should have. She nodded, and he gave her a brilliant smile. Her heart fluttered in her chest like a bird taking flight.

He talked her through what he was doing, first measuring out pieces of tape, then cutting them up and applying them to her foot, ankle, knee, and thigh in bands of red and black. Aside from the aesthetic advantage, she appreciated that she didn’t have to loosen up her sneakers the way she did after layers of pre-wrap and athletic tape.

She also appreciated how his hands felt on her bare skin.

“There. Walk around a bit. If you want it off, the adhesive won’t fully set for another fifteen minutes or so.”

The method she’d been taught to use before had been good for reducing swelling and preventing sprains and strains, but sometimes, it felt like her ankle was just being squished, not supported. The KT tape felt like how she wanted her ankle to feel. With so much more freedom of movement, she almost felt like a newborn deer, amazed she could stand and walk like this. Holy fuck.

“That good?”

Shit, she’d said that out loud. He was still on the floor, putting away the rest of the tape and tugging on his shoes.

“Yeah,” she laughed. “This is crazy.” She bounced on her feet a little. She must have looked silly as hell doing lunges around the dressing room, but he only regarded her with a look of fond amusement she was growing accustomed to. He asked for a hand up.

When he got to his feet, they ended up inches apart, their height difference made glaringly obvious. Osha was surprised to find she liked it. His height, his arms, his broad fucking shoulders—they didn’t intimidate her like they probably had done for Mae. She took a breath, settling into a comfortable, calm mindset.

“Let’s go,” he murmured, touching her waist and spinning her toward the door.

The gym above Unknown Planet looked completely different from the last time she saw it. The cage had been dismantled and replaced by a large sparring mat, where pairs of people faced off—wearing anything from singlets to gis to clothes similar to what Osha was wearing. While a few individuals were locked in at the punching bags or machines, many were clustered in small groups, working together or encouraging one another. They were laughing and having fun.

Osha could count on one hand the number of times she heard laughter at the Temple. She’d need no hands to count the number of times she’d had fun in the last six years.

He led them to an empty area. Her nerves were going wild, and the prospect of disappointing him felt terrible and inevitable. But he trucked ahead. “For our warmups, we’re going to…” He showed her a series of stretches and light calisthenics to get her loose and warm. He never spoke down to her or overexplained his choices. When they were finished warming up, he checked in.

Honesty came easier with him.

“I feel like my ankle’s a little weaker. It’s not weak like failing, but not as strong as I thought. The tape helps a lot.”

He nodded, looking her over. “Can you go up on just your right foot? Flat.” He knelt before her to see better, then put her hand on his shoulder so she’d be balanced. “Up on your toes. Flat. Good. Again.”

Osha was going just a little fucking mad. Just a little, though. He seemed to like flustering her. He tended to get himself into situations where she was above him, and he was on her knees beneath her. She followed his instructions, doing a few calf raise holds on her good leg, then her injured one. Her body obeyed his instruction on autopilot, but her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was honed in on two precise places: where his thumb rubbed back and forth against her ankle, and where her hand lay flat against the shifting muscles in his shoulder.

“I see what you mean,” he said, letting go. He adjusted his glasses and tugged down his sock. “There are a few muscle groups attached to the Achilles tendon…”

He explained exactly what she was feeling, even having her put her hand on the back of his calf while he repeated the same moves she had just done. For once, the uncontrollably horny part of her brain remained silent, instead fascinated by his intelligent explanations. It was a mystery how he could even pretend to be a bumbling idiot.

She asked him so many questions, and he patiently answered each one to her satisfaction. Osha had never felt so respected and cared for in a training setting and wondered when that would change.

The rest of their session passed just like that. They hadn’t done much training overall, but by the end of things, she knew more about her ankle and knee. The formless pain now had names, faces, and weaknesses that could be exploited for her benefit—maybe even defeated.

By the time he brought her back to his dressing room, midnight had already passed. She was more worn out than she expected after so uneventful a training session.

“On the mat, Osha.”

Oh, there was her horny brain—back with a vengeance.

She tried her best to look graceful and attractive as she lowered herself to the mat, but her ankle had finally had enough of her, and it ended up being more like a slow-motion ragdoll collapse. She supposed that was what she deserved, trying to be cool in front of him. Shit, she was more tired than she thought.

But still, the yoga mat felt nice. Being flat felt nice. Her body, for once, felt nice. She groaned happily. “Yeah, mat. Great idea.”

He laughed softly and knelt beside her. His hand went to the back of her right calf, pressing his thumbs into her muscles with light pressure at first, then deeper when she didn’t flinch away in pain.

“What are you doing?” she asked, turning her head.

“You might be two and a half years out of practice, but most call this a massage.”

She kicked blindly at him with her other foot. His hand caught her quickly, avoiding any of her injured areas. She calmed down, and he continued his massage.

“Unlike athletic tapes, the KT tape can be worn for up to five days. It’s waterproof, too, so when we go to the pool tomorrow, you’ll still have the same support correcting your ankle and knee to the right tension. You can take it off at any time with a bit of oil, and if you need me, I’m never too busy to help you.”

It was harder to pay attention to him when he had his hands on her, and between the relief he gave her and the soothing tones of his voice saying such lovely things, she almost fell asleep right there. When he finally finished, she felt like her bones had gone al dente. He gave her time to change in the bathroom, and she was surprised to see the silly smile adorning her face.

You are sooo fucked, she mouthed at her reflection.

She only smiled back.

It was a little after one in the morning when they returned to the apartment complex. He parked in front of her building, idling in one of the covered spots he didn’t own. Neither of them spoke, and she didn’t move to get out. Something in the air felt taut with tension, obvious but unacknowledged. He inhaled like he would break the silence, but her anxious mouth got there first.

“I found another picture of you.” She unzipped her jacket to the inside breast pocket, where she’d carefully tucked the news clipping from Sol’s place. She gave it to him, and his jaw flexed as he looked it over.

She expected all manner of responses from him—So now you know my name. Do you believe my story now? What a long time ago—but instead, he asked her, “Why do you give me these?”

She’d been asking herself that same question. Looking at the little boy in the picture, she said, “You told me, before you took me to the bar the first time, that there was a time that you had no evidence you existed besides your pain. You shouldn’t have been—it’s just—” She exhaled harshly, staring out the windshield and fidgeting with her hands. “You do exist beyond what happened to you. And you deserve to have proof of that.”

After her halting explanation, her mind felt clearer. The nervous buzzing of her thoughts had ceased—at least temporarily. When he—when Qimir—no—when her stranger didn’t say anything for a while, she turned to look at him and was immediately caught in the snare of his gaze.

He’d leaned in toward her, lips slightly parted and eyes a little unfocused as they flitted about—eye to eye, then down to her mouth. Osha couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. She could only endure the wildfire he ignited in her body, heat licking through every inch of her. His teeth slowly sunk into his lower lip, and he moved forward another inch—

“Osha,” he whispered, soft as a prayer and most likely unintentional. The sound of her name on his tongue made her shudder, and her eyes fell shut. He inhaled quickly, reality and reason coming back to him all at once.

She opened her eyes when she felt him sit back in his seat and found him straight-backed and controlled. “Thank you,” he managed to say after some silent seconds. His voice sounded rougher, full of an emotion she couldn’t place. She hoped it was desire and not regret.

“You’re welcome,” she whispered. “I can, um. I can stop pushing them on you if it makes you—”

“No.”

She blinked. “No?”

“I appreciate you bringing them to me. They… you’re right. They’re signs of a life I had taken from me. It’s more than I had of myself yesterday.”

Osha smiled helplessly, leaning back against the headrest to look at him. For the first time in a long while, she felt proud of herself.

CHAPTER TEN

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 25 (Crosshair)

Summary: Crosshair reflects.

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

I apologize for the delay, I was super exhausted yesterday and nothing I read made sense. But I do hope I didn't make you wait too long

Love oo

Italics - Flashback

Warnings: Grief, annoyed, frustrated, anxiety, crying, beginnings of a panic attack, grave, mentions of headstones, anger, violation of privacy, feelings of guilt. If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

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One year later …

Today just wasn’t Crosshair’s day. If his eyebrows furrowed any further, there was a very real chance they would end up being stuck in that position, permanently. 

The level on his annoyed metre was reaching dangerously high levels, and he was ready to lose it. 

He wanted …. No. He needed some peace and quiet, to get away from everyone. He took the day off, with that thought in mind, not to mention today marked a year since Avery passed away. 

It was odd, it felt surreal knowing she was gone. More than that, it felt weird knowing his life moved along, even without her. But then, it always did for the living. 

As he drove towards his coffee shop, he could help remember how the reality of her passing hit him hard the week after they buried her. 

It had been a busy Tuesday, his mind was preoccupied with work he didn’t even realize he’d unconsciously driven to his usual flower shop. It didn’t even phase him being there, since it was his regular day to visit Avery. He was distracted walking around the shop picking up her favourite flowers, he made his way to the counter ready to buy the bouquet when it hit him like a ton of bricks. He felt at first he couldn’t breathe, as his eyes focused on the petals and remembered she was no longer at the hospital.

In fact, he had no reason to go back to that hospital ever again. 

Tears welled up, as he realized he’d be taking the bouquet to a different location. He stood at the counter with the flowers for what felt like ages. When he finally walked out of the flower shop, and got in his car, it somehow drove itself towards the cemetery.  

Even his feet moved on their own accord when he reached the cemetery. Everything felt surreal, like it was happening to someone else and not him. He stood at her grave for several minutes, before his strength evaporated, he fell to his knees, as his shaky hand placed the bouquet on her grave. Tears streamed down his cheek, knowing this was the only way he’d be seeing her. Time held no meaning as he stayed there for hours, missing her to an extent he never realized he could. 

An ache settled in his heart, thinking back to that moment. Back to the week he lost Avery and buried her. He had gotten better, there were still moments when everything felt he was about to lose his mind. But those moments were becoming far and few in between. 

The guilt he felt was overwhelming. Guilt for being less than a perfect husband, and guilt for not making an effort with Layla, after the funeral they only spoke to each other if it was necessary. There was also an immense amount of guilt from not telling his family sooner about Avery, the fact they’d never get to know what an amazing woman she was. 

Even the way they found out about her was shameful. He parked his car, as he looked at the coffee shop, across the street. It was busier than usual, he didn’t rush to get out of the car, as his mind drifted back.

Two weeks after the funeral …

Cross sat on the couch, his brows furrowed as he focused on the various headstones that were being offered. 

Layla emailed her preferences, along with the various templates of how the headstone would look, and although some were quite beautiful none of them seemed right to him. They didn’t exactly scream ‘Avery’, nor did they capture who she was; he let out a sigh, leaning against the couch, as he placed the tablet beside him.

Should it be this difficult? It was a headstone, not a sculpture. 

He needed to clear his head, he stood, stretching his limbs. He’d been hunched over looking at the headstones for almost two hours. He left his tablet alone, as he headed towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. 

Despite the argument, Tech had yet to move out of Crosshair’s apartment. He was getting better about not spending all his time there, but it was slow progress. Tech slowly meandered his way from his room over to the couch. Things weren’t exactly the greatest between the two of them, since he blew up at Cross. 

He fully expected Cross to rip into him when he came back to the apartment, but instead the next morning after their argument, Cross just told him to stay as long as he wanted, he told him: he didn’t care when he was ready to move out, as long as when he did, he was sure he was ready. It had been a complete shock to Tech, he wasn’t sure what happened to Cross, but something caused him to change his mind. 

He spent a week trying to determine exactly what happened to Crosshair, but he refused to discuss it. In the end, he let Cross be, knowing eventually he’d tell him when he was ready. 

Tech sat down on the couch, picking up the tablet when it slid closer to him, he was about to place it on the coffee table when his eyes caught sight of the headstones. His eyes focused on each stone and the templated name, Avery Taylor-Fett. His hand gripped the tablet, as one question pounded in his mind, ‘Who the hell was Avery Taylor-Fett?’ 

Crosshair hadn’t heard Tech come out of his room, nor had he heard him walk and take a seat on the couch. His eyes were focused on stirring his coffee as he walked back to the living room, when he froze in his tracks as his eyes locked on to Tech’s hand holding his tablet and his eyes clearly reading what was on the page. 

“What the kriff do you think you’re doing?” His voice was bridled with anger at seeing his brother violate his privacy.

Tech slowly lifted his head, and locked eyes with his brother, “I think the bigger question is who’s Avery Taylor-Fett? And why are you looking at headstones?”

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[gerinurse]

The final awakening…..

Is this the final awakening? I’m asking myself this today. How many times have I started over and how many times will I “start over” on my journey? I think I’m really asking myself the hard questions after a particular horrible couple of days. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were rough. My body hurt in ways it hasn’t before and my energy levels were in the toilet. Worse yet was the amount of time I was spending in and out of the bathroom. My body is not in a healthy happy place and it shows in my skin and bathroom habits. I actually broke down and told my husband how horrible I feel and what a mess my gut health and general health is. He looked me in the eyes and said “I know you’re not feeling the best, so fix it”! I got a bit upset and argued that it wasn’t that simple. His response was “why not?” He told me that I have all the tools and the knowledge and I’m just not using them and you know what? He’s right! I have all kinds of workout stuff but I chose to let it gather dust. I have gym membership that I haven’t been using. I got the greens but really didn’t like the taste so don’t drink it. I skip my vitamins most days because I’m lazy. I snack in crap instead of making myself an actual meal or something healthy to eat. I just continually self sabotage which made me ask myself, am I going to self sabotage myself into a hospital bed or an early grave? So now I ask myself “is this the final awakening? And can I make the habits stick?” I don’t know but I do know that I need to start again and try before it’s too late so yesterday and today I experimented with the green juice and mixed it in different things. It’s not as horrible in orange juice. I took my vitamins and instead of snacking on chips and Ichiban noodles and other crap I made myself a tuna sandwich this afternoon and I tracked it all as intake so I can make sure I’m getting enough protein. All any of us can do is try and then try again because as many great people have said “it’s not about how you get up after you fall. It’s about the fact that you actually get up again and again”!

[cassidys-weightloss-journey]

and i’m back… again. i haven’t weighed myself in months and have been just going crazy lol. the holidays messed me up bad and my scale died so i haven’t been able to measure how much i’ve gained.

so anyways… i donated some blood yesterday and was weighed in at 182. I was shocked how I had gained like 10 pounds in just a month or two….

i’ve realized i have to change or i’m on my way to more weight gain.

so here’s what i’m going to do:

• cancel my hotworx membership. it’s too expensive. i have free gym with the school so it’s not needed and i didn’t get much progress from it when i was consistent.

•go to the gym 5 times a week

•go on a 1-3 mile walk with my doggo daily

•96 oz of water each day

•calorie deficit of 1,500

•consistency

i’m only going to weigh myself once a month. i need to focus on myself rather than a number. weight loss is extremely hard mentally because of my past with anorexia followed with BED. patience with myself.

so, as of yesterday (01/29): 182

goal for (02/29): 173

wish me luck!

[afawnsdiary]

Gym Day 3

Leg Day 😁 Killed it! Had the lady gym all to myself today so I took a quick picture to show y’all the tiny closet haha.

It looks a lot bigger on the picture because I used wide angle to capture it all while squeezing myself in the corner. I’d say it’s about 40-50 square meter. My living room is 32 🤭

It’s nice though that there is one at least. So you don’t have to do your RDLs and Squats in a room full of men. It‘d be quite uncomfortable. Also when you go at times like I do, it feels safer to have a space like that. Trainers won’t be at the gym before 9am and other staff members not until 7am. There is a night watch but this morning it was a rather tiny woman and I was a little confused about how she’d protect me if anything happens 👀

Not a day so far where I didn’t embarrass myself though. I don’t know what it is with me lol. Went on the leg curl today and I somehow managed to slip down lmao. Don’t ask me how!!! Just so glad no one saw that. At least I think no one saw that 🙈

And because I forgot to tell yesterday: when I was at the cable pull a guy came over and asked something. I say something because I saw his lips move and talking in my direction, a meter away from me but I couldn’t hear a single word. And I said I’m sorry what? He repeated but I still didn’t hear anything 🙈😭 I was just like wtf brain get your shit together. And so I had to ask him again and it was so embarrassing 🙈 I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m fucking stupid or something 😭 All he wanted to know was how many sets I had left and I gave him such a hard time.

I hate when that happens. And it happens a lot. People talk to me, I hear their voice, but no words can reach me. So awkward every time this happens. 🫥

And why the hell do they have this terrible light in the gym. It’s the same light you have in changing booths! It makes you so ugly!! Whyyy. Not asking for sexy dim light but c’mon!

Also today I saw the first gym babe. Not just saw, heard her as well. I don’t like talking bad about people I don’t know. But if you are familiar with certain videos of women complaining about creepy guys while they’re literally half naked or doing things no one can look away from, then you get the picture.

Anyways it was fun, saw nice people (men) and found a couple new vegan products at the store afterwards. Happy Day ✌️

PS: I need a solution to this carry-stuff-around-in-the-gym issue. Like, you got a towel, membership card, water, phone etc and it feels like going into a grocery store without a cart. Balancing it, making sure you don’t drop or forget anything. But it can’t be a bag where you don’t see the stuff or you have to fish it out. But I guess a basket would look silly 🤭 I need to figure something out

[muerteporfavor]

Hola!

Disappeared again my bad. But my duolingo streak is 10 days strong tho so a win is a win if you close one eye. I'm being very avoidant about my art projects right now though so it's a very slight win. I'm thinking about looking into Gym Memberships (not to lift weights because I actually despise weightlifting but for like their little classes like maybe some zumba or barre or cycling idk) because I realized I don't really have an outlet for physical activity anymore since quitting my job and I actually do like exercise. so it'd be a fun little thing. (I would just bike on trails but it's starting to get colder out so that won't be conducive in literally like a month so I will pass) I do at some point want to switch back to martial arts altogether but I'm still terrified of not being able to keep the commitment. Maybe if I stick with the gym membership thing I can trust myself to go back to my beloved.

I also think the interview I had yesterday went really well! They told me I have to do an interview with a different manager next week but fingers crossed that also goes well and I can finally have a job again. (They did out right tell me they were understaffed. And not in the we need 5 people but we have 3 people way but the we need 1 person and we have 0 typa way. (his exact words) Which is a wild thing to admit in an interview. The man was like "yeah i've never seen it so bad for employment in retail gigs before." I googled it later and apparently their entry level rate is 9$ an hour part time. And I can't say I don't see why they can't keep workers. That's literally nothing. They should at least be paying 11$ an hour to even be remotely competitive in the retail world right now if not closer to $13 if they really want to stand out.) Seeing as it's a lot slower of a work environment compared to my last job I think I'll be able to handle the understaffing though or at least that's my hope. It's a future me problem.

Anyway:

Hoy Lista de Tareas:

duolingo (already did so check!)

reading

notebooks

writing

art projects That's all for now I think!

[lesaltywarlock]

A Regular Day For Griffin Fogarty

A story about how Griffin Fogarty met a Demon. 

I was working on Griffin’s profile when I thought about this fic I made a while ago, detailing the story of how he met his Servant. I want to make similar stories for the rest of the Masters as well, but...well, I’ll get to that eventually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What a beautiful day, ain’t it? The sun’s shining, the birds are chirping, and the car exhaust is as rotten as it was the day before.

“What a beautiful day.” Griffin Fogarty repeated his inner monologue, only questioning his sanity for a few seconds before sitting up. Reaching his arms up above his head to stretch, he promptly banged his knuckles on the metal roof of the van he called home. He recoiled and rubbed his mildly sore hands. “Jesus, I really need to stop doing that.”

Seriously, there were indents from how often he’s done that. 

To start off the day, he did his morning routine as anyone would. He neatly folded his thin blanket and placed it on the upper right corner of his mattress before throwing open the van’s back doors and slipping on some gym shoes. Griffin hopped out onto the blacktop of the gas station parking lot to go buy some breakfast. 

The familiar jingle of digital bells greeted him when he entered, along with the bored expression of the clerk at the door. An old Italian woman, with a voice ragged and scratchy from years of smoking, but she was kind and gave him free reign of the drink machines. 

“Hey, Griffin.” They said, just like always, with a heavy accent. “Just the usual?”

“Yes, please! Oh, actually I just got paid yesterday, so I might be able to splurge a bit more this time.” He placed down a crumpled up ten dollar bill with a cocky grin. “I’ll actually pay for my coffee this time. 

The woman’s name tag reflected the morning sun into his eyes, displaying her name. Janice. She smiled at him, perhaps the first expression of interest she’s made today. “Really, now? Why don’t you use it for something better.”

He denied it at first, but she kept insisting, so he eventually relented. Griffin roamed the three short aisles of snacks and occasional premade meals before choosing out some trail mix, a salad, and a Gatorade for when he gets thirsty. There weren’t many options he could choose when it came to meals, as most of them contained meat, but he’s grown to like what little he had. He also got his usual coffee order, adding as much cream and sugar as humanly possible in the tall paper cup filled with slightly burnt vanilla flavored coffee. 

Janice scanned his things and handed him his precious change before they bid their farewells. Today was a weekday, and he only got gas on Sundays. He hopped into the ripped up, sun bleached driver’s seat of his van and sped off into the city he’s memorized like the back of his hand. 

The gym was his first stop, as always, where he greeted the man at the front desk who only worked Mondays before heading off to his usual round of machinery. He had no need for exercising this frequently every morning, but it was a nice way to get him energized and ready to take on the world. 

Also, gyms had showers, and since he didn’t exactly have a home, a corresponding gym membership would allow him to use said shower all he wanted. Which he did, for maybe a good thirty minutes afterwards. 

Today was an off day for him. The past few days have been off days for him, mostly because he couldn’t find work after being let go from his old job, and it was rare for anyone to come to him of all people for appliance maintenance or locksmithing no matter how much he advertised it online. The only exception was yesterday, when he miraculously snagged a job helping someone locked outside of their home. 

After changing into much cleaner and less sweaty clothes in his van, he then drove to the local library. Having a library card was also a much needed expense since they had free wifi, computers, and, of course, books! Grabbing his old backpack that was practically ripping apart from years of use, he headed inside and plopped onto his usual spot at one of the many wooden long tables inside. 

Griffin was still a student after all, taking a few online classes over the summer partly for fun and to finish off some electives he missed before. School was difficult, but having a full ride made things a bit easier, or at least it motivated him enough to keep trying for at least a B+. Without it, he’d probably have gone into debt which he sure as hell didn’t need when he didn’t even have a home.

His stomach’s incessant growling signaled the end of today’s work session. As he left the library and navigated through the parking lot, he mentally tallied up the money he had saved up along with the number of places to eat at. In the end, he decided on his favorite taco truck that was always close to where some of his friends lived. It was hard being on the streets as a vegetarian, but the owners of the truck were kind enough to start making vegetarian options for him. 

He was about to start the engine when he noticed a slip of paper peeking out from the lower left corner of his windshield. Griffin stared at it for a few seconds before fear ran through his spine. He let out a defeated sigh and got out to retrieve the ticket. 

“Come on, New York, what the hell did I do wrong this time?” He groaned and pushed the door open with his foot. “Seriously, you see a guy living in a van and think he’s a criminal or something….”

When he grabbed the ticket, he was surprised to see that it very much wasn’t a ticket. In fact, it was a parchment adorned with a golden eagle wax sealing. After peeling it off, he opened it up and read a fancily written letter. 

To the head of the Fogarty family, 

Fortune smiles upon you today, oh fallen blacksmith. You, whose family has all but perished, have been given a chance at redemption. The Holy Grail of legend, an all powerful wish-granter, has been planted in New York City. You and six other Mages shall conduct a ritual known as a Holy Grail War, in which you summon a familiar, a phantom of the past, at your side and defeat your fellow Mages so as to win ownership of the Grail. Only one Master and Servant will win this. If you search the back of your van, you will find the materials needed to start the process, however, a catalyst to help assist with summoning your Servant is not provided. Perhaps you already own one, as the heir to a family of talented armorers. 

Good luck, 

- Quentin Rambert

“What the fuck?” Griffin exclaimed aloud, turning the heads of a family entering the library and causing the parents to glare at him. His face heated up, and he yelled out, “sorry!”

Obviously, they didn’t care about his apology, and the kid didn’t care at all about what he said either.

He turned his attention back to the parchment in his hands, which weighed as much as the world itself. A chance to wish for anything he desired, and all he had to do was kill six other people and their familiars. 

Griffin wasn’t unfamiliar with the idea of killing someone, though he never did. He was still a Mage, and his pride as a Mage still burned within him no matter how long it’s been since he lost everything so many years ago. Nonetheless, he was still inexperienced, and he lived in a van of all things. If anyone found out, he’d be better off as death fodder. 

But…there was still a chance for him to win, right? All he needed was his familiar to fight with him and a catalyst to help summon them. 

He crawled into the back of the van through the driver’s seat and found a duffel bag containing another large parchment containing a summoning circle, the directions and incantations to summon the Servant, and an address. 

After looking it up on his phone, he discovered it was an old abandoned store in a practically barren part of town. It looked shady, but then again, most Mages were. 

Griffin weighed the odds, but he began to imagine seeing his family’s faces again. His mother’s kind smile and his father’s tough gaze that always encouraged him to succeed. He shut his eyes and pictured that scene countless times before coming to an answer. 

“Alright, Quentin. I’ll accept this offer of yours.” 

The only problem, of course, was a catalyst. Some item meant to help summon this Servant of his own. Considering he was homeless and also very poor, there wasn’t much that he had much less could use as a catalyst. 

But then a thought popped into existence in his mind. He hoisted the mattress off the floor of the van revealing a garbage bag filled with mementos of his past protected by bubble wrap. After rummaging through family pictures, documents, and some personal keepsakes from his parents, he found it. The first sword he ever made that earned his family’s approval, and it was the start of his journey as a Fogarty before it all came to a screeching halt. He sold a lot of his tools that came after that for money, but he could never quite let go of this one. The blade itself wasn’t perfect, with the edges slightly jagged and starting to rust from years of being hidden away. Even the pommel was barely attached to the hilt, and the leather sheath it was in had started to rot away.

But it was his, and maybe it could give him some badass Servant to boot. 

He drove to the address on the paper, only getting lost once trying to take a shortcut along the way. Eventually, he arrived at the empty square and headed inside past the cracked nonfunctioning automatic doors. 

Either a storm passed through it or a fight broke out, because the whole place was wrecked and filled with debris. A long gash wrapped around the entire store, with overturned shelves and carts all slashed in half in a manner that looked way too clean to be anything natural. Obviously, none of this was natural, but….

“You’ve accepted our invitation, then?”

The shadows spoke in a shrill, cocky voice. Emerging from the darkness came a young man several inches shorter than him. He was dressed in a black suit lined with gold, and the insignia of an eagle was branded on his shoulder. The man strutted his way over to Griffin, staring straight at him with green eyes shimmering with some sort of electricity. Smoothing his dirty blond hair back, he remarked, “call me Quentin. I’m the heir to—”

“The Rambert family. Famous and rich modern day aristocrats who’ve served New York for years. I-I read your stupid invitation or whatever.” Griffin waved the parchment around in his hands, only to realize that he just yelled at the heir of a rich and powerful family who could probably sick the fucking mafia or something on him. “Uh…I mean, yeah, I’ll be in your Grail War.”

“I’m a bit honored you know me.” Quentin stood up straight and bared his chest out in pride. “Then again, everyone knows me.”

“Why are you here?”

“To observe the birth of a new Master, of course.” They replied. “It’s not everyday that one gets to be in a Holy Grail War.”

Griffin wasn’t exactly buddy-buddy with any Mages, much less the famed Rambert family. He was immediately suspicious, and all of his brain’s alarms flared up with every passing second, but it’s not like he had a choice. If he rejected, there’s no telling what they might do to him. Though if he accepted, there was also a chance that Quentin might kill him on the spot. 

His only choice was to do the ritual.

He glared at the man but tried his best to continue as usual. He laid out the parchment of the summoning circle and placed his old sword in the center. Quentin raised a brow at it and said, “you’re trying to summon a Saber, then? Going for a strong Servant from the bat, aren’t you?”

“If it helps me win, then I’ll do whatever.” Griffin stepped back a few paces and held up the paper with the incantation. With a catalyst, it made the whole process much easier, so all he had to do now was start the ritual. 

“Let silver and steel be the essence. Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation. Let fire and brimstone pay tribute. Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall. Let the four cardinal gates close. Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate!”

The moment he started the incantation, energy poured out from his body in the form of flames that burned the parchment away, leaving the now glowing shape of the summoning circle. Quentin’s face was illuminated in the light, giving his cold expression an eerie glow. 

He continued. 

“Let it be declared now. Your flesh shall serve under me, and my fate shall be with your sword. Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail. Answer, if you would submit to this will and this truth.”

His sword trembled, absorbing the summoning circle’s energy before shooting out a pillar of pure light up into the ceiling. A gust of wind shoved him back, but he managed to keep himself from falling over. As he spoke, a deep voice repeated his words moments after they left his tongue. 

“From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three great words of power, come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!”

The light promptly disappeared in the blink of an eye. The energy surging through the summoning circle faded away like embers crumbling off firewood. It was just him and Quentin once more. 

“Did…it work?” He asked above the ensuing silence. 

Quentin said nothing but pointed at his right hand. When he looked down, he found a lion’s head branded on his skin like a tattoo. Its jaws were open in a ferocious roar, with eyes that pierced right through his being. It burned, but no matter how much he rubbed at it, they didn’t smudge. 

“Those are your Command Seals.” Quentin explained. “They are proof of your title as Master. They’re powerful spells that allow you to order your Servant to do anything, regardless of power or will, but remember that you only have three. Use them wisely.”

Suddenly, they started to ache even more after hearing that information. Did they really just freely give him the spells to give his familiar absolute orders? Griffin looked around the store, not finding a single person, and a part of him wondered if the ritual actually worked. HIs Servant was nowhere to be seen. 

“I…uh, don’t know what to do now.” He murmured in a feeble attempt to fill the silence. 

“What we do now is kill each other.” 

Griffin choked on his spit. He stumbled backwards, tripping on an empty cart and falling on his ass. Quentin approached him at a snail’s pace, but it didn’t ease the fear creeping into his throat. “Wh-what?”

“With you, our final Master, the Holy Grail War has officially begun.” Lightning crackled between his fingertips which he clasped together, smiling with bloodlust. “The objective is to kill six of the seven Servants, but considering they’re much more powerful than regular humans, it’d be easier to target the Masters. Starting…with you.” 

Oh fuck. Oh shit. He was about to die. Griffin Fogarty was about to die. He tried to move, but found himself paralyzed by the growing static electricity in the air. His nose hairs burned with the scent of ozone as clouds gathered above them. Quentin snapped his fingers, sending a bolt of lightning to strike the ground in front of him. 

At first, he thought the man just had bad aim, but the sound of footsteps growing closer behind him told Griffin that it was done on purpose. It was a signal. 

He turned his head to come face to face with a spear flying straight at his chest, held by a warrior in silver armor. His brief, miserable life flashed before him, and it only made his impending doom feel even more disappointing. After trying so hard to turn his life around after losing everything, this was where it all ended. 

“Pick yourself up, Griffin Fogarty!” That same deep, echoing voice spoke both in his mind and in reality. Milliseconds later, a sword, his sword, deflected the warrior’s blow. The wielder was a samurai, or at least someone dressed in the thick plated samurai armor that he’s only ever seen in movies. Despite his sword being a standard European style longsword, they wielded it similarly to a kendo player and used it to parry the silver-clad warrior’s strikes with their spear. 

The samurai stared at him with blood red eyes, almost like a demon. His words shook Griffin to his core, like they were commands etched into his very being. “Your life shall not end here. Be brave, Master.” 

All of the fear and horror that froze him in place melted away. He pushed himself to his feet and looked over to Quentin’s direction. The man furrowed his brow in anger, yet he didn’t seem surprised by anything that happened. “Lancer! Distract that Servant, I’ll take care of him.” 

Electricity gathered in Quentin’s hands as he prepared a spell, but the samurai was much faster than that. He kicked the other Servant, Lancer, in the gut and sent them flying all the way across the store. Then, they were gone in the blink of an eye and reappeared right in front of Quentin, striking them in the nose with the butt of his sword. 

Their spell fizzled out as they stumbled back clutching their bloodied nose. Quentin glared at them as Lancer ran to his side with his spear pointed at Griffin. “Alright, you pissed off the wrong guy. Servant or not, you’re still outnumbered.”

The air shimmered as dozens of men with assault rifles appeared from the shadows aiming their laser sights at him. His Servant took up a defensive position, holding up an arm in front of him as some sort of shield. They then huffed and said, “I assure you that you are the one who is outnumbered.” 

Plumes of smoke swallowed up the men as the sounds of fighting ensued. Seconds later, when the dust settled, figures cloaked in dark blue clothing that blended in with the darkness stood over the now unconscious gunmen. For the sake of his sanity, Griffin ignored the blood staining their katana. 

Lancer took one step towards them before Quentin ordered them to halt. A smile formed on the man’s face, almost seeming satisfied as he applauded Griffin saying, “I must admit, you’ve outsmarted me. What may be a setback to my parents is a job well done for you. You’re one step closer to winning the Grail.”

“Is the Grail a trap as well?” He asked, “is all of this one big elaborate scheme?”

“I assure you that the winner will receive their prize in the end.” They answered, grabbing onto Lancer’s forearm. “I can’t assure you that I’ll help you, though. Maybe the other Masters will be willing to cooperate. Outside of us, there are five others that you will have a chance to meet tomorrow.”

Griffin tensed at the sound of meeting the other participants in this war. He couldn’t help but imagine Mages equally as powerful as Quentin, paired with deadly Servants that could take down a hundred men without so much as lifting a finger. His own Servant’s eyes burrowed into him as they said, “be calm. I will protect you with my life.” 

He gathered his courage and forced out his fears through a heavy sigh. “What do you mean by that?”

A few seconds passed before they replied, “a banquet will be held at the Rambert estate outside of the city. This will be your chance to assess the competition and for us to celebrate this momentous occasion. Please, try to wear something fancy. There’ll be a strict dress code.”

“B-but I live in a van, you think I have the money for a suit and tie?”

Quentin shrugged, “not exactly my problem, now is it? I don’t have the time to help you anyways. Being a Rambert’s pretty busy work. Come on, then, Lancer.”

With the loud crackle of thunder and lightning, the pair vanished. As his adrenaline faded, so too did his energy. He fell to his knees clutching at his chest trying to catch his breath. His Servant then pulled him to his feet and gripped him by the shoulders. “Are you alright, Master?”

“Y-yeah, thank you…for everything, and all that.” Griffin managed a smile. “So, you’re my Servant, huh?”

The samurai nodded before sheathing Griffin’s sword and hanging it at his waist, right next to the far sleeker curved katana. They bowed deeply as they said, “you may call me Saber. I shall be your blade from now on, Master.”

“Uh…just call me Griffin.” He laughed nervously. “Master’s…a bit weird of a name.”

“Lord Griffin, then.”

He had a feeling that was the closest Saber would get. Griffin motioned for them to leave the store, and as they did, he couldn’t help but eye the shadows wondering if those men from earlier were still in hiding. “Uh…Saber, where’d all your guys run off to?”

“They are my Noble Phantasm.” He explained. “I can summon them on command to fight and spy for the both of us.”

“Um, mind if I ask what that is?”

Saber nodded. “We Servants are Heroic Spirits, phantoms of figures of the past and fiction. We are given special abilities known as Noble Phantasms that represent the legends that we are known for. Some may wield holy swords, like the legendary King Arthur and Excalibur, while a samurai such as myself is given command over three hundred men. In turn, you are also given that same privilege.” 

Griffin’s mind wandered off to a certain BBC show of King Arthur, and how the king definitely sparked an interest in him. He threw that thought away as he slid out of the store and into the parking lot. The sun had set, bringing with it the blanket of night. He didn’t like being in parking lots at night outside of the gas station he’s basically called home for years. It was so dark, and sometimes eerie as well. However, Saber had such a strong presence that he felt the need to be strong as well. 

“Do you have a name, Saber?” He asked. “Your…real name. I don’t remember any samurai named Saber in history.” 

“It is just a cover name. There are seven classes of Servants in a Holy Grail War, and Saber is one of them.” They answered once more, and Griffin suddenly felt bad for asking so many questions to a man who only just came into being a few minutes ago. “My True Name…the name I was given in life…is Hanzo.”

“Hanzo…that’s a much better name than Saber.” Griffin laughed, throwing open the door to his van and sliding into the driver’s seat while allowing the Servant to rest in the back. “I’m guessing these True Names are supposed to be kept secret?” 

Saber nodded. 

“Huh…must be weird, you know, to never be called by your name. I wonder if you Servants ever forget who you were back in the day.”

No response. 

Griffin was beginning to see how most of their conversations would turn out. He hid his disappointment and drove out of the square, suddenly doubting his actions and the future. Perhaps most importantly, he began to doubt whether or not his wallet could handle having another mouth to feed. He could survive for today, sure, but what about the coming days? What about the literal suit and fucking tie he’d have to buy for tomorrow?

He decided to go and ask his friends tomorrow for help. They were all rich anyways, or at least they had homes unlike him, which Griffin considered wealthy enough. Too tired to do anything else, he pulled into the gas station, headed inside to fetch another pre-packed salad and a chocolate chip cookie as dessert, before flopping onto the mattress in the back of the van. 

Saber observed him as he wolfed down his food with reckless abandon. Griffin felt a bit awkward since he’s never exactly had guests in his van, but he did his best to ignore it. 

“Are you sure it’s safe to be out here, Lord Griffin?” Saber questioned, eyes roaming the nearly empty parking lot with a hint of unease. “We cannot be stuck out in the open like this, when there might be enemies at every corner.”

“It’s the safest I can manage.” He answered, “considering I don’t have a place to go other than this ol’ thing.”

Griffin proceeded to bang on the van’s walls, causing Saber to freeze and then slowly nod. “I see…so you have no home?”

“I’ve been living on the streets for a couple years now, ever since my parents died and their house burned down.” Griffin cleaned up his hands with some hand sanitizer before stuffing his trash in a plastic bag to throw away in the morning. “All they left me were this van and the tools they made, before I had to sell those for money. That sword I used to summon you is the only thing I couldn’t sell.” 

“It is a fine sword.” The Servant unsheathed the blade and held it up against the light pouring out from the gas station. “Whoever made this holds great potential as a craftsman.”

His chest burned with pride hearing those words, and he smiled, sitting up a little bit straighter. “Thanks. It’s the first sword I made that earned my parent’s approval. I could probably make a better one now, but…a blacksmith can’t exactly do his job without the tools, and buying those tools takes money that I obviously don’t have.”

It was the worst thing about his situation. If he just had the tools, he might just be able to start earning a living for himself. But in order to do any of that, he needed money, but he also needed money for food and paying for his phone or gas and all the fucking things homeless people still deal with despite not having a home. 

“A blacksmith?” Saber questioned, “there’s far more to you than meets the eye, Lord Griffin.” 

“Heh…yeah. My whole family line made their legacy as blacksmiths.” Griffin hung his head and conjured up memories of his childhood. The roar of a furnace and the constant hammering of metal always sounded so comforting to him. For a long time, he could never fall asleep without hearing the sounds of fire crackling in the background. “We made a lot of things…and I sold them all, just to get enough money to survive.”

In hindsight, it was a bit dumb, but he was a dumb teenager who didn’t know how to survive on his own. 

They sat in silence. Griffin shifted around before eventually laying down on his bed and wrapping himself as best as possible in his blanket. It was getting late, and if he wanted to wake up early to get that suit, then he’d best sleep now. Maybe it’ll give him a bit more time to dream as well. 

“Rest well, Lord Griffin.” Saber said. “My men and I will keep you safe, both you and your dreams.” 

He heard the Servant exit the van and shut the door. Normally, Griffin was still paranoid sleeping out in the open like this, even with the door’s locked, but today felt different. Then again, not everyone had some badass samurai and his retinue of three hundred ninja to protect them. 

As his eyelids grew heavy with exhaustion, Griffin fell asleep, and he fell into the warm embrace of his dreams where his mother and father still lived, and a place where he wished he could live as well.

[jungwnies]

hello mae! I’m sorry I was a lil mia for a second 🥴

these past few weeks have been nice, a few little bumps every now and then but overall good although i will admit the past few days I’ve been feeling a little sick and ngl it got me and my parents worried so I’m gonna get some blood tests taken during the weekend just to check that everything’s alright and verify that i just probably need some vitamins 🤞🏻🤞🏻

i also went on a walk with my sister the other day and omg i sooo needed that, it even rained a little bit and it was nice, she showed me this street where there’s a whole ass tree in the middle of it like right in the middle (say what now), she found it a couple of months ago on one of her morning walks and has told me about it but i only saw it a couple of days ago and we took some pictures posing in front of it cause this thing was also mASSIVE, not the biggest tree I’ve seen but one of definitely :0

i started korean classes again after two months ish and it’s actually very nice, it helps me keep practicing and studying even if im feeling lazy cause like that was the thing, i could totally study on my own but i just couldn’t (like some people nEED to get a gym membership otherwise they don’t workout, well i need my teacher assigning homework otherwise i won’t do it) ㅠㅠ

i also started journaling a little bit again and it helps a lot so im happy about that ^^

and lastly I’ve been listening to a lot of lana del rey (specifically her nfr album I LOVE ITT 😩😩) and donna missal (her new album “revel” 🤎🤌🏻)

now questions for youuu~

how have you been? how’s life treating you? (honest answers only but feel free to go as deep as you want hehe)

what’s your favorite meal these days? have you drank water today? (if no go now! 😤)

what’s your latest obsession? (any kind of) and lastly, which side of the bed do you sleep on? (very random but im writing this before going to sleep and now im curious, i used to sleep on th right side but now i just stick to the middle and end up on the left lol)

remember to take care of yourself, stretch, drink your liquids, eat your favorite meals/snacks, watch some shows/films, cry if u want to and get some sunlight on you if you can 🫶🏻🫶🏻

i love you maeby baby, have a nice day (and week) im rooting for you!! hehe💓💓

-🧸 anon

i also saw your message about your blood tests coming out okay, which i am so happy about! i wish you nothing but happiness and health omgomgomg.

oh my god, i saw ur message about the swift tickets and im sooo happy for you. i haven't been super active on tumblr, not sure why, just need a break from writing i am BURNT OUT!!! walks are always so refreshing, but in my state its sooo humid i hate walking i feel like bugs stick to my body every time i step outside, but i did go to the beach yesterday (who would've thought...) i am also a gym person who only goes if i have a membership, which is why i haven't gone because i haven't renewed... i AM SO LAZY LMFAO i also loveeee lana del rey, her music is sooo chef's kiss... literally

now to answer your questions :)

how have you been? how’s life treating you? life has notttt been bad recently, a few things here and there piss me off, but that's life??? not ready to start the semester again in september, i am literally dreading it LMFAO!?!?!? but it's okay, i'll stick it through and be successful (hopefully????) i'm going to another state in a few days for vacation so i'm super excited for that, need to get away from home!!!

what’s your favorite meal these days? have you drank water today? my favorite meal definitely has been rice and some sort of meat recently... or pasta!!! i really love carbs tbh, it's awful!?!?!? and yes i've drank some water, but i definitely need more. i appreciate the reminder <3

what’s your latest obsession? jungkook is my latest obsession... jk but also not jk?!?! his song with latto is so good, i was so worried it was going to sound off but i lowkey enjoyed it a lot? but to actually answer ur question i've been obsessed with valorant... i know yikes?!?!? but it's so fun... the last time i played was in like 2021 and i finally got back on and realized how much fun i have playing this game LOL

which side of the bed do you sleep on? i sleep on the left side... it's also the side closest to my door. i don't know why i can't sleep on the right side to be honest... usually i sleep farthest from the door, but i feel most comfortable on the side closest to my door.. but it is also the side closet to the wall LMFAO

remember to take care of yourself, stretch, drink your liquids, eat your favorite meals as well, and catch up on your fave shows and rewatch ur fave movies!! <3333

[into-wonderland-caroline]

01/01/2023

Caitlyn & I are getting ready to leave for a yoga class shortly. The house is still quiet here. Kenzie and Grace are still asleep as well as Theo. Liam had to work this morning. He works at gym as a personal trainer and he told me yesterday that the next few weeks will be some of the busiest weeks all year long. Dozens of people will purchase gym memberships in the month of January because weight loss and physical appearance centered aspirations are the most popular among people who make new year's resolutions but according to my brother- those people with newly purchased memberships and their resolution in mind will just quit coming after a few weeks...most of them won't be seen at the gym again after the month of January. I am not a fan of new year resolution making personally but I think it's interesting to hear the effect new years has on businesses and things like that. My brother Liam and his fiance, Caitlyn actually both majored in college and have degrees in exercise science...they met working at the same gym in Washington state - like I said Liam is a personal trainer but actually since we've moved to Connecticut, Caitlyn hasn't gone back to a job as a personal trainer- she actually starts a new job next week...she'll be an occupational therapist assistant at a center who works with those on the autism spectrum! Pretty awesome...

This week I will meet with my new therapist as well as my new psychiatrist. I am pretty sure my new therapist practices some other types of trauma therapy like somatic experiencing [which I have had recommended to me by my old treatment team back in Washington state].

Also this week I have a try out for a year round competition volleyball team at the rec center [homeschool all your life means you find other places who have competing athletic teams] I have met the coaches already and they are both tough AF which I enjoy in sports coaches so I am pretty excited.

I guess I am just rambling on at this point and Caitlyn and I need to leave now so...I never know how people end blog type posts like this. So awkward...

Bye

[robinruns]

I woke up before 5 am, on my own, got up got ready (except for getting dressed) and was like "Yea! Let's fuckin goooo!" Except then I looked at my watch to see "3% battery remaining"

Yea! Let's fucking gooooo back to bed while my watch charges 🙃

That's ok though, I got a post card from my gym yesterday that I need to re-up my membership so I should probably go during staffed hours. And this will also give me a chance to get my Top Songs of 2022 playlist loaded onto my watch as well. I've been wanting to mix it up so I'm glad to get some more variety on there. And it gives me time with my SAD lamp too.

I'm gonna put some more weight specific stuff under a cut here so if you don't wanna read that sorta thing, you can just be done here!

Today's stats (12/1/22)

Weight: 180 lbs

Body fat percentage: 34.8%

Bust: 37.5"

Waist (natural): 32"

Hips: 47.5"

Thighs: 27"

I am the definition of pear shaped 🍐

[veronicasanders]

I've spent the better part of yesterday afternoon convincing myself I don't need a mini wok station or a raclette grill, tell me about something you don't have any way to justify buying but you just want anyway? Either bc it sounds fun or kind of neat or bc you just always wanted it :)

First of all, you DEFINITELY need the mini wok station. The raclette grill—I guess it depends how much you love raclette. 😂

Second, the problem with me answering this is that I usually just buy stuff when I feel like it. So instead, after the jump, I’ll tell you about some of the insane, impractical purchases I’ve actually made. 🌈

I think the first one that comes to mind is a custom-painted, Drag Race-themed tea service for 10. It’s like 52 pieces, and it’s displayed in a lighted cabinet. I love it and I’m thrilled that I have it but…I mean yeah, it was objectively insane. I’ll DM you some pics if you want. (In my defense: I was on Percocet and having a bit of a bipolar meltdown.)

I used to buy literally everything I ever saw on an infomercial until I just decided that for my own sanity, I can’t watch infomercials. Those purchases included wrinkle cream when I was 16 because “it’s never too early,” a Montel Williams blender which we only ever used to crush ice, and a thing called an “egg wave” to cook eggs in the microwave. Which btw is the grossest way *possible* to cook eggs but I was living in a dorm with no kitchen at the time, just a microfridge. (And we were forbidden from having hot plates because of fire safety.) Anyway. I don’ watch infomercials anymore. 

A gym membership that I used approximately 5 times in the 3 years I had it and the only reason I canceled is because I got a new credit card so I didn’t actually have to call them. 

Dr Fluffernutter himself. The man, the legend. It started when I wrote a god like him into Galactica and then got jealous of my character's fictional dog. And I love him to pieces but it was objectively too much money to pay for a dog. Also, the way people in LA gave me SHIT for not getting a rescue from a shelter. But in fairness to me…he’s VERY cute. Like, so much cuter than any of the dogs I saw on the rescue websites. No offense to those povo dogs but...just not my style.

I ALMOST bought a new car when I was having my bipolar Percocet meltdown, but didn't. Responsible? Totes. She's learning.

Except that a year or so later, I spent about $500 on Build-a-Bear clothes for Doc. Like, there's so much that he has to have his own closet. So I guess I also bought an entire Ikea wardrobe for my dog. But look, I don't have kids!! And what's the worst that can happen from spoiling your dog? It's not like he's gonna grow up to be a douche who buys a social media company and runs it into the ground...

Lastly...when I first moved here to Sweden, it was really hard to find housing that would allow the dog, so I rented a room from this guy. And it was fine for a little bit but long-term, it was not the right situation. And it was SO hard to find something so I just bought an apartment. In cash, since I don’t have a full-time job here and so I don’t qualify for a mortgage. Which was pretty much all my money but on the plus side, now I own an apartment and I can sell it when I want to move. The only issue is that I don’t know the rules for taking money out of the country. I should have looked into that but…it was a cute apartment in a cute building in a cute neighborhood so I didn’t really have time to think too hard. 🤣

I don't think I can top "an apartment" but in terms of shit I definitely don't need but WANT, I do have my eye on a painted lady style dollhouse. Come on, LOOK HOW CUTE:

Plus you an get so much adorable stuff to put in it. Fruit and veggies, sushi, little teeny condoms so that your dolls don't get knocked up. A TINY DOLLHOUSE TO GO INSIDE YOUR DOLLHOUSE!!!

Really the question here is, how do I NOT buy this??

[rozinaaa]

Work Is A Place

This post was published yesterday, ironically, when I was at the office. To me, working from home is all well and good, but as of recently, I actually find it draining and exhausting to be on my own, especially as I've spent the past few months just cleansing my mind from music to be able to get some headspace. I completely agree with all of the points in that post, and yesterday was actually one of the best days in the office that I've had (after quite a few disappointing and depressing ones), since all of the right people (basically the ones that I get along with the most) were there, so to me, it was perfect. Although the commute can sometimes feel like a drag to me, having that one hour (in between my home and workplace) to get away with doing nothing whilst the train zips through rolling hills, tunnels, and towns definitely helps me get into work mode and unwind again, essentially acting as a buffer which I don't get when I shut down my laptop at the end of the day when I'm working from home. I think for my next job, I'd like to have a <1 hour commute (one way, on the train), where I can go to the office between 2-3 times a week, because getting a job that's decent and closer to where I live would make going to the office feel much easier for me. Another thing that I've realised is that physically going to work actually feels a lot better since I've known that I've actually gone to work, whereas working from home doesn't have that same feeling. Sure, working from home is easier since I don't have to get out of the house, but I've realised that it's made me lazy, not to mention that I've dealt with insane amounts of cabin fever. I think the main reason why my final year of university felt productive was because I kept a normal routine and because I physically went to a different building each day, even though my commute was literally just a five minute walk from my flat. However, the source behind that motivation to get out of the house pretty much everyday was due to fear itself (as the fire alarm in the student accommodation would randomly go off every other day, which meant that I was always on edge, and was always anticipating it in the back of my mind, to the point where the fear of loud, unexpected (and also traumatising) noises lead me to spend as little time in the flat as possible, since it was easier to not be in that building than to deal with that trauma and fear all the time), so although it was chaotic and basically consumed my soul at the time, I think it was actually a blessing in disguise, since it literally forced me to get out of my comfort zone, as well as encouraging me to work in a different place to the one where I stayed at night. I think having a designated space to spend the night (I would usually run down the flights of stairs of the anxiety inducing apartment complex at around 8 in the morning, and drag my feet back to it at around 7 in the evening) definitely did help me out, since I was able to clearly draw a line between my work and life, but ideally, I'd like to do this routine again without the psychological trauma, in which the commute is short, but long enough for me to be able to clearly distinguish work and leisure, so that physically going to a different place to work feels a lot more appealing. With that said, I've been learning to drive on and off for about 2 years now, to the point where it's getting ridiculous, since driving will definitely lower the barrier to entry for me, mainly because it will be easier to go anywhere at anytime instead of having to rely on public transport, since it isn't frequent enough for me to spontaneously decide that I want to work in a different place for once. Sure, I could just walk or ride a bike to places (I'd be able to consistently exercise, be outside, and reduce the need for a gym membership), but the UK (as I know it) tends to prioritise cars first, and the weather isn't that brilliant, because although walking and biking is doable in the spring and summer, it would be virtually impossible to do it in the winter.