#I mean I have a team check in at 10:30

[morganbritton132]

If you ever want to know what it’s like working in an office, I just finished all the work I have to do today and it’s 7:36AM. I get off work at 3:30.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Reverse engineers bust sleazy gig work platform

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/23/hack-the-class-war/#robo-boss

A COMPUTER CAN NEVER BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE

THEREFORE A COMPUTER MUST NEVER MAKE A MANAGEMENT DECISION

Supposedly, these lines were included in a 1979 internal presentation at IBM; screenshots of them routinely go viral:

https://twitter.com/SwiftOnSecurity/status/1385565737167724545?lang=en

The reason for their newfound popularity is obvious: the rise and rise of algorithmic management tools, in which your boss is an app. That IBM slide is right: turning an app into your boss allows your actual boss to create an "accountability sink" in which there is no obvious way to blame a human or even a company for your maltreatment:

https://profilebooks.com/work/the-unaccountability-machine/

App-based management-by-bossware treats the bug identified by the unknown author of that IBM slide into a feature. When an app is your boss, it can force you to scab:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/30/computer-says-scab/#instawork

Or it can steal your wages:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

But tech giveth and tech taketh away. Digital technology is infinitely flexible: the program that spies on you can be defeated by another program that defeats spying. Every time your algorithmic boss hacks you, you can hack your boss back:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/02/not-what-it-does/#who-it-does-it-to

Technologists and labor organizers need one another. Even the most precarious and abused workers can team up with hackers to disenshittify their robo-bosses:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/07/08/tuyul-apps/#gojek

For every abuse technology brings to the workplace, there is a liberating use of technology that workers unleash by seizing the means of computation:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/13/solidarity-forever/#tech-unions

One tech-savvy group on the cutting edge of dismantling the Torment Nexus is Algorithms Exposed, a tiny, scrappy group of EU hacker/academics who recruit volunteers to reverse engineer and modify the algorithms that rule our lives as workers and as customers:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

Algorithms Exposed have an admirable supply of seemingly boundless energy. Every time I check in with them, I learn that they've spun out yet another special-purpose subgroup. Today, I learned about Reversing Works, a hacking team that reverse engineers gig work apps, revealing corporate wrongdoing that leads to multimillion euro fines for especially sleazy companies.

One such company is Foodinho, an Italian subsidiary of the Spanish food delivery company Glovo. Foodinho/Glovo has been in the crosshairs of Italian labor enforcers since before the pandemic, racking up millions in fines – first for failing to file the proper privacy paperwork disclosing the nature of the data processing in the app that Foodinho riders use to book jobs. Then, after the Italian data commission investigated Foodinho, the company attracted new, much larger fines for its out-of-control surveillance conduct.

As all of this was underway, Reversing Works was conducting its own research into Glovo/Foodinho's app, running it on a simulated Android handset inside a PC so they could peer into app's data collection and processing. They discovered a nightmarish world of pervasive, illegal worker surveillance, and published their findings a year ago in November, 2023:

https://www.etui.org/sites/default/files/2023-10/Exercising%20workers%20rights%20in%20algorithmic%20management%20systems_Lessons%20learned%20from%20the%20Glovo-Foodinho%20digital%20labour%20platform%20case_2023.pdf

That report reveals all kinds of extremely illegal behavior. Glovo/Foodinho makes its riders' data accessible across national borders, so Glovo managers outside of Italy can access fine-grained surveillance information and sensitive personal information – a major data protection no-no.

Worse, Glovo's app embeds trackers from a huge number of other tech platforms (for chat, analytics, and more), making it impossible for the company to account for all the ways that its riders' data is collected – again, a requirement under Italian and EU data protection law.

All this data collection continues even when riders have clocked out for the day – its as though your boss followed you home after quitting time and spied on you.

The research also revealed evidence of a secretive worker scoring system that ranked workers based on undisclosed criteria and reserved the best jobs for workers with high scores. This kind of thing is pervasive in algorithmic management, from gig work to Youtube and Tiktok, where performers' videos are routinely suppressed because they crossed some undisclosed line. When an app is your boss, your every paycheck is docked because you violated a policy you're not allowed to know about, because if you knew why your boss was giving you shitty jobs, or refusing to show the video you spent thousands of dollars making to the subscribers who asked to see it, then maybe you could figure out how to keep your boss from detecting your rulebreaking next time.

All this data-collection and processing is bad enough, but what makes it all a thousand times worse is Glovo's data retention policy – they're storing this data on their workers for four years after the worker leaves their employ. That means that mountains of sensitive, potentially ruinous data on gig workers is just lying around, waiting to be stolen by the next hacker that breaks into the company's servers.

Reversing Works's report made quite a splash. A year after its publication, the Italian data protection agency fined Glovo another 5 million euros and ordered them to cut this shit out:

https://reversing.works/posts/2024/11/press-release-reversing.works-investigation-exposes-glovos-data-privacy-violations-marking-a-milestone-for-worker-rights-and-technology-accountability/

As the report points out, Italy is extremely well set up to defend workers' rights from this kind of bossware abuse. Not only do Italian enforcers have all the privacy tools created by the GDPR, the EU's flagship privacy regulation – they also have the benefit of Italy's 1970 Workers' Statute. The Workers Statute is a visionary piece of legislation that protects workers from automated management practices. Combined with later privacy regulation, it gave Italy's data regulators sweeping powers to defend Italian workers, like Glovo's riders.

Italy is also a leader in recognizing gig workers as de facto employees, despite the tissue-thin pretense that adding an app to your employment means that you aren't entitled to any labor protections. In the case of Glovo, the fine-grained surveillance and reputation scoring were deemed proof that Glovo was employer to its riders.

Reversing Works' report is a fascinating read, especially the sections detailing how the researchers recruited a Glovo rider who allowed them to log in to Glovo's platform on their account.

As Reversing Works points out, this bottom-up approach – where apps are subjected to technical analysis – has real potential for labor organizations seeking to protect workers. Their report established multiple grounds on which a union could seek to hold an abusive employer to account.

But this bottom-up approach also holds out the potential for developing direct-action tools that let workers flex their power, by modifying apps, or coordinating their actions to wring concessions out of their bosses.

After all, the whole reason for the gig economy is to slash wage-bills, by transforming workers into contractors, and by eliminating managers in favor of algorithms. This leaves companies extremely vulnerable, because when workers come together to exercise power, their employer can't rely on middle managers to pressure workers, deal with irate customers, or step in to fill the gap themselves:

https://projects.itforchange.net/state-of-big-tech/changing-dynamics-of-labor-and-capital/

Only by seizing the means of computation, workers and organized labor can turn the tables on bossware – both by directly altering the conditions of their employment, and by producing the evidence and tools that regulators can use to force employers to make those alterations permanent.

Image: EFF (modified) https://www.eff.org/files/issues/eu-flag-11_1.png

CC BY 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/us/

[incorrectbatfam]

Do the batfamily members ever get too into their undercover work? (Undercover in an office and theyre worried about spreadsheets, working in a warehouse and coming home complaining about missing parts)

Bruce: Status updates on your undercover missions. Dick, you first. What have you got down at the docks?

Dick: I haven't confirmed the Killer Croc sightings yet, but more importantly, our catch hasn't been measuring up to last year's. Tuna we're doing okay on, but the salmon population seems to be on the low end. I've contacted the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries but it'll be another 3-5 business days before they can come down and check it out.

Bruce: At least you're doing something to help. Jason?

Jason: Class was okay. I think the kids are warming up to me as their substitute while Mrs. Maloney is out on maternity leave. The average on the last vocabulary quiz was 83.53% so either I'm doing my job right or they need to be challenged. I'm worried about Tristan Lancy, though. He's normally a good student but his grades have been dropping recently and his parents don't seem like safe people to tell. I'll talk to him tomorrow and try to pair him up with a peer tutor if he needs it.

Bruce: Also see if he has any alternate contacts besides his parents. Tim, any updates at the chemical plant?

Tim: If by updates you mean OSHA violations, I could go on all week. We got a batch of new recruits today and they were just thrown into the work—no PPE, no safety training, nothing. This is what happens when you place production over employee well-being. I'm gonna file a complaint after this meeting. Also, I think the union will have something to say about the manager cutting people's lunch breaks short.

Bruce: I see. Damian? Please tell me you found something volunteering at the zoo.

Damian: Depends on how you define "found." While I have not obtained evidence of a mutant larvae black market, I did help some of the animals at the sanctuary make progress with their recovery. Bobo the monkey is healing from his broken arms and we're gradually getting him re-acclimated to climbing higher surfaces. Suzie the black bear was born a little prematurely but seems to be catching up to her peers in terms of growth. Lastly, we got a grant for additional wildcat research and enrichment. As an aside, we are having an educational seminar on European mountain goats this Friday at 3:30 and I expect all of you to be there.

Bruce: I'll put that on our calendars. Steph?

Steph: It's not really undercover work for me, just work. Anyway, yes the newest Batburger location is being used for money laundering. But I really need to vent about the customers for a sec. We don't open until 10 and at 9:30 this morning some moron was banging on our door demanding Jokerized cheese fries. Then right in the middle of the lunch rush, Janie got sick so I had to fill in as the cashier and it was hell. After that, I had to step in between a fight at the drive-thru because the customer claimed we only gave him nine pieces of his ten-piece Robin nuggets and tried to beat up the kid who took his order. And to top it all off, an entire high school hockey team came in five minutes before closing.

Bruce: Cass?

Cass, blowing balloons: Can't talk. Arranging bat mitzvah.

Bruce: Duke, you're my last hope.

Duke: Margie's bringing a peanut butter chocolate cake to the bake sale. I swiped her recipe and we can easily beat her. Her ganache is way too watery and just runs off the top of the cake, which isn't even leveled. She's also trying to do something with a raspberry filling that isn't working at all. It's like she couldn't decide on what to bring. The bake sale committee also asked if we can bring some apple pies because the original baker has to go out of town for a family emergency. I think we'll win if we bring them with some ice cream and a touch of caramel, even though this isn't a contest.

Bruce: Thank you. At least our most critical case has been taken care of.

Barbara: ...I'll save my book launch for later.

[3d-wifey]

I've read that Johnny NSFW alphabet like 30 times, it was so gooddddd, there's been no good Johnny Cage smut or writing in general honestly. Your Johnny just feels so in character and you're feeding me crumbs, I need moreeee 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (that sneak peek made me levitate)

Show 'em Who I Belong To

Pairing: Johnny Cage x Reader Synopsis: Johnny has seriously pissed you off this time, like, royally. The "begging on his knees" kind of pissed off. But luckily, he knows just the thing to do to prove he’s sorry. Word Count: 2.58k Playlist: Here's a Johnny Cage playlist to read his smut or just get inspo from, I made it myself TW: Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Cunnilingus, dom!reader, sub!johnny cage, switch!Reader, switch!johnny cage, dom!johnny cage, sub!Reader, Forgiveness, Making Up, Apology Sex, Vaginal Penetration, Recording, Sex Tapes, Exhibitionism, Begging, Hand Jobs, Grinding, Crying During Sex, johnny cage loves you, johnny cage is just really really dumb, celebrity!reader, No Spoilers, Making Out, "straight" couple, johnny's slutty little slacks, Johnny cage is a little shit, Pussy drunk, cock drunk, Praise Kink, simp johnny cage, no other canon characters show up in this, Smut, Shameless Smut, Gratuitous Smut A/N: Since the poll I put on Tumblr voted for switch!Johnny, that's what I'm doing! This chapter will mostly be sub!johnny and dom!reader with a switch at the end. It's a bit of a mixed pov, but it's mainly from the reader's pov. Nothing but Dom!Johnny in the next chapter and sorry if the quality was lacking, I've slept a total of 10 hours in a span of 72 hours. CHECK OUT THAT JOHNNY NSFW ALPHABET I WROTE, IT'S CONSIDERED CANON TO THIS! Part 2 (tbm) Ao3

Your acrylics tap a beat onto the arm of the plush white couch as you read the tweet on your phone.

" Johnny Cage spotted cozying up on set with Co-Star. Has the star finally met his match? " Your nails stop and you glance at where Johnny kneels fidgeting on the floor in front of you before looking back to the screen.

He spreads his hands. "Okay, I know this looks bad." His voice floats in the otherwise quiet mansion. "But will you please stop ignoring me?"

You look down your nose at him. "Is this enough attention for you?" You sneer and he grimaces.

"My PR team cooked this up a while ago and they've been hounding me about it for ages. It was so unimportant to me that it sorta...slipped my mind." He shrugs and your glare hardens him. " C'mon , babe, it's just a little publicity stunt our agents had us do for the movie. It doesn't mean anything." He laughs and his nonchalance about the situation is pissing you off more than you already are.

"Do I look like I'm laughing?" You fume and his brows furrow. "This isn't funny, Jonathan."

" Oof, " he winces, "government name."

You're both celebrities, you know what you signed up for when you agreed to date him after years and years of his begging and truly horrible pickup lines.

You're not mad about the situation itself, not really. You've gotten into drama before loads of times to drum up hype around a new project, but nothing like this. At least, not while you were dating Johnny. 

You're mad that you had to find out about it from the trending page on Twitter along with a slew of concerned messages from your friends, family, and manager.

You scroll down and read messages concerned fans have posted, worried that you and Johnny have broken up or, worse, that he cheated on you. But you know that he knows that you know he wouldn’t dare.

"Look at this shit." You shove your phone in his face. The screen reflects off the sunglasses that sit low on the bridge of his nose and he squints as the brightness nearly blinds him. "'I hope this isn't how she finds out.' 'I'd be so embarrassed if I was her.' 'I knew Johnny wouldn't stay faithful for long.'"

He looks from you to the screen and then back to you. "...You're mad."

You stare down at him.

"You are un- fucking -believable.” You move to stand up, but he grabs ahold of your hips.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I'm sorry ! I didn't mean to upset you. Next time, I'll give you a heads up— I mean I'll run it by you.” Johnny corrects, pulling you closer when you try to pull away again. "What can I do to make it up to you, huh?" The muscles in his biceps flex against you as he wraps his arms around your waist. You try to stay firm, but it's pretty hard when he's pressing reverent kisses to your stomach.

You shiver from the coldness of his rings as he runs a big hand up your calf, traveling up your outer thigh to hook the hem of your dress at your hip before repeating the process up your other leg.

You want to stay mad—you are mad. This is incredibly careless and he didn't consider your feelings at all and...and you don't want him to think he can get out of trouble by kissing up to you. But, begrudgingly, you card your fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck.

"I'm still really upset about this, Johnny." You frown.

"I know, sweetheart. And I really am sorry. But, hey! I know something that'll make us both feel better." He grins up at you and you let him lead you back to the couch with a huff, dropping down once the back of your calves brush the white upholstery. 

“I’m sure you do.” You roll your eyes, spreading your legs to make room for him without thinking. “How would you —ahh !” You yelp at the sudden pinprick of pain on the skin of your inner thigh and it morphs into a moan when the pinch is quickly followed by a warm heat. You look down in time to see the pink of Johnny’s tongue as he licks over the tender spot—tender because he bit you like a damn dog!

“I’m sorry, what were you saying? I couldn’t really hear you over all those cute little noises.” You can feel the shit-eating grin against your skin as he talks. “You’re so sensitive. Definitely not a complaint—it does amazing things to my ego.” He laughs, hooking his hands under the back of your knees and pushing your legs up until the heels of your feet are balancing precariously on the edge of the seat.

He grips your hips, pulling you further down the couch and closer to his face. He moves your legs so your feet rest on his shoulders, the white polish of your toenails reflecting the light.

He leans in and you hold your breath in anticipation. You don’t want him to think he can just distract you and you’ll forget about being mad at him but—he leans in close to where the skirt of your sundress rucks up around your stomach, warm breath making you clench around nothing with each pant—but you like getting ate out almost as much as Johnny likes to do it.

You sigh as the warm, wet heat of his tongue drags across the damp seat of your panties. 

" Johnny. " You whine in frustration, fingers tightening in his sandy hair, as he pulls away as quickly as he came.

"Hold on, sweetheart. I think you're gonna like this." He grins, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. You pause as he unlocks it and presents it to you, camera on and recording you.

"What the hell are you doing?" You try to push as much disapproval into your voice as you can as you flip it from the front-facing camera to the rear one, but that’s an almost impossible task since he’s rubbing his nose up and down the crease of where your thigh meets your pussy. You end up sounding far more breathy than intended.

"What?” He grins into the camera. “You can watch this whenever you need a reminder of who I belong to." He says and if you weren't wet before, you definitely are now.

For as long as you’ve known him, Johnny has never been one to half-ass anything . It’s whole ass or nothing with him putting 110% into everything he’s faced with. However, when you first started dating, you hadn’t thought that would hold up when he had his head between your legs—yet another thing Johnny went out of his way to prove you wrong about.

The camera captures it the moment he pushes your panties to the side; he’s in his element.

There’s no preamble, no warning. Johnny dives in giving you no time to prepare for the shock of pleasure. You jerk away, but he holds onto your hips, hands becoming heavy weights you can’t lift. 

“You always taste so good for me, it’s insane.” He groans as your thighs try to squeeze his head, but he keeps them open easily. You sigh shakily at the casual show of strength. “I’d stay down here forever if you’d let me.” You bite your lip to muffle your soft moans, reminding yourself to steady the phone every few seconds, but forgetting to do so almost as soon as you do. But you can’t be blamed when Johnny gives head like he’s training for the Olympics; trying to break his previous record each attempt. You’ve been eaten out by people other than Johnny—of course, you have. It’s a requirement—but none of your past lovers come anywhere close to this. Johnny blows them out of the water every time.

That would be fine if you didn’t factor in his ego. Which would also be fine…any other day. But today, after the shit he pulled, you aren’t in the mood. This is supposed to be his way of apologizing, after all. So before he can get any ideas, you blink past the haze he’s put you in and grab the back of his neck. His back stiffens. He glances up at you and the shift is so swift that you doubt the camera even picked it up. His shoulders relax, almost limp against you, wide eyes going lidded as his grip on you softens.

“I know you can be louder than that, Johnny. I, hah , wanna hear how sorry you are. You are sorry, right?” You narrow your eyes.

His words are muffled since he refuses to take his mouth off of you, but you’re able to make out ‘yes’ and ‘princess’ which is good enough for you. Through the camera, you manage to get his pleading eyes and his hand unabashedly palming his bulge in the same frame and you smile around a moan.

"Are you hard, Johnny?" He doesn't hesitate to nod enthusiastically, and you feel yourself throb in his mouth. You're sure if your feet were on the ground he'd be grinding against your leg shamelessly. His body knows this too since his hips keep making aborted little thrusts, itching for relief from his tight gray slacks. "Heh, of course, you are. You can't help yourself, c–can you? Go on, then.”

He pauses, assessing you for a second to see if you’ll follow it up with anything else. You’re being surprisingly benevolent. He always has to work to earn your approval when you get like this, any pleasure he gets is dictated by you—not that he’s complaining—and that’s on the days when he hasn’t pissed you off. He honestly didn’t think he’d be cumming tonight, but he won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. 

He buries his tongue in you, licking from your pulsing hole to your throbbing clit as his hands work to unbuckle his belt and pull his dick out. He groans in relief once he’s free, squeezing the base of his dick so he doesn’t cum too quickly. You’re certainly not helping, shivering against him like a house in a storm and he moans in synch with you when you yank on his hair.

He freezes at the press of sharp nails at the nape of his neck. He shivers at the slight pinch of pain before leaning into it and you reward him with smoothing down the hair there. He stops the movement of his hands, but not his mouth.

“If you’re touching yourself, you’ll do it slowly or not at all. You wanna make it up to me, don’t you? Yeah ?” You hiss as he nods against you, mouth a tight suction on your clit. “Then you don’t cum until I do.” Normally he’s more bratty than this, making you fuck the submission out of him, but he must really be sorry because he does just as you say. He slows down as you instruct, his sharp brows furrowing as one of his hands grip the fat of your thigh. His other hand jerks him off haltingly like he actively has to remind himself to obey you. 

“You’re being so good for me, baby.” You gush, squirming in his hold. “ Mmh, s’fucking good.” You have to adjust your grip on his phone when he grunts at your praise, uncertain if you should jerk away or towards the vibrations. You run your nails over his scalp before yanking on his blond hair and he moans like a pornstar, hips thrusting into his hand. To the untrained eye—or ear—it seems like he’s playing it up for the camera, performing, but he’s always this loud. Especially when he’s got your pussy in his mouth.

It's almost embarrassing, the wet sounds of Johnny sloppily eating you out. Your moans mix with his and bounce around the mansion's walls with a filthy echo the longer this goes on. 

He stiffens his tongue and you know what he wants. You move your hand to the back of his head, gripping the soft strands to pull him forward. You thrust your hips with helpless, heady moans as you fuck his face. His heavy gaze burns through the camera to stare up at you with his tongue out. The corner of his mouth quirks up into a smirk and he winks. You throw your head back, eyes closed with an obscene moan and he moves forward to press his nose against your clit, tongue flat as you move his head side to side.

“Johnny , mmh, ‘m gonna, f– fuck, ‘m gonna cum!” You cry and he moans into you in response. You glance down to see his foggy glasses riding low on his nose and he stares right back, brown eyes half open but full of lust. The apples of his flushed cheeks become accentuated, sharpening with his grin. The barest hint of teeth brush your clit before pressing against it and you jerk back with the strength of your orgasm. Your mouth falls open with a repeated whine of his name, legs shaking as you hold his head still.

“Damn.” He curses, pulling away when your muscles untense. He doesn't bother wiping his mouth, wearing your slick like a trophy as he smiles into the camera. “Should’ve got that on camera. It was a money shot.” You scoff, smiling despite yourself. You pull his glasses off and sit them on your head before you press stop on the camera and toss the phone on the couch beside you, pulling him to you by the open collar of his button-up. You kiss him deep, tasting yourself on his tongue with a groan. His hands go to your hips and you wrap your legs around his waist, licking into his mouth. 

“You played dirty.” You slide your hand down his chest, unbuttoning his shirt as you go. You grab his dick, still hard and leaking against his stomach. He laughs before whimpering into your mouth at your touch, rutting up into it. You swipe a thumb across his tip where precum drips down the underside of the head. "You're so wet, baby. This all for me?" You pull away to lick yourself off him, tongue dragging across the skin of his chin as you twist your wrist with every upward stroke. 

"Are you joking? O–of course. Can, shit , can you blame me?” He puffs into your neck, hot air warming your neck as you alternate between licking and kissing his jaw. His fingers spasm around your hips, and your hands fly to his shoulders when he pulls you forward until your ass is barely on the edge of the couch. Now he’s in the perfect position to—

You gasp as he ruts against you, still sensitive as his dick slides between your pussy lips. There’s no friction with how wet you both are and with every upwards thrust he bumps your twitching clit. 

“Wait, I’m— mmnh —Johnny, I’m sensitive.” 

“Ah, ah, sweetheart. You said I can cum when you do,” you jump when he nips at your neck, strong arms wrapping around your back holding you tight to him. “Besides, I’m not done apologizing.” You rock against him despite your complaining. The overwhelming feeling only increases when he bends over you to reach something, and it’s enough to distract you from the sound a phone makes when you press record.

[fuck-customers]

I got a doozy for ya.

I work in a sex shop, right. A high-end sex shop. We’re open until 10pm every night except Sundays. This doesn’t matter to the story really, but we’ve been low on people lately — down to a team of 3. Today was my 8th straight day of working and my 3rd time this week closing by myself, which is not supposed to happen ever. Shit is kinda rough, but we keep the store nice anyhow because we take pride in the products we sell, etc.

Anyway. The story. Couple comes in at 9:55 — we’re already off to a bad start. I hit ‘em with the ol “hey just so you know we do close in 5 minutes!” The wife tells me “oh it’s fine, he knows what he wants” so im like okay, whatever.

Cue them bringing me a bunch of different things to open at the counter and look at, because apparently they did NOT know what they wanted. The wife asks me what size underwear I think will fit her and what size will fit her husband — like im just fuckin psychic? I guess? The husband meanwhile is going to sit on our CLEARLY MARKED display couch (it literally has a sign that says “please do not touch display”) and pretend to make out with the mannequin. The husband comes up with a dildo and proceeds to freak out that the underwear (strap on boxers with an included bullet vibrator) are too expensive ($74). So the wife puts back the 3(!) sets she had grabbed, except she doesn’t put them back, she leaves them on the bottom of the merchandiser. Like?? This is not Walmart honey this is a fucking luxury shop?? Hello? You cannot act like an animal in here!

Mind you. The only reason im putting up with these people is because at first it looks like they’re going to make a big purchase (a harness, a high-quality dildo, a couple of restraints). But no, the husband wants to bitch about the prices some more. I’m like honey you were the one who wanted the 10 inch poseable dildo with lifelike skin, it’s gonna cost you more than the basic silicone would, sorry. The wife is complaining that he uses scrubbing bubbles to clean their toys (what the fuck) and then as im explaining that some soaps have silicone they’re interrupting me to tell me horrible details of their sex lives. I’m like please for the love of god can you just finish your purchase and leave.

They don’t end up getting the restraints. They get the dildo and a basic strap-on harness. Something like $97 total. By the time they check out, it’s 10:12, 2 minutes after I’m supposed to be clocked out, and I haven’t even started counting the drawer down. All told I don’t end up finishing my closing tasks and getting out to my car until 10:30, which is the time im usually at home in bed. Yayyyy.

And mind you all of this I could have handled. Whatever, some people don’t understand what “closed” means. But as if all that weren’t enough, as she’s leaving, the wife turns back to me, looks at the poster for one of our sex swings, which features 3 different sets of models, and says:

“now why is it that nowadays all of these things have to have interracial couples?”

Posted by admin Rodney

[felixdragonheartofficial]

TFA TEAM PRIME HUMAN REDESIGNS FINALLY

FUCK

+headcannons

Optimus: gotta stay focused

looks too old compared to his bot form.

I find it impossible for Optimus to be more than a million years old in this canon. In the least, he's older than 1000 years and since we have mfs that are canonically over 70 million years old(fagatron iykyk) compared to that, he feels like a dude in his early-to-mid-30's being the group parent.

---

-I made him more youthful, gave him curly hair, and tailored his clothing to actually look like his bot form.

-workaholic

-on the cusp of barley being able to hold his liquor

-doesn't own a pair of pajamas until Sari gets some for him

-usually forgets to put them on, but appreciates the gesture

-stays active for like, 3 days until he can't fight off sleep with work brain anymore, and unceremoniously passes out on the couch to sleep for a full 24 hours

-ratchet sighs and puts a blanket over him as per routine

-frequently checks security feed

-elf on the shelf despiser

-early morning talks with jazz and ratchet over coffee (they all wake up at 6 am)

-half thrives on caffeine and a vigorous training protocol

-is a dog person, loves German shepherds to death

David sama, pls forgive me ily very much

Ratchet: to old for this nonsense

doesn't match his body type in the slightest.

Ratchet is really old, he's got a sallow face and a gramp gut, how dare they square him. He's wayyy too angular and peachy looking.

-I gave him his luscious curves back, adding all the equipment id expect a field medic to have because he is a field medic, not a regular doctor. I changed his facial proportions, and also made his face gaunt, for that dead inside PTSD look.

---

-drinks his coffee black with brown sugar, literally drinks it piping hot

-is one of those old people who complains about noise

-confiscates bumblebee and Sari's toy cars, and puts them in a high up cabinet

-neither of them know how to bypass the child safety lock lmao

-casual clothes includes a lot- a l o t of plaid shirts, and 10 pairs of the same blue jeans

-tunes out bulkhead and prowls convos about birdwatching

-big fan of political satire dramas

-Sentinel doesn't approve

-Ratchet doesn't give a rats ass about what he thinks of course

Bumblebee: professional smart-ass

doesn't match his body type/age.

Bumblebees holoform is presented as a 10-12 year old child specifically for the fact that he's short, and the comedic relief. Total ass

I set his human age as 19-20 years old, making him more of a big brother to sari because that og model is disappointingly lackluster

---

-Bumblebee is a scrappy wisecracking punk, like an adhd kid who just got roller skates for Christmas.

-since he doesn't have wheels, I feel like he'd wear skates instead to emulate the feeling

-terrible at watching where he's going cuz he's too busy trying to show off, so ratchet makes him wear all that padding + training wheels

-legit despises the padding and training wheels

-Jealous of Blurr for mastering roller blades lmao.

-his favorite games are choose your fighter and fps

-saw ONE ancient ass assassins creed playthrough and begged ratchet to install hidden tasers in his arm bands (was denied)

-Sari used her key to do it instead

-self appointed "rizzler"

-Optimus has zero idea of what that means and thinks it's code for something dubious

-Ratchet knows what it means and thinks it's silly

-"I' was something of a rizzler myself back in my day, kid"

-bumblebee cringes

-loves summer and swimming

-wants to be the fastest thing in the sea because y'know, it's bumblebee

-is spooked from the beach for awhile cuz he saw sharks in Prowls nature documentary

-there are infact, no sharks in lake Erie

Bulkhead: big guy, bigger heart

doesn't match his body type/aspirations.

Jesus fuck he's so wide?? And his belly migrated to his shoulders?? I'm gonna be honest, I really hate this design. I feel like it contributed to the "brute strength = stupid" take that most in the fandom associates with him.

---

-Bulkhead is a SWEET. CARING. NERD YOU FOOLS. He's like the male version of a tall goth gf-

-a tall-nerdy-farm hand-physics bf, You got me fucked up.

-Its already shown that bulkhead really likes art in Addition to creating it. He hates being only seen as the "muscle" so it wouldn't make sense for him to lean into that.

-bunny slippers that him and sari made together(she provided the buttons)

-the slippers go missing sometimes (basically considered community property unless he's wearing them)

(ratchet and prowl are the main offenders)

-frequent art museum goer

-really likes watching cooking shows, but is too shy to make food himself

-Owns a ton of star maps

-Really wants a treehouse that he, bumblebee and sari can hang out in

-pillowfort enjoyer

-casually reads quantum physics at the beach

Prowl: draft dodger

Doesn't look like him at all.

Prowls holoform being a mustachioed,white, police officer was an actual jumpscare for 7 y/o me, I kid you not

---

- I know this bitch would not wear a helmet (you can't force him to) que windswept hair

-Not as much as starscreams, for obvious reasons but yk

-prowl is like one of those "shoes are a prison for your feet"

-emo hipster

-has a pet cactus named "planty"

-bumblebee heckles him for it

-can and has brought his cactus with him on early evening motorcycle rides

-the helmet is reserved for his cactus, bring your own >:(

-salad consumer

-him and jazz share custody of the cactus

-repeat victim of the cat distribution system

-ratchet has probably spent hours telling him they can't keep any animals at base

-frequent midnight picnics with jazz

-and beachcombing

-and roaming around antique stores cuz jazz wants to know what vinyl records are

-got a mug with an attempted pink chibi cat with big round shiny eyes painted onto it, courtesy of bulkhead trying to find an artsyle

-cherishes this mug to death

-has a shrine dedicated to it

[cheoliehansolie]

Green Mangoes

Summary: When Chan catches you eating green mangoes, he can't help but spiral.

Word Count: ~ 2.3k

Pairing: Lee Chan x fem reader

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy

an: This was something that I mainly wrote for myself because I found it funny in my head so if it's not funny or entertaining, that's why. As always, if you liked reading this, please reblog or leave a comment. If you have any suggestions or you just want to talk, send me an ask and we can be friends 💕

To read more, check out my masterlist.

---

You had been up for a few hours enjoying the little alone time you get since you moved in with your boyfriend. You and Chan recently moved in together and while you love spending time with him, sometimes you miss living on your own which is why you find comfort in the silent mornings.

Chan got home pretty late last night from practice which is why he was in bed at 10:30 in the morning. It was a win-win situation, you got your morning alone and Chan got to make up for the sleep he missed out on.

You had spent your morning making breakfast and reading once you finished eating, and now you were sitting on your couch nursing a cup of tea and watching an Indian comedy show. Normally when you and Chan watch TV together, you steer clear of those types of shows since Chan won’t be able to understand them. 

But now with Chan sound asleep in your bedroom, you’re giggling quietly to yourself as you watch the different skits unfold on screen. To your surprise, less than five minutes later, you hear the door of your shared bedroom open and out walks your sleepy boyfriend, hair adorably messy.

“Good morning, babe.” you say from your seat on the couch.

“Morning.” he says tiredly as he makes his way to the couch to join you.

“I didn’t wake you, right?” you ask, concern lacing your voice as you card your fingers through his disheveled hair. 

Chan melts into your touch and responds, “No, I didn’t feel like staying in bed any longer. I also wanted to cuddle with you but you weren’t there any more.” he whines.

“Aww, well I’m here now so we can cuddle. Let me just get situated” you say.

You put your empty tea mug on the coffee table in front of you and lift the blanket on your lap gesturing for him to join you. Chan wastes no time getting comfy under the blanket and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Do you want me to change the channel?” you ask, drawing attention to the comedy show playing on the TV.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not really paying attention to it anyways.” he says and you feel him drawing small shapes on your body.

“Suit yourself.” you say as you bring your attention back to the show.

A few minutes later, you’re still snuggled into Chan’s arms and you find yourself letting out a soft scandalized gasp at the conversation unfolding on screen.

“What happened?” Chan asks, instantly curious as he peers up at your face through his lashes.

“Basically, those two people on stage are husband and wife and they’re talking about an argument they had. See that guy standing to the side?” you ask, pointing to the screen.

“Yeah, what about him?”

“He said something along the lines of ‘stop giving her reasons to argue with you and instead give her a reason to eat green mangoes’ to the husband.”

“What does that mean?” Chan asks, enjoying listening to you explain things to him.

“Apparently women crave sour foods when they’re pregnant so the other guy is basically telling the husband to get his wife pregnant.”

Your boyfriend chuckles slightly and he doesn’t think much of the conversation as he continues snuggling into your side. But a few days later, he’s instantly reminded of that moment as he stands in the entryway of your shared living room.

Chan had spent the entire day in the studio working with Sonnyoung and the other Performance Team members to think of choreography for their upcoming comeback, but they had hit a wall. Soonyoung decided to let the guys go sooner than expected because everyone was getting frustrated.

Chan was excited that he’s able to leave earlier so he can spend more time with you. He didn’t tell you he was coming home sooner so he could surprise you but when he comes in, he sees you scrolling on your phone, mid snack.

Normally he would be happy that you were remembering to take breaks to rest and eat, but standing there in the door frame of your living room, he feels like he can’t breathe. There you are sitting peacefully on the couch with a small glass bowl next to you, phone in one hand, fork in the other. Skewered on the fork is none other than a piece of green mango.

As you bring the fork to your mouth, you realize that your boyfriend is silently standing a few feet away from you.

“Oh my god, babe! Why are you just standing there? You scared me!” you complain.

Shocked by your sudden outburst, Chan’s broken out of his spiraling thoughts and brought back to the present moment.

“Sorry, I was zoning out.” Chan feebly explains as he makes his way to the couch.

“Why’re you home so early? I thought practice wasn’t supposed to end until later?”

“It was supposed to end later, but we hit a wall and nothing was getting done so Hoshi hyung let us leave early.” 

“Ahh, I see. I still have a little work left to do, so I’m gonna go finish that. I should be done soon and we can spend time together after.”

“Okay, I’ll be here. Don’t overwork yourself, it’s not good for you.” Chan says with a small smile on his face as you get up and make your way to your desk.

Once you leave, Chan can’t help but wonder why you didn’t say anything about being pregnant. Were you not planning on telling him yet? He did come home earlier than anticipated today. Maybe you were eating the mango because you thought he wouldn’t be here to see you.

Chan spends the next two hours obsessively googling about how to support your partner through pregnancy. After reading a bunch of different articles, Chan decides that he won’t bring up the pregnancy unless you do. You have the right to tell him whenever you feel comfortable, and he figures that maybe you’re still trying to come to terms with it yourself and he doesn’t want to add more pressure to that. 

A few minutes later, you return to the living room ready to spend time with your boyfriend after a long day.

“Hey babe.” Chan says when he sees you. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m fine. I just finished work so now we can make dinner together.”

“You want to make dinner? Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Chan asks, immediately worried that you could be overworking yourself.

“Okay I know I’m not as good at cooking as Mingyu, but my food isn’t that bad!” you whine, softly hitting Chan’s shoulder.

“Babe, that’s not what I meant.” Chan whines. “I just thought you’ve been working a lot lately and you should take a break. I’ll make dinner for us tonight, you should rest.”

“Ooookay.” you say, feeling suspicious as to what Chan’s doing.

“What do you want for dinner? Are you craving anything?” Chan asks.

“Hmm, not really. Why don’t you surprise me?”

“Okay, one surprise coming right up!” Chan exclaims dramatically as he saunters off into the kitchen, enticing a few giggles from you.

You couldn’t help but feel a little weird that Chan was being a bit too nice, but you decide to overlook it and enjoy your time alone on the couch. A little less than an hour later, your boyfriend returns to the living room announcing that dinner is ready.

Before you can get up to go to the kitchen to grab your plate, Chan places a plate of hot food in front of you.

“You made my favorite!” you exclaim as you toss your phone to the side to take the plate from Chan’s hands.

“I tried my best, but I don’t know if it tastes as good as when you make it.” he says sheepishly as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Well, it smells great and even if it does taste bad – which I doubt it does – I’ll still eat it since you made it for me.” you say with a reassuring smile on your face.

Taking a bite of the food in front of you, you can’t help it when your eyes widen at the taste.

“What? Does it not taste good?” Chan asks.

“Babe, it tastes really good. I love it.” you say with a bright smile as you continue eating.

“I’m glad.” Chan says softly. He couldn’t help but feel proud of himself.

The rest of the meal is filled with the two of you laughing at each other’s jokes and talking about your respective days. Before you know it, the plates in front of you are empty.

When you’re about to get up to do the dishes and clean the kitchen, Chan stops you.

“What’re you doing?” Chan asks you.

“I’m going to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen?” you say, confused as to why he finds this strange.

Normally when one of you cooks, the other person cleans. Since Chan cooked for the both of you today, it seemed obvious to you that you would be on clean up duty today.

“Let me clean, you sit and rest.” Chan says as he tries to take the plate from your hand.

“Rest from what, Chan? I’ve been sitting on this couch for the past 2 hours doing nothing but resting. What’s gotten into you today?” you ask as you firmly hold the plate in your hand, refusing to let him take it from you.

“I just thought you could use the extra rest, given your condition and all.” Chan says.

“‘Given my condition’? What’s that supposed to mean? I’m totally fine.” you say, slightly agitated.

Chan mentally facepalms himself. He told himself that he wouldn’t bring up the pregnancy unless you did and now here he was, bringing up the pregnancy.

“You know what, never mind.” Chan says, trying to brush it off.

You weren’t gonna let him off that easily.

“What do you mean never mind? You just insinuated that there’s something wrong with me and I need to rest, but now when I ask you about it you won’t say anything? What’s up with that?” you ask him.

“Well, I just didn’t want to pressure you into talking about it if you weren’t ready. I didn’t know if you wanted to share it with me or not.” Chan says.

“Pressure me into talking about what? Chan, you’re going to have to explain yourself a little more clearly because I’m completely lost.” you say, becoming less angry and more confused.

“The pregnancy!” Chan exclaims. “I know that you’re pregnant but I didn’t want to bring it up in case you didn’t want to talk about it yet. A bunch of articles online said not to bring it up unless you brought up the topic yourself and I didn’t want to pressure you into telling me you’re pregnant.”

There’s a few beats of silence as you try to process the words that just came out of your boyfriend’s mouth.

“Pregnant? Babe, I’m not pregnant. Who told you I’m pregnant?”

“Wait, you’re not pregnant?” Chan asks. Now it was his turn to be confused.

“No, and if I was pregnant, you would be the first person I would tell. I wouldn’t keep that from you. But why’d you think I’m pregnant?”

“I don’t wanna tell you, you’re gonna laugh at me.” Chan whines, hiding his face in his hands.

“Babe, I promise I won’t laugh at you. Can you please, please, please tell me why you thought I was pregnant? If you don't, I'm just gonna assume that you think I’ve gained weight.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just,” Chan pauses and takes a deep breath, “you were eating a green mango when I got home earlier and I remember you telling me a few days ago that women crave sour foods when they’re pregnant so I just kinda assumed. Ugh, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud.”

You can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of your chest. You were trying so hard not to laugh at your boyfriend, but you couldn’t help it. You just found it so funny that he would jump to conclusions like that.

“Hey, you said you wouldn’t laugh at me.” Chan whines as he lifts his face from his hands.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t help it. It’s a little funny, you have to admit.” you say as you lean closer to give him a comforting hug.

“Okay, maybe it is a little funny.” Chan says as he lets out a small giggle.

“See! You can’t blame me!” you say as you burst into another fit of giggles.

Once the two of you have finally calmed down, you’re both reminded of the small mess in front of you and the bigger mess in the kitchen.

“So, since I know you’re not pregnant, do you wanna clean the kitchen for me?” Chan asks.

“What happened to ‘I’ll clean, you should rest on the couch’?” you ask, teasing him.

“Fine, I guess since I offered, I’ll follow through. I am a man of my word.” Chan says, determination heavy in his voice.

“I’m just kidding, of course I’ll clean up.” you say.

“Fine, but at least let me help.” Chan says.

“If you want to help, I’m not gonna stop you.” you say as the two of you make your way into the kitchen.

When you get to the entryway of the kitchen, you can’t help but just stand there with your eyes wide.

“Lee Jung Chan! Look at the mess you made! I can’t believe you! You dirtied every dish in this house!” you exclaim as you scold him.

Chan silently wishes that he didn’t take up the offer to help you clean. The entire time the two of you spent cleaning the kitchen was filled with you nagging him about the mess he made. But he knows he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[littleadaline]

Rest Up [F.L16] 

Warnings: romantic AS FUCK [i hope so]

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: i wrote this at 2 AM, it’s absolutely unpolished, may even be ass, but when there’s inspiration… can’t ignore it!

——————————————————

Having the week off from university was like a dream for you. All these saved TikTok recipes were finally seeing the light of day, your apartment smelling like a bakery the whole day. The only person who was not benefiting from your baking frenzy was your boyfriend, Fermín. He liked to claim you were teasing him, taunting him with your sweets, since he couldn’t eat as many as he wanted due to his diet. Every recipe tried earned you an eye roll from him. 

“Again?” He would say, half annoyed. 

But there was no end in sight for your baking frenzy. 

The sound of keys pulled you away from your trance, the door opening wide and the voice of your boyfriend barely making it out of his throat. 

“Hey.” He mumbled under his breath. His bag lazily slid from his shoulder, his figure slumped like rag doll as he attempted to untie his shoes. 

“Hi my love,” you said, greeting his with a kiss on the cheek. “How was training?” You asked him while putting away his shoes in the closet. 

“ ‘Twas fine. Is dinner ready?” 

“Should be ready in 10 minutes…why? Fermín, don’t tell me you want to sleep now.” You asked him with a hint of annoyance in your voice. He was known for pulling this stunt and it was one thing of his you couldn’t stand. 

“Please… just 30 minutes. I’m absolutely exhausted.” He yawned through his sentence. 

Your heart softened at his sight. You sighed and kissed his forehead before moving out of his way, giving him the chance to slip to the bedroom. Soon enough, the absence of noise fell onto the apartment, the air growing thick. Feeling bad for your previous reaction, you pulled out the massage oil, lavender oil and bath bombs. You were going to help your boyfriend relax in the best way you knew, self-care. Soon enough, 30 minutes passed, and true to his word, Fermín emerged from the bedroom with a bit more colour to his face.  Checking the bath water temperature, you signalled him to join you in the room. 

“What is this?” He asked, gesturing to the pile of items on the bathroom floor. 

“Vanilla or raspberry?” 

“What?” His face contorted with confusion.

“Vanilla or raspberry bath bomb?” You asked him again, holding each in your hands. 

“Vanilla.” He sighed, defeated. He knew exactly what you were doing. You were taking care of him in the same way he took care of you. He knew what was next; a hair massage. Stripping down from his clothes, he sat down in the bathtub, happily sighing as the hot water made contact with his skin. He hated to admit it, but it was exactly what he needed. Pulling the stool next to you, you poured some hair oil onto your palms, warming it up slightly, before reaching for Fermín’s hair. As you worked on his scalp, you could feel him turn into putty in your hands. 

“What about dinner?” He asked. 

“It just needs to be heated up.” You answered him. 

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to delay dinner. I was just so exhausted, with uni, traveling with the first team, training-”

“All is good mi amor” You interrupted him. “I’ll delay dinner on the days you have afternoon training. That way you can nap and shower in peace before eating,” You said, leaving a kiss on his forehead and getting up to wash your hands. “I’ll go heat it up. Do you think you’ll be done in 15 minutes?” 

“Yeah my love, give me 10 minutes.” He said, squeezing your hand. 

You exited the bathroom and made your way to the kitchen where the pot of soup was waiting for you. Letting the soup simmer on medium heat, you put together the side salad, before pulling out the chicken from the oven. Fibre, protein… what am I missing…. Carbs! Shit! You thought to yourself before pulling the potatoes out of the oven… 

The bathroom door opened, and a now clean and refreshed Fermín came out, the steam slowly escaping from the bathroom. He was dressed in a matching Nike set, clean socks and his slippers. He made his way to you, his arms finding your hips. His head was resting on your shoulder, his gaze following your hands as you plated the food. Soon enough, the food was ready to eat, with Fermín salivating at the sight in front of him. 

“C’mon.” You invited him to join you on the giant couch. Fermín crawled on the couch, his head finding your shoulder once again. You both ate in silence, the sound of Barcelona entertaining you. After you were done eating, he took the dishes away before washing and drying them. Coming back onto the couch, you threw your legs over his thighs, your hands settling in his hair. Fermín had never admitted to it, but you knew how much having you play with his hair soothed him. Feeling the missed hours of sleep catching up to you, you yawned, a bit louder than you wanted. Before you could say anything, Fermín scooped you up and brought you to the bedroom, your giggle filling the room. He tucked you in before sliding in his side of the bed. 

“I know you’re on break nena, but you’re tired. Let’s sleep early so we can make the most of our day off tomorrow. I was thinking of a picnic at the park, followed by a movie night. God knows we haven’t done this in a hot minute. What do you say?” He blurted out. 

You pulled him in for a kiss, your hand snaking into his hair, pulling him closer. 

“I’d love to do that with you.” You said, before laying your head down on his chest. Whilst Fermín’s weak spot was you playing with his hair, yours was listening to his heartbeat before falling asleep. And he knew, which is why he never went to sleep before you, no matter how early he had to wake up the next morning or how tired he was. 

“I love you, Y/N. I really do. Everything you do for me, despite my schedule. I love taking you out on dates, I love talking about you to the boys, I love how you’re always in awe when you see pigeons in the streets, I love how your eyes light up when I come home with sushi. I love everything about you, amor. And I promise, not just to myself, but to you as well, I will make you my wife one day,” He rambled on. “Oh… you’re asleep.” An expression of relief sprawled on his face. Your eyes were closed, but you had heard everything. Unable to hide your smirk, you hid your face in his shoulder, your breath eventually slowing down. Soon enough, Fermín followed suit, but not before he left a trail of kisses from your cheek to your forehead. 

[callsign-dexter]

Daddy to the Rescue

Request: hi

i was wondering if you could please write about Kelly Severide (chicago fire) having a daughter and maybe while he was at the station she is left with a babysitter but then he has to respond to a call at his house. maybe the reader is stuck so she and kelly are freaking out but he knows he has to stay calm for his daughter and once everyone is safe it is just a bunch of fluff.

totally your choice and maybe the reader is like 5 - 6 ish

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, hospitals, buried alive, inaccurate medical talk

Masterlist

A/N: I know you said fluff but if you know me and my fics you know I have to throw in some angst in there. Hope you don't mind.

When you came into Kelly’s life 6 years ago, he was shocked but it was to be expected especially with all the sleeping around he did. You had shown up on his doorstep in your car seat with a note pinned to the diaper bag. He didn't know what to do but when you opened your blue eyes, the ones you got from him, he knew that you were gonna stay and that was it. After first he was apprehensive about telling his team but he needed all the help he could get and the fears he thought he was gonna have of them bashing him and putting him down flew out the window. Afterall Firehouse 51 was a family and family looked out for one another. With him telling them about you means you just got a lot of really cool aunts and uncles and you are going to be really protected.

He was really pissed at your mother for just abandoning you but now you were with him safe and sound. You were the result of a drunken one-night stand, he didn’t even know you existed or that she was pregnant until you just showed up on his doorstep. He despised her and would have some words for her if he ever saw her and he hoped for her sake that he never saw her. 

You loved your dad dearly. When you had met him just when you were a few days old you grew close to him, then again, he was the only parent you had. You depended on him for everything and looked up to him for everything and you felt like you could come to him when something went wrong when you were growing up. You had changed his lifestyle for the good he had stopped drinking until he was blacked out and he stopped bringing random women home. He adored you and you adored him. Nothing could break that bond between you both. Everyone was shocked when they noticed how much his mood had brightened and he wasn’t such a hard ass. Kelly loved showing you off and when you found out his job, he just became your favorite person all over again. He was your hero. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

It was a Thursday morning and his alarm started to go off at 7:30 AM signaling him to get up and start getting ready for the day and his shift. Normally he would be getting you up to but since your school had been called off due to the heating and sickness going around you would be staying home. He didn’t have to go into work until 10 AM so he would have a little bit of time with you. 

Kelly took a shower and then got dressed in his uniform and brushed his teeth, next he moved out of his room and down the hall to check in on you. He slowly opened the door and smiled seeing that you were still sound asleep and snoring just slightly. He smiled and shook his head. He went into the kitchen and started some breakfast and coffee and then went and switched over the laundry and started getting ready for his 24 hr shift. He needed to call Kimber Halstead to tell her that he would need her. When he found you on his doorstep, he immediately started to look for a babysitter and when Jay and Will, his good friends, heard about this and met you they immediately got him in touch with their younger sister, who he was also good friends with. You and Kimber hit off and the rest was history and she became your babysitter and she only babysat you. She was going to school so it was the perfect opportunity for some extra cash and you were pretty easy to keep. He pulled out his phone as he pulled down a coffee cup and grabbed the pot and poured some coffee in it. He went to her contact and clicked on it and then the call icon, it rang twice before she answered.

“Kelly! What do I owe the pleasure of this call?” Kimber asked 

“Hello, Kimber. I need you to watch Y/N/N. Her school is closed due to some sickness and the heat is out.” He said and took a sip of his coffee.

“I would love to.” She said “Do you want me to come over now?” She asked 

“Please. I’m gonna have breakfast ready so you can eat here.” He said and he could hear her smile.

“That sounds good. I’ll be over in 5.” She said

“Great. I’ll see you soon.” Kelly said 

“See ya, Kelly.” She said and they hung up the phone. 

He put his phone on the counter and then his coffee cup and headed to your room. He opened the door and saw that you had turned over in your sleep and he walked over and knelt down by your bed. He watched you for a minute and then he was stroking your head. You groaned and but your nose scrunched up, a sign you were waking up. “Y/N/N. Sweetheart. It’s time to get up. Kimber will be here soon.” He said and you groaned but blinked your eyes open and cracked them.

“Daddy?” You asked and he smiled.

“Good morning, Sweetheart.” He said and you smiled and then wrapped your arms around him and he picked you up. He started to walk to the kitchen.

“What about school?” You asked, still confused and you laid your head on his shoulder.

“School is closed due to a heating issue and sickness going around.” He said and you nodded and then he sat you down on a chair. “Kimber will be here soon and breakfast is almost ready.” He said and you nodded. Normally he would be having you getting ready for school but since there wasn’t any, he would let it pass and Kimber would be getting you ready for the day. He had just got done mixing the pancake batter when there was a knock at the door and he knew it was Kimber. “You wanna get that?” He asked you and you smiled, you rarely got to open the door but he knew who it was because it was about that time when she said she was going to be there and the Ring notification he got on his phone. You quickly jumped up and ran to the door “Be careful!” He yelled out and listened to you open the door and let out a screech.

“KIMBER!” You yelled out and he heard a laugh from her.

“Hey, Sweetie.” She said “Your daddy know you answered the door?” She asked and he could just see you nod.

“Yes, he let me!” You said excitedly and she chuckled.

“Well, as long as he said it was ok.” She said and she was walking into the kitchen holding you.

“Hi, Kelly.” She said with a smile and he looked up.

“Hi. Breakfast is almost ready.” He said as he flipped the bacon and the pancake. 

“Y/N/N, you wanna help me get cups and drinks ready?” She said and you nodded wildly and they both laughed. You love helping out when you can. She walked over and got the glasses and handed them to you and they watched you carefully take them over to the table. Kimber got the milk and orange juice out as Kelly took the last of the pancakes and the bacon off and walked them over to the table. Everyone sat down and served themselves. 

“What do you girls have planned today?” Kelly asked and Kimber answered since your mouth was full.

“If it is warm enough, we’ll go play in the backyard and then maybe go out for lunch. Then just play it by ear.” She said and you nodded excitedly. 

“That sounds fun.” He said 

“It is, Daddy!” You said and he smiled. Breakfast was finished quickly and dishes were put in the dishwasher and Kelly had disappeared to grab his duffle and walked out and just stood in the doorway watching you and Kimber have the time of your life in the living room. You were the first one to notice him “Daddy!” You yelled out and quickly ran up to him and jumped into his arms and hugged you tightly. Kimber walked over and then took you from his arms.

“It’s time for daddy to leave. You be good for Kimber and do what she says.” He said and you nodded.

“I promise, Daddy.” You said and he smiled and leaned over to kiss your head and then pulled away and looked at Kimber.

“Don’t hesitate to call if something happens or you need me. If you can’t get ahold of me, you can call Jay and he’ll know how to get ahold of me.” Kelly said and she nodded.

“Don’t worry. I’ll call you if something happens and I also have Will if something medical comes up but I will let you know.” She said and he smiled and nodded. 

“I know you will. I trust you.” He said and then looked back at you. “Daddy loves you.” He said to you and kissed your head again.

“I love you too, Daddy.” You said and he smiled and then grabbed his keys by the front door and was out the door and heading into work.

“Alright, Little One. What do you want to do first?” She asked, looking at you. 

“Blanket fort!” You said excitedly and she laughed.

“You got it!” She said back. She sat you down and the both of you set out to find the materials you needed.

20 minutes later and the fort was ready to be used. Your imagination ran wild and Kimber was all for it. Movies were watched and crafts were made in that fort. During the 5th movie you had fallen asleep snuggled up against Kimber and she pulled out her phone and read through some college stuff she needed to read and every now and then checked in on you. She figured she would let you sleep for an hour and then have you get up and get your teeth brushed and dressed then you would go out for lunch and a walk in the park maybe stop in and see your dad. Then you both would come home and play some in the backyard.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Kelly was exhausted since he had gotten to work. It was nonstop calls; he hadn't even had a break to sit down and check on you and Kimber. Everyone had just gotten back and quickly got the trucks and ambulance done and then they were going to try and have a moment of peace. While everyone was preoccupied, he stepped away and pulled out his phone. He had a few new messages from Kimber and they were pictures of you smiling and goofing around, he smiled and saved them on his phone. One particular one, you were playing with bubbles and she captured the image through the bubble and you were smiling and just being yourself, he set it as his background on his phone when he unlocked it.

He was about to call and ask how you two were doing when he heard a familiar voice “Sylvie!” You yelled out and he smiled.

“Hey, Y/N. Looking for your dad?” She asked 

“Uh huh.” You said and he walked out into the garage and when you spotted him you ran straight to him and jumped into his arms. “Daddy!” You shouted and he laughed and hugged you gently but tightly back. 

“Hey, Sweetheart. I'm surprised to see you.” He said and you just hugged him tighter and everyone smiled glad to see him happy but continued on with working so you could have some time with him.

“She really wanted to see her daddy and I told her we could. It was on the way home from lunch and the park.” Kimber said he smiled and nodded and then sat you down.

“Did you have fun?” He asked

“Yes! We saw a bunch of dogs at the park and most of them were friendly and I got to pet them.” You said with so much brightness in your eyes. He smiled loving that look.

“That sounds like fun. Did you ask permission first?” He asked and you nodded.

“Of course, Daddy.” You said and he smiled. You and Kimber stayed there for a few minutes until it was time to go home and start getting your school work done. “Bye, Daddy. I love you.” You said and he smiled. He hugged and kissed the side of your head.

“I love you too. Be safe.” He said and you nodded and then he and Kimber said their goodbyes and he watched you walk out of the station almost skipping and he could tell you were laughing and smiling and that made him smile. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You made it back home safely and Kimber let you dad know. She put her phone away and then turned to you “Ok, I want you to do your homework and then we can go outside and play.” She said in a serious tone and you nodded.

“Ok.” You said and then you went and got your backpack and started your work. While you were working, she was working on some of her college work, every now and then you would ask her for help and she helped you. You got what you needed done quickly and then you both were heading outside. Kimber had brought her school work outside so she could work and watch you at the same time. 

Every now and then you would come over and ask her to play and she did and then when you were done, she went back to work. Sometimes she would look up and smile at you having fun. “Y/N, come inside with me to get something to drink.” She said and you looked up from your position in the sand box and got up and headed inside with her. “Do you want a snack?” She asked and you nodded your head.

“Do we have any grapes and apples?” You asked and she smiled and nodded.

“Why yes, we do! I want you to drink something you’ve been running around a lot, don't want you dehydrated.” She said and you nodded and drank some water and ate something and then she brought the rest out with you both. You resumed your position back into the sandbox not seeing that it had sunken in. You were too busy playing to notice that you were starting to sink into the ground. You continued on playing and then you felt a huge drop and that freaked you out.

“Kimber.” You said scared and she looked up and her eyes bugged out.

“Hold on, Sweetie. I’m coming.” She said and hurried over as the chair tipped backwards. 

“I’m scared. I want daddy.” You said beginning to panic.

“It’s ok Y/N/N. We’re going to get you out.” She said and she motioned you to grab her hands and you did but when she began to pull you yelped out in pain and she stopped and you slipped in further and that made you panic and panicking only made you sink deeper. “Don’t panic. It’ll only make it worse. I’m gonna call 911. Ok?” She asked and you nodded your head.

“911 what’s your emergency?” The 911 operator asked.

“Hi, my name is Kimber Halstead and I’m babysitting Y/N Severide at 251 Spiral Lane and she is stuck in a sandbox.” Kimber said

“How old is Y/N?” They asked

“She’s 6. I tried to pull her out but she just sank further down. She then began panicking and sank further.” She said 

“It sounds like she is in a sinkhole. Keep her calm and don’t make her panic, it’ll just make her sink further.” They said

“Kimber, I can’t breathe.” You said 

“Did she just say she can’t breathe?” They asked

“Yes.” Kimber said

“Ok, keep her calm and I have dispatched the nearest first responders.” They said

“Thank you.” Kimber said and turned to look at you.

“Did you hear that? Daddy is coming to the rescue.” Kimber said, trying to keep you calm.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Kelly, Otis, Stella, Sylvie, Gabby, and Herrmann had all sat down to relax and watch some TV and grab something to eat when the bell went off and they groaned but then Kelly turned rigid.

“Engine 51, Truck 81, Rescue Squad 3, Ambulance 61.  6 year old female stuck in a sinkhole, having trouble breathing. Location 251 Spiral Lane.” 

Everyone looked over at Kelly and they instantly knew who it was and they were quick to grab their gear and get into their vehicles and rush over there. Kelly was silent as he got in “Kelly.” Joe began but Kelly wasn’t hearing him; he was worried about his child.

“She’s going to be ok. We’re 2 minutes out.” Capp said but that didn’t make him feel any better. 

True to Capp’s word they arrived at Kelly’s house and he was the first one out. Everyone quickly got their stuff and they followed him through the back gate knowing this path all too well. He left the gate wide open and when he saw you, he wanted to grab you and pull you out and hold you but he needed to stay calm for you. He was quick to come over and when you saw him you cried out to him. “Daddy!” You yelled out and you struggled to reach him but you sank further.

“No, Baby. It’s ok. I’m here.” He said and knelt down and took in his surroundings. He looked at Kimber “What happened?” He asked.

“She was perfectly fine playing in it earlier and then I had her come in and eat and drink something. Then we came back out and she resumed her playing and then she said my name and I looked up from doing some school work and she was sinking.” She said and he nodded, he wasn't mad.

“Daddy, I can’t breathe.” You said and he turned his attention back to you and then to Gabby who was bringing over oxygen. 

“Gabby is going to be something over your nose and mouth to help.” He said and you nodded and looked at Gabby and she smiled.

“Hi, Y/N/N.” She said 

“Hi.” You wheezed out. 

“I’m just gonna put this over your nose and mouth.” She said and you nodded and she did so and air rushed into you.

“Ok, Severide hold her up and watch her. Capp and Cruz start digging. Gabby and Sylvie monitor her vitals. Everyone else start helping out.” Boden said and everyone nodded and got to work. As they were working something happened and you started to slip in further.

“Daddy?” You wheezed out and he soothed you.

“It’s ok, Sweetheart. You’ll be out soon.” He said and you nodded but you started to become light headed.

“I don’t feel good.” You said and then about that time your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you passed out. 

“Woah. Ok. Can we go faster?” Sylvie asked and everyone started working faster. 16 minutes later they got you out and onto the stretcher and quickly loaded into the Ambulance as Kelly and Kimber followed. 

“Kelly, I’m so sorry.” Kimber said and he shook his head.

“No need to apologize. Accidents happen.” He said and she nodded, still feeling guilty. 

“I’m going to meet you up there.” She said and he nodded and then got into the back of the ambulance and nobody argued because you were his kid. They were quick to get going to Med. Kelly heard Sylvie and Gabby talking but he tuned them out and wasn’t listening to him too concerned about you. 

They made it to Med in no time and they were quick to get you out and into the ER. Will was the one that was going to be taking care of you. “How long has she been out?” He asked.

“Around 20 minutes now.” Kelly answered and he nodded and helped transfer you to a bed. Will started trying to arouse you but nothing was working. He took a listen to you and heard some crackling in your lungs and grew concerned.

“I want to admit it. Get her some x-rays and get a line started on her.” Will said and Kelly nodded and that is what they did. With you being unconscious and that concerned everyone. X-rays were taken and it turned out that you had broken some ribs from being stuck in the sand and that caused enough pressure to crack some ribs. When they moved you into the room Will looked over at Kelly “I want to monitor until she wakes up and if she does let me know.” He said an IV line had already been started. Will left the room and that just left Kelly alone with you. He sat there looking at you and then he looked down at his phone and saw his lock screen, it was you and him, he was holding you and you had been looking back over his shoulder smiling at the camera when you were 4 and Stella had taken the picture, she smiled at it. He texted everyone an update and they had come in and saw him but they needed back to work. Kimber came and stayed the longest but Kelly sent her home and promised her an update and because she was so shaken up that she needed rest. Will was in and out checking on you but nothing had changed. 

It was beginning into the night and he had drifted off to sleep still in uniform. He may have been asleep for about 20 minutes until he heard rustling around and he slowly woke to find you awake and groaning in pain. “Daddy?” You asked groggily and he was quick to get up.

“Sweetheart.” He said and leaned over you “I’m gonna get Will. Ok?” He asked and you nodded and he did just that and Will had come in. 

“Hey there, Mini Kelly.” He said and that made everyone smile. Usually, Will was the only one to call you that. “How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Hurts to breathe.” You said and he nodded.

“That’s understandable. You broke some ribs.” He said and you nodded and then turned to address you and your father “I want to keep her overnight just for observation since she was unconscious.” He said and Kelly nodded. You tuned them out since they were using words you didn’t understand and then Will was smiling at you “I’ll see you later on.” He said and you smiled at him.

“Bye, Uncle Will.” You said and he chuckled and left. “Daddy?” You asked and he looked at you.

“Hmmm?” He asked

“Do we have to get rid of the sandbox?” You asked and he smiled sadly.

“Yea we do, Sweetheart.” He said and you nodded.

“Ok. Love you.” You said and he smiled and then you yawned.

“I love you too. Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He said as he leaned over and kissed your forehead and you fell back to sleep. He stayed up for the rest of the night and updated everyone. He vowed to himself that the next day he had off he was going to take out that sandbox and fill that hole. He was going to protect you no matter what. Afterall you were his daughter, his life, and his pride of joy. 

You were just glad that your daddy came to your rescue.

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[kamii-2]

KK FIC WHERE HER SND READER GET A DOG AND THEY GET INTO A PLAYFUL ARGUMENT BC KK WANTED TO NAME THE DOG TRU FU

the dog looks a different color in one of the pics but let’s just act like it’s bc of the lighting (it probably actually is from the lighting 😭) also act like the dog is a boy bc i couldn’t find any pics that looked similar that the dog wasn’t a different gender in each pic. also idk how to do realistic comments so i gave up, i tried it on the app and it looked like booty and on here i dont know how to do it 🥸

warning(s): cussing

genre: fluff

pairing(s): kk arnold x reader

==================================

“kk we should get a dog.” you said randomly as you were on face book looking at pitbull puppies for sale. “oh my gosh, yes we should.” she gasped while looking over at your phone and seeing the adorable little puppies. she grabbed your phone and looked at the facebook post closely, looking at all of the little puppies, “this one is so cute!” she yelled while turning the phone to you, it was a grey boy with white on his chest and he had the cutest little blue eyes, “oh my gosh kk we need that one like now!” you gasped while getting excited. “i’m texting the lady right now and i’ll let you know what she says.” you told kk, she nodded in response.

since it was late at night, you guys went to bed a little bit after and when you woke up you checked your phone and seen that the lady had responded 15 minutes before you woke up. “kk wake up.” you nudged her, “what.” she replied with her face in the pillow, “the lady said we can come get the puppy at 2 and it’s 10:30 so we need to get up and get ready because it’s a 2 hour drive.” kk nodded and turned over on her back, getting up and headed to the bathroom while you went to the your closet to find some clothes to wear after your shower. at 11:50 you both got in the car, you set up the gps and you two were on your way to get your new baby.

-

when you reached the destination, you were in and out, she gave you the dog and you cashapped her the money. kk was so happy and asked you to drive so she could hold the puppy. “what are we gonna name him?” kk asked while hugging him. “i don’t know.” you said while shrugging and pulling into the nearest pet store. you two got out and went inside to get all of the necessary supplies. you bought him a small bed, small kennel you’ll use until he’s trained, puppy pads, toys, puppy food, and whatever else you needed. the ride home was full of kk squealing, the puppy snoring while he sleeps, and both of you laughing.

-

the second you posted your instagram post, kayla texted you asking to come over and see the new puppy, you obviously said yes and somehow you ended up with the entire team at your apartment. the puppy was loving all off attention he was getting, licking people and getting excited when someone pet him.

“so what’s his name?” caroline questioned while petting the small dog, playing with his paws as well. “uh.” you replied while look at kk, she was already looking at you. “tru fru-” “no.” you quickly cut her off. “why.” she whined, dragging the ‘y’ out. “he doesn’t have a name and his name will not be tru fru.” you said while trying to think of other names for him besides the ridiculous one kk chose. “you guys should name lloyd because it means grey in welsh.” morgan suggested, “wait that’s literally perfect because of lloyd the musician too.” you gasped while shaking kk, “who the fuck is lloyd?” she asked, “are you dumb?” your eyes brows furrowed while dropping your hands off her shoulders, “oh wait it’s the guy who made all those freaky songs.” kk said while gasping and suddenly agree to it.

-

after everyone went home you two went to bed and the puppy slept with you, right in the middle. the night was peaceful, sleeping in the bed with the puppy made you two feel complete, like he was your child.

==================================

sorry it’s kinda short but i wanted to get something out. i hope you guys enjoyed it and i hope you have a good day/night, love you 💋💋

[guitarstringed-scars]

how to lose a guy in 10 days- t. oikawa

masterlist

warnings/notes: mentions of throwing up, slight mention of drinking, angst

day eight

you spent most of the day searching for a suitable dress to wear. you’ve heard of the sports gala, a dinner put on with all of the athletes and alumni to fundraise for the sports programs in the university. tetsuro attended last year, with the reasoning of covering an important event in sports, when really he just wanted a free fancy meal. he’d be attending this year as well, again just hoping for a free meal.

the two of you stand now fighting over the countertop space in the small cramped bathroom. you are perfecting your outfit, and kuroo is struggling to make his hair look presentable.

“is this good?” he asks, turning to you with a panicked look on his face. you grimace slightly.

“i mean, it just looks how it does every day?” you aren’t sure if this is a good answer.

it clearly isn’t, because kuroo lets out a loud groan before collapsing dramatically over the counter.

“i can’t go!” he exclaims, bumping into your side.

“you literally begged akaashi to let you cover it.” you roll your eyes at him, before exiting the bathroom. kuroo follows you into the living room. his tie is a bit crooked, and koushi fixes it in passing. yui is sprawled out on the couch.

“i’m so jealous of you two! i wanna dress up and go to a gala!” she complains.

“you could go in my place. i feel like i’m gonna throw up.” you say, putting your shoes on.

“oh whatever, you’re gonna have fun.” koushi chimes in, getting himself a snack in the kitchen.

you and tetsuro wave your goodbyes and head to the gala. you meet up with toru in front of the building. he’s leaning on the wall of hotel, dressed in the same suit he wore to dinner with you, hitoka, and kiyoko. he looks just as good in it now as he did then. he greets you with a hug, and a handshake for tetsuro. then, the three of you enter the building.

tetsuro quickly splits off from the two of you, finding akaashi on the far side of the room. you and toru waltz around the ballroom, greeting alumni and other donors. toru then splits off from you to get some drinks, you are approached then by someone you approach a tall man, recognizing him as koutaro bokuto, one of torus team members.

“hi, i’m y/n, i write for the tokyo weekly.” you say, shaking his hand.

“oh! nice to meet you, i’m bokuto!” he greets cheerfully. “have you seen toru oikawa? we kind of have a bet going and i’m looking for him to check up on it.”

a bet. what kind of bet? you think, confused.

“oh? what’s the bet?” you ask, digging for information.

“well, he bet 30 bucks that he could make any girl fall in love with him in less than 10 days, and i bet him 30 bucks he couldn’t, so we picked out a girl, and he apparently brought-” you cut him off, gesturing toward the general direction you watched toru go.

“he’s somewhere over there.” you feel sick to your stomach as you escape the conversation, rushing into the bathroom.

tetsuro finds you outside of the bathroom, and the two of you escape from the hotel, standing out on the street.

“shit, i forgot my bag inside.” he says, clutching his head in his hands. “i’ll be right back, i’m gonna run and get it. wait here.”

he rushes back through the doors, and you sit down on the side of the building. you are wrapped in tetsuros suit jacket, staring off into space, when a pair of dress shoes approach you. its oikawa.

“are you leaving?” he asks. his voice is sharp. sharper than you’ve ever heard it.

“yes.” you look back down into your lap. you feel like a child being scolded.

“so what was i? some guinnea pig? that you could just, mess around with to see if i’d fall for it?”

you stand up now, facing him.

“yeah, and i was just some girl that your friends picked out in a bar.”

“well i guess now you can use it as a twist in your story.” he’s mad. your stomach aches. you let out a weak laugh.

“hey, that’s a great idea, maybe we should bet on it.”

it’s quiet now.

“you did your job y/n. you wanted to lose a guy in 10 days, well you just did it. in a record 8. congratulations, you just lost him.” he turns and walks away from you.

“no i didn’t toru.” he stops and turns around. “cause you can’t lose something you never had.”

toru shakes his head, and fully turns around again, walking away. you sit back down at the hotel, tears starting to form in your eyes. tetsuro comes out of the hotel, his bag in one hand and stolen food in the other.

“lets get home.” he says, helping you up from your seated position.

a/n: short and sweet!! lie of the century this is not sweet lol.

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[slugtranslation-hypmic]

All the MTC song trailer snippets are out? What are your opinions? :D I think Rio's is surprisingly chill and I'm still torn on Samatoki's, the lyrics might decide that one!

Heyy did you listen to the mtc album snippets ?

Nope. Let's check them out!

Backbone:

Title note: Presumably from 気骨, which has a slightly stronger-- almost noble-- connotation than English "backbone." Someone with 気骨 never lets anything stop them from doing what they believe is right, and not necessarily in the personal sense like in the English phrases "Grow a backbone." or "They have a strong backbone." As some people in this comments section are noting, it's also possible to interpret the title literally. The back is a recurring image in Japanese fiction; in this case, it represents Samatoki single-handedly shouldering various burdens for those he cares about. People are also drawing connections to the Aohitsugi's death motifs and Samatoki's skeleton speaker.

20 seconds in: Okay he literally just says the shouldering burdens bit haha. I guess that part is canon authorial intent

24 seconds in: "Nobody can break my 'backbone.'" If we assume this should be interpreted figuratively, that's like "Nobody can make me do anything I don't believe in." / "Nobody can break my spirit."

35 seconds in: "My 'backbone' is my true strength." This + the traditional Japanese-reminiscent instrumentals remind me of the Katen-gumi. Iirc they have a scroll hanging in their main office proclaiming their dauntlessness, an attribute Samatoki embodies well imo.

53 seconds in: This is a mean-spirited thought, but I always find it funny when Samatoki's like "This god damn city is broken and filthy... *takes a drag from a cigarette*" when the god damn city in question is one of the most affluent in the world.

64 seconds in: With that said, it's nice to see him acknowledging the positive presence he has in Yokohama and vowing to rid it of... whatever ills are plaguing it... taxation and ne'er-do-wells with illegal mics, no doubt. An Ichirou-esque sentiment.

71 seconds in: Props to Asanuma for rhyming jinsei and shinsen so well. "My life is always fresh; this is still just the prologue." Samatoki being receptive to growth? You love to see it. With that said, it's interesting to see the discrepancy between the two ideas of "It's time to change." and "My core values will never change." as we see in this song. I'm not sure how that'll actually play out in canon, so we'll have to wait and see.

Overall: That was fun! It had a nice beat. I look forward to hearing the full song when it drops.

Awake:

Title note: ??? 目覚めた? Like, "I'm woke af now"? Haha let me see what this song is actually about and then come back to this...

Side note: I was staying with a friend-- a buddy from the old scanlation team-- when this song preview dropped, and she was keeping me up to date with this song's delayed release drama. When it finally dropped, she was like "YOOO SLUG, LISTEN TO THIS" and turned her phone waaaay up, blasting the sonorous tones of Mr. Komada into our not at all soundproof hotel room, immediately alerting me to two things: 1. I was not awake enough for this. 2. The illumatic Iruma Jyuto was IN the building and, at that volume, probably in every floor of the building. Anyway, I'm still not awake enough for this, but let's go.

5 seconds in: Love the horns. Very MTC and very Gen III Pokemon. Yokohama 8/10 too much water

20 seconds in: hey hey heeey

30 seconds in: I appreciate the technical skill involved, but I am not comprehending one word of this. I'm going to have to look up the lyrics when I'm done fr.

Overall: Seems fun to rap! Once again, looking forward to the full song.

Top YT comment at the time of writing: Juuto: Y'all never seen me like this before! Me: Yeah, no shit.

Scrolling through the comments: Spare lyrics, ma'am? Spare lyrics for the poor? Jesus, there are some thirsty-ass mofos in this comment section...

Well, I didn't find any lyrics, so here goes watch 2 with a lot of pausing, I guess. Hmm the gist of the chorus seems to be "I'm not fucking around anymore" which-- like someone else has pointed out in the comments-- is kind of how Juuto's been since day one...? I'm not sure what's changed. I suppose the biggest difference would be it's no longer "I'll solve this problem" but "we'll solve this problem." I do like the opening of this first verse: When someone makes bad choices, who's left smiling? Who's left grieving? What is right, and what is wrong? Can that be something for every person to figure out for themselves? Here's another interesting bit: I used to think I didn't have any interest in colluding with other people-- it was more like mutual exploitation. But then I joined hands with a couple of like-minded people, and now we share the goal of victory. Yeah, it seems like the biggest changes here are Juuto embracing teamwork, which hell yeah. Opening up and trusting other people with his mission, in turn taking on their missions and incorporating it into one singular goal? That's baller.

Title note revisited: yeah I guess deadass this is "awake" in terms of "I'm woke now" haha. Or like, "I've come around to [the power of friendship]"

NO WAR:

5 seconds in: Oh, now I get why someone on the Samatoki video called this "Riou's baby-ass song"

22 seconds in: I was NOT prepared for the autotune. I think I'm a little too tired because I found this really, really funny.

30 seconds in: "Conflict isn't entertainment; it's not a show." YOU TELL 'EM, RIOU.

44 seconds in: I always really, really appreciate Riou's unwavering distaste for warfare and conflict even as he considers it something worth devoting his life to. I would sincerely love it if the authors were to ever dive into why Riou has such dedication towards serving in the [whatever] army and whatever cause they were fighting for, but I don't think that's the story the authors want to tell. We probably just have to assume it's for whatever Riou considers to be a morally good cause.

49 seconds in: Ignoring the rhyme-induced silliness of "my buddies are my turret," I like the thematic consistency of each MTC member stressing that they're not alone anymore--that is, that they've given up on their self-imposed solitude--and they have each other to rely on and trust with their backs.

53 seconds in: "Practically brainwashed puppet soldiers" Oh?? Mind expanding on this a little, Hypmic? Again, I doubt the writers are keen to delve into the causes of WWIII or why Riou joined up at all, but the suggestion of propaganda or coercion being involved is tantalizing.

65 seconds in: I like the bit that goes (paraphrased): "What can you see when you look out of your binoculars at base camp? Rifles, revolvers--is that it? Instead of obsessing over who's strong and who's weak, why not be soldier who prays for peace?"

Overall: The lyrics are vaguer and more platitudinous than is my preference, but I fully recognize that my interests in this topic are outside of the scope of the story the writers want to tell. Which is fine! The music is pretty chill; I think I'll like this song when it comes out in full.

My favorite YT comment by a landslide: Thank god he's not making us work out again.

Thank you very much for the asks! :D It's fun to check this stuff out, and I probably wouldn't have done so otherwise.

[envirae]

my very first love ! — 18: you have got to be kidding me

masterlist

prev // next

wc: 1.3k

written part below!

You were impossibly nervous.

Everyone was, all the teams in the Seoul Capitol Area were gathered backstage, with a packed audience nervously awaiting them.

Soobin was the most visibly distraught, which made sense. After all, this was his last regionals. You were almost guaranteed to make it to nationals, you could easily beat most of the other teams if each of you were missing a leg. But that wasn’t what made Soobin so apprehensive.

His main concern was beating ENHYPEN. More than anything, he wanted to wipe the stupid smirks off their faces at least once out of his two chances. SUPERNOVA was set to perform towards the end, which only added to the nerves.

In the midst of all the chaos, you were barely even able to interact with Riki. But you still managed to sneak glances at each other, broad smiles appearing on both your faces when your eyes locked. This definitely wasn’t unnoticed by either team, who were visibly annoyed by the two of you (with the exception of Sunoo, who was giggling and whispering things to Riki that made him roll his eyes).

He finally caught you alone on your way to the bathroom, and neither of you could hide your excitement to see each other.

“Hey, you” He grinned, leaning against the wall to talk to you. “My team is so annoying, I haven’t gotten to talk to you all day.”

“I know, right? When are you performing?” You asked, trying your best to hide how flustered he was making you.

He glanced at his phone before his eyes widened in slight disappointment. “In about 30 minutes. I can’t talk for too long, gotta get backstage in 10. You?”

“We still have a little over an hour. Soobin hates performing towards the end.”

“Oh yeah, I saw. Is he alright? He looked a little…” He trailed off, not wanting to offend your friends.

“Insane? Yeah, you’d be right. But I get it, it’s his senior year, and he wants to beat you guys so bad. We all do, of course.” You explained, talking about the rivalry with Riki always felt awkward, but his scoff when you talked about beating his team made you raise a brow.

“Yeah, I wish you guys good luck with that.” He chuckled, playfully rolling his eyes as if he was talking to a child.

“What do you mean?” You queried, you were visibly getting a bit upset, which Riki noticed.

“Well, you know, I can’t say it’s very realistic. We’ve always been number one, you’ve always been number two. It’s just how things are.” He explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Are you serious? You don’t think we can beat you guys?” You asked, unintentionally raising your voice.

“Look, y/n, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’ve seen you dance, you’re incredible! I have no doubt at all in your dancing abilities. But I just, I believe in my team, you know?”

You simply nodded in response. “Oh.” Was all you managed to say. You knew everyone was stressed, but you couldn’t believe how rude Riki was being without even noticing.

You were about to say more when Riki’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out to check. “Shit, Jay’s looking for me. I gotta go, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?” As he started to walk away, he turned back to look at you. “You’ll watch my performance right? I know we’re enemies, but I want you there.”

You sent him a small smile, this was the Riki you knew. “Of course. I’ll be cheering for you.”

“Me too.”

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢୨୧⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢

True to your word, you went out to go watch Riki’s performance, and you dragged the rest of your team along with you. Although they hated enha and would do anything not seem like a fan, you played it off with some excuse about ‘scoping out your competition.’ Soobin left not even 10 seconds in, complaining that this was stressing him out too much and that he needed to go backstage to fix his hair.

Riki’s dancing was incredible. He had a presence on stage that demanded everyone’s attention, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him for even a second. Midway through the performance, he saw you in the crowd, and he couldn’t hide his smirk on stage. This did not go unnoticed by Hanni or Yujin, who quickly began teasing you for the deep shade of red that appeared on your cheeks.

But the smiles and the teasing ceased almost immediately during the last minute of their performance.

“Wait, y/n. Is that…?” Hanni asked, trailing off.

Their choreography was intricate and elaborate, rather than powerful and captivating like it usually was. Something you quickly noticed about Enha was how energetic and aggressive all their performances were. It made sense, of course, considering they were all men. Every move they made was calculated and precise, and you knew those moves all too well.

You knew you were almost guaranteed a spot to nationals, so you focused all your time and effort into choreographing for nationals, with regionals (aka the choreo you were performing today) being an afterthought. In the last month, you had spent countless hours in front of the mirror, at school, or even in the car studying and formulating those moves.

That was your nationals choreo.

You were too focused on the fact that the boy you thought was your friend was up on stage performing choreo you poured your heart and soul into to notice Soobin storming behind you guys holding up a small black binder.

“Look what I just found in that prick Jongseong’s bag. He stole our fucking-!” He began, but Yujin cut him off.

“We know, look.” His voice was monotone and Hanni gestured up to the stage, just as the boys were finishing their performance.

“Oh you have go to be fucking kidding me.” Soobin seethed, immediately walking away. You and the others followed him, hoping to either back him up in an argument or stop him from severely injuring somebody.

You caught Enha backstage, wiping their sweat and congratulating each other on the performance. When Soobin walked in with the binder, Jay went pale, while everyone else seemed lost. When Riki caught your eye, he smiled at you, but you did not return the favor.

“Wanna explain what the fuck this is?” Soobin asked, hardly able to control his anger.

“A binder?” Heeseung deadpanned, unimpressed.

Soobin opened the binder and flipped to the back, where you noted the choreo. “Yea, you’re right. Take a look, smartass.”

The rest of the enha members gathered around to look at the binder, eyes widening when they realized it was the exact choreo they had just performed.

“How the hell do you have this?” Jake asked, less angry, but incredibly confused.

“It was in Jongseong’s bag.” Soobin replied, now locking eyes with Jay. “I always knew you were a lying, manipulative asshole, but I can’t believe you would go this low.”

Everybody in the room went silent. The rest of enha looked baffled, but Jay had a clear look of guilt on his face. Jungwon was the first to break the silence. “Jay hyung, is this true? Did you steal their binder and their choreo?”

Jay was getting upset. “No! Of course I didn’t! I didn’t even know it was y/n’s. Besides, that choreo says nationals. Your performance today will be just fine.”

Soobin opened his mouth and began to curse him out, but Yunjin stopped him. “Our call time is in 15 minutes. Let’s go freshen up.”

“Fuck!” Soobin yelled, dropping the binder to the ground before storming out, Yunjin, Hanni, and Yujin following behind. You looked at Riki, who was clenching his fist and biting his lip.

You picked up the binder from the ground and walked out as well, slamming the door behind you. Nobody dared to speak.

taglist 1 (closed): @haknom @kjrcrz @lalalalawon @123-678h @k25vi @imhuh @yenqa @wondering-out-loud @captivq @enhaz1 @luvistqrzzz @luvchungha @beomgyusonlywife @heart4hees @mrchweeee @heefys @hangecanweholdhands @jayujus @jaeyunsimswife @yumilovesloona @pagesofmiracles @eumppattv @fluerz @yjwfav @darly6n

[81buttons]

´Like a date ?’ Part 2

Part 1 , Part 2 (this one) , Part 3

House md!James Wilson x reader 

summary: when House invites Wilson's crush on a date for revenge or when Wilson falls madly in love with a member of House's team

TW: House being house, mention of failed marriages and divorce, some house’s jokes and for this story I don’t mention the presence of Cameron, the reader being the main female character in the House team.

(ok I definitely imagine Izzie as my character physically, but that's just a suggestion)

Remember:

Y/n : Your Name

Y/F : Your Family name

h/c : your Hair Color

sorry for the grammar mistakes, enjoy!

———————————————————————

30 minutes.

30 freaking minutes since you had been waiting for him.

When House unexpectedly suggested going out tonight with you this morning, you were surprised; it really wasn't his style, so you became cautious. 

Why on earth would House want to go out with you tonight?

He then mentioned needing company for the event he had to attend, claiming it was mandatory—a lame excuse that you obviously didn't buy.

"But isn't Wilson available tonight?" 

You knew their duo was inseparable under normal circumstances, so for Wilson to refuse to accompany him seemed suspicious.

"He's busy tonight... Well, listen, if you really don't want to come..."

He played the victim card, portraying poor House who had no friends to accompany him tonight.

...And you fell right into it.

"No, no, I never said I didn't want to come, I'm just trying to gather information and-"

"Alright, tonight at my place at 7:30, don't be late" he suddenly said, his vitality restored, then swiftly left the office without giving me a chance to finish my sentence.

That's how you found yourself on a Friday night at 8:05, desperately waiting for your boss outside his house.

Leaning against your car, you checked your watch for the hundredth time. 

Since you didn't even have time to ask, you didn't know what to wear. Monster Trucks... How does one dress for such an event?

You ended up choosing a simple black jeans, a long-sleeved top of the same color with a V-neck, and a dark brown leather jacket to keep warm. Your hair was down and starting to tangle in the wind.

8:10

Did House stand you up? No, he's cynical, sarcastic, and his humor isn't for everyone, but House isn't mean. 

What if this was a bad joke? You quickly dismissed that thought.

House just needed someone for tonight, that's all. 

Still, you wondered why your oncology doctor couldn't accompany him; it wasn't like him to leave a friend alone. But who were you to know how he is?

8:14, if House didn't show up by 8:20, you were definitely leaving.

Anyway, you were curious about where Wilson was spending his evening. 

House mentioned he was busy; it must be something important. A date? But with whom?

As far as you knew, alias what House told you (of course, with no innuendos), the doctor wasn't seeing anyone at the moment—not that you cared, but it was surprising. 

But as your boss said, Wilson excels at many things but has no luck with relationships.

You sighed in frustration, 8:16, four more minutes and you were gone.

Do you enjoy Wilson's company? Yes.

Do you find him cute? Yes.

Have you had a secret crush on him since the first day you saw him? Yes.

Do you struggle to understand how such an incredible and kind man could be alone? Yes.

But were you going to do anything about it? No.

You appreciate Wilson, sure, you wanted more than just colleagues, but as stubborn and confident as you are, you didn't have the strength and courage to ask him out.

Wilson was the head of the oncology department and a renowned doctor in the hospital whom everyone liked. He liked you too, but not in the same way.

Even though House keeps teasing you with remarks and innuendos, deep down, you knew Wilson clearly wasn't interested in you, and it wasn't worth ruining a friendship between colleagues over a simple date.

8:18, you were going to kill House if he didn't come out of that apartment.

Just as you were about to leave, grabbing your car keys, you heard a door lock and saw House stepping out of his apartment.

"50 minutes!" you exclaimed.

"It's been 50 minutes since I've been waiting for you. I don't think you realize how rude it is to keep someone waiting for so long. I mean, have you seen the ti-"

"Get in the back," he said, pulling out a keychain.

Still shocked and angry, you didn't understand what he was getting at.

"Excuse me?"

Beep beep.

A motorcycle, please tell me this is a joke, you think.

"We're not really going on a motorcycle, are we?"

"Why not? Do you have a problem with my baby? Don't worry; there's no way you're driving it."

"But, I mean, your leg, how?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Are you coming or not? We're already late."

——————————————————————

You dismounted from the motorcycle and waited for him to take his cane out of its case before leaving.

"So, this is where it happens," you began, looking at numerous trucks of all colors with strange paintings in front of you, they were huge and some were completely destroyed.

Well, you didn't have to be a genius to understand that you knew nothing about all this, but you made an effort for House; he had invited you, after all.

"yes, the sacred temple of Monster Trucks!" House replied cheerfully.

You rarely saw him so happy.

"Let's go then! We have a meeting in 5 minutes in front of the cotton candy stand."

"A meeting? But we're already here, and the show starts in at least 15/20 minutes..."

House turned towards you, a playful and mischievous smile on his face, a sign that he was proud of his move.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that we're not alone tonight?" he said with a voice that pretended to be innocent.

You blinked twice, not quite sure you understood everything.

"Oops, I can be really absent-minded sometimes," he added, putting a hand over his mouth. He started to head towards the entrance.

"W-wait," you tried to catch up with him.

"I don't understand, does that mean you invited me from the start, saying you were alone when in reality you weren't?"

"Uh, yes."

"But why, I mean why invite me and who are these people, do I know them? House, I'm warning you, if you're getting me into some shady plan..."

He stopped and turned towards you.

"I invited you because I'm in love with you."

You stopped talking for two seconds, looking at him, his serious gaze fixed on you.

"Cut the shit House."

He rolled his eyes.

"Normally, this is supposed to work and shut you up longer, darn it."

"Do I at least know these people, House?"

He sighed, continuing to walk and putting on his 'Monster Truck' cap.

"You'll see, come on, let's move."

———————————————————————

Wilson's POV:

I had been waiting there with Ben for 30 minutes. House was, of course, late as usual.

I glanced at my watch one last time and sighed in despair.

I looked at my friend next to me, devouring a hot dog; at least he didn't seem to be complaining.

I wondered if House had really invited someone tonight, and if so, who on earth would have accepted to come with him on a Friday night at the last minute?

I made a mental list of names, but I couldn't think of anyone capable of coming to see Monster Trucks in the company of House.

Had he paid someone, an actor... no, that wasn't House's style... was it?

Suddenly, I finally saw him coming from afar, but I didn't see anyone next to him.

When I spotted a silhouette I knew all too well.

"Wow, who's the babe next to House?" Ben whistled beside me.

I shot him a cold look that he didn't notice, too busy looking at the young woman in front of us: Y/n.

House, I'm going to kill you...

They approached us, and I finally saw her face. She looked slightly surprised to see me at first, but quickly caught herself and gave me a warm smile.

God, her smile...

She was very beautiful, with her leather jacket and black jeans that accentuated but not too much her curves. Her h/c hair cascaded down her shoulders, framing her face perfectly.

To say she wasn't a 'babe,' to quote Ben, would be a lie.

She was beautiful, young, and elegant. But it wasn't just for these reasons that I had a crush on her for the past 4 months.

She's also an excellent doctor, always very serious, ready to help her patients. Working for House requires patience, which she has, in addition to being one of the kindest and sweetest person I've ever met.

She never complains about work; she's one of the few people who can stand up to House and not let herself be pushed around. And her perfume...

Well, yes, I was falling for her, a little bit…

"Wilson, as promised, my guest for tonight," House began proudly.

"I think you already know Doctor Y/F, don't you?" he continued, giving me a look full of innuendos and challenge.

I was going to kill him...

"Um, yes, of course, good evening, Doctor Y/F," I said, stepping closer to shake her hand.

She approached, shook my hand, and replied, "Good evening. You know, you can call me Y/n outside of work," she said, smiling timidly, her h/c strands falling slightly on the sides of her face.

My god...

"And Y/n, this is Patrick, Wilson's friend," House continued, nodding towards Ben.

"In fact, it's B-"

"Anyway, shouldn't we get going?" House cut in, taking another sip of his soda.

I stopped listening to him; I was looking at Y/n in front of me. She seemed to be observing the surrounding buildings. She was so beautiful, but she seemed not to even realize it, as if she didn't mean to drive me crazy with every little gesture.

Suddenly, she turned her face and looked at me. She saw that I was admiring her.

I didn't even look away; I stared right into her eyes, and her cheeks blushed slightly.

We stared at each other like that for a few seconds before House, with a mischievous smile, looked between us and said:

"Alright, let's go people”

The evening was going to be long, very long, and complicated...

———————————————————————

Alright my honey pops, I've managed to find a solution. After my desperate message yesterday, I started thinking, and I decided to divide this story into 3 parts. It seems simpler and better to me because otherwise, part 2 would have been too long. Plus, it gives me a bit more time to finish the 3rd part. So, I'll keep a bit of suspense 🫢… Anyway, thank you for all the support; I don't think you realize how much it can help an author gain confidence. I hope you enjoyed it!!

Tags: @x-uno , @marauderingpaige , @ieatbarsoap , @silverwillow67 , @totallynottrinn

[slayersweek]

2024 SLAYERS SECRET SANTA INFO AND SIGNUP FORM:

Hello! Please read over the following before signing up. Thank you!

What ‘Secret Santa’ Means: You create a fanwork, and you’ll receive one in return. Everyone who wishes to participate will provide prompts that they’d like to see completed, and another participant will be assigned their prompts and will complete one of those prompts (which one is completed is up to the person they’re assigned to).

When you submit your prompts, you are welcome (and encouraged) to tell me anything you are uncomfortable with or don’t wish to do (pairings, genre, rating, etc), that way the prompts you’re given are something you’re comfortable writing/drawing.

Rules and Regulations:

1) Watch this tumblr!  If you do not have a tumblr yourself, please put it in your bookmarks and remind yourself to check it often.

2) Can I ask for ____?  You can ask for whatever you want- rating, genre, etc. However, please keep in mind that if you’re asking for something super unusual, you might want to provide some broader prompts as well.

3) How long do I have to signup?  Signups will end on Saturday, November 30, 2024. That is all month to sign up!!

4) When is the deadline?  Please have your piece completed and posted by Friday, January 31, 2025. You can post your gift anytime starting from Wednesday, December 25, 2024.

5) How do I post it?  Post it in your own tumblr and link it to us or tag us (@slayersweek) so we can reblog it over here. You may link to where your fanwork is posted off tumblr (to livejournal, dreamwidth, ff.net, ao3, deviantart, etc) in your post.

6) How long does fic have to be?  At least eight hundred words. It doesn’t need to be super-long of course, but we want everyone to get something that’s more than drabble length.

7) Are there any extra requirements for the art?  It can be done in any medium (digital, colored pencil, copic, sketch, etc). Just remember that this is a gift for someone, so make sure it’s a completed piece!

8) Can I do fancomics?  Yes. Absolutely.

9) What if I need to drop out?  Then I would ask you to please let me know as soon as possible (and before the December 25th deadline) so we can arrange a pitch hitter for you. Failure to notify me will ban you from future events.

10) What is a pitch hitter?  If someone has to drop out, I’d still like their giftee to get a gift. A pitch hitter is someone who is willing to do a second fanwork in order to make sure no one goes without a gift.

11) What type of prompts should I give?  Prompts can be anything from something vague like “Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis exchange gifts,” “Sylphiel and Martina go to the beach” to something specific like “I’d like to see a fic where Lina and Gourry are pulled into an undersea world. The two end up facing an ancient source of magic, and they must team up with many witch and wizard allies. I’d like if it featured Lina/Gourry and Zelgadis/Amelia, and if possible… some Filia/Valgaav? A happy ending, please!” You must submit a minimum of three prompts or I cannot fairly give your requests to your Santa.

Please make them more than a characters name. It does not have to be Christmas themed and you do not have to be detailed, but give people something to work with!

12) I have another question!  Then please ask it via our askbox (anon asks are enabled).

Okay, I’m ready to signup! Please copy and paste the below form and submit it to the SlayersWeek inbox to sign up.

GIVING: Tumblr Username: Email or Alternate Contact:   Specialty (Fanfic or Fanart- If you can do both, you may list both): Highest Rating You’ll Work With: Will Not Work With (Any characters, pairings, genres, scenarios, you won’t do): RECEIVING: Do Not Want (Any characters, pairings, ratings, genres, scenarios, etc you don’t want to receive): Do You Prefer fic, art, or no preference?: Three Prompts: 1) 2) 3) Can you pitch hit if someone drops out?:

Please SUBMIT your completed form HERE. If you have any further questions, you can direct them to this blog HERE, or to my personal HERE.

[faejilly]

Lisle Route Overview in Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem

Per a request on the discord, because my brain is only 7kpp now 😍

Character Creator/Personality Notes

You cannot be a Tomboy Countess

Personality MUST be noble as opposed to selfish.

(You can get away with starting out indifferent & immoral if you're manipulative enough to hide it.)

Generally speaking, choose eloquent options. Make jokes! He does have a good sense of humor, since that's pretty much the only break from duty that he allows himself.

Acknowledge and respect the responsibilities of rank.

Welcome Feast

First impression is likeability (beauty, charm, charisma, etiquette). I'm not sure if it's been re-balanced for Early Access, but for the demo the guide broke it down that you got +5 friendship at 60 likeability, +10 @ 100, and +15 @ 120, so as long as you don't tank all four stats, you should be fine.

+5 friendship for "friendly" greeting. (A polite greeting won't bring anything down if you want the etiquette boost.)

Insight check & +5 friendship choice is "compliment his sister"

The best 'tell him about yourself' option is "engaging" which requires 30 eloquence. (Possible with the "introduce yourself politely" option at the end of the CC, if you didn't take a full eloquence boost to get you to 50.) Either the charming or becoming (charisma) options will also get you friendship, but only +5 instead of +10.

You must also successfully greet and get along with Penelope!

Her first impression is also likeability.

Her ideal first dialogue choice is "make her laugh" which requires 30 charm; next is "reassure her" which requires the same 30 eloquence as Lisle's best answer. I think 'inspire' requires leadership.

The default "smile" for the greeting choice is still fine though, just not as many friendship points.

Be "glad she's there" for the insight check.

Rescuing her from Jarrod maybe helps? But I may be making that up because it feels like it should narratively but it's not in any of my guides.

Hosting

Lisle will attend all three of the potential hosted events for week one (tea / musicale / history) if you make a decent impression at the welcome feast. I think you can still unlock his route if you just invite Penelope however, and she will attend both the tea and the musicale but not the lecture. You do get a higher +Wellin Approval boost for the musicale as long as you invite either of them, so that's usually the one I do when I'm planning on playing Lisle's route.

For week 3, Lisle can't attend the ladies' night, while Penelope won't attend the Onvu Tournament, but you can get both of them to the midnight picnic. I think they both give better boosts for the picnic too, but I didn't write it down, so I'm not sure.

Week 1 Invite

Don't be insulted that you're kept waiting for the ride with Lisle.

Either greeting is fine once he gets there, (if you have enough etiquette to see the "polite" one), but he laughs if you rant about last night's sleep which is great.

"Adore" that he brought Penelope

As long as you don't complain about the horse your relationship won't go down, but animal knowledge or persuasive will get you a higher respect bonus than either defensive or quick thinking.

IF you have at least 20 politics, 50 insight, and are ethical, you can ask Lisle about his goals for the summit.

Otherwise, as long as you're not all greedy/overt and asking about getting to be queen, the other two options (holding up/something about yourself) are both fine.

Formal Introductions

Don't have your ambition be "my best future"

Between nations/best serve my nation won't *hurt* but only give bonuses to your BG nation's approval

"Katyia" gives approval & respect bonuses

Don't lie about your ambition unless you're at least at 300 persuasion/50 manip.

Weeks 2 & 3

Request Penelope join your team for the ship race. (She's ideal for the morale check so it's a good pick regardless.)

For Penelope's breakfast, I don't think it matters? (I mean, don't be mean to her, obviously, but I don't think it effects any Lisle stats there.)

The best gift for him is the Pirate book.

For the MM date, start with either "Penelope" or "spent some time"

"Of course" is the best answer to 'bother you?' but 'rather be here' will also work.

Pick trust or communication for the 'most important' question

"Far worse fates" is the best answer to his confession, but "thank you" will also work.

Talk to the matchmaker about him and make it clear you know what you're doing

BE TACKLE-HUGGED BY PENELOPE AT THE FEAST, 🎉

TL;DR Be a responsible adult, be nice to his sister, have a sense of humor, and you should be fine!

I don't have as much of a breakdown for how to *continue* his route (and also I don't remember where the demo cuts off vs the Early Access which isn't quite public yet) but basically you can get more respect & friendship by being eloquent and dutiful and encouraging Penelope when you get the chance.