#I love you dad and mom and sister

[yourbleedingh3art]

[demaparbat-hp]

Izumi (steambaby) sketches.

[queenlucythevaliant]

clean your sword

i. Peter had thought many times about dying for his brother, killing for his sisters, as all oldest children do.

ii. He'd imagined it a hundred times: how if his mother and father were ever killed, he'd get some low-skill job and make sure Lucy's clothes still fit her as she grew. How he'd make fists and fight dirty if Susan was ever threatened. What he'd do if Edmund ever had to flee the country on a dark, windswept night.

iii. Yet when he heard Susan's horn that day, he still froze. Only for an instant, he thought, "this can't be my job, right?"

iv. The blood on his sword shone red when it was all over. When he wiped it on the grass, the stain it left was almost black.

v. They'd put Susan in his arms when he was two years old. Peter didn't remember it, but he knew he'd been waiting for her till then. He wasn't a real person until he was a brother.

vi. And when they walked back to the pavilion, Rhindon bumping Peter's hip, all he could say to his sisters was, "I'm sorry I didn't come faster."

vii. The High King was almost obsessive in the way he cared for Rhindon. When he grew older and required weapons larger than those made for a child, he obsessed over them too.

viii. He told the others, in no uncertain terms, that if it ever came to it in battle, they were to leave him and live. As their brother and high king, he commanded it.

ix. The first time Edmund risked himself for Peter's sake, Peter didn't speak to him for a week.

x. He was oiling his sword when Edmund found him. "See, the thing is, Peter, being brothers goes both ways. If you can love me enough to die for me, than I get to love you just the same."

xi. Peter agreed with him then, to avoid the argument. He was sick of not talking to his brother. Yet privately, he knew that Edmund was wrong. That sacrifice was Peter's special prerogative, as the first-born.

xii. Back in England, his mother noticed that Peter had become more fastidious. She didn't notice that his protective streak has grown - and maybe it hadn't, really.

xiii. It was uncanny, how Peter would always show up just when his siblings needed him. He'd round a corner, and there was Lucy stamping her feet and scowling at a bully. There was Susan, crying, and now his knuckles were bloody.

xiv. He cleaned the blood off in the sink so carefully. The water ran red for a second, and it almost seemed black.

xv. When Caspian asked for the High King's advice, looking so very young, Peter jerked his chin towards the sword a Caspian's hip. "Be ready to use that," he said. "Keep it clean, and close."

xvi. Susan forgot Narnia and she forgot Aslan. Yet selfishly, Peter still hoped that she would never forget how quickly he came when she called.

[pichichustudios]

Bloodborne X Moomin = Moominborne ??? 😭💀

[mochiajclayne]

I really wanna enjoy fem Law, I really do. I just can't let go of the idea that this is what Lami would've looked like as an adult if her lifespan wasn't robbed by an incurable disease.

[wintergrofyuri]

izutsumi finally finding herself a group of people that respect her humanity and like. call her a young lady and shit. and at first being a little put off bc she's always been treated like a Thing. an It. and suddenly having people recognize her humanity being new and strange. but over time beginning to feel like. a sort of euphoria about it.

anyways izutsumi transgender allegory

[buglaur]

calloway family reunion ✧

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

I don’t know why but I can’t stop thinking about little Cal hugging Cody like a koala and when anyone tries to pull him off he digs his fingers into Cody’s armor plates and cries like a cat

[flareboi]

what if purple never calls him dad

[vicontheinternet]

No offense to ppl who actually like fourth wing but it sound like a rough draft or bullet point for a book strung together. I don’t get why ppl were frothing at the mouth over this book

[coolauntlilith]

So I finally watched Sense8. I regret not watching it sooner for a couple reasons. But I'm so glad I finally watched it.

[maxgicalgirl]

I’m not going to lie I’m like really stuck and don’t know what to do with my feelings about All Of This. I dont have therapy until next week and they don’t have space to move me up and I dont really have anyone else to talk through how I feel ? I dont know what to do.

[i-am-trans-gwender]

Just realized my thoughts on my Christian upbringing reflect my relationship with my family.

"I don't care if you made me, fuck you (God/my parents), also fuck the rest of your lot (siblings/angels)! Except for you (Jesus/older sister) you're cool."

[https-reverie]

My ass is NOT used to genuine words despite how much/how many times I receive them

[altschmerzes]

Gav, do you have anymore wriggle up on dry land holiday thoughts to share? I've been thinking non stop about the snippets you posted, the idea of the holiday season being a bit of a jolt to Jamie's standing in his new family unit in his own mind is haunting me

oh yeah i think about this sorta thing ALLLLLL THE TIME it's like... i haven't thought too much about holidays in particular but things like that being a jolt to jamie's standing in his new family unit in his own mind is a great way to put it. it's deeply destabilizing for him every time he encounters something like that, something that makes him think about it and ask himself those questions directly - who am i to them, what is my place here, how long will it last, how much can i take, how much say do i get, etc.

and a BIG one in there is uncle's day, actually, speaking of holidays :) bc i'm keeping that part from season 3 though it's obviously a little different.

this is from when i was talking to another friend (thanks to @jamietxrtt this time, another prominent and beloved enabler of me generally and this au in particular) about the way that like. roy has a hard time with referring to james as jamie's dad when he's thinking about the man at all, because in his mind, that's ted now, and that's something ted earned. (and it's a little bit roy, too. there's a whole like- he's not Jamie's Dad the way that ted is but he very much is Jamie's Parent, and the distinction is a little odd and difficult to articulate but it's very similar to how he feels about phoebe, he's not her dad but he is her parent, etc. but it's still like...... when he thinks about what a father, what a dad ought to be, he feels that inside himself more than he could ever give it to james.)

which led to like. phoebe is the one who articulates this better and before anyone else can, and that's part of the uncle's day thing, which happens when jamie is seventeen and has been living with ted (and has had a room at roy's) for going on a year. when phoebe and sarah are arranging it, phoebe insists jamie has to come, because “he’s your uncle roy too” and jamie is like :? he is not.

and she sighs and rolls her eyes like little kids do when they think you’re being dense, and she’s like noooo i don’t mean he’s your UNCLE but he’s your UNCLE ROY just like he’s my uncle AND he’s my uncle roy and jamie is like. you’re gonna have to explain this one to me in a lot more words half pint.

and she sighs again and goes well. some kids at my school have a mummy and a daddy or two mummies or two daddies or just a mummy or just a daddy or one of my friends has a mummy and a parent - she pronounces this very deliberately - which is cool. AND my friend cecily has THREE mums and a dad because HER parents got DIVORCED and then they both got married again so she has FOUR parents which is NOT FAIR. anyways. i don’t have a mummy and a daddy or any of that. i have a mummy and an uncle roy. he isn’t my daddy but he’s my uncle roy, get it? and jamie nods bc he thinks he actually does get it yes.

and she goes okay. so you’ve got a daddy. that’s coach ted. but you’ve also got uncle roy. because he’s not your daddy and he’s not your uncle but he’s your uncle roy. get it?

and jamie, who is just about on the verge of tears now, nods again because yeah. He Gets It Now.

[mar64ds]

I would like to write down my own experience with lovelessness, we all have a different one and talking about it might help me understand it better + might help non-loveless people understand better as well

For most of my life, I didn't really questionned if I felt love or not. It's just something I assumed I did, to me (and to mostly everyone) it was like questionning if the sky was blue. Everyone felt love, that's what we all do, you see it on movies all the time, you see it at school, you see it in families (be it your own or others). I grew up with a mother that REALLY really valued love, it's the center of it all for her, which it's its own can of worms considering what kind of mother she turned up to be. She told me and my brother that she loved us every single day multiple times, I have never doubted that I was loved.

I was a very distant kid that enjoyed playing alone and being alone, but growing up I became very insecure about it and desesperatly wanted friends just to not be seen as the weird lonely classmate. I made some school friends, but either didn't last long or were very shallow friendships. My only long lasting friend is a neighbor of mine and while I would like to have more friends, I have also come to realize that the idea of having many friends makes me feel a bit... overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed in fact. I like the idea of having friends you talk to sometimes and hang out sometimes, but the idea of talking to multiple people every day and hanging out with them almost everyday sounds exhausting.

But let's get back to the topic of love. I have never been the biggest fan of 'power of love' tropes. When I was a kid I thought it was corny and took me out of the story. I was a bigger fan of stories that were more comedic than anything else, there were some exceptions here and there (big fan of digimon for example), but overall I just didn't relate to feeling an intense amount of love for someone. I started liking stories about love as I grew older, but there was something in the back of my mind that I didn't pay attention to until much later

One day I truly started thinking about it. I started to think about how characters in stories feel love, how I perfectly understood how they feel love. Then I started thinking about myself. I started to think if I loved my mother, my brother, my friends. Keep in mind, I was very young and still wasn't aware how toxic my family was, and at the time I had friends in school. So I started thinking about it and realized that I didn't actually feel any love for anyone. It wasn't like how I saw on tv, I understood love in fictional characters, but I didn't feel anything for the people I was close to. I got really scared and told to myself that I was just overthinking stuff and let it go.

From time to time, the thought returned and I continued to try to ignore it. I felt like a horrible person everytime I thought about it. With my family it was understandable as I realized that, well, my family is terrible. But with friends it felt cruel. I wanted to have friends, I have a good friend, how can I not actually feel anything? It felt evil and selfish.

I told to myself that I definitely do feel love and if I thought I didn't I just had to convince myself that I did. That it's also possible no one really 'feels' love and it's just a word we use for people we are close with and care about. Yep, that's totally what it is

I realized I was aro but I have talked about that already. Later on I found out about lovelessness. I read more about it and wanted to include it when I talked about aspec stuff, loveless people were very mistreated and misunderstood even inside the community. I care a lot about aspec issues, lovelessness felt like a big thing I had to care about, I challenged the way I see emotions and love and relationships, it gave me a lot to think about.

With time, lovelessness felt very very comforting. Those scary moments where I thought I was evil and crazy wouldnt have been scary if I knew not feeling love was normal and okay. Lovelessness is also comforting when I have to confront my very love-centered abusive mother. It's good to talk about how love isn't everything when we talk about abusers that use love as a way to come across as sympathetic and well-intentioned. Lovelessness felt sincere to me, love has felt forced and fake to me for the longest time, the possibility of someone that doesn't love but cares about others felt the most sincere thing ever for me. It felt more precious to me that someone is there for you over wether they love you or not.

I decided very recently to try out the label, I consider myself in the loveless spectrum, I'm not 100% sure if my love flunctuates and sometimes I may feel it, I genuinely have no clue. But I KNOW there are plenty of times where I don't feel it. Lovelessness has become a very important part of my life and myself. It makes me think a lot about life and relationships. It makes me happier. But it's also difficult given the fact that this is a very love-obsessed world. Which is why I want to acknowledge lovelessness more and more.

To me, it's true that love doesn't have one definition, it's going to mean something different for everyone. But some of us prefer to stop identifying with the word altogether. Maybe for your own definition of love that makes no sense, but we dont all have the same definition, remember that.

To me love is an emotion I don't really relate with and don't feel most of the time, if at all. I'm someone that wants to have some close friends but does not really want to be surrounded by too many people too much. I'm 100% non-partnerning as well. Love is not really important to me, I don't see it as something important or something to value people over. Toxic love is something I'm very familiar with and it has taught me that love really isn't everything.

Some might say my lovelessness comes from trauma, and while that's the case for many for me is highly unlikely. I already didn't feel love before realizing there was something wrong in my family. But my lovelessness definitely helps when I have to face my abusive mother

Lovelessness is super important to me. I could and will talk more about what it feels to me, hopefully my own perspective can help someone else!