#all the men are queer. they are. i love how comfortable they are with each other. and RAJAN IS A GODDAMN KING. ID DIE FOR THAT MAN

[kings-highway]

I don't tend to talk a lot about my sexuality headcanons because I like to adjust things as I need for each story, but in honour of the end of pride month and the fact that I put off doing this for 30 full June days, I do want to talk about some of my favourite lgbt related headcanons for my HQ boys. A lot of these are "real" headcanons of mine (as in, stuff I actually write as a part of their character rather than just theoretically interesting asides) so you might recognize these if you've read my work!

This isn't going to be every character, just ones I have strong or specific takes on.

Starting off strong, I love Daichi being a completely unlabeled king. To decide on a label requires .05% introspection and by god he is not going to do that. I think his perspective on it is very "only what's in front of me matters" so when he feels attraction to a man for the first time he doesnt think this means he's attracted to ALL men, just this one. And in reverse, although he feels attraction to women, he doesn't think at any point his current attraction to women will stop him from falling in love with any non-women, so it never occurs to him that his feelings of attraction could even point to any one label because literally what does today have to do with tomorrow? He's just here. Asahi tries to suggest pansexual as a label when he tries to explain how he's simply open to whatever his heart wants and he gets mad because "i said ANY person not ALL people" and Asahi's like WHAT does that MEAN. All that being said, I think Daichi never considers himself queer/lgbt. Dude could be in a committed monogamous relationship with another man for ten years and when Suga suggests they go to a pride festival he's like "???for what???" All in all I think he's allergic to labels on his sexuality.

Related note, Asahi being asexual. I don't think Asahi is sex-repulsed at all, and later in life I think he definitely would enjoy being sexually active with a partner, but definitely when it comes to self identification, he simply does not feel attraction towards any gender. I also think he doesn't really crave physical intimacy even non-sexually, and he'd much rather talk through his feelings with someone rather than have them hug him to try and comfort him, so he really struggles to understand the kissing-sex thing even just from a theoretical pov. (Like why would you pick that over like a nice long heart-to-heart???) However I think this has to be coupled with like a panromantic attraction to all genders which makes him have a really hard time identifying what he actually wants and what will make him happy because there's a very uniform experience across people, which for someone so anxious already doesnt help him identify his own feelings at all. He probably very much struggles to relate to his classmates as they get excited for dating because even though he likes the idea of dating everyone always talks about dating as kissing and physical intimacy (because they're all like 17) and Asahi's like "sure, sure, sure, yeah, totally sure yeah" while just being fully checked out of the conversation

Ushijima! I fully believe that Ushijima is 100% gay, with no flexibility, but I also think he most identifies his own feelings via the negative, so he knows he doesn't experience sexual attraction towards women and mostly identifies via that, rather than acknowledging that he does feel attraction to men. I really like him answering questions this way, where if someone is asking about girls/his love life, he often replies with "I don't feel inclined towards women," or "I have no interest in finding a girlfriend/wife" which is, in his mind, the most true statement in regards to his sexuality. He almost NEVER out loud says anything about liking men or feeling attracted to men even though his crush/dating history is exclusively male. However, on the few occasions someone does directly ask him something like "so you're gay?" he will absolutely say yes. Like he is aware of what his feelings classify him as he just doesn't leap to those descriptors himself. I think part of the reason for this is that he's not really attracted to femininity in general, and he knows that femininity is not exclusive to women and that some men are not his type, so there's a part of his brain that thinks saying something like "I'm attracted to men" indicates ALL men (its that black and white autism brain clicking into gear) and that's simply not true, but saying he's not interested in women IS true in black and white autism land.

I don't have a fully formed thought on this one, but Tendou's gender is probably a little broken, right? I actually do think he still identifies as male, but I think if he had been born afab, he'd have been perfectly comfortable being a woman and identified as such. So maybe he's lightly agender but socially comfortable with being a man so he doesn't really bother with it. I do however think he doesn't "get" the whole gender thing. He probably thinks he's enlightened or something because he's so above being bothered by it all and he simply doesn't realize that's because he's agender and everyone else actually does feel a real connection to their gender they're not just making it up. This whole headcanon is mostly in service of that fact that I think Tendou with his sort of conventionally unattractive features would absolutely rock gender non-conforming fashion. Like put him in a long skirt and combat boots please. I don't think he has an ounce of femininity in him but there's something about the spiky red hair and monster gaze that goes so well with like... Female-tilted alt fashion. And I think he would dig that. And then get mad when people point out he's wearing women's clothes because "ugh literally why does anyone care about gender you're all so weird." (Proceeds to do zero self reflection). He just does what he wants.

This isn't a real headcanon of mine but I heavily support a FtM trans Kenma based solely on his calico cat mascot. He's based on a calico, guys, its right there!

Aromantic Kuroo. (+QPR KuroKen) I don't use this as much as I could, because it's a lot of emotional character work that I dont often want to bother with in unrelated stories, but AroAce Kuroo has become so near and dear to my heart. He wants so badly to spend his whole life monogamous with Kenma but every time he thinks about starting a romantic relationship with him he feels sick because he doesn't actually want to share space and kiss and have to sleep in the same bed all the time. I think it's sex-positive asexual but borderline romance-repulsed aromantic. He just wants to live his life, and he does see Kenma as his highest priority and life partner in the most true sense of the word "partner". He still gets unreasonably jealous if Kenma has any other love interests but thats because allonormativity threatens to take away his soulmate every day. I don't use this headcanon very often, but more and more I do think it fits his character. A really solitary, independent and self possessed person who simply cannot comprehend why anyone needs a lover to feel fulfilled. Kenma meanwhile absolutely would love a life partner that does not require him to leave the house for dates or do any kind of performative relationship shit. His twitch stream being like "oh my god kodzuken are you dating anyone???" And Kenma just replying with "not legally" is actually really fucking good.

Okay so I only did 5 characters but im lazy and dont wanna keep writing so imma click post now k thx bai

[s0fter-sin]

sometimes i think about how wild a mw2 movie would be if they just dropped soapghost right in the middle with no warning or marketing. like imagine it being beat for beat the exact same, it’s your typical military action movie, promoted as just another military action movie then after they get to the safe house, ghost has to patch up soap and he’s still out of it, overwhelmed by the betrayal and everything he’s seen and ghost needs to ground him and keep him in the present, to remind him that he’s alive and safe so he kisses him and they have sex. the tantrums and the rants and the “ReAl sOLdiErS aRen’t liKe ThAt”, god i can taste it and it’s delicious

[coolauntlilith]

So I finally watched Sense8. I regret not watching it sooner for a couple reasons. But I'm so glad I finally watched it.

[croquettish]

Sexuality, Acceptability, Risk, and Medieval Bohemia

Someone commented on my Hansry fic recently about how a good number of fics in this fandom apparently feature the sort of modern protestant homophobia emblematic of the United States. This was baffling to me.

More recently I've seen a bit of backlash against this rather normative, America-centric approach to the historical homophobia (deeply entrenched in Catholicism, mind you) that they would have been subject to back then. And, as is quite normal with the internet, naturally the pendulum has swung way too far in the other direction. Jokes were made and then taken seriously by others. I've now seen sentiments floating around like "oh they wouldn't have cared at all," (not on tumblr) which is wild to me.

My doctoral studies have to do with queerness in the High Middle Ages, so seeing as I've spent the last several years of my life living on archive.org, knee-deep in this research, I feel like it's my academic responsibility to correct the record some. As usual, the answer lies somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.

All my sources are listed in the text (in the case of art) or at the very end of the post. For those of you just interested in what all of this means for Hansry, feel free to jump down to the purple heading.

I will start by saying that the "queer medieval utopia" you're looking for didn't exist. The closest you're going to get to that is the late 11th century / early 12th century, and even then there were limits to this general social acceptability. Paris and Florence were commonly considered to be gay dens of iniquity by people outside of those places, but even that was a bit of an exaggeration.

So where does this misconception come from?

Within the Catholic landscape, the body was considered separate from the spirit. Only one's "mystic sensorium" was supposed to be involved in spiritual intercourse with Christ and each other, and the overlap of the real and the ideal was… problematic at times, a genuine threat to chastity. Physical affection was meant to not broach certain limits. Kissing was acceptable. Metaphors were acceptable. In ancient Christianity, it was normal for women to kiss other women and for men to kiss other men as part of mass in the name of exchanging the kiss of peace, the pax. The idea here was to meet with the Spirit of Christ. Ambrose likened it to "lovers who, unsatisfied with the mere enjoyment of the lips, kiss so deeply as to interchange their spirits with one another." Which is all well and good, but this leaves a lot of leeway. How much physical affection was considered acceptable?

Anselm, the closest thing we have to a gay man of this time, would write things like this, in this case a letter addressed to two biological brothers that he hoped to join him in the monastic life:

"My eyes long to see your faces most beloved; my arms stretch out to your embraces; my lips long for your kisses; whatever remains to me of life desires your company . . . . Oh, how my love burns in my marrow . . . . [In coming to Bec] you have fused my soul with yours. If you now leave me, our joint soul will be torn apart, it can never again become two."

He had never met them before, nor should this suggest that they were about to enter a sexual relationship. In fact, around this time we see quite a few such expressions of affection coming out of the monastic space. Alcuin, writing to Arno of Salzburg, felt entirely comfortable writing that his love could not be prevented, even in the face of death, from licking Arno's innermost parts, a reference here (most likely) to Christ's side wound. In another letter, Alcuin is even more overt:

"It is exquisitely sweet to remember your love and intimacy, holy father; I wish the dear moment would come when I might embrace the shoulders of your love with the arms of my longing for you. . . . with what speedy hands I would rush into your fatherly embrace, with what pressing lips I would kiss not only your eyes and ears and mouth, but each knuckle of each finger, of each toe, not once, but many, many times!"

It would be extremely easy to assume that these letters suggested more than meets the eye, but historically speaking, as far as we know, this was not the case. Because this level of affection was considered to be in line with the "Christian" thing to do between brothers (no, I'm not joking). And there were harsh punishments if you breached these limits. Bear in mind, these letters could easily be seen by others!

Moreover, it should be noted that we don't see this level of affection outside of the monastic space (though it does still come up, albeit to a much lesser extent). You can think of it as code switching, essentially. Verbiage that would be considered insanely sexual in one space would not be considered as such within a monastic context prior to the shift in the 12th century.

Some scholars suggested that the use of such language implies ignorance or naivety about how this physical affection could look to the outside world, but we do know that Anselm at one point became worried enough that he might be misunderstood that he censored himself after leaving Bec for Canterbury. Even if his inclinations were chaste, he knew they could be viewed through the lens of homosexuality.

The ideal sexual state for a person to be in at this time was rooted in asceticism: chastity in the face of desire. You'd think asexuality would be a quick workaround for that, but unfortunately the lack of desire would just mean a lack of necessary effort on that person's part. Bear in mind, suffering is what's rewarded here. A gay man plagued with homosexual desires is just being tested by God. By denying himself those desires, he's rising in the ranks of holiness. A great example of this is Brother Lucas from KCD1:

According to the Rule of Pachomius, kissing boys on the lips was forbidden and punished by whipping, imprisonment, fasting, shaving, and six months of humiliation. In Fructuosus of Braga's Rule, a monk kissing or even being "too attentive to young men or boys would result in a very similar six month sentence as well as six additional months of manual labor, separated from his brethren, always under watch of at least two spiritual brothers. Never again was he allowed to enjoy private conversation or companionship with those younger than him.

"But Tam!" you might say. "This is just about monks! What about real people?"

I'm so glad you asked! Because we know that as well!

Penitentials, which were quite in vogue until around the 11th century and then again after the passing of Lateran IV in the early 13th century, were very punishing of all manner of sexuality, but especially homosexual acts, and, among them, especially oral sex. (The mouth is considered, to a certain extent, sacred. Don't ask me why, that alone is like twenty pages in my dissertation, though I could be lowballing tbh.) The Penitential of Theodore punishes it with 7 years of harsh penance and 15 years if the practice is habitual. Sometimes, however, it was "until the end of life" and considered to be the "worst evil," worse than fornication with one's mother. Harsh!

Ye olde penitentials were used as guidelines for later confession as well as those from before the 12th century. Conveniently for us, the late, great James A. Brundage came up with a fantastic chart/guide on when and how it was acceptable to have sex at all:

Did people follow this? My god, absolutely not. We wouldn't have the confessional records if this wasn't a problem in the realm of ~sin. But the guidelines were there and expected to be adhered to.

Don't get me wrong, the late 11th / early 12th century was a watershed moment in history in terms of overall acceptability of queerness, a time when Ovid and other Ovidian literature flourished. Punishments were rarely enforced. But the come-down from that era led us to a very rough landing. Lateran III kicked off the official canon ratification of outlawing homosexuality explicitly, and this, together with the outlawing of clerical marriage and the sudden flourishing of courtly love as a genre, led to a very dramatic shift in society from homosocial to heterosexual (which is, incidentally, what my dissertation is about).

The long 12th century was a red letter event in terms of history, not least because some of history's most notorious homophobes spread their ideas like wildfire. I am, of course, talking about Alain de Lille, renowned author of De planctu Naturae ("The Complaint of Nature"), which reminded everyone that homosexuality was against nature, and Peter Damian, who doesn't even deserve being commented on. The idea of homosexuality being "against nature" was far from new. The early church fathers like Augustine and Jerome condemned it pretty outrightly, and in the 13th century St. Thomas Aquinas was more than happy to further entrench the idea. Here, sodomy disrupts nature so much as to dissolve the soul.

We saw this in literature as well. Dante's Divine Comedy (early 14th c) slapped sodomites into the 7th layer of hell, but a real standout here is the Debate Between Ganymede and Helen, where the two have a very lengthy argument wherein she convinces Ganymede (often associated with homosexuality) that heterosexuality is infinitely superior to the alternative. She throws in such lovely arguments as insisting that he at least respect Nature, that he's been deceived by well-disguised filth, that he's been squandering his love between the thighs of men, and that he's been treating himself like human garbage as a result. In the end, he suddenly sees his crime for what it is, and the gods agree with him, stating that they've now also come to their senses. Sodomy is thus left behind by the gods and the choir swells in cheer at this tremendous success.

Canon law more or less exclusively had its grubby little fingers in the pies of what was and wasn't deemed acceptable in terms of sex until about the early-14th c, while afterward the government was delighted to also get involved in your bedroom activities. Particularly in the late 14th century homosexuality was increasingly legislated against, and in increasingly brutal ways at that. This wonderful and not at all problematic marriage of church and state is how we ended up with the Trials of the Knights Templar.

Let's say you're King Philip IV. The people have been revolting, you're running low on funds, you owe the Templars as it is, and you have a penchant for pogroms. You want money and land. What do you do? Well, naturally you write a letter to the pope about how you have all these horrible suspicions about these people you employ and who have come to your aid quite often!

Boy, oh boy! Wasn't that a fun time for them. Before, they'd been well-respected and well-off, supported by the king, with zero doubt in their respectability. Naturally, it all came tumbling down with that letter. Because the investigation was ready to find them at fault for something no matter what, under pain of torture of course. There's a particularly striking letter from a father to his daughter, written during the Bamberg witch trials (much later), wherein he explained that, after a particularly rough torture session, the executioner pulled him aside and told him this: "Sir, I beg you, for God's sake confess something, whether it be true or not. Invent something, for you cannot endure the torture which you will be put to; and, even if you bear it all, yet you will not escape, not even if you were an earl, but one torture will follow after another until you say you are a witch. Not before that will they let you go, as you may see by all their trials, for one is just like another."

Were the Templars recreationally homosexual? Maybe. For their sake, I sure hope so, because then they might have at least had some fun before going out. But either way, they were arrested, their territory, funds, and belongings seized, were convicted of heresy, sodomy, and black magic, and eventually burned at the stake. Two men were later burned at the stake as relapsed heretics after saying that they'd only confessed under duress and were actually innocent.

It even led to fun art like this one in 1350:

De Longuyon, Jacques. Voeux du Paon Manuscript. 1350. Morgan Library and Museum, New York. G.24 fol. 70r.

It was also around this time also that homosexuality was increasingly associated not only with heresy, but also with bestiality, suggesting that this crime against nature was effectively also a crossing of special boundaries (species-based, not extraordinary). In line with this, while homage to one's liege used to be sworn with a kiss on the lips (!!), over the course of the 14th century that was summarily done away with as well in a change that quite frankly swept across Europe (and we all wept).

In 1327, Edward II, who had a few boyfriends, was supposedly murdered by having a red hot poker shoved up his rectum. Even if this didn't happen, the chroniclers wanted us to believe it, and knowing what we do about Edward's sexual proclivities, it seems like this was a Statement if nothing else.

Where Bologna used to punish homosexuality with a fine, after the late 13th century the punishment was death by burning. The Portuguese, meanwhile, castrated convicted homosexuals and then, three days later, had them hanged by the feet until dead. In Siena, death by hanging was also the answer, but in this case, it was hanging by the dick until dead (not kidding). A particularly horrifying case was this one, happening just six years after when KCD canon takes place:

Which reminds us that this was most likely an issue that very much associated the clergy (known to be corrupt, especially around this time!). You'll recall the little comments made about this in the game, like Godwin casually committing heresy in front of the whole crew. "Do you think you need a priest for God to hear you?" Well geez, Godwin, according to the Catholic Church, you sure as shit fucking do! What a fantastic and not at all risky thing to say!

(Sidenote, this one is particularly upsetting to me personally in a fandom context because, not only is Augsburg not far from Bohemia, it really reminds me of the many associations between Hans and a caged bird.)

All of which isn't to say that sodomy didn't take place. Boy did it fucking ever. A great example of this comes from out of Switzerland, where, in 1475, a priest reportedly told his lover that "if everybody who committed [the act of sodomy] was burnt at the stake, not even fifty men would survive in Basel." ("Vnd solt man alle die so das tuend verbrennen, es bliben nit funffzig mannen jn Basel.") So, 1% of Basel. This is almost certainly a massive fucking exaggeration that this man pulled out of his ass in order to convince his partner that sodomy is fine, actually, but it does tell us something about the perception, if not the actual prevalence of sodomy in urban centers. (So, you know, if anyone needs to justify that Jadder have fucked at least once, if not more… when in Kuttenberg...)

It should be noted that Basel was very lax in terms of punishing homosexuality, but that was by and large not the most common outcome, as homosexuality was generally associated with divine punishment (I'm sure you've heard that drivel yourself before even in the modern day). Hilariously, it was the generally held belief that if someone learned of "the vice against nature" they'd naturally want to do it, and so priests were advised never to talk about it, even to preach.

So then, what does this mean for Hansry and co?

It means that this was at worst very much a fucking crime that you could very much be convicted for, in brutal fucking fashion at times, and at best the quiet part that you don't say out loud. But even then, it was fucking risky. Riskier if you're a member of the clergy (do recall how worried Brother Lucas was about his secret getting out, despite having never committed the sin himself), but risky even if you're not. All you have to do to see this reflected in canon is to look at Barnaby, the herbalist/hermit. As he explained it, he turned down a girl, she complained to her brother, and "he put two and two together":

Remember how I said that homosexuality was increasingly associated with bestiality? I find Barnaby's word choice fascinating here. Animals like him.

Of course, he beat them up and thus... uh, was able to survive:

Not that it didn't massively affect his quality of life. There's a reason he's a hermit! After all, he was unwelcome no matter where he went, no doubt because the brother and his friends ensured that this knowledge spread:

You might say, oh, it's different among the nobility! And to a certain extent, you're correct. Talking to the scribe in Troskowitz, he at one point gets to a part in the story about George the Lion of Wartenberg where he says this:

And then later, at the banquet where Hans loses his mind from jealousy, it comes up quite a lot in the conversation with Black Bartosch. First, he brings up Florian of Lomnitz:

And then, of course, we get the legendary conversation that follows, where the comment about Florian's sexuality makes Henry question Bartosch about his own:

It's soooo subtle. So, so easy to turn to plausible deniability. If anyone questions it, you can easily argue that your intentions were entirely chaste. And Henry can ignore it or even outright respond with a claim of heterosexuality:

But he can't question it like he can with the scribe:

Where the scribe then brushes it off as nothing and refuses to elaborate:

Even here this is a case of IYKTYK, like homosexuality is a club and in order to enter you have to know what's up. Because if you don't know and have to be informed, that presents a risk, namely that of suspicion being cast on you. Why do you know this information? What were you doing at this sodomitical devil's sacrament?

Honestly, at least among the nobility I'd liken it a bit to prohibition, but on a much less... widespread level. Oh, and literally everyone and anyone could be a cop. You could get away with it until you were caught. The risk was just a lot more pronounced. Even with Edward II the consequence of the very accurate rumors surrounding his sex life was public denunciation and possibly a poker up his ass. And if you're a noble involved with a commoner, multiply the risk exponentially, which is unfortunately relevant for both Hansry and Jamuel. If it really was as casually acceptable as some people claim it to have been (again, not on tumblr, I'm not here to stir up drama), I think Henry wouldn't have necessarily pushed Hans away, nor do I think they would have been as careful in their end-game conversation about what they do and don't say.

If anyone has any questions on this, tangentially-related topics, my sources, or literally anything else, by all means feel free to ask. I have the resources at my fingertips and the research very much at the forefront of my mind and will for the foreseeable future. On request, I've also added a list of further reading after my list of sources if anyone is curious to learn more of this for themselves.

Sources used:

Abraham, Erin V. Anticipating Sin in Medieval Society: Childhood, Sexuality, and Violence in the Early Penitentials, Amsterdam University Press, 2021

Anselm. The Letters of Saint Anselm of Canterbury. Translated by Walter Fröhlich, Cistercian Publications, 1990.

Brundage, James A. Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe. University of Chicago Press, 1987.

Dronke, Peter. Medieval Latin and the Rise of the European Love-Lyric, Vol. 1, Oxford University Press, 1965.

Major, J. Russell. “‘Bastard Feudalism’ and the Kiss: Changing Social Mores in Late Medieval and Early Modern France.” The Journal of Interdisciplinary History, vol. 17, no. 3, 1987, pp. 509–35. JSTOR, https://doi.org/10.2307/204609. 

Mills, Robert. Seeing Sodomy in the Middle Ages. University of Chicago Press, 2015

Moore, R. I. The War on Heresy: Faith and Power in Medieval Europe. Profile Books, 2014.

Murray, Jacqueline, and Konrad Eisenbichler, editors. Desire and Discipline: Sex and Sexuality in the Premodern West. University of Toronto Press, 1996.

Perella, Nicolas J. The Kiss Sacred and Profane: An Interpretative History of Kiss Symbolism and Related Religio-Erotic Themes. University of California Press, 1969.

Puff, Helmut. “Localizing Sodomy: The ‘Priest and Sodomite’ in Pre-Reformation Germany and Switzerland.” Journal of the History of Sexuality, vol. 8, no. 2, 1997, pp. 165–95. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/3704215.

Puff, Helmut. Lust, Angst Und Provokation: Homosexualität in Der Gesellschaft. Vandenhoeck & Ruprecht, 1993.

Southern, R.W., Saint Anselm: A Portrait in a Landscape, Cambridge University Press, 1990.

Stehling, Thomas. Medieval Latin Poems of Male Love and Friendship. Garland Pub, 1984.

Recommended further reading:

Bailey, Derrick Sherwin. Homosexuality and the Western Christian Tradition. Archon Books, 1975. Originally published by Longmans, Green & Co., 1955.

Barbezat, Michael D. “Bodies of Spirit and Bodies of Flesh: The Significance of the Sexual Practices Attributed to Heretics from the Eleventh to the Fourteenth Century.” Journal of the History of Sexuality, vol. 25, no. 3, 2016, pp. 387–419. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/44862359. 

Brundage, James A. "Playing by the Rules: Sexual Behaviour and Legal Norms in Medieval Europe". Desire and Discipline: Sex and Sexuality in the Premodern West, edited by Konrad Eisenbichler and Jacqueline Murray, Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1996. https://doi.org/10.3138/9781442673854-004

Bullough, Vern L. “Heresy, Witchcraft, and Sexuality.” Journal of Homosexuality, vol. 1, no. 2, 3 Mar. 1976, pp. 183–199, https://doi.org/10.1300/j082v01n02_03.

---. “The Sin against Nature and Homosexuality.” Sexual Practices & the Medieval Church, edited by Vern L. Bullough and James A. Brundage, Prometheus Books, Buffalo, NY, 1994, pp. 55–71.

Bullough, Vern L., and James A. Brundage, editors. Handbook of Medieval Sexuality. Garland Publishing, 1996.

---, editors. Sexual Practices & the Medieval Church. Prometheus Books, 1994.

Burger, Glenn, and Steven F. Kruger, editors. Queering the Middle Ages. NED-New edition, vol. 27, University of Minnesota Press, 2001. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/10.5749/j.ctttszw5.

Clark, David. Between Medieval Men: Male Friendship and Desire in Early Medieval English Literature . Oxford University Press, 2009.

Dinshaw, Carolyn. Getting Medieval: Sexualities and Communities, Pre- and Postmodern. Duke University Press, 1999.

Fradenburg Louise, et al., editors. Premodern Sexualities. Routledge, 1995.

Frassetto, Michael. Heresy and the Persecuting Society in the Middle Ages: Essays on the Work of R.I. Moore. Brill, 2006.

Gilbert, Arthur N. “Conceptions of Homosexuality and Sodomy in Western History.” The Gay Past: A Collection of Historical Essays, edited by Salvatore J. Licata and Robert P. Petersen, Harrington Press, New York, NY, 1985, pp. 57–68.

Goodich, Michael. “Sodomy in Ecclesiastical Law and Theory.” Journal of Homosexuality, vol. 1, no. 4, 20 June 1976, pp. 427–434, https://doi.org/10.1300/j082v01n04_06.

---. “Sodomy in Medieval Secular Law.” Journal of Homosexuality, vol. 1, no. 3, 20 June 1976, pp. 295–302, https://doi.org/10.1300/j082v01n03_04.

---. The Unmentionable Vice Homosexuality in the Later Medieval Period. Ross-Erikson, 1979.

Jordan, Mark D. The Invention of Sodomy in Christian Theology. University of Chicago Press, 1997.

Karras, Ruth Mazo. “Attitudes to Same-Sex Sexual Relations in the Latin World.” A Companion to Crime and Deviance in the Middle Ages, edited by Hannah Skoda, Arc Humanities Press, 2023, pp. 84–101. JSTOR, https://doi.org/10.2307/jj.3716022.9. 

---. From Boys to Men: Formations of Masculinity in Late Medieval Europe. University of Pennsylvania Press, 2003.

---. “The Regulation of ‘Sodomy’ in the Latin East and West.” Speculum, vol. 95, no. 4, 1 Oct. 2020, pp. 969–986, https://doi.org/10.1086/710639.

---. Sexuality in Medieval Europe: Doing unto Others. Routledge, 2012.

Kruger, Steven F. “Queer Middle Ages.” The Ashgate Research Companion to Queer Theory, 1st ed., Routledge, New York, NY, 2009, pp. 413–434.

Kuefler, Mathew, editor. The Boswell Thesis: Essays on Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality. University of Chicago Press, 2006.

Lees, Clare A., et al. Medieval Masculinities: Regarding Men in the Middle Ages. University of Minnesota Press, 1994.

Pierce, Rosamond. “The ‘Frankish’ Penitentials.” Studies in Church History, vol. 11, 1975, pp. 31–39, https://doi.org/10.1017/s0424208400006276. 

***Please note: my omission of Boswell's CSTH here is entirely intentional. I know that if people here got a hold of him he'd be considered a tumblr darling, easy. If I could, I would wear merch with his name on it. And normally I would list him loudly and proudly. But I'm not, because the man loved reading into things that at times aren't there, and there are countless critiques that have been leveled against CSTH, many of which Boswell himself agreed with. So. If the general tumblr population wasn't constantly pissing on the poor I might trust it in their hands, but as it is, I know that nuance is lost on people!

(would you believe me if I said I tried to restrain myself in curating this list? no?? well I DID)

[mashandmartinis]

I've been thinking about BJ and Trapper and their respective relationships with queerness and masculinity, framed in their respective relationships with Hawkeye in particular. And it turns out I actually have a ton of headcanons about this, so uh, prepare for some headcanons-slash-analysis.

I'm of the opinion that Hawkeye and Trapper have definitely have slept together, probably regularly, but aside from an added physical aspect, their relationship never mutually developed into romance. Hawkeye and BJ, on the other hand, have never touched each other more than we've seen on the show — but they were deeply in love. And I'm fascinated by how Trapper and BJ might react differently to their own relationship with heteronormativity and how that intersects with their relationships with Hawkeye in particular. So, uh, let's explore that under the cut because this turned out a biiit longer than anticipated.

First Hawkeye has Trapper, right? Trapper, with his big brown eyes and a goofy smile, married but definitely not too serious about that whole monogamy business — not while he's in Korea and, let's face it, probably not at home either. Trapper, who's passably straight and probably is, for the most part, except for this Thing he has for his best friend Hawkeye (because he loves the man and they're in a war, for god's sake, and really what difference does it make if you and your best friend help each other get off regularly? You share a tent anyway. You're both guys, there's nothing to be seen or touched down there that you can't find on your own body. It's cool). Trapper is queer — but to me his queerness feels isolated to their circumstances, a sort of war-enhanced stretch of his pre-existing not-all-that-picky high libido. It's easy for him to expand his definition of fuckable from "any pretty woman who's willing to slip into the supply closet with me" to fit Hawkeye, who rejects traditional standards of masculinity, and therefore isn't A Man so much as A Guy.

The war is separated enough from everyday life and heteronormativity, and Hawkeye is separated enough from stereotypical masculinity, for Trapper to feel comfortable moving from best friends to best friends who fumble around when no one's watching. It's just an extra element of play, something they both enjoy doing to themselves and with other people, so why not do it with each other too.

However, I feel like once Trapper returns to the States, to his wife and his life and heterosexual standards all around, it's easy enough to forget about Hawkeye as a sexual partner and once again run after the first attractive woman he comes across. Trapper loves Hawkeye as a friend, sure. But I think part of what allows him to sleep with Hawkeye with no reservations whatsoever is the fact that he's never been in love with him, and, owing to the fact that his identity is still solidly founded in heterosexuality, sees no dangers of falling in love either. Hawkeye has been a partner in crime, a partner in the OR, a partner in bed — but he's never been a romantic partner. So when Trapper moves away from Korea, Hawkeye's just a pleasant memory. A friend of circumstance. A great friend, sure, but mostly he's something to remind Trapper of how war is a different world with different rules and standards that don't apply to the real world. Proof of the fact that exceptions can be made in certain places at certain times, but they don't carry over to the rest of your life. I think Trapper switches easily both times: he adapts very quickly to the fact that sex with Hawkeye is great and doesn't think too much about what the fact that they're both men implies. But the switch back to his heterosexual (if still non-monogamous) life is just as simple.

BJ, on the other hand, is deeply repressed and most likely gay. His queerness most definitely isn't related to the circumstances. Considering the environment he grew up in, he very possibly already did gay things with other frat guys without realising they were gay, because everyone else was just as repressed and attached to their ideals of heterosexual masculinity as BJ is. However, he has never encountered someone like Hawkeye before — and Hawkeye's rejection of traditional masculinity clearly rubs off on him over the course of the show, even if BJ does remain A Man more than A Guy.

Where Trapper is fleetingly aware of the fact that what he's doing with Hawkeye is probably more than a little gay (and doesn't give a shit because he's certain that he's not more than a little gay, outside the context of the war. Trapper is comfortable in his own identity) BJ has no idea what's happening to him. He falls in love with Hawkeye and spends the entire time marvelling over the fact that (platonic!) same-sex friendships can be this close. Closer even than the relationship between a husband and wife. Wonders how holding a skein of yarn for Hawkeye as he knits somehow feels more intimate than anything BJ has ever done in the bedroom with Peg. Chalks all of it up to the wonders of male friendship and bonds forged during the war. BJ is attracted to and actively falls in love with Hawkeye, because he is queer but doesn't have the emotional capacity (possibly doesn't even have the vocabulary) to recognise this in himself, because knowing the environment he's from, he's most likely been raised on lies and denial and repression.

Hawkeye sees through some of BJ's lies. Hawkeye is the first to hold him as he cries. How strange is it, then, for him to have these feelings that he's never felt for someone else before? When he's never been more emotionally intimate with anyone in his life? BJ sees the evidence but cannot, or refuses to, connect it to its source (namely: his queerness) and rather chalks it up to circumstance. They're war buddies. They went through hell together. How strange is it, then, to feel this overpowering and indescribable love for the man he clung to from the very moment he got off his plane? It's not queer; it's simply what happens when you put men together and have them live through the horrors of war hand-in-hand.

Hawkeye's relationship with Trapper was playful and physical. His relationship with BJ, though not physically intimate for aforementioned reasons (repression), is far more intimate than he has ever been with Trapper — because this time they're both in love, even if Hawkeye is the only one who knows it.

In a sense I don't think Hawkeye's relationship with BJ could've developed the way it did if it hadn't been for Trapper. There are many more reasons at play here and I'd probably have to write another post to properly delve into those, but I think part of the reason Hawkeye was able to let BJ in so easily is because he was already left emotionally vulnerable because he felt abandoned by Trapper. BJ, in turn, had just been drafted and was logically also very upset. A mutual vulnerability that allowed them to connect on a level that especially BJ might have recoiled from, had the circumstances been different. War essentially pushed BJ into Hawkeye's already open arms without BJ having to face why Hawkeye's arms were open in the first place, and what his falling into them says about both of them and their relationship.

Trapper returns home essentially unchanged in his perception of his own queerness, save for the fact that he now knows what it's like to sleep with a guy. BJ returns entirely changed but oblivious to it, still convinced he's straight and wilfully, slightly oblivious about Hawkeye's queerness, but somehow feels like he just went through the divorce of the marriage of his lifetime. He should be happy to be home in his wife's loving arms, in their very own bed, and yet— and yet—

Trapper and BJ are two sides of the same coin, both fulfilling one half of a partnership for Hawkeye one after the other. One physical, one emotional, with neither of them able to take on the other half — Trapper because he simply doesn't feel it that way; BJ because he's still not ready to face the truth by the time they have to part.

[genderqueerdykes]

i love you so much i love the way u talk abt trans men and our struggles i makes me feel so seen especially bc youre older than me, i want to be understood , keep posting please

THANK YOU !!

i appreciate that. i feel like nobody (aside from some very cool bloggers on here) is advocating for trans men anymore. like unless its a trans man talking about these issues, it just doesn't happen. nobody advocates on our behalf for the most part. everyone just leaves us to the weeds. we have to help each other because most people just don't even understand what trans men and mascs want. like it's absolutely positively insanity inducing

when i was in college, at my pride group, there were just. no conversations about trans men. at all. in fact. at the time i was beginning to realize i was a trans man but i couldn't find support or acknowledgement of transmasculinity anywhere. whenever i would participate in the conferences, and large group meetings for LGBTQ communities in our part of the country... I was forced into queer women's groups. i did not identify as a woman or bigender at that time. i asked them where a female-to-male genderqueer person should go, and they put me in every queer women's group. i was not being considered trans. i was being viewed as a cis butch lesbian.

i was fucking pissed.

i learned the word transgender and what it meant and the example that was given was male to female, which was informative. i heard a lot of things about feminine transition, drag queens, cis gay male culture, bisexuality, pansexuality, and even asexuality. i want you to know that my college's pride group in 2011 - 2012 was more accepting of asexual people than trans men, which is insane for that time frame. i was actually allowed to help with a presentation on asexuality

i had to go online and research trans men, though. there were none to be found in the group that were at least out and able to talk to each other. we were all very stealth and nervous. my long term friends there ended up being gay men, lesbians, and a transfem agender person. i never met a single trans man there. it was heartbreaking.

i am tired of participating in transmasculine silence. i will not participate in self-erasure. trans men are trans. we're men. we're mascs. we NEED support, community, and care. we need to learn how to access transition resources, to comfort each other, to laugh with each other, to help each other find what clothes make us feel like ourselves, to say each other's names and pronouns, to see one's self in the other.

we need people who will protect us from misgendering. we need to be able to talk about our unique issues. we need to be able to talk about how yes, we experience misogyny, but also that transandrophobia is literally a thing. we need people who will stand up for femme trans men and gay trans men. we need people who understand that it's not okay to call every single trans man a confused butch lesbian and assume that they're a queer cis woman. trans men can be butch lesbians and that's okay. but you can't rip away a trans man's manhood for the sake of being a catty asshole. it's misgendering. it's transphobia. care about being transphobic. transphobia hurts all trans people no matter where it's directed. we all lose when you opt to deny trans men and mascs the right to community.

i am transmasculine. i am a trans man. i love being a trans man. i'm not ashamed. i'm not going back in the closet. i love my transmasculine brothers and siblings. i will not silence them. silencing them is a disservice to us all. i refuse to do that to us.

thank you for sending this ask. stay safe, take care of yourself, you're an important part of the LGBTQ community, don't let anyone take that from you.

[berrystainedsue]

I find it intellectually riveting—nay, anthropologically spellbinding how the phrase “shipping real people is gross” only ever seems to escape the lips of those morally panicked individuals when the ship in question is Larry. Ah yes, the ancient art of selective sanctimony. A tale as old as heteronormativity.

Like, where was this moral grandstanding when the internet descended into collective hysteria over Haylor, a coupling that lasted roughly the same amount of time it takes to microwave a burrito? Or when Elounope was treated like a royal marriage forged by the gods of coordinated pap walks? Not a murmur. Not even the faint rustling of a hypocrite’s conscience.

But the minute someone so much as breathes the word “Larry,” people start clutching their pearls like Victorian debutantes confronted with ankles.

Apparently, concern for the psychological sanctity of celebrities only activates when two men are involved. Fascinating! Positively textbook! Freud is doing the Macarena in his grave.

And let’s be abundantly clear: Larry is not and hasn’t been “just a ship” since like…2012? This is not your average, garden-variety “they’d be cute together” scenario. This is a multi-layered, intertextual, slow-burn epic spanning over a decade, filled with mirrored lyrics, shared wardrobes, matching tattoos, suspicious silences, and the kind of emotionally-charged eye contact that could power a small European village.

We’re not shipping. We’re conducting a longitudinal queer study with PowerPoint presentations, Excel spreadsheets, and footnotes. Our thesis is due. MLA format. Peer-reviewed by Tumblr.

And the most mind boggling part? There is objectively more compelling, tangible, eyebrow-raising evidence that Harry and Louis are together than there ever was for Louis and Eleanor. Whose vibe resembled two wax figures posing for a Sears catalogue titled “Heterosexuality: We Swear.” Meanwhile, H&L were out here singing at each other like star-crossed lovers in a tragic musical sponsored by Modest management and Syco entertainment.

But sure, we’re the ones who need psychological evaluation.

And the absolute audacity of people dissecting one side-eye in a red carpet photo of a straight couple and calling it proof of eternal love, then turning around and calling Larries “delusional” for noticing literal patterns that have spanned an entire decade… it’s giving hypocritical rococo goblin.

If you genuinely believe shipping real people is wrong, then please kindly evacuate from every straight ship tag with the urgency of a possum in a Whole Foods. But don’t masquerade as the Patron Saint of Privacy while gleefully reposting Haylor edits with “All Too Well (10 min version)” playing in the background.

It’s not about ethics. It’s about comfort. And queer love stories—especially the ones they tried to bury under PR and denial—make people uncomfortable.

So no, we’re not “invading privacy.” We’re just exceptionally observant, chronically online, and possibly a little feral. But also? Right.

(sorry for the rant lol)

....do i have lady whistledown in my inbox???

[sapphicautumn]

hii :) i have a request for hbo ellie williams, could you write a fic where reader feels insecure and is worried about ellie leaving her but ellie comforts her and reassures her and its all sweet and fluffy

This is soooo sweet! thanks for the idea anon, hope this does some justice!

I'm Your Baby. E.W

Synopsis: Ellie and you have been dating for almost 7 months now, and living in Jackson as a queer couple still faces its hardships, especially when Ellie isn't one for PDA: it only leaves you wondering if the relationship is mutual.

Pairing: Established relationship. HBO!Ellie x Fem!reader. WLW couple.

Warnings: fluff? love? all of the above?

this is wlw. no men. thank u!

Ellie didn't know what was going on with you. The 7 month anniversary of your relationship was approaching, and something was just off.

You used to greet her at the door when she would come back from patrol, even feed her food. The last week or so? nothing. It almost appeared as if you were distancing yourself purposefully.

She went through the mental list of things she could have possibly done to piss you off. "dishes..? trash..? do i smell?" hmm...no. Ellie's been good on girlfriend duty, so with each moment she doesn't know whats up your ass, the worse it starts to bother her.

You, on the other hand, have knack for getting in your head about every little thing. Communication? not great at it, which Ellie knew, but you both agreed that you would try.

Well, how could you try, when your own girlfriend doesn't even want you!.....or so you tell yourself.

The idea sprouted a few days back, when a night at the Tipsy Bison with friends would lead to you overanalyzing. Sat next to her, Ellie's arm slid away from you. the fuck??

Your pouty eyes scanned around. oh.

Seth was walking in. Of course, he made the both of you uncomfy. Hes been loud and proud, vocal all day long about his opinions on your "unnatural" way of life. aka lesbianism.

Now, a normal person would have asked right away what the issue was. nope, you dragged it out, and walked your feet all the way back home with Ellie, a whole 5 steps ahead.

"baby..." Ellie cooed

nothing. you kept walking.

"babbbyyyy.....?" she'd call a bit louder, smiling with tease. "is there a race to get home I don't know about?"

"im just tired!!" you frowned, letting your girlfriend catch up with you. Her hand rubbing your lower back. "thats all?"

"yup."

she trusted you.

but you were still beginning to grow insecure as the days went on. You felt you had every reason to. On Tuesday, you worked in the stables. The brown comb gently ran through the horses mane as your glanced beside you.

Outside of the gate, Ellie and Dina stood together and spoke, and normally this wouldn't bother you, but given the already tight circumstances, you almost burst out crying.

Of course Ellie would want Dina, she is beautiful, they get along well and everything. You turned your attention to shimmer, pressing your forehead against the animals head. "what do i do, shim?" your voice was a mumble.

You couldn't help but glance out once more, seeing Dina hug your girlfriend before leaving. Fuck.

You had officially come to terms with the fact Ellie maybe didn't want you. What if she left you for Dina? She felt comfortable hugging her in public and not you?

The situation came to a head the next night, when Ellie came back from visiting Joel across the town. It was late, but not that late. She saw your curled up, concealed figure under the plaid bedsheets.

Upon taking her boots off at the door, she walked over and sat on the edge, her hand rubbing your arm. "hey...?"

"mmmphm" your voice was whiny, muffled into the beige pillow.

Ellie sighed, biting the inside of her cheek before speaking. "wanna tell me whats going on?"

"nothing"

A slight smirk spread across her face in thought before jumping onto your laid form, she giggled and pulled the sheet down, peppering kisses on your face.

"h-hey! no!" you tried to push her off, your own eyes looking up and meeting her brown, doe ones as she straddled you. "ellie...cmon-"

"nooo...I know something is wrong baby....why dont you talk to me, huh? did I do something? make ya mad?"

......."yes" your eyebrows scrunched, slight hesitation and nervousness evident.

Tilting her head, the brunettes face softened, obviously becoming concerned now/ "oh, alright...well" she took you hand, playing with it. "can I know what, specifically?"

"as if you dont know!" your voice was kinda louder than before, you couldn't help it. You saw her face scrunch, could tell she was running through the past few days, trying to find out what happened herself. With you taking a breath, you start again, calmer.

"Im sorry."

She nodded, "its ok..." her tone was quiet, but confused.

"look i- ...I just have been in this mood, this mental mind space the past few days. Ive been feeling....worried about our relationship."

"you wanna break up?" Ellies face was mortified, her own worries showing through.

"what??? no! but you probably do!"

Shaking her head, getting whiplash, she responded. "what do you mean 'I probably do'? You think I wanna break up wit- what??"

You frowned, yanking your hand away from hers. "Just admit you want Dina or some shit, I saw you two hugging. You are always talking with her, and I just can't take it anymore!"

Ellie stared at you, speechless. Suddenly she burst out laughing and collapsed beside you on the bed, throwing her hand over her chest.

Your frowned, nudging her. "yeah? glad thats so fucking funny to you"

"babe, baby, my love...my sweetheart" ellie cooed, collecting her laughs and hoisting herself up on her elbow to glance down at you. "I dont want Dina" her words came out with an exhale, eyes almost rolling as she scrunched her eyebrows up, as if what shes saying is the most obvious piece of knowledge.

"but...youre always all over her. Hugging her...being nice...eye fucking.."

"I hug her, thats about it. She's my friend, my love. I don't like anyone the way I like you....." her tone softens, "and i'm sorry if that wasn't obvious." her hand picks your up, interlocking your fingers as she keeps her eyes on yours, guilt filling her features.

"well then why dont you ever hug me around other people? or touch me, or kiss-"

"because I didnt wanna scare you off, or make you..uncomfortable?"

"why would you scare me?"

Ellie smiles shyly, sitting up against the headboard. "because...we've only been dating a while, and I guess we never really discussed what is ok and what isnt."

"ellie" you deadpan, "you can touch me in public, you know that"

"no I didnt. I know some people in town arent the nicest, and I dont wanna be the reason youre feeling unsafe."

You sigh, squeezing your hands together as you kiss it. "you could have asked me first"

"..well...same with you dumbass"

You roll your eyes and lay on your stomach, hiding in the pillow. Ellie rubs your back, hips. "Im sorry baby"

"i'm sorry too" you muffled.

Ellie smirks before crawling, laying down so her chest is against your back, giggles mixing with yours. "my sweet girl...youre the only one stupid enough to put up with my shit. I love you....Why the hell would I look anywhere else?"

You turned your head, watching the wall as you laid against the pillow. "you love me..?"

She cooed an answer.

"I love you too....i'll try to be more open. Im just really possesive"

"oh, oh I know" she giggles, peppering kisses along the back of your clothed shoulder.

"that's what I like about you, crazy."

<3

[menlove]

one thing that adds to credibility of Paul being closeted imo, is that often he is thought of as having this internalised homophobia, if not homophobia itself, because he always mentions how un-gay he is whenever some gay subject comes up in interviews

but like, there are so many things that disprove him being homophobic, it's not even funny. going to Paris alone with gay men? Paul did that two times (three if we count John lol) and that Peter Brown story is incrediblyy suspect. what homophobic man, scared of gay, sits on the bed of his male employee and his male fling that casually late at night in his hotel room and chats them up?

most likely reason, combined with his incredibly suspect lyrics, is that he is so defensive about his sexuality because he has something to hide

THATS WHAT IIIIIM SAYING!!!! like he is so comfortable w gay people and gay culture which on its own isn't suspect but it Is when people insist he's homophobic as a Reason He's Repressed Not Closeted. and once again I must remind everyone that john nearly beat a man to death for calling him gay and was still undeniably queer.

it's just like. imagine for a moment. with me. everyone hold my hand. not claiming this is true but walk w me along this path to get to current paul that isn't "he's just repressed and stupid and doesn't even know he's bi" but is instead MY speculative timeline (somehow this turned into a mini fic or something god help me but I'M SO SERIOUS IM SO SERIOUS THIS WOULD MAKE THE MOST SENSE TO ME WALK WITH ME HOLD MY HAND)

you are born in the 1940s. you are raised by a strict man who was physically abusive & in a culture that hates gay people. you grow up watching people get killed for being queer and being bullied over your feminine features that people think make you queer. you hit puberty and Shit Gets Harder because you start finding other men hot. elvis, for one! when you're 15 you start seeing a boy around that you think is hot and it turns out he's in a band and you fall in love with his looks and his voice and then him. and he's just as insane about you. you start doing increasingly sexual things together. eventually, you're having a full blown sexual affair. while writing love songs together and growing up together. and then he gets his girlfriend pregnant. and marries her. and you lose him, a little bit. he goes off and has an affair with your gay manager & when he gets home he ruins your birthday party by nearly beating a man to death for bringing it up. you wonder what he'd do if anyone found out about the two of you too.

and then the insane happens and you end up The Most Famous Band In The World. the ENTIRE world is watching your every move. the entire world loves you. they wouldn't love you if they knew. you get a girlfriend and it's convenient because she's always gone and you're always alone. but you still have him. and other girls. through everything, you have each other. even when he says something stupid and the world wants all of your heads on a platter and he starts to fall into a depression, you still have each other. even if now you Know how bad it could be if they ever found out. and then your manager, your father figure, an openly gay man, dies. and it's not a suicide, but a lot of people think it is, and sometimes you wonder, and fuck it's terrifying, isn't it? the reality of your life, the reality of loving Him, the reality of being queer. what if that winds up being You? you start to lose Him a little bit more as you throw yourself into your work and push everyone way too hard. you propose to your girlfriend. and then you do lose Him. to a woman. which was sort of unthinkable because he was already married and never cared about her, just you. never cared about any women, just you. but he cares about Her. and you fucking lose your mind. lose yourself in drugs. blow up your engagement. propose to another girl and many more "jokingly". your one girlfriend says you had to try again or you would have gone "raving queer" and killed yourself. the whole time you're losing Him more and more. suddenly he's looking at Her like he used to look at you. you're no longer his world and what the fuck do you have? a bunch of girls you don't care about and a drug problem? and then you meet a woman who, according to you, is more woman than anyone else. she's a mother already, a family ready made when you've always wanted one. she's smart and she's funny and she's quick and you let yourself cling to her because you don't have Him and he has Her so you've got to have someone, don't you? and she winds up pregnant and that's great, that's wonderful, you're no longer in danger of dying alone and queer and sad. you've lost Him by now completely, even though you have about a month where things feel a little less awful again and you perform together one last time. you marry her and you ASK people, flat out, if they expected you to be a 26 year old unmarried queer. you fight the night before you're married for some unknown reason, so badly she almost leaves you. and then He marries Her, and everything is fine. and then it all falls apart completely. you at least had Him as your friend, your writing partner, the other half of you legally. and then he asks for a divorce. and the world ends. you don't have the band, you don't have Him, you don't have anything. you stay in bed all day, drinking, miserable. like a breakup, not just of the band.

eventually, your wife pulls you out of it. you survive. you start writing again. you write to him. you put two beetles fucking on the cover of your second album and he thinks a song you wrote about your wife's ex is about him (and maybe it is, a little) and he shoots right back. and you keep that up for a decade. writing to each other. seeing each other only in the news and in snatched moments together where nothing is the same as it was. you plead with him through your music: why do you hurt me so bad? call me, pretty baby. I'm waking up screaming over you. I can't tell you how I feel. you try and make things like they were, even a little, showing up to his house with your guitar like you're 15 again, but he sends you away. in all that time, he's basically gone to conversion therapy. he's with someone who makes disparaging remarks about his sexuality. for you, you've let yourself embrace being a bit campy, but you still can't bring yourself to be open about any of it. not with anyone but your wife.

and then you start talking again. you make up. things seem hopeful. it seems like he might still love you and he writes you a song about starting over with you. and then he's murdered. and it's senseless. it's so so senseless. and it's unfair. you lock yourself away for days listening to that song he wrote you. the media tears you apart for grieving wrong. they wish you died instead. they think you're cold. you never loved him, not like he loved you. you write a song, with tear marks on the page, telling him how much you DID love him. all the things you'd say to him if he were there with you. you write more songs about that, all centered around that theme. some of them you say are about him. others you don't. once, you say if anyone catches on you can just deny it. but he wrote you love songs too, apparently, for you, and you eventually record them with your old band

and the thing is, You are one of his widows. his name follows yours every time it leaves someone's mouth. he's all anyone ever talks about with you. he's all you want to talk about too. his legacy is your legacy. he's no longer here to tell people about his sexuality, he's no longer here to consent to everything that you were being told. he's not here. and how can you even begin to mention Your Own sexuality without bringing him up? you owe him more than outing him in death. you owe Her more than that too, because you were already cruel to her and so was the world. she's grieving just like you, you can't do that. your wife dies, and now you're her legacy too and you being queer would seem like a betrayal to her. your best friend dies, and now he's your legacy too. you aren't just you- you're Him, you're 1/2 of the living members of the most famous band to ever exist, you're Her, you're your dead wife

so when someone asks you about him. when someone asks you about being gay or calls him the love of your life. What Exactly Are You Supposed To Say?

I wouldn't say shit either

[blazinghotfoggynights]

Can Team Tuck and Team Buddie please agree that both can exist and serve as positive spaces for queer male representation?

I've been thinking. Let me run something by you.

Oliver says he has always felt Buck was a bi-coded character? Right?

Does that mean when TK thought Buck was hitting on him, he was?

If Buck was always bi, but just didn't know it, are we supposed to believe he never flirted with Eddie just because his first kiss was with Tommy?

Was Tommy his bi awakening or was Tommy the embodiment of the attractive traits he has seen in a man he's been falling for over five seasons?

You can like or even love multiple people. Even at the same time! 😮

Believing that Buddie is or should be the endgame does not negate or disrespect Buck's arc with Tommy in any way. I question if Tommy was just a convenient character. He's a safe guy to explore Buck's evolution with. He has a history with members of the 118, but he is not integral to the cast. If it doesn't work out, he is easily explained away. Remember Natalia?

I think it is possible to have a Buck and Tommy centered arc, focused on Buck becoming comfortable with his sexuality and exploring it in a healthy, positive way and still have Buck and Eddie eventually realize they have been each other's person for years. Having both doesn't make the other any less important. How many people have dated others when their eventual life partner was right there? They had no idea they saw that person in that way.

Now that we know Buck is bi, it could lead to different interpretations of scenes:

Buck is looking at Eddie. Tommy is not there and we don't know for sure who Eddie was speaking to.

2. Look at that smile and his eyes at the end. Buck positively beams and bats his eyes when he realizes Eddie is going to look at him. That's how platonic friends look at each other?

3. But we can take it all the way back if we have to. Look at Buck when Eddie compliments him.

3b. Do you know what that reminds me of?

4. If Buck has subconciously been into guys for a long time, then this scene takes on a whole new context.

Moving closer to the other man? Check.

Eye contact? Check?

Smile and shy head duck? Check.

*I'd like to state that I have no doubt Edmundo Diaz knew Buck was into him. Look at the reaction.

5. When I'm into someone, you know what I don't talk about? Someone else.

6. Wow. Look at how Buck looks at Tommy.

6b. We have never seen that before have we?

Buck x Tommy and Buck x Eddie can coexist in harmony. Life stories are long and have jumpscares, plot twists, plot holes, etc.

Buck being genuinely attracted to Tommy doesn't mean that all the scenes from the past five seasons that made us all side-eye Evan Buckley didn't happen.

If we never get Buddie, let's just take the win. ABC said, "There are queer men in the world who are masculine, hot, and relatively stable. Let's show that."

Do we really need to talk about how the LGBTQ community was represented on their former network? I could stand on that soapbox and go off for days. Let's just say I know others who also felt some way about it, whether they were straight, queer, or allies.

I am just going to enjoy what is shaping up to be an amazing season. Moving to ABC breathed new life into 911 and I am excited. (Season six? Can we just not talk about it?)

[jester-lover]

You have no idea how much I yearn for a Perfect4 (Kuro) poly! headcannon or imagine WHATEVER I need them

Pretty please 🥺❤️

fair warning for a discussions of trauma and spoilers for the manga ahead, gn! reader

A polyamorous relationship between you and the Prefects would go like...

(takes place in a post! Blue Cult reality)

These boys are bonded together after the horrific events they’ve all endured together; there’s a sense of union in the relationship they share. Besides that, after Weston and their individual exits from their families, it was enough to pull them together. All they have in this world is each other now, and you.

There are many ways you could have joined them; you could have been one of their betrothed, a particularly unlucky fan from their cult days, or just someone willing to understand and help them as they navigated the world now. Whatever led you to cross their path, all four boys adore you entirely.

After the various troubles that befall them, I’d assume they’d be left with little in terms of money or status and therefore have to pick up jobs to sustain themselves like average people do. Life would go around like clockwork with each of them picking up household jobs to keep everything running.

Edgar gardens, perhaps selling flowers at the market when he gets the chance, and writes in local poetry journals for surplus money. Lawrence maintains the finances of the household, as well as learning how to cook. Herman does the manual labor; he can easily chop firewood and build furniture. Gregory does odd jobs and draws for money, hoping to find a patron.

All of you can’t fit on one bed comfortably, so oftentimes you sleep in sets of two and three. In the colder months, you might find yourself cuddled up all together on the couch.

While polyamorous relationships, or queer relationships of any kind, were taboo and even criminal offenses in Victorian England, that didn’t mean they were nonexistent. There was most definitely an underground community of people similar to you, even if interactions with others regarding your relationship were kept to a minimum for your own safety.

Most of the time, all of you are out together, going to pubs and public parks and the such; you tend to hold on to one another by the pinky or by the sleeves of your shirts, to be close to one another but not close enough to stir suspicion.

The happiest times you’d all share together are dinners, laughing and sharing bites of food as you let the world around you drift away. 

Gregory was definitely the one who initiated the relationship between all of you; in a time when these young men would be greatly sheltered and unable to conceive bonds beyond the heteronormative, he would be the one pulling everything together.

Edgar would be the most affectionate one towards everyone else, especially you and Herman, as he deems you two easy to fluster and make blush. Lawrence reads to you and the boys about old Greek and Roman myths, where love was unfiltered and unique like yours is. 

Herman would probably hold the most reservations at first, but he finds himself comfortably surrounded by love and tenderness soon enough. That’s what makes up the majority of your bond with each other.

You hold the group to a certain amount of accountability as someone who was a bit of an outsider at first, reminding them to take care of themselves and each other. You’re less the glue that holds them together and more a working cog in the bond itself.

A lot of healing needs to be done in this situation, but the overwhelming support and care the boys have for one another and you keep you calm in the fact that nothing can ever hurt any of you so severely again.

AN: I think this is my first time writing a poly ship, hope I did it justice :)

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

The many faces of one-sidedness

I love Heesu in Class 2. But before I delight you with my own opinion on the series, let me tell you that I haven't read the manhwa and am only referring to the series here and perhaps a little discourse on expectations and the shift in the viewership of bl series will follow. I just know I can't write meta without digress.

During the broadcast of the series, I noticed how divided opinions were. While some were crying after the original source and didn't even want to give the series a chance, on the other hand there was a debate about whether it was a good bl series or not and what it should be. I don't understand why adaptations can't be seen as a medium in their own right. While the manhwa forms the basic framework on which the story is built, the adaptation is perfectly allowed to go its own way and use its own motifs, build its own storylines that fit better with a filmed story. An adaptation is still its own story with its own story being told, because a one-to-one transfer will mostly never work. @bengiyo wrote a fantastic meta about it! And if you want to read why Heesu in Class 2 is a lovely queer kdrama, go and check out @lurkingshan and her breakdown of the whole story. But well, I already digress.

Heesu in Class 2 was such a good story about the different ways and difficulties to have a one-sided crush. Take Heesin, for example. Heesin feels like she falls in love with men every other day and always confesses it immediately. According to her logic, you can only get over a crush if you confess. This makes her life both very simple and very complicated. She contributes to the daily, loving chaos in the Lee family. She suffers and loves with all her heart. And it seems like it's no big deal to confess that you like your crush. She seems like the opposite of Heesu, whose queerness doesn't allow him to love and suffer so carefree. He suffers quietly without confiding in anyone, while Heesin can celebrate her heartbreak without expecting anything but pity.

Heejeong is the responsible one. The one who gives up her dreams and her love because of fear. Sometimes loving means daring. You jump into something uncertain and make yourself vulnerable in front of another person. Heejeong wanted to study overseas with her boyfriend, but she got cold feet and lost out on an uncertain future. Instead, she lives her 9-5 everyday life with her siblings, in which nothing really exciting happens. And it doesn't have to be to lead a fulfilling life. But she is not happy. She is still hanging on to her dream and she should be able to at least try to live it or live the life she has dreamed of.

Fear can be a major obstacle. Heesu gives her the advice to do what she wants to do. As the most responsible character in the household, portrayed as the most grown-up, she has so far taken on the role of the parents and moved further and further away from her dream self. She has kept a part of her personality, of her self and her past a secret from her siblings. In the end, she realised that this is her life, which she can only shape on her own. She is the architect of her own happiness. Her unrequited love is not even so much for her ex-partner, who she still sees and who is still a big part of her life, but rather with her missed self that she has always dreamed of having. She has spoken out and faced her fear. She wants to be happy for her own sake and to do this she has to overcome her fear and find herself.

Heejae. For me, Heejae epitomises what it's like when the boundaries between romantic love and friendship become blurred and you're caught in a world in between. Being in love with your best friend is one thing. But being in a relationship with someone you love as a best friend is something else. Just as friendship can turn into love, love can turn into friendship and the process of realising this is often difficult and lengthy. You have got used to each other. You feel comfortable. You think you have everything. But her partner has noticed how things have shifted, that something is missing at the end. So he breaks up with her. He no longer wants to deal with this unrequited love. That's not enough for him. He wants to be loved. Loving as a friend is a wonderful thing, but for most people it is no substitute for romantic love. And sometimes it's not easy to realise that your feelings have changed, especially when you've been carrying and cherishing them for so long.

If you want to read more about these siblings you can read An Ode to HeeSu's Sisters by the lovely @soypim.

The sisters are representations of parts of Heesu. Heesin is the antithesis of Heesu. As a heterosexual woman, she can make confessions of love without receiving direct backlash. At best, she is remembered fondly and makes the person feel good even if the feelings are not reciprocated. She stands in the same spot as Chanyeong and Jiyu. It's so easy for heterosexuals to show their vulnerability. Heesu can't do that. In a homophobic society, it's not easy to tell someone you like them. It might not be remembered as a nice memory, it might be seen as an attack, an event that has negative connotations. It's so much harder for Heesu to be so open in his world. And the series manages to realise this so incredibly well.

Heejeong on the other hand stands for the missed moments, for the what-ifs, for the fact that sometimes you have to dare to take the next step if you don't want to stay trapped in the black hole of yourself forever. It's interesting that Heesu is the one to give her the advice to decide for herself, for what makes her happy, and that she shows him again that this is possible by taking a step into her own, hopefully happy future. You can decide for yourself and that's good. Heesu can also decide for himself and decide not to step into the black hole, but to pull himself out of the swamp and follow his dream. Everyone has their own black holes. Everyone deals with them differently. But trying to be happy should be possible for everyone. And even if you decide to stay in your 9-5 or, well, in your closet, that is totally fine, too. No one should stop you from doing what you want, but it is always good when there are people who support you and cherish the person you are.

Heejae. Heejae is just one step ahead of Heesu. She had her best friend as a partner and didn't realise that love had changed. She wouldn't and couldn't let go and had to wait for her partner to break up with her to realise what was going on. Heesu is caught in a similar dilemma, in love with his best friend and at some point, no longer able to distinguish between romantic and platonic love because it has always been like that. Sometimes you get lost in your feelings. Sometimes you don't realise the shift. Sometimes you need an outsider or the other person to realise this.

One thing I didn't understand is the resentment Chanyeong got. Yes, he had a lot of screentime. But that was perfectly ok. He was not only part of the side-couple, but also one of the most important people in Heesu's life. His best friend and secret crush for years. And the perfect parallel between his own heterosexual world and the queer reality in which Heesu moves. While Chanyeong had this secret crush on Summer without realising it was Jiyu, he breaks dozens of girls' hearts when they realise that he doesn't reciprocate their feelings. For Chanyeong, it's so natural for someone to confess their feelings to him and always have, and his approach to his relationship with Jiyu is also simple. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. End of story. And while the two move fearlessly together in their world and bring out the best in each other, Heesu stands alone. He has found a relatively safe anchor with Seungwon and is pretty sure that he would accept him, considering the fact that he has two mothers, but he still has to go through everything alone. He doesn't have the freedom that Chanyeong has.

And while some people have certainly been waiting for Heesu to finally confess his feelings to Seungwon, or vice versa, he first must make peace with Chanyeong. Because this friendship is threatening to drift apart. The friendship is one-sided. And they both realise that. To save them, Heesu has to be honest. And Chanyeong is allowed to react the way he did. He is allowed to be overwhelmed. He is allowed to not know how to deal with the fact that his best friend was in love with him for a long time. It's okay to be human. The important thing is that he talks to Heesu in the end and gives them a chance to readjust their status as best friends. Because Heesu is Chanyeong's best friend, and he wants to be that for Heesu too. It hurts when you feel like you're not the safe haven you always thought you were. It is allowed to have feelings. It is allowed to express them and it was bitterly necessary to do so. And it was just as necessary for Heesu to tell him the truth, because only then did the two of them have the chance to redefine their friendship. It was only through this openness that the one-sided friendship could become an equal friendship again.

Heesu. He says himself that Chanyeong and his unrequited love were his black hole. He had to face it in order to free himself from it, to free himself from the attraction of this well known crush. Because only after he's done that can he be free for the new feelings for Seungwon. I thought it was so great to see how these different infatuations manifested themselves in Heesu. With Chanyeong it was so well-rehearsed, so normal, that in the end he couldn't even know what it was like to just be Chanyeong's friend. The feelings blended together and became a daily mask for Heesu, which he knew exactly how to wear. For Seungwon, on the other hand, these feelings are new. He is helplessly at the mercy of his insecurities, the butterflies and all these new feelings.

I enjoyed seeing him like that so much. And I was happy that he was allowed to be angry with Seungwon. I could understand how he felt so well. ‘Was it fun?’ Oh, I felt that! ‘Do you know how much I struggled by myself?’ Heesu thought he had found a safe place with Seungwon where he could be who he is. And then, in the end, he finds himself alone. Heesu is hurt and finally lets it out. The boy who wanted to please everyone and had advice for everyone, who everyone confided in, but who is alone with his problems has had enough. And it bursts out of him. Fortunately, Seungwon finally manages to open his mouth, apologise and clear up the misunderstanding. And in the end, although not everyone is perfectly happy, they are on the way to a happier future. And every single character was important not only to write a good story, but also to portray the characters genuinely and realistically.

I love my bl bubble and I wouldn't want to miss it. I enjoy watching two boys fall in love and kiss in a world of candy floss and rose-coloured glasses. But I don't forget my roots either. And apart from the whole bl bubble, I think it's great to watch a series from time to time in which queer people are embedded in everyday life and you realise how different experiences in everyday life can be. How difficult it is to move as a queer person in a heteronormative world and how difficult it can be to do the seemingly simplest things for others. Heesu in Class 2 is not a bromance, but a realistic portrayal of queer youth in a society where they can be lucky that people think they are only very bromance-coded when they go to school arm in arm. In other societies, even this gesture would be unthinkable. And as beautifully simple as the bl bubble usually is, I think it's good that such soft tones also exist, which can bring life and the beauty of love in all its tones closer to a larger audience and allow a society to grow up that is more value-free, unprejudiced and open. And an adaptation of a well-known and loved story is the perfect try to give this topic a bigger audience.

I've noticed over the last few months that the bl bubble is more interested in explicit scenes than well-told stories. Why bother with a story in which the protagonists don't even kiss? Why settle for such a bromance when you can just watch two good looking guys make out, fuck the plot. And I'm not saying anything against an interlude of honey on the carpet, it has its appeal, but that doesn't mean I deny a show and its character its queerness just because there's no kissing. Sometimes the quiet sounds are the ones that need to be heard. Sometimes it's the quiet tones that have the most impact. Sometimes it's the quiet sounds that make you understand what it's like outside your own bubble and what difficulties there actually are.

If I only consume media on one side of the spectrum, then I only have a limited field of vision of everything around me. And I understand that not every type of story is to everyone's taste, and that's a good thing. Otherwise it would be pretty boring. But every now and then you should take your head out of your bubble and look around the world.  And just because something is not to your liking doesn’t mean it is bad or not well written or not worth to be told.

If you need some inspiration for some queerness in kdramas, @lurkingshan and @twig-tea gave us all a very detailed History of Queer Representation in Modern Kdrama. Thank you for that!

[hadesoftheladies]

actually, I DID have gender dysphoria as a teenage girl without being exposed to anything about it on the internet, on top of "racial dysphoria" and body dysmorphia

there were points I DID want to kill myself because i wasn't, or bleach my skin or change my body, i would have done anything to be a white boy at one point

which is both sad and funny to me because i remember two of my then good friends explain being enby and transgender to me and me being like "that doesn't make any sense" and it's because of trans-discourse we eventually broke up. the closest i ever got to accepting trans-ideology was transmedicalism with weak support for "queer" culture. i did not understand pronouns, but i understood dysphoria. but i did not understand how one could be a man or woman without the sex characteristics.

how did i heal?

one, i left church. that was one of the places i was most scrutinized for my physical body. two, i distanced from my parents, especially my mom. who often made my ocd and body-image worse (not because she was mean, but because she was always fretting about "decency"). three, i focused on bettering my personal space. writing, reading, watching my comfort shows, getting the focus off me. four, i started eating better, and my body became less burdensome. i stopped getting horrible period pain. five, i surrounded myself with self-confident women and stopped trying to resurrect toxic friendships with girls and boys (especially boys). started eliminating each toxic friend and focusing my efforts on healthier relationships. six, i'd started educating myself on my own history, watching and listening to more black and African people. even when i didn't enjoy what they made or resonate with it, i found i appreciated the experience and could allow myself to hate or love whatever i found.

by the time i discovered radical feminism, this was like, the final step for me: consuming women-centric literature and media. this was HUGE. i'd see paintings and photography of women in all shapes, colors and sizes. i'd listen to master musicians, read women philosophers, anthropologists, etc. this started mending a lot of what caused initial disquiet when it came to my dysphoria or dysmorphia.

basically, i took myself out of bad environments (especially those which force you to scrutinize every detail about yourself, like social media, i took long breaks from that), drew boundaries with people i couldn't get rid of, learned about myself (ocd, dyscalculia, anxiety, female biology) so that i developed understanding and could empathize, stopped centering men and white people.

now, while there's still a hint or trace of dysmorphia and dysphoria, it doesn't plague my life. it's like the occasional itch. more of a mild temptation to go down a dark hole than an actual threat. and i've learned how to handle those.

i learned the root of things. not just my history, but the root of how society worked and how it affected me. and i'm still learning, and my life is still improving.

so yeah, girls and women going through this is normal and common. anyone who is used to who they are being shameful is more at risk (like gnc lgb kids), but you can recover. usually better if you get out of the places that are making you sick.

[alwayslookingforthose]

If they didn't plan to do it from the start, that's fine. But oh BOY do you love to see it when dreams come true.

The resulting relationship between a Lord and his knight ends up in a painstakingly slow burn that means death if it were ever to be uncovered. Loose, yet deadly as their daily extremes of battle, they find genuine comfort within one another.

I love how they handled Hans and Henry's romance scene. It's more realistic than the usual schebang that Henry runs into. Do something for this maiden, charm her with your passing kindness + the swankiest shoes, bada-bing bada-boom y'all bang. The usual is so much more casual, much more free and treated with much more normality than what we see between Henry and Hans.

Spoilers below cut (oopsie I need to RANT about it)

It starts with their parting. Henry has signed up for the aforementioned "suicide mission" (thanks Katherine) and he's off to say goodbye to his friends. Real emotional. Katherine lovingly threatens the man, emotional like how all women depicted in game are allowed to be.

Then Henry's off to see Hans.

A dark night, a cozy bedroom with the crackling of fire. Hans sits in the room alone, watching the fire, thinking. Henry joins him to tell the news.

Hans is anxious about it and confides in Henry about his hushed thoughts. Well, except he can't really tell his feelings as a young budding lord and especially as a god loving man. He was taught to double-speak and hide his feelings in metaphors like all nobility.

Hans says. "you see, once I heard a French minstral tell a tale about two knights."

I don't know about y'all but this sentence preludes and hints to the whole queer portrayal of his feelings. You know what they say about the french! And a minstral? They're known to be proactive at worst of times and sinners at the worst! And we'll know about the two knights' relative analogies, Hans and Henry, as Hans tells the story.

But before Hans goes on to tell the story, the player is given four options.

"Why are you telling me this?" Henry's voice actor delivers this as though he doesn't know what Hans is up to now. Hans gets a bit frustrated but carries on, stating outright that there's something in this story that he can't put to words himself.

"What were the knights' names?" Genuine curiosity. Hans is much more responsive to this option, but maybe a little more annoyed that Henry was beating him to the punch.

"The black knight?" Something that Henry may not have come across before. And a great segway into the story with Hans' whole feelings deal. This gives the player more medieval lore.

"I don't have time for this." A genuine disinterest in long-winded Hans shenanigans. This option is also the option to opt out for the player if they themselves sense the vibes and aren't interested in a m/m pairing (cowards.)

Hans tells the story and Henry listens tentatively, gazing back to the fire. The two are sat next to each other, Henry's face ticking in a close-up in recognition of the similarity between the nights in the story and he and Hans. The camera lands on the fire, sitting there for a second as though it were a hint towards passion.

The camera wide shots back to the two men as three prompts present themselves to the player.

"They seem a lot like us." Henry acknowledging that there's something there. He's there for friendly and malleable input to his friends' struggle. Also playing a little dumb as Hans responds to it in a condescending yet reassuring 'thats why i brought it up.'

"How does their story end?" Henry wanting to see how the story goes, effectively letting Hans take his moment to shine. To take the emotional reigns of his emotional constipation by himself.

"I should go." An option that has come up before in the women's advances dialogues to opt out of any sort of sex. A more obvious exit-stage for the player.

Hans inches through the story, ending in an exasperated why can't I save you once for a change!

Then the player is given the three reassurance options. And all of them are player initiated!!

"I'll manage it, Don't worry." Placing the hope onto himself, Henry comforts Hans in a friendly manner. Hopefully Hans sees it that way too.

Then there's a more cold and distant friend option, "You'll manage here by yourself." Henry knows that Hans isn't useless, he's just stubborn. Probably because Hans' cocky ass knows Henry's there for him all the time, there coddling that bad habit of his. Henry has hopes in Hans for him to emotionally take care of himself. That's not what helps Hans in this situation, however. Realistically he would fall into alcoholism, as most people did back in the 1400s. As I know it, there wasn't much else to do to cope, really.

And then there's the romantic option. "(Kiss him.)"

Kiss him. Kiss Hans. Henry was just told by his lord, his friend, his comrade, his matching knightly pair, in an emotionally bleary tone "If anything happens to you then ... Then... Why the hell can't I save you once for a change. "

It's much less stern than what Henry had encountered with in Katherine. It's much less hostile at Henry and more aimed at himself. Henry knows Hans to not be the type of person to self-deprecate. Hans is cocksure and haughty. This was a man who was frustrated with how things turned out, confiding in the man who was making him so. This fact appeals to Henry in such a way that he wants to kiss Hans.

Henry turns his head to look at Hans, the camera cutting the fire once more, before cutting back to Hans turning to face Henry. The scenes a little janky, the screen popping to black before loading in the next part of the scene. (My thoughts is that the romance was going to be treated much more casually than what's actually presented but you never know. It could just be an asset load.)

Hans looks like he's beating himself up, cowered into himself a little bit. Perhaps he was expecting Henry to be mad at him, or to put on a friendly jabbing. But Henry doesn't do that, understanding that Hans is worried and in distress.

"I'll be back." A firm and warm tone, Henry punching in the fact to Hans by putting his hand over balled up fist on his knee. Henry gives a much more kinder tone, one filled with reassurance and warmth. "I promise you."

The camera pans for a closer look upon their hands, and then onto Hans' meek smile, and then Henry's getting up. He thinks the emotional moment is over. Henry then brings up the solid plan he has, but Hans had realized his intention has flown over Henry's head. Hans is desperate, knowing that there was a possibility that Henry might not make it back, that Hans would lose his friend forever, Hans rushes to throw what he meant right into Henry's face. Well, onto it. Hans is frantic and grabs onto Henry and kisses him.

It's a passionate scene. A gasp of surprised breathe, a whimper of uncertainty. A moment of Henry's two braincells rubbing together and Henry has to unstick himself from Hans, pushing him away.

There, in the middle of the room, Henry stands much more confused. Henry knows Hans to be a womanizer, that he really only went after woman.

Over his shoulder, Hans stands there like the saddest most drenched puppy that you've ever seen. Practically shaking like "oh I messed up."

The air is so thick it's almost embarrassing. For Hans, it is. He rushes to busy himself, to pretend that it never happened. He puts more logs on the flickering fire. Hopefully to revive the boundary line he broke, apologizing over and over almost in tears. Emotionally, he is not well - a one two punch in the reactionary feelings sector of his brain. He stands there with his hands on his mouth, almost like he couldn't believe that he kissed his best friend. His bodyguard. His lesser. I could practically see the cogs trying to rewire his brain to what just happened.

Henry, on the flip side, stands there in shock. Literally, his jaw is open and his brows are furrowed in confusion as he turns his back to his friend. His lord. Hans kissed him first? Hans stopped him with a kiss? He never seemed the type. (Literally, this wouldn't have happened if the player chose either of the other options. Hans only kisses Henry if the player initiates this one dialogue choice. Otherwise it's a platonic bro moment.)

Henry's not entirely aghast, as he's struggling to leave the room. If it were anyone else, I'm sure that Henry would've stormed out or corrected the man who attempted to kiss him. One step, then a few more, and then when Henry's at the door he realizes that it's Hans. Henry was going to kiss him anyway. At some point. Why not take the chance.

Henry then locks the door, and turns back to Hans, whose attention is still clutched to that fire. He rushes him, and pulls him just as Hans did moments before. Effectively jumping him.

The fire crackles louder, the tinder clattering on the floor, a gasping breath through the nose. It's nothing but the dead quiet of the night and the passionate fire of blaze. Henry's the one to tug Hans to the bed, Henry's the one to take charge and pin Hans down. Henry's also probably the one to get them both naked. More than enough of a sign to Hans that Hans didn't make a mistake. It's just that Henry was caught off guard.

The camera pans to the fire in a sort of final reassurance. It's also a sign that their romantic moment will mellow out once it has run it's course. But you know what's the best thing about fires? They could always be relit.

AND UUUGGHH WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY ABOUT MEDIEVAL GAY KNIGHTS.

[mayapapaya33]

People who act like Only Murders in the Building isn't Queer anymore because either their old man yaoi ship didn't happen or because Mabel isn't currently dating a woman need to get over themselves immediately. Bi people are still Bi when they're in a "straight passing" relationship. And yes, Oliver and Charles would make an adorable couple, but Oliver and Loretta are the sweetest couple ever and you're depriving yourself of enjoying a wonderful storyline for no reason. (And if rep is what you're after, how about supporting the rep that is older women getting quality roles, let alone quality ROMANTIC roles, because Hollywood treats women over the age of 35 like garbage and this relationship is like seeing a unicorn in the wild lmfao).

Mabel and Alice dated. That's a thing that happened. Pretending it didn't or doesn't count so you can be performatively mad at the show for no reason is literally Bi phobia, stop it.

Mabel has a new love interest every season! How cool is that? That never happens for Women! Unless they're the joke "slut character" that the show doesn't really respect. But this show does respect Mabel and treats it as a normal, unremarkable, unremarked upon amount of dating for a young woman. Usually that's a "man thing" like James Bond and his Bond Girls who come and go through each storyline. How rad is it that we get these great storylines for female characters now?

Sazz Pataki (pretty sure she's a lesbian but definitely some flavor of queer) is Charles' oldest friend and stunt double and has dated TWO of his girlfriend's lmfao. Jan Bellows is queer, and Cookie is also queer! Howard (the cat guy) and his boyfriend Johnathan are right there and so are Detective Donna Williams and her wife Kiara and son Keith.

Not to mention the tragedy of whatever Uma and Bunny were to each other because it was definitely something. (Ok maybe that one is just my shipper goggles at work but tell me you don't see it I dare you).

Honorable mention to Charles' kinda daughter Lucy who might be thinking about various pronouns aka also casual Queer rep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also want to talk about the weird edge to some of the commentary about Oliver and even Martin Short as a real person. If you think about it, some of it is both weirdly homophobic and also inadvertently trying to press toxic masculinity standards onto straight men. I'm referring to the "Wow I can't believe that Martin is straight! There's NO WAY that man is straight! There's no straight explanation for that!" kind of things. Or the "Oliver dating Loretta is so unrealistic, that is a gay man right there! The show is ruined!" people. I get the jokes about how flamboyant Oliver is and a lot of them are fun, but some of them really do end up sounding like the same tired tropes of "emotional flamboyant man likes theater = gay and woman likes sports and cars and flannel = lesbian, uugg uugg."

As for the comments about Martin, look, his chemistry with Steve is off the charts, I get it, but they've been best friends for a thousand years and frankly if your friendship doesn't look a little gay from the outside, is it even really a friendship? lol. Martin Short is a real human being who was with a woman he clearly adored for 36 years, his wife Nancy Dolman, until she died of cancer. He's a confident and charming performer who's comfortable with himself.

I enjoy viewing the character of Oliver through a queer lens, it wouldn't surprise me at all if he at least did some experimenting in the 70's. (He mentioned orgies at some point, are you telling me he was the ONLY guy at the orgies? Come on Oliver!) I'd enjoy it if they explored some element of queerness to the character on the show and I wouldn't be that surprised if they did eventually do that. But there's a difference between that and a forceful attitude of; THERE IS NO WAY A MAN WHO BEHAVES LIKE THAT IS STRAIGHT!!! END OF STORY!!!

First of all, it's just not true. Lots of straight men in the performing arts (or just life in general) are incredibly flamboyant and comfortable with both themselves and things traditionally seen as "queer" and aren't afraid to express themselves beyond the narrow box traditional masculine values would limit them too. Circling back to my earlier points of old man yaoi and biphobia, just because your specific ship didn't happen on the show, it doesn't automatically make the character NOT queer. Again, Bi/Pan people exist. Oliver being in a relationship with Loretta doesn't automatically make him straight, why do I have to explain this on the queer people website?

Also Oliver has two hands, and this is what fanfiction is for. The fact that there aren't a ton of Oliver/Loretta/Charles fics on AO3 is astonishing to me.

[epiphainie]

Ohhh can you expand on what you said in the tags about Bucktommy and casual affection? I love reading your takes

copypasting (and editing) my reply under that post (im really tired and just blabbing, please don't bite my head off if i use terminology wrong or if you hate this take)

i don't think the limited affection we've seen was an intentional writing choice where the show was trying to say something about their dynamic (like no one's really casually affectionate in this show lbr) but i think it works perfectly with what we know of them that buck and tommy never really eased into casual affection with each other or even defined romance for what it'd meant to them as a couple.

like so much of how romance and affection is performed is gendered in our society and buck and tommy are both very masculine presenting men who historically filled hypermasculine roles (professionally and also in their relationships). that along with buck jut realizing he's queer, i can see him not really knowing how to slot into the role of being a guy's boyfriend which inherently challenges what he's known as what it means to be a woman's boyfriend. i don't mean he'd have conscious thoughts of "men don't do this" but a more internalized idea about how to perform in a romantic relationship.

similarly, i don't see tommy as being significantly any more comfortable in his queerness (based on how he presents himself, especially the difference between how he acts/talks in s7 vs the tiny moments of privacy we see in s8) or experienced in what it really means to be in a queer relationship. like tommy has obviously done the work to be an out and proud gay man, he's not hiding himself, but there are decades of internalized performance of being a man (again both professionally and personal relationships). i think most of tommy's experience as a queer man pursuing queer relationships were either short or casual (ymmv - i know many people think he ran away from committing to buck bc he's been burned before but i think he just simply hasn't taken that risk ever before) so again i think assuming that type of domestic familiarity with the guy he's dating would take a bit of time. and obviously with buck being new and reserved with it, he wouldn't push anything either.

so (while i wrote and will continue to write million fluffy moments w this) i dont think they really eased into moving around each other with casual affection like that in those six months. like i dont think they were cuddling in bed for hours or giving each other long hugs or exchanging sweet nothings. i think most of their little affections they allowed themselves to show only when leading up to sex or for a short beat right after, and verbal affection was lightened with jokey deliveries (eg. the vision in a cone) and their dates weren't necessarily /special/ in the sense that they were romantic. they had hangouts, they had playful sex, and obviously they both knew it wasn't just that, they were an exclusive item, but they didn't have the time (or honestly initiative on either side) to fully ease into it all yet. like when i think about buck thinking about tommy's chest under his ear i think about it as a stolen moment during post-coit instead of them allowing themselves to give or take that affection. obviously it wasn't uncomfortable, knowing what we know buck thinks about being with tommy, but maybe a little distanced because figuring out the mechanics/boundaries of casual affection between them would cause discomfort.

i also really love this reading because it makes their relationship kind of heartbreaking in certain ways. like they were together, they were likely physically all over each other when it came to sex, but there was a little longing there that simply existed because they couldn't ease into the relationship part of this relationship yet. yknow.