#like it means the fucking world to me when a friend offhandedly affirms me
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My ass is NOT used to genuine words despite how much/how many times I receive them
#[ ★ nervo yaps ]#like okok I might tag this as venting#but like yes I get stuff like “I'm here for you” from my family and stuff#but it just feels so different and sm more meaningful for me to hear it from my friends#but even then it's like EXTREMELY complex and hard to explain#like it means the fucking world to me when a friend offhandedly affirms me#or like they indulge in my stupid rambles#with my family it just feels like the “love your family unconditionally” kind of thing if that makes sense#it takes out the genuine part for me for some reason idk#and my mom and sister call me Ajax or masculine terms as a way to get my attention or like fun at me and it doesn't even happen often#and my dad just straight up pokes fun at me#no jokes to be made#like again they rarely even acknowledge my identity as a trans man#they occasionally acknowledge me being bi#but rlly only my mom does#my dad just nods along kinda#like he agrees but he seems indifferent to the point where he just does not care#and not in a good way#It's also when a friend says “you deserve it” (looking at devil rn) I get all giddy#that's smth I don't hear often at ALL#and it's abt smth I hold dear?#like fr???#Idk. someone put me to bed I cannot be having these thoughts at almost 4 am
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