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you can really tell the different audience demographics of Lifesteal vs Hermitcraft by the comment sections because the average spokeishere or whatever comment is like “LIKE THIS if you are a real Spoke fan!!! ❤️👊😎 if this comment gets 100 LIKES ill tell my mom to subscribe 🤪 who else is watching in 2028❓❓😂” whilst the average ethoslab comment is like “my wife is giving birth but this is more important”
#this is no hate to either lifesteal or hermitcraft im a fan of both. i just find the contrast between comment sections funny#its kinda wild being in both communities as an older teenager#like sometimes ill watch a lifesteal video and then glance at the comments and its like. woah. you guys are so young#especially squiddo videos…#like woah you are all children. im glad 12 year olds are watching squiddo though shes so fucking funny they got good taste#watching squiddo videos the same way adults were watching horrible histories because its funnier than any comedy show aimed at adults#<- fun fact for you. they started broadcasting horrible histories in the evenings because it had so many adult fans because its so funny#like sorry but squiddo is consistently the funniest content creator i watch beyond even mcyt like. actually nobody doing it like them#sorry to tommy or any other mcyt tryna get into comedy your bits will never come close to squiddo#also the ethoslab one isnt ironic i very much imagine one of those 30yo software developers in love with etho to have typed that#hermitcraft#lifesteal smp#mcyt#locus fandom time#this one may flop but i cant stop thinking about this
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Whole gang's here :]
#first thing im able to actually sit down and draw in two months barring some color tests i did for talas and hades#if my kids are the thing that pulls me out of artblock again im gonna laugh sooo fucking hard dudes lmao#anyway god i love these guys so much. i really do#windyart#extinction#alex#riptide#c#danger#ethan#orion#its been SOOOO LONGGG since i drew danger too god damn but i love them so muhc too i missed em#tbh i missed all these guys a LOT you cant even imagine. the shame of the comic was just weighing so harshly on my shoulders#i think now if i accept im not gonna go back to it for my own wellbeing i actually can have fun with these guys again#also im trying to do diff things with the colors and textures on sketches!! i be experimanting 👍#not quite what i had in mind but its enough for now!#i may be emotional a little bit ough ough ough
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sorry but no one can convince me that t is giving buck head. he'd be like. 😐🫤 evan, your dick is too big, can't i just give you a handy instead? and buck being the little people pleaser that he is would just be like. 😟😔 yeah...yeah okay that's fine...
#strong believer of the buck is not sexually satisfied with t#like once the novelty of being with a guy for the first time wore off#hes just not getting much of their relationship anymore#obviously he like being with a guy and discovering all the new acts and feelings and positions they can do#like okay t said hes just trying to keep up with buck in that deleted scene right#but idk man i fully believe thats buck figuring out he loves giving bjs and being like can i suck you dick hey hey can i suck your dick rn#or getting fucked (im a taylor pegged him truther but shhh) and hes just eager to do these things a lot because hes never done them before#i really dont think that that means t is matching his energy (because when has he ever)#like okay sorry im subjecting yall to this#but i imagine buck basically writhing on the bed like a cat in heat and t is just like uhhhh 🧍♂️ i can fuck you ig#(shhhh ik t is a gay man but yall be so serious the daddy kink is like the freakiest thing he could ever do and that aint even freaky)#these tags are all over the place#basically#t would try to give buck head like once and be like sorry evan i cant but hey ill do x instead#eddie on the other hand would try to give buck head and buck would be like hey...hey dont hurt yourself most people end up not being able to#and eddie would proceed to happily choke himself on bucks dick#anti tommy kinard#yeahh
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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trying to keep all my clemviminnie thoughts contained until i get to episode 3 but
its hard
#telltale was CRAZY for this btw!! the drama of it all ALWAYS gets me#violet blaming herself for her gf/minnies death. clem helps her open up again. starts dating clem. finds out minnie is still alive?#saved violet telling clem she has nothing to worry about and she'll fight minnie if she has to to keep clem and her loved ones safe#kidnapped violet getting brain poisoned by minnie into turning against clem after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her#saved vi shooting minnie to save clem!!!!!!!!! but cant leave minnie behind because she already left her once and she cant do it again#vi begging minnie to stop trying to fucking kill them but shes too far gone. the 3 of them fight to the DEATH!!!#now add all that to the parallels and dark mirrors going on between clem and minnie in the A plot like the tension is off the charts#plus the parallels you can draw between clem and vi but those are less “you are my dark mirror” and more “we are the same i understand you”#HOW are the girlies not still talking about this#you know what i partially blame myself i dont talk about it enough either. i forget how many things ive left in my wips folder sometimes#UGH its all so good violets route just ads so much Flavor to the clem/minnie plotline its Delicious i couldnt imagine it Not being there#i neeeeeeeed to draw them fighting and being gay and maybe bloody even#if u cant tell i really want to get back to that wip i posted a few weeks ago but im Trying to Restrain Myself#i love forcing myself to take things slow sometimes really makes the brain shift into overdrive#twdg#violentine#it speaks
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you know it's bad when tumblr's being the more mature social media site when it comes to rancid takes on izzy's death
#ofmd#holy shit twitter's devolved into a battleground#what is WRONG with yall involving david jenkins in your beef#you dont have to like what happened but#how many fucking years in fandom does it take for people to learn to be civil#and not base their entire identities around characters so if anything happens to them it's a personal attack#that they then take straight to the creator#if a character dying causes you that much distress then that's a You problem and david fucking jenkins is not responsible#and he's not your therapist#and besides. just because something happened you didnt like doesnt mean it was a bad writing choice#but even if it were. you never have the right to make it anyone else's problem#i cant imagine having the gall#don't do this guys. the cast and crew are so lovely to us. don't make them stop interacting with us#people saying this show was a comfort show. or a safe space show or whatever. thats great for you#but it's not djenk's responsibility to cater to you and not his problem if the show doesn't meet your infinitely high expectations#he's telling a story. things will happen in those stories.#and it's actually p rare on tv that creators are getting to tell the story the way they want so personally im grateful#if you don't like his vision then don't watch it. you don't have the right to bully him. seriously whats wrong with you#cause yeah im sure con o'neill would love what youre doing huh#the fate of a fictional character is sliiiiiightly less important than being kind to people in the real world yknow#only tagging this so people can block for spoilers
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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!
He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH
HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.
And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH
#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be#so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating#like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read#and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’#bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere#but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak#and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u#and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN!#HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD……#my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing#i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘#and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War#Please Hug Me Though.#imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy#and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool#your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock#how are you supposed to respond to that.#snack time#toa#longpost
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maybe the reason im so upset about it isnt cuz she broke up wme but because all that waiting over the summer just feels so worthelss now. like i know we couldnt talk as much or be around each other as much but i was waitingall summer like when we get back all we'll do is be together!!!! all of the 'new relationship syndrome especially now that its long distance' stuff will be fixed when we get back!! but were over and theres no chanec of fixing it because were over and its just like what if we waited what if we just figured it out for another few weeksand see where it went form there
#its not just that its also cuz she knew she wouldnt have a lot oftiem in the semester & also shes entitled to her experiences but its like#all summer we talked aboutall the things wed do together whenwe got back to campus so its like#all of that imagining is going to waste you know. and it makes me really really sad#cuz we had so many plans only for all of them to go in the air a week before school starts#and i guess i feel let down about all of it (which isnt her fault) because why did we say all that only for us to break up :(#and she told me breaking up was something sehd only recently started thinking about so its like#the emotional part of me is wondering why cant we just wait it out for a few weeks and find out of this is really worth saving you know#cuz it just feels so sudden like we werent meant to end just yet#it doesnt feel right. like we literally only just started you know#and she said she didnt feel like dragging me along whiel she figured shit out#which is kind btu i guess to me its like i would prefer being dragged along because at least then ill start to feel the pain of it too#cuz where we are right now i didnt even feel any sort of weirdness i thought everything was going so well#like id rather break up when i do feel something bad#not BEFORE i feel something bad you know???#but also its more than just about that. like she told me that she felt werid and i dont think she would have broken up with me for no reaso#like im sure she did it becuase she felt right about it and im not mad at her about it#im just really really sad cuz i really thought we were doing so good. like just last week she was saying how much she missedme#sorry ugh i know im ranting so much about it but i dont feel like bringing this up with my friends yet cuz its just so embarrinsg being lik#hey so you know how totally obsessed we were with each other. well we broke up not even 5 months later haha so embarrsing#like it all just feels like... what did we do all that for!!! what did we spend all summer telling each other we loved each other for!#but again just cuz i didnt feel like it was the end doesnt mean she didn't. she did say she felt werid but ughhhh i dont fucking know#im just really surprised and sad about it
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hmm i like actually wanna kms
#big oof 🥴#if i try to talk im dramatic and emotional and only met with judgement ....#if i try to push it all down and pretend everythings fine i feel like im slowly dying#if i try to ask for help ppl only slap my hand away and dismiss me#if i complain im a negative pos who everyone hates#if i stfu and dont talk i feel miserable and like i have this big lump in my throat and i cant breathe#im never right or ok or valid or anything. im always wrong.....#im sad and lonely bc all i want is for someone to really truly love me and hold me#but truth is nobody cares that much if i would actually kms#but then im pathetic and whiny for crying in pain since i feel so alone and worthless#like honestlyyyy u can never win in life and esp if you're mentally ill and disordered and traumatized#and also just extremely sensitive even if u could choose u would choose to feel nothing#but ppl always complain no matter what i do :// im always doing smth wrong smth bad#like i didnt ask for everything that happened to me to happend and i didnt ask for it to shape me#and i dont want this or be like this bc my life is nothing but a miserable worthless waste of space#but im trying but im all alone in a dark hole like 12ft underground#and people who might see me wont do anything to help or just walk on their merry way#they will take a shovel and shovel even more dirt on top of me and make it even harder for me to crawl out of this hole#and like idek what im talking abt but this world is insane and people are fucking insane#and all everyone has is judgement and cruelness and calousness and like#ppl are just mean and they get personally attacked and angry if you dont live according to their standards and views and idk#ppl are insane and i feel so alone and im lying here knowing that my life is absolutely nothing#and im tired and i just wanna not exist. but really all i want is for someone to look me in the eyes and tell me i matter bc ive never#wanted to be saved. i've only ever wanted to be seen and known and like idfk.... i just dont#feel good but as always... i have to lie here alone and try not to kms bc i dont have anyone to ask to just talk to me for a little moment#like i cant even imagine... asking someone like hey i wanna kms pls talk to me for a moment#and have them reply immediately and idk i wouldnt even need long just like 10 minutes.#sigh idek what im rambling on abt im just so sick and tired and exhausted and i dont wanna die not really#but im so exhausted bc i have to carry this pain every day and people are so fucking awful but i dont wanna be alone and i just dont know
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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.
#its so difficult#sometimes its too much to handle#yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally#and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR#its frustrating#the only thing you can do is sob apparently#my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread#i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out#nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid#instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time#i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place#i cant#all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache#i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all#and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything#i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore#on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy#theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing#i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still#i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real#and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin#i hate this#suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right#that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl#ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop#its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try
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Every day I mourn the fact that none of my family and friends give a single shit abt oni lore, I don't wanna keep repeating shit I've already said before on here but every now and then I just remember the horrors™ and nearly explode not being able to scream abt it again
#rat rambles#oni posting#just everytime I think abt olivia's 1500 cycle onwards logs I want to start biting things#shes soooo fucked up and tragic and she doesnt get any closure and she never will and I LOVE it#I fucking love her so much she rewired my brain so hard shes like one of The blorbos of all time#damn you klei you rly know how to make characters that destroy me beyond repair (hi carter twins)#I still find it fun imagining olivia and jackie interacting with the dont starve cast even if they wouldn't like most of them#I have lightly changed my mind on one dynamic tho#I still think that jackie would be stressed out by all the kiddos and would at least dislike them. but.#I do think she could end up kind of getting along with walter#like look at me. she was probably just like him as a kid. she would hate him for it but they could also talk for hours.#hed start sharing fun facts abt his bug collection and jackie would start lecturing him abt ants or whatever and hed think shes so cool#I think olivia still wouldn't like him tho but that's purely because hed probably stress her out#same with the rest of the kiddos I think if you put webber in the room with the two of them theyd both have a breakdown#not because hes a spider solely because hes a little boy who probably just asked them if he can have icecream#and wendy and abby would just be a situation of them not knowing how to talk to kids let alone depressed kids#oh and theyd probably also be stressed out by wurt for basic they dont know how to deal with kids reasons#rly the two would just hang out with wickerbottom and no one else if they could help it#except wanda they'd bother her non stop to the point shed start avoiding them lol#you see Im sure plenty of the cast wouldnt like olivia and jackie either because of just how much they wouldn't take magic as an answer#not that theyd be like no that cant be real cause thatd be magic theyd more likely start sciencing out the mechanics of all the magic stuff#in practical terms while also refusing to call it magic#and worst of all knowing them theyd probably get results because fuck man they brute forced their way into time travel (sort of) so why not#so itd just be maxwell being soooo pissed as the two somehow manage to replicate his spells without the codex#dont let them meet wagstaff then itd rly be jover
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im so mad at people who think time travel will ever exist. thats not how physics works buddy I would know (im 13 and have never studied physics in my life, however, due to an intense ego, I believe that everything my brain tells me is true because it sounds true) you are not larger than the universe you cant just grab fucking time like that and fuck with it. how would you even calculate where to go? the universe isn’t sentient or a thing it doesn’t register your HUMAN MORTAL concepts of time. you cant just tell your machine to go to 2009[1] and it’ll understand what the fuck youre talking about . shut the fuck up. listen I have childish dreams and ambitions too but you know what im NOT. an OPTIMIST. you are NOT time traveling. these are also the same reasons for visual snow and why teleportation isnt possible as well.
in 2009 stephen hawking (rip king i miss you I dont care about epsteins island you will always be in my heart) made a party for time travellers, after the party ended he released the invites . nobody showed up of course. or DID THEY? maybe they showed up but told Stephen hawking not to tell anyone they did because that could fuck up the timeline? No they didn’t. time travel isnt real. go fuck yourself hawking. love you though!
#thoughts#important#rambling#time travel#physics#people who think time travel is real are either children with dreams that I will crush because I get a sick pleasure out of seeing#childrens dreams get stomped on because I have unresolved issues or people who haven’t heard anything physics wise.#though I have to admit there is an overlap between the two because most children (especially those who haven’t passed kindergarten(garren of#ban ban reference?)) haven’t had that much time to learn such complicated things and are left to use the small amount of knowledge they have#picked up in their life. think about how much you’ve learned in 5 years#and then imagine that being all you know. I cant really blame kids that much. I wasnt blaming them in the first place. stop antagonizing me#you fucking bitch. this is why we dont talk. you always say im doing something im not. sorry you cant fucking parse basic English and the#meanings behind my words. its not my fucking fault you dont get anything god.#ive been meaning to talk to you about something#I think we should stop being friends. we only talk once a month and its all just so empty. not even one sided#neither of us have love for eachother anymore. its just a weight on both of our backs that is just holding us down. I dont hate you#but I think its time for us to just stop talking. i know you can find other people that will probably be better than me. im sorry for#everything. bye man I love you
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still hurts really really hurts I love you forever mama
#weeping shitting crying sobbing my sorrows on my empty ass tumblr sideblog for vtubers#i willllll post art here soon but for now i just want to vent to the void#its starting to really really sink in dude and the tears just wont stop anymote oh god oh fuck#i feel like a child who just wants my mama to hold me like girl 😭 we really lost such an integral part of en im gonna miss her so damn much#but i cant even begin to imagine how the livers themselves feel#how ETHYRIA feels#im gonna eat my foot FUCK#please keep loving your oshis and please show them how much they mean to you#im gonna keep crying again man
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why not mewhynot me whynotme whynotMEwhy Not Mewhy not me whynot me whynotme Whynot me WHYNOTME why not me. why not me
#irls please dont read this. sorry#im so overwhelmed rn. and i fucking feel like im going to die#like yes we all know im soooo unlovable that nothing new but god. i just want to be intimate and have someone be my safe space again#i KNOW its unhealthy and its not like its ever gonna happen again. but its all i can fucking dream of#i wwnt to be all someone thinks about just like how i always think about them. maybe i just want to be equals in a relationship. because#CLEARLY my last relationship i was the only one feeling anything!! and CLEARLY I PUT ALL THE FUCKING WORK IN AND I LOVED SO HARD. AND#IT WASNT EGEN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP IT WAS THE HEALTHIEST ONE IVE EVER BEEN IN. BUT IM STILL TOO MUCH 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#even now i cant think about that too much because i literally think were soulmates. and its Too Upsetting to think about that#when she broke up with me and said ‘i had a lot of fun with you’. we dated for 11 months. you met my family. donyou know how mucch ghat#CRUSHED me#i was doing so well. and i was having healthy relationship thoughts! and i was telling myself that i was just insecure those last few weeks.#and then i fucking spiraled OF COURSE I SPIRALLED.#hahahahahaha im not even talking about the other thing i think ill really kill myself if i think out that at all#whatever i dont even have time to be having a breakdown right now!! haha hahahaah i literally cant imagine making it to the end of this week#jace.txt
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Trying to think if there’s anything that could genuinely get Roger upset or angry at any of his boys, and honestly yeah nope there’s there’s really not
#[ ooc ] ✧〖 bid farewell to weaver’s town 〗#[ i have talked ab this SO much but you'll hear it again---- dhjsdjklsd#[ just#[ unconditional love man#[ those are his Boys!#[ even in situations where one of them gets hurt from their own stupidity or something#[ roger's a selfish man he'll take full blame himself#[ he's their captain he's responsible for them whatever negative thing they do is because of him#[ roger will forcefully yoink the blame from their grips and claim it for himself and refuse to budge on it#[ i'd imagine rayleigh or gaban or someone else usually having to take role of actually Teaching the kids lessons because roger just#[ doesnt know how to do that fdjdskl#[ and he recognizes it and he does try and he is thankful that others do what he cant but he Knows he could never blame them for anything#[ sure he'll get playfully all >:ccc!! @ the kids for fun but honestly just in general roger Doesnt get genuinely pissed often#[ nearly never @ crew at least only to those outside who mess with his crew or loved ones#[ love isnt so much as blinding as roger fully seeing and being aware of fucked up stuff but deciding its not as important as his boys#[ not approving but accepting 'i see you i see what you've done and it hurts me so much to see but i see it and i accept it#and i still love you can we go home now? i'll hold your hands and wipe the blood from them with ginger touch'#[ again!! selfish man!!!#[ like even with extreme cases like say one of them somehow ends up killing rayleigh roger's. Utterly inconsolable and heartbroken#[ but he's still just ruffle their head before going to hide in a corner and cry---#[ i am just#[ shakes fist#[ unconditional love </3#[ does apply to most people he loves but its just taken to an extreme with his boys#[ sighs#[ can you tell its half past 4am fdsdskl
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Vent
Tw SH, sucide
#:(#i give up on life tbh......#everyone would be better off without me#i keep fucking up and hurting people when i try to do the exact oppisite#im crawling from distraction to distraction like its a drug.......#im trying to be a good person and not let my emotions thru...#but its really hard not to be sad about this#i hate that i need to be with someone in order to feel real...#theres a mole hill that im trying to not turn into a mountain but.....its really bothering me :(#but i know its also my fault so ill leave it alone#i wish i had the courage to kill myself#i know you all are nice n want me here#but im truly such a worthless person even when i try my hardest#i wish i could go to the hospital#i wish i could swallow pills but i know ill just get sick n throw up and cause hospital bills#already tried cutting but i couldnt get enough pressure#i loved someone so deeply that i imagined them to get thru the day......i screwed it up and now ive hurt another person#wish i could go mute n never talk again#:'(#i gotta remind myself that i should be happy cus theyre healthier without me#.....but fuck i loved them so much#no matter how badly i crave romance im just gonna shut myself off from now on. like a monsrer in a cave.#i cant love like that again#i cant go thru another death of my dreams......#im a loser who lives with a dad he cant take care of anyway#at my funeral they wouldnt be able to say anything about my actions. im a worthless idiot who is so so so so SO stupid#i cared so much that it ended up looking like i didnt#.....why do i have to love so hard? i wish i was emotionless or at least numb to romance.#the fact that im never going to get it breaks my heart so hard my chest hurts and i have to manually breathe#my tombstone wouldnt say anything but my name......
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